#but its the kind thst makes u good at ur Job. its the kind ppl reward. so they don't understand when u say its destroying ur life

[onmymasa22]

I love u but its not my job to fix u

I need to reparent myself. I dont have anxiety but i was raised by parents with anxiety. People everywhere i am have anxiety. And there was a lot i wasnt allowed to do. And that suffocated me a lot of the time. They were great parents and i never needed to worry about food or a roof or clothing or school. But them being narotic made me suffer and makes me need to parent myself and reteach myself to experiment and fall and live for myself. Maybe i want a tattoo that means i live for myself now. Im taking life into my own hands now. Im going to instill confidence in myself.

Dear little me.

When you were little, mommy and daddy said no to u alot. They were incharge strictly. They wouldnt let u cross the street, walk outside alone, drive, be out in tge rain, sleepover at someones house, have someone drive me. Everything was about their wellbeing. And thats self centered. They had no room in their heads for whst was best for my well being. They cared most about their anxiety remaining at a low level, and this made u feel not confident in yourself to be okay. It made having friends difficult. N9w that ur an adult and u have friends, u see, it wasnt ever about u. It was about them. And although their might be positives to this like individuallity and confidence to stick out, it gave me very little confidence in my skilld for things that no amount of words can fix. Im sorry u were raised like that. U deserved better than that. U had self absorbed parents. And now u need to be your own parent. Because u dont need them controlling you anymore. And you know, u r more capable than u think. Life is good to u and u r good to life. You will get everything u want from life. U will live the life u dream of. I wish i was a travel for months kind of person, but vacation kills me often. Im not a vacation person. Its great for a bit, but more than that is just too much. Im brilliant. I have enough scholastic smart to get by and my street smarts is off the charts for someone who isnt overly talketive. I am beautiful. I have a beautiful body, womanly and renassance paintingy. I have red wavy thick hair, big brown eyes, skin that tans and gets freckles in the summer. Sloping shoulders, long skinny legs. My feet are in proportion, everything is in proportion. Im kind. Im one of the kindest p

I will be a world famous artist with pieces in paris and everywhere. And they will b in a secretary in an office. I lear.t in life fhat some people r beneath me to engage in conversation with. Its beneath me. Its a princess talking to the tailor. I dont argue with a tailor. I dont argue with ppl living on the street. To me, u r like some idiot who lives on the street. And u treat me vad and i just know that thsts u. I forgive u for being a jerk to me.

I dont care. Arguing is a street person thing. Im above that. So maybe theres stuff i wish i said, or couodve said. But I'm glad i didnt engage.

The classes this past year were so stupid. Every class was a bust. But i had a blast in real life. With my friends. Going everywhere on shabbats. Honestly, the best class was archtypes. Its hard to not be egotistical looking at pples art. Cuz to me, its not art, or its selling art. I want to make fine art. I want to be one of those people students will talk about.

Every time they're an asshole to u, just think, ppl were assholes to all the famous artists. But u only need one to believe in u. Thats rachel. She gets me. R they going to give me her, probably not. Just like i asked for a room on the art floor with a window.

Ill be ok