#but its pointless because a label has to encompass every single person who likes it now

[uncertainty5]

if the bi lesbian, trans men can be lesbians, non men loving non men discourse has taught me anything its that we all need to throw away labels. At this point they do nothing. If you tell me ur gay this tells me nothing. Doesnt tell me ur gender identity, doesnt tell me what kind of attraction u feel, doesn’t tell me who ur attracted to and who u make exceptions for. I could identify as bi but some people have a thousand different interpretations of wtf that means. So im not gonna use bi anyone. I use labels to let people know if an easy way what my identity is but u cant do that anymore. So fuck it get rid of the labels and tell people straight up what ur attraction is. Hello Im a person attracted to mostly men but sometimes women. People talk about the “gender fuckery” of the 80s and then u learn there were even less labels. Like we invent labels to describe our identities but then like…suddenly they dont matter? Everyone is valid or whatever but all ur left with are these empty hollow words that act more as decoration than like actual identities. And u cant tell people how to identify so like fuck it why even have them?

[shcjfrance]

THE SHINHWA STORY: 20 YEARS YOUNG & STILL GOING STRONG

by Lavanya Singh

If you think about how long Shinhwa has been around, you don’t need to look past their 14th anniversary press conference, where member Jun Jin put things into perspective for everyone: “The members of Girls’ Generation were in elementary school when we were in SM Entertainment. Jessica and Hyoyeon wrote us letters back in the day.”

That was six years ago.

On March 24th, Shinhwa celebrated their 20th anniversary. Rightly, the band is listed in the Guinness Book of World Records as the longest-running boy group in the world that hasn’t disbanded or had a member leave in 19—well, 20 now—years. A closer look at the band and its popularity, however, pegs Shinhwa as artists who transcend numbers and charts, and who have found permanence in an otherwise transient industry.

THE START

The six members of Shinhwa debuted on March 24, 1998 under SM Entertainment, performing the single “Resolver” on KM Music Tank. To say that the band had a rocky start would have been an understatement—accusations of being a copy of label-mates H.O.T and the controversy following the Sokcho water accident that overshadowed the promotions of their song “Eusha Eusha” soon sparked rumours of disbandment. With the exception of some songs, the group’s debut album did not chart well, leading people to speculate that the band may have been a bad investment for SM.

With their second album “T.O.P,” however, came an edgier concept and mainstream success. “T.O.P.” won Shinhwa their first major music award for “Best Music Video”, and the trajectory only went upwards after that.

A LONG LINE OF FIRSTS

As both fans and writers, we know how much modern K-pop owes to the so-called first wave of Korean music. Not only was the era a fantastic prelude to the all-encompassing force of nature that K-pop would eventually become, but the artists who defined that wave also left behind a legacy that would inspire and drive the future generations. Seo Taiji and the Boys, for example, gave Korea quite possibly its first tryst with R&B, and member Yang Hyun Suk later established one of South Korea’s premier entertainment companies, YG Entertainment. S.E.S, one of K-pop’s early girl group successes and the first girl group from SM, would later go on to inspire numerous other girl groups.

For as long as they’ve been around, therefore, it’s only inevitable that Shinhwa’s legacy be an ode to their popularity. What’s surprising, though, is knowing just how much contemporary idol and fan culture owes to the band and their fandom, “Shinhwa Changjo”. (The name means “making a legend”, aptly complementing the band’s own name meaning ‘myth’ or ‘legend’.)

In 2002, while still under SM, the band released their sixth studio album, thus officially becoming the longest-running act in K-pop. A year later, while reviewing their contracts, SM offered to renew contracts with all members except vocalist Dong Wan. Rather than splitting up, Shinhwa decided not to renew their contracts with SM, and departed from the company as one unit, signing later with Good Entertainment. As somewhat of an unspoken trend in K-pop, artists who leave one company for another often experience a wane in popularity. Shinhwa, however, is one of the only bands in K-pop whose members went on to have incredibly successful careers despite a company change and the mandatory military enlistments. In fact, their first Daesang(or Grand Prize), for the seventh studio album Brand New, came in 2004, almost a year after leaving SM.

But just because they left the label that formed them didn’t mean Shinhwa broke away from SM entirely. In 2013, member Min Woo looked fondly upon his time at SM, saying: “[Founder] Lee Soo Man is truly an amazing person. From each member’s hairstyles to everything we did on stage, he took care of us meticulously. He used to talk to all of us about every little thing.”

Following their mandatory military enlistments, Shinhwa became the first K-pop group to establish their own entertainment company in 2011. For a while, the band was locked in a legal battle with SM Entertainment and Joon Media (formerly Open World Entertainment) for profits and use of the name ‘Shinhwa’. The case was, however, settled in 2015, and Shinhwa Company (which had been dubbed ShinCom for the duration of the case) came into existence.

Shinhwa was also one of the early trendsetters in the industry in terms of musical control. While their creative license was limited under SM, the members participated actively in the production of their albums after leaving. By that time, most members had released solo music and found their personal styles. The result was an eclectic combination of sounds on future albums, making the band a truly versatile act.

It’s not just their music and their exceptional team spirit that set Shinhwa apart, though: the band was the first in the industry to break away from the mainstream style of the time. When much of K-pop focused on trendy skinny jeans and bright colors (think SHINee’s “Replay” era), Shinhwa adopted a much more sophisticated style with clean-cut suits and cropped hair—quite uncommon for popular acts at the time.

Also uncommon was Shinhwa’s dedicated fandom, Shinhwa Changjo, who, honestly, were fandom goals before the term went mainstream. Shinhwa Changjo are credited with starting the popular rice wreath trend—it was member Hye Sung’s fandom who first sent rice wreaths to support his solo concert in 2007. Shinhwa’s fandom was also the first to have planted forests in support of their idols.

THE MAKING OF LEGENDS

Part of the reason why Shinhwa remains a groundbreaking act in K-pop is, as

The Atlantic

put it, their “smart self-awareness.” In an industry that’s sometimes too full to the brim with new acts, Shinhwa chose to evolve and mature in their own timeline, striking an attractive balance between age and trends. The result? Hilarious variety shows and appearances where the members didn’t, and continue to not, hesitate in poking fun at themselves, all topped off by the very refreshing devil-may-care attitude that came with spending years in the industry (I will never be able to hear the words “Do you smell something burning?” without laughing.)

In fact, despite their seniority in the industry, age hasn’t ever been something that’s held Shinhwa back: the band has embraced their late 30s with fervour and humour, even going so far as to admitting that having a “battle of stamina with younger groups” is pointless. Now that they don’t have the “weapon of youth”, they’ve turned their focus on charms that suit their age. There’s the cheeky SNL Korea broadcast where the members dress up as exhibits in a museum—only the exhibits are their younger selves from a decade ago—with visitors standing around, confused about who they’re supposed to be. There’s the sarcastic “Idol Retirement Insurance Plan” skit, where the members sold insurance plans to idols in the climax of their careers that included obsessive fans to stalk them and make them feel young. Or, if you need something else, there’s the infamous “Farting chorus” broadcast—which is exactly what it sounds like.

That’s probably the most endearing part about Shinhwa—with the passage of time, they made their own interpretations of what they were supposed to be, both as individuals and as a group, and molded the expectations to fit them than the other way round. As a unit, it makes them relatable. They never shy away from sharing both their successes and their struggles—the members have always been vocal about arguments among themselves, but have also been quick to admit how their long bonds have made working together easier. In a recent interview about their 13th studio album, member Jun Jin put the feeling into words: “If it weren’t for Shinhwa, Jun Jin wouldn’t exist.”

It isn’t just the marvelous teamwork; it’s also the fact that Shinhwa has never been a group that downplays their concerns, both as artists and businessmen. Group leader Eric expressed his anxiety about working in an industry where Shinhwa is one of the only groups left from the first generation: “We have no role models, nowhere to get advice. I think we have to grasp our future direction ourselves as we continue to work.”

They’ve also never had qualms about admitting to concerns about their company—Eric once talked about how Shinhwa realized that running a company was different than being an idol when they had to monitor how much money they spent on meals. Somewhere down the line, Shinhwa shed the skin of idols and became human, which brought them to closer to their fans.

Speaking of which, part of the reason why they remain popular favorites is also their relationships with their fans, which has always been more like that of bickering best friends and less like the typical fan-idol interactions. In fact, the group has never been hesitant to call out fans on their behavior. As a story about their first fan-sign goes, member Dong Wan told the fans that “Shinhwa is definitely not responsible for your lives.” He received some flak for that, but Dong Wan defended himself, saying that the “fans’ love could sometimes be over the top.” It was an example of how Shinhwa were mature since their early days, not caring about gratuitous fanservice and establishing a relationship of mutual trust with their fans.

K-pop is an ephemeral industry: every burst of fame and omnipresence is followed by a plateau where new groups come in and take over, and fandoms are inherited down the generations. Yet, Shinhwa is one of the only groups from the first generation of K-pop to not only continue making music, but to be loved by fans and the industry alike. They remain among the groups for which the word “groundbreaking” rings utterly true—because of their acceptance of the changing times; because of their self-deprecating and brilliant humor; and, most importantly, because of their steely resolve to always be one unit for themselves and their fans. They never take themselves very seriously, and that’s what makes them so endearing. If you’re just starting out with Shinhwa, check out the remake of their music video, “All Your Dreams,” which was released on the 20th anniversary of their debut.

What’s your favorite Shinhwa song? Let us know in the comment section below. Be sure to subscribe to the site and follow us on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, and Tumblr to keep up with all of our posts.

Cr: KULTSCENE

L'HISTOIRE DE SHINHWA: 20 ANS, JEUNES ET TOUJOURS FORTS

Si vous pensez à depuis combien de temps Shinhwa est présent, vous n'avez pas besoin de regarder après leur conférence de presse du 14e anniversaire, où le membre Jun Jin a mis les choses en perspective pour tout le monde: “Les membres de Girls' Generation étaient à l'école primaire quand nous étions à SM Entertainment. Jessica et Hyoyeon nous ont écrit des lettres dans le passé.”

C'était il y a six ans.

Le 24 mars, Shinhwa a célébré son 20ème anniversaire. À juste titre, le groupe figure dans le Livre Guinness des records comme étant le groupe de garçons le plus ancien au monde qui n'a pas été dissous ou dont un membre n'a quitté le groupe pendant 19 maintenant 20 ans. Cependant, un examen plus attentif du groupe et de sa popularité place Shinhwa en tant qu'artiste qui transcende les chiffres et les classements, et qui a trouvé sa permanence dans une industrie par ailleurs passagère.

LE DÉBUT

Les six membres de Shinhwa ont débuté le 24 mars 1998 sous SM Entertainment, interprétant le single "Resolver" dans l'émission KM Music Tank. Dire que le groupe a eu un début difficile aurait été un euphémisme - les accusations d'être une copie de ses coéquipiers H.O.T et la controverse suite à l'accident de Sokcho qui a éclipsé les promotions de leur chanson "Eusha Eusha" ont bientôt suscité des rumeurs de licenciements. À l'exception de certaines chansons, le premier album du groupe ne s'est pas bien placé, ce qui a amené les gens à spéculer sur le fait que le groupe aurait pu être un mauvais investissement par SM.

Avec leur deuxième album "T.O.P", cependant, est venu un concept plus incisif à la tendance et un grand succès. "T.O.P." a donné à Shinhwa leur premier prix majeur de musique pour "Meilleure Clip Video", et la trajectoire n'a augmenté qu'après cela.

UNE LONGUE LIGNE DE PREMIERS

En tant que fans et écrivains, nous savons ô combien la K-pop moderne doit à la soi-disant première vague de la musique coréenne. L'ère était non seulement un prélude fantastique à la force omniprésente de la nature de ce que la K-pop deviendrait finalement, mais les artistes qui ont défini cette vague ont également laissé un héritage qui inspirerait et guiderait les générations futures. Seo Taiji et les Boys, par exemple, ont probablement donné à la Corée son premier rendez-vous avec le  R & B, et le membre Yang Hyun Suk a ensuite fondé l'une des premières compagnies de divertissement de Corée du Sud, YG Entertainment. S.E.S., l'un des premiers groupes de filles de K-pop et le premier groupe de filles de SM, inspira plus tard de nombreux autres groupes de filles.

Aussi longtemps qu'ils ont été présent dans la scène musicale, il est inévitable que l'héritage de Shinhwa soit une ode à leur popularité. Ce qui est surprenant, cependant, c'est de savoir à quel point l'idole contemporaine et la culture du fan doivent au groupe et à leur fandom, "Shinhwa Changjo". (Le nom signifie "faire une légende", complétant avec justesse le propre nom du groupe signifiant "mythe" ou "légende".)

En 2002, alors qu'il était encore sous la direction de SM, le groupe sortit son sixième album studio, devenant ainsi officiellement l'acteur le plus ancien de la K-pop. Un an plus tard, lors de l'examen de leurs contrats, SM a proposé de renouveler les contrats avec tous les membres, à l'exception du chanteur DongWan. Plutôt que se diviser, Shinhwa a décidé de ne pas renouveler leurs contrats avec SM, et a quitté la compagnie comme une unité, en signant plus tard avec Good Entertainment. Les artistes qui quittent une entreprise pour une autre connaissent souvent une baisse de popularité en tant que tendance tacite de la K-pop. Shinhwa, cependant, est l'un des seuls groupes de K-pop dont les membres ont connu des carrières incroyablement réussies en dépit d'un changement d'entreprise et des enrôlements militaires obligatoires. En fait, leur premier Daesang (ou grand prix), pour le septième album studio Brand New, est arrivé en 2004, presque un an après avoir quitté SM.

Mais ce n'est pas parce qu'ils ont quitté le label qui les a formés que Shinhwa s'est complètement détachée de SM. En 2013, le membre Min Woo regardait affectueusement son temps à SM, en disant: "[Fondateur] Lee Soo Man est vraiment une personne incroyable. Des coiffures de chaque membre à tout ce que nous avons fait sur scène, il a pris soin de nous méticuleusement. Il avait l'habitude de nous parler de tout et de rien. "

Suite à leurs engagements militaires obligatoires, Shinhwa est devenu le premier groupe K-pop à établir sa propre compagnie en 2011. Pendant un certain temps, le groupe a été engagé dans une bataille juridique avec SM Entertainment et Joon Media (anciennement Open World Entertainment) pour l'utilisation du nom 'Shinhwa'. L'affaire a toutefois été réglée en 2015, et Shinhwa Company (qui avait été surnommée ShinCom pour la durée de l'affaire) a revu le jour.

Shinhwa était aussi l'un des premiers faiseurs de tendances dans l'industrie en termes de contrôle musical. Alors que leur licence créative était limitée sous SM, les membres ont activement participé à la production de leurs albums après leur départ. À ce moment-là, la plupart des membres avaient sorti de la musique en solo et trouvé leur style personnel. Le résultat a été une combinaison éclectique de sons sur les futurs albums, faisant d'eux un groupe vraiment polyvalent.

Ce n'est pas seulement leur musique et leur esprit d'équipe exceptionnel qui distinguent Shinhwa: le groupe est le premier dans l'industrie à sortir du style traditionnel de l'époque. Quand une grande partie de K-pop se concentrait sur des jeans skinny à la mode et des couleurs vives (Shinee "replay" era), Shinhwa adoptait un style beaucoup plus sophistiqué avec des costards et des cheveux coupés courts.

Shinhwa Changjo, le fandom dévoué de Shinhwa, était également inhabituel et, honnêtement, qui était le fandom modèle avant même que le terme ne devienne courant. Shinhwa Changjo est connu pour avoir lancé la populaire tendance des couronnes de riz - c'était le fandom du membre Hye Sung qui avait envoyé des couronnes de riz pour soutenir son concert solo en 2007. Le fandom de Shinhwa était aussi le premier à avoir planté des forêts pour soutenir leurs idoles.

LA FABRICATION DE LÉGENDES

Une partie de la raison pour laquelle Shinhwa reste un acteur révolutionnaire de la K-pop est, comme l'atteste The Atlantic, leur «conscience de soi intelligente». Dans une industrie parfois trop pleine pour de nouveaux actes, Shinhwa a choisi d'évoluer et de mûrir dans leur propre ligne de temps, de trouver un équilibre attrayant entre l'âge et les tendances. Le résultat ? Spectacles de variétés hilarants et apparences où les membres n'ont pas hésité à se moquer d'eux-mêmes, tout cela étant surmonté par l'attitude très diabolique et rafraîchissante des années passées dans l'industrie (je ne serai jamais capable d'entendre les mots "Est-ce que tu sens quelque chose qui brûle ?" sans rire.)

En fait, en dépit de leur ancienneté dans l'industrie, Shinhwa n'a jamais connu de retenu avec l'âge: le groupe a embrassé la fin de la trentaine avec ferveur et humour, allant même jusqu'à admettre qu'avoir une “bataille d'endurance avec des jeunes groupes” est inutile. Maintenant qu'ils n'ont pas «l'arme de la jeunesse», ils se sont concentrés sur des charmes qui correspondent à leur âge. Il y a l'émission insolente de SNL Korea où les membres s'habillent comme des expositions dans un musée - seulement les expositions sont eux-mêmes plus jeunes d'il y a dix ans - avec des visiteurs qui se tiennent debout, confus au sujet de qui ils sont supposés être. Il y a le sketch sarcastique "Idol Retirement Insurance Plan", où les membres ont vendu des plans d'assurance à des idoles dans le climax de leur carrière qui incluaient des fans obsessionnels pour les traquer et les faire se sentir jeunes. Ou, si vous avez besoin d'autre chose, voici la tristement célèbre émission "Farting Chorus" - c'est exactement ce que ça donne.

C'est probablement la partie la plus attachante de Shinhwa - avec le passage du temps, ils ont fait leurs propres interprétations de ce qu'ils étaient censés être, en tant qu'individus et en tant que groupe, et ont modelé les attentes pour les adapter à eux même et non à l'inverse s'adapter aux attentes. En tant que groupe, cela fait que les gens arrivent à s'identifier Ils n'hésitent jamais à partager à la fois leurs réussites et leurs luttes - les membres ont toujours parlé ouvertement des arguments entre eux, mais ils ont aussi été prompts à admettre que leurs longs liens ont facilité le travail en équipe. Dans une récente interview au sujet de leur 13ème album studio, le membre Jun Jin a mis le sentiment en mots: "Si ce n'était pas pour Shinhwa, Jun Jin n'existerait pas."

Ce n'est pas seulement le merveilleux travail d'équipe; c'est aussi le fait que Shinhwa n'a jamais été un groupe qui minimise leurs préoccupations, à la fois en tant qu'artistes et hommes d'affaires. Le chef de groupe Eric a exprimé son inquiétude de travailler dans une industrie où Shinhwa est l'un des seuls groupes de la première génération: «Nous n'avons pas de modèles, nulle part pour obtenir des conseils. Je pense que nous devons nous saisir de notre orientation future alors que nous continuons à travailler. »

Ils n'ont jamais hésité à accepter les inquiétudes concernant leur entreprise - Eric a dit un jour comment Shinhwa s'était rendu compte que diriger une entreprise était différent d'être une idole quand ils devaient surveiller combien d'argent ils dépensaient pour les repas. Quelque part sur la ligne, Shinhwa a laissé la peau des idoles et est devenu humain, ce qui les a rapprochés de leurs fans.

En parlant de cela, une partie de la raison pour laquelle ils restent des favoris populaires est aussi leur relation avec leurs fans, qui a toujours été plus comme celle des meilleurs amis se chamaillant et moins comme les interactions typiques de fan-idole. En fait, le groupe n'a jamais hésité à appeler les fans sur leur comportement. Comme une histoire sur leur premier session d'autographe, Dong Wan a dit aux fans que "Shinhwa n'est certainement pas responsable de votre vie." Il a reçu des critiques pour cela, mais Dong Wan s'est défendu, disant que « l'amour des fans est parfois hors des limites du raisonnable ». C'était un exemple de la maturité de Shinhwa depuis ses débuts, ne se souciant pas de fanservice gratuit et d'établir une relation de confiance mutuelle avec leurs fans.

La K-pop est une industrie éphémère: chaque éclat de gloire et d'omniprésence est suivi d'un plateau où de nouveaux groupes entrent et prennent le relais, et les fandoms sont hérités à travers les générations. Pourtant, Shinhwa est l'un des seuls groupes de la première génération de K-pop à non seulement continuer à faire de la musique, mais à être aimé par les fans et l'industrie. Ils restent parmi les groupes pour lesquels le mot «révolutionnaire» sonne tout à fait vrai en raison de leur acceptation des temps changeants; à cause de leur humour désapprobateur et brillant; et, plus important encore, en raison de leur détermination à toujours être un groupe pour eux-mêmes et leurs fans. Ils ne se prennent jamais très au sérieux, et c'est ce qui les rend si attachants. Si vous débutez avec Shinhwa, regardez le remake de leur clip, "All Your Dreams", qui a été publié à l'occasion du 20ème anniversaire de leur premier album.

SHINHWA ALL YOUR DREAMS (2018) MV

[beattalk]

Lil Pump - Harverd Dropout ALBUM REVIEW

Lil Pump has become a rap icon since he blew up mid-2017. He started off as a true underdog; a 15 year old from South Florida who looked, acted and sounded like a man in his 20s. He dropped singles very sporadically alongside friend and collaborator Smokepurpp, and as the duo began to gain more and more traction, they became near unstoppable. Pump became a cultural icon, his single “Gucci Gang” amassing about 900 views on YouTube, inspiring a fleet of white teenage boys to don the luxury brand. He achieved global fame, but managed to lose his style in the process.

Harverd Dropout is Pump’s second album. Its name is derived from a joke pioneered by Twitter users (particularly @mineifiwileout) that Lil Pump dropped out of Harvard University to pursue his music career. Pump ran with the joke, and has since made it the focal point of most of his work since 2018. He’s made an image out of his stupidity.  All of Pump’s songs released since the album’s first single, Esketit, seem to rely on a particular gimmick. While some of his earlier songs songs like “D Rose” and “Boss” were somewhat similar conceptually in the sense that they were repetitive in nature, the newer ones like “Esketit” and “Drug Addicts” felt much more like they were being made to capitalize on the Lil Pump fever.

I believe this can partially be attributed to the changes in his target audience. When he first made a name for himself, he was relatively unknown. In early 2017, the whole South Florida music scene, which encompassed artists like Ski Mask The Slump God and the late XXXTentacion, hadn’t crossed over to the mainstream scene yet in the slightest. However, now that these artists have blown up the way they did, Pump had to at least attempt to adapt to his new audience. But, it is beyond me why he would think that this new style would be the thing to cement his place in rap culture.

In his previous works, mainly the dozens of loose singles uploaded to Pump’s soundcloud prior to his self-titled debut album, his production was much more abrasive, partially thanks to producers like Ronny J, Terrotuga and Diablo. They helped craft his minimalistic sound, which mainly relied on distorted 808s and near ear-splitting bass on top of Pump’s vocals, usually a repeated phrase or line. Harverd Dropout’s production, on the other hand, is much more bizarre. Most of the songs on this album contain a strange synthesizer loop, which I can only describe as sounding like the “twang” sound made when one shoots a rubber band (see: Be Like Me & Esketit).

Harverd Dropout feels like a Walmart recreation of this concept. It simply lacks the same charm that made Lil Pump the man he is today. The album contains so many songs that follow this rinse-and-repeat formula that we have seen before. But this time, mainly thanks to the nearly unbearable production, it feels like a chore to even get through the entire thing. While his earlier works weren’t particularly innovative, they felt unapologetic and raw. This album, on the other hand, feels like a corporate organization trying to recreate the same feeling Pump did effortlessly, but this time attempting to market it to a group of 14 year old girls.

This album contains a few features, most of which deliver the most generic guest verses imaginable. If you played me Offset’s verse on “Fasho Fasho” for me and asked me to identify which song is playing, I would be physically unable to tell it apart from the hundreds of other guests verses he has made. While I certainly do not approach acts like Lil Uzi Vert and 2 Chainz with the same disdain I feel towards this project, I am positive everyone involved on this album was perfectly capable, with just a little bit more effort, of recording a better verse.

While critiquing Lil Pump on his lyricism is nearly pointless, this album felt particularly awful in that aspect. Every line on this album feels like a Lil Pump parody made by individuals trying to point out the lack of artistry in “mumble (c)rap”. Nearly every line on this album is about either lean, money and women. While I normally do not see a big problem with that if it is a true form of self-expression, on Harverd Dropout, it is clear that he’s only rapping about this subject matter because he know that it sells.

In fact, that’s the reason this entire project exists. Pump (and most likely his label) realized that the Xanax and Codeine laced rockstar mentality he blew up on blew up for a reason. After looking at the success of his debut album, Pump had the inkling that no matter what he does, there will always be a crowd of 15 year old suburban white teenagers to consume his craft, given he continues to rap about jewelry and a life of luxury. The album’s only saving grace is “I Love It”, a song previously released as a single by Kanye West alongside Pump.

I give this project a 2. It is truly disappointing, as I personally truly loved Pump’s fun-loving persona he withheld until this “era”, so to speak. Songs like “OK” and “Elementary” sit atop the list of my most played songs in my iTunes library. I am sad to witness Pump devolve into a money machine of sorts when he once held so much promise.

[pw132]

The first “shitpost,” posted to usenet Thu, 1 Apr 1993 04:47:24 GMT by Kibo.

P R O C L A M A T I O N   &   M A N I F E S T O ***********************************************

WHEREAS, the computer network named USENET has insurmountable flaws:

=> It is cluttered with thousands of disorganized groups.

=> It is difficult to use due to the various software interfaces.

=> It is infected with viruses, especially in the .signatures.

=> There is no formal rulebook and no official administration.

=> Power-crazed maniacs frequently try to manipulate it at their whim.

These problems are most important.  THEREFORE, in an official and secret democratic vote, Kibo has been duly elected LEADER OF THE NET.  To correct this heinous situation, LEADER KIBO has decided to take bold measures, a brave new initiative, detailed herein.

PHASE ONE.  GLOBAL RMGROUPS FOR ALL USENET GROUPS WILL BE            ISSUED ON 4/15/93, 06:00 GMT.

A Day Without Usenet shall pass, and it will be a time of rest for government employees.  Many will discover life, or at least television. Desperate soc.singles readers will have nervous breakdowns.  The world will rotate a full three hundred sixty degrees just the same.

Every Usenet groups, and all its associated problems, will have been wiped off the face of the Earth forever by the might of the rmgroup. Of course, to prevent any power-crazed maniacs from putting the groups back, the newsgroup `control' will be rmgrouped.  Thus, the situation will be permanent.

PHASE TWO.  NEWGROUPS FOR THE GROUPS IN THE NEW HIERARCHY WILL            BE ISSUED ON 4/16/93, 06:00 GMT.

The new network shall be named HAPPYNET, as it will be a Better Place. Usenet is dead.  Long live HappyNet!

********* HAPPYNET: THE NET THAT'S HAPPIER THAN YOU! *********

UNDER THE AUSPICES OF THE ALL-WISE LEADER KIBO, THE NEW NETWORK SHALL BE ORGANIZED THUSLY:

Three hierarchies encompassing ALL HUMAN DISCOURSE.

=>  nonbozo.*

=>  bozo.*

=>  megabozo.*

Existing groups will be moved into the new organization scheme, resulting in nonbozo.news.announce.newusers, bozo.rec.pets, megabozo.talk.bizarre, nonbozo.comp.virus, bozo.alt.sex, megabozo.alt.fan.lemurs, bozo.postmodern, etc., as determined by scientific measurements of the bozosity of the groups, measured by Leader Kibo's Council On Scientific Bozosity and the faculty of Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute (Troy, NY), world leaders in bozosity assessment.

It is estimated that the breakdown will be thus:

1.0000%  nonbozo.* 90.0000%  bozo.* 9.0000%  megabozo.*     (Computations courtesy of Bell Labs)

Bozo.* will, of course, be subdivided logically:  bozo.nerd.*, bozo.tv.*, bozo.inane.*, bozo.boring.*, bozo.sex.*, bozo.argue.*.

New groups will also be added for MAXIMUM ENJOYMENT.  The network would be a very unfair place if only Leader Kibo were allowed to propose new groups.  Instead, because Leader Kibo is benevolent and omnisagaciously father-like, he will create WHATEVER GROUP YOU WANT (even, say, megabozo.kibo.is.a.blenny!) provided that (a) you follow the Official Procedure, filing all six copies of your request in triplicate and then making four carbons of each, and (b) you pay Leader Kibo $160 for each letter in the new group's name, and $720 for each period.

Of course, thanks to Leader Kibo's awesome foresight, new groups will probably not be needed.  A simple computer program will generate all groupnames from *.aaaaa.aaaaa.aaaaa.aaaaa to *.zzzzz.zzzzz.zzzzz.zzzzz. This will encompass ALL possibilities in a COMPLETELY LOGICAL FASHION, maximally efficient yet FUN!

This will also cut down on those annoying egomaniacal posters who try to post the same article to EVERY group, because it will become physically impossible to post to ALL groups within a MORTAL LIFETIME!

But wait, there's more--over six billion groups MORE will be added at HappyNet's inception--free of charge!

********* HAPPYNET: EVERYONE IS EQUALLY EQUAL! *********

To promote EQUALITY and POLITICAL CORRECTNESS (the good kind), Leader Kibo has decided to correct the inequality of the distribution of "personal" groups.  Some people, or groups of people, currently are popular enough to have groups named in their honor: alt.weemba, alt.fan.john-palmer, alt.fan.monty-python, alt.fan.dave-barry, alt.fan.mike-jittlov, alt.fan.naked-guy, alt.religion.kibology, alt.fan.alok-vijayvargia, alt.fan.harry-mandel.  Because everyone is equal before the eyes of wise Leader Kibo, it was decided that EVERYONE WILL HAVE THEIR OWN GROUP on HappyNet.  This will celebrate the global diversity of our users, demonstrating for once and for all that they are all unique, but unique in exactly the same way!

A scientific questionnaire developed specifically for the purpose will be mailed to everyone on the planet.  It will read:

       Dear Citizen Of The New Network,

       You are being given your own HappyNet group.  Its placement        will depend on your answer to this simple question.

       ARE YOU A BOZO? (CHECK EXACTLY ONE)    [] YES   [] NO

                                    I care,                                     Leader Kibo

People who answer "yes" will be given groups in bozo.personal.*, and people who answer "no" will be given groups in megabozo.personal.*. People who refuse to answer, or show contempt for the process, will be taken (by the Network Security Patrol) to the Citadel Of Judgment to appear before the Council Of Bozosity, who will examine the person and assign them either bozo.weenie.* or megabozo.weenie.*.

Of course, this would be POINTLESS if anyone in the world were DENIED ACCESS to HappyNet.

********* HAPPYNET: A NET IN EVERY POT! *********

Net access will be provided to EVERY SINGLE PERSON, LIVING, UNBORN, OR DEAD, thanks to the new TELESCREENS which will be installed in every room of every building on the planet.  Not only will this encourage higher net communications volume, it will also help Leader Kibo be a good leader, as it will allow Leader Kibo to instantly broadcast to all his subjects, and to see how they are feeling and what they are doing.

But simple TELESCREENS in LIVING ROOMS, BEDROOMS, and BATHROOMS are not enough to ensure FREEDOM and EQUALITY.  Neural transceivers will be implanted, FREE, at BIRTH in all newborns, allowing them to "jack in" to HappyNet, transmitting articles, sounds, and even GIF files at the speed of thought!  They won't even have to worry about spelling-- they'll just THINK and their EVERY THOUGHT will be broadcast into EVERYONE ELSE'S HEADS!

And because Leader Kibo CARES and values YOUR opinion, this will even allow Leader Kibo to know what his subjects are THINKING, thanks to the heroic actions of the NETWORK SECURITY PATROL FORCE.

********* HAPPYNET: WE KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING *********

The Network Security Patrol Force, or NSPF, will be composed of volunteer system administrators who wish to enforce the continued accuracy, relevance, and acceptability of HappyNet postings.  They will monitor, censor, and cancel bad postings, made by EVIL SUBVERSIVES who attempt to DEPRIVE you of your HAPPINESS.  These SUPPRESSIVE PERSONS will be hunted down and suppressed!

NSPF officers have really spiffy uniforms, especially the shiny gas masks, well-balanced batons, six-inch-thick shoulder pads and twelve-inch cleats.

And, of course, they will punish evildoers, night or day.  HappyNet never sleeps.

********* HAPPYNET: ACCURACY IS EVERYTHING ON HAPPYNET! *********

Here are examples of infractions against the unwritten rules of HappyNet, and the punishments the NSPF will bring against the villains.

.signature longer than four lines: Forced to read "War And Peace" at 110 baud.

.signature has giant ASCII graphic: Forced to read "War And Peace" at 110 baud on a Braille terminal after having fingers rubbed with sandpaper.

Posting an article consisting solely of "Me too!": Poster's legal name is officially changed to "Me Too".

Calling a newsgroup a "bboard" or "notesfile": Forced to memorize Webster's Ninth.

Spelling "too" as "to", "it's" as "its", "lose" as "loose", "you're" as "your", or any of the following--"wierd", "Anti-Semetic", "senerio", or "masterbation": Forced to write out Webster's Ninth ten times.

Asking what ":-)" means: Drawing, quartering, and turning sideways.

Sending a newgroup message without permission of Leader Kibo: Poster is forced to adopt twelve wacky sitcom children.

Posting flames outside of a *.flame group: Poster is allowed to read only groups about fluffy puppies.

Posting "Please send e-mail, since I don't read this group": Poster is rendered illiterate by a simple trepanation.

*Plonk*ing outside talk.bizarre: Poster is *plonked*--LITERALLY.

Asking for people to send cards to Craig Shergold: Poster must answer all of Craig's mail.

Posting to aus.* from the USA: Poster is deported to Australia after having a "Kick Me" sign glued to their forehead.

Posting an article with a malformed address so that mail bounces when people reply: Poster and/or their admin are sent back to kindergarten.

Spelling name in huge script letters: Poster is forced to tattoo HappyNet slogans on their body in huge script letters.

Excess CAPITALIZATION & PUNCTUATION!!!!!!!!!!!!!: Poster is issued a new keyboard without capitals or punctuation.  The space bar will be clearly labelled.

*Excess*asterisks*in*.signature*: Poster is hit with one shuriken for each asterisk.

Articles quoted in followup, but no new semantic content appended: Poster is forced to watch a "Small Wonder" marathon on cable TV.

Advertising on the net: Poster is forced to pay Leader Kibo for the advertising time.

Asking help for some program but not saying what sort of computer you're using: Poster's computer is reduced to 1K RAM.

Arguing over whose computer is better: Being introduced to Leader Kibo, whose custom Turbissimo MoNDO Zeugma 6866688786/XA/sxe/IV computer is far better than theirs and will make them cry in humiliation.

Giving away the secret of "The Crying Game": No punishment.

Referring to the NSPF as "The Thought Police": Execution.

Humor impairment: Execution.

Saying "Imminent death of the net predicted!": Imminent execution of poster predicted.

Mentioning Star Trek outside of the Star Trek groups: "Star Trek: The Next Generation" is cancelled, and all tapes of the original series are burned.

There are other helpful rules and regulations, but they are double secret.

Of course, various branches of the NSPF will specialize in various enforcements: the Spelling Squad, the Grammar Goons, the Definition Draconians, the Typo Tyrants, the Capitalization Captains, the Pedantic Patriots, the Cross-Post Crushers, the Cascade Commandos, and the .signature .specialforce.  There will even be a special detail to track down, and burn, copies of the Green Golfball Joke.

********* HAPPYNET: MODERATION IN ALL THINGS! *********

The concept of moderated groups will be retained for a few groups, with minor changes.

Alt.flame (renamed megabozo.alt.flame) will be moderated by Dave Lawrence, as his news.announce.newgroups duties have been assumed by Leader Kibo. Dick Depew will be assigned the task of making up an imaginative Message-ID for every article in the world.  (He will also unleash random daemons onto the net to destroy the unpleasant signal to noise ratio completely.)

A program that determines how funny an article is by measuring the frequency of the "k" sound (an elementary comedic principle discovered in Kukamonga, Arkansas) will replace rec.humor.funny moderator Maddi Hausmann, allowing her to devote full time to assisting Brad Templeton's nonbozo.clarinet.* duties.

Serdar Argic will be the official underliner of HappyNet.  Every time the word "turkey" is mentioned, he will post a followup underlining and circling it.  This will be a tremendous help to people looking for low-fat recipes.

Iain Sinclair will ensure that the link between Australia and the rest of the world is down on a regular schedule, instead of an irregular one.

And, of course, a world-class anonymous-posting server will be established.  Not only will it remove your name from your postings (so that you don't have to worry about defending your opinions) but it will also eliminate the opinions themselves.  Thus, don't be surprised to see a lot of anonymous postings in bozo.alt.sex.stories saying simply "I have no opinion on homosexuality."  HappyNet will help us all to get along, even the people with no name.

But what about those disclaimers that state that your opinion is not that of IBM, McDonalds, MIT, Scientology, etc.?  

Disclaimers are NOT required on articles, therefore you MUST include the following:

   DISCLAIMER: THIS DISCLAIMER IS NOT REQUIRED BY LEADER KIBO.    THIS ARTICLE DOES NOT NECESSARILY REPRESENT THE OPINIONS OF LEADER KIBO.    HAVE A NICE DAY!

Also, for your protection, Leader Kibo has filed a copyright claim on HappyNet.  Thus, any postings without a copyright notice become the intellectual property of Kibo.  This will keep random people from exploiting your ideas, because they won't be your ideas any more!  It's that simple.

******** HAPPYNET: A BLAST TO LIGHT OUR GLOWING FUTURE! ********

HappyNet as currently implemented is just one communications medium. But this will blast our way into the foundation of the future: Eventually, HappyNet will be expanded to replace the other `conventional' media, such as newspapers, television, radio, standup comedy, and sex.  .signatures will be sixty-second commercials.  Alt.sex (bozo.alt.sex) will be interactive and finally worth reading.

A PBS series, "Great RFCs, Past and Present" will be filmed to replace the boring old text RFCs.  A Fox series, hosted by Dr. Ruth Westheimer, will replace "Emily Postnews".

The Sony Walkman will become obsolete thanks to the Sony rnman.  The instructions will be on a separate device, the Sony manman.

Once everyone in the world is hooked into the giant HappyNet neural network and their brains merge into one gigantic community of mind (with an IQ well over THREE HUNDRED!), local events will be instantly communicated everywhere in the world.  For example, people in Sri Lanka will be able to INSTANTLY receive dozens of "Hey, we're having a minor earthquake here in San Francisco RIGHT NOW!" postings INSTANTLY, instead of having to wait weeks.  Rumors of such important events as DeForest Kelley's death will also propagate instantly, but this is not really a drawback: it enables the NSPF to detect them and snuff them out faster!

HappyNet is an important part of this well-balanced future.  In fact, it is the ONLY part.  Without HappyNet, there could be no future. Usenet paves the road to misery and ruin with its cascades, cross-posts, flame wars, forgeries, and .signature viruses.  HappyNet does not pave this road--where it's going, we don't NEED roads!  HappyNet bravely journeys into an unknown, but not unpleasant future.  Everyone WILL be happy, happier than human beings can possibly be.

Although it will take HappyNet months, maybe years, to improve all areas of daily existence in all possible ways, it will be obvious to the most casual reader that HappyNet is better than Usenet.

********* HAPPYNET: YOU CONTROL HOW IT CONTROLS YOU *********

-- Leader Kibo