#but its not just a regular exam. its an exam for a big group project that we've been doing since january

[jisuyayaya]

Fellas i am nervous

[sidespart]

For the fake fic title, if you're still doing it: Why do you hate me? (I honestly don't know where I came up with this lol)

X-Men AU!!! Found Family + Anxceit friendship. TW: child soldiers, child endangerment, abuse etc

(So typical X-men universe set up: some people are born with the X gene, which typically triggers during puberty, giving that person a mutation which normally results in cool powers. Many people hate mutants for their differences (/ bad press of people using their mutant powers for the evilz) and so most mutants live in hiding. The Xavier Institute is a school set up by an extremely powerful mutant which seeks to provide a safe space for young mutants to learn to manage their powers, get a regular education and hopes to see peace between humanity and mutant kind. The Brotherhood of Evil Mutants is a group of mutants who believe humans will never let mutant live in peace and do various anti-human, pro-mutant vaguely terrorist-y actions (there’s like a billion version of the x-men and these details may not be correct for all the versions all of the time because comics but this is the vague idea))

ANYWAY PLOT - Containment breach at the Super Secret Child Soldier Lab (SSCSL) - Subject VII has escaped. Subject VII is only 6-7 years old but his mutations were artificially triggered much younger than is normal. He can warp reality and create very sophisticated illusions, but has very limited control over his powers.

Cut too - Virgil and Dee, a couple of teenage mutants living on the street. They find a little boy with a buzzcut wandering around The Bad Part Of Town and Virgil immediately decides they need to adopt/help him (Dee makes more of a fuss about how this is not their responsibility and the kids barely even talking and do you know how hard I work just to keep you and now you wanna add another mouth to feed?? Huhh?? but obviously does not actually say no) (Dee is like. Barely any older than Virgil he’s just dramatic). 

Naturally, just as the three of them have had time to bond, the SSCSL and other assorted bad guys show up to try and take VII back. There’s a big fight, Virgil and Dee have a lot more experience with flight and would probably have ended up dead if the X-men (Patton and Logan) hadn't shown up to save them. 

But they lose VII.

Patton and Logan take them back to the Xavier institute to recuperate and offer to let them stay. They can go to school there, get some training and help the X-men track down VII and the whole SSCSL. Virgil says yes, Dee says no.

(So, reasoning - Virgil's mutation developed when he was 12. It was not pleasant. Various students at his school were injured and the media set up a which hunt for the mutant that caused the chaos. Virgil ran away from home because he was worried about the backlash on his family and about hurting anyone else again. So to him, this school full of mutants who can help him control his power, can offer him stability and a return to normal structures and routines, who are promising to help him get in contact with his parents if and when he’s ready?? This is like every fantasy he’s ever had come true

Unlike the other characters, Dee’s primary mutation is physical. He was born with it, its very obvious and its resulted in him being rejected for most of his life. He bounced around increasingly disturbing foster homes before running away when he was very young, so most of his memories are of living on the streets and surviving on his own. So, to him, number one: all adults are inherently untrustworthy idiots and number two: stay at a school? where they expect him to have a curfew? and, what - write essays? follow all their random arbitrary rules? rely on them for food and heat and all that shit? Completely ludicrous.)

It doesn't occur to either of them that the other one isn't going to agree with them. The resulting argument is epic and cruel, both hurling accusations at the other (Ungrateful /controlling are two of the big ones..) and both basically feeling hateful and 100% betrayed. Dee leaves and although they look for him, he’s got a lifetime experience of hiding and they cant find him.

CUT TO - 5 years later. Virgil is a (semi) well adjusted 19 year old junior X-men. He’s still a bit withdrawn, but is very close with Patton and Logan. He’s still holding out hope of finding VII one day and still firmly pretending he’s not listing out for any possible news of Dee (there were rumours some years ago of him joining the brother hood of evil mutants but then it all went quiet) who he, of course, hates for his betrayal. 

BUT THEN - mysterious knocking at the door in the night. Dee, now wearing a hat and cape and calling himself Janus, has returned. And he’s brought with him a little boy with a buzzcut and a tattoo of XXII on his foot.

Janus and Virgil need to put aside their resentment and work together to help XXII, who really does not seem interested in helping them, and hopefully use any clues he can give them about the SSCSL to track down VII. But that's difficult when they’re both still struggling with their own trauma and have no idea how to reconnect - both of them want to ask why do you hate me but are a bit too scared of the answer. ...

This already got way to long so mutant power/ extra back story descriptions under cut!

Patton - 22/27 years old. An extremely powerful telepath/empath. It takes him serious concentration and focus to not hear peoples thoughts and its almost impossible to not feel their feelings. Some people dislike him because of this as they feel he's spying on them. Grew up in the Xavier institute and 100% believes in and is committed to the future where humans and mutants live in harmony. Has pretty limited life experience in the real world. Sometimes floats. (inspired by professor X)

Logan - 21/26 years old. Fires destructive laser beams from his eyes. Was in a car accident when he was younger leaving him with permanent but apparently harmless brain damage - until his mutation developed and he slowly realised that no matter how much he trained he just couldn't control his power. Has to wear specialised eye guards at all times to keep himself from accidentally destroying everything around him. Had big plans to go to university and was angry at his mutation for a long time for getting in the way of that. Eventually enrolled online and is now a very dedicated teacher at the Institute. (inspired by cyclops) 

Janus - 15(?) / 20(?) His primary mutation is  lizard/snake like scales over most of his body, but especially the left side. Has oversized fangs, and yellow eye and a short lizard tail. His secondary mutation makes him immune to almost any sort of mental based mutation (so Logan could still knock him on his ass with his lasers, but Patton cant sense anything form him and Virgil cant whammy him). Spent a lot of his life on his own and got by being sneaky, cunning and charming. Initially took Virgil in because he saw that his powers could be useful for keeping them both safe, but eventually Virgil became his first real friend.

Virgil - 14/19. Shadow manipulation and ‘draining’. Virgil can make himself (and with practice, people he touches) literally disappear into the shadows. He can also direct shadows as powerful energy ‘blasts’, but in order to do so he has to drain any surrounding living things of their energy. When his mutation first developed  he took out half of the school hall where his exam was being held, leaving 15 students in a coma. (inspired by rouge/shadow cat)

VII - 6? / 11? Reality warping/illusion powers. One of the institutes first successful subjects. He was able to escape by changing the wall of his cell into a door. He finds it hard to talk but can project his ideas as lifelike illusions who can talk for him. One of his best is the image a handsome grown up Prince and he will often use this Illusion as an avatar to communicate. When he was 6 he did have some hazy memories of outside the SSCSL and expressed a desire to go home. Current status is unknown. 

XXI - 7.  Illusion powers  (reality warping has been removed from the program by his time as subjects proved too difficult to control). Has no memories of outside the institute and is extremely uncooperative with his new captors/guardians. He does not understand the affection they’re trying to show him and lashes out a lot, often by creating a lot of extremely disturbing and graphic illusions. Bites. 

[magicman111]

A Moth to a Flame - Chapter Two

One month later

Sasha joylessly toyed with the Music Box, opening its lid like a yawning mouth.

Who’d have thunk it? She wondered to herself. This tacky little thing could cause so much calamity?

How ludicrously out of place she looked curled up on King Andrias’ enormous throne, almost like the little girl playing pretend in the driver’s seat of her parents’ car. You’d be forgiven for not knowing she’d just led the swiftest, easiest toppling of a government in this world’s history.

Big blue dummy locked up? Check. The city’s army surrendered? Check. Their toad army less than an hour away? Check. Dimension-skipping Macguffin firmly in their position? Double Check.

Not a bad day’s work for a 13-year-old.

Marcy’s oversized sparrow was tethered to the armrest by his leg. A prize she’d taken for herself so she could cruise around her new kingdom in style. She saw to it he wasn’t under any duress, and the fact he was neck deep in an industrial sized bag of bird feed told her he was plenty comfortable.

Sasha managed a tiny smile as she reached out to run her fingers through the thickness of his coat. She dunked her hand in the bag and offered him an open palm of seeds; he eyed for a moment or two before gingerly pecking at the mound.

Thank Frog no one was around to hear the ‘d’aww’ escape her lips.

Her grandmother was the one she had to thank for her secret admiration of birds. Old lady had been a birdwatcher who ‘treated’ her to regular weekend trips into the forest when she was younger. This was long before her discovery of malls and arcades. Sasha wouldn’t dare admit it to even herself back then, but the ones they spotted together on those dewy spring mornings were beautiful to behold in their natural habitat.

Herons may now be forever ruined for her, but Joe—she thought that was his name—was a mighty impressive specimen. Poor guy somehow found the strength to carry all seven of them to Newtopia, only to nosedive into the moat at the end of the flight.

Definitely had nothing to do with her asking Marcy if she could take the reins in the last stretch. She and Anne were kind enough not to draw attention to it, same as they did the day at summer camp when they discovered her crying into her pillow. They were awesome enough to go along with her story that it was only allergies. She knew she had a true pair of girlfriends that morning.

Thinking about them only soured her mood afresh. She sprinkled the rest of the feed back into the bag and slumped against the backrest, arms petulantly crossed.

Here she was in the crowning moment of her young life and she couldn’t have been more miserable.

Maybe because her friends should have been here to share in this, but no, they had to go and act all noble. What else should she have expected? She always was the only one in the group with the guts. Anne had to be dragged kicking and screaming to ditch school and join her and Marcy in celebrating her birthday. Was it any wonder she had to keep taking control of the situation?

More likely... it was because deep down she knew she didn’t really want this. She certainly believed she did after they dropped that gloryhound newt general down a waterfall and when they successfully rallied the Toad Lords after retrieving Barrel’s Warhammer. Things only started getting complicated when they needed free tickets into Newtopia in the form of her friends.

She hadn’t counted on realising just how much she missed her clumsy, klutzy Marcy. Neither how effectively she and Anne were still able to work together as a team in spite of all the unpleasantness that had transpired between them during their time here, of which there was plenty. The fact that Anne actively encouraged her in taking down that molten toad monster was the rancid cherry atop the sludge sundae. For a while back there, it looked like they might really turn a corner and start afresh. All three of them could have gone home like none of this ever happened. Except by then it was already too late.

What recourse did she have when the Plantars invited them for the world’s most awkward dinner party or when they brought the house down at the Battle of the Bands? Tell Grime and all the toads who’d invested their manpower and futures in her that sorry, she was getting cold feet? There was only one grizzly way that would end both for her and Grime and the best scenario she could imagine involved heads on pikes.

... It didn’t matter anymore. Her friends had picked their path, she’d picked hers. As her mom always said, ‘You make your bed, you lie in it’. Funny how in her short life, she’d heard that line far too many times already.

Once she figured out how the Box worked, she’d send both Anne and Marcy on their merry way and they’d never have to see each other ever again.

Everyone would get what they want.

Good thing then she’d sent her soldiers to ransack Marcy’s room for all her research about Anne’s fateful birthday gift. Girl was a pack rat. She kept notes for every exam and project they were assigned back home. The less said about her laptop jammed with files of anime fanfiction and theories the better.

Plus, it was a good way to try and distract herself.

They came back into the throne room hauling burlap sacks full of parchments and emptied their contents at Sasha’s feet.

Daaang, girl, you've been in the zone.

She scattered them over her lap and the ample free space on the seat. They actually weren’t that hard to follow; colour coordinated with plenty of cutesy kawaii diagrams. Trademark Marbles.

Apparently, it worked a lot like those puzzle boxes Marcy got as gifts from relatives in Hong Kong. All it took was knowing the right sequence of buttons and zip! You can go wherever you want in the cosmos. Just a matter of finding the code for Earth.

‘I’m done listening to you!

I’m done trusting you!’

Sasha scowled, trying to push the thoughts to the back of her mind where they belonged. She shuffled through a couple more pages until she found the one titled in glittery green and blue lettering, ‘HOME’.

Bingo.

‘You’re a horrible person!’

Ignore. Ignore.

Now all she had to do was jot it down on her palm and—

‘AND I AM DONE. BEING. FRIENDS WITH YOU!!’

She stopped. Her shoulders drooped. Then she just threw the page down on the floor and sunk into her seat further than she thought physically possible.

She normally didn’t consider herself that thin skinned a person, but man, that one hurt.

Traces of bitter tears creeped into her eyes.

What am I even doing anymore?

The sound of footsteps on crumpling paper and someone clearing their throat snapped her out of her self-pitying torpor. She fluttered her eyes dry to see Grime standing there awkwardly among the discarded parchments.

The diminutive, one-eyed former Toad Lord was hiding something behind his back. He actually looked pretty embarrassed about it too, which for a battle hardened war vet like Grime was actually kinda adorable in Sasha’s eyes.

“I, uhh, got you something,” he said, whipping out a long rectangular present wrapped in green paper and topped with a luscious red bow. “Had it made especially for this day.”

Now if there was one thing Sasha Waybright couldn’t say no to, it was a gift, especially from a trusted friend. They were the ultimate distraction from the blues and she couldn’t have been sitting upright and tearing into this one any quicker.

“Whaaat? Grimesy, you didn’t!” What she had pulled from the ravaged packaging wielded aloft her head made her gasp. “How’d you know I wanted to duel wield?!”

It was a brand new heron sword. An exquisite green second shortsword that would compliment Ol’ Pink perfectly.

She stared proudly into the smooth steel surface, admiring the craftsmanship. When she noticed the girl staring right back at her, however, her smirk vanished in an instant. The captain of the cheerleaders, the scarred swordswoman, the conqueror of Newtopia, whatever angle she looked at it, she didn’t like what she saw. Unbelievable as it may sound, even the joy of an awesome gift like this was not enough to make everything better.

“What’s the matter? You don’t like it? Oh dang it!” Grime slammed his forehead. “I didn’t get a gift receipt!”

“No no, it’s just...” Sasha weighed the blade against her ungloved palm. Talking about these kinds of things was never easy for her. “What if Anne’s right? What if I am a horrible person?”

Grime popped up like a whack-a-mole behind the armrest. “Who cares what she thinks?” he scoffed. “You and I are in charge now, and we get to do whatever we want!”

“That’s the thing... I’m not sure what I want anymore,” she admitted wearily.

For all his years of training at the finest academies, his brutal combat in the colosseum and tactical expertise earned through a lifetime of military service as his forebears before him, this one had Grime stumped. Needless to say, talking about one’s emotions wasn't exactly encouraged during their upbringing in toad culture, so naturally it wasn’t one of his strong suits. Just one of the many things he and Sasha had in common.

“Huh.”

Still, he was a pretty fast thinker and came up with a fairly good idea on the spot.

“Why don’t you help me redecorate this place?” he suggested, resting his hand on her shoulder. “Take your mind off it. Cuz this right here...” He gestured to the cluttered mess in which she’d surrounded herself. “This is definitely not—I’m sorry, can I help you?!”

Both of them turned their heads when it became impossible to ignore Joe’s cone-shaped beak lightly nipping at Grime’s cheek.

“He probably thinks your warts are seeds.”

“For the love of—I knew he was eyeing me up on the ride here! There! Get lost!” Grime scooped up a fistful of feed and flung it over the marble floor, but the winged beast persisted with pecking his face. “Stop it! MY HEAD IS NOT A FEEDER!!”

It took an exceptional effort of willpower for Sasha not to laugh at the sight of her old man being preyed upon by the family pet.

Wow, she thought. Her old man? Was that how she saw Grimesy now? Seriously?

Perhaps up to a point. Okay, considering the options she had for parental figures back home, it wasn’t exactly the highest bar to pass, but it still meant something. Anything.

Who would have guessed this would be how they’d end up, especially given how they started off with her as his prisoner? Sure, it may have taken her helping him and the whole tower not getting turned into heron feed for her to be upgraded to his lieutenant, but they really had come a long way since then. There was a lot more honor and heart to the cranky old toad than she first thought, back when she wrote him off just as another blowhard with power. Now he genuinely considered her his equal both as a friend and comrade in arms. For Sasha, the feeling was mutual. A first for her.

When all was said and done, who else did she have left besides him and vice versa?

What the heck? Let’s tear this place up.

Untethering Joe, she whistled a tweet-tweet and gave the rope a gentle tug to encourage him to follow on their ‘indoor walkies’.

A cursory surveillance of the throne room told her there was a lot of work to be done. If this toad regime was to last a thousand years, the correct decor was an important first step. Thankfully for them, she knew a thing or two about fashion. For starters, there were way too many soft blues and purples. Rust red from top to bottom! She preferred keeping the stained glass windows, but they’d need entirely new designs. Hers truly would naturally feature in most of them, one showcasing her and Grime caving that narwhal worm’s head in with the Warhammer being an absolute must. The snakes coiling the stone pillars weren’t a bad touch, if just a bit too elegant for the whole ‘proud warrior race’ vibe they were going for, but she could still work with them. Now as for the throne, they were gonna have to replace it with something much more imposing. There was that super violent dragon show she and her parents used to watch that had the huge throne made out of swords. She was sure she had a picture somewhere on her phone to use as a reference.

“I’m sorry, what the heck is this?!”

Sasha could only denounce what they were gawking at as the single biggest affrontement to tasteful decorating known to man or amphibian. Yes, worse than inflatable furniture, carpeted bathrooms, beaded curtains, glass block bathroom windows, ‘live, laugh, love’ quotes on walls, rustic hearts, mason jars and nautical accessories all combined under the same inland roof.

Tapestries had their rightful place in a palace’s interior design, but the one sweeping across a section of wall depicting a gentle hearted Andrias sitting down by a lake, surrounded by flowers and lilypads was nothing short of vomit-inducing. Gathered at his feet and scooped up in his protective arms were his wide-eyed, childlike subjects. Even the fish and a lobster were surfacing to bask in their king’s magnanimity. Here the oversized salamander was truly the loving patriarch of everything the light touched. The mawkish display could only be topped off with a rainbow streaking across the sky.

Grime felt his stomach roile. If he ever needed an example to demonstrate the difference between kitschy and downright tacky, this was it.

“Y-y-y-yikes!” he gagged. “This thing’s gotta go!”

Sasha didn’t need a second invite. Besides, what else was Joe going to use to line his nest?

A joint effort tore the offensive piece from its place and it tumbled to the floor in a heap.

Dead silence fell over the room.

Hidden beneath the tapestry was... a mural. Including such a decoration in a throne room was hardly surprising, yet it was what it contained that shocked both the human and toad, so much so that they had to take a moment to recover.

“Woah,” they gasped at once, before starting to analyse what they saw.

The mural was a chaotic collection of nightmarish images painted on a night blue wall. Wild red flames spewing out hordes of beasts and the wreckage of buildings. Mountains of skulls and bones belonging to frogs, toads and newts alike. A flying... spaceship? A castle? Whatever it was meant to be, it firied a white beam up at what was unmistakably the Music Box. Pink, green and blue lightning bolts crackled out of the Box. Mesmerising orange gemstones or, more terrifyingly, eyes leaped off the wall and burned themselves into their minds. The frightening focal point of this one-way ticket to the school therapist’s office? Rising out of the middle of the inferno was the silhouette of a red-eyed, goliath-sized beast, its claws reaching up covetously towards the Box that hung right above its crowned head.

It may as well have been lifted straight from the tattered dream journal of a madfrog.

Any ideas of redecorating the throne room were long gone. Even the revolution they were spearheading suddenly seemed millions of miles away in the face of what they’d just stumbled upon.

Peering her eyes slightly, Sasha was the first to put a face to the shadowy leviathan, and when she did, she had to swallow her heart back down into her chest.

“Is that the king?” she asked, mystified. “With the music box?”

Sweat ran down the side of Grime’s nonplussed face. “If it is… it’s a really good thing we stopped him.”

Neither of them said it aloud, but both understood the situation at once. All this time they thought they’d been playing flipwart while the king played bog jump. Oh, how wrong they’d been. It was beyond anything that even the Toad Lords discussed. They knew that they had to reconvene with them as soon as the armies had reached the gate.

She took a couple steps closer to reexamine the mural more thoroughly, missed details emerging now that the initial shock began to wear off. Circuit board markings—the same inside her dad’s outdated computer when she foolishly dared Marcy if she could take it apart—worked their way around the images, serving as some type of frame. Odd choice for a world that didn’t even have steam engines yet. She also picked up the three small geometric figures standing atop the Box’s lid. An artist she was not, but they looked pretty human-like in design.

But humans did not exist in Amphibia. The three of them were the first of their kind to ever set foot in this dimension.

Weren’t they?

Alarm bells were ringing louder than ever before. This Andrias guy had been playing Anne and Marcy for his own ends this whole time, all to get his mitts on the Music Box! What did he plan to do with it? Right now, she still couldn’t say, but it was all bad. Outside of a kickin’ rock band, fire and skulls together were never a good thing!

Even Joe’s feathers were puffing up anxiously against her back. Not turning away from the mural, she raised her hand and patted his risen crest.

“I know, big guy. I don’t like it either.”

Grime’s voice rang urgently in her ears, “Lieutenant! Get over here, quick!!”

Sasha had spun on her heels and sprinted down the room to find Grime standing the wreckage of what used to be a display of armour. He’d evidently acted on a hunch while she’d been preoccupied. Judging by his thunderstruck expression, he’d just discovered something far worse.

“What is iooooh boy!”

This new second mural reminded Sasha a lot of Egyptian hieroglyphs. If there was any room for doubt about the technicolor stick guys, there was none here. Standing tall against an indigo backdrop in a neat row were the outlines of human beings; long gangly appendages, stumpy noses and everything. Some were wearing hooded capes, others were decked out in suits of armour. The couple in the middle looked particularly regal. No prizes for guessing the little wooden box they were holding in their hands, cementing their authority as if it were the globus cruciger.

Faded inscriptions were engraved along the bottom. They were written in a more archaic amphibian dialect, but being a toad of higher education, Grime was able to give translating them a decent shot.

These great beings of magic and might

Travelled from beyond to serve the night

Bow before these children of man

Or know the wrath of the—

“... Wu Clan?” He cocked his one good eye up at her. “Iiiii’m not getting it.”

There it was. Floodlights flashed in Sasha’s head. All colour drained from her face. A million and one thoughts were now firing across her brain at once, threatening to send her into cerebral shutdown.

It was at that moment she knew she’d been played. They all had. She didn’t know whether to be absolutely furious, betrayed or impressed.

Why that conniving, devious little—

That's when they heard the BOOM outside the window.

[songbirdsingingthings]

Lovely Night - Katsuki Bakugou x Reader

DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE CHARACTERS, THEY BELONG TO KOHEI HORIKOSHI

This oneshot was inspired by the song Lovely Night from the musical La La Land. It’s such a cute and funny song that I thought it would work perfectly for Bakugou and a reader who are not super fond of each other, but figure out they have feelings for each other. I put a lot of hard work into this oneshot and I’m super happy and proud with how it came out. I hope you all enjoy! And, if you would like, feel free to open up youtube and listen to the actual song while reading, or look up the lyrics to see where I used and or changed some of them to fit within the story! So, without further ado, ENJOY!!! 

WARNINGS: Realistic Fluff, Some Swearing

Word Count: 2608

It was no secret to the rest of Class 1-A. Y/N L/N and Katsuki Bakugou just could not stand each other. Y/N hated how loud and abrasive he was, and might she add that he was like that for absolutely no reason. She hated how much he would boast about his quirk - I mean seriously, it was like he was six years old and he was talking about the expensive action figure he got for his birthday! But, most of all, she hated how attractive he had to be. There was no denying that he was strikingly handsome and had a very well toned body, but something about the way that he actually took the time to make himself presentable struck a chord within Y/N. Of course, Bakugou’s parents were fashion designers, so maybe he was just conditioned from a young age to look presentable. 

Bakugou hated how structured and uptight Y/N was. He genuinely thought the girl had a stick up her ass for the entirety of her life. To him, she was like a drill sergeant, dictating who should go where in a team takedown. Granted, she was right almost all of the time, but that didn’t stop her from being annoying about it. Although, however much he hated her those previous reasons, he hated her the most for how undeniably gorgeous she was. She, unlike some of the other girls in class, wore little to no make up during the day - which he himself thought was a smart decision, who knew when a villain could attack and cause sweat to make your mascara run? Her Y/H/L Y/H/C hair was always in a style that he found incredibly flattering on her and her Y/E/C eyes were just striking. 

Their conflicted, no matter how strictly negative they tell themselves they are, feelings for each other caused quite a few ruptures in group activities. Whether it was going after each other in laser tag - even though they were on the same team -, not cooperating on group projects for school, or making a huge mess in the dorm kitchen trying to prove to the other that they are the superior chef, they were at each other's throats. The latter wasn’t so bad for the class, they actually made some really delicious food, but Aizawa was pretty mad about the flour on the carpet and the dried batter sticking to the walls and stovetops. 

Coincidentally, the entirety of class 1-A was at a group dinner this evening, celebrating their completion of their final written exams. Jokes and anecdotes were exchanged as waiters brought the class delicious food. Y/N’s eyes lit up as a woman brought over a platter of Y/F/F. Eagerly, she piled 2 or 3 servings onto her plate.

“Oi, L/N, stop loading up on the Y/F/F, you’re not the only person here! Besides, you’re gonna look like a stuffed turkey by the end of the night!” Y/N had to admit, the last part of his insult did sting a bit, but she couldn’t give him an inch.

“Oh, bite me Bakugou. Besides, isn’t it past your bedtime?” Y/N said, smirking at him with a sassy look in her eyes while pointing to an analog clock that read 9:30 p.m. . Scowling, Bakugou just turned his back towards her and started chatting with Kirishima instead. 

“Nice one, Y/N.” One of Y/N’s best friends, Jirou, said as she gave her a high five. Feeling very accomplished, she smiled. 

Okay, so maybe it wasn’t Y/N’s best idea to have that much food to eat. Y/N’s stomach cramped pretty badly - so badly that she had to thank whatever godly force was looking down on her that made her wear a pretty fit and flare dress to dinner. If she were wearing regular pants, that material would not feel great against her somewhat bloating stomach. Excusing herself to the bathroom, she relieved herself and thankfully felt much better afterwards. Y/N straightened out her pretty yellow dress and ran a hand through her hair, making sure to comb out any knots. As she made her way back to the table, only a couple people remained. Everyone must’ve gone back to the dorms already, Y/N thought. Of course, she thought as she found the one person who walked back into the restaurant. Everyone had left except for Bakugou.

“Where the hell did everyone else go?” He asked, clearly pissed. Rolling her eyes, Y/N crossed her arms. 

“If I had known everyone was leaving I would’ve gone with them Sherlock. I was in the bathroom so I didn’t see them. Where were you?” Y/N asked.

“I was outside taking a call. Dammit!” He cursed, grabbing the jacket on the back of his chair and pulled his arms through it. Sighing, Y/N took a look at the clock. It was 12:30 a.m. . You have got to be kidding me, she thought. “Well come on. Let’s get going before it gets any later.” He said bluntly, walking slowly out of the big glass doors.

“What do you mean “let’s”? Y/N asked, kind of shocked that he implied that the two of them would be walking back together. Now it was Bakugou’s turn to roll his eyes.

“I’m not going to let a girl walk alone at this time at night, no matter how much I might hate her guts. Who knows what creeps are out there. Now, let’s go.” He says a bit more sternly this time. Y/N quickly grabbed her little white purse from the back of her seat, swung it around her shoulder, and walked out after him.  The only unfortunate thing about going to the restaurant that the class decided to go to was that there wasn’t a cab in sight. The class decided to take the bus which by now had left hours ago. That meant that Y/N had to trek back to UA in heels that pinched her toes. Trying not to make a sound, she clenched her jaw and her fists and forced herself to keep walking on the hard concrete. However, about twenty minutes into their walk, Y/N accidentally let a little squeak of pain slip out of her mouth. Bakugou, who was a little bit in front of her, turned around to get a look at Y/N. 

“What the hell was that?” He said, stifling a laugh that wanted to make itself known. To him, this was kind of hilarious. Never had he heard Y/N willingly show any sign of weakness, and here she was literally squeaking in pain because of her damn shoes.

“Nothing, come on let’s keep walking.” Giving Y/N an unbelieving look, he led her over to a bench that overlooked much of the city. He had to admit, it was a pretty spectacular view. It would have almost been romantic - the stars were shining down on the sparkling city, lights that worked so well together. However, it was absolutely not romantic, because he was here with Y/N, and it wasn’t some other girl and guy. 

Y/N was sat down, slowly taking off her heels to reveal several nasty blisters. She hissed as the cool, almost chilly, night air met her marred skin.

“Why do you girls wear shoes like that if they only make your feet hurt like hell.” Bakugou said. Y/N sighed as she began to take off her other heel, this time on her right foot.

“Because,” she said as she gritted her teeth, “I think they make my legs look pretty freaking hot.” Finally, she pulled the second one off and set it next to its partner. “Also, I didn’t think that I would be walking a lot tonight.” Bakugou did have to admit - the shoes really did accentuate her legs in a very attractive manner. He also noticed, don’t ask him why, that she had taken the time to shave her legs. 

“Well it’s just the class, why did you feel the need to get all done up?” Bakugou’s question struck a nerve within Y/N. She felt her face heat up. Why did she feel the need to get all done up? She would have looked perfectly acceptable in a nice shirt and skirt, maybe even a cute little romper with sandals, but instead she went for a pretty dress and white heels. Then, it dawned on her. Oh my God, I did this all for Bakugou, she thought . Underneath all the layers of competition, disdain for his habits that weren’t as annoying now, and arrogance, Y/N liked him. She found herself noticing more of his other positive habits. He made sure to walk her back home, even if she wasn’t his favorite person, made sure to make her take a break when something was hurting her, and now, asking questions that weren’t aimed to make her look like a fool.

“I-I uh…” Y/N didn’t really know how to answer Bakugou’s question. What do you say to a boy that you’ve basically hated for an entire year that you now have a crush on?

Woah, Bakugou thought, did Y/N actually just stutter? And why was it kind of… cute? Bakugou thought to himself. Nah, I don’t feel like that. It’s just really late at night and I’m sitting next to a pretty girl on a bench that basically overlooks the stars. I do NOT think that way.

“Pretty view huh,” Y/N murmured, a small smile donning her face as she surveyed the city that lay beneath them.

“Yeah, I guess so. Kind of sucks that it’s you and I here instead of other people that could actually enjoy it together.” Bakugou says, looking away from the girl. Scoffing, Y/N gives him an incredulous look. How could I ever think I have feelings for this guy? She thought, I mean, that was just him being a straight up asshole! 

“You and I would never work,” Bakugou says, out of the blue, “I mean you’re not even my type.” Y/N could almost feel flames shooting out of her head.

“Oh yeah?” She scoffs, glaring at the boy.

“Yeah. What a waste of a freaking night.”

Grabbing her heels, Y/N forces them back on, stand sup, and walks right up in front of him.

“Let’s make something clear, Katsuki Bakugou,” Y/N says, giving Bakugou a look that he believes could only be rivaled by himself, “I make the calls around here. But, you are right, I would never fall for you.” Bakugou doesn’t know why, but a tiny part of his heart aches when she says that. “And even though you look pretty good in that... polyester suit of yours,” Y/N begins to say.

“It’s. Wool.” Bakugou snaps back, standing up so that he was now taller than her, “this in no way appeals to me. Maybe it would interest a girl who is not currently having her feet be cut up by her heels, or a girl who actually believes that this could’ve been a spark to romance.” Y/N says, her face now inches away from the blonde’s. “You were right. What a waste of a lovely freaking night.” 

With their noses almost touching, Bakugou just reacts on mere instinct. He almost couldn’t stand to be this close to Y/N without touching her.. The perfume that Y/N wore was intoxicating to him, invading his senses and telling him just do it! Kiss her! It’ll make everything better! And, with no one there stopping him, he gave in. He roughly grabbed her check with his right hand and the back of her neck with his left, and crashed his lips into hers. Y/N’s eyes widened so much, she thought that they were going to pop right out of her head. But, something about kissing Bakugou just felt so damn right. Y/N closed her eyes and kissed him back. Her arms somehow found themselves wrapped around his neck and made their way into his soft hair, pulling at the blonde locks as he worked his tongue into her mouth. It was like fireworks were going off at the same time as she was riding a rollercoaster. It was exciting, it was energizing, and it was warm. Bakugou’s arms now made their way and wrapped themselves around Y/N’s waist, pushing her as close as possible to his chest. Y/N’s knees wobbled at this action which made Bakugou smile into their kiss-turned-make out session. Y/N smiled as well. Finally, it got to the point where the two of them had to separate and take a deep breath. Their foreheads were leaning against each other and their arms were still firmly wrapped around each other.

“I think I like you.” Y/N whispered, making Bakugou smirk.

“You think?” He murmured back, rubbing his thumb against her waist.

“Okay, I’m pretty sure.” Y/N said, giggling. Finally, Bakugou pulled away just enough so that he could make full eye contact with the Y/H/C haired girl in his arms. 

“I’m pretty sure I like you too. But don’t think I’m letting up on anything. Your ass is going to be kicked in the next cooking competition.” He says arrogantly, however this time Y/N found his arrogance somewhat cute. She rolls her eyes and gave him a smile. 

“Yeah, okay. Sure. Keep telling yourself that.” Y/N stepped back from him, grabbed her little purse that she dropped due to all the activity, and began walking back in the direction of UA. Bakugou jogged up to Y/N and stopped her in her tracks. Giving him a smirk, she says, “What Bakugou, couldn’t get enough?”

“First off, it’s Katsuki to you now,” he says matter-of-factly, making her cheeks dance with red, “and you’re not walking back on those deathtraps of yours.” He leans down and gently slips her heels off and gives them to Y/N to hold. “Now c’mon, let’s go home.” He says, kind of sweetly this time. He motions for Y/N to let him give her a piggy-back ride which she gladly accepts. With her fingers hooked in her heels, Y/N lets her head lay against Bakugou’s, no, Katsuki’s, broad shoulder. She presses a gentle kiss to his neck which makes him stop in his tracks.

“L/N, if you keep on doing that sappy shit, we’re not gonna be able to make it home tonight.” He says bluntly. Y/N couldn’t see his face from the angle she was faced, but she could just tell that he was blushing.

“First off, it’s Y/N to you now,” she says, mimicking his previous statement which makes him chuckle a bit, “and I just couldn’t help it. But, carry on walking, I seem to remember a sparring match tomorrow that I need to be well rested for.” Katsuki rolls his eyes and continues walking. The two make small talk for the rest of the trip home about Y/N’s home life - not Katsuki’s, he’s not super ready for that yet, - and life in general.

“I was wrong before.” Katsuki says, making Y/N’s giddy face morph into a confused one.

“Wrong about what? There were several exchanges that we have had in the past hour.” She says, concerned that he was talking about when he revealed his feelings for her.

“It’s not a waste of a night.” He says sweetly, making Y/N grin from an ear to ear. “It’s the perfect way to spend a lovely night.”

[tundrainafrica]

Title: A Tale of Two Slaves (13/17)

Summary:  “Soulmates don’t exist. Fate doesn’t exist. Everything is a choice.” At that moment, Levi could only watch as she made the choice for him.“

Reincarnation AU. Levi remembers everything from their past life. Hange doesn’t.

Other Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

Link to cross-postings: AO3

Every year, for a few weeks at a time, life had a tendency of stopping.

And it had been following that same pattern for the past few years.

For Levi, the first signs of the freeze came when the last few red leaves fell to the ground, revealing the branches underneath. The trees were bare, the wind chill was cruel and the sky was constantly grey.

But the freeze was only a prelude that accompanied something much more daunting.That period of time in particular manifested as some sort of a limbo. That painful limbo where every student was suddenly reminded that maybe taking five classes at once was a bad idea.That limbo were suddenly all students ever had to think about were those five classes they were taking. Yet for some reason, everyone still found a reason to be stressed.

No training. No club activities.

Just deadline after deadline. Group work after group work. Exam after exam.

Of course it would be stressful. Since for many people, those last few submissions leading up to the holidays were always the most decisive. Making that deadline, making something of quality in that deadline always spelled the difference between honors and mediocre, a C for a degree or a failing F. Especially since for the first few months of school anyway, the urgency never hit.

Levi never had been one of those students gunning for honors. The regular tournaments and the twice a day training and the human need for some rest afterwards always meant that Levi was only barely passing most classes while every now and then scoring a B in one.

He was one of those people who thought of the final few weeks of school as some sort of a messiah, some last chance to pull a D to a C or if he were lucky a B. And those periods in limbo blurred so easily into hazy memories of sleepless nights, irrationally strong hate over some particularly shitty groupmate and those few hour long exams where Levi could have sworn his heart hadn’t even been beating.

He hadn’t expected his senior year to be any different. But on the days leading up to finals week, he started to realize he had fewer exams, a little more papers than usual. A side effect of being a senior in a non science course.

It could have been the luck of the draw maybe but his teachers had been kind and had requested he just send everything over.

Two requirements and One thesis. And Levi could always do it from the comfort of the study hall in the dorm.

The study hall was a medium sized building, most frequented by dormers.

One of its most notable characteristics was the window wide enough that anyone studying would be almost incapable of ignoring the scenery just outside. And in winter, the grey sky, the bare trees and the glass of the window that would fog up at the lightest caress were the main constants of the scenery. And even if it was impossible to ignore for most students, Levi didn’t think too much of it that winter in particular. Since the days leading up to deadlines, Hange had been right next to him.

There were those few moments in between studying when he would allow himself some reprieve. Picking what to focus on had never been a challenge. The dreary early winter scenery felt chilly even from the comfort of the heated study hall yet without even trying and Hange emitted a warmth that had resonated more powerfully than any feelings and preconceived notions rooted in his four years in a bubble. Her hums, her thoughtless mutters even her unfocused brown eyes the few times she looked up to give herself a quick rest, without even trying, they had felt warm and welcoming.

Maybe because just those small actions had been more than enough for Levi to feel very much connected to someone. For the first winter in his college life, Levi wasn’t alone

Although with the long hours studying, they never went too far beyond exchanging some few words, engaging some small talk. When their brains were completely fried, there wasn’t much else they could discuss anyway.

But they didn’t need to talk. Levi already felt it --- as he allowed the scratching of pen and paper and the familiar clack of the keyboard to keep him company in the stark silence of the study hall--- she had done her part to make that early a winter warmer than it usually was. She had done her part as well to make that limbo, that harsh in-between classes and holidays, almost enjoyable, a significant improvement from that limbo he had always braced himself to power through, every single year.

As he became a little more aware of her constant company, sometimes he could imagine the limbo had never been there, and it had all been a faint memory, a faint illusion of his life before.

And all Hange had to do was be there. Even when she was silent, highlighting line after line, cross checking journals and study guides, Hange managed to find a way to still be present.

When it came to studies, Hange’s case was a stark contrast to his, more urgent and more demanding, almost admirable. She had a full load and although Levi never did memorize her schedule, he figured it out soon enough having spent the days leading up to the exams cooped up with her in the study hall.

Exam after exam after exam.

And Hange was never without her laptop, her printed out study guides and her ebook reader. And she had been that way, all the way until the last day of exams, when the lobby of the dorm had emptied out, the hallways to his room a lot less busy and when Levi was particularly less self conscious about the awkward way he pulled his injured self up the stairs to his dorm room every night.

Everyone had gone home for the holidays already. And soon enough, it wasn’t such an odd sight to see just her familiar shape alone in the study hall.

The first day she didn’t have study guides felt like a big change.

He picked her out so easily, especially when there was nobody else hunched over their own notes. And Levi who had sat with her every single day in the study hall couldn't help but celebrate such a tiny development. “You’re done with exams?” He asked as he settled on the chair in front of her.

“One final paper,” Hange said, not looking up from her laptop.

“And then winter break?”

“And then I can finally work on my thesis.”

“Any ideas?”

“Yeah, some.”

“So you’ll probably be working during the break huh?”

Hange sat back on the chair and crossed her arms. “You know, I’m lucky enough the department is still allowing me to make a thesis even without a proposal presentation."

"At least you get to graduate on time."

"I know. This is just a weird place to be when at the start of the year, I was gunning for some best thesis award. Now I’m the only student in my block who’s disqualified. And on top of that, I’m starting from scratch again.”

“You could have continued from the last one.”

Hange closed her laptop and rested her chin on her hand. “I didn’t pick that topic because I wanted to. I just felt it was the most practical option. And when I consulted my parents, they said that was the best option to save time.”

“And it was.”

“But it felt weird. I couldn't bring myself to ask you the right questions or check your knee everyday. You were constantly in pain, sad, for a while you might even have been depressed…” Hange trailed off. She looked outside at the scenery on the other side of the window.

Levi could almost see the grey reflected on her eyes.

Hange continued. “I thought back to how you fucked up your knee and I realized I was reckless. When you scraped your knee I was there, then I pushed you to jump for my thesis and when I fucked up your life… and you never felt it even a little weird or annoying that I would be getting something out of it?" She looked at him as if expecting him to say something.

"I made the decision to push myself. Not you."

“Levi, please be honest. did I pressure you?” That was the moment, Hange chose to meet his gaze. She had a pleading look in her eyes that only made it difficult for Levi to reach within him for him some sort of a response.

He had the answer and it was so easily within reach. Yes, she did pressure him. But was that something he would have wanted to admit?

And when he started to ask more questions, he soon started to ask another more important question, was it Hange who had pushed him to do it? Or was it this image of Hange he was projecting onto her?

“You didn’t pressure me,” Levi said.

“Then why were you working so hard? Why did you push yourself?”

“Because… I felt pressured.”

“If not me, then by what? What pressured you?”

“Myself?” And by extension, everything else maybe? Captain Levi? Commander Hange Zoe? He added to himself. But he wasn’t crazy enough to say it.

“But here’s the thing, I could have sworn you were much calmer than that during the competitions. Actual competitions. But then since we met, ever since you scraped your knee, you were pushing yourself more than usual, you were much more tense. What were you working so hard for?”

“I pressured myself.”

“For what?” Hange’s eyes were boring holes into him. “I’m not your coach. Hell, I’m not an arbiter. I’m not an Olympic team scout. All I needed was your data for a thesis nobody was probably going to read anyway.”

“Don’t you have a paper to finish?”

“The final deadline is next week and I’m more than halfway done already. I have more than enough time to talk,” Hange said. Her face morphed into something a little more desperate. “Levi, I wanna know, what did I do wrong?”

At that moment, Levi froze. His eyes were completely fixed on hers, and he could only watch the way she started to study him, as if searching for an answer in the way he sat, the way he leaned back on the chair, the way he gripped the corner of the table. At once, Levi had become aware of all of his nervous ticks.

The tension in the room was thick enough at least for Levi to tell, that he wasn’t the only one feeling the discomfort. He willed himself to lean back further, get a wider view of her and he noticed the subtle signs, her hands were shaking, her lips were letting out a hint of a tremble.

Hange seemed to be in a similar state, self conscious and nervous. Maybe even ready to repent for whatever she had believed she had done wrong. As if she almost wanted to hear insults, criticisms and she even seemed ready to take a punch in the face.

But Levi’s thoughts were far from that.

The day they met, she had introduced herself and had approached him like they were close friends already.

The night they met, she had hid in the dark, watching silently while he trained. That night, she had stitched up his knee.

And in that process, she made him remember things.

You made me remember things.

And those things were what had pushed him to ‘tense up,’ to ‘work hard’ and to impress her.

But really was it anything wrong?  “You didn’t do anything wrong,” Levi said. “I told you, I made the decision to push myself on my own.”

“But what did I do to push you?”

“Do you have to be doing something to push me? What if I just met you? And I thought, I wanna help her write her thesis then things happened, then overtime I realized I’m enjoying this.”

Hange shrugged. “You pitied your biggest fan enough to give her a freebie huh?”

“I said ‘I’d gladly stay by your side.’” I don’t think people give promises like that as freebies.”

“But you just met me.”

“You haven’t even met me and you were already keeping pictures of me like some sort of stalker.”

Hange only smiled at such an accusation. Within the few months, they had gotten used to a little banter after all. “Are you just humoring me?”

“No. I’m not. I’m happy to have met you and I said it then, I’ll say it again. If you want me to, I’ll stay by your side.”

“It’s just weird, okay. You have a lot more fans than you think you do. And you get friendly with me, some frumpy nerdy fan who followed your tournaments like crazy….”

“What other explanation would you like for this? Soulmates? Fate?”

“I don’t believe in any of those,” Hange said. “I don’t wanna believe in it. I like to think that I just made the decision to reach out to you. And I just got lucky you decided to reciprocate.”

“Then I got lucky you reached out too, Hange. This goes both ways.”

“I guess it does.” Hange closed her laptop and looked up at the ceiling. “Sorry if this came out of nowhere. With my last exam over, this was the only time I got to think about it again. But you know, thanks for staying here with me even if I was ignoring you half the time.”

“I knew you had a lot to make up for and besides, I’m fine just quietly sitting by.”

Hange’s features softened into a warm smile. “Me too. I’ll make this up to you. If I get this paper written by Friday. I’ll submit then. After that, you wanna go somewhere? Just the two of us?”

“Didn’t you say you wanted to work on your thesis?”

“Your birthday is on the 25th right? But I wanna do something for Christmas so I’m thinking... what if we have an early birthday celebration and we do something else for Christmas?

“You know that’s my birthday Hange, I get to decide how I wanna spend it.”

“But what if it’s my treat?”

“It’s still my birthday.”

Hange gave him a long look. “Okay, what about this? I’m hoping to use your stories for references to my thesis. And I wanna make it up to you… I’ll treat you out on Saturday for that then after, you decide what you wanna do on your birthday.”

“I never said we couldn’t do that for my birthday.”

“Well if you were just more direct with things we wouldn't have to bounce off ideas like this back and forth. Are we celebrating your birthday early or not?”

“And besides I never even said anything about you using my stories for your thesis.”

“Just answer the questions one at a time Levi,” Hange pressed. She checked her watch. “And...I’m meeting someone in a few minutes.”

“Before I answer, what’s your thesis about?”

Hange looked ready to pull her hair out in frustration. “I don’t know yet but I might use it. Anyway, if you’re not gonna answer me, then we treat this Saturday as my celebration for your birthday. Deal?”

“Yes to the thesis. Yes to the early birthday. Are you happy?”

Hange let out a loud sigh of exasperation. “There. Why did that take so long to get out of you?”

Levi ignored that question. “So when are you going to tell me what your new thesis is about?”

“Maybe during your actual birthday? If you bestow on me the privilege of celebrating such an important occasion with you?“ Hange suggested. She quickly gathered her things and dumped it into her canvas bag. Her movements were wilder, messier than usual. So messy Levi found himself cringing at such a sight. He was fairly certain Hange had done that on purpose.

He only confirmed it a second later, as Hange bolted towards the door and gave him the most smug face.

Levi was sure, if he wasn’t so injured, he probably would have bolted right after her. And he was certain he would have caught up to her.

***

“Nice hoodie. The color green really suits you,” Hange called in a way of greeting.

There were no hi’s or hello’s and she hadn’t given one in a while. Yet for some reason, such an unconventional greeting still had Levi raising eyebrows. “Is this your way of making up for a few days ago?”

Hange shrugged. “What if I just wanted to compliment your new hoodie?”

“For one, this is not a new hoodie,” Levi said. “Besides we didn’t separate on the best of terms last Wednesday and you didn’t even reply to my messages after.”

“Well, I finished my paper and I started my thesis… And hey... I did leave you some messages.”

Levi was sure he didn’t receive any messages. He did not receive any notifications for sure. On top of that, he had taken the liberty as well to check back to his inbox every hour or so. Just to make sure his notifications were actually working

But still just in case he was mistaken, he checked his phone under her confused yet watchful gaze only to find that in fact he was right, she didn’t send any messages. He opened up to their untouched chat box and showed it to her.

“Did you check your document?”

“My document?”

“The one with the soldier and titan stories.”

“Why the hell would you leave messages there?”

“I was catching up to it okay.” Hange’s lips curled up into a smile as she spoke. “And I really enjoyed it. A lot. I left so many comments there. I thought you’d reply.”

Levi looked away guiltily. He turned off the notifications on the document a few weeks back. He liked to blame finals week for the inactivity. Yet with all his final papers completed and submitted, he was still making a conscious effort to ignore that document.

But did he want to tell her that? For a while maybe he did consider telling her he had no intention of touching it again.

But Hange continued talking. “When Commander Hange told Captain Levi to live with him in the woods… Wow you know you described it pretty well, I could almost imagine what was happening. Actually, now that I think about it, I think I managed to dream up something like that. But why did you have to end like that?” Hange twisted her face into a little too serious of an expression. “Shoot or listen it’s up to you.” Hange repeated, an attempt at mimicking Captain Levi for sure, but it was too comical given the context of the tirade.

Shoot or listen it’s up to you.

What if Captain Levi got shot? Before Levi could speak up though, Hange pressed on.

“Now that exams are over… are you gonna write more?”

Levi didn’t reply. Or at least, he couldn’t bring himself to verbalize a reply. Maybe he had brought his head up then down, in the form of some small nod. Maybe it could have been just him looking up to see the crowds making their way to the train station.

The train station closest to their university was one of the busiest ones in town. Even a little past eight on a Saturday morning, there were still crowds large enough that navigating through them still required some effort.

And whether Hange had seen that nod, or whether she had been too distracted by the buying of tickets and the navigating of crowds, Levi never thought too much about it. He brushed the thought aside as soon as she herself abandoned that topic of conversation and the question she asked only a second ago.

And she didn’t push that topic of conversation any longer. Even after they arrived at the platform, even after they boarded the train.

Train rides were always quiet. No one really ever started conversation in trains, instead passing the times with their phones on silent mode, save for a few children who still weren’t completely familiar yet with that unwritten rule

At that moment though, Levi was thankful. Hange was silent. He was silent. And he had a little more mind space to decide how to navigate the topic of his story.

Just in case she did ask again.

***

“Question, so is that the type of green that you imagined for the survey corps cloak?” Hange asked, pinching the sleeve of his hoodie.

Levi looked down at his hoodie. The hoodie was of a dark green color, and he only had to take a glance to put two and two together. “Yes it is.”

“I thought it would be. You know this is the same green I’m imagining.”

Levi smiled. He met Hange’s gaze and even when Hange had looked away, making her way to the park entrance, he made an effort to follow her gaze.

“You thought this far huh?” Levi asked, as she stopped at the turnstile and inserted her ticket then his ticket in.

Hange grabbed a flyer on the way out and looked back at him. “It was a good read. I really felt like I was in the story. And you know, it might sound weird but I kinda really saw myself in her. You know that passion she felt, with the titans and all… I think I’ve felt something similar back when I was still winning competitions when I was younger. I did loads of research back in high school.”

Levi only had to look back at the long hours he had spent stalking her on article after article to confirm that she was telling the truth.

Hange’s rambles about her research in high school though soon faded into some good background noise. He remembered some points, he forgot some. Then, his main focus though had been the green scenery that welcomed him as soon as they exited the train station. The station exit had opened up to a park, a large park with no end in sight. Only flowers and shrubs that lead up to trees with the mountains and horizons at the back of it all.

“When I was reading your story, they talked about what lay beyond the walls… For some reason, I imagined this park. I saw it on a documentary a few years back, streams that seem like they stretch out for eternity, miles and miles of mountains and forests. They said, when you step out of the station, it would feel like another world. And when I thought about what to do for your birthday...” Hange trailed off as she stepped forward into the main path. “I thought… why not show you the scenery I imagined? Maybe I could contribute to your story, help inspire you to write. I hope this view didn’t disappoint.”

It doesn’t. It’s beautiful.

Thinking about it, of course there had been a little more people exiting the train at that station. Of course the station would be much larger and a little more exquisite than other stations.

The view proved to be very much worth the three hour travel and the struggle of changing trains.

They had taken a regional train, then had switched to a few local ones. And looking out the window of the train then, Levi had appreciated how the landscape quickly changed almost blending across one another, the bare trees which almost had a grey tint to them, had gradually shifted to dull bare rice fields. Somewhere in between, the evergreen trees made their entrance, slowly then all at once, in some strange sort of way that Levi was never able to pick out the exact moment that he was sure, the evergreen trees were there to stay for good.

The snow had yet to fall there, and with the evergreen trees and the moss and lichens that littered the paths, Levi could at least pretend it wasn’t winter yet.

Green after all, was a very warm color.

Hange opened her map and leaned a little closer towards Levi so he could get a good look. The map was all green, decorated with markers, mini mountains, rest houses, water refill areas, toilets and picnic sites. There were flower symbols, marked by season. And skirting the circumference of the map were three circles: a large green one, inside it a red one, inside it a yellow one, a very small circle that covered two picnic areas and one flower area occupied the center and next to it a bright red arrow marker ‘You are here.’

“So, I know you wouldn’t be able to handle too much of a walk yet, so we could stick to something short? Just skirt around this area…” She traced the smallest circle along the park and turned to him expectantly.

“What do you wanna see?” Levi asked.

“Anything really. I’m just happy to be able to visit a park like this.”

“No, really Hange. What do you wanna see?” Levi pressed. He planted his bum leg on the ground and stepped forward with it with a little more finesse as if to prove a point. I can walk at least. “If I wasn’t injured right now, where would you have pulled me to go?”

There was some progress at least. He was surprised to see that he could put some extra weight on his knee without so much as a wobble. The stiff brace was probably doing all the work then but Levi was confident he could get a good number of steps across before tiring out his body.

“I’m sure we both don’t want another hospital visit.,” Hange warned.

“I’m fine. I’ve had enough physical therapy lessons and I managed to put some weight on my knee already. Even without the brace..”

For a second, there was a glimmer of hope in Hange’s eyes. She blinked it back before Levi could be sure. “I’m fine with the shortest path,” she said. “This blue one.”

“Are you sure? All we’re gonna see if we follow this path are two picnic sites, a mini forest and one portapotty. You’ll be disappointed.”

“But Levi, what if you get injured again?”

“Didn’t you say this was my birthday treat?”

“We can always go again---”

“In the summer? After you finish your thesis?” Levi raised one eyebrow at her in accusation. “We endured a three hour train ride for this. Let’s make the most of it.”

“Then… which path do you wanna follow?” Hange asked.

Levi gently placed one finger on the green one and traced it. He had only gone half way before Hange pulled the map away.

“No way. That’s at least a five kilometer hike,” Hange said.

Levi pulled the map back gently and pointed at the markers. “Come on, the landscape here seems pretty flat and there’s a forest here and a river. And if we walk ahead here... I’m guessing you wanna see the mountain? They built an observatory there,” Levi said. “Didn’t you say you wanted to know how it feels like to fly?”

Hange’s face turned a little red, her eyes looking a little unfocused as she followed the map with her eyes and looked ahead at the scenery. When Levi squinted, he could tell the peak which stood out from the rest, the small lump that stuck out on one of the hills, a little higher than the rest.

“You didn’t get to do this a lot when you were a kid huh?” Levi asked. He didn’t intend it to be a provocation at first. But when Hange folded her map and took a deep breath, he was grateful for those last few words that popped into his head then.

“My parents didn’t really like taking vacations in the countryside,” Hange admitted.

“One round around there, maybe we’ll go all the way up to the observatory and back,” Levi said. “And if my knee starts hurting, I promise, I’ll tell you.”

Hange’s lips curled up into a playful smile. “If I need to, I’ll carry you back.” She walked ahead, gesturing for him to follow. Levi was almost tempted not to follow. That little playful of an offer and the uncertainty that came with Levi wondering a little too hard about whether she was kidding or nothing, had him entertaining the idea of turning his back on her for a second.

Just to mess with her.

The view had been much stronger then, the way the sun shone on Hange and reflected on her glasses had been too beautiful of a view. It had been a while since he’d seen that much green.

And it wouldn’t be that way for the next three months at least.

As he followed her to the path that followed that large green sign, Levi started to think, maybe that experience might just be worth the embarrassment of a piggy back ride on the way back.

***

Man down!

Hey! Are you alive?

“So the river must be pretty near here huh...” Hange said, not looking up from the map.

Levi had heard the sound of the rushing water stream before she had mentioned it. Whether it had been a river or a stream, he didn’t bother trifling with such detail. The trees that lined the main path, and the sound of rushing water had brought him somewhere else, to another time.

“Wanna see the river?” Hange grabbed his hand, and pulled him towards a smaller path that had been unnoticeable from his peripherals.

As Levi looked to the right, to the shrubs that opened up into an empty space, he noticed the remnants of a path almost completely concealed by shrubs.

“Why would you wanna see the river?”

Hange shrugged. “We don’t get to see this much nature often right? If we follow it…. Maybe we can see a waterfall at the end?”

Levi narrowed his eyes. Now that he thought about it, he hadn’t seen that much nature since he had gone home for a visit more than a few years ago. Maybe that was why the greens and the landscapes had been oddly fascinating.

And Hange. Hange was a lot more entranced than he was. He could have sworn he had lost her a few times to the trees that lined the path.

“We take a look,” Levi said. “Then we go back on the path. I don’t want us getting lost here.”

Hange was too engrossed in her surroundings and then, her eyes had looked a little too wild. But the moment Levi had mentioned that last part, Hange twisted her face into a pout, a pout of defeat at least. “You’re right. Let’s just check out the river here and go back the way we came.” She clutched his hand, gripping a little tighter than usual. “Your knee is still okay right?”

Levi nodded. There could have been some lie to the reaction but it was still too small of a lie for him to need to justify anything. His knee ached for sure. It was an ache dull enough though for Levi to clock it to the tightness of his brace.

To his relief, the river was only less than a two minute walk away. It had seemed farther due to the dense forest that lined the main path. But the density could have been an illusion as well. It opened up to a treeless plain, just a good few meters of grass and beyond that was a river that harbored such a violent flow of water.

Both violent and peaceful, Levi soon realized. As if it was the river’s business to just run hurriedly towards its destination while at the same time crashing towards the shore.

“The river I imagined was a lot like this,” Hange spoke up.

“What river?”

“The one in your story.” Hange answered matter-of-factly. Her eyes were wide with surprise.

Levi wondered if his face showed any sign of that little charade. He had recognized it after all, long before Hange had even mentioned it. It turned out, only the rushing sound of water was enough for him to recall it so vividly.

The view in front of him only added salt to the wounds he just recently realized he had.

Phantom wounds. Even the word phantom couldn’t really justify how it felt then. Back he had written it, he could empathize for sure. Then and there, the view in front of him, had him touching his right eye, just to make sure it was still there and soon after, he wiggled his two fingers just to make sure they were still attached.

“Commander Hange found him in a river like this right? Did you imagine this kind of river too?”

“Maybe,” Levi muttered. He didn’t think too far as to the width of the river or the shape of the blades of grass below. The rushing of the river, the tone of Hange’s voice were enough at least to make him realize that could have very much been the river banks she had found him on. “Commander Hange would now.” Levi added a second later.

Hange cleared her throat. “Well then, I’ll make you imagine it. Call me commander Hange Zoe,” Hange said. “So after the river, where did we go next, Captain Levi?”

“You read it right?”

“They jumped into the river together,” Hange said.

Levi’s eyes widened. “They did?” Levi had dreamt of splashes, the cold water slapping at his face and the numbness that followed. Of course that would have meant them jumping into the river. But why had it taken him so long to put two and two together? “Yeah you’re right. They did.”

Hange chuckled. “Weren’t you the one who wrote it?” She looked back at the dense foliage behind them and back at him. “Let’s go back?”

“Yeah… Sure…” Levi turned on his heel, making his way back to the path only stopping when Hange grabbed at his arm and put it around her shoulder.

“You’re walking much slower now you know,” she said. “Should we go back?”

Levi shook his head. “No, keep going.” His weight on her shoulders was a familiar sensation, almost nostalgic. And the green around him, the breeze and the peaceful rustle of leaves only helped to comfort him further.

There may have been some others along the trail, but Levi wasn’t looking at anyone else. Along the way on the path, the small support had evolved to a piggy back ride.

Surprisingly, Levi wasn’t at all self conscious.

“You’re much lighter than I thought you would be.”

“I honestly feel like I’ve lost weight since the injury. I probably had a lot more muscle back in the summer.” Levi let his head hang back as he stared up at the blue sky above him. The two stopped for a rest in one of the forest clearings a good few meters away from the path.

The ground beneath him was dirty for sure and he felt the leaves and stones through his thick joggers. For some reason though, he wasn’t at all in a hurry to get up.

Hange squeezed his leg. “I’d think physical therapy would have done something about that.”

“Hange, can anyone actually gain muscle learning how to walk again?”

“I’m pretty sure you do other stuff in therapy.”

“Yeah, but it’s far from the training I used to do for high jumps,” Levi said. “Even if my knee magically heals now, who knows if I’ll even be able to manage a two meter jump again.”

Hange closed her eyes and hummed, seeming deep in thought for a second. “Captain Levi was humanity’s strongest,” she said. “Then he got injured in some explosion and ended up half dead on the banks of the river.”

Levi could only watch silently as Hange pulled her legs a little closer to herself and pressed one finger to her left eye and before he knew it, Levi found himself mirroring that slight movement, the phantom pains returned for a split second.

“But I can’t imagine the story ended there. Humanity’s strongest soldier wouldn’t go out of commission over an injury like that. After that, he had to continue fighting right?” Hange continued.

Maybe we should just live here together. Right Levi?

If we keep running and hiding, what will that get us.

The rustle of the leaves, the clear sky above him and the way Hange had rested her elbow on her knees, touching her hand to her left eye. Those were more than enough crumbs for Levi to almost hear the conversation in the silence.

Shoot or Listen. It’s up to you.

“He continued fighting,” Levi said. He let out a cough. “No--- They continued fighting. Captain Levi and Commander Hange Zoe did.”

***

“Maybe I should have built a cart,” Hange said as she rested on the bench. She heaved a breath so strong Levi could have believed she had held her breath the whole way to the rest house.

“You didn’t have to support me here. I could have walked it.”

“Believe me Levi, this isn’t much. It’s like just another day in the gym,” Hange said.

“If we were doing this months ago I could have done five rounds of this trail with you on my back.”

Hange grinned. “Is that a challenge?”

“I said five months ago. Not now.”

Levi stretched his arms out, noting how heavy it was then, particularly when compared to months ago. Back then, it had been his arms carrying him over the bar, then and there stretched out in front of him, those same arms felt like dead weight. And the dead weight stretched out to all parts of his body, all the way until his legs, settling particularly on his braced knee.

And for a second, it hurt. Enough for Levi to instinctively put his hand on top of it, an attempt to pacify it before it got unbearable.

A second later, another propped her hand on top of his and Levi followed it all the way up until Hange.

Her face was hopeful, her eyes wide with what could have been curiosity and soon enough, maybe plans and ideas. “When your knee heals, let’s do this again,” she said.

The path wouldn’t change. It would pass by the same glades, the same rivers and through the halfway point that was the rest house.

The seasons would change the scenery for sure, each would bring its own flavor to the paths. But Levi was sure that wasn’t what Hange was thinking about then as she looked elsewhere, first scanning her surroundings then settling somewhere above.

Levi didn’t have to follow her gaze to know it. It had been the main attraction since they had gotten past the forest and into the clearing.

Of course, that was what Hange would have liked to see.

There was a reason the rest house had been placed so conveniently there at that halfway point. In front of the rest house, the mountain path broke into a fork, one with the green sign which would loop back to the entrance, the other snaked up the mountain, so steeply Levi was sure in his current state, he would only injure himself further if he attempted to climb to the top.

And what lay above there, was the observatory, the one lump he had remembered seeing from the entrance of the station.

We walked that far? Levi thought to himself then. He looked to Hange who was still very much focused on the view of the observatory from their place on the bench.

You’re still looking at it? “You really wanna check it out?” Levi asked.

“The what?” Hange looked back at him, her eyes wide with surprise.

“The observatory, on the peak, up there.”

“Maybe next time.” She shrugged, “Even if you insist, I’m not making you climb that.”

The trail was steep enough at least that Levi was sure they’d have to be on all fours for a good majority of that difficult hike.

“You wanna get something to eat?” Hange asked as she held a hand out to help him up.

“Sure.”

The resthouse only offered the bare minimum, rice balls and sandwiches as if they were doing their part to prevent anybody else from overeating mid hike. Those amenities, the indoor benches and the indoor heating was more than enough though for an already exhausted Levi.

It was as if his body realized that it was time to rest, and chose that moment to complain, putting emphasis in particular to the aches and pains on his knee. Even holding on to Hange who had supported him the rest of the way, had brought with it a few more unwelcome pains and even Levi’s shoulders that had not done much but tense up as he held on to Hange, were starting to hurt.

“You tired?” She asked in between bites of her riceball.

“I’m having fun.”

“That wasn’t the question,” Hange retorted.

“Aren’t you supposed to be tired, you were pretty much supporting me the whole time.”

Hange rolled her shoulders. “I still workout in between studies. Besides I told you, you’re light.” she said.

But Levi did notice in her flushed face and the way she had paused a few times in between sentences, she was tired. Tired but still very much enjoying it. Tired but still very much unsatisfied.

And he saw it in the way she would sneak glances out the window as if…

“You really wanna climb the hill, don’t you?”

Hange bit her lip, quickly crumpling the empty wrapper of the rice ball. As if that could have been enough to stave whatever conflicted feelings seemed to be boiling inside her.

“It’s fine, okay. You can leave me here first.”

“But… I wanna see that view with you.” Hange said. “We could wait until the summer, when your leg is fully healed. Maybe we could ask Erwin about it…”

“Summer is a long time from now and before that, you’re gonna have to finish your thesis, then you’re gonna have to defend it. Who knows how quickly things will change by then,”

Hange avoided his gaze, instead focusing on the crumpled plastic wrapper in front of her and she held it in her hands like it was the most interesting thing in the world.

“Hange, I can wait here you know.” Levi pressed. “I’ve flown more than enough times to be satisfied for a lifetime. You don’t have to wait for me. Just show me the way next summer.”

Hange required more prodding after that. But Levi had figured out the secret to it already. All he had to do was subtly lead her to the spot where the path quickly bent upwards, to the steep incline, so steep that Levi couldn’t completely get a view of what lay beyond, even with his head bent back it hurt.

Hange’s face though was a little more flushed and there was a sparkle in her eyes. She was almost there.

Levi just had to push her a little closer. “It might get cold up there.” He removed his hoodie and handed it to her. “I’ll be waiting inside the resthouse so I’ll keep warm there. Just come back there after you’re satisfied.”

Hange gave him a look of surprise which quickly softened into something that resembled more a puppy that was given their first treat. “Levi….” She quickly put the hoodie on and for a good few seconds, Levi was struggling to find the next words to say.

‘That shade of green… it looks good on you too,” Levi managed to say.

“This is the survey corps green after all right?” Hange said, giving him the most cheeky expression.

“Yes. And it looks good on you, Commander Hange Zoe.” It could have been instinct or it could have been something else. But maybe along the way, he had just gotten used to pushing and prodding at her, the way she had done to him many times before.

He found himself pressing his left fist into her heart, focusing then on the way the fingers on his left hand curled clumsily into a fist. He was right handed, yet it was his left hand that fought for ground on her chest.

“Climb to your heart’s content.”

Dedicate your heart.

As Hange looked up at the steep hill above her, the afternoon sun chose that moment to shine on her, and Levi made out the sweat in her brow.

“To your heart’s content? That’s a pretty cheesy line Levi.”

That’s the first time I’ve ever heard you say that.

And before Levi could even say a last goodbye, beg her to come back, she turned her back to him.

He could have called out to her, he was sure of it. But then, as he watched her climb, he could only stand frozen.

At first, he wanted to attribute it to the chill. He was only wearing one thin sweater, one layer, in almost sub zero temperatures. But the biting cold was the last thing on his mind.

Why didn’t you run after her?

The phantom pains came back. And that time, they weren’t pale in comparison to the rest of the sensations. They took over, as if the view in front of him then had breathed new life into those wounds.

Why couldn’t I run after her?

His whole body ached. His legs were bruised, his stomach was eating him inside out. HIs fingers burned and his face stung of wounds.

And he forced himself to look above him as Hange continued to climb. The sun was streaming right into his face, and even as his eyes burned at such a sight, Levi couldn’t look away.

It was as if the afternoon sun was eating her up, every color in her, the shadows consumed her. And soon, the only thing he could see was a black silhouette, that only got smaller and smaller the longer he looked.

See you later, Hange.

“And then what happened?” Levi muttered to himself, as if saying it out loud would make the dreams and the memories come at him faster.

They weren’t feeling obedient at all that day though.

“What happened to Hange?” He pressed, his voice a little louder than a second ago.

Levi forced himself to look back up as if searching for some sort of an answer in the view in front of him then. The memories and dreams after all had a tendency of washing over him after he fixates on the subject a little longer than necessary.

It never came though and soon enough, her silhouette was small enough to be fully covered by his pinky finger as he reached his hand out and raised his hand over his face.

And he was starting to get a little more desperate. If he couldn’t call out to those memories, he could call out to her, right?

“Hange!” Can you hear me? The memories couldn’t have ended there.

The last view of her was a silhouette, a black silhouette, much farther and much smaller than the one in front of him then. But at that moment, she felt far, completely out of reach.

Levi’s throat burned, his vision blurred as if trying to get rid of even that remnant of view.

Around that time, time stopped. Everything started to dissolve into conglomerations of sights and sounds. He was starting to even have trouble processing the rustling of the leaves and even the voices in the background.

And as he tried to take control of his body then, with the smaller motions, Levi soon started to realize he wasn’t even in control of his fingers, his hands or his legs. He moved the goalposts, attempting to at least take control of breaths, the rhythm as he swallowed that lump in his throat.

His body though was a spiteful thing. As soon as he became aware of those small motions though, it deprived him of those comforts as well.

And Levi soon found himself struggling to breathe, struggling to swallow.

Soon, he was struggling to do anything to remind himself that his body was still his to control.

“Hey, sir are you okay?”

What…

“Hey Levi… Look at me?”

Hange… When did you get here?

Hange’s eyes were fixed on his. And she narrowed her eyes and furrowed her brows as if deep in thought. And in her eyes he saw a glimmer of something else. Concern?

Soon enough, a shadow went over his right eye and before Levi could recoil, it was gone. But the shadow left the cool feeling of something wet under his eyes.

Wet...Tears?

Hange spoke up only confirming it. “Levi… Why are you crying?”

[seokjinsdisciple]

It’s a Deal- one

supernatural! johnny x reader x jaehyun,  mate!au

REQUESTED!!

Johnny had been begging you to date him for the past two years. You always declined, but he was persistent. So you made him a deal. You would date him when pigs fly and when hell froze over. Needless to say, he had some explaining to do on your date the following evening. 

Word Count: 2.1k

warnings: language, supernatural stuff, this part is pretty tame so i think thats it

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You tapped your pen furiously against the counter of the small coffee shop where you worked. It was by no means your dream job. In fact, you often hated it here, but the pay was good and it was relatively painless. You fought with your thoughts today, the idea of failing your upcoming folklore studies exam causing you to speed the tapping of your pen. 

You were thrown from your thoughts with a nudge from your coworker. Abby smiled knowingly at you before gently nodding her head to the register. 

“He’s back,” she chuckled, watching you as your gaze faded from one of worry to one of annoyance. 

You couldn’t help but roll your eyes as you pushed yourself from the counter and made your way over to the boy who was waiting for you. 

“You look like you’ve got a lot on your mind,” he says, his statement more like a question as he analyzes your face. 

“Johnny,” you sighed, “How many times have I told you not to come here?”

“About a million,” he responded easily, the dumb grin on his face making you irrationally angry. 

“And you haven’t listened because?” you asked, raising an eyebrow as you punched in his usual order.

“Chasing you is half of the fun, little love,” he smiled again, handing you his card as a scoff left your lips. 

You and Johnny had hooked up freshman year. A fact that you desperately wanted to forget, and he would never let go. But of course, fate was not on your side. You and Johnny were both folklore studies majors, and while you loved that area of study, it wasn’t a very popular choice of majors among your peers. So you and Johnny spent an immeasurable amount of time together each semester, your hatred of him growing with each group project and myth presentation. 

You cursed him under your breath as you finished his regular order, mind running through all of the times he had thrown his knowledge over you when working together. It wasn’t as if he was better than you, but he sure did act like it. You finished up his order, ignoring your instincts to slam the cup on the counter and scream, but you didn’t. He smiled at you, as if he knew your thoughts, and when you went to hand him the cup, his hand held yours tightly. 

You inhaled swiftly, eyes caught in his deep brown orbs. You felt your body flush with heat as you were unable to look away from him. 

“Come on a date with me, please,” he smiled, his tone different from the playful one before. It was sickeningly sweet, and yet some part of you felt compelled to say yes. This wasn’t the first time he had asked you out, in fact, he came in every day to do just that. You shook his voice from your head, collecting yourself for just a moment before forcing the cup on the counter and pulling your hand away.

“How many times do I have to tell you? I will never date you,” You huffed, looking away from those magnificent eyes. 

“Never is a long time, little love,” Johnny grinned, a spark of mischief in his eyes as he continued, “Just to get things straight, never as in ‘when hell freezes over never’ or never as in 'when pigs fly never’?”

You just snorted at this, he couldn’t be serious. You sat for a second recalling all of the times he had asked you out and all of the times you had said no, if this was what it took to get him to shut up about it, then you knew exactly what to say. 

“Sure!” You shout, “When hell freezes over and pigs fly, I’ll date you!”

“Is that a deal?”

“Yes, Johnny, it’s a deal,” You sigh, annoyed with him, and frustrated as a line of customers began to grow. 

You should’ve known then that you were in trouble, you should’ve known, but you didn't. You didn’t think anything of the grin growing on his face, or the mischievous glint in his eye. You pushed the interaction out of your head and threw yourself into work. You should’ve known by the way he waved goodbye, but you didn’t. You were stupid. 

--

The next morning you woke up early. You had a shift at the cafe and although you were tired, you needed the money for rent. And for gas. You walked the distance to the cafe, the sky still dark, and the air a bit chilly. 

You did your normal opening routine, Abby surprisingly keeping quiet about the whole Johnny fiasco yesterday while you worked. Abby always insisted that you should just go on a date, that one date wouldn’t hurt, but she didn’t have almost every class with Johnny. Yes, you admit he’s handsome from time to time, but if things don’t work out, you are stuck with him the next year and a half. 

The morning passes by quickly, the coffee shop seemingly much busier than usual. You ignored the rise of chatter from your customers and cleaned up from a big rush you just had, still unable to get Johnny’s eyes from your thoughts. You hear someone cough from the counter, clearly trying to get your attention. 

When you turn to the man in front of you he asks you to turn on the tv in the shop, apparently there was something crazy going on. You fumbled around under the counter, searching for the tv remote. As you flipped to the local new station, you felt a chill go down your spine. 

“Today, there was a freak snow and ice storm in Hell, Michigan. The storm came out of nowhere and seemingly disappeared. Citizens of Hell have been stuck inside their homes as temperatures outside have reached below freezing. Many of the town’s streets are covered in inches of ice.”

There was a ringing in your ears, the background noise of the cafe that usually comforted you increased your heartbeat. You were breathing fast, too fast, and your heart was pounding in your chest. This had to be a coincidence. This was a coincidence, there’s no other way to say it. Johnny had no power over the weather, especially in places that are so far away. 

“I guess I can never say ‘I’ll do it when hell freezes over’,” the muffled voice of the man who had asked to turn the tv on echoed in your ears. You gave him a forced smile and a faked laugh before hurrying to the back. 

“You good?” Abby asked, glancing up from the managers chair where she was taking her break. 

“Yeah, I just-” you took a few deep breaths, trying to calm yourself as she stood with worry, “Did you hear what I said to Johnny yesterday?” 

“That you would never date him? Yeah I heard,” she laughed nervously, “It was kinda harsh. Did he come again? Is he bothering you?”

“No, its just,” you glanced quickly to the front of the cafe, making sure there were no customers, “Hell, Michigan just froze over.”

Her face dropped for only a second, and then she laughed, “Oh, babe, you can’t possibly think this is related?”

“I know it's not, it just freaked me out a little. I mean what are the chances?”

She just shrugged, pulling you into a comforting hug and then shooing you to the front where a customer was waiting. 

The rest of your shift went by quickly. You had more things to worry about and you tried your hardest to push Johnny from your mind. It didn’t help that he didn’t come in today. 

You threw off your apron and waved goodbye to Abby. You hurried out of the cafe and headed towards campus. Luckily for you, they were rather close to each other, so the walk was short. 

You made it to your class with 5 minutes to spare, and to your relief, Johnny had not arrived yet. Which gave you the perfect chance to sidle into a seat next to one of your other classmates. You wanted to avoid him as best as you could today, and if you could partner up with someone else for classwork, that would be ideal. As much as you could avoid that smug grin of his, you would. 

Only Johnny didn’t show up, the panic rising just a little more in your chest. He never missed a class, never been sick or needed to travel. He had never missed a class, so why wasn’t he here? You spent the whole class glancing out of the window, unsure if you were just bored or looking for him. You tried to convince yourself it was boredom, and it almost worked too, until you saw them. 

From a distance it looked like several planes, but as they came closer, the only thing you could do was close your eyes and take a big deep breath. Flying towards the university were 12 pigs. Airborne. Flying. Pigs. Your eyes had to be shitting you. 

You cursed to yourself, sending an apologetic nod to your professor before practically sprinting out of the room. Your breathing was heavy, the panic from earlier increasing tenfold. What had Johnny done? What had you done?

You walked swiftly back to your apartment building, still panicked, but hoping this was all just some crazy nightmare that you’d wake up from any minute from now. Your shaky hands tried to unlock your door, but no matter how much you focused, your hands wouldn’t steady. Your breath hitched as you felt his hand grab yours, helping you guide it towards the lock. Before you knew what had happened, the door was open, and Johnny stood in the hall, his hand still dancing over yours. 

You looked warily at him, noting how different he looked. His hair had been slicked back, and his clothes, his clothes were other-worldly. His suit wasn’t anything crazy, but the fabric looked expensive, and like something you had never seen before. You took a deep breath, centering yourself and letting the panic ebb away. 

“What,” you paused, hoping this question wouldn’t aggravate him, “What are you?”

At that, Johnny just laughed, “Oh come on little love, have you no guesses?”

You did have a few, you had studied so many myths and creatures you had a longer list than he probably wanted. You furrowed your brows, trying to ignore the smile that graced his lips and focused on what you knew. Johnny was relatively popular, he was charming, he clearly had some power over weather, and was able to make an animal fly. You bit your lip, thinking back on every encounter you had with him, every detail of that deal you had made. That was it. The deal. The deal he’d made sure you’d agree to. A bargain. 

“By the grin on your face, I’m guessing you figured it out?” Johnny asked, and if you had not been looking closely, you would have missed the proud gleam in his eye. 

“Are you a Faerie?” you asked quietly, ushering him inside. 

“Glad to see all those classes have been paying off,” he laughed, shrugging his shoulders when you shot a glare at him. 

“Your deal is void,” you responded, to which he only raised a curious eyebrow, “I told you to freeze Hell over, but you didn’t freeze the Hell that I was talking about.”

“Semantics,” Johnny spoke easily, “Besides we never clarified which Hell needed to be frozen over. The deal between us was that I would freeze Hell over, and I did. The deal stands.”

You puffed out your breath, you knew arguing that point was mute, but it was worth a shot. You knew faerie bargains were tricky, and you had unknowingly stepped right into one. 

“Now that we are talking about this,” Johnny smirked, “The deal was that you would date me. Not go on a date, not go on four, but date me.”

“And I didn’t specify a time length,” you groaned, “so it's up to you when I stop seeing you.”

“Glad to see you are catching on,” his smirk remained, the mischief in his face  ten times more apparent now that you knew what he was, “Meet me at the edge of campus tonight at seven. Don’t be late.”

“You’d kill me if I was,” you added, scowling as he waltzed out of your apartment with a chuckle. What had you gotten yourself into?

[cherryonigiri]

Kuroo w/a confident + active S/O

@onedayiwillcreatecoolernickname​ asked: im a confident person, whats visible both in my looks and personality. i love standing out of the crowd, so wearing extravagant clothes and crazy hair colors is something that im well known of. but i dont have a particular aesthetic, so my clothing style is various (grunge, pastel, boho, sexy, vintage, tomboy; basically everything). even though im 170 cm tall, i like wearing high heels a lot and tbh, it doesn't make me feel awkward or insecure when i'm being taller than some boys. i often end up as a leader of the group and i think im a good one, because i have almost all the required qualities (creative patient helpful observant talkative), and every project that i take a part in is successful, so. but talking sbout ppl; i love taking care of them so much, seriously. youre cold? here, take my jacket. its getting dark already? dont worry, ill take you home. youre feeling anxious? lets talk and ill try my best to make u feel at ease. you need a hug? come here bby. as much as i enjoy discussing with other ppl, learning about their beliefs and exchanging my opinions with them, i also appreciate it a lot when we can be silent with each other, doing totally different things. but still, im happy the most when i have someone with whom i can have a deep conversation, because im not really into small talk. i need stimulation, the feeling that im constantly learning something new about everything. im just so fascinated and in love with the world haha. and maybe some facts about me. im cuddly and affectionate af with people that i like (and bcs of that other ppl that i must be in relationship with my friends, but its all platonic gay i swear). im ticlish and in general, touch-sensetive af. i identify as pansexual. i have 0 male friends, mostly because of my past bad experience with boys (bullying etc), but also because in my environment theres a lot more girls, so yeah. at home i often wear shorts and tshirts, because im quite hot ; ) im really into personal development and psychology, because people and their minds fascinate me and id want to know them better. i love learning new languages (im fluent in polish & english, less advanced in spanish and russian, but im still learning), writing both my own stories and letters, i also draw a little and i think im quite good at it. volleyball is definitely my favourite sport, but i enjoy running, cycling and matrial arts too.

A/N: Last of my matchup requests! Hope you enjoy 💖

Your matchup is

Kuroo Tetsurou

Loves that you are super confident + self-reassured. You know what you’re capable of and not afraid to assert that you’re good at what you do (he finds your confidence super attractive)

Another thing Kuroo loves about you is your undending curiousity - he loves that you always want to learn something new

Would totally flirt with you by texting/telling you fun facts about science or anything else - would pay attention to whatever you are interested at the moment and then go home and research fun facts to share with you

Enjoys studying together with you - he likes that you try to find meaning in what you’re learning + apply it outside of how to score well on exams

Studying together is something you look forward to because the two of you just being with each other - you don’t necessarily have to go out on a “formal” date to spend time with him.

You just enjoy having his presence around - since you appreciate + value silence I feel like a lot of times you would just lounge around in the house and not really do much 

That being said - you are both people who like to have things to do most of the time - so he makes the effort to take you out on regular dates 

You guys probably love going to museums + different exhibitions/galleries around the city since you both enjoy learning more about the world

Aquarium dates??? YES. 

I feel like Kuroo loves your sense of fashion/style and would love to try to coordinate outfits to match or pair well with each other. If you want he would be down to have you style him for the day

Would understand if you were uncomfortable around his friends/team at first - but hopes that you will eventually be able to get along with them 

If you are open to hanging out with/socializing with the boys’ volleyballl team he’ll be really aware of the situation/atmosphere and make sure that you aren’t uncomfortable 

If you get close with the team,yYou two probably co-parent his volleyball team - you’re probably the unofficial manager/mom of the team (sorry yaku)

Will often hold study/review sessions for his team and you always seem to have plenty of their favorite snacks/foods 

Vice versa I think Kuroo would put forth a genuine effort to get to know your friends - he is big on reciprocation and really appreciates how much time you spend getting to know his friends

Wouldn’t mind sitting with your group of friends during lunch and chatting with them - if your group of friends doesn’t mind + he isn’t intruding he’d be happy to hang out with you all on the weeekends

If you’re interested in learning Japanese he’d be more than happy to help whenever you need it. 

You’re good at getting a grasp on the basics but helps with the more complex stuff + stuff that is related to culture/history + idioms or sayings that don’t make sense when translated literally

Probably asks you to teach him English/Polish or you two decide to learn a new language together. 

Kuroo definitely is very physically affectionate (aka. Look at my cuddling hcs for him) but isn’t the biggest on PDA

He prefers just having some kind of physical contact with you - like holding your hand, arm around your waist/shoulder - occasional kisses on the cheek/pecks on the lips but nothing over the top

Would love it if you play volleyball casually with him - maybe a group of your friends + his friends together could spend a day on the beach playing volleyball together

I feel like the two of you would be a couple that likes to work out together/try new things together

Morning runs together are fun - it gives you the extra motivation + it’s a nice way to spend some time with Kuroo

[recentanimenews]

FEATURE: How To Choose The Right Anime High School

  Hello everyone, and welcome back to Why It Works. As the summer comes to an end, I imagine many of you are heading back to school, and perhaps lamenting your own school’s relative mundanity along the way. After all, how can our schools compare to the excitement of anime high schools where romance or adventure lurk around every corner? If we take anime as a guide, high school should represent one of the most exciting periods of your life, absolutely brimming with life-changing experiences — but of course, in the real world, high school rarely lives up to its animated reputation. In light of that, today I’d like to offer at least a glimpse of the anime high school experience as we all tour some of the choicest high schools anime provides.

    In Japan, you take exams to enter not just colleges, but also high schools. The process of picking a high school can be easy or difficult, depending on your desires. The world of anime only enhances the consequences of such a choice. Remember, there’s a big difference between a school you’d like to see in animation and a school you’d like to genuinely attend. Sure, it might seem exciting to attend a school where half the students are giant robot pilots, but what are you going to do when the gym is crushed under a kaiju’s gargantuan toe? It’s a tough choice, and I expect you all to take this very seriously as we investigate some choice options. Without further ado, where would you like to attend this school year?

  First off, if you’re looking for action and excitement, it’s still possible to achieve such dreams in a school less prone to physical annihilation. Personally, I’d be happy to attend the academies of Girls und Panzer, even if tank competitions are a girls-only sport. Who doesn’t want to attend regular tank battles after class, and watch local eateries explode in smoke or collapse under tank treads? Because tank driving is a regulated sport, you’re unlikely to get seriously injured — instead, you can just sit back and enjoy the madness, cheering for your favorite artillery squad.

    Perhaps action doesn’t suit you and you’re more interested in an inviting atmosphere or beautiful scenery. Fortunately, the slice of life genre is brimming with such charming schools, like the laid-back country reverie that is Non Non Biyori. And though you may quibble over whether this technically counts as a “high school,” personally my own educational preference would be to ship off to Mars and train as a gondolier in the new Venice of Aria. I can unreservedly say I would rather be steering a gondola on space-Venice than doing math homework.

  Maybe you’re not like me at all and aren’t looking for a school simply to slack off. If you’re actually interested in a school’s classes and services, don’t worry, anime’s still got your back! I’d first recommend the fascinating high school of Keep Your Hands Off Eizouken!, a sprawling multicultural smorgasbord of neat clubs and expansive facilities. It’s captivating just to wander the strange passageways of Eizouken’s world. And if you’re at all musically inclined, I’d emphatically recommend checking out Starmyu’s campus, where musical talent is honed through intense group projects and the stars of tomorrow are forged in fire.

    Of course, for as many anime high schools that’d be delightful to attend, there are even more that seem like they would come with some major inconveniences. These schools are so common that they actually form full categories, like “schools where you are likely to be murdered by supernatural monsters.” As much as I’d enjoy wandering the geometrically dazzling corridors of Bakemonogatari’s high school, I value my life too highly to become fodder for a psychological demon. Ditto for a school like Another’s, which is very extremely cursed and would most certainly kill me for attending. And you know what, let’s cut From the New World out of the running while we’re at it — I just don’t have time for a school where if you cheat in a field day event you will be erased from existence with extreme prejudice.

  Those schools might seem less than ideal, but beware also of the trick schools — the schools that seem fun from a distance, but which would clearly be less fun in person. Kill la Kill strikes me as a perfect example of this sort of school; sure, it looks exciting to attend, but be realistic. Are you really going to be the paradigm-disrupting Ryuuko or one of the hundreds of kids who are sent flying with every explosion? Ditto for Cromartie High School, which seems delightful on-screen, but would likely be a parade of violence and indignities in person. And of course, there’s Madoka Magica — not because you might get trapped in a Faustian bargain, but because of its abysmal interior design. Have you seen those glass-walled classrooms? How could you get any work done in there!?

    Anyway, it seems like picking an anime high school might not actually be preferable to attending a real one. Sure, you might luck out with a premiere school or fantasy dojo, but you might also be immediately murdered to emphasize a story’s seriousness or be trapped forever in a maze of geometry with no beginning or end. Pluses and minuses to all choices, I suppose, but I hope my picks have stirred some of your own ideas. What anime high school would you all like to attend?

      Nick Creamer has been writing about cartoons for too many years now and is always ready to cry about Madoka. You can find more of his work at his blog Wrong Every Time, or follow him on Twitter.

  Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!

By: Nick Creamer

[rokutouxei]

the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

ikemen vampire: temptation through the dark theo van gogh / mc | T | [ ao3 link in bio ]

The challenge seemed pretty simple: to try to befriend the university bookshop’s most sour employee, Theo van Gogh. As a literature major with a boatload of book recommendations on her back, it ought to be a simple task indeed. But as she uncovers what lies between Theo’s pages, the more she finds it harder to become closer to him without having to put the feeling directly into words. What can she learn from Theo about what it means to stay—and how can she teach Theo about what it means to let go? | written for ikevamp big bang 2020!

[ masterpost for all chapters ]

CHAPTER 14 OF 22

... I choked on such longing I couldn’t spit out. Yes, desire is so different when God bore you hungry. I could have devoured anything and still have been starving. In one version of our story the fruit is in your chest. David, I eat it anyway. O, I know nothing but to take & keep taking. 

- Belovéd, Yves Olade

--

Something in their world shifts.

She hadn’t exactly formally talked it out with Vincent, but it’s somehow settled that she would be there for him to talk to whenever he had something about his exhibit that he wanted to discuss. It was different to have someone on “neutral ground”—someone who wasn’t Theo, who wasn’t carrying the weight of having to bear everything else for the exhibit to happen. And Theo doesn’t mind sharing the space with Vincent with her, either. ‘

It starts simple. A little group chat with Theo (although he rarely responds to the messages) and Vincent to toss ideas, throw little inspirational things. On Friday afternoons, when her schedule is a little more open, she sometimes visits the van Gogh house to check on Vincent and what he’s done so far. She helps him with the expressions on his models, gives him insight into what a viewer would think of the painting. Having been born and raised in this place, she gives the best advice on what places would have the best views to paint, where it would be possible to go outside and sketch and draw.

The exhibit slowly comes into shape.

Theo helps Vincent with the technicals: looking for a place to set it up, preparing the documents for the panel, buying the art materials, providing some comments for half-finished works. She helps Vincent with the storyline: drawing out his story of the little boy with paint seeping out of her hands, leaving a trail of art wherever he goes. How the world changes with every bit of it he touches.

But most importantly, they make sure they are there for Vincent, constantly nudging him in the direction he wants to go but is sometimes too hesitant to.

The final exams roll in with the same kind of raucousness as the midterms did, but there is a quiet kind of understanding between her and Theo that is different from the last time. The gang—she, Theo, Arthur, and Dazai—gathers to study together that pre-finals week, but it’s as if it’s only her and Theo around.

She peers up from what she’s writing on her notebook and when she finds Theo staring, she smiles up at him and he turns away with a grumble at being caught even if he knew he would. When he has his glasses on and is busy reviewing something on his computer, his eyes running left and right over pages of notes, she observes the way the feeble sun shines weak gold over his deep honey-colored hair, soft and likely gentle to the touch—and he lets her.

Arthur, of course, has something he wants to say, but this time he’s smart enough to hold it in, Dazai nudging him gently with his elbow, knowing it would be the worst shame to interrupt the little world she and Theo are in.

It is only once final exams have finished that the preparation for the exhibit rolls into full force for the brothers. Both Theo’s hours at the bookshop and Vincent’s hours at the café lessens as the university rolls into holiday mode, and now more than ever is Vincent working non-stop at his paintings, like they’re burning to get out of him.

Vincent now has time to get out his art.

And Theo—Theo has time to dream about the future.

And dreaming about the future.

Just in time for Christmas.

--

“Hey Arthur, what should I get Theo?”

She and Arthur are sitting at the Little Owl, waiting for Dazai to arrive. The two lovebirds were having their Christmas date early, because this year, Arthur is coming home to his family, likely to mooch for money. She intended to say no at first—after all, this is their date, regardless of whatever label they had for whatever was going on between the two of them—but upon the realization that Dazai was not only picky with food (and also had great taste) but also footing the bill, ‘yes’ was the only possible option.

Besides, Arthur wasn’t taking no for an answer, and she had to wrestle herself out of his original condition that she could only come if she was bringing Theo along, like a double date.

Arthur looks up from the little crossword puzzle he was solving on the café’s shared newspaper. “A kiss,” he answers without missing a beat. “Twenty, maybe. That might soften him.”

“Arthur.”

“Oh, he uses that exact tone on me too, little miss. Very uncanny.”

“I’m not giving him a kiss,” she sighs, turning her head back to her notebook, with the scribbled list of people and items next to their names. “You’re the worst person to ask.”

Arthur puts on a faux-offended face. “I’m only telling you what he’d appreciate the most.”

“Okay, smarty,” she rolls her eyes. “I’m just trying to get everyone Christmas presents.”

“You’re getting him something for Christmas?” Arthur’s eyes are wide in genuine surprise.

“I’m getting you something too!”

He hums. “Is that so. Entirely normal, platonic gifts.”

“Arthur!” she pouts. “I swear, there’s no bigger meaning to it. I like giving gifts for Christmas. It’s kind of routine at this point.”

“So you’re getting Vincent a gift too.”

“Of course.”

“And I, Dazai, and Isaac.”

She crosses her arms over her chest. “What, I have to give you a full list of who I’m giving gifts to for Christmas?”

“Yes,” Arthur says, tapping her nose with a pen. She scrunches up her nose in response. “Checking for fairness.”

“Fairness?!” she looks at him pointedly. “Look, you’re just fishing for clues that I’ll get Theo something—” she raises her fingers to make air quotes, “—‘more meaningful’ and ‘more valuable’ than the rest of you guys as a clue to whatever the hell your theory is.”

“It’s not a theory, little bird, it’s an observation,” Arthur says, with a laugh. “The fact that you still refuse to say what my theory is out loud is really telling, you know?”

“No, it’s because it’s not true.”

“What is not true?”

“Your theory.”

“Which is?”

Which is that I’ve entirely fallen in love with Theo and I don’t want to admit it because I’m afraid of what happens after that and if I own up to it. It’s not true at all. Not even the littlest bit.

Why would she be afraid of something she loves?

Not her, no. She’s the kind of person who runs toward what she wants.

This doesn’t make any sense.

She sighs. “Why did I even ask you. This is pointless. I’ll ask Vincent instead.”

“Oh, but he wouldn’t know what our dearest Theo would want,” Arthur hums. “He’s hard to give gifts to.”

“Wait, ‘our’?” she begins to argue, but then shakes her head. “Never mind. How are you claiming more knowledge than Vincent? Theo hates your guts.”

“Because he knows I know him.”

“That means he hates my guts too.”

“He does.”

She sighs. There’s not much point arguing with Arthur oftentimes—the best way is to surrender and then just try and figure out a way out of the mess one had walked into afterward. “Okay, fine. What is it that he’d appreciate getting for Christmas?”

Arthur grins. “You owe me one?”

She groans. She knows she will regret this deeply like she did the last time, but—“I do! Now ‘fess up!”

--

The holiday season in their university town is quiet. Much quieter, at least, than on regular school season. Most of the students go back to their hometowns after the exams, and the streets get quieter and quieter the closer it is to Christmas. Stores that used to be open most of the day open later and close earlier; cafés and libraries and emptier; the streets are less crowded. The hustle and bustle become muted and more peaceful.

Theo likes being on campus around this time of year because it’s different from the usual. Before Theo attended the university, when Vincent was the only one out here, his brother used to come home for the holidays. But ever since Theo came here, and the entire incident with Vincent’s graduation and his project came into light, they hadn’t gone home—mostly to save the money, but also because it doesn’t… feel right to go home back yet.

That’s alright. It’s not as if it’s lonely out here in late December.

Not all students go home. Arthur goes home—he says it’s for a sweetheart who has “long been missing him”, but they all know better. Dazai and Isaac stay a little longer than the other students do, but they go home as well. But Vincent and Theo stay.

And so does she.

It’s a beautiful city to spend the winter in, after all.

Like most places, there’s a little holiday culture of its own in the town as well. A student representative council gathers early in December to arrange a gigantic potluck-slash-party at around noon on the 24th, where students who have stayed get to hang out with everyone else who is still there to share some Christmas cheer. The event is usually held at the Grove, which means there’s also space to ice skate. Some vendors are invited to sell their wares of Christmas food as well—and of course, alcohol is included. Speakers are installed and Christmas music, both lively and more romantic, play throughout the course of the party. Those who sign in earlier get to join in an exchange gift affair at the latter part of it too. There’s also a raffle for little gifts and prizes. And of course, there’s the snowball fight. It’s a small, homey event, and many students actually decide to stay on campus for this particular party.

Every year, Theo is pretty neutral about the potluck.

Every year, Vincent wants to go. So Theo always comes with him.

And this year… Vincent is inviting her too.

--

He considers getting her a pack of highlighters.

He doesn’t know much about the world of stationery and fancy studying materials, but there’s a certain brand of fancy highlighters he sees a lot around campus. They’re not the easiest brand to get, according to his research, but if he orders it soon it might just make it on time.

Or maybe a fountain pen?

Fountain pens are classy. And thoughts have been given on them, so he knows it’s not a bad shot. He isn’t quite sure what kind, though, what brand, and maybe he could get one that’s the exact same model and brand as his, but isn’t that a little too obvious? He doesn’t want to be too obvious. He doesn’t want it to be obvious at all, or even known.

A book, perhaps, might be the best option, then.

Books have been an integral part of their… relationship, anyway. No other meaning to that. If there is anything to be read about that, then that’s not on him, is it? That makes this entire process simpler. He’ll just need to drop by the bookstore, check the stocks, pick up the most mundane and boring poetry book—the lamest, the worst, why would he give something meaningful—and then get a gift bag, maybe some wrapping paper—

Theo is so deep in his thoughts he doesn’t catch Vincent entering the room, even as the door behind his older brother closes with a click. The look on Theo’s face—furrowed brows, tense shoulders, the light in his eyes—makes Vincent smile just the tiniest bit.

The sound of his voice shakes Theo out of his reverie.

“Have you chosen what to get her?” Vincent asks, providing no context. He doesn’t need to. He knows his brother well, and he even turns away from Theo to lessen the blow, pretending to look for something in his bedside drawer.

 “I’m not getting her anything,” Theo scoffs weakly, his frown deepening as the tips of his ears turn bright red.

--

Sometime around noon of the 24th, the three of them meet at the plaza to join the potluck. The brothers bring cupcakes—“I didn’t know you baked, Vincent!” “It wasn’t me, it was Theo.” “Oh?”—and she brings some spaghetti, and the rest of the table is overflowing with food to eat. Everyone is dressed in shades of gold, red, green, and white. Music plays through the speakers attached to the streetlights.

Her face kind of hurts with how big she’s smiling.

She doesn’t hate life on the campus, no, but it’s become monotone, a little too uninteresting that leaves her on edge. It’s exactly why she was so eager to get on with Arthur’s dare and get to know Theo in the first place—she had that sense that maybe it would bring her somewhere new, somewhere fascinating. The only exception to the otherwise boring campus life is on big events like this holiday party, and the feeling is something she can’t get enough of.

The party goes just about as one would expect—her, pulling Vincent around by the elbow getting him to try all the different kinds of food laid out (“No, no, I couldn’t possibly eat anymore—” “Just one more bite! Just one!”); her, pulling Theo by the wrist to join her and Vincent in ice-skating (“I’m not interested.” “You have no say in the matter!”); and then, of course, Theo, pelting her right in the face with a snowball (the most annoyed pout she can muster, together with “Oh you want war, then you’re getting it!”)

It is already four in the afternoon when the three of them make it out of the hubbub. Theo is walking with his hands in his pockets, humming along to one of the Christmas songs now aggressively stuck in his head after having heard it at least 60 times in the past four hours. She teases him about it and he frowns about it, but he’s still humming.

“I ate too much!” she whines, clutching her stomach pitifully as they walked. “Absolutely no regrets though. I love Christmas potluck, but this year was just crazy.”

Vincent laughs. “You really shouldn’t have gotten that last pretzel,” he chides.

“But it was so good! I don’t know where they sourced that cinnamon, but it made me cry.”

Theo snorts. “You cried?”

“I did, I don’t understand how one wouldn’t,” she sighs. “Theo, you were just too into your chocolate-topped-with-caramel-topped-with-strawberries-topped-with—” she takes a breath, “—diabetes cake thing. Why was that even allowed to exist.”

“You just have no taste,” Theo says, but it has no venom in it.

She grins. “Neither do you.”

“That makes us even.”

She should be going home by now—the sun will be setting soon, and she’d rather not be walking home in the dark in the snow—but her little apartment building is rather empty for the holidays, and it can get quite lonely when the rest of the campus is still celebrating. It’s a good thing she doesn’t need to tell the brothers for them to understand, and they let her walk with them all the way back to their little house, the one she’s been in so often in the past few months, it kind of feels like a second home too.

“Hot chocolates?” Vincent asks once they’ve made it through the threshold with matched sighs, hanging his coat by the rack. She whoops and cheers.

“Yes please!” she says, “I’ll choose a movie!”

Christmas has never really been a special holiday to her in the past. Sure, it’s enjoyable, and involves a lot of food and gifts, the questionable-if-enjoyable company of a lot of family members, sometimes even distantly extended ones, and most of the sense of the holiday is about its commercialized form instead of the actual religious holiday, giving it an alienating feeling, but—

This year it’s a little different.

Feels a little different.

Not quite like the usual.

Not when she’s snuggled under a blanket, Theo in between her and Vincent, a mug of hot chocolate in her hands, Klaus on the TV. Not when it’s been a long semester of burning the midnight oil studying and working so hard, and then suddenly it feels like it’s okay to rest.

Rest in this place that lets her curl up warmly in its softness.

And sure, maybe some things feel the same, familiar, like Theo’s nose, scrunched up because he’s taking the movie a little too seriously, or Vincent’s sunny smile, or Arthur’s text message in her phone of [ no mistletoe? 🎄 ]—but it’s different.

The longing tearing at her heart, she begins to be sure that she’ll miss this.

It’s not home but she’s sure if one day she will ever find it, it will probably feel like this.

They sit around the living room talking to each other even after the movie ends, and by the time it truly feels like the day has settled down around them, the sun is long out of the sky. Slowly, the sinking feeling that she had overstayed her welcome begins to crawl over her, once Vincent brings their now-empty mugs onto the kitchen sink. She straightens up at her seat, nervously fidgeting next to the mountain of blankets separating her and Theo on the couch.

And then suddenly, she remembers.

“Oh, but before the night ends—”

She digs into her bag and pulls out a small gift, wrapped with a yellow ribbon. Vincent returns to the living area just at the right moment, so she hands the present to Vincent. “Merry Christmas, Vincent! It’s not much, but I hope it proves helpful for your current project.”

He doesn’t know it yet, but it’s a box of fresh paints, the brand he uses. Not in as wide an array of colors of what he does have, but still a good number. She made sure to check which ones he used the most.

“You didn’t have to!” he says, summer sun in his smile. “Thank you so much!”

“You’re welcome, Vincent, of course,” she says. And then, she pulls out another thing—turning towards Theo as she hands him a box, neatly held together with starry wrapping paper and a sheer white ribbon. “Merry Christmas, Theo. Thanks for everything this year.”

Vincent chuckles at the look of surprise on Theo’s face. Theo looks back at his brother, betrayed.

But he doesn’t have much time for that, because the gift is hovering in between him and her awkwardly. He takes it and mumbles a soft, “Um, thanks.”

She blinks. “Do you not want it?”

“I just wasn’t expecting it.”

“Surprises are good this time of year,” she says. Grins when she catches the tips of Theo’s ears already pink. Vincent spots it too and laughs, as he reaches out from underneath their little Christmas tree to hand them some gifts as well.

By the heft of it, she guesses what’s inside her wrapped present is a small painting; she beams at Vincent and throws him an embrace in thanks. Vincent gifts Theo a gray sweater with a reindeer on it, the kind of gift one would receive from their grandmother instead of their brother, but Theo quickly puts it over his shirt excitedly anyway.

She wonders why Theo hasn’t opened her gift to him yet.

Vincent manages to say up to half of “And what about you, Theo?” when Theo quickly gets up on his feet, saying, “I should walk you home,” pointing at the clock on the wall. Solidly eight at night. Not that late, really, but—there’s no good overstaying. Her heart drops a little but she nods anyway.

“Yeah, I should,” she agrees. “Thank you for today, Vincent.”

He beams. “Of course. Come join us anytime.”

Theo holds the gift box she had given him under his arm and turns to her. “Ready in 5?”

“Yup, I just need to go to the restroom,” she says. “I’ll be back.”

She clears her head quickly in the bathroom. She doesn’t know when she started to get so riled up whenever Theo walked her home—late evenings at the van Goghs on Fridays spent talking about the exhibit has made it a common affair—but tonight, her heart is hammering in her chest somehow. It’s been a normal day. Nothing’s different, she convinces herself, so there’s no need for all these theatrics and heart acrobatics.

When she gets out to the foyer, she catches Theo leaning against the wall, his hands in the pockets of his coat, and—

The deep blue scarf around his neck.

The one she chose for him.

Arthur said the best gift to give Theo is one he will be able to use, but—

She hadn’t imagined seeing it in use would leave her dry of words, too.

“Let’s go?”

She pretends the flush in her face is due to the sudden cold. “Yeah, let’s go.”

The walk home isn’t entirely quiet. She checks her phone and shows him the photos of Christmas eve the rest of their friends have sent them, in the group chat Theo never checks because he’s just not that kind of guy. Then they talk about the party, her profusely accusing Theo of attempted murder for having hit her right on target at the face pretty hard with that snowball. And then, they turn toward talking about the exhibit, and Vincent, and the upcoming year and—

Talk like this, about the little things, like they usually do.

The comforting usuals of their friendship.

Nothing different. Nothing new.

Just the usual.

Finally, after 20 minutes she wanted to last forever, they make it to her apartment complex. They bid goodbye at the entrance. She’s just about turned around to leave when she feels the warmth of his fingers around her wrist, pulling her back.

“Theo?” “Hondje," they call to each other at the same time.

He hands a small, wrapped box he’s kept underneath his coat towards her.

“For you.”

She blinks. Oh, if Arthur could have seen their mirrored expressions from their exchange of gifts, he would have laughed so loudly. “What is this?”

He narrows her eyes at her, as if she said something stupid. “A gift.”

“I mean—” she begins, but then just chuckles. “I mean thanks. This means a lot.”

“Don’t think about it too hard. Rest well,” he says, the following syllables of her name just light on his lips. The sound of it makes her nerves flutter. She holds onto the gift box in her hand tightly instead, as if making sure it’s there. That this is real. Theo gives her a look like she’s transparent. “You’re always welcome at the house. No matter how long you stay. Merry Christmas.”

A smile creeps up on her face uncontrollably. “Merry Christmas too, Theo.”

She waves goodbye to him and watches him disappear off the corner before she runs upstairs to go to her room—to shut the door behind her and take a deep breath. She shrugs her coat off, tucks the mittens inside the pockets.

Puts the little box she’d been holding so carefully, still warm from Theo’s coat, along with her little wrapped painting from Vincent, underneath the small makeshift Christmas tree sitting on her kitchen counter.

Earlier that day, Theo had slipped a note in between the pages of a poetry book—on an old receipt he’d scribbled on at the back, which said: thanks for helping my brother out. thought our little miss ‘love is the answer to all of the world’s problems’ would enjoy a bit of e.e. cummings.

And tomorrow, first thing on Christmas morning, sipping on hot chocolate with sugar marshmallows on top, she will open the box and find the note and grin widely. And, in a reversal of her usual, she will make herself comfortable on the couch, overlooking the window, the falling snow, and read the book slowly, investing her heart in each syllable. Listening to every sound in her head. Carrying each word gently, taking her time.

Dipping her feet lightly into the book. Relishing in the curve of the words on her lips as she reads—words Theo chose and wrapped into a gift, then given to her.

[teriwrites]

the big manuscript search tag

I’m compiling a bunch of different tags from @cecilsstorycorner and @akindofmagictoo so this might be a long one!

My words to find: lonely, cup, drown, routine, deep, feather, rich, contact, kick, sun, pair, whisper, king, chord, chip, prove, mix, spin, water, color, need, fade, everyday

...yeah, that’s really long, so I’m going to throw the results in a read more to spare all your feeds from a wall of text

There’s a few words that don’t appear in one project or another, so I’m going to use both Castle on the Hill and Beneath Alder Creek! Because of that, the order won’t be quite the same

Castle on the Hill:

Lonely:

For the first day of break, Hans spent the entire day lounging around his house. His mother said nothing about it, except to suggest moving to a new spot every few hours so that he wouldn’t cramp up. She was in and out of the house a lot, which Hans took as a good sign. The harder days were those in which his mother spent most of it upstairs, locked away in her room. Hans had been allowed to join her, if he wished, but he’d preferred not to see her in such a state. Still, it had led to many a lonely afternoon.

Cup:

The following morning, Peter made the short trek over to the familiar cafe for his second date with Ursula. Despite having left five minutes early, Peter arrived to find Ursula already waiting at a table, with a cup of coffee in hand. He beelined for the table and tossed his blazer onto the back of the chair across from her. “Sorry to keep you waiting.” “No worries, I enjoyed the walk,” Ursula said brightly.

Drown:

“You seemed pretty smitten with this tutor girl,” Peter mused. The sounds of a dramatic breakup on the television nearly drowned him out. He fished the remote from the coffee table and muted the television. Klaus looked between Peter and Georg, who were both sending him matching smug expressions. Georg dramatically batted his eyes at Klaus, who shoved him in the shoulder and nearly sent him toppling over the side of the couch. “Come off it,” he dismissed with a snort. “I barely know her. She’s a fox, sure, but I’m not going to lose my head over a girl I’ve met once. Klaus Müller is always on the make.” Georg leaned forwards to look at Peter. “He’s speaking in the third person again.”

Routine:

“Alrighty, now that that’s out of the way, who wants to tell me what year the European Economic Community was established?” Prof. Dietrich asked brightly, shifting back into his regular routine of starting a lecture with an oral quiz. Josef avoided the man’s eye contact, choosing instead to pretend to be desperately jotting down notes. “Herr Weber? How about you give it a shot?”

Feather:

The rest of the class shifted their attention back to the lecture, but Josef’s face flushed as he fished out his notebook from his bag. He could practically hear the stories that would be circulating later. Josef Weber, the snobby inheritor to his father’s auto company, got scolded in front of a whole class. Wouldn’t that just put a feather in quite a few caps?

Rich:

“Tell me why I didn’t decide to work as a janitor,” Klaus muttered. “You’d never succeed as a janitor; you never even had to clean your own messes growing up.” One of Klaus’ arms snapped forwards and a smack that was aiming for Georg’s shoulder instead slapped smartly against the wooden back of his chair. With a sharp intake of breath, Klaus straightened in his seat. As he rubbed at his knuckles, Klaus shot back, “That’s rich, coming from a lawyer’s son.”

Chord:

“It’s a little complicated right now,” Hans said calmly. “Look, I’ve talked it all over with my mother, and she agreed that it would be best for me to stay here. It’s not that long, Josef, don’t look at me like that.” The doubt etched into Josef’s features was enough to warrant the comment, and he shook his head to try clearing it. Nothing in Hans’ demeanor pointed towards it being a lie, but something in the idea struck a false chord in him.

Water:

Though he'd managed to subdue most of his panic, Peter felt it all rushing back. A sudden pain at his hand drew him out of his thoughts, and he realized that he'd been aggressively stirring the pasta, and some of the water had splashed out of the pot.

Fade(d):

As Hans spoke, Professor Abend’s face lit up with recognition, which quickly faded into a solemn mourning. The exam lay on the desk between the two, forgotten. “I knew I had a Faust in one of my classes, but I never thought to make a connection,” Professor Abend said in a low voice.

Beneath Alder Creek:

Deep:

A deep breath, and then Winnie followed through, dragging her other foot into the creek. The water rose halfway up her calf, and continued to rise as she made her way forwards. To her thigh, then her hip, and finally up to her waist. It was the second dress she’d soaked that day, Winnie thought with a wry smile, and, in her distraction, she failed to notice a large rock in the creek bed. It could hardly be considered a fall. Winnie pitched forwards, plunging her face into the creek for only a moment before she caught her balance and straightened up. But she’d opened her mouth as she tripped, and her rise was met with a violent coughing fit. Loose strands of hair clung to her face, making it impossible to see, and Winnie pushed forwards carefully by feeling along the bottom with her foot. The progression was slow, but Alder Creek was by no means wide, and it wasn’t long before Winnie found the water beginning to ebb away. As she pulled herself out of the creek, Winnie brushed the hair from her face and finally opened her eyes. Looking to where she’d seen the fairy ring, she froze.

Contact(ing):

Contacting the fae was no easy feat; they only made appearances of their own volition, not subscribing to any convenient timetable. While it was said that certain holidays brought the mortal world closer to their realm, years had passed before any signs revealed their presence. By then, the couple had been so eager that they’d wasted no time in seeking out a deal. They were the fourth and fifth victims within the fifteen years. Nobody had been so hasty since.

Kick(ing):

Back into the bog. Winnie no longer worried herself with her skirts, allowing them to drag through the stagnant water. It was a mistake, she soon discovered, as the drenched fabric weighed her down and made the progress even slower. With an exasperated groan, she stomped at the ground, kicking up a spray and lodging her boot into the mud.

Sun:

Time steadily passed as they traveled, though how quickly or slowly it went by, Winnie couldn’t say. She could feel the blisters beginning to form on her feet, the slight ache in her shoulders where she’d slung her bag, the warmth that spread across her back as the sun’s ceaseless rays washed over them. When she fell slightly behind Taliesin, he was shining so brightly that her eyes began to burn, and she had to quicken her pace to keep in step with him.

Pair:

The first thing Winnie noticed was the boat they were standing in. It was like a skiff, sitting low in the water and directed by a pair of oars. The figure rowing seemed to be wearing some type of headgear, a hazy and elongated shape still a little too far to make out. Taliesin moved back from the shore, forcing Winnie to do the same to provide space for the skiff to breach.

Whisper:

“Don’t stare,” Taliesin reminded her in a whisper. He raised a hand in greeting, and the figure dipped their head slightly, though how they could’ve seen it without eyes, Winnie couldn’t say. “Hail, Ferryman!”

Prove(n): 

Turning away from the Llion, the group soon found themselves returning once more to the thick fog of the wetlands. Winnie took the middle, knowing better than to have Taliesin and Enid side-by-side. In one hand, she took the long sleeve of Enid’s robes, and in the other, Taliesin’s cloak. He dragged his feet the whole time, still sulking, and it took all of Winnie’s self-restraint not to let go and leave him behind as punishment for his pettiness. Being proven wrong did not suit the golden man.

Mix(ed):

It was nearly a week later when Winnie found herself back at Alder Creek. The water level had dipped back to its usual shallows, which lazily drifted by. Winnie could see her face reflected as she stared down, features blurred in its [flowing surface]. The hem of her skirt had dipped into the water, which lapped at Winnie’s bare feet. Her shoes were somewhere behind her, abandoned, a sign of her troubled mind. For the most part, Winnie had abandoned the practice of walking about barefoot - how her mother would’ve shouted if she’d seen her. The thought of her mother brought a fresh wave of mixed humiliation and frustration as the events of the day replayed through her mind.

Spin:

A light flickered in the trees. When Winnie looked up, she stared at the sight. Taliesin was crouching on a branch, catlike, with his hands holding the branch between his feet. Somehow, he did not sway but remained perfectly still, patiently watching Winnie spin in circles to look for him, all with an amused half-smile.

Color(s):

The opening of the cavern shifted through several colors, like an ever-changing kaleidoscope of light through a prism.

Need:

She offered Enid no response, so after a stretch of silence, the statuesque woman continued. “This is out of some attachment to the Dusk fellow, then.” Winnie bristled at her tone. “Of course it’s not. I merely need him to ensure that my brother and I are able to depart the Fae safely.”

Not found:

King (Apparently my writing does not support monarchies lol)

Chip

Everyday

This was excessively long, so I’m going to leave it an open tag. The words for anyone who feels like it are king, chip, and everyday because I’m sure somebody out there has them, even if I don’t. 

[mimiigrace]

Gavin Watson in a photographer who was born in London in 1965. He grew up on a council estate in High Wycombe, Buckinghamshire. In his early teens he bought a camera from Woolworths and when he was 16 moved back to London and became a darkroom assistant at Camera Press. He also continued to photograph his younger bother Neville and the ‘Wycombe skins’. There was a strong skinhead culture in High Wycombe during this time who were brought together by their love of Ska music and fashion. Unfortunately, during the 1970’s, the skinhead style had become associated with the right-wing extremism of parties such as the National Front , however Watson’s photographs present a visual diary of an era within High Wycombe when the subculture was racially mixed and inclusive.

Shane Meadows, the creator of ‘This is England’ (2006) credits Watson as the inspiration behind the film due to the photographs of his, which he saw, published in the book ‘Skins’ (1994). Watson also had his work published in ‘Skins and Punks’ (2008).

Watson has been working with Youth Club a ground-breaking project, which is working to preserve the rich history of youth culture. “YOUTH CLUB is a not-for-profit organisation working to preserve, share, educate and celebrate youth culture history through a passionate network of photographers and creatives.” I think this is such an important project to take place, as our experience of youth is what shapes each and every one of us. It also has strong connections with pop cultures; it not only works to document the history of our youth but also the trends and subcultures that they were involved in and how they have developed and evolved. It is also interesting to be able to notice how day to day life has changed, what occupied the youth of the times and how they spent free time, what we may find shocking now which was normal back then etc. 

In an interview with Vice, Watson is asked how he transitioned from being a skinhead to raving. His response was: “Adventure drew me to rave culture, and it was an age thing – 23 wasn't 23 like it is now, where these fuckers still think they're teenagers, just going off to college. Also, rave was a lot less defined than skins, so it wasn't as easily demonised. It was sports clothes and indistinguishable long hair, letting the differences go. It was one of the most powerful ideas ever. Also, because there are no hooks – there's no Twiggy, no Rolling Stones – everything was faceless, so it came, went and changed everything, but it's not looked upon with the same fondness as the 60s because it didn't breed that level of labels and attachments that the mainstream media might've got a hold of. Rave was like a dam bursting, washing away a lot of attitudes.” I think it’s interesting to see that someone of his background has developed connections with the rave scene. He talks about ‘letting the differences go’ and this is something I and I’m sure many other people can really relate to, the labels you might have within regular society aren’t important in this kind of environment and you become one with everyone else. He also talks about rave being much less defined than skinheads therefore being harder to vilify. I agree in some respects as there’s no face or singular image to pair with the rave scene, for me anyway you can’t imagine just one type of person, it’s all-inclusive. There’s also no miscommunication between the variation of skinheads and who Belongs to what ‘brand’ of the term, wires can’t be crossed as to who stands for what. There’s also not necessarily any political roots within rave culture, not directly I wouldn’t say anyway. It’s about people putting on underground events because they want to and it makes them feel good regardless of legalities not because of them or in protest to them. No one’s trying to start an argument or prove a point it’s just something that the right kind of person has the ambition to pull off. There’s a bigger understanding of it than weather you are or aren’t allowed to do it. Its appeal is based in pleasure and excitement; weather it’s allowed really doesn’t come into it. That’s not to say that we aren’t saying a big ‘fuck you’ to the authorities, I suppose we are but we just don’t care. 

When asked what the importance of subculture was to him Watson says ‘It was there for me through those years of becoming a man… When you're young, all the creatives are in the art group or are a bit fucked up at home – half of those are going to become the skins, the punks, the hippies. Not the stiffs who can do the exams and do it properly that felt like they were doing the right thing – the kids in subcultures are the ones that deep down inside thought, 'There's something wrong with this: fuck off, you don't get it.' Anger has so much energy that it can build empires – it's passion. If I didn't channel at least some of it into art, I'd be fucking dead.’

This is something that really resonates with me and I’m sure a lot of other people too. Subcultures, regardless of what they’re based around, are a hub for those who feel like they have more or alternative qualities to offer to the world of equal or ever greater importance to the qualities that are valued in a mainstream capitalist society. Not necessarily based around the consumption and notion of success defined by money and power but defined by inclusivity and acceptance, the people who have been involved in and developed subcultures over time are the innovative forward thinkers who see value in the things that fuel their creativity and spirit, whatever that may be to them.  

[legsense38-blog]

Online Software Testing Training Course Along With one hundred% Project Promise

What Are ICT Firms?

When folks become aware of IT firms they normally consider big corporations with a huge office building and also workers of IT professionals. They have computers in the office and also business can be done, nonetheless, a lot of services need a way to link to the world wide web. This is actually where ICT business come into play.

They help develop the world wide web in order that your provider can link to it as well as can assist maintain it managing. You may find these firms regionally or online and also depend upon the kind of company you run are going to identify which one you ought to work with.

The other point to consider is what type of modern technology your company will definitely demand. There are actually many forms of modern technology that you may need to have. Many individuals are actually surprised at the amount of solutions are actually needed to have, it can be quite unexpected.

For example, somebody that must upgrade their websites every number of full weeks or even month to month may require an internet designer that is able to sustain the internet site. You can easily likewise receive various forms of programs to keep track of e-mail, web information, as well as software application updates.

When you start exploring what are actually ICT companies, you will definitely observe that there are 2 significant kinds. These are actually the holding providers as well as reseller holding firms.

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What Is Actually Software Testing Instruction?

Software application screening is a very specialized and also technical task, as well as the duties of software testing can vary significantly. There are many different types of program screening and each needs its personal instruction. As an example, if your business creates an item for a customer market, at that point you will require to possess more expertise in product advancement than if you were actually dealing with a for-profit company.

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In order to come to be an exam engineer, you will require to understand how to use Microsoft Excel. Knowing exactly how to develop charts, information review, and also record formatting is actually another demand, and also you will certainly additionally need to be aware of Microsoft word. After you have actually finished a training program around, you can easily begin creating and providing bug documents.

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What is software program testing instruction? An additional crucial part of software application testing is having the ability to interact your lookings for efficiently. Although this is actually merely a portion of the task, you will definitely require to possess a mutual understanding of just how to write a bug record, the right technique for managing the insect, and the proper layout for taking as well as creating an insect document. Any type of pests discovered in the beta stages have to be actually disclosed instantly, and it is necessary that the insects are actually forwarded to the programmer.

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What is the Software Screening Part in Today's Organisation?

Everyone needs to have to know what is the program testing role in today's organisation. Although we all know that there are no ideal people, the duty of software program testing can be the ones with one of the most different perks for each firm, from their standpoint. The job of the task depends on the company that works with for it.

Having said that, banen might seem to be tiny and unimportant. Having said that, as the size of business rises, it is going to be actually very easy to create the function greater than its own original size. With the increasing variety of business that might operate as a software program testing job, it is actually right now much easier to make use of an individual to test their items prior to they hit the market place. Some of the business also possess business testers that are their valuable participants.

Providers currently know exactly how important their program has ended up being to their company. They require to see to it that their products operate faultlessly. For this reason, they need to have to discover and employ the most effective and qualified person to test their items just before they are released in the marketplace. These testing engineers are actually needed for ensuring that the items await consumers.

A significant reason why the function of program testing is actually required is because of the human inaccuracy that could occur. If you do not make certain that you work with the right individual for your provider, you could possibly end up devoting your money and also investing much initiative in the incorrect department. Mediation could be due to many reasons like tapping the services of the wrong applicant, choosing the wrong person because of inexperience, not employing a suitable candidate for the role, as well as also the inappropriate person for the job because of shortage of adventure. As pointed out earlier, the job of the program screening developer may differ in dimension. The role can likewise be actually grouped as a channel, little, and large.

It is actually always better to make an effort as well as tap the services of merely those who are actually specialists in their area and as such skillful individuals. It is actually constantly most effectively to select the right business with the ideal kind of adventure in the field that the candidate is obtaining. The capacity to differentiate the best crew for the role is the most important task of the software application testing developer.

The following factor to carry out is actually to become knowledgeable about the task. The task is made use of to evaluate the products and at times it can be used to evaluate the services. When the functions are utilized, after that the differences between the two kinds of testing roles could be seen as well as this could be a big help in your provider.

On the occasion that you hire a personal along with some quantity of knowledge in screening as well as you are actually searching for a team member, this is the most crucial part. It is often mentioned that size performs unsuitable all. The correct amount of expertise are going to help make the distinction between excellence and breakdown of the item.

Finally, what is actually the software program training tester? This job is important to the company as well as if you know what is actually the job of the part, at that point you can attempt and also determine the appropriate individual or even team for the role.

[wateradvice3-blog]

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What Are ICT Providers?

When people read about IT providers they generally think of huge firms with a big office building as well as workers of IT specialists. They possess pcs in the place of work as well as organisation can be done, nonetheless, a bunch of services call for a method to hook up to the net. This is where ICT providers enter into play.

They help produce the net in order that your provider may hook up to it as well as can help keep it running. You can easily discover these firms locally or even online as well as depend upon the sort of business you operate will determine which one you should employ.

The various other consideration is what form of innovation your provider are going to demand. There are many types of innovation that you may need. Lots of folks are surprised at the amount of solutions are required, it may be rather shocking.

For instance, a person who must update their sites every number of weeks or regular monthly might require an internet designer that manages to keep the site. You may additionally get different kinds of plans to monitor email, web content, and also software updates.

When you start researching what are actually ICT firms, you will certainly see that there are actually pair of major kinds. These are actually the hosting providers and reseller hosting firms.

Additionally, there are several types of platforms that they make use of. Throwing companies will definitely be the kind that are largely host however they are going to likewise have the capacity to give the specialized competence for their customers to obtain storage along with data organizing remedies from all of them.

Alternatively, reseller organizing is actually when a person re-sells their storage space or space, nonetheless, many times they are actually a reseller of open market and also company. This is actually when you will have the ability to perform a swap and also offer services to others for an earnings.

What are ICT companies is a vast subject matter that goes far past just holding. It is actually a long and also complicated subject that performs not fit on just one page.

For that reason, this post is going to explore each of the adhering to topics, Holding and also Reseller Hosting. They will definitely help you understand why there are actually different forms of holding and exactly how to decide on the right organizing carrier for your demands.

Initially, you need to have to see to it that you will certainly have the capacity to manage the companies of the multitude that you decide on. This is a really integral part of throwing considering that you need to have to possess the correct amount of storing or the right amount of bandwidth for the quantity of visitor traffic that you need to handle every day.

Also, make sure that you can possibly do the jobs that you need them to perform. Often you will find that some multitudes provide certain attributes that you need to have yet you are going to need to pay out additional for the same point on yet another company.

Ultimately, you require to recognize what sorts of technology that your host must offer. Some multitudes offer common throwing, which has basic program that is demanded for the multitude to operate.

What Is Software Testing Instruction?

Software program testing is a very specialized as well as specialized activity, and also the jobs of program testing can differ significantly. There are actually various sorts of software application testing and each needs its own instruction. For example, if your provider builds an item for a customer market, at that point you would certainly require to have more knowledge in product progression than if you were dealing with a for-profit body.

Software program screening is a little like an astronomer; the astronomer needs to become learnt astrochemistry and also telescopes if you want to comprehend and observe intricate clinical principles and theories. It is really crucial to know these traits considering that they have great impacts on all parts of the software application, certainly not only the practical as well as imaginative ones. A stargazer is actually a great add-on to any crew, as well as a really good software application developer requires to become properly versed in astronomy.

What is actually software application screening training? Examination developers need to have at the very least one year of adventure before they start their first project. There are actually many various levels of learning that examination developers can easily obtain, and each level takes much less time to complete. The greatest method to calculate what amount you await is actually to take a short training course that will definitely provide you a feel for what it is like to accomplish a test and exactly how to carry out effectively as a test engineer.

So as to become a test designer, you will require to understand just how to make use of Microsoft Excel. Understanding just how to produce graphs, data evaluation, and also paper formatting is actually yet another requirement, and you will definitely likewise require to become acquainted with Microsoft phrase. After you have completed a program in this field, you can easily start writing and also submitting infection records.

What is software screening instruction? Some of the best fundamental parts of software testing is actually a complete knowledge of the program's application. A major part of software screening is discovering infections and also knowing the method of creating and also providing bugs is actually extremely important. All of the infections are picked up and also studied, and the quality assurance group may after that pinpoint which bugs are actually a priority.

What is software application testing instruction? One more essential part of software testing is actually being able to connect your seekings effectively. Although this is merely a component of the work, you will need to have to possess a good understanding of just how to compose a pest file, the appropriate strategy for taking care of the pest, as well as the suitable format for accepting and producing a bug file. Any type of pests found in the beta stages have to be mentioned quickly, as well as it is actually necessary that the insects are sent to the creator.

What is software testing instruction? While there are numerous different institutions that teach you to end up being a software application tester, one that genuinely produces specialists who comprehend the significance of premium is actually the Program Testing Principle. This principle provides accreditation for staff members of various providers in the software screening area. There are actually lots of colleges out there that promotion learning, however this institute provides a high quality program, one that is definitely worth the price.

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Tips on Exactly How Do You Test Software Application Efficiency?

A lot of people who utilize computer systems invest a ton of time on their computers. As a matter of fact, a lot of people who use personal computers invest a significant quantity of your time in front of the computer system monitor; for that reason, it is vital for you to discover the fastest way of how perform you evaluate program efficiency? This is actually a fantastic inquiry and is actually one thing that you have to have the capacity to get a response to. If you manage to execute a couple of exams before you set up any type of program on your personal computer, then you are undoubtedly going to save your own self a bunch of problem when you make an effort to put up program on your personal computer.

The 1st test that you must be able to carry out is actually that of double-checking. You need to know exactly how to check and find whether your computer system has been actually successfully infected through infections. In order to do this, you should open up a web internet browser and visit some internet sites that would allow you to perform this; the site should possess a homepage that presents different pop-ups, links, as well as directions.

The 2nd test that you need to be able to conduct is one that are going to let you download and install various plans and also find exactly how properly they function. You must have the capacity to install a number of various courses that are available on the net and likewise one program that you have actually installed. After you have performed this, you should be able to compare the several functions of the different courses that you have actually installed; this will certainly assist you to find out which system is actually better than the various other. There are actually some courses that you have downloaded that are of substandard high quality; for that reason, you ought to not be actually spending for something that you perform not need to have.

What is actually Branding-logo in Today's Company?

Every person requires to comprehend what is actually the program testing task in today's company. Although all of us comprehend that there are no ideal individuals, the task of program screening can be the ones along with the absolute most different perks for each business, from their standpoint. The task of the function relies on the firm that chooses for it.

Having said that, the job might seem little and also irrelevant. Nonetheless, as the size of the business boosts, it is going to be very easy to create the job much bigger than its authentic measurements. With the boosting lot of business that can operate as a software program screening job, it is right now simpler to utilize a personal to check their items just before they attacked the marketplace. Some of the firms even possess company testers who are their useful participants.

Providers currently understand how important their program has actually become to their company. They require to see to it that their items operate wonderfully. Thus, they need to find out as well as tap the services of the greatest and also certified person to test their items prior to they are actually released in the marketplace. These screening engineers are actually important for ensuring that the products are ready for clients.

A major reason why the part of program testing is necessary is because of the individual inaccuracy that could possibly occur. If you don't make certain that you choose the right individual for your business, you might wind up spending your cash and spending much attempt in the incorrect department. Perhaps because of numerous reasons like choosing the incorrect prospect, hiring the inappropriate person because of inexperience, certainly not employing an ideal candidate for the job, and also the inappropriate person for the duty due to shortage of adventure. As stated previously, the function of the program screening engineer can vary in dimension. The role can likewise be actually categorized as a medium, small, as well as large.

It is actually consistently best to attempt as well as employ merely those who are actually specialists in their area and also because of this trained individuals. It is actually always well to choose the correct provider along with the correct sort of knowledge in the field that the candidate is looking for. The ability to vary the correct team for the function is the most essential duty of the software application testing designer.

The next thing to carry out is to be aware of the duty. The role is actually utilized to assess the items as well as at times it may be made use of to check the options. When the tasks are made use of, then the variations between the 2 types of screening tasks may be seen as well as this could be a significant support in your provider.

In https://onlineacademy.praegus.nl/ tap the services of a specific along with some amount of knowledge in testing as well as you are actually seeking a team member, this is the best necessary aspect. It is usually said that a person dimension carries out not fit all. The correct amount of adventure will make the difference in between excellence and also breakdown of the item.

In conclusion, what is the program training specialist? This role is crucial to the company and if you recognize what is the function of the duty, after that you can easily attempt as well as recognize the right person or even team for the task.

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Contact Address: Praegus B.V. Leusderend 28 3832 RC Leusden email: info@praegus.nl Phone: +31(0)85 130 5977 +31(0)85 130 5977

[svtegg]

hogwarts!svt (96line)

Jun:

Gryffindor

Muggleborn and kind of an air head but he’s not stupid! Just kind of in his own world!

But very lovable!!!

Everyone knows him by first name and he’s always greeted by the groups of fourth year girls that giggle as they walk past him…

he doesn’t notice the enamoured glances and giggles though because he’s more interested in a story Wonu was telling him

Is so fascinated by everything what a precious bub, loves school so much and puts his best efforts in!

His favorite subject is History of Magic, he also loves transfiguration…and charms

He’s very invested in school but struggles a lot because everything is so different and new to him

So he’s often seen in the library for hours with Wonu on the opposite end of the table, nose buried in a Arithmancy or Alchemy book

Jun is sort of a quiet soul but sticks by his friends through anything, he once saved Chan from five weeks of detention by taking the blame for a incendio casted wrong in the tapestry hall.

He had to do three nights of toilet cleaning duty for it but Chan was very thankful

Is often late night cramming with Seungcheol, Jeonghan and Soonyoung

He’s a chaser for the gryffindoor quidditch team! A very good one as well!!!

One time he almost got slipped a love drought in a cup of tea but almost everyone at the table drank from his cup so Jun, Wonu and Joshua had to quickly come up with a potion to counteract the love potion

Let’s just say Juni has some adoring fans

Jun has a owl named Bella and almost every girl at Hogwarts hates Bella because Jun talks about her so much but never mentions that she’s an Owl

Bella is a Golden Barn Owl, and she has big black beady eyes that Jun loves so much ehshd

Works very hard and the librarian, Mrs Keddle, adores him to no end

Junhui’s wand is a 7.9 inch black Ebony wood with unicorn hair core, straight with an elegantly carved handle portion

His patronus is a Black Stallion

 Soonyoung:

Hufflepuff! Sweetest boy!!!

Half blood, his father is a muggle and his mother was a Hufflepuff as well!

He’s the happiest and friendliest boy! Has so many friends and is well liked by all the professors.. he even knows some of the ghosts and paintings around the castle

Soonyoung seats with Jihoon in lectures, often tries to write off Jihoon’s notes

Gets a slap in the back of the head

He’s a chaser for the Hufflepuff Quidditch team, he is also a prefect for Hufflepuff but he doesn’t brag about it

Says he doesn’t want to be head boy, but secretly does shh I didn’t tell you that

His favorite subject is charms because it’s the subject he’s best at (except flying)

Was the first one in his friend group to discover the room of requirement

He’s often smiley and happy but will turn serious in the blink of an eye if anyone is upset, sad, crying or hurt

He’s the scariest when he’s angry out of all his friends

Almost got in a fight once when he saw some fourth years pushing a second year down the steps to the great hall

Doesn’t study a whole lot but often crams before exams and end of year tests

Soonyoung kinda wants to be a professor at Hogwarts when he’s done with school, or maybe he wants to work with dragons, but he also kinda likes the idea of working in the daily prophet…….

He cant decide really,,,,,but he’s not worried…..he has several years left still!

He takes a couple extra curriculum classes,,,Ghoul Studies, Magical Theory and….muggle art

One of the regular victims of Jeonghan and Joshua’s pranks, one time the two older boys broke into the Hufflepuff commonroom to put a family of 7 bowtruckles on the wood frame of his bed

He made friends with all of them and they still live on his bed

Soonyoung calls them the Greenes

Soonyoungs wand is a light brown Cypress wood, 10 inches with a unicorn hair core

His Patronus is a Nundu, an east african magical creature that looks a lot like “a cross between a tiger and a pufferfish. They inflate the sacks on their neck and then expel their breath which contains a potent mix of diseases and toxins”

 Wonwoo:

A full on ravenclaw

His grandparents where ravenclaws, his parents where ravenclaws, he’s a ravenclaw

Quiet, philosophical and clever!! So clever… .Top of his class actually

Seatmates with Jun

But he doesn’t rub it in anyones face, he just goes on w his day like he’s just another student

Quickly became the tutor in his friend group, his patient and calm temper helping the others feel comfortable enough around him to freely ask him questions

His favorite subject is Study of Runes, History of Magic and Arithmancy

Basically all the hardest subjects

Everyone knows the headmaster gave him a timeturner but he never confirms it, even though Seungkwan and Soonyoung wont stop asking Wonu to take them back to when Mingyu fell of his broom during a Quidditch match

Starts taking Alchemy classes in his 5th year because Joshua begged the headmaster to let Wonu take it at the same time as him

He starts extra curriculum in third year….two years before everyone else

He studies all the required classes as well as Alchemy, Advanced Arithmancy, Magical Theory and Art

Wonu is so good at charms that on days where he feels especially happy he’ll conjure tiny birds,butterflies or small twinkling stars to float above him

Is extremely good at drawing out the galaxy and the constellations on the roof above him with his wand and Soonyoung often asks him to project a sunset or some northern lights under the roof in the library when theyre sat studying for an exam

Wonu has a white and brown Maine Coon cat named Pocha that loves him

She never leaves his side and Wonu had to get permission from his Professors to bring the cat with him to class or else she would claw at the door the entire lecture

Wand is of Beechwood, 11 inches with a unicorn hair core. Its dyed silver with a gradient black handle similar to a bark texture

Wonus patronus is a Caracal

Jihoon:

The sorting hat used almost 20 minutes to sort him, but eventually he was put in Ravenclaw

Mostly because of Jihoon’s drive to learn and master new skills. His willingness to learn and better himself is his key Ravenclaw core

Roommates with Wonu, and Wonu’s huge cat

Says he doesn’t keep any pets but both Wonu and Seungcheol knows about his little hognose snake that he keeps in a discreet enclosure on his bookshelf named Merlin

Keen duelist, one of the best in his year

Beater for the Ravenclaw quidditch team, he might be small but once he knocked a Hufflepuff chaser right off his broom and then managed to swing himself all the way around the broom to swing at the bludger one more time while upside down on his broom

His favorite subject is Defense Against The Dark Arts…..and Charms

Takes Muggle Art and Muggle Music studies from is 5th year on

He’s also the leader of the music club at Hogwarts, it’s a small group that basically are a band that play music with both magical instruments and muggle instruments

Amazingly good at Wizards Chess, but never plays unless its to shut up Seokmin or Soonyoung

Jihoon and Vernon often bond over their shared interest in music, both muggle and magical

They often use the room of requirement as a place to listen to some of the CD’s Vernon brought from home

Is very good friends with the Slytherin house head, and often spends time in the Slytherin common room

Honorary Slytherin student? Probably, but deep down he’s a proud ravenclaw

He tends to keep to himself, his small friend group being enough socializing for him

Is good at everything, doesn’t need to study but does it anyway (mostly so he can spend time with his friends but that’s a secret)

Often looks out for his younger buddies, making sure no one picks on them

Jihoons wand is a sleek Blackthorn with a dragon heartstring core from a Norwegian Ridgeback. 9.7 inches with a luxurious looking metal handle

His patronus is a Hippogriff

[shadowsof-thenight]

The long way home: Chapter eight

Story summary: An AU about Steve Rogers that takes place in college. When you were kids, Steve was your best friend. Where he was you were and vice versa. So when your father got a new job on the other side of the country your 11 year old heart broken.

Over the years you had stayed in contact, though. And now, seven years later, you were off to college and unknowingly you’d applied to the college he had started at last year. You agree to meet on your second day and suddenly it all seemed a little less scary. Will you pick up where you’d left off? Or will everything have changed as much as Steve’s appearance.

Ship: Steve Rogers X Reader Warnings: None.  Words: 2871

***

If you want to get tagged, please let me know. I’d be happy too. This goes for all my stories.

***

Masterlist         Story Masterlist

Previous Chapter

***

When you got back to school, you tried to get back to normal and you knew there were choices to make in order for that to happen. The feelings you had for Steve were not going to disappear any time soon, you knew that now. And it made no sense to keep denying them to yourself. Ignorance was not your friend. 

This created a few options for you to consider. One: Admit you feelings to Steve. Which would mean risking your friendship. Two: Simply pretend that feelings weren’t involved around your friends. This would not be easy, with the effects he seemed to have on you. However it felt like this held the least risk. All you risked was your own heart. 

In the back of your mind the idea that he too might feel more than simple friendship kept popping up, but you squashed it. Every single time. What other choice did you have really? It was a stubborn idea though. Resurfacing repeatedly. Whenever he would kiss your temple, or the top of your head, it would surge again. And you would tell yourself that these were normal things. Possibly even brotherly. 

And when he would look into your eyes a little too long, making you feel as if he saw right into your soul, you just told yourself that you were being silly. He wasn't looking a little too long, you were trying to see something that wasn't there. He wasn’t into you and this idea was just you fooling yourself. You were simply projecting.

So you tried to control your breathing whenever he was near you, hoping to keep your heart rate under control as well. It wasn't easy, at moments it would drive you nuts. Yet, it allowed you be around him and that was enough of a reward for the time being. And having him hug you close during movie nights or laugh with you in your precious spare time, was enough. It would be enough. 

That was why, when the first big game of the second semester came around and he asked you to come and watch him play, you figured he had simply been trying to include you in something that the rest of your friends were already included in. After all the guys all played together, while Natasha would be on the side lines cheering them on with her team. 

As you made your way towards the field, students all around were getting rowdy. They were excited for the game, assuming that their team would win of course. They sang, laughed and made bold claims concerning the outcome of the upcoming match. You smiled as you took it all in. 

The stands were already filling up nicely when you reached them and you were glad to know that a seat would be saved for you. Natasha had asked you to sit close to her, for company. 

As you got closer, you noticed that a big portion of the cheerleaders were entertaining the crowds, while some of them stood in groups, talking amongst themselves. When they saw you coming, they smiled and welcomed you. Over the past few months you had come to know that they were all very nice. 

You returned the gesture as you walked up to Natasha, who was standing over by the stands, talking to Carol. She was also a cheerleader, you had met het quite early on in the year and learned that she was incredibly funny. Unfortunately for her, last game she had injured her foot and was unable to cheer right now.

“Hi, Y/n. I saved you a seat” said Carol as she waved you over. Natasha turned to you with a bright smile. Natasha quickly moved in to hug you, momentarily stalling her conversation with Carol. You smiled and waved at Carol as soon as the hug ended and Natasha went back to informing Carol of certain changes that had been made to their routine that week. While she listened, Carol removed her bag from the seat next to her, allowing you to sit there.

Another thing you had learned a bout Carol, she was also very passionate about cheerleading and football. If she could’ve she would have joined the football team as well. You were certain she could easily keep up with the men. Surely her work-out regime would attest to that.

Sitting down beside her as Natasha was called by her team for a performance, you quickly began talking about the results of the exams that had come out that week. Much like you Carol had passed all her exams, for which you were both very happy. It relieved so much stress. In case of Carol, though, it also added some stress. As a sophomore, it was time to decide a major to pursue. Like you, Carol had come to university with a clear idea of what she wanted. However as the time had progressed, she had begun to doubt herself and she was now considering her options. 

Soon the game started, effectively pulling Carol’s attention away from her major picking issues. Cheering along from her seat, with her teammates, she had little time for idle chitchat. You could not help but chuckle as you saw her immerse herself fully into encouraging the team. She watched the game intently, not noticing much of went on around her. 

With your attention drawn back to the game at hand, you wiped your clammy hands on your jeans. These games always made you nervous. He was good and you knew that it made him a target. You’d seen him bite the dust more than once before. 

Finally you followed Carol’s lead and turned your attention onto the field. Although your intense gaze was mostly directed at one person in particular. Smiling, you admired him as he ran the field, doing what he did best. He was fast, agile and strong. His throwing precision was surprisingly accurate, at least for someone who was happy to not create injuries by throwing. Your hand-eye coordination was nothing to boast about, unlike Steve’s obviously. 

The first quarter of the game went by rather uneventful. Not until the second quarter, did that change and the smile was wiped off your face. Steve was slammed hard and the entire audience let out a collective gasp as he went down. Your heart stopped beating for a moment as you waited for him to get up. It took all your will power not to run unto that field. 

Soon enough Steve jumped up, shaking hands with his attacker, laughing it off. He seemed no worse for wear, you realized as you tried to catch your breath, while he calmly jogged away from the scene of the incident. 

Breathing in deep and slowly exhaling, you willed your heart to beat resume its regular rhythm. Carol chuckled a little as she noticed your unease and rubbed your shoulders for a second, in an attempt to sooth you. She had no idea how much it really killed you to see him fall to the ground like time. 

Carol began applauding as the game started again, only one more play getting done before half time was called. You sighed once more as you watched him jog off the field with his team mates and then allowed yourself to be distracted by the cheerleaders dancing on the field. Your heart rate had returned to normal again and your hands were no longer damp with sweat triggered by fear. 

The rest of the game continued in very similar way. With you holding your breath, clenching your fists and anxiously counting the seconds, whenever Steve took another hit. And every time he got up laughing. The little shit had no idea what he was doing to you. He even winked at you, offering you a big smile as he ran by. You tried to answer with a smile of your own, but imagined it must have looked rather forced. He had not seemed to notice as his focus was back on the game. 

You’d never been into sports yourself and you didn’t really grow up watching much of it either. You had were not calloused enough to the practice of men running into one another and ploughing the other down. It all seemed so vicious.

The game was nearly over and it appeared that they were wiping the field with their visitors, when Steve took another hit. Silence took over the field as everyone watched with bated breath  as the tall young man went down. As much as you wanted him to get up laughing, you had seen the hit. Saw the impact, as he was hit from behind. He had not seen it coming, most likely had not been able to brace himself for the fall. This attack had been much harder than the ones before. 

After what felt like forever, Steve got up from the ground and shook hands much like before, but the smile had been wiped from his face. There was a certain strain now and as Bucky ran over to check on him, you could feel your stomach clenching painfully as you kept eyeing him. 

Natasha caught your eye for a moment and scrunched up her face. She too had been more than a little shocked by the whole ordeal. 

After he seemingly had convinced Bucky and their coach that he was fine, the game continued. Yet the breath that had gotten stuck in your throat as you watched him fall, would not find a release and you took shallow gasps as you willed the game to finally end. It didn’t work, of course, but you kept trying anyway. 

When it finally did, you slumped a little in the seat, exhaling loudly and trying to steady your heart while Natasha walked over to you. She chuckled lightly, probably in an attempt to lighten the mood, as she reached you. You looked up at her quizzically and she shook her head, telling you that she could have been easily engrossed the entire match just by watching your face. You scoffed and she pulled you into a hug, rubbing your back soothingly.

“I'm sure he's fine.” she whispered, soft enough that only you would hear her and you nodded feebly in agreement. 

After all he had walked off the field on his own. Bucky and Clint walked right besides him, ready to support him when needed. But he had not leaned on them. Surely he must have been just fine. Still, you could not shake the unnerving feeling you got when he had gotten up that last time. You’d seen the strain in his jaw. He had been in pain.

When all the cheerleaders left to their own changing room, Natasha followed. Before she did though, she told you once again that he was fine. Which you would know if you went to see for yourself. You smiled as you met her eyes, she knew you too well already. She had already realized that you would need to see him for yourself in order for the knot in your stomach to loosen. 

Waving as they walked off, you moved to the locker rooms, waiting right outside. As you waited, most of the team walked past you, saying their hello’s as they did so. Sam had taken a moment to wait with you, promising you that Steve was perfectly fine just a little banged up. Nothing the guy could not handle. Placating him, you had smiled and nodded before you explained to Sam that you were still going to wait for Steve to come out. Just for the fun of it, you’d said. He didn’t appear to believe you as he shook his head before waving off, telling you he was ready for bed now. The game had wiped him. Which didn’t surprise you one bit. It had been a rough game. The other team was good. And brutal.  You hugged Sam tight for a moment, before wishing him happy dreams as he walked off. 

When Steve finally came out, everyone else had left well before. Bucky walked right beside him. Upon seeing you, Bucky smiled before going off to see Natasha. Steve smirked as he walked closer to you. You shook your head with a smile as you noticed his small limp. As soon as he stood before you, you also noticed the slight hunch and his arm placed protectively over his lower ribs. 

“Don’t you ever scare me like that again” you scolded him, making sure to keep your tone light, pretending to be at least somewhat joking. You weren’t. Not even a bit. Seeing him go down that last time had been far too scary. 

“Why?” He smirked, “would you miss me?” he said and you laughed as you thought back to a conversation you'd had a few weeks before. 

“You have no idea” you promised him with a warm smile and he moved to wrap an arm around your shoulders, kissing the top of your head as he so often seemed to do. He sighed deeply, holding you close a moment longer, before he began to walk towards the exit, pulling you with him. 

“I might need some looking after” he then said, as you neared his car, smiling sweetly at you. A little too sweetly, you noticed. What was he up too? 

“You just want to be pampered” you said with a chuckle and waited for him to get his keys from his bag.  

“Yes, definitely,” He paused a few second, “Also they fear I might have a slight concussion.” he said quickly, his words nearly jumbled together. But you had heard him loud and clear. 

“What?!” the words came out a shriek. The shock taking over your vocal cords. 

“Just a little one” he said, trying to make light of the situation. 

“There is no such thing you idiot” you bit back and smacked his arm angrily. Steve could not help but chuckle at your indignation, but stopped quickly and winced. You knew right then that his ribs were really hurting. He was usually much better at hiding his injuries. 

“Such an idiot” you muttered and got out your phone. Time to ask Natasha where she would be spending the night. As you had expected, she was spending the night with Bucky and you offered up your bed for him to sleep in, so you could keep an eye on him.

“My place works too” Steve said and you considered which would be better. If he stayed with you, you could try and get some sleep in Natasha's bed. However, if you stayed over at his place, it would be either the couch or the floor. Neither seemed very comfortable options. You also didn’t think that they cleaned their floor thoroughly enough for your standards.

Upon sensing your apprehension, Steve was quick to argue that his bed would easily fit you both. It was also more comfortable than yours. You could not deny that last part. Your bed was not half as comfy as his was. What held you back was the idea of sharing a bed, even if it was to play nurse. It would be hard to keep your heart rate under control for such a long period. On the other hand, it was a nice idea. Even if there was nothing romantic about it.  Finally he convinced you to stay over at his place, by offering Sam’s services for breakfast and the claiming that either of his roommates would take over his care in the morning, so you could get some sleep.

Which, by the time morning came, was all you really wanted. Sleep. You were exhausted from having to wake Steve up every two hours. And in between the alarms, where he usually drifted off to sleep quite quickly, you were stuck watching his even breathing anxiously and a light slumber, never quite catching any real sleep. So when the seven o’clock alarm rang, you groaned loudly and slapped it silent, telling yourself ‘just one more minute’. 

Willing yourself to wake up, you noticed your movements were restricted by an arm wrapped around your waist, holding you close to a warm muscular body. Your heart fluttered in your chest and you lay completely still wondering what the best course of action was while also enjoying the feeling a little. 

In his sleep, Steve had apparently hugged you close and with the exhaustion taking over, you hadn't noticed until the alarm finally woke you up. It struck you how nice it felt. His warm body enveloping your own. His strong arm keeping you close. 

When he finally moved a moment later, his nose brushed your jawline as he pressed his head in the crook of your neck while he slowly woke up. You nearly stopped breathing all together. Your heart was racing, your mind utter chaos and you couldn’t think. Was he aware of what he was doing? 

“Morning” he whispered and kissed your cheek before rolling onto his back. He threw an arm over his eyes as he stretched, tired after his much interrupted sleep, a smile playing on his lips. And you were rendered completely speechless. 

***

Tags: @musicfreak180, @ncrediblelove, @lollipopdomination

[beardyallen]

Here we go... (Part 2 of 3)

Alright, so let's talk about April.

[Warning: This is mostly just about my mental health. It’s not super interesting. You won’t learn anything about Beijing. Many of you will probably read this and imagine me sitting here whining. I prefer to call it venting. Feel free to skip this and go directly to Here we go... (Part 3 of 3). It’s where most of the fun stuff is. But...there’s a pretty dope comic about halfway down, so if you also suffer from depression, you should check it out. It’s a good comic. And it makes me smile when everything is gray.]

I generally only talk about my depression with a few people, but I think we could all benefit by having more open discussions about how it affects us. Too many people struggle with this illness, it's stigmatized, and future generations need to know that what they experience is more common than they think. Plus, I imagine that making this beast something that we can talk about will reduce its power and prevalence.

I'm not going to try to talk about the root cause of my issues as I'm not entirely sure where to even start, so I'll just share how it all manifests. And how that's changed over the years. If my mental illness is in fact something that I've been struggling with my entire life, I imagine that it manifested as anger when I was child, usually in response to anxiety around my social situation, exacerbated by end-of-the-semester stress. Why do I think this? Because it seems that I only really got in trouble for acting out in early December or late April/early May. And I was usually retaliating towards a feeling of isolation, invisibility, or worthlessness. It's a pretty strong pattern.

I'm not gonna share any sob stories about how I didn't fit in as a kid, or how moving into a tight-knit community in fifth grade led to a strong feeling of isolation that persisted through middle school and high school. I'm not going to talk about the bullying or harassment. These are things that happened, but they aren't the point. And I'm just as much, if not more, to blame for my circumstances as anyone else.

The anxiety is the point. The feeling that I've had at every stage of my life that I don't matter to the people around me if I'm not always around. That they don't think about me. That if I vanished from their life, they wouldn't notice. That I was replaceable. Or that I was a burden that they would rather shirk off. As far as I can tell, I've felt this way since kindergarten, and all of the anger I felt as a child was in response to stimuli that reinforced this notion.

And in April, the intrusive, invasive thoughts started up again. Yes, of course there were people who wanted to know what was going on with me. There were people who frequently checked in with me to see how I was doing in China. I had every reason to believe that I matter, that my presence was missed, and that I'm still important to people. And in spite of that, it's not how I felt. It even led me to start questioning whether or not my best friend cared about me, which is absurd because of course he does. Life happens. But the voice in my head is a prick.

On top of that, every source of stress in my life spiked. Complications with my teaching assignment manifested, including (but not limited to) issues with my paychecks. Financial reimbursements for my health insurance policy have not been disbursed despite repeated messages to those responsible. Since I'm currently not enrolled in any course credit, my student status was revoked and now those entities which own my student loan debt are looking for payments. My dissertation research stagnated as my collaborator has other super important grad school obligations to deal with, and my Masters Project has been put on hold again for reasons outside my control. It also seems to just get bigger every time I try to make progress. There's also a nagging voice in the back of my head constantly whining about how much more complex my project seems to be in comparison to other Masters projects I've seen from the department. But when the voice pops up, I do what I can to pummel it into submission. I can't live my life in comparison to others.

Beyond that, I randomly wound up with a case of insomnia. For three nights in a row, I laid in bed for hours staring at the inside of my eyelids, watching imaginary scenarios play out as my consciousness jumped from random topic to random topic. In spite of how exhausted I was, I just couldn't get my brain to turn off for more than 30 minutes at a time; during the one or two brief naps, I was privy to some of the most vivid dreams and nightmares that I've had, and my baseline dream/nightmare is already more vivid than most.

So work sucked, minor frustrations related to living in Beijing, no sleep, missing my friends, trying to not freak out about the fact that I'll be effectively homeless all summer (insomuch as I won't have an apartment that I'm officially renting or anything), worrying about the fact that I'm not making as much money as I projected, and just being sick and tired of being sick and tired. April was super fun, guys. Can't you tell?

Mental illness blows. Depression blows. Intrusive thoughts blow.

So I spent an absurd amount of time doing very little. Laying in bed. Reading comic books and rewatching Community. Not writing. Not researching. Being pathetic.

Wondering if I should reconsider my stance on medication. So let's talk about that.

From a philosophical standpoint, I don't much care for the idea of needing a medication to get myself on track. My mental illness is a part of who I am just as much as my intellect and sense of humor are a part of who I am. I'm no genius, but let's consider those individuals who have been described as such and think about just how many of them are suspected to have been depressed or grappling with some sort of mental illness. I'm not going down in history as anyone whose mind is something to admire, but I know that I'm smarter than your average bear. I'm a PhD student studing theoretical mathematics, probability and statistics. I'm simulataneously working on a dissertation related to subgraph density problems and a masters project centered around reconstructing familial networks in forensic databases. These topics are not related, nor has the coursework had very much overlap. Balancing two different graduate degrees is not common among people in my department, but I know that I can handle it.

So if I seek out medication as a means to balance my life, what sort of unforeseen impact will that have on my studies? It is not uncommon for the process of finding "the right medication" to take months, and as your life changes, so too does "the right medication." I have one year left in my program (maybe two if I'm unlucky, and that seems to be how my life goes), my diet is fucked, my sleep schedule has been jacked up for the last few months, and I haven't had regular physical activity excepting the 2 mile walks to and back from Wudaokou several times a week. My work life is tumultuous at the best of times, and all of this is changing in the not-so-distant future. I have been in academia my entire life, living on the same stress-rhythm for the past 24 years. What happens when I'm suddenly a research or data scientist?

Medication is off the table for the time being. I had bi-weekly counseling last semester which seemed to help with my stress levels, but at some point I would like some sort of diagnosis. But before I can seek therapy, I need to be back in the States, with some sort of stable life. That means August of September at the earliest. Probably September. In the meantime, I bounce between feeling like I've got everything figured out and feeling like I'm holding my sanity together with scotch tape. All the while, I question all of the things I thought I knew about how I wanted my life to look as I see more clearly every day just how messed up the world is. Ignorance definitely wasn't bliss, but knowing doesn't feel much better.

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Damn. That was pretty bleak. But I needed to get it out of my head.

Enjoy this dope little comic that I think about every Sunday to help me get through the week.

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Now back to it. I'm open to therapy, I know that it will help. It's part of my long-term plan for mental stability. And I'm open to talking about medication with my future therapist, once the "big issues" in my life that I can control are worked out.

In the meantime, I'm okay. Or at least that's what I'll say whenever someone asks.

Of course I'm not okay. For some reason that I haven't yet worked out, my brain focuses on the negatives waaaaay too much. I do my best to combat it, but generally I've just managed to make this work to my advantage throughout my life, planning for worst-case scenarios, being comfortable with failing when I try to solve a problem, being the skeptic in my research groups. It's made me a better mathematician. It's made me push myself further towards excellence. But it's also inherently held me back.

Before I really had a grasp on my mental illness, I would have periods of numbness. I would get absorbed by these intrusive thoughts and mistake them for my authentic voice. I would see everything around me as gray and conclude that my friendships weren't as wonderful and remarkable as they are, that my relationship is doomed to fail because I don't feel a spark or magnetism anymore, that I'm not actually supposed to be a graduate student and that I'm not good enough and that I've only made it this far as a fluke and eventually everyone will figure out that I'm a fraud. And I've made mistakes because of it. I've let friendships die, relationships fail, and...alright, so I've pretty much been kicking ass at the grad school thing, but I guess my response to feeling like a fraud is usually to push myself super hard until I start burning out. This actually happened last school year when I was preparing for my comprehensive exam, which led to my oral exam, which led right into the end of the semester, with several conferences that I was running and attending, and then a research workshop and then...my seizures came back. Maybe "seizure" isn't quite correct, but I'm not sure what else to call it when my body has a stress-induced reaction that feels like someone swinging an icepick in the back of my skull.

So I'm not okay. But for the time being, that's just going to have to be okay. [Queue i'm ok. by Judah and the Lion]

I could use a nap.