#but it's unironically some of the best stuff i've ever written

[black-and-yellow]

wham bam thank you ma'am, it's chapter 6, coming at you hot out the oven. This bad boy covers the ninth comic (peek the old art from it). If you're a Loudspeaker AU enthusiast, don't be afraid to give it some love.

[yellowocaballero]

hi! i know that i'm fated to read your every work despite not knowing the media half the time. this time i would like to finally be one step ahead. so uhh. where do i read orv? do i go for the webtoon or the novel? to clarify, i did try to search, but got confused by reddit. also i am going to watch trigun. i've been eyeing animorphs too but the 54 (?) books are making me go hmm. thank you for existing you're pretty great. you're like the spiderman of writing but instead you got asbestos rat'd.

THIS ASK IS INSANE. WE'RE REFERENCING MY LORE NOW?

But thank you, you're insane. People ask why I have stupid high standards for the fics i post on AO3 and it is because there are people like you who will just read whatever regardless of whether or not it's good. I have a responsibility.

This ask also made me wonder if I have good taste. Because every time somebody says this my first reaction is "oh god and the source materials aren't even good". I read a lot of trashy stuff (but, like, define trashy), and I consume too many bad things to be able to say I have discerning taste. If I enjoy something I almost never call it bad, because things were made to be enjoyed and I enjoyed them then they had value in at least one aspect. If you were to ask me if my favorite TV show of all time the Incredible Hulk 1974 was actually, unironically, good, then I'd break into a cold sweat. Is somebody bad because it's camp? Is something bad only if it's unintentional camp?

Regardless, I never write fic for something that isn't only like 80% good - there's a sweet spot of 'good enough for me to obsess over' and 'bad enough that I'm rewriting it in my head'. It's rare I write for anything I find completely good. Which is why I feel bad when people say that they're reading this thing I'm writing fic for jalksdf there's better things out there I SWEAR.

ORV is in the sweet spot of "this isn't high literature" and "this has given me brain worms". Definitely for sure start with the webtoon - the webnovel is clunkily translated, you don't read it for the writing at all, and it is also a literal million words. Don't read the webnovel unless you're like "I'm going insane and I need more of this". It starts off kind of slow ("This is a well executed very banal isekai") and you're like a frog in the pot of it slowly going more insane until you're a ways in and you are in a tangle of ridiculously complicated gambits and convoluted storytelling. There is literally no other way to describe it than the Homestuck of webnovels. If you're completely unfamiliar with isekai that's fine, but as a warning - ORV being your first webtoon/webnovel isekai is like your first shoujo manga being Ouran High Schol Host Club, or your first magical girl show being Madoka, or your first mecha anime to be Neon Genesis Evangelion. It's one of the best works in its genre but it's supposed to be viewed in context of the genre. Or maybe it's more like if Homura starred in Evangelion, which was Ouran. I'm just saying words.

Animorphs is kind of like Mother 3 in which everybody who has ever read/played it said that it changed them as a person, it changed their relationship with media and storytelling forever, if you read/play it you will be born again from the world's egg, etc. Works that genuinely become part of your personality. I also never recommend it to people because it is incredibly hit or miss. I remember using a spreadsheet of just "what books are skippable or not" because some of them are incredibly weird and some of them are incredibly weird in the bad way. The only Animorphs fic I've ever written is from 2019 so it's also not that great. Each book only takes an hour to read and the pdfs are free online, so it's incredibly accessible in terms of the reading experience, but it's kinda the Animorphs gestalt that changes you forever and not the individual books. I try not to recommend stuff that's like 25% bad.

Watch Trigun if you like what Trigun is - it's not going to deliver on something it's not. Also watch 98 first. Watch Stampede/read Trimax if you want more Trigun. The Trigun fic is based off Stampede but refer to my "I only write fic for smth that's 80% good and not 100% good" statement.

Also I think being bit by an asbestos rat just means that I probably have mold and drywall in my lungs, which would explain a lot about this blog. Thanks for the ask I love it.

[agent-cupcake]

*read horrorshow the nth time*

do you have any fav horror movies to recommend?

I've probably recommended all of these before but here we go again with the bad takes! Wahoo! OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD

The Exorcist - my most favorite horror movie ever. I don't think a lot of people find the actual spooky ghosty stuff scary (unsettling for sure) but the characters are next level and the production and acting are unmatched. Ellen Burstyn's performance as a mother losing her mind trying, and failing, to save her daughter is haunting. It also lead to me doing my best Greek grandmother impression whenever I say Dimi, so there is that.

Jacob's Ladder - an inspiration for the first Silent Hill, this movie portrays unreality as well as Perfect Blue. It's super disorienting and impactful, I watched it coming out of a project focusing on the Vietnam War and... yeah, it's pretty miserable. Although there is a lot of horrific imagery, t's a genuinely heart-breaking film in some places. The core of horror is trauma, right?

Hereditary - the ending is pretty scary, but the thing that stands out in this movie is how miserable it is. Like with the previous two I wouldn't recommend it on the fear factor, it's more of a character deconstruction through the lens of a horrifying situation. Alex Wolff's character is masterfully written and executed. Obviously I've never dealt with such severe trauma, but his response and mental decline is very relatable.

Midsommar - It's the cult movie. People say it's boring, I disagree, but it's not really scary either. More... uncomfortable. I love that the protagonist is already in such a vulnerable and destructive state. Like she's just not doing well. It's been a huge inspiration in my own writing, and Florence Pugh is lovely. Like with Anya Taylor-Joy, it was interesting to see her get so popular after being a contentiously reviewed horror movie.

Blair Witch Project - who hasn't seen this? It remains at the very top of the found footage genre for a reason, the entire thing is amazing. People say it's lost its luster with the oversaturation, but I disagree, the acting and style of the OG sets it apart.

The Witch - the first thing I ever saw Anya Taylor-Joy in before she was everywhere. Solid movie, it uses all period accurate dialogue. It's not my favorite from a horror standpoint, but the scenario alone is sickening enough to be a selling point. The dad character's actor has a nice voice, don't @ me.

Perfect Blue - there is nothing I could say about Perfect Blue that hasn't been said before, but it is a masterpiece. Watch it. If you like animation, if you like psychological studies, if you like feeling real icky, watch it. Just do it.

Se7en - more of a thriller I suppose, but it definitely works as a horror. It's up there with my faves and is another movie that's been an inspiration in my writing.

It Follows - I mention this because I was listening to the soundtrack, but its a beautifully shot film with a very strong aesthetic vision. It's the "demon STD" movie, which is dumb and imo pushes some really harmful narratives about STD's and I'd say that the far more impactful reading is sexual trauma.

Suspiria (2018) - I'm not one for body horror but there's a scene in this that just... woah. I've never seen the original but I know the new one is very different, and it's amazing. I might be alone in this but it's a shame Dakota Johnson is in such trash movies because I think she's so cute.

The Shining - another classic that must go on this list because it is, unironically, just that good. Shelley Duvall deserved better, that's a fact. That her performance was so fantastic is astounding to me. It's funny that people say that her reaction is unrealistic when that was her genuine reaction to being put in a traumatic situation. Amazing film, she is a star.

I'm definitely missing some movies but such is the way my brain doesn't work. Thank you for your time <3

[doctorweebmd]

hi this isn't a question i just desperately need to tell you how much zero sum game ruined me and put me back together again. lurking mental illness and suicidality under shit circumstances, physical disability, mental and physical scars, constantly fighting off the ptsd and having to learn how to cope in ways that don't hurt other people so you can hang onto the person that makes it all worth it. it's everything i've gone through, right down to soul destroying and healing intimacy, at first to feel pain and then to attempt feeling truly good for the first time. zero sum is undoubtedly going to be one of those artworks i can never shake off my psyche in the best way, like an abstract background hug for my heart. thank you so much for taking so many scary themes to tackle and packaging them so beautifully, i really needed that lately.

sincerely, a previous battle of the bands fan who is now absorbing your entire oeuvre into their personality.

first i want to thank you profusely for sending me this. thank you for sharing your own experience, and your own pain. i know thats not easy and i'm some random person but honestly reading this makes me feel not so alone in the world. of course, thank you for reading, but also for relaying that you felt seen by it. i always feel so silly because its a my hero academia fanfiction but, with all sincerity, words like yours are what make writing it worth it.

zero-sum is sincerely my favorite thing i've ever written and probably always will be. not because i think the plot is awesome or the physics stuff was cool (EVEN THOUGH I STILL THINK THOSE THINGS ARE TRUE) but because its the first time i was able to write about my own personal experiences with mental illness (heavily projected onto Katsuki and Izuku, lmao) in over ten years.

Okay fair warning i am going to overshare under the cut so please feel free to stop reading also I love you and cherish you and appreciate you thank you so so so much for sending this

i'm sharing this because, at some point, i needed to read this. maybe someone will stumble on to it and realize something. maybe not. maybe its just another way for me to continue to process what happened. i think i'll always be processing it. mental illness is a bitch

when things got really bad for me (the first time around) i stopped writing completely. at that time, i truly, from the bottom of my heart, believed that my disorder was the only thing that made my writing interesting. that if i was to recover, that means i could no longer do the only thing i was good for. unironically, writing was actually a major barrier to my recovery for some time.

writing, the thing i loved most in the world, started heavily triggering me.

so i stopped.

the problem was, i heavily romanticized what i was going through in my writing. i made the suffering 'beautiful.' by thinking it was beautiful, i was trapping myself in a loop of self-destruction.

they say, 'write what you know.' but all i knew was misery. so misery was what i wrote.

romanticizing your pain is something i think we all do. sometimes you have to. its a survival mechanism. if the pain is 'beautiful,' then its 'tolerable' to go through.

what no one really tells you about mental illness is that its really, really fucking lonely.

what no one tells you about recovery is, its even lonelier. its the most isolating thing in the world. everything you relied on, everything you thought to be true, the way you interact with the world completely changes.

things are always going to be different. you can't go back to who you were before.

what i did do, when i went into recovery, was read the very few published books about people with (disorder) who recovered. over and over and over again. i needed something to latch on to. anything. i needed to believe it was possible. i needed to believe people like me survived. that they could find happiness. that they could find love. that there is space in this world for people as broken as me.

i dont know. zero-sum, to me, was a love letter to that 19 year old kid that hit her (first) rock bottom. i pretended she didn't exist because it hurt too much to think about her. but what she needed to know, then, that recovering, no matter how difficult, was worth it. that life can and WILL get better. that she will one day wake up every morning and think 'fuck. i'm so glad i'm alive.' that even people like her can find happiness.

that one day, many years later, embarrassed, she'll show her scars to a person she just started dating. that he'll sheepishly show her his. that they'll exchange police reports like love letters. she'll learn that there are people out there that understand her. have felt her same pain. have lived through the same hell. she'll learn that survival is sometimes based on hope, and sometimes based on spite.

but is, despite it all, always worth it.

she'll learn that her suffering does not preclude her from love and connection and happiness.

that one day, she won't feel so alone.

and that one day, she'll be able to sit down at her computer and write about it. maybe it will be in the form of my hero academia fanfiction lmao but that doesn't make it any less real.

maybe it will reach someone. maybe it won't.

but one day, she'll be able to do the thing she loved more than anything in the world again, because nothing is ever truly lost.

there is a future worth fighting for.

[idiopathicsmile]

would you ever write EXR smut 🫣

hi anon! what an unironically great question to ask a semi-drunk person!

i mean technically i have! impatient to be free is an ExR fic wherein they're both lesbians in the 1950s and it contains a sex scene that is probably as saucy as anything else i've ever written. it slipped under some folks' radars i think because i wrote it well after the heyday and also because f/f stories just don't get the same degree of traction, but anyway: technically yes!

my longer answer is that as an asexual person, i only really find sex scenes interesting if they're kind of about something else. (kink being an acceptable "something else" if it's a dynamic i find affecting, but that doesn't just happen.) i have a stack of writing prompts i need to do for charity (roe vs. wade stuff) at some point, and then the next time i open up writing prompts, if someone requests something racy, i will do my best to orient it towards a dynamic that i can dig into. i think there's lots you can mine in that particular pairing so never say never re: me doing it again, and in a somewhat more recognizable form!

[confetti-cupcake]

4, 5, 13, 47 💕

Thanks so much for the ask Jenwyn! 💕💕💕

4) what is the plot bunny you’ve been carrying for the longest? optional bonus question: do you ever wonder why you haven’t written it yet and experience deep existential dread?

If this is counting plots that I've started on, definitely my Survivor fic. Whenever I get into a new show or fandom, I always think of how the characters would do on Survivor. It's my favorite reality show of all time, and it's always been my dream to write a fic that's essentially a full season of the show in a narrative format. Growing up, I'd always draft out fictional seasons of Survivor with original characters and find like stock photos of people that looked like what I pictured the castaways to be like lol. At one point in high school, I even drafted out and wrote part of a season that involved characters from Nickelodeon shows. And the second I watched 9-1-1, I knew I needed to explore this with them, because I think a lot of the characters would actually be really good at it!

I'm going to amend your question a little to why I haven't finished it and experience deep existential dread — in short, the existential dread is completely tied to how best to execute it. So back when the pandemic started, I had a ton of time on my hands, and I wanted to make a real meal out of the story. I had what I felt was a great beginning, a fitting end, and had some really fun stuff in the middle linking it all together. Although I love Buddie with all my heart, I love all of the main characters on 9-1-1 and I wanted it to be a mini character study on everyone (including Lone Star people). I wanted at least one scene from each character's POV, I wanted to explore relationships between characters that don't interact in canon, I wanted to give every single person on the cast a meaningful and satisfying story arc, I wanted to tell the complete story of each vote out, and of course, I wanted there to be a Buddie love story. So I wrote like 120k words of it, and then set it aside for a while because I wasn't sure how much of a crossover there would realistically be between 9-1-1 fans and Survivor fans. Well, turns out, there is a decent amount! So I revisited it. And now... it all feels like a lot. Maybe I'm wrong, but I feel like a majority of people who go into the fic will only care about Buddie. Will they really care about a scene told from Michael's POV? Or from Michelle Blake's POV, for example? Will they really care about how Athena or Paul or TK play the game? I definitely care — but at the end of the day, I do want people to read this thing and not glaze over for 75% of the story 😂

So the dilemma I'm essentially facing now is which audience I should cater the story to — the 9-1-1/Survivor fans (who are fewer in number, but would probably be invested in the scenes of all the characters and the actual outcome of the game), or Buddie fans (who are higher in number, but may just want to cut to the chase of Buck and Eddie getting together)? The full story is definitely the one I'd prefer to write and would be most fulfilling for me personally, but it would also be loads more work, and for possibly a lot less "return on investment", so to speak. We'll see! It's something I ponder over every day, honestly. If anyone reading this has any strong opinions on the subject, please let me know!

5) have you ever made a playlist about something you were writing as an elaborate means to procrastinate when you could have been actually writing and if yes drop a link, son

Answered here! Be forewarned, it's all Survivor soundtrack music and will not be everyone's cup of tea. That being said, I feel like the "emotional" songs are incredibly beautiful. They really set a tone, even outside the context of Survivor, and unironically bring a tear to my eye. I usually put them on when I'm trying to really dig deep and articulate very profoundly sad or hopeful emotions.

13) talk about a writing experience that has pleasantly surprised you.

When I was new to Tumblr, I had a lot of stuff written, but really wanted a second opinion on it. So I put out a call for beta readers that would be willing to help me. I expected zero response, and if by some miracle somebody did reach out, I wasn't sure of the quality person I would end up with, since I was essentially asking for the help of total strangers. I struck gold because not one, not two, but three amazing people reached out to me offering to help, and have been completely invaluable in giving me honest feedback on my writing. I really feel like the quality has grown a lot since I started working with them, and I always look forward to their comments when I send them a new chapter 😊

47) what story are you most proud of?

Right now, I am most proud of my Are You The One? AU. I feel like all nine matches are pretty well thought out, and I've had so much fun dropping in little subtle hints about who's paired with who. I really want to finish it soon, if for no other reason than I want to see people play along and try to solve the logic puzzle! I'm proud of the amount of planning and forethought that went into it to make the puzzle playable and the story (particularly the Buddie part) satisfying, and I really hope it all pays off!

Send me another ask from this list!