#but it's still a nagging feeling that comes back to me every so often U_U

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Wondering if I feel weird about jobs bc I have almost exclusively worked high stress high turnover jobs

[olivieblake]

So I have a lot of feelings

Hello Olivie! First of all, I want to apologise for my messy english as it isn’t my first language and i get really anxious about doing mistakes. don’t worry about it! I regularly feel stupid that at best I only speak one and a half. 

Okay, now that i’ve got that out of the way: boy, oh boy, have i got some feelings. 

I discovered you, I think, back in 2017?, when you started writing Nobility. I stumbled by accident by that little fanfiction of yours, and let me tell you, I was hooked. I loved the fierceness and rage you gave your female characters. They were allowed to scream, to fail, to be messy, and cruel and complicated and I LOVED IT. always nice to hear! Back then I sent you an ask saying your little experiment of suddenly changing from a narrative voice to theatrical one was a delight. I do remember that ask. A lot of people didn’t care for it, so I remember being especially grateful to hear you thought it was interesting. It was my dream to, one day, have prose as elegant charming and captivating as yours. After you finished it (and I suppose I should come clean from my sins and confess I’m silent reader type, too shy to leave any comments on any work of fiction, feeling I wouldn’t be able to convey all of my emotions correctly and in a way the author could enjoy just so you know, this is definitely a misconception. We don’t expect any brilliant commentary! We just want to know we’re not alone here in the internet void. If you read something I wrote and it made you feel something, I always want to know about it.). After skimming through some the stories on Amortentia, I got busy with life and I kinda forgot about you. lol. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ 

Fast foward in time, and I don’t now why but a few months ago, while you were in the middle of writing Divinaton for Skeptics, I stumbled upon you once again.  Once again I has fallen in love with your writing, your characters and your worlds. This time I stayed, tough, and followed Lady Vengeance from start to finish, waiting for each chapter as a lost man awaits the water on a desert. After you tied the ribbon with that story, I, once again, just gave it the customary kudos and felt the mandatory guilt for not doing much more. this has been a tough year for me, so it’s nice to hear you came back!

Around this time, I vagely remember seeing a post of yours saying something along the lines of how it seemed that people were losing interest in your writing and how that made you feel. sigh, yes It was this moment that made me decide: i would like to do more. I would like to do more for this person that pours her heart and soul into some wonderful stories we have the privilige to be able to read for free. awww this is so nice of you to say So, looking through your books descriptions, I bought the Kindle version of Fairytales of the Macabre (i would love to get the physical copies someday, but as of right now i’m a broke college student it seems i will have to wait jajaja yeah, I get it. I try to price everything as low as possible so it’s easier for you to have some version, doesn’t matter which). Life kinda got in the way, with the typical stuff you can spect: mental health got worse, medication didn’t seem to help, I know this story well lots of workload, trying to study as for to pass the car license writing exam… I kinda forgot about the book. understandable

It wasn’t until one month early, while i was in a particulary boring two hours class, that i decided to take a peek. And bo, oh boy, I had devoured the entire thing at the end of the class. (And being sincere with you, omg if it wasn’t torture having to contain my giggles of delight and fangirl thoughts while reading it). I fell in love: I smiled with Pins and Needles, gave my heart away to the Animation Games, and loved the twist at the end of Sensual Tales for Carnal Pleasures. Fates and Consequences hooked me with its premise and i stayed for the themes it tackled. I’m happy to hear it!

Honestly, after a months long reader’s block (and a years worth writer’s block too), being able to read something else than fanfictions —and a REALLY GOOD FICTION at that— was a sweet liberation. And that freedom felt so good I decided to buy Midsummer Night Dreams —and gave FotM a 5 stars on Goodreads—. thank you so much! Life got on my way once again, and it wasn’t up until two days ago, when my heart, mind and soul were shaking ‘cos of the hunger of the ghost of my depression, that I opened Midsummer. And once again, after doing so, I just couldn’t stop. honestly I do think the fairytale collections are a great choice to read post-depression. a lot of the stories tackle themes of loneliness and finding yourself—I wrote a lot of them from a place of personal longing, so I can see why it might help. they’re very wistful stories. I read it in class, on the bus on my way home, while eating out in bars. Like that, it was finished in no time. And I felt admiration for your entire persona once more: the power and love for writing you can express through words has no name, but i love it to my core (plus, your prose is like a good hot chocolate, sweet and sating, with a bitter touch at the end, and a melancholic feeling after having finished it oooh I love that). I even started fangirling (and nagging ) to a friend who isn’t a particular fan of the romance genre about how she MUST read your works. thank you so much! I’m so honored.

Today, after putting the 5 starts on Goodreads for Midsummer, I gifted myself with The Lovers Grim, which i suspect will be a victim to my hunger on my flight to go back home. I hope you like it! It’s definitely my favorite of the three. And after seeing it on my Kindle, i gathered my courage and decided that even if I was too shy to review each and every one of your works or/and chapters, I would like to send you this love letter on your Tumblr, because not only have your works been my solace on difficult times, but because I feel you deserve to now how much you impact and help your readers, both with your youtube videos —which, goddammit, i have to catch up to— and your works. I do appreciate that more than I can say. It can be very lonely on this side of the screen, so it can often be an enormous comfort to hear from you. 

Keep writing and bringing joy, I beg you. And Happy Holidays to you <3 You are so sweet. Thank you so much for supporting me and my work. Reading my books is the absolute nicest thing you could ever possibly do for me!

PD: I still haven’t read any of the Advent prompts, but as a woman studying on STEM right now (civil engineering), i am thrilled to get to it asap. they’ll be here for you when you’re ready!

PD 2: Sorry for the long ass post u_u. no problem. I’d rather hear it than not!