#but it's so fucking funny that priya will grit her teeth and be helpful while malini is somewhere like fuck em

[paragon-of-anxiety]

the jasmine throne is amazing. the two main characters are: a woman so deeply committed to being kind that she's worried about losing more of her humanity with the more power she gains and This Cunt.

[hyperspacial]

I Just Want You to be Happy

it’s missing Priya o’clock. I wanted to write a confrontation of my MC, Sveta, demanding to know why Bobby sent Priya home. This would be after day 17, when the girls come back from casa. Literally every run I’ve played turns into a Noah run, so fair warning, Sveta is pining for Noah in this one.

Warnings: Strong language

~2k

     She didn’t even mean to go up to the roof terrace, her legs just carried her up there. Gary may have said something from across the counter as she walked through the kitchen, but she just silently made her way towards the stairs with the same blank look on her face, mouth pressed into a thin line. Gary and her needed to figure things out too, but that barely registered.

     It seemed like she just appeared in the doorway of the terrace, silently standing, arms crossed tightly. To Bobby and Lottie it would’ve looked as if she was angry, but the pressure of her arms was desperately holding together her composure. They didn’t notice her for a minute, as they continued quietly talking while leaning against the railing. Bobby caught her eye first, or rather, caught isn’t the right word. Bobby felt her eyes boring into him and looked over his shoulder first. 

     “Sveta-” he said loudly, as much in surprise as a warning to Lottie, who quickly closed her mouth and frowned.Sveta started walking towards him, faster than necessary, and he put his hands up. She wasn’t going to hit him, or at least, that wasn’t the current plan. 

     “What your fucking game, mate?” She allowed herself to bark. She had a whole speech in her head that was rapidly dissolving. 

     “Sveta I-”

     “Don’t come up here like that with him, I’m fuming too,” Lottie took a step forward. “You know how I feel about Gary and after the casa-”

     Sveta took a sharp breath before turning to Lottie, her face softening.

      “Love, I know, and we’ll talk. I promise we’ll talk. But I need to steal Bobby’s ear for a minute.”

     Lottie rolled her eyes and started to say something when Sveta reiterated, “I promise, Lottie. You know I don’t lie to you. I need to have a proper chat with you, and Gary, and Noah, and basically everyone else in here. But I’ll come to you first. Please.”

     Lottie stared at the space above Sveta’s head as she pleaded, and then shrugged. “Fine, we’ll talk later. Later tonight.”

     Sveta nodded, smiling tightly, hoping to catch Lottie’s eye before she turned away and left. She had no such luck. She should’ve expected as much re-coupling with Gary, but… Lottie didn’t have a monopoly on that boy, and he had wanted to couple with her. Had said he just wanted to put all the villa stuff behind them and be a proper couple for a bit. That would be a feat to try and make Lottie understand, but at least her conceding a potential argument was a start.

      Bobby had turned to face Sveta, running his lower teeth against his lip, trying to figure out why she was so furious with him. Noah had switched on her, Lottie was his current partner, he couldn’t figure out why Sveta was targeting him. Or perhaps, he had an inkling.

     “Why, Bobby? Why. Just… Why?!!”

     “I don’t-”

      “We’ve always been good mates, right? I always give you a proper laugh, even if what you’ve said isn’t the funniest. I do it because I think you’re funny and we have a good banter, but… I also do it because I support you. I thought you supported me too.”

     “I do! What are you getting at?”

     “You sent her home, Bobby!” Tears that had been building now spilt out of Sveta’s eyes. Her ankles were starting to shake, which he hadn’t seen before, and when she noticed him looking she angrily kicked off her wedges. They were both silent for a moment.

     “It was the right thing to do.”

     “Oh was it? Was it the right thing to do?! I don’t understand your morality, then, Bobby. I thought the right thing to do is support your friends, to clearly tell people what you intend to do and then not blindside them. Priya had no idea! She told me she was relieved when you got to pick because she thought you two were solid-”

     “As a friendship couple,” he couldn’t help but allow some of the petulance into his voice. He was frustrated too. 

     “As friends, Bobby. A friend would’ve given her the courtesy of an apology. An explanation. Something.”

      “It was a weird situation, Sveta. No one knew going in that the singles weren’t going to all be sent home. I thought you and I might be both going home after Noah decided to bring Blake-”

      “I’m not talking about Blake or Noah, Bobby. When they decided singles get to pick who stays, you made a choice to send Priya home. Over Hope?!? Hope, Bobby. She’s been super controlling and rude all summer.”

     “I saved her for Noah, you know that.”

       “That’s what I don’t understand, because you were the one telling me to go for him. You knew I liked him and encouraged that. You encouraged Priya too. I thought you supported us.  We both were interested in him, and god has that been the one hitch in our relationship. First you, then when I didn’t want you and was kind of interested in Henrik she snapped him up, which was fine because Gary is so kind but then Priya and I both like Noah and-. And you know what, that was okay? Because she was such a kind person, Bobby! You knew that. She was the smartest, most beautiful, kindest person in here! We loved each other regardless of constantly competing, because we were both being fair to each other. Can’t say the same about you.”

        “Sounds like you wanted to couple up with her,” he quipped bitterly.

       “Maybe I would have! If she wanted it. But you coupled with her too. You know how wonderful she is. And you just sent her packing without a second thought-”

         “It wasn’t without a second though, Sveta,” the anger had been rising since she mentioned Noah, and if she wasn’t going to bring him up he sure was going to. “I cared about Priya too, and I care so much about you. You risked everything to be with Noah- the viewer’s favor, your relationship with Gary, everything! And you gave him everything the night before you all left-”

        “That’s not-”

        “-and then he spent all of the time with the new girls pining for Hope. And then switching to Blake. He hasn’t even tried to talk to you, Sveta. How could you let him do that to you? I’d never do that to you.”

         “I know! Okay? I know. I’m upset that he’s been icing me out for Hope and I’m absolutely humiliated that he let Blake go on like that.  I’m angry with Noah, but I’m more angry with you because at least he doesn’t feel secure in how he’s feeling, but you do.”

       “Sure seems like you’re angry at him, the look on your face when the producers announced that people from the least popular couples could be saved.”

        “Yeah, I was excited. Because it meant my best friend wasn’t doomed to leave. This is as much about Priya as it is about Noah and Hope. And yeah, because it also meant I could get a chance to talk to him. I don’t know what Blake told him or what went on here but I wish I did!”

       “You just keep giving him more chances, Sveta. When are you going to realize he’s not that into you.”

      “You’re the one who encouraged me to go after him in the first place!”

      “So that you’d see he’s not good for you!”

       Her jaw dropped open in shock. His gaze fell as he realized what he’d just said. The sound of crickets and muffled chatter floated up to fill in the sudden silence, but Sveta could only hear the blood pounding in her head. 

      It was a few minutes before she spoke, the tears having stopped rolling as her fury froze deep inside of her.

     “So that’s all this was for you, then. A game for me to lose interest in Noah?”

     “It’s not a game, Sveta.” He said quietly, still staring at the ground, “I didn’t control how badly he’s been treating you.”

     “So you kept Hope instead of Priya to keep me away from him.”

       He took an even breath, “maybe. I just thought that he’s hurt you enough and if he was going to stay, at least he shouldn’t get to mope around and make you feel miserable because Hope left.” 

      “So what then? Hope and Noah are back together, the only girl who would have grown fond of you is send packing.”

     He gritted his teeth, that comment cutting deeper than all the others. “Priya and I were just friends, and she’s not-”

     “She absolutely was, Bobby. I don’t know what kind of game you think you’re playing. I don’t know- Actually I do know what you’ve been doing. I’m not blind, I can see when someone has a crush on me. I’ve told you again and again I don’t see you like that. And for some fucking reason you’ve still held on. Is that why you felt the need to orchestrate all of this, because you thought I would fall back in your arms and be excited about it this time?”

     “I just want you to be happy.” He said quietly, not meeting her eyes.

     “I don’t want you, Bobby. I might not want Gary, but at least he’s nice about it and giving me time and space to figure it out. But I don’t want someone who will encourage me to pursue someone to what? Test me? Show me that there’s no one in the villa for me? Think that you know better than me about my own goddamn feelings and relationships? What the hell, Bobby?”

     He didn’t respond, tears in his own eyes, staring at the ground. She kept going.

     “You sent home my best friend. Priya’s the only one in this house that I can trust to tell me what’s actually happening. I can’t believe neither of us saw this happening. And yeah, you know what, Noah is being an ass? I can’t figure out if him not stopping Blake from saying that or the sweeping cinderella shit with Hope pisses me off more. But for some reason, I can forgive him for it. I knew he was uncomfortable coupling with me, but I had the smallest thought that maybe if Hope was gone we could work things out and grow together. And you know, that kind of felt like a bone the producers were throwing. Because I haven’t connected with anyone in here the way I want to, Noah’s my type on paper, and he’s really sweet when we get the chance to be together. Gary’s such a sweetheart and he’s been supportive through all of this but I can’t escape the feeling that I’m settling. I just keep thinking he’d be easy to just recouple with like he keeps hinting at and maybe I’ll learn to love him as much as he likes me. I mean shit, after a whole villa full of new boys and none of them were right- maybe I’m not meant to find someone. I even had the thought at some point like ‘did I write Bobby off too quickly, maybe I can make it work?’, god am I ever glad that wasn’t true. I just… I cannot believe you thought this would be a good idea.”

     “It wasn’t some sort of plot,” he said, pulling his eyes up from the ground to meet hers, a little surprised by the fire still burning behind them.

     “Then what was it, Bobby? You told me to go after Noah, after I kissed him you supported me, and now you’ve kept the person keeping us apart and sent home my only friend to do it.”

      “Priya wasn’t your only fr-”

      “No? Because you’re sure as hell making it seem like she was.”

      He exhaled loudly, not having the words or will to keep fighting her. He wanted to believe that she was just angry and venting at him, but some small part knew he deserved it.

      After a long pause, she walked over to him. He looked up expectantly, heart suddenly racing. His mind flashed to what he’d last eaten, when he’d last applied lip balm, when-

      Her voice was low and laced with poison as she stared into his eyes, “stay the fuck away from me. I don’t want to be your girl, and I certainly don’t want to be your friend.” 

      He opened and closed his mouth a few times, mind absolutely reeling, but she’d already turned and started to leave. He couldn’t muster anything to say as he watched her. When she was gone he just stood there, gripping the railing, shell shocked.

      Seven minutes passed, and he was still glued to that spot when she walked back through the door. He turned hopefully, starting to say her name.

      “Shut up. I just forgot my shoes,” she snapped, not looking at him. She snatched up her heels and left again. He didn’t watch her leave this time.