#but it's been rattling around in my brain for a while

[obfuscateyummy]

Fresh Out the Slammer

Andrew Cody x F!Reader

SO I had this idea pop into my head - and it got out of hand and I wrote ~2.3k words and this is the result. with more to come because I can only write series :') Fic title from the Taylor Swift song - because the thoughts I got when it came on shuffle - it's Pope coded in my brain forever now. goodbye.

I'm not the best at warnings so if I missed something lmk. TW - Age gap (reader same age as Deran, around 26-27 when the series starts. Hidden Pregnancy. Mention of drug use. not much in this fic. A lot of fluff. A lot of happy Pope - because baby deserves a happy ending. Tried to write reader as neutral as possible, but is female. Reader is mentioned to have a named sister. No use of y/n (GO ME) Spoilers if you haven't seen AK episode 2.2 (although we hate baz in this club and I HONESTLY believe it wasn't the first time he told pope that oops.) This takes place during 1.01 - as soon as Pope is paroled.

Paroled early from Folsom Prison was a good thing for most. For Pope, it caused fear. Fear that his one true fear would come true. The two of you had been together for 3 years before he went to prison. He hadn’t seen you since the day he went to prison. You never once came to visit him. There were calls. There were letters. But he needed to see your face. He needed to find out why you never came to see him.

“Mama! Push me!” Your daughter was yelling at you from her small swing set in your backyard. 

“Okay Park, one more push,” you said as you pushed your toddler. She giggled and swung her feet. The swing started to slow and you helped her off the swing. She strolled over and sat in the grass, playing with some of the toys she had outside.

You heard a soft rattle towards your gate leading to your backyard. You looked around the corner and saw him. It couldn’t be. He still had 3 more years left in Folsom. A smile crept across your face as you quickly turned your attention back to your daughter.

“Park, stay back here and play ok? Mama will be right back,” you said.

He came in the gate, closed it, and stood with his back to it. You took off and ran towards him. In that moment, you realized just how much you missed him. He just watched you, staring. It’s what he did. When you got close enough for him to speak you said, “Andrew, love! What are you-”

“I got paroled. Came straight here,” he said as he shrugged his shoulders.

“My love, I wish you would’ve told me. I would have driven up and-” You went to wrap your arms around him and kiss him.

“Why didn’t you come visit?” He asked as he moved away from you. He wanted you. But he had to confirm if his suspicions were true.

“Andrew, I wrote to you almost every day, and we talked on the phone three times a week,” you said.

Andrew shook his head, “But why didn’t you visit me, sweetheart?” 

Why didn’t you visit? The day of the bank heist that sent him to prison, you found out you were pregnant. You were going to tell him after the job. You couldn’t risk Smurf finding out without Andrew there to protect both of you. Plus, she’d hold it over Andrew’s head while he was in prison. That would have broken him. You did the only thing you thought was right. You didn’t tell him. You planned to take your daughter up when Andrew was released and have him meet her when he was out. Try and start a life away from the Cody’s. “Andrew..” You had no idea how to tell him.

“Was there someone else?” he asked sternly, but without anger.

You bit your lip. If you said no, you’d be lying - there was your daughter. If you said yes - how could you explain it. “Andrew, I-, We need to talk,” you motioned for him to come further into your yard but he stood still giving you his signature stare that drove you mad in the best way. “Before you got arrested, I-” You looked into his eyes and he looked like he was going to cry. Fuck, does he think you’re breaking up with him? You thought as tears began to form in your own eyes.

Before you could continue, small footsteps were creeping behind you. “Mommy?” Parker said.

Andrew’s eyes went wide as they darted to the small girl behind you. 

You turned around and looked at Andrew’s clone. Her bouncy and dark auburn curls and scattered freckles on her face, and hazel eyes. If you didn’t carry her for 9 months, you wouldn’t think she was even your kid.

“Yes, Park?” You asked your daughter.

Andrew instantly began to do the math in his head. He didn’t think she could be much older than 2. There had to have been someone else. The math was right, but no, she couldn’t be his, he thought. No one would want to have a kid with him. Baz had told him that before, and he’d likely tell him until the day he died.

You speaking again is what brought Andrew back to reality. “Yeah, let’s go inside,” you said as the toddler nodded and walked towards the door. Andrew followed you into the door, which entered into your kitchen.

“Sorry, it’s kinda a mess - toddler problems,” you said as you put some lemonade in your daughter’s sippy cup. “Here Park,”

“Thanks Mama,” she said as she walked to living room, sitting on the floor and watching whatever cartoon was left on.

You sighed as you looked at Andrew. “You can come in,” you said.

Andrew didn’t move from where he was standing. “You have a daughter?” Andrew asked. 

You swallowed hard as you spoke, “This isn’t how I wanted to tell you.” You shook your head in disbelief. After three years of hiding it, this was how he found out.

“There was someone else, wasn’t there?” Andrew said. He was hurt, you could tell by his tone. 

You walked closer to him as you spoke. “Damnit Andrew, she’s yours!” Tears started to fall, and once the words came out they didn’t stop. You said almost everything you’ve wanted to for the past 3 years. 

“I found out the day you- I had a whole fucking dinner planned. I was going to tell you that night. And instead I get Deran at my door telling me the job went sideways and you got arrested,” you looked at him as you started aggressively wiping the tears streaming down your face. “I couldn’t tell you. It would have killed you to not be here. D-Deran told Smurf I had a one-night stand because she couldn’t know, we know how that would go. Smurf, she’s never seen Parker, I don’t take her if I go around the house; they’d all figure it out the minute they saw her. Deran is the only one who knows.” 

You looked up at him, he had this look on his face you couldn’t quite read, “Fuck, I-I am so sorry, love,” you said as your legs started shaking as the cries turned into sobs. You almost fell to your knees, but Andrew caught you.

“I got you,” he said as he moved for the first time since he walked back into your home and he took you into his arms, steadying you. God, it felt so good to be back in his arms. You pulled yourself closer to him. You could feel his heart beating, the one thing that always grounded you instantly. “You sure? I mean, she’s mine…she’s ours?” He asked, like he needed you to say it.

“Haven’t slept with anyone else in 6 years, Andrew. Plus did you see her? She’s yours.” You said as you kept yourself close to him, prolonging the hug.

Andrew had no problem continuing to hold you. He missed everything about you the past 3 years he was away. He spent those 3 years fantasizing and recalling the past 3 he spent with you before he was incarcerated. He missed your scent, your smile, your soft skin, the way the two of you fit together like a puzzle in the bedroom, your lips, your hands. He placed kisses along your hairline. You swore you felt his own tears hit your forehead. “I’m so fucking sorry I left you, sweetheart. I should’ve been-” he stopped talking when you both heard a knock at your door, followed by your best friend letting himself in.

“Hey,” Deran started to say to then he saw his brother standing there, “Pope?”

You lifted your head up as you heard your best friend speak.

“‘Didn’t tell me he was getting out,” Deran said hastily and directed at you.

“She didn’t know,” Andrew said sternly to his brother. “Got paroled and drove straight here.”

“Of course you did,” Deran said. “Good to see you, brother.” He hugged Pope and turned back to you.

“So, uh, I came because-”

Deran was cut off by the sound of little feet running from the other room to him, “Unc D!” Parker said as she lifted her arms for Deran to pick her up. 

“Hey Parker, you have a good day today?” Deran asked the small child, as she nodded her head. Parker had a huge smile on her face.

“Unc D, who he?” Parker said, pointing towards Andrew.

 You sighed. Of course she asked. She was always curious about everything. 

“That’s…um…” Deran started to say, unknowing that his brother already knew the secret you had both been keeping. 

You took Parker from Deran as you spoke, “I told him.” 

Deran ran his hands across his face, “Of course you did,” he said as he rolled his eyes. An action that you ignored. 

You put Parker down and bent down to her level as you talked to your toddler, “Parker, remember when I told you that you had a daddy, and he loved you very much, but he wasn’t going to be back for a long time?” Parker nodded her head. You looked up at Andrew and motioned for him to bend down. He followed your lead. “This is your daddy.” 

Parker looked at Andrew, unsure of how to react to the shocking news. Andrew was just as nervous looking at the little girl, seeing how innocent she was. He didn’t want to fuck this up. He didn’t want her to end up like him.

“Say something,” you whispered to Andrew.

“Hey uh, Parker. I’m your dad,” Andrew said. He didn’t have to say more before Parker wrapped her little arms around his neck, hugging him. 

“Daddy,” Parker said as she hugged him.

Andrew realized in that moment just how much his heart could love someone. “I love you,” he said, as he tried not to cry.

“Love you,” Parker said.

You watched the sweet moment between your boyfriend and daughter unfold. Deran stood there and shook his head. You stood up to speak to him. “He deserves to know. We talked about this.”

“You talked, I listened. Doesn’t mean I agree,” Deran said.

“Der-” you said as he cut you off.

“I just don’t think it’s a good idea,” Deran said. 

Andrew stood up and Parker went back into the living room. He walked over to you and Deran and wrapped his arms around your middle, pulling your back flesh against his chest. You smiled. It was a smile Deran hadn’t seen on you in a while. One only Andrew brought out of you. Andrew started kissing your neck.

“Andrew,” you said as you wiggled for him to stop, and turned to face him. You looked up at him, “At least kiss me right,” you said as his lips met yours, for the first time since he was released. Your lips still felt like home to him. They were soft against his. And your mouth, that same taste he loved so much. He missed this, he missed you. The two of you were lost in each other. Andrew and you broke the kiss as Deran’s phone went off.

“Uh I gotta go, Smurf just texted 911.” Deran said. 

“Probably just sees that you’re here,” you said.

“I should go with you,” Andrew said, “She has to know I’m out sometime.”

“Yeah, yeah ok, come on Pope,” Deran said. He turned his attention to you. “See ya later, yeah?”

“Yeah, see ya, D. Thanks…for everything,” you said.

“Only for you,” Deran said as he walked out of the house.

You looked at Andrew, “Are you sure you want to go?”

Andrew nodded his head, “Yeah. I’ll find a way back later. Promise.”

“Don’t make a promise you can’t keep.”

“Nothing will keep me away. Not from you. Not from her,” Andrew said looking at his daughter on the living room floor. She was lying down with her doll. 

“Can I…Can I tell her bye?” Andrew asked.

“Of course,” you said.

Andrew walked over to Parker. “Hey. I have to go. But I will be back later okay? I’ll see you soon.”

“Ok, Daddy,” Parker said as she sat up and hugged him. 

You smiled as you watched them. Andrew broke the hug and Parker laid back down. Andrew came back to you.

“I love watching you with her,” you whispered, as Deran honked his horn. “You better go, D can’t keep Smurf waiting.”

“Yeah, I know,” he was staring at you like he does. “I really missed you, sweetheart.”

“I really missed you too, my love,” you said as Andrew placed a quick peck on your lips as he turned to walk out the door. 

You stood by the door replaying all the events that just happened. He was out. He was home. He came back to you. You ran your fingers through your hair. You felt your phone vibrate. When you looked, you noticed it was your sister calling.

“Hey Lizzie,” you said. Lizzie was your older sister, who was on and off heroin every other day. She struggled to stay clean, but refused your help.

“Hey, uh, you’re still friends with uh, that one guy, Deran Cody, right?” Lizzie said on the other end. 

You sighed. She sounded worse than she had in a while. Asking about the Cody’s was never good. “Yeah, I’m still friends with Der-”

“Oh ok, yeah, um, I think you should uh, call him. His sister, uh, Julia, she.” 

Julia. Andrew’s twin sister. The one who was outcast from the Cody family, because no one got in Smurf’s way. You sighed as you spoke “Lizzie, what is going on?” you asked. You were annoyed with your sister and her antics.

“Juila is dead.”

[sytrrl-art]

it's been a while since i last posted on here! anyways, have some Mike Polycule doodles i did on mspaint because theyve been rattling around in my brain lately (mostly green pippins though lole)

[sassypantsjaxon]

Zoro offers to kill Judge

When Sanji returns from Whole Cake and his wedding and Luffy and Nami will only tell him the barest details because it's Sanji's business to tell and he isn't saying anything. Zoro says he can go and kill Judge right now and still be back in time to fight Kaido. His captain tells him No. Sanji wanted them alive. Zoro respects that, but he still offers again when Sanji finally tells him why he had to ask Zoro to kill him. Sanji manages to fake a laugh through his tears as he tells Zoro No, that's not necessary.

It's not the last time Zoro offers. When Sanji starts staring out into the distance, towards where he knows the North Blue must be, with this desolate look on his face. When he buys Zoro a good bottle of sake. When his hands start to tremble with contained strength. When he gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for everyone. There's no rhyme or reason to when or why Zoro offers. As a reassurance, as a thanks, as a promise. Sanji knows he means it, every time, and he denies him every time. He'll never admit how much he appreciates the offer. How much he wants to accept, but he just can't. It becomes a part of their courtship, just as much as their daily sparing. They'll fight over anything and everything, they'll make up again over shared food and clean dishes and naps on the deck, and Zoro will kill Judge for Sanji. Keep his beloved hands clean of his creator's blood. He offers once, in between the proposal and Luffy declaring them husbands, says It can be a wedding present, and is only joking about it being a gift for their wedding. Sanji still laughs when he says No. Sometimes they'll go so long that Sanji starts to wonder if Zoro's changed his mind, that maybe he won't kill Judge for him after all. And then one morning, out of nowhere, Zoro will catch his hand as he he's in the middle of something else, and tell him I'll do it for you, just say the word. And Sanji will tell him Not today. Sometimes he wonders if the only reason he keeps denying Zoro this one thing, it's really because hearing the offer sounds like a reassurance of the other man's love for him. And then Sanji tells Zoro about their child. And Zoro has plenty of his own concerns. Children are so fragile, both their bodies and their spirits so easily broken. But it's different for Sanji. This constant battle between joy to have this little thing growing in him, and the terror that maybe the things he's managed to fight away will be passed on to this innocent party. Zoro offers again. He'd be back home long before the child arrives. Sanji cries and tells him It wouldn't change anything now. It's the first time his answer hasn't been a no. But it's not a yes either, so Zoro waits. Maybe the day Sanji agrees will never come, but Zoro will wait for the rest of his life if the reassurance is the one thing Sanji needs. And their baby comes and Sanji laughs at how terrified Zoro is to hold them for the first time, and they look just like Zoro, and Ussop jokes that Sanji's genes didn't even put up a fight and Sanji just looks so so relieved. Their child is no stronger or more durable than any other child in the world, they cry when they're upset and laugh when they're happy and Sanji couldn't be more relieved. And Zoro knows. He knows what the answer will be the next time he asks. He knows that no child will ever go through the torment that Sanji did. He knows that Judge will never hurt another person. But he doesn't ask. Because he needs Sanji to be absolutely sure of his decision, so he doesn't ask. And still one morning, as Sanji's waking up and Zoro's going to bed, and Sanji is holding their child his his arms, with all the wonder that something so precious could be theirs, and he looks up at Zoro with a lifetime's worth of love, and tells him Yes. And Zoro says Consider it done.

He goes alone. He knows the rest of the crew would join him, destroy all of Germa 66, send it to the depths of the ocean for the sake of their kindhearted cook. But this is only Zoro's promise to keep, so he goes alone. He finds Germa without any trouble. He's always trusted to seas to bring him exactly where he needs to go, and this time is no different. It's big and cold and ugly and contradictory to everything Sanji is. Just having heard about it, Zoro had wondered how his Cook could have come from a place like this. Seeing it for himself makes him wonder even more. It's easy enough to find the palace, even easier to find the throne room. Judge recognizes him immediately. Pirate Hunter. Greatest Swordsman. First Mate to the King of the Pirates. Husband to the failed prince of Germa. It's pathetic, the way Judge begs for his life, promises Zoro anything he could want. There's only one thing he's capable of granting, and Zoro doesn't hesitate to demand it. Reiju named as his successor. He knows it's what Sanji would want. The only way to guarantee Germa's sins won't be repeated, aside from destroying it outright. There are plenty of other things Zoro wants from Judge. But none he's truly able to give. He wants Sanji's peace of mind, for himself and for their child. He wants Sanji to never wake up and fear he's back in that cell again. He wants to take all of Sanji's pain and bear it himself, but this is the best he can do. It's almost not even worth the effort it takes to kill Judge, and he almost feels bad for putting this coward's blood on his swords, except they're begging for it almost as much as Zoro is. He passes Reiju herself as he's leaving the throne room. She takes in the scene with no emotion showing on her face. Zoro isn't sure if her lack of reaction is from the modification Sanji had told him about or if this would be her response anyway. Zoro stops just past her, but doesn't turn back to look at her. Tells her Sanji has a child. Named Sora. They're safe and loved and cared for by the family he's created for himself. He thinks he hears some emotion in her voice as she tells him Good. I'm glad. Zoro doesn't stay to hear anything more. He wants to find the room Sanji was held prisoner in, destroy it, bring this whole place to the ground. But he'd only promised Sanji this one thing. He returns to the Sunny as easily as he had left. He hadn't been gone long. Everything's exactly as he left it. Sanji and Sora are still waiting for him. Sanji falls into his arms, finally free of this weight he's been carrying his entire life, looks up at Zoro with a tear filled smile and tells him Thank you.

[manicpixiedreamlestats]

listen. listen.

I know it’s a fandom joke to be like “Edwin can’t read social cues and that’s why he’s a bitch lol” but like… yes he can? I kind of think there are moments he chooses to be kind and compassionate and gentle, and then moments where he’s just being cunty on purpose. Like this scene? Right here? This is on purpose (and Crystal clocks it, and gives it right back and I love their bitchy besties dynamic).

That doesn’t make him irredeemable or mean that we can’t like him as a character or whatever (the obsession with Good and Moral characters is definitely directly contributing to fandom rot and character interpretation, in this case). But I really need people to stop pretending he doesn’t know what he’s doing, because I kind of think he does.

Take the scene with Charles and the pot that the sprites were originally in. Charles did not drop the pot like Edwin claimed. As plenty of people have pointed out at this point, he broke it on a skeleton in a moment of panic because he was protecting Edwin from those skeletons in the dandelion field.

Edwin, however, subtly changes his description of events from threw to dropped. He knows what happened. He was there. He’s also trying not to make tensions worse, and he knows telling Crystal that Charles broke the pot intentionally would escalate things. So he doesn’t tell her. (Everything works out the same in the end anyway, and they do save Niko together).

Then there’s the scene on the cliff, after Charles pushes The Night Nurse into the fish. This one is interesting to me because I feel like it gets misinterpreted so easily. Edwin tells Charles what he did was extreme. Perhaps the wording was poor, because Charles feels like he’s being criticized for what he did and crumbles. I think Edwin was concerned for Charles, though, because he steps forward and does something that Charles does for Edwin when he’s upset or stuck on a case- he reaches out to touch him. This is unusual for Edwin, but he has to know it’s meaningful for Charles if he does it so often (there’s similar shoulder touches in episodes 1&2 pictured here). That’s a small, subtle gesture that he noticed over time. (He does get shrugged off, but he did try).

Or like— people have commented on this situation. I’ve heard a lot of “surely Edwin doesn’t really think Scooby Doo is that thrilling/clever/intelligent”?

Hear me out. Niko is his friend. When you’ve made a friend, you show interest in things they enjoy so you can spend time together and get to know what is meaningful to them. That in itself means he is aware this is important to Niko, which is very sweet. (Although I would like to think he genuinely likes the book recs, I’m sure those healed something within him).

So it’s not that Edwin can’t choose to be subtle, and it’s not that he isn’t aware. It’s that he simply decides to be a bitch sometimes (and tbh I would love to go into the why behind that sometime).

[elv-doodles]

(ID in alt text)

Stan doodle dump!

Ok so. I am ill about this man i think.

[captain-dville]

(more) Things to Do With a Drunk Space Pirate

*A couple of pages from Jonny's songwriting notebook, written in his messy penmanship with many crossed-out lines and scribbled notes. There's the familiar lines from the final version, as well as others - unused, unfit for singing, or just passed over. There's the sense that most if not all of them are things that have actually been done to their resident 'Drunk Space Pirate'.*

Throw 'em in the airlock 'til they're sober

Shove 'em in the brig with a slavering moon-beast (fuck you, Ashes!)

Strap 'em to the rear hull in a spacesuit

Twenty kisses of the vibrolash (fun)

Shave their belly with a rusty razor (oh fuck all of you. it grew back uneven for weeks!)

Make 'em clean the vents while the engine's running (you steal Nastya's tools one time...)

Cut their ears and tongue out and feed them to the octokittens (bit too wordy for the song. Also, you don't need encouragement.)

Make 'em drink bleach 'til they choke on vomit (fuck that burned)

Throw 'em in the garbage chute while passed out (alright fair, that was pretty funny)

Burn all their clothes and leave them stranded (I liked those trousers!)

Take Him For a Nice Walk (TS, this isn't a suggestion box. also the walk was in SPACE and I was fucking COLD)

String them upside down in the galley (creative, but did you have to burn my clothes again?!)

[unreadable, scribbled over] (again, not a suggestion box. and I'm not singing this in front of people!)

[unreadable, scribbled over]

[unreadable, scribbled over]

I hate all of you. stop writing in my notebooks. (no) (fuck you) (fuck you!)

(A note from Ivy has been appended to the end of the pictures.

Jonny left his comms unlocked, and I believe these would be interesting to both the crew and the people on here. Rest assured that the scans have been stored in my digital archives for safekeeping -IA)

[sleepinglionhearts]

Kana may, in fact, be named Kana because it is a simple name but also I know where I started, I'm borrowing that name with great respect u___u

[island-in-the-shadows]

On Felix Catton & Disgust/Desire

I had been waiting for a long while now to write this post. I wanted to do another full re-watch before I got into it because the ideas for this have been sitting in my mind for a long time. This is going to be a long post and, hopefully, not super pretentious. Most of us fans of Saltburn know, to some degree or another, that the core themes of the film revolve around disgust, desire, and obsession. And the biggest entry point to discuss this is the actions of our protagonist, Oliver Quick re the object of his disgust/desire/obsession Felix Catton.

I've written before that I believe that Oliver did know Felix and that Felix was emotionally vulnerable and candid with Oliver. I further stated that we, the audience, are forbidden from knowing the details of this intimacy because Oliver does not want us to truly know Felix. This means that the bits we get of Felix are small and very subtle. It means that we can interpret Felix's core personality, true intent, true desires in a litany of ways. My opinion is, realistically, no more valid than anyone else's. But for today, I wanted to discuss what I view, from the bits that we get, is Felix's relation with the core themes of the film. And, because I saw a truly heinous takes about a different fandom I'm in and I don't want to think about it, my brain said: hey...let's talk about Felix Catton and his disgust and desire.

Pt. 1: "Only rich people can afford to be this filthy."

When Oliver says the above, he and Felix are in Felix's messy and disgusting dorm room at Oxford. When you take a closer look at the room (which I admit was difficult on my first few views because Felix is lit and positioned to take all of your focus), it is a total shit show. There's clothes everywhere, empty containers everywhere, other unidentifiable debris...honestly wouldn't shock me if there was some used condom somewhere. We know from Oliver that, not only does it look like chaos, it smells terrible. However, Felix is unbothered. He is concerned only with the heat which, in this case, is an external force that he cannot control no matter his good looks, his charms, his pedigree, or his money. By what we see, Felix is quite happy and content in the filth. It is only when Oliver points out the filth and points out that Felix won't take care of it, that Felix reacts negatively.

Felix, as we know, is very accustomed to his messes being cleaned up for him. Before we even get to Saltburn it's a safe assumption to make. Prior to college/uni, he would've gone to some posh boarding school or other. I doubt that they were made to clean everything in boarding school (though if any of you know please let me know). We also know that wealthy people tend to have hired staff who clean for them. This is a young man who has never had to clean up his spilled milk and it has never even occurred to him to do it.

However, the important bit to note is not that Felix is messy and that it doesn't occur to him to clean. What's important to note is that the mess simply does not bother him. Just because he is born to extreme wealth and privilege does not mean that he would have to be this way. There's been germaphobe rich people or people who prefer to have a minimalistic space or any number of things. Regardless of wealth, some people are fine with mess and some people require mess to be done away with immediately. Felix is in the former category. He certainly must notice the mess at some point (even if, clearly, he's nosebleed to it) but he is comfortable in his space.

This is also true of his room at Saltburn. We barely see it, I know, but let's take a look at that glossy af pic of it from the Architectural Digest Article...

There is crap EVERYWHERE. The more you look at it the more crap you find. You can't even say that it's perfectly clean either because there's dirty clothes in spots, there's multiple pillows on the ground, there's a random used water glass, there's either toilet paper or paper towels on the night stand, the bed isn't perfectly made, I could go on. Chaos and filth and mess is, technically, Felix's natural habitat. It's the kind of mess that is surrounded by opulence, certainly, but it's still a mess.

Only rich people can afford to be this messy because they can also dictate when and where their staff cleans. Presumably, there are things in Felix's bedroom (perhaps the toilet paper/paper towels which have a...purpose) which he has instructed Duncan to leave alone. Or Elspeth has put terms for how often the maids come in the rooms. It could be framed in a multitude of ways. The point stands that Felix can exist in these chaotic and, even, disgusting spaces because he chooses to be. What his privilege does, then, is afford him absence from judgment.

We see the staff at Saltburn clean up after the party. We see that they quietly replaced a broken mirror before anyone can question the cracks. We never see the staff judge. Do they? Certainly they must, we all have opinions. But do they express their judgement to the masters of the house? No. It's not their place to do so. They are considered staff and therefore their opinions do not come into play for the Cattons nor would they want to hear them. Even Duncan's genuine unease and grief after Felix dies is mostly kept under control. He's not paid to express his emotions or his thoughts, after all.

And why go into all of this? Because Felix is content to live in the mess, to revel in the gross and in some version of the abject. What Felix cannot handle is being confronted with his pleasure. To me, this (along with wanting to separate Oliver from staff when the younger boy starts actively cleaning) is the main reason why he snaps when Oliver points out the disgusting state of the dorm. He does not need or want to know how he fits outside a specific role that he was born to play and, likely, believes he has to play. Even if it didn't occur to him to clean, he could've used his wealth and influence to find someone to clean for him. But he didn't. Because it doesn't bother him. Oliver being bothered and pointing out that Felix is so wealthy that he can live in the filth is what bothers him, instead.

Pt. 2 "Was it? Was it awful?"

I am going to keep this section short, because there have been much better posts about this and I, personally, go back and forth on this all the time. Regardless, Felix having an interest in a made up fantasy of a shitty childhood and what he can, likely, envision as some Dickensian nightmare of a situation falls into his relation to disgust and desire. What Felix knows of true poverty and addiction likely comes from media or exaggerated stories from people who have been in contact with someone who was an addict or something to that extent. His imagination must be running wild with theories. And while I do think that he did have good intentions regarding Oliver when it comes to this, his demeanour also shows an attraction to the grotty aspects of it. Oliver only ever calls him out on this, to a degree, in the maze. Before this, Felix can be interested in what he imagines is the horror of Oliver's childhood but not be caught out as being a tragedy whore or someone with a saviour complex or anything else, because his interest is not being pointed out. Again, he has an interest or desire for mess and chaos as long as it is not pointed out.

Pt. 3 "You're supposed to be here with me."

Let's, briefly, talk about queerness. Let's talk about how Felix has an image to maintain. How he has expectations put upon him. Yes, he has privilege and wealth beyond understanding, but these things often have a tradeoff. Celebrities, for example, have to forfeit a lot of their privacy. Royalty and nobility (regardless of country) often forfeit chunks of their privacy and the possibility of living outside of a script (publicly, at any rate). Felix CANNOT go off script.

He is implied to be the heir to Saltburn and everything that comes with it: money, land, title, expectations. Like in the days of old, it's probably expected of him to produce an heir. It's also expected of him to marry a lady from his class in order to produce said heir. And, back in 2006/7, people were less acceptating of LGBTQ+ people that they are now, and Same-Sex marriage was not a thing in the UK and it wouldn't be for another 7 or so years. So Farleigh, who will inherit nothing and only ever be given scraps, can embrace his queerness; Felix cannot.

Personally, I believe that Felix did have some sort of interest in Oliver. It's not just in the fact that he is possessive of Oliver to the point of disregarding his family. It's in all the Bambi eyed looks that we see Felix give Oliver. You could argue that these are exaggerations from Oliver but then, how do you explain the POV shots we get of Felix looking at Oliver? How they are also romance coded, lustful, pinky and fluffy? There is something there. To what extent there was something is pure conjecture. But, I personally believe that he had some kind of feelings for Oliver but could not express those feelings and, to an extent, found his feelings for Oliver disgusting.

Even if his mother is, in her way, tolerant of queer people, this does not mean that she would be ok with Felix being with a man. I doubt his father, who is in his 60s at the time, would be any happier about it. Again, Felix needs to have an heir and take over Saltburn. So, at most, they would've tolerated that Felix had a "friend" tucked away somewhere that Felix could go to every so often. Queerness is not the desired outcome and so, at some point, Felix would've had to separate any feelings from the matter. And, hypothetically, in boarding school any hand jobs etc. from other boys would be viewed as part of a norm that exists within the realm of "no homo."

So, given he has been emotionally intimate with Oliver and, given that he has felt more for Oliver than he probably thinks he should, he feels disgust as much as he feels desire. He can, and personally I think does, want Oliver, but feels disgusted by his feelings and has a strong desire to keep them channeled in the "appropriate" way. Just the same, he gets jealous and he does not want to share. He cannot abide by Oliver being free to pursue another partner (guarantee he would be equally as incensed if he had found out about Farleigh and it probably would've slightly registered had Oliver actually slept with Indabel). It's specifically a slap in the face that it's Venetia who has done this kind of thing before and who is allowed to be physical with these friends of Felix's with whom Felix does not feel he could or should be physically intimate. Thus, the possession and the jealousy and the spurned wife behaviour of it all.

Pt. 4 "You make my fucking blood run cold."

Bref, I think Felix had good intentions but poor thinking skills when he wanted to take Oliver to his parents' house. Multiple posts have discussed this bit and I do think he wanted to further trauma bond with Oliver the way they further trauma bonded when Oliver's dad "died", afterwards, per the script, they were "closer than ever." And then they had that intimate moment on the bridge and spent some time there completely alone instead of being at a giant party. I think he thought that the experience would bring them closer and that he would be there to, in his way, protect Oliver. And I still think this plays in to all the little ways in which Felix desires disgust and is disgusted by his desires. But he does it anyway.

The betrayal of trust and intimacy that follows has to feel like a bomb has gone off in Felix's mind. But what's worse for him, again this is solely my opinion, is that he still desires Oliver regardless. It might not have fully formed in his head and he then dulled it with drugs and alcohol and with his shoddy attempt at fucking Indabel in the maze, but possibly the inkling of why Oliver lied the way he did had entered his brain. Oliver already tried to explain. Told Felix in the hallway when they got back that he wanted to be Felix's friend. And Felix likely relived his entire relationship with Oliver including what Oliver just told him. And, to me, Felix was not entirely opposed to it. He didn't immediately kick out Oliver or cause too much of a fuss. He wanted space. He wanted to not think about it for a while. But Oliver forced his hand.

Again, here we have a Felix who is disgusted by his desire. A Felix who, deep down, knows that he likes that Oliver lied. That he likes that Oliver desires him so much that he would do anything for him. Likes that, despite NEVER wanting anyone to know the most debauched parts of him, Oliver is close to knowing all of his darkest parts and loving him for them just the same. But a Felix who, nonetheless, does not allow himself to revel in the filth once it's pointed out.

And Oliver points it out. In a big way. "Everyone puts on a show for Felix! [...] doesn't this just prove how much of a good friend I actually am? How well I actually know you!" He does know him. Felix knows this. Felix CANNOT go off script. Felix cannot acknowledge his love for things that are disgusting or less than savoury. So too he cannot allow them or acknowledge them here. And then we have something in the script vs. how Jacob actually looked that's what inspired me to write this overly long post in the first fucking place.

This is not the exact beat. Because this is after Felix says his line about his blood running cold. The vibe is the same, though. Regardless...is THAT the fact of disgust? Because to me, that is not disgust. That is some form of desire that most mortals will never experience. But then...it also IS disgust. Because the two are intertwined for him. Because he desires because of the disgust at the situation and at the lengths of debasement Oliver will go to to please him. He is a boy who loves mess and chaos and who makes his home there. And, to whatever extent, his heart could've made a home in the mess and chaos and filth that Oliver brought to the table. Even if Felix has to be disgusted at his desires and prevent them. Even if Oliver took any option or opportunity away from Felix.

Oliver makes his blood run cold, but Felix never said that was a bad thing. And it isn't. Just as Oliver revels in the filth of bodies and their fluids and the inferred possession that comes with them, so too Felix revels in the filth of places and things he shouldn't want and things he can only truly savour in the shadows where no one points them out.

TL;DR Felix is as much of a freak as Oliver is, though in a different way. He is shown to be comfortable and even like messy and gross things but, he only does so when it's not pointed out. He can be, to a point, physically close and emotionally intimate with Oliver and, even partially overlook a betrayal of this intimacy, but only if it's never pointed out. Only if it doesn't break with the expectations and social script on which he has been raised and to which he has to stick. He serves to demonstrate the relationship with disgust and desire as much as Oliver does, but his relation is more subtle and harder to see. And maybe, just maybe, given time, he would've at least bent the script.

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Super sorry for how long this is, I just needed to get it out! Thanks to @ollieapologist for being my biggest cheerleader about this post. Sorry if this is incoherent!

[only-lonely-www]

Happy Tachiharu Day!!!! 💛

[torture-themed]

"No, no, I'm not a vampire hunter! I'd rather not hurt you at all, actually. No, I'm your redemption. I'm here to turn you human again."

[charlies-trainhopping]

Cookie run kingdom but its Droplet Cookie (aka Shizuku Hinomori)

[thegodstheycall]

The gods will meet you where you are. Through highs and lows, pride and humility, beginnings and ends. Just be open and honest and vulnerable, and they will meet you where you are.

[bugsinshoes]

"HEYA ROMEO"

[microwavetoaster-selfships]

I think I need that "Wow, I haven't stubbed my toe in five months! I was then shot fifty-seven times." Audio again

[lakeshorediving]

what if I was evil and wrote about Kevin being kidnapped, getting himself out, and making a final phone call to Wymack.

[jamiethebee]

Hey Spinner fans....

What if, I gave Spinner the Danny phantom (phandom) treatment? (I mean, a full on vivisection, testing, torture, (tail) amputation fic.) Would anyone want that ooooor??