#but it's also pretty much inevitable bc my brain can't follow where hers goes atm
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i don't know how to explain to people that my sister saying and doing odd things doesn't upset me, i am upset that she is upset and i don't know how to interact with her or what things are harmful or helpful
#i just hate that she is so distressed#and interacting with her requires a whole new set of social skills that i absolutely do not have#i can safely do parallel play and sitting quietly with her but beyond that i am lost#and what i actively do often upsets her. even sticking to obvious stuff like validating emotions and making sure basic needs are met etc#and messing up has high stakes bc she is vulnerable and unpredictable and has a low window of tolerance#but it's also pretty much inevitable bc my brain can't follow where hers goes atm#ugh#anyway she's in hospital now - she went missing but luckily we found her. she had to be held down and taken away forcibly in an ambulance#VERY traumatic#recovery is going to be a bitch#at least she didn't run out onto a road or get picked up by someone#i want to visit her but the thought of stepping foot in a psych ward again makes me feel genuinely sick. not sure what to do about that#like i know it's different i'm just visiting i can leave at any time#but she can't#and not to be dramatic but a part of me never left. tbh#still get nightmares#i can barely eat or sleep thinking about her being in there#anyway sorry for oversharing i am losing my mind. and making some poor decisions
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