#but it isn't at all obvious because i'vs gaindx so much weight and just keep binging
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#ignore me i'm havin an awful afternoon#tw probably i think#(update - yea huge tw loL!)#i want to d**#i've. gained. so. much. weight.#i know that's not a bad thing! in fact it's probs a good thing for me rn!#but i can't handle it.#i was just looking at pictures of me from like novemberish time#and i just..... wanna look like thay again#and it's Messed Up because i obviously wasn't healthy#i wasn't underweight but like.......... i was at my lowest weight and it was because i wasn't eatkng#and i just feel so disgusting because i haven't gained weight because i'm eating nOrmally#i've jsut been in a restrict/binge cycle#for months#and i feel so out of control andi can't handle it#and it's like. when i lost loads of weight#it was more obvious i was suffering#but if anything i'm suffering more now i'm technically 'healthier'#but it isn't at all obvious because i'vs gaindx so much weight and just keep binging#i am still suffering. still wanna st*rve. still can't! stop! obsessing! having panic attacks over calories!#and!!!!! i know weight gain!!!! isn'f a bad thing at all!!!!! everyone else should embrace it!!!!#it's beautiful!!!!#but my brain can'f handle this and i'm jusf so s**c*d*l constantly but also my brain is like 'lol i can't d** until ur chronically underweig#ht and about to die'#so yea that's fun#sorry that was A Lot and it also soundsd a lot clearer in my head#ignore me i'm an absolute mesSsssSsss#my words*
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