#but isn't it so fascinating? if we can uncover this formula and refine it.....

[isekyaaa]

There's this really funny part in this study that has been done about suicide methods between males and females (which is not funny), but basically they go to say how men commit more suicides while women attempt more suicides. Men commit to the bit while women just don't. Hence while men will have more "violent" suicides like a gunshot to the head or hanging while women have more drug overdose and whatnot. But that's not the funny part. The funny part is that they say that women choose not to commit suicide via gunshot to the head due to the possibility of facial disfigurement LOL Like you really think that if someone is that in pain and despair to the point of wanting to die that they'll worry about failing and being ugly for the rest of their life?

I remember someone implying at one point that women don't want to be "ugly" when they die, hence why they choose methods like overdose. Granted, the study I mentioned did say that it's likely women choose these methods because they don't truly want to die. But still. The thought of beauty defining suicide method is so sexist it makes me laugh.

But it does get me wondering why women are less likely to commit to suicide. Why are men less likely to attempt but more likely to commit? I get that on some level people that choose these less... 100% mortality rate methods do want to be noticed and saved, but why? Tbh I don't think it's fear of death that's the factor. Is the suffering of a female less than a male? Or is it more the endurance of an male is less than a female?

I know no one is going to believe me, but I did suffer from very very bad anxiety and depression at one point in my life. It was very bad. Like not the kind of depression kids get nowadays, but the kind I'd cry for hours on end. I'd go days without eating. I could not function outside of going to work and coming home. I wouldn't shower or brush my teeth. I couldn't see myself living a year into the future. I wanted to die so badly. But despite all of that, I never was suicidal. I never ever considered killing myself. I fantasized about dying but I never fantasized about killing myself. I never fell into the habit of self-harm. So suicide ideation and suicidal desires is so weird for me to consider.