#but is ok is ok we'll get there eventually 🥲

[psychewritesbs]

gege akutami is a menace to society actually

in case you haven't read, I'm talking about 215, so you can ignore me when you're ready

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he saw us have a little hope last week and had to send us tumbling again 😢

it's going to be a tough ride for sure ~

I honestly don't know how they'll be able to handle sukuna at full form bc even with the limitations, he was still countering. It'd be even worse if he's willing to work with kenjaku too. For some reason (denial), I have a feeling megumi's going to overcome this. I won't comment more on that because i feel like i'll spiral (cannot believe maki said its weird seeing megumi's face on someone being strong 😭) On another note, sukuna and co's eventual defeat will be worthwhile for how much suffering they've caused and will cause. Sukuna's choice to leave yuji alive will definitely come back to bite him, but it's interesting that his joy comes from seeing yuji suffer and look pathetic than giving him death. He despises everything about yuji and I see him praising others and he calls yuji boring (he's not but I'll let you live today sukuna). I don't like theorizing too too much for fear of raising expectations, but I'm really curious about sukuna's life during the heian period.

When sukuna and uraume laughed at yuji, I felt like I was laughed at too. I guess we'll be seeing his bath scene next.

Anyway, thanks for reading !! Have a good day/night.

(Will I ever go off anon? We'll see one day !!)

HOLA! Happy JJK-Sunday!!!!

Ok. hang I'm just going to go ahead and...

gege akutami is a menace to society actually

There... I felt like it needed to be said louder for the people in the back who may still be on the fence about getting into JJK.

Ok brainrot about chapter 215 under the cut!

Ah yes, no worries about chapter leaks lol. My weekly routine involves checking leaks first thing Wednesday and Friday mornings and nerding out with the moots about it 😂.

Like I am for real worried about JJK ending because what am I going to obsess over when it ends?!!!!!

WHAT KIND OF NORMAL EXISTENCE WILL I BE FORCED TO ENDURE?!!!!!!

But anyways, I did hold off on posting my reply to you until today (Sunday) for those who follow this hellhole of a blog of mine and don't actually read leaks.

he saw us have a little hope last week and had to send us tumbling again 😢

it's going to be a tough ride for sure ~

Yesssss I was hoping we'd get to see Megumi inside the inner domain wrecking Sukuna or at least inflicting some sort of damage 🥲🤧. SOMETHING! ANYTHING!

Regardless, Megumi fighting Sukuna from within whenever his friends are in danger is so... this boy is so beautiful and he doesn't even get it.

To your point about this being a though ride, Frenchie is my voice of reason when it comes to my fatalist fear of Megumi's death. @justafrenchlondoner recently said some good stuff about how Gege is probably trying to get us to feel like all hope is lost before something good happens.

After all, it isn't uncommon to see events continue to escalate in a sort of "it's going to get much much worse before it gets better" kind of way.

For some reason (denial), I have a feeling megumi's going to overcome this. I won't comment more on that because i feel like i'll spiral

Riiiiight so I'm still rather unwilling to let myself hope Megumi is surviving for the mere fact that I don't want to be hurt. That's just my nature tho.

If I break my heart now then I won't be heartbroken later on if it turns out that Megumi is not surviving.

Sound logic as you can see lol. I have a tendency to come up with worst case scenarios.

Despite that, I think the idea of Megumi surviving this ordeal to carry on and change the Jujutsu scheme of things makes a lot of sense. Not to mention having to carry the burden of responsibility for the memory of the people he cared about but lost along the way, quite possibly because of his own miscalculations.

Ugh... depressing.

It's so "Watanabe-ending" in its execution but far, far more depressing, brutal and cruel.

gege akutami is a menace to society actually

On another note, sukuna and co's eventual defeat will be worthwhile for how much suffering they've caused and will cause. Sukuna's choice to leave yuji alive will definitely come back to bite him, but it's interesting that his joy comes from seeing yuji suffer and look pathetic than giving him death.

Yeeeeeeessss. I really like the idea that Sukuna's continued underestimating of Yuji will come back to bite him in the ass. I personally will not be surprised if Yuji takes Sukuna back into himself and then kills himself in a self-sacrificial fashion.

Very Pisces of him. Very dying on the cross for our sins symbolism.

I was also thinking about the idea that Sukuna feeds off of other's suffering too. This whole idea around him being a hedonist with no regards for others takes on a whole new dimension when you consider he might go out of his way to cause suffering because it brings him joy.

It feels like an exploration of a demonic being which made me realize that I think that I've taken for granted that JJK is a horror story and that Gege may be using horror tropes.

This only become clear to me as of late when Sukuna possessed Megumi's body. It was a total execution of demonic possession where the person who gets possessed has to be mentally weakened in order for the demon to take over.

Also, from my understanding of demonic entities, they are said to feed off of negative emotions and actually orchestrate situations that cause suffering precisely so that they can feed off of these emotions.

When sukuna and uraume laughed at yuji, I felt like I was laughed at too.

I couldn't have said it better...

I have to admit that this is one of my favorite panels ever because, as you say, it's SO DESPICABLE of them to laugh at Yuji when he's so utterly broken after having miserably failed at saving Megumi.

I have personally been fascinated with the reactions this panel has gotten because it speaks to something very real.

Whether it is the experience of being bullied or our unwillingness and complete rejection of the very same evil that exists within, I feel like Gege struck a deep cord with the execution.

gege akutami is a menace to society actually

And this is one of the things that have been on my mind about Gege lately--his execution of events as of late has been far more brutal and cruel than before.

Idk how to explain but the events in Shibuya were bad and shocking... but #things right now just feel hopeless and it feels like Gege is unleashing his self-loathing onto his characters--and his self-loathing is cruel and brutal.

With mangaka like him I always have to wonder about their psyche. i.e. CLAMP's Nanase Okawa has an uncanny ability to take you into deep pits of relatable grief and meaningless despair right along with her characters.

All of the above said, I also agree with Frenchie about how I both hate and love Gege for the execution of this moment.

The fact that Gege was able to depict a deep experience of despair through Yuji and then elicit hate from the audience, it speaks to his ability as a story-teller and how the story he's telling resonates deeply with the audience in a cathartic fashion.

Also, not sure if you've seen this post by littleholmes but it includes a photo of what might be the Harima statue in question.

And like... the despair this child statue seems to be experiencing and expressing is so palpable, and I love Gege for making a reference to it because it speaks to Yuji's inner child's grief and helplessness and suffering for not being able to impose his will upon his environment.

Not sure if Spooky will write about it in more detail but I also love what @linkspooky said about the idea that Yuji trying to "Shonen protagonist" his way through things usually doesn't work out.

It's a nice twist on how Shonen mcs just barrel their way through #things with their typical Shonen mc single-minded determination, and everything works out because of the power of friendship or something like that.

Not to sound like a broken record, but this is why I don't understand the idea that JJK is cliché Shonen. There's so much happening underneath the surface that is so rich in commentary on common shonen tropes.

Anyway, thanks for reading !! Have a good day/night.

(Will I ever go off anon? We'll see one day !!)

Thanks for stopping by and sharing all the #thoughts once again!

If you ever come off anon I am looking forward to it. If you don't... well, I'll be looking forward to hearing from you again regardless.

Have a happy JJK Sunday!

[zepskies]

This chapter is jam-packed, isn't it?? Getting into your lovely comments below, hun! ⤵️

So I'll give you one tidbit for next chapter and it's that Loco made it out ok! He's alive and well and will return in Part 17. 😂

I'm wondering, with those files in the briefcase, is there going to be anything that can help with Butcher's current predicament?

Ooooh you're red hot! 😜 I can't give anything away, but remember this thought when you read the next chapter lol.

Frank had every reason to worry lmfao. He's like her concerned other brother/uncle/father figure at this point. 🤣

The bit of metal Ben shoved in Noir's ear... clever and a nice call back to the Homelander showdown. I had the same reaction reading about it here as I did watching that scene in the show.

Wow, that's high praise, thank you!! I tried my very best to bring the same level of violence and "cringe factor" as on the show loll.

And Ben is going through it in this chapter. It's Part 1 of his ultimate hero test lol. #1: Physical. Part 2 comes next chapter. (Emotional.)

Ahh, there she is. There's the genuine concern Annie has for her friends (even if she is giving them a bit of the cold shoulder treatment).

Yep, Annie came around. Now we just need M.M. lol.

About Jon's death:

I actually found myself more emotional about his death than I thought I would be. Great writing there to make me feel sad for a character I didn't like!

Amazing!! I knew I wouldn't turn everyone, but this is what I was trying to do -- make you feel the same mix of emotions the reader's feeling about her father's death. 🥲

A controlled use of his radiation. Has Ben finally managed to get control over it? Or is it a bit of a side effect of Noir's gun?

A bit of both at this point lol. I'm sorry about the rebar PTSD I'm giving everyone though. 😂😂😂

Ben SO is the R rated version of Cap lmaooo. And he's definitely filing the "good with kids" information for later. 😂 His struggle with Devon was one of the highlights for me to write in this chapter though. Because for all that he's claimed to want kids, does he actually have any experience with them? My headcanon is not much lol.

Ahh Ben'll dig himself out eventually (or more likely the firemen will lol). Then we'll see how the reader is faring at the hospital...

Break Me Down - Part 16

Pairing: Soldier Boy/Ben x Female Reader

Summary: You’re a private investigator by trade, but now you happily sit at a desk — leading a surveillance team at Supe Affairs. After managing to end Homelander in New York, Soldier Boy escapes custody. You are recruited for the manhunt, joining Butcher’s team.

Truly, you joined the S.A. for the right reasons. But after you become his accidental hostage, Soldier Boy will break down every single one of them…

AN: *Deep inhale, deeper exhale* Okay. You ready? 

Word Count: 5,800 Tags/Warnings: Blood and peril, violence, angst, and yet another cliffhanger. (Last one, I promise!) 

Part 16: Soldier Boy

You fled with Jon, Frank, and Loco to escape the bowels of Vought Tower. 

You all were lucky that the Security & Surveillance room hadn’t been caught in the blast, but on the monitors you had seen it carve through the center of the building like a beam of light. 

You could freak out about that later though. Now you were in flight mode, just trying to survive and evade falling debris and unsteady ground. 

Frank kicked through a locked door on the way to the nearest stairwell. You and Jon made it through, but a huge chunk of debris fell, cutting Loco off from the rest of you. 

You gasped and went to the doorway, trying to see if you could help push it out of the way. But more of the ceiling was still falling and threatened to crush you. Frank pulled you back, even though you knew he was worried too.

“Just go!” Loco said. “I’ll find another way out.”

“Head east,” Jon said. “There’s another stairwell by Human Resources.”

“Vought HR. What a fucking joke,” you couldn’t help but quip. But after Loco took off, you grabbed Frank’s arm and headed down the hall. You could see the “EXIT” sign up ahead. It led to a gray door, where several people were fleeing down the stairs. 

Including Dr. Tonya Baker and three of her guards. 

You and Frank stopped her before the door with your guns raised. Frank killed each guard with precision, while you kept your gun aimed on the good doctor. She raised her hand in wide-eyed surrender, but her other hand held a briefcase. You gestured to it with your gun.

“What’s that? Open it up,” you said. When the doctor hesitated, you pointed the gun back in her face. “Now.”

Gritting her teeth, she obliged you by entering the code that would unlock the briefcase. Jon took it from her and showed you its contents.

There were several files and blue vials of what you assumed were Compound V. However, you noticed three small white containers that weren’t like the rest. They were labeled: Soldier Boy. 

“What are these?” you asked. Dr. Baker was tight-lipped, until you pressed the gun between her eyes. 

“DNA samples,” she answered reluctantly. Your face fell, then hardened into a glare. 

“Well, fuck that,” you said.

With your gun trained on the doctor, you grabbed a glass container and smashed it to the ground, making her flinch. Stale-smelling yellow liquid splattered on the floor, and you realized then what kind of “sample” it must’ve been. Jon grimaced; some of it had splashed onto his shoes.

“Thank you,” he groused. 

“Oh, I’m not done,” you said. And you did the same to the last two containers. You took the briefcase from your father and gave it to Frank. “Take this and Madam Fritz here to the S.A.”

“What are you about to do?” Frank asked, though he took the briefcase from you (and laid a firm hand on Dr. Baker’s shoulder). “I don’t like that damn look in your eye.”

You turned to the scientist. “Did you see anyone else still in the building?”

“A few,” she admitted. “Mostly in the lower floors. Admin, Customer Service, R&D.”

Your eyes flew wide in alarm. Yvette, your friend who worked in Customer Service. She could be trapped down there…

Jon turned to you with a frown. “They only way they’re getting out is when the Fire Department comes to collect the bodies.”

You glared back and raised your gun at him next. 

“Guess who’s going to help me get them out?” You glanced at Frank, who didn’t look pleased. “Don’t make that face. I’ll be fine.”

“The tower’s literally falling apart as we speak!” Jon exclaimed. He tried to push your gun away from his face, but you held it aloft. 

“Move your ass or catch a bullet,” you snapped. “We’re going to Customer Service first.”

Ben continued to fight Black Noir.

He still wanted to cave in Stan Edgar’s skull, and it had the added benefit of giving Butcher and his team the cover they needed to try and escape the tower. That wasn’t in his mind though. He was focused on his two targets. 

He’d grabbed a discarded gun from the floor when he’d gotten back up to his feet. He now used it to shoot Stan in the leg, to stop him from fleeing. The man cried out and went down hard on the newly installed tile. 

Ben raised the gun again to shoot him between the eyes, but Noir stopped him. He grabbed Ben’s arm and hurled him over his shoulder. He landed in the broken shambles of Stan’s desk, and the impact further destabilized the top floor of the building. 

Parts of the ceiling had already begun to break off, and Stan noticed. He tried to drag himself towards the door while Soldier Boy was distracted. Blood trailed after his bleeding leg, but he was determined, fighting for his life. 

In fact, he almost made it. 

But just when he was a mere three feet from the door, a massive panel of the ceiling (along with a silver light fixture), crashed down over him. If the concrete hadn’t crushed his bones, the ceiling light would’ve impaled him—right through his chest. 

Ben watched the scene from where he half-lay on the ground in the rubble. His eyes marginally widened, but then his mouth quirked in satisfaction. One down…

His hand closed over a metal rod, yanking it from a piece of rock and wood, and he got to his feet. When Noir flew at him again, Ben lodged the metal rod deep into his exposed ear. If it had worked for Maeve on Homelander, he’d figured it could work on Noir.

And it did. The supe remained mute, expressionless, but the projectile lodged into his ear canal still made him wince. He clawed at it with shaking hands, trying to get it out. Ben didn’t give him a chance—he drop kicked the other supe into the large glass window.

They’d given this clone Homelander’s strength, but forgot to give him flight, it seemed. Because the supe fell and kept falling off the side of the tower. 

Ben stood there in the center of the destroyed room. 

He panted for breath, only then did he notice his own fatigue. His limbs felt heavy, and it nearly buckled his knees. He forced himself to stay upright. Ben would never admit it, but whatever than gun had blasted him with, it did a number on him. 

Ignoring how his hand shook, he raised it to his ear. 

“Stan Edgar’s dead,” he said. “So is Noir, probably. I’m headed down.”

Hughie helped Butcher to the van in the garage, but he stopped short. An ex-military-looking guy was walking toward him with a briefcase in hand, and leading a doctor in a lab coat with the other. 

“It’s you!” M.M. recognized him with a sharpening gaze. “From the airport. You’re one of Soldier Boy’s men.”

Frank gave the doctor over to M.M., informing them that you had asked him to put Dr. Baker into custody. At the mention of your name, Annie’s eyes widened.

“Oh my God, she’s still in there!” she said. She turned on her comm and called your name. “Where the hell are you?”

“Uh…little busy at the moment,” you replied. 

Predictably, Soldier Boy got on the line next. 

“What? Where the fuck are you?”

Annie grimaced at the man’s tone. But she marveled, because she could hear the depths of his worry for you.

“Still in the tower. Some people are trapped on the second floor,” you replied. Soldier Boy’s growl of frustration came through. 

“Where are you exactly?” he demanded.

“Admin department, second floor,” you told Ben. You were prying open the door to the former when the ground beneath your feet trembled. “Oh shit!”

You needed both hands to stabilize yourself against the wall, but it was Jon who helped you stay upright. And he finished what you started, wrenching open the door and letting out a crowd of desperate people clamoring to get out. 

Once most of them passed, you and Jon slipped inside the large Administration office. Inside were various cubicles, conference rooms, and internal offices, one of which was Customer Service. That was your goal as you jogged through the halls. Jon fell into step with you.

“Look,” Jon began. “Everything I did—”

“I don’t want to hear it,” you said sharply. “I don’t have time for a meaningless heart-to-heart with you.”

You called out for Yvette, or anyone still trapped inside one of the offices. You heard a distant voice respond, and you followed it. You were led all the way to the end of the hall, where a chunk of debris had fallen outside of a glass office door. Inside was a group of about ten people.

“Okay, hold on!” you told them. “Stand back from the door.”

You and your father worked to clear the debris. But he looked up at you with something you’d never seen before in his eyes, though you refused to acknowledge it now. 

“When I came back from Vietnam, I saw what this country had become. How these asshole supes had taken over the goddamn world,” Jon said, though it was labored between bouts of lifting. 

He briefly grasped at his chest in pain. And you remembered then that Ben had broken at least his arm and collarbone. He even wore a cast on his forearm, which you finally noticed beneath his jacket sleeve. 

“You were different from your sister. Even at a young age, I saw that spark of fire in you. Hardheaded, even at the best of times,” he said, with a flicker of a smile. “I just wanted to make sure you were strong enough to handle this snake pit of a fucking world.”

He paused to look up at you. “But you were strong in spite of me.”

You had to stop and catch your breath. As his words registered, tears began to burn in your eyes. But you refused to let them fall. Nor did you respond.

Once the doorway was clear, you were able to open the door and let the people out. The last of them was Yvette, and her son Devon.

“Oh my God,” she gasped when she saw you. Tears fell from the corners of her eyes as she pulled you into a hug, and you returned it. 

“Are you okay?” you asked in relief. She tried and failed at a smile. Still weeping, she took her eight-year-old son’s hand and guided him out along with her. 

“Well, now we are. What are you doing here?”

“I’ll explain later. Come on,” you said. You flashed Devon a smile and reached out your hand. “Hey, Devon. Let’s go, buddy.”

He was crying, but he nodded and grabbed your hand too. 

“He had a stomachache,” Yvette whispered to you. “I pulled him out of school early. I shouldn’t have—”

“It’s okay, we’re getting out,” you told her. Jon brought up the rear to make sure you all made it out of the office unit safely. 

You made it down to the gift shop on the first floor, but a small crowd had formed at the back exit to the garage—which by now, was the only safe route out of the tower. The lobby was completely destroyed. 

The problem was, the garage exit was now blocked by debris as well.

“All right,” Jon sighed. “There’s another way, through the custodian entrance—”

Three shots rang out. You ducked and took Yvette with you, but you choked on a gasp when you looked back…

Jon had a gloved fist punched through his chest cavity. 

You watched with wide eyes as Black Noir revoked his arm from your father’s body with a wet, horrific sound. You gasped when Jon fell to his knees.

But to your shock, the supe glanced right past you, Yvette, and Devon. His pale gray eyes focused on only the men in the room. He then strode forward and began picking them off one by one.

You shakily pointed out a large aisle of A-Train merchandise for your friend to hide behind. Yvette pulled her son in that direction, while you went to your father where he laid on the ground. 

With difficulty, you rolled him onto his back. You then laid a hand on his shoulder, while the other hovered over his chest. Blood pooled through the gaping chasm in his Vought-issued black jacket. 

Your lower lip trembled, and you realized then that you were crying as he struggled for breath. Even after everything he’d done to you—to your family—it still hurt you to see him like this…to know that he was dying. 

And there was no time. Not to save him, or for resolution…

“Dad,” you tried, but he stopped you. His brows were furrowed with pain, but he gripped your wrist tight. 

“Run,” he said. He held on for a moment or two longer, but when the light faded from his eyes, you closed yours. 

You struggled against a sob. His grip eased from your wrist, and you laid his hand to rest on the ground. 

Protect yourself, your sister’s voice reminded you. You couldn’t stay out in the open like this. Black Noir had finished with the men, and now was starting in on the rest of the survivors. It seemed that without a handler, the clone had no orders to fulfill except his own. 

With a ragged breath, you retrieved the gun from your belt and had to leave your father behind. 

You joined Yvette and Devon behind the A-Train aisle and warned them with a finger over your lips to stay quiet. You pressed a shaking finger to the comm in your ear. 

“Ben, where are you?” you asked. Maybe he heard the tremor in your voice, because you certainly read the concern in his.

“You’re not on the second floor. Where are you?”

You closed your eyes for a beat. “On the first floor. The garage is blocked and Noir has us bottlenecked.”

“I’m almost there. Just stay put,” Ben said. His tone was firm, and it reassured you. You nodded, despite the fact that he couldn’t see you. 

“Yeah, not going anywhere in a hurry,” you whispered.

You could hear the agonized screams of people dying in the room, but you knew you couldn’t do anything about it. Tears slipped down your cheeks as you looked back at your father’s body on the cold ground. But with a determined breath, you looked at Yvette and Devon, who were clearly terrified. 

You cocked your gun and nodded at them to move forward down the aisle, but to stay low to the ground. The custodian entrance was on the first floor, but it was in the east wing of the tower. You were in the west wing. The only feasible way out was through the blocked garage exit, just up ahead. 

But so was Black Noir. The only thing you could do was stay alive long enough for Ben to find you. Because there was no way you could exit the room the way you came without Noir spotting you. 

Fuck. This wasn’t going to be easy. And all the while, the tower could come crashing down at any moment. The tremors in the walls and in the ground were increasing with every minute as pieces of the floor above continued to fall. 

A nightmare, for which you’d surely need copious amounts of therapy, if you survived this. 

No sooner had that thought filtered through your mind, when a katana flashed above your head, decapitating a cardboard cutout of The Deep. Yvette and Devon yelped in fright, but you grabbed them and shoved them forward into a sprint down the aisle with your head bowed. 

Bullets ripped after you, into the ground and the rows of merch. You turned a corner and stopped behind a large metal shelf lined with Queen Maeve plushies. 

But the three of you screamed when the katana ripped through the shelf, and one of the unfortunate plushies. 

You all stumbled into the open, where Noir soon found you. He raised his katana level with your face, and your eyes grew wide. But before the blade could slice into you, Noir was yanked back and thrown across the room, into the far wall with a heavy impact. He recovered, of course, but he paused.

Because Soldier Boy now stood between him and his targets. 

You looked up at Ben with relieved tears in your eyes—both for him saving your life, and just at the sight of him. He mostly looked all right, if a bit worse for wear. You knew you were much the same, dusty, bruised, and tearful. 

He flashed you a quirk of a smile. 

“Go, get out of here,” he said. 

“We can’t,” you started to say, but an explosion behind you made you flinch. You turned to see that the debris covering the garage exit had been cleared. It its place was M.M., Annie, Kimiko, and Frenchie, the latter waving a spare stick of dynamite. You smirked, even though your eyes glittered with unshed tears. 

“Okay, let’s go!” You reached for Devon and helped Yvette pick him up.

However, the dynamite blast had ruined what small semblance of stability was left in the ground floor. The ceiling began to fall—first near the exit, then right behind you, cutting you off from Ben. You gasped, but you didn’t have time to call out to him. 

And you heard M.M. and Annie calling out to you. All you could do was push Yvette forward, then drag her back when a massive chunk of concrete nearly fell on her and her son. 

But that’s when you lost your footing, and your balance, tipping backwards with a halting shriek.

You were trapped. Ben knew it the moment the wall of debris cut you off from him. He heard your voice, your scream, but he knew he couldn’t help you until he finished off Noir, for the last time. 

“All right, Earving. Let’s make this quick,” Ben said. “I don’t know if there’s any part of you left in there, but this would be a good fucking time to come out with some last words.”

The gray-eyed supe just stared back at him. His katana was drawn, and he slowly slid back into a crouched stance. Ben’s body tensed as well. The effects of Noir’s gun were still making his hands shake, but Ben clenched them into fists. He couldn’t afford weakness right now. 

So when Noir ran forward, Ben waited for the supe to come to him. He dodged the swipe of the blade, and threw out smart punches and combinations that started to push Noir back.

The blade came down again, but Ben blocked it with his shield. It cut through the top of it. But Ben used the momentary pause to kick Noir straight in the chest. He tore the blade from his shield and threw it away. Then he tossed his shield like a fatal frisbee. 

The supe narrowly dodged it, but he couldn’t escape Ben grappling him to the ground. He put all his energy into lighting the nuclear fuse in his chest. 

It was hard to keep it steady after the destabilizing gun, but no matter how Noir thrashed, Ben squeezed around his neck with all his might to keep him pinned. With a ragged yell, a flash of power escaped him. It fried through Noir’s suit, though it only lightly burned his skin. 

When the power ran its course, Noir lost his strength. The clone was now powerless. 

Ben grabbed a knife from the other supe’s belt, and he was able to break skin, stabbing into the center of the man’s chest. He didn’t let go until the clone’s gray eyes were truly lifeless.

Ben drew in ragged breaths. Gathering his strength, he pushed off of Noir and managed, with difficulty, back onto his feet. He felt satisfied, but maybe there was a bitter tinge to it. This thing had been created with Homelander’s DNA, and ultimately, Homelander had been a product of Soldier Boy.

Of Ben himself. 

He knew it wasn’t his fault. That lied dead with Stan. But Ben knew that he’d wasted a lot of time. For all his bravado, he had let himself be manipulated and controlled. For fame and money and women, and everything else that came with that.  

“Soldier Boy! Are you there?” he heard your friend call out. It broke him out of the haze of his exhaustion. He shook his head sharply to focus. 

He called back for you, nearing the wall of debris, but you didn’t answer. He was able to break some of it away, enough that he was finally able to see Yvette’s worried face. 

“Where is she?” he asked. A coil of dread stirred in the pit of his stomach. 

“She’s hurt,” said Yvette. 

The coil tightened, as did Ben’s jaw. 

“All right, stand back,” he ordered. He grabbed his discarded shield and held it aloft. 

“Okay, go ahead!” she said. 

He used his shield like a battering ram to get through the pile of wood and concrete. It loosened even more of the trembling ceiling and plunged the entire clearing with dust. Ben waved a hand through it, coughing as he stepped inside. He found Yvette and her son, but his eyes were drawn to you.

You’d fallen on your back, and a slab of concrete was pinning your leg. He moved it with a grunt, and it fell to the ground with a heavy impact. He examined your leg next; he was no doctor, but he could assume it was probably broken under the weight of concrete. 

Okay. Doctors could fix a fucking leg, he reasoned. He was more concerned about your head. Had you hit it on the way down, or had you smacked it on the hard tile when you landed?

Your hair was loose, and he slid careful fingers through it. He felt a small knot forming behind your head. He touched your pale cheek…

And then he saw it. 

You weren’t lying entirely on the ground. You’d fallen on a small pile of rubble, and sticking out an inch below your shoulder was a thick piece of rebar.

Fuck, he thought. Your pulse at your neck was still beating under the pads of his fingers. 

But then, he paused. He was starting to hear something, a deeper tremor than the occasional rubble falling from the ceiling. 

“Are you guys okay?” M.M. called. With all the debris, he couldn’t quite get to you all. But maybe he could find a hole underneath the rubble to squeeze you out of. 

“The tower’s coming down!” Ben barked. 

“Yeah, that’s why we need to get the fuck out of here,” M.M. replied.

“No, the whole fucking thing. It’s coming down now!” Ben said. Yvette grabbed her son and huddled closer to you and Ben. He quickly stood and surveyed his surroundings in search of a larger shield. 

The only thing in reach was a large metal shelf. It would have to do. 

He grabbed it and ran back to you, just in time for the world to start falling. 

Ben blinked dust and plaster out of his eyes and coughed it out of his mouth. He was holding God knew how much of the tower on his back. The metal groves of the shelf were digging into his spine and between his shoulder blades. 

When his vision cleared, he saw that Yvette was knocked out, bleeding from a cut on her temple. Maybe a stray rock had hit her. 

Her son seemed all right though, if covered in dust. 

“You okay, kid?” Ben asked. He nodded shakily, his eyes wide like he couldn’t believe he was still alive. Ben could understand that.

However, you were the one he was worried about. He called your name, but you didn’t respond. Ben looked up at the kid. 

“Shake her a little, would ya? Not hard.”

The kid nodded, biting his lip. He gently shook your arm, calling your name. Eventually you coughed and opened your eyes on a moan of pain. Ben let out a short, relieved breath.

“Hey…how you doin’?”

“Hurts to breathe,” you admitted, coughing up more dust. But you cried out when trying to get up disturbed your shoulder. “What…?”

“Don’t move,” he warned you. “You’re uh…you’re pinned down.” 

With trembling lips, you turned your head and saw what held you—the rebar protruding just beneath your shoulder. You let out a ragged breath. 

An inch lower and it would’ve been your heart. 

The problem was, you were sure you would bleed out anyway the moment you were freed from the rebar. 

“Don’t look at it,” Ben said firmly. “Look at me.”

You blinked up at him with watery eyes. You finally realized that he was kneeling, holding up a massive shelf to cover all four of you. 

“Oh my God. Are you okay?” you asked. A tear streamed down the side of your face. 

Ben nodded. Really, it was taking all the strength he had left to hold up this piece of shit, but he wasn’t about to let you know that. 

“I can do this all fucking day,” he said with a smirk. “But maybe check in with your friends so we can get the hell out of here.”

Letting out another shaky breath, you raised the hand opposite to your pinned shoulder and pressed a finger to the comm in your ear. 

“Are you guys still there? Did anyone make it out?” you asked.

For a moment, it was silent. You looked over at Devon, who was quietly crying. You reached out your free hand to him, even if it made more blood weep from your shoulder. He grabbed your hand, and you gave his a comforting squeeze. 

“It’s okay, Dev. We’re getting out soon,” you tried to sooth him. Devon nodded and squeezed your hand back. 

Ben watched the exchange with interest. You seemed to have a good way with kids…

“Hello?” you repeated into the comm. Your voice was weak and raspy, even to your own ears. You released your shaking hand back to the ground. “No one’s answering…where’s Yvette?”

“Knocked out for a bit, but she looks fine,” said Ben, nodding to where your friend was lying on the ground. 

Though he realized he was starting to lose you when your eyes closed. 

“Hey,” he barked. “Stay with me.”

The near shout forced you to open your eyes, but they were already starting to droop. Ben finally noticed the blood slipping away from you, starting to pool beneath your arm. 

“I’m awake, just resting my eyes,” you said. Not very convincing. 

Ben experimentally lowered an arm from supporting the shelf. He moved slow, and he heard shifting rubble above him, but he managed to balance the shelf on just his back. He grit his teeth at the strain.

Even for him, the weight was immense. He didn’t know how long they could wait for someone to get to them. But he could see the kid was frozen with fear.

“You’re gonna be fine, all right?” Ben said.

The kid was tearful, but he nodded.

“What’s your name?” Ben asked.

“Devon.”

“All right, Devon. You know who I am?”

“…Soldier Boy,” the kid replied in a small voice. His large brown eyes were filled with tears as he sniffed. His short hair and dark tan skin were covered with dust, so Ben could see the path of his tears down his cheeks and neck. He gave Devon an attempt at a smile and nodded. 

“That’s right.”

Finally, some of the debris near Yvette cleared a small hole above the ground, revealing Kimiko. Her eyes widened with excitement, her mouth falling open in a quiet gasp. She smiled and ducked her head back out. Ben frowned in confusion as he heard the French guy and some of the others babbling. 

“Hello?” he snapped. “The fuck is going on out there?” 

M.M. peered in next and took in the four of you with relief. He met Ben’s gaze.

“They’ll need a stretcher,” Ben said, gesturing at you and Yvette. “And a medic.”

“Okay, we’re gonna see if we can open this hole a bit wider,” M.M. said. He frowned at the narrow space inside. “It’s gonna be hard to get a stretcher in here.”

“Just get it done,” Ben said, beginning to lose his patience. He was carrying the tower on his back, and you were fading before his eyes. 

M.M. nodded and was gone. But he returned soon after with Kimiko, and both worked together to open the hold wider without dislodging more debris. Once they had a big enough hole, M.M. peered in.

“Okay, who’s first?”

“She is,” Ben said, nodding down at you. “Bring the stretcher.”

Once again, M.M. disappeared.

Ben looked over at Devon. 

“She’s hurt bad. We’re going to get her out first,” Ben said, gesturing at you. “I’m going to need you to hold her down, by her shoulders. After I take out the rebar, you’re going to put pressure on the wound. Got it?”

Devon looked unsure. 

“Got it?” Ben repeated. More tears slid down the boy’s cheeks as he shook his head.

“Listen, you little sh—” Ben started to snap in irritation.

But at the last moment, he stopped himself. He remembered how you were with the kid earlier, tried to think of what you might say right about now. 

“Uh, you can do this,” he said, gruff and a bit awkward. 

“I don’t want to hurt her,” Devon said in a small voice. 

At that, annoyance slowly drained out of Ben. He reached out and grasped the kid’s shoulder, firm, but gentle.

“You won’t. You’re going to help her,” he said. “Just hold her down, and I’ll do the rest. All right?”

He hesitated, but Devon nodded and wiped his face dry. 

“Good man,” Ben nodded. “Now come on, over here.”

Devon moved so that he was behind you, holding your shoulders down.

You grimaced and made a sound of pain. But Ben was quick; he braced your shoulder with one hand and slid the rebar out with the other. He forced himself to remain stoic at your resulting screech of agony. 

But Devon couldn’t. His tears came down anew, and he immediately released your shoulders. Ben moved you more fully onto the ground and instructed Devon to put pressure on the wound, leaning his body weight into it. 

“Stay awake,” Ben warned you. He knew you were having a hard time, and tears streamed from the corners of your eyes, onto the ground below. You forced your eyes to open, so you could look up at him.

“Ben,” you tried, but if this was going to be an if I die speech, then he didn’t want to fucking hear it.

“Don’t talk,” he said sternly. “Just keep breathing.”

“Listen,” you insisted. With difficulty, you grabbed onto the metal embellishments on his suit, finding purchase on his chest. 

“You are strong. You can do anything you want, you know,” you said, smiling wryly. “Including, being a better man.” 

Ben looked down at you with knitted brows. Sweat slipped down his forehead, but he didn’t know what to say to you. 

Until you let go of his suit, and your eyes started to close. 

“Fuck. Stay awake, damn it!” he snapped. It was an effort, but you opened your eyes. 

Then Yvette started to rouse, raising a hand to her aching head. 

“Oh, thanks for joining us,” Ben remarked, unable to disguise most of his snark. Devon helped her sit properly. 

When she saw you, paler than ever, she gasped and took over putting pressure on your wound. 

M.M. then finally returned with the stretcher. He beckoned Devon out first.

“Come on, little man.”

Ben opened his mouth to snap a protest, but M.M. shook his head. 

“It’s too narrow. They need to come out first to make room.”

Devon eyed the jagged concrete around the hole they’d created. He seemed scared to attempt taking M.M.’s hand to leave. 

He looked back at Yvette, who encouraged him forward. But he also looked over at Ben. 

He was frankly surprised the kid was looking to him for reassurance. Again, he thought of what you’d said to Devon earlier. 

“It’s okay,” Ben said. “You’re going home today. Trust me, son.” 

Devon stared at his face for a moment, and nodded tearfully. 

When M.M. was eventually able to take the boy’s hand, he met Ben’s gaze, which was mostly covered by stoicism. 

Devon made it out of the cave, followed by Yvette. While she climbed out, Ben took over putting pressure on your wound, even though it made the shelf creak. He grunted against the pressure on his back. 

Then M.M. finally slipped in the stretcher. Ben roused you by tapping on your cheek. He accidently left a smudge of your own blood there.

“Come on, baby doll. Work with me here,” he muttered. You whimpered in response.  

You were so pale, but you were fighting to keep your eyes open. You’re a fighter, Ben reminded himself, as he helped M.M. maneuver you onto the stretcher.

“See you later, sweetheart,” he said.

“Wait,” you croaked. “Wait…how’re you getting out?” 

Ben quirked a smile. 

“I’m right behind you.” But he then glared up at M.M. “Hurry the fuck up. She’s still bleeding out.”

M.M. shot him a dark look, but he ignored Ben in order to help you. After you were taken out on the stretcher, Annie called out to him. 

“The fire department’s about to come in with pressure bags, so you can drop the shelf,” she said.  

True to her word, Ben started to hear a sharp whirring—the sound of something inflating. 

But as soon as they started, the ground shook. 

And the walls once again began to collapse around him. 

AN: *cowers in the corner* Please don't hate me! I promise, you're going to like the ultimate outcome of the next chapter (despite the teaser lol).

But I would still love to hear your thoughts on this one! What did you think of Jon's ultimate fate? How did you like Ben literally holding up the Tower?

(And did you catch the small Captain America reference? 😏)

**Side note: I hope you all enjoyed "Love Actually"! It's a far cry from where we are right now in BMD world lol...

Next Time:

Part of him refused to believe it had gotten to this. 

And the reality, that this was his fault. He’d caused the blast that destroyed the tower. His fault he hadn’t gotten to you sooner.

“You are the reason I needed saving,” you’d told him once. 

You were right then, and it still held up now. 

So, no…he wouldn’t go in there, into your room. The truth was, he couldn’t. 

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[zhowongli]

SOBBING CRYING SCREAMING BC I GOT NOT ONLY ONE,, BUT TWO ZHONGLI!!!!!!!!!! i was so shook i forgot to screenshot the moment he came home bUT STILL ,, AHHHH,,,,, AHHHHHHHH

[foxymoxynoona]

FOXYYYYY I’M DESPERATE😭😭😭😭.

I’ll take the virtual hug. My tl is full of reasonable people making these real good points on the situation and giving great insights BUT I DON’T GIVE A FUCK I DON’T WANNA BE REASONABLE I JUST WANT TO SCREAM AND CRY AND DO WHAT FLUX JK DID TO SEOJOON BUT TO THE WALL. I was saving up for a tour🥲 look at me, I’m a clown! I was aware that if they were going to do a European leg it would be like 4 shows with Paris London and somewhere in Spain but now AT BEST I’m probably going to be jk’s age when (if) they announce a tour eventually and I’ll just have to go with my walking frame😭

Sorry I’m jungshooketh. Well, this my cue to finally go get that depressed BTS tattoo🤌🏻🤌🏻

🌸

Yeah, I think it's ok to just feel the emotions for a while! I get it about the tour; I hadn't gone alone to Vegas because I figured I'd try to go to a friend when they came somewhere close to me. OOPS. Reunion tour I guess!

But dearest 🌸 anon, evict those age-hating thoughts from your mind! Even 24 is still so very young and you know what's great about getting older? You care a little less what other people have to say about the things you love, and you have a little more money to spend on whatever tf you want. Life doesn't stop until it's over, age doesn't matter, and if we're the literal grandmas at concerts in the future then we'll be carrying on a fine tradition of all the army grandmas who were at shows in the last few years!!

I have no clue what to expect or hope for from each member but I wish them allll the best in whatever living for themselves looks like, and I hope we will get some cool things that come out of those probably chomping at the bit to do their own public thing for a while. Looking at Hobi and Tae specifically, now unleased. Can't wait to all travel to Namjoon's art museum he'll open! Maybe Jin will have a new restaurant? Any AU is fair game now 😂 Except mafia, they said they want to do their own thing for a while