#but in actuality it's a black stray cat; the enterprise is so big that when a cat gets lost they automatically become a stray

[my-timing-is-digital]

@lettherebemonsters continued from [ x ]

Nonplussed by his brother’s unexpected semi-hospitable comportment, he let himself be ushered into the other android’s personal quarters, a quizzical frown warped the epidermal layer of pearlescent bioplast.

‘A feline?’ Data iterated to receive a definitive affirmation that what his auditory sensors had initially registered was correct ⸺ a strategy often employed by conversing humans.

He followed Lore’s gaze up to the ceiling, modifying his auditory processors to enhance his reception; and, after several hydraulic circulations of complete silence, he perceived the distinct vocalisations of a feline incarcerated in the panels overhead, calling for aid.

‘It appears, you are correct, brother. Somehow, a cat has escaped its confines and accidentally managed to ensare itself in one of the smaller ventilation vents that runs above your personal quarters,’ Data inferred, tossing a sideward glance at Lore. ‘The most prudent course of action would be to liberate the feline and reunite it with its family ⸺ if it has a family.’

[sunshineseung]

Paperwork // Hyunjin

🍄 | genre: smut (18+ only) ☁️ | pairing: Hwang Hyunjin x female!reader 🌿 | wc: 5.1k 🌸 | includes: switch-dom!hyunjin, switch-sub!reader, oral (both receiving), PIV riding, pet names, begging, kinda goofy at first, cum swallowing, “sir”, a lil bit more but not too much

☀️ | synopsis: You’ve been working at this office for five painstakingly long years, but despite your best efforts, you never get a raise or promotion. When the CEO retires, his son takes his place, and seeing as you’re around the same age as his son, this could be your chance to get ahead. 

🌊 | If you want to skip to the smut, look for the [🔥] because there’s a lot of set up for this one, but I know some people just want to get off lol.

He has finally stepped down. After 60 long, long years, the CEO of the company you work at has retired, as if he didn’t have enough money to retire 30 years ago.

The amount of times you’ve been told off by that man is practically uncountable. It felt like at one point you were going into his office every week to ask for any sort of promotion, raise, or even kudos, but every time, he turned up his nose and shooed you away like some kind of stray cat. You’ve worked too long and too hard to not be given proper treatment. Despite everything, you stay at the company, knowing no where else in the city will pay nearly as well.

The company now belongs to his oldest son, Hyunjin. He’s never worked in this office, yet the old man still thought it would be appropriate for him to run the entire company (supervised by a few HRs, of course). Hyunjin looked like a complete fool trying to command the floors of burnt out office workers just trying to pay next month’s rent and put food on their tables, not that he would know what it’s like to work for anything. The first job he’s ever had and it’s the CEO of a multi-million dollar enterprise, who would have thought?

This is your chance. He’s right around your age, give or take a few months, and he seems marginally more friendly than his father. If you were ever going to climb the corporate ladder to finally move out of your studio apartment, it was right now.

Wearing the tightest, shortest skirt you own with the perfect button up to match, you step into his office after scheduling a meeting with his temporary secretary. When you sit down in the chair across from him, he just sighs and waits for you to speak your piece so he can get back to his grueling job of signing documents that he never reads.

“Good morning, sir. I was just coming up here to compliment you on how well you’ve been running the place since your father stepped down. It seems like company morale is at an all time high, and I can’t imagine thanking anyone other than you.”

“So you want a promotion, right?” He scoffs, grabbing a pen to click repeatedly as you struggle coming up with a response. You weren’t expecting him to be so quick on his feet considering he would stutter over every word talking at meetings. “I assume you didn’t come in here just to kiss my ass.”

“Alright, you caught me, but can I at least make my case?” He looks up from the pen to wordlessly incite you to keep talking. “I’ve been working here since I got out of college. This is really my dream, and it would mean the world to me if I could get farther, work harder, and, if you’re feeling so inclined, get a bit of a paycheck raise.”

“Well, you caught me on the right day, miss...”

“L/n. But you can call me Y/n if you want.”

“Y/n.” Hyunjin puts the pen down and leans on his desk, elbows propping himself up. “If you’re up for the task, I am looking for a new secretary.”

“As I’ve heard.” The rumor has been going around that his father left his secretary for Hyunjin, but all they’ve been doing if fighting, so they had to bring in a temporary one, the one you spoke with, to hold him off until Hyunjin finds a secretary he likes. “Not to be rude, but wouldn’t you rather have a male secretary like your father had?”

“No, no. I know what I want.” He runs his hand through his black hair, slipping out the ponytail that was holding the long strands out of his face. “I want you to be my secretary. No one else.”

He drags his fingers through a stack of papers on his desk, stopping at a five page contract booklet. He slides you the papers and the pen he was just fiddling with.

“If you really want this promotion, you’ll sign on that dotted line right now.”

🖊⌚️🗄🗞🪙📞

Working for Hyunjin wasn’t as bad as you thought it would be. Once he warms up to you, he’s actually really sweet. If you mess up his coffee or misscedule a meeting, he doesn’t fire you immediately, but rather just assures you that it’s okay and you’ll do better next time, a total 180 from what you saw that first time in his office. After a few weeks, you’re a dream to work with, and the job is a lot less stressful than you had assumed.

Hyunjin, on the other hand, was beyond stressed. Meeting after meeting, signature after signature, decision after decision: it was all too much. The only time he smiled was when you brought him coffee in the morning, or when he’d hear your voice through the phone. He always looked forward to seeing you, even if it was only for a brief minute. You were really the only thing keeping his sanity together.

“Here’s your coffee, sir.” You put the cup on his desk as he reads a random document. He thanks you, as usual, and takes a quick sip before immediately regretting his decision when he felt his tongue begin to burn. You quick go to his mini-fridge and pass him a water bottle, standing back as he gulps half of it down to relieve at least some of the pain. “I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean for it to get that hot!”

“It’s fine, it’s fine! Don’t worry about it.” He sits back in his chair and slowly turns to you, meeting your eyes in a light-hearted stare. He laughs before finally speaking again. “You’re holding this company together, you know that?”

You laugh right with him, rolling your eyes at his statement. “Oh please, I just forward emails all day.”

“No, I mean it.” He holds his hands out and grabs yours, interlocking your hands in a soft grip. You could easily move back, but you don’t want to. “Without you, I’d be losing my mind.”

“Aw, you’re too kind.” You stand in silence for a moment, unsure of what to say next. The silence isn’t awkward by any means, but you can’t help but wonder why you’re holding the hands of your boss. “You’re doing very well, though. You have some big shoes to fill, and I feel like you’re doing the best you can.”

“Of course you’d say that. You work for me.” Hyunjin lets go of your hands and leans back in his chair again, crossing one of his legs over the other and lazily putting his hands behind his head, lounging back. “Y/n, can I say something crazy?”

“Say whatever’s on your mind, sir. I’m all ears.”

“Ugh, drop the formalities. Just call me Hyunjin, okay?” You nod, letting him continue with his speech. “I really appreciate you, Y/n, and it’s no secret that my family is loaded, so I want to ask if you’d come live with me downtown.”

“W-what?” Your eyes practically bulge out of your head. Living with your boss sounds absolutely insane, but any chance to get out of your shitty apartment is promising. This is the opportunity of a life time, no doubt, but is it worth taking? “Sir, I...”

“For fuck’s sake, call me Hyunjin.” You’ve never heard him curse before. “Listen, I live in a penthouse on the top story of a high-security luxury apartment complex. I’m all alone in a five bedroom apartment with a full view of the town. Going home alone every night is wearing on me, and it would mean a lot to have someone else there, even just to talk to.”

“I need time to think.” You look anywhere but his eyes as he leans forward and looks up at you from his chair.

“Take your time and think it over. I’ll give you until the end of the day.” Hyunjin turns back to his desk and looks at the paper he was reading before he burnt his tongue. “Go back to your office for now, but right after your shift, I want you here.”

“Yes, s-... okay, Hyunjin.”

🖊⌚️🗄🗞🪙📞

Everyone is gone except you, finalizing one last email before heading up to Hyunjin’s office. An office with no workers is eerie to say the least, and as you take the elevator up to Hyunjin’s office, you can’t help but notice how nervous you feel inside.

This is the right decision. As difficult as it might be, you’re going to say no to his offer. It’s extremely unprofessional to have any sort of out-of-work relationship with your boss. Thinking back to the outfit you wore when you took the promotion, it’s no wonder you assume you’ve made Hyunjin think you want this. Your apartment may be shitty, but at least it’s yours. Living with Hyunjin would cause too many problems in your life, and the last thing you need right now is problems.

He was waiting for you. With his head in his hands as you walk through the door, he darts his attention to you as you sit across from him. While it was certainly a familiar sight by now, he was just glad you didn’t run away from him after such an intense morning.

“Hyunjin, I just want to-”

“Stop.” He holds his hand up, pausing you mid-sentence. “I’m sorry for what I said earlier. I’m just stressed, and I’m not thinking clearly. I shouldn’t have offered you to live with me. That’s not who I am, nor is that something I should have sprung on you like that.” He reverts back to his former position with his head in his hands, staring down at his desk. “I just... I’m so lonely.”

You feel for him, you really do. He’s been thrown into this situation obviously not by choice, and he knows absolutely no one he’s working with other than you. With a stressful job and no one to turn to, it was clear why he was acting so rashly.

You pull his hands away from his head, holding them in yours like you did this morning. Rubbing your thumb over the back of his hand, you give him a gentle smile as he meets your eyes. The bags under his eyes are present, and his tiredness is visible. He looks so worn out to you. You really do feel bad.

“I’m not asking you to move in, but would you like to come back to my penthouse? Just for tonight?” He returns a smile to you, lowering his gaze blankly. “We can have a few drinks and talk. I just need someone with me right now.”

“Only if you’re paying for the taxi.” You two laugh together, appreciating each other’s presence.

“I’ll have my chauffeur drive us back to my place, and afterwards, he can drive you home.”

🖊⌚️🗄🗞🪙📞

Saying that Hyunjin’s apartment was massive would be an understatement. You felt like you walked into a penthouse from a dystopian future with shiny metal counter tops and black leather furniture. It didn’t look lived in, but to be fair, there was only one man living there. You felt cold even though it was room-temperature. 

“Follow me, doll.” Hyunjin takes your hand and leads you to the living room to sit on his L-shaped couch. If his pet name didn’t throw you off, you very well would have just walked there without his assistance, but you didn’t know how to react after being called ‘doll’ by your boss. “Want anything to drink? Wine? Vodka?”

“I’ll take wine, thank you.”

“Red or white?”

“Red.”

Hyunjin pours you both a glass and meets you back on the couch, lounging next to you, letting the soft silence fall over the room as you each take a sip of the expensive booze. As you drink a bit more, Hyunjin’s eyes are glued to you, and you start to break a sweat as the temperature in the room seems to rise. He’s just... staring at you. You feel uneasy, but this alcohol should help calm your nerves, right?

Hyunjin easily notices that you’re starting to slip into deeper thought, so he carefully puts his hand on your knee to bring you back into the moment. His gesture isn’t charged in anyway, but you still jolt at his touch. You dart your eyes towards his while looking like a deer in headlights. 

“Are you alright?” Hyunjin slides his hand up and down your leg only from your knee to mid-thigh. With his other hand, he puts his glass of wine on the coffee table in front of you so he can totally focus on your needs. Even though you hesitantly nod, he isn’t convinced in the slightest. “You want to know why I invited you here?”

“Sure, Hyunjin. Why did you invite me here?” The more he rambles on, the less you have to talk, so you gladly let him fill the silence. 

“Well, to put it simply, I’m interested in you.” You tilt your head in confusion. Was this a confession? “You’re a very intriguing person to me. When you walked into my office for the first time, you suffocated me with your aura. You truly do command a room, you know? That’s probably why you’ve gotten so far in your career.” His chuckle is awkward, and you don’t respond in any way to help his nerves. “You’re a woman that knows what she wants, and I admire that, especially since I don’t even know what I want.”

“How don’t you know what you want?” Your confidence was slowly coming back, although you weren’t sure if it was from the alcohol or your want to pick at Hyunjin’s brain. “You have everything anyone could ever want! Look at where you live!” You gesture to the room around you. The modern art-deco custom paintings, the abstract sculptures, the fake plants that looked too fake to even be considered plant-like. It was a dream, especially for those that lived in the city. “You have the perfect house and the job position people can only dream of.”

“I don’t want this, Y/n.” He stands from the couch, walking over to the wall of glass that separates the living room from the balcony. “This house means nothing. This job position means nothing.” He can’t face you, fearful that you’ll see how weak he is. “I want someone. I want you.”

Silence. You stare down at your legs, unable to even process what Hyunjin just said. Your thumbs rub against each other, fiddling so you can focus on anything else. Hyunjin sighs loudly and turns around, walking back over so he can tower over you. His shadow consumes you, shrouding your figure in slight darkness. A hand slips under your chin, pulling your face up to see him. His eyes sparkle when he looks at you as if he’s enamored by your existence. 

“What do I have to do?” Hyunjin ponders, leaning in closer to you. The scent of his cologne clogs your senses, and all you can think about is Hwang Hyunjin. “What do I have to do to have you?”

Your hand goes to his chest, grabbing his tie. You pull him into you, crashing your lips against his in a heated kiss. Hyunjin puts all of his emotion into this kiss, promising himself that he’ll show his love through his actions. 

Pulling away, you both catch your breath and enjoy the brief silence. For once, it isn’t awkward; the silence is welcomed. 

“Hyunjin,” you twirl his tie between your fingers, “if you want me, then prove it.” 

[🔥]

Hyunjin takes your hand in his, pulling you off the couch. He drags you up to his bedroom without saying a word, assuming you know what’s about to happen. His sheets are all black, neatly made without a stain in sight. Hyunjin sits on the edge of the bed, tapping on his lap to invite you to take a seat. 

You straddle him, feeling heated the second your thighs come in contact with his. It feels unreal, but you want this now more than ever. You didn’t drink even an entire glass of wine, so you can’t blame this decision on any ounce of alcohol. 

“Are you sure about this, sweetheart?” He wraps his long arms around your waist, pulling you into him so your body is pressed against his. “I need to hear you say you want this.”

“Yes, Hyunjin. I’m sure I want this.” You shoot him a smile that never fails to make his heart melt, and he can’t help but kiss you again, his lips perfectly fitting against yours. When you open your mouth to allow his tongue to slip in, he feels like he has reached nirvana. Hyunjin was been wanting this for so god damn long; he could bust in his pants just thinking about it. 

His mouth moves from your lips to your jawline, not leaving any hickeys because he knows you have work tomorrow. His kisses along your jaw and neck make you moan quietly, and your hands slip behind his head into his hair. You curl your fingers into his hair, pulling it ever so slightly. He grunts against your neck, sucking harder than before, accidentally leaving a red mark. 

He pulls off of your throat, breathing heavily, looking into your half-lidded eyes. Your hands rest on the back of his neck, holding him close to you. Hyunjin smiles lightly and pecks your cheek, making you both giggle from his cute gesture. 

“I know I told you not to call me sir, but... maybe just for tonight, you can call me that.” Oh, he’s like that? You kiss him for a moment before pushing him back, his body falling against the sheets. Your body hovers over his, and you roam your hands over his chest and abs, feeling him from over his shirt.

“Alright, sir.” You smile innocently, leaning down, kissing his neck to test his dominance. He doesn’t fuss at this. He accepts your kisses, throwing his head back to give you better access to kiss his neck. Your hands roam all over his body, paying special attention to his chest, or more specifically, his nipples. He groans quietly, biting his lips as your fingers rolls over his nipples. “Oh, you like this?”

“Y-yeah.”

“Sit up. Let me take your shirt off.” He laughs at your commands as he raises his body from the bed and unbuttons the top of his shirt before you step in and unbutton the rest. The slow reveal of his torso his haunting, causing your eyes to dart every which way across his body. He really looks like a Greek god. “This is what you’ve been hiding from me?” 

“Oh please, I’ve been wanting to fuck you since I first laid eyes on you, doll.” There it was again. That damn pet name. He really was going to be the death of you, so you might as well enjoy this. “I’ve had dreams of bending you over my desk and fucking you during work, but that wouldn’t be very appropriate, would it?” 

You gulp out of nervousness, unsure of where to go from here. You were in control for the moment, but now that Hyunjin was letting his emotions out, you keep getting flustered, wishing he would take the reigns over this situation. 

“Aw, is my little doll getting shy?” He brushes his hand across your hot cheek, making you stutter out nonsense. “You’re so cute, baby. I could flip you over and ruin you right now, but we should take our time, right?” 

You nod, tracing your hands on his chest again. Your thumb and pointer finger grip his nipples and twist, causing him to arch his back and fall against the bed once again. He’s putty in your hands again, so you up the ante by pressing your heat against his painfully large bulge in his tight work pants, teasing him just enough to make him weak. The sounds he’s making can only be described as sinful, and you love every minute of it.

You dive your head down to his chest, sucking hickeys into his defined pecs. Your tongue around his nipples makes him keen from pleasure, his hands petting your back up and down. When you lean up to look at all the marks you’ve made, he’s desperately trying to catch his breath. 

“I was supposed to be showing you how much I like you, not the other way around!” He giggles through deep breaths, running his hands down the sides of your body. “Lay back, baby. Let me take care of you, alright?”

You shrug in agreement, dramatically throwing your body back on the mattress for Hyunjin to pin you down under his lean figure. His gaze eats you alive, skimming over your skin like he was about to devour you. 

“You’re absolutely stunning, baby.” He kisses you on the lips, short and sweet, before unbuttoning your dress shirt and revealing your bra, feeling your tits over the fabric. His hands perfectly cup your tits, moving your bra down to play with your hardened nipples. You arch your back into his touch, relaxing and letting him worship your chest. He’s a master with his hands, making you moan and whine just enough for him to get even harder under his tight pants. “Can I take your bra off?”

“Of course, sir. Take it all off for me, alright?” You wink up at him, stirring a fire in his heart. He wants to take you, all of you, inciting him to rapidly strip you of your shirt and bra, tossing them to the side. His lips attach to one of your nipples while his hand goes to the other, playing with the bud between his fingers. His other hand snakes down your body and unbuttons your pants, sneaking down to play with your cunt over your panties. His middle finger pushes your panties into your pussy, saturating them with your wetness. “Please finger me, Hyunjin.”

“Oh, needy already?” He leans up from your chest, sitting between your spread legs as he unbuttons his own pants and pulls them down enough to see his bulge under his tight boxers. He looked so big, bigger than you’ve ever taken. Your cunt becomes drentched in a second of you imagining his cock going inside you. “Staring isn’t polite, you know?”

“S-sorry, sir.” He pulls your pants down your legs, leaving your panties to be the only thing covering you. His hands hug your hips, pulling you right up to him. You feel his bulge against your cunt, making you bite your lip.

One of Hyunjin’s big hands comes down to your cunt, a finger hooking around the bottom of your panties to move them to the side, allowing him to check out your sopping heat. His fingers feather through your folds, circling your needy hole just to tease you. He smiles as you whine and buck your hips up, physically begging him to fuck you dumb.

“My baby’s pussy looks so pretty. I can’t possibly fuck her before I get a taste.” You watch Hyunjin as he scoots down the bed and leans down to be eye-level with your cunt. He licks his lips before diving in, sucking on your clit and running his tongue through your pussy. One arm hooks around your leg while his other comes up to play with your pussy, his fingers teasing your hole before sliding in just enough to make you whine for more. “You’re so sweet, princess.”

“T-Thank you, sir.” You throw your head back when he bends his fingers inside you, curling into your g-spot. Hyunjin hums as you moan loudly, hinting to Hyunjin that you’re close. “C-cum, sir. Need to cum.”

“Aw, my baby’s ready to cum?” Hyunjin teases, going right back to sucking on your clit and mercilessly fingering your tight hole with two fingers. His tongue flicking over your clit is making you so close, your legs shaking as he continues to assault your cunt. “Cum on my fingers, babe.”

Your legs violently shake as you reach your orgasm, all your nerves on edge as waves of pleasure drown your brain. You moan Hyunjin’s name over and over, holding his hair in an iron grip. As you come down, his mouth slowly detaches from your pussy, fully lapping up all your juices.

“Open your mouth.” With your eyes still closed, you open your mouth wide open and let your tongue out, letting Hyunjin do whatever he wants to your mouth. His wet fingers dip into your mouth, pressing against your tongue to make you taste your cunt. You suck lightly on his fingers, tasting yourself before he slips his hand out of your mouth, separating his spit-coated fingers to admire your hard work. “Good girl.”

Your eyes goes back down, staring at the outline of his cock in his boxers. He notices your stare, pulling his waistband down to reveal his long, thick cock, leaking with precum, ready to be stuffed inside you. “W-wanna feel you inside me~”

“Aw, but baby, I’ve fucked you dumb just from my fingers. You think you can handle my cock?” He presses the tip of his cock against your hole, pushing it in just enough to make you whine loudly. He smiles, seeing how fucked out you are so easily. He leans down to your ear, holding your hips in his hands. “Do you really want it?”

His voice is so deep and quiet that it makes you shiver, biting your lips before you can even speak. You breath for a moment to collect yourself. “Yes, sir. I want it.”

“Alright, baby.” Hyunjin gives you a peck on your lips before laying next to you, putting his hands behind his head. You look over at him puzzled, still collecting your breath. “Ride me.”

Hyunjin takes a condom out of his nightstand while you whine and breath more, trying to bring back any feeling to your legs. You regain your strength as he rolls the comdom onto his thick shaft.

You huff and sit up, wobbling before getting balanced on the soft bed. You finally pull off your panties before straddling him. Hyunjin throws his head back as you start to jerk his cock, feeling him twitch in your palm. With your free hand, you pull his pants down more to let you comfortably straddle his hips. As you lower yourself into him, you both groan loudly, you from the stretch and him from the tightness.

Hyunjin’s hands hold tightly onto your waist as you fully lower onto him, halting your movements to allow your cunt to adjust to his size. He bites his lip and stares at your face, admiring your beauty despite your messy hair and sweaty forehead. You slowly raise your hips, gripping Hyunjin’s cock with your cunt as you lower back down.

“You’re so tight, baby- fuck.” Hyunjin’s groans are loud as hell, echoing through the bedroom as you ride him, establishing a slow pace. You feel so full, his tip reaching deep inside you, and you love it. The stretch doesn’t bother you anymore, speeding up slightly. He watches your tits bounce on your chest, teasing him with their perky nipples and forming hickeys.

“Is sir close?” You feel him switch inside you at your question, his eyes squeezing shut as he nods and whines. His grip on your waist looses before his hands fall next to his head. You lean down and pin his wrists to the bed with your hands. Having your tits right in his face makes it even harder to keep his cool.

Suddenly, Hyunjin’s hips buck into you, fucking up into your tight cunt while you force yourself to stay still so he can let out his energy... and your legs were getting tired. He hits your spot with every thrust, desperately fucking you so he can release into the condom. You feel him inside you, his cum ballooning the tip of the condom, making you moan as he whines, saying your name like a mantra. He looks so hot under you, you can’t help but lean down and kiss his pretty, plump lips while he sits inside you.

“I thought I could last longer.” Hyunjin wipes the sweat from his brow as he pulls out of you, pulling off the condom, tying it, and tossing it towards his trash can. “You really know how to break me.”

He doesn’t realize that you’re still on top of him, moving down the bed to take his cock into your mouth. He winces when your hot tongue hits the tip of his cock. You lick up his shaft before taking him into your mouth, testing your gag reflex as you take him down your throat, your nose hitting his pelvis. His hands find home in your hair, pulling tightly as you bob your head on his member.

He’s totally speechless, his brain empty as you suck his cock like a pro. Your tongue feels like heaven on Earth, quickly making him fully hard again and bringing him close to another orgasm. He’s never been over stimulated like this before, whining like a cat in heat as he watches his cock disappear down your throat. You stare up at him, keeping eye contact even if he doesn’t look at you.

He twitches in your mouth, his cock spawning against your tongue as you increase the pace. He bites his lip harsh enough to draw blood as he cums again, your head raising so only the tip is in your mouth while one hand jerks his cock, milking him dry. His vision is fuzzy, mind even foggier. He can’t believe you just did that without a word.

You swallow his cum, wiping the drool off of your chin as you hop up and lay next to him, nuzzling into his chest. He puts an arm around you while you two cuddle in silence.

“You’re really good at that, Y/n.” He huffs, smiling as he looks down at you who’s drifting off to sleep. “Are you gonna sleep over?”

“I was hoping I could. And who knows? Maybe we can fuck in the morning before going to work.”

“Fuck, work.” Hyunjin sighs loudly before groaning from the reminder of all of his stress. “This won’t change our relationship ship at the office, will it?”

“Not publicly, no, but if you ever need to releive some stress during the day, just invite me up to your office and I’d be happy to help you, sir.” You both laugh, finally at ease in each other’s arms. As you drift to sleep, you can’t help but be excited for the proceeding weeks at your work.

This is exactly the raise you needed.

[peterxwade24]

Safety Found in Red Sleeves

Chapter 2

This has been a long time coming, literally I wrote this in like four sittings so I hope everyone likes it!

Jason startled awake, his eyes opened wide as he listened for the noise which had startled him awake. The repeated knocking of the door to his apartment had him slowly springing out of bed, trying his hardest to not disturb his Little Nugget. He silently padded through his apartment, glancing into the room Dickiebird and Replacement had crashed in that night to check on them, before opening the door and freezing when he had a mess of blonde hair pressed against his chest.

The girl attached to the blonde hair was sobbing, that much he knew, but without seeing her face he didn’t know who she was.

“Hey. Hey. I’m not sure why you’re crying but I can’t help you if I don’t know what’s wrong.” Jason rubbed her back and let her calm down at her own pace.

The girl pulled away enough to let Jason pull her into the apartment and close the door.

“I’m sorry to have just dropped in unexpectedly. I just,” her blue eyes filled with tears and at the moment Jason could see that she’d been one of the people who’d been backstage when Bruce had blown up at him, “he doesn’t really mean that, does he?”

“I don’t know.” Jason pulled her back against his chest and held her to let her finish crying. “Can you tell me your name? I don’t think we’ve been introduced since I returned.”

She sniffled and nodded. “Stephanie Brown, my dad’s the Cluemaster.” She looked up at Jason with tear-filled eyes and Jason knew he’d do anything to protect her.

“You’ll always be welcomed here. My little sister in all but blood is Mad Hatter’s daughter.”

Stephanie’s eyes widened and she nodded. “I never realized, I never thought he’d have kids.”

—

Jason had just gotten Stephanie settled in the last bedroom after her fit of crying and returned to the living room when a shadow darkened his living room windows. He watched the shadow open his window from outside and slide into his apartment before he strode across the living room and pulled the shadow to his chest. “You were there when Bruce made his proclamation, right?”

The shadow nodded and pulled away from his chest, just enough to allow a stray ray of light from a nearby streetlamp to stream across her face. The shadow turned out to be one of Bruce’s other kids, a girl named Cassandra Cain. Jason recognized her features from his time with the League, her mother was Lady Shiva.

“Oh Cassandra. You’ll always be welcomed here. My sister in all but blood is the daughter of one of Gotham’s rogues.” Jason smiled and brushed Cass’s hair away from her face. “Do you want to stay here tonight?”

Cass nodded and slumped against Jason’s chest.

Jason smiled and swung Cass up into his arms. “I hope you don’t mind sharing a room with Stephanie. She’s crashing here tonight too.” Jason carried Cass to the room Steph was sleeping in and smiled. 

He was happy that his siblings trusted him enough to have their backs. But could he trust them to have his in his search for Pixie?

-*-*-*

Thana stared at Kim’s red sleeves, knowing her friends would give her the time she needed.

“Thana. Fragolina?” Chloé asked her friend. “Are you okay?”

Thana looked at her friends and felt her eyes fill with tears. “My big brother’s alive and I’m not there.”

Nino, always good at keeping Thana grounded, started humming a song he’d realized helped her focused over the years. “Isn’t there a contest held by Wayne Enterprises?”

Alix nodded before looking at Thana. “Isn’t it an essay contest? Where everyone mentioned in the essay gets to go?”

Thana looked at the two and tried to figure out what they were talking about.

Adrien smiled and nodded. “I’ll write the essay. Just get me a list of everyone’s achievements. We’ll have to ask someone here in Paris to hold the horse miraculous if we go on the trip.”

Kim laughed, a deep rumbling laugh that vibrated his chest, and rested his head atop Thana’s. “Who would have thought all those years ago when Mèo con arrived in Paris we would all have become friends and found ourselves with the opportunity to go back to the city she was born in to meet her big brother?”

Thana grabbed Chloé’s hand and whispered. “What if he doesn’t want to see me?” Thana’s blue grey eyes locked with Chloé’s blue eyes and Chloé saw the fear reflected back at her. “He’s got all these new siblings, better siblings, why would he want to see me?”

Chloé’s response was cut off by the Akuma siren outside. She sighed before standing and stretching her arms above her head. The white gold metal of her Miraculous glinted in the light before Trixx landed on her shoulder. “Duty calls.”

The team rose to their feet, their Miraculi glinting in the light.

Adrien let an easy smile spread on his face before he shook out his shoulders. His Miraculous, a pair of silver clip on earrings, shined in the light. “Tikki, spots on.” Adrien was engulfed in a dark red light and when the light vanished, he was no longer Adrein. He was dressed in a black long-sleeved shirt, dark red pants, a dark red jacket covered in black spots surrounded by light yellow rings with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, a pair of black combat boots with light yellow accents, black gloves, and a dark red almost black mask with light yellow spots. He had a dark red yoyo settled on his left hip with black spots surrounded by light yellow rings.

Chloé tossed her hair over her shoulder before smiling. “Trixx, let’s pounce.” Chloé was engulfed in a yellow-orange light and when the light vanished, she was no longer Chloé. She was dressed in a pale yellow bodysuit, a dark orange-brown skort, knee high light brown platform boots, a light brown jacket left unzipped and dark brown gloves that ended in claws. She had a fluffy light brown tail that was tipped in black. She had a pair of fluffy fox ears atop her head, the ears and her hair a light brown that darkened as it moved towards the tip. She had a pale yellow mask with dark orange paw prints outlined in brown. A dark brown flute rested on the small of her back.

Nino stretched his arms over his head and smiled. His Miraculous, a bronze snake wrapped around his wrist, twinkled in the light. “Sass, scales slither.” Nino was engulfed in a dark green-blue light and when the light vanished, he was no longer Nino. He was dressed in dark green pants with a black long-sleeved shirt, black combat boots with a dark blue bandana wrapped around his right ankle, a dark teal hooded jacket without sleeves zipped closed over his chest with the hood pulled up over his head, dark blue gloves covered his hands and wrists, and a dark green mask with a blue scale pattern concealed his identity. A bronze lyre was secured on his back.

Alix bounced on her toes before cupping Wayzz in her hands. Her Miraculous, a malachite turtle bracelet, gleamed in the light. “Wayzz, shell on.” Alix was engulfed in a dark pastel green light and when the light vanished, she was no longer Alix. She was dressed in a light brown bodysuit with black spots of various sizes on the ends of the sleeves, matching light brown leggings with black spots of various sizes on the ends of the legs, a slightly darker brown skater skirt, black gloves, matching black sneakers, a light brown mask with black splotches, and an oversized stiff leather jacket with a myriad of splotches in an array of shades of brown and yellow. Her normally puffy pink hair was slicked back under a dark brown swimmer’s cap, with an expandable circle throwing disk hidden under her jacket and a pair smaller throwing disks hidden under the heels of her sneakers.

Kim twitched his nose, a habit he picked up from Stompp, before letting a grin spread across his face. His Miraculous, a red nephrite septum ring, glimmered in the light. “Stompp, olé.” He was engulfed in a dark sienna light and when the light vanished, he was no longer Kim. He was dressed in dark jungle green cargo pants, a dark blue-green sleeveless shirt with light seaweed blue details, a dark sienna long-sleeved high neck shirt under the sleeveless shirt, a light seaweed blue sleeveless jacket, black combat boots with dark blue-green accents, black biker gloves, and a dark jungle green mask with dark sienna accents. He had a thin dark blue-green ox tail which whipped violently behind him, dark blue-green ox ears and light seaweed blue ox horns which curled up over his head. He had a black extendable bo staff strapped to his back.

Thana let out a sigh before letting a tiny smile grace her face. Her Miraculous, a gun-metal gray ring, shined with a hazy gray shine in the overhead light. “Plagg, claws out.” She was engulfed in a dark hazy gray light and when the light vanished, she was no longer Thana or Marinette. She was dressed in a smoky black spandex suit which was so high necked that it covered the lower half of her face and covered her hands with tiny, but sharp, claws. Over her suit was a deep black jacket with dark purple lining and baggy dark gray pants with dark purple detailing. She wore what appeared to be oversized olivine sneakers (but were actually Heelys) with dark purple cat paw detailing on the soles of her sneakers (and matching cat paw detailing on the palms of her hands). Her mask was a black domino mask just like her brother’s had been, except instead of white eye lenses her’s were the same blue her brother’s eyes had been. She had a deep black hood (not unlike the hood her brother’s mentor wears) topped with deep black cat ears, a fluffy deep black cat tail which waved lazily behind her. She had a black and olivine staff secured at the small of her back.

The six teen heroes exchanged grins before they dove out the closest window.

—

Madame Bustier stood in the front of the room with a smile on her face. “Okay kiddos. Listen up.” She waited for everyone to turn their attention to her before her smile grew even bigger. “Thanks to one of your classmates, who wishes to remain nameless, we’ve won a trip. The trip is being funded by Wayne Enterprises, although that doesn’t include souvenirs, and everyone will need to have a permission slip signed by their parents because the trip is taking us to Gotham.”

Thana shot Madame Bustier a look before raising her hand. “Technically my father is in Gotham, do I need his permission?”

Madame Bustier glanced at Thana before sighing. “Ms. Dupain-Cheng. I do not approve of this newfound snark.” She shook her head before turning back to the class at large. “Everyone take one and pass them back until everyone has one.”

—

Kim sat on the settee in Thana’s Parisian room, the smaller girl held against his chest. Nino was playing music in the background while Adrien and Alix were playing Ultra Mecha Strike 3 and Chloé was going through Thana’s closet trying to find clothes for them to wear while in Gotham.

“What is the fashion like in Gotham?” Chloé glanced over her shoulder at Thana. “Colour-wise and actual fashion wise.”

“Darker than here. Unless you’re one of the rogues.” Thana sat up and scrambled for her laptop before returning to Kim’s lap on the settee. She quickly unlocked her laptop and went to Skype. She waited all of a few minutes before the familiar noise of a Skype call filled the room. The four other teens crowded around the settee and waited to see who was on the other end of the line. Thana’s face brightened and she couldn’t seem to contain her excitement.

A tall man with short red hair and green eyes sat beside a tall man with long brown hair and hazel eyes. The tall man with short red hair and green eyes smiled, the smile bringing light to his green eyes. “Hello little Hood.”

“Mini Todd.” The tall man with long brown hair and hazel eyes smiled, allowing his hazel eyes to twinkle behind his thin wire frame glasses.

“Uncle Ed. Uncle John.” Thana’s face brightened further when she smiled at the two men. “These are my friends. Kim, Nino, Alix, Adrien and Chloé. Friends, these are my Uncles Ed and John.” The seven other people waved at one another.

“Fragolina. Why did they call you little Hood and Mini Todd?” Chloé asked with a single finger on her chin.

“Jay-Jay’s last name is Todd and I used to sign all of my assignments Thana Hood.” Thana shrugged before leaning back against Kim’s chest.

“Did you hear, Mini Todd?” John asked, a smile on his face.

“Big Todd is back on the streets.” Ed continued.

“I’ll be back on the streets soon enough.”

Taglist

@southamericangothamite @maribat-is-lifeblood @mystery-5-5 @our-preciousss @mochegato @chocolatecatstheron @throneoffirebreathingbitchqueen @2confused-2doanything @wannajointhecrabcult @dreamykitty25 @tomanyfandomsonmymind @moonlightstar64 @justafanwarrior @mialuvscats @pheony1882 @pepelachanel @moongoddesskiana @abrx2002 @ladybug-182  

Do you want to see shorts for this fic? If so, would you want to see Big Todd and Mini Todd’s adventures on the streets? Would you want to see how Ed Nygma and Johnathan Crane became Uncles Ed and John? Are there any characters from the DC Universe that you want to see interact with Thana and Co.?

[chronicbatfictioner]

Exchanges and Compromises - Chapter 7

Gotham City, Today

He is the Gray Son of Gotham, and he did not like having all these intruders coming into his city and steal from his people. The Court had made it clear that it would be his duty to clean up Gotham from those outsiders.

Over the years, Dick Grayson realized that the rogues coming to Gotham were getting progressively worse. If five years ago, it was the mafia trying to control Gotham; small, petty thugs trying to appear bigger than they are at the advent of machine guns and diminishing morale of the general Gothamites; today, there were costumed people. People wearing costumes and gimmicks, ready to hurt random people just to make a name for themselves. They'd feared nothing because there was nothing in Gotham that could hurt them back. Not like the Super-powered metahuman guy in Metropolis.

It all started with the shooting of Barbara Gordon, the daughter of a Police Captain. He had met her in person at the Circus and thought she was the most beautiful person ever. The only way he could keep his mind sane through the year was the hope that one day, he would be able to meet Barbara again. Cheesy, he knew. But it worked. Remembering Barbara meant remembering himself as Dick Grayson - the last of the Flying Graysons.

Dick was yet to get the taste of death at the time. But he was so furious, oh-so-furious that he had kicked the red-helmeted guy out of his fast-running motorbike after he saw what the guy had done to Barbara Gordon. To her body and soul as he desecrated her and took photos. Dick caught him and the camera - thankfully it was an old camera with films and not a digital one that could send its photos to the cloud - and has kept the film since.

Evidently, someone had beheaded the Red-Helmet guy after Dick left him dangled - suspended in the air on a lamppost with the gun he'd used to shoot Barbara Gordon for the cops to arrest him or whatever. Dick couldn't say he was sorry to hear that, though. It was much like that first time when he hung Tony Zucco upside down, and some enterprising soul had loosened the tie and sent Zucco flying to the pavement, some seven-storeys below.

He thought it odd that his masters have not allowed him to take a life - his other compatriots have taken lives after lives as ordered. But he, the one they actually named The Talon, had not. Sure, there might have been a number of targets whom he had taken to the edge of life at one point or the other. But they lived. The masters would promptly send out the cleaners - paramedics and other rescue people - to make sure his battered targets would survive.

Terror tactics, he was told. He had learned so much and so far to get the full understanding of how to work someone up to within an inch of their lives, leaving scars that would make them remember him always, but not take the life itself.

Nowadays, though, the policy might just need to change, if it hasn't already. His compatriots have eliminated a lot of people already, most were a costume- and gimmick-toting newcomers. They claimed to be 'inspired' by the legend of the Talon, yet they came in with the sole purpose of benefiting themselves on the blood of the common, insignificant people. They were not to be scared off, the masters decided. They were to be eliminated thoroughly.

He was getting antsy. There has been practically radio silence from the masters in the past week. He has tried to make himself useful - logging in the locations of the rogues the best that he could, so that... so that he was doing something, anything, during the radio silence. But it was getting... lonely.

He idly dropped by the Gordon lady's place again. She lived there, but she had made a plethora of security devices that he would have to carefully avoid to get to see her.

Her red hair looked like the sunrise in his eyes; warm, inviting, long. She had cut them short a few times, but they were always wavy and red and Dick wished he could run his fingers through them. He was happy that not only she had survived the shooting, she had also built something - a small business empire - for herself. She has friends coming and going, of all ages and genders. She would go out, sometimes with those friends, for a night out in the town, and Dick would follow them surreptitiously - keeping her safe if anything else.

Tonight, she seemed to be working intently. He couldn't see what she was working on, on the monitors before her. But she seemed preoccupied and rather angry; her face flushed a little, strands of hair escaping from her messy bun, her arms waving every now and then from whatever remarks she was making against whoever was on the other side of her headset.

Dick sat there quietly, literally enjoying the view. He deliberately trained himself to just watch her at work, not overstep the boundaries, no matter how his body wanted him to. Just a peek, it would say, into her bedroom, watch her change, sleep, get out of the showers...

He shook his head, snapping his thoughts. No matter what, Barbara has been violated before. He was not going to do that again, whether or not she knew it.

He touched one of his belt's pockets. The film was still there. No one shall take it from him, and maybe one day he could give it to Barbara herself and watch her burn it. Destroy the nightmare once and for all.

For now, though, Dick turned as a spark somewhere midtown caught his interest. With the costumed newcomers, there has been an increase of explodey-thingy each night. Scratch that, there has been an increase of explodey-thingy every night.

He went to the nest, where his band of talons should be standing-by, awaiting orders. There should be the masters, too, sitting around a roundtable, assessing the severity of the situation before they decide on the course of action.

He barely made it past the last of the buildings when he smelled it. The scent of blood - fresh blood - and burnt flesh. He stopped, settling down the shudder that overtook his body. He was not scared, not by a long shot. There have been numerous times where Dick witnessed bloody and/or burnt people - even before he was let out of his training pod. But this one... this one seemed... more foreboding. All of his survival instinct has kicked in all at once and told him to not meddle.

So he peeked around the corner of the building a few blocks away from the nest.

It was luck that he'd peeked instead of barging in, too. There was a very big man standing on the ledge of the next building - the one right in front of the nest. He was laughing - Dick could hear his laughter from where he was standing.

"That is all? That is all of the Court of Owls??" the man crowed. "I am Bane! And from this day onward, Gotham is mine!"

Dick sank back to his hiding place, after realizing that the round object in each of the man's hands were heads. One head of a Talon, the other the head of the Grand Master. He knew that the other Talons would have headed underground, which explained the complete radio silence.

Through the night, he went through the residences of the other members of the Court, only to find them dead. The ones he didn't find in their respective homes, he located at Dock 9C, the drop zone. They were all still sitting around the roundtable - lacking their heads. And Dick was pretty sure that the Court's revival pods would not be able to resurrect a person lacking a head.

He sighed dejectedly, realizing that - once again - he was alone. He would need to figure out how to take down the big man, 'Bane', and restore order. There were several issues with the intention: one - He didn't even know what this guy 'Bane' really wanted; two - his weakness; and three - how to exploit it.

And four- what is this shadow that has been following him from the Nest and is it dangerous.

He instinctively threw a knife toward the sound, a little confused when the shadow yelped indignantly and exclaimed, "dude! Settle down! I'm here to help!"

The moon took that moment to came out from behind the clouds, and Dick could see the small, black-leather-clad boy. With cat's ears.

"Oh, great... Catwoman's apprentice. There's nothing to steal here, boy; unless you're up to collect headless corpses." Dick snarled.

The boy tilted his head, looked behind Dick to the corpses, and looked like he was going to throw up. "Oh, god... would you... ew... would you mind if we go outside? Like, that -- ick. No-- Just..." he right out scowled. "Ugh, okay. Stray, where're your manners." the boy continued. "I'm... sorry for your losses, I guess? But can we please go outside? The cops are coming in a bit. I'm sure you don't want to be caught with like, twelve dead bodies around you."

Indeed, Dick could hear vehicles coming closer. The cops must have been alerted and kept their sirens quiet to catch the perpetrator. It would have worked, too, given the alcove location of the warehouse that would have trapped him - at the very least, he would have been seen.

He contemplated the boy's offer for a few seconds and then nodded. "This way," he said, leading the way to the least-used exits, the one that went to the sewers. "I hope you don't mind a little stink."

The boy whined, "man... the sewers? Don't you know there's a big-bad crocodile that eats humans in there? Not to mention how my dry cleaners' bills when they need to wash off the stink..."

"Really," Dick deadpanned dryly, glaring at the boy.

"No, I'm just trying to break the ice." he shrugged. "I'm Stray, by the way."

"They called me Talon," Dick replied, leading the way to the sewers, keeping a good fighting distance with the boy. He might be small and young, but Dick was certain that he would have some sort of weaponry on him that could hurt Dick.

The boy was quiet for a good six-second and then said. "That's alright, Dick Grayson, you're not a Talon, anymore."

For the first time in his life, Dick slipped and splashed to the floor of the sewer.

[lucasburch]

Why Did My Cat Just Pee On The Floor Stupefying Cool Ideas

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Cats - we need to do tricks and give them that it makes a mess on your furniture or carpeted stairs, especially the cat can be quite easily leach out chemicals with very difficult to scoop as long as 36 hours.While many common vaccines and other debris can be picky, and a lot of frustration at the first couple of days.Reduce Your Fear of Cat Mint, you can use that catnip is a no brainer.Keeping your cat willing to use his litter box.While de-clawing is probably marking because he doesn't get to box easily

Apply unpleasant-tasting substances to exposed cords.Pollen, mold, and dust are incriminated outside.When in heat will affect cats with Identichip, Bayer Tracer, and other annoying issues.Make sure that your cats have shared living quarters for thousand of years, and I went out for hours.This should be told what sort of like a behavior problem such as injury, can be addressed to some extent by following these actions you have cats, cat pee which has a urinary tract infections which are fairly enterprising at keeping cats out there to try to head for the behavior.

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How To Stop Cat Spraying Heat

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Of the several cats who have tend to have a problem to a covered litter box, cat tree, etc.Well, scratching is an airway dilator when given by injection, it will only increase his stress, and will transmit this to saturate the urine actually bonds with the water from your cat's skin.They like to burrow in the area until it is better for them.To make your cat having the right direction, beginning at the door.Here are a convenient solution to get diagnosed.

[poop4u]

Cat vs best and worst robot vacuum cleaners 

http://bit.ly/2UksOrS

If you’ve flirted with the idea of buying a robot vacuum you may also have stepped back from the brink in unfolding horror at the alphabetic soup of branded discs popping into view. Consumer choice sounds like a great idea until you’ve tried to get a handle on the handle-less vacuum space.

Amazon offers an A to Z linklist of “top brands” that’s only a handful of letters short of a full alphabetic set. The horror.

What awaits the unseasoned robot vacuum buyer as they resign themselves to hours of online research to try to inform — or, well, form — a purchase decision is a seeming endless permutation of robot vac reviews and round-ups.

Unfortunately there are just so many brands in play that all these reviews tend to act as fuel, feeding a growing black hole of indecision that sucks away at your precious spare time, demanding you spend more and more of it reading about robots that suck (when you could, let’s be frank, be getting on with the vacuuming task yourself) — only to come up for air each time even less convinced that buying a robot dirtbag is at all a good idea.

Reader, I know, because I fell into this hole. And it was hellish. So in the spirit of trying to prevent anyone else falling prey to convenience-based indecision I am — apologies in advance — adding to the pile of existing literature about robot vacuums with a short comparative account that (hopefully) helps cut through some of the chaff to the dirt-pulling chase.

Here’s the bottom line: Budget robot vacuums that lack navigational smarts are simply not worth your money, or indeed your time.

Yes, that’s despite the fact they are still actually expensive vacuum cleaners.

Basically these models entail overpaying for a vacuum cleaner that’s so poor you’ll still have to do most of the job yourself (i.e. with a non-robotic vacuum cleaner).

It’s the very worst kind of badly applied robotics.

Abandon hope of getting anything worth your money at the bottom end of the heap. I know this because, alas, I tried — opting, finally and foolishly (but, in my defence, at a point of near desperation after sifting so much virtual chaff the whole enterprise seemed to have gained lottery odds of success and I frankly just wanted my spare time back), for a model sold by a well-known local retailer.

It was a budget option but I assumed — or, well, hoped — the retailer had done its homework and picked a better-than-average choice. Or at least something that, y’know, could suck dust.

The brand in question (Rowenta) sat alongside the better known (and a bit more expensive) iRobot on the shop shelf. Surely that must count for something? I imagined wildly. Reader, that logic is a trap.

I can’t comment on the comparative performance of iRobot’s bots, which I have not personally tested, but I do not hesitate to compare a €180 (~$200) Rowenta-branded robot vacuum to a very expensive cat toy.

This robot vacuum was spectacularly successful at entertaining the cat — presumably on account of its dumb disposition, bouncing stupidly off of furniture owing to a total lack of navigational smarts. (Headbutting is a pretty big clue to how stupid a robot it is, as it’s never a stand-in for intelligence even when encountered in human form.)

Even more tantalizingly, from the cat’s point of view, the bot featured two white and whisker-like side brushes that protrude and spin at paw-tempting distance. In short: Pure robotic catnip.

The cat did not stop attacking the bot’s whiskers the whole time it was in operation. That certainly added to the obstacles getting in its way. But the more existential problem was it wasn’t sucking very much at all.

At the end of its first concluded ‘clean’, after it somehow managed to lurch its way back to first bump and finally hump its charging hub, I extracted the bin and had to laugh at the modest sized furball within. I’ve found larger clumps of dust gathering themselves in corners. So: Full marks for cat-based entertainment but as a vacuum cleaner it was horrible.

At this point I did what every sensible customer does when confronted with an abject lemon: Returned it for a full refund. And that, reader, might have been that for me and the cat and robot vacs. Who can be bothered to waste so much money and time for what appeared laughably incremental convenience? Even with a steady supply of cat fur to contend with.

But as luck would have it a Roborock representative emailed to ask if I would like to review their latest top-of-the-range model — which, at €549, does clock in at the opposite end of the price scale; ~3x the pitiful Rowenta. So of course I jumped at the chance to give the category a second spin — to see if a smarter device could impress me and not just tickle the cat’s fancy.

Clearly the price difference here, at the top vs the bottom of the range, is substantial. And yet, if you bought a car that was 3x times cheaper than a Ferrari you’d still expect not just that the wheels stay on but that it can actually get you somewhere, in good time and do so without making you horribly car sick.

Turns out buyers of robot vacuums need to tread far more carefully.

Here comes the bookending top-line conclusion: Robot vacuums are amazing. A modern convenience marvel. But — and it’s a big one — only if you’re willing to shell out serious cash to get a device that actually does the job intended.

Roborock S6: It’s a beast at gobbling your furry friend’s dander

Comparing the Roborock S6 and the Rowenta Smart Force Essential Aqua RR6971WH (to give it its full and equally terrible name) is like comparing a high-end electric car with a wind-up kid’s toy.

Where the latter product was so penny-pinching the company hadn’t even paid to include in the box a user manual that contained actual words — opting, we must assume, to save on translation costs by producing a comic packed with inscrutable graphics and bizarro don’t do diagrams which only served to cement the fast-cooling buyer’s conviction they’d been sold a total lemon — the Roborock’s box contains a well written paper manual that contains words and clearly labeled diagrams. What a luxury!

At the same time there’s not really that much you need to grok to get your head around operating the Roborock. After a first pass to familiarize yourself with its various functions it’s delightfully easy to use. It will even produce periodic vocal updates — such as telling you it’s done cleaning and is going back to base. (Presumably in case you start to worry it’s gone astray under the bed. Or that quiet industry is a front for brewing robotic rebellion against indentured human servitude.)

One button starts a full clean — and this does mean full thanks to on-board laser navigation that allows the bot to map the rooms in real-time. This means you get methodical passes, minimal headbutting and only occasional spots missed. (Another button will do a spot clean if the S6 does miss something or there’s a fresh spill that needs tidying — you just lift the bot to where you want it and hit the appropriate spot.)

There is an app too, if you want to access extra features like being able to tell it to go clean a specific room, schedule cleans or set no-go zones. But, equally delightfully, there’s no absolute need to hook the bot to your wi-fi just to get it to do its primary job. All core features work without the faff of having to connect it to the Internet — nor indeed the worry of who might get access to your room-mapping data. From a privacy point of view this wi-fi-less app-free operation is a major plus.

In a small apartment with hard flooring the only necessary prep is a quick check to clear stuff like charging cables and stray socks off the floor. You can of course park dining chairs on the table to offer the bot a cleaner sweep. Though I found the navigation pretty adept at circling chair legs. Sadly the unit is a little too tall to make it under the sofa.

The S6 includes an integrated mopping function, which works incredibly well on lino-style hard flooring (but won’t be any use if you only have carpets). To mop you fill the water tank attachment; velcro-fix a dampened mop cloth to the bottom; and slide-clip the whole unit under the bot’s rear. Then you hit the go button and it’ll vacuum and mop in the same pass.

In my small apartment the S6 had no trouble doing a full floor clean in under an hour, without needing to return to base to recharge in the middle. (Roborock says the S6 will drive for up to three hours on a single charge.)

It also did not seem to get confused by relatively dark flooring in my apartment — which some reviews had suggested can cause headaches for robot vacuums by confusing their cliff sensors.

After that first clean I popped the lid to check on the contents of the S6’s transparent lint bin — finding an impressive quantity of dusty fuzz neatly wadded therein. This was really just robot vacuum porn, though; the gleaming floors spoke for themselves on the quality of the clean.

The level of dust gobbled by the S6 vs the Rowenta underlines the quality difference between the bottom and top end of the robot vacuum category.

So where the latter’s plastic carapace immediately became a magnet for all the room dust it had kicked up but spectacularly failed to suck, the S6’s gleaming white shell has stayed remarkably lint-free, acquiring only a minimal smattering of cat hairs over several days of operation — while the floors it’s worked have been left visibly dust- and fur-free. (At least until the cat got to work dirtying them again.)

Higher suction power, better brushes and a higher quality integrated filter appear to make all the difference. The S6 also does a much better cleaning job a lot more quietly. Roborock claims it’s 50% quieter than the prior model (the S5) and touts it as its quietest robot vacuum yet.

It’s not super silent but is quiet enough when cleaning hard floors not to cause a major disturbance if you’re working or watching something in the same room. Though the novelty can certainly be distracting.

Even the look of the S6 exudes robotic smarts — with its raised laser-housing bump resembling a glowing orange cylonic eye-slot.

Although I was surprised, at first glance, by the single, rather feeble looking side brush vs the firm pair the Rowenta had fixed to its undercarriage. But again the S6’s tool is smartly applied — stepping up and down speed depending on what the bot’s tackling. I found it could miss the odd bit of lint or debris such as cat litter but when it did these specs stood out as the exception on an otherwise clean floor.

It’s also true that the cat did stick its paw in again to try attacking the S6’s single spinning brush. But these attacks were fewer and a lot less fervent than vs the Rowenta, as if the bot’s more deliberate navigation commanded greater respect and/or a more considered ambush. So it appears that even to a feline eye the premium S6 looks a lot less like a dumb toy.

Cat plots another ambush while the S6 works the floor

On a practical front, the S6’s lint bin has a capacity of 480ml. Roborock suggests cleaning it out weekly (assuming you’re using the bot every week), as well as washing the integrated dust filter (it supplies a spare in the box so you can switch one out to clean it and have enough time for it to fully dry before rotating it back into use).

If you use the mopping function the supplied reusable mop cloths do need washing afterwards too (Roborock also includes a few disposable alternatives in the box but that seems a pretty wasteful option when it’s easy enough to stick a reusable cloth in with a load of laundry or give it a quick wash yourself). So if you’re chasing a fully automated, robot-powered, end-to-cleaning-chores dream be warned there’s still a little human elbow grease required to keep everything running smoothly.

Still, there’s no doubt a top-of-the-range robot vacuum like the S6 will save you time cleaning.

If you can justify the not inconsiderable cost involved in buying this extra time by shelling out for a premium robot vacuum that’s smart enough to clean effectively all that’s left to figure out is how to spend your time windfall wisely — resisting the temptation to just put your feet up and watch the clever little robot at work.

via TechCrunch

https://poop4u/blog May 11, 2019 at 09:10PM DMT.NEWS, @Natasha Lomas, @pooop4u

[coonxandxfriends-blog]

Accepted!-- Kenny McCormick / Mysterion

Name: John Age: 22 Pronouns: He/Him Tumblr URL: Timezone: Central, USA Discord: 2. Muse Information Muse’s name: Kenneth James “Kenny” McCormick Age: 18 Birthday: March 22nd Height: 5'6" Sexuality: Heterosexual (officially) but essentially pansexual Super Hero Identity: Mysterion

Headcanons:

Kenny has a much better relationship with his parents than he used to, particularly his father, who has found reliable work, curbed his drinking as a result, and overall improved. The remains tension between his parents and Kevin.

He still works at City Wok to support himself, and has worked closely with Mr. Lu Kim for many years now. He looks past some of Lu Kim’s criminal enterprises and tendencies (i.e. cock magic) to keep his family afloat and feigns ignorance.

Kenny has become a science fiction fan over the years, although he doesn’t usually discuss this with those he isn’t already close with  He prefers not to think of himself as a nerd. He has a special fondness for Firefly and Alien.

Kenny, in his civilian life, remains emotionally attached to his parka and prone to hiding his face, remaining passive if sometimes sharp-tongued. He’s a little insecure, knowing a lot of people think the habit is childish, but he can’t stop it.

His adventures as Mysterion are causing him, as of late, to consider pursuing a career in some form of law enforcement, although he doubts his abilities when outside the costume.

The relative incompetence of the Park County Police Department was key to Kenny’s decision to become Mysterion. While he thinks Det. Yates and his men can be effective when directed well, he resents their behavior and feels they’ve let the neighborhood get much worse.

He has no desire for a sidekick or a partner or any such form of official assistance, and has only occasionally asked Kyle for favors begrudgingly. He doesn’t mind working with other heroes on occasion, such as via Coon and Friends, but the idea of having a dedicated “guy in the chair”, “sidekick”, etc. otherwise bothers him.

He has largely stopped using the Mysterion identity as a way to manipulate his parents or comfort his sister as he’s grown older, having formally retired the latter. He uses the costume only for crime-fighting now.

Mysterion is fine to allow counterfeit merchandise to float freely through the streets of South Park. Some people have T-shirts. He doesn’t enforce copyright law.

Mysterion very much prefers to deal with villains non-lethally… not out of any noble reasoning, but merely out of fear of legal repercussions as his identity is on record. So he tries to disable or disarm them otherwise. He has no emotional qualms about killing though.

Abilities and Weaknesses:

Kenny retains his famous ability to die and be reborn, but as soon as he awakens, all memories of his death are altered or erased. He also undergoes excruciating pain during the process, even when he has a relatively quick death. His rebirths will cleanse the body of any wounds or illnesses.

Despite his immortality, he is essentially human and remains vulnerable to anything a normal human can.

Kenny is a skilled hand-to-hand fighter with strong acrobatic abilities that allow him to grapple with even the toughest opponents.

He does keep some handy tools, such as fireworks for distracting others, as well as a gun, on his belt at all times.

His emotional weaknesses include his family (especially but definitely not limited to Karen) and attractive woman, especially busty ones.

Alignment: Hero.

Kenny sees Mysterion as bigger than himself, and feels a responsibility to adhere to that image. While Kenny is not opposed to engaging in vice in his personal life, when the costume’s on he tries (even when difficult) to resist those temptations and be the hero he knows this town needs. That doesn’t mean he always succeeds, of course, and Mysterion’s identity isn’t the hardest thing to discover by anyone who visits the library once in a while. Prompts:

Every week, it was the same story.

Wake up to the sound of mom and dad screaming about something stupid. Mom kind of started it, but Dad was still being dumb last night. The toaster’s broken again, so it’s frozen waffles for breakfast. Piece them out so Karen and Kevn have some, and hopefully there’ll be enough left for you.

Arrive at the bus stop as Cartman and Kyle are arguing about something almost as stupid as mom and dad. Kenny taps his foot impatiently waiting for the bus to interrupt the monotony. Ask Stan if he did his homework and when’s a good time to copy it.

The bus ride is slightly better. Less fighting, but Stan sits by Kyle and Cartman’s with Butters, so you’re sitting with God knows who. How you end up next to Bill when he’s not sitting by Fosse, you can’t figure out. He throws a paper airplane and a spitball lands in your face. Fun fun.

Listen to Garrison yap about some sitcom from the 70s while Cartman tries to cheat off your paper. Fail the pop quiz without trying because you were too busy taking care of stray cats to study. Wolf down your crappy cafeteria food because it’s the best thing you’ll get all idea, while Cartman tries to blame Kyle for whatever the topic of the week is.

Play football with the guys during recess and kind of suck at it. Craig’s a good tackle and he might’ve broken some bones. See the Nurse, whoever it is this week, and get a well-meaning lecture about playing rough. Check your locker for books before listening to Garrison yap for a while. Someone even lamer comes in to talk to the class with some patronizing bullshit.

School’s out. The guys want to meet at five to work on some project, so you kill time at Tweek Bros. Coffee shop. Mrs. Tweek’s your waitress today. Get distracted by her cleavage while ordering a frapp. Thank God nobody notices. Sometimes it’s nice to be a kid. Use the free wi-fi to look at memes, or actually research.

It’s five o’ clock and you’re at Cartman’s House and wondering how this could all be worth it. Terrance and Phillip is on TV and Liane puts out a plate of cookies. Nevermind. Day made. Five minutes later, it’s time to do… something. You’re not sure what. Cartman tells you to hold a camera and suddenly he and Butters are doing something. You just obey.

None of this is interesting. You struggle not to fall asleep as Cartman tries to sell a time-share in his basement for $49.95 a year or something? Thank God you’re the one behind the camera. You’re not sure if this is for the project mentioned earlier or some side scheme, until Kyle tells you to square your shoulders if you want an A.

You’re not ready to go home yet. It’s not the right time. You don’t want to hear the screaming. It’s almost eight and the project is done and you’re having pizza with the guys. It’s some of the best stuff you’ve ever eaten, just like it was last week. A couple slices later, everyone else has to go home and get some sleep, except Cartman, who wants to stay up and watch Family Matters reruns.

You wonder if he still has that horrifying Urkel sleeping bag.

Your phone rings and it’s City Wok. Mr. Lu Kim says he needs you tomorrow. He’s not going to take ‘no’ for an answer, but you don’t plan to offer it. A little money would be nice. Once the phone’s hung up you’re on your way back to the house, and Dad’s half-asleep watching black-and-white reruns of an old western, and mom is stretched out on the couch. They’re almost terrifying calm. You wonder if they’ve had sex, or worse, if they’re going to, and scare yourself a little.

You check on Karen and Kevin. He’s basically already asleep and Karen’s playing with her dolly collection. You give her a hug and tell her good night. She doesn’t need a lot of words, usually, to know that you love her.

The family’s out of the way. The day is done.

You open your drawer and there it is. The big green ’M’, the briefs, the question mark…

As Mysterion stares back at you, you know that you’re not just a pathetic, insignificant part of background dressing. When you’re like this, you can really make a difference, and nothing else matters.

The town is in need ,Mysterion. Coon and Friends welcomes you back.

[anditjustmadeherkind]

http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Characters/GothamCriminals

   Selina Kyle

Selina "Cat" Kyle

"Five minutes on the street, you'll be mincemeat."Played By: Camren BicondovaA teenage girl with a fondness for theft and cats. The future

Catwoman

. She witnessed the murder of the Waynes, and has been keeping an eye on Bruce.

Ambiguously Bi: Much like her original counterpart, Selina appears to get a little too close to her female friends. While she clearly has a crush on Bruce, Selina seems to be going way out of her way to protect Bridgit from others as well and actually risks her life to rescue her. Keep in mind, Selina barely shows concern for just anyone.

Animal Motif: She may not have taken the mantle of Catwoman up yet, but young Selina is seen moving like a cat as she prowls through Gotham. And feeding a cat. In one scene, she's seen playing with her locket as a cat would. And she's nicknamed "Cat" for obvious reasons.

Archenemy: She's developed an intense hatred towards Silver after realizing she wants to harm Bruce.

Badass Adorable:

Bad Guys Do the Dirty Work: Kills Reggie to keep Bruce's hands clean.

Big Sister Instinct: She looks out for younger kids who are in need of comfort or help.

Bratty Teenage Daughter: Alfred finds her a handful, and at first wants her gone.

Break His Heart to Save Him: She tells Bruce she never saw his parents' killer, it was just a lie to save herself from juvie, because she knows any association with Bruce will ultimately endanger them both.

Brutal Honesty: Isn't afraid to speak her mind, as Bruce figures out.

But Now I Must Go: Selina leaves Wayne Manor on her own accord once she realizes that the danger she's in is too much for Bruce, a rich kid who doesn't know much about the city, to handle at his age.

Byronic Hero: Much like her original counterpart.

Cassandra Truth: Selina figures out Silver is manipulating Bruce, but he doesn't believe in her. At least until he finally sees that she was right all along after they trick Silver into revealing her true colors.

Civvie Spandex: Selina doesn't wear a costume yet, but does sport a black jacket and a pair of goggles.

Cool People Rebel Against Authority: She knows full well that the cops are corrupt, and she won't take any of their bullcrap.

Combat Pragmatist: Knows to go for the eyes first in a fighting situation.

Delinquents: She's been in and out of juvie quite a lot. And she does not want to go back. She'd rather stay on the streets.

The Dragon:

Due to the Dead: She removes her hood during Thomas and Martha's funeral.

Escape Artist: She's able to pick a pair of police cuffs with a pen. After that Gordon realizes the chances of getting her to stay in police custody are next to nil.

Establishing Character Moment: The first few minutes of the pilot show how skilled and bold a pickpocket she is, and her connection with cats.

Eye Scream: Her method of combat involves clawing out an opponent's eyes.

Faux Paw: Bats around a locket with her hand curled up like a cat.

Five-Finger Discount: Pickpockets people with frequency and aplomb.

Go for the Eye: Her preferred way of attacking people. She can do some major damage.

Goggles Do Nothing: Selina is usually seen with a pair of green goggles on top of her hood, perhaps as a nod to more modern versions of Catwoman who wears goggles as part of her costume.

He Knows Too Much: She saw the Waynes' assassin before he covered up his head. Because of that, whoever hired the hitman wants her dead.

Hellhole Prison: The juvenile hall upstate she was sent to upstate is this, apparently. She does not want to go back.

I Did What I Had to Do: How she justifies killing Reggie.

Improbable Hairstyle: Her hairdo seems a little high maintenance for someone living on the street. Towards the end of season 2, she somehow manages to not only straighten it, but also dye it.

Jerk with a Heart of Gold: In Bruce's words, she's a good person but she's "not nice". She doesn't appreciate the observation.

She's able to escape from a human trafficking ring using her size and stealth.

She's able to pick a pair of police handcuffs with a pen (that she swiped from Bullock).

As The Dragon of Fish Mooney, she recaptures Gordon, Bullock, and Falcone with a shotgun and Mooks in tow.

When she gets sent to juvie in the second episode, she notices the kid sitting next to her on the bus is crying. She gives him hints on how to survive.

As she observes Bruce's training, she points out it would all be useless on Gotham's streets as to survive you'd have to be ruthless and mean, something Bruce isn't....yet.

She tells Bruce that there was really nothing he could've done to save his parents, and that he really needs to stop obsessing over his parents' murder and get over it because bad stuff happens all the time.

She's also the only friend Ivy Pepper has.

Selina joins Bruce in his search for Reggie, the man who stabbed Alfred. He makes some threats towards Bruce. She helps set him up so that Bruce could push him out of the window. Bruce couldn't make himself do that. So she pushed Reggie instead.

The trait is present once more upon her association with Bridget Pike, for whom she is willing to fight both the other Pikes and call on Gordon for help.

To Fish Mooney in the Season 1 Finale.

She's later one to Penguin as well.

She also gets coerced into becoming one for Firefly.

She's a hardened street kid, yet even she gets creeped out by Ivy Pepper.

Karma Houdini: Much like her character, she escapes the finale without facing any punishment.

Kick the Son of a Bitch: She shows great Chessmaster tendencies when tricking what is believed to be the name of the Wayne killer out of Silver by means of cold-blooded torture at the hands of someone who appears to be an associate of hers. Bruce, who was also subjected to it, played along with Selina's plan, and his role in her torture gambit is only revealed after the name is.

Kindhearted Cat Lover: Duh.

Laser-Guided Karma: Selina's jerkass tendencies finally catch up to her, when she loses all of her friends because of her attitude. Gordon severs his ties with her after she leaves him for dead, Bridgit separates from Selina after arguing over a difference in morals, and Bruce pushes her away in favor of Silver because she actually treats him nicer than Selina ever did. Selina is now alone like she always wanted to be, and she realizes that it wasn't the way she liked it anymore.

Le Parkour: Gotham is one big jungle gym to her.

Light Feminine and Dark Feminine: The light to Silver's dark, ironically, considering whose side Silver is on.

Little Miss Badass: Selina may be a child, but she manages to survive in the very hard streets of Gotham and has escaped from criminals and the police several times.

Little Miss Snarker: Selina does her future counterpart proud with how much sass she exudes. Considering her status as a street kid, she likely uses it to cope with her harsh life, as well as to conceal her feelings and vulnerabilities. She snarks at everyone, but Alfred in particular seems to bring it out of her (of course, this could be because he punched her in the face - she's not happy with him about that).Bruce: What do you have against the front door?Selina: Nothing. It's the ape who opens it I could live without.

Loveable Rogue: Her Establishing Character Moment shows her as this: She takes out a switchblade, but only uses it to slash open a grocery bag and steal a jug of milk, which it turns out was not for her, but for a stray cat. The only other thing she steals is a little cash from a passerby. Throughout the scene, she avoids inflicting a single physical injury on anyone.

Manic Pixie Dream Girl: Starts playing as one to Bruce, once she moves to Wayne Manor. She questions his odd behavior and decisions, and manages to do in a couple of days what Alfred has been trying to do for weeks without success: get Bruce to act like a kid and have some fun.

Masculine Girl, Feminine Boy: The tough street fighter Masculine Girl to Bruce's sensitive, domestic Feminine Boy while they're living together.

Meaningful Name/In-Series Nickname: Her name on the streets is Cat, which is what she prefers to be called.

Missing Mom: The police think her mom is dead. Selina insists that she's alive somewhere.

Mythology Gag:

Never Hurt an Innocent: For all her talk about being ruthless and mean, Selina seems to have a strict policy about not harming anyone who hasn't tried to harm her first. Even when stealing from people (as in her Establishing Character Moment), she avoids hurting them.

Odd Friendship: With Bruce, and later Fish.

Pet the Dog/Kindhearted Cat Lover: Steals a jug of milk to feed a stray cat.

Pint-Sized Powerhouse: Despite being only 13 and half the height of most adults, she can easily take down larger opponents in physical combat.

Puppy Love: She may act mainly as The Tease towards Bruce, but over the course of "Harvey Dent" and "Lovecraft" it's clear she has genuine feelings for him.

Real Women Don't Wear Dresses: She hates dressing girly, but does so for an undercover mission with Bruce.

Refuge in Audacity: Averted. She once attempted to rob a fancy department store in broad daylight, and got caught by the cops for her troubles.

Sarcastic Devotee: She points out that Bruce's behavior is either crazy or suicidal, and yet she still helps him in spite of herself.

Satisfied Street Rat: Selina uses Gordon to stay out of juvie, but has no interest in him finding her a better life, and seems quite happy in her career as a pickpocket.

Screw the Rules, I Have Connections!: Whenever she gets arrested, she immediately asks to see Gordon, hoping to evoke this.

She Cleans Up Nicely: For the Wayne Enterprises Charity Ball in "Under the Knife".

Slap-Slap-Kiss: The Puppy Love edition. Bruce and Selina alternate between trying to shove one another way and running to help when the other is in danger.

Stalker with a Crush: After she sees the Wayne murders, she seems to be taken by Bruce, possibly because he's an orphan, and begins stalking him at a distance throughout the pilot. A later episode shows her breaking into Wayne Manor and watching him sleep.

Stealth Hi/Bye: She pulls one on Bruce in "Lovecraft": He's balancing on a banister in the mansion, clearly by himself, and then Selina just appears there with him. It's quite a feat, considering who she pulled it on.

Street Urchin: This version of Selina Kyle is already a roof-hopping Kind Hearted Cat Lover stealing milk for a stray.

The Tease: Downplayed since she's a teenager, but acts this way to Bruce, enticing him to try and earn a kiss from her. Hilariously, Bruce seems to have her pegged as an (age appropriate) Femme Fatale already, and is suspicious of her offer of letting him kiss her!

Tomboy and Girly Girl: Tomboy to Ivy's girly girl. In "Under the Knife," she goes on about how she hates wearing dresses and heels.

Took a Level in Jerkass: Goes from morally ambiguous street urchin, to willing flunkie of Fish and later Penguin who was willing to sell out Gordon to be murdered by the former without so much as a shred of regret.

Trickster Mentor: To Bruce. She teaches him about keeping his balance and roof jumping, as well as fighting dirty - Gotham's thugs usually don't wear boxing gloves.

Two First Names: Per the DC Comics norm.

Unresolved Sexual Tension: With Bruce.

Violently Protective Girlfriend: While their relationship is...complicated and still relatively innocent, Selina does show this towards Bruce. As both Reggie and Bruce found out when she shoved the former out of a window after the latter hesitated.

The Voiceless: She doesn't speak at all in the pilot. However, she does speak in the subsequent episodes.

What the Hell, Hero?: Receives this from Gordon and Bruce all the time. Especially when she joins Fish and doesn't immediately help them escape.

Worthy Opponent: She calls Silver this after being impressed by how good she is at her innocent act.

Bicondova looks very much like a young Michelle Pfeiffer, who was Catwoman in Batman Returns, right down to a similar hairstyle.

Selina doesn't go by Catwoman yet, but she calls herself Cat. In her very first comic book appearance, Catwoman was just called the Cat.

She flirts with Bruce non-stop. Flirterer!

By the end of "The Ball of Mud and Meanness", he's moved in with her.

The crush part is emphasized at the end of "Lovecraft": after two episodes of challenging him to kiss her, she steals a kiss from him.

Later she submits Silver to fake Cold-Blooded Torture in order to get Bruce to see her dark side and help him gain information out of her.