#but in a. it's 10pm bestie. i'm not going to metamorphose into the impossible perfect version of me now. there is nothing i can do about an
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i need to [remembers making suicide jokes is bad for you] write a musical theater style song for myself about how my heart feels like it's going to explode
#bluebird.txt#i think for tonight i will ignore my feelings#and not in a depression way#but in a. it's 10pm bestie. i'm not going to metamorphose into the impossible perfect version of me now. there is nothing i can do about an#of this so i just have to go about my life. way.#told my teacher about something i do to like. keep myself functioning and alive#that i previously thought was pretty neat of me and i took pride in wanting to be alive and using my free will#and she immediately said hm yeah that's definitely a survival mechanism#like what no#do you mean. do you mean some people are just alive and that's it? they don't. they don't have to make an effort to do it?#i wanna take a survey except i can't because that's weird and i don't have a doctoral thingy to hide behind#i can't just go around university being like 'hey are you alive on purpose or do you wake up and just function'#AH okay thinking done !!!! ya se acabo. finish homework. write to do list. go to sleep. don't explode.#save me twentyonepilots truce
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