#but i'm very tempted to take up crocheting so i can make one of those tied on hat beanie frog things

[bluebellhairpin]

one thing about me is i'll always go weak for frog themed accessories.

[uncloseted]

I’ve been pulling out my eyelashes since I was six. I’m seventeen now and I haven’t ever stopped for more than months at a time. Rn I’m applying for colleges as well as dealing with a lot of general academic pressure and attempting to begin my first real romantic relationship (with a boy nonetheless, which is especially daunting because I’ve only ever been into other girls). For the past few years, I’ve had acrylic nails as a way to deter the hair pulling. It’s an okay solution but keeping up with constantly having to get my nails redone every few weeks is overwhelming to me, as I’m already so overwhelmed with everything else all the time. It’s just such a humiliating problem and it often feels like I’m never going to stop; I’m just going to continue this bad habit until one day my eyelashes don’t grow back anymore. When I have stopped, I’ve often just substituted nail biting or cutting to serve the same purpose. Do you have any advice for stopping self-harm? (Sorry for the long ask/burdening you with all of this. I’ve seen your answers to others with mental health problems and you just have a very kind, nonjudgmental and emphatic approach which I find comforting.)

No worries at all! I'm here to listen and help if I can. You're definitely not alone in this problem- about 1-4% of people are affected by trichotillomania (hair pulling) in their lifetime.

It sounds like your pulling episodes are triggered by stress, so the first thing I would suggest is working on lowering the levels of stress that you feel. Ways to manage your stress may include seeing a therapist, counsellor, your primary care doctor, or a psychiatrist, making sure that you're taking care of your body (exercising regularly, sleeping well, eating healthily), journaling about how you're feeling, filling out CBT worksheets, meditating, and doing deep breathing exercises. My guess would be that the better your stress is managed, the less compelled you'll feel to pull.

In general, seeing a therapist who specializes in habit reversal training or cognitive behavioral therapy and seeing a psychiatrist who's familiar with trichotillomania is a good idea, as they can help you come up with a treatment plan that's specific to you. You can also join a support group, either online or in person, for people who have trichotillomania.

In terms of things you can do to stop pulling, here are a few you can try:

Identify your patterns of pulling behavior. What are the wheres, whats, whys, whens, and hows of your pulling episodes? What senses are important for you when you're pulling? What triggers your pulling behavior (this could be emotions such as anger, frustration, impatience, feelings like fatigue, restlessness, hunger, environments where you're tempted to pull, or negative thoughts patterns)? Once you know what your patterns are, you can find ways to break those patterns or fulfill your needs in ways that are healthier.

Try finding a "competing response" such as clenching your fists or sitting on your hands when you want to pull. The competing behavior should physically prevent you from pulling at your hair. You could also try getting a fidget ring, fidget toy, or other tactile object (such as a koosh ball, squishy ball, twine, string, a pipe cleaner, worry beads, slime) that you can play with when you're tempted to pull in order to distract your hands. You can also try finding other things to do with your hands, like crocheting, knitting, making origami, etc.

Find something that will make it difficult for you to pull. You mentioned that acrylic nails worked okay for you, so there might be an alternative you could use to get that same result. Maybe try putting petroleum jelly or lotion on your fingers or putting Band-aids on your fingertips so it's hard to get a grip on the hair.

When you feel tempted to pull, put off the impulse for just a minute (or 30 seconds, or 2 minutes, or 5 minutes- however long you think you can go). Keep putting off pulling until the impulse goes away, practicing deep breathing throughout. You can also come up with a saying that you can repeat out loud until the urge to pull passes, such as "every eyelash belongs on my eyes".

You can also try a strategy called "progressive muscle relaxation" when you're tempted to pull. In progressive muscle relaxation, you breathe in while tensing a muscle group for 4-10 seconds, and then breathe out while suddenly relaxing the muscle group. Relax for 10-20 seconds, and then move on to the next muscle group. The muscle groups are: hands, wrists & forearms, biceps & upper arms, shoulders, forehead, eyes, cheeks & jaws, around the mouth, back of the neck, front of the neck, chest, back, stomach, hips & butt, thighs, and lower legs. Once you've gone through each of the muscle groups, count backwards from 5 to 1 and bring your focus back to the present.

There are also some good self-help resources here and here that I highly recommend checking out.