#but i'm tired af and lack impulse control today

[hippolotamus]

WIP Wednesday 🛋️

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from you're where I wanna go after this snippet

“Penny for your thoughts?” Lucy asks. She’s sunk further into the couch, leaning back at an angle with both legs tucked beneath her, and one stockinged foot dangling off the edge.  He debates whether he wants to tell her that his brain is scattered in different directions. How he’s rejoicing about never having to confront his mother again, while lamenting that he couldn’t be someone she loves. How he’s secured something of a future for his sister knowing they may never see each other again.  Ultimately he decides to keep it all to himself. In his current unguarded state he’s likely to keep talking and eventually say something about Eddie. That's a wound he’s unwilling to cut open tonight.  “Just tired I suppose.” He stands up and moves to replace the chair. “Think I’m going to change out of this stuffy suit and get some sleep. Obviously you can take the bed.” Buck walks away before she can call his bluff. He changes into pajamas and brushes his teeth in the bathroom connected to the bedroom. When he comes out Lucy is sitting on the edge of the mattress, still in her dress and fiddling with her wedding band. He studies her for a moment, sensing the weight of his own ring and all the expectations it carries. “Regrets?” He can’t help but ask even though she laid out the terms of their arrangement.  Lucy lifts her head to meet his gaze. The left corner of her mouth turns up in a half smile, but her eyes tell a different story. There’s a sort of dolefulness in them that makes him wonder about any disappointments or heartbreaks she might have tucked away in the name of self preservation. If perhaps she has an Eddie in her past. Neither one of them has offered much beyond superficial information so he supposes it’s possible. “No.” She shakes her head and busies her hands with unpinning her hair. “No regrets. Not about this.” About what then? He wants to ask, but it’s none of his business. Instead he lets her answer be enough, deciding that she’ll tell him if she wants to. “See you in the morning then, Miss Donato?” That gets her to smile – a real one – and simultaneously eases some of his own maudlin thoughts.  “See you in the morning, Mr. Buckley.” He retreats to the sitting room, closing the bedroom door behind him. A pillow and extra blankets, that Lucy must have put there, are already waiting for him. He huffs an amused chuckle and begins making himself comfortable. The couch is, fortunately, long enough for him to stretch his legs without hitting against the armrest.  After what is probably several minutes, but feels like mere seconds, his eyelids grow heavy, encouraging him to let go of the day. To rest for the journey ahead. And when Buck wakes in the morning, he realizes that his dreams were blissfully empty. There were no traces of coffee colored irises capable of piercing his soul, calloused hands made rough from labor that manage to caress with an unexpected gentleness, or perfect teeth behind plush lips that bite and soothe. While it’s likely for the best – is it really? – that knowledge doesn’t stop the fear that Eddie is beginning to slip away from him permanently.