#but i'm all about piling the trauma on our boy you know me 😅

[walkingstackofbooks]

I was thinking last night about how it would have affected Julian if he'd arrived a few seconds too late to that Cargo Bay in Hard Time and Miles had died in front of him (because that's always a fun (distressing) scene to imagine 👀) and that kind of spiralled into a whole canon-divergent 'verse...

Because then I got to The Quickening, and while I don't think Kira and Dax would have let a more emotionally-vulnerable Julian actually stay on the planet by himself for that whole time, if they did (or if he refused to beam up/ threw away his badge so they couldn't find him/ idk otherwise made it so they had to leave him) (because if anything he's going to be even MORE convinced he has to save every life he possibly can) it would obviously be even more devastating.

And I can imagine that, after all that time that Julian has spent with Ekoria and looking after her, Trevean might ask if Julian's going to take her baby or leave him to be raised on Teplan. In the canon universe Julian's obviously like *nervous laughter* "no I think he'll be better off with you... I could not raise a child" but in this 'verse he's entered his Feeling-All-The-Loneliness-Feels phase early and so is like "fuck I can't raise a kid but also I Literally Cannot Leave This Child It Would Kill Me" and so he takes Ekoria's baby back to DS9.

He takes his kid to the medical conference he goes to with Jake which, valid, but then they get the distress call from Ajilon Prime* and he's like "I can't take my baby to a warzone" and Jake's like "I'll look after him, it sounds like these people need you" and Julian's pretty torn but also he does Need To Save People so they go and, uh. Like I think reactions are pretty mixed about the baby but Julian is literally a Lifesaver so no-one's gonna complain too much and some of the patients want to hold Maris (the kid's called Maris after Ekoria's husband I decided) and it's sweet, y'know, to have a moment outside of the war and pain with this tiny lil bab.

[*Umm yeah this was just me jumping to the most fun (traumatic) events to imagine as I tried to go to sleep so forgive me but...]

Obviously Jake doesn't go off to the runabout with the kid so he still gets lost and when he returns Julian's cradling the baby and idk but my heart just imagining the scene where Julian's like "I should never have brought you here, what was I thinking?" is just MORE with him having his own son there too.

And then we skip to IPS/BIL and Julian's in the prison camp not knowing if his baby is alive and then coming back to realise the changeling has been parenting his son for a month (and having to run multiple test on Maris to check if his baby is actually his or if Maris is a changeling too) and also no-one even noticed he was missing even though apparently his kid had been crying like all the time (and fuck, how fucked up is that going to leave Maris because that sort of thing affects kids when it happens that young, right? anxietyyyy)

(also Miles would have noticed I wasn't me, Julian thinks. because he needs more reasons to feel sad.)

And then DBIP in this 'verse makes me UNHINGED because IMAGINE a Julian Bashir who hit his depression point a season earlier but has been teetering along okay since Maris came along now that he has this whole little life to look after and he will do Anything for his child. (okay apart from stay away from warzones when there are people to save but you know. basically anything)

Anyway yeah so Julian's got Maris with him in Sisko's office when Jadzia turns up with his parents and he is FAR less able to cope than canon Julian is because 1. more emotional instability, but mostly 2. he is a Dad with a Kid and NOPE he cannot have his parents anywhere near his baby that is Not Happening.

He has his oh, my god moment and then hands Maris to Sisko being like "Your grandson is lovely, Commander" and Ben and Jadzia are like ??? but play along and Julian finds some quarters for his parents and by the time they've got there with all the small talk of "hah, for a second there I thought you'd be telling us we have grandkids! when are you going to settle down with a nice girl, Jules?" he's ready to burst but his kid's still with Sisko so he just excuses himself with "I've got to work" and hurries back...

Dax and Sisko totally haven't been gossiping about him and they're all like "So what was that about? Grandson??" and he's like "You saw how they kept calling me Jules, right? I haven't gone by that name since I was 15. And my dad saying he had to convince me to do medicine?? He hated the idea of me being a doctor. I had to study for Starfleet in secret because he just couldn't let go of the idea of his son being a famous tennis player. And now he's convinced himself my career was all his idea!" and is getting angrier and sadder and Maris starts crying and so he's hushing him like "it's okay, i'm sorry, i'm not angry with you, i love you, you're safe, i'm not going to hurt you" -- just idle things he's not really thinking about

Ofc Sisko and Dax are immediately on it like, "Why are you saying that? Did your parents hurt you...?"

And Julian's like a deer in the headlights, and awkwardly replying, "Not, like... My father didn't get as angry with me once I was seven and had grown up a bit, got more capable.. and I hit my growth spurt when I was 14, I got bigger than him, he didn't really do anything after that."

"That's not really an answer," Sisko tells him.

Julian's body stills for a moment. "Isn't it?" he replies quietly, looking up at the captain.

...

And then Sisko gets Kira involved to kick his parents off the station and you think the augment reveal isn't going to happen because Julian deserves a break and his parents are gone and can't fuck it up anymore ...

BUT, nah: Zimmerman - realising he's not going to get his precious interviews after all - decides to bug Julian's parents (because what's privacy when you have a job to do?). And then Rom realises that Zimmerman is cocking up a load of things on the LMH deliberately because he doesn't want to replace the EMH* and looks into Zimmerman's files and finds the report he's going to send and blackmails the guy* (there's gotta be a rule of acquisition about that right?) into not sending the report.

[*Not my idea -- this was the original plan for the episode, though with Miles, not Rom.]

Also after all this Julian really feels like he needs to punch something he goes to Quark's to viciously hurl sharp pointy objects at a board because that's the next best thing -- but also he hasn't exactly done that since Miles, and why is the fucking dartboard still up anyway it's not like anyone else ever uses it so he has another minor breakdown over that and tries to rip it down until Leeta drags him into a storeroom.

(oh yeah I totally think Leeta would have broken up with him when he turned up with a baby -- like not in a mean way, just in a "I'm sorry Julian, I love you, but I'm not ready for a kid (and also you did just leave me for a month without sending a message and you definitely didn't think about me before agreeing to adopt the kid, did you?)" kind of way, y'know? but they're still friends and she still definitely cares for him.)

(idk when rom tells Julian what he did to zimmerman but when he does he's also awkwardly like "oh and I wish you and Leeta all the best" and Julian's like ???? and Rom's like "I saw you with her in the storeroom earlier. she called you sweetheart" or something and has assumed they're back together.)

--

And that's as far as I got but I just had to write it up so far because it has haunted me all day and I just need to get it out there.

Thanks for reading my stream of thoughts 💔

[irish-urn]

I had thoughts on your thoughts and now I'm leaving an embarrassingly long ask

I know I shouldn't like this episode as much as I do (bc Casey is being treated as if she's in the wrong here) but it's soooooo good for understanding the house dynamics and relationships and characterization that UGH I just love it.

This episode is a prime example of how George and Nora aren't great parents. (Good people, I'm not hating on them for that) but they can do better. You're right, WHY DOESN'T Nora scold Derek with the laundry or for the pool? WHY does Nora tell Casey she's out of line for expecting Nora to, oh I don't know, PARENT? (That one in particular got to me. (I'm the anon from the blended family) and I've had this exact conversation with my mom. Myself and my older brothers definitely raised our younger siblings. And I've been in that situation where I was in the middle of disciplining my little sister when my mom got all offended because I wasn't my little sisters mom and I shouldn't have been disciplining her (make that make sense) then proceeded to get mad at me when I told her she needed to step it up as a mom (again, not trying to trauma dump, just trying to say how realistic LWD is 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂) all the while my step dad was just??? Not around??? Or if he was around, he didn't discipline either)

And I get it. They're human, and they're busy, and shit happens. But Jesus. Forgetting your children at school? Really? There is being human then there's negligence.

Don't even get me started on the muddling along comment 🙄

And yes, isn't Casey SUCH a control freak for suggesting a very basic laundry separating system 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

Maybe its just my shipper brain, but I honestly don't think Derek was trying to antagonize her when he was essentially telling her to calm down. (Besides that "you are your delicates go take a cold water rinse" 😂) but he patted her on the shoulder and told her everything was fine. Because to him, compared to what we find out later in the episode about how they lived pre McDonald invasion, everything IS fine. The house is clean, sure the clothes are pink but it's not that deep compared to the trash piles that used to cover the dining room table and the kitchen island.

I just think with the "everything's fine" he just doesn't know how to talk to Casey yet and he doesn't really understand the full extent of her anxiety. And he said "boo hoo" only after she shoved him off of her. Maybe I'm reading into it too much 😂

When you said "she" doesn't have any other friends, do you mean Emily or Casey? Either way, it kind of answers your question. I think they're friends with each other out of convince more than anything. I don't think there is a lot tying them together and I think through the first season at the very least, Emily is using Casey 😬

Yes, I also think Casey is a big girly girl and I love that and I think Derek hates that 😂 there's this episode in season 3 (Ugh season 3, my beloved) when he goes off about how there is girly stuff all around... which would be a valid thing to complain about... if he was 10, not a 16 year old boy. I think Derek hates being around and reminded of Casey's femininity because he actually really likes what a princess she can be (see, NWF and the nail polish 😏) because think about it! He doesn't have an issue with Marti being a girly girl (anyone who says she isnt at least a little bit, please go watch the next episode Marti the Monster. Derek literally lets Marti put make up on him) maybe I'm reading into it too much again 😅 I just think she's cute and girly but not in a little sister way, and Derek hates that

Paul is one of the few voices of reason in this show and I LOVE him. And that "Oh my watch must be late" just for Casey to burst in literally one second later and start profusely apologizing foe being late– its one of my favorite scenes lmao.

George's parenting style is so... no.. yep. That's it. It's just like last episode. He thinks of his children more as friends than anything. Like when he's on the phone with the Davises, and he looks at Derek and scowls and goes, "don't worry, I will TALK. To. Him." And Derek literally just goes 👌🏼 Derek doesn't take his threat seriously. And why should he? George is more of a friend than a father.

Also, isn't it interesting that Derek makes dinner and gets praised for helping out whereas Casey does something for the family at least once and episode and it barely gets recognized 😒

Also, Derek earlier in the episode to Casey’s "I'm a team player!" "No, you're a big freak." God, he's such an asshole but I love him so much 😂

Derek DOES think of Casey when he's thinking about how to fix things. I mean, at the end of the day, I think it was out of laziness more than anything. A "I don't want to deal with this dumpster fire so someone else can" BUT it's interesting that he's starting to *KNOW* her. He knows she can do it.

*claps hands at your thoughts responding to my thoughts*

So, like, what I see with George and Nora (and you're right, this episode was SUCH an insight into them and their relationship and their parenting 'skills', and I really enjoyed it), is that Nora is adapting to George — she moved her family into his place, she's "muddling along" because he's asked her to, she's not disciplining the Venturi children because they're not hers — and I think to myself, this is where Casey learned this behaviour. She adapts to her boyfriends like her mom does.

And while I get that it's important to compromise in a relationship and consider the other person, there comes a point where it's gone too far? And, like... They've gone too far here.

And while the McDonald and the Venturi houses were very different with the single parents, they've gone super far towards the Venturi way — like, I would argue they've done 80% Venturi, 20% McDonald, and that's only because Casey has screamed for equality. So...

I also don't think Derek was trying to antagonize Casey very much in this episode, mostly because of your points about his improved living environment, but also because... Casey was already upset and frazzled without him doing anything extra. No need to actively antagonize someone who's already antagonized! And he only starts fighting Casey over the vacuum when she takes over (I bet'cha that was a pride thing; Jeeze, Casey, I can figure out how to work a damn vacuum!)

Annnnd we're on the same page with Casey the princess/girly-girl; and this pleases me. It also tortures Derek, and that pleases me too (mwahaha).

I AM SO TORN ABOUT GEORGE because he's NICE and SWEET and HOPELESS and FORGETFUL and OVERWHELMED and kinda a bit of a dumbass? Like, this would work IF Nora had approached him and said, "Hey, we need to get our act together because we have five kids now. I've noticed you're a little overwhelmed and kind of let your children run wild, and because I love you, I want to help you. Can we talk about ways to make this new family work?" But instead, she just goes along with George's way, and I... I dunno. Seeing George's parenting style this episode explained so much to be about Derek and Marti in particular. Edwin too, but not as much because he's adjusting to Derek's larger than life presence.

AND ISN'T IT ALWAYS THE WAY that when someone does something nice OOC, they get rewarded and praised, as opposed to the person who regularly does good things? *sighs* Ah, humans.