#but i'm Feeling Bad rn so be glad i gave you anything at all

[mumbledramblings]

it's just one of those days

[pro-mammonologist]

I've got some headcanons!

Even though Mammon's far from a virgin by the time he and MC get together, he doesn't last very long the first few times they have sex because he's so excited to be with them.

As a dom, I think Mammon would lean more towards being fun and caring than a Hard Strict Daddy Dom™️. He can be firm, but he doesn't want to come across as harsh, and the idea of giving them an Actual Punishment leaves a bad taste in his mouth. He's got a long history of being punished. He also won't be very comfortable with degrading MC. He'll call them stuff like "my slut," but anything relating to their worth or intelligence is a hard limit for him.

Degradation is a hard limit for him as a sub, too. He'll let MC tie him up if they want, under the condition that they don't leave the room until after he's been untied. He's into impact play (specifically caning), electrostimulation, and wax/temperature play. Probably (definitely) more but that's what my mind is fixated on rn lol

He's 100000% got a praise kink (big shocker, I know). If he's subbing, he needs plenty of praise throughout aftercare. If he's domming, he still needs some praise - but that's got more to do with reassuring him that he did well and didn't hurt them, and can wait until the post-scene discussion

He loves giving and receiving overstimulation. He's greedy for his own pleasure as well as MC's. He likes to be edged - well, he likes the payoff - and could be talked into short-term chastity, but I couldn't see him being alright with anything longer than 24 hours (especially if there's a chastity device involved).

He *could*, in theory, edge MC. But he caves almost as soon as they start begging.

I have sooooo many more headcanons about Mammon as both a dom and a sub (and I'm more than happy to share) but I need to go to bed lol

Also, I love your blog! I'm so glad there's someone else who loves Mammon so much!

-- 🐦‍⬛ anon [this is my first time submitting an ask - is this nickname taken?]

I am going to address all of these individually.

1. Yes. Accurate. And I feel like the demons have low expectations for humans sexual prowess since humans have a lower tolerance for everything and also the fact that since they are western demons, they likely have interacted with the western hemisphere the most and anyone who has take a history class can tell you it’s been puritan af up until the 60s.

Also to add on to that. He’s not as embarrassed by the fact that he’s cumming fast but due to the fact he’s cumming insanely fucking hard to the point he can’t do as many rounds.

2. He’s a cocky ass bastard when he doms. He can try to be hard but he’s the kind to immediately melt after Mc does something too cute. He’s mostly cocky and teasy and praisey. And also he’s nervous about degradation too. The only way he’d do it is if you gave him very detailed and precise instructions or if he was like in a random context “damn you’re a real slut for some bacon” and then he gets scared that he offended you but you’re like “I’m a slut for you mammon.” And then he’s just shook to his core.

3. Yeah for real, he’ll be your slut and that’s about it. Mammon won’t do anything to Mc he wouldn’t want done to him. Bondage kinda pisses him off in my opinion like— he’d be for it but then he’d be like 😡😡😡 “let me out I’m losing it” and not in a cute pathetic way but in a damn whys he look so pissed?

Electro. Yes. Wax. Yes. Temperature. Yes. But I gotta know why you think he likes caning I cannot see him liking pain toys that much. I can see the sensational side of his masochism but like something real hard??? Nah he’s a baby. I just can’t see it.

4. Yeah there’s no discussion there. I think people are weird if they don’t have a praise kink. For mammon he goes nuts for it tho.

5. Yes, he’s the greediest most eager bastard out there and I can see him always down for it too. If he’s not down for it, then he really really really needs to rest or relax and maybe sex shouldn’t have been on the table period. Mammon wouldn’t edge for long, he likes the idea, but the actual wait kills him. And yea, chastity might kill him too and he’d have some hard ass limits. I feel like he wouldn’t like a device at all. Shit I can’t even see him going past 24 minutes, let alone a whole day with a device. He likes pressure and pain but he doesn’t like having his greed suppressed that badly. Of course, who knows, if Mc begs he’d do anything.

6. Yeah…. He’d cave so hard. He’d push and push and push himself to edge Mc but fail after making them hold back 2 times.

Mammon also is (in my mind) the most shy about his kinks because he’d face bullying whether he’d dom or sub sooo. Him getting to admit everything would be so hard.

Also no, it’s not taken.

[weirdthoughtsandideas]

3. The comment section of Ludmila's fanfiction

I'm continuing with some tumblr fics. Now it's about Ludmila writing fanfiction and the other dcla characters commenting on her fics. She writes about a made up book series I have called "Isadora Starfighter"

A/N: So this was the first chapter! Hope you liked it! We'll see how many chapters I'll write. Aiming for at least 5 rn! Thanks for reading! <3

Punknotdead commented: I am interested to see where you take this...

Sapphicskaters commented: Omg it’s already so good!

Cantaresloquesoy commented: I love this little rewrite you got of this storyline already, hermana!

- LudmilaSupernova (author) replied: I don’t have a sister and if I would, I’d never let her know I have a fanfiction account. But I’m glad you liked it! <33

•••••••••••

A/N: I said 5 chapters, now we’re in chapter 6… and more will come! I realised there’s a lot more to do. Now, I have not read the books in years, and I can’t buy them. Not because I can’t afford it, but because I frankly do not trust my mother. She’d think it would be too childish for me to buy a children’s book series and throw it out. She melted a gift I got from my stepdad down to some earrings, so she’s capable of ANYTHING.

queenofroller commented: Please, continue with as many chapters you like! I love this story. Also, about your A/N… I can relate to having crazy mothers… I get u :,)

Punknotdead commented: How can you write these characters more gay than what they were in canon??? Lmao

corazon-en-mi-corazon commented: Wow! Your attention to detail is amazing for not having read the books for years! I can really tell you know this series well. Looking forward to read more!

•••••••••••

A/N: So here we are, chapter 15… life has been hectic. Mom got put in an mental institution. I guess I’m coping by writing more fics than usual. And I guess that’s why I got inspired to write some more edgy stuff. And more edgy stuff will come >:)

Sapphicskaters commented: I hope you’re ok! Although, if you post banger fics when you feel bad, then maybe continue feeling bad! Haha, just kidding. Seriously, take care.

Punknotdead commented: I’m especially interested in the scene where they met that unnamed woman at the space cruise. ”She was red haired, looked like what earthlings would call a hippie. And she had a big temperament. Pretty good singing voice, though”. Is this a reference to someone you know?

•••••••••••

A/N: BIG NEWS!!!! My sister gave me a very special christmas gift: EVERY ISADORA STARFIGHTER BOOK!!!! I have already started rereading them, and it has given me inspiration to write EVEN MORE. I know the plot has changed since I started this fic, but gosh it’s about to change again! I hope you look forward as much to it as I do.

Punknotdead commented: I love how you only planned 5 chapters and now it’s up to 30 lmao

Cantaresloquesoy commented: I thought you didn’t have a sister? ;P Anyway, great chapter and I look forward to more

Peligrosamente-bellas commented: Wow I really sat and read 30 chapters in one sitting. You have quite the talent for this. I’m also afraid for your mental health, but still.

•••••••••••

A/N: So yeah. Arguably the gayest chapter yet. I had to create some OCs so that everyone had someone to make out with at the party. No one is straight in this series… I mean, they most likely don’t know what straight is, they don’t have that same norms or even reproductive systems (Buggie and his 6 parents that all are biologically related to him is an example of this)

Punknotdead commented: The way you described the black curly haired woman that looked like she was from earth, it feels like you’re describing someone you know irl…

queenofroller commented: Last time I commented, it was 6 chapters. Now it's 50. Did I read chapter 7-50 in one sitting? Yes. Do I regret it? Yes because now I will be really sleep deprived when I wake up tomorrow, but also no because I had a great time

Sapphicskaters commented: I can SOOOO relate to the random guys who for whatever reason wants to date you and your friends try to convince you that you like him just because he likes you... ugh. You wrote it really well, I could really feel it.

•••••••••••

A/N: I don't know if we have lost the plot, but I'm addicted to writing more chapters.

Punknotdead commented: Haha you wrote 69 chapters. Nice.

- LudmilaSupernova (author) replied: I'm gonna block you

•••••••••••

A/N: Sooo... how do you feel? I'm good. I don't know how I managed to do this, but it's been VERY fun.

corazon-en-mi-corazon commented: First of all: CONGRATULATIONS ON 100 CHAPTERS! You truly are COMMITTED to this. I applaud you and admire you. Second of all: The way she confronted her mom like that? Gosh, my heart... I remember since a kid I really wanted to get revenge on her mom, and now you have healed my inner child... thank you SO MUCH.

queenofroller commented: This fic is truly for us with mommy issues getting some healing done

Punknotdead commented: I don't wanna write a teasing comment especially after all this I just read... I'm just... speechless. Can't wait for chapter 200 LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

•••••••••••

A/N: I just reread the first chapter and WOW have we come far since then. It feels like a tv show where stuff changes drastically the further you watch. I was proud of this chapter, I hope you liked it too!

Punknotdead commented: Imagine if you put this much effort in other things in life. But you have a talent for sapphic fanfiction, so please continue!

- LudmilaSupernova (author) replied: You know, you have commented on every chapter I've made. I am sometimes wondering if you're someone I know irl... if you are, then I am so confused how you found me?? Also I can never look you in the eyes in that case.

-- Punknotdead replied: I know you have put me as an OC in here. I wanna see what OC!me is gonna do next, or when she'll show up next.

LaVidaEsUnSueno commented: Hahahaha I heard people mentioning this fic and I decided to read all 120 chapters XD In one sitting!! I don't know what time it is anymore honestly.

•••••••••••

A/N: I think it's soon time to end this fic. Maybe at chapter 150. I have plans, but do you have any wishes?

Punknotdead commented: Continue to 200 chapters!! Also include the red haired hippie OC more I like her

Sapphicskaters commented: This fic has been so fun to follow... I'm only glad to get some more Lololo content. She reminds me of my gf hehe <3 No wonder she was my favorite character when I read the books as a kid!

queenofroller commented: I just hope everyone with bad moms will get justice... you have not disappointed me yet, and I'm very grateful.

Cantaresloquesoy commented: When I read this chapter I can truly imagine you laughing out loud to yourself at 2 AM, thinking no one would hear you, but if someone who shares a bedroom next to yours would be awake, she'd they'd just hear a manic laughter and tapping on the keyboard.

•••••••••••

A/N: There we go! Final chapter! But gosh I kinda want to continue hehe... maybe I'll just start a new fic from here! Thank you so much everyone who has been with me on this journey. It's been a wild ride. Knowing myself, I might already in a few days be out with a brand new fic. But this project has truly brought me so much joy. Love you all!

Sapphicskaters commented: Truly end of an era! I can't believe I've truly been following you since the beginning of this fic's posting. I'm gonna cherish it so much going forward, perhaps even do a re-read at some point.

Peligrosamente-bellas commented: I really feel like reading this got me into your mind in a way that I'd never be able to see irl. It was truly an interesting experience!

Punknotdead commented: This was so good! I had never even heard of Isadora Starfighter before I read your fic. You are my introduction to it. Congrats!

queenofroller commented: Standing ovation to you, truly. And I don't say that to people often.

chicofresa commented: I THOUGHT IT WAS 150 WORDS. NOT 150 CHAPTERS. I'VE NOW WASTED 8 HOURS OF MY LIFE READING ALL OF THIS. AND IT'S NOT EVEN ACCURATE TO THE BOOKS? WHY IS EVERYONE GAY? NO ONE WAS IN THE BOOK SERIES. WHY DON'T YOU WRITE ABOUT THE ACTUAL COUPLES THAT GET TOGETHER? I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY IT'S SO DIFFERENT TO THE BOOKS!! AND WHY DID YOU WRITE 150 CHAPTERS ABOUT THIS?!

- LudmilaSupernova (author) replied: Welcome to fanfiction young fella.

[imaginespazzi]

NIVI OMFG!!! CHAPTER 11 update?!

Okay I was the anon wayyy back that said you should include a scene where Azzi and Paige get into an argument about Stephie, and Aszi calls Stephie “my daughter”… yup you did your big one there 😭 it was so simple (stupid soda LOL), but had the effect that it needed to! Poor Paige, just a reminder about reality and how truly, Stephie is Azzi’s daughter first and foremost and not theirs 😭😭

Okay chapter 11 review time!!!

- holy shit, you writing P’s first W game and the fact that (ofc) it was against DC, and Azzi wasn’t there?!?! Idk why but I was holding out for her being there, like eventually coming at the end, and the fact that she didn’t is sooooo sad for Paige 😭 like poor Paige (I think my mind said “poor Paige” so many times throughout the chapter LOL), but I know that’s gonna stick with her forever

- DREWWWW. Nah man I’m sorry but Drew is just real! Call him a Pazzi hater rn, but he’s just looking out for his big sis! That scene of P in Drew’s room and Drew remembering that whole event… yeah that hit hard and made me cry fr fr 😭 I wish I could hug Paige lol

- the yapping comments about Paige?? How she was always a yapper, and then one day it just… stopped. Yeah girlie was broken and fr picked up the pieces and Drew was there and helped her do it. I can see why Drew resents Azzi now and I don’t fault him

- AND THEN AZZI ASKING PAIGE IF SHE��S FORGIVEN HER?? AND PAIGE DOESN’T SAY ANYTHING?? I would’ve genuinely been surprised if Paige said that she’s fully forgiven Azzi. I don’t think Paige has and I don’t think Paige has even fully processed what happened to them. I think she had to cope by blocking out what happened to them, rather than fully accepting it. And obvs, you can’t fully heal or forgive when that’s the case

- and then the ending, Azzi and Stephie hearing about Paige and her (what used to be) ultimate plan of getting to the Liberty?? That’s a big yikes, especially since Paige didn’t even tell them firsthand. Like idk how they’re all gonna recover from that.

Overall, I’m ngl, Azzi gave opp energy 😭 and I love Azzi down bad and obvs this chapter was from Paige’s POV, but man I am hurting for Paige LOL. My review and thoughts are already long as shit so imma stop now. But thanks again Nivi for the wonderful chapter! It was well worth the wait! (PS: Pls give Paige a big hug for me lol)

Ah omg friend that was you? Well I'm glad I did that justice. I wasn't initially sure if that was gonna happen in this chapter specifically but it made sense and unfortunately when it rains, it pours.

- I did actually consider maybe having Azzi come in but a) I already established that Azzi hasn't gone to see Paige play till the all-star game and b) I think if Azzi had actually tried something those first couple of months, the breakup never would've lasted this long.

- Drew's reaction is loosely based off of what I think my little brother's reaction would be which is basically that he'd be hella protective and honestly consider how much Drew has seen, it's definitely the right reaction in line with his emotions. I think when you see an older sibling, especially one that's so strong, break like that, it leaves an impression.

- Paige basically hasn't ever given herself time to think about what happened. She had basketball and in the middle she had Olivia and then eventually it was all Azzi and Stephie. She's never given herself the opportunity to really get closure within herself about the breakup.

- Ah maybe they don't recover? Maybe some things just aren't meant to be?

Eyyy not too much on Azzi but no I get where you're coming from. She definitely did a number on Paige but hopefully you'll all feel a little more sympathetic when get more of Azzi's perspective on everything.

[bastardsblood]

um hi hi hi so um

i know ur like, super inundated with reqs rn but see

my friend gave me an idea for a req and!!!

would u maybe be able to write for it?

i feel like,,, it'd be hot if lucius forced himself on viktor yk?!?!?! super hot!!

I'm so sorry for such a long wait!! I hope you enjoy this imagine. It is not beta-read, so there might be many mistakes. I apologize in advance!

Characters: Lucius & Victor

Scenario: Lucius forcing himself onto Victor

Content Warnings: Dubious consent, depravity

Frustration was not a nice feeling.

It wasn't a novel feeling by any means, of course. He couldn't help but let the tendrils burn hot in his veins anytime something wasn't going his way, or whenever there was a last missing puzzle piece to a solution to a problem he's been mulling over. Still, despite his annoyance, he prided himself on the fact he'd rarely ever let his emotions get the best of him. 

Though, his frustration wasn't often focused on a single person for so long it'd become a recurring problem in his life. 

—

Victor's appearance was plain. From a man's perspective, he was the type of a person one wouldn't feel threatened around, someone who was easy to underestimate and make a lackey of. His ginger hair would look terrible when slicked back, and unruly if kept messy. His small habits ranged from mildly amusing, to outright impolite. He'd circle his lips around and leave bite marks all over a pencil that didn't even belong to him, and only offer a feeble apology in return. He'd show respect to their noble visitors anytime they'd visit Lucius' family, and then completely forget about their existence until it was convenient for him. Despite acting like a good boy, he was incorrigible in his greed and ambition. 

Lucius thought of him to be rather unsightly at first. He was an opportunistic suck-up to both him and his parents who held his cards close to his chest while acting the role of an innocent yes-man. He let others underestimate him, for appearing harmless and interesting would further him in his goals.

Yes, he was unsightly. Still, Lucius found himself intrigued. 

—

Lucius wondered whether he'd turn out to be the same way as Victor had he been born to the lower class.

Alchemy was one of the only things that made him feel alive, and no doubt he'd pursue it even if the odds were against him. Like a moth to a flame, he's certain he'd find his way to alchemy no matter what.

And so, maybe a part of him was glad to have found a kindred spirit. Victor wasn't dumb, he knew Lucius saw right through him, and yet continued with his façade of being unable to hurt even a fly nonetheless. Though, with a bad personality like Lucius', he couldn't help but provoke him here and there. 

A clever mental trap, occasional humiliation tactics and annoyingly oblivious behaviour. Victor eventually learned how to deflect each and every one of these. Lucius found it rather exhilarating and exciting; this unspoken yet mutual game of theirs. He wanted to find what would make Victor tick to the point he'd even consider rather low-brow methods. 

It wasn't anything severe at first, just a teasing touch. Lucius barely remembers what kind of excuse he came up with, it most likely had to do with just how bony Victor's hands were. He took hold of them, and circled his thumb and forefinger around each one of his digits, squeezing them as he went. 

Victor looked flabbergasted at first, until his eyes showed slight irritation after darting to look at Lucius' expression. He immediately understood it was a part of their 'game'.

Ever since then, Lucius would invade his privacy when in a particularly petty mood. Victor would never chicken out despite every fibre of his body wanting to relent and pull away. It was an easy victory for Lucius, or at least, that's how the point system in his head worked. 

He was ticking his victories until Victor cunningly adapted. While uncertainty would still occasionally flash on his face, he now leaned closer and acted oblivious to anything Lucius attempted. Once, Lucius noted with both amusement and bitterness, he repeated a suggestive sounding line that Lucius sneeringly said exactly as two servants were passing by. It was intended to make Victor's hair stand on end, and yet it backfired tenfold. 

What a difficult opponent this mischievous boy was. 

Ah, how fun it is. 

—

Lucius thought he was crossing a certain line. 

Their shenanigans continued alongside their studies and duties, and maybe they even increased in frequency. For someone as careful as Lucius, he shamefully had to admit he went overboard when it came to Victor. Still, he didn't think he did it so much it'd start circulating rumours about him. 

It was at a dinner party held by his parents' friends. Fine décor and expensive clothes were a given at these events, as only the best of the best gets presented at nights like these. The behaviour was supposed to be proper and respectful, even through the occasional playfulness. 

The nobles hosting this family knew the etiquette and rules well, all for the exception of one of their sons. 

Lucius mingled with many a person during these occasions, building up relationships and strengthening bonds with people that his parents failed to charm. In fields that his parents were lacking in, he excelled at—and surely, the noble society had gathered as much. Thus, it was a rather unpleasant encounter to hear words being spoken of him that weren't praise or the prickly comments born from envy. 

The younger nobleman had people flocking around him, listening to his every word. To say he was subtle would be an overstatement, as he'd glance at Lucius any chance he'd get as if to convict him to something. Thinking of it as curious, Lucius invited himself to the conversation as well. 

He'd eventually wish he didn't. 

—

Of all of the preposterous rumours the noble society could come up with, theories about his inclinations were not ones he thought he'd ever find himself in. 

The noblemen he's been acquainted with struggled to keep conversations with him that weren't purely small talk, acting as if just being in Lucius' presence was a transgression. Although Lucius found the situation rather hilarious, he didn't like the feeling of being rejected. These people are valuable stepping stones, and yet they're shying away from him as if he's filth. 

Victor would eventually reveal he's been in the know through the means of a lighthearted joke, most likely due to the rambling of some servants. It was a lighthearted comment, emphasised by a huff of amusement and disbelief, and Lucius merely raised his eyebrows in a silent show of exasperation. It's become an inside joke of sorts, acting in ways that'd surely serve only to exaggerate the rumours, all the while passing the comments as ridiculous blasphemy. 

And maybe, Lucius let loose a bit too much. As much as he liked putting effort into his appearance and image, doing whatever came to his mind had its own charm. From painting Victor's nails with black ink that one time he fell asleep in his room, to tickling the man with a feather after winning a game of chess. It was childish, it was improper, but it felt exciting. People's reactions eventually grow boring and stale, but with Victor and his many variables, it felt like trial and error to get a specific reaction from him that he'd want. Additionally, the ginger became irritably good at guessing what he was going to do next, and although Lucius' chest brimmed with pride at this smart boy whose ownership he unofficially held, it also made him prepare plans and games instead of sleeping peacefully. 

Still, a moment of impulsiveness was what led to Lucius seeing an expression he wasn't going to forget anytime soon. 

Victor was in a particularly giddy mood that day, a clear indicator that something was going his way a lot more easily than he would've thought. Their banter was quick and witty, their hands animated and alive as they acted the part of stereotypical noble couple's courting. Lucius thinks it was due to Victor asking about how dating worked in the noble society, with himself exaggerating the details until they started playing a bit. He remembers laughing at Victor for using a ruler as a makeshift fan, and then leaning closer towards the man so quickly that their teeth clicked together. It wasn't anything he did with intent, but once he found himself in a spot like that, his tongue slid its way up Victor's upper lip. It was merely playful behaviour, and Lucius already had a line of an innocent maiden's first kiss prepared, until it died in his throat at the sight of Victor's expression. 

Immediately, Lucius felt like he had made a mistake. It wasn't often that he felt unsure about his actions, but with Victor looking at him with wide eyes and an expression that betrayed discomfort rather than mischievousness, his smile fell and he stopped himself in his tracks. As soon as his smile disappeared, Victor's rose again, but Lucius felt little to no satisfaction from it. It was a smile he'd show to strangers, someone around whom he had to keep his guard up, and although he didn't leave, Lucius nearly wished he would've. It felt like Lucius found himself in a new, unknown territory than the one he's gotten used to. Or rather, found himself in a territory in which other people were settled in, but never him, for he was much closer to Victor than the rest. 

And maybe something bothered him about it with intensity a bit too strong for his liking. Victor was putting on the face of an unbothered man so shamelessly that it made Lucius tick. Still, if he pointed it out, he'd be acknowledging what just happened—including their 'game'. In a sense, it'd immediately count as his loss, and Lucius couldn't afford that. And so, the rest of their time together was spent without a speck of authenticity. 

Still, he could've sworn his cheeks had been a brighter colour than before. 

—

One thing that stayed constant throughout the years was that Victor followed him everywhere he went. 

With the exception of places where seeing a noble's son and their commoner neighbour would turn them into laughingstock, Victor would easily tag along despite not being invited. By some, it'd be regarded as cheeky, but by Lucius, it was merely another part of his incorrigible personality. Lucius would joke about him being his stand-in knight, or maybe a manservant in case he went shopping, ready to protect him from the dangers of the poor society. Despite the jab at his station, Victor would usually laugh it off and give a dramatic response that'd make even Lucius' eyes roll. 

Though, Victor's presence currently felt more akin to a second shadow than a companion. He'd walk in a pace deliberately slower than Lucius' and wouldn't let himself get caught in his thoughts anytime Lucius slowed down to get him right by his side. An invisible wall was built between them now, and Lucius could only mull over who had been the one to build it. Anytime they'd see an acquaintance of theirs, Victor would go back to his usual self and converse as usual, even going as far as to set up jokes for Lucius to take advantage of in order to give a witty reply. To a bystander's eye, they were the same as always. 

And that's why it annoyed Lucius. 

—

Lucius had a strange dream that night. 

Everything around him felt soft like cotton, and yet addicting as candy. The air smelled sweet enough to make him dizzy, and no matter how hard he tried, his knees always failed him whenever he tried to stand up from his luxurious bed. There were other people in the room, naked shadows of attractive people that he had seen in passing, and they mingled with one another. Despite being without company, he still felt as if he was the birthday kid of this party, as if everything they were doing was for his entertainment. 

—Care for a heart? 

An androgynous voice rang beside him. There stood a tall shadow that felt different from the rest, its clothing being similar to his own white blouse and vest. Lucius opened his mouth to ask about what it meant by that, and yet his body merely nodded. It felt less like he was in control, and more so that he was at someone's mercy. Despite the shadow not having any facial features, he could feel it confidently smile. 

The shadow extended his hand and crossed it over his chest to respectfully bow to Lucius, and the black-haired boy could only watch as the shadow's hand turned into sharp claws that he nonchalantly dug into his sternum. Lucius could hear squelching sounds coming from the inside of his chest, until a bloody heart got pulled out. Blood oozed from the shadow's wound, and yet it barely showed any signs of pain. Rather, the shadow loomed over Lucius and almost teasingly pushed him by his shoulder until his back was fully placed on the bed. Then, after a soft caress to his cheek, the irregularly beating organ was forced into his mouth. 

It seemed to melt in his mouth, a fleshy sensation being replaced with fluid. It travelled down his throat and into his belly, where he felt himself connecting with the shadow. Despite the peculiar situation, he felt strangely sated and excited for something. He wasn't sure for what—until the shadow hummed with glee. 

The shadow's appearance turned more human with each passing second, the black that was covering it until now being washed down like mud. The part of the shadow that he swallowed sounded like it was singing his praises for accepting him, for wanting to see the true self of the dark husk it was before. It drummed in his veins with anticipation, for he was becoming one with the one longed for. 

The shadow's features became clearer, and Lucius could see half of someone's smile. It looked precious, and Lucius couldn't help but smile back. He felt himself being pulled closer to the shadow, and he closed his eyes in contentment. He felt sticky liquid run down his clothes, but not a single part of him minded when his heart was beating for the two of them so beautifully. The shadow kissed his ear, and Lucius stifled a laugh at the tickling sensation. 

Pulling away from the embrace, his smile faded when he caught sight of red hair. 

—

Whatever Victor was doing to him, he hated it. 

He'd reel him back in exactly as Lucius was starting to accept the wedge in their relationship, and then pull back right away when Lucius began to stabilise himself. Was it still a part of the game, or was Victor merely tormenting Lucius for the fun of it? If this was some sick idea born from the want to have them on equal footing, Lucius would sneer and say he was overdoing it. Lucius didn't see anyone as his proper equal, but Victor was the closest thing to it. 

Victor wasn't a pet. Victor wasn't a servant. Victor wasn't some entertainment to him like he was to his parents. Victor was a… Friend, as strange as it was to call somebody that and mean it genuinely. 

But, Lucius was beginning to think he wanted him to be more. 

—

Their conversation was the same as always. 

Victor traced the edges of a rare gem while he only half-listened to what Lucius was saying, while Lucius was filtering through pages and pages of useless information in the books he's been handed. They joked and they theorised, despite the awkward air still making itself present here and then. 

Despite that, Victor never broke the occasional silence with questions of why the door was locked. 

Lucius' chest swelled with a small sense of pride at that. Victor was equally as adamant as him when it came to this game, a sore loser through and through. He'd back off when at a disadvantage, and strike back when his opponent was unsuspecting; a nice strategy that Lucius never grew tired of despite his occasional anger. Victor's presence was like honey; sweet and relaxing at first sight, but troublesome when you realise you've latched yourself onto him and can't pry yourself away. In a way, wasn't this all Victor's fault? With a good heart and clear conscience, he made people feel comfortable around him and confide in him, but only so he'd secure himself favours. Maybe Lucius was like a jackpot to him, and so he stuck around long enough to make even a tougher target such as himself get soft. 

Still, Lucius was as ruthless as ever when it came to competition. 

Victor was at a point where he could school his expression into a neutral one despite the occasional touches. He didn't react to Lucius trailing his finger around his earlobe, nor did he speak up when Lucius' hand started pulling down at the collar of his sweater to reveal his collarbone. His eyes remained pointed forward, stubbornly refusing to grant Lucius a reaction. Maybe if he had slapped Lucius' hand away when he flinched at the contact of his knuckles against his bare stomach, Lucius wouldn't have gotten greedy. 

Lucius continued the pointless conversation, and Victor replied in kind. He was quieter than usual, which could easily be chalked up to not wanting to let out an embarrassing sound. His sweater was rolled up on the floor by now, and his unbuttoned shirt didn't hide much by this point. His fists would clench harder with each pump of Lucius' hand around his cock, and yet the man would still refuse to acknowledge the situation beyond that. Lucius' other arm was slung over the ginger's shoulders, his body so close to him that his hand could reach to grope his chest. Still, even as his finger kneaded his nipple, Victor would still only look at his reflection in the glass-like gem. 

The room started to smell of perspiration and the emphasised scent of Victor, and maybe Lucius enjoyed it just a little bit. His own breathing became somewhat laboured, and his words held a sultry tone he hadn't heard himself use before. This was wrong, and Lucius scoffingly thought to himself that he didn't care anymore. Victor occupied too much of his brain to care about morality or about what's 'right'. Just as Victor was using him, he'd use him back and take everything he wanted, for Lucius was equally as gluttonous as him. 

The pink that went from his cheeks to his ears, the teeth that bit into his own lip to keep himself silent, the fluttering eyelashes, the squeezing of his thighs—it was all so novel, all so mesmerising. 

Lucius wanted to see more, and more, and more.

—

When he finally climaxed, Lucius couldn't really see his eyes. 

He didn't push Lucius away, nor did he pull him closer. He merely waited for Lucius to get his fill of him and retract his hand back to his side. Then, after a couple of shaky, unsure breaths, he quietly asked where the keys were. 

Lucius handed them over to him without protest, a hint of a grin on his face. He bid him a goodnight, even as the older man struggled to get clothed through his shaking body. 

Despite everything that's happened, Victor still stopped by the doorstep. He didn't face Lucius, almost as if he'd crumble if he did, and merely wished him goodnight back. 

Lucius smiled. 

Neither of them acknowledged the game today either. 

[rad-lightning-boy]

what exactly did frank iero do. other than problematic tweets that he made in like 2009 (over a decade ago). like people intentionally try to engage with him in a way where he gives them ‘sass’ or rubs them and that’s his brand

TW. harassment, suicide, self harm, cyber bullying, death threats

Before I get into it, I'm really glad that someone asked about this because I've been meaning to make a post about it. Thanks for asking about it.

I'd recommend checking out @ patheticjunkievampire on Instagram (and possibly twitter? I'm not completely sure if they've said much about it on there) they mostly talk about that incident when frank made a tweet saying smth along the lines of "is you see any accounts saying that they're me reply with "STRANGER DANGER"".

The account he was referring to (patheticvampirejunkie) was literally just posting MCR themed photography- they never claimed to be frank and yet he sent his entire fanbase to essentially harass this person (again, all they did was post photography.)

If you go back and check their first post, a lot of the comments are just "STRANGER DANGER". I know that might not seem like a lot rn but it gets worse.

They posted a lot on their story after they finished the set (I'm not sure what the word for that is. The MCR themed photos they did all counted down from 64 (the beginning) to 1 (the end)) they talked about how the MCR fandom and specifically frank Stans have made their mental health significantly worse than it was when they started posting.

They would post screenshots of interactions they've had with Frank Stans and it's sickening. They received death threats, and messages like "you should kill yourself" and ppl would tell them to cut themselves.

Patheticjunkievampire has also stated before that they've struggles with suicide and self harm in the past, so the fact that these hardcore stans used this against them is sick.

A few people reached out to patheticjunkievampire and told them about experiences they've personally had with Frank. This person gave a platform to people who have had bad experiences with him (ik you cant tell whether someone is a dick or not purely based of some people's experiences, but there were a lot and they were all relatively similar. So to me, these stories that people shared seemed extremely possible since the things he did just suddenly seemed like something he would do.)

The frank stans didn't like that this person was giving a chance for people who had bad experiences with him to express their feelings. They received so much hate for simply saying their opinion.

This all took place on Instagram and Twitter. Obviously depending on what platform you use and engage with MCR content, you're gonna be around different people. The ppl on Tumblr seem way more accepting and open to criticism of their fav band, the ppl on twitter and Instagram are way different.

In my opinion it's kinda weird that frank hasn't really said anything about it. He's literally always online, how tf has he not even heard of any of this??

Another thing I just wanna add (doesn't have anything to do with patheticjunkievampire but I still think it's worth adding) frank sold a bunch of his old stuff. Which isn't inherently bad or anything but...

He was advertising a bunch of old clothes and instruments he had during the MCR era, so he was clearly targeting his fans (his young fans). He was advertising extremely old shitty clothes (that you can find way cheaper literally anywhere else) and he sold them for like X4 (at least) of the original prices. He claimed (for the instruments at least) that he wanted to know that they were being played, because he obviously can't play all those instruments at once.

In that case, if the main reason that he was getting rid of all these instruments... Why didn't he just donate them?? Why did he have to heavily advertise his store to his fans and then sell all his old ratty shitty clothes for such a huge profit? Just doesn't seem ethical to me tbh...

TL:DR

My main problem with Frank is that he, not only, picks on people on twitter, but he makes that kind of behaviour acceptable. By not apologizing or taking accountability for these things, he makes this behaviour (harassment, death threats, cyber bullying, telling ppl to kill themselves or hurt themselves) an okay thing to do. His fans are so toxic and will defend him so much to the point where if you literally just say that you don't like him, they will harass and spam you with really triggering things.

I really hope this clears that up. He's definitely done other things but I couldn't remember them- if anyone has anything else to add please do.

[jikookuntold]

This vlive was such an eye opener and I think there's no point in fighting with antis more because at this point I'm convinced Jikook are not a thing, if they were it is over. Nope it's not bad and it's us who read it all wrong. No they are not meeting up not because of 'MS' but just because there's no need for them to meet up frequently.

1. The tattoos JK explained it neat and clear. What we all thought was obviously wrong. J stands for JK. I remember some jkkrs here fighting saying JK is not the person to tattoo his own initial and its 'JK' not just J. But now he himself confirmed it is means Jungkook.

2. All the vibe around him, the way he was approaching the comments shows me he's single rn. You can't see a JK when there was Jimin in his life now, you can see whole another Jungkook, he said he's not feeling himself anymore. He just feels like a rock, the jungkook ? Feels like nothing but a rock ? it's just the lost passion which I hope he'll find back. No you don't have to agree but that's the vibe I personally gets.

3. It's been long since he went to company. It's like his whole passion is lost atm. He told he's not doing anything now, he's disconnected from society and everyone. And guess what I was right when I said few days before that he's not doing anything other than visiting BBQ restaurants and gaming with tae. I remember few jkkrs saying 'maybe JK was busy working' nope he was not working whatever we was looking forward to didn't happened because they are not even seeing each other much, even at company.

4.much more delulu area lol, but where JK is doing live is the place where he lives alone. Bam is there, bam's bed and house is there. It's just them there and no, no Jimin. So goodbye to that living together dreams too.

5. He is closer with tae than anyone else atm. I'll take care of everything- not just about live and company lol but atm tae is the one who's giving JK the company he wants. Tae was not lying when he was namedropping JK always. That's the only thing they both have been doing recently. I.e being with each other. And it's not because they are couple lol because they are at same point of life rn. And I'm glad he got tae who he can completely depend on in a vulnerable situation. although if Jimin was there for him, he will be 100 times in better place than now. That's how JM nurtured him. But no more point in saying that again 😕. I guess insecure jikookers can stop dragging tae because tkk were indeed together and that's all they were doing and tae just said it. They watched VIBE together and now did a insta live together. 'Hold on taehyung I'm having a serious talk rn' lmao

6. This is nothing but Man just accepted all proposals of being bf and marriage lol I don't think someone in a commited relationship does it but that's just me you don't have to agree.

7. Either we read Jikook wrong all this while or they broke up now. On good terms. JK still talks about Jimin with a smile and Jimin always will care about JK. From how he speaks about company it's like they don't even have permission to do a vlive and I won't be surprised the company pulled string to make them apart more and end whatever they had, it's a win - win for company and its future. They really don't want a homo relationship to affect the group or company. There's no more rebellious JK or JM who will do whatever it takes for their relationship. Just 2 artist they can profit from. Sad but that's how it is.

8. I saw few veteran Jikookers confessing they don't think they are a thing, the ones who saw them grew up for years now. It must be hard for them to accept but most of them are accepting it gracefully. I'm crying lol. To know there's no Jikook or no more Jikook is really painful and I'll be more heartbroken once the reality hit me more. If it hurts me this much I wonder what they were going through that time. But it was good when we had it. They gave me so much joy and we had a good time. I met few friends here and had a good time. Everything we thought was real will be proved wrong one by one in coming months and years, like how it happened with tattoos now. Jk is not obliged to like Jimin's posts or support his work or spend time with him. It's like hurting the wound more, they are good as how they are now. There will be nothing like Jkk, whatever they had was so special, like nothing I've seen and sad, good things end too fastly.

9. I'm 100% JM biased and I saw and felt the change in his vibe but no one will take me seriously when I talk about vibes lol. I think he's closest with hobi and yoongi atm. Anyway I'm happy he's at a better place rn. He is so happy, that's my priority. He'd doing his thing, he's working in his album, he's doing brand deals, he's glowing, what more can I ask ? I'm looking forward to what he's going to do more. Jungkook will ALWAYS be my dear JK lol. Jikook or not it doesn't change what he is to me. I'm so so sad but it's not about me rn. It's Jimin and BTS I fell in love with, Jikook was something I discovered in the journey. I hope they can find someone who can love and support them like how they did with each other, especially JK. A part of me also wish they can work things out and get back together in future, they were perfect for each other and idk if they can love someone else like they loved each other.

Out of context and a joke but it's not far from reality " ARMYs I have sad news. I was a couple, but we broke up " Me dramatically editing Jikooker out of my profile, blasting heartbreak songs, accepting new reality, signing off as a jikooker 😊👋.

1. As Jikookers we have only discussed the significance of J + M letters next to each other, and I don't remember discussing what the letter J alone stands for. Now it's official that it stands for JK and nothing else. In the Live last night I didn't see him explaining the meaning of J and M together, and our theory is still relevant because he could put that J anywhere else on his hand, yet he put it right on top of M and he can obviously read what they make together. ARMY goes for army, and J goes for JK which is in simple font. This is all he said about the letter tattoos on his hand, and debunked the popular ot7 theory of "hE taTtoOed aLl tHe mEmBerS". lol

2,3,4 Jimin is not a part of his "social" life or work, according to you, they are not coworkers anymore. And him being isolated from the world has nothing to do with his relationship. Also no one said JK is busy working, if YOU assumed it it's not our fault. And btw Jikook live together ❤️

5. I'm sorry but this one is also wrong because judging from that Live, Namkook are lovers 😍

6,7,8,9 When even you call yoirself delulu in your bs, then you already know it's too dumb to even worth answering lol. I knew you are the breed I hate the most, the most wrong and delusional haters of the fandom 🤡

[one-abuse-survivor]

Hi, its Rin againI just wanted to thank you for answering my ask (sorry for the late reply, i haven't been on tumblr in a pretty long time and figured my ask got deleted so i left it alone) and i just wanted to sorta make an update: My dad has moved out and my parents are going to get a divorce soon.I've been pretty depressed as of late, and my parent's behaviour with me isn't really constant, so every time i feel as though theyre getting better, it just gets worse again. I'm also under a (1/?)

ton of academic stress, and as much as I'd like to talk about this to a professional, I'm too afraid to do so because of past experiences. Everything is super chaotic right now, and my mother apologises for being "bitter" to me pretty often, but ends up continuing to do so. She sometimes even threatens to leave the house forever. Basically, everything is constantly changing, and there is no place I can actually talk about any of my experiences, and I get so confused all the time at whether (2/?)

my parents are actually changing for the better or if things will get worse all over again, and it feels as though every time I begin to feel safe or happy with my parents or life, everything goes downhill again. Honestly, sometimes I prefer it when my parents are assholes to me, so I don't have to worry about whether or not this is all a lie or if theyre going to change for the better or for the worse, etc., and I'm just an absolute mess in every possible way nowadays. I dunno what to do, (3/?)

cuz even with friends, everytime I bring up anything about my mental health being shitty, they figure it's a joke and that I'm fine. Idrk where I'm going w this but idk what to do and I hate feeling so powerless with everything going on in my life rn, and uh. it just sucks.But i really wanted to thank you for replying to the ask I sent earlier, it felt really nice to be listened to and you're doing something really good, and I appreciate the advice u gave me, tysm <3 (it's rin btw) (4/4)

Hi again, Rin!! I'm really glad my previous reply helped. Sorry again for the late reply, and I hope I can help again even by just listening.

You're going through so much. Living in such an unstable environment sounds extremely stressful, and I hope you know that just the lack of stability and control over your life, and the not knowing when things are going to go south in your household again, can be deeply traumatic for any person, and especially for any minor.

In order to grow and develop normally and healthily, we all need to feel safe in our environment, and to believe that that safety isn't going to be taken away and then offered back to us at random intervals. When we can't have that stability, we can grow up constantly afraid, hypervigilant, anxious and depressed, and learning to expect the worst from everything and everyone around us. That is deeply traumatic. And I'm really sorry you're going through this.

It's just natural to prefer it when things are going wrong, because at least in those moments you don't have to wonder if you're exaggerating, or if what feels like safety is actually safe or not. You don't have to sit around and wait anxiously to get hurt again, because at least you're already being hurt. It sounds contradictory, but it makes perfect sense to feel that way. A constantly bad situation is more predictable than a sometimes-neutral sometimes-bad situation, and allows us to feel more in control of what's going to happen, or at least able to anticipate it. As you said, not knowing whether things will go fine or terribly can make one feel powerless, and that's often scarier than getting hurt in itself.

Also, I'm sorry your friends can't help you more. It's understandable, since you're all really young, but I know how isolating it can feel when your peers your age don't understand and can't help with your home situation.

Good luck with school and exams. I really hope the academic stress gives you a bit of a break. Sending a virtual hug ❤️

[1d1195]

Where do I even begin…

PAIN PAIN PAIN IS ALL IM FEELING RN😭 I was genuinely tearing up towards the end of this new part! It started out so cute with them being all lovey dovey and them FINALLY being able to show that to each other a bit more now! Definitely was excited when he mentioned that he wants her to go with him back to England(I am still hoping😭)

Once she arrived at the bar I loved how you wrote “Niall swore he saw fireworks exploding in Harry’s pupils, turning into the shape of a heart as he watched her” bc it just reminded me of how hopelessly in love he is with her and he sucks at hiding it but I find that as a good sign because they are soulmates! I just thought it was a cute and sweet way of describing it from another’s pov! And that cute little moment of Harry admitting he has always been jealous of her with other guys made me giggle! ALSO THE PINKIES TOUCHING 😭

Now the moment she went into that bathroom… I knew things were off but the fact that she was going to get her by the ppl who are suppose to take care of her omg teh ANGER I FELT ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY CALLED HER ROSE!!! Yet my girl really was putting Harry first by keeping him safe and don’t even get my started on that letter telling them to reassign Harry 💔💔💔😭😭😭 MY HEART HURT SO BAD WTF! I felt like I was Harry because I was just as shattered as he was!

Her making a plan made me remember to one of the past chapters where Harrry told her to have a Safeway or something along those lines to have when things go bad and I swear I didn’t see that as foreshadowing yet that was so smart of you because it was a bit if a surprise! My heart hurts for her because she deserves more! I also desperately needs Harry’s pov about all of this!

I can’t beginto explain how much I love this story! LITERALLY FUCK ALL OF DSS!!!(expect Harry and Niall ofc) AHHHHH IM BUZZING WITH EXCITEMENT I DESPERATELY NEED THE NEXT CHAPTER! I LOVED IT SO OMG! YOU ARE AMAZING I CANT SAY THAT ENOUGH!-💜

Okay you are much too sweet to me! Thank you so much for sending a message. Let's see what I can divulge to you without giving anything away. (*****Protection Part VII Spoilers below*******)

I am so sorry about your pain. I honestly don't know why y'all put up with me. Especially after I gave you all the trip to England you all desperately wanted and just let me rip it away like that. I thought the his heart eyes might be a nice call back to her heart eyes in part 5. And I love any chance I get to have Niall tease Harry in any of my stories. (I'm glad you liked the pinkies, i thought they were a nice little touch--literally).

I lowkey broke my own heart about reassigning Harry and the whole Rose business. I hated breaking Harry's heart honestly. I hope it gets put back together. 😭

So my 7th grade teacher would be awfully proud of me I think about my foreshadowing technique--especially by how much better (i personally think) it has gotten. ALSO I'm glad you noticed in general. Truthfully, this was like the first part of Protection I had written/in my head/ready to go so it was a bit easier to get the foreshadowing done hehehe I think you'll get SOME satisfaction out of the next part of what you mentioned 😉😉😉

I'm so so glad you're enjoying it means so much to me <3

xoxo

[appreciatingtokrev]

hello, i am happy that you're back and feeling better! ^^

er, i am a bit disappointed but since time had passed, i have realised it was the right move. that is sad but if both parties naturally drift apart, there is always a chance for it to rekindle later on even if it is years on in the future. but moving on does tend to be the less messer route despite it being hard.

i did that too for HSR, all players are probably guilty of that lol. i believe most fans prefer GI over HSR and there is a lot more GI contents on here. i've never played HI so i don't know the fight mechanics 😭

that sound like such a long system ;-; on my end, you could complete a five year degree (like medicine) and be finish before 24/25 or do a three years degree and a master on top before 23/24. at least you still have time to figure things out.

that is true and a part of koko probably died after the fire incident, he probably just needed mikey's approval to join though.

tbh, i just realised his colour palette (outfit/appearance) is really nice too and does contrast xiao's one. maybe, browse online for inspiration? or go to the hair salon and ask the staff? i did that for dying my hair, they said i need to bleach it 4 times where i went lmao.

but i've heard the anime/manga merchandise is pretty cheap in Japan? that is a nice start to your collection and i'm sure the tokrev dolls will be a nice finishing touch when you feel motivated enough. but don't force yourself. i think if she was a kpop fan, i would found it less shocking because they are something else lol. that is a sensible idea and others may mistake it for a bell's bike? if it jingles that loudly and you're walking behind them. i hope you are ready then, styling wigs does seem to be a craft of art in making.

have you found your birthday twin yet? or am i still the closest one? and i actually gave up on makima. the fanart is something else but you can't help but feel intrigued like you said. i dislike her for the same reason. that's great! have you tried taking it to a tailor and get the sleeves shortened? i did it for a blazer and it worked.

ah i’m glad, me too! :) <3

i very much understand. it hurts, but sometimes the right thing to do just isn’t what initially makes you the happiest,, and it’s still for the best.

hm, true. maybe one day lol. rn we see each other maybe twice a year, and go visit a museum together. it’s nice, but certainly not how i pictured my life a few years ago haha. tho i’m content with our relationship the way it is, i think.

understandable understandable lol. i think my pref for genshin does stem from me having played it for longest by far + it being the game that got me into gaming, which both ends in an obvious bias. but hsr has been v fun so far as well! honkai impact fight mechanics are more similar to genshin than to hsr, but the controls for the whole game don’t involve the mouse, only the a, s, d, w, i, j, k, and l keys (if i remember the keys correctly- the point is you only need a keyboard to play) lol. makes it easier to play it in class.....

okay tbh i did repeat/got pushed back more than once 😭 most people here probably are finished with a five years degree at 24/25 too, but a bunch each year will be one/two years older bc they had to repeat. and i’m gonna be one of those lol. but yeah, i’m glad i’ve still got time to decide on what to study bc there’s too many things i’d like to do... omg i used to have a classmate who’s a kpop fan, and she pretty much made her locker at school into a kpop shrine plastered with photos and filled with merch lol. she also was the one to introduce me to kpop funnily enough.

true. i’ll figure out how to make it make no sound before wearing it in public, then i’ll be fine. bc i do think the earring looks funky even when silent hehe.

i have a (bad?) habit of thinking i can do anything i want to, so... wig styling can’t be that hard, now can it..... and there’s a first time to everything anyway.

no birthday twin for me, you’re still the closest. if i ever do find one, i’ll make sure to tell you dw lol.

no, i haven’t been to a tailor yet, but i might try that once! i just hope it wouldn’t be too expensive afhjfdj

[taeyamayang]

hahah yeap everyday unfortunately. on good days though it only takes about an hour 20 or an hour & a half so i cross my fingers & hope for the best each time lol 😄. it ends in August which seems long to me but i'm hoping these months will pass by in a flash 😆. other than the travel time, the work culture & environment is not so bad so i guess that's a plus, but, you never really know what life has in store for you ╮(︶︿︶)╭

i'm in mech engineering! it does include math but if im being honest not much of it is being used rn 😬🫣

congrats on graduating omg!! idk why but that is so you to be studying even after graduating and going to grad school. i wish you all the best and good vibes in your exams~

ahhh i took japanese lessons too! didn't get to finish it bc the classes were always full (╥_╥) i rmb getting excited every lesson bc it was a chance for me to show off my verymediocreveryelementarylearntfromanime pronounciation skills to my sensei ＼(＾▽＾)／ (yeah it nvr went well but she'll always say i did a great job👍😭). i hope you have fun learning the language as much as i did and maybe if i find the courage to pick up my notes again we'll be able to talk in 日本語 . . .(・・ ) ?. jokes aside, what's your favourite part about learning this language so far?

i've heard sooo many people talking about genshin lately. i'm not a big fan of rpgs (actually very bad at them) so i tend to observe from the side. what do you like the most about the game? and ofc i have to ask this, who's your favourite character?

as for me, i'm currently in love with yakuza 0! its my first of the series and i'm enjoying it to the fullest. i've been playing on the weekends to release some stress & it's the perfect antidote for me. i mean come on, it even has a karaoke and disco dancing minigame!

anyways, take care my love. remember to drink water and take your vitamins. you are loved <3

🌻 (p.s missed you too lol)

lmao its so funny that i was so shocked of your travel time when i suddenly remember that during my senior year i used to inter for a company outside the city so i literally have to cross borders before the crack of dawn which was wild bc how did i survive that?? anyway, it was just a month a half or two so it wasn't much. the job was okay too so fatigue all came from the commute (tho reading a book durinf a long ride kept me company, maybe you should try it to!) i'm glad that the work didn't add to your problems tho i'm sure you can handle anything thrown at you ;) and yes i agree, nature has its way of rocking our steady boats but im sure youll be able to cope and overcome it (if it gets too tough always rmbr that my asks is always open for rants!)

really?? i have this belief that engr have to solve math problems their entire lives and i just 😭 (i have math traumas, its speaking loudly rn lol) idk why too but "studying after uni and going to grad school is so you" makes me feel happy lmaooo. well, you are right that is so me ig i love keeping myself busy plus idk it may should rlly weird coming from me but... learning can be fun too 😭 i lit sound nerdy rn but who cares 😭

OMG REALLY! THATS SOOO FUN japanese people are very respectful so ig thats why your sensei always praises you or perhaps you were good. contrary, my sensei was sassy 🥶 lmaooo he points out mistakes and is very particular with pronunciation and clarity of words so when we recite in class it always gives me the nervesss. the only time i was able to connect my classes to anime is through the characters names like yuki means snow and yuki from fruits basket has gray-white hair and is deemed cold or yoru means night asa means morning and that shows the duality of yoru and asa in chainsaw man lol smth like that. WE SHOULD! lmaoooo tho i am not fluent in N5 i got to warn you ahead of time!! im not sure about my favorite part bc i enjoyed it sm lol i love learning languages, to begin with, so altho it gave me a high blood pressure whenever were to recite in class i enjoyed it sm heh how about you? あなたは 日本語 べんきょう たのしいですか。lololol

if you ever pick up genshin or smth YOU GOTTA TELL ME alright? cause im willing to guide you all the way and share the obsession lmaoo my fave characters... god theres A LOT but i mainly played genshin for zhongli and venti and later on liked itto tighnari and kaveh. you dont have to be good at rpgs bc coming from a no brainer in games, dude im surviving lol wait wait so yakuza 0 is a game? where do you play it? karaoke and mini dance games oooo that sounds interesting. tell me more about it and u might find a buddy

you are always so sweet. i hope the same and more for you too sunflower anon :)

take care! love seeing u here :D

[mokutone]

I'm drawing Kakashi for the first time (as much as I love them, I rarely ever draw naruto characters so this is a little fun and new for me) and I'm struggling a little bc I'm trying to draw him relaxed, reclining with pakkun (in the way I recline with my cat) and I'm realizing there's something so personal abt drawing him in such a vulnerable pose ig. Like? I'm very tired too rn so maybe I'm being extra emotional and rambly but there are so few scenes of kakashi in canon where he's not wearing the jounin vest, where he's alone and relaxed and out of uniform. And I didn't realize it until I was trying to think back to other similar scenes and there really weren't any. and I'm kind of mesmerized by how you draw him because you capture that so so well, your art is gorgeous but it's also so real and expressive in a way that shows a lot of practice and a lot of love. Idk i think I've said this before and I'm sorry if it's annoying that I'm saying it again (I'll just shut up after this lol) but I went to an art school and I had massive burnout and only really started drawing again in the past 6 months and you were one of my inspirations 2 start drawing again and I'm still not as good as I'd like to be but I draw so much more now and having an actual passion for art has led to a huge improvement, so thank you and thank u for bearing with me and my sleep-deprived rambles. I think my original point got sidetracked. I forgot why i started writing this ask.

dkgjhsdgkjdshg no i think you're 100% right abt the kakashi relaxed thing, even when we see him "relaxed" he doesn't ever really Look relaxed. like

here he is chilling out in the hot springs. this man does not look relaxed but he DOES look exhausted and maybe a little like he's gotten lost. somebody help this confused man find the exit.

anyway art + motivation talk beneath the cut

djhsdkjghsdkjhg thank u for all the compliments abt my art, i do work really hard in order to draw expressive characters, and spend a lot of time paying attention to how the small details in posture and expression change how the character comes across, and im glad it pays off!

also yeah no, similarly, once i left art school (when the pandemic hit) i did have a good 6 months where i did not pick up the pencil even once, and like, usually i feel rlly bad or guilty when i'm not drawing, but my burnout was real bad and i was straight up angry abt everything dgkjhsdgkjh so i just...didn't draw for like 6 months. i didn't even feel bad about it bc i was too busy being angry

and i had a bad relationship with art at the time and eventually realized i kind of had to like? make a different relationship with art—like, try to stop seeing art as something which gave me fundamental worth as a human being, or part of who i am? you know? that's a LOT of pressure to put on just...something that i do. if i took that kind of approach to literally any other task in my life, i'd never do it. imagine thinking that the way and style with which you descend the stairs gives you your worth as a person and if you don't do it exactly right then it means you're worthless as a person? buddy i'd just find a way to go down and out through the window LMAO

i think this is the thing which gives a lot of people burnout, it's exhausting to be constantly working on something and ALSO believe that if you fuck it up even a little, it's because you are the fuckup, and a fundamental failure of a person. god thats so much pressure.

anyway so i decided to make a naruto art blog because i don't even like naruto That Much but my best friend had been trying to get me into it for years (ty kate ilu kate), and so any art that i made would be purely for fun, wouldn't have anything to do with my self worth, and might make kate laugh too, and that's why this blog exists! and taking the pressure off of creating art like that has been enormously helpful to my mental health and my ability to create, also i take breaks alllllll the time, i'm like...way healthier about my art thanks to that, and also just...a nicer person, i think? anyway i'm very glad that i inspired you to get back into art but i'm far more glad that you've found a passion for it, cultivating that passion and joy is so important

[ramzawrites]

Hey, so I'm having a really rough time rn (dealing with bs from my friend group, we have to take my really old dog to the vet today bc we found blood in her pee and we're scared that she won't make it this time, I'm struggling with my mental health, I'm just kinda goin thru it rn ig) so I would love a comfort fic with the sbi maybe with the reader as their sibling where the reader is the one that always comforts the fam, but hides their emotions until (1/2, very sorry about splitting it)

(2/2) something happens that makes the reader have a full on breakdown? I'll leave the rest to you, it can be a good or bad ending, headcanons or one shots, anything. You can ignore this request if you want/if it makes you uncomfortable. Please don't feel pressured/guilt tripped to write anything from this, your mental health comes first and I'm sure you're already really busy. Reminder to eat something today if you haven't yet and get a drink of water <3

We are family - Reader and SBI!Brothers

GN

Pairings: none

Characters included: Wilbur, Technoblade, Tommy, (mentioned) Niki, (mentioned) Schlatt

Warnings: n/a

Series: a request <3

Summary: Y/N came back from an errand and surprises their brothers with their weird behavior. Trying to put on their usual smile, trying to hide away their real emotions but their brothers know them better than they inititally suspected. They could immediately tell that something must have happened.

Words count: 2060

Authors Note: I’m so sorry this took so long! I hope you and your dog are doing better! 💙 I wish I could give you more than words of encouragement and that I managed to get faster to this request, I apologize Please make sure to take care of yourself, alright? Take time for yourself to deal with the stress and anxiety! Make sure to stay hydrated and remember to eat! Even if it’s just something small!

Once again I apologize for the long wait, I felt really bad already and then I kinda put it off because I felt bad.

adhd hit hard again and haven’t checked for typos yet, but will get on it as soon as I can o7

On another note if you want to read another comfort fic; I have a small series called “A Painful Reminder” which is more angsty but the 2nd part is more about the comfort, if that is something for you 

Living in the SMP was chaotic, turbulent and at times downright painful.

Most people tended to gravitate to one cause or other people to deal with this. Holding on to something so they don’t get pulled under. Get buried beneath the chaos and the violence.

So having people like Y/N around was like a godsend. They were one of the few people that seemed to be able to withstand the constant waves of misfortune and stand strong. Be the rock to hold onto when everything got too overwhelming.

Wilbur, Technoblade and Tommy loved their sibling for it.

After Wilbur and Tommy got exiled with Y/N out of L’Manberg, they were there and cheered both of their siblings up. Immediately making plans on how to set up a safe home and collecting ideas on how to get back. They were the one who managed to get a message out to Technoblade and asked him to visit them. Maybe help them.

Wilbur often jokingly said that Y/N was the glue that held the family together, to which they would always reply with the warmest of smiles “I’m glad.”

And what he said was true. Whenever the family fell on hard times and they began to drift apart it was Y/N who pulled all of them back. Pulling them back to reality and giving solutions for their problems if needed.

Sitting down with Wilbur when things got to much. Listening to his thoughts and worries, letting his emotion run freely without judgement. While they looked worried for him, their comforting smile never faltered. Offering him solutions to problems if he wanted it, otherwise they gave him the chance to just air his own thoughts out. To be angry with him. Sad with him.

Working with Tommy on his own projects. Listening to his ideas and giving him a different perspective that could improve some things but also respecting it when Tommy wanted to do this his way. And while he liked to brag and pretend that some things didn’t hit him that hard, they were still patiently listening to him as he spoke about his own pain in a more roundabout way. Telling him that he was not alone and making him feel heard.

Talking to Technoblade whenever the voices got too loud or out of hand again. He would just walk over to them and nudge them away, asking them to talk about something, no matter what. He just needed to hear their voice and be able to concentrate on it. Tune out the garbled voices in his head with a familiar sound that calmed him down no matter what. Leaning against them, slowly falling asleep as Y/N told all about how they were happily working on their own farm and what shenanigans they got up to.

Y/N really was like the warm sun on a cold day. Warming them up and protecting them.

Yes, Y/N was strong. So strong that even Technoblade considered them stronger than him. Maybe not physically but mentally and emotionally.

A clanging of metal rung through the cave. Techno was training with Wilbur while Tommy was just watching. Cheering on Techno.

It wasn’t an unusual situation and something Y/N expected to see as they made their way down the staircase. Wilbur in full iron armor and weapon while Techno just fought back with his own iron sword.

“Hey, Y/N! Welcome back!” Wilbur breathed out. Sweat running down the side of his face as he stopped attacking his brother.

The three men looked happily over to their sibling who slowly walked towards them but soon their expressions fell. Something was off about Y/N and it confused the three.

Their smile was as always plastered on their face but it looked strained. Their eyes wide open, trying to look sincere and loving but the glassy look of them gave off a different picture.

“Y/N? You okay?” Tommy asked as he stood up from the ground. Taking a step closer to them which made them in return stop in their tracks.

Y/N was hugging themself, shakily opening up their mouth to answer but nothing came out. It was then when Techno got very aware of how they were shaking in general.

This all seemed so wrong. This shouldn’t be possible. It just didn’t seem to register fully inside their minds.

Wilbur made sure to get rid off his sword and armor as fast as he could, walking over to his sibling, trying to get a better look at them but they just avoided his gaze.

Staring at the ground, slowly shaking their head “It’s- It’s fine. I’m fine.”

“You aren’t. You really aren’t. What happened? Did they find you?” Techno asked, his voice full with worry. A bit of anger hidden as well.

Y/N had their own little farm in order to support Pogtopia. The potatoes from Techno were great but variety is important after all. Though they also had an abundance of wheat they usually tried to smuggle into Manberg for Niki. Trying to help her out as much as possible with her taxes and work.

This time Y/N nodded “They did… It’s fine though. I’m fine. I’m not hurt. It’s all good.”

Wilbur’s frown deepened “Usually when people have to be so adamant about being okay something isn’t alright.”

Tommy nodded, supporting his statement only to whisper to himself “Adamant? What does-“

But Wilbur continued “We are your family, talk to us.”

Y/N licked their chapped lips “I’m-“

The tears finally escaped their eyes and begun streaming down their face. Sobbing they fell down on the ground. Wilbur immediately followed suit, laying his arm around them and pulling them against his chest. His hand flew up to their head and begun going through their hair, trying to calm them down. Humming a soft tune from their childhood.

It was the first time in their lives they saw Y/N break down like that and it was quite frankly shocking.

Unsure what to do with himself Tommy squatted down “Um, uh, what- what happened?”

Techno was still gripping the iron sword in his hand. Pacing up and down. Manberg found them? What the hell did they do to make Y/N break down like that? His own sibling! Whatever it was he would make sure to pay it back a thousand times over.

“Tommy can you grab them some water?” Wilbur laid his chin on top of Y/N’s head, rubbing circles now on their back.

He didn’t even hesitate, jumping up to run towards one of the chests with food items that Y/N had always ready for them. Grabbing a water bottle and running back over. Happy that he could do something else besides staring.

Tommy then pushed the bottle towards Y/N who gratefully took it, putting some space between them and Wilbur as they drank some of the cold liquid which helped them to calm down.

“You ready to tell us what happened?” Techno stopped pacing around. His gaze purely trained on his crying sibling. Anger still rising in him just like the voices.

Screaming things like “Technosib! How dare they hurt them! Protect them! I love Y/N so much! Why would anyone hurt Y/N! They always help us! Let’s help them for a change! Technosib! Let’s go out and fight them! Yeah! Blood for the Blood God and Y/N!”

Y/N’s voice was still wavering and a bit scratchy from their sobbing as they begun speaking “Hey, hey! Techno don’t concentrate on the voices. Listen to me. It’s all good.”

This somehow made Techno angry. He threw the sword away and finally knelt down next to them as well so his face was on the same eye level as theirs “Stop. Please. Stop thinking about us for one second. Stop trying to not make us uncomfortable or worried! Tell us what happened! Please.”

He was basically begging at the last part. All his worry packed into it.

“Yeah, honestly you trying to make sure everything is okay for us makes us even more worried.” It surprised the others a bit that this came from Tommy but he was correct.

Tears fell down their face again “I- I was just delivering more wheat to Niki and someone must have followed me. They followed me back to my farm and- and- they burned my fields down. There were explosions. I- it was just my farm. I did not harm. Just, why does it always have to end like this. Why do all the good things always end like this. Why can’t this place let something be. There is always something.”

The farm was so important to Y/N. It was their little project they put so much sweat, love and work into. It was their home away from home. A place to retreat and enjoy some peace. This obviously was devastating. It was their one thing they had for themself. The one thing that wasn’t there for anyone else but them.

It was also clear that this seemed to be the straw that broke the camel’s back and it broke the three a bit that they only now seemed to notice this. That it took that long and their whole farm being destroyed for the realize this was heartbreaking.

“Who?” Techno urged but Y/N shook their head.

“I don’t know. Everything went so fast and I tried to save as much as I could but- but it’s all gone. It’s all gone.” Their voice jumped up an octave at the end, burying their face against Wilbur’s shoulder again. Silently sobbing.

It should have been impossible but Wilbur’s frown deepened and his expression turned more grim “Don’t worry. We will get back at them. We will get our revenge. They will see firsthand what they did to you, I promise.”

Shocked Y/N looked up, their red and puffy eyes wide open “Wil, that’s not what I- no revenge. There is already too much misery going around I just want this to stop. I just want all of us being able to live in peace.”

Wilbur should have known that Y/N was too good natured for that but he couldn’t help himself. He was just so angry. Angry at Schlatt and Manberg. That they went for him was one thing but to go out of their way to treat Y/N like this? Let’s just say he put it on the list in bold letters with reasonings on why he will get back at the Manberg faction.

“Listen Y/N.” Techno begun, his voice now calm again “Stop it. Just for once think about yourself. Stop thinking about others for once. You are also worthy of the same care you give us. Let us at least help rebuild your farm. You always help us with our projects, let us help you with yours.”

Tommy seemed to lit up at that “That sounds like a good idea! We could build towers around your new farm and make sure no one gets in! We could put down traps and all!”

He really wasn’t sure how to react but that was at least something he could do for them. As the past General’s right hand man, this should be something he can do. If he couldn’t protect his sibling how could he ever hope to get L’Manberg back.

Wilbur seemed to think about it for a bit but agreed “Yeah, how does that sound?” Though the dark glint in his eyes stayed. The cogs in head still running off with his own thoughts.

“You guys would? Since when can you guys build?” a dry laugh escaped them but it was a laugh nonetheless.

Both Tommy and Wilbur looked almost appalled at that claim while Techno just shrugged and nodded. Just looking around Pogtopia was more functioning than good looking after all. Y/N tried to pretty it up a bit but usually something always happened around here.

“Also Y/N, please talk to us more. Don’t bottle everything up. Please. We worry a lot about you and we love you. You always do so much for us, let us do the same.” Wilbur pushed Y/N a bit off of him and looked them deep into their eyes, hoping that this would really hammer in that this was a genuine plea.

As a respone Y/N wiped the tears off their face “I understand. I’ll try to remember that.”

“Don’t try just do it.”

[deanwasalwaysbi]

I've gotta say, I find the concept of Bedlund trying to Ben-Hur Jensen absolutely hysterical. I'm just imagining Jensen getting a script and being like "Ben?? What's this? Is this gay? This seems gay????" and Ben just soothing him like a frightened horse.

Hahaha - Look it wouldn't be the first time. What is this verb we're working with? Okay. Strap in everyone. The Multi-Oscar-winning 1959 movie 'Ben Hur' had a bunch of gay subtext. The writer, the director, and the second lead actor all knew that Charlton Heston's character, Ben Hur, was gay. However, one person didn't find out until the 1990s: Charlton Heston. The consensus on set was "Don’t tell Charlton, because he’ll freak out." and when Heston found out in the ninties, freak out was exactly what he did. (x) [the movie may have gotten a reference from Misha back in season 6 (x)]

Whether this happened with Jensen on SPN depends on two things.

Was the character of Dean intentionally written as Bi and, if so, at what point did that become true?

Did anyone tell Jensen? Did he figure it out? if so, when?

I personally DO believe at this point, I really do, that Bedlund - Ben Hur'd Jensen. I think it was part of the writers room but not all of it, until it was. (Which RN I believe finally happened under Dabb.) I think Jensen wasn't in on it, until he was. So for me? I think he really was in the dark at one point. But at what point that changed? Probably only he can answer that question. and RN? He ain't talking.

In the meantime we can only look at things Jensen has said on the subject - Like this unbearably ambiguous GIF set from @nikadd. Was this tongue in cheek? Legitimate ignorance? You're killing me, Jensen. That cheeky lil smile, Jensen. Nvm - I'm going to kill you instead. It's for my own survival. No hard feelings right? You understand.

UH OH HERE COMES A CUT TO HIDE A LONG DERANGED POST...

We can look at the text for number 1 - and I do that uh - a lot - see the blog name #Dean Was Always Bi

For number 2 we can look over some points when we got clues from what Jensen thought was going on [regardless of whether they make sense based on his jacting or directorial choices I guess] and get left wondering whether at any point he felt pressured to lie for his career, for self protection, or to protect the narrative from the network: 

2010 - 'We're missing the gay angel' (x) (Season 5 gag reel) (x) “Sorry man, not what the show’s about.” Jared: One of the good and bads about playing the straight [non-comedic] character on the show… Jensen: What wait? I’ve been playing him so wrong

2012 / S8 - Trenchcoat - Jensen talking about how sometimes they change the lines because they're way too gay. Calls Cas a third brother

2012 - "What's Destiel?" Ben Edlund: That’s some weird shit. Jensen: Is this something that you created, Ben? Ben: You don’t want any part of that.

“Don’t ruin it for everyone now” “I still don’t know what the question was. I’m going to pretend I don’t know what the question was.”

2013 @ JIB, re Dean’s reaction to Aaron’s flirting in the season 8 episode Everybody Hates Hitler,  (x)

“And the scene wasn’t written to be that kind of - I mean - It was written to be awkward.  Ben Edlund wrote the - my favorite line in that scene was ‘carry on . citizen’ that was - I almost couldn’t say that with a straight face I was laughing so hard.  But it was - you know - it was comedy. It was a comedic moment in the show and fortunately Dean gets a lot of the comedic moments in the show and it was just, you know, Ben was poking fun at the fact that - you know, how can we make this very kind of manly, heterosexual guy uncomfortable - uh -you know, or  or have him back on his heels and throw him off his game a little bit.”

The thing is - Bedlund and Phil Sgriccia made very clear on the commentary track that THEY saw this scene as a 'romantic comedy kind of fluster' "This potential for love in all places."

Ben Edlund calling the writer’s room a boy’s club in 2013 (x)

Misha Collins telling Destiel fans they aren’t Crazy in 2013 after some executives said they were (x).

2014 Jensen says he was glad there wasn’t much Dean and Cas in season 9  - HA Hah HAH (x)

“I think the whole Cas and Dean thing has gotten out of hand”  “I don’t think there’s anything secret to their relationship even though a lot of people wish there was” REMINDER - that season we got the nightstands acknowledgement and “play him like a jilted lover” and the “he dumped me James” cut and -

I certainly know that Misha and I don’t play that. SIGH. they Ben Hur'd Jensen.

2014 - the fan fiction joke - 10.05

“I didn’t have a positive reaction, The first time in I think 200 scripts I went and sat down in the showrunners office and said, ‘What in god’s name are you doing?! Why? I need to understand why this is happening.’” “[Carver] gave very eloquent answers and did a great job of explaining why we were doing what we were doing, I guess I had been aware of this ‘fan fiction’ for a while and I felt like maybe if I ignored it, it would eventually go away. When I read it in the script that is what I do for a living and is my work—I’m very protective of these characters and the story and I think we have a right to be—I wasn’t angry. I just wanted to understand why and what was the message we were ultimately sending with this script and story. By the end of it, I felt good and it gave me all the confidence I needed. It was better than I could have ever hoped.”

But then there's Jensen in 2015 talking about all of Dean’s bromances. (x)  [gifs at the top] Could go either way - starting to figure it out? or No?

What had changed if anything? the entire Crowely season 10 story line?  This was July 2015 - the same day as the SDCC 2015 panel where Misha talked about Destiel   (x @ 13) Carver and Dabb were there - 

By this time Jensen and Misha were nominated for a teen choice award for best chemistry against various tv couples (and one ensemble cast, but the award nomination did NOT include Jared) .... Misha and Jensen would go on to WIN this award one month after the panel.

At the Panel Rob and Rich ask the question: “You two have branded yourselves as TV’s greatest team since, ... idk who.... Ernie and Bert so.”  [Misha says to Jensen & Jared, half not on the microphone: “I really didn’t expect them to throw us under the bus.”] “are we going to see that continue? Is the Castiel Dean relationship still aflutter and still growing as we move into season 11?”  Jeremy Carver: “Ish.” [mocking from panel ensues] “Yes. Of course. I mean Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. There’s no doubt.”

Jensen Directs 11x03 and the choreo mimics Goodbye stranger (x)

2016 - Jensen: Dean could have a huntress, but you’d kill her.

Jan 2017 Con the infamous - no hedge - harsh - “Destiel doesn’t exist.” (x)

I would hope that if he knew he wouldn’t have been so harsh with it.  So by that point either he still didn’t know - OR - to him ‘Destiel’ was specifically about internet porn/sex and not like - the potential for feelings / a relationship.  It makes me think about something Misha had actually said, around 2013, “It’s called ‘Destiel’ and it’s about the romantic interludes between Dean and Castiel.” (x)

2017 - jib8 Jensen called Dean a lover of the ladies

May 2017 - After filming the end of season 12:

2018 - Misha confirms he and Jensen have talked about Destiel (x) - also 2018: The Bisexual Dean essay "? No." (Oh god was this really this recent?! I can't deal with this.)

Well. SOMETHING happened in 2019. cuz here it comes

2019 - "Dean has no taste, clearly." 2019 - 'So, tell us just a little bit about what you're most excited to tackle with your character this final season.' "Cas. Just like a full football form tackle."

Look at this face he gave Dean when Cas told him he loved him and tell me he wasn't playing into it here. You can't. (x)

[cherryonigiri]

nanami kento [evenings with you]

nanami kento x reader || cw: descriptions of blood/injuries, light angst

a/n: this is just self-indulgent writing for me but i'm v stressed about school rn and this is the result. just imagine that y/n is a bio/medical phd candidate lol.

Nanami can tell that you're stressed. Usually you savor the nights he's not on overtime, asking him about work and refusing to leave his side for most of the evening. He's used to you being attentive, so the fact that you've asked him the same question twice within the last ten minutes is already setting alarm bells ringing in his head. You're constantly fiddling with something, or flashing furtive glances towards the bedroom when you think he's not paying attention.

It only gets worse after dinner. You insist on washing up, something about how you want him to 'enjoy his night off.' Nanami compromises, silently grabbing a towel and drying the dishes. It's clear that your mind is elsewhere. Your hands scrub the porcelain on autopilot, and he can hear you muttering under your breath.

Every now and then you'll mutter a list of tasks under your breath. Nanami remembers you mentioning that things were hectic in lab. You're almost always still working when gets home from work, even when it's well past when you eat your dinner. It's clear that you've had a busy day-- the apartment is far more cluttered than it usually is. There are post-it and pieces of scrap paper stuck to every single surface, and a forgotten pile of folded laundry rests on the couch.

An intense burning sensation across your palm causes you cry out. "Shit!" You drop the knife you were washing in favor of cradling your already bleeding hand. Nanami is instantly by your side, firmly pressing the dishcloth against your cut. There is a worrying amount of red seeping into the fabric, so he silently ushers you to the bathroom.

It's a strange reversal of roles. He's used to being the one leaning leaning against the counter while you bandage his wounds. Instead, it's you who is perched on the marble surface, wincing as he dabs an antiseptic soaked cotton ball against your injury. "Sorry, I'm almost done," he says when you let out a loud hiss.

"It's fine," you reply, sheepishly looking away. "I should have been paying more attention."

Nanami chooses to only respond with a nonchalant hum, focusing on cleaning your palm. The two of you sit there in comfortable silence while he applies ointment to the cut, adding gauze once he's finished. It's only when he reaches for the bandages that he decides to ask. "What's stressing you out?"

Your eyes widen as you realize you've been caught. Nanami is rarely home early these days, especially since he's been mentoring Itadori on behalf of Gojo. (Not that you mind - in the few times you've met Itadori through video call with Nanami, the pink-haired student's sunny disposition has never failed to cheer you up.) When he'd texted you saying he'd be home by dinner, you'd jumped at the opportunity to spend some much needed time with him. You'd pulled out the stops, cooking something a little fancier, and intent on spending the earlier part of the evening cuddling with him. Secretly, you had planned to sneak out of bed after he'd fallen asleep (he always goes to bed early on days like these) and finish preparing for the gauntlet of meetings and presentations you had tomorrow. It was your fault for putting off the tasks, and you didn't want to let your own bad habits get in the way of some quality time with your boyfriend.

"It's nothing, I just have a lot on my plate tomorrow." You do your best to laugh it off, but quickly trail off once when you catch Nanami's deadpan expression. He's always been too good at seeing through your white lies. "I put off some work..." A raised eyebrow from him prompts you to continue, "And I was planning on doing it after you went to bed..." You can't help it when your face scrunches into a pout. After all, now your carefully-laid deception has been revealed.

When Nanami bursts into amused chuckles, you're momentarily surprised, but quickly go back to sulking. "Stop laughing at me Ken!" you whine, "I'm a--"

"Self-aware procrastinator," he finishes your sentence with an amused grin. "I know love, I know. I've seen you write far too many papers within 24-hours of a deadline to be surprised." He presses an affectionate kiss against your wrist.

You scowl at your boyfriend, snatching your bandaged hand away from his grasp. "I'm glad that my suffering is entertaining for at least one person." You stomp back to the bedroom in faux-anger, smiling when you hear Nanami's footsteps not far behind you.

When he steps into the bedroom Nanami drapes his frame over your shoulders, his warm torso nestled against your back. "It is one of your more...endearing traits," he murmurs into your ear before pressing a kiss into the crook of your neck. You can feel your cheeks and ears tingle at his words of affection.

"Sometimes you can be such a sweet talker," you mumble to yourself while you change into your pajamas. This week it's been an old Jujutsu tech hoodie and a pair of well-worn athletic shorts.

"Only for you," Nanami replies while he undoes the buttons of his outfit, chucking his tan pants and blue button up into the laundry basket in the corner. He dons a pair of sweatpants before returning your side to recapture you in another affectionate hug. It's a well kept secret of the Kento-Y/N household that Nanami Kento likes to lounge around shirtless in the privacy of his apartment. (You've been sworn to secrecy, but only because your boyfriend claims that Gojo and the students would have a field day teasing him if this information were to be made public amongst the jujutsu sorcerer community.)

Turning around, you wrap your arms around his waist, burying your nose against his torso and taking in his comforting scent. It's been so long since the two of you have had a moment to yourselves, and for once your hectic thoughts are silenced in favor of sharing a moment of calm bliss with Nanami. He hums in appreciation, thumbs rubbing soothing circles against your hips.

"Do you want to watch anything tonight?" you ask after a few seconds of silence.

"No," he replies. "I was actually planning on reading the briefing Ichiji just sent me. Gojo apparently has another scheme up his sleeve." You giggle when your boyfriend lets out a pained sigh. On more than one occasion, your boyfriend has ranted to you about Gojo's unorthodox approach to exorcism. "I swear that idiot shaves a year off my lifespan every time I go on a mission with him," Nanami complains. "He's taking away the years I could spend in Malaysia."

You hum thoughtfully before responding, "Then do you mind--"

Once again, Nanami already knows what you're going to say. "Just remember to bring your laptop charger, I know you have a thousand tabs open on your computer right now," he says while exiting to the living room. After a few moments you join him, overburdened laptop and charger in hand. You both take your usual spots in the living room, him resting comfortably in the center of the loveseat and you sitting on a floor cushion, nestled between his legs. Soon you've fallen into a groove, fingers steadily typing on the keyboard. The warmth of Nanami's presence next to you brings a sense of calm, giving you the grounding focus you need to finish off the last of your tasks.

As he thumbs through the printouts Ichiji gave him, Nanami can't help but let his eyes drift towards you every now and then. You look so adorable when you work. From the way your brow furrows whenever you reread a line, to the way you unconsciously chew on your lip when you scrutinize your draft for any errors. Every now and then he'll gently run his fingers through your hair, relishing the content sighs you let out in response.

It only takes about another hour before you're (finally) closing all your tabs (he still doesn't know why your laptop hasn't crashed yet). As you scroll through social media, your head begins to droop. Soon enough you've fallen asleep, breaths coming in soft and even puffs as you rest against his thigh. Smiling to himself, he puts down his papers and gently lifts your body from the floor. He's careful not to wake you as he slowly makes his way back to the bedroom.

Setting you on the bed, he tucks you under the blankets before lying beside you. The moonlight coming through your window softly illuminates your relaxed features, and he softly traces the outline of your face with his thumb. As he continues to caress your cheek, his eyes are drawn to the dark circles under your eyes. He rarely falls asleep after you these days - between his physically demanding occupation and the ever growing number of things you are responsible for at work- he's often the first to fall asleep from sheer exhaustion while you work well into the night. Not to mention that he's had to spend an increasing number of nights away from you, either on challenging missions or accompanying Gojo's students. And while he knows most of your stress comes from being a student, he can't help but feel guilty about all the additional distress his status as a jujutsu sorcerer has caused you.

When you started dating him, you insisted that Shoko teach you how to suture. He hates how much your stitches have improved since then. The neatness of your stitches is a constant reminder of how much you've endured because of him. When he hears you trying to muffle your sobs into a pillow, he swears he can feel his heart crack in his chest, hurting more than any kind of physical wound from battle. Those nights end with him holding you tightly to his bandaged chest, murmuring reassurances and affection into the crown of your head until you've calmed down enough to fall into a fitful sleep. Even when you're unconscious he'll still continue, words morphing into apologies for the sadness he's inflicted upon your shoulders.

Feeling his eyelids being to droop, Nanami presses one last kiss against your forehead before laying down. He wraps his arms around your waist, surrounding you with warmth, hoping that his presence will be enough to keep your nightmares away, at least for tonight. I love you, y/n is the last thought he has before he drifts away, ready to dream of a tropical sunset and a peaceful future with you by his side.

[liarchive]

✦ having zhongli as your father figure.

⸬ FEATURED ─ zhongli, gn! reader.

⸬ FLAVOR ─ fluff.

⸬ WARNING ─ possible ooc zhongli, i didn't proofread and bother to think if any of the headcanons i wrote is ooc because i'm emotional rn</3 /hj

⸬ TYPE ─ headcanons and a short ficlet.

having zhongli as your father figure is something.. amazing, I'd say.

look at him, and look me in the eyes. Tell me he isn’t someone who’d treat someone younger than him as his child, whether it be subconsciously or not.

he treats you so good, you probably cry a few times.

especially when the sensation is still new to you.

he’s both a best friend and a father figure!

really, really wouldn’t mind if you call him “father” or any other nickname specifically for fathers.

he is probably happy, to be honest.

spoils you so much, oh my god.

he is the type to come up to you, and randomly gives you presents.

you don’t even know what he has in the neatly packed cute little package!

he says, they remind you of him, and it’d be such a shame to not purchase them.

don’t expect him to stop, though. (unless if you really want him to stop.)

once in a while, you will either find a small package in front of your house signed for you, or someone giving it to you, telling you it’s from him. But he mostly gives it to you himself.

zhongli will ask if you’d like to have lunch or dinner with him.

or take a walk around liyue!

i feel like, he’ll be slightly protective.

zhongli will softly scold you if you get into trouble or got hurt.

he.. doesn’t want anything bad to happen:(

but how did this happen? hehe, let’s ask the past to tell!

you were having a burnt out from everything, almost all of the world seems to go against you for some reason.

you really need someone to hear you out, and zhongli came to your mind.

“he wouldn’t mind, right..?”

you were hesitant to come to him, negative thoughts were keeping you from reaching out.

that was until he is the one who comes to you.

“you seem pretty stressed lately, y/n. Are you okay?”

and thus, you talked everything out to him.

and when he comforts you? you couldn’t help to feel like he’s more than just a mere “friend”.

zhongli carefully wraps his arms around you, looking for a sign of discomfort or such, but you gave none. you continue crying, sobbing while zhongli rubs your back softly in an attempt to comfort you more. truthfully, zhongli isn’t really the best comforter. true, he is an incredible listener, but he never really have anyone who rants to him before, other than childe. the first thing he thought would do is hugging you. it’s painful to hear you bear the pain all alone, but he’s more than glad to know you’re letting it all out now. he can feel your grip on his clothes, it’s hard enough. he thinks, if he pulls away, he couldn’t fully pull away (not that he want to, though. he really wants to comfort you). “there, there. It’s all right, y/n,” he muttered reassurance, hoping you’d believe, even though just a bit. “i may not know what you’ve gone through, but I’m here to listen,” he said. hearing those words, you only cry harder. Is this the first time someone says those words to you?

“you’re free to come to me if you’re feeling to let things out again, y/n. i’ll always be here to listen.”

and as time goes by, you begun to realize, you looked up at him as a father figure.

It’s either hard or easy for you to accept it.

mainly if you have a bad relationship with your father, or if your father is long has passed away.

but, it wouldn’t hurt to slowly accept it, right?

and now, here you are.

but for real, after that, he checks up on you weekly.

he doesn’t want you to keep everything to yourself again, that’s unhealthy, and really not the best option to choose.

and when he knows you look up at him as a father figure?

he’s surprised, but he’s.. Happy?

well, not that he minds that!

in fact, he’s filled with joy!

it feels special to know someone look up to him as a father figure, not just a friend or the consultant of the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor!

ever since then, you know that you definitely aren’t alone, that you have someone who will be there for you.