#but i'll give myself one last day to stay home nd feel bad abt myself | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

ningningkittie · 10 months ago

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well... i woke up in time for school. which is the hardest part since it starts at 9am nd i always go to sleep at 4am and wake up around 12-13pm lol. but i got up nd checked when the busses are running.. i checked the weather nd it says it's gnna rain. then i thought "do i rlly need to go today..... cant i go next week?". the thing with me is that if i allow myself to have that thought then it's ruined. if i have the thought of not going, then i wont. thats why i make myself just get up nd go thru the motions nd leave, nd never allowing myself to think that. buuuuut i messed up today... i just wanna stay in bed nd go back to sleep T-T im sitting here "thinking abt it" but the time is already running out nd i dont rlly have time to get up nd get ready now. i dont think i'll get in trouble that i missed this week if i just make sure to go every day next week. ugh

#i should rlly just get out of bed and go #but its so cold and im so tired #my neighbor is stomping around upstairs nd just that makes me wanna die lmao #i just dont feel like going even if i do hate staying at home too #bc i do feel like a loser and a worthless failure #it's just that.. idk i dont want to do anything :/ ig i also kinda feel like self sabotaging #and im so tired of trying #im trying to do this but i get no help from the health care system #i rlly need therapy bc i wanna kms lol but everyone r just like nah sorry cant help u #why should i have to try soooooo hard when nobody cares #i just wanna rot #even if rotting also makes me feel bad #idk i just wish i was normal and healthy #can i even go back to sleep now that i feel so bad abt mysel skskksks #ughhh #no ok i decide i will stay home today #then i'll go every class next week #but i'll give myself one last day to stay home nd feel bad abt myself #im not allowed to do this again next week i've decided

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