#but i'd love to be able to experience without my CPTSD flashing an alarm in my head
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man, i am more touch and sex repulsed than i thought
#i am too aspec and traumatised for society#like i thought i could tolerate to a good degree#and now i just freeze up and shut down#like i'm not interested in general in that way#but i'd love to be able to experience without my CPTSD flashing an alarm in my head#i always forget to realise just how bad my past has affected me#and how recent events have exacerbated my trauma and mental illnesses#vent#my queer identity is complex but how it interacts with my trauma destroys me everyday#personal#trauma#mental illness#probs why when i write fanfic as opposed to read it#i am in control of the narrative#i just wish more people understood that some people don't like certain affections#i'm crying why did all that have to happen to me???#none of this is fucking fair!!!!#rant
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