#but i will not apologize because it's my party (blog) and i'll cry (blab into the ether) if i want to

[guiltreservoir]

okay but i can't stop thinking about the way that bobby — bobby who knows about eddie's will, knows that buck is chris' other dad, knows exactly what buck means to eddie and vice versa even though they haven't quite cracked it for themselves yet — told eddie, you don't seem to have a problem committing to certain things. the way he pointedly mentioned everybody but buck. the short pause before and long pause after he says shannon.

the way that eddie sits and thinks about how to best respond before talking about how, despite the religious trauma and catholic guilt, he loved being married to shannon... but not saying that he loved shannon (even though he did, in his own way). the way that bobby lets eddie know that he can't tell eddie how he feels about marisol, how that's for eddie to know, and how eddie makes a face and shakes his head in response.

part of me wants bobby to stop being such a dad and just give it to eddie straight, like eddie's begging him to. part of me wants him to tell eddie flat out that he knows he has feelings for buck, and that buck has feelings for him, and that it's been that way for a long time. but a way bigger part of me knows that eddie would not be able to hear or receive it anyway. he'd just recoil further into his denial and add another lock to his closet door.