#but i think it's better (and i'll be happier) if i ultimately remain a ghost in this space

[roderickvonhogshipping]

Every now and again I see that someone has discovered ‘Farewell to the Firstborn’ and I smile a little to see it’s still being appreciated after all this time.

I am rarely if ever connected to it, I think. Even in the beginning, I wasn’t particularly noticeable (which is not a bad thing). Thornheart credited me for the poem--which was essentially the lyrics, though two-three stanzas were removed so that it wouldn’t be twenty minutes to sing (heh)--but the way music works, I don’t think the lyricist is generally considered to be that notable. (Thornheart was always exceptionally good to me, though. I still consider a great privilege to have gotten to collaborate with her).

It was a strange stroke of luck the song exists at all. Thornheart held a giveaway, I got second and the person who got first picked gems. Thornheart was kind enough to offer a song as one of the prizes, and then allowed me to present her with a poem to sing. I’d spent several years with Trahearne (and GW2) as my big interest, and was frustrated by what happened with him. So I took an old half-written poem I’d made for him and expanded it. I gave it to her, and Thornheart (who sang it, selected the stanzas for the lyrics, and made the original melody) and the gentlemen (John Robert Matz and Christ Garden, the first of who also worked on the original melody) who played the music were brilliant.

And it exists, and people continue to discover and enjoy it.

I’m not really here anymore, but there’s a little piece of my passion that lingers. I don’t even think there are all that many Triannoc shippers, although there seem to be more folks who like Trahearne than there were back in the day, and GW2 and its fandom has moved on from the time and place I inhabited (I still play GW2 now and then, but I’m really not in the fandom anymore). Years of playing with lore and characters and creating fics and art and poems and playlists and edits and meta and other things...not really for anyone, except me. But others could enjoy it.

I’m glad people like that song. Thornheart’s singing, the melody and music she and John and Christ created, are brilliant. I’m touched when people can see how hard I worked on the poem too. Glad all those years of obsession shone through, I guess, haha. I think that’s a fine thing to show up in art. And I’m glad... it feels strange sometimes, but that little part of me, even without me, adds something interesting to the world, I think. Something felt.

I’m not coming back, but this is a thought that only really makes sense to be had here.

[dealbrekker]

Take this as a chance to tell about 5 things you've been thinking about lately. Anything from good food to a captivating tv series to global inequality. It's nice to hear what people have to say

Kpop anon

New Work: As spring comes I am going to buckle down on finding a new job that pays better and just lets me be happier than I currently am. A lot of my anxiety this past year has been because of my job.

Some k-dramas I've been watching: I am 2 episodes into a show called Ghost Doctor staring Rain and Kim Bum and it's got extreme promise to be dramatic but delightful. I'm also watching a drama called Marriage, Not Dating with my friend. It's an older show. It came out in 2010 I think, and I really prefer the secondary love interest to the first, but the show is still entertaining enough to continue lol

Financial Plans: I have been trying hard lately to curb my spending habits, and hopefully I can find a better job. Ultimately in the next month I want to go ahead and pay off my remaining student loans and then start over saving up.

Personal Health Goals: I am going to the doctor today to deal with a nagging health concern and depending on how all this goes l, I'll definitely pay off that student loan and then truly truly try to exercise consistently. I feel like any time I attempt getting serious with it, I end up getting sick or otherwise flaking out. I NEED to BUCKLE DOWN so I just feel better about myself.

This weekend I'm going to see friends for an early birthday get together!!! I'm so excited! We are doing a mix of birthdays and Christmas so I'm very excited. We're gonna get some lunch out and bake a cake and play some video games and watch a Tvxq concert on youtube. These are the 2 friends I got into kpop with so it's also kind of like a little kpop anniversary of sorts!