#but i think him and katniss's mom is just so funny to me. sorry. its just so funny.

[diddlesnap]

my haymitch super edition prediction is that theres a weird and unnecessary romantic tension between haymitch and katniss's mom

[katnissmellarkkk]

Andddd here’s my chappy three thoughts 🥳🥳🥳

Hmmm Katniss saying that her mother has a dress made of velvet is actually really interesting because it shows that Mrs. Everdeen Lily-Rose really was well-er off before she married Katniss’ father Hunter.

Or did she get the velvet dress from Maysilee? Oh well, who knows.

Aww, Katniss’ nervous habit of touching soft things repeatedly to soothe herself 🤧🤧.

“Crying is not an option. There will be more cameras at the train station.” — someone tell that to Peeta 🤣🤣🤣.

Okay I gotta stop picking on Primmers, I know but like. How small is she that she sits on Katniss’ lap like a toddler but then in the following year is the same height as her? Doesn’t matter I know but still I wonder.

Okay so Mrs. E is the doctor for the people of the Seam? Idk I never thought about this but who does people like Peeta or Madge or Delly go to if they’re sick or hurt? Is there a still running apothecary shop that Katniss never mentions? Are her grandparents still running the family biz?

Also okay, I gotta stop having so many thoughts on all the lil details I know but like. Katniss says here she’s familiar with the herbs her mother doesn’t grow on her own so like a). Katniss is more of a healer than she leads on because no average person knows what kind of plant is medicinal and b). Her mother is just growing herbs and Katniss never mentions it again in the whole series? Or I just missed it.

Okay imma move on from this one singular paragraph but Gale and her made a pact a year ago that they’ll supply each other’s family with game if they were to be reaped... I’m feeling like their close friendship is probably only one year old then? Idk. Just my interpretation.

Honestly I love Katniss getting mad at her mom here.

She’s sixteen, for God’s sake, of course she’s angry at what her mother’s illness put her through.

Also I lowkey like that her mother got mad back because that lady in the movies had zero personality.

“Boys who are two to three times my size.” She sounds so little, omg 🥺🥺🥺.

“I don’t care if we’re rich, I just really want you to come home” 🤧🤧🤧😩😩😩😩 okay Primmers, you got me here.

“the Peacekeeper is at the door, signaling our time is up, and we're all hugging one another so hard it hurts and all I'm saying is ‘I love you. I love you both.’ And they're saying it back...” this is so sad leave me be 😫😫😫😫

Katniss is burying her face in a pillow to block out her emotions this is too much for me 🥵🥵🥵

Omg I forgot Peeta’s father visits Katniss 😅

Why does he visit Katniss?

She describes Peeta’s father as a “big, broad-shouldered man.” And then describes Peeta as stocky. Idk the comparison of the two descriptions has always led me to think Peeta is gonna be a big dude when he grows up like his father. This made no sense and had zero correlation but I thought, so I said it, no regrets

Oh he brought her cookies 🤧

WAIT WAIT WAIT. I just had a new thought, y’all. What if instead of the baker bringing cookies being a thing he does for all tributes, what if he’s bringing the cookies because Peeta asked him to, because he made them and wants to give them to Katniss and knows she’ll never accept / trust them coming from her competition? What if that’s the real reason the baker visited her in the first place? Because Peeta asked him to? This was such a shipper comment but idc, no regrets, remember?

Omg Peeta’s father is just mute 🤣🤣🤣

Between an abusive, angry mother and a mute for a father, the Mellark brothers must have had a fairytale of a childhood 😅😅😅😅.

But seriously #PoorPeetaMyBaby

Aww Peeta’s father is gonna help keep Prim alive 😭

Omg I just remembered he’s her mother’s ex boyfriend. Haidon Mellark, as I named him in my fics.

That one fic where he was thought to be Prim’s real father is just playing now in my head, rent free.

But does Katniss not realize that he may be offering to help Prim as a favor to her? Like she claims Prim is just so wonderful people adore her but there’s like zero evidence in the text that make her endearing? Okay I need to turn this bus around, I need to find a love for Primmy Deen.

Madge is not one for preamble apparently. No “hi, how are you? I’m sorry you’re gonna die? What will your last meal be?” Just right to “here, wear this family heirloom of mine, k thanks.”

I like that Madge had to kiss her cheek for Katniss to realize they were friends 😅😅😅.

I remember always loving her and Gale’s hug here. I’ve always felt like it was platonic, but especially when I first read the books and had zero preference one way or another for Gale or Peeta, I really liked how she said even with nothing romantic between them, “when he opens his arms, I don’t hesitate to go to him” or something I’m paraphrasing ok I’m lazy

Also though, this is the first time they’ve ever hugged? Idk why that surprises me? It shouldn’t because where is a hug gonna fit into a hunting trip 😅🤣😂 “I just caught a deer!” “let’s celebrate with a hug!”

I like that Katniss remembers how her father even failed to make a good bow sometimes. Random, I know.

I like that the Capitol weren’t entertained by the people freezing to deaths because it wasn’t bloody enough 🤭🙃

“How different can it be [to kill a human vs an animal]?” She’s about to find out, Gale 🥺. And when she comes back you won’t understand 🙄😔

What did Gale want to say before the Peacekeepers dragged him away?

I used to think it was a confession of love but I’m actually sure it wasn’t now? Just the wording “remember I-“ doesn’t sound like it, considering he never confessed anything prior to her coming home.

I’m assuming now he was just gonna give her some more advice to stay alive 🤷🏼‍♀️. Clearly if it were relevant it would have made its way to the others books.

Aww, she’s never been inside a car before 😭😭. I didn’t even know they had cars in this universe but okay.

I notice though how she says “In the Seam, we travel on foot.” So is Peeta just riding his trolly down the street every day with the other merchants then? 🤣

Peeta just openly crying on camera 😅😢.

I like how Katniss is like “ooo is this an act to get sponsors?” when in reality Peeta’s like “no, I’m just a soft and genuine boy ™️”

Omg I just realized this totally goes along with Peeta’s thing later on “I want to die as myself”

He’s refusing to hold back his emotions because he thinks he’s doomed to die and he’s already refusing to pretend to be or feel something ingenious.

But a Johanna mention in book 1 chapter 3 woohoo 🥳🥳🥳 also Katniss comparing Jo and Peeta is kind of like foreshadowing of their shared torture in book 3.

Omg she just called Peeta broad-shouldered and strong. 🥰🥰🥰 my headcanon for his post-canon body is confirmed

Also why does Katniss keep allotting his strength to carrying bread trays around? Are they heavy? Why have I never once heard of people who carry bread trays being strong? I always thought Peeta was really strong because he learned to fight in order to defend himself against his mother but that’s probably wrong.

But if a mother is abusive, it can lead to one of the kids being physically violent as well and we know Peeta isn’t but he has two older brothers I’m gonna cut myself off now but I think we all smelled what I just stepped in.

Also I just find it so fascinating now how she regards herself vs Peeta here.

When talking about herself, she says, “The competition will be far beyond my abilities. [...] Oh, there'll be people like me, too. People to weed out before the real fun begins.” But when she talks about Peeta, she immediately says, “It would take an awful lot of weeping to convince anyone to overlook him.”

It’s just funny how she discounted herself right from the start but thought he was a real contender and then come to find out, Peeta believes it’s the exact opposite 😂🙃. They’re both so stupid I can’t even take it.

Wait did they actually give the location of the Capitol and the location of District Twelve in today’s world? And I just overlooked it? Brb I’m gonna go to google maps right quick.

Okay so basically what I gathered is the Capitol is probably in New Mexico and District Twelve is somewhere between Kentucky and Alabama. Irrelevant I know. But just a reminder now to everyone that Katniss and Peeta are literally speaking, crying and screaming in thick, backwoods southern accents.

It’s literally so sad how everything for Katniss is about food. Like every motive she has, every action she does is about preventing starvation ever again. 🤧🤧🤧

First mockingjay mention 🤭🤭.

“My father was particularly fond of mockingjays” 😭😭😭 I bet he was 😭😭😭😭

We always go on and on about how Katniss is a mockingjay or her children are mockingjays but Katniss herself here says mockingjays represent her father imma cry, y’all 😫😫😫😫

“It’s like having a piece of my father with me, protecting me” shut up shut up shut up shut up

Awww, Katniss has never had food like this before 😔😔😔

Neither has Peeta 🤧🤧

Katniss disliking the way Effie put the two kids from the year before down and so began to eat like a pig just to prove her point, is so her. And the beginning of her fighting for the underdog.

Omg the Rue introduction 🥺🥺🥺

Bahahahaha the commenters calling District Twelve backwards but charming 😅😅😅 they really are the hillbilly district

Peeta’s unexpected laugh 🥺🥺🥺 I love you, baby

“He was drunk. He’s drunk every year.” “Every day.” Katniss and Peeta are already finishing each other’s sentiments and teaming up to get on Effie’s nerves I love them so much 😍

Oh my God, Effie, you selfish jerk. They’re kids having fun for like one second, no need to throw in their faces they’re gonna die if the drunk won’t help them. I’d forgotten why I don’t really like the book version of her. I actually prefer her as comedic relief in the movies.

I actually just realized I really dislike Effie Trinket, I hope they never speak to her again Post-Mockingjay. Idc how you’re raised you don’t need to treat teenagers who are sentenced to a probable death badly just because they laughed at you 🙄🙄🙄😡😡😡😡. They didn’t even really laugh at her, she’s just annoying and awful, we don’t stan Effie in this household.

Okay, that’s all for my thoughts on chapter three! Until next time, y’all ! If anyone actually read this long mess of a post.

[seasonsofeverlark]

Operation Push Katniss Over the Cliff of Love

Author: @mega-aulover​

Prompt: The crunch of frost when the mornings first start to become crisp ❄️❄️❄️  [submitted by anonymous]

Rating: T

A/N: There are no games. The districts won the war and the seat of power rested wherever the District Tribute won the candidacy for President.  The current president is from District Eight. Katniss takes Peeta out to see nature on a dare or is it a dare? - special thanks to my beta and best friend @norbertsmom who is more than just a beta, she’s amazing.

KPKPKPKP

The light from the Everdeen front porch spilled outside, lighting the three figures that huddled together near some trees. It was safe enough for them to gather outside and talk about their important subject: getting Katniss Everdeen married. Each one had their own reason for being present. One other member, Delly Cartwright, had sent word she would be late. She was roped into planning a fall festival with Effie Trinket, the district liaison. 

Delly wanted Peeta and Katniss to get together. She was the one who inadvertently brought the group together. Gale wanted to prove that Katniss was human, Rigel Everdeen, Katniss’ father, wanted Katniss to be happy, and Prim, her sister, had her own selfish reasons. She’d recently turned sixteen and she wanted her own room. Katniss was always in her business. Prim loved her sister and wanted her to be happy, so when Delly mentioned Peeta had the hots for Katniss, and that they should do something about it, it didn’t take Prim long to realize there was a way to satisfy everyone’s needs.  

“It’s cold outside,” Prim whispered.

The chilly air indicated winter was finally on its way. They had had an unusually warm fall. It kept the trees from uniformly turning right away. Some trees in the district were now displaying the bright beautiful colors, while some of the trees toward the edge of the district were bare. It was as if nature was warring with itself.

“You sound like your sister,” Gale snickered. 

Prim’s pale blue eyes gleamed in the darkness.  “Mama always said never trifle with an Everdeen.” 

“Careful Gale, Prim is sweet and lightness until provoked,” Rigel said, winking at his youngest. He leaned on his cane.  “Now how are we, as Prim said, pushing Katniss off the cliff.”

All three of them had been trying to figure out how to get Katniss and her secret crush, Peeta Mellark together. Peeta worked everyday at the bakery from sunup to sundown since his sixteenth birthday. His father was slowing down. He had had a massive heart attack last year, and Peeta took on more responsibilities at the bakery. 

Katniss not only traded the game she caught, but she also made it into jerky and sold it down at the Hob. Both she and Peeta were very busy people. 

“If Prim hadn’t clued me toward the Merchants I wouldn’t have figured it out,” Gale said stuffing his hands in his pockets.

“I knew she liked someone in the Merchant quarter,” Prim rubbed her arms. “Whenever you guys go to Merchant quarter to sell, she always stops here to wash her hands and change. Katniss isn’t one for dressing up unless she has too.”

“I can’t believe I never picked up on that,” Gale rubbed the back of his neck.

“That’s because you, too, were getting gussied up for all of the ladies,” Prim said. “You take longer than Katniss to get ready. Also, let’s talk about your abuse of the orange extract in your aftershave.”

Gale turned bright red.

“That’s enough Prim,” Rigel admonished. “We’re getting off topic. How are we getting them together?”

A loud ruckus could be heard as Delly speedily walked toward the group. “Sorry I’m late!”

“Shhh…Katniss is a light sleeper. She’ll hear you and want to come downstairs and find out why you are here,” Prim admonished.

“Sorry,” Delly whispered, but in reality Delly didn’t know how to whisper. Her version of whispering was using her inside voice. 

“Okay where were we, how to get those two together?”

Delly shot her hand up in the air. Her blue eyes sparkled and she hopped with barely contained excitement. 

“What?” Prim rolled her eyes. She couldn’t understand why Gale was so smitten with Delly. She was like that annoying little lap dog Effie had. Delly was sweet, but sometimes her exuberance could be annoying. Though Delly was loyal and kind. And if anyone said anything about her, Prim would be the first to defend Delly. 

“Well you know how Katniss hates the cold,” Delly said smiling. 

“Yeah,” Rigel said.

“And you know last week Gale and Katniss were bickering about Katniss being late.”

“She claims she wasn’t late,” Gale said, taking his gloves out of his jacket pocket and putting them on Delly’s hands. 

Delly smiled at Gale.

“I remember. She was spitting mad and she’s made it a point of going to bed early,” Rigel said.

“Well,” Delly said, looking at all three of them as if they understood where she was coming from. “You can use Katniss getting up late to get them together.” 

Prim’s mind worked quickly. “Delly’s right, we can use this to our advantage. Delly, you said Peeta uses nature as one of his inspirations right?”

“Yeah,” Delly responded.

“Well, what if we make Katniss take Peeta into the woods.”

“She can take him by the lake. When it’s cold enough, the water condensation freezes and it latches onto the trees and leaves.” Rigel grinned. “I took your mom up there once when we were courting. She called it a winter wonderland.”

“Peeta would love that.” Delly sighed. “A romantic trip into the woods with the girl he’s had a crush on forever.”

“I can goad her in front of Peeta,” Gale said. “Make her angry enough to fall for a bet. She takes Mellark out to the forest if I win, and I have to do something dumb if I lose.”

“Yeah, you know how to push all of her buttons at once,” Prim snickered. She turned her focus onto Delly. “When is the best day for Katniss to take Peeta?”

“Sunday. Sometimes he closes down early or doesn’t open at all.” 

“Okay, Gale do you think you can switch out one of your days off on Thursday?”

Gale gave Delly a look. 

“Gale!” Delly exclaimed, and the others shushed her. “Sorry,” she whispered, then continued, “You can switch, it’s not like we’re going to do anything romantic other than hanging out with your mom. You can switch your Monday for a Thursday.” 

Haymitch Abernathy from District 12 had won the Presidency after the explosion that Gale’s father caused. One of the things Haymitch did when he was President was make the working conditions in the mines better. He also ensured all miners got two days off, as well as yearly pay increases and a paid time off. They also had paid holidays off and they also promoted within. Gale was poised to move up in the mining company. He was pretty smart and had a lot of ideas. 

“Fine,” Gale muttered.

“Thanks Gale, I am proud of you, son,” Rigel said, patting Gale on the shoulder.

Gale looked up to Mr. Everdeen. They had developed a bond, especially since Gale helped his mom raise his three younger siblings. 

“Gale, you can use that you don’t get up early argument,” Prim said.

“Katniss will fall for that. When she gets angry she forgets about being shy,” Rigel chuckled. 

“Right, but how are we going to make sure Katniss is late?” Gale asked, frowning.

“Easy,” Prim grinned like her cat Buttercup when he’d trapped his prey. “I put sleep syrup in her favorite drink.”

“I will distract her enough to make sure she’s really late,” Rigel said. 

“Great, then next Thursday operation push Katniss over the cliff of love, begins.”

Thursday Morning Katniss was surprised when Gale showed up to hunt with her. He said he switched days with his buddy George, who needed the day off. His eldest was Toasting. 

They were approaching one of their last trading stops. Katniss nervously tugged on her shirt sleeve.

“You like him,” Gale said out of nowhere.

Katniss nearly tripped on the stairs she was climbing up. “Woah…”

Gale easily reached out and caught her.

Katniss straightened up and firmly gripped her game bag. “What are you talking about?”

“You like him,” he pointed to the bakery back door right before he knocked.

Katniss was left speechless, her mouth hung open. Her face felt hot from all of the blood rushing to it. She wanted to refute it, but she didn’t have a chance. The ‘him’ Gale spoke of opened the door. Gah, Katniss thought as her heart thumped against her chest at the sight of his flour covered forearms, and sparkling blue eyes that rivaled the color of the lake in the woods.

There were no words to describe why Katniss found Peeta Mellark so appealing. 

He was freakishly strong, with gorgeous blue eyes, broad shoulders, large hands. She shivered when she thought of those hands. Supple hands that were strong enough to rip apart timber and yet delicate enough to create the most intricate of frosting flowers for the cakes he decorated. Katniss recalled the day she caught him ripping wood in half by hand to take out his frustrations at something his mother did. She had stood by the fence staring at him, her mouth ajar and drooling.

“Hi, Gale and Katniss, here to trade?”

Even his voice did funny things to her. His voice was not soft or hard, it was smooth and she died a little when he said her name. Her palms became sweaty and her ability to think rationally went out of her head. Katniss couldn’t even formulate a ‘hello.’ 

Next to her, Gale cleared his throat. Glancing up at him, she saw his shoulders shake, and his lips formed a mocking grin. She realized what Gale said was a trick to get her to show her true emotions. 

Katniss wanted to punch him in the arm. 

“Yeah, Katniss caught some fat squirrels for you,” Gale’s voice taunted. 

Katniss wished the ground would open up and swallow her. How in the hell did Gale know that she had a thing for the baker’s youngest son?

“Oh, great. You guys want to come inside? It’s getting chilly out.”

“Sure,” Gale said.

No sooner did Peeta turn his back than Katniss punched Gale in the arm, hard.

“Ow!” he grunted.

Katniss scowled at him.

“You didn’t have to hurt me,” Gale said with a grin while rubbing his arm. 

“You deserved it, you big oaf!” 

Ever since Katniss turned down Gale’s invitation to run away into the woods a few years back, he’d been trying to get her to admit that there was someone else she liked. Gale had been methodically trying to eliminate the possibilities. He tried several guys from the Seam, then he turned to their own group, the Covey. 

The Covey lived on the outskirts of the district. When the war began the Covey, a group of traveling minstrels, settled in District Twelve. Katniss and Gale’s families were descendants. One of their own became the tenth President. During her brief stint as President she fell in love with a man from the Capitol and ran off. It caused a huge uproar, thankfully her vice president, Undersee stepped in and took the spot. 

The Covey had a tradition of singing and dancing. They mostly lived on their own. Katniss had family that were touring throughout the other districts singing. Katniss had been invited because of her voice, but she turned it down. Firstly, her family needed her, and secondly, she didn’t want to leave because of him. She couldn’t leave Peeta behind. There was a bond between them, an electrical force that drew her to him. 

It began with the bread.

When her father got hurt in the mine explosion, Peeta came over with a basket of bread for her family. The mining company’s compensation toward the injured miners ran out quick. The only source of income was from her mother’s healing business. But with her father’s medical bills, they were drowning and necessities became expensive. They were living off of meager rationings when Peeta brought them a basket of bread and canned goods. 

Peeta must have done it behind his mother’s back because she hit him so hard he missed two days of school. It was this act that caused Mr. Mellark to petition to divorce his wife. Peeta had risked it all to help her family. Katniss could never forget what he did, nor could she repay him for the kindness he bestowed upon her family. 

Through the years she looked for ways to repay him, but one day it dawned on her, she was keeping track of him for more than just the repayment of the food. The more she saw him interact with other people, the more she liked him. She nearly swooned when she saw him in those darned wrestling tights. 

Katniss thought her secret was safe. Until her sister, the little traitor blabbed one New Year’s Eve that Katniss wasn’t into the Seam look. Gale was surprised, but then began trying to look at all of the men in the Merchant side, including the Peacekeepers. He often said Katniss had a hankering; someone she would give her eye-teeth for, like a miner lusting for a cool breeze in the mines.  

Katniss wasn’t sure what he meant by eye-teeth, but using his analogy made her think it meant hungry for Peeta, which in a way she was. 

“Look, just admit you like him,” Gale whispered, elbowing her.

“Grr,” Katniss growled with all of the fake venom she could muster. 

“Why don’t you get all of those juicy squirrels you hunted for him.”

“Gale,” Katniss whispered. “Stop.”

She wanted to pummel him with her fist but he walked into the bakery. 

“GALE,” she squeaked. “Come back here!”

Katniss wondered why the hell they were friends. He was annoying, angry, petty, and infuriating. His one redeeming quality was that he was a good hunting partner, and those were hard to come by. Before partnering with Gale, she had tried to hunt with another hunter named Jed, but it was disastrous. A lynx attacked her and Jed did nothing. He didn’t warn her nor did he try to stop the lynx from attacking her. Katniss was lucky she was such a good shot. She got it in the eye as it leapt in the air. 

Gale saw her shoot the lynx and approached her about joining up with him. Leery, she wasn’t sure she should. His dad was the reason the mine collapsed. He drunkenly set some TNT on fire, blew himself up and caused many miners to be injured, including her dad.

Her dad told her that Gale’s family was hurting. Katniss didn’t want to give in, but then she saw one of his intricate traps and slowly they became friends. Now she wished she’d never accepted his request for friendship.

“Aren’t you coming? Your bread boy is waiting.” Gale winked at her.

Katniss stomped inside, furious at being found out. Gale was going to pay, she hadn’t decided how, but she was going to make him pay for his betrayal. 

“So I know how much you like our nut and raisin bread,” Peeta said good naturedly. 

“Yeah, she just loves your bread,” Gale said.

“Do you?” Peeta settled his eyes on her and Katniss didn’t know where to look. By the heat that was radiating off of her cheeks, she was sure she was redder than a ripened tomato. 

“Yeah, she loves your buns,” Gale kept on talking and Katniss wondered if a court would convict her for killing him. “Your cheesy ones.” 

“You mean my cheese buns?” Peeta’s eyes brightened. “I didn’t know. I’ll add some into the pack.”

“Delly told me you decorate all of the cakes.” Gale changed the subject and Katniss was grateful.

“I do.” Peeta was busily packing things. Katniss took the opportunity to take out the squirrels she shot for him, and then she added a rabbit. 

His brothers moved away to other districts, leaving Peeta as the sole owner of the bakery. Since his parents were divorced, Peeta lived in the bakery with his dad. His father favored rabbit meat. 

“Some of those cakes are complicated,” Gale said.

“Yeah, a cake can take me up to a week to decorate.”

“When are you and Delly going to toast?”

Gale hesitated, turning pale while looking at a dozen leaves in different shades of red, green, gold, and orange before changing the subject. “Do you get the inspiration for the cakes from nature?”

Katniss noticed Gale never answered the question. This was a bone of contention between Peeta’s best friend and her hunting partner. Gale wanted to marry, Delly wasn’t ready. She wanted to date a little bit more before settling down. 

Gale and Delly were such an odd pair. She was this round faced plush girl. She wasn’t beautiful like Madge, who Katniss thought he would have gone for. Before Delly, Madge and Gale used to flirt. It was a little gross to witness. It’s so funny how life worked. When Gale and Delly were introduced Gale couldn’t stand Delly’s bubbly nature. He said she grated on him like a tone deaf canary. Though slowly her generosity won Gale over. Gale told Katniss Delly crept up on him.

“Yeah. I always walk around with my sketchpad and pencil. Though, as you can tell, ever since my brothers left I don’t have time to walk around and observe as much as I used to.”

“Man, you should go to the woods,” Gale said. “The woods get frosty. It’s unlike anything you’ll ever see.”

“Frosty?” Peeta said with wonder.

“Yeah, the frost in the woods is amazing, like a winter wonderland. Katniss here doesn’t appreciate it.” Gale shook his head. “It’s a struggle to get her up on cool mornings.”

“Gale, the animals are still sleeping when you want to go out there,” Katniss grumbled.

“You know that’s not true. The early bird gets the worm. Nature’s teeming with life. They get busy living while you’re all wrapped up warm in your blanket.” 

“You know I get up plenty early to hunt and make ends meet for my family.” Katniss forgot for a moment she was in the bakery. She was still upset with Gale over his trick. 

“Sure you do,” Gale said. 

“I’m there before you are,” Katniss growled. Gale was a foot or more taller than her, but Katniss stood up to him.

“You want to make a bet?” 

Katniss poked Gale’s chest, “I can handle anything you can dish.” 

“Fine,” Gale said. 

“If tomorrow I don’t get up on time,” Katniss wasn’t going to let Gale get the best of her. “I’ll…”

“Take Mellark out into the woods.”

“What!” Katniss sputtered, disbelieving what Gale was proposing in front of Peeta.

“What, you didn’t hear me?” Gale smirked.

“You guys don’t have to-” Peeta said. 

“Mellark, wouldn’t you like to go out there in the woods, and see nature in its purest form?”

“Well,” Peeta said, sneaking a furtive glance at her.

“See, he doesn’t want to,” Katniss harrumphed. The prospect of having to take Peeta into the woods and talk to him was frightening as hell. Anyone who knew her knew she was awkward with people. District Twelve’s old President, Haymitch Abernathy, claimed she had the personality of a dead slug. 

“I didn’t say no,” Peeta said, rubbing the back of his neck.

“He didn’t say no, so what’s it going to be, Everdeen. If you wake up early and are in the woods before me, I lose.”

“And you have to tell everyone we trade with I’m the better shot,” Katniss said, narrowing her eyes. She knew Gale hated to admit it. He liked to boast how handy he was with a bow.  

She saw the nerve in his jaw tick right before he answered, “Fine! But if I’m right and you get to the woods late, you have to take Mellark here to the woods to observe the frost.”

Confident she wasn’t going to lose the bet, she came home from trading with Gale, convinced she was going to be fine. Yet out of an abundance of caution, she went to bed early after sharing a cup of tea with Prim. Katniss made sure she was dressed so all she had to do was slip on her boots and get out the door. But when she woke up the following morning, the sun was already in the sky. 

“Crap,” Katniss said. She jumped out of her bed, grabbed her boots, quickly combed her hair with her fingers and put her cap over her head.

“Good morning, Katniss,” her father said from the table.

“Hi dad.” Katniss sat down briefly to put on her boots.

“You’re late today,” her father said as he wrote something in his plant book.

“Ugh, I don’t know how. I know I went to bed early.”

Her father coughed. “Maybe you were tired.”

“Ugh,” Katniss groaned. She didn’t catch her father’s smile. 

“Don’t you want some toast, Katniss?” Her father asked. 

“Sure,” Katniss said, taking a slice of bread from his plate. “Thanks daddy. I’ll see you in a little while.” 

“Sure, Kitten,” her father laughed, shaking his head.

Katniss left and headed to the woods, not noticing her sister Primrose hiding in the corner laughing. Katniss was more concerned about beating Gale. She climbed over the gate to the fence. It had a sticky latch and she didn’t want to waste time fidgeting with it to open the gate. She ran to their spot in the woods, pausing only once to grab her hunting gear. She saw Gale sitting on the rock with a piece of grass in his mouth.

“Darn it!”

“You’re late, Everdeen,” Gale said in a singsong voice.

Katniss wished very much she hadn’t let her anger get the best of her yesterday. Now she had a date with the boy she’d fancied since the tender age of eleven.

KPKPKPKPKP

Sunday morning Peeta nervously slipped on his jacket. His hands shook. He was nervous about meeting Katniss this morning. He thought her to be the most beautiful girl in the district. Katniss was also the most courageous and strongest person in the district. When her father was injured, Katniss went out into the wilderness to hunt. There were a lot of qualities that he admired in her. It made him fall deeper for her. 

This opportunity to actually have the time to speak to her was unforeseen. Peeta wanted to make an impression on her. He wasn’t sure what was out there in the woods and he didn’t want to act like a fool in front of her. Peeta didn’t consider himself a tough guy like Gale; he was more of a pacifist. He could fight if he had to, but he preferred to talk things out before resorting to hurting people. His mother had often called him soft.

There was a point in time he was bullied for being pudgy as a boy. Peeta learned how to talk his way out of situations, and in doing so he learned that a physical altercation wasn’t always the right course of action. He was worried he wasn’t good enough for someone as dynamic as Katniss Everdeen. 

“Stop quakin’, chicken legs,” Delly said.

“Dell’s this is Katniss. What if I act like a total doofus and say something wrong and make her not like me>” Peeta said in one breath.

“Nonsense,” Delly said, packing up a thermos. “Believe me, you can’t screw this up.”

“It’s Katniss,” Peeta insisted.

“I know, I know. it’s the girl you’ve had a crush on since the Valley song way back in grade school.” Delly grinned, “Believe me Peet, Katniss has noticed you.”

“I don’t know,” Peeta doubted it. “She’s never talked to me.”

“What if she’s shy?” Delly asked.

Peeta blinked.

“Do you know how hard it is to walk up to a guy you like and say ‘I think you’re cute, do you want to go on a date’?”

“Well…”

“When was the last time you saw a girl do that?”

“Never.”

“Exactly.” Delly said triumphantly. “Now let’s look at the evidence. She went to all of your wrestling events.”

“Yeah, but those were mandatory.”

“You and I both know your brother’s matches were mandatory, and she skipped all of them. She also went with the Mayor’s daughter to see you practice. I’ve caught her hanging around the train station on delivery days.”

“She could be trading,” Peeta said.

“Nonsense,” Delly said. “You and I both know she shows up magically every time you have to unload the stuff from the train station. The girl doesn’t ogle every guy in the district.”

“Speaking of ogling.” Peeta turned to Delly. “What’s going on with you and Gale? I asked him when you and he were going to have a toasting. He looked wounded. He actually turned pale.”

Delly made a face. “He wants to get married.”

“So, isn’t that what you want?” Peeta was confused.

“It is, it’s just…” She sighed. “Gale is such a womanizer. I am the only girl who has refused to sleep with him. I want to make sure he loves me and is willing to settle into a committed relationship. It took me forever to make him understand that intimacy meant more than just sex.” 

Peeta understood. 

“Okay, so I packed a few blankets and the food you made. You are all set,” Delly said.

“Thanks Delly.” 

“Go out there have a great time, and just be yourself.”

Delly watched him leave. She quickly ran over to the Hob where Gale was waiting. 

“He just left,” Delly said, giddy. 

“Great, then it’s all up to Prim and Rigel now.” Gale nodded.

KPKPKPKPKP

In her home Katniss slipped on her warmest jacket. She wasn’t sure if she looked alright. This meeting was more than just a scenic walk through the woods. She frowned and then it melted into a scowl. No thanks to Gale’s big mouth, she had to take Peeta into the woods. 

What could she, Katniss Everdeen, talk to the most popular boy in school about? When they were in high school Peeta was always surrounded by his friends. 

“It’s kind of late for you to be going out into the woods with Gale,” her baby sister said from the bed.

Katniss had hoped to avoid speaking to her sister. She knew Prim would have all sorts of questions Katniss wasn’t sure she had answers for. “I’m…”

Prim sat up, her blonde hair cascaded down her shoulders. “You’re not wearing your normal smelly hunting shirt and pants to go out into the woods.”

“Prim, go back to bed,” Katniss said, turning around. She hoped that her sister would listen. At sixteen her sister was strong willed.

“What’s going on here?” Prim walked over to her, her eyebrow shot up. 

“Ah,” Katniss said nervously.

Prim sniffed the air and gasped, ‘You’re wearing perfume!”

Katniss felt her cheeks burn. There was nowhere to hide.

Prim cornered her. “Katniss Everdeen, you tell me what’s going on this instant!”

Katniss sighed, “I’m meeting someone in the woods, okay.”

“You are?” Prim clapped her hands.

“Shhh,” Katniss said, grabbing her sisters hands. “You’ll wake mom and dad up.” 

“Okay, okay,” Prim whispered. Then her face looked horrified. “Katniss you can’t go out into the woods looking like the bride of a sasquatch!” Prim turned to their dresser. “Let me see, what do you wear for a clandestine meeting in the woods. How does one look pretty in the woods?” She muttered to herself. Then began the questions, “What are they like? Are they tall, handsome? Where do they work? Are they young or is it someone older?” Her sister waggled her eyebrows.

Katniss groaned this was one of the things she was trying to avoid. “Prim. He won’t care what I look like. Look I’m showing him the wooda so that he can use it for the bakery.”

“Eeewww,” Prim exclaimed. “You’re going out on a date with Mr. Mellark?”

“What?” Katniss grabbed her sister before she flew off the handle. “No, that’s just ew, no. It’s Peeta. I’m going to show Peeta the forest. I’m ah…going to show him what the frost looks like.” Katniss let her sister go. She looked down. “He’s not, well, he’s a nice person and…”

“And?” 

“And…he’s cute.”

“Cute?” Prim’s eyes danced. Her grin was wider than the lake in the woods.

“Okay, okay,” Katniss said, lifting her hands in the air. She might as well let Prim make her look pretty. Her sister did have a way with clothing. “What do you think I should wear?” 

“Ohhh, this is going to be great. First off those pants are way too baggy. Lets get you into dark jeans, oh and one of mom’s grey sweaters…” 

Katniss allowed her sister to dress her up. When she finished she was wearing one of their father’s old orange checkered shirts underneath their mother’s knit grey sweaters, dark jeans, and her boots. Prim gave Katniss her navy coat instead of her own. Prim was taller than Katniss and it hung loosely around her frame. She had to admit she looked nicer than before.

They both snuck to the door. Once outside Katniss looked to the path that led to the meadow.

“Okay remember, just let the conversation flow. Don’t try to force small talk. You’re not great at that. One more thing, he’s probably more nervous of you than you are of him.”

“Why would you say that?” 

“Katniss, you do know you’re known as the huntress around here right?”

Prim words caused Katniss to take a moment and think about what she was saying. “What does that mean?”

“Besides the fact that you have the ability to shoot someone through the eyes?” Prim joked.

Katniss blanched at the idea of killing someone. 

“It means you’re a legend in our district. Dad’s super proud of you. When he got hurt and couldn’t work, you stepped up and helped out our family. Believe me, he knows you’re not someone who can be easily swayed or impressed with dumb pick up lines. Peeta knows he’s got to work hard to get into your good graces. He probably has a crush on you but is too shy to tell you. Not to mention, you’re always with Gale and he’s pretty intimidating.” 

Katniss hadn’t thought of that. “You think he likes me?”

“Oh Katniss, I know he does.” Prim smiled warmly. “You’re great.”

“Thanks Prim,” Katniss breathed. 

“Now get out there and show him the forest.” 

Katniss smiled and walked away.

“So did you plant the seed?” Rigel said quietly when Prim re-entered the house.

“Yup,” Prim sat down. “She’s going to meet him with the knowledge that he likes her. That should help Katniss warm up to him.”

Katniss reached the meadow in good time. She waited for Peeta to meet her by the gate. It was a cold morning outside. Her breath came out in puffy little clouds. Katniss gazed up at the heavens, the clouds were gathering, a storm was brewing. 

Prim’s words circulated in her head. What if he did have a crush on her, but didn’t know how to articulate it? She could imagine how it looked to Peeta with Gale hanging around her all of the time. 

She heard his heavy steps approaching before she saw him. The crunch of his boots set several sparrows into the air. 

“Hi,” Peeta said. 

She waved shyly. 

He wore a dark orange knit hat. His wavy blond hair peeked out from the sides and he looked adorable. He also had a knapsack with him.

“There’s frost on the ground,” Peeta said, coming up to her.

“A sure sign winter’s on its way.” Katniss looked at the meadow. There was frost on the ground. It was pretty, but it was nothing compared to what lay in the woods. It was colder today than in the past days.

“Ready?” 

“Sure,” Peeta said.

Opening up the gate they made their way inside. They stopped only once to get her bow and arrows from their hiding place. 

As they walked deeper into the woods, she couldn’t help but smile. The woods was her home, she felt alive here. In the woods, Katniss did not have to worry about society’s demands. Often people found it strange that at the age of 20 she hadn’t married or had a boyfriend.

Her close-knit family and friends accepted her decision to stay alone. Those outside her circle often talked behind her back. Everyone was expected to have a companion. Everyone would be shocked to know Katniss did have someone in mind and he only walked a few feet away from her. 

She snuck a quick look at him and her heart fluttered and her stomach flipped. There could very well be someone that Peeta Mellark was seeing and kept quiet about it. Yet even as she thought this, her sister’s words played in her head. People also gossiped about him. Katniss couldn’t understand why he wasn’t taken. Peeta was compassionate, smart, funny, and selfless. He was perfect, but none of the women in 12 wanted him, and that was okay by Katniss. Peeta never had a girlfriend and by the looks of it, he wasn’t going to get married anytime soon. Maybe he did like her in secret. She wished there was a way for her to know for sure.

“It is very cold out here. I can understand why you want to stay in bed a little bit longer.”

Katniss shrugged. she didn’t intend to talk to him, but then it dawned on her this was the perfect situation for her to get some answers about questions she had. “Gale is so over dramatic. I’m usually awake before he is and waiting for him. What about you, how early do you get up?”

“Well to be honest, I’m downstairs in the bakery before four in the morning. Ever since my dad had his heart attack, I’ve had to do the morning prep work.”

Katniss whistled. “Why don’t you take on someone, an apprentice?”

“Because it’s expensive. We were finally making a profit when my dad had his health scare. His medical bills cleaned us out.”

Katniss understood where he was coming from. “When my dad got injured we had the same thing. Thankfully my mom was his caretaker. I can’t imagine what you must have gone through.”

“I had to hire a nurse to help my dad recuperate. Thank goodness your mom helped out, with all of those free resources and the menu for a lower salt diet.” 

“I’m glad my mom could help.”

“She did it for next to nothing, for that I’m eternally grateful.” Peeta stopped walking, he took a look around the forest.

“I’m glad to hear your dad is feeling better.” Katniss stopped moving. “It must get really hot in the bakery. How do you deal with the heat in the summertime?”

“I sleep with the windows open.”

“Oh,” she said. Katniss didn’t imagine it would be such a simple solution.

Peeta stopped walking. “Wow! Look at all of these colors.”

Katniss saw a tree with red, gold, and yellow leaves. It was warmer closer to town, and the woods that surrounded the perimeter still had some of their leaves. The heat from the mines and the factories warmed the area. The further they got away from the district the colder it got. 

“I can see why you love it out here.” 

They were having an unusually warm autumn. 

“What’s your favorite color?” Peeta asked her.

“Green. Why, what’s yours?”

 "Orange, not like an in-your-face-orange, but muted, like that leaf over there, or your orange checkered shirt.“

Katniss couldn’t help but smile. It occurred to her that talking with him was easy. She thought whoever Peeta dated was a lucky girl. Her curiosity about whether or not he was with someone grew. They walked some more. He asked various questions about how she knew the direction they were heading, and other things that to her came naturally, but that someone who had never been to the woods would be curious about.

“So,” Katniss was working up the courage to ask if he had a girlfriend. 

“Yes?” Peeta asked. 

“Ah…” Katniss closed her eyes momentarily before blurting out, “Do you have a girlfriend?”

She watched him turn red before answering, “I don’t.”

“Really?” The word slipped from her mouth before she could stop herself. 

“You sound shocked.”

“It’s just that,” Katniss stopped to face him. “In high school you were so popular, I was sure there was a girl that you fancied.”

He rubbed the back of his neck, then shyly said, “There is this one girl I like.” He looked her in the eyes. “She’s amazing and I draw her constantly. But I’ve never had the courage to tell her anything. There was a time I thought she liked someone else, but it turned out they weren’t a thing. I guess I chickened out after that.” He shyly said, “I don’t think I’m good enough for her.” 

Katniss felt like she was suddenly a fire that was doused with torrential rain. Of course there was a girl he liked, an amazing girl he held a torch for. “Oh. Okay.” 

“What about you, is there anyone you like?”

Katniss couldn’t smile, she couldn’t even formulate words. Mutely, she nodded.

“Are you thirsty? I packed some hot chocolate for us.”

She looked toward the path. “We really should get going.” Moving was the only thing she could do. Katniss kicked herself the entire route. Of course there was someone special. Why did she have to listen to her sister? Prim was sixteen. Prim knew nothing about affairs of the heart. Katniss wanted to cry for the loss of hope. She held it together the rest of the trek. 

When they came to the lake Katniss stopped walking and Peeta gasped.

Everything was coated in little ice particles. The cold breeze here was noticeable. The condensation from the lake had frozen and latched on to the areas surrounding the lake making it look like freshly fallen snow. Ice crystals hung from the branches, crawled up the tree bark, coated the tall grass. A mist floated up from the center of the lake making it look mystical. 

“It’s beautiful, amazing.”

Katniss smiled watching Peeta get up close to a tall blade of grass. “It’s like they’ve been brushed with ice. It has little ice particles.”

“My dad calls it silver thaw.”

Peeta examined the fallen leaves on the forest floor. His face was flushed and his eyes glowed with excitement. “I never get to see this. I mean, I am sure this happens on the inside of the fence, but I’m inside the bakery most of the time.“

“My dad says no two snowflakes are alike.” 

“Wow,” he said. Peeta whipped out his sketchpad and pencil, and quickly drew what he saw. Loose papers were sticking out between the pages of his sketchpad.

Katniss was amazed by how quickly and accurately he could draw. He was unrivaled; there was no one in the district like him, and she quietly mourned for the loss of what could be. His curiosity and childlike glee at the majestic picture nature presented him would be one of her favorite memories. 

“Do you think we’ll get snow soon?”

“Possible,” Katniss shrugged looking up at the sky. “It’s getting colder out. When it gets really cold out here the lake makes snow. It gets pretty dangerous out here. The snow can accumulate quickly.” 

As he stood up, pages fell from his book. Peeta tried to contain his sketchbook, but various pictures fell down. One of them floated over to her. 

Peeta dived to get it, but was too late. The drawing fell at Katniss’ feet.

Picking it up, she was curious as to whom he had drawn. What she found drawn stole her breath away. The girl in the picture was gorgeous. Then Katniss saw the long braid, the cap she wore on her head. She looked to the other pictures and they were all of her. Peeta had drawn a picture of her, as if she was beautiful.

“You drew this?”

Peeta tucked his sketchbook under his arm and stuck his hands in his pockets and couldn’t look up at her. He shyly gave her a nod.

Her heart thundered in her chest. “Is this me?”

Peeta’s eyes widened and his mouth hung slightly open. He cleared his throat. “I ah…”

She picked up another one. There were pictures of her laughing, others of her eating, one of her sitting by Madge in school. Another showed her with Prim, another with her dad. It dawned on her he said he drew the girl he liked constantly. But she needed to be sure. She didn’t want to make assumptions. Maybe this girl looked a lot like her. 

“Katniss,” Peeta said. 

 “Can I keep it?” she asked.

Her questions seem to baffle him because he gave her a look of wonderment and at the same time puzzlement. “You want to keep it?”

“I mean, if this isn’t me?”

Peeta walked up to Katniss and stared longingly into her silver eyes. As if he was looking for something. Finding it, his face broke out into one of his legendary smiles. “Of course this picture is you. You’re the only girl that I’ve…well…liked.”

“You like me?”

“Ever since we were in kindergarten, when you sang the Valley song. I was a goner then and I’m a goner now. You’re the girl I was describing. I just didn’t know if you felt the same way about me. I was afraid I was projecting what I feel on you. You don’t have to feel any which way about me. I’m okay with that, I just can’t help the way I feel.”

Katniss didn’t know whether she wanted to jump or laugh or run. Instead she took his hand, leaned up on tiptoe, and kissed him on the cheek.

His smile was crooked and his cheeks were flushed. “I think we better get you out of the cold.”

Katniss nodded. It wouldn’t have mattered to her if it was 30 degrees below zero outside. All she knew was she was on cloud nine.

Together, hand in hand, they made their way back to the bakery. They sat down in front of the fire to snack on the cheese buns and hot chocolate he packed for them. They talked and laughed, and for Katniss it was like finding a kindred spirit. It was the start of a beautiful relationship. 

As she left the bakery Peeta held her hand, “When can I see you again?”

“Silly I’ll be back in the morning to trade with you.”

“No I mean,” he shyly gave her a smile, his fingers brushed over her knuckles and Katniss thought she would melt. “When can we spend more time together.”

“How about we have lunch tomorrow? We can meet here at the bakery.”

“Great, we can stroll in the meadow afterwards. It’ll be nice to see the daylight. I’m always stuck inside of the bakery.” He smiled and kissed the back of her hand, and Katniss knees wobbled at the contact of his warm lips brushing up against her skin. Katniss couldn’t wait to see him tomorrow.

When Katniss finally came home she was grinning from ear to ear. Her mother was out attending a birth with Prim.

“Hello,” her father said. “Where have you been?” He was carving a cane for one of her mother’s patients. 

Katniss froze. She wasn’t sure what to say to her father.

“You look like Buttercup when he gets a bowl of cream.”

The heat rose to her face. There was no way she could keep this away from her father. “I was meeting with someone.”

“Oh,” her father said, putting his knife down. 

She sat down. Katniss and her father were close and if she wanted to see Peeta, she needed to sit down and talk to her dad about the boy, no, scratch that, man, she’d had an unbreakable bond with since forever. Squaring her shoulders, she said, “Dad, I was with Peeta Mellark. I took him to the woods and we had a fine time.” Katniss sighed. “We spent the rest of the afternoon at the bakery talking. His dad was an earshot away.” Her eyes pleaded with her father’s matching silver eyes.

“You were with Buck Mellark’s youngest son?”

“Yes.”

“And do you like him?”

Katniss didn’t hesitate. “Yes.”

Her father smiled. “I have only one piece of advice Katniss. Just follow your heart as you take the metaphorical leap off the cliff of love. If your heart tells you to stop or you have doubts, just walk away. All I want is for you to be happy.”

“Thank you, dad,” Katniss smiled and walked away. She didn’t know her father gave her baby sister a detailed report on their conversation. Nor did she know Prim was determined to make sure her sister took that final leap and toasted with Peeta Mellark.

Prim and Gale were on chaperon duty, to make sure the lovebirds stayed in love. Katniss for her part went to lunch with Peeta. Each time she and him were together, she did just as her father said. She and Peeta took it slowly. As she and Peeta grew closer Katniss fell deeper in love with Peeta, while the relationship of others cooled.

Katniss stood with Peeta watching Delly slap Gale in the face.

“Delly, I swear I didn’t kiss her!” Gale ran after Delly.

“I saw you!”  Delly cried and ran inside. Her brother stood by the door arms crossed not letting Gale enter the house.

“What can we do?” Katniss whispered.

“I don’t know Katniss,” Peeta answered back. Gale rushed past them in the direction of the meadow. Peeta held her closer. “What we can do is promise each other to be honest and talk to one another.”

Katniss nodded, what Peeta said was true. Delly and Gale weren’t communicating with one another. Her parents talked all of the time, even about trivial things. Communication, as Prim pointed out one time to her, was the key to a successful relationship. She vowed she would talk to Peeta. And so she did, when she got angry at him, she let him know why. When they didn’t agree, they still talked.

It helped them get to know the other. Adversity could do one of two things, draw couples apart or bring them together. The intimacy between their words caused her hunger for Peeta to grow. They abstained and strained from physical intimacy but it was getting harder for Katniss to walk away. Peeta always seemed to be able to hold himself in check, it was Katniss who craved more.

It was hard for her to keep her hands off of Peeta. It was during this time Katniss decided to take the leap. Though she waited for the right moment, it never came. So she contented herself with simple things like taking long walks. There were many trips to the lake. Many trips to behold the wonder of the woods and it’s majesty. When it got cold and the snow coated the earth they walked hand in hand together facing each new adventure together. Slowly, the cold air became warmer and spring kissed the earth. The snow melted and Katniss and Peeta’s relationship heated up.

They were at her father’s cabin, lying in each other’s arms. 

“Are you okay?” Peeta asked.

Katniss was warm and blissful. Her body still coming down from the flight of pleasure she had within Peeta’s care. “Yes.” 

Peeta pushed tendrils of hair away from her face. “I love you,” he whispered.

Words of love and adoration were no longer hard for her to express. “I love you, too.”

He sat up and reached into his pack. He took out a small necklace that had a silvery gem on it. “It’s a pearl.”

“It’s beautiful.” Katniss had never seen such a beautiful thing before in her life. 

“It reminded me of your eyes.” Katniss sat up and he slipped it around her neck.  As he fastened it he said, “Marry me, be my partner in life. I pledge my love and loyalty to you. I promise to honor, obey, and love you with my heart and soul. I know there will be hard times, but I’ve found that when faced with things together, the burden becomes easier.”

Tears streamed from her face. “Of course I’ll marry you!” She rushed at him and they fell back into bed, a tangle of arms and legs.” 

On the day they married, Peeta made a cake that looked like the wintry wonderland of the forest.

It was as they toasted that Prim and Gale and her father were looking all too much like the cat that got the cream.

“What are you three grinning about?” Katniss asked.

Her father coughed, but said nothing. Gale avoided looking at her. It was Prim who spilled the beans.

“Katniss, don’t get mad at us, but we were tired of seeing you make moon eyes at Peeta. So we came up with a plan. Gale was supposed to get you to make a bet to take Peeta out into the woods. I was in charge of slipping you sleep syrup that night, and in case you woke up on time, dad was in charge of making sure you were late getting to the woods.”

Katniss couldn’t believe what Prim said. She wasn’t sure if she should be angry, but then a strong pair of arms wrapped around her middle and she didn’t care. This, after all, was the happiest day of her life.

When Gale walked away Katniss turned to Peeta and together they asked, “Okay Prim, how do we get Gale and Delly hitched?”

Prim grinned, “Well I have a plan…” 

The End….well maybe? 

[jlalafics]

#52 Katniss and Peeta 🥺

This is more angsty...but I think it has just a sliver of it.

52. “Why are you doing this to yourself?”

_____

Their home in Victors’ Village is a mess, thrown furniture and broken glass littering the floor. Katniss looks around, not quite sure where to start, and feeling a bit broken. The sounds of heavy footsteps interrupt her scattered thoughts and she looks to see her former mentor descending the stairs.

“He’s settled in his room, but he locked the door.” Haymitch pulls her into a hug. “He doesn’t want you to see him that way.”

“Is he hurt?” she asks, worry in her greys.

“A few cuts, some bruises,” he reports. “I told him that we understand. This is a hard day for him. It’s hard day for all of us.”

“We didn’t lose our whole family that day,” Katniss says softly. “Sometimes, I don’t even know how he’s still standing. When I lost Prim, I didn’t move for days.”

“He does it for you,” Haymitch tells her. “Peeta gets up every day…for you.”

“And now I get up every day for him.” She sighs and looks around. “I’ll take care of the mess.”

The man gives her a pat on the shoulder before stepping out the front door.

Katniss goes to the kitchen, grabbing the broom and dustpan, before heading back to the front room. She sweeps the glass off the floor and places the furniture back in its place.

At the end of it, Katniss finds herself sitting on the couch, face in her hands and wondering how they’ve come to this again.

Her mind goes back to a recent phone call from her mother; it is strained at best. She had completely moved on from District 12. Her happiness is in District 4 with her work and a new person by her side. Katniss can’t bring herself to know the new man in her mother’s life when her own father is still in the forefront of her mind.

She didn’t tell Peeta or Haymitch about the rest of the conversation, only mentioning that her mother is fine. Annie comes to see her daily with her son, who is looking more like Finnick every day.

Katniss doesn’t want to say that her mother invited her to come to District 4…permanently.

Her mother can’t seem to understand why Katniss needs to stay in their crumbling district with a crumbling boy.

“Why are you doing this to yourself?” Katniss’ mother asked. “You can start new…find someone new. It doesn’t have to be Peeta. Or even Gale…even if he still asks about you. There is a whole world out there, Katniss. It just doesn’t have to be District 12…it doesn’t have to be him.”

Her first instinct is to tear her mother a new one; to remind her that, once upon a time, she had lived and loved with a man from District 12. To remind her that she birthed two daughters in this grey town and one of them was The Mockingjay, who brought on the rebellion that allowed her a new life.

However, she keeps her mouth shut and instead tells her mother that she’ll think on it.

Then, Peeta had another one of his flare ups and their house is torn apart. Buttercup is hiding until he senses its safe and Katniss is sitting on the couch, feeling weary but also unbelievably sure of her place in this world.

Standing, Katniss walks upstairs and makes her way to Peeta’s closed door. He doesn’t usually sleep in this room, having joined her months ago, but he keeps this room for bad days.

Peeta doesn’t want to ruin the bed that they share with these moments.

She knocks quietly. “Peeta?”

“Leave me alone, Katniss. I don’t want to talk right now.”

“That’s not how it works in this house,” she responds. “That’s coming from me, the Queen of Shutting People Out.” There’s a snort behind the door and Katniss rests her cheek to the cool wood. “So, in keeping with that, I wanted to tell you something.”

“What?”

“During that phone call with my Mom, she asked me to stay with her in District 4.” There’s a creak from the bed followed by the shuffle of his gait. “She asked me why I was doing this to myself—why I stay in this place full of painful memories.” She doesn’t mention her mother asking about him, being rejected by another mother would be too hurtful.

“What was your answer?” He is sitting against the door, just a wood slat away from her. “Why do you do this to yourself?”

“Because I love you. Because this is our home. You’re not always perfect, but neither am I.” Her mouth presses to the wood. “And you love me anyway.”

The opposite side of the door goes silent.

Katniss holds her breath and waits.

After a moment, the door opens and Peeta steps out, mussed and sheepish—just the way she likes him.

She stands and he pulls her into his arms. “I’m sorry.”

“Apologize later tonight,” she replies. “For now, I’ve made lunch.”

Peeta smiles brightly, making her breathless. “Is it edible?”

“Funny. You’re going to be apologizing a lot,” Katniss retorts as they walk down the stairs hand in hand.

And he does—over and over—until they are both sated enough to sleep well into the afternoon.

FIN.

[mocalmangeal]

field trips through the years with the mellark children because @rosegardeninwinter put me into a mood and this ended up much longer than intended oops

Willow Mellark is four the first time her preschool class is led outside of their colorful brick building and told to prepare for an adventure.

She squints her eyes against the bright morning sun, surveying her surroundings carefully. Mama tells her it’s important to always be aware of what’s around you. Her eyes land on the faded mural flanking the sides of the school’s entrance; a dandelion field, with children of all ages zooming through the yellow blooms. Papa painted this, she remembers. A long time ago. Before mama even had any babies.

A hand curling around her back shakes her from her thoughts and she snaps her head up. “Mama!”

“Are you excited for your field trip, love?”

She crinkles her nose. “I don’t want to go to a field. Can we go back inside and read a story?”

Katniss merely laughs, grabbing her daughter’s hand to follow the rest of the group.

After a few minutes of walking, a familiar storefront comes into view with its dark green facade and large picture windows showcasing various cakes. Willow points her fingers and shrieks excitedly. “It’s Papa’s store! Mama, can we go say hi?”

Her mother smiles down at her. “Of course we can.”

Willow runs hurriedly through the door, not noticing the other kids following along. She sticks her tongue out as Papa kisses Mama, his hands resting on her watermelon-round belly. Yuck.

“I’m glad everybody could make it. Today, boys and girls, we’re going to learn all about the kitchen,” Papa’s soft voice calls from the front of the room. “If you follow me, I’ve got your uniforms all laid out.”

Ten tiny aprons lay folded over the back of chairs. Willow ties hers on (with Mama’s help) and sits up straight, hands folded on the table and watches mesmerized as Papa throws ingredients together into a large glass bowl.

“These are called shortbread cookies. First, we have to mix the butter with the sugar. Let’s pass the bowl around and take turns. Don’t be afraid to get in there with your hands; baking is a messy job after all.”

When the bowl has made its way around the table, much to the delight of the children, Peeta adds the vanilla and flour and sets out rolling the dough across the table’s surface. “Now, each of you gets to choose what shape you want your cookie to be.” A pile of cookie cutters lands on the table with a clank.

Tiny hands reach out excitedly, grasping for stars and birds and flowers. Willow picks a simple circle. When Papa makes his way over her to her, he nods and cuts her cookie out. “Why just a plain circle, Catkin?”

She grins. “Because it’s shaped like Mama’s baby.”

-

The ten minutes it takes the cookies to bake are the longest of Willow’s life. She huffs, kicks her feet against the counter, scowls at the clock (despite not being able to read the time), crosses her arms.

Finally, at once, the timer is done, and she pumps her arms in the air excitedly. Mama helps set each cookie down in front of its rightful owner, while Papa sets out a rainbow of colorful tubes and jars of shining sugar sprinkles. She peruses them carefully, squinting at her selections. No, not that one.

Finally, she settles on the purple. By the time she’s done, her fingers and face are a mess of violet frosting and Mama has to take her to wash up.

“It’s almost time to head back, love. Why don’t you go say bye to your dad?”

She skips over to Peeta, who’s at war with a red splotch of frosting on one of the chairs. “Papa?” She tugs the bottom of his apron, pulling him to her level.

“Yes, dear?”

“I think you should give me an extra cookie.” Lowering her voice, she whispers, “I’ll give it to Mama. For the baby.”

----------------------------------------------------------

Eight year old Ash stomps impatiently at the grassy edge of the schoolyard. They should’ve left for their field trip exactly four minutes ago. That’s four less minutes that he gets to spend in the woods, all thanks to--

“Hey, isn’t that Mr. and Mrs. Mellark?”

He swivels in place, balking at the site of his parents running to his class group. No, why are they here? He groans out loud.

“Sorry, I thought I forgot to turn the oven off when we left so we went all the way back and turns out it was off the entire time but then I saw that I had put on my old boots with the holes in them and had to go and find--”

Mama gasps in a deep breath, not even finishing her sentence. “Sorry, we’re here now. Let’s get going.”

They’re split into two different groups. Ash ends up in Papa’s group, shying away when Papa tries to ruffle the top of his head. He turns on his heels, pretending to not notice the hurt expression on his face. It’s a fifteen minute hike to the stream they’re studying today and he just wants to get a move on.

By the time they reach it, he’s giddy with excitement. First assignment of the day: make rubbings of bark and leaves. He’s first in line to snatch up the paper and charcoal being distributed, taking off blindly towards a fallen log. He’s deep in thought, deciding which leaf would turn out the best, when he sees another boy coming in the same direction. A scowl twists Ash’s face.

Fine, take my spot. My leaf is still cooler than yours.

He scratches the image of the oak leaf into his paper with great precision, producing a perfect carbon copy. At last minute, he decides to add another, smaller leaf next to it and sets off in search of another perfect specimen.

He stops when he hears voices, peaking around a thick pine to investigate.

“Just press down on the paper a little harder. Don’t worry, you won’t hurt it. There. See, you did it!”

Papa stands next to Blair Ingham, guiding his hand over the rough bark of a maple tree. Ash scowls. That’s my Papa. He folds up his completed rubbing, shoving it into his back pocket and saunters over to his dad.

He tugs on Peeta’s sleeve. “Papa, I need help too.”

“Well now, there’s enough to go around for everyone.”

-

On the trip back to school, Ash sits perched on Papa’s shoulders, tasked with the job of swatting branches out of the way.

“You know, it’s funny. After I showed you how to make the leaf rubbings, I found a paper laying on the ground. Looked like someone was trying to throw it out. And you know we don’t litter in the forest.”

“Oh?” Ash looks down at the top of his father’s head.

“So I took a peak at whose it might be so I could have a talk with the culprit, and wouldn’t you know, it was a perfect leaf rubbing. Now, tell me why somebody would want to get rid of their school assignment?”

Ash feels like cheeks burn. “No clue.”

“Really? Because, if my memory serves me right, I believe I saw the name Ash Mellark on the bottom corner.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

It’s a trip that Willow has been dreading for the last two weeks.

Not to say that she doesn’t want to visit the Justice Hall, it’s just that, well.. when your parents are who they are, it just doesn’t sit right.

They started learning about the Games in school this year. She’d be of reaping age as of last month if they still existed. A shudder runs through her. Then, a sudden wave of sadness. She’s surprised her mother and father agreed to chaperone this trip, but if they have any qualms about doing so they hide it well.

Papa meets her out front of the school, hands dug deep into his pockets. “Your mother isn’t feeling well today. Ah, River Cardwell’s mom stepped up as an emergency volunteer.”

She takes a minute to study her father.

His eyes are ringed red, his cheeks splotchy. His hair is rather unruly this morning as well and a quick peak shows her he’s even forgone one shoe, the shiny metal of his artificial leg catching the afternoon light.

“Papa, are you sure you want to go on this trip?”

“I’m fine, Catkin. This place isn’t what it used to be. The last few times I was here were rather happy occasions, actually. It’s just.. hard to shake old memories sometimes.”

She curls her arm around Peeta’s waist, pressing into his side. “Will you and Mama ever tell us about...” she trails off, unable to say the words. She’s caught glimpses of their past, enough to get a general idea--it’s hard not to when your parents’ photos are printed in the margins of your textbooks--but they don’t talk about any of it, save for brief asides every now and then.

“One day.”

They walk silently wish the rest of her class towards the gray stone building in the center of town.

She’d once heard her mother call it a place of sadness, but today it is a rather ordinary looking front. Gray steps lead up to a glass door, pristine white tile shining from the inside. She pushes the door open.

A gust of frigid air sweeps out with a soft sigh and Willow shivers.

Mrs. Dalley passes out folders and pencils and clears her throat. “This Justice Hall was constructed the year after The Second Rebellion ended. In the pre-war days, it was where children said goodbye to their families after being Reaped.”

Willow turns to Papa. “Were you scared?”

He looks down, nodding. “I was. But not for the reasons you’d think.”

She peers up at him through long, dark lashes. “Was it because of Mama?”

“You’re a smart girl.” He chuckles. “By the time Effie called my name, nothing mattered anymore. Katniss was already standing up on that stage. I knew that I had to die, because if I lived it meant she wouldn’t. In a matter of seconds I’d already accepted my death.”

She feels tears pricking the corners of her eyes at his words. “But they let both of you live.”

“Well, yes, but no.”

Before she can ask another question, she’s being ushered down one of the long corridors.

“This is the Hall of Records. Here is where we keep..”

-

She’s completely exhausted by the time the day is over and ready to flop into bed, but before she can make a beeline to her bedroom, she’s startled by Mama pulling open the front door.

“Willow.”

If Papa looked worse for wear this morning, then she’s... well, a disaster.

“Come inside.”

Nervous, she steps through the threshold, noting the strange quietness of the home. Usually, Ash is antagonizing one of the cats by now, or Papa is clanking around in the kitchen.

“Where’s everyone else at?”

Mama doesn’t answer, instead reaching up on top of the creaky old bookshelf in the corner, feeling around a minute for something. Finally, she pulls down a large, dusty rectangle, blowing it off. She sets it down on the kitchen table and turns to her daughter.

“I haven’t written in here in a very long time.” Mama pulls the scarf she wears tighter around her neck. “I think it’s time for you to read it.”

Willow steps closer, peeking down at the worn leather cover.

“Memory Book”

----------------------------------------------------------------

Ash cranes his neck, searching for his mother through the crowd in front of the factory.

When he spots her, he pushes his way through the snickering kids, coughing “Mama’s boy” his way. He blushes, staring at the ground the entire time.

“Your Aunt Prim would’ve loved to have seen it,” she remarks, peering up at the four story monstrosity. Despite being constructed well over twenty years ago, she’s never actually visited the place. Until now.

“Willow talks about her sometimes,” Ash says, drawing a line in the dirt with his foot. “Almost like she knows her.”

“Prim would’ve loved you both. Spoiled you, even.” Mama treks inside, following the other groups of kids. She stops short, darting her eyes in every direction. “Wow. District of healing, alright.”

Ash follows her gaze. Tall machines whir and buzz, moving at a rapid rate. They dispense colorful pills and liquids faster than he can keep up with. A conveyor belt moves bottles from one end of the factory to another, quick hands slapping labels on and pushing them into boxes for shipment.

“It’s definitely a sight to see.”

Mama nods in agreement. They walk together, gasping and oohing as new sights emerge.

“Will you tell me about her?” Ash glances at his mother.

“She was smart,” she starts, running her finger along the glass partition between them and the great big machines running the factory. “Smarter than me, anyways. She was going to be a doctor. She was a great healer. I could never stand the sight of our mama’s patients on the table. But Prim? She could stitch any wound there was and not bat an eye.”

They stop suddenly, staring into some kind of testing room. People in strange rubber suits mill about on the other side of the glass, and Ash thinks they look a bit crazy with those fishbowls on their heads.

He spies a man in a white coat behind them through their reflection in the window. “We’ve been testing a new antidote for tracker jacker venom. I think this might be our big break.”

Mama shudders, turning away from the man.

They resume walking. Ash watches with fascination as a large roll of white bandaging is stretched and cut in one smooth movement.

“Prim always wore a ribbon in her hair. She tried to get me to wear one too, once, but I told her it was impractical. Can’t have it coming loose and stuck on the fence or a branch. I wish I would’ve just let her do it. Ash?”

He turns to Katniss. He no longer has to look up at her; he’s quickly surpassing her in height thanks to inheriting his father’s build. “Yes?”

“You and your sister be good to each other.”

-

They break for lunch around noon, propped up against the shady wayward side of the factory. Mama pulls out two sandwiches, turkey on rye, and passes one to Ash.

They eat in silence, listening to the zooming of hovercrafts here to transport the most critical medications and supplies to the big hospitals in other districts. Like the one that Grandma Everdeen works in.

“I think I might like to be a healer. Like Prim, and grandma.”

“You’re so much like her,” Katniss sighs. “C’mere.”

Before he can protest, she’s pulling him towards her, wrapping her arms around him and resting her head atop his. She leans in, whispering in his ear. “Now you know I don’t condone violence, but if those boys are still giving you trouble, stick rats in their lockers. That’ll have ‘em pissing themselves.”

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

It’s a two day train ride to the memorial site.

Every graduating class for the past ten years has been required to visit one, and even though she’s known it was coming for a while, Willow still shakes the entire way.

Mama isn’t faring any better. She carries a length of rope with her, knotting and twisting until her palms bloom pink. She doesn’t sleep, instead sitting frozen, staring out the window for hours. Papa doesn’t even leave his compartment.

There’s a lump in Willow’s throat because this isn’t just any random dismantled arena-turned-tourist attraction-turned memorial; it’s the one from the 75th Games.

When she’d told her parents which arena had been selected for this year’s trip, Mama had simply nodded, got up, and walked into the woods. She didn’t come back for three days.

Papa gripped the back of a kitchen chair, shaking. When Willow tried to comfort him, he spat, holding his hand out to stop her, telling her to take her brother and stay with Uncle Haymitch for a few days. They ended up having to stay for a week.

She still doesn’t know the full story, really. She knows more than she did all those years ago, but refuses to watch any tapes from the Games, and still gets sick trying to read more than a few sparse details. She knows her parents pretended to be in love to appease the Capitol clowns that held the guns to their heads. She knows they eventually grew to love each other for real.

She knows nearly everyone they loved is dead.

She doesn’t think she wants to know every detail after all.

-

When the train pulls into the station, Willow gets up on unsteady legs.

Papa leaves his compartment for the first time with a distant look in his eyes. He shambles straight to Mama, whispering something in her ear, pulling her to her feet. Their hands are grasped so tightly in one another’s that Willow can see the fingernail indents from here.

From a distance, it looks like it could be any other nature park. There’s a fountain in the middle, a winding, paved trail, a crumpled piece of metal that could be easily mistaken for contemporary art.

A short, stout woman meets the group at the opening gates.

“Welcome, welcome! I’ll be your guide today.”

She’s far too cheery for the occasion, and Willow supposes she’s a bit like Effie Trinket in that regard (at least, from what she can piece together from her parents’ memory of her).

They’re lead first to a low stone wall, and WIllow’s eyes fall across the names. Her mouth goes dry as she finds some she recognizes. Finnick Odair. Johanna Mason.

Katniss Everdeen.

Peeta Mellark.

“These are the names of every tribute who went into this arena. Every person who was forced to fight in the last Hunger Games our nation ever had to witness. Oh, heavens, I was still in diapers at the time.” Their guide dabs at her eyes.

Willow dares sneak a glance at Mama and Papa. They stare straight ahead, silent tears falling down their faces.

She follows the group next to the mangled pile of steel she’d seen from the train.

“Now, this is all that’s left of the arena now. The rest has been recycled and put to better use. As you may know, this one was a remarkable failure for the game makers and actually helped jump start the revolution. An electrical short sparked a fire that brought the entire thing down--”

“Actually, that’s not what happened.”

Willow snaps her neck around towards Mama’s voice.

“Oh, dear, have you kids not read your history books? Everybody knows tha--”

Mama pushes to the front of the group, Papa trailing behind her. “That’s not how it happened,” she repeats.

She turns now, gripping Papa’s arm as she faces the class. Her voice raises.

“My name is, was, Katniss Everdeen. I’m fifty-one years old. And I survived the 75th Hunger Games.”

Willow can’t hide the shock that crosses her face. A few stray groups turn towards the commotion.

Her parents are a far cry from the photos in the history books now. Lines age their faces, they sport twin stripes of gray in their hair. But underneath it all, they still have the same fire in their eyes. Determination.

“My name is Peeta Mellark. I survived the 75th Hunger Games. This is our story.”

And the words tumble free.

[porchwood]

Fic Bits 2018: The One That Got Away

Modern AU; Madge POV. Jude/Madge, Gale/Madge. 

They say you can never go home again, and yet here I am, packing to do just that.

The second autumn after you graduate from college is when the niggling feeling starts, like you left town without returning your library books or forgot to put the new insurance card in your glove compartment. When the first one comes around, you’re elated that you don’t have to think – let alone worry – about registering for classes, mapping your daily routes across campus, or buying school supplies of any kind, but by the second you’re starting to feel like something’s wrong. It’s easy to understand why so many people fall into teaching. Your body gets set on that routine, so that going back to school in fall is as instinctual to humans as seasonal migrations are to birds.

Ironically, it was the school year that determined this move – or rather, the school year that necessitated it, though the fall semester is already several weeks underway. Beginning in January, Dad will be teaching again for the first time since I was in elementary school – and, doubt it not, loving every minute of it.

At twenty-three my life could and probably should be independent of my parents’, but no matter which way I turned the situation around in my mind, there was no truly good reason not to move back with them. As badly as I don’t want to go back to the small town where I grew up, there’s nothing substantial enough to keep me here if my parents are gone.

We’ve always been thick as thieves and, oddly, moreso since moving to the capital city. The fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue that kept my mother to a quiet routine in our hometown made her a veritable recluse amidst the constant bustle of squealing brakes and blaring horns, and everything was so blindingly expensive, we rarely partook of the concerts and boutiques and exotic restaurants that had sounded so exciting from our living room back home.

Moving here as a family had been the result of two somewhat predictable stars aligning perfectly: after twelve years as mayor, Dad was elected to the state legislature and I was accepted into the music program at a small private college, a short bus ride from the capitol building. My parents rented a spacious loft halfway in-between the two, which enabled me to keep tabs on my mother while enjoying the independence of living off-campus all through school, while our place back home was loaned out to visiting professors and the like – short-term rentals to keep the utilities running and keep an eye out for any maintenance issues that might arise. I’m told I missed out on the “full college experience” by not living in a dorm, but from all accounts, it’s a party I’m glad to have skipped.

For all intents and purposes, home has been 37 Ash Terrace for the past five years. Four-and-a-half hours isn’t the longest drive, but there was always one reason or another to stay here through the holidays – which is not to say we’ve never gone back, of course. Our family revisits can be counted on two hands, but I’ve made a few extra trips on my own for special occasions, the last of which – the baptism of Katniss’s son Janni – was more than two years ago now.

I look up at my bulletin board, now stripped of everything but the central photo, and have just tugged out the tack when my phone rings. It’s a local cell number – local to our hometown, not to here – but doesn’t pull up a contact, and I cross the first two fingers of my free hand, hoping one of my cover letters has snared an interview as I answer, “Hello?”

“Is this Madeline Undersee?” asks a young male voice.

That was one of the best things about moving away, and one that I’m particularly loath to leave behind: finally getting to be Madeline, not Madge. That a young professional back home is addressing me as such, however, gives me hope.

“It is,” I affirm, and there’s a brief, quickly stifled sound from the other end before the caller goes on, “I was wondering if you might be available to play a wedding in November.”

The pieces snap together in my mind. It’s probably a local boy who went to college in the capitol like myself – it’s a common enough path – and found himself a fiancée, though it is a trifle odd for the groom to call ‘round for an accompanist.

“I’m sorry; I’m actually moving out of the area this weekend,” I reply, “but I can refer you to several other musicians who would be excellent choices.”

“I’m afraid it really has to be you,” he says with what sounds far more like mischief than regret. “What about a wedding in your hometown? Would that be a little easier to manage?”

“In –?” I break off, mind whipping through the possibilities. It’s hardly a secret that the Undersees are moving back after five years in the big city, but we’ve kept radio silence on my own return except where potential employers are concerned, so there’s no way some random local groom could even know about me, let alone want to hire me for his wedding. “Who is this?” I demand more than ask, a shy fifteen-year-old bookworm all over again, bristling in anticipation of the prank.

“You really don't know?” the young man responds, sounding genuinely surprised, and for a half-second my heart skips in hope, never mind that his voice bears no resemblance whatsoever to Gale’s rough, smoky timbre. “I’m wounded, mädchen,” he laments, and my heart trips halfway through its skip and somersaults clumsily forward to faceplant onto the concrete below.  

“Jude?” I squeak.

“You haven’t forgotten me entirely, then?” he teases.

“Don’t be daft,” I retort, my stunned heart now flailing in shock. “So…you’re getting married?” I almost ask if it’s Columbine but that crush is surely ancient history now, never mind that last I heard, she was headed to some fashion design or modeling program out east.

“Don’t be daft,” he throws back with characteristic self-deprecation, but the affection beneath it wraps about me like a blanket – or one of Jude’s incredible lingering hugs. “But I do need a wedding accompanist,” he goes on, “which as I said, really has to be you, but I want to tell you about it in person. When are you back?”

“Well – tomorrow,” I reply, and the whole thing suddenly feels surreal. “Well, the day after, really,” I clarify. “Tomorrow’s the drive up and the U-Haul unload. Mom and Dad hired movers but you still want to go through everything, you know?”

“Of course,” he assures me. “Want to meet at Primavera for Saturday lunch – say, 11:30? My treat.”

“Primavera?” I puzzle. There’s never been an Italian restaurant in our hometown – it’s too small and rural to sustain any such – but the nearby city has a few shopping malls and a much wider selection of eateries; it makes sense that Jude would want to go to one of them. “What – where is that?” I ask.

He gives a little choke of laughter in reply. “Have you really been away so long, mädchen?” he wonders, but something about my ignorance seems to amuse – even delight – him. “It’s Italian – awesome Italian – right next to Mellarks’.”

“There’s nothing next to Mellarks’,” I counter, because our tiny historic downtown has never been able to keep shops for long, not with countless department stores and discount stores not twenty miles off. “Unless…are we having a sidewalk picnic, Judah?” I venture, almost hopefully, and he laughs.

“If the first date goes well, we can do whatever you want on the second,” he replies, and I miss him so much that I snatch up a pillow with my free hand and hug it to my chest as hard as I can. “But I promise: there is a legit Italian restaurant next to Mellarks’,” he says. “I’m going to buy you lunch there on Saturday, and you’re going to love it so much that you’ll refuse to live out of takeout range ever again.”

“Color me intrigued,” I tease. “As much about your mysterious wedding as this new eatery.”

“They’re both worth the wait,” he promises, and I can hear the grin in his voice.

“I missed you,” I blurt and Jude falls suddenly, uncharacteristically silent. There are any number of well-deserved retorts he could hand me, ranging from You didn’t have to to I didn’t go anywhere, but Jude is the sweetest boy I’ve ever known – on a level with Peeta, really – and even in our most frustrated moments, he never addressed me half as harshly as Gale would on a good day.

I think I hurt him a long time ago, though he’s never said as much.

“I missed you too,” he murmurs, and the corners of my eyes prickle hotly.

I don’t want to go home – you can never go home again, everyone says as much – don’t want to explain why I have a music degree from a respectable college and am looking for any old day job in my hometown and living with my parents. I don’t want to see Gale Hawthorne – never mind how wildly I do want to see him – to face all the inevitable jibes about how I “couldn’t make it in the real world.”

But if Jude – sweet, funny, precious Jude – is coming back into my life, it just might be bearable. He’ll have a job and new friends now – a girlfriend, to be sure – and he may not even live in town any longer. But we can grab lunches together here and there and laugh about stuff that happened in high school. Maybe we’ll find new things to laugh about.

“See you Saturday?” I say.

“I’ll be the one with the red ribbon,” he replies.

As always, I’m the one who hangs up.

Jude always let me end our calls, always hanging on in case of one last thought or lament, one more drawn-out Night-night or See you tomorrow.

Looking down at the phone in my hand, I remember the incredibly idiotic reason Jude isn’t saved as a contact anymore and sit on my stripped mattress, both arms curled around the pillow and my chin resting on its edge. It was stupid and childish – and ultimately pointless, because he didn’t try to get in touch at all after that. Oh, he did the usual friendly Facebook stuff – comments on my posts and the like – because Jude is that kind of sweet, but he’d never do anything to make me uncomfortable.

And also, maybe, he was hurt.

It’s not as if I shut him out – there were no calls or texts or emails to ignore – and you could hardly call my across-the-state move for college “avoidance,” but it certainly aided me to that end, especially five summers ago.

I bite my lips together for a long moment, silently call myself an idiot, and save the number as a new contact: Judah Tolliver. Neat, professional, and objective, like a grown-up. After all, if he’s hiring me for a wedding we’ll be exchanging calls and texts over the next few months; there’s no reason not to add him to my phone.

Returning to my call history, I dial Rue, the high school friend I’ve stayed closest to by virtue of us attending the same college. Our courses of study and career veered apart over the past few years as Rue set aside music to pursue dance full-bore and is currently spending her days with a traveling company that does famous ballets in a pared-down, intimate contemporary style, with dreamlike costumes that I suspect her father has a hand in, but we’ve stubbornly kept in touch all this while, meeting for a meal and a chat whenever her schedule allows.

She’s halfway across the country dancing Swanilda in Coppélia this season, so our farewell supper took place about two weeks ago. I don’t expect her to answer and am beyond surprised when she does.

“Hey chickie-babe!” she cries. “Are you home? I’ve only got a minute but I want to hear all about it. How did your house hold up?”

“We haven’t left yet,” I tell her. “We’re loading the U-Haul tonight and driving back tomorrow.”

“So where’s the fire?” she teases. “Don’t get me wrong, I love you to bits, but why call now? Are you getting sad about leaving – or going back?”

Rue understands my misgivings, even if she doesn’t share them. After I told my parents I’d move back with them, I curled up on Rue’s couch and cried myself into a stupor while she nestled her tiny fairy-form around me in a supportive hug. Going home is not failure, she told me over and over again, her husky voice sounding so like her mother’s as she rubbed my back in soothing circles. You and your parents have always supported each other; it makes sense you’d go back with them, at least for a little – and it’s not forever, not if you don’t want it to be.

Rue’s parents – a costumer and a choreographer – left the capitol when they started having kids and heartily embraced small town life in the heartland, but they both had vibrant careers behind them and were ready for quiet inexpensive living, for Piggly Wiggly and the county fair and a fixer-upper farmhouse, and they quickly found avenues to exercise their talents on a smaller scale.

I’m a year and a half out of college with eleven wedding gigs, five funerals, and a teaching slot at the local conservatory to show for twenty years at the piano and a B.A. with high distinction.

“Jude just called,” I reply by way of explanation. “He wants to hire me for a wedding –”

“His?” she interjects impishly.

“No,” I quell, “but he wouldn’t tell me who it is over the phone either. We’re meeting for lunch on Saturday to discuss it.”

“Meeting for lunch to discuss a mysterious wedding right after you move back to town?” she presses slyly. “Maybe it’s yours!”

Rue knows there’s nothing of that sort between Jude and me and never has been, but she’s equally convinced that there must be, or should’ve been. He adores you, you know, she’s told me time and again. Like, Peeta-and-Katniss level devotion. Couldn’t you just kiss him once and see what happens?

“Be serious,” I snort.

“I am,” she insists. “I never understood why the pair of you never got together, or why you fell out of touch after graduation. Jude was crazy about you –”

“He was like that with everyone,” I counter. “The sweet, funny thing – that’s just his natural demeanor.”

“And did he ask everyone to marry him if their respective crushes married other people?” she wonders.

“He said we should go on a date, not get married,” I remind her, the edge of a snap creeping into my voice. “It was a low moment and a long time ago. We were both feeling angsty.”

I don’t mention the other thing, the thing I’ve never told anyone – not even myself when I can help it.

“Well…maybe it’s time, sweetie,” she posits quietly. “Maybe Columbine finally found a husband and Jude wants to give the pair of you a chance.”

“I really don’t think that’s it,” I tell her, oddly wearied by the subject, but judging by the increasing volume of background noise, Rue’s about to be pulled away anyway.

“Sorry, I have to go,” she admits at the selfsame moment. “I’ll be back in a few weeks myself, but call me ASAP after your lunch with Jude, okay?”

“You got it,” I promise, and we hang up. I set the phone on my mattress, next to the photo of Gale Hawthorne from the state hockey finals seven years ago, and sigh.

I haven’t seen him since the reception after Ashpet’s baptism, and it wasn’t the most auspicious encounter.

I’d never struck a man before – or since – and certainly never in a church basement.

“Magpie?”

My father pokes his head through the open doorway. “Movers just got here,” he says. “Is your room ready to go?”

I tuck the picture of Gale inside my battered paperback of Jane Eyre, just behind the Candygram with the red ribbon threaded across the top and tied in a perfect, pressed, bow. “This is it,” I affirm, and slip the book into my purse before following my father downstairs.

As a tween I was enamored of the 1995 remake of Sabrina and resolved to head off to school with a photo of Gale – obligingly supplied by Jude, who worked on the yearbook – to pin on my bulletin board and systematically cover with playbills, flyers, ticket stubs, and the like. But I could never quite bring myself to obscure him completely, and when I went to London for my semester abroad I brought him there too, to try and forget in a foreign land.

The book is a Gale token too, also obtained for me by Jude.

I finagled to take Senior Lit in spring of my junior year in order to free up an elective senior year and as a result took the class with Jude. The first book on the slate was Jane Eyre – which I loved, somewhat to my surprise – and in true high school fashion, each copy had a log card inside the cover for the present user to write their name on, beneath the names of the book’s previous readers. Of course, neither Jude nor I got Gale’s but we knew someone had it, and at Jude’s graduation party – months after all the books had been checked back in – he stole me away to his room to press the prized copy into my hands.

I think you were looking for this, he said as I opened the cover, frantically scanned the names inscribed therein and threw my arms around him with a shriek.

But Jude, I realized, pulling back with a start, you swiped this; what if they won’t let you graduate-?

I just did, he reminded me gleefully, and the diploma is signed, sealed, and securely secreted in Mom’s wall safe as we speak. Anyway, it wasn’t my copy, so even if they do notice it’s missing, it’s not me they’d come after.

I looked back at the last name on the card – Annie Cresta – and shook my head at him. If she gets in trouble for this, I warned.

She won’t, he promised. They don’t care that much about one of twenty-three beat-up paperbacks, and it means a whole lot more to you than to the school.

I hugged him again, fiercely this time, and he curled his arms around me with a little sigh. I’m so glad you like your present, mädchen, he murmured. I know it’s not you graduating, but I wanted to beat the rush.

I spent most of Senior Lit associating Gale with Mr. Rochester, to Jude’s clear chagrin, which was curious as he didn’t seem to like the character any more than he did my sullen, dark-haired crush. I’ll grant you similarities, he agreed, but can you imagine Gale delivering that beautiful string speech in any universe?

We took our Jane Eyre final on Valentine’s Day, and in the class directly following I received an anonymous Candygram with a strawberry lollipop affixed, a red ribbon painstaking woven through neat holes punched across the top and tied in a small bow, and the handwritten message:

“I sometimes have a queer feeling with regard to you – especially when you are near me, as now: it is as if I had a string somewhere under my left ribs, tightly and inextricably knotted to a similar string situated in the corresponding quarter of your little frame. And if that boisterous channel, and two hundred miles or so of land some broad between us, I am afraid that cord of communion will be snapt; and then I've a nervous notion I should take to bleeding inwardly.”

I wished so badly for it to be from Gale – never mind he wasn’t even in school anymore, let alone inclined to quote Charlotte Brontë – or maybe that I had some other mysterious tall-dark-and-handsome admirer, but I knew exactly who it was from and let my head fall against his shoulder as we sat next to each other in the choir room, his literary Valentine cupped in my hands.

Jude’s breath caught a little at the gesture, then leveled out in a long slow sigh.

Thanks, Jude, I whispered.

We both knew it wasn’t a real love note but I treasured it as one just the same, pressed between the pages of my student planner until finding a worthier setting inside Gale’s copy of Jane Eyre. The book and Candygram went everywhere with me – every summer camp and weekend trip during my senior year and in college, on every choir tour, every visit back home, all across Europe on my backpacking trip with Rue and then on to my bedside table in England. If I couldn’t lay hands on it at a moment’s notice I’m not sure I’d be able to breathe.

The movers are quiet and efficient and the truck is loaded in a fraction of the time we anticipated, prompting Dad and me to hash out the pros and cons of setting out tonight instead, but there are plenty of last-minute little things to wrap up and we’d all prefer to make the drive on a good night’s sleep – which unfortunately, is not to be had for me. Dad booked us a hotel room in the suburbs for convenience, so we could check out of the loft as soon as the truck was loaded and leave in the morning without having to wait for one last walk-through with the landlord, but while he and Mom drift off quickly in their queen bed, I frown up at the ceiling from the sofa sleeper, contemplating Jude and Jane Eyre.

The capitol is a long way off, mädchen…

My junior year – Jude’s senior year – was like high school is in the movies: a charmed, wonderful dream that feels like it’ll never end. In October Peeta finally plucked up the nerve to ask Katniss out, and their relationship brought both her and I – and to a lesser extent, Rue – firmly into the Mellark circle. Jude and I had been friendly before that, but he’s both cousin and close friend to the Mellark brothers, and as a result he and I were thrown together almost constantly at meals, school events, even youth group outings. We jokingly called these “triple dates” or “quad dates” sometimes, since the rest of our group consisted of fast-and-firm couples – Peeta and Katniss, Luka and Johanna, and often Finnick and Annie as well – but no one ever seemed to take the idea of Jude and me as a couple seriously.

We were madrigal seat partners that December, which necessitated all kinds of marriage banter throughout the dinners, then after Christmas came Senior Lit and Jane Eyre and auditions for school’s production of Fiddler on the Roof. Determined not to miss out on a role when my best friends were undeniable shoo-ins, I dyed my hair a deep chestnut-brown the night before my tryout – solidly shocking everyone in my acquaintance, but it served its purpose when I was cast as Tzeitel. I’d had my hopes set on playing any one of the sisters and forgot until the read-through that I was playing the one whose wedding is a major showpiece of the play – and that I would be marrying Jude, made even more endearing in little round glasses.

I’d never had so much fun, before or since.

I left most of my high school mementos at home when we moved to the capitol but the Fiddler album has stayed with me, and from time to time I page through the photos, the notes that came with flowers from my parents and teachers, the programs that we all signed – and the subsequent ridiculous everyday notes from Jude addressed to “Wifey” and “Mrs. Kamzoil.”

Prom came around in April and our school required everyone to attend in pairs, so it was effectively decided over youth group pizza after a highway trash cleanup that I would be going with Jude. I’d nourished a pipe dream that Gale might magically materialize and ask me to go with him – you could attend with someone who had graduated and it happened now and again, with college freshmen coming back to escort their girlfriends – but when he actually did appear at the dance it was with Leevy, his flavor-of-the-month girlfriend, if the rumors were to be believed.

I still had my brown hair at prom-time, which Jude lamented to no end while alternately telling me that I was “gorgeous just the same” and making me laugh at the silliest things. The dance was a blast for the first two hours, and then Katniss and Peeta quietly revealed to our group that they were engaged, with plans to marry the following spring after graduation.

Their courtship had been rapid and intense – emotionally, not physically – and no one was surprised that marriage was forthcoming, but the timetable was shocking to say the least. None of us believed that Katniss was pregnant or anything of the sort but they were both barely seventeen, and neither had any interest in going on to college. Peeta had a career waiting at the bakery he loved and Katniss was supremely adaptable to almost any kind of work – and neither was closing the door on trade schools or vocational degrees, if a good fit should present itself. They had decided – rather practically – to spend their senior year planning the wedding and finding a home rather than fretting over the ACT and college applications, and they would get married at the end of May, before the weather got too hot and everyone headed off to college.

It was a preposterous and entirely sound plan.

Peeta and Katniss skipped the school-sponsored after-prom party, unsurprisingly, while the rest of us splintered off into contemplative pairs. Finnick and Annie and Luka and Johanna both seemed as good as engaged to me, but the announcement had rattled them as well, and Jude and I wound up watching the smarmy stage hypnotist by ourselves in a subdued sort of silence.

It wasn’t that either of us was unhappy at the news, exactly. While I considered Katniss my best friend, we had never been chatty in typical girlfriend-fashion, and yet her impending marriage struck my stomach like an icy stone. You’ll be going to college anyway, I reminded myself, and you’ll stay in touch, but none of this served to soothe.

Jude absently wrapped his tux jacket around my shoulders and then his arm, resting his cheek on the top of my head. He’d barely spoken since the engagement reveal and I couldn’t begin to guess what his uncharacteristic silence meant.

It sounds really nice, he said suddenly, softly. Staying right here, getting married, coming home to a wife and babies.

I wanted to retort something dry and mildly caustic but couldn’t find the words for any reply at all because it was nice, this future Peeta and Katniss were setting up for themselves. I wanted to continue with music as long as I could; to study abroad, to live in the capitol and maybe other cities in due course,, but that wasn’t the future either Katniss or Peeta wanted, and why should they force themselves through the college mold, going eyes-deep in debt for degrees they had no interest in and possibly jeopardizing their relationship with the distance and other, inevitable, obstacles when the future they both craved was easily within their grasp?

Madeline, Jude continued in that same soft tone – I was always Madeline or, affectionately, mädchen to him – if Columbine and Gale marry other people, will you go on a date with me?

Almost as long as Jude and I have been friends, we’ve been aware of each other’s hopeless longing for an oblivious sweetheart and openly commiserated about it, with no fear – or even thought – of annoying each other or hurting feelings. Butcher’s son Jude was in love with Columbine Wilhearn, all black curls and lovely voice, whose mother was a small-scale – if highly in-demand – clothing designer and I was in love with broody, breathtaking Gale, whose mother managed the local laundromat and who despised my very existence because, as the mayor’s daughter, I had surely been born to privilege – never mind that my father had been a music teacher before his election and that as mayor he served a rural town of some 8000 people and dealt with weighty matters like dog waste ordinances and ribbon cuttings for tiny antique shops.

We’d both made periodic, futile attempts to elicit our respective crush’s attentions, but somehow for the course of that year – the year of madrigal seat partners and Jane Eyre and getting married on-stage in Fiddler – the longing had felt a little less pressing. Jude still ordered flowers for Columbine on opening night – she was playing the female lead, after all – but in other circumstances he would’ve done so for every performance, not just the first, and he brought me flowers too – a vaseful of red tulips from his mother’s garden to brighten my corner of the greenroom. And while I knew he’d asked Columbine to prom their junior year – and been turned down, of course – I don’t think he even tried the next time around, just cheerfully stepped up to escort me when the opportunity arose.

In fact, to the outside observer, Jude and I probably appeared to be dating for the past year.

The realization left me cross, embarrassed and oddly weary. Jude and I were just friends, everybody knew it, but could we have inadvertently sabotaged each other’s crushes by spending so much time together? Would Gale have emerged to ask me out if I hadn’t been so immersed in the Mellark circle this year – and in Jude’s company in particular?

We’re at prom, I reminded him, my tone shorter than he deserved. I’m wearing an evening gown and your tux jacket. How much more of a date do you want?

I want to pick you up at your house, he replied without hesitation, a brush of lips against my lilac-threaded crown braid. Just you and me and maybe your dad on the porch, to shake hands and talk about the weather and remind me to have you back by 10:00, and I’ll tell you how beautiful you look as I slide an orchid on your wrist. We’ll go to a fancy restaurant and trade bites of our entrees and steal a pepper shaker when we leave, just to see if we can get away with it. We’ll hold hands under the table and slow-dance like it means something, not just because we came together and it’s obligatory, and when I drop you at home, you might let me kiss you under the porchlight.

I pulled away to look up at him, at those gentle smoky eyes – gray like Gale’s and yet absolutely, utterly, nothing like Gale’s – and tried to decide whether to throttle him or burst into tears, because I knew he didn’t mean any of this the way it sounded but it was still the sweetest thing I’d ever heard – and remains so to this day. But I didn’t want Jude – I didn’t, I was sure of it – and he didn’t want me, he was just getting broody – in the hen fashion, not the Gale fashion – because of Peeta’s engagement and Columbine had remained stubbornly indifferent to him, even in a tux or stage makeup or a doublet and tights.

Please, can I go home? I whispered. I’ll call my parents so you don’t have to leave.

Don’t be daft, he said lightly, but his eyes were sad. There’s nothing left to stay here for anyway.

Out of the corner of my eye I spotted Columbine at the soda table laughing at something Gale had just said and was inclined to agree.

I didn’t go home, though Jude was more than willing to make the detour: I went to Rooba’s, because she had a spacious house and had invited our whole group to stay over after the after-prom party, to sleep till noon and enjoy a lazy brunch before going home. We were a remarkably well-behaved group of teens so it felt more like a church lock-in than anything else, except for the fact that I changed into my pajamas from an evening gown and slept in Lettie Wilhearn’s bedroom – sans Lettie, of course, Rooba having given her older kids the weekend off work and banished them to the lake cabin.

Jude didn’t say a word on the drive. When we got to his house he asked if I wanted anything to eat or drink, then obligingly disappeared after retrieving my overnight bag and directing me to the nearest bathroom.

I belatedly recalled that I was still wearing his tux jacket and intended to hang it on the back of Lettie’s desk chair when I turned in, but somehow I ended up taking it to bed with me as an additional makeshift cover, my nose burrowed in the comforting scent of his collar.

I dreamt about orchid corsages and hand-kisses and sneaking a pepper shaker into my purse and woke with sore, slightly puffy eyes, as though I’d cried myself to sleep. Lettie’s alarm clock read 11:18am in the blaring midday sun and in the papasan opposite me was Jude, curled up like a child with a pile of throw pillows under his tousled head. His eyes were open and contemplative and very carefully focused on the pillow adjacent to me.

Hey, I greeted him in a sleepy croak.

Hey, he replied softly, eyes flickering to mine. Do…do you hate me, mädchen?

I blinked rapidly, trying to think what he might have done to make me hate him or if he was just referring to the fact that we’d ended up sleeping in the same room, which didn’t bother me two pins. We’d fallen asleep on each other on the bus back from Knowledge Bowl tourneys and music competitions more times than I could count.

Why on earth would I hate you? I puzzled.

Because I…asked you out, he reminded me with a wince while still firmly maintaining eye contact, as though determined to stay strong for his sentencing.

At prom, I confirmed, a smile creeping irrepressibly across my mouth. It’s a bit like being in love with one’s own wife, Sir Percy. Demmed unfashionable.

The Scarlet Pimpernel was second on the Senior Lit slate and Jude had loved it just as much as I loved Jane Eyre.

Consequently, my remark won a grateful, crooked smile and I patted the bed beside me: an invitation Jude accepted without hesitation, stretching out his lanky frame with a groan and a breathless oof! as I flung my arms around his waist and pillowed my head on his chest.

I liked the smell and feel of Jude beneath my cheek. It felt like home – or going back there – and I think in that moment I finally realized those moments were numbered and swiftly counting down.

I’ve never been asked out before, you know, I reminded him. It was sweet; the sweetest thing anyone’s ever said to me. And anyway, you potentially asked me out, under a very specific set of circumstances.

True, he agreed, and that seemed to set everything to rights. Want go find some breakfast? he wondered, tracing my braid with a fingertip.

No, I replied firmly and nuzzled deeper into his t-shirt, hiding my face from the sun.

Me neither, he agreed, and curled his arms around me, hugging me snugly to him.

Jude had clearly passed a rougher night than me because he drifted off almost immediately and was still sleeping hard at 12:30, when the savory smells of Rooba’s thick-cut bacon and handmade sausages roused my belly and brain respectively. (I learned later that Luka and Johanna had commandeered Jude’s bed, not for anything sketchy, but that they were curled together and sound asleep by the time he finally made it there, hence being relegated to Lettie’s papasan – a fine place for reading and cat-naps but miserable for a night’s worth of sleep.) On my way to the bathroom I practically collided with Jenny, Jude’s fourteen-year-old sister, noshing on a bacon sandwich and voracious for gossip.

So are you and Jude together now? she demanded with all the cheerful frankness of their mother. I saw you cuddling in Lettie’s bed.

I had always adored Jenny Tolliver more than I would ever let on. She and Jude were the only full siblings among Rooba’s five children and the similarities were endearingly obvious, despite the fact that Jenny inherited their father’s stunning black hair where Jude was a tow-headed, gray-eyed hybrid.

That was snuggling, I corrected her. Small but crucial difference.

You should think about leveling up, she advised gravely. He adores you, you know, and I hear teenage weddings are coming back en vogue.

Go away, imp, I teased, unbothered by her implication. She’d wanted me and Jude to get together since our first season of Knowledge Bowl and stubbornly refused to acknowledge that we didn’t like each other that way. I need to find some coffee and then we can argue this further.

I’ll be waiting, she said gleefully, stepping aside to let me into the bathroom.

But Jenny and I never reconvened for that argument, because that afternoon was the start of the slow crumble of the perfect high school year. Not because of anything to do with Jude or prom or Katniss’s engagement: because of something I overheard on my way to the kitchen that ended up being far more significant than I could’ve imagined.

Rooba and Marek – the Mellarks’ bachelor uncle – were preparing all the cooked food for the sleepy teenage brunch binge but Peeta’s father had stopped by with an assortment of pastries from the bakery and was on his way out again, talking to Rooba on the back porch, when I passed by en route to the kitchen.

So they’re young, she was saying. They’re hard workers with good heads on their shoulders, and they both went through the wringer at a young age. They know how to provide for a family and will do whatever it takes to put food on the table. They’ll do fine – better than fine, if we help them out a bit.

Janek Mellark’s response to this wasn’t clear – something about waiting – and Rooba replied in a strange, edged tone: Would you wait if Alys was willing?

I moved away before I could hear his reply, if indeed he made one, and enthusiastically engaged burly, cheerful Marek in a debate as to which of his offerings – stuffed French toast, chocolate chip pancakes, or Belgian waffles – would be the best to start off with, but there was a hot thudding in my ears and my eyes couldn’t seem to focus.

Alys, of course, was Katniss’s mother Alyssum – my mother’s best friend and confidante from childhood to the present – and I knew through my mother that Alys and Janek Mellark had been high school sweethearts on the very cusp of getting engaged when she unexpectedly broke up with him to get together with Jack Everdeen. Janek married Raisa Brognar – Rooba’s younger sister – on the rebound and everyone had gone on to produce their respective children and find varying degrees of contentment in their lives, but by all accounts, the Mellarks had rarely if ever been happy together, and of course, Katniss’s father died six years ago, leaving Alys bereft and in a stupor of grief, not unlike my own mother when her twin sister died at sixteen.

According to my mother, Alys Everdeen and Janek Mellark had carefully avoided each other since their breakup in high school, but when Peeta and Katniss began dating, they were thrown together to a certain extent and forced to interact socially. Further, in an unguarded moment that winter, Janek had admitted to Alys that he was still in love with her – feelings, Alys confessed to my mother afterward, that she was troubled to find she returned.

Of course, I discussed this with no one but my mother, though many a time I’d ached to confide in Jude, since we were similarly on the fringes of this relationship – not directly involved but connected through our mothers and their own relationships with the couple in question.

Something about Rooba’s remark that morning after prom implied that things were changing or had done, maybe irrevocably, and when I asked my mother about it that afternoon she gave a long sigh and kissed my forehead as though I were still a little girl. Do you really want to know, petal? she wondered. It might be easier to be ignorant till it all comes out.

Of course, I wouldn’t be me if I hadn’t wanted to know, and that’s how I learned what happened after the newly engaged Peeta and Katniss left for prom. About the argument that ensued when Alys furiously confronted Janek about his son’s proposal – and what happened after the argument.

I suppose it shouldn’t have come as that great a shock, but when you hear about a classmate’s parents getting divorced, you don’t think about his father sleeping with another classmate’s mother – or getting her pregnant. But it was some months before all of that came out, months when I could almost forget the secret burning in the back of my mind as the perfect year wound down to its inevitable, poignant end.

[gabzep]

Betrayal Outtake

Darius POV

When he first saw Peeta sitting at Sae’s stall he was curious as to why the baker boy was here, at the hob of all places.  One would think Peeta would have gone into hiding because of the nasty rumors going around regarding him, Delly and Thom.  But after Peeta told everyone what Delly had done to him they all felt sorry for the poor guy.  Life in the districts is hard enough without your own friends screwing you over. 

There’s really not much to do in district 12, so he reads when he’s not on duty.  That’s one thing he and Katniss have in common, books.  She gets them from Madge and his family will send him some from district 2 so they borrow from each other.  Afterwards they’d get together at Sae’s stall and share their opinions about the characters, what they liked or dislike and so on.  They are like their own little book club, members 2.  It still doesn’t stop Sae from throwing her opinion in every now and then.  So what happen to Peeta actually reminded him of a book they had read ‘Wolf’ something.  It was a college campus murder mystery.  The main girl was drugged twice but unlike Peeta she had friends that kept an eye out for each other.

This is not good he hadn’t heard of anything like this happening here before and he didn’t what anyone to get the idea that this was ok.  He needs to talk to Cray to see if they can charge Delly with something.  He heads over to Cray’s house and hopes he isn’t entertaining a guest.  He thinks it disgusting that Cray and some of the other Peacekeepers take advantage of the poor seam and on occasion merchant women desperate for money to keep their families going.  It’s nothing he could do about it; he’s heard this has been going on for decades.  Some even said it was worst in this district before Cray.  He knocks on the door.

“What do you want?” Cray yells as he opens the door.

He tells Cray about Delly drugging Peeta and the possible impact on the rest of the district if others decide to pull the same stunt. 

“Huh, sounds to me that idiot Delly slipped some sleep syrup in the white liquor.  It’s strong enough to mask the sweetness of the syrup.  Morphling wouldn’t have knocked him out after 3 drinks.  He’d be high but still awake.  Nothing we can do about it unless we trump up something else to charge her with.  Besides no one died or was physically hurt” said Cray.  He is about to disagree when Cray continues.  “Look, if we officially do something it will have to be reported.  I would have to include where and when it happened, every detail of that party that the kids had in that empty Victor’s House, which is illegal and would be seen as an 'organized meeting'.  Which to the Capitol that ‘meeting’ would be a more important” Cray said.

He goes on to explain that it’s better for district twelve that the Capitol ignores them and the best way to do that is by not bring in any attention to it.  Before he had taken over the head peacekeeper back then was vicious, there were plenty of hangings or executions by firing squad, daily whippings, and the stocks were always full.  It took a long time to get it to where it is today.  Reporting the people that died of starvation as executions, disabling the cameras, overlooking offenses such as Gale, Katniss and now Rory’s poaching along with the house parties the merchant kids have in the Victors Village.  Trying to prevent ‘mining accidents’ by not reporting the rebellious talk that he knows is going on down there.  He also mentions the unrest that has lead to uprising from districts 11 and 8 which has gotten worse since the 74th hunger games.

“We need to keep our heads down.  And I’m not about to whip or throw a teenage girl, who just had a baby two weeks ago into the stocks.” Cray concludes. “The paperwork alone isn’t worth it.”

“It doesn’t have to be official.  We need to do something to remind her and others in the district that this will not be tolerated.  We’ll hit them where it hurts the most, the business” He says.  He can’t let it go.  Katniss is his friend and she and Peeta suffered from Delly’s selfishness.  

“As long as you don’t burn it down I’ll look the other way” Cray said as he slams the door in his face.

He leaves Cray’s and heads off to find Peeta’s brother Rye.

Rye POV

He watches as Peeta hurry’s out of the bakery backpack over his shoulder, nervous but hopeful.  He wonders if Katniss will give Peeta a second change or will she be too stubborn to even let him explain? 

They had all been surprised she had given him a chance in the first place.  She always came off as surly and indifferent but once they got to know her, she was not so bad, sarcastically funny even, which he could appreciate.  She also managed to win over mom but maybe that had something to do with the fact that Katniss kept them well stocked with fresh game and not just squirrels but also turkey, geese and on occasion deer.  Mom started selling meat pies that became a big hit with the peacekeepers and their profits went up something they’d never have been able to do with the expensive butcher meat.   Of course Peeta always gave Katniss the best of the bakery fresh bread, cheese buns and cookies for Prim. 

Then everything went to hell.  “Delly” he snarls, just saying the name brings a bad taste to his mouth.  Who in the world does something like that to someone?  Bitch.

He feels guilty too.  He was too high that night to notice what was happening and to stop it somehow.  All he can vaguely recall was Katniss running out with a devastated look on her face.   Madge told him everything will work out just to give it time.

But he can’t.  He still remembers when Peeta came over after he heard about Katniss and Darius.  He was heartbroken, drinking himself sick.  Crying helplessly because he had happiness in the palm of his hands and it slipped away.  Raging that he’d always be tied to that harpy, how he couldn’t stand Delly.  He will never be happy again and how he wished he were dead. 

After that he took away Peeta’s liquor.  Helped him sober up.  Made him promise he wouldn’t hurt himself.  He looks at his broken brother, this is not the Peeta he knows. His brother was kind and selfless.  Out of the three brothers he is the best one. Now he was quick to anger, snapping at everyone for everything.  Delly caused this and he was going to make her pay.

He didn’t mention it to Peeta.  Didn’t want to distract him from his goal to win Katniss back, but he had run into Darius yesterday on the way to the hob.  They came up with a plan and they were to meet at the Victors Village tonight and to bring anyone that wanted to help.  He recruited his older brother Bannock, his girlfriend Madge and his best friend Conor.  He doesn’t know who Darius will ask but he has a pretty good idea.

The minute his shift is over he hurries upstairs to his room changes into dark clothes, grabs the general store shopping bag and rushes down the stairs, the contents in his bag clanking. “Later Pops” he calls out as he runs out the door. He’s to swing by Conor’s house first and rolls his eyes when catches sight of May, Conor’s girlfriend and her brother Mark who are all dressed in black too. 

“Peeta’s our friend too” is all Mark said.

He hands Conor the bag, “Fine, go on ahead; I’ll meet you all there, its house #4.”  Same thing happens when he reaches Bannock’s house and spots him with his two buddies.  He’s not sure if they are here to support Peeta or to relive the glory days of their youth.  He sends them up ahead too.  They can’t all be seen together, ‘Organized Meeting’ and all that.  He wonders what Darius will say with all the people showing up. 

His last stop was Madge’s; at least she didn’t have anyone with her since Katniss is her best friend.  Madge had told him how Katniss had opened up to her more once she started dating Peeta.  She was teaching Katniss the piano and Katniss would take Madge out into the woods and show her how to shoot.  That’s how he met Madge through Katniss. 

He’s in shock when they arrive in Victor’s Village house #4, where the hell did all these people come from, he spots Purnia along with a couple of peacekeepers he recognizes.  There’s Gale with a few of his crew members, Bristol is one of them and the others he vaguely remembers from school.   Rory, Vick and Prim, he can’t believe she’s here to.  Well make sense, since it was her sister that got screwed over too.  

What the hell is that smell?  It makes him gag and he puts a hand over his nose and mouth to try and block out the stench.  It smells like shit and piss, that’s when he notices the bucket by Prim and then it clicks.  Oh hell yeah! Why didn’t he think about that? They walk over to Prim; he has to hear about this. 

“Who’s brilliant idea was this” he points at the bucket.

“Prim’s” said Rory

“Its animal dropping I mix up to make fertilizer for our medicinal plant garden” Prim explains.

“And the piss” I ask.

Rory and Vick groan, hands on their stomachs.  “I’m never going to drink water ever again” said Vick. 

He guffaws, note to self ‘never piss Prim off.’

Prim hands Madge some gloves so she can help them funnel the shit and piss concoction into balloons.  Better Madge than him, he thinks.  He sees Bannock and Conor doing the same with a bucket for orange paint.  He walks over to Darius who’s talking to Haymitch.  

“Is that what Cray told you.  I can see him wanting to take the credit but it’s actually Mayor Undersee’s doing.  Cray just goes along with it; he’s drunk off his ass most of the time.  Still works in our favor. “   Haymitch says.  Just then Darius turns and catches sight of him.

“Glad you can join us Rye” said Darius.

Once all the balloons are done he and Darius start to organize everyone into groups.  They are going to hit the shoe shop in two waves.  First with the cans of black spray paint he purchased and the next with the balloons of paint and shit.  They have to be fast with the balloons because they will defiantly make noise with they hit the window and walls.  Gale, Bristol, Bannock and his buddies pick the shit balloons, totally exited, yep glory days.  Vick, Rory and the girls get the paint ones.  The rest of the group will do the spray paint.  It’s pretty late so there shouldn’t be anyone out at this time but Purnia and the other peacekeepers are to be the look outs and redirect people away for the shop if needed.

They make their way to the shop as quietly as they can.  Darius had told them not to be to profane, kids will be reading them too.  Fuck that, he’s going to paint every expletive he can think of.  They reach the shop and get to work.

Unlike the walls that can easily be painted over to cover the writing.  He chooses the window it will have to be either replaced or they will have to scrape the words off.

“Really Rye” Darius whispers “Rapist”

“What?” he whispers back “Let’s call it what it is.  It’s what you’re trying to prevent isn’t it”

Darius just gives him a look and continues spray painting ‘Peeta was drugged ‘and then ‘watch your drinks’

“Fine” he says and sprays the word ‘attempted’ right above it.  Darius just smiles and shakes his head.

Once that’s done the rest circle the shop each setting a pile of balloons at their feet.  Darius gives the signal and they start to throw.  Half way through, the girls start to giggle and the guys try to stifle their laughs.  It’s no good he, Darius and the others go and help them out to finish faster not caring where the balloons land.  They’re about done when all of a sudden the lights to the shop turn on.  They all scatter, laughing away as they head back to their homes. 

In the morning he’s leaning up against the bakery door, his dad right behind him looking across the way to the shoe shop.   Mr and Mrs Cartwright, Delly’s brother Devin and Delly are working away trying to clean up what that can.  There are several groups of people, seam and merchants standing around pointing and reading the words that had been written.

“You have anything to do with that” his dad asks.  He just shrugs his shoulders.  Delly looks his way and he reaches into his apron pocket and pulls out a can for black spray paints a little and wiggles it.  She quickly looks away.  That right bitch that’s what happens when you mess with my family he thinks before heading back inside.

Wolf: A Jessica James  Mystery by Kelly Oliver

[everlarkrealornot]

The PANEM Initiative, Chapter Twenty

Chapter 20

“Brandon?” Katniss stood outside Bran’s room a few hours later, knocking on the closed door. “Bran, I know you’re in there.”

“Piss off.” His muffled voice sounded more hurt than angry.

Katniss frowned at the door and pushed it open.

“I said piss off,” he grumbled through clenched teeth.

“I heard you,” she said as she folded her arms, leaning in the doorway.

He did his best to ignore her as he kept flipping through the magazine in his hands. She stared at him and lightly tapped her foot with increasing speed.

“ARGH!” He yelled and threw the magazine across the room. “What do you want?!”

“Why did you quit your old job?” She stopped tapping her foot and uncrossed her arms.

“Why should I talk with you about this?” He snapped.

“Because I’m the only one asking.” She raised an eyebrow.

He squinted at her as if he was considering his options. He sighed loudly and nodded for her to come in. She pushed off of the doorway and dropped down on the end of the bed.

“I met Autumn – ”

“You quit because of a girl?” She asked, interrupting him.

“Do you want to hear the story or not?” He asked. Katniss pretended to zip her lips and then crossed her arms tightly over her chest again. “I meet her in L.A. – she landed me the job I quit.”

“And then she told him she had a letter and that she was going to meet her match right after Christmas.”

“What?!” Peeta’s eyes were the size of saucers.

“She had her letter the whole time they were together.” Katniss shook her head.  “It was almost a year.”

“And he just volunteered this information to you?” He eyed her suspiciously.

“It’s not like he sought me out but I didn’t have to hold an arrow to his throat either,” she said with a shrug. Peeta nodded with a look of admiration on his face.

“Was he in love with her?” He asked after a moment.

 “I was not in love with her, Katniss.” Brandon protested.

“Yes, you are. Why else would you have quit your job and left L.A.?”

“There was nothing there for me.”

“You had a job and friends there, but you still came home.” Katniss looked at him sadly, “It’s okay to admit you have a broken heart.”

“My heart is not broken!” He barked.

 “Definitely.” She shook her head dramatically back and forth. Peeta sat thinking for a moment.

“Did he say you could share this with me?” He asked.

“Well…”

 “Why don’t you talk to Peeta about this?” Katniss asked.

“No! Don’t you say anything to him!” Brandon pointed his finger right in her face.

“Come on Bran! I mean, if either of your brothers is going to understand being punched in the face by the Initiative, its Peeta.”

“No way, Katniss!”

 “Not exactly.” She said with a shrug.

“That’s a no, isn’t it?” Peeta raised his eyebrows at her.

“That’s a, I decided it was better for both of you if you knew the truth.”

“Yeah, that’s a big hell no!” He said with a laugh.

--

Katniss wiggled in her chair, getting antsy after having to sit up straight for so long.

“I’m almost done.” Madge smirked at her in the mirror as she wrapped another strand of hair about the curling iron. “So, are Brandon and Peeta on better terms now?” Katniss gave a small giggle in response. “Still bad then?”

“No, actually, things are okay between the two…it’s just so funny to watch Brandon have to swallow down every nasty jab he thinks of…Yesterday Effie came to pick up our wedding packet and Bran looked like he was in physical pain keeping his mouth shut.” Katniss smiled as she recalled his expression.

“Mhhm.” Madge hummed as she touched up a few of the curls. “There, all done!”

“Finally!” Katniss jumped up, causing her hair to bounce around her shoulders. Madge frowned at her. “I mean, thank you.” She awkwardly squeezed Madge’s shoulders.

“You’re welcome,” she said shaking her head. “By the way, you look amazing in that dress.”

“I don’t know…it just feels a little…revealing…” Katniss pulled on the bottom of her dress, hoping to gain another inch of material.

“Okay, no.” Madge grabbed her shoulders and straightened her back up so she was standing tall. “This dress is sexy.”

“They could have taken some of the sleeve material and added it to the bottom of the dress...or the back.” She ran her hand over the edge of the open back on the dress.

“Like I said, this dress is sexy – you look sexy. Peeta will have a hard time keeping his hands to himself.” Katniss blushed. “That is what you want, isn’t it?”

“I didn’t necessarily want to be obvious about it.” She murmured as she picked at imaginary lint on her arms.

“Maybe you’ll catch the eye of…oh, what was her name again? Jolynn?” Madge snickered as she cleaned up the hair accessories.

“It’s Johanna and God, I hope not!” She sat down and slipped on her boots.

“You said her husband was hot, though, right?”

Katniss blinked at her for a moment.

“First of all, I said good looking and second of all, what happened to my friend? She never used to talk about boys this much…or with this much enthusiasm,” she added.

“That was before, when there were no cute boys in your life to talk about,” she said with a wink.

“True,” Katniss said with a nod of her head before they both burst out laughing.

“So much laughing in here,” Helen said as she swung her head around the door frame. “Oh, Katniss, you look lovely.”

“Thanks mom.” She unconsciously tugged at the bottom of her dress again – both Helen and Madge had to hide their giggles at her action.

“Peeta’s here, by the way,” Helen said with a smile before disappearing from view.

“You ready?” Madge asked.

Katniss looked in the mirror one last time before grabbing the clutch Madge had brought for her to use (she was running out of dresses and accessories for these stupid fancy meet ups).

“As ready as I can be.”

“Come on.” Madge smiled at her and gently pushed her towards the door.

“KATNISS, ARE YOU COMING?!” Prim shouted just as they walked into the living room.

“NO.” Katniss said in exasperation.

“You look awesome!” Prim jumped up ignoring her snarky comment. “Picture time!”

“As always.” Katniss said under her breath. “Hi.” She turned to Peeta and smiled warmly. “How did work go without me?” The day before had been Katniss’s last day at the bakery and she had almost dropped a whole tray of muffins on the ground.

“Uneventful.” He smiled brightly at her.

“T o g e t h e r.” Prim said slowly as she waved her hands.

Katniss sighed, handing her clutch to Madge before walking over to Peeta. She felt his hesitation as he slid his arm around her waist, his fingertips brushing the bare skin of her back, his hand coming to rest on her hip. Their eyes met for a moment before turning their attention back to Prim and smiling for her.

“Beautiful!”

--

The Christmas party was being held in the Grand Banquet Hall, just twenty minutes into the city from their town. They both had been to the hall for prom (which Katniss only attended because Madge forced her to go) but never had it looked so elegant. There were pine trees scattered around the edges of the room, all decorated in the same white Christmas lights that glowed warmly. From the ceiling hung lights in the shape of snowflakes, all glowing with the same warm light that the Christmas trees had. The smell of pine, eggnog, and cinnamon swirled in the air.

After checking-in Katniss and Peeta had managed to evaded Effie and head straight to the buffet. They were slightly shocked not to see the traditional appetizers that had been served at the last two meet ups, but a large spread of traditional Christmas dinner foods.  The dessert table was covered in at least twelve different kinds of Christmas cookies and besides the regularly stocked drinks at the bar, there were four different kinds of hot chocolate and both spiked and non-spiked eggnog.

“Just based off of the buffet, I think this is going to be my favorite Meet Up so far.” Katniss said, as she was already on her third plate of food.

“It’s not too bad.” Peeta said raising his glass. Katniss smiled and raised hers in return.

“I knew you two had to be here somewhere.” Finnick smirked as he sat down with a plate of food.

“Katniss, don’t you look ravishing tonight!” Johanna gave her a wicked grin.

“And don’t you look…pregnant.” Katniss couldn’t help but stare at the woman’s stomach.

“Just what every woman wants to hear.” Her grin vanished as she dropped her plate on the table and sat down. She stabbed a piece of ham with her knife and bit a hunk off to chew on.

“I’m assuming you two have finished that awful wedding packet by now?” Finnick ignored his hostile wife.

“Effie came and got it yesterday…I thought she was going to burst with happiness.” Peeta gave a laugh.

“She is either incredibly delighted because of you, incredibly anxious for you, or incredibly angry with you…there is no in between.” Finnick’s evaluation of Effie’s emotional state was highly accurate and the whole table couldn’t help but laugh. “How’s school, Peeta?”

“Oh,” Peeta shifted uncomfortably in his chair, “I actually withdrew.” Finnick was surprised – the last time they had talked at the Halloween Party, they had had a rather lengthy conversation about Peeta’s classes.

“I’m sorry to hear that.”

“No, it’s a good thing.” Peeta took a drink of his water. “I didn’t fit there and I missed the bakery.”

“So you’re making cupcakes together?” Johanna wrinkled her nose. “How cute.”

“I’m actually a personal chef now.” Katniss desperately wanted to add a “thank you very much” to the end of that sentence.

“That sounds interesting,” said Finnick. He looked to Katniss, obviously waiting for her to continue the conversation.

“Well, I…I haven’t started yet…I start after the first of the year.” Katniss mumbled as she stumbled over her words. The three of them just kind of stared at her for a moment.

“Katniss will be working for a designer, his name is Cinna.” Peeta picked up the conversation for her. “She showed me pictures of his kitchen – it’s bigger than the kitchen in the bakery.”

 Sometime after they had finished eating, Finnick had brought Katniss a hot chocolate that had been made with a cream liqueur. She had been reluctant to drink it at first but had enjoyed the warm feeling that it had given her so much that she had three more.

The room was worm and the smell of pine and cinnamon was starting to make Katniss drossy. She leaned lazily against Peeta’s side and sipped on another hot chocolate as he and Finnick talked on. She was enjoying the feeling of his thumb rubbing against her hip as she watched Finnick massage Johanna’s feet and calves. There was something hypnotic in his motion and touch and after a while Katniss felt like she was intruding on a very private moment for them.  

There was a break in conversation and Peeta had said something to her that she had missed. She shook her head, trying to clear the fuzz that had settled around her.

“Do you want to dance?” Peeta motioned to the dance floor. She nodded silently and sat down her drink. He excused them and then took her hand leading her among the other couples. He wrapped his arm around her waist, settling his hand on the small of her back. She took his free hand and placed her other hand on his shoulder.

Katniss was now highly aware of her sensations. The smell of Peeta’s body wash was intoxicating and the touch of his hand on her bare back was like a welcoming fire. They were pressed so close together she could feel his heart beat, steady and strong, and was sure he could feel hers, unsteady and fast.

“You look stunning, by the way.” His checks were tinted pink as he spoke and she knew hers would soon be too.

“Thank you.” She swallowed hard. “You look good too.” He smiled and looked off over her shoulder. “I’m..” she started but the words failed on her lips.

He looked at her, questioningly. She closed her eyes and dug through all of the stuff that was keeping her from being honest with him.

“I’m glad you’re home, and….I’m glad I’m here with you.” 

Buy me a coffee?

[booksaremyoxygenn]

Everything, Everything: Book Review & Favorite Quotes!

“The greatest risk is not taking one.”

Rating: 4.5 Stars

Wow. I am breathless, I did not expect to fall head over heels with this book but yet here I am. The beginning scene where the bundt cake commits suicide from the window was freaking adorable. AND THEN HE SETS IT UP LIKE A FREAKING ELF ONTHE SHELF... Hahaha I was dying. So adorable! If the bundt scenes aren’t in the movie I will be seriously disappointed... How in only 35 pages had I already love Olly when he has only been on like 6 pages....? By the time he tells her they are going to be friends I am already making fangirl noises at my book.... usually these noises are reserved for the last 100 pages but we aren’t even 50 pages in yet. DAMN, how am I already emotionally attatched to these characters!! 

I would 10/10 recommend this young adult contemporary! Especially if you want to do some deep thinking about love and what it means to truly LIVE. I can not encourage anyone / everyone enough to read this book! It was so moving and inspiring, you won't regret it!

Where did the missing 0.5 of a star go?                                                    (PLEASE NOTE: There are SPOILERS below) 

While the ending was definitely packed with twists and beautiful quotes and just so many good things (like Olly)- I feel like it was a cop out from discussing disabilities / diseases. It was an easy ending. I thought it was finally going to be a book where we don’t see everything magically fall together. I thought that was going to be a major theme / lesson from this book. They were going to find a way around and it and he would still love her regardless of her disease and how it confined her. That would have been really powerful but I understand it would have been a really hard ending to write. I just think we need more books like that, where people get their happily ever after but with compromise and learning to accept that not everything is perfect, some of us are dealt life threatening diseases but that doesn’t stop us from loving wholeheartedly. However, on the contrary, I liked the message that if you don’t ever try to expand yourself you will never learn new things or grow. 

Also, there is another thing I am strongly against in this book and it is ALL THE DAMN SPOILERS for other books. Like maybe I was planning on reading them?? I don’t feel like I can just skip reading the excerpts because what if it adds depth to the scene? Also this book was actually extremely short considering how many pages were covered in pictures or had only a small excerpt on them... I didn’t mind because obviously the value of a story doesn’t depend on word count but still without all the gaps this would have been a very thin book... I think this is my way of saying that I wish I had more cute Olly moments... because even a million isn’t enough and now I want everything. Everything. (Haha.. Do you see what I did there?)

Madeline has Severe Combined Immunodeficiency or bubble baby disease, meaning she’s “allergic to the world.” (pg 3) Though she is still such a wonderful, strong willed protagonist. Phonetic Scrabble sounds adorable and I love that she writes Tumblr book reviews and how much she loves books. I think all the reading is part of what made her wish for more and hope for a better future because I know that is why reading does for me. 

When Olly gives her, her first nickname and he says he can be both sexy and good at math - I was already in love already. I understand her need to push him away and I agree with it in some ways because this wasn’t something like Katniss needing to focus more on the revolution or Ron not being able to admit his feelings about Hermione or Bella trying to choose between Edward and Jacob.. this is Maddy picking between her life and a boy, even if that boy is irresistible, funny.  and kind like Olly. There are so many more risks at hand here and she is deciding if she’d rather live a few more months? weeks? days? and truly feel alive and happy in them or live many more long years but never truly experience life. THAT IS SUCH A HARD DECISION. 

I want everything for these two, I truly do but it was SO hard knowing that it could kill her. Yet there I was yelling at the book that this isn’t Rapunzel’s evil kidnapper lying about the outside world BUT a real sickness. He tells her he isn’t sorry for kissing her and that was when I yelled at the book “Yeah, you’ll be regretting it WHEN SHE DIES!” Like what is this? Test how much she can do before she winds up in a hospital? 

Did anyone else dread the black page? Like I knew it was bad whether it was death, unconsciousness, hospitalization, house arrest, whatever it was it wasn’t good for Maddy. I just am really crossing my fingers for no TFIOS bullshit where Olly will end up the one hurt... I’m not emotionally ready for that and I don’t think I ever will be. Also, while I am so glad Maddy chooses to live freely and that she chooses to see the world but I just felt like every time someone found out that she is lying about the pills and lets her go that they are handing a suicidal child a gun. I can’t get past that thought. 

One of my favorite connections in this book was Maddy and Olly’s mom. They are both living parallel lives and feel utterly trapped. In the end it was themselves who had to choose to leave the destructive people behind for their own well being and so that they could feel free and truly live. (pg 259) I loved how even though they lived VERY different lives they could relate so intensely. 

Favorite Quotes: 

1. “Everything’s a risk. Not doing anything is a risk. It’s up to you.” (pg 68)

2. “For the first time in a long time, I want more than I have.” (pg 80) 

3. “One thing I’m certain of: Wanting just leads to more wanting. There’s no end to desire.” (pg 83)

4. “You can find the meaning of life in a book... OK, maybe not just a single book, but if you read enough you’ll get there.” (pg 89)

5. “Maybe we can’t predict everything, but we can predict some things. For example, I am certainly going to fall in love with Olly. It’s almost certainly going to be a disaster.” (pg 99)

6. “This is why people touch. Sometimes words are just not enough.” (pg 105)

7. “ I read once that, on average, we replace the majority of our cells every seven years. Even more amazing: We change the upper layers of our skin every two weeks. If all the cells in our body did this, we’d be immortal but some of our cells, like the ones in our brains, don’t renew. they age, and age us. In two weeks my skin will have no memory of Olly’s hand on mine, but my brain will remember. We can have immortality or the memory of touch. But we can’t have both.” (pg 122)

8. “Is it always like that?” I ask, breathless. “No,” he says. “It’s never like that.” I hear the wonder in his voice. And just like that, everything changes.” (pg 130)

9. “Life is a gift. Don’t forget to live it.” (pg 141)

10. “I tell her that he thinks I’m funny and smart and beautiful in that order, and that the order matters.” (pg 148 - 149)

11. “But a description of a tree is not a tree, and a thousand paper kisses will never equal the feel of Olly’s lips on mine.” (pg 163)

12. “Ever since Olly came into my life there’ve been two Maddys: the one who lives through books and doesn’t want to die, and the one who lives and suspects that death will be a small prices to pay for it.... The second Maddy knows that this pale half life is not really living.” (pg 167)

13. “Sometimes you do things for the right reasons and sometimes for the wrong ones and sometimes it’s impossible to tell the difference.” (pg 174)

14. “That love opens you up to the world. I was happy before I met him. But I’m alive now, and those are not the same thing.” (pg 181)

15. ‘You’re not living if you’re not regretting” (pg 186)

16. “Maybe growing up means disappointing the people we love.” (pg 218)

17. “In my head I know I’ve been in love before, but it doesn’t feel like it. Being in love with you is better than the first time. It feels like the first time and the last time and the only time all at once.” (pg 221)

18. “We watch the way the water pulls back and turns over and beats against the sand, trying to wear the earth away. And even though it doesn’t succeed, it pulls back and pounds the shore again and again, as if there were no last time and there is no next time and this time is the time that counts.” (pg 232)

19. “My heart is too bruised and I want to keep the pain as a reminder. I don’t want sunlight on it. I don’t want it to heal. Because if it does, I might be tempted to use it again.” (pg 255)

20. “Sometimes you have to leave the people you love the most” (pg 259)

21. “Love is worth everything. Everything.” (pg 302)

22. “I was trying so hard to find the single pivotal moment that set my life on its path. The moment that answered the question, How did I get here? But it’s never just one moment. It’s a series of them. And your life can branch out from each one in a thousand different ways. Maybe there’s a version of your life for all the choices you make and all the choices you don’t.” (pg 305)

[jesterlady]

Avengers Endgame Review

So it's finally time, I am about to give the world my review and feelings of Endgame.  I've had this swirling around in my head for weeks but am finally ready to give it voice.  I've seen the movie twice and there are obviously massive spoilers ahead so read at your own risk.

First off, I like this movie.  It's a good movie despite the sadness and the stupid time travel, so when I criticize it, know I still enjoyed it.  I think it's a beautiful crowning achievement, the end of an era of the MCU. In many ways I wish it was the end of the MCU, it would be fitting and sometimes things should end.  I laughed and cried and cheered with everyone and seeing it opening weekend was absolutely an amazing experience.  For a full time fan it had some amazing fanservice and callbacks.

I also want to point out that I am usually incredibly good at liking a movie on its own terms.  Even if something doesn't make sense or doesn't make sense in our world, so long as that universe has claimed it as its own, I'll put on my suspension of disbelief and shrug my shoulders and say, 'whatever you say, squire.'  So really I'm the type of person who should be okay with the way they handled time travel in this movie.  Spoiler, I'm not.  I'll go into all of that.

Let's get the generals out of the way.  Visually it's fantastic, acting its ass off, I'm okay with the writing, I laughed at all the funny bits, it's heartwarming and gives all the feels.  Love the music, love the cinematography, all that jazz.

Character looks changes since, wow, there were a lot:

Steve: Thank you, Cap, for shaving the beard.  Chrevans is a fine looking man with a beard but it does not scream clean linen and fresh apple pie and I need my Cap that way.

Natasha: I'm actually a fan of the red ombre look, Katniss braid and all.  It's pretty and I need her red because the blonde was not good, not good at all.  I know people complain about hair not growing out that slow, but I think it's a good symbol, Natasha caught between two worlds, the old and the new, becoming more herself, but unable to let go of the past.  And it's red and it's pretty.

Clint: Yeah, the mohawk grew on me.  I actually think when you see it moving and in action, it works, it's only in the pictures and promos that it just looks weird.  I feel like the tattoo sleeve was a bit much.  (That can't come off so easy post-snap, Clint!)  His Ronin suit was cool; I would have liked to have seen more of it.

Carol: I don't like the haircut.  That's it; I just don't like the look.  But whatever. I think it's kind of pointless other than to emphasize again time has passed, but they were hammering that point in hard enough without that reminder.  But honestly, I don't care.

Bruce: So, this is more about my feelings on Bruce in the movie than his look, but it's all tied up in his look so I'll put it here.  I am leery of Professor Hulk.  I'm gonna go with Valkyrie, better either of the other ways.  The CGI was really cool, but I think it says something alarming about how Bruce is handling his situation and his solution…is not good. We'll skip over how he magically invented a Gammatron thing to accomplish this and go into how it directly goes against what had been happening in the MCU so far and how Bruce/Hulk is handled in the comics.  The best way is when Bruce and Hulk both develop as individuals and come to a symbiotic understanding, two beings sharing a body.  Eddie and Venom style.  Hulk had been given his own story in Ragnarok and had his own path as evidenced by him hiding in IW.  Now, there is no Hulk.  It's Bruce wearing a Hulk suit, just like him wearing Tony's armor.  That almost feels like murder to me.  My mom said she thought Bruce had more Hulkish characteristics now, okay, maybe, but I think it's more like him acting a part now that he's Professor Hulk and feels like he beat the beast.  My theory is supported by the fact that when the Ancient One astral planes him, it's only Bruce that comes out of the body.  Now, I'm happy he's happy, but I think they went the wrong way on this one.

Thor: Loving the long hair again, though I wish he'd brush it a bit, hate the beard.  The lightning makeover made it very cool with the Viking look, but otherwise, please shave immediately!  You know, it was funny for him to be so out of shape, it was also sad because it showed how depressed he really was.  I am okay with the jokes and don't think it was wrong for us to think it funny because we're conditioned to think that Chris Hemsworth with his shirt off is supposed to be the latest in hunk.  Did they have to joke about it as much as they did? Probably not, but I don't think it was horrendous and body shaming and he clearly does need to get more healthy in body and mind.  I fully expect and will be fine with, if we see him again, him being unmelted ice cream.

Superficial out of the way, let's walk through the movie and then dive into the time travel issues.

Okay, Tony and Nebula dynamic is the best and I would have wanted so much more of that. Tony leaving the message for Pepper is all the feels.

Did Carol go looking for them or just find them?  It doesn't really matter, but I'd still like to know.  With Pepper being at the compound I'm thinking yes.

Poor Steve and Tony, that was not a good reunion, and I don't like Tony yelling at Steve, but I can understand it in his frame of mind.

Going off to kill Thanos, yay!  Okay, so all along I've been pulling for Nebula to kill Thanos and honestly, she deserves it.  Second in line, Thor.  So I was glad Thor did that, but poor Nebula.  She's such a beautiful character and so tragic and I just wish there had been a bit more catharsis for her other than the potential of acceptance and pride she didn't need and blood splattering her face.  I mean, ouch!  My ultimate version of a Thanos death in this movie would have been both Nebulas and past Gamora killing him with help from Thor. 

And Five Years Later.  Lol, the audience was all what!  I'm all, duh!

So yeah, a rat really did save the world, you guys.  I mean, come on!  Poor Scott. Though I am thinking, okay, the world is clearly a trashpile now and yet we had the resources to create giant monument graveyards presumably all over the world?  Also, his reunion with Cassie was sweet, but I'm sorry, I can't help but mourn the loss of the munchkin.  That actress was super adorbz and now we'll never see her again and I am not okay with that.  Also, I really feel like that new Cassie was way too old looking.  (Guys, I'm not good with ages, but little Cassie was like 6, 5 years makes her 11, that girl was clearly 15 or 16.  Though again...seeing as how Harley looks way too old to me as well and that's the actual actor, what do I know?)

Love the team effort spread out over the globe and universe.  It's also a good way to handle Carol.  Over-powered characters are so difficult to handle because then there is no conflict, so it was good to show her off saving the whole universe (honestly just like she's apparently been doing this whole time).

Oh Nat.  Her and her sandwich.  Her and Clint!  Finally this movie gives me the Clint/Natasha content I deserve and then rips my heart from me.  She's handling this burden but her partner is lost and that's what's breaking her and I can't handle it!

Her and Steve's friendship has always been aces and I loved that scene.

Scott there to save the world and he's so refreshing and then on to Tony and it's so precious he has little Morgan and they did a good job showcasing that he is handling this the best of anyone and honestly deserves to.

Nat is wearing the arrow necklace again!!!!

I'm glad Tony said no, but honestly, it's so like him to have a problem and need to fix it. And Pepper is such a queen, such an amazing giver, and the world doesn't deserve her.

We've gone over my feelings on Bruce (the joke with him and Scott went on way too long and was not funny.  Also, thank you for only doing the barest of alluding to a Bruce/Nat romance.)

Tony and Steve scenes are the best and I love them rebuilding something and Steve getting the shield back.

Tokyo in the rain kills me.  Okay, so let's talk a bit about Clint here.  I am not a fan of the farm, I wish the farm had never happened and I like to live in a world where it didn't.  In fact that gifset where Clint introduces Laura as his sister is my preferred canon and I think would have done the trick in his grief spiral.  Personally, I don't have any issues with a Ronin lifestyle and my only worry is what it's doing to his psyche.  Oh, but them in the rain, my feels, my feels, my feels.  Honestly, the world is chaotic now and needs a bit of vigilante justice.

Thor and New Asgard.  My first thought is that while obviously the most decimated people in the universe, the Asgardians really lucked out coming to earth when they did, because at what other time would we have accepted an alien race landing on earth to come and live with us without freaking out?  I don't even know how there are any left anyway because clearly so many died in Ragnarok and then half of them were wiped out by Thanos (pre-snap, remember, so did they come back?!  Not likely unless Bruce (who was there) included them, but still unlikely.)  Then the half that were left...were on a ship that got completely destroyed and left Thor floating in space.  So all I'm saying is they did not take care of continuity for this people and they were the real victims of the MCU. 

But clearly some escaped and I find it hilarious Thor is a depressed bum playing video games and it's so so sad at the same time and I just want to wrap him up and let him rest.  Honestly, Thor has lost everything and it's no wonder he's a giant mess and he deserves to be.  I'm also glad he didn't magically buck up, because honestly no one would.

The PLAN:

Them all planning together is so cute and a bit smart and good times apart from their ridiculous time travel premise we'll get into later.  I do want to be very clear here, Nebula did not know about the price for the soul stone or she would have told them.  There's no way she could have known.

Let's go over each era individually.

2012

You remember 2012 right?  It was glorious.  I don't care what you think about Joss Whedon or the rest of the MCU, 2012 was magic. In fact right after watching Endgame, I went home and read all my fave gen domestic team tower fic and I needed it. So the fanservice was lovely and seeing behind the scenes almost of what we loved was the best.  Everyone was perfect.  Hulk and the stairs, Thor and his hammer, Tony giving himself a heart attack, Cap in the elevator, America's ass, Loki and the tesseract, even being reminded that Hydra was in SHIELD at the time.  Apart from the time travel issues, it was all wonderful.

I’ve seen a lot of people point out how they didn’t like Steve in 2012 and how Endgame Steve was annoyed at himself, but I don’t see it.  2012 Steve is perfection, fight me.

I liked seeing the Ancient One as well, knowing they would have been there.  Seeing how much she knew about Strange ahead of time is good and her knowing what he meant by giving it up.  I'll go into the Stones and their conversation later as well.

2014 Asgard.

Poor Thor, but having him talk to his mom, that was beautiful and just what he needed.  I know some people were mad he didn't spend more time being sad about Loki but honestly, Frigga was what he needed right then. And not to have to be reminded of Jane and how annoyingly that ended up for no reason whatsoever other than Natalie Portman deciding not to come back.  What if Gwyneth Paltrow had felt that way!  I shudder to think.  But that’s part of my ongoing saga of how horribly the Thor saga in particular, yes, even Ragnarok, especially Ragnarok, treats its characters and continuity.

2014 Morag

Seeing the opening of Guardians was so funny and I loved it.  But I got super annoyed at Rhodey saying Quill was an idiot for it. Rude!  Do you know how often I dance around my house lip syncing to music only I can hear?  We adore it when people do that in the movies.  There was nothing idiotic about it and I resented the way people looked down on Quill in the movie.  For instance, I’m super mad about how his reunion with Gamora went.  He reacted beautifully and I also understand her reacting the way she did if she didn’t know him, but Nebula had told her about him and that was just mean and condescending.  In fact, I also get annoyed about the whole rivalry between him and Thor.  I mean, just let Quill alone.  Having his own team, his own family, be so cavalier is annoying, especially when they’ve all lost Gamora and Peter has lost a lot of people very important to him in a very short period of time.  Yes, he is insecure, but he’s also lost a lot and I’m a fan of loyalty.

There not being traps is so funny and then 2014 Thanos happens.  Ugh.  It was the way to bring Gamora into the film and Thanos honestly.  But ugh.  I do think the network with the Nebulas was clever, though very convenient, memories just project themselves out and happen to be the ones that would clue Thanos in to what happened!  I hate for Nebula to be subject to that again after being free for 5 years.   More really.  Poor 2014 Nebula as well. 

Switching the Nebulas was clever as well (though why on earth wouldn’t anyone wonder why Nebula wasn’t with them when they tried the snap?)

Also, let’s not get into it too deeply yet but they are very clear, so clear, that Pym Particles are the only way you get through the quantum realm and they ONLY had enough for ONE round trip per person.  It’s why we had to go to the 70s in the first place, remember?  When 2014 Nebula presents herself to Thanos, she hands him the vial of particles, we never see him hand it back.  Now, either she was just showing it to him and he gave it back and that’s how she came to the future, (which is most likely), or she gave it to him so he could come to the future with their evil plan (but then how did she get back with the others?)  But either way, someone shouldn’t have been able to get to the future.  No matter what Nebula did to the Quantum tunnel, (so convenient she just plugged in and did all these science/mechanic/time travel things) there were no Pym particles that could have brought Thanos, our Nebula, 2014 Gamora, and all of his vast armies and armada to the present. IT LITERALLY COMPLETELY FALLS APART AND MAKES NO SENSE AND GOES AGAINST THEIR OWN RULES!

2014 Vormir

Oh my heart. I’m actually ashamed, I didn’t see it coming until they were headed to Vormir and then I knew, I knew one would die and I was so unhappy the whole scene.  I didn’t go into this movie fearing for either one of them so it was a big shock.  I’d been expecting Steve and/or Tony to die. 

So like I said, I’ve been a Clint/Natasha shipper since day one.  Honestly, I didn’t even care if they were together so long as they were always the most important people to each other and were together. The MCU tore that from me with Ultron, but also with their cavalier treatment of Clint in general.  Say what you will about Natasha’s arc, it’s hella better than Clint’s.  So don’t give me that.  Clint is my favorite character so naturally I’m biased in his favor, I accept that.  But I love him and Natasha and so it was going to devastate me either way.  (I also love Natasha).  Remember the early version of Winter Soldier when Clint and Nat were in it and he stayed with Hydra to fool everyone while she went off with Steve and Sam and they were secret partners just like I’m convinced they were in Civil War?  Jeremy Renner wasn’t available as I recall, oh sadness.

Anyway, so this scene just slayed me.  They were so pure together, each trying to die for the other.  Oh, it was awful and visually stunning and I am so annoyed at how it ended.  How deep a contrast between the parallel scene with Thanos and Gamora, each just as sad though.  But no matter what the end result was, it brought Clint and Natasha back to each other, back to their rightful spots at each other’s sides and uppermost in each other’s hearts.  It was always them and if they’d killed one or the other without letting the other one be there, I would have been so furious.

And I’ve seen a lot of hate about letting Natasha die this way.  For a man, no funeral, but I don’t agree.  I don’t want her to have died and I’m so sad, but I think it was a glorious death and I think it did close out her arc beautifully.  Clint tried his darndest but she was better than him and she chose it and she saved everyone.  You want the credit in this film, it goes…rat, Scott, Natasha, Tony. As for her not being mourned, heck yeah she was.  Clint clearly is mourning and that funeral was absolutely for her just as much as Tony. It’s a movie structure thing, and I have no issues with that.  There’s no way she wasn’t heralded just as much as he was to the people who matter if not to the world.

I did read that the writers/directors didn’t know there was a Black Widow movie in the works and if that’s true, it both proves and illustrates my two points that Marvel really is the deciding force in everything if the individual movies are so sure that they’ll get stopped if they’re wrong they don’t even bother to check on things, and that the MCU has gotten too big for its britches and doesn’t bother to take care of the characters they have in their insane rush to bring in new stories and characters.

1970s

Goodbye Stan Lee cameo, we miss you already.  And look at Community sneaking into the MCU one bit at a time.  And Jarvis!  You know, that’s the first character from one of the shows who’s been allowed to be in a movie rather than the other way around.  Way to validate, Marvel.  It’s scary how the technology works to make younger versions of people these days (provided the actors are still alive to play underneath the CGI).  And Peggy, glorious Peggy, that was an important moment for Steve and I don’t care what anyone else thinks.  I’m not overly fond of old Howard Stark but if Tony got to see him, I’m glad.  I’m so glad for his sake.  He deserves validation he was loved.

Back to our present.  A mourning scene for Natasha is appropriate and, boy, would I hate to be Clint.

The second snap. Appropriate in many ways for it to be Bruce and the snap worked!  Everyone came back.  Question: did everyone come back in the same place they left just 5 years forward in time? It seems that way from what Peter said. So…what about the people who came back in planes that were no longer in the same space in the sky or in space or underwater or in buildings long gone?  For that matter, did Thanos consider all those things when he wiped out half the universe?  Did the accidents resulting from people being gone get considered in his numbers?  I know these are more IW questions, but they’re valid. And like I said, Asgardians?  The people who died as a result of people being snapped, did Bruce bring them back as well?  And we can also talk about how a sudden influx of people like that will likely cause quite a lot of chaos and issues.

But then explosions and Thanos attacks even though it makes no sense for him to be there and people are drowning and the compound is destroyed!

Battle commences and the three of them pounding on Thanos like that is pretty cool. Unfortunately, guys, remember how unbeatable Thanos was with the Stones in IW, and how it almost seemed like Thor by himself would get him?  Here, he doesn’t have the Stones and our three main guys are not able to beat him. That’s a little contrived, just saying.

Okay, but Steve with the hammer, how cool is that?  And how cool is it for Thor not to be jealous?  We all cheered so loud and it was awesome.  Love it, love it, love it.  Don’t break the shield though!!!  (Never mind, pop back to the PAST store and pick up a replacement.)  Good fighting, good visuals, yay.

And the image of Steve standing by himself, ready to take on a whole army…it’s so him.  He is willing to fight to his last breath always (so stop hating on him finally getting to rest himself, guys).  It was glorious.

And then…on your left.  Oh my heart, oh we all cheered for every portal opening.  That music, it was the best.  Such awesome moments, everyone was there.  And extra sorcerers and Wakandans and Asgardians because like it or not our superheroes are not an army.  Epic battle!

Okay, and remember how people complain about Natasha not being there in the all woman power move (which I am totally fine with and it was a cool throwback and tribute), that’s sad and all, but you know who deserves to be there who wasn’t? Maria frikking Hill!  No reason her and Fury couldn’t have been there and if you’re going to bring Hope, you might as well bring Hank and Janet.  And frankly, I wish Sif had shown up and the SHIELD folks and all the other people who weren’t there, Nakia anyone?  Strange clearly gathered more people than he knew about with his knowledge of the future.  Heck, let’s remember Betty Ross exists since her dad clearly does.

So anyway, fabulous battle.  I just want to point out that Wanda could have beaten Thanos on her own (poor Wanda) and so could have Carol. 

Peter and Tony reunion brought my cold dead heart back to life.  He’s learned a little bit about being a Dad and he did this mainly for Peter. 

Nebula has to shoot herself, like how messed up is that.  Also, makes no sense, but it’s very sad.  Thought maybe that’s her catharsis, she puts the past literally behind her and moves on with her new family.  She was so tragic in this movie and I love her.

T’Challa knows Clint’s name. 

Peter and the Gauntlet clutching.

It’s nice to know why Strange saved Tony’s life by giving up the Gauntlet and that was a horrible one finger to have to lift up and condemn a man’s life.

Tony and Pepper fighting together

AvengersAssemble one more time

For heaven’s sake, where did the flying horse come from?

And then the culmination of eleven years of our lives and full circle I am Iron Man.  Oh brave Tony, I love you, sir, you are aces and I respect the heck out of you and I’m so thankful for you and it was very fitting.

Oh and having Rhodey and Peter and Pepper say goodbye.  Oh Pepper, you brave soul, you queen of the MCU, you absolute giver. Ugh, being the one left behind sucks.

And then everyone is fine and together and better and Tony gives us a voice over and there’s a funeral and we see everyone there, Tony Stark has a heart, and when Happy starts talking about cheeseburgers, I lost it.

I didn’t recognize Harley, but I love he was there.  Ross doesn’t deserve to be there.

Clint and Wanda’s moment gives me life and is the only remembrance for poor Vision.  Let’s remember folks, that I called it. Everyone who was snapped came back. Those that died apart from that, didn’t. Heimdell, Loki, Gamora, and Vision are still dead.

No one saw what happened to 2014 Gamora, did they?  A mystery likely to be unanswered until Guardians 3.  But Peter searching for her made me sad.  And it made me sad for everyone to gang up on him though I do like the idea of Thor joining the Guardians.

Scott, Hope, and Cassie together is so sweet.

And Steve…

I am a fan, I don’t think it’s OOC, I don’t think it’s lazy writing, I think Captain Frikking America deserves to dance and love his lady and not have to fight a battle anymore.  It’s a fitting end to Chris Evans and it was beautiful.  I would have been happy with either Bucky or Sam getting the shield and so that’s lovely.  As for people being upset about Steve just leaving and then Bucky not talking to Old Cap along with Sam.  Come on, guys.  Watch that scene.  Bucky knew what Steve was going to do and they had their goodbye there.  Also, Old Cap didn’t drop dead the second the camera left, guys.  There was plenty of time for him to talk to Bucky.  It was just was more important for Sam to get his proper goodbye and to pass the baton. 

Them ending it all on a happy Steve and Peggy, well, one of the couples deserves a happy ending, geesh.  Nobody else got one!  (I don’t count Clint and Laura!)  Granted, the next phase of lovers, T’Challa and Nakia, Strange and Christine, Scott and Hope, I guess, they could make it.  But Steve and Peggy living a life together, Steve learned how to let it go, and Tony learned how to give it up, and both are valid paths for their characters. Sad either way, but ultimately right in my opinion.

The credits were so cool and I was so happy they did the OG6 at the end like that.  They are the reason we love this and they deserve all the glory for the first few phases of the MCU.  They’re now passing the baton and that’s always why it was good and final for there not to be an end credit scene.

So time travel…I don’t pretend to know anything about quantum physics, but I know a lot about science fiction time travel.  The quantum tunnel being how they did it, that was the part that I could accept as being their rules of how they want to play it.  Doesn’t matter if it isn’t science, it’s their science.  Pym particles necessary to nagivate?  Okay, if that’s what you want to do.  Everyone always back at the exact same time with no time having passed no matter when you push your button to come back?  Okay, whatever.

There’s a lot of ways to do time travel.  Closed loops, paradoxes, alternate timelines, whatever happened happened.  LOST does the latter and it makes logical sense. The past happened the way it did because you always had gone back to the past and affected it, you just didn’t know it at the time.

But there’s always a certain amount of hand waving in time travel, okay?  It’s not easy to make it make sense.  Back to the Future is very solid, but there’s a certain amount you just have to accept.  Doctor Who does it really well, because it uses practically every type of time travel in its timey wimey way and manages for it to mostly make sense.  (River Song’s creator and his glorious power mad timeline aside.  Had to write two different fics to fix that!)  So like I said, you can go with a different version and have it make sci fi sense, but there are two incredibly important things to remember about time travel. 1. Ethics.  2. Stick to your own rules.

The Russos have confirmed alternate timelines were created with every change our peeps made in the past.  According to their version of time travel, it didn’t change their own pasts and can’t affect their future, but it does create alternate timelines.

Just to be clear, alternate realities and alternate timelines are different.  The multi-verse theory allows for completely different realities to be stacked alongside each other where every possibility is played out.  You can cross between them, sometimes the rules are that you can’t function in that dimension or sometimes you can take the place of that version of you and live there, either way.  It’s a whole separate place apart from your reality.  Generally, it’s not good form to interfere too much, but if you do, best to get back to your reality quickly.  You being there and making changes doesn’t change that world though any more than you switching jobs or meeting someone does in your own timeline. Too much crossing could destroy all realities though!

Alternate timelines are different though.  They are deliberate changes stemming from a cause and affect everything from that point on. Most of the time if you jump back to the future from a past where you changed something, then you’re jumping back to the future that change created.  Endgame doesn’t do that.  Which is very convenient and again, they can make their own rules even if they’re not logical and I’ll believe them, so long as they follow the two main things I said up above.

However, they don’t.

1.       Ethically, do they have the right to create other timelines and affect those people’s lives without knowledge of the consequences?  There’s now a timeline where a 2012 Loki is loose with the Tesseract. Folks, that’s not a good thing considering his mindset at the time.  There’s a 2014 Asgard Thor that doesn’t have his hammer (although when Steve took it back with him in time, I’m unsure whether he returned that as well as the Stones) and whatever Hank was going to use those Pym particles for, he now can’t. 2012 Steve knows about Bucky being alive.  2012 Hydra thinks Steve is on their side.  2014 Thanos and Gamora and Nebula and all his children are gone from that year and now the Guardians will never form in that timeline. 

Sure, maybe Frigga doesn’t die now, but the point is there are now numerous different timelines where billions of people’s lives will be different for better or for worse simply because our heroes decided to change their own timeline. How selfish is that?  Generally, it’s even a huge question when you’re trying to fix something that’s already been changed, ala SG1 Continuum.  Beau Bridges calls Cam, Daniel, and Sam arrogant for assuming that he’ll change billions of people’s lives because they insist the world was supposed to be different.  All any of us know is the reality we’re presented with.  Anya asks in Buffy how Giles knows the other world (the timeline Buffy came to Sunnydale) is any better.  He didn’t.  We did, but that’s another story.  We should consider how our actions changing time affects things other than the one thing we’re trying to fix.

2.       We’ve already been over how they gloss over the need for Pym Particles when it’s convenient for them so I won’t rehash that, but let’s talk about the Stones.  Why the heck is it all right to take any person or object you want from the past so long as it’s not the Stones?  Just because they make up the fabric of time?  Well, if that’s the case, when Thanos destroyed them, all time should have stopped or the universe exploded or something. Honestly, I could have handled their way of doing time travel a lot more if they hadn’t made such a big deal about needing to restore the Stones to the exact moment in time they were left in order to avoid these dark branches.  The Ancient One is just arguing for the logic of all the sci fi time travel that Endgame is saying is so wrong.  They should have just cut that part out.  Of course, that gave Steve an excuse to go back in time…so maybe it was all in the name of his ending, but that’s the poor writing part of that.

How do they get from one timeline to the other?  When they jump to the past, they always conveniently end up back in their own present but Old Cap had to jump from his alternate timeline to this one (specified by the Russos, mind you) to give Sam the shield.  How did he do that?  If he had just used his wrist device at the time he wanted to use it basically as long as it takes for him to accomplish his goal as Bruce says (according to their logic of time travel), he would have appeared on the platform when they expected him to, just old.  Of course, that’s not as nice of an aesthetic as Old Cap sitting on a bench, so I’ll give them artistic license on that.

It’s awfully convenient that Steve jumping back to the past and replacing all the Stones is so easy to do.  He never runs into any problems jumping into an alternate timeline, but they’ve created so many different ones, I feel like it should be easy to.  For instance because they changed things in 2012 and the 1970s, if he jumps into the 2012 one first, couldn’t he possibly jump back to the wrong one?  Tony sure made time travel infallible when he fixed it on the fly in his house with his only a genius on earth brain…

But one of my biggest issues is that the past has now become a get out of jail free card. Provided they have enough Pym Particles (which he’s alive now to make), they can fix anything they want in their own timeline (screwing all others) whenever they want.  Guys, no one ever has to die again!  Because here’s the thing, you can grab anyone from the past seconds before their death and it’s fine. 

All of the pathos and feels from Endgame have become meaningless.  Let’s go back and get Yinsen from Iron Man, we’re definitely saving Pietro.  What about Stanley Tucci?  I’m definitely saving Yondu. T’Chaka?  Odin, Frigga, Loki, Heimdell, the Warriors Three, and most definitely Vision, Gamora, Natasha, and Tony.  See, you can’t bring them back in the snap, but if you grab them before they die, then their timeline suffers, but yours doesn’t and as we’ve already established, apparently that doesn’t matter.

So, guys, we never have to cry again.  Everybody lives, Rose, everybody lives!  That’s what’s so dangerous and illogical about Endgame and time travel in my opinion.

Yeah, I know that was a novel, but there’s probably actually more I’ve forgotten which is ridiculous.  Kudos if you actually read that.

[everlarkbirthdaydrabbles]

Hey guys! LOVE your work, thank you for always making people happy on their special day. I would be really happy if I could get one for my birthday? It's March 23rd, and I love established college Everlark, something funny to read, with sexy times (explicit or not is totally up to the author). :) Thank you so, so, so much!!!

Happiest of birthdays @litlifelover ! To help you celebrate, we’ve put together a little Everlark afternoon delight, just for you! Enjoy!

rated E

The door slams shut behind Katniss as she heads for the elevator. It opens again almost immediately and Peeta rushes out. But she doesn’t turn.

“Katniss, wait!” He catches up to her just as the button flickers to life, signaling the metal box to the fourth floor of Peeta’s dorm. “You don’t understand-”

She whirls on her boyfriend, glaring him down. She’s had enough of his mother forcing him to come home and ‘visit’ his family while she parades the hometown bachelorettes in front of him, hoping he’ll pick any of them and drop Katniss like a sack of hot potatoes. It’s no secret Mrs. Mellark despises her, and the feeling is mutual. Katniss just doesn’t understand why Peeta refuses to see it.

“I understand perfectly, Peeta. You go running home to your mother and leave me behind to keep the peace in the family. Oh and you go on ‘dates’,” her fingers mimic air quotes and her line of sight hits the ceiling from the intensity of her eye roll, “that she forces you on.” Peeta sighs and runs his hands through his hair, but she keeps talking because she doesn’t want to hear him apologize. A Peeta apology would melt her like wax and she doesn’t want to relent this time. No, this time - she’s standing her ground. “You’re ashamed of me. Fine. I get it. The girl from the wrong side of the tracks and the rich son who she’s not good enough for. Just stop pretending that you’re actually going to do something about it, alright?”

The doors open up and Katniss wastes no time getting inside. Thankfully there’s no one else inside either. She needs to get away before she does something stupid like talk herself back into his apartment and onto his couch, where they had been tangled together before his mother called. Her lips still tingle from his kisses.

She mashes the close button repeatedly, willing it to hurry the hell up. She should have taken the stairs. Someone is about to step in but oddly, Peeta tells them to get the next one. Then, just before the doors meet he slides in, trapping her alone with him. As soon as the elevator begins to move Peeta presses the emergency button and blocks the panel.

“Just hear me out, Katniss.”

“Peeta what are you doing? You’re going to get kicked out of the dorm!”

“I’m talking to my girlfriend-”

“You’re hijacking an elevator!” Katniss yells over him.

“I wouldn’t have to if you would listen to me!” he yells back.

“Fine. Talk! So I can get out of this damn box.” Katniss crosses her arms and leans on the back of the elevator.

“I would like nothing more than to take you home with me. Katniss, I hate being away from you. But my mother, she makes things… difficult for me. And everyone else.”

“Then why do you go at all? I don’t get it, Peeta.”

“She’s my mother, Katniss.”

“She’s a bitch, Peeta! Why do you allow her to do this to you?”

“Don’t you think I know that, Katniss? Fuck!” Peeta’s hands are fisted in his hair when he whirls and kicks the wall of the elevator behind him. “Fuck, fuck, fuck!” His shoulders are heaving when he braces his hands against the wall, his head hanging in defeat. When next he speaks, his voice barely rises above a whisper. “They pay my tuition, Katniss. If I don’t go home… If I don’t do what she says, they’ll cut me off. And then, I’ll have to go home for good. I’d rather die than live there again permanently.”

Unable to stand it, Katniss crosses the space and wraps her arms around him, her cheek coming to rest between his shoulder blades. “I hate her.”

“Yeah, well, I’d like to hate her, but our relationship is too complicated for that.” Peeta sighs and turns, taking Katniss into his arms. “I don’t date other girls, you know that right?” He presses the words into her temple and she nods. “You’re the only one for me, Katniss. Always.”

“I know,” she says, closing her eyes tightly and pressing her face into the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent. She does know. Peeta’s always been honest with her, about everything. He’s never hidden what happens when he visits home. And he’s never been stingy with his affection, never held back on telling her how he feels. Not like she does sometimes.

“We’re halfway through our third year. If I can get to the end of next year, I can get a job and I’m free of her. ‘Til then… Can you trust me until then?”

Of course she trusts Peeta. She knows nothing will happen with those other girls. But she hates it. And she knows his mother is doing it to hurt them for not bending to her will as much as she’s trying to break them up. It makes her a little sick to know the bitch almost succeeded, so she nods again.

Peeta squeezes her tightly and plants a kiss on the top of her head. “I love you. I’m so sorry to put you through this.”

When she looks up at him, she sees his eyes are shining with unshed tears and her heart fractures a little. “I love you too. We’ll get through it.”

He leans down to kiss her. It starts softly, sweetly, kiss after tender kiss, kisses that make her feel loved and cherished. His hand strokes her cheek, her throat, raising goosebumps in its wake. But she needs more. Her body is still strung tight as a bowstring from their interrupted couch makeout session.

Katniss curls her fingers through his soft, blond hair, tugging the strands, pulling him even closer, angling her head to kiss him harder. He moans against her lips, a desperate sound that makes her impossibly wetter. She can feel Peeta hard against her stomach. She bites his bottom lip and he shudders, thrusting against her helplessly. When she sneaks a hand between them to cup him over his sweats, he rips his mouth away from hers to curse.

Peeta’s gaze is locked on her hand, watching as she strokes and squeezes his impressive erection over his clothes, and she grins at the heady feeling of power it brings her to reduce him to a trembling ball of need. Then he lifts his eyes to hers. They’re filled with fire, passion, desire. And most importantly, they’re filled with adoration.

He drives her crazy, in every way. She holds his gaze before smirking, then dropping to her knees.

His eyes widen almost comically. She has to bite back a laugh. Instead, she tugs down the waistband of his sweatpants, freeing his length from its confines, and Peeta moans again. The way he’s panting and shaking, she knows it won’t take long.

She licks a slow circle around his tip, then trails hot open-mouthed kisses along his shaft, enjoying the way he twitches under her torment. Above her, Peeta whimpers. Finally, she takes pity on him and engulfs him in her hot mouth.

“Shit, yes,” he moans, fisting her hair away from her face. Katniss knows how much he likes to watch while she blows him. Likes watching almost as much as the act itself.

Almost, but not quite.

Katniss gives him a decadent suck before wrapping her hand around the part of his shaft she can’t fit into her mouth, pumping him in time with her mouth. She starts to bob more quickly, working him over, swirling her tongue on each upward stroke, the way she knows he loves. Peeta cries out, tightening his grip on her hair and she moans. The elevator is filled with soft, wet sounds and an endless litany of whispered curse words. Peeta’s thigh trembles under her hand. “Gonna come,” he grits out in warning, but she only sucks harder, lifting her eyes to his.

The moment their gazes meet, he groans, and his hips snap helplessly, but she rides the movement, keeping her eyes locked on his hazy blue stare as he shakes and grunts his release. She keeps pumping him languidly as she swallows, milking him until he’s tugging her hair again, begging her to stop.

She releases him with a wet pop and he drags her up to crush her body against his own. She can feel his heart hammering. “Fuck, Katniss,” he rasps. “That was so hot.”

“MmmHmm,” she agrees, nuzzling him like a cat, relishing the heat of his body, the strength of his arms holding her tightly.

“Let me take you back to my room,” Peeta says softly, and there’s a hint of apprehension in his voice, as if he’s worried about her answer. As if she could ever deny him. “Let me return the favor.”

Katniss laughs, nodding, and Peeta grins back as he reaches for the panel to activate the elevator again.

But it doesn’t move.

His expression turns perplexed, and he presses the start button over and over, with more and more desperation. Finally, he presses the intercom. After he explains to the disembodied voice from campus security that they’re stuck in an elevator in the Arena dorms, the metal box fills with laughter.

“Yeah kid,” the voice says. “If you and sweetheart are just about done now, I’ll send a technician over.”

Peeta’s cheeks flame, Katniss can feel her own face ripening like a tomato as they notice, too late, the security camera in the corner. Katniss buries her face in Peeta’s shirt and groans. She’s going to have to leave college, move to Siberia. But Peeta merely chuckles against her hair as he cradles her against his chest. And eventually, she starts laughing too. Peeta’s mom is still a bitch, she’s trapped in an elevator, and some skeevy old security guard might have seen her giving her boyfriend a blowjob. But at least she and Peeta are in this - all of this - together.