#but i procrastinated on writing it because it's - horror of horrors! - light-hearted and humorous XD

[griseldabanks]

Let Me Count the Ways ask game

Requested by @bunnyscar

Fandom: FMA (Foster Family AU) Characters: Roy Mustang and Edward Elric Prompt: "I can't believe I'm telling you this."

From the day he and Riza had decided to become foster parents, Roy had known his life would be forever changed. Their daily routines would have been disrupted no matter who they ended up with, but how much more so when the first children to grab their attention were two heavily traumatized boys, one with anger issues and only one leg, the other who didn't say a word and kept on trying to smuggle stray cats inside under his shirt.

It had been three years, and Roy thought he was well prepared for anything Ed and Al decided to throw at him. They'd lived through the night terrors and panic attacks. Al had finally started speaking, though he still tended to clam up around strangers because of the stutter he'd developed. After numerous shouting matches and slammed doors, Ed finally seemed to have mellowed out a bit, though he still turned his heavy metal music up loud when he was annoyed at Roy.

But Al called him 'Dad' now. And though Ed didn't, sometimes he would skip the grousing and griping and send a grin Roy's way that warmed him from head to foot. Maybe those two things meant he was actually doing an okay job at this.

But Ed always loved to keep him on his toes. One afternoon, during their usual game of chess once the day's lessons were over, while Riza took Al to his speech therapist, Ed said, “Hey, um...can I...ask for some advice?”

“Sure,” Roy said. “Move that pawn; my knight is about to take it.”

“What? No, not like that!” He moved the pawn anyway. “It's just...you're, like, married and stuff, right?”

Roy raised an amused eyebrow. “Yes, I am in fact 'married and stuff.'”

Ed shot him a dirty look, but plowed on anyway. “So you, like...you know...you've been on dates before. I mean, you had to have asked Riza out at least once before you got married, yeah?”

Straightening up from his contemplation of the board, Roy eyed the pink tinge of Ed's cheeks and started putting two and two together. “There's someone you're thinking of asking out?”

Ed hunched down in his chair, making himself even smaller than usual. “Knew I should've kept my mouth shut,” he mumbled.

Roy eyed his foster son, trying to suppress a gleeful smirk at the same time as a wave of wistfulness crashed over him. He should have known this day was coming. Ed was fifteen. He was starting to grow up.

“Don't worry, you've come to the right place,” he finally said, moving his bishop across the board. “As you so astutely pointed out, I have been on at least one date and managed not to screw it up long enough for us to get married. Clearly, I know a thing or two.”

Never mind the time Riza had slapped him so hard he saw stars when he got drunk and started flirting with someone else. And they wouldn't get into the crippling guilt that ate away at him for years after they discovered he couldn't give her the children she'd always wanted. Nor the way he pulled away from her in shame, thinking she resented him, while she spent the whole time worrying that he resented her. The important thing was that they'd worked through these issues, and they were still together. That had to count for something.

“So who is it?” he prompted when Ed just sat there, turning one of his captured pawns over and over in his hands.

“Does it matter?”

“Of course it does,” Roy said patiently. “Believe it or not, there's not just some magic formula to make any girl instantly fall in love with you. Every girl is different.” And I'm curious to find out who on earth could have caught the attention of my prickly homeschooled son.

Ed slid down even farther in his chair and stared up at the ceiling over Roy's head. “Ugh, I can't believe I'm telling you this....” He hesitated, his face going redder and redder till it was almost the same shade as his favorite hoodie. Finally, he mumbled, “It's Winry.”

“Ah....” Roy supposed he should have guessed that right away. They'd been friends their whole lives, neighbors for a large chunk of their childhood, and then Winry's grandmother had become the boys' legal guardian after the car crash. They didn't see each other as much now that they lived across the city, especially now that Winry was in high school. But when they'd gone to her tap-dance recital around Christmastime, Ed had gone strangely silent and awkward, barely saying a word to her when they met her after the show.

“There's...her school has a prom in May,” Ed mumbled. “And I...kinda wanna ask her? But like...what if I ask her and she says no? Or she just laughs at me? As if I know how to dance. I'll probably just end up stepping on her foot with this.” He kicked up his prosthetic leg, the one he usually wore around the house that looked nothing like a human appendage.

“Let me clue you in on a little secret,” Roy said, thinking back to his own awkward prom days. “Nobody knows how to dance at those things. Just put your hands on her shoulders and sway a little, and that should be enough. Or you could have her show you a few pointers.”

“That's if she says yes.” Now Ed looked faintly green. He stared up at the ceiling for a minute, then sat up straight and leaned forward almost desperately. “What if this ruins everything? What if I tell her how I feel and she turns me down and then everything's all awful forever and we can never be friends anymore? I don't wanna do that! If she doesn't wanna go out with me, I can't just...never talk to her again! Maybe I should just not say anything and just stay the way we are...but when I'm around her, I just...all I can think about is....” With a growl of frustration, he buried his face in his hands.

Roy tried to remember what it was like to be fifteen, the way a single glance or a single smile from a pretty girl could make all of his insides feel like they were on fire. In many ways, he was grateful for the age gap between him and Riza; three years was nothing to them now, but at the age of fifteen, he'd never even considered dating the scrawny twelve-year-old down the street. None of those complicated feelings had interfered with getting to know her until they were both older and much more mature.

“I think you should tell her,” Roy said. “Winry's a smart girl; it won't take her long to figure it out for herself. If she doesn't suspect already,” he added with a smirk.

“But what if she just laughs at me?” Ed moaned.

“What makes you think she would do that?”

Hunching his shoulders, Ed mumbled, “When we were, like, five...I kinda...asked her to marry me. And....” He took a deep breath, then finished in a rush, “Then she laughed and turned me down because she said she'd never marry anybody who was shorter than her!”

It was a good thing Roy had a good poker face. It was a good thing he'd had occasion to practice it quite often as a father of two teenage boys. Even so, he had to bite the inside of his lip to keep from bursting out laughing at the look on Ed's face.

“Well, say something!” Ed scowled down at his fists clenched on his knees, his face still red as a tomato.

Once he took a deep breath and cleared his throat, Roy dared to speak and found that his voice was level. “So...you're worried she's of the same opinion ten years later?”

Ed sank back into his chair with a defeated sigh, nodding glumly.

Roy laced his fingers together, striving with all his might to keep his voice neutral. “We are just talking about prom here. It's not like you're asking her to marry you. Again.”

With a groan, Ed covered his face in his hands. “I knew I shouldn't have said anything!”

“My point,” Roy persisted, “is that she might see things very differently now. You aren't the same as you used to be, and neither is she. The way I see it, you have two options: ask her, and risk her saying no. Or don't ask, and be okay with the knowledge that somebody else probably will.”

Slowly, Ed straightened up. Roy could practically see the gears whirring in his brain. His eyes blazed at the suggestion that someone might beat him to it, that some other boy would end up dancing with her through the night, maybe earning a kiss at the end....

Ed shot to his feet. “Okay,” he said firmly. “Okay. I'm asking her. I'm...I'm gonna do it!”

He marched out, barely even seeming to see Roy anymore. Roy just smirked fondly after him and put the forgotten chess pieces back into place. They could count this game as a draw.

A minute later, Ed thumped back into the room, looking sheepish. “Uh...I don't know how to ask her.”

“Sit down,” Roy said with a smile. “Let's brainstorm some options.”