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taehyungs-perm · 4 years ago

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strawberry girl pt 3

taehyung x reader; college au; childhood best friends to lovers au; jock!fratboy taehyung

genre: fluff; major angst lol

word count: 11k

summary: i can pretend i don’t miss you. i can pretend i dont care. all i want to do is kiss you. what a shame you’re not here.

Part 1 here ; Part 2 here; part 4 here; part 5

playlist vibes

best friend | rex orange county

heather | conan gray

jocelyn flores | xxxtentacion

ivy | frank ocean

pretty little fears | 6lack

best part | daniel caesar (feat h.e.r.)

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Every muscle in your body ached as you tried to shift in your bed. Your head felt like it was splitting open from the massive pain. You peeled open your eyes that felt like they were glued shut. Every neuron in your body was sending the message “go back to sleep” but the hurried whispers in the room forced you to slowly open your eyes. It felt like you were experiencing a fever dream because you were not fully processing anything due to your half opened eyes and the massive pain coursing through your entire body.

You managed to make out Hana’s face hovering over you. Her eyes were filled with concern, “I don’t know what to do. She’s been like this all day. She hasn't moved at all and I’m pretty sure she’s been sleeping the entire time.”

Another voice whispered hoarsely, “Should we call an ambulance or take her to the on campus nurse?”

“I don’t know but she doesn’t seem sick, ya know? I think she’s probably just exhausted. She was running around like crazy this entire week.”

You shifted your body to see who the other voice belonged to.

“She’s awake!” the hoarse voice exclaimed.

The sight of his curly hair and big brown eyes made your heart feel like it was going to explode.

“Tae,” you sighed in a daze. You thought you were in a lucid dream so you reached out and grabbed his hand. It felt warm and comforting. You pulled him closer so you could snuggle against his arm.

You heard Hana’s voice. “She’s been saying your name all day. Did something happen at your party? Did you do something to her?” she said, accusingly.

“No! Nothing happened! She was totally fine the entire time!” he said defensively. You couldn’t fully concentrate or focus on anything but you thought you saw a blush rising on Taehyung's face.

He leaned in and you could smell his soap as if he just showered. He put his other hand against your forehead, “She’s a bit warm, but nothing crazy. Maybe she’s exhausted but someone should probably stay with her until she properly wakes up.”

You felt a spine tingling shiver coarse through your body. “I’m so cold,” you whispered, trying to curl in your blankets.

Hana’s eyebrows wrinkled in worry, “I gave her all my blankets already.”

“Here, wear this.” Taehyung pulled his arm away from you and he peeled off his gray hoodie, leaving him in a plain white shirt.

He handed it to you but instead of putting it on, you brought it up to your face and inhaled the smell of Taehyung in the sweater. It smelled so comforting. You wrapped your arms around the sweater and pressed your face against the soft fabric. You felt your head pounding again so you slowly closed your eyes, drifting off back into a dreamless state.

You felt your eyes open comfortably what seemed an hour or so later when the sun rays peeking through your blinds became too bright. You shifted in your bed and grabbed your phone. 9:57.

You yawned and stretched. The sound of your movements shuffled Hana and she sleepily glanced over at you. Then she immediately shot up in her bed, “Oh my god! You’re finally awake!”

You were confused, “What are you talking about?”

“_______, you literally slept for more than 24 hours.”

You looked on at your phone. It read monday. You slept all through Sunday. You were still groggy, kinda delirious from sleeping the most you had in your entire life, “Wait did I wake up at any point?”

“Yea, you were kinda in and out of consciousness. But you woke up slightly at one point.”

You rubbed your forehead with your head. Wait so that dream about Hana and Taehyung wasn’t a dream? “Hana, don’t tell me that my fever dream of you and...”

She chuckled nervously, “Sorry _______. That wasn’t a dream. He was really here.”

You closed your eyes trying to remember what happened but you were so sure you dreamt all of that.

You looked around your bed and saw his sweatshirt by your pillow.

“You’ve got to be fucking with me right now.” You groaned. Why did the thought of Taehyung cause sadness to bloom in your heart? What happened before you went to sleep? You were trying to think properly, but Hana interrupted your thoughts.

“You were so out of it. I’m sure he doesn’t think anything of it,” she said trying to calm your nerves.

Even though you couldn't recount what had happened on Saturday night fully, your “fever dream” was clearly printed in your mind, “Hana, I grabbed his hand. I took his sweatshirt. You told him that I said his name in my sleep.”

“It’s okay! He literally doesn’t care. He’ll just be happy you’re okay.” Hana said getting up from her bed.

You were massaging your temples because your head ached still.

“I’ll be right back okay? I’m going to get some food with Jungkook and I’ll bring you back some. I’ll stop by the pharmacy to get you Tylenol. Drink some water and freshen up.” She put on her shoes and waved bye.

The room was silent and you felt like you could breathe. Your mind was still reeling from sleeping for a long time so you were trying to recollect what happened the past couple of days. Then it all hit you at once. You remembered the night. How you came back to your room and sobbed until you couldn’t cry anymore. Until your eyes were puffy and bloodshot. God, you were a fucking idiot. Taehyung was bringing back the feelings that you tried so hard to forget. You tried your best; you put up walls for so long so your feelings didn't get hurt again. But it happened. You let your will slip. He was breaking your heart once again and he still didn’t even know

You didn't want to admit anything to yourself. All you knew was you were feeling like you didn't know what the fuck you were feeling.

The rational voice in your head kept poking your thoughts, “Why were you so sad? Why did you care so much?

You didn’t want to think about those questions because you knew the answer would scare you. You just knew you didn’t want to see Taehyung any time soon.

He obviously doesn’t give shit about my feelings so why the fuck am I letting it hurt me so much?

Suddenly, the door of your dorm room swung open and there was a panicked Kim Taehyung standing there.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” you mumbled underneath your breath so he couldn't hear.

He raced over to your bed and you wanted to crawl away so desperately. You couldn’t help but feel your heart skip a beat when you saw his huge innocent brown eyes, his messy curly black hair, and his matching black and white pajamas.

He held your hand gently in between his two large ones, “Are you okay? How do you feel? Did you eat anything?”

He was out of breath as if he raced to your dorm. He continued, “I came here as soon as Hana told me you were awake.”

You slid back into your blankets so you could hide yourself,“I’m fine. You can go now,” You said softly.

“I can’t leave you. At least not until Hana comes back.”

“Taehyung, I’m fine okay. You can go,” The words came out harsh. You hadn’t really acted this cold towards Taehyung since the beginning of your college friendship.

You tried to avoid his gaze but you caught his eyes, “__________ are you mad at me? Did I do something?”

The words got caught in your throat. You held back the tears that were welling in your eyes. You steadied your shaking breath, “I’m fine Taehyung. Hana is bringing me food and medicine. Just go.”

You could clearly see the hurt in his eyes. You feel like a complete jerk for making him sad. Even though you’re the one who cried yourself to sleep over because your heart was in so much pain.

He nodded gently and left before saying, “Just let me know if you’re feeling better.”

You leaned back on your pillows, releasing a heavy breath. You were so emotionally drained. No wonder I slept for over a day. You didn’t know anything about what you were feeling but one thing was clear: being around Taehyung was a lot fucking harder than you thought.

As you relayed last night's events in your head, you tried to understand why you were so hurt. Nothing made sense and your head started to pound again. The door clicked open and thankfully it was just Hana.

“Hey, how are you feeling?” She said carefully as she entered the room with a couple of paper bags in hand.

The tears that were building up from the moment you saw Taehyung came bursting out.

“Oh my gosh, ________ what happened? Are you okay?” She dropped the paper bags, shocked at your sudden burst.

You tried to wipe the tears from your face, “I dunno what’s going on with me. I just...”

She rushed over and sat on the side of your bed, “What happened?”

“Why am I so sad Hana? Why am I crying over Taehyung? I don’t like him. I don’t care about what he does.”

She rubbed your shoulders, pulling you in for a hug, “Oh ______, I know why.”

You looked up at her, through your teary eyes, “Please tell me. I’m so fucking confused.”

“You like him ________.”

You blinked at her and moved away from her, “No, I don’t.”

“Yes, you do. That’s why it’s hurting.”

“No, Hana I don’t. I fucking told you I don’t, so just listen to what I’m saying.”

“I know _________ you’re scared. You opened your heart to him and you got hurt. And you’re afraid to do that again.”

“I didn’t just get hurt. It fucking destroyed me. It hurt me more than you could ever imagine.”

“I know and I’m sorry that happened. But you can’t control everything in your life. You can’t convince yourself that you don’t like him.”

“I’m not convincing anyone of anything. I don’t like him. I don’t care, I'm not thinking about my feelings or about him. We’re friends.” You controlled your breathing and wiped the tears from your face, “I don’t know why I was so upset. Taehyung and I are just friends and I don’t have feelings for him.”

Hana sighed in disappointment.

You took a deep breath and made up your mind: you weren’t going to let this affect you. It was simple, just keep your distance from Taehyung and don’t be sad about things that you truly shouldn’t be upset over.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You tried to avoid Taehyung as much as possible without it being completely sus. He had been texting you asking if you were feeling better and you responded with simple answers like “I’m fine” or “I just was exhausted.” However, the last thing you wanted was for him to confront you about your unusual behavior so after not seeing Taehyung for 4 days straight, you knew you couldn’t avoid him anymore.

“Taehyung, I told you, I’m studying. I’m trying to be productive so I can come to your game on Saturday.” You huffed over the phone when you finally caved and answered his call.

“Okay why can’t I just study with you? I’ll meet you at the library,” he whined.

“I’m not at the library,” You said flatly.

“Where are you then? I’ll meet you there!” Taehyung said pleadingly.

God he was relentless.

“I’m studying in the science hall. 7th floor towards the windows.” You said, giving up.

“Bet. I’ll be there in five”

Why did you tell him where you were? You were such a simp for Taehyung, and it was honestly going to cost you. At least this floor was empty so Taehyung couldn’t get distracted by anyone who passed by.

You went back to doing your chemistry assignment on acids and bases. You hadn’t realized Taehyung arrived until he sat down on the sofa next to you, the familiar scent of his cologne wafting your way.

“Wow, I had no idea this existed,” Taehyung said, stretching out his arms.

You briefly glanced at him. He was wearing a black sweater with light brown slacks, “What? The science hall?”

“Okay I’m stupid but not that stupid. I just haven’t been past the first floor.” He took out his laptop.

“Taehyung, I’m not sure why you wanted to come. I’m just doing homework.”

“Because I like watching you do homework.”

You turned to him and wrinkled your forehead in confusion.

He laughed nervously, “I mean like you’re always so focused and driven when you’re doing work, it makes me want to try harder and do my work. And I’m trying to focus on school and being around you motivates me.”

You turned your head quickly towards your laptop so he couldn’t see the blush on your cheeks, “Well good. Because we are going to be productive today.”

You two continued to do work in silence, with only noise coming from the clicking of the laptop keys.

After you finished your chemistry assignment, you took a break by mindlessly scrolling through Instagram.

Taehyung glanced up and said in a casual voice, “I finished developing my photos this morning.”

Taehyung mentioned to you before that he had been taking photos with his vintage Polaroid and that the process of developing them was difficult and time consuming.

“Really? Why didn’t you mention it sooner? I’ve been waiting all week to see your photos!!” You were genuinely excited because Taehyung hadn’t taken photos in forever and you missed how he used to light up while showing you pictures. Also, Taehyung was actually very talented and his photos were always distinctly him.

“You’re really excited?”

“Of course, Taehyung! Okay, hurry up take them out,” you said impatiently.

He smiled brightly and pulled out a navy blue folder from his bag. He pulled out a stack of photos and put the folder down. Taehyung leaned against your shoulder and gave you the stack.

You began to flip through each photo, carefully looking at each one before going to the next. Few were of nature scenes around campus, capturing the beautiful sunsets and the tranquility of the surrounding forests, including the cliff side ocean that he had taken to you during his birthday party. There were some of his friends. Photos of his teammates post practice of them smiling and laughing. Taehyung had a knack for somehow capturing the human emotion through his camera lens.

Then, there were some photos from the frat party. With the red solo cups and the faded lighting, the photos looked like they came straight out of a 90s coming of age movie. You paused at the following photo. It was a picture of you and Taehyung at the frat party. Taehyung was holding your hand and you were both intently staring at each other. You had your small smile on, the smile you reserved for Taehyung when you found him especially endearing but you didn’t want him to know. He was flashing his huge smile at you. You knew the expression you had in your eyes, and it scared you.

“Jimin took that picture that night. I had no idea that photo existed until I developed it. It’s one of my favorite pictures. Don’t we look so cute?” He said peering up at you.

“Yea, it’s cute” you said in a shaky voice. You couldn’t tear your eyes away from the photo. You knew the all too familiar expression on your face and it scared you.

You quickly rifled to the next photo and it was of you. You were sitting on the picnic benches near the soccer field, surrounded by your notebooks and laptop. You were wearing a pissed off expression which was only further exemplified by you flipping off the camera and the cameraman. You vaguely remember Taehyung coming up to you after his soccer practice and exclaiming “say cheese!” which granted him this as your response.

“Taehyung, what the fuck is this picture?” You asked laughing at the sheer strangeness of the photo.

He pulled the photo from your hands and said, “No way are you taking this. This photo is my favorite picture of you ever. I’m keeping this in my wallet.”

You tried to snatch it away but Taehyung already shoved the photo in his wallet. He resumed laying his head on your shoulder as you continued flipping through his photos.

“Tae, these are so good. They are all so aesthetic.”

“You really do like them? You’re not fucking with me right?”

“Of course not. I’m being serious. You’re so talented. You definitely need to continue.”

He snuggled deeper into your shoulder and peered at you, “I will, but only if you’re my model for my next series.”

You scoffed loudly, “As if. I’m so far from being a model. You should ask someone like Jennie.”

“Why someone like her?”

“Cause she... knows how to model.” You were about to say “Cause she’s actually pretty” but you didn’t really want Taehyung's fake pity of “Oh no, you’re pretty too.” You weren’t and you were honestly okay with that. But you didn’t want people knowing what made you feel weak so they could offer fake sympathy.

He looked surprised, “Oh wow. I didn’t know that. I could ask her. But I don’t really want to.”

You furrowed your eyebrows, “Why?”

He sighed, “Jennie is fun to be around. She’s really nice and kind. And I like fucking her. But I don’t know what she wants from me. I’ve told her so much that I’m not looking for a relationship. That I don’t want a girlfriend. But I think she wants something. I don’t know, I think I have to sit down and talk with her.”

Sometimes, Taehyung didn't make sense to you. Or maybe just his duality didn’t make sense to you. He was such a cute, adorable, sweet boy sometimes but then you had to remember his infamous reputation for being the biggest heartbreaker fuckboi on campus.

You hadn’t realized but when Taehyung was talking about his relationship with Jennie, you found yourself playing with the curls of his dark hair, twirling the soft silky strands between your fingers.

You stopped the second you registered what you were doing.

Taehyung looked up at you and pouted, “Why’d you stop?”

“Oh, um, I didn’t know if you wanted me touching your hair.”

“No it’s fine. It’s kinda relaxing”

He went quiet as you continued to play with the curly strands of his hair.

“_________?”

“Yea?”

He asked innocently, “Are you and Jimin a thing?”

You stifled a laugh, “No. Definitely not. We’re just friends.”

“Oh, I just thought since you guys were talking so much lately.”

“Oh no. We were only talking because of your surprise party. He’s really nice and sweet but he’s like you. He doesn’t want a relationship and that’s something I want.”

“You know that I’m not going to stop being your best friend when you get a boyfriend. I was your friend first so your future boyfriend will need to back off.”

You laughed, “Tae, we’ll cross that bridge if we ever get to it.”

“Hmm, well I guess till then you’re mine,” he said leisurely.

Your eyes widened at his words. This was the second time he’s said that. But this time he didn’t correct himself.

Taehyung continued talking about how he developed the photos as he laid on your shoulder. You were only half listening because your mind was running. What did he mean by that? No no, stop overthinking. Stop thinking about your feelings, stop thinking about what he might have or could have meant. You’re his friend. That’s it.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 1:36 am

You couldn’t sleep. You had to be up relatively early because Taehyung's game started at 11. You tried to close your eyes and calm your thoughts but it felt like your mind was running in a hamster wheel, just constantly spinning.

Your thoughts were preoccupied with many things. Firstly, you were worried about your chemistry exam grade. You felt like it went okay but you could never be too sure. Then Taehyung of course. You were convincing yourself to not think about your feelings because you knew it would only upset you. So you just kept on telling yourself that you wanted to be just friends with Taehyung. You glanced over at your roommate’s empty bed. She went over to sleep at Jungkook’s so the room was empty and silent.

You reluctantly grabbed your phone to distract yourself from your thoughts.

Your Instagram feed had become more informational, with you following mostly activist pages about climate change, politics, and human rights issues. You needed a laugh so you went to TikTok and scrolled through your FYP.

You were intently watching a “How to make photocards” tutorial when the screen was interrupted with an incoming call.

It was Taehyung.

Why would he be calling at this time? He should be sleeping by now.

You answered the call, a bit unsure, “Hello?”

“Hey _________!”

“Tae, you should really be sleeping,” you said, critically.

“I know, I know. I just....couldn’t fall asleep.”

You got concerned, “What’s going on?”

You heard some rustling from Taehyung's side of the call and then he continued in a hushed whisper, “I don’t know. I just...am worried, I guess. I’m really stressed out.”

“About the game or school?”

“Both I guess. But mostly the game right now. I just needed to talk to someone. I wasn’t sure if you were Awake but I just wanted to see. Did I wake you up?”

You gave a light laugh, “Uh no. I was actually awake.”

“Please tell me you weren’t doing homework.”

“I wasn’t! I couldn’t fall asleep either. I just was on my phone.”

“Oh okay. What’s going on with you?”

“I believe we were talking about you,” You said, chiding him.

“Okay okay. But after we are talking about you.”

“Sure sure. Why are you anxious about the game? “

“I don’t know, I Just really wanna do well. I've practiced so much for this. What if I fuck up? What if I make mistakes?”

You had never heard Taehyung sound this unconfident before. He was always easy going, chill, and reassured, especially in himself. You knew for him to be feeling this way, he must be really stressed

You said gently, “Taehyung, why do you think you’ll mess up? You’ve always done great.”

He sounded so upset, “You haven’t been to my games ________. I fucked up so badly in the last one. I was supposed to pass the ball to Jungkook so he could score but I thought I could take it and they ended up stealing the ball back and scoring. I lost that game for us.”

“Tae, one mistake doesn’t define you as a player. You tried something and it didn’t work out and you learned from it. You’re literally the hardest worker I’ve ever met. You practiced harder than anyone else. You’ve been playing for so long and you’re the best player I’ve ever seen. I know that as long as you don’t get in your head, you’re going to do great. Trust your instincts and don’t overthink it. You’re a really, really good player because you react in the moment and go with the flow. Just trust your strengths and I promise you that you'll do great.”

He let out a shaky breath, “Thank you ________. Thank you for being here for me. I can’t tell you how much you mean to me.”

You felt your heart warm at his words, “I’m your friend. Of course I’ll be here for you.”

He said in a cocky tone, “So, you really think I’m that good?”

You scoffed, “Okay I said that to make you feel better not for your headass ego to inflate even more.”

“No, no, I heard it with my own two ears. You said I’m the best soccer player you’ve seen.”

“I’ve always thought you were that good, Tae. I just never told you.”

“Why not?” He whined

“Because you don’t need any fucking compliments from me. You get plenty already from your personal cheerleading squad.”

“But I only care about what you think.”

“Shut up. I told you so just remember it forever.”

“Don’t worry. I don’t think I’ll ever forget.” He paused, “Okay so why are you awake?”

“Um just I don’t know. I’m worried about my chemistry exam grade.” You chuckled, “Well I’m worried about all my grades.”

“_________, you’re literally the smartest person I know. And I know Jimin and Namjoon hyung. If you think I’m hardworking you’re like 40 times more. I know you stress out about these things because you’re not confident in yourself. And I know it’s not an easy mentality to change. So I just want you to know I believe in you. I always have.”

You went quiet. Somehow Taehyung could understand you so well. Maybe it was the years of growing up together or maybe he was that good at understanding emotions

“_________?”

“Yes. Sorry. I just...was thinking. About what you just said. I really appreciate it. I’ve just never had anyone say that to me. I just always forced myself to be on a team by myself. It’s just...really nice.. to have someone rooting for me too.”

“I’ll always be rooting for you”

It went quiet for a moment before he interjected his soft voice, “You’re coming to the game tomorrow, right?”

“I wouldn’t miss it.”

“Good, good. I really want you to be there.” He paused, “________?”

“Yes Tae,” you said laughing. You loved the way your name sounded when it came out of his mouth.

“Would you do something for me?”

“What?” What could I possibly do for him?

“Can you wear my jersey at the game tomorrow?”

Your jaw dropped. Wearing a soccer players jersey at your school wasn’t simply just wearing a soccer jersey. Only the people who either were officially dating a player or hooked up most often with a player wore said player’s jersey. It was kinda symbol that you were “with” that player either officially or unofficially. So Taehyung asking you to wear his jersey was definitely something you were not at all expecting.

You were trying to think of a coherent sentence but all that came out was, “Um.”

“You totally don’t have to! I just thought it would be nice since you’re my closest friend.”

You blinked. It was past 2 am now. Neither of you were thinking clearly. There was no way he means anything by it other than he wants someone in the stands supporting him.

“I would! But I don’t have your jersey.” There. That wasn’t a lie, but this way you don’t have to get yourself entangled in something.

“I’ll give one to you tomorrow! Before the game!”

Fuck.

“Oh okay. Sure then.” What the fuck did you just agree to?

“Great! I’m so excited!”

You rubbed your forehead with your free hand, “Tae, it’s getting really late. You should go to sleep.”

He sighed, “Yea. I should. You should too.”

“Yea.”

But neither of you hung up.

Taehyung said sincerely, “Thank you. For talking to me. I didn’t know what I needed but I knew I needed to talk to you.”

“Anytime. Thanks for not being a clueless headass. And for comforting me.”

“Anything for you, strawberry girl,” he said teasingly.

“Bye.” you whispered

Then you hung up the phone, left in the silence of your whirring air conditioner. It’s just a fucking shirt; it’s just polyester. It doesn’t mean anything. Stop overthinking. But that didn’t stop your mind from dissecting every possible meaning of Taehyung’s words.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------ You jolted awake at the feeling of someone shaking your body.

“Get up ___________! We have to go! We’re going to be late!” yelled Hana’s overly enthusiastic voice.

You rolled over in your bed burying yourself in your blankets, “Late for what? I’m so tired.”

By the time your mind had literally exhausted itself from tiredness, it was almost 5 am. You truly could not think of one good reason to get up and leave your bed.

“The game? The one you promised you would go to?” Hana stated with her hands on her hips. She was wearing Jungkook’s jersey tucked into a pair of ripped black shorts. Her curly black hair was tied into two high pigtails.

Oh fuck, you kinda forgot about the game. The one you promised Taehyung you would actually go to.

“Right,” you groaned as you sat up in your bed.

“Please get dressed! It’s already 10:30!”

You got dressed wearing jeans and a white long sleeve shirt, completely forgetting about the agreement you made with Taehyung. After shoving a cliff bar in your purse, Hana dragged you out of the room.

You and Hana raced to the stadium but paused when you heard someone calling both your names.

You two turned in the direction of the voice and saw Jimin running over from the side entrance of the field, as if he were coming from the locker rooms.

“________! Hana!” he said, waving. He was clutching something in his hand.

“Hey Jimin,” you said, confused. Why is he not with his team? The game is about to start.

“I’m glad I caught you guys!” He said huffing, slightly out of breath.

“What’s up?” Hana said.

“Um _______ this is for you.” He said handing whatever he had in his hand to you.

You accepted it and unraveled the item. It was Taehyung's jersey. You glanced at Hana’s face briefly just to see her shocked reaction, “Oh yea. I forgot.”

“Yea Taehyung was.....um....late this morning to practice.” Jimin said laughing, “He’s doing his warm ups right now. He couldn’t be here to give you the shirt himself so I was the messenger.”

“Right. Thanks for doing that. You really didn’t have to. I’m sure you’re so busy with the game starting soon and all.” You were kinda confused why Jimin was laughing about Taehyung being late to practice but you shrugged it off.

“No worries. Taehyung is my best friend and I would do anything to help him out.”

Oh, maybe Jimin feels bad about talking to me so much so he’s doing nice things for Taehyung. Nah that would be stupid.

“Well good luck on the game! I know you guys will do great” Hana exclaimed excitedly.

You nodded in agreement and waved as Jimin ran back to the locker rooms.

“What the fuck _________? He gave you his jersey? When was this planned?”

“Literally, it doesn’t mean anything. He called me last night and told me so last minute. I said sure but I didn’t have a jersey so I didn’t think I would end up actually having to wear it!”

“No no, this means something! I know you don’t want to hear it but he might genuinely like you. I know you keep telling yourself that you don’t like him but you need to confront feelings eventually,” she said as you entered the stadium.

You rolled your eyes, “That sounds like a later problem.”

You and Hana made your way to the second row of bleachers. You were still holding Taehyung's jersey, a bit hesitant to put it on over your white shirt.

Hana glared at you, “Are you seriously not going to wear his jersey _______? I mean Jimin literally ran from th-” She stopped talking and her mouth gaped in shock. You followed her eye line and saw what she was staring at. Jennie and one of her friends were walking up the steps and were making their way to sit right in front of you and Hana. However you quickly noticed what Hana dropped her jaw over. Jennie was wearing Taehyung's jersey. And she of course made it look like the cutest outfit as she tied it up in knot that complemented her jean shorts so well.

You felt immense jealousy rise in your stomach. You were supposed to be the one wearing his jersey! Then your feelings turned to anger: he really thought he could have two girls show up in his jersey. Then your feelings of anger changed to defeat and insecurity: well of course he gave her his jersey. They fuck all the time plus she looks so good in his jersey. They both look so good together as a couple. Why did you keep trying to insert yourself in a situation that you weren’t relevant in? Clearly, there was some misunderstanding and you weren’t supposed to actually wear his jersey.

You looked sadly at his jersey lying in your lap. You got lost in your thoughts when Hana tapped your phone sitting next to you.

You scrunch your eyebrows in confusion but picked up your phone.

Hana: listen to jennie

You started to listen in her conversation with her friend.

The friend on her right (her name was Lisa you think?) whispered in a harsh tone, “So Jennie are you and Taehyung together then?”

Jennie flipped her perfectly styled hair over her shoulder, “Not yet. But we’ve been seeing each other more often.”

Lisa asked curiously, “Did he give you that jersey?”

Jennie said in an uptight tone, “Well, this is one he gave me earlier this year to wear. But I can wear it for this game too.”

The conversation between Jennie and Lisa got interrupted when another girl, Jisoo, came and sat down on Jennie’s left. Jisoo, leaned into the conversation, “Where were you last night Jennie? We were so worried when you got up and left at midnight.”

Jennie laughed with her hand covering her mouth, “Don’t worry. I was perfectly fine.”

She elaborated further, “I was at Taehyung’s.”

Lisa and Jisoo gasped. You immediately looked at Hana.

You: they fucked

Hana: you don’t know that!

You: u srsly believe that?

You stopped texting Hana to listen in again.

Lisa grabbed Jennies arm, “Are you being for real?”

“Of course I am! Taehyung called me and said he needed me. So I went over.”

“What happened?” jisoo asked, concerned.

“He was stressed out.”

“And?” Lisa asked eyes widened with anticipation

“And I helped him relieve his stress” she said with a smirk

Jisoo covered her gaped mouth with her hand, “You and taehyung are fucking so often now! Are you sure you guys aren’t exclusive now?”

Jennie said in a strained voice, “I’m not sure but I think we will be officially together very soon.”

Lisa and Jisoo squealed. Jennie giggled, “I almost got him in trouble”

Lisa gave a high pitched laugh, “Oh my gosh Jennie what did you do?”

“Well this morning, I couldn’t leave without making sure all of his stress was completely relieved. And he ended up being late to this morning's warm up.” she said cackling.

You remembered how Jimin said that Taehyung was late this morning when he was giving you Taehyung's jersey.

You: he was late bc he was fucking Jennie

You: that’s why jimin gave me his jersey

Hana: bro wtf is wrong w taehyung. why is he acting so weird

You: whatever idc I’m not wearing his fucking jersey tho

Hana: it’s ok to be upset

You: like i said, idc. taehyung and i are friends. he can do whatever he likes

Hana: ur just avoiding ur feelings

You: fuck off

Jennie and her clique started to chat about the cheerleading team and you went back to staring at the jersey on your lap.

Then it clicked. Taehyung called you last night. He must have fucked Jennie and then called you. What the fuck. When he called you, he said he knew he needed to talk to you. But Jennie said he said that to her too. All of those things he said to you, did he really mean them? Or did he just say it? Taehyung literally just made everything confusing. You closed your eyes. We are friends. That’s it. Don't think about anything else. Don’t think about your feelings towards him; don’t think about why you cried that night. You and Taehyung are friends. Simple

Your thoughts were interrupted when the crowd started to cheer. The soccer teams from both sides came out. The announcer introduced each player one by one. When it came to Taehyung's name, Jennie stood up and squealed, “Yes Tae!”

You couldn’t help but look at Hana and roll your eyes at Jennie's actions.

You caught a small glimpse of Taehyung. You thought you saw him wave but it happened so quickly you didn’t wave back.

You didn’t watch sports too much but with stakes high and the overwhelming energy, the game was very interesting to watch. Jungkook scored the majority of the goals as he was the lead striker. Taehyung and Jimin were on offense with him and assisted with many of the shots. Hobi was the midfielder with Jin and Yoongi as defense. Namjoon was the star goalkeeper.

The game was tied in the last quarter 5-5. Everyone was on the edge of their seats waiting to see who would win this year’s championships. With less than one minute on the clock, Taehyung scored the winning final shot. The crowd went crazy with cheers as the boys formed a group hug around tae.

Everyone from the stands went rushing down into the field to congratulate the team. You and Hana made your way down the bleachers and to the field. The second you two reached the field, Hana sprinted to jungkook and gave him a giant hug. You smiled. They were so cute together.

You wanted to congratulate Taehyung, but, of course, he had a huge crowd around him, congratulating him for scoring the winning shot. You felt pride in your heart because you knew Taehyung would do well. Once he stopped overthinking and trusted in his abilities, he always succeeded. Your thoughts of admiration of Taehyung were interrupted when Jennie pushed past you and the crowd surrounding Tae. She walked right up to him, threw her hands around his neck, and kissed his cheek, “I’m so proud of you, Tae. I knew you could do it.”

Well, never mind. I’ll just go now since he’s busy with her. You turned away from Taehyung's direction and were about to leave the field when you heard someone calling your name.

“________!” You saw Jimin racing over, waving.

“Hey Jimin! Congrats on the game! You did so well!”

He stopped in front of you, “Thank you! I’m glad all of our hard work paid off.”

“Yea, I know you guys practiced like crazy these past few weeks.”

“I’m also happy that you came out for once! I can’t believe this is the first game you’ve come to all season.”

You laughed nervously, “Yea I know I should’ve come to some more games. I just didn’t really see the point of coming out to support Taehyung if he kinda ignored me the whole time.”

“Well, Taehyung is kinda dense. He doesn’t really know what he’s missing if he’s ignoring you. Come for me next time!”

“Okay okay I will!” You said smiling at Jimin. You wished you could like someone like Jimin. He seemed like a pretty straightforward guy. But of course...things could never be simple for you.

You and Jimin talked for a bit longer about your classes until Taehyung came up to both of you and cleared his throat. He was still sweaty from the game so his curls were stuck to his face a bit. You noticed he was wearing a black wire headband and somehow he made it look hot.

“Hey _________,” he said, once again wearing his fake smile.

Keep things simple. Just friends. You can’t be mad at him for being with Jennie when you're literally just a friend.

“Hey Taehyung. Great game. You did so well. I’m so proud of you!” You said in a cheerful voice. He gave you a look because he knew you were acting weird.

“I’m glad you came. To see me.” Taehyung said, emphasizing the last part to Jimin.

“Well, I came to support the team so all of you guys.” You said, correcting him.

Taehyung came over next to you and turned to Jimin, “I think Namjoon hyung is looking for you. You better go.”

Jimin laughed because he knew what Taehyung was doing, “Okay I’ll go then! Thanks for coming _________. You should come to our party tonight by the way!”

You were about to respond with a “we’ll see” but Taehyung interjected, “I already invited her so you don’t need to.”

You furrowed your eyebrows at him because Taehyung did not invite you.

“Thank you Jimin for the invite. I’ll have to see.” you added kindly.

Then he was gone and it was just Taehyung and you.

He frowned, “Why didn’t you wear my jersey?”

Oh god. Not this again.

“I figured you gave it to me by mistake since Jennie is wearing your jersey.”

“I didn’t ask her to do that. I asked you. I wanted you to wear it.”

“Cool Taehyung. I don’t really care. She came in wearing it and I didn’t wanna look like a side chick so I decided not to.”

“Fine. I guess. I wish you wore it still. Why didn’t you wave back to me?” He added in another accusatory tone.

“I don’t know Taehyung. I didn’t see you.”

“Why are you acting like this?”

“Like what? I’m not your fucking girlfriend so you don’t get to interrogate me.“

“You’re my friend and I care about what you think of me. Is that so wrong?”

“I don’t know Taehyung. Is that what you say to all your ‘friends,’” you said, miming the quotations.

“What the fuck are you going on about?”

“Just next time don’t fucking call me saying you need me after you’ve fucked another girl.”

Your head felt like it was going to explode. So much for trying to keep it simple. You were going to leave because honestly the damage was done and you didn’t know taehyung would ever talk to you again. All your hurt feelings were just coming out and you couldn’t stop yourself.

But he pulled your arm back so you faced him.

“Is that what this is about? Me and Jennie?”

“Like I said, Taehyung. I don’t want to get in the middle of something. So if you could just stop pretending like I mean a lot to you, this would make it easier. You and Jennie can be together and I can disappear from your life.”

“_______. Jennie and I are not together. We fuck. That’s it. There’s no feelings involved.”

“There’s always feelings involved.”

“Well not from my side.”

“Then why did you call her last night saying that you needed her”

“I didn’t say that. I said I needed to relieve some stress so I asked her if she was down to have sex. She said okay. We fucked. That’s it.”

Every time Taehyung said “we fucked” it was like a shot to your heart.

“Okay. Taehyung, I don’t get why you’re telling me this. You can do whatever you want. I just don’t want to get involved.”

“Involved in what? You’re my friend. I don’t get what so complicated about this.”

“Nothing is complicated. We’re fine Taehyung.” You desperately just wanted to leave but he wasn’t letting your arm go.

“_________. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I don’t know what I did exactly but I’m sorry to have made you feel upset.”

You sighed. He just didn’t see it the way you did. Whatever. It’s fine. It’s fine, “It’s okay. I’m sorry for getting mad at you. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

He asked, “We’re good?”

You affirmed, “We’re good”

“So what are you doing now?”

“I dunno. I’m probably going to go make some strawberry cupcakes again. I’ve got a lot on my mind and I just need to relax I guess.”

“Can I come?”

What? Did he mean he wanted to come bake with you?

“You want to bake cupcakes? With me?”

“Yea” he said shrugging, “Why not? We’ve barely hung out this week.”

“You don’t have anything else you need to do? Or someone else you need to be with?” You said nodding in the direction of the crowd behind Taehyung. Jennie was towards the front of the crowd, looking very pissed off, as she stood with her clique.

Taehyung looked behind him then turned to you, sweeping his curls out of his face, “Nah. I’ve got nothing to do.”

You wanted to say no but there was still a part of you that wanted Taehyung to yourself, “Ok. Let’s go then.”

“Lemme grab my bag and we can go,” He said with his boxy smile.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------ It felt really weird taking Taehyung back to your dorm you thought as you unlocked your room door to let him in.

Hana had told you she would be with Jungkook the entire day so you most likely wouldn’t see her for a while.

“I gotta check something on my laptop real quick but then we can go to the kitchen on this floor and start,” you said to Taehyung as you hopped onto your bed. You opened your laptop and glanced up at Taehyung. He was checking himself out in the mirror. You rolled your eyes, shaking your head. You were scrolling through your grade book to see if anything had been updated when Taehyung stated he was going to change.

You looked up and nodded, thinking he was going to use the bathroom and change. But he did not. He pulled off his shirt by grabbing the shirt from behind his neck (how did that look so hot) and your mouth went completely dry at the sight of his bare upper body. His melanin golden skin looked ethereal. His upper body was well defined and toned. You almost lost it at the sight of his chiseled collar bones that protruded from his chest. You could eat fucking cereal out of his collarbones, they were that defined. He looked like he was sculpted from a golden statue by Van Gogh himself. The more you caught yourself drooling over Taehyung the more you realized you were totally and incomparably, fucked.

You hadn’t realized you were ogling Taehyung until his eyes met yours.

“See something you like?” He said with a tantalizing smile.

Fuck. You needed to pretend like you didn’t care. You gave him an analyzing look. “Seems like chocolate cake girl got the lesser end of the deal,” you said shrugging.

Taehyung pulled on a white shirt with the word CELINE printed on it with black bolded letters. He strided over to you, smelling like fresh deodorant, “Fuck off. I saw you staring.”

“Whatever,” You waved him off

He leaned in close, his breath tickling your cheek, “You can say whatever, but your cheeks are still red from blushing.”

Oh fuck. You could feel your cheeks reddening further.

“It’s okay. I think it’s cute.”

You turned your head to him, trying to remain as stoic as possible, “you think what’s cute?”

“I think your innocence is so cute. You act like you can be unaffected by everything. But I know how to make you crumble.” He winked and you felt breathless.

He knows what effect he has on me. Great.

“C’mon _______ I was promised some cupcakes.” he said, tugging your arm away from the bed.

You grabbed the strawberries from the fridge and your baking basket. You two went to the kitchen and you started organizing everything. You quickly realized just how different you and Taehyung were.

You were the person who liked to set everything up, go through the directions, and then begin. Taehyung was the kind of person who liked to jump right in. But somehow, you felt like you balanced each other out in the best way. After a flour spill, a few extra broken eggs, and a ton of dishes to wash, somehow you were able to make strawberry cupcakes with Taehyung.

You cleaned up all the messes Taehyung made (he claimed it wasn’t his fault but rather gravity) while he washed all the dishes when the cupcakes were placed in the oven.

Once the cupcakes were frosted and everything was cleaned, you two headed back to your room.

You set the platter of desserts down and took a deep breath, “That somehow gave me more stress.”

“Hey! We had fun! I was a great co chef,” Taehyung said as he picked up a cupcake.

“Were you now? That’s highly debatable,” You said giggling at him.

“These are so fucking good. I missed your food so much.”

“Gee thanks. Glad you missed me.”

“Shut up, I’ve told you how much I missed your headass.”

You took a bite of the cupcake in your hand and it tasted surprisingly good given that Taehyung helped you make them.

Taehyung's phone lit up and the background caught your eye.

“Aww, wait did you make your phone background your photos?” you said grabbing his phone.

“Well actually...” he said trailing off as your eyes widened as you actually saw what was his phone lock screen. Your mouth went dry. It was the photo of you and Taehyung at the party. The photo that frightened you so much.

“I just really like that picture of us. It makes me happy when I see it.”

“Yea. It’s a cute photo” you said not really paying attention to your words. Your heart was racing. Just friends, you repeated to yourself. Don’t think about your feelings.

“Okay now what?” Taehyung said cheerfully.

“Don’t you have a party tonight? Do you need to head back?”

“Eh. I’ll go later. I just wanna chill for now,” he leaned back on his hands.

The voice of reason in your head was telling you that you should tell Taehyung to leave, that you should do some homework and push him away before you start getting any ideas.

But your voice of reason was drowned out by your actual voice, “Do you wanna watch a movie or something?”

He perked up, “Yea that sounds good.”

He jumped onto your bed and got comfortable as if it was a totally normal routine for him. Taehyung’s eyes caught something on your bed and picked up the gray cloth by your pillow, “Uh, ________ is this my sweatshirt?”

You closed your eyes, cringing at the situation. You had been meaning to give Taehyung his sweatshirt back but between avoiding him and also hanging out with him, you had completely forgotten. Also, it was really comfortable to wear.

You tried to keep a straight face, “Yep. You left it here I think.”

He smiled, trying to catch your embarrassment, “I actually didn’t leave it here. Don’t you remember?”

You sneered at him, “Yes I remember. You gave it to me because it was cold but I just forgot to give it to you. You can take it back now.”

He looked very unconvinced, “Right. You forgot. You didn't like sleeping with it or anything.”

You opened your mouth to say something but he laughed loudly, “I'm kidding. Maybe. C'mon, let's watch something.”

You grabbed your laptop, sat on the bed next to Taehyung, and began scrolling through Netflix.

You saw a movie title that caught your eye, “Let’s watch this”

Taehyung squinted at the screen and read the title of the movie, “To all the boys I’ve loved before?”

“Yep! I love this movie but I haven’t seen it in so long.”

“Isn’t this like a romantic comedy?”

“Yea,” you said leaning back on your pillow.

“You like teen rom coms?” he asked in disbelief.

“Oh, shut up. I love rom coms. Plus this one is so cute. I love the lead girl and guy.”

“Okay if you insist.” He said, unconvinced, adjusting his seating.

You played the movie and you began to watch the movie with Taehyung.

“To be honest, I’m not really liking Josh. Am I supposed to feel bad for him?” Taehyung asked, with his head resting on your shoulder.

“I don’t really know but I don’t feel bad for him. Lara Jean made it clear she doesn’t want to talk to him and he keeps trying.”

He nodded in agreement, “Yea fuck that guy.”

Once the movie was over, you closed your laptop.

“So, what did you think?” You asked while stretching your arms above your head.

“It was cute, I liked it. But I know why you liked it.”

You laughed, “Why do you think I like it?”

“Uh because you’re like Lara Jean.”

You scoffed, “I definitely am not like Lara Jean. She has way better style than me. And I also think she’s way braver than me. I would never have the guts to write my feelings out.”

“I dunno..” he said teasingly “Lara Jean reminds me of you.”

You flipped him off and he stuck his tongue out at you. The room was dark now. It was evening now and you could hear the chatter of students outside your window. You felt calm in the darkness of the room with Taehyung by you.

Taehyung moved his head off your shoulder and rested against the pillows. His face was way too close to yours. You started pulling the neckline of your shirt over your face unconsciously.

“Why are you doing that?”

“Doing what?” you asked innocently.

He pulled your hands away from your face. “Covering your face,” he said with a light laugh.

“Oh, um. I dunno.”

“Stop doing that. I wanna see your face.”

“Tae...my face probably looks so gross right now. My skin has been acting up all week and I just probably look so weird and-“

He pulled the shirt covering your face down, “Stop, you look pretty. Stop worrying.”

You gave a cold laugh, “I’m not pretty.”

You really didn’t wanna be a ‘pick me’ girl but the words slipped out of your mouth like a reflex.

He scooted closer to you on the bed, “Do you really think that?”

Fuck it right? You had already said way more shit than you had intended to. Might as well keep it going and just be honest with him.

“I’m not pretty. Or beautiful. Girls like Hana or Jennie are. And I know that. And I dunno it used to bother me but...it’s whatever now.”

His big doe eyes were filled with concern, “I haven’t said anything but I notice the way you act, especially when you feel like people are looking at you. You always try to hide yourself. And you always compare yourself.”

You exhaled deeply, thinking carefully about your words, “Well cause it’s true. I’m just not as pretty as other girls. And I’m really not trying to fish for compliments. Which is why I never talk about it.”

He gave a small laugh, “I know you aren’t fishing for compliments. You always act so shy and embarrassed if anyone says anything nice about you.”

Taehyung's eyes were entrancing you but you felt anxious under his steady gaze.

You averted your eyes so you were focused on your pillow, “Yea well it’s cause I don’t know how to take a fucking compliment. I just get so shocked I guess. Girls like Hana and Jennie are used to attention so they know how to be confident in themselves. I wish I could be like that.”

God, you hated the way you sounded. You literally hated the ‘I’m not like other girls trope’ that only pitted women against each other. Truly, you admired Jennie and Hana for being themselves and embracing their beauty in a society that feeds off of insecurity. You really did look up to them and wished you could be confident as them.

Taehyung's hand came up to your cheek and you felt the cold metal of his rings press against your face. He brushed the strands of hair that were hiding your face behind your ear and whispered hoarsely, “Why do you keep comparing yourself? Why do you keep thinking about things you want to change about yourself? You’re enough. You have always been enough.”

You felt like your heart was going to explode at his words. You had longed to hear those words from anyone in your life. As someone who constantly sees their own flaws, you craved for someone to say ‘you’re perfect the way you are.’ Taehyung's words meant the world to you but if only you could see yourself the way he saw you.

You whispered back, “Really?”

He gave you a little nod, staring deep into your eyes. In this moment, you felt so grateful for Taehyung. All those days you spent crying over him were nothing to this moment where he told you that you were enough.

You pulled him into a hug, “I missed you so fucking much.”

You felt his smile against your cheek. Your heart felt fuzzy and light for the first time in a long time.

You pulled away and looked at his huge boxy smile and fluffy hair. God, Taehyung would literally be the fucking death of you.

He was so warm in the bed next to you. You could literally feel the heat radiating off of him. You couldn’t wipe the stupid smile off your face. Because that’s how he made you feel.

You changed the topic because the dreamy look in his eyes sent shivers up your spine, “Taehyung, are you sure you don’t have to go tonight?”

“Nah, it’s not a big deal. It’s a big party but that’s kinda why I don’t wanna go. There’s going to be so many people there and I don’t wanna have to deal with that. Fake smiling and shit.”

“God I hate small talk.” you added.

“For real, like I get the weather is fucking nice I guess.”

You stifled a laugh.

He ran his hand through his curls, “Anyways, I do have to go tomorrow so missing today isn’t that big of a deal.”

You said, unconsciously pressing into him, “What’s tomorrow?”

“All the guys are going to Jungkook's lodge. It’s by a ski resort and shit. It’s really fucking nice.”

“That’ll be relaxing for you guys.”

“Well not really since Jungkook invites basically a shit ton of people so it’s never really just the guys.”

“Oh right. Well, it’ll still be fun for you maybe. Just to have fun with people.”

He placed his warm hand on your elbow, gently caressing it with his thumb. Your heart pounded at the action.

“Yea, but I don’t really care about any of those people.”

You smiled at his comment, Taehyung really had a great bullshit detector. He knew when people were using him for something.

“Will you come?”

“Where?”

He laughed at your comment, “To the lodge, stupid. With me.”

Oh. Oh. Why does he want you to come with him? What the fuck. Why doesn’t he take Jennie? Why is he asking you?

“I can hear you overthinking,” he said teasingly.

“Sorry, I’m just thinking like about homework and WiFi at his lodge. It might just not be-“

“For fucks sake. Just come. We can do homework together and hide from everyone. You can use my data if Jungkook's WiFi doesn’t work. Just please come. I want you there.”

God why does he have to say such sweet things? How does he know exactly what to say to tug at your heart strings?

“Okay. I’ll come.”

He exhaled deeply and laid on his back, “Thank goodness”

Your curiosity got the best of you, “Why do you want me to come so bad? Do you hate it or something?”

“I mean we’ve gone a couple times to Jungkook's place and it gets so crazy. I don’t know I just don’t feel like the same party kid I was a month ago. I know if you’re there I’ll feel sane. And I wanna hang out with you.”

“Tae, we literally see each other all the time.”

“I mean I have to make up for two years where we didn’t talk.”

“Fair enough.”

At some point in your conversation arguing about the best marvel movies (you were adamant that Civil War was a cinematic masterpiece while Taehyung believed Avengers: Infinity Wars was the superior film) you had nodded off, worn out from the long day.

You tried shifting in your sleep when you felt a heavy weight on your body. I must have left my books on my bed again. You tried shifting again, not caring if the books slid off your bed, but the weight didn’t shift. You tried moving but then you felt something pull you to the other side of the bed. You looked at what was pulling you and it was a hand. Taehyung's hand.

Your eyes widened in realization. You looked around and saw that Taehyung had his arm wrapped around your waist, with his leg thrown over your hip, completely pulling you into his embrace. His head began to nuzzle in the back of your neck. He still smelled so good, like comfort. You felt your cheeks heat up as your brain processed what was going on: Taehyung had slept over. Actually, Taehyung had slept in your bed. With you. And now he was cuddling with you in his sleep.

This felt scarily intimate especially since this was the first time you had physically slept in the same bed as a guy. You tried to slip away, maybe sleep in Hana’s bed or hide in the hallway, but Taehyung moaned (your face reddened even more) and pulled you back, “Where are..you going?” He croaked, sleepily, “You’re so warm. And comfy. Don’t go.”

He’s somehow even cuter when he’s sleepy.

“Tae, don’t you have to go?” You asked, hoping he would get up.

“Go where? I just want to stay in bed with you,” Your face literally flared. He peeked open one eye and smirked, “Still cute”

“Shut up. You’re so annoying. You need to go. You have to go to Jungkook's ski thing.”

“Fuck,” he said hoarsely, rubbing his eyes. God, his morning voice was so attractive.

He grabbed his phone and looked through it, “Yea Jungkook and the guys are texting me. I should probably go.” He dropped his phone on the bed and wrapped his arms around you, “I’ll see you there right?”

The familiar fluttering in your heart was getting stronger. The way your heart literally hadn’t stopped fluttering since yesterday. You knew you were in deep shit.

“Do you not get sick of me?”

“Of could not, beautiful”

You tried not to smile when he said that, “I think I prefer strawberry girl.”

He teased, “Okay, then strawberry girl I’ll see you later today right?”

“Yea I’ll come with Hana.”

“Bet,” he removed his arms from around you and hopped out of your bed.

He started packing up the things he had scattered in your room like his phone charger and his soccer uniform. You put your hands on your face and stared at your comforter, trying to focus. You could not believe you and Taehyung slept together. Even though it might not seem like a big deal to anyone, it was a big deal to you. The way his body felt, pressed against yours. How it felt so natural for you and him.

He looked at you, “Hey.”

You snapped out of your thoughts, “Hey.”

“I’m sorry.”

You laughed, “For what? You actually haven't done anything this time.”

His solemn expression made you realize he was being deadly serious, “I’m sorry for making you feel not important. I realized why you were upset about Jennie. I never meant to make you feel like you were a second choice or a backup. So I’m sorry.”

I was not expecting that.

“Oh. Well. It’s fine. It’s not a big deal. I shouldn’t have gotten that mad.”

“No ________ it was a big deal. You never deserve to be treated like you don’t matter.”

And then he looked at you, like there was something worth looking at.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck fuck.

He left. You slightly remember saying bye. You can’t recall if he said bye back. The smell of him remained in the room. The red flags were going off In your head.

Now you were finally left alone, with your feelings. And the hard truth hit you like a fucking truck.

You heard the door click open. Hana came in with a huge smile, “Did I just see Kim Taehyung leave our room?”

You didn’t answer her question.

You didn’t know if you should cry because you somehow fucked yourself over again 2 years later or if you should be relieved that you finally had the courage to face the reality of your feelings.

You finally looked up at Hana’s concerned expression, “I’m in love with him, Hana.”

The words felt like a release. You had been bottling these emotions up for so long. If you were being truly honest, you had ignored these feelings since the frat party. You thought it would go away after you cried after his birthday party if you just ignored everything. But with your pillows smelling like him, with you desperately wanting to spend more and more time with him, with your heart beating out of your chest every time you saw his brown doe eyes, you couldn’t run away anymore.

You breathed out the very words you were most afraid of, “I fucking love him.”

Hana walked over to your bed and hugged you, “Oh honey, I know.”

author’s note: thank you for reading! i rlly didn’t expect to receive this much support and interest in my writing! lmk if you would like to be added to the taglist for this story! i think pt 4 will be the last part but it will be a little bit before it comes out. thx for reading 🥺💜

tags: @fleurmoon @tangledsparkles @chocolatebelievercrusade @brokenobserver @ncitydreamies @soulstaes @bonnyskies @thelilbutifulthings @busansgloss @imluckybitches @xlectrahearts @embrace-themagic @bts-dreamybaby @belshka @trinbin039 @xxlostinseoul @sheislikearock @madjammil @guksflavor

#bts #bangtan #bangtan boys #bts imagines #bts fanfic #bts fic #bts fan fiction #kim taehyung #taehyung hot #taehyung #taehyung x y/n #bts x reader #taehyung x reader #taehyung fanfiction #taehyung fluff #taehyung angst #tae #taehyung fanfic #strawberry girl

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summahsunlight · 4 years ago

Text

Perhaps It’s Fate, Part 18

Rating: T, to be safe

Word Count: 2031

Summary: After joining the Resistance as a mechanic, you were happy to keep to yourself, until a little orange and white bb unit and his master wander into your workshop one day.

Pairings: Poe Dameron x Mechanic!Reader

Taglist: @ms-dont-care, @starless-eyes-remain, @elmoakepoke, @marvelobsessiononastick, @kiaralein, @softly-sad, @totalpoedameron, @ordinarymom1, @sevvysaurus, @spider-starry, @liadamerondjarin, @jingyuhearteu, @dream-alittlebiggerdarling

It’s here! The next part! Hope you enjoy it. I didn’t get to proof read this too much before posting, I’m too excited for you to be able to read it!🥰 Remember if you want to be added to the taglist, just let me know!

Finn left you in the med bay with the medics and promised to go find Poe. You were concerned that he hadn’t showed up to hover over you and make sure that the medics were taking good care of you. Finn figured that Poe was busy, after all the Raddus was now attempting to outrun the First Order fleet--he was surprised to find Poe tucked away in an abandoned part of the ship.

Poe’s head was cast downward, his shoulders slumped, with his face buried his hands. BB-8 was sitting by his side, every once and while beeping sounds of what Finn interpreted as comfort. “Poe?”

When the commander looked up at him, Finn was taken aback by his appearance. There was a dull looking in his brown eyes, he’d obviously been crying and he just looked--defeated. “Hey, you’re awake. How... how are you feeling?”

“It’s sore... but I supposed it could have been worse,” Finn replied.

“I dunno, buddy; you’re trapped on a ship being pursued by the First Order,” Poe said, tightly. “Seems like it is worse; we’d probably all be better off dead anyways. at this point.”

BB-8 moaned, sadly, his photoreceptor looking over at Finn.

Finn stood there, dumbstruck. It was like the fire and passion had been sucked right out of Poe. “Are you okay, Poe?”

Poe chuckled, angrily. “No. I took that dreadnaught out to protect us, to save the people on this ship--and it didn’t matter. The First Order managed to track us, they killed my friends.” He sucked in a large breath, trying to stifle a sob, “they killed her. I just wanted to keep her safe... keep her away from anymore pain they could inflict upon her. I failed her.”

It took Finn a few seconds to realize that Poe was talking about you. No wonder he hadn’t come by the med bay to find you--he thought you had been in the hanger--he thought you were dead. “Poe-”

“Don’t tell me it’s not my fault. I’ve heard that enough already.”

“But Poe...”

“Finn, I know you think you’re helping...” “Dameron! Shut up for a second! She’s fine.”

BB-8 rolled back and forth in excitement, wildly twilling and beeping at Poe--who sat there looking at Finn with wide, shocked eyes. “But she was working in the hanger--the First Order blew the hanger up.”

Finn shook his head. “She wasn’t in the hanger. They couldn’t find you when I woke up, so they called her. She came to see me. We were going back to the hanger when the ship was hit. Poe--she’s in the med bay wondering where the hell you are.”

Poe scrambled to his feet, wiping at the tears in his eyes. “I didn’t... I didn’t know--I thought she was dead, Finn. I thought I had lost her.”

“She’s a little banged up, but she’ll live.”

“Banged up?”

“Yeah, she hit her head--but like I said--she’s fine, Poe.”

BB-8 nudged Poe in the legs. He couldn’t figure out why the pilot was still standing there--the little droid wanted to go see you. He had been sad just like Poe when he thought you had died.

Poe suddenly snapped back to life, pushing passed Finn and heading towards the med bay with both BB-8 and Finn trailing behind him. You were alive; you were alive and suddenly the galaxy was aligned again--suddenly Poe realized the dire situation they were in. If they didn’t figure out a plan soon, they were all going to be dead in just a few hours.

Heart racing, he burst into the med bay, startling the medics and calling for you. Poe could worry about the Resistance in a minute--he just needed to see you first, needed to see you with his own eyes. When he came around a corner and saw you, sitting on a cot, asleep, his heart leapt into his throat.

Gently he went to cup your neck and ease you into a comfortable sleeping position. The movement stirred you and you looked at him, sleepily with a smile. “There you are. I thought you forgot about me,” you teased him.

“Never,” Poe sighed, tears springing to his eyes. “I could never forget.”

“Poe?” you questioned, seeing the tears. “What’s wrong?”

His arms were around you, drawing you towards him and holding onto you tightly. “I thought I lost you,” Poe cried, “I thought you were in the hanger when it was blown up and...my world crumbled, Y/N. There was nothing left for me to fight for, to care about--I love you.”

You pressed your face into his neck and let him hold you, your heart breaking at the grief he must have endured for the last couple of hours. If only you had known... you would have sent Finn to find Poe much sooner.

BB-8 rolled into your room then, happy to see you. Looking down at him over Poe’s shoulder, you smiled.

Poe pulled back, taking your face between his hands. He inspected the cut on your head, that the medics had done a nice job stitching up, and then he kissed you, tenderly. “Don’t scare me like that again, sweetheart.”

“I’ll try not too.”

“Guess I know how it feels to be you now--whenever I leave.”

“Sucks, doesn’t it?”

He stroked his thumbs over your cheeks. “Yeah... a lot.”

You smiled, lovingly. “I’ll try not to scare you again.”

Poe pulled you into his arms once again, burying his face into your hair and taking a deep breath. He knew he loved you, he just never knew how much until he thought he’d lost you. The cool metal of his mother’s ring pressed against his chest while he pressed you against him. He was going to give it to you, when this whole thing was over--when they had found away to get to the new base safely.

Finn cleared his throat; BB-8 beeped, reminding you that you were not alone. Softly pressing a kiss to your forehead, Poe pulled away from you.

“General Organa is looking for you,” Finn announced.

“Are you going to be okay, sweetheart?” Poe asked you.

“I’ll be fine,” you insisted. “It’s just a bump on the head.”

“Hey, Bee, stay with her okay?”

“Poe...”

“I’ll check in on you later.”

Finn smiled at you, awkwardly, and then leaving BB-8 behind to watch over you, he followed after Poe. Once they were out of the med bay and on their way to the bridge, he spoke. “You said that the First Order tracked us?”

Poe nodded. “Yeah... some kind of light speed tracker. When...when I left the bridge before you found me... one of our top mechanics was working on finding a way to disable it. But first, we need to get access codes and a shuttle to get on to the Supremacy.”

His eyes went wide. “Supreme Leader Snoke’s ship?” Finn sputtered. This was very, very serious if Snoke had shown up.

The pilot grimly nodded. “Yep. We learned that the tracker is generating from that ship, it’s only tracking the Raddus, which means the rest of the fleet made it to the next base safely. But we can’t jump to light speed and join them without the First Order following us.”

“Can you warn them?”

“Leia’s nervous that a transmission to them might be traced as well--I don’t blame her.”

“So... what’s the plan?”

“Once we know how to disable the tracker, we’re sneaking onboard that ship.”

Finn stopped walking. “You’re insane!”

Poe turned on his heel. “My dad jokes that’s my middle name.”

Shaking his head, Finn sighed, “Do you know what will happen to any of you if you sneak onboard that ship? Poe, you’d be executed. It would probably be broadcast for public display to scare the reset of the galaxy into submission.”

Placing his hands on his hips, Poe set his jaw. “I know that, Finn. It’s a risk I’m willing to take--it’s a risk a lot of us are willing to take. We might be the galaxy’s last hope at freedom, at restoring the Republic. There are a lot of lives depending on us.” He saw the fear flash in Finn’s eyes and dropped his hands. “Listen, I understand why you’re nervous. They took your identify from you--your life from you--but you’re here with us now, where you belong.”

-----

You wanted to get up; BB-8 ratted you out every time and the medics made you stay in bed. You were seriously cursing Poe for having his droid stay by your side while he went to speak to Leia. “BeeBee, I’m fine. Please, I need to get out of here. I’m bored.”

BB-8 firmly blurted no. You wondered if the little droid had ever said no to Poe a day in his life. You hated to just sit idly around--BB-8 probably knew that better than anyone. Of course, there wasn’t like there was much for you to do around the ship. The hanger was gone--all those people were gone. You feel the panic begin to bubble up inside of you as that familiar feeling of survivor’s guilt washed over you.

Slamming your eyes shut you did the breathing exercises that Poe had taught you for when he was away on missions. Deep breath in, count to ten, deep breath out. Repeat. You did this several times before you finally felt some what calm. When you opened your eyes, you saw that BB-8 was still standing loyally by you, watching you closely. “Okay, since you’re insisting on staying here--why not tell me a story, Bee?”

“No time for stories, Bee,” Poe said, sweeping into your room.

“What’s going on?” you asked, noticing that Finn wasn’t with him.

“We figured out how to disable that tracker.”

“Tracker?”

Poe recalled that you had not been present when he told Finn about the First Order tracking the ship at light speed. “Somehow, General Hux is tracking us even through light speed.”

You nodded. “Yeah, they can easily install one through a spy I’m sure--disabling them is the hard part--usually they’re heavily encrypted and can only be disabled from the Supreme Leader’s ship. The codes are incredibly difficult to decipher--when the First Order took over my planet I was forced to work on creating those codes.”

He smiled at you, his eyes filling with affection. “I told Leia you were the one.”

Confused, you looked at BB-8. “The one for what?”

“Our codebreaker.”

“Me? You want me to be the codebreaker?”

“Yes. Leia’s contacting Maz Kanata now--to see if she knows someone that can get us on the Supreme Leader’s ship.”

BB-8 whistled, lowly. You swallowed--you’d never left the safety of the base before getting on the Raddus, now Poe was asking you to go on a mission.

Poe saw the anxiety that ran through your eyes. He sat down on the cot with you and took your chin in his hand, forcing you to look at him. “Y/N, I trust you with my life--you can do this. And I’ll be right there. I won’t let them hurt you. I promise.”

Leaning into his touch, you closed your eyes. You had no doubt that Poe would protect you--with his life if he had too--but that didn’t make you any less terrified of the potential of sneaking on board the Supreme Leader’s ship to disable that tracker. And if you couldn’t disable it? The people on the Raddus were doomed.

You felt Poe’s lips brush against your temple. “Darling, you can do this. I know you can. You’re braver than you give yourself credit for, you know that?”

“Do you really think so?”

“I do; you fled the First Order with nothing but the clothes on your back to join the Resistance. That takes guts, sweetheart.”

“This is our only chance, right?”

“We have a back-up plan, but yes, this could be our only chance.”

Opening your eyes, you set your jaw. “Then I’ll do it, Poe. I’ll crack that code to save the Raddus.”

#star wars fanfiction #poe dameron fanfiction #poe dameron x reader #poe dameron imagine #poe x reader #poe x you #perhaps it's fate

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