#but i don't really understand how people can know exactly the amt of time/energy they put into that person/fandom | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mangopit · 2 months ago

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i always find it sort of bizarre when fandom folks announce they're officially done with an interest. like i hereby declare that this thing i devoted my time and energy to for a good chunk of my life is offficially irrelevant to my being. like it's something you shut off from yourself and never think about again. i don't deny that we all lose interest in things we loved sometimes, and that some people want to clearly define the end of certain eras, for their own sense of closure — but personally, i've always viewed lost interests as... a reflection of myself during that time, or a stitch in this huge life tapestry. all of these things informed who i am and they never leave me, even if it's embarrassing or regretful, even if i want absolutely no part in it today, even if i truly couldn't care less. i can't possibly say i'm "done" with something i loved, because that something is still in me, a part of me. i'll always care for who i was then. i'll always care a pinch. i ask this genuinely, without judgement: how are others able to separate themselves from something they loved and know with certainty that the love they had before hasn't already manifested itself into newer loves of different forms? how can someone muster a quick and absolute denial of their own self-history?

#woohoojazelyn thoughts #this reads very uh. poetic. but i can't help it!#even like in really common fandom speak yeah. you find out a youtuber you adore has done smthn fucked up and problematic #i understand casting them aside and not wanting to be associated with that anymore #i understand how thinking about that era might leave a bitter taste in your mouth #but i don't really understand how people can know exactly the amt of time/energy they put into that person/fandom #and say that it objectively no longer matters to who they are #like no. you were a part of that. there were times during that era that you can probably look back on fondly #that doesn't make you a bad person or someone stuck in the past #i think that just makes you like. self aware at the very least #like the things you did and felt truly are of the past but the common link between those things and who you are now... is you #denying myself of my past is denying my present self

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