#but i don't care enough to pay 6 bucks a month

[loving-jack-kelly]

it is Extremely funny that the whole watcher thing just ended after one weekend of people being like hey this was poorly thought out and a terrible idea. lmao. cringe fail financial decision.

[thealexandriaarchives]

Y'know there are about 50 different straws on my back the last couple months but it's very fucking funny that the one that seems to have broken it is that from being burnt out as fuck at work again already after two days back and not able to give a fuck when I'm already missing deadlines, I've finally managed to get outside of the office for some fresh air and social activity. I am very late and I having a throbbing headache and nausea from day two of a severe period that is not being helped by the sounds of a baseball stadium, a game I don't really care about at all, but it is the home team and bougie stadium with my partner and until very recently they were having a killer summer, so I scored us tickets on the day that also gets us free pink hats and donations that support my favorite local nerdy museum with my membership to said museum. When we finally get to our seats and it is almost the 3rd inning already, my partner, understandably annoyed I left him outside for an hour (I had offered to send his ticket tbf and I had been rescuing his sister or I would have been a reasonable 15 minutes late) goes to get our hats before they're gone with the tickets on my phone and in the sudden silence between innings I have quiet and fresh air and 6 am meetings and work I can't give a fuck about and pushes to move further into a career path that is sensible and sustainable and not at all what I want to do with my life but makes enough money to keep the bills comfortably paid for two most months with new stress Hyperfixation purchases added in and all of a sudden-

My fucking parent corporation's name, logo, a stupid catch phrase I have never heard before, and 'come be an innovator / careers / team name' is all over the goddamn stadium. The Megatron, the banner boards, everywhere. In silence. For minutes. Then it changes. To another nearly identical set of ads for my parent Corp.

I am totally alone. With no phone for documentation for this surreal experience. Come on, be an innovator. Careers with us. It's been 6.5 years since you took your first job at this company and you like your company and the bosses and the work has been fine but the corporation who owns you is getting more restrictive and shitty and you are once again just staying put because you don't know what you want that's actually feasible and you like your boss and want to help which is a terrible reason.

It's a few hours and one talk with my partner who reminds me again that non-profits actually pay the big bucks to retain real full time qualified staff and one half assed overly filtered search later I am staring at indeed.com with a receeding headache and acid still churning in my stomache and half a dozen bad influence new blorbos whispering encouragement in my ear as I consider their opinion that there's nothing wrong with slapping your massive dick down on the table and saying 'so what's up i read your posting turns out I am your overqualified dream candidate with half a dozen things you didn't even ask for but don't worry I'll accept the low six figures and full benefits package you're offering anyways tbh I just want to feel some fucking control of my life again and like there's something useful to the office drone shit i excel at. here is my list of conditions, I await your call.'

[iwritefeelings]

27.06.2024

It's been more than two years since my last blog. I don't really come here often except when I needed an escape from reality. I can't say I enjoy going through my brain dump when I was five to ten years younger - it's an awkward phase; lots of cringe and no sense drama. But hey, this is my secret refuge! Why??? Maybe there's comfort in knowing that "this too shall pass" and that "things will get better." After all, what felt like carrying a big boulder then seems just carrying a stone in my pocket now.

Life hasn't been great lately, but it's not too bad either. It's just right. Nothing too grand to celebrate. But there are little moments of joy to still make you want to live. I don't want to sound ungrateful, but I'm bored of the stability. I have a decent job that pays enough to get me through the next month and invest a little for the future. But am I hopeful for the future? I don't know. I question myself a lot lately, "what's next after I pay off my mortgage?" I said I wanted to retire by forty-five, and just take history, psychology, or art appreciation courses. But do I really want that?

When you stripped me off my job, I'm naked. It's hard to admit that I don't have life outside work. And it's not like I'm even great at work. I practically gave up the workaholic badge because it drained me like a lemon squeezed out of its juice. And with that gone, what's left of me?

I have a very loving and caring partner. We've been together for 14 or so years now. I'm not exaggerating when I say he's the best one could ever ask for. He's smart, kind, good looking, and a people person. But he's just too great! He does so well in almost everything. I'm proud of all that he's achieved and I'm sure there's much more in the future. But I wonder, is he ever proud of me?

I've been living abroad for 6+ years now. I don't come home often because flights are too expensive. There was a time I haven't been home in 3 years - mainly because of the pandemic but mostly because of money. I feel guilty for taking out-of-the-country trips but never home. But to my defense, my entire trip sometimes cost just a few bucks more than my flight home. And it's a new place! I love going home, but sometimes I feel like an outsider. I don't know where people kept things anymore. I have to watch and learn. I can't figure how to turn on the tv. I'm too shy to check the fridge when I get hungry at middle of the night. I've become a guest in my own home. Do they think of me as that too?

I don't have friends.

Five or ten years from now, I only hope I read this and laugh at myself just as how I laugh at my younger self now. The questions of today's what's next would be tomorrow's what's become. I don't feel excited, but we go with the flow. At least we're stable.

[blahandwhatever]

still consumed by the sleepy

yesterday I had to wake up only slightly extremely late instead of extremely extremely late

taste-tested the most bewildering set of unflavored protein shakes

they all tasted like dry oats

the beautiful Matrix Sciences birch was already partly bare

fall in full swing and summer returning

took myself for a walk before dark, got a poke bowl (not the best)

today I didn't want to get up but had to make myself eventually

had to skip washing hair because late and feel greasy and unpretty

had to get to Costco for eggs before fucking 6 PM

at least it got me out of the house before sundown

people at stores talked to me more than I was prepared for

at home I had the quickest nutritious dinner I could make (still slow to eat)

took a long nap, woke up with jobs on my mind

there hasn't been anything more important in months

(at least not in my own life, besides self-care)

my sense of direction is strong right now, but my action-taking is slow as ever

and I puzzle again and again over the lack of payoff, and what to improve (without money for new credentials)

I did hear back from two jobs this week

one had me do an assessment - still waiting to hear back about that

one asked me to set up an interview, and I wonder if the effort is worth it for a low-paying job - it's temporary, and it's something, but I'm hoping another will work out; I have a few days, so I'll see if the other hires me

none of the higher-paying jobs have given me a chance

there's a good one I want to apply for that asks for references

most of them don't, but when they do, it's always three

I have two and can't think of another good one

makes me realize I need to be more careful about looking good in the eyes of higher-ups

I usually haven't bothered enough, and I've had some tensions with most of them

then there's jobs that were just too brief or where I was just a number

a year ago I was doing so good

I knew it might be too good to be true

but it got worse partly because I messed it up

I flew a little too close to the sun

I went too fast for my big-bucks-in-a-few-hours

but I still have the job, and I still hope it'll pick back up

*

it's October

two years ago I got a set of glasses that brought me inordinate pleasure

last year I found a bottled water that bought me inordinate pleasure (don't buy the little bottle six-packs anymore because they marred the design with a green recycling symbol. also concerns about the recycled plastic. also lack of money. the bigger bottles are still good but less delightful.)

before I had little birthday parties, this year I probably won't given the state of everything, unless someone suggests something (doesn't bother me, I just wonder how everything will be going forward)

if I did, I'd have less to clean than usual

little by little, I get more on top of things

to be fair, there also isn't the mess or busyness of all the shopping I was doing

ohhh I want to do this month better than last year

need to fix my sleep schedule, fix my sleep schedule

I reached a point where I was feeling super-good and starting to sleep less

one day I slept four hours (morning study), and I think it was the first time I ever didn't feel dead on that amount of sleep

then I slipped up a bit again with the iron supplement schedule and my mood and appearance got a bit worse again

I course-corrected, but that brought me back to the long sleeps, which I see the healing effects of, and surely won't last too long, but it would be so much better if I just didn't slip up

crazy to think of all the low/weird periods I had in the past year and how this was probably at least partly responsible for all of them

it really has shown itself to be one of the most powerful things in my life - in like, every way

truly the mineral of strength

and so I must treat it like the god that it is, prioritize it at all costs

why be a lesser self when it's so easy to avoid

*

I keep feeling the need to rebalance things in my life, reduce some types of stimulation

it's great to have plenty of stimulation - and kind of amazing how much I do with the constraints I'm under

still, too much consumption can mean not enough introspection (or creation), and I've been feeling not as in touch with my own journey as I'd like

there's also just the all too quick and effortless nature of browsing stuff online that too easily steals time away from consuming somewhat more challenging and rewarding things

there's so much to genuinely love here, so much I'd like to not miss out on, yet somehow I have to continue the difficult work of culling my Tumblr browsing to make more room for other things

[thyrell]

omg food-handlers-license twins....... my boss was like 'we don't pay you or reimburse you for the test' so i just never got it and they never cared enough about food safety to check that i did it............... lmao

yeah same ive been working here for like 6 months now on my first day i told em yea i can probably get that for you if you spot me 29 bucks for the fees, they never did so i just never got one

[mull3ts]

Quarintine Boyz, Part One

Pairing | NCT's 00 line x Reader

⚠ Warnings! | Smut, Orgy (5some, but that comes in part 2), Swearing, is this qualified crack?, Just a bunch of flirting too, Fingering, Dirty Talk, *not proofread, Requested!

↳ Word Count: 3.1k

· Part 2

Week 1:Day 1/14, 8:43 am

"You need to stop eating my coffee, Donghyuck"

He gasped

"Um? Eating? Really? You're a bit stupid, Jaemin." Donghyuck fought back

"Think again," Jaemin hissed "I'm not the one stupid enough to drink coffee that's not theirs!"

Jeno glared at them

"Will you guys just-"

"Butt out of it, sexy guy" They both yelled

"That one's new" Jeno mumbled

"Will you bitch asses shut up, there's a pandemic for crying out loud!" Renjun yelled from the couch

"I have litterally never heard that word once in my life" You said streching as you just woke up

"Y/N" Donghyuck and Jaemin said both storming towards you

"Tell him he shouldn't drink my coffee" Jaemin said

"Nu-uh tell this hoe to back off because if it's on the counter, it's free real estate" Donghyuck said

"That's really not my problem, what's a pandemic?" You asked

"Apparently it's when we can't go outside anymore and quarantine for 2 weeks." Renjun sighed

"How am I supposed to work out!" Jeno shrieked

"How am I supposed to get laid!" Jaemin said dropping his bag of coffee grounds

"How am I supposed to leave and see Mark!"

"How am I supposed to care about that, Hyuck" You mumbled

"How am I supposed to live with all of you!" Renjun screamed grabbing his hair

"First of all," You began, "Jeno, you can do home workouts"

"But my weights..." Jeno whispered

"Jaemin, just jackoff for god's sake!"

"It's not the same...Can I use you?" Jaemin said, being absolutely serious

"That sounds horrible, no. Donghyuck, just call Mark or something!"

"But I wanna kiss him!" Donghyuck cried

"Kiss your phone! Renjun...let's go jump off of a bridge" You sighed

"Let's go!" Renjun said grabbing his car keys "We'll miss you all...not really but still!"

Jeno blocked the door

"Nope. You two aren't going anywhere" He said crossing his arms

"Yeah, we wouldn't want you two catching Corona" Jaemin pouted

You both sighed "Fine"

"So, what's for breakfast?"

"So, what's your social security number?"

"What?"

"What?"

Day 2/14, 6:23 am

"Oh, hi Jaemin"

You were taken aback, Jaemin was cooking, at 6:00 am

"What's cooking good looking?" He smirked

"Um, nothing, I'm not cooking?" You questioned

"Shit, um....y-you'reeeeeeee hot, mmhm, hot like hot, really hot." Jaemin said thinking about it as he spoke

"T-thanks?"

Jaemin got a plate for the both of you and turned around making you actually look at him

You screamed while turning red

"NA JAEMIN WHY AREN'T YOU WEARING A SHIRT?!"

"It's hot?" He stated plainly "So I'm not wearing a shirt."

"I'm fucking cold Na Jaemin, what makes you think it's hot?"

He smirked again, you'd really like to wipe that smirk off of his pretty face

"You're in the room, makes it hotter"

"I KNEW THAT THIS WOULD HAPPEN. I KNEW YOU WOULD DO THIS TO HER NA JAEMIN!" Renjun yelled waking down the stairs

"Y-you what?"

"Shit. I've been exposed"

"And what are you gonna do about it" Jaemin said slamming his fist on the table

"Nothing, except go back to bed. Oh and by the way...the AC is broken and that's why it's so cold" Renjun said yawning and walking back up the stairs

"Yeah, aren't you cold, Jaemin?" You questioned looking at the goosebumps on his biceps

"I'm fine" He said placing your food on the plate "So, you gonna put on a shirt-" He stopped you. "Nope. I'm staying shirtless with this apron".

"You know that's a Peppa Pig apron right?"

"It was cheap! Your point is...". You shook your head "It's nothing".

Day 2/14, 2:55 pm

"You don't mind if I workout while your here, right?" Jeno asked holding a workout mat

"No, this is your room anyways"

"Cool" That's when Jeno started to remove his shirt

"A-aren't you gonna keep that on"

Smack

"Keep it, babe. Wear it sometime" He smirked while beginning to stretch

Then an idea popped into his head

"Why don't we stretch something else, hmm?" Jeno said playfully

"Like what"

He motioned you to come to him with is finger

He started to remove your clothes until you were bare

"J-jeno"

"Shh, keep it down babe, the others will hear you"

Jeno released his cock from his shorts and rubbed your entrance making you whimper

"Already wet, babe?" He chuckled

"J-jeno, please" You begged

"What is it you want babe, tell me"

"I want-"

It was just his imagination, and he was already doing his push-ups. He looked at you to see what you were doing

"Sniffing my shirt? Do I smell that nice?"

"Hey Jeno you-" You paused examining his body

"-you have a really big...dick"

Jeno stopped doing his push-ups looking at you like you told him something dumb

"Well geeze, babe, you don't have to remind me" He said going back to his push-ups

You heard a laughter erupt from the door

"Pft, Y/N, you haven't even seen his dick out of his pants" Donghyuck laughed leaning on Jeno's door frame

"Well is it big?" You asked innocently making Jeno's dick harden

"Are these two really having a conversation about my dick?"

"Oh my sweet Y/N, it's big, until the day Jeno decides to bed you...I'll tell you it's big"

You seemed so fascinated

"Woah, cool"

Day 3/14, 1:22 am

"Renjun?" You questioned

"Huh?" He looked at you

"Why are you painting at...1:22 am?"

"I don't know, why are you up at 1:22 am?" He questioned back

"I'm looking for Jaemin's Peppa Pig apron"

Renjun laughed

"Jaemin's sleeping in it" He responded

"Isn't that a choking hazard?" You asked, concerned

"Jaemin likes to choke people-"

Renjun's phone went off

"Hang on"

[Na Jaehoe, 1:23 am] Shut up you shorty Bob Ross don't fucking tell her that 😤😤😤

"Nevermind" Renjun chuckled "So I heard the Jeno's dick conversation"

"Gosh don't remind me, Renjun"

You looked at what he was painting

"Is that-" He cut you off "Peppa Pig, yeah. I'm gonna use it to haunt Jaemin if he gets married."

"So like as his wedding gift?"

"Exactly" Renjun looked at the clock "You should go to bed ya know"

"So should you, ya know"

"I'll go at 2:00, night Y/N"

"Night, Renjun"

Day 3/14, 12:44 pm

"Looks like sleeping beauty woke up" Donghyuck snickered from the dining table

"Oh, shut up" You said looking at all of your roommates who were eating lunch

"Here, it's uh...What's this again, Jaemin?" Jeno asked. "It's uh...Chipotlé? Wait- Yeah, Chipotlé" Jaemin said blandly

"Are you still wearing that Peppa-"

"AnD?" Jaemin clapped back, Jaemin sighed "I HAVENT BEEN LAIED IN MONTHS!"

Everyone groaned "JAEMIN! What did Y/N say?"

"She said to just jackoff...BUT ITS NOT THE SAME!"

"That's really not my problem..."

"Maybe we should sign you up for therapy-"

"No, no, I'll live like the Virgin Mary" Jaemin protested

Day 3, 12:55 am

You were all in tears (except for Jeno) and Donghyuck was already sobbing his eyes out by the time The Titanic started sinking

"Donghyuck, your eyes are so puffy!" Renjun pointed out laughing though the tears

"S-shut up you oompa loompa" Donghyuck sniffed. "You guys are babies, right babe?" Jeno said looking at you who was gripping on to him tightly. "SHUT UP LEE JENO YOU ARENT DATING" Jaemin hissed from his side of the couch bursting out in tears

"J-jaemin, is that my shirt?" You asked drying your eyes on Jeno's shirt

"It's the goddamn laundry Y/N..." He sniffed. "Hey, Y/N" Donghyuck called, still sounding stuffy "Can I draw you like one of my French Girls?"

"You can't even draw that well" You defended not wanting to be drawn nude. "Then Renjun, you do it, I'll pay you like 20 bucks" Donghyuck said nudging Renjun, "$150" Renjun responded

"Nevermind..." Donghyuck huffed

Day 4/14, 10:49 am

You didn't wanna knock, and it didn't really sound like anything was in there

But you forgot about anyone

"AH SHIT" You screamed, clearly not prepared to have seen a naked Jaemin

He scoffed, "Don't act like you don't fucking like seeing me like this, Y/N" He inched closer to you. "Don't act like I haven't noticed you checking me out when I wore that apron or when I was wearing that small ass t-shirt of yours-"

"Oh, so now you know how I feel when you're overthere at the other end of the room clearly biting your lip-" Jaemin cut you off by slamming his lips against yours

"Shut up, princess. How about I give us both what we want, how does that sound?". You noddes your head while Jaemin removed your shorts along with your underwear

"You drive me so fucking crazy walking around the house with these on. What makes you think you can just dress like a slut everyday around 4 boys hmm? Tell me" Jaemin taunted

"I like wearing them" You pouted. "Yeah? Well all of us like seeing you wear them, so why don't we put on a little show for the boys?" He reached down and entered a finger in your pussy.

He chuckled, "So wet huh?". You whimpered "Please Don't stop Jaemin"

"Na Jaemin, you're staring" You said snapping him out of his trance. You couldn't bare his gaze on you, looking at you like he was gonna eat you. "It's not my fault you're so cute." Jaemin smirked

"Well then it's my mother's?!?" You said. Jaemin was inching closer and closer to you as your back hit the wall

"Kiss me right now, Y/N"

"Oh, there you are Y/N!" Renjun chirped "What are you doing to the poor girl, you man whore" Renjun said sassily

"Why didn't I close the door"

"N-nothing...man virgin" Jaemin snickered

"I AM NOT" Renjun said tilting his head a bit, "C'mon Y/N, lets do the laundry for our resident man whore" Renjun said making you giggle "Man whore". Jaemin rolled his eyes at you

Day 5/14, 6:57 pm

"Where the HELL is Donghyuck!" You yelled

"I dunno" they all said in unison, so you decided to call Mark

"Mark?"

"What's up?" He answered, "Do you know where Hyuck is?". Mark sighed, "He's not my responsibly Y/N"

"Sure does seem like it" You said before hangging up. His room light was closed so you didn't think to check, but you'd rather be safe than sorry. "Donghyuck?" You knocked as you swung the door open.

You shrieked

"Hey, baby" He cooed before he went back to jerking off "Care to watch?" he asked making it sound more like a demand

"I think I'll..."

"Stay? Yep, that's what I thought"

So you watched Donghyuck, jerking off to you, for 15 minutes

"Y-y/n ah!" He said as cum leaked out of his dick. Donghyuck got cleaned up leaving you at a loss of words

"You're welcome, sweetheart" He said grabbing your chin making you look up at him

"yA! Y/N, Jaemin needs you in the kitchen cause he burnt one of the frying pans" Jeno said opening the door

"Tell him I'll be right there"

"Bye bye, sweetheart" Donghyuck cooed causing Jeno glare at him

Day 6/14, 9:32 am

Jeno knocked on your door

"The only considerate one"

"Hey, I'm gonna go to take a shower" He held up one finger to stop you from saying anything. "I'm telling you this so you don't think you're home alone because..." Jeno was hesitant, making you realize what he knew

"LEE JENO-"

"Mmm, Jeno, Fuck! Jaemin! A-ah Renjun! S-shit, Donghyuck, M'gonna-" He moaned trying to recreate what you sounded like that one time you thought you were home alone

"JENO FORGET ABOUT THAT!" You screamed in embarrassment making him chuckle. "It's ok babe, nothing to be ashamed of all of us have done it with you in our head" He said walking off while giggling

"Shit, my face is red, hold up, where's my phone?"

You looked everywhere so you accidentally thought Jeno's phone was causing you to read the notifications displayed

[Nana Jaems]: So we're gonna ignore the fact we all jerk off to y/n?

[Injoon]: Well do you expect us to go up to her and say "You're fucking hot in thoes shorts and you're hot and nice so wanna fuck?"

[Nana Jaems]: Isn't that what we have to do tho?

[DngHyk]: Or ya know you could just hide in your room and wait for her to catch you jerking off? Thats what I did yesterday. Be jealous hoes

[Nana Jaems]: No way!

[Injoon]: Well shouldn't we wait for what Jeno has to tell us?

[Nana Jaems]: Yeah, AND WHY HAVENT YOU COME BACK WITH THE MILK YET LEE DONGHYUCK

[DngHyk]: Calm your titties, I'm going

"Whatcha' doin'?" Jeno asked, clearly fresh from the shower. "Oh, I was looking for my phone and thought this was m-mine. whydontyouhaveashirton?"

"Why don't I have a shirt on? I just came out of the shower, babe. Gimme my phone" He said as you handed it to him

He read the messages and smirked. "How long did you have my phone for?". You shrugged "I picked it up when you came out of the bathroom" You said still flustered, Jeno nodded

"M'kay" He said looking at you with a dark glint in his eye before walking to his room

"damn, he looks good with glasses"

"Y/N, stop checking me out" He smirked

"I-i am not, you stop" You defended making hin shrug "Meh, I kinda like doing it though. It's a...good view" He said with a cocky smirk you wanted to wipe right off of his face

"Whatever"

Day 7/14, 2:42 am

You attempted walking down the stairs as quietly as possible

"Y/N?" Renjun said sitting at the dining table

"Renjun? Why are you up this early in the morning?" You questioned

He shrugged "I like going to bed at like 4"

"4 hours of sleep?" You said in disbelief

"Gives me my personality" He said winking making you laugh "I guess that makes sense"

"Renjun?" you asked, "Can you tell me a day you'll never forget?"

He thought for a second

"Maybe, when I first bought this place with the rest of the guys, or when you moved in. The day me and the guys bought this house we weren't told that there was 5 bedrooms instead of 4, but we didn't know. We just thought this place was expensive for no apparent reason." He laughed, "First Jaemin and Hyuck thought it could just be a guest bedroom or something, but Jeno was like, "

"Nooo, I want it as my workout room!" Jeno cried making the others scoff. Renjun quickly stepped in before this became a fight and only Jeno and Jaemin were left fighting eachother. "Here, why don't we get a roommate? They can pay 1/5 just like the rest of us?" Renjun suggested. They all nodded, "I know who can be our roommate! Lemme call Y/N!" Jaemin said happily as the whispers about how was a girl supposed to live with 4 boys went on between them as Jaemin was on the phone with you. "Looks like we got a roommate" Jaemin said happily. "Isn't Y/N a girl though?" Jeno questioned. "Yeah, but she's willing to also cook for us, and you." Jaemin said making Jeno shrug.

"What does happen when Jeno amd Jaemin are left fighting eachother?" You questioned. Renjun laughed, "It's not very pretty, and it goes on for a while".

"So is it like a physical fight?" You asked still confued, Renjun nodded. "Geeze"

"What about you Y/N, a day you'll never forget"

"Y/N HIIIIII! COME HERE!" Jaemin shouted from the door step, "I'll get your bag, go meet the rest of them!" Jaemin said already picking up a luggage. You looked in the direction of the house. There was a boy leaning against the doorframe, another one standing on the other side, and one who was in the back. Jaemin yelled at them making them walk over to you. First it was the one with his arms crossed leaning against the doorframe

"Hi, I'm Jeno"

"That one looks intimidating"

"Hi, I'm Renjun"

"He's kinda short compared to the rest of them"

"Did you really think that I was short?" Renjun questioned, interrupting your story. "Yes, and I still think you are"

"Hello, I'm a 10, I'm Donghyuck"

"Thank you for shoving that fact in my face, he seems full of himself"

"Go show Y/N her room" Jaemin said exitedly. While you were getting sitiuated in your room you overheard their conversation in the kitchen downstairs. "So..." Jeno started, "Can we fuck her?". Jaemin choked on his water only to find his roommates all staring at him seriously. "W-what, I mean- S-sure, ask her?"

"Did you really hear that?" Renjun asked, shoked. You nodded your head, "Every word" you smiled.

Jaemin was trying to tip-toe to the fridge while the both of you were staring at him

"Oh, hi"

Day 8/14, 9:15 am

"Y/N, would you let any of us fuck you?" Jeno asked while the both of you were eating breakfast. You thought for a second.

"Sure" You shrugged, "Maybe you though". Jeno's eyes lit up, "Me?".

You nodded, "Why not? You seem like the only responsibe one along with Renjun"

"What about me?" Renjun questioned. "She'd let you fuck her"

"But I wanna fuck her!" Donghyuck and Jaemin said in unison. "There's only 1 of me and 4 you, and I'm trying to eat or god's sake" You said glaring at the two boys infront of you.

Day 8/14, 9:22 pm

It was Monday movie night with Jeno and Jaemin as per usual, despite the fact of Jeno's hand in your shorts. "You make a sound, and I'll take this blanket off of you letting everyone see what a dirty girl you are. Understand me?" Jeno whispered. You nodded, "But I guess it wouldn't really matter since they already know you're such a dirty girl". Jeno chuckled, "Only for us though, right?". You nodded your head again, your breathing quickening as Jeno's fingers curled inside of you. "Good". His fingers worked their way in and out of you eventually leading you to start to clench on them. "You gonna cum? You're clearly clenching around them, am I that good, babe?" Jeno taunted. "Y-yeah, J-jeno, please let me cum" you plead. He nodded his head causing you to make a mess on his fingers. "Such a good girl for me" Jeno said licking his fingers clean.

Jaemin cleared his throat, "You two are quite the shamelss people" he said causing you and Jeno to look at him.

"Don't act like I didn't know what you two were doing. How dare you not let me have some fun too?" Jaemin said in utter disbelief.

"Here," Jeno said picking you up and placing you on his bed, "Let's have some fun with her then"

Jaemin let out a dark chuckle, "C'mon princess, let us play with you". They both started removing the very little clothing you had on along with theirs. "Open up, babe" Jeno said with his fingers held out infront of you. "Spread your legs, princess" Jaemin instruced behind you.

Spank

"Wider" He demanded

[box-dwelling]

Not ment as a hijiack or an over share but I want to add a personal experience that shows how flawed the seeming only argument for privatisation is.

For anyone saying that you get better service with private healthcare, I basically got duped into going private over our nationalised system. I was desperate and undiagnosed and terrifed of completing all of my education without accommodations for my disability. I thought it would cost a couple of one time payments that I could cover with some savings. This was not the case and while it's far better than it used to be as a got some of the care transfered over to my GP, I'm still partially with them and have to spend a minimum of £200 every 6 months on check ups, way more if my dosage is adjusted. I know that may seem minor compared to the truly insane American prices but most people i talk to here find it extortionate.

The government in my country is deliberately underfunding our healthcare service to choke it into privatisation. As a result of this my mother had a series of results lost and misplaced that resulted in her dying of cancer without enough time to fight it. So you could quite comfortably say I've seen some of the worst of underfunded nationalised health care.

Even with that said, I have not seen anywhere near the level of poor service on the NHS that I have seen with the private company. The private company patronies me, treats me like a child, makes me unlive ancient trauma for unnecessary reasons to an extent that I was a mess for days after, squeezes me for every penny I have, regularly loses prescriptions, doesn't follow up on informing my gp about changes, is currently blanking 2 urgent emails I sent days ago about them not completing a job they were given a full month ago and is now resulting in me having to go without the correct dosage of medication. Every interaction with them has been unpleasant and needlessly painful.

The NHS for all it's faults losing my mum's results would at least admit their mistake and ask her to run the test again. They at least responded to her. And even though I've had bad experiences with both, I have had many many great experiences with the NHS, even with how underfunded it is because deep down almost everyone working for them seems to actually give a shit about helping me. Even when they are stretched so impossibility thin, I still almost always see a doctor who treats me with respect, kindness, and professionalism, no matter how overworked and exhausted they are being forced to be by austerity.

Nationalised healthcare is a universal good. Even if you are the most selfish bastard who thinks that it's better to pay exorbitant fees because at least it prices out the poors so you don't have to wait as long, think about what your doctor is motivated to do. Are they trying to make a quick buck or is their solo goal to actually heal you. Because I've seen a good amount of stuff talking about American doctors being told to push medications because the mainfuatures pay them to, even if it isn't the best option for you. And if you don't get better, that makes you a returning customer. In a nationalised system, the motivation is to get you healed as quickly as possible with the most effective medication because then you aren't clogging up the system.

[xtruss]

In this illustration of a low-density lipoprotein particle, apolipoprotein B (blue) is surrounded by various forms of cholesterol (orange and yellow) and other lipids.

Is It Time To Retire Cholesterol Tests?

Should apoB take the place of LDL in your next checkup? This Science Magazine Archives story looks at how genetic studies and clinical data have caused scientists to take another look at cholesterol tests.

By Mitch Leslie; December 6, 2017

The next time you go in for a medical checkup, your doctor will probably make a mistake that could endanger your life, contends cardiologist Allan Sniderman of McGill University in Montreal, Canada. Most physicians order what he considers the wrong test to gauge heart disease risk: a standard cholesterol readout, which may indicate levels of low-density lipoprotein (LDL) or non-high density lipoprotein (non-HDL) cholesterol. What they should request instead, Sniderman argues, is an inexpensive assay for a blood protein known as apolipoprotein B (apoB).

ApoB indicates the number of cholesterol-laden particles circulating in the blood—a truer indicator of the threat to our arteries than absolute cholesterol levels, some researchers believe. Sniderman asserts that routine apoB tests, which he says cost as little as $20, would identify millions more patients who could benefit from cholesterol-cutting therapies and would spare many others from unnecessary treatment. "If I can diagnose [heart disease] more accurately using apoB, and if I can treat more effectively using apoB, it's worth 20 bucks," he says.

Sniderman and a cadre of other scientists have been stumping for apoB for years, but recent reanalyses of clinical data, together with genetic studies, have boosted their confidence. At last month's American Heart Association (AHA) meeting in Anaheim, California, for example, Sniderman presented a new take on the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey (NHANES), a famous census of the U.S. population's health. The reexamination, which compared people with different apoB levels but the same non-HDL cholesterol readings, crystallizes the importance of measuring the protein, he says. Across the United States, patients who have the highest apoB readings will suffer nearly 3 million more heart attacks, strokes, and other cardiovascular events in the next 15 years than will people with the lowest levels, Sniderman reported. As lipidologist Daniel Rader of the University of Pennsylvania Perelman School of Medicine puts it, the question of whether LDL cholesterol is the best measure of cardiovascular risk now has a clear answer: "No."

But plenty of scientists disagree. "Many lines of evidence say there's not a lot more predictive power of apoB over LDL cholesterol," says cholesterol researcher Scott Grundy of the University of Texas Southwestern Medical Center in Dallas, who has helped craft several sets of cardiology care guidelines. And changing clinical practice would be disruptive. Standard heart disease risk guidelines downplay or omit apoB, and the algorithms that help doctors decide which patients to treat don't incorporate it.

ApoB backers have a new opportunity to make their case. A committee of researchers and doctors is reworking the most influential U.S. recommendations for cholesterol treatment, published by the American College of Cardiology (ACC) and AHA, and should issue an update next year. The European equivalents are also being revamped, although a new version won't be ready for 2 to 3 years, says cardiologist and genetic epidemiologist Brian Ference of the University of Cambridge in the United Kingdom, who is taking part in the rewrite.

Nobody expects these latest revisions to jilt cholesterol for apoB, but its advocates say there's increasing science on their side. Cholesterol cruises through our blood in several kinds of protein-containing particles, including HDLs, LDLs, and very low-density lipoproteins (VLDLs). When certain particles, such as LDLs and VLDLs, depart the bloodstream and get stuck in the lining of our arteries, atherosclerosis can result. Total cholesterol level was the first widely used indicator of this risk, but after researchers discovered that one form of cholesterol, HDL, may be protective, LDL cholesterol became the benchmark. Now, some physicians favor non-HDL cholesterol, which encompasses multiple cholesterol types, including LDL and VLDL.

All of these measures, however, reveal the amount of lipid in the blood, rather than the number of cholesterol-hauling particles. ApoB, in contrast, provides a direct measure of their abundance because each LDL or VLDL particle contains a single copy of the protein.

Still, even apoB advocates admit that LDL cholesterol's track record is pretty good. About 85% of the time, it provides an accurate indication of a patient's likelihood of developing cardiovascular disease, Ference says. But that means it's wrong 15% of the time, he adds.

A 2009 study found that nearly half of patients admitted to hospitals because of heart attacks had normal or low LDL levels. So by measuring LDL alone, doctors risk overlooking people who need treatment or, if they are already taking drugs to trim their cholesterol levels, a more intensive regimen.

At the same time, some people taking drugs for what seem to be dangerously high LDL cholesterol levels may not need treatment, Sniderman says. A more discriminating test for cardiovascular risk could spare these people from potential side effects and save money. Although cholesterol-lowering statins are cheap, Sniderman notes that newer drugs given when statins aren't enough, such as the PCSK9 inhibitors, can cost tens of thousands of dollars per year.

Switching to measuring apoB would improve diagnoses because it better reflects the mechanism of cardiovascular disease, according to Sniderman. "The data support that it's the LDL particles themselves that are the bad actors," rather than the cholesterol they contain, Rader says. The more of these particles that course through a patient's blood, the more get stuck in the arterial walls and the higher the probability of cardiovascular disease. Because LDL cholesterol and apoB are intertwined, both measures give the same result for many patients. However, the amount of cholesterol a particle contains can vary. So LDL cholesterol levels can be misleading for patients who have few large particles or many small ones.

No current drugs drive down just apoB, making its impact difficult to untangle from the effect of lowering cholesterol overall. But in a 2015 paper, Sniderman and colleagues reanalyzed data from the famous Framingham Heart Study, which has been probing the causes of cardiovascular disease for nearly 70 years. The patients with the best odds of surviving for at least 20 years had low levels of apoB and non-HDL cholesterol, the team found. But the patients with the worst chances had high levels of apoB, even though their non-HDL cholesterol was low. Similarly, the reassessment of the NHANES data that Sniderman presented at the AHA meeting suggests that apoB is a better predictor of risk.

Also pointing to apoB's importance is a type of analysis in which researchers comb through genetic data from large numbers of patients to identify gene variants that influence a particular trait. Scientists then track the variants' sway on health, a method called Mendelian randomization because it relies on accidents of heredity to create comparison groups. "It's essentially nature's randomized trial," Ference says. In a study in The Journal of the American Medical Association in September, he and his colleagues dissected the impact of variants of two genes involved in cholesterol metabolism: CETP and HMGCR.

Using data from more than 100,000 patients, the researchers found that people with sluggish versions of the enzyme encoded by CETP showed equivalent reductions in apoB and LDL cholesterol levels and were less likely than people with vigorous versions of the enzyme to suffer cardiovascular crises such as heart attacks or strokes. But the scientists saw a telling difference when they analyzed patients who also produced underactive versions of HMGCR's enzyme. Although these people showed further decreases in LDL cholesterol, their apoB levels—and their cardiovascular risk—didn't decline by as much. That discrepancy suggests that reducing apoB has a bigger protective effect than lowering LDL, Ference says.

The picture is clear, says preventive cardiologist Seth Martin of Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine in Baltimore, Maryland. "The totality of evidence is in favor of apoB being an important marker that can identify risk even when LDL is controlled."

But would the gains be worth the disruption? "The poor frontline primary care doctor doesn't want to have to think about apoB and non-HDL cholesterol," says preventive cardiologist and epidemiologist Jennifer Robinson of the University of Iowa in Iowa City, who was vice chair of the committee that drafted the most recent ACC/AHA recommendations in 2013. "It's too much information—and when you give people too much information they ignore it."

Cardiologist Robert Eckel of the University of Colorado School of Medicine in Aurora, who was also on the ACC/AHA committee, agrees. "I don't see apoB changing the playing field very much," he says.

Many apoB advocates reluctantly concur. LDL cholesterol is deeply entrenched in medical routines, and "it's not going to change any time soon," Rader says. "I go from depression to worse depression," Sniderman says.

But if future guidelines start to emphasize apoB's diagnostic value and drug companies begin to target it, Ference thinks physicians will eventually pay heed to the protein. "The argument is that LDL cholesterol is good enough," he says. "But as we move toward more personalized medicine, it's not."

— sciencemag.org; Health

[ofthekingsglaive]

A prompt: Ignis and his birthday while they are on their road trip? (I don't care whether or not that makes timeline sense it sounds cute.)

Shine

The road is longer than the one they initially anticipated.  It was to have been a simple jaunt, a finalride towards Noctis’ eternal, marital bliss and an accompanying peace thatwould last for centuries. What they got instead was very different. It became achore to keep track of their movements, let alone their days. Each one blendedinto the next. Most encounters blurred into the next as well, the endless monotonyof facing the same sorts of enemies in new places driving all four companionsinto a complacency in which every day seemed much like the day that came before.

Even the ever engaged mind of an advisor compartmentalizedwhen necessary, and between trying to find the necessary parts to keep theRegalia in working order, keeping the group fed and in enough coin to keeprenting chocobos to Prompto’s unending joy, he almost had forgotten his ownbirthday. He only remembered when he caught the date upon a receipt at a fillup station north of Leide. They had a job to do, and birthdays did not mattermuch. They were simply a fixed point upon a calendar and a reminder of one’sown mortality, he reasoned.

Still, in the soft hours of the night, right as the eveningchanged from the 6th day to the 7th, he excused himselfto the edges of camp and looked above. In Lucis the wall obscured the stars. Asa very young man, before he’d come to the Crown City, he remembered being fascinatedwith them. It was a fascination renewed when he found that though campinglacked access to a hot bath, it gave him access to something else precious. Thetactician used the pointer stars as reference to arrive at the shape of theDraconian’s Sword. It was a wavy line upside-down from the northernperspective, combining the star belt with representations of other Gods. Itgave him a sense of peace to think that the Gods were there, shining distantly,ever vigilant.

“You wishing on stars now?”

Gladiolus stood, arms akimbo, as if readying for a fight. Ashis posture relaxed and he moved forward, Ignis turned his face back to theheavens and smiled.

“Why would I do that? Children wish on stars, Gladio. Notgrown men.”

Gladio sat close, their hips touching, fingers linking tolie across Ignis’ lap. It was so easy to be with him, like this, when nothing waswaiting for the attention of either of them. He loved the feeling of Gladio’shands on him, even when it was something as chaste as pressing their palms toone another.

“I don’t know, “Gladio said. “Some people blow out candleson their birthdays, Iggy. Don’t see why you couldn’t buck tradition.”

Ignis scooted closer still, allowing the fond surprise athaving his birthday remembered make him pliable and soft, a momentary lapse in stoicism letting him to lean against his lover’s shoulder. “I shouldn’t be surprisedyou remembered,” he admitted. “And yet, I am.”

“Yeah, well. You forget you’re important to people.” Gladiohummed against his ear, and though Ignis’ eyes were still trained at the sky,he felt a lightness settle in his chest, a happiness amidst the heaviness ofall they had been up against since leaving Lucis. He could have fallen asleep rightthere, letting the contentedness settle over him like a warm blanket.

“Noct bought a cake,” Gladio continued. “Had Takka make itspecial. It’s why we passed by Hammerhead for no good reason.”

Ignis stilled against him, the lightness within threateningto overwhelm. He tightened his grip on Gladio’s hand, but Glaido continuedspeaking in that lazy, undeterred way of his.

“And Prompto…took a shit ton of pictures of you and him. Ofyou and Noct. Of you…and me. He put em’ all together in a book.”

Ignis stared hard at the sky, but the lights were no longer focusedpinpricks, bright and clear. He couldn’t see the patterns. The lights wereinstead unfocused, blurred. Something was in his eyes. It was too much, but itwas not enough, when thinking of what might come next.

“I didn’t want you to be surprised. I know you don’t like it,”Gladio explained. “But you’ll have to pretend I didn’t. I don’t want hishighness to sulk.”

Gladio released his hand to busy callused fingers at theback of his neck. He drew them together, Gladio’s chapped lips pressed againsthis, the soft insistence of a tongue licking into the seam of his mouth. Heheard himself keen as arms opened to him with a lenience that still feltundeserved, even after months of belonging to each other.

“Mums the word then.”

Above them, the stars shone. But Ignis has ceased paying attention.

[theiriskriss]

highest next week 6 or is it week 7 has lost count at this point of unsuccessfully trying to find a job here in Florida is getting more and more desperate at this point we just also found out that kid kids the world village is indefinitely shutting down here it's getting pretty crazy of course I can file for unemployment cuz the job I had during Corona was a under the table job that didn't have paperwork tied to it so I kind of got f***** out of the unemployment which a lot of people in Florida got f***** out of it anyway because our system is always shutting down so if anybody cares to help me help me write donating a couple bucks just so I can get some food or something like that and some toiletries I greatly appreciate it the last go around somebody was kind enough to donate enough money that I was able to get my phone turned back on which was a bit of a help for the job searching aspect and making some phone calls so I don't have to rely on my b**** of a roommate who is spending her money as fast as she can make it which to me is ridiculous she bought yet another f****** pet she does not need and does not take care of half the time start s God bless my boyfriend he's trying but he's in the same boat as me right now cuz he's in between jobs trying to wait for universal door back open back up otherwise he'd have me move in with him

it's honestly looking like being homeless is a whole lot more f****** appealing than living in this bug infested hovel and being treated like the red-headed f****** step child being yelled at and cussed out and being told that they're going to kick me out every other day or this or that and it's just it's getting to the point I'm not going to be able to take it for very much longer

Any help is appreciated reblogs are appreciate please pass the message I'm really getting desperate at this point I've been living off scraps for three months now I would like to buy something proper for once

And thank you to anybody who rebloged my last time I asked I greatly appreciate it

Sorry for how long this is I really needed to get this off my chest

https://paypal.me/TheIrisKriss?locale.x=en_US