#but i can't help thinking of the other week my nan couldn't breathe or really talk and rang my stepmum to help her

[deeisace]

Fucking christ

[smileyoongle]

Masterpiece (A Park Jimin Yandere AU)

Summary: You thought it was just a painting until you bought it. You thought the man in the frame was beautiful until you saw him. You thought it was a masterpiece until you were ruined.

Pairing: Yandere! Jimin×Reader, Taehyung×Reader

Warnings: Contains mentions of smut, deaths, blood, obsessive behaviour and mental health issues. Please read at your own risk.

You stared at the painting on the wall, the mix of colours making you zone out. Taehyung sat beside you on the white couch, rubbing circles on the palm of your hand as you both patiently waited for your therapist. His office was pretty nice with all it's pastel colours and light toned furniture. You remembered when you once wanted to be a psychologist. It was a teen fantasy of yours after you had seen 'The Silence Of The Lambs'. Overtime you grew out of it, figuring that you had too many problems to deal with rather than helping others fix theirs and soon, you found solace in tubes of paint and the smell of new canvases.

The door opened with a subtle click, your head turning around to see your doctor, Kim Namjoon, entering the cabin. 

Taehyung let go of your hand and stood up, shaking hands with Namjoon while you continued to sit nonchalantly. You didn't really wanna be here, anyway. Thankfully, Namjoon knew you too well. He was an acquaintance of yours in high school but he didn't know you enough to not be your therapist. He was the best one in town and happened to be Taehyung's good friend.

His glasses sat on the bridge of his nose, his brown hair was pushed back, revealing his forehead unlike all the other days that he let his hair cover it up. You tilted your head and rested your cheek against your palm, your elbow sitting on the arm of the couch. Namjoon settled down in his chair and opened his diary, writing down what you assumed was today's date and your name. 

He finally looked up at you and smiled, his dimples digging into his cheek.

"Well, look who decided to show up after standing me up last week." Namjoon joked, making you crack a smile. Taehyung chuckled deeply, turning his head to look at you.

You shrugged and leaned forward, resting your elbows on your knees instead. "Safe to say, someone actually wanted to see me." You responded, earning Taehyung's disapproving scoff. It was his way of saying that he always wanted to see you but you decided to ignore it. What could you even say?

Namjoon shook his head, a breathy laugh leaving his mouth as he placed his pen on the book. 

"Tell me, how have you been, Y/N? Hopefully, you have been taking your medicines on time." He stated, looking at you with bright eyes. This was definitely a therapist thing. They couldn't really be sad in front of a depressed person right?

"Of course-"

"Liar. Now I know why Nan wanted me to come." 

You tsked when Taehyung interrupted, your eyes rolling in annoyance. Namjoon tilted his head at Taehyung, nodding at him as a sign to continue. Taehyung glanced at me before looking back at his friend.

"I saw the entire bottle sitting untouched in her house." Taehyung confessed, making you sigh and close your eyes. You pinched the bridge of your nose, feeling both their eyes on you.

"I told you last time. I can't take those pills, they make me sleepy and I'd rather stay awake." You snapped, clenching your fists and looking at Namjoon with a firm gaze that said you wouldn't change your decision.

Namjoon pursed his lips, already expecting this. Even after having talked about this a million times, you weren't willing to give the medicine a chance. 

"Why would you rather stay awake, Y/N?" He asked, rubbing his chin with his fingers. Your eyes wandered towards Taehyung, your breathing staggering when he gave you a comforting nod. You gulped, looking at the small painting that you had been admiring since you stepped foot in the office.

"Nightmares. Bad ones that make it seem so real, I-I don't wanna sleep. I think I've started to have those sleep episodes again." You answered as honestly as you could. This was hard for you. Very hard. Just as you thought you were getting better, everything seemed to be relapsing. 

Taehyung's eyebrows furrowed. Not in confusion. Not in surprise. But with concern. He always wondered why you painted at night and slept in the morning. Now he knew that you worked so hard just to tire yourself out so that exhaustion could take over. Because you wouldn't sleep willingly at all.

It was such a shame he didn't figure this out. He just wanted to help you. He really wished you'd let him help you.

"Do you remember any of those dreams?" Asked Namjoon, writing down something in his notebook. Your hand found Taehyung's, begging for him to hold it firmly and tell you it's okay. You had specifically requested for someone to be with you during therapy, afraid that you'd spiral out of control if Taehyung or nan weren't with you.

You tried to recall any nightmares that you had recently, your mind only gathering bits and pieces. You shook your head. "It's all a blur. I just remember being in that dark house and seeing bloody ropes everywhere." You replied, sighing when Taehyung squeezed your hand. You could feel your heartbeat quickening, the fear finding home in you again. And as much as you wanted to just get over it, you knew this session was far from over. 

Namjoon hummed, gliding his pen across the paper before closing the book and looking at you with hesitant eyes. You could feel your hands become clammy, your thoughts catching onto his. He was gonna say something you didn't wanna hear.

"I suggest we try PE once again." 

You immediately shook your head, sitting up straighter and mumbling 'no' again and again. You yanked your hand away from Taehyung, running your fingers through your hair. Namjoon placed the notebook beside him and leaned towards you with his arms stretched forward with caution.

"Y/N, just listen to me. We need to know where you stand in this situation and Prolonged Exposure is the best way to do it." He prompted, earning another firm NO from you. Taehyung decided to step in, his head turning towards Namjoon as he gave him a knowing look. Namjoon nodded in response and stood up, leaving the room without any noise. Even though this should be embarrassing for him, he didn't think much of it. Kim Taehyung was a rock for you besides Nan. At times when Namjoon had failed to convince you, Taehyung had done it. And Namjoon was sure Taehyung would do it now too.

You felt Taehyung's hands on your cheeks as he turned your face towards him. Your eyes were already teary at the thought of reliving that painful memory. Sort of reliving.

You placed your hands on Taehyung's, not paying attention to his words at all.

"Tae, listen to me, I can't do this. I don't- I don't wanna do this, tell him..-"

"Baby, hush. Look at me…"

You stopped talking, your lips quivering as you listened to his attempt at comforting you.

"Breathe. Just breathe." 

You swallowed thickly, focusing your attention on your breathing. You closed your eyes and took in deep breaths, feeling the way your heart calmed down. 

"Y/N. Tell me. Don't you wanna stop worrying about all this?" 

You pursed your lips, not being able to answer him. You didn't need to, anyway. Because who would say no to that question? Certainly not you.

"Don't you wanna just...live?" You looked away from his brown eyes, his hands still firmly cupping your cheeks. After a second of silence, you nodded. Taehyung smiled and brushed your hair away from your forehead.

"Do this. Not for me. Not for Nan but for yourself. Because you wanna live." He said, pulling his hands away and standing up. As much as you wanted to argue, you couldn't. He was right. Taehyung was always right.

"I'll let Namjoon know." Taehyung announced, taking a step forward towards outside the room when your hand held his wrist. You were still hesitant and unprepared. Could you even come out alive?

It's just a recording, you told yourself. 

Taehyung sighed and crouched down to your eye level, bringing your hand up to his lips. He softly kissed your fingers before smiling at you.

"I swear on my life, Y/N. You'll be fine." He assured you, your hand finally letting go of his wrist. You watched him leave, the back of his blue shirt disappearing behind the black door.

You closed your eyes and inhaled deeply, nodding to yourself as an indication that you were ready.

____________________________________________

Namjoon looked at you, his fingers hovering over the play button on the small black recording device. You knew all about the process of prolonged exposure therapy.

You were gonna be made to listen to a recording from the time when you had narrated the whole incident to Namjoon for the first time. The last time you did this, you were screaming after you heard yourself utter four sentences. It was painful, really. And you never wanted to go through it again but you understood that this was important for you.

You glanced at the door once, your heart sinking on the realisation that Taehyung wasn't gonna be here to get you through this. This was a one to one session and Taehyung wasn't allowed inside with you.

You sighed and gave Namjoon a small nod, clenching your fists and leaning back on the plush couch. You heard a faint click before a buzz echoed through the silence of the room.

"It's 11:02 AM and I am at my third session with Y/N Y/L/N."

You huffed, closing your eyes immediately to prevent any further panic. Your heart was slowly picking up its pace. It wasn't full on pounding yet so that was a good sign.

"Y/N, tell me everything from the start. What happened on the evening of 31st December 2014?"

You squirmed in your seat, letting out shaky breaths as memories from that day came back to you.

"Well...I was walking back home from a party that I really wanted to attend. Taehyung had offered to drop me off but I didn't want him to leave the party because of me so I turned him down."

You kept mumbling to yourself that you were okay. Despite the goosebumps rising on your skin, you told yourself that you were okay. Just a little longer and you'd be out soon.

"It was quiet on the streets and my phone was dead. I couldn't call my dad because of it and I had to reach home soon. It was time for my curfew so I decided to take a shortcut."

A soft whimper left your mouth, your fingers fisting around the fabric of your t-shirt. Namjoon's eyes were fixed on you, taking in your body language throughout and drawing conclusions about your mental health. Your eyes were becoming warm, the tears making themselves visible.

"It was a dark alleyway and we were always told to avoid it, considering the number of girls who had been abducted from there. But I didn't have a choice. Dad would have killed me if I came home even a minute late."

You heard the crack in your voice, reminding you how much you had struggled to get the story out. The images of that night began to reopen in your mind, sending your heart into a spiral.

"I walked as fast as I could until I was almost at the end. I saw my house in the distance and that's when I began running. But it wasn't because I was late. It was because I could hear another set of footsteps behind me."

You gasped, shooting your eyes open when you recalled the next moment. Your lungs burned and tears streamed down your cheek.

"Y/N. No one is here to hurt you now. Just a little longer. You're doing great." Namjoon assured, his voice somewhat offering you peace. 

"I was about to scream when a hand clamped down on my mouth. After that, I don't remember anything until I woke up in a dark room-"

"No...Stop it! Not...just stop it right now!" You yelled, your voice shaking as you clawed at your ears. Namjoon immediately pushed the stop button, the door swinging open to reveal a panicked Taehyung. You buried your face in your hands, your ragged breathing filling the room. Taehyung rushed to you, his hands rubbing your back as he sat down beside you.

You forced yourself to look up, your hands shakily reaching out to Taehyung's as you let him hug you. His scent had you calming down, your heart slowly falling back to it's rhythm. 

"You did amazing, Y/N. Last time, you didn't even do half of where you reached today." Namjoon praised, showing you his dimpled smile. Your head rested on Taehyung's chest and you smiled weakly at Namjoon.

You wiped away your tears and sniffled, watching as your doctor sat in his chair and began writing something on a notepad.

"I'm changing your meds. There are three pills this time. You need to take them once daily. Don't forget them at all. And yes, these are to be taken with water, not alcohol." Namjoon stated firmly, giving you a small glare as you hide your face in Taehyung's chest. As if you were gonna listen to him.

The ride home was quiet, seeing as you spent your entire time recalling your therapy session. You somehow got through it for the day. But what were you gonna do next week? 

You turned your eyes to Taehyung who was focused on driving the car. His jaw clenched occasionally, his tongue wetting his lips from time to time. It was a shame that a man like him was here next to you.

Taehyung was everything good whereas you were everything bad. You were broken beyond repair, hopeless, heartless and selfish. There were so many ways to describe you but you didn't have the motivation to put yourself down. 

The car came to a halt and you weakly pushed open the door to get out. You sighed, squinting in the sunlight on seeing your house. The big brick mansion stood out like a sore thumb in the middle of the green expanse of the countryside. Your house wasn't that far from the city but it was a good 45 minutes drive.

You followed Taehyung inside your house, your feet automatically taking you to your bedroom as Taehyung engaged in a conversation with Nan. You were pretty sure it was gonna be about your little incident today. You rolled your eyes, trudging towards your closet. You dug through your clothes, trying to choose the comfiest outfit you owned before settling for an old but big t-shirt with baggy shorts. You turned around after tossing the clothes on your shoulder, your eyes meeting the eyes of the man in your painting. 

He looked so at peace, it made you envious. Maybe you should have been a painting too. You wouldn't have to worry about life's problems at all. 

"You're lucky, you know. All you have to do is sit there while I have to go through fits of existential crisis every day." You complained, throwing him a pointed look before heading to the bathroom.

The hot water was a relief for your aching muscles. You could feel all your worries being washed away as the water cascaded down your body. You spent twenty minutes cleaning yourself up. You loved taking showers but today was just not your day. You just wanted to lay around all day with nothing to think about.

What a treat that would be!

Wrapping the fluffy towel around your body, you stepped out of the stall and stood in front of the mirror after opening the door to your bathroom. The steam had fogged up the mirror, your hand wiping it away to slowly unravel your reflection. But it wasn't just you anymore.

Your eyes widened when they met his, a gasp following soon after.

Park Jimin stood behind you with a smirk on his plump lips and a devious look in his eyes.

Taglist: @csol16 @thanksforthemameries @min-t-posts @xanny91 @silverstitchedsoul @truestrengths @jackgot7lo @jazzytfw @cassiescarlet12

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3 AM and tumblr is being a bitch..... I'm so tired. Anyway, sorry if I forgot to tag someone! Lemme know if you wanna be tagged and tell me if you liked this chapter! Ily 💖

-XX

[ourcheethamfamily13-blog]

Alices story.

Alice was diagnosed at my 36 week growth scan, I lyed there laughing and joking with the scan woman, until she went really quite, she then said she needed to go get someone to help her get a certain measurement, it was not strange at this point as Alice never cooperated in scans so I wasn't Concerned till this lady came in had a look over Alice and said she had to go get someone else to come look... I started to get a little worried I asked if something was up her reply 'would you like me to get your husband to come in' (he was sat outside with Billy), with this I started to cry as I new something was up.

We sat there quietly crying while 3 people looked at our baby.

No one could tell us what was up at first and wouldn't give us a proper answer, they booked us an appointment at Manchester St Mary's hospital to get scanned by a specialist 2 days later.. Longest 2 days ever.

This scan they confirmed the diagnoses, our Baby had  Right sided hernia which give her a lower survival rate, also her heart had been pushed by her bowel into her rip cage on her left hand side, but he said her heart was working fine and in good condition.

He then said the dreaded sentence 'if she survives the first 48 hours' our hearts broke, the baby that was so activally kicking inside me suddenly we didn't no her fate.

We got home and looked at her bed beside ours and broke down, we no longer new if we would ever get our baby home.

We went back a few days later to see the specialist in the nicu, they showed us round and gave us alot of hope with where our baby would be born and the doctors looking after her. He also gave us hope everything would be okay with the fact of how late it was all found, as they couldn't see her lungs on the scan as of how far along I was and how late it was found he saw this as a Good thing, but no one would really no till she was here they booked me in to be induced the week later.

The day came all went well after a quick and painful labour she was born 2.42am. The room was silent she was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen but she made No noise.. The Nicu staff was on stand buy and quickly started there work on her.. They expected her to cry. 

Panic struck are faces no one would tell us what was happening crowds of staff was round our baby girl. After they applied all the breathing tubes we got a quick look before she was taken away.... We waitied... A few hours later the miswife came to collect us to go see her, she was covered in tubes, one of the machines was shaking her whole body, she was sedated, but when we held her hands and she heard are voices she started to open her eyes and kick. This wasn't suppose to happen, they then sudated her more.

The doctor came in to speak to us, he told us it was alot worse that was thought, Alice hardly had any lung tissue on either side, because of this the oxygen was struggling to pump round her body and they was struggling to keep her blood pressure up, she was on the most help they could give her.

They promised they was doing all they can for her and would call Liverpool to see if they would send the ecmo machine (a machine which goes into main vein to help oxygen circle the body).

A few hours later they came for us again she was still on maximum support and was struggling, Liverpool wouldn't send the ecmo as it would no longer help, we got sent away again. We decided to call are parents to let them no she was born and things wasn't looking good.

They came for us again a hour later. Alice skin had changed And was going grey, then he said it 'there is nothing more we can do, even with the top support, she was going and hadnt long left, would you like to hold her' I begged and pleaded for a moment, but I realised I was wasting time.

They passed me my tiny baby girl, she was so beautiful, she was gone.

we sat there crying and cuddling, it felt like a Really bad dream, I really wanted to wake up and feeling her kick once again... This can't be our life... How can she be gone.... The doctor then came to check her heart beat at 9.10am which we already new she was gone which I cried at him even checking and announcing her dead.

They gave us some time then brought in a memory box to put things in for her including the hat she wore in the incubater, there is more stuff in there including a blanket I can't face looking at it just yet.

They then asked if we wanted to take some pictures, I new we should but in that moment pictures seemed weird thing to do and why would I want to remember this. They then started asking if we wanted to move to the butterfly room and if we wanted to bath her. Which I replied I couldn't. This I now regret I wish I took the chance to bath my baby and dress her, instead of waiting for her to be brought back to me, while they had her they did foot casts and hand prints and stuff to add to our memory box.

After calling are parents crying she's gone, both are mums arrived just in time to meet are little girl, she was all clean and dressed and rapped in a lovely knitted blanket, she just looked like she was asleep so peacefully, my heart broke again as its was just another reminder she wouldn't wake up, I rocked her cuddled her, they later brought in a huge moses basket with canopy, I cried once again as they explained what a cuddle cot was, it's a bed to put them in which preserves there body so that parents can spend more time with there baby's after they have passed on.

After a hour we said our goodbyes and for them to take her, they told us she wasn't alone and there was a little boy in the cuddle room with her, in some way this made me feel comfort but in another way my heart broke for the other parents feeling the same way as us in a different room.

I really wish I spent more time with Alice but in that moment I just didn't no what to do, if I didn't put her down I don't think I'd of ever let go of her.

I wish I spent more time with her that day, the day after I needed to see her again, Luke agrees to come with me as it was what I wanted but it was alot harder this time she was cold and her skin started to change, i shouldn't of let luke come with me as this was too hard for him, I sat there cuddling her, luke supported me but couldn't face holding her again we went home that day.

We sorted out the funeral directors and they collected her from St Mary's for us, I visited her on my own a few times at the fureal home, I sang to her, I told her all about the family and how much I miss her and love her, I stroked her beautifully long her, the photographer came to take some pictures of her, this was very strange but was told I'd regret it if I didn't have them. Which I'm so glad I have now.

The funeral I can't thank the staff at the funeral home and the Victor they all did am amazing job, watching the strengh in Luke as he carried the tiny coffin to the church and then to her resting place with my nan, Lukes job was always bed time with are son and as he said it was only right for him to be putting Alice to rest.

We set doves off and thanked everyone for coming to say goodbye, we only had close family come parents, grandparents and siblings and our 2 best friends.

This feeling will never go away we have good and bad days and we are trying are best to look forward to our future as a family with Alice watching over us.

First picture, just before they took her away to the Nicu.