#but hopefully you'll find something of worth in it as well? sharing with the hopes that you do.

[sisterdivinium]

[this was originally posted at femslashfete for the "beg" prompt]

All hell is breaking loose around them: the pope is a pile of cooling ash, fried to death during a global broadcast; an already weakened OCS risks losing even more of its elite warriors as it continues to fight a false angel who is always one step ahead; and even sunlight becomes a curse upon the flesh of those brave few who have not bowed down to Adriel's cult. In the midst of it all, Lilith pauses her battle against Ava and asks her to join her cause.

Why?

If momentarily, Lilith has the upper hand. Ava is skewered to the side, with a sword stuck all the way through her middle, and the battleground was one Lilith chose, her own ancestral home with which she is deeply acquainted. Up until this point, Lilith has not demonstrated a great inclination to ask — she obeys, such as when Duretti has her track Ava down regardless of costs or morals; she demands, whether by “requesting silence” of Camila or teleporting her way into Jillian’s estate without patience; and she even whimpers and cries in Mary’s arms when they are by the tomb, but how often do we see Lilith beg? Even as Adriel drives his fingers into her eyes, she does not plead for mercy.

Perhaps begging seems too strong a word to describe her last attempt at winning Ava over. Perhaps Lilith is only trying to use a language which, foreign to her, could resonate with Ava’s disposition, stubborn as she is, uninclined to obey just because someone stronger and meaner said so. Fighting costs stamina and time, precious time, and the sooner Adriel can get ahead in the “holy war”, the better, so if words can more easily and more quickly attract the halo and its bearer to his camp, well, it’s worth a shot, right?

Except Lilith had already eschewed diplomacy and opted for aggression first of all. The time to talk would have been atop Adriel’s cathedral, before Duretti is killed, when first Ava looks upon Lilith after her defection and the more radical changes in her body are visible.

Instead, they fight. Instead, Lilith makes use of the halo’s malfunctioning to get a few good blows in, whether physical or emotional, what with her little spiel on breaking free from her frustrated goals when Ava took her place as the warrior nun. Now, unlike Ava, she is free of expectations and responsibilities.

But is she? Has Lilith shed her past self as she has been shedding skin for her multiplying scale? Can she — or anyone?

If rejecting her mother, the plans that had been made by the same woman, and even the OCS, which was arguably the thing that had given Lilith’s life all its meaning, if rejecting all of this is a way to reject who she was, why return to her family home for her showdown with Ava? Why choose a place central to the past she is renouncing? Strange would be the prisoner who, shortly after a successful jailbreak, decided to rush back into that same jail, now with a friend in tow.

When Lilith crumbles in Mary’s arms, she is vulnerable. She opens up, if only a little (“you said I was heartless”). Amid the mess and the violence, Lilith chooses to open up to Ava, too. It’s not Superion or Beatrice or Camila or Mary or even Adriel himself, who has helped her “see reality”, whom she takes home, to the centre of her wounded intimacy. It’s Ava.

Ava gets to witness the trinkets of medieval times, symbols of the burden Lilith must carry as a member of her family, so profuse in warrior nuns along the centuries — a burden they share, as Ava must bear the halo and correspond to others’ ideas of her without a real say in the matter. They are equivalent, they are the same even despite all their differences, the same value but inverted. Both have fates tied to the halo, terrible and overbearing, only now Ava has that circle on her back and Lilith boasts of that strange but also “open” pattern upon her chest, as some sort of negative halo.

Back in season one, when Lilith tries to cut Ava open to retrieve the object that defines the OCS perhaps more than the cruciform sword itself, she has Ava pinned down, face on the ground. She doesn’t hesitate as she plunges the divinium blade into the reticent halobearer’s back, her inferior, unworthy even of actual direct confrontation.

But now, under the sickly glow of Adriel’s cursed light, after Lilith has opened her eyes, Ava is impaled on the sword right where Lilith wanted and they are facing one another, eye in the eye. They are, blood notwithstanding, on the same level.

This isn’t the first time Lilith hurts her. At the Cat’s Cradle, in 1x03, Lilith uses the cruciform sword to slice at Ava’s arm; later, it’s the same weapon she intends to wield against Ava at the orphanage exit; as mentioned, she stabs Ava with a divinium knife before being herself pierced by a tarask. As her body changes, Lilith uses her claws on Ava, drawing blood, and finally pushes her into that sword in her home, leaving her hanging in the air — much like Lilith hung in the air at the end of the tarask’s claw in 1x05. So there is a recurrent theme by which Lilith not only seeks to hurt Ava, but to perforate, penetrate, enter her in what is some pretty sexually aggressive symbolism.

And, as they look upon one another while Ava is traversed by a weapon just as Lilith had been, a twisted mirror image of herself, as if Lilith could recreate her own experience in Ava so as to change her mind by making her feel what she felt, the rogue nun asks her to join her. Lilith has not only shown Ava her past, but replicated it on her — she should be ready to “see reality” too, she should be ready to choose. For, if the halo chose Ava when they were both marked for it, then Ava might just as well choose her, as no one else had ever done, not even Adriel since it was Lilith who approached him.

She has been burnt and passed over enough. Lilith has been made to fight Mary, she has been stabbed by a demon, her body has started to change without her control or her consent… “No more talking” indeed. Lilith wants something new. From the look in her eyes and the intonation Lorena Andrea gives her, Lilith isn’t just playing Ava. She means it. She wants Ava on her side. Adriel is an excuse. She can see they’re on the same level and surely Ava can, too. She’s the agent of change after all, Lilith recognises this — so can’t Ava recognise her?

Hers is the name Lilith calls out when she returns from the dead before she passes out inside ArqTech. Hers are the eyes that look inside Lilith, at her decadent household and past. Hers is the flesh that experiences the pain, the demonic stockade Lilith suffered. It’s not just the halo, it’s Ava or else Lilith wouldn’t waste time asking and she’d just rip the halo out the way she threatens to do at a refusal. Ava must see her, as Adriel supposedly does.

It’s not about him in the end. She barely bats an eyelash when he is defeated. After all, when she opens her eyes, Lilith’s diagnosis is that “this is how Ava sees”. Ava is the parameter, Ava is the prize.

This enemy Lilith has been trying to slice, stab, maim, kill, who conquers her one ally in the world, is the same person she helps to save as she aids Beatrice in taking a mortally injured Ava to the ark, to the portal “to the other side”, the only way to save her. Even after Ava denies her and hurts her further, Lilith ultimately helps her.

Ava and Beatrice might be the canon couple, but this ambiguous and potent connection between Lilith and Ava, as they skirt around one another in a dance that has them alternating between foes and friends at the erratic beat of the drum, was likely to electrify coming seasons of the show, had it not been cancelled. It’s indeed surprising to realise Ava/Lilith isn’t as popular a ship as one might assume it would be given the dynamics contained within. There are certainly many elements to explore between them.

Perhaps, had their relationship been graced with a few more episodes to keep developing in its intriguing spiral pattern of attraction and repulsion, it would be one more of the myriad reasons why so many fans have not gotten over Netflix’s decision and so continue, themselves, to beg for more.

[haveyouseenthisseries-poll]

to be fair, even if there are a lot of "no"s or "never heard of it"s, this blog is also an amazing peer-reviewed watch-list

ever since I started following the blog back in october, there are 2 shows I could now vote for as "yes", simply because the enthusiasm of the fans in the notes made me curious

'really does wonders for someone who's anxious about getting invested in new stuff

anyways, lots of love to you for managing this blog, and lots of courage too! I think we all get it can be overwhelming, but hey, it's a fun little thing you do for people (including yourself) to be entertained and share their interests with others, not a full-time job, so allow yourself to relax about queue management or whatever! if some people ever get upset, which I hope nobody will, well, it's on them

aaahh anon you are so so so lovely :') <3

i genuinely mean it when i say that it makes me happy to see people actively engage with the polls and maybe try out the submitted shows, it's the main objective of this blog!

and i get you, i'm particulary picky when it comes to tv, way more than with movies, so the tags are certainly a useful tool to see if something in my watchlist is worth my time ahaha

hopefully you'll keep finding value in this blog, and find more new shows that fit your taste ^^

thank you again for this ask, you are so sweet, i hope you have an amazing day/night :)

[thefirstknife]

I've not played D2 long, all things considered, and have never shelled out for a Season Pass (Tho they're switching to something else now??) I DO like following the game's story but worry I don't play regularly enough to get my money's worth out of temporarily-available content. What sort of time investment do you (and others) feel you need to put in to keep it from feeling like a waste?

It honestly depends on you!

They're switching the seasonal stuff, yep, and we don't know how Episodes will work yet, but so far seasons have been streamlined to be fairly easy to finish even if you don't have a lot of time to play. Finishing the season pass has not been too hard, especially with the seasonal challenges that give massive amounts of XP.

The story could be done week by week or you could just wait until it's all over and then do it in one go, depending on how much time you had to play. You could technically wait for the last month or so and then do everything in bulk; the story, seasonal challenges, levelling, any extra content.

I play quite a lot, but I finish the story and the pass without any targeted grinding. I don't do bounty prep, I don't minmax XP gains or anything, I just do the story weekly and whatever else I feel like playing and I've always been able to finish all the content normally. I do have a regular raid/dungeon group as well so that helps; playing solo will always put you at a little bit of a disadvantage, but with the in-game LFG, it's now little easier to find people to play with!

I wouldn't say you need to play like a full-time job to make it all worth it and I hope they keep that for Episodes! There's plenty of time to get things done even if you don't put 15+ hours a week. As long as I finish the story and the season pass levelling, I feel like my time/money spent was not a waste. Anyone else with any extra input feel free to share!

If you know you aren't really playing regularly, I'd definitely suggest to wait before getting any of the seasonal content. You can always purchase it separately if it interests you or if you know you'll have more time to play and you can skip some stuff that you might not enjoy or have time for. You can always check things out online and decide if you want to spend money on it later!

I'm always of the opinion that it's better to skip on things/"miss out" than spend money and then regret it or force yourself to play when you're not interested. Your money and your enjoyment should come first. Preordering the whole yearly pack is not really necessary, especially if you know you're going to be skipping some content. You can always just buy stuff you specifically want and know you'll play and check the rest online.

Hopefully some time soon they'll tell us more about Episodes. So far we know that they'll last longer than season, but there will only be 3 per year, instead of 4. There might be more levelling to do, but you'll have more time as well. We still need more information about it though, so if you're not sure, don't invest into it yet.

[simpjaes]

hey, I know it will be a bit random but can I ask u how to start writing on this platform? I mean, should we find our audiences / mutuals first, or maybe we can just start to write?

I'm asking this to u because I'm new here and when I found ur blog I immediately in love with all of ur masterpieces (let's say u're my inspiration here :D)

I really really appreciate it if u willing to share BUT it's totally okay if u feel uncomfortable to answer it. xoxo<3

Oh! well, it takes time that's for sure. my first piece of advice would be to be patient before you do anything else.

how I started was:

I took my time and wrote a fic for the band I was fixated on, and then I made a blog and posted it there (ncteez). I had no followers, no friends, and no one knew who I was. it somehow got quite a bit of notes for someone so new back then but, given, it was during covid and I guess a lot of people were online and active. it's been several years since I started writing but my advice to you is to write something, and then post it with five tags regarding the band and member(s) in your fic. look at how I tag my fics if you need an example of that!

your audience will find you and I feel it best to just wait for them to do just that. you'll eventually start getting asks and feedback, you just gotta keep doing it! like, don't write one fic, see it as a flop, and never write again. it takes time to build an audience and it also takes time to write in general! if you're wanting to do it, make sure you're allowing yourself the time to grow without too much self-criticism regarding notes.

and ofc, do not deem notes as your proof of success and/or failure. all writing is worth reading and all writing has its audience. the insecurity of posting will always be there, but your people will find you for sure, and hopefully boost you up and encourage you to keep writing! again, i started ncteez in 2020. i've been writing for a long time but didn't start back up until covid because i was bored and wanted to fuck seonghwa :| it is now 2024 and thats how long it took for me to build up with that blog! I recently reached an 8k follower milestone there as well! as for this blog, i started it a while ago and never really posted anything on it. I think i posted one fic here just to say i wrote something for jake, but didn't really start writing and posting until december of 2023 when I dropped frenzy. i'm nearly at 4k followers here simply because I am active and have friends who hype me because they know me from ncteez. so fr, i got lucky when it comes to simpjaes.

ANYWAY, IM YAPPING. i hope you find your success and I hope there's something in this long ass response that helps you ;o;

[justices-blade]

After some asking of the faculty members, having found out the news only very recently, Pelleas gets to work quickly. He arranges a picnic basket and fills it with different sandwiches with all kinds of fillings ranging from sweet to savoury (though none involving meat), perfect for an afternoon tea, and he leaves it by what he's been told is the new student Edward's dorm room. A letter is left with it, reading the following:

Hello, and welcome to Garreg Mach Monastery, Edward. It's been some time since I've last seen you, so it's good to hear that you must be well if you've made the journey all across the sea to Fódlan. Though you did always seem hearty to me, able to weather any storm, but I'm getting carried away…

You came right around the time of the Winter Festival, so allow me to give this to you as both a holiday gift and a welcoming present, please. If you take issue with them being combined, I can find some way to give you another gift later. The basket is yours to keep, as well, as is the blanket with it. I was hoping to give you something you could reuse, so those two should hopefully suffice.

I'm not sure if you know already, given your closeness to them I assumed you would, but in case that's not so, Micaiah and Leonardo are here as well. Micaiah is in the Black Eagles house and Leonardo is in the Blue Lions. Though I'm sure you'll be able to find them soon.

I'm sure the three of you have a lot to catch up on, so I gave each of you a different part of an afternoon tea set to help create a nice setting for you all to meet up together and chat. I hope this isn't me being meddlesome… but it does really make me happy to see you all together.

I'll keep out of the way to give you all the space and time to spend together. Have a happy holiday, and welcome again, Edward.

- Pelleas

It's a pretty frosty day out, and yet he still nearly trips over the basket as he scuttles towards his dorm to drop his bag off so he can wander around the monastery with significantly less weight on his shoulders. Thankfully, he doesn't actually trip over it (though it's a near thing) and all of its contents are entirely intact, which subsequently leads to him reconsidering his decision of a stroll — A gift? From who? If the sandwiches don't give him pause, then the presence of the letter certainly does.

It's not a novel or essay or anything, but it's handwritten and it's no little square of paper or a tag with a name and holiday greeting. Edward skims the letter for anything short enough to be a name, and sure enough, right at the end;

P-e-l-l-e-a-s. Pel-ee-ess? Pelleas.

Pelleas! Edward perks up, grabs a sandwich (aw, no ham! oh well), flops onto his bed and steels himself for a struggle of a read — One that's worth every word, he finds, and he smiles at the fact that Pelleas seems as gentle and nice and thoughtful as ever. He's barely even been here, and Pelleas' already prepared all of this to share?!

Man. He's all of that, and apparently, still just as skittish. Edward chews on one bite of sandwich for slightly too long as he rereads the letter a few times for good measure, mildly regretting that he's eating at the same time so he can't sound the words out, but it's good enough to bring the text into a realm of familiarity.

It doesn't take a genius to decide that not only is he going to get seomthing for Pelleas in return, but also invite him along for whenever the inevitable joint Dawn Brigade teatime's going to be — No such thing as being meddlesome when he's making such a fun excuse to be together, and he deserves to have a bit of that company he made so easy to meet, doesn't he?

If he doesn't mind of course.

(He just hopes the sandwiches will last — Partly to time, and partly to himself. He should see if there's a communal ice box...)

[firebloodmayhemred]

hi! i was scrolling thru the notes on a post about the pleiades and saw you mention how you had tips for stargazing…📝alright boss, im ready when you are

Hello!! Im so glad you messaged, I love stargazing and I love to help people get into it! this is all coming from a total amateur so take it w a grain of salt, but here's some tips that helped me get started and become actively passionate about stargazing. Also, im in the northern hemisphere, hopefully we share the same stars!

The easiest constellation for me to find when I was getting started is one called the Summer Triangle. Its actually something called an asterism, a series of stars that's not considered an actual constellation, but is still useful for stargazing(the Big Dipper is an asterism as well!) Around midnight and later, if you look up and toward the east, you should be able to find 3 bright stars making up the points of a huge isosceles triangle. That's her!

Those three stars are called Altair, Deneb, and Vega, and once you find them, you can find the constellations attached to them! The easiest for me to find is Cygnus the swan, Deneb acts as his head, go inward from it and youll find a perpendicular line of stars that are his wings. From Vega you'll find Lyra the lyre (it's shaped like a tie lol) and from Altair, Aquilla the eagle, the hardest to see imo.

That's 3 constellations and an asterism to find them! I really love these guys because the summer triangle is genuinely huge, especially in the very early morning, when you look up it spans so much of the sky, it feels so rewarding to find. Definitely makes you feel small in a huge universe (and I personally love that feeling)

There are tons of ways to learn more constellations, but here's what I'd recommend:

-The book "Wonders of the Night Sky You Must See Before You Die" by Bob King, it's a great book that has resources and links after every chapter to help you deep dive on what you're interested in

-the app Stellarium can help you find constellations and more in real time! It's got a pretty decent free version, but the paid version does a lot. I love this app but I try not to rely on it, I find it more fun to do the heavy lifting lol

-if there's one near you, check out a planetarium! I'm very lucky and my hometown has one that's super cheap for residents, that's how Ive learned a lot. Going to a live planetarium show is so informative and relaxing. My local one does a "skies over *hometown*" show every season, so you learn what to look for as the seasons change, and every presenter has something new to show you. So worth going to if you can

-check around for local star parties!! They're events where amateur stargazers meetup. People bring their telescopes and let you look through them, there are often nature hikes, presentations, binoculars to borrow, and more. you'll learn so much from the older crowd, some of them have been looking at the stars since the space race and they're so happy to share their passion. Genuinely incredible events that make me feel so part of a community. Facebook is where I find them usually.

-if you want to up your game, check out a pair of binoculars. My pair was 30 dollars on Amazon and has a neat easy focus knob that makes it super simple to keep things in focus. You'll want something with a large aperture and a small magnification, 8x50 or 10x50 is what I recommend. The big game changer with this is gonna be moongazing. You're not gonna be able to see galaxies or planets with these things, but oh man, the moon will look so fucking beautiful. The change from plain eyesight to binoculars is genuinely breathtaking. It's a nice first step in the direction of feeling like a less-than-amateur.

I hope any of this helps, I had a really fun time answering! DM me if you want to talk more, I love to talk to people about stars and the sky and all that (that goes for anyone reading this, my dms are always open, especially for space shit). Thanks and good luck stargazing! ✨✨✨

[shawnjacksonsbs]

Opportuntity? Always!

We are not lesser men, and we are doing something with what we’ve been given. 1-14-23

“My wish for children and parents alike is that they learn to find love and joy even amidst the world’s, and their own, imperfections . . .’ — Fred Rogers

When I was younger, watching them all, it never occurred to me why honesty and hard work were so revered. It always looked either fake or if it looked genuine, it felt like it was for suckers.

Boy was I wrong.

A theme from my youth, as you can imagine. Bet you can't relate huh? Lol Youth is definitely wasted on the young! Lol I'll never not understand again.

Because of Pawpaw’s story time, my grandparents have been heavy on my heart and my mind, and although I know I caused so much hurt and disappointment to them, to my entire family really . . . for so, so long. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .(if I let it, those memories will break me. Forgiving is easier than forgetting, and takes stages of acceptance over, a very long period of time, for me at least. A battle that will never be all the way won. Maybe rightfully so, but . . .)

But now, at this place in my life, I know I'm not, and could never again cause hurt and disappointment like that, to them. Hopefully not to anyone like that. As a matter of fact, hard work and honesty were definitely forerunners in the characteristics taught, and I am so there, finally.

Something that tags along with that whole "we work with what we've got" bit, is the whole "we do what we have to do".

And trying to do it because it's the right thing to do is easy, reconciling how I feel about it is different.

2 graveyard shifts at an ice skate arena/ soccer arena gig assembly and disassembly, plus a warehouses gig . . .well . . . Look, you think I want to work over nights? Or making less than I feel that the work is worth, definitely less than I feel that I'm worth? You think I want to have a boss after being my own boss for the last couple of years and calling all my own shots?

. . . . . Sounded pity party-ish before I even wrote it out now even more so.

Who fucking cares?

Fence will be there when it's time. Taking care of me and my own, however, until that happens, is and should be priority.

Duh!

Fucking A right, Duh!

Good people all over do those jobs, for that money. I know, I've met plenty of them.

If they're not lesser than because of it, why on earth would I feel that way about me.

Fucking stupid.

I feel like I’ve maybe mentioned it once, or twice in the last several entries. And just like writing on repeat on the chalkboard at the back of the classroom after school, I will keep typing until it sets in.

It can be hard knowing the answer, but just not having the feelings to back it up, huh?? You know what I mean?

And at least I'm still making it. I am a “man” in that regard. I'm still taking care of us, and I will continue to, even if it means stretching our means to meet us where we “need” to be. It's not always the wants that win.

Honesty, hope, hardwon-hardwork, gratitude, sprinkled with a little bit of selflessness, and BAMM-GRANDPARENTAL LIFE LESSONS with LOVE!

“We teach best what we most need to learn”, right? I feel that screaming my name in my ear as I type.

And for the curious, Pride Fence is far from over. It's just a slow, and forced start-up, that happened on the edge of winter in the Midwest. Not a good combination.

Keep watching though. You'll see. You are on season 1 of the great success story.

Be kind, and show, better yet speak your gratitude into the world and share your love and your laughter with those in your world.

Until next time;

"Lesser men have been given more and done nothing with it" – Carol Peletier

[luvlyrv]

Uncover | Seulgi x F!Reader

Genre/warnings: fluff, angst, homophobia (religious)

Summary: You quickly learn that while it was easy to be dishonest with yourself, it was nearly impossible to lie to Seulgi.

Word Count: 4.7k A/N: This has been something wracking up in my brain since June. It's kind of embarrassing that it's taken this long but it's a lovechild of my emotions. Enjoy, and I hope you feel things.

Date: 9/21/21

You can't imagine a day without her, because she's always been there. Right from the day you could remember. You bet that she could be your last memory too.

Your first memory has you sitting in the living room playing with your toys as you anxiously eye the other child in the room. Some strangers had rung your doorbell and your mom and dad had welcomed them into the house. Now they were in the kitchen, their voices blending into each other in the background.

The small girl in front of you decided to take the liberty of picking up your toys and playing with them. She ran around playing in the imaginary world in her head. You think that she's having fun and that you want to have fun too, but you can't seem to move from your position. As you slowly try to build up the courage to talk to her she approaches you.

She had been glancing at you from the corner of her eyes too. She watched your shy self idly playing all alone. She found it hard to approach you, scared of you pushing her away or being mean, but she thought maybe it was worth it. You could be a friend.

"Hi!" The strange girl is right in front of you with one of your stuffed toys in hand. "Do you want to play with me? I'm Seulgi!"

"I'm Y/N…"

For the rest of the hour the two of you chased each other in a shared adventure. Enraptured in your own little wonderland until your parents had to pull you apart.

Soon it became a ritual for those strangers, who you later learned to be Mr. and Mrs. Kang, to visit your house. Along them was always their daughter Seulgi, who wouldn't hesitate to pull you into a large hug right before starting a new adventure with you.

You slightly trail behind your best friend. You smile at yourself from the sight of Seulgi happily skipping, somehow filled with even more vigor than she usually has. She's always been filled with much more energy than you, amazed by even the smallest of things. You suppose something truly spectacular must be happening today for her to feel so extra. She turns her head over to look at you, flashing you her perfect smile with her perfect cheeks. The ones you always want to squish when you remind her of how cute she is.

She continues to bounce but slows down to be by your side. One of the favorite parts of your day, and hopefully hers too, would be the peaceful walk the two of you would always share before and after school. It always reminded you of how close you are. How you can always rely on her to listen and to brighten up your day.

She bites her lip while still smiling. She must be thinking about something.

"What's got you so excited today?" You ask her with a giggle.

"Guess!" She pesters leaning into you. A familiar feeling emerges in your chest from the contact.

"You know I'm really bad at guessing…"

"Well why can't you try?"

"All I know is that it has to be something really special, right?" You decide to lean back and push her a little as a tease.

"It is! Mom and dad bought me my favorite ice cream that we can share later today!"

You laugh at her as she continues giving her dumb smile. Seulgi moves in front of you with her eyebrows raised, waiting to hear your opinion about the news.

"Is that it?" You ask still laughing. She pouts a little.

"What do you mean 'is that it'? It's my favorite! And I get to share it with you!" With that you pull Seulgi in for a side hug.

"I'm kidding, I'm excited too."

You enjoy listening to whatever nonsense Seulgi thinks about and decides to spill to you as you guys continue walking. You feel a bit disheartened at the sight of the school building, but looking at Seulgi again is enough to make the disappointment go away.

As much as you wish it did, your schedule wasn't entirely with your best friend. Instead you had to split up as you entered the school grounds to your different classes. Fortunately you shared at least some classes with her, and most importantly lunch. So when you sit down at your desk with nobody talking to you, you don't feel too lonely. The anticipation of being reunited with Seulgi was enough for you.

As usual Seulgi finds your figure sitting down at a lunch table and immediately rushes towards you. She taps your shoulder as she sits down, hurriedly opening up her lunch box, her beastly appetite striking again.

"Oooh." She oogles as the both of you breathe in the sudden aroma of homemade food. You peer over to look at the contents of her lunch box. You swore that you can see the steam coming off of her rice.

"Open up!" Seulgi playfully demands of you. You oblige as she not so carefully throws a grape your way. It would've been lost if you didn't move your head to make up for the completely inaccurate trajectory.

"How are you still bad at this?" You ask her after chewing.

"Maybe I just like to see you work for your food." You laugh at her response as you carefully pick up a spring roll from your box and place it in hers.

"Mom fried it this morning so you better enjoy."

You enjoy the long-time tradition of sharing food and eating in relative silence. That time was short lived though as a small group of girls joined your table. You didn't mind them much, you'd even consider them casual friends. At the same time though, they were bothering you.

You found it strange that despite finally being with Seulgi you felt so lonely. So lost.

Seulgi's popular, you know that. A lot of people try to befriend her and fight for her attention. Being the social butterfly she is she never hesitated to say hello back and return the friendliness. By proxy you met a lot of nice people, a lot of not so nice people, and more. They never really stuck by for you though. They stayed for Seulgi.

You wish you understood why you were so bothered by those that stayed. Why you were always feeling jealous recently. You wonder if it's natural to feel so intensely sick when you watch your best friend's attention be pulled away by several different girls at a time, or laugh at a guys joke. Well, maybe you do know why.

You quietly sigh and push the thought away, instead trying to join in the chatter and laugh with everyone at the table. Just as you were about to calm down and ease into the group a sudden large group of guys and girls approach. One boy in particular seems to be leading the pack. You purse your lips as you silently watch them come over. Seulgi absent-mindedly continues talking, completely unaware of what was about to occur.

You tighten your hands into a ball as a feeling bubbles inside you. You can't place what it is. Is it fear? Anger? Jealously? It's probably both.

The boy also tightens his hands as they grip onto his shirt. You watch him bite his lip and see how a red color crawls up his neck and reaches the tips of his ears. You hold in a breath as he finally arrives at the table and Seulgi looks up at him.

"S-Seulgi." He barely manages to say her name aloud.

"Huh?" She looks at him cluelessly but gives him her full attention anyways.

"I like you! A lot! So if you can, please go out with me!" The boy's words spill out, as if his mouth was a floodgate holding them back. He reaches behinds him and quickly bends over to give Seulgi a piece of red paper, shaped like a heart. He probably wrote about his feelings extensively on it.

Your eyes had been focused on the love-stricken boy. It's hard for you to move your eyes towards Seulgi. You realize now what you're feeling. You fear what you'll see when you look over at Seulgi to see her reaction.

You notice that she's red too, the color slowly blossoming across her cheeks.

Why does this hurt you?

"Erm, ah, thank you." She says out of politeness and bows back. She gives him a smile and that seems to excite him. "I'll think about your confession."

He eagerly nods his head and leaves the table, happy with the results of his actions. The crowd around him seem to think that was a good ending and started whispering and congratulating him. You look back at your table and the girls are murmuring too.

"He's cute, you should definitely go for him!"

"I heard he treated his last girlfriend nicely. They're still on good terms."

"I've never seen you date before. Isn't now your time to explore?"

Seulgi just takes it all in and nods along with what they say. Your head hangs low as you pick at your food. You don't dare look up. You're scared of seeing Seulgi's face again. You're scared that tears will start falling.

It was like the weight of the world had fallen on your chest.

When the bell dismisses you from lunch you quickly go to your next class. You don't say goodbye to Seulgi or any of the other girls. You feel the light graze of Seulgi's fingertips as she tries to stop you, but you're too fast.

The rest of the school day is you trying to focus on studying, and when your last class finishes you're not sure what you'll do. Everybody leaves the classroom before you as you take some time for yourself. Breathing in and out, you mentally prepare yourself to face Seulgi, as if she was some type of monster.

As you exit the building and get near the gates you see a swarm of people with Seulgi in the center. They're probably there to ask about how she feels about the confession that happened. You sigh and almost contemplate leaving without her, but her eyes quickly find yours. Seulgi politely but abruptly says her goodbyes and runs towards you.

As Seulgi's figure grows nearer there's a feeling of satisfaction. It was like you had won some petty fight, and that feeling was able to erase the fear and nerves you had earlier. A smile grows on your face she reaches your side, your bodies automatically matching your steps. You enjoy the warmth when she locks her arm with yours. Not knowing what to say, you let silence fill the space in between the two of you until Seulgi decided to break it.

"So, do you wanna stay at my place for a bit so we can eat that ice cream?"

Seulgi's keys jingle as she unlocks her front door. You follow in after her, putting your shoes away as she dashes towards her refrigerator to retrieve the ice cream from the freezer. You walk up towards her as she hands one to you. Naturally, both of you make your way outside into her backyard.

Her backyard is quaint, housing a nice garden that her mother often tends and one large tree. The two of you rest under it, appreciating the winding arms of the apple tree that has always given you and Seulgi refuge. You enjoy the taste of the ice cream, perhaps the shade was enhancing its flavor. Either way you understood why its Seulgi's favorite. The refreshing taste and Seulgi's presence puts a smile on your face. You feel yourself opening up again as you guys joke and talk about your day in between bites and licks. By the time you finish eating your ice cream she had managed to convince you that she needed your extra help in math. As always you agreed to tutor her.

She argues that you should stay underneath the tree as she gets up to throw away the trash. You watch as she goes back inside the house, coming out again with a shiny apple in hand that was picked only a couple days ago. You laugh a little as you ask,

"Still hungry?"

"Enough for a little snack."

She sits by you and takes a rest on your lap. You brush her hair away as you look into her eyes. You can tell she's thinking about something.

"What's wrong?" You ask her.

"Well, I was just wondering, why were you upset earlier?" She says in a serious tone.

"Huh?"

"You didn't even say goodbye at lunch, and don't pretend I didn't notice you almost leaving without me." There's a hint of hurt in her voice. You feel bad for not keeping your emotions in check better, that you threw a fit over something so small.

"Well," Your voice trails off as your mind struggles to think of a response, "what does that boy mean to you?" You decide to ask.

"Oh so now you want to know about that too?" There's only a slight annoyance in her voice as she gives you an eyeroll.

"I'm your best friend, of course I'm curious." Seulgi huffs at your response. She can't blame you for wondering so she takes a moment to think before answering honestly.

"I mean, I guess they weren't wrong. He's kinda cute, and I know it took a lot for him to say that to me. I admire him for it." She said it in a casual manner, as if it wasn't a big deal. Yet for you it meant everything. And it hurt.

You can't control the frown that found its way on your face.

"Hey…" Seulgi quickly gets up from your lap. She has a confused expression as her eyes scans yours. "Hey, what's wrong?" Her voice is soft as she puts a hand on your shoulder.

Your chest is about to explode.

"Do you like him or something?" She continues to grip onto your shoulder with a confused face. She thinks she was the one who did something wrong. That she's stealing someone away from you, but that was so different from the truth.

"No, Seulgi, I-" You pause to think about what you're going to say. Something was about to come out instinctively, and you don't know whether or not that was the best decision.

"You what?"

She presses you for an answer but you're still thinking. You're thinking about you know you can't handle her possibly being close to someone else. To share all of her laughs with that boy. To smile at him and spend time with him. To do all the things that exists between you and her. Living would feel wrong if you were no longer the one she ran to and spilled her secrets to.

Who are you if not Seulgi's biggest and only confidant? The only one who could soothe her in her darkest moments? The one who understands every feeling and thought just by the way she blinks?

You're intimately familiar with the feeling in your chest now. You think that you know what it is too, but that doesn't make you hate it any less. If you could, you'd sacrifice every fiber of your being to forget that feeling and throw it away. To pretend it doesn't exist. But your wishes don't make it go away.

You can be dishonest with yourself, but it's impossible to lie to Seulgi. Not when she looks at you like that.

"I like you."

The words are barely a whisper but she hears. Seulgi's hand falls off your shoulder and you want to cry again. You said the wrong thing. She was going to think you're disgusting. She would never go on a walk with you again. You'll never smell her perfume again. You'll never hear her laughter again. She'd never touch you again. Never speak to you again.

Her mouth is open slack. Your eyes water and you breathe in, readying yourself to apologize profusely. To rescind the blasphemous words that slipped out of your foul mouth.

"I'm so sorry. Just ignore it. I take it back. I think I'm sick or something, you know, delirious. Just ignore it please. Please." Tears begins to fall down your face as Seulgi seemingly snaps back to reality. She reaches towards you, taking your face in her hands as her thumbs swipe away the tears.

"Oh my god, no, don't cry." She begs you to stop, but you can't.

"I-I'm, I'm sorry." The tears continue to make their way down your face. A horrible sickness wells in your stomach and suddenly it feels below freezing as you shake uncontrollably.

"No, don't be." She hugs you tight and whispers in your ear. "I like you too. So stop crying. For me, please." She strokes your back as you cry, hoping that the touch could settle you down.

It takes a while for you to register what she says, but as soon as you do your body seizes up. You think that maybe your everything, your soul, has shattered into a million pieces from Seulgi's words. How in the world could it be true? It couldn't be, not in this universe, not in this timeline.

Yet it was.

When Seulgi hears your sniffling stop and your body letting go of its tension she separates her body from yours. Her eyes are all you can see, and all you can see in them is pain.

"I'm sorry for making you worried." You felt guilty that she had to see you cry. The outburst at school wasn't great either.

"Don't worry about it" She reassures you by taking a hand in hers, stroking it with her delicate fingers to show you her affection. For several moments you allow yourself to breathe. Seulgi also took the time to process everything, and the two of you stared at each other with the new understanding of your feelings. Time seems to pass so slowly when you observe each other with care.

"Seulgi…" You mumble when what felt like years passed. She understood what you meant when she saw the way you looked at her lips.

In that moment you couldn't care anymore. Neither could Seulgi, it seemed, as you pressed your lips on hers and she pressed back. Greedily, the two of you dived in for a taste. Your lips on hers, her tongue in your mouth, it was something you needed. It was a flavor you could relish forever, perhaps this is what sin tasted like. Yes, this is what they'd call it. A sin.

It feels like everything has changed, but at the same time it hasn't. You still spend every second possible with Seulgi. You spend your time doing the same things. Yet everything feels so different, it feels brand new. Magically, it feels better than before. Is this the power that Seulgi has over you?

Nobody knows, nobody needs to know. After all, you're still Seulgi's bestfriend. Is there really anything different? Maybe just the tighter hugs, the kisses, and the alluring smiles, but that's all. Life is easy this way.

After bidding Seulgi goodbye in front of her house you go home to eat dinner with your family. You come home and greet your parents with a smile as you rush to join them at the dinner table. They share that smile as they take note of your enthusiasm recently. As you eat quietly for a while your mom finally asks you what's been going on to make you shine so much.

"Well..." You debate on what to say. It's been over a month since you confessed to Seulgi but you were still feeling high. You've been holding it for so long you wished you could tell someone. Why not them? You want them to be happy with you too. "I've been dating Seulgi."

"Hm?" Your mom asks you somewhat aggressively for clarification. The sudden stillness in the air alarms you. You look up from your food to see your mom staring as your dad stops eating.

"I-I told her I liked her and she liked me back." You say hoping to clear whatever confusion was occuring. Yet the look on your parents didn't fade.

"What happened?" You father's question sounds more like a statement as he sternly places his utensils down.

"What do you mean what happened? I just told you."

"What happened to make you like this?" His cold voices breaks a little as you notice his eyes tearing up. Was he seriously upset about this?

"You're joking, right?" Your mom joins in with an angry tone.

"Of course I'm not. Mom, she makes me really happy." You struggle to keep yourself composed under the scrutiny of both of your parents.

"Y/N. You are not happy. You're messing with the devil right now and he's fucking up your mind."

"Have you not been doing your prayers?"

You can barely fight for yourself at the dinner table. Your parents argue with and over you, about the causes and the whys. About the signs and what happens next. You cry as you watch your decision unfold into your nightmare.

You knew deep down inside this would happen, but you hoped and prayed that it wasn't true. Perhaps Seulgi made you too happy, too brave. Everything else felt like it was going right so you convinced yourself this would too. You've flown too close to the sun and it backfired. You should've never said anything.

As you try to block out the fight unraveling in front of you you could only scream one thing while crying. "Wouldn't God want to love me? Wouldn't He want you to love me too?"

The scrape of the wooden chair echos as your mom shoots up straight. "I will not house some heathen under my roof. Get out until you realize what you've done to this family."

It's raining. The relentless torrent of water against your body traps in the coldness from the night, leaving you shivering as your feet move on their own. They move to the only other place that feels like home. The only other person that feels like home.

Soon enough you find yourself in front of a familiar door, incessantly knocking. Muffled footsteps come from the other side of the door as you hear locks being undone until the door finally opens. Instantly there's a look of worry on Mr. Kang's face as he takes in the scene in front of him. He quickly ushers you in and shuts the door.

"Who is it?" A voice rings from upstairs.

"It's Y/N!" Mr. Kang yells back, and soon enough you hear a flurry of footsteps coming downstairs. Seulgi, in her tired glory, appears. She rushes towards you as her father went off to find you some towels to dry off with.

"Oh my god, what happened? Why are you here? Are you okay?" Seulgi's honey eyes are glistening with worry. She doesn't seem to care too much about the fact that you're soaked as she embraces you in a hug. Her body soothes you, its warmth penetrating the cold, wet clothes that clung to your body. You let her ground you back to reality before speaking.

"I don't wanna talk about it right now." You barely manage to get the words out. Your throat feels tight, constricted. Throughout the entire time the tears haven't stopped running down your face as it mixed with the rain water. Seulgi rubs your back as her father comes back. Both of them begin patting you dry.

It feels a bit pathetic as you have two people fretting over you so much, but you're too tired to move. Maybe not even tired, but rather stuck in your own thoughts.

"Go get her something to change into. Are you gonna stay the night?" Her dad asks after making Seulgi go back upstairs to find clothes. You just nod in response and follow her.

When you enter Seulgi's room you find her hastily going through her drawers, finding something comfortable for you to wear. After digging through her clothes she hands you some sweatpants and an oversized shirt, much like her own outfit she was sporting. Your hands are in front of you and holding onto the clothing, yet you still can't seem to move much. Instead your lips tremble as you look at the floor. Seulgi sighs as she nears you, unfolding the clothes and looking at your trembling hands.

"Don't make me dress you." She half-teases. When she realizes you can't will yourself to move a grim line stretches across her face. She wonders what has gotten you so riled up to act this way.

Carefully, she removes your clothes and throws them into the laundry pile. Her fingers innocently skim your body as she puts on the clothes for you, with you doing the minimal movements required to help her. Over the years she's already been more than familiar with your body, and the same for you with her touch. Although you can't vocalize it you silently appreciate the care and intimacy she demonstrates.

Soon enough she finishes though and pulls you towards her bed. Sitting you down she places herself behind you after grabbing a dry towel. She begins to dry your hair while letting you stay silent. Another thing you appreciated about her. She let you take your time.

"Seulgi..." Your voice croaks out as if you've aged several decades.

"Yes?" She stops drying off your hair, instead placing the towel down as she wraps her arms behind you and leans forward.

"They know." She doesn't say anything but her body is still for a minute. Afterwards she finishes drying off your hair, at least one of you can stay calm in this situation. That's what you need. "They told me to come back when I come to my senses."

"It's okay. Everything will be okay. We'll figure something out." You let her guide you down on her bed. Your crying had stopped a while back, but the shock coursing through your body didn't. As Seulgi pulled up the sheets and began to hold you you turned around and looked at her. You looked into the eyes that told you everything. Right now they told you that all Seulgi had on her mind was you.

So you think that you should only think of Seulgi too, because you can always forget about the consequences when you're with her. With a kiss on your forehead she tells you to sleep. She gets impossibly closer to you, holding you tight. Holding you as if you are her treasure.

The familiar trees and houses enter your view as you drive down your childhood neighborhood. Your fingers tap on the steering wheel as you listen to the song Seulgi played in the car. Out of the corner of your eye you see her smile at the thought of visiting her parents. It's enough to make you happy as well.

As you near her parent's house you pass by your own. It's been years since you've been inside, years since you even saw it. You're okay with it though, but your mind still wonders how your parents are doing. You wonder if the house is lonelier now, if they ever think about the sparse letters and phone calls you have exchanged and how they always were fights. Do they know you and Seulgi are coming to visit? Will they want to see you?

Whatever the answer is it doesn't matter. The only family you have to worry about is the girl right next to you and her parents. You feel thankful that she's your first love and hopeful that she's your last. Despite how many times your lives have separated you two, how you both dated other people and had your own quarrels, you guys came back to each other in the end. She changed you during your formative years and supported you as the two of you have grown up.

No one else can make you uncover these sides and feelings like she does.

[dodo-begone]

Fear for my Lover

Pairing: DSMP!Quackity x Reader

Word count: 2.9k

Warning: Blood, stitches, bruises, injuries, cursing, frontier first aid (sorry if i missed something)

Summary: Life had been busy lately. Very busy. The night was peaceful and you were more than happy to take advantage of the quiet. Even with Quackity there with you. Fate had other plans though and absolutely ruined what would've been an amazing night.

A/n: i,,, this was meant to be SHORT but also- haha i got 2-3 more parts planned brrrrrr. Also used a dialogue prompt thingy for this- you'll see them in there. They're highlighted.

You thought nothing of it when Quackity said that he was going out. Beforehand he told you that he might have to stay late to do some work. You weren’t sure if he had finished or not, but his departure only confirmed the thought that no, he had not finished business.

With a sigh, you walk over to the couch and flop onto it. The exhaustion from the many months of constant work was catching up. You missed how life was before. Even when you were stuck under Schlatt’s rule on Manberg. Yes, it was quite tedious and annoying, but you weren’t completely rebuilding a nation from the ground up along with its citizens.

The physical work of building was tiresome, but something relaxation and a few nights of rest could easily reverse the effects. Though the mental strain was a completely different story. All of the paperwork was tedious and could keep you up at night just because you need to get one more paper done before dawn. Or just knowing that you aren’t able to help everyone in the new L’manberg. So many had given up hope, were tired of the vicious cycle that they had been caught in. It may not have been going on long, but it still had its effect on everyone all the same.

So much work and so little recreational time. There was little time to care for oneself with so much work on their plate. Let alone spend time with your loved ones. Even if they lived in the same house as you. It felt alienating when you weren’t able to even have a small conversation with your significant other.

Your thoughts were deafeningly loud. Sometimes even covering each other when they brought up memories of anxieties of the past and future. That’s why it was rather surprising when the entire L’manberg cabinet ran through your front door in a frenzy. Jumping off of the couch, you try to survey the situation. What in Pime’s name could be going on?

Their hysterical cacophony of voices were all that reached your ears. You didn’t even need to hear their words when you saw Quackity’s limp body in Fundy’s arms.

Without a second thought, you push your way over to Fundy and Quackity, quickly searching him for injuries. Well, the injuries part was pretty obvious with all of the blood. But the extent of the injuries were another story. What could be going on? How bad was it? Oh Prime, why was there so much blood?

In the frenzy you must’ve said something because something happened. One moment you are near the entrance with your beloved in the arms of his co-worker and the next you’re tending to his wounds in your shared bed. Nobody else was in the room. It was just you and Quackity. Your Quackity. And a bowl of water and a small stack of wash clothes and towels.

Your hands quacked from both worry and the sobs you were desperately holding back. Something was stabbing the interior of your throat as it closed from the overwhelming emotions that filled your body.

What terrified you was that Quackity wasn’t completely unconscious. He definitely wasn’t completely there but he was still awake and babbling. More muttering because of how frail and faint his voice was, but it was still a bunch of nonsense. How you wished to know what he was saying, what he was thinking. Now wasn’t the time, but you feared that if you didn’t know now that he’d never tell you. Shit hit the fan and he came back like this. Either his pride or his desire to “protect” you would keep him from spilling the tea. This was your only chance.

All you were able to do was open your mouth before Quackity was making this harder. He was extremely weak from the blood loss and you were in a race against time to stop the river of blood that just seemed to flow freely from his wounds. You had been holding his bigger wounds tightly, trying to put as much pressure as you could to slow the blood loss or stop it completely. Each attempt to settle Quackity only leads to him resisting more, weakly fighting you to get up. Soon his behavior had gone on for too long, in your humble opinion, and he was still as stubborn as he was in the beginning.

With what little common sense you had left in your nearly hysterical state, you tried to reason with him. “Quackity,” you pleaded, still trying to gently push him back onto the bed so he was laying. “Please lay down, Duckie. It’s for your own good. Just let me bandage you up and I’ll leave you alone. Okay?”

From an outsider’s perspective, the attempt was silly. It really wouldn’t have gotten much of a reaction from your confused lover. And yet you still tried anyway, hoping that anything would help at this point. You were desperate.

His silence spoke volumes. In some stroke of luck, Quackity heard your words. That or he became too tired to fight and “speak”. Either way, you were taking what you could get. It was a victory and your goal was reached. Without much, if any fight at all, you managed to get Quackity back into bed and went back to patching up his wounds.

They were much worse than you hoped. Your wish that it was a smaller wound with a ton of blood oozing out was swiftly dashed when you started to clean up the blood from its source. Well, more accurately from anywhere and cleaning until you found the source. Although a bad idea, you had patched up his smaller, easy to access wounds. Though you couldn’t dodge the challenge that stood before you, glaring at you from Quackity’s face.

Petechiae, scratches, and bruises also decorated his face in a hideous manner. The centerpiece of it all was a large scar that traveled from his lip to his eye, all on the left side, was the most obvious wound. The others could heal on their own, but that cut, could you even call it a cut, was in dire need of assistance. It was probably already infected and trying to heal itself. But it was too big, too wide to heal naturally. Intervention was needed and it was needed stat!

Blankly you stare at his face, mind running a mile a minute trying to think of remedies and solutions. Sadly there weren’t many options available. Ponk was too far away to call for his medical expertise, not even considering how late it was. Would he even still be awake? Let alone awake enough to do stitches? You could wait till morning but who knows what condition Quackity would be in at dawn. Something had to be done and it had to be done now. Only one plausible solution remained and it definitely wasn’t pleasant.

Swiftly you leave Quackity, moving out of the room as quickly as you could. Quackity tried to reach out to you but just missed your sleeve. Though you didn’t notice or know. You had things to get done and to get them done you needed equipment. Desperately you search around the house, pulling out anything you’d need. More clean towels, a bowl of clean water since the one you had been using was more than dirtied and the towels absolutely soiled. Placing them half-hazardly on a flat surface, you scurried around to find the other necessary equipment. After having to catch your sewing tin and lighter from falling a few times, you grab everything you previously gathered and make your treacherous journey back to Quackity.

When you return, he’s once again sitting up in bed. Weakly, mind you, as he fell back onto the mattress at the sight of you. You wished to scold him for going against what you asked of him, but it didn’t matter now. With no time to waste, you dump your supplies onto the nightstand and fumble around, trying to get everything prepared.

As nimbly as your shaky hands could spare, you set up your thread and needle as if you were going to start sewing a gorgeous design into a quilt. You stared at the bowl of water you had, debating whether or not to use your sad little lighter to heat up that big ole bowl… it’s better if you didn’t. Other than being faster, how much better would it be for sanitizing the needle? It’d take ages to get the water boiling and even then it might not be enough. A flame straight out of a lighter? Seemed better. It got the job done quicker and would be warmer than the boiling water so it was going to kill more bacteria and germ than the boiling water. That’s what you hoped, at least. This is why you aren’t a medic.

Shakily, you ignite the lighter and hold the needle to the flame, slowly rotating it to equally distribute the heat. As tedious and anxiety inducing as it was, it would be worth it in the end. The stitch is only temporary until you can get Ponk to come over, hopefully by early tomorrow. Or later today? What time even was it- Snap out of it! This isn’t the time to be doing this!

You didn’t know how hot the needle had to be to be considered “sanitized” but you had waited long enough. At least that’s what it felt like. Plus the part of the needle you’re holding is getting pretty hot.

When you go in for the first suture, the hiss of pain before you even punctured the skin was a good indicator to you. Not that he was awake enough to still be actively feeling things, but to be able to vocally express his pain and that the needle was hot enough to probably kill most bacteria and germs if it hurt to touch. Hesitation is making you its bitch, holding you still and making you contemplate if what you’re doing is right. Of course what you’re doing is right. It has to be. It’s one of the best and only options you have.

Before you did anything else, you grabbed one of the towels and rolled it up. Gently you pried his mouth open and placed it in like a gag. He wasn’t going to be able to grip much and he’d be grinding his teeth together from pain. Previous experience with stitches and similar frontier medical procedures has taught you one thing; having a gag to bite on helps every part. The patient gets a way to release their pain and the “doctor” is less likely to be hurt by the patient since the patient will have something else to focus on hurting. It doesn’t work entirely but it’s better than hearing the unmuffled screams of agony and feels better to have something to grip onto as hard as you can.

After getting him situated, you position yourself again. With a deep breath, you start off the first suture. Quackity’s muffled scream was heartbreaking yet shocking. Even with you expecting it, it still spooked you a bit. But everything was okay. This was for the best. And then you continued on. Slowly you added stitch after stitch after stitch until you thought you did enough. Really it was a combination of “this is adequate” and “i’m too anxious to keep going because what if i mess up”. Without anesthetics, it was just horrific for both parties to go through with this endeavor. He was moving around so much, trying to twist and turn away from the pain being done to him. His movements were so often and large enough to make you nervous about going near his eyes. What if you poked it out? Or made him blind?

Looking back at the stitches and what they held together, it was obvious that his eyesight was going to be impaired from now on. His eyes were looking completely different from each other now. The regular on the right and the horrific product of whatever he did on his left. A white film covered his eyes like a snow blanket. He was now blind in that eye or going blind.

Realistically, he was going blind but you still held out for the unrealistic hope that he’d be almost entirely okay afterwards. You knew it was unrealistic, but you still hoped.

You Quackity didn’t deserve this.

Once you have cleaned up the mess you made, you start to pack everything up. Needle in the bowl to be cleaned, remaining threat back into the tin, bowls moved away from where they’d get bumped and dumped. Slowly and methodically you finish your tasks. The adrenaline of the night is slowly leaving your body and exhaustion is once again taking hold of you. Oh how you hated that. Absolutely despised the feeling.

After everything was to your liking, you go to check on Quackity again before you leave to give and get some silent rest for the two of you. It’s the least you could do for him after all of this.

He seemed comfortable after everything, peaceful in fact. It was such a calming sight and it eased your guilt of hurting him. Everything you did was for the greater good, you mentally remind yourself. It was to help prevent further infection and it was only temporary. Until you could get proper help for him.

Without much thought, you sit by the bed and lay your head upon it. So much blood got onto the blankets and the sheets. You’d need to clean that quickly. After Quackity gets help and is moved or can be moved, that is. Which would hopefully be tomorrow. Slowly you start to doze off. Or was it zoning out? Either or you were slowly calming down further. To the point where you almost fell asleep.

Jolting awake, you begrudgingly haul yourself off the floor and start your long and tiring journey to the living room. The couch was comfier than the floor, after all. No matter how much you wanted to sleep by Quackity.

Your dawdling is stopped by something on your sleeve. At first you think your sleeve got caught on something so you tug in hopes of being untangled from said object. Nothing happens so you just tug harder. But still nothing happens. Eventually your little tug of war becomes too annoying and has been prolonged enough. You whirl around to see what in Prime’s name you could be caught on.

Low and behold it was the man of the hour, surprisingly. Quackity had grabbed onto your sleeve and just held you there. Confused, you walk back to the bed and sit, holding his face and inspecting for any new signs of pain. Anything that would show that he was feeling something different, something worse. You hoped that he wasn’t feeling like that, but it was a naive hope. Wounds were not an unfamiliar concept to you and yet you’d always hope for such fantastical things to the point where it was odd.

In return for you holding his face, he went to gently hold yours. A soft smile makes an appearance upon your face after the action.

“How’re you feeling, Ducking,” you whisper. Silence once again makes its presence known and it’s very loud and obnoxious about it. “Sorry. I know you’re in a lot of pain. That was stupid of me to ask.”

Quackity chuckles at your slip up and you’re more than happy to join him. Slowly your chuckling drowned out by the silence that had obnoxiously told you how wrong you were to ask your beloved if he was in pain when it was more than obvious that he was, indeed, in pain. You take a deep breath and release a sigh.

“You need to sleep. It’ll help with the healing and hopefully with the pain until tomorrow. I plan on calling Ponk to do some actual doctor shit on you because Prime knows how amazing my skills are.” Once again you attempt to leave Quackity to sleep, but stopped by his grip on your sleeve.

“Please,” he rasped. God his voice was so hoarse after everything. You felt terrible as you were part of the cause and yet you couldn’t do anything nor bring yourself to feel too bad. It was all for the greater good, after all. For his health.

“Please what?”

“Please stay with me,” he begged, looking straight into your eyes with his only working one. The sight was pitiful. Such a prideful man who could do so much left in such a weakened state. You hated seeing him like this. Nobody liked seeing their loved ones in a position like that. And how could you deny him that request, especially with what he went through tonight. You still didn’t know what it was but the aftermath was horrific enough to give a small clue as to what happened.

“Of course,” you reply, smiling warmly and climbing into bed with him. The moment you’re under the blankets and sheets, he gently pulls you into a hug. For his or your sake, you’re unsure. You hope that it’s his though. “Anything for my Duckie.”

[marchioness-caprina]

I Deserve You

Pairings : Tamaki Amajiki x Reader

Writing Style : 3rd Person

Warnings : Mild Cussing

Word Count : 3091

3rd Person's POV

The Day of the School Festival, After stressful Days of practicing dance moves for the Preparation of Class 1-A's show everything was going smoothly. Everyone was having Fun And Y/n was too. She was playing the Violin while Bakugou played the Drums, Tokoyami and Denki with the guitar, Jiro and y/n also shared the vocals and Momo with the Keyboard.

Y/n was Having Fun seeing all her peers enjoying the show they put on but something was missing and she was desperately searching for a certain someone to watch the show. Mirio was there... But where was Tamaki?.

Y/n was having fun... Was... After finally confirming that Tamaki did not come to watch her mood immediately dampened.

She had been crushing on this 3rd year male from the very beginning and she did not try to hide it. In fact she would go try to catch him in any way, she'd flirt with him, court him, confess to him, give gifts to him but all the boy ever did was Shy away from her, he'd return her gifts and he'd even run away.

Even though y/n would either laugh it off or smile. It hurt pretty damn much. And now she was actually hoping he'd show up to atleast show that he cares but no he was not here.

Her heart dropped knowing fully well that he didn't care. And as their show finally ended. She had a blank expression plastered on her face making her classmates worry.

Because she was always expressive and smiling, her face always filled with emotions and her eyes lively and fiery. But now she looked different.

" Y/n-chan! Are you ok? " Mina was the first to ask and her classmates looked at her having the same question as the pink haired girl.

" Yeah I'm fine... I'm just tired " Y/n tried faking a smile but this time. It was too painful to do.

She was completely smitten for Tamaki.

" Bullshit, it's pretty clear that you aren't. And let's be honest here. When were you actually tired? Never. " Bakugou grumbled as y/n raised her brow gazing at the boy before shrugging her shoulders and walking away ignoring the calls of her classmates.

" Guys... Let's give her some time alone " That was the last comment she heard before she disappeared into the crowd.

She needed to get her mind off of things and what's the better way to do it than eating Takoyaki while watching the beauty pageant held by U.A.

Y/n was surprised to see Nejire senpai showing her talent , Nejire flying from above the ground. She looked beautiful but then y/n heard the familiar voice of the person she was searching for earlier.

" She looks like a fairy... Like this... So happy... And smiling brightly " Those exact words came from Tamaki who was standing beside her and she didn't notice.

Her eyes trailed up to Tamaki's eyed which were concentrated on Nejire's dancing figure and she couldn't believe it. The warmth and.... Love Tamaki's eyes showed while looking at Nejire was painful.

She wanted to do nothing but throw up all the food she consumed and bury herself under the ground. How could she be so blind? Of course Tamaki liked Nejire, He was close to her. They were friends while he and y/n are not, Nejire was powerful, Kind, Smart and very beautiful.

Y/n's heart felt like it had been stung by a thousand needles and she wanted to cry but somehow the tears refused to come out.

After a few moments of Tamaki looking at Nejire he felt someone looking at him and he tried looking around to see who it was and when his eyes landed on a pair of E/c orbs his heart jumped.

Oh no, is he gonna get jumped again by this clingy yet adorable Kohai?.

" Y-y-y/n! " Tamaki stammered jumping back as he strare back at y/n who gave him an unreadable expression.

He was expecting the usual, with y/n clinging onto him and flirting with him till his face turns as red as a tomato but to his shock she just turned around and left.

He was frozen in place. He couldn't comprehend what happened to that girl he began to feel anxious.

' Does she hate me?.... Shouldn't that be good she'll finally leave me alone... Wait someone hating me isn't good!... But.. Why am I so bothered by it? ' he silently thought to himself.

He watched the retreating figure of y/n and he suddenly had a powerful urge to grab her and pull her back .

Meanwhile, y/n who was walking away from the show was about to burst in tears but she slapped herself chanting more than a hundred times that she shouldn't cry.

So she stood strong and sucked it up. Wiping a small droplet of tears that was threatening to spill at any moment.

Maybe it's for the better. She'll find someone else... Hopefully. For now she should try to forget about him and move on. Act like she doesn't know him.

___________________

After that Day everything changed which got everyone questioning.

' What's wrong with y/n?'

She became a little distant and cold it was hard to believe but still, she did show unconditional care and love for her classmates but everyone couldn't help but worry since she never seemed to say anything and if one of them asked, she'd change the subject or walk away like she didn't hear anything.

What shocked them the most was how she had been Avoiding Their senpai, Tamaki like he was the plague or something. Usually she'd be seen hanging with them during lunch or walking with Tamaki during break time but now she isn't. During lunch she sat with the Izuku squad, when she passed by The Big three she'd either take a detour or pretend like she didn't see them in the first place.

Tamaki, Tamaki was conflicted, he was so confused, he felt like his heart was eating him up only to spit it out again, he felt like there was something gone something he longed, something he missed. And he knew it was y/n. He was gloomier than normal and Every time he sees y/n through the halls his heart swells up expecting her to run at him and hug him... Tell him she likes him but no. That's not what happened, what happened was that she avoided him , she ignored him and she pretended like she didn't know him.

And he never knew it hurt this bad he felt so upset he wanted to bang his head on the wall and cry his pain out.

What did he do wrong though?, what got her so worked up to treat him like this? that she made it so painful for him?. Didn't she say she loved him? Then where was all that affection now? Where was that attention she used to shower him with?. Where was his y/n? The one that loved him?.

Did she find someone else? Does she not want him anymore? Did she finally notice that He's not worth her time? Is she finally going to leave him?.

Is This how she felt when Tamaki ignored her? When he ran away from her because his heart couldn't handle so much love knowing he can't hold back for any longer and just kiss her. If this is how it felt like he didn't want it! He wanted her back.

Those negative thoughts were what occupied Tamaki's mind and he never noticed the small droplets of tears trailing down his cheeks that Made Mirio and Hado panic.

" What's wrong Amajiki? " Hado asked and Tamaki couldn't help but muttered his worries.

" .... She doesn't love me Anymore "

" You mean y/n? Nonsense she probably didn't notice you walking by" Mirio tried to comfort his friend but it was no use, He just wanted y/n back.

" For a whole month?.... She didn't notice us for a whole month? She never came to our classroom or ate with us anymore... She didn't wait or approach me down the halls. She didn't even spare me a glance " Tamaki muttered and Mirio was honestly surprised to hear his friend utter a sentence without Stuttering.

This was serious. And somehow they needed to fix this. For Tamaki.

______________

" Ok Class, We'll be training with the Big 3 for the next Week because they'll be grading you based on what they have observed " Aizawa sensei announced and the whole class was hyped. Well most of them.

There was a specific girl who did not appreciate this at all.

And she was y/n.

The big three were standing infront of them with Mirio and Nejire Flashing worried glances at Tamaki.

Tamaki had his eyes on y/n who refused to acknowledge his existence and it hurt so bad.

When she finally did look at him. For the first time in forever he actually had the courage to smile and wave at her but y/n kept a cold facade ignoring his wave and smile and all she did was look back to her side and ignore him.

That action was noticed by everyone in the room.

Even Aizawa sensei who usually acted tough and uncaring was worried for his student because she was acting really out of character.

He questioned her classmates about it and they started explaining what they had noticed and observed too and honestly he hated seeing even One of his children like this and on cue the big 3 but mostly Mirio and Nejire tried to convince him to let the three of them train his students but he knew fully well that it was so Y/n and Tamaki could interact.

He wasn't against the idea since he wanted the same y/n back also.

So he asked permission from principal Nezu who didn't mind the idea at all and it led to this .

" Now each member of the big three will be given an assistant and I'll personally be the one to assign them. Uraraka you'll be Nejire's assistant, Midoriya you'll be Mirio's and Amajiki your assistant will be Y/n--" Aizawa sensei was cut off by y/n who clearly didn't like the idea.

" What? No!... I mean... Pick another assistant... I'm not good at being One " Y/n knew her excuse was lame but that's the best she could do.

However, Her denial made Tamaki Dizzy with nervousness with all the insecurities coming back a pained expression painted on his face as he stared at y/n who stood her ground.

Mirio rubbed Tamaki's Back while whispering.

" It's gonna be ok. You still have a week "

" Well sorry but it's been decided. If you want to back out because you can't handle it then do it but you'll have a failing grade if you do " Aizawa didn't mean to threaten his student but this has gone far enough. She's turning into a cold heartless girl. And he didn't like that.

" Fine.... I'll Do it... " Y/n muttered looking down on her desk.

____________________

3 Days had passed and Tamaki was nowhere near successful. He never knew that y/n could be this cold. If he knew he would never have made her mad in the first place.

Her words stung and it hurt so much he had to hide in the bathroom for an hour to calm down and convince himself that it's fine and that she didn't mean it but she was brutal with her words.

She did a pretty good job not talking to him though and it was extremely hard to even get her to look at him.

He was starting to lose hope, he was planning on a hundred ways of apologizing but somehow none of them were ever successful.

He has two days left to find out and this time he was more than determined to do so.

Aizawa was kind enough to assign him and y/n to clean up the gym after training and still y/n didn't even talk to him. Not even once.

" Y-You K-know y-you're really pretty... Today " Tamaki complimented earning another cold silence from the girl.

He couldn't take it anymore.

He grabbed her arm, turned her around and clung onto her. His arms wrapping around her very being along with y/n's arms restraining her.

Y/n had no idea Tamaki was this strong... No wonder he's part of the big three but that isn't the point right now.

" Let me Go! " Y/n yelled as she began squirming.

" No! " Tamaki yelled back and that only made y/n more violent, wiggling and kicking as much as she could. She kinda felt bad when she heard Pained Grunt from Tamaki.

" D-Do... You Hate me that M-Much? W-what did I Do? " Tamaki's voice was hoarse and broken and then y/n noticed how he was looking at her with big eyes and there running down his cheeks.

" .... " She was speechless.

" Please Answer me... And... And... And I'll finally ... L-leave you alone " Tamaki practically begged as more tears spilled out of his eyes.

" ... Why are you doing this exactly? " Y/n asked and Tamaki slowly let go of her and he kneeled down on the ground unable to contain his emotions. The crippling anxiety attacks he had whenever he felt a powerful surge of emotions slap him the face.

" I-I Love you " He managed to choose out between sobs.

" Really? Don't you Like Nejire? When I was chasing you.. You ran away from me... On the School Festival... I was hoping you'd watch our show but you didn't... I looked for you everywhere and now you say that? Don't lie to me... I heard your comment about Nejire... You managed to watch her show but... Why not ours?.... " This time it was y/n's turn to have tears falling down her soft cheeks as she covered her mouth with the back of her hand to prevent any sobs to escape her lips.

" I d-d-don't like her like that! I thought I should be happy that you're gone but I'm not! I'm miserable! And that D-D-Day at the School festival.... I-I thought of you as a friend but it got me thinking... W-Why would I buy you a custom made bracelet if I only liked you as a friend!?... I didn't manage to watch the show because... I was working extra shift at F-Fatgum's stall to pay for the bracelet I b-bought you.... The reason why I stood beside you during the pageant was because I wanted to give it to you... But y-you walked away before I even had the chance to!... T-Then I finally understood my feelings... Why I made is much effort to design the bracelet myself and have it custom made... It was because I love you!... A-And you started avoiding.... M-M-Me... You started pushing me away and ignoring me... It hurts! It really hurts! I-I though you found someone else... I thought you thought I was pathetic! I t-thought you f-finally r-r-realized that you could do so much better at picking g-guys who aren't me... I had so much negative thoughts running through my head... B-Because I was so scared of l-losing you... " Tamaki forced himself to say how he really efly without stuttering but it was no use. He couldn't help it with all the sobs caught in his throat.

Y/n was speechless then her heart started clenching in pain, her heart dropped to her stomach seeing how much pain she caused him. Realizing How terrible she had been.

One time out of worry she actually went inside the boy's bathroom only to hear Tamaki hyperventilating inside. She was so worried she asked mirio to check on him.

She couldn't help the tears cascading out of her eyes that were red and puffy.

She looked down at Tamaki who was clutching his hand on his chest choking on his own sobs.

She felt so horrible. She sat down infront of him towards her and pressing her lips against his shutting him off. He sobbed in between the kiss but nonetheless he shyly kissed back with tears running down his face. The same with y/n who had tears on her eyes as well.

When she finally pulled back her forehead was pressed against his as she stared at him with loving eyes.

Those eyes.... He missed that... He craved that. The way she looked at him with so much love without judgement.

" You Dumbass.... I don't need a fancy Bracelet... I just wanted you... Nothing could compare to You.... Your simple presence is enough to make me happy... That day... I just wanted you.. And you should know that.... I love you... I'd pick you any day over some fancy bracelet " Y/n smiled and Tamaki who was rendered speechless at what she said crawled closer towards her to connect his lips with hers once again this time he had the courage to dominate the kiss.

He pulled back abruptly as he wrapped his arms around her waist, his chin resting on her shoulder .

" I-I just... W-Wanted you to see... I'm capable... Of giving you things other guys give their g-girlfriends... " Tamaki whispered making y/n chuckle.

" Really tamaki? I wouldn't pick some random rich bastard off the streets... I want my adorable elf boy " Y/n teased as she blew a puff of air against Tamaki's Ear making him shudder as he backed away. His face turning red.

" D-Don't T-Tease " He whimpered as he fished for something in his pocket.

And then he pulled out a Jade bracelet with y/n carved on it and surrounding it were small diamonds.

" Tama... You didn't have to... It's beautiful " Y/n muttered as Tamaki took her hand sliding the bracelet on her wrist.

" I... You deserve better " Tamaki mumbled.

" Yes I deserve better " Y/n stated and tamaki looked up at her his ears twitching in fear expecting her to take it off but instead she had her arms wrap around his neck giving him a peck on his lips.

" Because "

" I Deserve You "

[roselen-mylady]

the game | part two

Part One

Steve hated to admit it but he had always been a jealous person. As a child he was jealous of the way so many other kids had dads that tucked them in at night. As a teen he was jealous of how easily Bucky made women swoon. As an adult he was jealous of Stark when he attempted to woo Peggy. And now he was jealous because it seemed everyone but himself was able to easily talk and even kiss Y/n.

Oh how badly he had wanted to.

And he almost did during that game of spin the bottle. Yet he'd lost his nerve. And lost his chance.

Thor's laughter had drawn his full attention toward the pair. Not that his eye had ever left Y/n but now the man before him was blatantly being ignored as Steve's entire focus was on Y/n and Thor. He strained to hear whatever was being said by her but he could hardly pay attention as Thor lifted her into the air and spun her around like a princess.

He could've done that.

His blood nearly boiled as he watched Thor kiss her. It was innocent, he knew that, but he just couldn't help it. He was angry at the world and Thor but mostly himself.

Before Thanos he thought he'd have all the time he needed to work up to confessing his feelings for her while she stayed in Wakanda watching after his best friend. But when she was snapped away he realized he had made a horrible mistake. A mistake he regretted every minute of every day during those long five years.

But now he had a chance to fix it.

Yet he hadn't been able to talk to her since she returned. The friendship they'd had before then was bashful but strong yet during her absence he had distanced himself from the idea of her in order to cope.

When she returned all the emotions he felt came rushing back in waves. And he was still blowing it.

•••

"I'm so tired of watching these two pine after one another." Wanda spoke suddenly, making Bucky turn toward her, dragging his gaze away from the pair.

"What do you mean?" Bucky asked, looking back at them as Wanda came to stand at his side, watching them with him.

"You mean you haven't noticed? Y/n's in love with Steve. Steve's in love with Y/n. It's agonizing to watch, really." She sighed, rather vexed with the entire situation. It was her after all who had watched them through the years. They'd known each other ever since before the accords and all that time they'd had an awkward friendship in which feelings were obvious on both ends yet neither had the courage to act.

She hated to imagine how Y/n's death might've affected him but yet it still hadn't given him the will of the courage to act. It pained her to watch the two fall back into their old ways.

"Y/n loves Steve?" Bucky mumbled, disbelief evident in his features. Wanda nodded, her eyes trailing Y/n as she made her way to Peter, who was standing haphazardly close to Steve.

"More than life itself, though she'll never admit it. I saw it when I had to enter her thoughts years ago during a mission we had in Germany." Wanda explained. She remembered the overwhelming feeling of Y/n's emotions. They crashed into her stronger than any wave could and even after all these years they were just as strong.

"Then why haven't they done anything?" Bucky asked. He looked down at her finding the same lost expression on her face that was more than likely on his.

"I don't know. Y/n told me last week the same thing she told me all those years ago. Things are too complicated and she can't risk losing him if he doesn't feel the same." Wanda quoted Y/n, her annoyance seeping through her words.

Bucky scoffed, recognizing the excuse as something very similar to Steve's and he shook his head, feeling the same defeat Wanda did. "Just like them to be too stupid to be happy." He groaned, looking up at them.

"Yeah. But hopefully when he kisses her one of them will do something." Wanda hoped her statement might encourage their boldness.

"Unless it's a repeat of spin the bottle." Bucky said, dreading the chance that it might happen. Wanda cringed, shaking her head.

"Y/n won't allow it. She takes the game too seriously." She replied, more to convince herself than Bucky. It was true. Y/n would get Steve to kiss her whether it was for the win or her own motives. That is if her nerves didn't take over.

"Let's hope."

•••

"Well, if it isn't Spiderman." Y/n called out, grabbing Peter's attention. He smiled brightly, finally being called by his preferred name and not Spiderboy.

"Ms. Y/n! What-what are you doing here?" Peter's sore attempt at small talk made him wince but thankfully Y/n didn't seem to mind, looking down at his glass.

"Just mingling. Whatcha drinking?" She asked curiously, wondering if Tony had allowed the poor boy a drink while dealing with all the people who no doubt asked him millions of questions regarding his presence and age.

"Sprite. Mr. Stark said he can't allow me to 'drink and swing'." Peter adjusted his glass, using his fingers as quotations before letting out a short giggle at the phrase.

Y/n laughed as well, trying to appear relaxed as she felt a certain pair of eyes on her. Steve was standing just a few feet away with Tony, not within earshot but close enough to send butterflies to her stomach. With each kiss she collected she felt more and more anxious knowing eventually she'd reach Steve. Was she ready for that?

"Well, that simply won't do. It's a party, Peter, and I can't allow you to not drink. When I was your age Tony was slipping me drinks left and right, it's only fair I pass on the tradition." She explained, leaning forward carefully as her hand brushed his.

He blushed, his eyes widening like saucers as she skillfully slipped his glass out of his hand, replacing it with her own. Glancing at Tony as if expecting to be caught, he was relieved to find his father figure blissfully unaware of their treachery.

"Ms. Y/n, I really shouldn't-"

"Don't worry, I'll drive you home if you're that worried. I got you bro." Y/n promised, nudging his arm with a kind smile. "Now tell me you've at least tried champagne. You've been to like three of these parties now." She laughed her smile growing as he joined in.

"Yeah, well, I mean a little bit from my Aunt May's glass." Y/n shook her head, putting her hand on his shoulder, a dramatic look of sorrow on her face.

"My poor boy. I have many things to share with you. Speaking of which, Shuri is asking if you're coming with me to Wakanda next week." Y/n sipped the soda watching as Peter's fingers danced happily against his own glass.

"Really?! I mean, of course! If you want me to. I've never been, what's it like?" Peter rambled, his face lit up in excitement, making Y/n chuckle at how thrilled the boy was.

"You'll see soon enough. I'll come get you next Friday and bring your suit, I'm sure Shuri would love to tinker with it." Y/n advised. Peter nodded wildly, psyched for such a trip.

"Thank you, Ms. Y/n." Peter grinned. Y/n wrapped an arm around his shoulders turning him in the direction of where Tony was standing.

"Peter, Y/n is fine. Trust me, I'm one of the few people in this world who know what it's like to have Tony as a father figure and anyone who can handle that is okay in my book." Y/n laughed, pointing at the man in question.

As if sensing their shit talking, Tony turned around, catching sight of them. A suspicious glare was sent their way but Y/n could hardly notice it as another figure stepped into view, following Tony's gaze.

It was then that they were forced to look at one another head on. Not at a glance or a sneaky peek. They might as well have been standing in front of one another as they both froze.

If Y/n's heart decided to stop in that instant, she wouldn't blame it. The pure intensity of Steve's gaze was enough to make her shudder and she fought her every molecule to stare back. There was a warmth in his eyes, one that sent a flutter of giddiness through her.

A small smile crept onto his face and Y/n gasped, forcing herself to return the gesture and not just gawk at him. She was at a loss for words. It was the first time since Thanos that he had given her any sort of acknowledgement. While it hurt that their friendship had seemed to diminish while she'd been gone, she knew that rekindling it was a two way street. But now he was smiling at her. And she was smiling back.

She hadn't realized she'd been holding her breath until Peter stepped in front of her, his hands resting on her shoulders and his brows furrowed in concern. "Y/n? Are you okay?" His voice was soothing and it helped her recover her loss of breath from her moment with Steve.

"Huh? Uh, yeah. I'm fine. Just...uh, thinking." She mumbled, her eyes drifting back to Steve once more. His smile had faltered slightly, his face beginning to match Peter's concern but with a small curve of her lips, she assured him that his worry was senseless.

"About the game?"

"Hmm?" Y/n questioned, directing her attention to the boy once more. Peter eyed his glass carefully before taking a cautious sip.

"The game you play with Ms. Natasha and Ms. Wanda. You're playing, right? I saw you earlier with Thor." He explained. Y/n's face flushed, a little embarrassed that her moment with Thor had been witnessed by someone she knew. What if Steve saw? Would he be jealous?

Y/n nearly shook her head, convincing herself that she wasn't worth being jealous over. Especially to Steve.

"Oh, yeah. We are. That reminds me, you like Star Wars right?" She smirked, looking at him as she sipped his soda, the pink on his cheeks making her giggle.

"Well, yeah, I mean lots of people do. I'm not the only one-that would be weird. Unless you like it, not that you liking it would make it less weird. Not that you're not weird! Weird-"

"Peter!" Y/n laughed, putting her hand on his as she lightly brought the drink down. "Whew boy, maybe alcohol isn't your thing. Then again you've always been a rambler." She gently took the drink back from him, watching as a wave of relief washed over him.

"Have you eaten yet? I think there's hors d'oeuvres around here somewhere." She muttered, glancing around for any servers. Peter shook his head accepting his soda back before looking back up at her.

"No I'm okay, really." He told her, his heart warming at how much she seemed to care. It was nice and he enjoyed his relationship with Y/n. She allowed him to do things with her like travel, patrol, even hang out in the lab and she quickly became another idol of his.

"Are you thinking of watching Star Wars?" He asked her, referring to her previous question. She smiled, shaking her head.

"No, I've already seen it, I'm just thinking of a pick up line for the game. Tonight's rules are if you like my line I get a kiss and I fully intend on winning tonight." Peter nearly choked on air as his eyes widened yet again.

"A kiss? From me?" Y/n giggled, tapping her finger to her cheek.

"Don't get ahead of yourself, Parker. A kiss on the cheek will do." She teased, making his face impossibly redder. He shook his head frantically trying to display as best he could that it wasn't his intention.

"I'm kidding. Now are you ready to hear my cheesy pick up line or will I just have to forfeit?" Peter's head didn't seem to stop shaking as he urged her to continue. "Alright here goes."

"Hey, sweetheart. Do you like Star Wars cause Yoda only one for me." With a wink she smiled, enjoying the scrunch of Peter's nose as he cringed at the line. 

"Not doing it for ya?" She laughed. Peter scoffed, trying to hide the smile that threatened to show.

"I hate to admit it, but it was kinda funny." He sighed, ashamed to have enjoyed such a horrible line. Y/n's grin grew, pointing to her cheek once more.

"Then pay up. I've got two more kisses to collect." Peter smiled, leaning forward and pecking the space her finger had been. "Thank you. Now find someone to mess with. I won't be the only one reeking havoc tonight." She poked a stern finger into his chest. With some convincing he eventually promised to at least pull a prank on Sam and Bucky.

With that she began to make her way to Tony. A knot formed in her stomach as she paced in his direction yet it wasn't Tony who made her nervous. No, only Steve Rogers could make her feel so squeamish and turn her legs to jelly. And she was making her way straight toward him.

Y/n could barely hear the click of her heels and the chatter of those around her over the pep talk she was giving herself in her head. She refused to embarrass herself in front of him. This was going to be her second chance and she wouldn't allow her nerves to ruin it again.

"As I live and breathe! Do I stand before Iron Man and Captain America? I do hope this isn't a dream." Steve's soft chuckle seemed to go straight to her core and she feared her heart might beat right out of her chest.

"Don't encourage her, Cap." Tony grumbled, turning his gaze to Y/n. "Well, if it isn't my favorite niece."

"Your only niece." Y/n corrected, a short glare focused on him as he smirked.

"Let me guess you're here to win the game. Let's hear it so poor Cap here can get a turn. I don't think he's kissed a woman since the 40s." Tony leaned down, whispering the last part and making Y/n giggle.

"Hey!" Steve objected in vain. But what Y/n said next sent any duty to protect his pride out the window.

"That's a crying shame. The ladies must not know what they're missing." Y/n froze as the words left her mouth. What was she thinking? Her face burned and she hid behind her glass trying to muffle her embarrassed groan with her champagne.

"Jeez, get a room." Steve and Y/n both glared at Tony but he didn't seem to care, instead shrugging innocently.

"Alright, here's your line you impatient ass." Y/n scoffed, deciding to use a particularly bad line for the annoying man she dared call her father figure.

"Was that it?" He smirked.

"Shut up, I gotta turn around and approach this again or else it won't work." She hissed, earning a heartfelt laugh from Steve. Twice. She'd made him laugh twice. Her heart was practically singing at the thought. Maybe she'd actually get to kiss him?

With more determination than before, she turned around, taking a few steps away before dramatically turning back to them. Using theatrics she no doubt learned from Tony Stark himself, she put on a smile before holding her arms out in a grand gesture.

"Well I'm here, what's your next two wishes?"

"That was horrendous." Tony said almost immediately while Steve tried to contain his laughter behind them.

"Well, I couldn't very well waste my best lines on you now could I?" Y/n jested, taking the glass in his hand and pouring what remained of his drink into her now empty glass.

Tony's teasing expression fell as he painfully watched Y/n sip her glass. "I can't believe you're related to me." Y/n smiled back at him proudly.

"Only by marriage." She shrugged. Tony sighed, leaning down and pressing a fatherly kiss to her forehead just along her hairline.

"Thank god." He ignored Y/n's squinted stare, turning to Steve. "I think I'm going to go get another drink, since mine was so blatantly stolen." Tony glanced at Y/n who shamelessly smirked.

"But first I wanna hear your pick up line for Cap. Please be something patriotic. Maybe sing him the national anthem." He suggested, nudging Steve forward to where he stood before Y/n.

Not expecting Tony's push, Steve stumbled nearly crashing into Y/n but thankfully he caught himself, only having a redder face than before.

"I'm not sure the national anthem is a pick up line, Tony." Y/n replied, focusing on anything but Steve. At this distance she could smell the familiar cologne and feel the heat radiating from him. It reminded her all too much of the days before the snap. When he'd hold her whenever she was hurt or when he'd pick her up to launch her toward an enemy. Reminded her of the few hugs they'd managed to share.

Reminded her of their last before she dusted in his arms.

"I don't know. He's really horny for America, it might work." Tony refuted, earning a threatening gaze from both Steve and his niece.

"Fine, y'know what? Have privacy or whatever in the middle of this crowded party. See if I care." Tony said, a little butt hurt that he wouldn't be able to witness the awkward exchange first hand.

He was no idiot when it came to his niece's attraction to the super soldier. While at first he disapproved, even more so when it led to her being on the opposite side that day in Berlin, years had led to forgiveness. He couldn't really stay mad at her even if he tried. Only sorry he hadn't apologized before the snap.

"Thank you, Tony." Y/n spoke quietly, sending him a grateful look. Whatever was about to happen already made her nervous, she didn't think doing it with Tony there would be possible.

"Yeah, yeah." He waved a dismissive hand, beginning to walk away.

It wasn't until he had Morgan that he realized he was already a father. Y/n had been his first and no matter his guilt, she would always forgive him. Always need him.

"Don't get carried away." He threatened suddenly, pointing to his eyes before twisting his hand back to them with a menacing squint.

Y/n rolled her eyes, looking back to Steve as Tony finally left.

"He's protective." Y/n explained, trying to be annoyed. It was actually kinda touching the way he cared despite his usual selfish smartass exterior.

"For good reason." Steve agreed, making Y/n's head tilt confused.

"You think I can't take care of myself?" She questioned defensively, ready to prove her worth no matter who he was.

"No, of course you can. Just-..." He trailed off, a sorrowful expression taking hold of his features against his will. "We've both failed you before. Numerous times." Steve confessed, his eyes falling downcast as Y/n realized what he'd meant.

She’d never truly thought about how her absence might have affected him. Before the snap he never gave any hint that he wanted to be more than a friend to her. But now she studied that look in his eye, that one she hadn’t recognized before. Heartbreak. 

"Steve, you didn't fail me." She insisted. Her hand had come to his own, grasping lightly at his loose fingers and ignoring the buzz in her skin and the rapid pace of her heart.

"No, I did. I turned you against your family. I got you arrested. I dragged you back into the fight and...you got snapped away." His voice broke at the end, years of depression and misery washing over him all over again.

"It wasn't your fault. We all lost that day." Y/n argued but her words didn't seem to stick.

"I'll never forgive myself." Steve's words were barely above a whisper, each syllable falling further into him unable to escape.

The sight alone made her heart ache but it was the way he'd spoken that truly shook her. They were the words of a broken man, a man that had lost it all. Had she done that to him? Did he care about her like that? Maybe he was scared too.

“Well, it's a good thing I already did.” Y/n smiled hoping to bring back the smile that she'd been able to give him moments before. Her hand stayed planted to his own more terrified to release it than she was to keep holding it. Would she ever work up the courage to do it again?

Steve looked back up at her, a tender glimmer in his eye as he moved his hand to hold her own. “I missed you.”

The statement alone wasn't nearly enough to convey how much he'd longed for her in those five years, left without any hope of ever getting her back. Didn’t show her the sleepless nights or the endless tears. Didn’t show her first few years he spent, alone and secluded. Didn’t show her how many times he prayed to any god that would listen for them to bring her back. 

But her eyes seemed to tell him that she understood. Y/n knew exactly how he felt even if she'd been relieved of it for five years. She remembered when she was arrested, screaming at the guards that they'd never find Steve. Remembered the sobs that racked through her when he came to free her, relieved he’d made it out of the war safely. Remembered their time on the run, unable to tell him how she felt. Remembered volunteering to stay with Bucky when Steve's worry became too much. Remembered him coming back and bring a war with him. Remembered him catching her before she dusted, too fast for her to tell him her greatest truth. 

She loved him.

“I missed you too.” She said softly, her face burning under his gentle gaze. They’d become so unbearably close at that point, making her breath ragged and her heart race. 

Clearing her throat, she looked away, trying not to reveal how flustered he made her. “So do you wanna hear my pick up line or not?” She once again changed the subject, making Steve smile at her lovingly. 

“Definitely.” He replied. 

“Alright. On a scale of 1 to America, how free are you tonight?” She gave him the first one that came to find, silently groaning when she realized she'd done exactly what Tony suggested. Curse their horribly similar minds. 

"That's terrible." Steve chuckled, staring at her with adoration unlike he'd ever done before. She was absolutely perfect in his eyes and he refused to waste anymore time being scared. 

"You didn't like that? I have more." Y/n rambled, oblivious toward Steve's affectionate gaze. "Can I tie your shoes? I don't want you falling for anyone else." 

Steve laughed, shaking his head as he stepping forward and shifting his hand to her waist as he pulled her closer. 

The action on flustered her further, dragging another pick up line out of her. "Or I like your last name, can we share it?" 

Steve's smile grew, his heart swelling with each word. He loved listening to her lines even if they were cheesy. But he was determined now and he wouldn't let either of their nerves stop them anymore. 

"I lost my number, can I have-"

Suddenly he leaned forward, cutting her sentence short as his lips latched onto her own. 

The kiss was so tender she practically melted in his arms, her hand coming to his chest while the other shifted to behind his neck, her fingers filtering through the lower part of his hair. His grip around her waist tightened as his heart pounded under her palms, the aftermath of anticipation rushing through his chest. 

It was effortless the way they molded together and it left him breathless. He couldn't believe he'd never just kissed her before and after believing all these years he'd never get the chance to, he was so grateful to have her now. 

"I've waited too long for that. I think I'm gonna need interest." Y/n gasped as they pulled away her eyes half lidded as she tried to process what had happened. 

"Was that another pick up line?" Steve's brows furrowed, his lips a beautiful shade of darker pink. 

Y/n smiled up at him, pulling him close once more. "Shut up." 

••• 

"Who's gonna tell her she didn't win?" Wanda questioned suddenly, glancing over at Nat. 

Sam raised his hands in surrender, passing off the duty as soon as possible to avoid any type of rage the woman might've wreaked on him. 

"I don't think she'll really care at this point." Nat spoke, pointing a finger toward the couple across the room. 

They didn't seem to care that they were in a room full of people, instead remaining engrossed in each other as they stared at each other lovingly. It was touching really but what Nat assumed to be their confessions had lost Y/n the game. 

"Wait does this mean the games with stop?" Sam questioned suddenly. 

"No, it'll just make them more interesting." Nat smirked.

[jksofficialwifey]

This is how it ends | 1

a jk drabble series

Summary— Jungkook's thinking of ending things, and you're thinking of ending it with him too.

Inspired by bts universe story JK, bec i rly felt for him when he was drawing the car that would hit him 😭

Tags: angst, fluff, dun worry im a fluffer for happy endings so dun lose hope 😉

TW: talks of suicide, smut etc. Might be triggering to depressed/suicidal ppl like me 🤡 but yk, don't do it hoe it's not worth it i promise. Let's not do it, let's not give up. Even tho life sucks, maybe it won't always- let's stay alive just inc it gets better. And hopefully it will get better someday.

The following story contains scenes that some readers might find disturbing and/or inappropriate, including depictions and conversations related to self-harm, suicidal thoughts and actions. If you or anyone you know are suffering from depression and suicidal thoughts, there are resources available to you such as the National Mental Health Crisis Hotline 09178998727 / 989-8727) and Hopeline Philippines (0917-558-4673/ 09188734673 / 02-88044673/2919) Your suffering is not permanent and you can get help.

💜

Jungkook's pov

It didn't look like it, but Jungkook was bored and tired, so very tired with everything. Though he greeted his classmates enthusiastically, like everything was okay, like he was okay. He's always been a professional actor, he'd often wonder why he hasn't won a grammy yet. He'd been pretending forever now that everything was fine, that he was happy- when in actuality he wasn't. He was far from happy.

He'd been thinking about ending things for quite a while now, he was still in college but it was whatever. It's not like anyone would care if he ended things, if he ended it? His hyungs… His brothers were his only friends, but were they still his friends? Would they care if he was gone? They don't even talk anymore. He had no one anymore.

He decided to take out his frustrations by sketching on his notepad, or more like drawing and planning his imminent death. He was leaning by the windows of the classroom, it was break time and there were only a few students inside the room- most students went out to eat anyway. He was highlighting his drawing of a car running him over and leaving him dying.

After that he was bored again. He decided he'll just have to finish the drawing anyway, since he had nothing to do. He didn't even notice you popping up by his side, suddenly intruding and invading his privacy.

"You want to get run over by a car? That's a messy way to die. Might hurt a lot too." you started. He was taken aback by what you said. "Excuse me but who the hell are you? And why are you judging me?" was the only thing he could think of to say.

Actually mayhaps he did kind of know you, you shared a few classes but you were kind of noticeable, in a way at least. You were shy and silent like him, you were kinda weird too but there was something about you that was kinda cool too. Anyway, he just wanted to taunt you that's why he pretended to not know who you are.

"It doesn't matter who I am you know. What matters is that your chosen way of death is quite disturbing- well wanting to die is already disturbing, but you get what I mean. Can I suggest something?" You inquired. "I don't really care about what you'll say, but sure what do you suggest?" Jungkook answered.

"Wouldn't you like to die another way? Less painfully? A little peacefully even? I could help you, ya know?" you suggested.

"I don't need your help or anyone else's. I can do it myself, so no thanks." he bit. "I meant that I could help you think of a less painful way to die. There's so many ways to die ya know? And I kinda wanted to suggest maybe doing it together?" you awkwardly said, seemingly shy.

"Wait, you want to die at the same time as me? Like do it together?" he stated the obvious. "Duh." was your only reply.

"Why? Do you like me or something?" the audacity of this boytoy. "Ew no. Maybe I just don't wanna feel alone…" you confessed.

"Oh." he was kind of embarrassed for implying you had feelings for him.

"We could just drink cyanide you know? Or suffocate ourselves, or… Wait- I wrote it in my notebook." you said, looking for the said notebook in your bag.

Jungkook never thought there was something really wrong about you, he thought you were just weird. It turned out he was wrong.

ㅡ

Thanks for reading! Pls reblog & comment if u liked this drabble n if u want more! 🥺 My praise kink would be satisfiedd~ also im opening commissions again so if y'all wanna 👀 just message me here!

[mwolf0epsilon]

Man, thanks for your message. I’m definitely interested in diversifying my cast, but keeping motivation for me often means blocking out the voices that make it seem like a requirement to being in fandom. It’s nice to see someone say, “you’re good for doing this,” and not “you’re terrible if you don’t do this.” It’s really motivating for me.

The issue with trying to be better at something that seems like a no brainer to others, is that there's always going to be someone telling you you're not doing enough, or suck because your progress is slow.

Diversity and representation are a must. People deserve to be seen and feel like they belong, and learning about other cultures should be something people embrace with open arms and curiosity. The Book of Boba Fett was a glimmer of hope for many, and there's still obvious and unfair favouritism in regards to how it's being treated as a series (The constant struggle Tem is going through just to share a nugget of his heritage, only to be repaid by the directors being obvious asshats, speaks volumes for how hard it is for poc leads to have even a smidge of anything that's theirs to share with a wider audience). It's important for people of all backgrounds and heritages to be able to see each other, learn from each other, and respect each other. That said, some people do take time to learn new things, especially things they didn't grow up with. I understand there needs to be a period of learning, trial and error, and consistently failing and getting back up again to try again. No one is immediately perfect at any given thing. You're gonna mess up. You're gonna accidentally be insensitive. You're gonna offend someone. And you're hopefully going to learn to understand what you did wrong, what you did that hurt others, and how to not repeat it. You're going to grow as an individual and artist, and hopefully help others with that process as well. But it needs to be done at your own pace.

If you're forced into a position where you're doing something you're afraid you're not going to get right immediately (and that making a mistake will hurt/anger others), you'll likely be more predisposed to not wanting to try again. You'll fall back into your comfort zone and people will still give you hell because you stopped trying to push forward. And this leads to a cycle of "I tried and people were still horrible even if I was doing my best, so I'm never going to make a change because it's not worth it". A pretty bad outcome overall. Because it's another gateway to needless hate.

This is becoming a bit of a messy rant, so I'll end it on a more positive note: Anon, don't let people demotivate you from drawing more diverse characters just because you don't get it right the first time. Actively learn how to do better. About different cultures. Progress may start slow, but it's still progress. One day you'll look back at your first steps and feel proud that you didn't quit the marathon. And there will be someone there with you smiling and celebrating with you, even if you weren't the first one across that finish line. You tried, you did good, you're doing better next time, and it helps others find the strength to do the same.

[cheolbooluvr]

so ill get to our big shared chonker of a message hopefully later tonight (sorry i'm taking a little bit with it! i've been weirdly busy the past few days), but i just wanted to respond to the shorter one + address the latest mission!!!

fun fact, you and i are in a very similar position with jun haha. i have a lot of wips with him too, but like, i've never finished a jun fic outside of short little one shots... which is quite frankly obscene because minghao has a word count dedicated to him that's literally more than everyone else in seventeen... I don't even know how many times more because my latest fic with him just reached about 50k... but jun is meant to be my second!!!!! i really want to finish something long with him 😭

still! I know you said its your fault but I will apologise for the confusion regardless! And look at someone who both writes and enjoys angst, no angst is ever too much hehe. there's a weird sense of catharsis in tragedy, at least my onion. I'm excited for how tragic things will get in your latest jun wip. A FREE ONE WAY TRIP TO SPAIN WITHOUT THE S... I LOVE THAT... BUT I totally understand! bittersweet stuff in general sticks with me longer than any other genre of fiction I find, because you continuously think about how they could've been happy but it didn't work out for x or y reason, or maybe even a combo. I'm so happy for you though, I know how good it feels to work on something that you can't stop thinking about, because I've got that fever myself hehe. and that's such an interesting way to write? I can never bring myself to write out of order so I always really admire those who can do it haha. I just never trust myself to remember what details I have established when if I do it out of order like that. Is that how you usually write your longer fics or is this one different?

YESSSSS I ABSOLUTELY AGREE... and he's expressed his desire to act so many times... pledis please... I'm begging u... he would be so good in a tragic drama...

omg I'm so dumb I have to share this with you but ??? I started watching it and I was like wait a minute why do I feel like I'm missing a lot of context... but it was still fun to watch all the characters interact (plus it made me tear up which like.... wowee)... but turns out I started on episode one of SEASON 2...... IM SUCH A FOOL.................. 😭

also! I don't know if you saw the next mission, but were you up for making a play list? I just thought I'd ask before I sent in any prompts!

- 😺 carat anon

HOLY COW I NEVER ANSWERED THIS I’M SO SORRY :(((((((

omg no worries! i have also been weirdly busy??? idk why but i hope you're able to get some rest soon <3

i'm gonna work my way backwards :D

re: the new mission - yes!!! i LOVE curating playlists, like LOVE IT. idk why but let me know any genres you like/don't like, anything at all and i'll do my best!!

OMG SEASON 2 HAHAHA that's so funny plz!! tho tbh, the nice thing abt hospital playlist is that there's no major plot but yeah, there is a bit of context you'll miss out on T^T i hope season 1 is going well tho!! it's kinda long if you're not used to it, but i promise it's super worth it :D idk if you’ve had time to watch anymore, but i’ve been watching it/catching up and it’s rly so good. i cried so much in like…ep 5 of s2? i think? idk one of those ones. but i just rly love how they portray the small things in life. it’s rly beautiful and so well done.

i think my favorite fics are actually angsty ones. i love happy endings for movies and stuff, but the fics that make cry and hurt are my fave?? kinda interesting, the contrast. but yeah, i think you’re right abt that, there are always those lingering ‘what if’s’ those angsty fics always leave you with T^T i mentioned this in the most recent ask, but i can’t write in chronological order rly, lol. i tend to just write scenes that pop into my head first, and then go back and piece it together. it’s tricky for sure, but if i try to move chronologically, i tend to get stuck. so i just jump around instead. and i did that w jun. i divided it up into 4 parts, and then wrote fcertain scnes and then went back to add what i felt i needed to fill in the gaps!! but not trusting yourself w the details, i literally did that w this fic. there are some inconsistencies but it’s posted now and i’m like…too lazy to fix it LOL. but maybe i will……..

wahh!! junhao have dedicated word counts!? that’s amazing. what are they?? :o if you don’t mind me asking ofc.

WAIT 50K WORDS OMG. I WAS JUST READING THAT A STANDARD NOVEL/NOVELLA IS LIKE ANYWHERE BETWEEN 50K-100K WORDS OMG. you’re so amazing, i rly respect you for that omg i would LOVE to hit 50k for a single fic T^T

anyways SO SORRY THIS IS LIKE WEEKS LATE I AM A DUMMY AND DIDN’T REALIZE I NEVER ANSWERED THIS KLFDJASKLFLSA

[theseagull16]

Warning the following content includes swearing ideas of suicide attempted suicide and depression and anxiety and mental illness detailed graphic descriptions and sexual references and criminal acts which could be upsetting to some viewers viewers discretion advised before reading the rest of this post remember this is all of my own oc is not official and I don't know how to make it if it's even possible anyone knows please comment but for now is this is my personal SCP but other Scps mentioned are real as in official

At present day Dizzy has requested out of the blue for an interview it's noted that is SCP has often refused any interviews that is requested to her and any interviews normally that she participates in are immutable, lies or just plain out ignored. But Dizzy has come to researchers and bargains an interview for the deal of being allowed to visit SCP 1508 in private for an hour at least site director... has agreed to the interview and taking Dizzy bargain so long as she doesn't cause any harm at all, any sign of aggression or sines of excitemen stress to anyone during the interview any signs of escape interview and her deal will be off. Dizzy has to where when juring outside of her containment high Dennsery expense gloves to avoid causing inorganic objects to be affected with poison table and area around Dizzy is not to be approached by interviewer or touched juring interview because that would trigger the response of the poston to exploding and causing the effect to happen. Interview Dizzy being green interviewer is in blue

Begin log

Instant silence

You know we could come closer I won't bite, l said I won't hurt anyone and you're standing in the middle of the room on a chair looking like an idiot might as well come closer to the table.

I would but you're leaning your elbows on the table causing your so-called "poison" to infected it and if I touched any object infected with dos green veins I end up suffering norva and diarrhea for the next good 62 hours

sigh what's the point of having these gloves on when everything is already infected with this stuff, there's on point keeping them on

She throws the gloves into a nearby bin

I don't think you're allowed to do that

Err fuck like who's going to care anyway, not like I'm using them anyway

Still if you don't coporate this interview will be over

then herey up and say some God them questions

Alright why a sudden desire to communicate. Until say yesterday you refuse to take any interviews flipping off, telling to f*** off or any other offensive language to anyone who comes near you with the idea of doing any experiments or interviews. And in unlucky situations sometimes you even vandalised there cars, objects rooms, or just make them sick

(A laugh could be heard in a slight giggle) what can I say they deserved it

To you maybe

They do deserve it Dizzy slams her fists onto the table

Calm remember

Yeah I know stay calm or no interview blah you're probably going to ask me about that later in the questions and to answer your question about why I suddenly have the urge to talk to you bush bags I have my reasons but I don't think that's important the only thing your little Foundation fides important is I share my knowledge I ceep carefully to myself so if you want to know anything just ask you're stupid question you had on your mind since the day you started working and found out about me now then I can get on with my day

So long as it ends with you visiting SCP- 1508.

If you mean by Joe which is his name by the way then yes yes I do

Which moves on to the next question why do you dislike when we call you by your designated numbers instead of your name

AAA Dizzy Flores her head back laughing before continuing in a mocking manner you supposed to be smart but still asked me simple easy questions. What to get my opinion it's kind of obvious I don't like being called that because I'm not your property is the degrading and I have a name so I don't see why not use it. it's supposed to be respectful to use somebody's name and I don't see being called at number is very respectful it's why anything or anyone in here that doesn't have a name I give a name

Is that why you break into other SCP containment rooms.

At first usually I just go into the room for entertainment in the form of a conversation or to hopefully make a new friend like and Joe, know any other SCP but then after I get to know them better and I found out they have no identities and some of them are also as miserable as s***. So I give them a name to have an identity with the name.

why do you have the urge to break into other SCP containment for your own entertainment can't use ask for something to keep you entertained

No it's more than just entertainment is the opportunity to travel, explore, marvel and brighten up the day of different objects and people that can usually only be found in fantasy amazing and every experience is almost always something new you can't put a price on that or replicated is not same and it kind of pisses everyone off, so it's an added bonus for me ahah.

Next question are you aware of your other a anomalous traits other than your main one

Do you mean other than the fact that I didn't take a s*** in literally over 60 years, I haven't cough, sneeze, or felt anything other than normal for decades that I don't even need the shower when just for entertainment and It turned the water green with my poison, and that anything that comes on to me like bacteria that is harmful gust slides off my body and clothing and every part of me, that I can't feel actual fear other than shock seeing it's a negative emotion or the fact that I can't be affected by medication even with a positive effect and life vitals machines don't actually work from me yeah I kinda have notice

What's your opinion on the SCP held here at the site and throughout the foundation hard to pinpoint your exact your opinion on SCP even when observing other SCP is hard to get your exact opinion your reaction are randoms to say the least

Actually that kind of a hard one Doc, my reaction is random because it's really depending on what happens when I go in there I don't really know what to expect I just go with the flow and see what goes on in there really it's kinda going into a room blindfolded almost and as for my opinion for other SCP some of them I actually I'm glad they're stuck in here seeing that they will probably kill the whole god damn universe if they ever got out and others I feel sorry and also disgusted by the foundation for keeping it here it's not their fault and they're not even dangerous they just a little different that's all that star eyed girls she just want to get out but you won't let her shame on you

She which you have named galaxy never put any request for ever mentioned for going outside

That's because he is scared if you would just sedate her like other in here

She wouldn't be scared if people not mentioning names didn't tell exactly what people do in here to SCP when they are to Wiley

yeah put the blame on me why not it's not like he has brains to figure it out by yourself you really underestimated SCP that's another reason I find the foundation disgusting we're not objects or least not all of us

Moving on

Hurry up

Do you anything about the laxatives in the tea of dr ....

Maybe

now let's get to the source of this conversation in the first place, why the sudden urge to visit SCP- 1504 usually if you just want to see him you preferably or duo not encouraged method break into his containment and settings free usually or vice versa why now you deciding to go for more for the less catastrophic method of visiting

Like I said before I have my reasons

Oh really

What are you getting at is this a double course because if it's a double course I will

Don't worry we can't even double cross you know negative effect remember

We did some research on your friend Joe as you call him and surprisingly we discovered that today is his birthday and it so happens since was contained every year on his birthday he seems to be more miserable year after year it's also happened you demanded an interview you might despise us but we are intelligent we kind of put the dots together you might as well admit it

.... Alright fine I admit it I ordered this interview in hoping to get privileges of allowing me to visit him on his birthday he is miserable is sad seeing the only companion you probably have around here for who knows how long I stop counting decades ago just drink and get high on his birthday and not even happy it's a miserable sort of way in a sense of will depression and years getting older nothing to getting better for him even after me even just visiting him in his cell still miserable tied up in there but not even a single birthday cake or compliment from anyone other than me to make him feel better even though I know you don't even notice so I decided to take the long short by getting this party

That quite admirable actually your friend is not getting on well with his birthday so you decided to do something sweet for him, don't think from your records of time we let you two be together you'll probably get a reward like an extra radio but a party station I don't know

Worth a try

And what happens if it fails

I guess you'll be another miserable year then

Never realised that your friends up with SCP 1504 this toxic

Personally I think that comment is bullshit.

What makes you think that don't you notice you encourage each other to drink, smoke, commit crimes, and vandalism even notice once a couple of years back that you and "Joe" somehow managed to make a secret meff lab and using it to experiment with different a SCP for fun in the basement of site 91

Hahaha I'm surprised you idiots didn't notice that earlier we somehow managed to drug up at least 6 SCP before anyone noticed and even then it was by accident when they were clean out the old basement Dizzy throws back in her seat laughing AH AH

You think it's funny to drug up SCP some of them are people you know

Bravo and in only took you experimenting on them and somebody else who having needles jabbed into them who are not scientists to say it

Regardless don't you recognise that what you and 1504 are doing is cruel and reckless

Hypocrite!!

You know what I mean

sure on the surface it sounds ridiculous and somewhat crazy and be honest we kind of are it a way but before you see anything is my explanation when you were immune to heam itself we kind of lose the will to be careful in a way and when no negative effect can be brought on to you you also lose more of that desire to hold back in a sense it doesn't mean that your conscience has been affected it does means you're a terrible person a little bit bad but deep down good people or at least I'm a good person and the people we "druged up" as you called it they were all willing to do it and some of those people even asked for those hi all of the SCPS we did it were objects creatures that were animals in a way and people who asked or couldn't get any worse if we give it to them see the records none of those SCP if you don't believe me none of them were harmed at the a little bit delirious and tired after a while but fine we're not monsters we don't do it to hurt them in the way we do it to make them feel better what do you think people take drugs in the first place to make them forget about the horrible things in life it's not good to them and it temporary but what else can I get around here some of them they even steal it from us check the records again if we didn't do it together we probably would have done it in any other scenario and as for encouraging each other for doing thinks like I said when your immune due to lose any sense of dread do it we drink and smoke but in a way is nothing other than like drinking water or leads to me and as for Joe he gets drunk and high but in the end of the day it doesn't kill him it just get a headache I only do it the keep company if I do stop him you just do it anyway so really I I don't do it nothing bad will happen we are not normal people plush employees in the foundation actually bought some of the meth we made before they were probably discovered

OK how much other scenarios like the time you and Joe still Dr.... car and drove it through a SCP portal to another dimension into a abandoned waste dump full of scrap metal that goes on for miles not only did you also kidnap a mtif soldier and through in the back of your car but you also crashed the place and then crashed the car all the time when you and Joe escaped he loading some rich women and you beated her with cricket bat and then stole her money another terrible time when you were transported to another complete by plane with a couple of other SCP they decided to be better if you travel in an like normal people instead of in an enclosure and you're scps friends including Joe before you even entered the plane you used a plank placed on a rod on the floor to hit Dr clef in the balls

Slight giggles

you turned a man into a crying wimp on the floor clutching his groinedon in the plane when a Stuart found out you were french he greeted you in French you shouted back to him vous pouvez sucer le Dr Clef glorifié boules meurtries enflées Stanley Joe got drunk and you filmed it he passed out and then insulted and walked around the whole plane during the entire flight and when you came down you did the same thing you did to Dr clef only to Dr bright even though he tried to avoid it

Ok as for the car bit I was upset about my miserable life and so was joe slightly drunk and felt like we both needed something to cheer each other we saw the car out and I know Dr.... loves that car sweat to God I think I was him kissed it. I got pissed seeing Dr.... is a go for nothing jerk he puts D class into danger for no reason that's like any other people and just like any other person I would want to punish him I told this to Joe well you know what he had the idea of and there was a testing with SCP-093 dimension portal nearby so you can guess what happens next we hijack the car with some bottles of whiskey from some security officer and a camera, Dr.... was me in the car and I flip him off you should have seen the look on his face it was priceless and so we just drove straight through the portal like nothing and mtif trucks was chasing us it was absolute thrill and never felt so alive. And I didn't give a care of anything. The car was faster than them one of the sodger somehow managed to get up to us much have been in the back we didn't notice he was out match I paralyzed him and then we throw him in the back he was a jerk anyway so I don't care Anyway when the gas run out we watching the sunset tuke pictures of the car each other and us settings to the top of the car drnking whiskey having a blast gust two friends hanging out so we have no blame it was f****** awesome then the mtif scod fade us got the guy out of the truck and tode us back the car getting distorted was a actsdet nothing to do with us when we got back one of the crans for the portal fell

Ok

As for the incident in the plane Dr clef had it coming for the looongest time just ask any female SCP or researcher I did them a favour. That'll teach him a lesson to make smart ass remarks not so tough when reality

I'll be lying to say your not a little bit right there

The flight attendant mug and I wasn't it really in a good mood since I hate the foundation ice auto be a good time to that's really good friends was making some interesting memory videos and making them all upset. The woman incident was when me and Joe escape once we needed money and there was no banks nearby but a horrible rich woman don't feel sorry for her, we only steel off people that really deserved it well I do Joe don't I make him do it because I don't want him stealing off innocence the lady was a rich scamp who treated the poor folk like trust and Roberts said she was in the black market and even sleep with one of the old judges to get off from stealing charity money from orphans she deserved what she got, we beat up a little not anything fatal just enough to make her ugly then stole some money we broke into her house and use my powers to give us so blisters on her feet to just to make sure that the hit one kill her. And Joe hit her in the back with a bat

Why do you feel like you can use your powers to punish the ones who avoid the justice system in some ways

I have to power to make people suffer I might as well use it tell me if you had a chance to save someone or just stand whilst they be killed you would obviously choose them it's similar to how when I see somebody doing harm I can't just stand there I have to make them pay for it I believe everyone gets what they deserve eventually even if not in life they will get it in hell but it's too late because they're dead so I make sure they get the punishment before the dead to know what they did was wrong

when ever you brings us this or just someone annoys you and you played a prank on them you never killed them no matter how bad things they did are

because if I killed them I will be as bad as the people I call monsters I might have lost a lot of things but I would never ever in any circumstances lose my homity and dignity by being a hypocrite and committing what I believe is the worst thing a person can do to a person bring death and personally I don't really see this as a punishment when it comes to my own suffering I feed as a way out but obviously I'm immortal so that will never happened

When you first came to this Foundation was very suicidal it seemed to approve over the time I'm are you still suicidal

Sort moment of silence

Not as before to say I'm not completely suicide that would be lying kind of faded almost as the decades went through I see it as a sort of sideeffect being a model eventually your pain blur's into the conscience of your mind and your personality over take it because nobody get the live as long as me and I have pretty of distracted seeing as Foundation always bring something new that helps friends I made since helped but to say I'm cured completely nope some days is worse than others sometimes. but if there was a better option to be free for my depression I will take it of course but I'm glad I'm better than before you wouldn't believe how dark that mindset is

Has therapy helped

Yes definitely but is not just therapy I find everything helps me in some ways when it comes to friends to talk to even strangers people to listen to it that matter to get it off your chest helps a lot.

Speaking of your oh so "lovely" friends let's talk about them apart from Joe you made a couple of them over the years some more favourable than others let's talk about them less start with your closest friend and the reason why this interview is taking place in the first place Joe

Well you already know his life from his file as an SCP there's not really much to say about him apart from the fact what is he really like because unlike the rest of you I actually know for fact what he's saying or doing hints why we're so close friends

and hints why you 2 can get away with things like robbing people only two days ago you somehow managed to borrow 50 quid out of the wallet of Dr....

And we spent it on a magic coffee dispenser to trick somebody into drinking bin water just for fun

Nmmmm

But Joe and I kind of need each other he's the first to person to really understand me a fellow SCP you became my friend somebody who knows what it feels like to be lonely and is suffer for a good majority of time in fact I could say he suffers more than me even.I had are you still have a human connection or more reality until he met me he was suicidal depressed and nobody had any idea of it or even he had a blue tick knowledge you should have seen his face when you first realise he finally found somebody to connect to you and don't leave me feel worse that he couldn't give me a hug you know that's why he's in the streets that could because the amount of fluid is Santa's lack of escape makes a mad the let us be with each other and in close proximity because if he doesn't have a human connection now he goes nuts and once he was so this before escape from the mental pain he grabbed me by the solders and end of catching severe case of schizophrenia but also seeing him like that screaming bagging blood everywhere for the 62 hours is painful to watchbut we help with turning away we keep eachother company we have each other's backs we stop each other from going crazy I can feel my world go up if you don't want them with him because he doesn't care what I am he's not here to study he's really the only person that really gives a damn for me anymore and maybe is just because he's desperate for company but it's genuine at least

What about other people But 1st oof Did you ever fall in love

No, if you'd read my record, you would know that my anomalous ability makes people unable to be sexually interested in me, including able to feel any romantic feelings towards me which really sucks because nobody can ever fall in love with me which really sucks because I didn't have a boyfriend before all of this which really fuckin' sucks

Ok let's go back to some other questions then what are some of the other friends like scp-507

Honestly he's a nice guy but we and close friends sometimes gets nervous to are idea of fun mostly pranking people not into that sort of stuff sometimes me and Joe would sneak into his room he's pretty good at using computers

Explain

don't worry we just asked him let us see some videos that we are banned on watching well Joe's banned from watching is's nothing that bad and it's not like we scanned anything light drinker doe sometimes we will go to the roof to drink and being nice we invited him to come with us if you refused he would wosh out after half a bottle

Is that even allowed

Ah F*** them

What about jonesy the half cat you seem to be close to jonesy cat

I love jonesy his sweet and cute be honest he Sims more Joe friend seeing that I can't pet him but he's not afraid of me I can always play with him I told him tricks too

What tricks

I taught him to attack on command he wrecked Dr.... face it was hilarious. Moment of silence come on it was funny he only had a scratch

Moving on how about something different about Dr bright and agent Rocky Jones.

Temporary silence

Are you alright

Yes.

I believe rocky was the first person you ever encountered after your condition so to say happened if I believed correctly you two became close friends over the years even after his hair ternd completely grey you use to joke about that and he'd take time to come to see you and often joke about it until he's unfortunate demise unfortunately turned out to be by Dr bright

Rocky was a good man he was sent to like the other mtif soldier he went to the foundation for the sole reason of wanting to help others and protect others he never shot any human and never ever killed anyone even go against orders to save people including civilians and to avoid death casualties

he still experienced poison first time and leaving the second time he cut off his own hand to avoid getting infected again

Ok f*** off that was by accident and so was the second time you can't go 50 years without hitting an accident even if it's twice the actor of him cutting his arm off surprised me he did it so quickly and so swiftly I still feel sorry for him no matter how many times I see his prosthetic arm and no matter how many times he said to me it was ok I couldn't forgive myself for it but he never blame to me I don't know why but you never blam with me I'm Grace's for that

Unfortunately Dr Jack fight thought it would be a good test subject to a SCP due to the lack of D class and he was close to retirement he killed him with an axe and then experimented on his parts with SCP....

Anger: dat no good whatever he is didn't deserve to kill an innocent man and get away with it no matter how high he's clearance I wanted revenge I wanted to bury rocky picked up what's left of him in the acid bath and bury him of cause acid has no effect on me he's a skeleton but still l made sure he had a proper funeral with me Joe, some classes who are kind of nice and some scientists to also didn't like what bight did and missed rocky but he was the closest thing to a funeral I can get And then plotted my plan it was quite easy wait until it's dark nobody around other than the D classes, SCP and Joe distracted him than the clobbered him over the head well Joe bib then we tied him up to a cargo trolley and use my powers to give him a nail fungus I wanted the real pain to be more brutal than anything I have and then we'll come up he said crossword threaten even gloated and I stuck them over the face for that I told him he was going to suffer he said didn't care he's suffered before but I doubt he'd ever suffer like he did there and you could tell him his face he knew he was f***** when he realised what was coming to him a pit full of angry D classes who all had a bone to pick with him and some SCP who are also hated his guts and so didn't take the D classes we tied him up to the trolley made sure he'd couldn't escape and through him into the pit you should have heard him screaming begging for his released and even asking for help but no he was going to suffer just how rocky did .... 10 times worse the fact that I use my powers against him meaning that he wouldn't die butter suffer for round a good 10 hours it's more worse than poison because it's gets revenger gardens Joe and I just sat there watching with show during beer with him and some cigarettes it was the most relaxing thing I ever did for revents in the morning when everyone came and they put them out he's so scared of me after that's incident and it should be

And what you hate doctor bright so much

He's a prick

Oh really because your friend the plague doctor says otherwise

f*** you the plague doctor is not my friend I met him once when I escaped and he escaped in the same time and I found him by chance I only stayed with him after that to stop him from killing more people I didn't stop him from turning the bodies into what the plague doctor called the pestilence and the curd because they're already dead but he is scared of me he felt poison my poison and he's petrified of me

True when we asked about you in an interview with him he did say he was petrified to you but he also said you hate Dr bright to because you envy him you envy everything about him that he's in a SCP and he has the freedom that you can only wish for freedom to see your family the freedom to feel love freedom to have friends without restrictions to socialise and don't need to worry about making somebody have cancer just by giving them a hug and how he's anomalous ability doesn't seem to affect him that much and you hate when he says he feels upset due to his SCP status saying that because you're the only one who understands to suffering through and SCP you haven't seen your family in their decades you didn't even get to go to your parents funeral when font out you escaped to see the graves of the died of natural causes when MTF squad found are you are weeping at the graves they let you stay there a few minutes and then you went by your own recalled you carried on crying 4 weeks after that and as three siblings you don't even know what they look like no picture of them you have nothing

That plague doctor is wise I will give him that destrudo why am I a nice SCP but I'm stuck in here but all just constrictions that any other SCP has but Dr bright probably the worst person and most dumbest person I ever met is allowed almost get away with everything is not fair and that's for the real reason I hate him he says he understands and is sad because of his predicament of being a immortal he doesn't because I'm immortal to his immortality has no chains attached to it it's it's just sad to say just like that me there's always a catch I could just walk out of here with nobody stopping me but the catch is there's always a catch there's nothing for me out there there's no hatred there's no love there's no nothing what's the point of being a immortal if you can't enjoy it the only thing I bring is sickness and sadness I have to worry about giving people cancer just buy hugging them people are scared of me because of my ability and it should be but I feel miserable Dr bright is able to enjoy his life and he dares feels upset because of his predicament he should be god damn lucky he doesn't need to worry about it I didn't himself I have to worry about not only in myself my mental health but also others are not only hurt

is that why you stay here your numbers ability does prevent us from stopping you leaving

Yes

I see

it's also the reason whenever he says he understands pain the SCP feel the pain that he brings other people I make sure he's truly feels pain and he gets punished for his wrong doing

Now can I have my our with Joe

we'll have to see but that there's a lot of checklist to go through they might be even the couple of days who knows weeks until your permission has been approved

Ash I knew I wouldn't be getting to see Joe today but ok have a backup plan I went to Joe cell and talk to him before I came here if getting is interview fails there's always plan b this is breaks out and we go to the roof to enjoy ourselves and private for an hour

What

Gjvd

Rumbling noises lights Go out

Note lights went out due to SCP 1504 sneaking into the control room and the stopping the lights dizzy then escape through her miss form through the ventilation system and the two met on the roof after SCP 1504 took couple of bottles of beer from dr.... office the two stage on the roof remaining hour on deck chairs that SCP 1504 stole from a supply closetthe towards the sunset together was drinking beers a small recording managed to be caught before cameras went off of the two on the roof

SCP 1504 is blue and dizzy is green

So how was the interview

you no it was emotional but at least I got to see you too old friends

to old friends

the two then sheared and continue watching the sunset

End log

[punkscowardschampions]

Jac & Savannah

Jac: Feel totally free to ignore this, and this isn't an attempt to further any more conversation between us again if you don't want it, but it would feel bizarre to pretend...well, that we hadn't known each other before, or that I'd forgotten you entirely, so Jac: Obviously things weren't great when you left but I'm fully over that as no doubt you are too Jac: As we're classmates again, it makes sense to me that we are civil and prepared to work together if necessary but I'm not going to attempt more than that, nor am I holding some kind of grudge which would prohibit the former, I thought I'd reassure you of that, as well as just say, hello, I suppose 🙂 Savannah: You're right, it would be bizarre as well as counterproductive Savannah: though, we don't actually know each other any more, two formative years having passed, so I don't see why we can't start over Savannah: treating each other like we would our other classmates Jac: That sounds logical to me too Jac: I'd be happy to treat this as an introduction opposed to a reintroduction Savannah: okay Savannah: but before we do, I just want to say I'm really proud of you for getting in Jac: You too Jac: it's amazing, isn't it Jac: better than we had even visualized and worked and prayed for Savannah: I always knew you could do it Jac: I had no doubts about you, either Jac: potential that you'd changed your course and vision but whatever you put your mind and talent to Savannah: I did think you'd go to Bath, or that I would Jac: I could lie here and say something about preferring the history and culture of Edinburgh as a city, and finding St Andrews better in X Y Z but Jac: Bath didn't happen, is the reality of it Jac: but I'm not devastated, as I once would've been to be left with my 2nd choice Savannah: We don't have to lie, it didn't happen for me either, partly because catholic school did of course, but that's not the entirety of it Jac: I try to leave lying, however innocuous and pointless, two years ago, too Jac: Karma or otherwise, just stopped feeling worth it Jac: how was your new School? Savannah: A lot of things stopped feeling worth it to me too Savannah: Oh, Sienna liked it Savannah: I did not Jac: I am sorry to hear that Jac: I can't think of anything I would've liked less than being surrounded by other hormonal, crazy, moody, bitchy teenage girls either Savannah: at least she thrived, you wouldn't even recognise her now Savannah: she's so Savannah: Loud Jac: 😂 Jac: Loud can be good Jac: at least some positives came of it all Savannah: she reminds me of how I remember Jude Savannah: but she's happy, I think Jac: I think you'd still have recognized Jude Jac: likely from a mile off, giving you time to escape Jac: I hope she is Savannah: 😄 Jac: and that you'll be happier here than you were there, too Savannah: unless either of my parents enrol, we can take that as a given Jac: I'll drink to that Jac: complimentary coffee, that is Savannah: for now anyway Jac: Hopefully the plans get a little more exciting Savannah: 🙌 Jac: Have you heard any Psych school nights being organized or do you think one of us should bite that bullet and start the group chat? Savannah: we should do it Savannah: best foot forward, you know? Jac: Absolutely Jac: Why not, eh Jac: You're in halls too, right? Savannah: Yes Savannah: where are you? Jac: John Burnet, how about you? Savannah: You only get a single bed too! Savannah: I'm in University Hall Savannah: it's so pretty Jac: The nuns taught you well then 😛 Jac: I think it's worth it for the architecture, we'll just have to remember not to roll Savannah: 👼🏾🙏🏾 Savannah: It wasn't worth ANOTHER argument with my dad about co-ed Jac: and you get to have the Libraries literally right on your doorstep Jac: I was debating it, but I'm still better in smaller crowds, that sold JB to me ultimately Savannah: if my dad didn't run my life I totally would've applied there too Savannah: I love that it has a garden Jac: I know, right? Jac: Well you can use my little patch of 🌷 🌹 🌺 🌸 🌼 🌻 whenever you like, because I'll certainly be haunting the libraries enough Savannah: You haven't lost any of your sweetness Savannah: & of course you must, I hate studying alone Jac: I'll probably be tragically uncool forever, our classmates may as well find out sooner rather than later 💁 Jac: if the sight of all those books gets too much, there's always the 🏖 for maximum studying, I'm sure Savannah: No way! I had more fun with you than I've had with anyone else EVER Savannah: they'll find all your good points Jac: 😊 Jac: Okay, we did have some fun Savannah: a lot Jac: I can't/shan't disagree with that Savannah: it doesn't feel like two years Savannah: sometimes more like twenty, or like two months Jac: It is really weird, I felt like I haven't said it because it can't be overstated Jac: but good weird Jac: are any of your friends from Sligo here too? Jac: I don't know anyone Savannah: I don't know anyone either Jac: A familiar face is a good thing Jac: as is getting to know each other afresh, they can coexist Savannah: I thought it was for the best that nobody followed me here, until I saw you Jac: Shocking as it was Jac: glad the 😱 isn't permanent Jac: I'd hate to do that to you, honestly Savannah: you don't believe I could pull it off? Jac: Of course you could Jac: but your 😄 is undeniably a better look Savannah: my lips ARE very big, I could end up looking like a blow up doll if I'm forever open mouthed from today onwards Savannah: then I'd never marry a prince Jac: Why we're here, obviously Savannah: Everyone thinks so Savannah: just because my boyfriend dumped me after the leavers cert Jac: Oof Jac: that's rough Jac: though at least he didn't steal your Summer? I guess Savannah: Oh my god! That's exactly what he said Savannah: no wonder he reminded me of you Jac: Oh God 😬 are you suggesting I should be in Sallies with the rest of the fuckboys? 😂 Jac: not the crowd I was hoping to get in with but, you know Savannah: where you are is perfect for you Jac: 🤞 Savannah: it feels right being here Jac: Yeah Jac: it really does Savannah: I was worried I wouldn't feel that when I actually got here but 🙏🏾 Jac: I thought it'd be scarier being away from home Jac: but if anything, it's a relief Savannah: you don't have to share a room with Jude any more, it obviously would be Savannah: how is everyone though? Jac: 🍵🙊 Jac: No, they're good, all doing their own thing Jac: Jesse's got his music, the kids are the same old Jac: oh, Jameson got a girlfriend though, that's cute Savannah: I can't believe one brother is literally famous and the other is adorably loved up Savannah: Sienna hasn't had a boyfriend yet, I think that's my fault Jac: Honestly, they're both unbearable now 😏 Jac: overprotective big sister vibes or off-putting dumping ex? Savannah: Jesse was always an acquired taste, which I never did Savannah: Oh, both, for sure 🤫 Jac: Musically and personality-wise, he'd agree you have a point Jac: long as she's happy, like you said Jac: always found them too distracting myself Savannah: I suppose I just always needed a distraction Jac: Clearly, that's why we aren't having this conversation in Bath Jac: for the best, in the end 🌌🔮 Savannah: I hope so Jac: Honestly, it's a better uni Jac: and I'm not just lying to myself/you to make us feel better 😂 Jac: Delia Rockford, you remember her, right? Jac: She got into Bath, so, you aren't missing out, is what I mean Savannah: I hate her Jac: She's doing International Management and German Jac: the language of the future 🤨 Savannah: She's German descent! That's basically cheating Jac: You'd think she's got a place at Cambridge studying classics the way she's been bragging Jac: they aren't remotely top in languages or whatever the hell International Management is but alright 🙄 Savannah: I'm so glad she blocked me after what happened during the party at Michelle Brennan's house Savannah: which wasn't even my fault Jac: Now that feels like a million years ago Savannah: It was Savannah: I don't think we were even friends yet Jac: We weren't for that long, in the grand scheme of things Jac: that's the weirdest part Jac: we were pretty intense, yeah Savannah: everything was pretty intense Jac: It was Jac: Isabelle is doing coaching at TUD Jac: we were never really the same but she's well in herself Savannah: She'll be incredible at that Savannah: if it had happened to me, there's no way I would've not been retaking the year Jac: I know Savannah: did you hear about my mum? Jac: No, I don't think I did? Savannah: she'll appreciate it not being common knowledge, I guess Jac: Is she okay? Savannah: She's doing better now Savannah: which I suppose means she's at about the same level as she was before I left Savannah: because she really struggled after Jac: It must've been really hard for her Jac: to have you two gone, and realize it probably was for the best Jac: did you see her much, in these two years? Savannah: not as much as I should've Jac: You can't be blamed for that Jac: you had to take care of yourself, and Sienna Savannah: but she needed me to stay Jac: Maybe she needed to sort herself out Jac: and she's getting there Jac: our parents shouldn't be our responsibility Savannah: It has to work out here, you know? Savannah: I can't go back Jac: Of course it will Jac: you're going to be fine, amazing Jac: and then you can do your masters and your Ph.D. and then marry a prince and you'll have several royal residences, neither of which will be in Dubo or Sligo Savannah: I'm just sick of things being painful, difficult is fine, but I want it not to hurt Savannah: which is a HUGE overshare if we met today Jac: it's cool Jac: I hear everyone is best friends for life fresher's week Savannah: that makes me feel a lot better Savannah: especially when I pause to consider how many of them I'm likely to cry on before it's over Jac: It's basically tradition Jac: you won't be the only one Jac: moving forward, it's bound to make you think more about what you're leaving behind, even if temporarily Savannah: I've missed you Savannah: sorry if that's like leaping over a boundary or something Jac: I wouldn't have bet on that being what you said, should I ever see you again Jac: but it's better than what I would've Savannah: It's not like this with anyone else Savannah: I can't change that Jac: I never really Jac: like I went out, people would talk to me, I'm not trying to sell a sob story here Jac: but you're right Jac: it was never the same with anyone else, not remotely Savannah: I've given you mine already, so if you have one, it's okay to tell it or not Savannah: even if I'm so embarrassed I did that Jac: Seriously, no need Jac: you were there to witness my unfinest hour Jac: I treated lots of people like shit Jac: Is, mainly Jac: but you too, in lots of ways Jac: not proud of it, but I changed, still am, hopefully Savannah: I hope you don't change too much though Jac: Yeah? Savannah: I thought you were perfect how you were Jac: And I'm the sweet one Savannah: we both made mistakes, but that's human Jac: It's been a while since anyone's accused me of being human Jac: all those exams Jac: 🤖 felt more fitting Savannah: & you look so 👼🏻 Jac: You look as flawless as you ever did Savannah: My auntie mailed all her good skincare to Sligo Jac: expect no less 🙌 Savannah: the fresher air was 🙌 Savannah: even if the rural accents took me by surprise Jac: 😵 or 🥴 surprise though? Savannah: not like 😊 😋 😍 😘 🥰 Jac: the accent here is pretty 🤭 Jac: though Savannah: which one? 😄 Jac: Valid Jac: very town VS gown Savannah: which one though? Savannah: tell me Jac: The original Savannah: very Romeo & Juliet of you Jac: Oh no Jac: am I that cliche now? Savannah: we'll see Jac: Sounds slightly concerning Jac: but I'll do my best to subvert expectations Savannah: it'll be concerning if you get distracted by some boy's accent after working this hard to get here Savannah: unless he's a prince, obviously Jac: Not changed that much Jac: I'd get disowned if I married royalty, anyway Savannah: 🚫💍👰 Savannah: just adorable heirs to the throne Savannah: 👶👶👶👶👶 Jac: adorable, illegitimate bastards ❤ Savannah: yes Savannah: or is that another cliche? Jac: Probably Jac: although if we are educated, career women now, any babies is beating expectations Savannah: except not really because every career woman is also determined to become a mother & prove she can have it all Jac: 🚫👶 it is then Jac: maybe a dissertation topic, at any rate Savannah: 😢 Jac: 👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾👶🏾 Jac: many as you like Savannah: they all need best friends Savannah: you have to stick to the plan Jac: Can I get through freshers first? Savannah: 🤞🏾 Jac: Please, I'm no amateur Savannah: I hope not, I'm single & the point is we do it at the same time Jac: as am I Jac: not feeling any 1st year that hard, thanks 😏 Savannah: you always date older, it's fine Jac: None of our lecturers were the one Jac: another cliche avoided Savannah: I'm not sad about that Jac: There's enough inequality of power about without actively seeking out the dynamic, agreed Savannah: ^^ Jac: the fashion show seems to have got the diversity memo though Jac: could be cool Savannah: it's going to be the highlight, I can feel it Jac: 😄 Jac: I was thinking Tues for our psych night, as nothing much is really going on Jac: what do you think? Savannah: good idea Jac: 👍 Savannah: I'll start the chat if you want Jac: You were always better at talking Savannah: when it's not that important, but when it matters, you always know exactly what to say Savannah: at least to me Jac: You're easy to talk to Jac: in a way I really could never work out Savannah: There's nobody in my life right now who would agreed with that Savannah: so it must be you Jac: my inbox full of unreads would say otherwise but Jac: I'll take it Savannah: okay, it's us together Savannah: does that make you happier? Jac: Better Savannah: your hair got really long Savannah: I'm BEYOND jealous Jac: You've got no reason to be jealous of any other girl in the world Savannah: you're not any other girl in the world Savannah: 🤫🤫 Jac: 😶 Jac: Promise Savannah: it looks beautiful, I can't cope Jac: My 😳 will not Savannah: 💗 Savannah: 🌷 🌺 🌸 Jac: Is that a dress code? Savannah: well NOW it is Jac: 😂 Jac: My wardrobe can accomodate Jac: cheers for the heads up Savannah: you're welcome Savannah: & we're all set until 💬 Jac: I better let you get on then Savannah: was it that good of a conversation starter? Jac: Solid Jac: will scare off anyone 😱 of 💗 🌷 🌺 🌸 Savannah: well I obviously don't need that negativity in my life Savannah: but I didn't mean to end this conversation Jac: We don't have to Jac: What are your plans for the rest of the day, now the obligatory are over? Savannah: don't judge me, because I know I sound like a different person, but I haven't made any Jac: Thank God, me neither Jac: I didn't know how long any of that would take Jac: nor unpacking, which is technically done but that says nothing about the decorating I wanna do Savannah: I could help Jac: Or, slightly more fair, we could check out the town, see what shops are about? Savannah: I'd like that Jac: Cool 🙂 Jac: let's have half an hour to debrief and make sure we don't look 😱 and then head out? Savannah: okay Savannah: you can put your hair up & save my life Jac: oh 🤫 Savannah: I am serious Savannah: 🚗 🚕 🚲 are distraction enough Jac: You could rock a cast Jac: but I won't let it happen Savannah: what would you write on it? Jac: That's a good 🧊breaker Jac: but I'll have to keep that secret for now Savannah: if I ask everyone on Tuesday, will you tell me then? Jac: It's a deal Savannah: it is