#but honestly that's an insult to toddlers because oh my god. computers are so fucking stupid. ho. ly. hell.

[essektheylyss]

I finished my first programming module and my primary takeaway is that anyone who thinks computers can replace humans has gotten uncomfortably used to talking to computers and has not interacted with a real live human person in like... maybe ever.

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Caramel Skin Under a Vanilla Sky prt 22 full draft

Cleared to leave the medbay, Lance hadn't stopped since. Every time Keith turned around, Lance was off doing something else again. He felt like a parent who's toddler had too much speed, and knew that tying their child up would only lead to questions and deep judging stares. Sometimes all it took was a tick for Lance to vanish. He'd turn around for a single tick, then look back to find Lance gone as if he'd been teleported away by Kosmo. Keith's heart wasn't sure it could take it. The half-Galra was also at a loss as to what Lance was doing with all his time. The Telula was down for repairs for at least two movements, and their was absolutely no way he was letting Lance use Daehra's pod to run missions. He rather be stuck in the house they were using listening to Zak improve his A.I's intelligence by singing to it. He'd never heard Zak sing, but listening to him read the same damn thing to his computer in the most monotonous of voices... It'd made him question all choices that had led him to the moment. Having lost Lance again, Keith closed his eyes and counted to ten, opening them slowly as he let out a sigh. Blinking to adjust his eyes to the bright light overhead, he jumped when he realised the object of his affection was standing right in front of him "What the quiznak, Lance? Where did you go?!" Smiling like he wasn't arsehole, Lance rocked back on his heels "I had to help with the party. Now that I've "recovered", the Queen is holding her first royal ball since the Galra were defeated. Remember?" Groaning Keith was tempted to close his eyes and open them to a different Lance. Daehra had mentioned Annla had stolen Lucteal to help with her party. He didn't realise Lance was involved, and now that he knew, it all made sense. Lance used to be a social butterfly, not so much now, but he'd be involved because he liked Annla "Keith! How could you forget? We're the guests of honour. You're the guest of honour" "That's exactly why I forgot" Mumbling the comment, Lance smacked upside the back of his head. The look on his face told Keith he'd heard every word "I don't see why I have to go. She barely knows me" "You have to go so I don't lose my temper or lose control. Think of it as a favour to Daehra" "Why are you going to lose your temper?" Taking Keith by the arm, Lance pulled him over to the wall closest to the passage the were in "Annla was sold by her father to the men who... She was supposed to go through what I did. I don't care if he's the king of this planet, every time I think about what he did, I want to slit his throat. So you're there to make sure I don't" Keith vaguely remembered Lance mentioning something like that. But it'd been a long few quintants, even longer now that they staying off the Telula and in the house he'd bathed Lance in. Daehra ensured them they were safe below grounds, yet Keith couldn't get used to it. The whole city had been carved into a cave system where ever street looked the same. That fact may have slightly contributed to how often he kept losing Lance... that and his sense of direction below ground... He'd never admit how often he'd found himself directionally misplaced "Look, we don't have to go" "We do have to go. It's only one night, then it's over. We can concentrate on getting the Telula off ground. There are people out there requesting help and aide, we've had messages come through, and there's only so much work I can redirect to the rest of them team. You know Zak and Tobias aren't people people... aliens. And now we're a hunter short because Lasandi decided to find his happily ever after with that girl he met on his last mission. I don't even know how he ended up there, but instead of hunting her he's marrying her. So tonight, we smile, we ignore the overwhelming urge to stab people and we accept their hospitality" Scolding him like a mother would a child, Keith found himself smiling despite his dislike of parties. As for Tobias, he'd seen even less of him than he had Zak, and Lasandi... he wasn't even sure if he'd met him. Honestly, Lance had been his soul focus. Only Daehra had taken the time to get to know him, leaving Lucteal to attempt to chase him off. That meant there were like... three? crew members he'd forgotten existed, plus that other bounty hunter that he couldn't remember the name of. Quiznak only knew if she was coming back... Fuck. He was even worse at this than he'd thought. In order to work as a team some level of trust was required. He'd totally decided he was staying by Lance's side without thinking about his team or the fact that so many of them seemed to be too busy to socialise or were simply moving on... if Daehra and Lucteal decided to stay on their home planet, Lance would fall apart because his whole team would fail to exist anymore. He didn't want to let Lance down, not that he was beginning to realise how much he'd slipped by by being obsessed with Lance. No wonder Lance thought everyone left him... "Alright. For you" Lance coughed, Keith enjoying throwing him off kilter so easily "Thank you. Plus, there's going to be drinks so if it's too terrible we can get drunk and forget the whole thing" That sounded like a terrible plan. He didn't want a repeat of Lance seizing in front of him, especially when he didn't know combining the drugs he was using with alcohol. Lance had promised he'd cut back, but when he was medicating himself, Keith had no idea if that was true or not. Whatever happened that night, he'd have to keep his wits about him. * Forced into the bathroom, Keith emerged scrubbed from head to toe as he dragged his feet. Being an official occasion clothing had been provided for both of them. Lance's clothes consisted of a red loose tunic styled shirt with a braided golden belt, accompanied by a pair of tight black pants. The garb didn't exactly match his boots, but those pants made Lance's arse look glorious. Not that Keith would mention so. His own clothes were exactly the same, except his shirt was black. The pair of them being ex-Paladins was still novel for the planet. Lance had tried his hardest to smile when Daehra had presented them with their clothes, yet Keith could see right through his expression. The red of the shirt much like the red of the blood all over that room in the outpost. He'd offered to swap, only for Lance to wave him off. Finally dressed, Keith marched over to where Lance was sitting, crouching down in front of him in order to remove the blades he was sliding down the sides of them "If I can't carry my blade, you can't carry yours" "Don't touch them!" Snapping hard, Keith pulled his hand back "Lance?" Placing both hands on Lance's knees, Lance drew a shaky breath "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to snap" "It's alright. I know you're nervous now that it's time to head to the party, but it's going to be ok" "I know nothing's going to happen, but I don't feel safe in big crowds. Anyone could be an enemy..." Keith knew that feeling all too well. Clear Day coming to mind embarrassingly. Lance deserved happiness and a night of distraction "Then let's make a deal. One blade. I'll carry the other. That way if something does go down, we're both prepared" "I..." Lance started to object, Keith releasing his right knee in order to fish the knife out of Lance's right boot "One blade. I'll be with you, so I'll be there to have your back" "You make me sound so pathetic" "You're not pathetic. Now, where has all that enthusiasm over partying gone? Free drinks? Alien princesses..." "I don't want an alien princess... An alien prince is bad enough" Opting to take the comment as "Lance wants to be with him" rather than "Keith is a giant pain in the quiznak", Keith quickly kissed Lance's forehead before he could object. Lance spluttering as Keith rose to stand, slipping the blade up his sleeve in order to offer his hand to Lance "Let's get this done" Leaving Kosmo behind, Keith paused to slip the confiscated knife into his own boot before leading Lance into the underground ballroom. Lit by a mix of generator powered lights and weird fluid filled lanterns, the basic colours of the various decorations and evening wear to take on a grey scale like the grey of the stone it'd been carved out of. Feeling Lance tense, Keith leaned in to whisper "Are you alright?" "Yeah... I don't like grey rooms... so many shadows... plus, everyone in the space can feel what we feel... I'm fine, Mullet" It'd been years. How much longer was he going to be teased for sporting a mullet... which it totally wasn't. If anything Keith should be the one teasing Lance over being a lanky goofball, because at least that was true "It'll be ok. If it gets too much, we can leave early" "I know. God. I need a drink" "Let's find Annla first. Is Lucteal going to be here?" Jerking his chin towards the dance area, Lance shifted closer to him as he whispered "He's here somewhere already. The king's sons have to meet and greet. I don't know why though, they all live together and know each other as it is..." "You know, you're sounding far too much like me" "Shoot me now" "Don't make me get those finger guns out" Nudging him with his elbow, Lance relaxed "Thanks. I can't believe how nervous I am" "Yeah, being nervous and moody at parties is my job. Do you think the food's any good?" "Maybe? It should mostly be from the aid supplies we delivered" "Then it should be edible. Food first, then we'll find you that drink" Snorting at him, Lance pulled away "You're making this sound like a mission. Does your brain ever turn off?" "Probably. And probably as often as yours" "Oh! Sick burn. I'm going to need some water for that" Crossing his arms, Keith pursed his lip. He wasn't falling into the trap of insulting Lance back. Not until he understood his triggers better "Whatever. I'm going to get something to eat. It's up to you if you follow me or not" Taking two steps away from Lance, Lance launched himself back to his side, taking Keith by the arm "Fine. You win. Just don't... vanish on me" "Trust me, I'm not going anywhere" Finding Daehra near the buffet, the woman was preparing food for both of them as they approached. Dressed in a flowing white dress with turquoise belt around her waist, she looked completely different from her usual "uniform" she wore upon the Telula. He'd never thought she was pretty in that way before, but she had her own charms as she smiled at the pair of them "I was wondering if I was going to need to send Lucteal down to find you two" "Come on, Dae. You know it takes time to make all this look good. And Keith is a total bathroom hog" Wrinkling her brow, Daehra looked confused "A hog?" "It's like this ugly pig from Earth" "Keith is rather attractive. You think so yourself. Why would you call him this "hog"?" Lance blushed deeply, taking a plate of food from Daehra as he tried to ignore both her and Keith. At least he now knew Lance had told other people they thought he was attractive "It's an Earth thing. And if anything, Lance is the bathroom hog. You should have seen him back on the castle. He was late for almost every morning meeting because he needed his "beauty sleep", or was in the middle of a face mask" Daehra pulled a face at "face mask" "Leandro once gave face mask. I do not understand them" "Dae, it makes your skin feel amazing. You said you didn't mind" Daehra shrugged, handing Keith the second plate of food in her hold "I can't believe this. You're both betraying me. Fine. See if I ever offer to do face masks with either of you again" Sounding pouty, Lance seemed actually hurt as he took a step backwards. Great going. He was trying to make Lance relax, not feed his anxieties more "It's alright, Lance. I'm sure Coran would be up for face masks" "Keith, he literally tried eating the cream for it the first time we did them! I learned then that he'd never appreciate face masks" Keith got that Lance was on edge, but he was sorely tempted to snap back at him. It wasn't his fault he wasn't into face masks, and at least he was making an effort to lighten the mood. Sighing at both of them, Daehra gestured to the buffet "Please eat and drink as you will. The king's speech will come later, first we dance. Our Queen is also most eager to meet you. Now, I must return to work. Please try not to fight, we all feel it when you do" Leaving them together, Keith scratched the back of his head with his right hand "I think we just got told off" "So do I. I shouldn't have snapped. The truth is, I haven't spoken to Coran for months. Even before Allura day, it was kind of strained... we were both grieving for Allura in different ways, and he'd just got Altea back. I didn't want to bring him down" Moving away from the table and towards the edge of the wall so they were out the way, Keith's mind was ticking over "Wait. You haven't talked to him about Allura's powers, have you?" "Only the initial tests you were all there for" Which concluded Lance was Lance, with traces of Allura's quintessence lingering in his cheeks. The levels slowly dropping away as the quintants passed "But wouldn't he know whatever was going on with your body? You said she didn't bring you back right, wouldn't Coran be the best to ask?" "You know how he'd get if he knew I died. Besides, what am I supposed to say? "Hey Coran, I know I'm little late to the party, but I don't know if I'm in my own body, and if I am, what the quiznak did Allura do to me?". Yeah. No. That's only going to upset him. I can... cope" "You're not coping. You're barely living. Look, if it's about seeing him, I'll go with you. We can both talk to him" "Keith. No. Ok. I don't want to talk about this here. I don't want to talk about it all" "Lance..." "Keith, please. I am begging you not to do this here. I know it ate Shiro up to find he'd been cloned. I don't want you suffering" "My suffering is fine. I already looked at the medical texts I could get hold of when Allura started feeling ill. I couldn't help her, and I can't change this stupid body" "Your body isn't stupid" "Fine. I can't fix the mess that my body is. Ok. There. Are you happy, something else you can add to the "Lance is fucked up pile". I need a drink" Shoving his plate of food at him, Lance forgot all about his anxieties as he stalked away from Keith. Watching him go, Keith resisted the urge to simply rush after Lance and apologise. Maybe the timing wasn't right, but he was sick of it never being right. Lance said he wanted to get better and to do better, but it felt like things were slipping away. Like the time they'd spent alone together was now resulting in fights because Lance insisted on working himself until he dropped. Unsure what to do with himself and his two plates of food, Keith wondered if it was rude to dump the contents on the weird rocky plants poking out of carved recesses where the wall met the floor. Deciding it was, he'd made his mind to place the plate on the buffet table, and hope someone took it, when Zak and Lucteal walked over to him. Tucked under Lucteal's arm, Zak's laptop reminded him much of Pidge he temporarily forgot she wasn't actually there "What did you do to Lance?" "Hello, Lucteal. Zak. I did nothing to Lance. He said he needed a drink and left" "He's in pain. I can feel it" "Lucteal, he's working on stuff. He needs space and time. I know you think I'm the enemy here, but I'm not. If I could have been there to save him from what he went through, I would have done in a tick. He never once even hinted at anything being wrong. So I know you hate my guts because you have a crush on Lance, but he says he isn't ready to date and you need to accept this. I don't want to hate you. The whole team means the absolute world to Lance. Now, are you going to have another go at me, or are you going to stand here and be civil" Pulling the laptop out from under his arm, Lucteal pushed it at him. Zak quick to leap to the rescue of the device as Lucteal growled "We were good before you came. He was good. You hurt him. I will go to him" Caught between the two of them, Zak looked like a scared field mouse. Keith wasn't Lance's keeper. He couldn't tell Lucteal to stay away from Lance. That was something Lance and the "Dick Head formerly known as Lucteal" had to sort out for themselves. With Zak now his only companion, Keith held his plate of food out towards the alien "Here. Eat this" Taking the plate, Zak looked as enthused over the food as Keith was. The pair left to stand there like socially awkward rejects as neither of them made to move or knew what to say. It was half a varga before Keith saw Lance again. Having passed his plate to Zak, the violet haired alien had placed both of them on the buffet before scuttling off with his laptop back to the Telula. Still standing in the same spot, he was in the perfect place to watch as Annla dragged Lance towards the dance area. The little princess clearly in control as the background music grew louder and people started to whisper about the pair. Reaching the centre of the space, Lance bowed down to Annla who let him take both her hands as she stepped up onto his feet. Curious as to what was coming next, all eyes were on the pair as Lance started to waltz, Annla giggling as he span and stepped effortlessly. The sight was adorable, like a father teaching his daughter to dance, leading to Keith being slightly jealous he wasn't the one over there dancing with Lance. Confused by the strange dance, no one joined them. The song coming to end without injury. Stepping off his feet, Lance bowed as Annla curtsied. Another thing that seemed to confuse her people. Annoyed with himself for not moving or clapping with the others, as Keith found his feet Lucteal found Lance. Lance way too ok with dancing with Lucteal. Lance didn't even like being touched, and yet he was right there with Lucteal's hand in his and the Dick Head's other hand on Lance's hip where it had no place being. Taking it slowly, Lance talked Lucteal through the steps as Daehra and a woman who could only have been her sister, started dancing with Annla. With the three sisters dancing, more of their kind moved to do the same. Keith's irritation only growing as he watched them all smiling and laughing. He wanted to be there next to Lance. He wanted to be dancing with Lance and making him smile just for him. * Lance didn't want to dance with Lucteal. Not when Keith thought he was still mad at him, and not when he could feel his own emotions simmering far too close to the surface. Having sought him out after he'd left Keith's side, Lance had cursed his stupid stubbornness when Lucteal had cornered him near the doorway to the room. He was tempted to leave the party, but Keith was going out of his comfort zone for Lance's sake. He'd taken his second blade and promised to stay by his side, only for Lance to be the one to walk away. Having downed two or three glasses of whatever was being served as alcohol, as fast as he could, he knew he really needed to suck it up, but the buzz of whatever was in the alcohol was serving to worsen his temper. Forced to listen to Lucteal almost slander Keith, Lance had been grateful when Annla came running over to him. Taking her hand in his, the tiny Princess scolded her older brother for upsetting Lance, ordering him back to his post. Being sent packing, Lance wished he had the words to make Lucteal understand that he wasn't looking for a relationship. He wasn't looking to be touched, or for more... it was just that things were different with Keith. Keith didn't pursue him like that. He was soft and gentle, reassuring without relying on badmouthing Lucteal or under handed tactics. It had to hurt for Lucteal to see them together, for Keith to be the one Lance finally let his guard down for. But he'd thought Lucteal had finally taken the message the last time they'd spoken about the matter. He couldn't love Lucteal like that. There was no special spark. No burning desire. He valued him as close friend and trusted team member, yet there was just nothing there for him. Staring up at him with her black eyes, Annla wore a strange look on her face "Adults are complicated" "That we are. I'm sorry you had to see and feel all that. I've talked to him before about his feelings, yet we keep having the same conversation" "He knows you cannot love him. He simply wishes to be with you nonetheless. He was most scared when you fell ill. He prayed to the gods for your recovery" Annla's words stung, her small shoulders slumping response to the unexpected pain. He hadn't been ill. He was simply his own worst enemy, especially when it came to admitting that he was anything but Leandro to his team. They didn't want Lance, but Leandro who could lead them in battle and through every situation. The leader who was proud of his team, and placed their accomplishments before his own advancement. He'd been awful leader, especially when forced to burden his team with relief missions because of the damage to the Telula. Seeing the princess so sad, he loathed everything he was forcing her to feel. Annla was too small, too full of life, to be tainted by his negativity "I know. He's an amazing friend to me. Now, would you like to dance with me, my lady?" Annla's face lit up, before falling "I do not know your dancing" "That doesn't matter. Do you think you can keep your balance if you stand on my feet?" "On your feet?" "Yep. It's an Earth custom. We danced like this at my home. When I was young, I'd stand on my mother's feet as we danced. Once we grew bigger, our cousins, nieces and nephews stand on ours until they learn the steps" Annla drew her brow, her lips turned down "That sounds like a silly custom. Why stand on someone's feet?" Snorting, Lance nodded. It probably seemed incredibly alien to the alien princess "It probably is, but what if I told you we could dance like the princesses we used to have back on Earth? A waltz is one of the finest dances one can partake in" "Like a princess?" That got her attention. Nodding again, Lance gestured to the dance area with a half bow "May I have this dance?" "I want to see this princess dance" "Alright, I'll have you know I'm not bad at dancing" "I don't know. I have not seen you yet" Dancing with Annla had been fun. Her eyes sparkled as he led her around the floor, throwing in a few spins for her benefit. He'd almost been sad when it came to end, but Daehra was already making her way over and then Lucteal came out of nowhere, apologising and asking to dance. Not wanting to ruin the mood, he danced with Lucteal, forcing himself not to stare back at the questioning eyes upon them. The feel of the man skin against his, his hand on his hip, the way he moved so they were far too close. He couldn't. They were so close to the end of the song, but he couldn't do it. Nausea pooled in the base of his stomach, more due to the phantom feelings Lucteal's presence was starting to stir. He could feel the heat of Klearo's breath against his ear as Lucteal exhaled. The two mixing and swirling without permission. Breaking the dance, his eyes prickled with tears as his chest tightened. The fake smile on his lips sliding as forced himself to bow, before fleeing from the royal ballroom. Clawing at the hem rubbing against his throat, Lance felt as if he couldn't breathe. The looming grey walls surrounding him seemed to grow ever closer as he lost his way in them. Panicked and scared, his hands moved from his throat into a self hug, his steps growing more and more unsteady until he was grabbed him behind. Screaming he lashed out, smacking his head against his would be attackers face as hard as he could, before twisting his way out of the hold and ducking low to grab the knife out his boot. Bringing the blade up, his eyes widened at Keith. Blood dribbling down as he pinched his bleeding nose "Shit, Lance!" Releasing he'd been about to gut his best friend, the knife fell from his hold as he staggered back "I... I'm sorry... Oh god, what have I done..." Backing away, Lance wanted to flee. He couldn't breathe, and now he'd hurt Keith. The one thing he'd been terrified of happening since Keith had come back into his life "Lance... it's ok. It was my fault for grabbing you so suddenly. I tried calling out to you, but you didn't seem to hear me" He hadn't heard Keith at all "I'm sorry..." Reaching out his free hand, Lance shrank away from it. His fear leaving him curling in on himself as he fell to his knees "Lance..." "I'm sorry... I'm so sorry..." "Hey... you're ok. I know you didn't mean it" Lance's poor addled brain wasn't able to focus. His chest felt tighter by the tick, tears starting to flow down his cheeks as he panicked further. "Lance, it's ok. You're ok" Whimpering as Keith knelt down in front of him, he raised his hands to protect himself from the blow that never came. Instead of hitting him, Keith's arms came to wrap around him, his friend pulling him into a tight hug. The millions of invisible tingles across his face and lips lessening as Keith's scent soothed his soul. The way he whispered the words so close to his ear felt so different from when anyone else did the same "I've got you. Shhhh, you're ok now. It's just me. It's Keith. Shhh... I've got you... you're ok" Letting out a hiccuped sob, Keith relaxed his hold. All Lance could smell was the coppery tang of blood in the air from where he'd hurt Keith "Lance, I know you can't control that fear, but I need you to breathe with me. You're going to pass out if you don't slow your breathing" Unable to follow Keith's instructions, Lance took nearly a varga for the haze in his brain to settle enough that he could breathe. His chest heaving like he'd run a marathon, his whole body exhausted as he came back from his panic attack. Blinking through the tears to see a world of grey beyond Keith, he threw himself into the half-Galra's hold, his face buried against Keith's neck as Keith started to rub his back in soft circles "Are you back with me?" Nodding, he was too drained to much "Alright. That's good. So good. I'm going to pick you up now. I've got no idea where we are, and I think we should probably get out of such a public area" He didn't want anyone to see him like this. Not even Keith. This is why he'd avoided touch. He hated it. He hated how males left him particularly on edge, even when he trusted them his body couldn't accept their touch. Not close like it'd been. Lucteal had spent so many nights talking with him, that he... he should have felt how uncomfortable Lance had been while they'd danced. Carried however far Keith had made it, the room he opened his eyes in was much more appealing yellow. The sky outside was what he'd call a Vanilla white, while the room they were in was a close shade yet not the same. Setting him down on a rather solid wooden bench Keith sat next to him, gathering him close and rubbing his right shoulder as Lance tried to calm further. As his breathing evened out, he was nearly falling asleep from exertion when Keith's voice came out of nowhere, causing him to jump "You still awake?" "Yeah... I'm sorry..." "It was my fault for grabbing you. I acted without thinking" "I hurt you..." And he'd nearly done so much worse "You didn't mean to, and you hit my cheek more than my nose, so it's fine" "It's not fine. I had my blade, I was ready... ready to kill you..." Sniffling sadly, he wanted to crawl into the nearest hole and die "Because you were scared. I understand" "You shouldn't have to understand" "Lance, you're not the only one suffering from PTSD. Trust me, I understand. I... did the same thing to my mother once. I was having a nightmare and when I woke up, I was so disorientated that I tried to go her. So, yeah. I get it" "That doesn't make me feel any better" "I'm just trying to tell you that you're not alone. Can you tell me what triggered it? Was Lucteal?" Nodding, fresh guilt curled in his gut "It was him. I mean it was, but he didn't do anything wrong. It was my stupid anxiety, then... when he touched me... things started coming back. It was like I could feel Klearo on my skin. His breath against my ear as he tortured me... I'm so fucking stupid. I couldn't even enjoy one fucking party without freaking out like a fucking nut job" "Hey, no. You're not stupid" "Don't you ever get sick of telling me that? All I do is fucking cry... I'm so tired of crying. I'm so tired of being tired and angry" "You're doing better" "How!? How am I doing better?! I keep fucking falling apart, Keith. I take too many drugs because I can't handle all of this. I'm just so tired. I want to be back out there... out there made some kind of weird sense..." "It made sense because you didn't have to feel all these things, but you need to let yourself feel them. If you keep bottling it up, you're going to explode" "You don't understand" "Then tell me. I'm staying around, no matter what you think" "But I'm fucked up" Lance couldn't think of any other way to say it "A little. You're hurt, angry and confused. But you need to feel everything or you'll never be able to move past it. I know you're strong. I know you love working with your team, and that you love the work you do. And just because the Telula is down, doesn't mean you won't be able to continue when everything is repaired" "Should I? I don't even know anymore. I was so fucking angry when you showed up. So disgusted and scared you'd find the truth out. That you'd leave... because I'm dirty" "I'm not going to lie, it hurt. I know I dropped the ball as far as friendship went, but I never wanted to not be friends. God. I've been in love with your dopey Cuban arse for so long that I don't know how not to care for you" Giving a sniffled laugh, Lance could only conclude Keith was crazy "I... I had so many feelings for you, before you left. That's why I was so mad that you kept missing everything to hang out with the Blades. I didn't know how to feel, because I liked Allura as well... and everyone thought I was always the stupid seventh wheel" "If any one was the seventh wheel, it was the mice. They were only ever handy when it came to fixing wires in the castle" "They were Allura's friends" "And that was about it" Letting silence fall between them, Lance soaked in Keith's warmth. He was completely screwed and over his head. Too tired to stop himself and too hurt to remain cautious "If I said... that I still... that I was falling for you... what would come next?" "Then I'd ask you to be my boyfriend" "I don't know if I can do that... there's stuff you don't know..." "Then I'd ask you to be my boyfriend and we'd take things slow like we have been" "Keith..." "I know you're confused, and still healing, but like I said, you need to let yourself feel" "Stop the drugs?" Keith kissed the top of Lance's head "Yeah. The red and blue pills. That yellow injection is a hugely addictive pain medication they only administer to ease people passing. It changes your DNA. It changes your quintessence. You're scared of your body, but those pills are only making whatever Allura did to it, even worse" Lance shook his head "No. They help. They stop it" "They stop it because they're destroying you. They're making these anxieties worse. We agreed to lessen them, but... they're going to kill you because you're body is being constantly poisoned" "You don't understand..." "Lance, I promise you. I'm not making this up. I had them scanned so I could understand" "My body... I can't even call it human anymore. I don't feel comfortable in my own skin" "Then we'll get help. Whatever it takes, we'll figure this out together" "How do I know you won't leave?" "Because you're my boyfriend, dummy" Lance gave a wet laugh "You didn't even ask" "I know you want to be with me, and when you're ready to label it, you'll let me know. I don't want to pressure or rush you" "You've put up with me like this for a fucking phoeb" "And I'll still be here even if it takes deca-phoebs. You're my best friend. I don't want to go back to how things were before. I fell in love with you when we were shitty brats, and now I want to fall in love with you all over again" "You're a total sap" "No. I'm still as awkward as hell, but being with you feels natural. Most of the time my words don't come properly, and I get frustrated, but I want to be better for you. You're not a mind reader. If I don't force myself to find those right words, then how am I supposed to make you understand?" "I don't know if I can understand... I think... something broke in my head... maybe a lot of things" Whispering the words sadly, his heart was over joyed that Keith wanted to be boyfriends, while every other emotion was being a dick and ruining the moment of it all "Then we'll figure it out. Mr-Bad-Arse-Bounty-Hunter-Leandro" Shaking his head, Lance wasn't sure if he wanted to be a bounty hunter after seeing his captures hacked to pieces. His mind still couldn't banish the sight of all that blood "Leandro can't be a bounty hunter... not like that" "Then we'll find a new government, one with a stable and correct prison system" "Keith, there's no such thing... everyone thinks themselves more and correct, even as they destroy the world around them. I want to take them down, but I don't know what to do if we do. I want to keep helping... that's all I want to do" "Then we'll establish our own way of doing things" "We can't do that. Besides, I'm technically on the run as it is. I'll probably end up cut to pieces too" "You're not going to end up like that. I'm pretty sure we can do something about Erathus having a warrant out for your arrest. I'm a prince according to you" According to almost everyone except for Keith. It was simply how the Galra hierarchy worked. Krolia and Kolivan stood at the top of the Galra kingdom "You're a royal pain in my arse, you idiot" "They do say it's contagious" "Are you calling me an idiot" "The biggest quiznakking idiot in the universe, but you're my quiznakking idiot" "You're a dick" "I know. You've told me" "Good. Make sure you don't forget" "I won't. Do you feel like getting out of here?" "I can't be bothered moving" Laughing softly, Keith made his heart jump at the sound "Neither can I, if I'm honest. Reckon they'd notice if we sleep here for the night?" "We're supposed to be at the party" "We went. That's good enough. Are you warm enough in here?" He was plenty warm with Keith's arms holding him tight "Mmm, you're like a personal heater" "Consider it a special Lance privilege" "Can we go back to the Telula? I don't want to fall asleep in here... not knowing where we are" "Of course we can. I can't guarantee I can find our way back, so it might take a while" "How far did I run?" "More like how fast. Here, I'll piggy back you" "I can walk" "You're practically already asleep. No complaints" "I can do it" "I known you can, but you're exhausted. I want to do this" "Carry my pathetic arse around?" "Carry you, and you're not so pathetic arse around for the rest of our lives" "Don't say that... I might have to hold it to you" "Then it's a promise"

[the-desolated-quill]

Avengers: Infinity War - Quill’s Quickies (No Spoilers)

Sometimes I think back to when the MCU first started. How excited I was that the Avengers were finally on the big screen. The attention to detail in regards to world building and character dynamics. There was no limit to the possibilities involved here. Us geeks were living the dream. Compare that to the MCU now. A bloated, cynical sequel factory churning out blander and blander movies each year, over-saturating the medium with what is, essentially, glorified B movies. Whenever I think about the MCU nowadays, I recall that scene near the end of The Dark Knight when the Joker says to Batman; “I think you and I are destined to do this forever.” That’s how I feel about Marvel movies now. I just feel this permanent sense of ennui. It’s like being trapped in a loveless marriage. Once there was passion and fireworks, but now the spark has gone out of the relationship and I’m silently praying for some kind of respite that will never come.

Avengers: Infinity War is a landmark movie in more ways than one. It represents the culmination of 10 years worth of collaborative filmmaking, it’s quite possibly the most ambitious crossover to date, but it also in many ways signifies just what a stupid, dull, incoherent mess this shared universe has turned into.

As you can probably tell by now, I didn’t exactly go into this film with high expectations. Going through the MCU in recent years has been like walking through a scorching desert without end. Black Panther provided a kind of temporary oasis, full of palm trees, beautiful lagoons and a luxury spa, but sadly I had to leave this paradise behind to brave the desert wastes once again. And having experienced that moment of sheer bliss in that oasis, the harshness of the desert sands feel all the more unbearable. But even then, as I took my seat in the cinema, I foolishly had a small glimmer of hope. Maybe, just maybe, Infinity War wouldn’t be so bad. It’s directed by the Russo Brothers after all. They made the brilliant Captain America: The Winter Soldier and pleasantly surprised me with Captain America: Civil War. I remember going into Civil War with the same pessimistic feeling, and while it wasn’t a perfect movie by any means, it was a lot better than it had any right to be. If anyone could make Infinity War work, surely it would be them, right?

Sadly it seems we’ve finally found the Russos’ breaking point. Avengers: Infinity War was utterly tedious to sit through. I was bored to tears. Not only was I struggling to make sense of what was going on half the time, I didn’t care about what was going on neither.

Let’s start with the most glaring and obvious problem. The characters. There are WAY too many of them. I swear you could easily have gotten a whole trilogy out of this. In fact I honestly would have preferred that. It would have given the story more room to breathe. Instead everything is just crammed into one overly long film that constantly jumps to different locations every couple of minutes as though the filmmakers have some form of ADHD, and none of the characters are allowed to get any kind of development. In fact they’re not characters at all. They’re chess pieces. They show up on screen, do what the script requires them to do, and then disappear once their purpose has been fulfilled.

There were some moments that could have been more impactful, like scenes involving Thanos and Gamora, Vision and Scarlet Witch, or Loki and Thor, but they don’t have nearly the emotional resonance they should have because they’re essentially fighting for space in this gigantic clusterfuck. Other characters, like Captain America and Black Panther, are forced to become these dull, shallow caricatures because the story just doesn’t have any room for them to really shine or come into their own. The focus isn’t on telling an engaging story or developing the characters, but instead on these massive, computer generated action scenes that I simply don’t give a shit about (in fact the final fight in Wakanda reminded me rather horribly of the battle on Naboo in Star Wars: The Phantom Menace). Not to mention, due to how poorly this whole arc with the Infinity Stones has been handled over the course of these movies, Infinity War spends most of its time explaining to the audience just what the fuck is going on and reminding everyone where all the characters are at. Doctor Strange in particular seems to only be there to provide exposition. (Quick side note, the Eye of Agamotto is an Infinity Stone? I’m sorry, have Marvel Studios ever even so much as glanced at a Doctor Strange comic before?!)

Oh yes. After all my ranting over the years about what a racist piece of shit the Doctor Strange movie is and how I stubbornly refuse to watch it despite being a huge fan of the comics, you’re no doubt wondering what I thought of the Sorcerer Supreme considering this is the first time I’ve properly got to see him in action. He’s... fine, I guess. Benedict Cumberbatch was about as good as I expected him to be, given what he has to work with here. Aside from a bit near the end, they don’t go nearly as psychedelic or as imaginative with the magic as I would have liked them to. All Strange ever seemed to do was just use these glowing disc things or this energy whip. Also the Cloak of Levitation seems to have a mind of its own. I don’t get the purpose behind that at all. But do you know what the biggest problem is with Doctor Strange? The same problem as most of the other male characters. They all sound exactly the fucking same. This is something a few people on Tumblr have commented on before, and it’s really noticeable in this film. The dialogue is practically interchangeable to the point where characters like Strange, Iron Man and Star Lord start to just blur together. There’s no two ways around it. This is just bad writing.

The crappiness isn’t limited to the protagonists neither. No, the villain Thanos is just as shit, although that didn’t come as much of a surprise. He’s meant to be the supposed Big Bad of the MCU, and yet there’s been no buildup whatsoever. In these 19 Marvel movies, Thanos has only appeared twice, both in post credit scenes. We have no idea who the fuck he is or what he’s doing. So the Russos have to shove in a hackneyed backstory and motivation for the fucker, and good God is it bad. Like... insultingly bad. Marvel often like to brag about how they planned all of this from the beginning, but Infinity War proves otherwise. His whole plot doesn’t make any sense and was clearly just pulled out of some hack screenwriter’s nether regions, we don’t fully understand what’s driving him to do something so mind bogglingly daft in the first place, and any attempts to wring any emotion out of us and make us empathise with the prat just end up falling flat on their face. I know Marvel have always had a villain problem, but this is just embarrassing now.

And then there’s the ending. Holy fuck do I hate the ending! Marvel have done some bad shit before, but this has got to be the most insulting thing I think I’ve ever seen from them. Without giving too much away, critics and fans (aka idiots) have been using buzzwords like ‘shocking’ and ‘gamechanging’ to describe the ending, but that’s objectively bollocks. For one thing, the Russos have had ‘gamechanging’ moments in their movies before and they never seem to stick (think back to SHIELD being destroyed in Winter Soldier or Iron Man’s dubious morality in Civil War), but the big pisstake for me is that Marvel have already announced their next set of movies. So we know what happens at the end of Infinity War isn’t permanent... and yet they still expect us to be emotionally devastated by it. Fuck off!

I’ve said a few times in the past that Marvel need to take a break. I’m now going to go one further. Marvel need to stop making movies altogether. 

The Marvel Cinematic Universe needs to end. 

I’m sorry, but I’m just so bloody sick of this. I’m sick of these cut and paste movies with no thought or effort being put into them. I’m sick of Marvel’s cynical greed and utter contempt for their audience. I’m sick of fans and critics kissing their arses and saying that MCU movies are the best when they’re so clearly fucking not. Ever since Doctor Strange came out, I’ve come to the conclusion that nobody is actually watching these movies. They’re basically the cinematic equivalent of dangling your keys in front of a toddlers face. Just show a few pretty colours, some punch-ups and bad jokes, and that should keep the plebs quiet for a couple of hours. But if you were to actually engage your brain, these movies quickly fall apart. I mean just look at the sheer bloody number of news articles discussing what happened leading up to Infinity War and posing theories as to why certain characters behaved the way that they did in the movie. Shouldn’t that give just a little bit of a hint? if your story has become so stupid and convoluted that people have to read news articles and stuff to make any sense of the fucking thing, maybe you’re doing something wrong.

No. That’s it. I’m done. I’m not watching anymore of these bloody movies. Infinity War sucked donkey balls and I never want to see it or any other MCU movie ever again.