#but he's also willing to think outside the box and take risks and be goofy

[rainintheevening]

I'm just gonna say it: If I was to marry any Star Wars character, it would be Captain Rex.

[wonderwomanfantasy]

Tendou NSFW alphabet

No one Requested this but I wrote it anyway

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

He lightens the mood the the best of his abilities. He can be pretty mean durring sex so he makes sure you laugh a little and know that he really does love you. also lots of cuddles.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He likes his hair!! He likes how it stands out both because its color and becuase of how he spikes it up. Mostly he likes his hair because you like his hair. you’re always playing with it and scratching his scalp, it melts him. 

On you he likes your hands. they are wayyyy smaller than his and just so cute!! he will be holding your hand 25/8 

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically)

loves loves loves to watch his cum drip off of you. His cum is a little wattery so it runs and drips every damn where. he loves to bust over your chest and watch you try and  to catch it all as to not make a mess but its too late his cum is all over the place and you should probably wash the sheets. 

D = Dirty secret (pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He loves to make you drool. kinda gross but here me out. its because it’s gross that Tendou is into it. He will put his fingers in your mouth just to feel you drool down the side of his hand or make you choke on his cock just to see your spit dribble down your chin. gets him rock hard everytime. 

You get your wisdom teeth pulled and you end up drooling a little in recovery and Tendou is trying so hard to be a good boyfriend and take care of you but he’s turned on as fuck. 

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Not very. in fact he’s probably a virgin when the two of you meet. Most people are scared of him, or just think he’s weird so unless it’s like a one night stand he’s probably never done the deed before. 

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

something like this where he’s stratling one leg then has the other pressed to his chest. He likes seeing your face when you have sex so he can stick fingers in your mouth and he also likes that this position hleps him hit all the sensitive spots inside of you. 

that being said Tendou is into some weird shit so if you are flexable he’s going to put your ass in some straight up bonkers poses while you two fuck

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

oh you KNOW he’s cracking jokes the whole time wich is kind of jarring because he is also belittling you all the time so he might give you whiplash

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.)

Got into manscaping as a joke and is very poud that he has the prettiest pubes on the team also yes the whole team has seen his pubes because Tendou. 

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Not very romantic tbh like I said he’s into degrading the fuck out of you and he’s got truble expressing how much he loves you at the best of times so don’t expect him to scatter roses for you or something </3

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

all the time babie. he’s horny all day everyday and also jerking off just helps him relieve stress so he’ll do it even if he isn’t in the mood. Not ashamed if you catch him either if anything he enjoys you watching. very into mutual masturbation as well. 

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

BDSM- Tendou is a sadist. that's it that’s the post. Tendou lives to see you crying or in pain that he caused. it’s just so much fun spaking you then belittling you and humilating you for getting off on it of course this is made all the better becuase you like it just as much as him.

He also loves making a reall mess of you, your hair will be tangled, any makeup you were wearing smudged and your whole body trembling as it’s covered in unnameable fluids. in Tendou’s eyes you’ve never looked better.

letex- Is this a kink? I think so. Tendou loves seeing you in tight-fitting black letex. he loves watching you jiggle in the tight fitting outfit and how your plump skin fills the costume perfectly, and if you were to dom him you better do it in a letex dominetrix suit 

food play- please imagine chocolatier Tendou pouring melted choclate all over your body so he can lick it up. Like I said he loves to make a mess of you. whipped cream, carmel, strawberries, icecream, Tendou would use you as a buffet table tbh 

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

in theory he likes doing it outside, thinks its romantic to blow your back out under the open night sky, but  tbh it’s hard to have kinky sex outside so he usally holds off on sex to the bedroom.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

when you use your “baby voice” like your voice pitches up and you hit him with the pout and the puppy dog eyes and he is putty in your hands. one time you found a stray kitty and started cooing over it as the poor thing. Needless to say, tendou had never been so jelous of a cat before. God forbid you baby Goshiki that way

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

not into roleplay He thinks it’s just cringey to pretend to be someone you’re not and it just takes him out of the experience. He also isn’t really big on sharing. He may threaten to let the whole world see you at your sluttiest if he’s humiliating you, but he’s bluffing that is a sight for his eyes only.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

tbh? not into oral that much. Not that he would ever turn down a blow job mind you, bt he would rather fuck you properly or just jerk himself off. 

that being said he still goes down on you fairly offten. He’s a big tease and loves to torture you with his tounge edging you over and over again. or tease you for humping his face like a desprate little slut. He also likes it when you sit on his face, it just feels intemet you know? it’s also a good way to show his control over you. Even though techincally you are setting the pace as you ride him, you still do what he asks cus your obedient 

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

it depends. if he’s still in teasing mode, he’ll be painfully slow, until you beg him to speed up, wich he will of course almost brakeing the bed in the process and if you tell him to slow down he’ll go back to slow and teasing. 

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

He doesn’t like to have a full quicky but he will absolutely pull you aside to get you worked up before leaving you high and dry. before pouncing on you when you have a little more privacy. 

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

He’s down for pretty much anything he’s pretty chill when you bring something up you want to try and always makes sure to bring up anything he wants to do in advance to make sure you’re comfortable and onboard. 

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

in the beginning he has no stamina homeboy busts in like a minute flat lucky for you he is willing to train and he can go for rounds on end imma say this for every one of these boys stg but his stamina is through the roof never going to stop having sex just because he’s tired. and if he is feeling low energy it manifests with less kinks rather than less sex. 

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?)

HA. yeah <3. Ushi found his box of sex toys once and hasn’t recovered since. Ball gags, nipple clamps, and handcuffs are some of Tendou’s personal favorites. 

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

Do I even have to say it? is it even really sex with Tendou if he doesn’t make you beg?

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He’s not loud but he talks a lot. He looms over your body and mummers into your ear all the dirty things hes going to do to you, or wants to do. he’s also highkey going to mock you if you’re too loud 

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

When he gets drunk he gets very sweet and clingy he also gets very touchy and drunk Tendou is one of the only times you’ll have sweet sex with him.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

his cock is very long with a redish purplish tip. He has a small case of pencil dick cus it’s not very gurthy rip Tendou

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

Very high he wants you every day basically whenever you’re horny it’s safe to assume Tendou is also in the mood. 

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

like I said he dones’t get sleepy after sex really, but he does like to cuddle and he likes to watch you sleep while you’re curled up in his arms. 100% kisses your head while you sleep. 

[depressedacadamia]

5 times Leo hit on Calypso as her Barista and one time it worked

Word Count: 3.8K

Summary: Coffee Shop AU! Calypso is running late one day so she ends up going to a coffee shop- what she doesn’t expect is for her barista to be Bad boy supreme

Later on in this fic, they sing this song.

Warnings?: Not much, terrible pick up lines, mainly fluff, making out.

A/N:  This took me so long but alas, here it is! This is kinda my first official fluff and I tried okay. Anyway, enjoy, comment, share, like- you know the drill. <3 from moi!

The 1st Thursday

Calypso was not happy with the line she was waiting in. She was running late and thus was at a coffee shop- somewhere she preferred not to go. The weather was terrible, grey skies as well as heavy rain that had Calypso drenched. The stupid forecast hadn’t predicted the rain and thus she had left her apartment without an umbrella nor raincoat. 

The coffee shop was small but cute, she had to admit. The staff seemed small but efficient and within a few minutes, Calypso found herself at the front of the line, face to face with a boy with rich dark tan skin and the most dazzling smile she had ever seen. He had long dimples and his dark curly hair would flop over his face in a cute manner.

“Hi, Welcome to Steamy Beans Coffee. I’m Super sized Mcshizzle and I will be taking your order today, do you have your order ready?” He looked up at the girl in front of him and immediately, his lips stretched into a lazy and goofy smile. She frowned at the nickname but internally she wanted to laugh, even his name badge read Super Sized Mcshizzle- Who called themselves that?

“Can I get a cappuccino with 2 espresso shots, please.” She reached into her bag to pull out her purse while the boy at the counter hummed and tapped at the machine in front of him.

“What kind of milk?” He looked up again, cheekily smiling as if he had something planned.

“Uh, almond is fine.”

“And your name?” He asked, pulling out a marker. Before she could answer, he cut in.

“Does your name start with a C-”

“-Actually it doe-” 

 “-Because I can C us together.” 

Calypso resisted the urge to smile and instead raised an eyebrow at the horribly cheesy pick up line. Despite this, she was a bit impressed- Her name did technically start with a C.

“Calypso. That’s my name,” She told him as she walked away from the counter and sat at one of the stalls, waiting for her name to be called out. 

The 2nd Thursday

Somehow, Calypso found herself queuing outside the same coffee shop the next Thursday. Whilst she told herself it was because the coffee was perfect, it was truly to see the brown haired grinning boy who had served her last week. Pick up lines weren’t really her poison, but he wasn’t creepy and even she had to admit it- He was cute. 

As the queue grew shorter, she grabbed her purse ready to pay. She had subconsciously chosen to wear better clothes and style her hair today. Was it a stupid decision to wear white when drinking coffee? Absolutely. But Calypso was 100% willing to take the risk. 

“Hi, welcome to Steamy Beans Coffee. I’m Bad Boy Supreme and I will be taking your order today, do you have an order ready?” The boy looked up, with his hair flopping about. He had rolled his sleeves up and Calypso, who wasn’t about to get caught, quickly averted her eyes elsewhere. She noticed that his name had changed- so had his badge. Did he have a collection of these names? She’d have to ask him next time.

Oh, so there will be a next time, huh? She asked herself. 

Shut up. 

“Oh. Calypso, right? Same as last time?” He asked as he hovered his finger over the machine.

“Oh, yeah. Cappuccino please.” 

As she waited for her name to be called out, she pulled out her sketchbook and started sketching the cute barista. From his elf like ears to his slanted chocolate eyes and the funny curl that went in the complete opposite direction of his hair earning him a messy hair look. It was only a basic sketch but it had outlined him. 

“Cappuccino for Calypso?” a familiar voice called out. She was slightly surprised to find her Barista also handing off her coffee but she also quite flattered. Or maybe she was just overthinking this. He could easily just have switched around for a friend- it can’t have been just for her.

“Thanks,” she murmured as she reached into her purse, trying to find the appropriate change in her purse. 

“You and I are like nachos with jalapeños. I'm super cheesy, you're super hot, and we belong together.” The pick up line rolled off his tongue as he leant over the counter separating them. He had a smirk that made Calypso immediately lose her strong front and spill her change all over the counter.

“What?!” she sputtered as her eyes darted to the change. She managed to scoop most of it into her arms without looking too much like a fool. She quickly grabbed her coffee and made her way out of the shop as fast as she possibly could, hoping she didn’t look as ridiculous as she thought she did. 

The 3rd Thursday

“You don’t understand, last time the pick up line was creepy. She probably thinks I’m a weirdo now!” Leo groaned as he slammed his head on the counter beside his friend Will who always worked the same shift as him. Unfortunately, Will did not get to witness what Leo kept on describing as ‘a catastrophe’. 

“She won’t come in today, I bet. Ugh, I really screwed up.” 

“It really can’t have been that bad!” Will argued, dragging Leo by the arm to the front counter. 

“I said You and I are like nachos with Jalapenos. I’m super cheesy, you’re super hot and we belong together.”

Will cringed. “Okay, that is bad.”

Calypso could not believe she was coming back to the coffee shop. The previous pick up line was terrible, in fact it was almost as bad as the ‘I’m here, what are your other two wishes’ pick up line that a creepy person had used on her earlier but in all honesty it wasn’t the barista that was the problem. It was the fact that she could not crush over someone with pickup lines as bad as those. This time, she had decided to use her card to pay so she wouldn’t have to deal with spilt change everywhere. 

“Hi, welcome to Steamy Beans Coffee. I’m Commander tool Belt- that’s because my major is engineering and I fixed the old coffee machine- how can I help you?” The curly haired boy in front of her said miserably while slumped behind the counter with his face practically leaning on the machine.  

“I was hoping for the usual?” Her meek voice came out questioning. Leo’s head shot off the counter, almost slamming into the machine. 

“Wow… uh cappuccino again?” 

“Yep…” she searched for something to say. “So engineering major huh?” 

“Mhmm. I like making things I guess. What about you?” 

“Natural sciences. I was going to do art but I guess plants and animals are more of my poison.” She shrugged. 

“You can draw?” he asked, his voice peaking interest and turning around slightly. 

“Yes, why do you sound so surprised at that?” 

He batted his hand. “Oh nothing, just something we have in common.” He then winked and Calypso had to do everything she could to not react. She stood in front of the counter, waiting for her coffee but saw that her barista was screwing his eyes up and writing something on a cup. She wanted to pull out her sketchbook and draw the cute face he was pulling, leaning back and holding the cup in front of him as if it were an invention he had never seen. 

“Cappuccino for Calypso!” A sing-song voice that could only be her barista called out. She had to admit, his voice was not bad. In fact, it was quite impressive and it had a nice harmonious tune to it. 

“Thank you…” she said in a suspicious tone, as she swiped her card over the contactless payment machine. Her barista was suspiciously silent and she had yet to hear a terrible pick up line. He had a mischievous smile as if he had set something on fire and not told anyone anything about it. As she picked up her coffee, she noticed a lot more black marker on the cup and held it away from her face to read it.

Are you made of Copper and tellurium? Because you are CuTe.

She wanted to face palm at such a classic science pun but she was also impressed that he knew elements of the periodic table so easily. She let out a small laugh to let him know that she had noticed the pick up line before she took a small sip and smiled. 

The 4th Thursday

“I’m telling you, she actually laughed at the line! That’s a good thing right?” Leo asked as he put on his apron. 

“And I’m telling you, if you want her to go out with you, hit her with a star wars pun,” Will ugred while tying his apron behind his back.

“You’re obsessed with star wars.”

“Hey, it worked for me and Nico!” Will pointed out as they made their way to the counter.

“Sun boy, we all know you and Mr Debbie Downer did not get together over Star Wars pick up lines,” Leo argued. 

Calypso was running late. She hated being late. It was like slowly ticking off the boxes for panic 101. She was wearing mismatched socks, had the wrong books for class and the laces of her shoes were untied. At least the line was significantly shorter than usual and while normally that would have made Calypso question the occasion, she was too much in a rush to truly care.

As she ran in, she tripped over her laces and almost fell had it not been for the arms of the person in front of her. As she looked up to find her saviour, she found herself face to face with the curly brown haired boy who today wore the badge of ‘Admiral Leo’.  She thought Leo was a nice name and it suited him very well- much better than any other name would have.

“Hey, tie your shoes!” he scolded her and she was surprised by his concern over her safety. Alas, she had spoken too soon, 

“I don’t want you falling for anyone else.” he murmured, his lips right by her ear and his hot breath making goosebumps form all across her neck. He then reached down onto his knees, and did her laces. However, she noticed the manner he did them were different to how she would normally do them. 

“You know that’s how children do their laces, right?” Her hands rested on her hips as he gasped dramatically and held his hand over his heart. 

“Are you calling me a child?” 

Before she could say yes, he cut her off.

“The answer is I totally am a child because that means I can eat off the child menu,” He grinned foolishly. “Life hacks with Admiral Leo!” 

The 5th Thursday

“I’m telling you Leo- Make the Star Wars pun. Please! For me, do it for me!” Will begged as he tied Leo’s apron for him. Leo was reluctant to go with a Star Wars pun. He didn’t know if Calypso would get it or if she was into nerdy stuff like that but he was running out of ideas. He hadn’t gotten any terrible sparks of inspiration and the Star Wars inspired pun that Will had told him couldt go too badly?

Nervously, Leo waited behind the counter, his hands tapping as if he had just slapped on a nicotine patch and then glugged 6 espresso’s. In other words, Leo was anxious. If he just made the drinks without thinking about it, he could get his mind off it but when he started remembering that she may walk in at any moment, he could feel his hands shake and his stomach begin to churn. 

Calypso was very happy. She had no classes today, no research studies to deal with and she had even managed her time well enough to hang out with a friend before heading towards her newly found and now favourite coffee shop. She knew it was it because of a certain curly haired and cheekily grinning boy. 

“Hello, welcome to Steamy Beans Coffee, I’m Flaming Valdez- don’t ask please- how can I assist you today?” He once again looked up and when seeing Calypso, he recited her order before the words could come out of her mouth. 

“Cappuccino with 2 espresso shots and almond milk?” 

Calypso, a bit shocked, nodded. She could feel small butterflies forming in her stomach thinking about how Leo had memorised her order. 

Stop being silly. He probably memorises every regular’s order. 

 “Soo… Flaming Valdez… what’s the story behind that?” She asked, despite his warning. Leo tipped his head back and let out a throaty laugh that had Calypso tingling all over- How can a person have such a gorgeous laugh? How can someone look so good while laughing? 

“Oh, that’s a good story. Every year, we celebrate the owners birthday by having the shop to ourselves. No customers, just the staff chilling. Anyway, so it’s like 9pm and we’re all meant to be out because it was sunset an hour ago but instead we’re still in the shop. Everyone’s gathered right out there because your boy, Flaming Valdez, brought in Roman candles!” Leo pointed to the chairs and tables outside the shop.

“Roman candles?” Calypso asked, a tad confused. Her face scrunched up a bit and Leo almost died from how cute her face looked.

“They’re like fireworks. There’s a slight difference with how the shell explodes compared to fireworks and they are a much more traditional version of fireworks but…” He trailed off when he noticed Calypso’s confused face- he just managed to remember that she wasn’t a nerd like him and didn’t study fireworks in her freetime. 

“Anyway, Will has the red ones and I have the green ones and so we literally start shooting them at each other like we’re re-enacting Harry Potter or something!”

“What! Can’t someone get set on fire from that?”

“Well yeah actually, they can. Will shoots one at me, sparks at my hair and sets it on fire. I’m running around trying to stop my burning hair while everyone is laughing. The crowd started cheering ‘Flaming Valdez’ and since then, they’ve adopted me that name. I’ve tried to get them to change it but it seems to stick,” he laughed while making her coffee. 

“Yeah, I think I’ve seemed to notice. Super sized Mcshizzle, Bad boy supreme, Commander tool belt, Admiral Leo and today- Flaming Valdez.” She listed all the names he would wear on his badges off her fingers. However, that may have been a mistake because when she looked up, she saw Leo shooting her a sly grin that made the butterflies start going crazy in her stomach again.

“So you remember my names, huh?” 

“It’s the nice thing to do,” she defended, a blush rising on her cheeks as she reached for some napkins.

Leo took a deep breath- he couldn’t believe that he was going to use Will’s Star Wars pick up line. 

“Do you like Star Wars? Cause Yoda only one for me.” The words practically rolled off his tongue and Calypso froze before breaking in laughter. She couldn't hold it in anymore- this was by far the funniest of all the pick up lines he had used. She pulled out a pen and scribbled something down on her sketchpad before ripping it out.

Leo, distraught, watched as she laughed at the pick up line. He should have listened to his gut and never made the pick up line. Oh gosh, he looked like an absolute loser now. Who makes Star Wars puns other than nerds? He handed Calypso the coffee and watched as she quickly left.

 He noticed the sketch she had left behind, it looked oddly familiar. In fact, he could have sworn it looked just like him. She had been sketching him everytime she waited for her coffee. He traced finger gently over the outline of his face, smiling. She had drawn everything in such detail, he felt like he was looking in the mirror but at the same time he felt she had facetuned him and made him look.. Well, perfect. Did she think he needed all these faults fixed? Or was this just how she saw him? She somehow made every flaw seem gorgeous and beautiful and he didn’t know how to feel as he looked at the bottom of the sketch. 

His eyes widened as he read the note left at the bottom of the sketch. 

Hey Leonidas (your co-worker told me that). Here’s my number - 07669833256. 

P.S- Star Wars puns ALWAYS work.

Yours truly, Calypso

“Leo? Are you good?” Will stopped to ask him. 

“Star Wars puns always work- you were right,” he said starstruck. 

The Next Friday

“Mamacita, get off those tables, I need to clean them,” Leo huffed, holding a spray bottle threateningly and a cloth in his other hand. Calypso, giggling and giddy hopped off the table. She watched as Leo quickly sprayed it down before wiping it. 

“Are you checking me out?” Leo’s smug voice cut through Calypso’s thoughts, snapping her out of mind. Her initial reaction was to stutter and wildly deny it however today at 7pm, she felt more bold than usual and decided to tease him a bit.

“So what if I was?” 

Leo almost froze at the bold response, not expecting the reaction from her. They’d been officially going out for one week and so far, Calypso had been quite shy. A kiss on the cheek here and there, a bit of innocent flirting but no one had really openly confessed their feelings. It was obvious to everyone around them that they liked each other but they seemed determined to have the other say it first. 

“Well if you were… " He turned around to see her smirking with both hands on her hips. He was not losing to Calypso- he would make her confess her feelings first if it was the last thing he did. She sat herself on the counter behind her and beckoned Leo forward with her finger. He raised an eyebrow at the bold move but obliged. 

Leo stood between Calypso’s thighs, his hands slipping around her waist. Their faces were close enough that if Calypso and Leo both moved their head slightly forward, they’d be kissing. Funnily enough, they both had started eating mints and chewing gum whenever they’d be with each other as if they were planning the moment. 

“I still can’t believe those pick up lines worked,” Calypso sighed, her hands moving onto Leo’s shoulders, comfortably rubbing them back and forth. 

“Bad Boy supreme is very much offended by those comments.”

“Nu uh. Ever since that blond co-worker of yours told me that your full name is Leonidas...” She paused to unsuccessfully hold in a small laugh. “...That your name is Leonidas, it’s been Leonidas and it will always be Leonidas to me.”

“Not even Leo?” He asked, his eyes entering puppy eyes mode. Calypso remained unimpressed and shook her head. Their eyes locked and they could feel each other's thoughts. Just as their heads were leaning in,the radio behind the counter bugged out and static started blaring everywhere. Calypso wanted to curse god- of coure something just had  to ruin the moment. Immediately, the two students shoved their hands over their ears and Leo jumped over the counter to quickly fix the horrendous noise. A few minutes later, About Love  by Marina started softly playing through the cafe’s speakers. 

The moment seemed like it was manufactured for a movie. The beautiful sunset on the horizon, the romantic music and most of all, Leo’s playful smile as he held his hand out asking Calypso to dance. She, of course, accepted and the two twirled about in each other's arms. They weren’t very good and they kept on stepping on each other's toes but eventually they got into a position where Leo’s hands were wrapped around her waist and Calypso’s arms were thrown around Leo’s neck. 

Leo watched as Calypso closed eyes and softly sang the words to the song under her breath. 

“Started in the strangest way, didn’t see it coming.”

Leo started singing with her, “My head gets messy when I try to hide.”

“The things I love about you in my mind” Their voices were harmonious and in sync. 

“I don’t really know a lot about love, a lot about love, a lot about love but you’re in my head, you’re my blood and it feels so good, it hurts so much.” Calypso had her head leaning on Leo’’s chest and she could hear the steady thumping of his heart quicken.

“Shall I take this as your confession of love to me?” He murmured into her hair. Calypso shot her head up so fast that she almost butted Leo in the chin. 

“Hell no, Leonidas.” 

Yet, as she said those words, her face leaned upwards towards Leo with her intense gaze falling to his lips. They looked soft, supple even and she felt so tempted to reach out and brush them. In fact, she felt so tempted to touch them that she didn’t even notice her actual hand reaching out to brush against his bottom lip. 

Leo had to physically restrain himself from shivering when he felt Calypso’s finger brush over his bottom lip, dragging it back slightly before slowly setting her hand at the side of his face. Slowly, like they were two magnets slowly attracting each other, they leaned in. When they were practically breathing in each other's face, Leo decided to spring one more pick up line on Calypso. 

“Did you know that my lips are skittles?” Leo cut in quickly. Calypso quickly frowned, not catching on. Leo continued, “ And you’re about to taste the rainbow.”

Calypso groaned, throwing her head back while Leo giggled to himself. Sick of chasing each other, Calypso grabbed Leo’s face with both her hands and smashed her lips into his, abruptly shutting him up. To say Leo was surprised would be the understatement of the year. He was in a true state of panic, thinking what he should do with his hands, his lips, his entire being. Her lips moved against his, encouraging him. He wrapped his hands around her waist, both of them moving up her back, pulling her into the kiss. 

They pulled away for a brief second, looking each other in the eye before slamming their lips back together. Had anyone walked in on them, it would have only been appropriate to say that they were devouring each other- their lips pushed and their hands pulled. Their lips moved in sync and Calypso weaved her hands into Leo’s curls. It was demonically passionate as their tongues slipped across each other's lips. The heat of the kiss spread across Calypso’s face- the blush was so obvious, she felt like her lips were on fire. Nothing could have stopped them, not even if the entire world was on fire. 

As they pulled away, Calypso had one more trick up her sleeve. 

“As far I’m concerned, the rainbow tasted pretty damned good,” She remarked, referencing to Leo’s previous pick up line. 

[writingawaymylife]

NSFW Alphabet Higgs 18+

A/N: This has me now writing a Higgs smut. So that’s exciting! Also, everything under the cut because this is mature shit - so please be aware of that!

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

He isn’t one for cuddling or gently helping you come down. After you’ve both come undone he’ll hover over you, or hold you on top of him for a moment. Just enjoying the comedown, and the heat and warmth of it all. Eventually, he’ll need to either get off of you, or get you off of him. Might go have a shower, get something to drink, have a smoke - whatever he feels he needs in that moment. 

If it was a particularly rough session, he would probably be more keen on how you’re doing. Asking if you’re alright, sticking beside you and just talking. No cuddling. He doesn’t really enjoy clammy, hot bodies after it all. 

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

He doesn’t really have a favourite of his - but, if he had to chose, it would probably be his hands, or his tongue. This man has got some big hands, and those fingers? Just as skilled as his tongue. This man knows how to use his hands and mouth. Trust me.  

Higgs loves your neck and jaw. Leaving marks along your throat, a small bruise underneath the corner of your jaw. Drives him crazy seeing those pretty little marks once they start appearing. 

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person)

Loves coming in your mouth. The way your lips press a little tighter around him, how your throat constricts as you try to take it all down. And when you come up, and some slips onto your lips and you lick it off? This man will turn to putty just at the sight - or go absolutely feral. 

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Tie this man up. Make him your whore. He tries to act like he is 100% into only having control, that he would never let someone make him scream. But if you give him that look, and hold his hands down? He wouldn’t be able to find it in him to fight it. He would just nod at whatever orders you gave him, let you completely bend and take him how you pleased, and he would love every minute of it.

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Higgs has most definitely had some experience. Maybe not a lot, but he knows what he’s doing. Trust me, this man is a quick learner. Whatever you like, however you need to be pleased, he’ll find it all out, and he’ll have you crying before he’s even close to being done with you. He loves having you melt underneath him like that, and he’s willing to be as observant as possible to make it happen. 

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual)

He loves when you ride him. When he’s sitting up, back against the headboard and hands on your hips, moving you how he likes. You might be on top of him, but trust me, this man will still have control. Have you begging as he keeps to pace just below what you need, able to kiss along your neck and down your chest. Able to grab whatever he wants without anything obstructing his hands. 

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc)

Depends. Sometimes he’s in a mood. He doesn’t want to talk or think, he just wants you and you alone. 

Most times, he’s unable to keep a straight face. Either through teasing you, driving you crazy and making you want to almost throttle him from his taunting words - or through random, dry humoured comments that have you laughing, and totally ruin the atmosphere for the moment. Too serious and he gets uncomfortable, it feels to professional for a situation that is anything but. So expect him to make some stupid, offhanded, sassy comment in the middle of everything, sometimes without him even thinking about it.

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

He keeps himself clean down there. Trimmed - neat. Nothing too fancy or overly high maintained. 

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Not the romantic type. The man isn’t one for soft, romantic, “making-love”. It just makes him uncomfortable, being that intimate. But eventually, as he gets more comfortable with you, he will take on his own version. 

The moments are far more sensual, if anything. Firm, sharp. Hands grabbing at your hips and dragging you close. Teeth nipping at skin and leaving small bruises, if you let him. Kisses are slower, more intimate in these moments, but there is still teeth and nips. Words mere whispers as he tells you how good you are for him, how amazing you’re making him feel.  

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

If he has to. Not against it, not really for it. He’s far more into fucking you over his hand, but if he has to he will. Quick tugs in a quick moment, eyes closed as he thinks about you and your lips and hand as he brings himself over the edge. 

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Being tied up or tying you up - whichever works at the time, whichever you’re comfortable with. This is probably his go to. Loves feeling that twist in his stomach when his hands are tied over his head, only for you of course. 

Edging: This man can and will edge you for hours, when given the chance. Loves watching you squirm and beg, the way your body shakes as you get close, how your muscles clench tight when he leaves you just on the edge. And the way he can just take you for however long he wants. 

Edge play: He isn’t keen on actually cutting into your skin - he doesn’t want to cause any real harm. But he loves trailing his knife along your body, pressing it just enough where there’s that slight sting - cutting off your underclothing with a slightest flick of his wrist. Loves it. 

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Literally anywhere. Take you on the kitchen counter, the couch, the bed, the shower. Outside? He doesn’t care. Fuck you right on the ground - or maybe even against the truck or on the reverse trek. However, he can’t complain that a bed is the most comfortable - and that shower sex is amazing - so he would probably say those two are his favourite. 

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Anything. Though he loves when you lean down a little more than needed to grab a cargo box, and the way your Timefall suit clings to your ass… drives him crazy. Sometimes you just get a little more snarky with him than usual, maybe your sass turns a little mote flirtatious, or maybe you just kicked ass in some MULE camp, and it just gets him going. 

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Voyeurism isn’t something he’s particularly keen on. Even when you’re out in the middle of the day, he tries to make sure it’s private. The risk of being caught is something he finds hot, but the actual act of getting seen while in the middle of something like that? He doesn’t like that idea, and he doesn’t like the thought of others seeing you like that, either. 

He also won’t do anything that causes too much harm. He doesn’t like when hands touch his throat, and he doesn’t really like wrapping his hand around yours either. Hitting, spanking, anything with blunt force makes him uncomfortable and can easily trigger him. Also there’s bathroom play - but I don’t really think I need to explain why on that account. 

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc)

As much as he loves seeing your mouth around his cock, he loves giving. He loves the fact that he is the one making you feel this way, and that you are completely at his mercy. If he wants to stop he just can, leaving you breathless and begging. If he wants to push you a little further, have you come undone even further, drive you blind with pleasure? He can. He loves it. 

And trust me - you will too. This man knows what he’s doing. 

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Depends. He’s more into rough, firm, slow. Taking you in just a way where he can drive you crazy with want, along with himself, before finally giving in to what you both need. Sometimes he’s fast and rough - but he prefers to take his time, to watch you slowly come undone until your falling apart at the seams. 

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

He really would rather take his time, but if time doesn’t allow that, he will most certainly go in for a quickie. 

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

Absolutely loves to experiment. As long as it isn’t anything part of the no subject, he will give it a shot. 

Once you two got stuck in BT territory in your truck, were stuck there for a while. Higgs, being the creative bastard he is, came up with a very fun idea - seeing who could stay quiet the longest. Whoever made the first noise above a whimper or a muffled moan? They were at the will of whatever the other wanted when they got back home. 

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

He can go for a few rounds. 

Unless he is really excited, he will probably last a long while too.

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

If you had some toys, he would probably be up for using them. Whether that be on himself or you, he doesn’t mind. But he doesn’t own any of his own.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He loves teasing. Edging, getting you amped up without even touching you properly? Loves it. 

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

He’s pretty quiet when you first start exploring with him. Keeps things to grunts and groans, definitely strings of curses - though he is definitely vocal when it comes to comments and jokes. However, eventually he starts getting more comfortable with you, and he gets a bit louder. He isn’t one for growling and crying out - not unless you are on top and your pulling them from him - but they will slip out. 

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Loves watching you tease yourself. When you’re completely at his mercy, and he has to tell you how fast or where to touch, it’s a giant boost to his pride. The fact that you are technically in control, and yet still gave him the wheel of the bus. 

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Higgs isn’t the thickest, but man has he got some length to him. 

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

He’s a slut. You could look at him from across the room and he’d already be taking off his clothing. 

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

Usually takes him a while. He has a hard time falling asleep in general. So, while sex does help calm his mind and tire him out more, he still finds himself awake for a while afterwards. 

[otonymous]

The ABCs of Gavin (NSFW)

In honour of the Aerial Sweetheart™’s birthday on July 29th, please enjoy Gavin’s NSFW ABCs! 🥳

Warning: NSFW/18+: Explicit/graphic language - reader discretion is advised.

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex)

Gavin will pull you against his chest to hold you close, pressing his forehead against yours and planting soft kisses on your face, your sweat merging together as your heart rates slow as one

While you’re washing up, Gavin will quickly fly to get your favourite eats and be back even before you’ve stepped out of the shower

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s)

Gavin is particularly proud of his abs.  Have you seen them?  They’re absolutely delicious.  Go ahead and trace the muscles with your tongue.  He’s more than happy to let you.

The real reason he likes them is that he loves the look of utter desire that comes over your face whenever he takes off his shirt.  He loves the way you see him.

Gavin finds the nape of your neck absolutely irresistible

Every time you sweep your hair to one side or gather it into a ponytail, his gaze is instantly drawn to that delicate area, his eyes following the lines of your body as they curve out gracefully into the slope of your shoulders

He loves to press soft kisses to the nape of your neck, hold you close from behind to nuzzle his face into the area and inhale deeply, relishing the tickle of your soft strands against his cheeks

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum)

Nothing makes Gavin happier than the thought of you one day carrying his child, so he loves to give you that creampie (don’t worry, he would totally ask for your consent first!)

Outside of cumming in you, Gavin also enjoys ejaculating on your stomach while imagining it swollen with his seed

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

Gavin has curated quite the collection of porn (and the protagonist always bears some physical similarity to you)

The Aerial Sweetheart™ has had to amass material to help maintain his sanity during extremely long dry spells while he was patiently waiting to reconnect with you

He was extremely embarrassed when you first found out (you’ve never seen anyone turn that red), but now the two of you love tuning in together, sometimes laughing while critiquing the storylines, which typically involve a delivery girl delivering an empty pizza box (oops! 😉) 

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?)

Gavin isn’t particularly experienced, seeing as he’s been waiting for you ever since he first laid eyes on you in that downpour as a high schooler

The officer has had a couple of relationships in the past (it was bound to happen, with all the women throwing themselves at him and his super hot body), but they never lasted long because you were always in the back of his mind

BUT that doesn’t mean he doesn’t know what he’s doing — Gavin is driven to pleasure you and keep you more than satisfied in the bedroom/on the rooftop/on his motorcycle

You may be surprised, given that Gavin doesn’t strike you as being particularly talkative, but he is quite communicative during sex (e.g. “Does this feel good?  Do you like it when I touch you here?”) - especially when he’s first getting to know your body and preferences well

This sweetheart just really wants to pleasure you and treat you like the queen that you are

F = Favourite Position

Your man is a big fan of the Missionary position, because it gives him the freedom to control the speed and depth of his thrusts (by shifting the position of your legs), but also enables him to see each and every beautiful expression of ecstasy that flits across your face in response to the way he moves within you

This position also allows him to embrace and kiss you just as deeply as he’s fucking you

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc.)

Gavin tends to be more serious in the moment.  He can’t help it: he has wanted you for much of his life and still needs to pinch himself every now and then to make sure he’s not dreaming when you’re lying in his arms

When your feelings run that deep, you’re typically not in the mood to laugh

H = Hair (How well groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.)

The officer is well-groomed and scrumptiously clean

The colours match

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…)

Sex with Gavin can be so sweet that the man literally has you crying from the sheer force of his passion for you

This officer is a man of action: he communicates with every kiss, every touch, every thrust — his body is telling yours the extent of his love and affection in ways that words never could

Gavin cannot stop kissing you, even when you’re both moaning with ecstasy into each other’s mouths.  Expect him to lay soft kisses on your eyelids, trace the angles of your jaw with his lips until they lead them back to yours, already open and waiting for his tongue to slip back in

He loves to gather your hair into his palm and press his lips reverently to the silky strands before deeply breathing in its scent

Gavin finds it incredibly hard to hold back when he sees your tears; hang on tight, because you’ll be in for a rough (and sexy) ride

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon)

On average, the officer will masturbate 2-3 times/week, sometimes more, sometimes less, depending on whether or not he’s had the chance to engage in some sexy times with you and how busy he is with his top-secret duties

Gavin would die if you ever found out but…he enjoys setting up a comfortable atmosphere by lighting some scented candles before he touches himself

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks)

Gavin loves to fuck you on the rooftops of buildings

He enjoys the way you cling to him for dear life as he’s propelling you through mid-air

He’s also found that you get incredibly wet when he’s got your skirt hiked up around your waist and your panties in his back pocket, thrusting hard and fast into you from behind as you grip the railing at the ledge, eyes focused on the lights of the city below without actually seeing anything through your haze of ecstasy

Feel free to give voice to your pleasure as loudly as you want — with the wind whipping, no one will hear you, and that’s another reason why Gavin takes you up so high in more ways than one

Also, although it’s a bit small on him now, Gavin has saved his high school uniform and was hoping you did too.  Perhaps you could reenact the moment of your first meeting? 😉

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do)

Gavin enjoys his sexual exploits in high places (see Kink above)

Has also been known to lay you out on his motorcycle

To be honest, your apartment is still his favourite place: it’s private, he doesn’t have to feel rushed while making love, but he also loves to learn about you by looking at what you keep close: the dog-eared copy of The Little Prince on your shelf, the bite marks on the caps of your pens, the faded teddy bear from your father that you would never throw out no matter how tattered or torn, the snacks you keep on the tallest shelf in the pantry (and the step stool conveniently located nearby)

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going)

Officer Gavin’s greatest motivation and biggest turn on is your love for him

Nothing gets him harder faster than knowing you desire him like he desires you

Want to really unleash the beast in the bedroom?  Tell him he’s the love of your life, your soulmate, that he’s the first thought in your mind when you wake and the one you see in your dreams, because then, Gavin will know he’s not the only one who feels that way

Gavin also loves to see you in his clothes: that loose white tee, his unbuttoned uniform — preferably with nothing on underneath

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn-offs)

Like the other boys, Gavin refuses to share you with another person (please don’t ask him to, he will die on the inside)

Gavin also shies away from more extreme kinks that may result in bodily injury to you (he can barely bring himself to spank you, and once he does, he’s immediately rubbing the reddened area and soothing it with kisses)

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

Officer Gavin likes to give as good as he gets

His oral game is strong, but fingering is his specialty 

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? etc.)

Gavin can do both

He tends to get fast and rough when you whisper words of love in his ear — it’s like a dam on his emotions breaks and he’s unable to hold back

Note that Gavin will never, ever, be needlessly rough.  Never.

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.)

Gavin prefers extended lovemaking sessions, but is also down with quickies (see Kink, above)

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.)

The man is down with experimenting up to a certain extent.  As mentioned in “No” above, he draws the line at anything that could cause you bodily harm

Other than that, he’s willing to try new experiences (he’s pretty much willing to do anything for you)

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…)

Gavin.  Is.  A.  Machine.

He’s ready and willing to go for as many rounds and as long as your body can stand, if you’re up for it

Not gonna lie, he came pretty quickly the first time you had sex, out of sheer excitement (Gavin’s internal monologue: “Oh my god I can’t believe this is actually happening am I really making love to my dream girl omg omg omg…”)

BUT you best believe he ain’t no One-Minute Man (don’t worry, in addition to magic fingers, Gavin also has a habit of going south when transitioning to different positions so things stay nice and wet and comfortable)

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?)

Gavin does not have toys to use on himself.  He has scented candles, his imagination (Psst! He’s thinking of YOU) and his hand thankyouverymuch

You know Gavin will pretty much do anything you want, so if you wish to include toys in your sexual repertoire, your man will oblige

Bonus points: take him with you to a sex shop to peruse the goods and watch him grow uncomfortably red

U = Unfair (How much they like to tease)

Gavin’s not really one for teasing, inside or outside of the bedroom

The extent of his teasing will be limited to whipping through the air or going faster on his motorcycle, just to get you to press closer to him

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make)

The officer tries hard to rein in his volume, but finds it difficult to keep his voice down, especially if his climax is close.  

Gavin’s biting his lower lip, breathing hard through his nose, furrowing his brows from a mixture of both ecstasy and concentration, but the odd moan and groan still manages to escape

The sound of his low voice in your ear drives you wild

There have been times when you could’ve sworn you heard Gavin softly whimper when he came

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice)

Gavin loves your scent so much that he secretly purchased a bottle of the perfume you regularly wear just so he can inhale it deeply and think of you when his longing is particularly bad

He keeps it at the bottom of his underwear drawer please don’t go looking for it

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words)

Average girth and slightly above-average length, with a slight upward curve

Uncut

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?)

Gavin’s sex drive is a bit higher than average

Hence, whenever he insists that you cover up in public, it’s to keep himself in check as much as the prying eyes of others

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

It really depends on the time of day

During daylight hours, Gavin typically encourages you to sleep in his arms while he closes his eyes and rests for a bit without actually falling asleep

To be honest, Gavin is always on the alert for anything that could pose a danger to you, so even if he does nod off, he’s an extremely light sleeper and has been trained to be mentally and physically prepared to face anything at all times

If you’re spending the night together, Gavin will wait until you’re in deep, peaceful slumber before he will allow himself to sleep, just in case he needs to soothe you if you have any nightmares

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Betting On A Miracle ~ Min Yoongi AU| Chapter 3 (Part One)

“It’s been just us since before the beginning.”

|You spent most of your life with the same people, in the same places, doing the same things. Risk isn’t a word you’d ever associate with your life, or fun for that matter. Until, your world is flipped upside down. You meet three new people who change everything you thought you knew.|

A/N: Before I start this chapter, I want to say that I know it’s starting off pretty slow, but I really want to build the relationship between the characters. Also, to build the relationship you have with the boys and y/n. I promise Chapter four will be where things start to get really moving. Thank you so much for being patient with me. 🌸

Chapter one| Chapter Two| Chapter Three Part One

- - - - - - - - - -

The pizzas had just arrived, steam still seeping out from the box. You twirled around Jungkook as he pulled the money out of his wallet, handing the driver the total, and then some. You placed the food on your pale yellow counter tops. Your house was from the 90’s, a lot of things got remodeled, the kitchen and living room were two of the things that did not. Jimin was out back in the pool with Taehyung, music pounded from two large Bluetooth speakers sitting on the edge of the deck, but you could still hear them yelling and splashing.

You moved about the house, making sure it looked somewhat decent. It would never look fully clean, you had three best friends who spent more time at your house than at their own, and being that they’re guys, they have some unknown gene that makes them not pick up after themselves. You rolled your eyes as Jungkook ran out of the back door and tucked his legs into his arms, flying into the water, causing some of it to over flow and wash over the concrete. You made your way into the kitchen, absently braiding your hair to the side. You hadn’t planned on having a pool party with the boys, but when Tae got an idea in his head, you couldn’t get it out. Your bare feet made soft patting noises as you walked over the off white tile. You glanced at the clock on the microwave, checking the time, and as if the universe was watching over you, someone knocked on the front door.

Your heart picked up to a beat you weren’t familiar with, good nerves prickling at your skin. You nibbled on the inside of your cheek, walking over to the door, pulling it open.

“Well hello,” you smiled brightly at Hobi who engulfed you in his arms.

“Get used to it,” Namjoon teased, scrunching his nose.

“I figured that just now,” a giggle passing across your parted lips.

“Your place is really easy to find, like a baby could have found it,” Hobi pulled away, looking around at the inside of your house.

“Are you complimenting my direction giving? If so, it was a bad,” you stepped aside, closing the door behind them.

He laughed, clapping his hands in glee. You could get used to this kind of happiness in you life. Namjoon slipped his shoes off, and Hobi followed his lead taking his off as well.

“Do you guys want to meet the rest of the boys?” You asked, lifting a brow.

“Oh yes. You’ve talked them up so much, I need to meet them,” Hobi grabbed your hand, practically dragging you outside, where he could hear the others.

“Ay!” You called to the boys, grabbing their attention.

They turned, the water calming for a moment as they stopped moving. Tae dropped the volleyball he was holding, his eyes gravitated right towards Joon.

“Tae, Jungkook, and Jimin,” you pointed at each of their heads, “this is Jhope, and Namjoon,” you used your thumb to jerk towards each of them.

“Hi,” the boys sang in unison.

“Do they do that a lot?” Joon leaned down, whispering in your ear.

You nodded with a sigh. Jungkook was the first to climb out of the pool, water dripping over every inch of his body, pooling at his feet.

“It’s nice to meet you,” he grinned, the most bunny looking smile you’d seen in a while.

Hobi reciprocated with a beautiful grin of his own. You knew Kook and them would get along, he was usually the most friendly towards new people. Jimin was next, except he grabbed a towel, drying his hands before draping the towel over his shoulders. He extended his hand out to Joon, who took it with a smile.

“I like your tall,” Jimin blurted out, causing everyone to turn their heads and look at him with confusion.

“I meant, you’re taller in person,” he blushed from embarrassment.

It was clear he was the most star struck of all of you, he had been a fan of their music since their debut. You laughed, reaching over and patting Jimin on the back. He ducked his head down, walking into the house. Tae was the last to come up, he shook his wet hair, much like a dog would. He also grabbed a towel, except wrapping it around his waist. He smiled at Hobi as an introduction, and stepped in front of Namjoon, who looked down at him with a comical, yet challenging arch to his brow.

“I do like your tall,” he smirked walking passed him, and into the house after Jimin.

You and Kook both sighed, shaking your heads, rubbing your temples. Tae was the most out spoken when it came to finding someone attractive. It didn’t matter if it was boy or girl, if he fancied you, you knew.

“I think that was supposed to be smooth,” Kook nodded, running his tongue over his teeth.

“Did it work?” Hobi looked at Joon, who had twisted his head around, looking into the kitchen from the back door.

“I’ll take it as a yes,” you were dumbfounded. You couldn’t believe someone as mysterious and brooding as Joon looked, would be susceptible to Taehyung.

He didn’t even look back at you three before he began his journey into the house. You turned at Hobi wide eyed, completely shocked.

“Don’t be fooled. He’s just a goofy boy who loves affection, and I think Tae is more than willing to share some with him,” he explained. It was now his turn to roll his eyes.

The night had been great so far. After two hours of pool time with everyone, even Joon and Hobi. All of you had migrated into house, the music played softly in the background on a shuffled playlist of yours. Jimin and Jungkook were laying on the carpet in the living room, talking between the two of them as they scrolled on their phones. Tae and Joon had taken up the couch, little giggles and flirtatious whispers came from their general direction. Now you and Hobi sat in the kitchen, both of you on the kitchen island, your legs dangling over the edge.

“It hasn’t been easy finding people who want us for us, and not for our fame,” Hobi explained, after taking bite of pizza.

“I couldn’t imagine how that would feel. Not knowing if someone could be using you. I can understand why you guys don’t like getting close to anyone,” you crisscrossed your legs, facing him.

“It’s been just us since before the beginning,” he shrugged, running his fingers through his damp hair.

“Is that why Yoongi didn’t come?”

He looked down for a moment, before finally nodding. Almost as if he was embarrassed by the absent boy’s behavior.

“He thinks we’re trying to use you, doesn’t he?” You chewed on your bottom lip.

“Yeah...” he finally looked up at you.

“Hoseok, I can promise you, our intentions are nothing but good. I mean, sure, it’s cool that this is your job, and that you have lived such a different life than us. But, I didn’t invite you over for any other reason than because we clicked. It’s like we’ve been friends for years, it’s just so easy with you, and even Joon. I don’t want you for anything other than friendship.” You stuck out your hand, extending your pinky.

Hobi’s dimples made a surprise appearance as he lifted his own hand and lifted his pinky.

“Friends?” You asked, with a smile.

“Friends,” he agreed.

The two of you hooked fingers, and this time you leaned over and wrapped your arms around Hobi, hugging him tightly. His answering giggle was more than enough for you to know that this was the beginning of a beautiful friendship.

[the-desolated-quill]

Deep Breath - Doctor Who blog (New Doctor, Same Bullshit)

(SPOILER WARNING: The following is an in-depth critical analysis. If you haven’t seen this episode yet, you may want to before reading this review)

I was very cross going into Deep Breath back in 2014, and before I talk about this episode, I’d like to quickly address all the bullshit that surrounded the buildup to the Twelfth Doctor.

Moffat kept saying how Series 8 was going to represent a brand new direction for the series and that this new Doctor would be so different to any we’ve seen before. He even hinted at the possibility of a female and/or non-white Doctor, saying there was no reason why it couldn’t happen. Who did we end up with? Peter Capaldi! Wow! A middle aged white guy?! Never seen one of those before!

Now before @furrychimp has a go at me, I’ve got nothing against Peter Capaldi. He’s a brilliant actor and I was confident he’d be great in the role. That’s not the issue. The problem I had was that Peter Capaldi was the only actor auditioned for the role. Moffat didn’t even try to think outside the box or look elsewhere. I’m not angry because Capaldi was cast in the role. I’m angry because of the wasted opportunity here. It was a year after the 50th anniversary. A chance to break new ground and try something different, and Moffat didn’t take it. If Moffat knew a non-white, non male Doctor wasn’t on the cards, why in God’s name did he keep banging on about it? It’s like I said in my review of A Good Man Goes To War, he’s more concerned with looking progressive than actually being progressive. Anyone can say there needs to be more diversity or that there needs to be change, but unless someone within the industry actually pulls their finger out and does something about it, those are just empty, meaningless words.

‘Oh but Capaldi is a lot older than previous Doctors.’

Bollocks! He was 55! That’s not old! And besides, we’ve had older Doctors before. He’s not even the first actor to play an older Doctor in New Who, or have we all conveniently forgotten about John Hurt all of a sudden? This is nothing new or original. And while I’m on the subject of his age, good God how fucking patronising were the press at the time? Listening to them, you’d think Capaldi was a 200 year old corpse that had arisen from his tomb and was at risk of collapsing into a pile of bones by the end of the series. The whole obsession with his age was seriously odd on both sides (those who thought this was some kind of cheap novelty and those who thought Capaldi was so weak and frail that he wouldn’t be able to get around the TARDIS without the use of a motorised wheelchair).

And then there’s the promise that the show was going to get a lot darker than it was before, to the point where the BBC pushed the show further back in the schedules so that you knew how dark this was going to get. This isn’t teatime entertainment anymore. It has to be broadcast at 8:00pm because it’s going to be so much daaaaaarker. 

Well... we’ve all seen Deep Breath. We all know that was bollocks.

Seriously, how is this any different from an episode in the Matt Smith era? (apart from the fact that Peter Capaldi is less zany and more tolerable than Matt Smith was). It still has the same goofiness and forced whimsey to it (more on that later). In fact some of the humour is actually worse than the Matt Smith era’s. When Madame Vastra tricks the Doctor into forming a psychic link with her so she can put him to sleep, they actually had the fucking nerve to add a comedy cartoon sound effect when he falls unconscious. How fucking desperate can you get?!

But what really strikes me about Deep Breath is how utterly unoriginal it all is. The clockwork robots are back from the overrated Girl In the Fireplace and they’re basically just doing the same shit as they did before only with an extra helping of stupid sprinkled onto them for good measure. ‘Don’t breathe’ is basically the same gimmick as ‘don’t blink’, but whereas ‘don’t blink’ made the Weeping Angels bloody terrifying, ‘don’t breathe’ just makes the clockwork robots laughably inept. A lot of the plot is similar to The Talons Of Weng-Chiang and we’ve seen dinosaurs in London before in Invasion of The Dinosaurs. Not to mention all the lines taken straight from the classic series that Moffat is determined to grind into the dirt (I swear if I hear the ‘you’ve redecorated’ gag one more time, I’m going to scream). Is this what constitutes a brave new direction now? Rehashing plots and concepts from previous stories rather than coming up with your own ideas? Moffat, go stick one of your BAFTAs up your arse. Best place for it as far as I’m concerned.

What’s worse is that this episode has been extended to an hour and 15 minutes, most of which seems to consist of extra scenes of the Paternoster Gang being their usual unfunny selves. At this point it’s not just that they’re boring, underdeveloped and utterly uninteresting characters that bothers me, but also that they are making the Doctor’s universe too small. The man has travelled all across time and space, Surely he must know some other people who would be willing to help him. Why do we keep having to come back to the Paternosters? Strax is still fucking irritating (how can he not tell the difference between an eye and a mouth? Humans and Sontarans aren’t that different. And what was even the fucking point of that medical checkup anyway other than to pad out the runtime?), and I really take issue with how Vastra and Jenny are written. I’ve taken issue with how Moffat presents LGBT characters in his stories before, but this just takes the cake. The episode constantly finds ways to patronise and objectify Jenny while Vastra plays a ‘man with boobs’ type role. And it gets worse when Clara gets involved and we see Vastra start to morph into the predatory lesbian stereotype. Call me picky, but I think we deserve better representation that that. And don’t get me started on that bullshit ‘oxygen share’ kiss. Doctor Who has never been apologetic about two heterosexuals kissing, so why should it treat two homosexuals any differently? It’s just wrong! If they’re open and okay about same sex marriage, why are they being so coy about two lesbian partners being intimate with each other?

So let’s talk about the Twelfth Doctor. Despite my anger and frustration towards the circumstances surrounding his casting, I knew Capaldi would make a great Doctor and he does do a good job in the role for the most part. I liked the stuff at the beginning where the Doctor is really confused and was having memory problems. You could almost draw parallels between him and someone suffering from a memory disorder like Alzheimer’s and it’s genuinely unnerving to see the Doctor in such a high level of distress. I also really liked his final confrontation with the robot and the moral ambiguity of whether or not he pushed him. This is a very different Doctor from Matt Smith and I’m curious to see where they take him (remember I haven’t seen any episodes past Kill The Moon, so I genuinely have no idea what happens to him). Unfortunately all of this is punctured by the usual shit you find in post regeneration episodes. A lot of crazy goofiness and pondering over whether or not this is the same man as before. Admittedly the latter was interesting at first, and The Christmas Invasion did add some dramatic weight to it what with the Doctor being the last of his race and therefore having a more personal connection with Rose than he did with any other companion as a result, but after the twelfth time you’ve done it, you’re just bored by this point. Is the Doctor the same person as before? Er... Kind of. That should be firmly established by now considering the number of bloody times the show has asked this question. Can we move on?

A lot of times I feel Capaldi is scuppered by the humour. He can be a great comedic actor, but this sort of material just doesn’t work with him. It’s too whimsical and eccentric, like the whole sequence with the horse or him calling the dinosaur a big sexy woman. It feels like Moffat is still writing for Matt Smith and it just doesn’t sound right coming out of Capaldi’s mouth. And then there’s the painfully obvious metaphors. There’s a lot you could interpret about the Doctor from what you see on screen. The similarities between him and the robot, and how they both change and replace body parts to the point where you could argue they’re not the same people they originally were. The similarities between him and Vastra, both hiding behind some kind of mask in order to feel accepted. All potentially interesting, but what ruins it is Moffat’s need to fucking spell it out for us. How about crediting your audience with some intelligence?

I really hope Chris Chibnall doesn’t go through all this shit when Jodie Whittaker takes over. In my view, all post regeneration episodes should be like The Eleventh Hour. New body, new personality and then it’s business as usual.

But by far the worst aspect of Deep Breath is Clara. I can understand being worried about the Doctor’s memory problems and state of mind, but that’s clearly not the case at all. Clara is more concerned that the Doctor has gotten visibly older, which is beyond absurd. She’s seen all of the previous Doctors. She’s met the War Doctor. Why should the Twelfth Doctor be a shock to her? Vastra says it’s because the Doctor is no longer young and sexy and, no matter how much Clara tries to deny it, that’s pretty much the only reason I can think of why she’d be angry at the Doctor. I honestly can’t see any other alternative. It doesn’t make any sense why she would be this shocked about the Doctor’s regeneration. At one point she even asks how they change him back. It just makes her come across as really shallow and selfish (not a narcissist or an egomaniac. Seriously Moffat, try browsing a dictionary some time). But what really gets me is that the episode clearly expects you to be on Clara’s side, even going so far as to try to imply that the Doctor is so different now that he has at one point abandoned Clara and left her to die, which I didn’t buy for a second. The First Doctor may well have done that, but he’s a very different man by now. Does she have to stay as the companion? They even wheel out Matt Smith again for yet another goodbye speech to reassure her about Peter Capaldi, which was just plain silly. I suspect the BBC were a little worried that people wouldn’t accept an older, less romantic Doctor. I think the BBC need to have a bit more faith in the audience. May I remind everyone that Doctor Who lasted nearly 30 years without the need to shove in any Doctor/companion romances or snogging and people loved it?

And finally we get Michelle Gomez pissing about in a garden. Who is this mysterious and clearly crazy woman who appears to have intimate knowledge of the Doctor? Gee, it couldn’t be the Master, could it? Oh no! Of course not! The Master is a man! And besides, Moffat would NEVER do a plot twist that bloody obvious.

So what is the Promised Land? I don’t know and I don’t really care to tell you the truth. i’ve become so sick and tired of Moffat’s convoluted series arcs and endless intrigue that I honestly can’t even muster up the energy to even be mildly curious about it.

Deep Breath is an uncreative, boring and lazy start to Series 8. That being said, the Twelfth Doctor does show promise. We’ll see where they go from here.

[ineffable-bisexual]

RanSid Gay Dads au fic, you say???? Why yes it is!!!

The heavy pattering sound of rain reverberated in the kitchen as it bounced off the roof of the Anderson home. The family sat in the dining room with bowls full of homemade broccoli and potato soup and fresh bread rolls. Their heads were bowed as John said the prayer.

“Lord God, we thank You for this food that we are about to receive. May it nourish our bodies just as Your Spirit nourishes our soul with the bread of Life. Help us do our part in kind words and loving deeds. Also, Lord, I pray that you bless the dinner roll that my son just took a big bite out off when he thought I wasn’t lookin’.”

Megan giggled as John glanced over at Kyle who sat with a big bite of bread bulging in his cheek.

“We ask all these things in Jesus’ name, amen,” John concluded.

Kyle swallowed his bite. “Sorry, Pop. I was really hungry!” he said before taking a big drink of milk.

“That’s okay, son,” John said with a smile.

Sidney smiled, too, before taking a bite of potato. He glanced over at Megan who was looking at her lap. She seemed distracted from her meal. “Megan,” he said, “are you still prayin’?”

Megan’s head snapped up and she put her attention back to her bowl of soup. “Nope,” she said. She reached for her spoon but suddenly jumped in her chair as if startled. She looked back down at her lap, moving her right arm.

“Do you have a bug?” John asked.

“No, Papa, I don’t have a bug,” she assured him in an innocent voice.

“Yeah, she does,” Kyle stated before digging into his potato soup.

“Bubba, you tattle-tale!” she declared.

“I told her not to bring it inside,” Kyle declared, his mouth full.

“Put it outside, please,” John ordered.

“But he’ll drown in the rain!”

“What did I say, Megan?”

Megan raised the hand that had been in her lap to show him the tiny bug resting in her palm. “It’s just a doodle bug! He don’t bite!”

“Megan…” he warned, looking over the top of his glasses at her.

She let out a huff and pouted her bottom lip as she rose from her chair. “Yes, sir…” she mumbled. She opened the back door and gently set the bug onto the patio so that the winds from outside wouldn’t blow him away.

She plopped into her seat again and slurped up her soup.

“Thank you, sweetie,” John said.

“Megan,” Sidney scolded, “you’ve been told several times to stop bringing insects into the house.” He blew on a small chunk of potato in his spoon to make it cool.

“You’re just as bad as she is, Sid,” John pointed his spoon at him.

“What do you mean?” he asked as he put the bit of potato into his hand and fed it to Bella, their 8-year-old lab mix who was sitting under the table.

They all laughed until the lights suddenly flickered above them.

“Storm wasn’t supposed to be that bad, was it?” Sidney asked, looking at the ceiling.

John shook his head. “Could be the wind. Sounds like it’s pickin’ up.”

“Will it flood, Pop?” Kyle wondered.

“Nah, son. But we may get some thunder.”

“What if we get a tornado?” Megan asked, her voice wavering.

John laughed. “There’s not gonna be a tornado, baby.”

Kyle leaned closer to the table and looked right at his sister. “Maybe it’ll be a…Sharknado! Arrrghhhh!!”

“Eeeeeeeeeee!!!” Megan screamed dramatically.

The kids giggled with delight, but their dads were confused.

“A what?” Sidney said.

“What the hell is a Sharknado?” John added.

“It’s a movie,” Kyle explained, “about this tornado that starts above the ocean and it’s so strong that it pulls up all the sharks from way, way down deep and they become part of the tornado and they eat people as the tornado spins around!”

Sidney put down his spoon. “And when did you watch this movie?”

Kyle bit his lip. “Mmmm…”

“His girlfriend let us watch it,” Megan announced in a teasing voice.

“She’s not my girlfriend!” Kyle said as he started to blush.

“Yuh-huh,” she insisted, “she is!”

“Is not!”

“Is too!”

“Is not!”

“That’s enough,” Sidney commanded.

“Are ya’ll talkin’ about Cynthia?” John said. The kids nodded and John clicked his tongue. “Well, we’re gonna have to lay some ground rules with her.”

“Honey, come on,” Sidney laughed. “It doesn’t sound that bad. Stupid, but not bad.”

“Exactly, Sid. I don’t wanna risk our kids watchin’ goofy crap on Netflix with the babysitter just because you and I go on date night.” He pointed his spoon at the kids. “Next time she’s over, ya’ll are watchin’ Ken Burns’s documentary on the Roosevelts. There’ll be a quiz afterwards.”

Kyle groaned playfully. “Aww, Pop! Come on!”

“I’m serious,” John said, with a not so serious expression.

“Whatever,” Kyle retorted.

“There’s good stuff in that one, boy. Especially about Teddy Roosevelt.”

“Is he the one who always said Bully?” Megan asked.

“Bully!” Kyle shouted.

Suddenly, the lights browned out and eventually went dark with a loud pop and a clap of thunder.

The lights above the table had gone out and John set down his napkin to head to the kitchen. “Nobody panic. I got this.” He returned with a small oil lantern and a box of matches. He turned the knob on the side of it to raise the wick, and then drew a match. After the wick was lit, he placed the glass onto the base and set it in the middle of the table. “I’ll go down to the basement after supper to check the breakers.”

Their mealtime was quiet for a while until Kyle asked, “Pop? Why do we have to ask God to bless our food all the time?”

John buttered his dinner roll as he answered, “Because we thank God for all the blessings and gifts He gives us. Food is one of those gifts.”

“Yeah, but He didn’t buy the food. You and Dad did.”

John paused in his buttering and gave him a small frown, making Kyle shrug. “I’m not being sarcastic, Pop! Honest!”

John smirked and cleared his throat. “Our food comes from the earth and God willed the soil to be fruitful so that our food could grow, therefore ending up in the produce section of the Piggly Wiggly so that your Dad and I could buy it.”

“Yeah, but He doesn’t harvest the food,” Kyle smiled, “farmers do that.”

“God gave the farmers the strength, knowledge, and the discipline to till the soil and harvest the food.”

“Yeah, but He didn’t cook it.”

“Well, that’s even more of a blessing since God gave your Daddy the talent to be such an excellent cook.”

Yeah, but—“

“Kyle,” Sidney interrupted, “your Pop leads his Wednesday night Bible Study Group and he teaches theology. You’re gonna go in circles with him. Believe me; I know.”

Sidney caught John’s eyes and they shared a knowing smile.

“Papa?” Megan said. “Do we still have to take baths tonight?”

“Of course, you do,” John replied. “Tonight’s no different than any other.”

“But it’s dark up there,” she pressed him. “I don’t wanna take a bath in the dark.”

“We’ll put candles in the bathroom so ya’ll can see.”

“Okay, how about this?” Kyle interjected. “What about all the places where the soil isn’t fruitful and people are starving? Does God not bless them? Do they not pray? Is that why they have no food?”

John and Kyle stared at each other until Sidney said, “He’s got ya there, honey.”

“No, not necessarily,” John replied, “but that topic needs to be for another day.”

“Why?” Kyle asked.

“Because any answer I give you right now would be too vague, son.”

“Because you don’t have one, do you?” Sidney asked, slyly.

John sighed and stirred his soup. “Not exactly,” he admitted. The table was silent once more as he took a few bites of his meal. “I will say this, though,” he continued, “it’s okay to question God.” He looked at his husband who was gazing at him with wide, surprised eyes. “It’s true; I do believe that questioning God doesn’t shake your faith; you only want to strengthen it so you ask questions to gain more knowledge. And Kyle, you’re not the only one to ask those questions, either.”

Dinner was silent once more until Sidney could see that the kids had eaten their fill. He stood up and took their soup bowls and went into the kitchen, Bella following close behind him to catch anything that might fall to the floor.

Megan sighed. “Papa, I don’t wanna take a bath in the dark.”

Sidney returned to the table as Megan slid out of her chair. He tickled the back of her neck. “Bella and I will sit in there with you, baby, okay?” He looked at his son. “Kyle, why don’t you go ahead and take your shower?”

“Yes, sir,” Kyle said as he stood from the table. He went over to John. “Pop, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

John put down his spoon and smiled at him. “Why do you think I’d be upset?” he asked.

Kyle shrugged again. “I don’t know…maybe because I ate during the blessing and then I— “

John laughed softly and pulled his son into a hug. “I’m not upset, Kyle,” he assured, “but your questions have made me think. I haven’t asked those kinds of questions in a long time. Don’t be ashamed to ask us anything, you got me?” Kyle nodded and John patted his back. “You’re a good kid. You also stink, so hit the showers.”

“John, don’t tell our children they stink!” Sidney yelled from the kitchen, making the kids laugh again.

After the kids were bathed, the family settled in the den, a row of candles on the coffee table being their only source of light. Megan sat on the sofa clutching her stuffed grey owl as Sidney brushed her hair. They had skipped on washing it because Megan grew nervous about the continuous rolling thunder outside.

Kyle was sitting on the floor at the end of the coffee table, his arms folded on the edge of it as he lazily stared into one of the wicks. Bella lay beside him licking her paws.

“Hey, Dad?”

“Yes, Kyle?’

“May I go get your tablet so we can watch something?”

Leaning back in his recliner, John said, “We don’t need your Daddy’s iPad. We watch TV every night. Why don’t we just talk to each other?”

Sidney gave him an amused look. “Okay, then, honey,” he said, “you go first.”

“Nah, I talk all day at school,” John smiled. “Why don’t ya’ll take the floor?”

“Oh!” Megan exclaimed. “I know. Um, Daddy? What did you think of Papa when ya’ll first met?”

Sidney laughed softly as he began to braid her hair. “Well, Bug, I actually couldn’t stand him.”

Kyle lifted his head and looked at him. “You didn’t like him?”

“I don’t know if it was a dislike, per se, but I certainly thought he was annoying,” Sidney explained.

“Where did ya’ll meet?” Kyle asked.

“College. We were in a sociology class together and— “

“What’s that?” Megan asked.

“That’s the study of human behavior in society.”

“Now, that’s a broad generalization of the subject, Sid,” John grumbled.

“And that’s why I found your papa annoying. He always felt the need to correct everyone.”

“Because everyone was wrong.”

Sidney rolled his eyes. “Good Lord, John,” he smiled, “you never missed an opportunity to argue. I remember you made a freshman girl cry!”

Megan’s jaw dropped. “Papa, that’s mean!”

John pulled his recliner back in its upright position to look at them. “It was a debate on the theme of the book we were reading, and she cried because she knew I was right. That’s not my fault! Hell, I don’t even remember what the book was.”

“It was The Stranger by Camus,” Sidney reminded.

“Oh, Jesus, no wonder she cried,” John groaned.

“Well, Pop,” Kyle began, “what about you? What was your first impression of Dad?”

John licked his lips and grinned mischievously. “Honestly? The first thing that popped into my head was that he was too old to be a student. He always came to class wearing blazers and ties. I thought he was a professor that wandered into the wrong lecture hall.”

“Hey!” Megan exclaimed. “Daddy’s not old!”

“Thank you, sweetie, and, excuse me for wanting to look nice, John,” Sidney said. “At least I didn’t look as if I had just rolled outta bed and put on the dirtiest flannel shirt I could find.”

“Wait a minute,” Kyle said, “if Dad was too old and Pop was too dirty, then what brought ya’ll together?”

John and Sidney looked at each other, puzzled, until John cleared his throat and crossed his arms over his chest. “Well…I guess…even though I thought your dad was a bit snooty…he had a very dry wit that I liked a lot. Took the boredom out of the class.” He glanced at the sofa and saw Sidney smiling at him. “We had the same interests, too, and he grew on me, I guess.”

“What drew me to your papa was his long hair,” Sidney said.

“Oh, God please don’t talk about my hair,” John groaned as he hid his face in his hands.

“Papa had hair??” Megan said, truly astonished.

Sidney gave her a big smile. “Your papa had long, blonde hair that fell to his shoulders.” He paused for effect and the kids’ mouths dropped. “It wasn’t John Travolta’s hair, but it certainly won me over.”

“Is there a picture, Dad?” Kyle asked.

“Of course, there’s a picture!” Sidney replied.

“You can’t show them right now,” John said, “the lights are out.”

“We have flashlights, though,” Megan reminded him.

“We don’t need them,” Sidney said as he picked up his cellphone from the end table.

John’s eye widened. “Oh, baby, come on, please…” he begged.

Sidney searched through his photos until he found what he was looking for. “Aha! Here it is!” he announced. “I found this tucked inside one of my old photography textbooks.”

The kids gathered next to Sidney as they gazed at his phone. It was a picture of a black and white photograph of a man with a strong jaw and bright eyes that looked like they were glowing in the greyscale of the photo. His hair was thick and parted down the middle so that his bright locks framed his face perfectly.

“See what I mean?” Sidney asked the kids. “Look at that mane!”

“Pop looks tough,” Kyle said.

Sidney laughed. “He thought he was.”

“I think Papa was handsome!” Megan declared.

“Girl, I’m still handsome,” John said.

She slid off Sidney’s lap and bounced over to him. “I don’t think you look dirty, Papa,” she said.

John pulled her to him, pressed his lips against Megan’s neck, and blew a loud raspberry.

Megan screamed out a laugh which made Bella bark in surprise. She rose from the floor and glared at him, emitting a worried whine.

John stopped blowing raspberries. “It’s okay, pup,” he assured her. “I’m not hurtin’ the baby.”

A bright flash filled the room as lightning shot through the sky and thunder clapped loudly over the house. Megan shrieked in real terror this time and threw her arms around John’s neck.

“Oh, oh, now, it’s okay, sweetie,” he whispered as he patted her back.

Kyle noticed that Bella was now out of the room. “Bella?” he called out. “Bella, where’d you go?”

Sidney picked up the flashlight that was next to him on the sofa and stood. He carefully stepped around Kyle and pointed the light up the stairs to find Bella standing at the very top and looking down at them anxiously. “It’s okay, girl,” Sidney said. “Come on back.”

Bella whined at him, but didn’t budge.

“Come on, girl,” Kyle called again. “Everything’s okay.”

Megan slid off John’s lap and stood next to Kyle. “Hey, Bella, come back down here.”

Upon seeing both children, Bella slowly descended the stairs and went up to them to lick their faces. Her tail wagged happily as they laughed.

“She was just worried about ya’ll,” Sidney concluded. “Good girl, Bella.”

John stood from his recliner and stretched. “It’s ya’ll’s bedtime anyway,” he grunted.

In an instant, Kyle and Megan asked, “Can we sleep in your bed?”

“I knew that was comin’,” Sidney said.

“Are ya’ll really that scared of the storm?” John asked them.

Kyle shook his head, but replied, “I mean…not really, but— “

“I am,” Megan announced. “I hate thunder! Please, Papa?”

“If we’re all in one room, then Bella won’t be scared,” Kyle deduced. “She’ll only have to look in one room.”

Bella usually slept in the hallway between the kids’ bedrooms and when she awoke in the middle of the night, she would go downstairs to the kitchen to drink from her water dish, and then take a quick look in everyone’s rooms to make sure they were still in bed. She would always go back to sleep after what Sidney called her “midnight patrols.”

“Oh, good Lord,” John rolled his eyes, amused. “Yes, because we gotta keep the dog happy, right?”

“Of course, we do!” Megan insisted, surprised that her papa would think otherwise.

“Okay,” Sidney began, “what if she wakes up and goes into her routine and doesn’t find ya’ll in your rooms? She might wake us all up with her barking.”

Bella had done this once, when she got up for her patrol and found that Megan wasn’t in her room. The dog had run into John and Sidney’s room and barked incessantly until Megan came out of the bathroom. When Megan had climbed back into bed, Bella went back to sleep.

“Easy,” Kyle shrugged. “She can sleep in the bed with all of us.”

“How big do you think our bed is, son?” John asked, putting his hands on his hips.

“We can bring Bella’s bed into your room,” Megan suggested.

Kyle smiled. “Yeah! Good idea! That way we can put it across from ya’ll’s bed and she can see all of us!”

“Ya’ll planned this, didn’t you?” Sidney said.

The thunderstorm continued through the night but they all slept through the worst of it in one king sized bed. Bella’s bed had been placed on the other side of the room in view of them, but after her midnight drink of water, she jumped onto their bed and stretched out at the end of it.

John woke up in the morning to find that the electricity was back on and a dog’s wet nose was pressing into his cheek. “Mornin’, pup,” John whispered.

Bella’s head rested on his shoulder as she lay beside him and upon seeing that she had his attention, her tail thwapped excitedly against the mattress.

She jumped down when he sat up and rubbed his face with his hands. He looked beside him and saw that Sidney was already out of bed and the kids were still fast asleep.

Megan was on her side with her stuffed owl against her belly, while Kyle was on his stomach with his face buried between his and Sidney’s pillow. They were both snoring softly and John smiled at the sight of them. He quietly got out of bed and put on his robe.

Sidney had arranged his and John’s mugs next to the coffee pot. He picked up his black one and poured a bit of soy creamer in before pouring in the fresh coffee. He took a sip and sighed as he closed his eyes to savor the warm beverage.

He felt John’s arm wrap around his waist from behind him and lightly moaned as he kissed the back of his neck.

“Good mornin’,” he said in a deep sleepy voice.

John kissed his neck again. “Mornin’, handsome,” he replied. He nuzzled his nose into Sidney’s hair, making him giggle. “Speakin’ of handsome,” John said, “look what I found.”

Sidney turned to face him but instead saw the picture of a man in his late forties with salt-and-pepper hair and round glasses. He wore a cheeky grin as he looked away from the camera.

“Oh my God, John!” Sidney exclaimed. “Where did you find that?”

“You ain’t the only one with embarrasin’ pictures,” John said. “You know that photo of you at the lake that’s on my side of the bed?”

Sidney rolled his eyes. “Yeah?”

“This charmer’s been hidin’ behind it,” John purred as he smiled proudly.

“Oh, God, get rid of it,” Sidney begged as he hid his face in his hand.

“Would you get rid of my picture if I told you to?”

“Of course not!”

“Then, no, I’m keepin’ it.”

[the-basement-paradox]

~Boss~ Chapters 17 & 18

~Chapter 17~

17

Taeyong makes his way to the kitchen, followed by a continually chattering Johnny who was chittering about the different ways Taeyong could subtly wish Taeil a special happy birthday from him. Once in the kitchen Taeyong grabs the cake from the fridge and spins on his heel, deftly avoiding and ignoring Johnny's chatter.

He meets Ten at the door and the shorter opens the door for him and the finally quiet Johnny. As Taeyong passed Ten he mutters "We need to get Taeil back here ASAP"

Ten chuckles and follows the two out, unlocking and starting the van as he climbs into the driver's seat. "That's the final goal of this all isn't it" he hums amused "Your job is to figure out how to do that."

"I already have" Taeyong sighs "There are no surveillance cameras outside so I could get him to walk with me in the park nearby, once out of sight we could have Yuta or Winwin hack his gps/microphone to either glitch it out or implement fake audio while I take it off of him and bring him to the van, from there we're more or less home free"

Ten raises an eyebrow "And why haven't you done this yet?" he asks carefully his voice carrying through the thick black curtains that were drawn between them as he drives them closer to Taeyong's apartment building.

"I haven't yet for a few reasons" Taeyong sighs "One, we don't have enough recordings of our conversations for Yuta and Winwin to stitch together into a new conversation convincingly, two, we would be on a time limit as soon as we walk out of the building and I have no idea what that time limit is and have yet to find a route to the park that would be short enough for the plan based on what I know so far, and three, the most frustrating reason, I don't know where his stupid gps/mic is hidden, he has changed multiple times around me in the locker rooms and I have found absolutely no sign of it. I have a few guesses as to where it could be but the most likely option I can think of is the most dangerous"

The redheaded boy sounded obviously distressed by the hitch he had hit in his plan and Ten wasn't sure he even wanted to know but proceeded to ask so as to get more info on the situation and to help Taeyong think it through by saying it out loud, "Where do you think the mic could be hidden?"

Another frustrated sigh came from behind the curtain before a response of "One option is his earrings, which is unlikely because they're different almost every time we meet but it can't quite be ruled out, the second option is on the inner waistband of his boxers, which is also unlikely because he changes those while in the locker room, though I can't rule it out either because he changes those out of sight as a courtesy. The final option is the worst one because it requires a more complicated piece of equipment and a much more brutal extraction."

He sighs softly before continuing, this exhale of air somehow had a different tone than the ones before it, this one took on a more regretful cadence then frustrated "With this option the gps/mic is under his skin, it is somewhere just beneath the surface of his body, this makes it much much harder to get rid of for obvious reasons, it's in his skin so to take it out we would have to cut him, it is possibly wired to something vital so even if we can quickly get to it it's possible that he could get seriously hurt if we attempt to just pull it out and finally if the gps is under his skin it could possibly be monitoring his heart rate which is a much harder type of software to hack and regulate to make seem as if nothing happened, we can't have it just flatline and risk your rival gang showing up faster than planned and we can't set the heartbeat faster or slower than his natural heartbeat or they will suspect something due to the spike or decrease."

Taeyong explained all of this with a soft frown as he thought deeply about the possible predicament.

Ten fell silent as he processed the new information he had been given, he silently hopes that Yuta and Winwin had heard the explanation and had it on document.

After a time of silent driving he finally speaks "Well the second option, having the gps/mic in his boxers, doesn't quite sit well with me because, they would get a lot of unnecessary and uncomfortable noises as feedback with it that close to his organs and shouldn't the mic be closer to his voice box so they can pick up his voice better?"

Taeyong listens silently to the second opinion carefully cataloging each of the points he deemed important as he takes in the information.

"But if they were to put it under his skin near his voice box not only would that be a complicated thing to pull off with someone as thin as him it could also be too close to his voice to hear the people around him.. Well, I suppose if you wanted the combination of the heart rate monitor as well as the tracking and audio input it would make sense to implement it behind his ear which would still be difficult even with a willing person to attach it to and hiding the scar would also be difficult. With that it would be simple to use the earrings right? I mean it is still through his ear so it might be able to pick up a slight pulse but it would also be able to hear everything he can."

Ten parks the van and opens the door for Taeyong to find him sitting cross legged on the bottom of the vehicle deep in thought.

Taeyong sits like that for a moment more before unfolding himself and bringing the cake out in his arms.

He looks at Ten as he straightens himself, standing tall and proud "I'll figure it out, for Johnny's, mine, and your crazy family's sake" he gives a silly little salute and smiles brightly with a hint of exhaustion before he turns on his heel and heads off on his mission.

Ten sighs and gets back in the van to find a silent Johnny in the passenger seat, Johnny was looking at the window of the driver's seat, or rather through it.

Ten closes the door and follows Johnny's gaze out the window to see a very familiar figure. Taeil. Ten watches the boy for a moment before putting a finger to the soft skin right behind his own ear and tilting his head slightly, he sees a minuscule shake of the head from the eldest and he smiles, the gps was not under his skin. He schools his features into a serious look and puts his fist in a position over his heart where Taeil could see it and nods slightly.

Taeil imitates the gesture for a moment before his gaze shifts ever so slightly to the side to lock his gaze with Johnny, the eldest smiles slightly and taps his cheek twice with a questioning look. Johnny smiles and taps his once. Taeil's smile grows larger and he places his hand over his heart.

Taeyong walks up to Taeil who was still smiling broadly at the black van near the ally way. He follows the eldest's gaze and smiles giving a small thumbs up before spinning Taeil around and throwing one arm over his shoulder as he stabilized the box containing the cake between his torso and hand. "You are so goofy" he laughs.

After their exhausting practice Taeyong takes out the cake, hiding it from Taeil's view with his body as he lights a candle and places it in the center. He picks it up and slowly turned around singing softly.

Taeil turns away from the stereo and smiles, he chuckles lightly and starts pretending to be conducting the one man choir. Taeyong laughs as he finishes the song and hands the cake off to Taeil "I couldn't get JJ to help me make it but I learned something new" he hums grinning mischievously.

"What did you learn Tae" Tail hums chuckling quietly at the smile that was lighting Taeyong's features. He closed his eyes for a moment, making his wish, he the smiles softly and blows out his candle.

Taeyong giggles "Did you know that numbers are scared of fruits?" he could practically hear Ten's groan of annoyance from the tech room and he giggles a bit more.

Taeil looks incredibly confused for a moment before dissolving into laughter "You weirdo" he breathes through his laughter "I guess I know that now" he chuckles ruffling Taeyong's hair "Lets get ourselves to the convenience store to eat our ramen and cake" he hums leading the younger outside.

Once out of view of the cameras Taeyong instantly set to work bombarding Taeil with silent questions. He first gestured to the air around them as they continued their casual conversation, that had nothing to do with their actions, then he tapped his wrist as if to ask what time it was. Taeil nods slightly to show that he understood the question and he tapped his pointer finger subtly against Taeyong's palm once before waiting a moment and instead of a tap he traced a line down his hand.

Taeyong nodded and pointed to his throat then ear before he runs his hand along the waistband of his jeans. Taeil shakes his head no, the younger then gestures to the skin behind his ear and the eldest shakes his head no once again.

Taeyong smiles as they walk into the store and back into the line of view of the cameras, he sighs with relief and rubs his arms "It's a bit chilly out with that breeze" he hums so as to keep the verbal conversation casual, he brought one hand up to his ear and began spinning his earring in his ear as he looked at the ramen cups as if wondering which one to get.

He takes his hand away from the earring and takes his ramen cup, he asks the clerk for some paper plates and grabs two plastic spoons and some disposable chopsticks before making his ramen and going to sit in the blind spot of the cameras like usual.

The pair chatter away on unimportant topics and soon part ways, both with large smiles on their faces. Taeyong heads into his apartment and drops onto the couch after emptying the large red bucket. "That was the hardest practice ever” he yawns as he casually scans the room.

His eyes don't pause on the cameras in the corner of the room or on the underneath of the cabinets of the kitchen, he doesn't even need to check his lights to know his room had been bugged as well. "Time for a shower and a quick nap" he hums, carefully choosing his words so it could be made apparent to Ten and the others that the intention was to stay in the apartment for longer than usual and a different extraction plan should be enacted.

As the sky darkened further Taeyong changes into some clothes that any normal person would wear to a nightclub or a late night party after his shower "I suppose I should reward myself for working hard this week" he hums casually, he looks at the clock "JJ should be here soon" he hums with a smile.

He threw on his baseball cap and went downstairs to wait at the front of the building, knowing full well that the cameras were watching his every move.

He watches as a sleek silver car pulled up beside the curb before the building and honks loudly, he laughs and climbs into the car "Shhhhhhhhhh" he laughs playfully "You'll wake the neighbors" he says as he closes the door.

Once the door was closed and locked and the tinted windows rolled up Taeyong sighs and sinks down in his seat tiredly. He looked over at Ten as he places the gps/mic he had been wearing casually in the cup holder "I didn't know you even had a car like this" he hums as he sank comfortably into the soft khaki leather.

Ten glances at the small device and chuckled, it had become a personal challenge between Johnny and the redhead for Johnny to hide the tracker somewhere on him where he wouldn't find it. "I have multiple cars like this one" he chuckles lowly "You've just never been in the garage"

"Is the license plate covered" Tae questions calmly.

"Of course it is my King" Ten hums lowly "I'm not new to this"

Tae smiles brightly through his exhaustion "I have great news" he hums happily "Taeil loved his cake, and I know everything I need to get him out of there"

"That's good," Ten hums cooly "Oh and by the way-"

"Didn't I tell you not to tease me, My Pet?" ~Chapter 18~

17

Ten sighs and lowers his head, rubbing his temples with his thumbs and forefingers. All around him the living room was complete chaos, three(Chenle, Jaemin, and Haechan) of the youngest members were chasing Titan while Jisung tried to shepard her to another room where they couldn't get to her. Doyoung, Jungwoo, Lucas, Renjun and Jeno were playing 'Hello Cleopatra' and getting increasingly louder instead of higher pitched. Mark, Jaehyun, Johnny and Kun were sitting on the only two couches that weren't flipped over and were facing each other and giggling loudly as they held a dad/dirty joke contest amongst themselves. Unlike per-usual Winwin and Yuta were also participating in the jokes contest though, usually they remained hidden away in their tech room. The only two missing from this massive family gathering was Taeil, who hadn't made it back yet and Taeyong who was hopefully napping. Abruptly the whole room fell to silence and every head turned to the entrance of the hall. There stood an exhausted Taeyong wearing nothing but some grey sweatpants, a thick, pale green, soft, silk choker and a small, soft, ash grey blanket over his shoulders, he looked terrifying via his toned muscles from dance that rippled under his honey skin and the angry, exhausted glare that masked his puppy like features. The only thing that could have really taken away from his anger was his nappy hair, obviously the man had been involuntarily woken from his sleep by all of the noise. He places his hands on his hips as he sweeps his glaring, reddish, coffee colored gaze across the room at the frozen members "What. The. Fuck." he snarls looking absolutely furious with the scattered members. Everyone glances at Ten who was on the ledge of the fireplace just watching Taeyong warily. Tae locks eyes with the leader and tilts his head before jerking up an eyebrow and slowly raising his hand to crook a finger at him, it was a silent order for the mob boss to come to him. The members look shocked as Ten submits to the other's murderous gaze and goes to stand by the taller's side, as he passes by Titan she unfreezes and follows to stand beside the pair. "I better see those couches picked up and your asses seated on them in 1 minute" Taeyong snarls, being relatively lenient as there were so many of them. They stare at him in fear for a moment as they process his direction before they each run as quickly as they could to the closest couch, they all order the couches into a neat curve towards the fire place and with minimal scuffling they fill up the couches. Taeyong stalks to the fireplace, his blanket falling off his shoulders as he goes and Titan gently picks it up between her jaws as she and Ten follow behind him, Ten didn't bother trying to look like the leader as he followed Taeyong, the other members honestly couldn't blame him as their eyes carefully followed the angry red head. Taeyong stands before them all "Alright you crazy Bastards, I understand wanting to have fun but for fucks sake don't shake the entire fucking building with your antics, you're the goddamn NCT mafia, you dumb bitches are the top members of the most feared gang in Korea. People aren't meant to be able to drive past your base and hear you screaming 'Hello Cleopatra' and laughing maniacally about a random dirty joke for fucks sake" he snarled glaring at each of the kicked puppy looking members. Taeyong sighs and looks at the clock, he instantly brightens up as he sees the time and he turns to the members with a bright smile "Dinner time!" he says brightly, his now puppy like happiness a complete 360 from his previous murderous rage. He chuckles softly to himself knowing the effect of his change of heart, which only made him look crazier in the eyes of the members. "I'll make you guys some ramyeon and dumplings" he announces smiling and clapping his hands together like a cheesy mother figure in some movie, he turns to Ten and smiles sweetly "Come help?" he asks as he reaches slightly down to pet Titan. The other members could only see half of his face while he looked at Ten, his smile got a little wider and he winked discreetly at Ten. The leader chuckles and nods once before leading Taeyong off to the kitchen. Once the pair were gone the members erupted into a chorus of confused questions for one other. Meanwhile once in the kitchen Taeyong grabs the edge of the island as he laughs at the reactions of the gang members "NCT's strongest my ass" he splutters. Ten chuckles "In their defense you really did look ready to kill someone" "How else was I going to get those headasses to shut up" Taeyong giggles as he grabs the ingredients for the food. Ten hums in resigned agreement as he looks over Taeyong's exposed torso, he licks his lips subconsciously and looks back up at his King's face, "You know you could have put a shirt on" Taeyong looks down at his bare torso and shrugs, he was warm enough as he stood beside the stove where he was boiling water for the ramyeon and dumplings. Soon the food is completed and Taeyong calls in a few members to help him and Ten carry out the large servings. Once the food was all set out on the table and the members had taken their places around the large table a few longing looks were spared for the empty seat between Johnny and Taeyong before everyone gave in to Taeyong's urging and dug in, taking as large of servings as they dared, it wasn't often someone cooked a meal for all of them to share. Throughout the meal there were many compliments to Taeyong about his wonderful cooking which led the redhead to be much more cheerful and interact better with the members, though it also lead to him being more lenient of the boys table side antics. Food stolen off of plates from every which way and bets and tauntings made over the family meal. Either way the meal went smoothly and each member ate their fill. Once the meal was complete each member from youngest to the pair that made the meal filed into the kitchen to clean their dishes and place them in their proper places, after they had completed the task each member thanked Taeyong for the meal once more before they went off to curl up in their warm beds for the night as it had been quite the late dinner. Once the last of the members had gone off to bed Ten handed Taeyong a crystal glass of red wine and clinked his own glass against it "Here's to scaring the shit out of the kids and a successful family dinner" he toasts with a chuckle before he sips on his alcohol. Taeyong joins in on the other's amusement as he takes a sip from his own glass. Soon enough after about an hour later, after story upon story of the member's antics, the entire bottle of wine was gone and Taeyong was feeling quite tipsy, even after the filling meal. Taeyong hardly ever drank and was quite the light weight. Taeyong shivered slightly at the pleasant buzzing sensation that shivered through his body, making his fingers and toes tingle and his mind fuzzy "Queenie~" he hums, a lazy smile gracing his features. Ten chuckles lowly "My King~" he taunts, a soft amused smirk rested on his lips as he imitated the drunken redhead. Taeyong pouts and tugs on the cuff of Ten's pearl grey, fitted long sleeve shirt "Queenie~ Why are the kids so naughty?" he slurs "They'll get in trouble" "You're right My King" the perfectly sober boss agreed gently lacing an arm around Taeyong’s slim waist as he began to lead the buzzed redhead toward his room. "I'll make sure to talk to them about it alright Pet?" Taeyong nods childishly and gasps as Ten's cold hand rested against the warm skin of his side just above the waistband of his sweatpants that hung low on his hips. He lets out a low whine and wiggles his hips in protest to the cold feeling. Ten purses his lips as the quiet whine reaches his ears, he tightens his grip on the other's waist for a moment before lowering his hand a bit to rest on the fabric of the sweatpants, dangerously close to the redhead's ass. As the blue haired leader guides the red haired King to his rooms and onto his bed he gently responds to a reassures the other about his complaints about 'the kids'. Ten chuckles quietly and tucks the red head in, he raises his arm slightly to place it in Taeyong's line of vision and raises his eyebrow, still attached to the sleeve of his shirt was Taeyong's hand. "Stay Queenie~" The sleepy boy hums his eyes already drooping and his grip loosening. Ten chuckles and pulls the others hand from his sleeve. The redhead frowns as he hears nothing after losing contact with the blue haired male. The sleepy smile returns to his face as he feels the other side of the bed slowly sink down under the other's weight. As Ten settles himself beneath the blankets, turned away from the drunk redhead, because after all he was a gentleman, Taeyong squirmed his way closer to the warm other and cuddles himself into Ten's back, the top of his head resting against the place between the other's strong shoulders, his hands holding the fabric of his shirt at his lower back and his legs curled up so his knees were against the skin of the mob boss's upper thighs. Taeyong sighs happily as completes his mission of cuddling into this position and he drifts slowly off to dreamland, his soft snores filling the air of the silent room. Ten sighs softly and mumbles quietly to himself as he listens to the other "What a weakness to have"

[ultralifehackerguru-blog]

New Post has been published on http://www.lifehacker.guru/jennifer-lawrence-new-light/

Jennifer Lawrence, A New Light

Photograph by Inez and Vinoodh; Styled by Jessica Diehl.

She may be the highest-paid actress in the world, but Jennifer Lawrence has had a tough year: an emergency landing, a romantic breakup, and her (reluctant) first nude scene, for this month’s Red Sparrow. It all has her looking to the next phase in her career—and life.

It is nearing dinnertime as I wind through the streets of Beverly Hills, passing the storied haunts Craig’s and Tower Bar on my way to the home of Jennifer Lawrence. She has offered to host, and who would turn down an invitation to hang out with this supernova? At 27, she is the highest-paid actress in the world and the youngest person to have earned four Oscar nominations (she won best actress for her work in Silver Linings Playbook) and three Golden Globe awards. Her potent combination of talent, beauty, charm, and chutzpah makes her seem like a throwback to an earlier era. And her authenticity is a refreshing, much-needed antidote for a world drowning in a digital sea of meticulously curated social-media accounts, photo filters, and sponsored tweets.

Yet, for all her successes—in addition to her critical accolades and awards she has starred in a pair of multi-billion-dollar franchises, The Hunger Games and X-Men—she is at a defining juncture, when youth fades and adulthood begins, a transition that has stymied many promising acting careers. Lawrence, however, is the rare prodigy whose next chapter could be more interesting than the first. Lawrence is imbued with insatiable curiosity, professionalism, a work ethic, and extraordinary natural talent. She may be the last true movie star to emerge from Hollywood before the industry stopped making them.

CELEBRITY. CULTURE. POLITICS. Get what’s new and what’s next. Subscribe to Vanity Fair today.

Photograph by Inez and Vinoodh; Styled by Jessica Diehl.

So, what does maturity look like for the world’s most famous ingénue? Let’s start by having her cook me dinner—roast chicken, to be exact. (I supplied the alcohol—wine and vodka, as I wasn’t sure what the menu or mood would be.) “I’ve done this a few times, but I’m not superconfident,” says Lawrence, casually attired, without a trace of makeup, in her kitchen. “I have ramen, so either way we’re fine,” she says, only half joking.

While the chicken is in the oven, Lawrence makes us martinis (my drink of choice) in the style that Michael Fassbender, one of her X-Men co-stars, taught her—a drop of vermouth swished in the glass, then tossed out before the vodka goes in. The French-style house is her first major purchase, made back in 2014, a perfectly appointed, comfortable environment and exactly what you would expect from this gal from Kentucky: vintage mixed with modern. A gorgeous custom curved long sofa in the den, we both agree, is what she should try to salvage first if a California fire were headed her way.

Lawrence admits that her style is ever evolving and that she is in the process of redecorating. “My bedroom looks like Vegas meets . . .” Her voice trails off. “Well, you never want to decorate anything before you’re 25.” A portrait of her dog and constant companion, Pippi, commissioned by her mother, hangs in the gym, which is well equipped but doesn’t run the risk of overuse from this openly disgruntled exerciser. As she takes me on a tour of the lush grounds outside, she admits having been in the pool only once, on her birthday—the downside of a career lived on the road.

This month Lawrence stars as Russian prima ballerina turned Soviet operative Dominika Egorova in Red Sparrow, a spy thriller based on the best-selling novel by former C.I.A. agent Jason Matthews. After an injury ends her dance career, Lawrence’s character is recruited by the government to join an elite squad of officers who use psychological—and sexual—warfare to extract secrets from state enemies.

About seven years ago, when Lawrence co-starred in Jodie Foster’s filmThe Beaver, the director told her that one day she would look back on her film roles and see a pattern. It was Lawrence’s good friend Laura (more on her later) who identified the archetype even before Lawrence did, noting that the actress tended to play “white trash with too much responsibility.” Sure enough, in her early films, including Winter’s Bone and the Hunger Games quartet, Lawrence embodied what she calls “the young-adult maternal figure.”

During a shoot at this 24-acre biodynamic farm, Lawrence modeled the latest in ranch dressing.

Photograph by Inez and Vinoodh; Styled by Jessica Diehl.

The character of Dominika presented Lawrence with an opportunity to break from her past in more ways than one. “Red Sparrow really scared the hell out of me because I get nude,” says Lawrence, who first balked at the idea. “I tried to do the movie without nudity but realized it just wouldn’t be right to put the character through something that I, myself, am not willing to go through.”

Lawrence, who had personal photos stolen and uploaded to the Internet in a hack, in 2014, said that she was wary of potential criticism over her artistic choice. “My biggest fear was that people would say, ‘Oh, how can you complain about the hack if you’re going to get nude anyway?,’ ” Lawrence says, referencing the stolen photos, which were meant for her then boyfriend, Nicholas Hoult. (The man responsible for the hack was prosecuted and sentenced to 18 months in prison; Lawrence’s stolen pictures will live forever on the Internet.)

But the actress draws a big distinction between the involuntary release of her photos and her decision to shed her clothes on-screen. “One is my choice.” That choice ultimately proved to be empowering. “I got something back that was taken from me, and it also felt normal,” she says.

It helps that the director of these potentially uncomfortable scenes was Francis Lawrence (no relation), who has worked with Lawrence since she was 22 and started making the second film in the Hunger Games quartet. Though she was particularly nervous about filming a violent shower-room fight scene, she says Francis immediately put her at ease. “He looked me right in the eyes like I had clothes on and then all of a sudden I was like, ‘Oh, O.K., it’s just like I have clothes on.’ Everybody here is professional. You’re still at work. One look just made me comfortable. It didn’t make me feel naked.”

Francis wasn’t the only person on the Red Sparrow set to watch Jennifer grow up—many on the production team were also Hunger Games alumni. “They all knew me since I was a baby,” says Lawrence. After wrapping the nude scenes she teased the camera team: “I hope you guys feel creepy.” (For all her dramatic accolades, comedic timing may be Lawrence’s true gift.) The director says he always had Jennifer in mind for the part. “First and foremost, she’s a terrific actress,” he says. “What excited me the most was just how different it would be for her—the way she looks and the way she behaves and the way she sounds . . . that was really, really exciting to me.”

“I get my happiness from my friends and my house,” Lawrence says.

“She is one of the most intuitive people that I know,” adds Francis. (Lawrence’s Red Sparrow co-stars include Joel Edgerton and acting icons Charlotte Rampling and Jeremy Irons.) “She’s kind of a savant when it comes to human behavior. When she’s acting in a scene, it’s not something that’s been rehearsed or practiced—it’s really fun to watch, and it’s pretty magical.”

The director also sees an authenticity in the offscreen Jennifer Lawrence. “I think a lot of people think the behavior portrayed in articles and interviews—when she falls and all that kind of stuff—has been fabricated by her. It’s really not. She really is who she is and who she presents herself to be. There’s sort of a blunt quality. She doesn’t really hold back in terms of beliefs and being goofy and she just says what she’s thinking.”

Another thing that isn’t fabricated: Lawrence’s oft reported resistance to dieting and working out. To accommodate his star, Francis arranged to shoot the ballet scenes in Red Sparrow first, so that she would be in her best shape. (The movie was shot in parts of Austria, Hungary, Slovakia, and the U.K.) He adds, “She really trained a tremendous amount. She worked with a ballet coach for three months and did a lot of exercise.”

For Lawrence, the issue of body image and weight is a particularly sensitive one. Last fall, as the Hollywood sexual-assault reckoning gained momentum, Lawrence revealed in painstaking detail an incident in which she was asked, early in her career, to stand nude in a lineup of other actresses in front of a producer who judged her body and pressured her to lose weight. “I’ve always wondered what it would take to get me to really diet, to really be hungry, because I’ve never done it for a movie. For Hunger Games, they told me to lose weight, and then I discovered Jack in the Box. Red Sparrow was the first time that I was really hungry, and disciplined. I can’t be in character as an ex-ballerina and not feel like an ex-ballerina.”

Jen’s next act? The 27-year-old can see herself as a television executive.

Photograph by Inez and Vinoodh; Styled by Jessica Diehl.

Though she tried to maintain that dancer’s level of control, once she was done with the ballet sequences, all bets were off. “I can’t work on a diet. I’m hungry. I’m standing on my feet. I need more energy. I remember having a meltdown, freaking out that I had eaten five banana chips.”

Nourishment came in a European form of street food. “I discovered this Viennese kielbasa sausage in an uncircumcised French-bread roll, with pickle relish,” she says. “I had that almost every day in Budapest—which you can see, because I continue to grow in the movie,” she says, laughing. “Dieting is just not in the cards for me.”

 Back in Lawrence’s kitchen, she plates a delicious meal: perfectly tender chicken with onions, potatoes, and green beans. And then we sit in the kitchen and talk about what almost everyone else is talking about around the table. “I’ve always thought that it was a good idea to stay out of politics,” says Lawrence. “Twenty-five percent of America identifies as liberal and I need more than 25 percent of America to go see my movies. It’s not wise, career-speaking, to talk about politics. When Donald Trump got sworn into office, that fucking changed.”

She’s joined the board of Represent.Us, a bipartisan grassroots organization that aims to root corruption out of politics. Fellow board members include directors Adam McKay and David O. Russell, who directed Lawrence in Silver Linings Playbook, Joy, and American Hustle,and the advisory board boasts a number of activists from all political stripes, including Democratic, Republican, and Tea Party leaders.

Now that she’s politically woke, Lawrence isn’t holding back her opinions. “It did steamroll, thanks to my personality,” she admits. “If I’m thinking something, I’ve made it very clear I’m going to talk about it. My family obviously hates every time I talk about politics because it’s hard to see your kid get criticized and they live in Kentucky, where nobody is really liking what I’m saying.” (Kentucky, where polls closed at six P.M., was one of the first states Trump won in 2016.)

Although Lawrence divides her time between New York City and Los Angeles, her southern upbringing gives her a different perspective. She maintains close ties to her hometown of Louisville (her parents still own a house there, and each Christmas she visits children at the city’s Norton Children’s Hospital), and she understands viscerally the reasons why Donald Trump’s candidacy resonated with many Americans. Here’s “a big powerful man in a nice suit, pointing at you and going, ‘I’m going to make you rich.’ It’s so appealing,” she says. “The Democrats made a huge mistake by chastising the Trump supporters, and that was disgusting to me. Of course they’re not going to vote for Hillary Clinton; they’re going to vote for Donald Trump. You laughed at them when their plight is very real.”

But she scoffs at the criticism of Hillary Clinton as a “career politician.” “I’m like, ‘I want a career politician!’ I wouldn’t hire an assistant if they didn’t have experience; we’re talking about the president of the fucking United States!”

A Kentucky native, the actress looks right at home among horses.

Photograph by Inez and Vinoodh; Styled by Jessica Diehl.

Two thousand seventeen was a fitful year for Lawrence. It started with negative reviews for Passengers, her outer-space movie co-starring Chris Pratt. The film wasn’t a financial flop—it made $300 million worldwide—but Lawrence, who garnered a career-high $20 million payday, couldn’t distract from the movie’s troubled plotline.

In June a private plane she was flying on, from Kentucky to New York, at 31,000 feet suffered double engine failure and was forced to make an emergency landing. (No one was injured.) Over dinner Lawrence told me the terrifying experience sent her into therapy for the first time to combat the post-traumatic stress she was dealing with. And every time she got on a plane in the aftermath, to soothe her nerves she watched Disney movies on rotation. “Thank you, Emma Watson, for Beauty and the Beast,” she says. “I’ve seen it six or seven times. If anybody has any questions about it, come to me.”

She also ended her relationship with director Darren Aronofsky. The two met making the allegorical Mother!, a controversial film that critics loved—Lawrence won praise for her performance as a young tortured wife and mother—but one that audiences rejected as too complicated. “I thought it was genius, a masterpiece, and . . . a cry for Mother Earth seemed right and cool. He was the perfect filmmaker to do it with.”

Although they are no longer romantically linked, they are still friends. Lawrence prides herself on healthy relationships—and healthy breakups. “We have an amazing friendship that started before the movie, then we had a partnership with the movie, and then we had a romance that came from the movie, so when you strip the romance away, we still have immense respect for each other,” she says. “As cliché as it sounds, we were good to each other. I read stuff all the time that I think would be perfect for Darren. And I think we’ll work together again.”

Lawrence has strong friendships—fellow actresses Emma Stone, Brie Larson, and Amy Schumer, to name a few, as well as a very tight group outside the industry she has known for more than 10 years. “When I was doing X-Men—that was right when Hunger Games was starting to come out—everyone just starts looking at you like you have something on your face, and the whole world starts reacting to you differently,” she remembers. “If I was not living with a best friend at the time, I don’t know what would have happened, because every day I came home, and it was the exact same: we’d talk about boy drama, and we’d talk about her [life].”

“She is one of the most intuitive people that I know,” says director Francis Lawrence.

One member of that group, Laura, whom she had met when she was 17, was with her when Vanity Fair photographed Lawrence in December. I saw something on that shoot I have never seen in 20 years of living in Hollywood. Upon arriving, Lawrence’s dog, Pippi, defecated on the property almost immediately after getting out of the S.U.V. Laura, who was helping Lawrence that day, reached in her purse, pulled out a plastic bag, and then did the unthinkable. She handed the bag to Lawrence, who proceeded to pick up her dog’s poop.

Hollywood is home to an egomaniacal industry where movie stars tend to be enabled and coddled, and at a certain point actors begin to surround themselves with sycophants and paid pals. I have watched Lawrence grow up in this community, and it gave me such a sense of pride that the world’s biggest movie star is still humble enough to pick up her own dog shit.

Lawrence provided some of her own insight: “Being an actor, you become a professional at talking about yourself,” she says. “And it’s not even our fault—we do it for months and months and months at a time. But I have my girlfriends and I’m genuinely interested in their lives.”

When Mother! was doing poorly, Lawrence initially was disappointed by the public’s indifference to the film. She remembers thinking, “ ‘Did you guys not get it? I gave my body, Darren gave his fucking heart, he bled for that script, and you don’t get it.’ It’s a little sad. And I remember letting it be sad for a couple of days, and then I was like, ‘You know what? This is not where I get my happiness from. I get my happiness from my friends and my house—they’ve brought me so much sanity.’ ”

In The Hunger Games and Winter’s Bone, Lawrence played the “young-adult maternal figure.”

Photograph by Inez and Vinoodh; Styled by Jessica Diehl.

Working steadily since the age of 16, Lawrence uncharacteristically has some time on her hands. She is signed on to star in a film with Italian director Luca Guadagnino (Call Me by Your Name), but with the script still being written, there is plenty of time for Lawrence to explore other opportunities.

 After our dinner we leave the dishes in the sink and head to her living room, where there are two stockings hanging from the mantel—one for her, and a miniature one for Pippi—and a Christmas tree. I ask about future projects. Lawrence has made no secret of her love for television—especially reality programming. She’s become unlikely friends with Kardashian matriarch and “momager” Kris Jenner, who posted on Instagram a picture of a mini toy Porsche she received from Lawrence. In November, Lawrence gave interviewers everywhere a run for their money when she grilled Kim Kardashian West as part of a guest-host stint on Jimmy Kimmel Live.(Sample questions: “Have you ever been cheated on?” And “Do you think it’s a coincidence that [ex-boyfriend] Reggie Bush’s wife looks just like you?”)

Over glasses of red wine I ask Lawrence, “If you could make your own reality show, what would it be?”

“I’m happy you asked,” she says, a Cheshire-cat grin crossing her face, “because I have actually been toying with the idea of becoming a billionaire and I’d like to start my own TV network.” Because of her viewing habits—heavy on Real Housewives, all things Kardashian—she declares, “I am pretty much a television professional at this point. And I have a brilliant idea for a reality show called Breakup Island.”

She goes on: “I can’t tell you the details, but there are very distinct cast members like The Bachelor, between the ages of 20 and 50, who you stay with and care about.”

Lawrence has obviously given this a lot of thought, but she plays coy. “That’s all I’m willing to disclose about Breakup Island because I really think it’s going to happen,” she says. “My agent was laughing at me when I told him. But I am clearly obsessed.”

Lawrence leans back on the fainting couch, her face lit perfectly by the natural firelight. She takes another sip of her wine, and after a beat, with the confidence of a mogul, she says, “Seems like a natural next step.”

(C)