#but gifting myself is a personal reward i love to do for some reason

[moodymisty]

Hi, it’s Lorgar anon crawling back in your askbox like some kind of vermin. The way you write is just so gorgeous that I can’t stop myself from unleashing a follow-up headcanon ask to what you’ve written. Sorry in advance:

Lorgar, as you have said, has the tendency to vehemently worship. But I’m now thinking of the implications of that on the worlds he conquered. I mean, isn’t he already walking around and preaching about how much of a god his father is? What’s stopping people from starting to view you in the same light?

Because if the son of god treats you as an equal and calls you beloved, and if his sons call you “mother”. What’s stopping some agri-worlder from speaking your name during a prayer? I suppose it’s only natural, it’s so obvious to them that you’re holy.

Basically what I’m trying to say is you might accidentally become a folk saint.

Did Lorgar start it? Probably not, or at least he did it by accident. Does he encourage it when he finds out about it? Maaaaaybe. Just maybe. He can have a little bit of worship, as a treat.

Cue to you taking a trip to Monarchia and seeing a little shrine in the corner of a temple that is definitely of you (but with a halo or something). And you’re like “Lorgar please explain”. And he’s like “Let’s not explain this in front of your worshippers”. And you’re like “my WHAT-���

Well, this x reader idea is all fun and games. That is if The Emperor never found out about it. Because if he does then ohhhh boy do you have a second terrible father in law on your hands! You sure as hell wouldn’t want that to happen. But i'm sure he’d never pay attention to a planet such as Monarchia, right?

Right??

I've always sort of leaned into this idea with the Lorgar fics that he loves to worship his beloved, but it's a precarious pedestal you could fall off of at any moment. Lorgar is fickle at best, and with people like Kor Phaeron and Erebus whispering in his ear.

And in the eyes of people below him, either his legion or the people of Colchis, if he's that way to you, then clearly you're something they should pray to as well, right?

If their Primarch, lord and master, whispers praises to you and receives love in return, if his sons call you mother and raise their swords at the slightest danger, then surely altars in their homes, mumbled kneeling prayers and rosaries would earn your love as well?

Worshipping a Primarch is one thing, and even if this is 30k and they're far less treated as gods as they will be, they still see them as something beyond them. So anything attached tends to get similar treatment.

But his human lover isn't that far beyond them. You were chosen, gifted by a father or picked out from a crowd of dedicated worshipers (the story twists and changes depending on the person telling it) and rose above all the rest. To his people that is attainable, that faith has rewards.

Needless to say finding out that it's a thing let alone that Lorgar is in some way unconsciously (or consciously) encouraging it is quite the shock. Though you more than likely have little chance at stopping it at this point. You at least can get somewhat used to it, as long as no one goes absolutely insane about it.

(Lorgar also loves all of this. One of his favorite nicknames for you now is that you're his little goddess. It's usually used in more, intimate scenarios however.)

The Emperor finding out... yikes. Yet another tally for him in the reason why he's going to burn Monarchia into ash. He might take note that you aren't the one encouraging this, but at the end of the day, you and Lorgar are lumped into the same pile now.

[eighties-goth-suicide-note]

🎀

♥️

🔮

🌘

☂️

🍒

🍓

🥩

🥀

🌸

🌺

💖

💘

💌

💋

⛓️

🔪

answer to every single one or im using the last emoji to unalive myself

Hello my little Dove ♡︎

🎀 - How did you meet your Darling?

Well. . . . we met on a dating app ^___^' not our proudest fact but ... we fell in eachother personalities and were in a 3 day online relationship before seeing eachother!! thats so adorable

♥️- What's your favorite thing about your darling?

Beutiful, long eyelashes....and ocean blue eyes.. *blushes cutely* I also think that you have such kind and delicate soul but also the other half is filled with pure insanity and possesivness!!

🔮- What is your ideal date?

I just need your presence Darling, but im weak for forest, picnic dates, it would be so nice to admire the beauty of the nature with you! Juts imagine how lovely the birds would sing just for us, lonely in the woods. I have very good orientation in field, so taking you to a meadow deep in the forest wouldn't be a problem for me. We would have a delectable picnic with pastries I prepared all by myself and then I would try to paint you or play a song for you!! I also love museum dates . . . im a sucker for culture, I just find humans so interesing, I can watch paintings and wander what was the point behind it? Or watch some artifacts and imagine people, just like us, but many years ago living their little lives! Just like us now, we are also living little lives that take part in big history ! Ahhhh I can ramble for you for hours ! (´｡• ω •｡`)'

🌔- What is your ideal yandere/darling scenario?

I am drolling everyday at the thought of getting creepy letters.. .. ones are full of pure love, how my stalker wants to marry me, thinks im beautiful porcelain doll, they need me like oxygen, other with just lustful disgusting thoughts!! and the last - possesive, dangerous ones!! How im being stalked, how they love taking pictures of me, how they will kill all tthe people i talk to!! nhh g h g hh being followed would be sooo sooo scary i would be sooo terrifed that i would stay in my room and and then you would break into it because you will miss me soo much!!.. also kidnapping.. heh do i need to say more..

for me being yandere, i would find your scared face so adorable! You cant even imagine how awful i can get! i play the role of weak, petite doll for a reason, one day i will lock you up in my basemen . . . or maybe just put collar on you and chain you to the wall so i can see you right after entering living room. . . ahhh... . . to have my little pet waiting for me after a long day . . . i could do anything i want, the good and the bad, , that would be so fun to have you all defendless.. i could just put knife to your neck, scream at you . . ohh ho i would love that salty tears!! I would lick them off without second thought. And you would succumb to all my orders!!! you will be my pet and i will be your master ^__^ But with my harsh traning.. comes rewards, you will be the one reciving attention from me, i would shower you with kisses, make you homemade meals to watch your health ! It would be our little secret. I will be the source of all your happiness, sorrow and fear.

☂️- Do you have a rainy day plan for you and your darling for when you're stuck inside?

My darling playing brawl stars and hugged in his arm reading some good book and drinking hot tea ! (〃＾▽＾〃)

🍒- What are your yandere types (if you have them)?

I have them all in my bio silly... . but im both sadistic and masohistic... it just depends how im feeling :3

🍓- What is your favorite yandere trope or stereotype?

STALKER X VICTIM, the obsessive possesive ones, or when darling gets mad at yandere and they start crying, begging for forgivness on knees mnnn.

🥩- What is your favorite metaphor for love?

“The moon is beautiful, isn't it?”  ִֶָ☾ ⟡ ݁₊

🥀- What would you gift your darling for a special occasion?

lego. or maybe some game... or flowers..because a beautiful boy like you deserve whole bouqet!

🌸- What is your least favorite yandere trope or stereotype?

really dense/oblivious love interests.. i like when yan hides for beggining, sends anonymous signs, ther darling gets so paranoid and then - yan catches them like a wild animal ^__^

🌺- What are you and your darlings respective aesthetics?

I adore gothic, dark academia, dark aesthetic... and my bf is just geek >w<

💖- Would you donate your organs to your darling if needed?

YES. But im afraid im to small for him >___<

💘- Do you have a future plan for you and your darling?

Yes, I can wait for you to finally be in the same uni as me and live together my love :3

💌- What was your first introduction to the yandere community/how did you find out you were a yandere?

Since I can remember I was a fan of dark fiction, I remember I found a stalker au usuk.... YES I WAS A HETALIA FAN. and also THE pregame saiouma fanfics... i have cluster B disorder so intense feelings for my favorite person was always a thing, but before my little lamb it was only platonic.

💋 - What is your love language?

Acts of service? Im busy girl so I always get happy when someone does little things for me. Quality time, I want to spend every second building great memories. Also getting long messages about devotion to me.

⛓️- What would break you?

Getting cheated on.

🔪- How far would you go to express your love?

Im capable of hurting myself or deleting everyone from my life just for one person. ( ❛ᴗ❛ )

Ahhh it got longer than i thought, I hope you enjoyed reading all of this sweetheart!! I hope you will send me more anons or repost more insane things i wuv you (〃＾▽＾〃)

[togglesbloggle]

Just musing out loud-

One of the gifts that time brought for me, ish, was a reduced interest in labels for myself. Reduced-not-gone, because humans love a good sorting hat, but definitely not what it once was.

It's most obvious in media, like with those YA books that routinely have explicit caste systems or divide people up by thematic groups, or with video games that let you pick a faction. But it sneaks in to real life too. Like, take the famed Tumblr* neogenders/neosexualities and proliferation of flags. It is, of course, unironically fun to watch the ever-increasing fractal complexity as people chase the questing beast of a coherent taxonomy of sexual nonconformity, and I think the people that do so often find it very rewarding. But I watch mostly as an outsider, because the whole thing is answering questions to which I already have satisfying answers in my own dialect- at least insofar as it comes to how I think about myself. And what's true in the narrow case of Tumblr's culture has some far-reaching impacts on politics as a whole, as you might guess.

It's not that I find the castes/factions/neogenders themselves uninteresting- almost the opposite really. I like exploring and thinking about them all, but in a way that doesn't trigger any questions about me as an observer; the 'me' in my sense of these things is a fairly high-inertia construct, one which doesn't really deform much in the presence of exciting new taxonomies. They tend to show me much more about their authors than they do about myself, though as always there are exceptions. It's like seeing a new map of a place you know well, where you're not so much discovering the territory as appreciating a new view of things through the eyes of someone else, a pleasure that follows from an appreciation of the cartographer's choice of framing and the cleverness by which they drew the lines.

The reason I say 'gift' is, most of the benefits of that sorting-hat instinct are front-loaded; a map, any map, is worth it's weight in gold when you're new to someplace. It helps you find a community where you can thrive, it helps you communicate with others and build shared expectations. But especially once you get a little bit more used to things and learn how to get around without a reference sheet, labels are a double-edged sword. There's no perfect label that can really capture a human person, leading to all manner of suffering as we try to conform to the labels we find ourselves carrying, and we can fall down a really deep hole if we start trying to treat those labels as the axioms from which a human is derived.

It also becomes clear, with the benefits of distance, that while a lot of my exertions in label-making felt like introspection at the time, they didn't really manage to be introspection. Introspection, I think, would have been a little more about my identity as a thing-in-itself; after all, it revolves around the question "who am I?" But a curious fact about these identity groups is that they're meant to be comprehensive; every single student at Hogwarts is placed within one of the four Houses. That is, playing around with these things isn't a matter of asking "who am I?", but rather, of describing the society in which we find ourselves, and our relationship to that society. Ruminating about the proper label for ourselves is asking a different question than introspection does: "where do I belong?"

A good chunk of what I thought was self-discovery was, in hindsight, something closer to self-consciousness. Trying to figure out how to be seen, how to be known, how to take up space in a social world where all of those things can be very high-stakes. But I seem to have stumbled in to a degree of equanimity with myself regardless, so I suppose no harm done. Probably you need to chase both lines of inquiry in parallel, but I think it would have helped me at the time to realize that they are fundamentally different questions.

[caramelmachatwo]

Losing deserves a trophy

an underrated life lesson

Nobody teaches kids how to lose despite it being an unerring cycle of life. Why must we only praise ourselves when there's something worth rewarding?

My family has always encouraged me to do my best so that I can succeed in life, and I listened. I was gifted with being a natural at playing instruments. I picked up the violin when I was 9, a guitar when I was 13, a piano when I was 15, and some kalimba, uke, and flute in between all those years. Though some made me confident, not one made me feel like I could keep playing it forever.

It made me question my love for music. It felt like I was losing the only part of me that was good at something.

Though instruments were there for me, so were some people. Specifically, one person. They taught me to be comfortable in my own skin, live life a little more, and essentially be free. They were the complete opposite of me, yet they taught me how to be more like myself. And when I lost them, it was one war that I completely won—I have never been happier to lose someone. Fortunately, I didn't "get rid of them," but rather, I outgrew them. I loved this loss.

Losing is such a fickle word. Why isn't it rewarded just as much as winning?

You deserve to eat even if you failed a test. You deserve to rest even if all you did was five minutes of studying. My god, you deserve to be taken care of at your worst. How can you be so cruel to yourself, knowing you have experienced hell and all, alone? You tend to focus on being number one all the time, you forget that bringing yourself up to try was the hardest part, amidst the mystery of the future.

What would life be if you had no courage to attempt anything?

Generations today fuel their egos with academic validation, money, or the number of people they've fucked. When did life get so odious and revolting? Why does it matter if I haven't dated anyone? Accusing me of being scared and unlovable when you yourself haven't got the backbone to confide in your own solitude. Afraid to lose everyone's worship, you restrain yourself from pursuing the things you find compelling. Don't antagonize me because I'm brave enough to be completely shattered and do it again.

Maybe I'm a hypocrite for writing this since I'm doing quite well in my life, but if you look deep within my heart and seep through my soul, I'm not very good at living. I keep things to myself and see vulnerability as an imposing threat when that's what makes us completely different from other creatures. We were built to say what we endure.

I just kept trying until it didn't matter. None of it did. No embarrassment or shame should make us cower from being known by someone. And even now that I feel enlightened with who I am currently, there are days when it does feel gloomy and unlucky. I say all these things, yet no one understands. But then again, why stop for a reason you find enthralling?

Yes, you will lose sometimes—most of the time—but I learned that it happens to all of us. We have lost and will keep on losing, but we have our dreams and questions. You must go on.

[monsters-pokenursery]

hey all! this is a blog in the making for a free pokemon adoption/trading "service" i want to start offering.

whats the catch?

well... nothing. for real.

this is something ive wanted to do for a while, and the latest controversy involving TPCs banning of tournament players for having hacked mons kinda has me motivated to finally do it!

the sad reality of competitive pokemon is that, despite how far the game has come in terms of QoL features, its still just not accessible to everyone. not everybody has the time to spend on catching, breeding, and training competitively viable pokemon, particularly when the meta is ever-changing; whats meta today isnt guaranteed to still be meta a month from now. its hard to keep up!

pokemon showdown is a great tool. for many, its where they play competitive pokemon exclusively. but if you want to compete in live tournaments/events, you need in-game pokemon. many people, understandably, simply use hacks to get the mons they need to compete. i see nothing wrong with that, personally! the pokemon themselves are exactly the same as any "legitimate" pokemon. but if TPC keeps cracking down on those who do, then more and more people who dont have the time to obtain battle-ready pokemon through legitimate means (or simply hate the tediousness) are left unable to compete. i dont think thats fair.

as for myself, well... im a person with... a lot of free time, ahaha. im disabled and unemployed, so ive got plenty of time to play pokemon. i also really enjoy raising pokemon! breeding, EV training, etc... i find it soothing and rewarding. so i figure, hey, why not put that to good use and help folks out?

what im offering is to help breed, train, and trade pokemon to those who want them. id love to adopt out some of my own extras from breeding projects too! it feels sad, just having them sit in a box in pokemon home when they could be a member of somebodys team, help people complete their pokedex, be a starting point for those whod like to breed their own pokemon, etc.

i may also offer some rare pokemon, like legendary, transfer exclusive, or just generally difficult to obtain ones. im actually in the process of "farming" mew on a spare save from the ongoing mystery gift event, ahaha. ive also got the means to get as many kubfu/urshifu as i have the time to replay swsh from!

basically: i want to give you cool pokemon for free for no reason other than i like playing pokemon and making people happy.

welcome to my nursery! :)

[armonial]

❕Hello Lucemond Nation❕☕️

— I know sometimes that the days can be rough. Especially when truthing such an amazing ship, right? I know mine can be haha;

But won’t you look at that that.. only 58 fics until we hit 2000 Fics!!! Authors who see this give yourself a Pat on the back for me, and readers kiss your palm and place it over your lovely hearts for any charming comments you have left and kudos you have gifted to our Lucemond writers.

In every writer, there is a reader. So we know how amazing it is to read an updated fic. Getting a new chapter in can be a real chore and can exhaust the mind. So readers, be considerate of the authors perspective on the demand of an update!

New chapters take time. Deciding where to go that is appealing to yourself and the audience takes time. The wait can be so rewarding! Do not discard a work or talented author just because it has been a while since the last updaaattee. Have patience because guess what? The author is human too, with a life outside the little fairy box known as a phone (or computer for some folks). And as a writer myself(+from my perspective), we can’t wait to get a new chapter out. Its so lovely to work on something others can enjoy while also being able to enjoy making a story. Plus it is actually pretty difficult to fit in the shoes of a character who is not an OC to make a fic pov sometimes. So be mindful of that if you would be so kind!

There are so many lovely and eye catching stories in our not so little nation we have here. But there are times where I see hateful comments before deletion or the mention of them being received in notes of updated works. My dear Writers, it is so Ok to delete hateful comments! Please do! Don’t let that negativity stick and btw Ao3 has a muting option; so mute that commenter then delete whatever you received from them! Do not respond, don’t give their negativity that satisfaction. As for Readers, don’t be that person. If you don’t like something, don’t continue to read it and do not leave a rude comment that can be hurtful to the author who is certainly trying their best.

I’m the kind of person who just loves leaving comments, replies, and posts. I like to voice my passion, thoughts, and feelings on something but only if it is positive or simply full of curious questions. And I do not however expect my questions to receive an answer in any other form than the chapters that are brought with updates. But questions always reveal that you are interested and your mind is really wrapping around the plot of the story. I loved seeing questions in my comments because it will be so lovely to answer them with time!

I also aspire to be the commenter, when you see them, you recognize that little name and wonder what I left this time!. It’s nice to have a constant. Sureee sometimes I feel a little awkward being the first to like posts/tweets/blogs, reply, and comment on updates- stuff like that but I do it anyway because I will be doing so eventually! This is mostly to relieve any one of your anxieties you may have regarding this topic. Or thoughts they never really considered when looking at things a certain way. Don’t be scared to give that poster some love!!!

Let us ALL respect each other yea? I hate to see arguments. There is no need for them honestly. You either agree or you don’t, we can be civil in our discussions. It doesn’t have to lead to a true argument. Also don’t stand idly by and watch a discussion get out of hand, help distinguish it. We are all here for the same thing aren’t we? Try not to allow any toxic vibes in because at the end of the day what was the reason for your fight? A ship that is literally problematic enough on our hands, we don’t need much more than the dynamic itself.

The only Fated Feud we should be having is the one in the dialogues of our lucemond fics, nothing more my dearest loves.

Leave a reply to this blog of mine if you have something you wish to say, vent/rant about; or simply go to my profile and ask me something. Might I remind you that you can Anonymously because it is enabled for my ask box, or you can as your profile I don’t mind.. It will be responded to no matter what and you can have your own privacy if you so wish! <33

Now.. Without Further ado, I wish everyone an oh so very Happy Thursday! ❤︎︎ Sit down with a cup of tea or any beverage of your choosing, put on something good to watch, and maybe even read a little.

I recommend a fanfic(whatever kind it may be, we all have our Vices) or just a book. A personal favorite of mine is to read some Edgar Allan Poe, reading some of his poems is where I’ll be!

Yours faithfully,

Tealeaf and River🍂

꥟

For a bonus: Look what I got for my daily Masterpiece. It’s called Forest by Bokuyō Katayama, 1928. Isn’t it beautiful?

[inkabelledesigns]

Can't believe it's almost the end of July. I still have a small number of pieces I want to do before art fight is over, and we will hopefully get there. But even if not, can I just say, I'm really proud of myself? I've never done art fight before this year, and I have improved as not just an artist, but as a person. My goal was to get better at doing traditional line art, and mission accomplished! I've gotten so many kind words about my line weights looking great, and that means a lot.

But also, I've started to untangle some of my complicated feelings about drawing for others. I've been in so many groups over the years where art (and the people who make it) was something transactional, where if you had something made for you, you were expected to make something back, at the same quality or higher, and it was this huge obligation. Alternatively, if you drew for one person, you were expected to draw for everyone you were friends with, and that weighed on me a lot. None of that is healthy. I don't like feeling like I owe people, in art or in any other circumstance. I've discovered over the years that I barely have the energy to create for myself sometimes, and I just, can't make stuff for everyone, not enough hours in the day. So it was easier to never draw for anyone ever, even when I wanted to, that way no one could be disappointed, but even that's fruitless and untrue. There has always been someone that's felt entitled to my art and time, even when I didn't give that part of myself to anyone.

The reason I could do as much for this month as I did is because I put down some very reasonable guidelines for myself: only line art so I didn't burn myself out, not working on other art forms so my focus was in one place (save for voice acting because I owed people lines), all traditional because I was gonna be traveling, grabbing references beforehand so I had a clear idea of everything I wanted to draw. I was prepared, I was kind to myself, and it was good. And I've let myself draw what I want to draw, that was the big one. This was a gift that I was allowed to give freely, on my terms. And ultimately, that's what's made it rewarding. The people I've chosen to draw for have been so excited over what I've made for them, and it's left me feeling like I did a good job. I MISSED the feeling of bringing someone joy over something unexpected. It's why I purposely told no one I was making something for them, so it could be a pleasant surprise. It leaves me feeling really good, and I get the sense it's the same on the other side too. And the amount of feelings I've gotten over the art I've received are through the roof. I read every description, thank you for saying such nice things about my character designs, it makes me so warm and fuzzy to know that you enjoy what I've made enough to want to play with it on your own, that is a massive compliment! I spent a lot of my life never being told that I did a good job with my art or characters, so getting to hear it a lot this month has made me happy. Everyone's pieces have been rotated in and out as my backgrounds on my phone and laptop all month, I love turning them on and seeing all the love that went into this art. Everything is so beautiful!

It's not about the points or who wins, I'm here for seeing people light up. I'm here for celebrating fun character designs. And I'm so glad I did this. I'm crying because I didn't think I'd ever be ABLE to do this. But I was, and it's been great. Now -twirls pencil- we have some work to do!

[aldercaps]

There isn't really a point to this post. I just needed to put these words outside of myself, to give it somewhere to go.

going under a readmore because I had a lot to say apparently (this is not a happy post, nor does it have a satisfying ending)

Toby was a defacto birthday gift to my eleven-year-old self, after I had pestered my parents for over a year on getting a kitten. He was the first cat that was truly "mine", in that I was his favourite person and he held the dearest place in my heart. He turned ten years old this year, in March, which was also the year anniversary of when I last saw him.

He's doing well, last I heard, living with one of my mum's friends, who I don't know. My memory of last year is bad enough that I couldn't remember that it had been march when I saw him last, I thought I'd had more time. I didn't get to see him off, mum dropped him off when I was in class. I hadn't lived with him since 2021, when I moved out into my first flat. I wanted to take him with me, but it is almost impossible to find student housing that is pet friendly, and so I said goodbye to him (temporarily) as my mother's new boyfriend moved in. When my mother decided to move with her boyfriend to the other side of the country to an inner city apartment, she told me she wouldn't be taking Toby with her. I scrambled to find someone I knew that would take him in, just for the rest of 2022 until I could take him with me, but I couldn't manage it. I haven't seen him since march last year, wasn't able to come with my mum to say goodbye. It's taken me so many tries to try and write a post like this but I haven't managed to without being overcome with emotion.

When I was in high school mum always insisted that I take Toby with me when I move, since he was so attached to me and I was the one most willing to put up with his antics. He would play ambush with me, hiding in the dark shadows around the house in the evenings, waiting to jump out at me when I least expected it. He remains the only cat I've ever had that enthusiastically enjoyed belly rubs, and would stretch out on his back over my lap for them. We would play a game where, most days an hour before dinner, he would come into my room, and yell at me until I looked at him. Then, he would walk out of the room and wait for me just outside. Then, he would walk with me downstairs (if I paused he would pause, and jump up to headbutt my hand) to the kitchen where the cat kibble was kept, and do a running leap onto his stool to signify that he wanted dinner now, please.

When I was about 12-13 I took to the idea of training him, and after a couple of years of sporadic practise I could pat a chair or surface in the house if he was in the room, and he would do an enthusiastic running leap onto it, and of course received either a treat or bounteous pats as a reward.

He was my heart animal, and I love him so deeply. I try to console myself that he's living the high life as a single cat in a loving household, which he always preferred (enjoying the company of humans much more than other cats), but I think the not knowing is what gets me. The last photo of the four is the most recent photo I have of him, courtesy of my mother, from November last year. My sister told me that after I moved out he would walk into my old room and cry for minutes on end, or look for me throughout the house for weeks afterwards. I visited him as often as I could, once every two weeks or so, but I never felt properly welcome there with my mum's boyfriend there, since we never got on well at all. Later last year my sister said something that i think sums up the situation well: "I can't believe we lost our childhood home and our cats for some guy mum broke up with two months after she moved." Mum still has Cassie, and I can't blame her for making decisions that she thought would add to her happiness, but I don't know if I will ever get over losing Toby like that. He was one of my reasons to keep living through the worst years of my worst mental health, my light in the darkness. He was a constant I didn't know I needed until I lost it. The grief I've felt after losing him is something that has confirmed to me how much I need a companion animal in my life, and the past two years of not living with an animal of any kind has really cemented that for me.

Anyway. if you got this far, give your pets a kiss or a scritch for me, and tell them you love them.

[uwupissarozzieuwu]

(re: the 3 robofizzes that work at ozzie's) Imagine this: Fizz probably doesn't see normal Robofizzes that often. He doesn't really have a reason to, and he finds them kind of creepy. So when Ozzie's gets three new ones to swing in for him when he's not working that day, it's more or less the first time he gets to see how they act.

Fizz, watching RoboFizz #1 tell a joke: No. That's not funny. I would never say that. I hate it. Burn him

Staff member: He is only capable of saying words from a database of things you've been recorded saying. You must have said that at some point.

Fizz: I am going to kill myself

And then he realizes they've been programmed based on the him that existed about 10-15 years ago. Of course they're out of date! So now it's like his personal mission to bring them up to speed on how he acts in the current day, because he can't have them acting weird in Ozzie's and ruining his rep. He lets them sit backstage and watch and learn from him. He talks to them. At a certain point he starts giving them random little treats/objects he likes (because...they're him, right? they're supposed to like the same things he likes?) as rewards for good behavior, which devolves into him just gifting the Robofizzes things for fun. They're robots, but they're programmed to be able to emote. And Fizz finds it oddly healing to see his robot selves happy.

YESSSSSSSS I LOVE THISSSSSSSS omggg I love these robofizzes lmao

I love the idea of them actively learning!! Sometimes, they’ll just stand/sit there an observe him, and the things they learn will start to show later. But other times, they actively mimic and copy him, real-time. Which, can sometimes turn chaotic pretty fast 😅 Like, once, Fizz was cussing out a member of the stage crew, and *all three robofizzes* were copying him, also cussing out that stage crew member, rip

They also have to learn when to do certain things, and learn that there are some things that they really shouldn’t mimic. Whether it be because it’s private, or because they’re robots, and certain things that Fizz does could be completely unnecessary, or straight up harm them. Like that time one of them had to be repaired because it chugged an entire jug of iced coffee. That… that was a mess, lmao.

They’ve also picked up on a few of Fizz’s bad habits, and Fizz gets so incredibly embarrassed about it 😅 Like one time, Fizz caught one of them mimicking a potty dance backstage, and he nearly ripped the thing’s arm off 😅

Anyway, I’d love to hear your thoughts on this 👀 What other chaos would they get up to? What rewards would Fizz gift them?? Would Fizz ever punish them??

[jacksonthelizardking]

Getting to know Jackson. I hope it doesn't bore you, and if it does, by all means... stop reading.

That said, let's get to the first in what may become a series of questions.

Lets get to know you.

I had played in the Teen Wolf verse a few times, dabbling here and there. Played Scott for a minute, done a few side stories as others, but I saw no good Jackson's out there. The ones I did see had zero grasp on who he was at all. It was like they were playing him without seeing who or what the character was. Personally, it always bothers me when I see a great character who is supposedly canon and yet played completely against type. I think it takes a very devoted mindset to play someone that is canon and bring them to life. For that reason alone, I typically play original characters that allow me flexibility but Jackson had wiggle room, as you will learn below.

The moment I took on the challenge of portraying Jackson Whittemore, it was like my muse just exploded inside and he came pouring out of me. He wanted me to play him. He knew he could trust me and showed me all his sides. Yes, I know how that sounds, but hey, I'm a writer. Enough said. Ironically, or perhaps thankfully, the character of JW and myself harbor the same offbeat sense of humor, the same chip-on-the-shoulder past, the same struggle to not be undermined and stand strong while being cautious that you're uncertain. The struggles of coming out can often be the same.

So, I will say that it seemed an amazing fit and I was told time and again that I did him justice, to the point that some knew better to even add me if they couldn't handle Jackson. Yes, I heard about many but that was before I evolved him. Now this will cut to the heart of the question as to why I write him. My re-birth of Jackson began when I heard Colton was not returning for season 3 of TW, or shortly thereafter. I felt robbed of an evolution that I needed, wanted. I let it go for a while but something sparked in me to keep him going beyond high school. All I had to go on was that Derek had shown him a few things before he left for London and presumably, college.

At this point, I knew he would not be canon any longer but I have always strived for the best fit to keep him as the same person, evolving over time. Will you still see his snarky side? Oh yes. Sometimes people are put off by it actually, but I remind them gently ooc, which should not need to be done, that this is just who Jackson is. He does not have some instant rapport with much of anyone. I can think of several who cannot understand why I have played him like that, but to me, this is canon. Jackson has genuine depth as opposed to just being malleable to all situations.

I would say that playing him has become a very rewarding experience that I did not know would impact me. There are people that I both respect and admire in this community of gifted writers who have not only loved what I have done with Jackson but gravitate to him, to be a part of his ongoing adventures. I know a handful of some of the best writers and it still blows my mind that I get to do this sometimes. I am thankful for the many blessings of this creation and getting to share stories, share their joys and triumphs.

As a final note, I can say that playing Jackson has opened a creative well in me that is ever-expanding. In my portrayal, I easily brought him into the 6th season return for where he was at and stuck with the timeline of the origins. That stated, I genuinely hope this upcoming new venture with Teen Wolf will not alter him too terribly, but if it does, I will try to keep him canonically based and see how it all unfolds. May the adventure ever continue for us all.

To all my fellow writers and friends, I thank you deeply.

~Jackson's writer

[tammyblackday]

She loves me.

I shared this and a photo of my sister on Facebook earlier today. I’ve modified it for this platform.  My older sister loves me so much. She is one of the most generous people I have met in my life. From a young age, she did everything she could to take care of us kids. She tried so hard and never got anything but grief from us. I'm ashamed to say that I've often taken advantage of that generosity, not intentionally, but I did. When I was a teenager and young adult, she was the person I called to help me out of every single horrible situation I got myself into. And, there were some bad, life-altering situations. She never judged me, just helped in whatever capacity she could. 

I remember at my lowest point, when I wanted to die, she told me to go get my hair done and she'd pay for it. I needed to change my perspective on myself. I did and it did. Since then, whenever I'm feeling down, I remember to do one thing to change my perspective. 

She's the reason my business is "Changing lives one perspective at a time." 

For the longest time, she was the "wealthiest" person I knew- but she and her husband didn't really have much for a lot of those early years. What they did have was perseverance and tenacity, and the capacity to do better with the cards they were dealt in life. They worked hard and shared what they could with our family. I took it for granted. 

My sister helped me clothe and feed my children throughout the years, when I was down and out on my luck. After my first divorce, she started sending me her $25 rewards gift cards from Target with instructions to spend it on myself. She knew I put everyone else ahead of me. She sent me those cards for years, until I finally was stable and able to provide for myself and my children without assistance from anyone. I know that once I stopped receiving that generosity, she started sending those to my children and others to help in the same way. Just a few years ago, when I lost both jobs, my apartment, and had to voluntarily repo my truck, she sold me one of their vehicles, had her husband drive it half way to me, and even filled up the gas tank and gave me money to get home.

She's a giver. She can't help it. 

I've done her wrong so many times throughout my life, and she's always been there. Sis, I'm sorry for all the pain I've caused you. I wonder what it's been like to be on the receiving end. Will you forgive me for being selfish and ungrateful? I love you!

[flowerandthesongstress]

The February-2023 writing update and some very important info.

It’s been a year since I stopped sharing my writing to ao3/publicly. I took inventory again. During this time I have 1) overall written ~580k words (go me) 2) at the tail end of it managed to publicly share 7k of them, all g-rated, all allegorizing the same stuff (not immigration, for once 😳). Go me? No, not really. The credit for convincing me goes to someone else. I'm still locked in a battle with myself regarding my reservations about sharing anything else online again; it's starting to feel like I just don't possess the emotional capacity to overcome these reservations in full. Maybe because they're justified.

The rest is the same. Yes, you can request private access to my main stuff, the methods for contacting me are in the pinned post, blah-blaaah, you probably already know the drill, sup bruh how's it going.

But, as this one question and this one issue have been popping up again and again over the last few months, I’ll just say it here for convenience. 

First off, the answer to that question: yes, it’s free, of course it’s free! I would never monetize/publish my writing. 🤦���

Second. The issue. If you already have access or aren’t interested, please disregard, carry on, and have a good day and a salad. 

Here goes.

Louder for those in the back: writing, however hard the process, is its own reward; sharing isn't. You've done enough damage already. Please don't make sharing into a punishment.

If you’re about to contact me and ask me to share with you directly, I would implore you to first go/return to that very same pinned post, click the link behind the ‘why?’ of me no longer sharing online, and read what’s there. And then I would like you to take a few moments to ask yourself if you’re doing something described in that post — or doing something generally inconsiderate.

If you, for instance, having never reached out to me before in any capacity — even the One-button Pressing and ‘thank you, reading this brought me comfort’ capacity — are about to ask me to send you the link to uuuuh, something that took me over two years to create. So that you could binge hundreds of thousands of words and, still just as silent, yeet off..? Or if you’re about to ask for this link while informing me how excited you are for ‘more hot threesomes’ and how much you love my ‘porn’ (...I just 🤦🏻‍♀️ oh god why, WHY).  

Please, I beg of you, at least try to get self-aware for a second. If you personify one of the reasons why I stopped sharing publicly, yet now you want me to share with you directly, please ponder: whatever for would I be doing that? More disillusionment? Higher therapy bills? What comfort, support, communal bonding, friendship, education, enlightenment — and dopamine — does this miserable sod stand to gain from sharing her writing with you, o Silent Lurker/Mindless Consumer of ‘Content’/Person with a Raging Fetish/Person Who Thinks That Allegory Is A Reptile From Florida? 

Hmm? What’s that? You’d be bestowing upon me the miracle and gift of you gracing my unworthy scribbles with your priceless attention?

Heard this one before, more than once. More than a dozen times. Actually, I lost count by now. That misguided, social-media-induced, performative-everything-induced, clout-or-die, late-stage-capitalist, voyeuristic notion that a thing has no ‘value’ until it’s getting seen and that one should feel grateful for being clicked on. Or that writers like me aren’t humans, but just these free vending machines that exist solely to supply you with ‘content’, and shouldn't beep out of line.

I'm sorry, but I actually like my writing and have a lot of respect for myself, my time, and my effort.

I am not a machine churning out product for you and your insatiable consumption needs, untreated childhood traumas, and specific fetishes; I'm a living being.

A living being who is writing exceedingly personal things and looking for meaningful interactions and connection. Looking to trust.

Otherwise, there is no point for me to share my writing with anyone but friends and loved ones. For the same reason why Abed never returned ‘Time Bandits’ to Blockbuster.

And Clicking things isn’t engagement; botting programs click things. Haters and plagiarizers click things.

If I was fine with the status quo, I would have continued sharing everything to ao3, without any dubious acrobatics.

Plus, I’ve got some safe validation at home. 

So I can do without this ‘miracle’ (that's actually just your entitlement and ignorance speaking) and I'm sure you can get your ‘content’ elsewhere, and I'm sure someone else would be happy with being silently-stalked and/or treated like a business. Personally? Pass.

I do not want you as a reader. Please do not delude yourself by thinking that your capitalist paws and brainrot are of any emotional value to me; on the contrary, it would be a blessing to not have you as a reader. Escaping the attention of you and your brethren is like dodging a bullet.

...

All of the buffoonery and yapping aside, it hurts to see this shit again and again and again. To be honest, I no longer even bother replying to some of those messages. Sometimes I just block, run for hugs, then do my best to move on, not cry, and not feel heartbroken. The astonishing levels of entitlement, the utter lack of self-awareness — it's painful to witness. The fact that people like this are almost always from the USA, white, and in their early twenties, is also very telling. And horrifying.

…No? Not you? All good? Expressed your support/appreciation before? Are self-aware, mindful, emotionally mature, and considerate? Perhaps you even like to correct other people’s grammar? Do understand that I am not in any fandoms and am not interested in ‘blorbos’ and ‘headcanons’? Actually mean it when you say you like my writing? Did not fail to notice which one is tagged as [if you only read one work by me]? Would not be opposed to chatting sometime? Want some pomegranate molasses on your salad? Agree that Roland Barthes should be resurrected for a minute just so I could slap him with a catfish? That’s awesome, then please feel free to message me and poke me for the link(s), it’s some really good shit. 

Update, done.

[constrictivemoray]

The little things you do are the things that I'm grateful for.

b. ruggie x gender-neutral reader

lowercase intended

sfw short fluffy semi-romantic content (honestly i think you can view it as platonic super best friends) under the cut

author's note:

i pulled this plot out of my ass and the tiny little voice at the back of my head repeated "sitri... sitri you have to do something about this or else it's gonna haunt you for 3 months."

ruggie could never get enough from you.

it was the little things you did every day that made him feel like he was being rewarded with the most luxurious gift ever—

feelings.

the feeling of love.

the feeling of being grateful.

the warm, fluttery feeling he felt every time you did something for him that he didn't even ask you for.

he could never find anything to give back to you to show his gratefulness. all that he had was inexpensive compared to the little things you did.

but he wanted to thank you somehow.

"c'mere."

you, hunched over a pile of his used clothes, turned your head to face ruggie. at least, the direction where you could hear his voice coming from.

"pardon?"

"i said c'mere. get over here already, my arms are getting sore."

you realized that he was sitting on his bed. his arms and legs were outstretched, inviting you for some good old physical affection.

you decided that sorting the laundry could be continued later, and made your way to his bed after patting the imaginary dust off of yourself.

he probably expected you to sit on his lap so he could hug you, but you ended up sitting next to him.

he squints.

"are you kidding me? do you want me to say it out loud?"

and then he was smiling. he knew you were playing with him.

you grinned and sat on his lap. he gave you a big squeeze, nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck.

you couldn't see it, but you heard rapid soft thumps against the blanket. his tail was wagging.

it was cute.

"why do you do so much for me?"

you could feel him embrace you tighter.

"do i need a reason to?"

there was a pregnant silence after that, and you heard him sigh.

"i guess not. but how am i supposed to thank you for all of this? everything that you do for me? you know i'm capable enough to do these things myself, but you still do it."

"well, everyday i always come and find you running errands 24/7. whether it be for leona, the dorm, or just personal things you need to take care of. i think you deserve a break from all of this. and honestly, ruggs, all i want from you is quality time and affection in return. in my books, you've already fulfilled that. you need to relax."

"for sevens' sake, stop being so cheesy all the time."

his tail thumped against the blanket at a much faster pace. you could tell he was flustered.

another moment of silence passed with the two of you holding each other in a warm, tight, comfortable embrace. neither of you wanted to let go, but...

"ruggs, can you let me go so i can finish sorting through your clothes?"

@constrictivemoray

[kookie211071]

A note to myself before the year ends..

Sometimes it's just too hard for us all. Sometimes it's not. You feel happy sometimes...you feel bad sometimes... sometimes life feels like it's hell.. sometimes it feels rosy and garden-garden.

Idk why am I saying this...but I'm just happy at the current moment. The moment while I'm typing this very sentence. I feel happy and blessed. I wonder why i don't feel the same when I'm sad. Haha. Just feeling blessed for my life and also guilty for those days when used to say that life is shitty. I just feel like thanking God for giving me the gift of life. Maybe some small moments of joy serve as a reminder that you should value life and shouldn't rant about it. Life is all about making your way through all the challenges and rewarding yourself with good moments of joy... to feel blessed and energetic, yet again.

I've been feeling happy these days. Genuinely. And the reason is not because something great happened today. These days are still the same. It's just ME, who has recently been living differently. I've recently started doing meditation and yoga after waking up early in morning. I've started listening to fiction audiobooks which are free on YouTube and recently have been listening to this audiobook- "It ends with us" by Colleen Hoover.

This book makes me blush and happy all the time. I listen to it whenever I'm doing my household chores, which I usually find boring and I procrastinate. Now I'm doing these chores happily since I give myself the permission to listen to this audiobook while doing the tasks. It's one of the best feelings trust me. It gives me the motivation to do something, rewarding myself at the same time...which makes the whole process really joyous and relaxing.

I've been spending a good amount of quality time with my parents too. When my dad returns to home after his tiring day at the office, when my mom is done with the major household chores, when my younger sister is back from school and done with her homework...we all TALK. Just keep talking and laughing and it's really good. I hate to admit this but I never really used to value these precious moments before. But now when I do, i feel grateful for all this every single day.

I was making myself belive that I'm in depression for a long time lol. Always self criticising myself, telling myself how bad my life is and having a negative perception about nearly everything. I was forcing myself into just existing and not LIVING my life.

Life is beautiful and we need to value it. As I said above that all the days were the same. What changed was my perception and some of my habits. A change of perception of life from that of a negative to a positive one. A change of habits from that of staying awake till late night and waking up the next afternoon to now sleeping early and waking up early to do yoga-meditation and ground myself.

I've accepted myself now. At the same time, I'm improving myself too. Self improvement and self acceptance go hand in hand and are the two different sides of the same coin. You'll only improve yourself once you accept yourself the right way and start loving yourself. Also, self-reflection is really important as I'm doing right now.

This year is about to end and I'm proud of myself for realising all this just at the right time. I'll be setting some realistic goals for myself and gonna work upon them keeping all these things in mind. I hope I can be a better person at the end of the upcoming year.

One thing that I wanna tell to myself and to the ones who will be reading this (if they do):- If you think you have a mental disorder or illness like depression or something similar, it's okay. It wasn't your choice to go through this. But, GETTING OUT OF IT is certainly a choice. If you can't FIND happiness, you need to BUILD it for yourself. Just like I did.

Xoxo

[buckyownsmylife]

daddy issues - chapter xv

The one where Ransom doesn’t feel ready to become a father, but he should have thought about it before sleeping with a complete stranger.

When Ransom’s latest one night stand lets him know that he’s going to become a father, he finds himself looking for the qualities he never believed to have so he can become the parent he never got to witness as a child.

for general warnings and author’s notes, please go to the fic’s masterlist.

A/N for this chapter: this is 3.2k of unedited drama and I am so fucking proud of it. I wrote this entire thing today, and it’s easily one of the pieces I’m most proud of. So I haven’t been able to fit a proper conversation between the reader and Harlan - I couldn’t make the scene justified if his presence was there, since he does seem to be the one thing that keeps the family on the line - but that means I had some ideas of how I can make up for it in the future! Extra chapter? Perhaps. We are approaching the end though. I only have two more chapter planned for this fic and an epilogue. We’ll see how that goes!

Y/N’s P.O.V.

“Hey!” I got into the car excited to see him again, but I tried to reason with myself that it was all because of his visit to his grandfather’s publishing company, of course. I wanted to know how that went and I was curious as to what Harlan’s plans were, that was mostly it.

The fact that I had genuinely missed the man by my side after spending just four hours away from him had very little to do with it, or so I tried to tell myself. I didn’t know how to deal with depending so much on someone yet.

But I was trying to.

Ransom’s silence alerted me that something was different. I stopped trying to fix myself to look to the side and find him staring out the window, face expressionless and eyes void of any sentiment.

“Ransom, what’s wrong?” Reaching over, I squeezed his thigh to get his attention, and he jerked as if he was genuinely surprise by my presence in the small vehicle. “You look stressed,” I clarified, eyebrows furrowed in worry as I reached over to push away a strand of hair that had fallen out of place.

He just stared at me for a while and still I couldn’t read what he was thinking. Was he mad at me? Had I done something wrong? After what felt like eternity, he sighed, gripping the steering wheel as he looked on his lap and admitted, “I’m gonna have to go to this family dinner on Friday.”

Immediately, I breathed deeply in relief, suddenly realizing just how worried I actually was that his mood had something to do with me. But then I was reminded of the little that Ransom had told me about this family - even that little felt like too much.

I could only imagine the anxiety he was feeling, and my heart ached to soothe him as best as I could. “Do you want me to go with you?” I asked, running my digits over his nape calmly, keeping my voice as soft as possible to help him relax.

Still, his head snapped up so he could meet my eyes, his wide as two saucers as he struggled to process what I’d said. “… You’d do that?” He sounded so surprised, so genuinely shocked by my offer, that I couldn’t stop myself from giggling, taking both of his hands on mine and squeezing them gently.

“Of course I would, honey.” Ransom’s eyes were so soft as they stared into mine, even as my heart doubled its size in its effort to reach out for his, I found myself justifying, “You went with me to see my parents!”

The way his smile dropped at my explanation had me feeling cold and empty, desperate to see him look at me the same way he was doing only seconds ago.

“Besides,” I forced myself to admit it, trying not to sound as breathless as I felt while I opened my heart to him. “I-I don’t want you to go through that alone. I wanna be there for you, like you were for me.”

Immediately, I felt rewarded on my effort to open up by the smile he gave me. “Thank you, baby.” He squeezed my hand this time, and when he leaned over and connected our lips on a quick peck, my heart skipped a beat.

I was in love with this man.

Ransom’s P.O.V.

I sighed as we stood in front of my grandfather’s front door, trying to adjust my sweater that suddenly felt uncomfortable. Beside me, she seemed to be doing the exact same thing, fingers pulling on the end of the dress she was wearing, making me smile.

The dress highlighted her bump - it was now undeniable that she was pregnant and even if I’d never been particularly attracted to women in this stage of life, I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her now.

It was like she shined from within. Her beauty amazed me, and so when she noticed me staring and stopped fiddling with her clothes, straightening herself up to ask, “Do I look okay?” I had to stop myself from laughing.

“Yes.” More than okay. “But are you sure you won’t be cold?” We’d gone through this argument before leaving the house, so I was prepared to see her rolling her eyes as she reached out to take my hand in hers.

“Unless your family has the habit of dining outdoors regardless of the weather, I think we’ll be alright.” I chuckled, rubbing my thumb on the back of her hand, but it sounded nervous even to my own ears. It didn’t surprise me that she noticed it. “Are you ready?” She questioned, voice in that soothing tone she used whenever she noticed my stress.

“Not at all,” I admitted, but in all honesty, the prospect of joining my family for dinner didn’t seem as bad as it usually did. Not with her by my side.

“I’m here for you.” Hearing her say those words meant more to me than I was able to properly express at that moment so I just stared at her, taking in the fact that this incredible person actually cared about me.

“Just… don’t leave me alone, okay?” Her immediate nod had me smiling. It prompted me to once again lean over and connect our lips, only this time, when I tried to pull away, she kept me close with her hand on the back of my neck.

Who knows where this kiss might have led us if the door hadn’t open right at that moment, revealing my lousy uncle who stared from me to her with wide eyes?

“… She’s pregnant? With your baby?” A groan was all I could muster as a response, tugging her into the house with me. “When were you going to tell your family?”

“For fuck’s sake,” I cursed, looking around the living room for the bar. “Where’s the goddamn alcohol?” There was no way I’d be able to survive this night without it, as much as I wanted to be supportive of Y/N.

“I think that’s a bottle of scotch,” I heard her whispering next to me, pointing towards a corner of the room, and I sighed in relief at her understanding.

“Thanks, sweetheart.”

Y/N’s P.O.V.

An hour into the evening and I had already understood why Ransom was the way that he was - and why he liked his grandfather so much, despite how he felt about the rest of the family.

Harlan was gentle where all of his children were… prickly. In fact, he was the only one who addressed me at all, but I found myself feeling grateful for it, since when the dinner actually started, I wanted the rest of the family to forget about me completely.

“I am so sorry,” Harlan apologized, rubbing his hands nervously as he stared at the rest of the family who was walking towards the dining room. “I sleep early, everyone knows that, but this is the only time they could all gather and since they didn’t know you were coming…”

I waved away his apologies, offering him a hug as I wished him good night. “Just as long as you’ve had your dinner, Harlan. Thanks for welcoming me into your home.”

He accepted my embrace easily, taking advantage of the proximity to whisper in my ear, “Just hang on to him, dear. I promise it’ll be worth it.” I smiled when we parted, nodding in confirmation to his words.

“It already is,” I assured him, but he only sighed.

“Make sure to remember that during dinner…” Now I understood why. It started with a simple question, one of the maids offered me some meat, and when I hesitated to answer…

“God, are you daft, girl? Have you never eaten lamb?” My eyes widened in surprise, but before Ransom could have the chance to throw himself at his mother, I just squeezed his thigh.

“I was going to ask her if there was any oregano in the sauce. It’s been making me feel sick.” I didn’t need to add why - the reminder of my situation, of what led me to be there with them in this dining room was very clear in me.

And still, that didn’t stop them.

“That’s a pretty necklace…” Ransom’s father commented before we could even grab a bite. I chuckled to myself, immediately catching onto what he wasn’t saying.

“Thanks, I got it at a little boutique back home. It was a gift for myself after I got my first paycheck.” I could feel Ransom’s gaze on me, the waves of pride rolling from him in waves. It made me smile, but it was just the calm before the storm.

“Ransom, have you contacted a lawyer?”  This question came from his uncle’s wife, Donna - I think that’s what she was called. Not that she tried to introduce herself to me or anything, but Harlan made sure I knew everyone’s name as soon as I stepped inside the house.

“Why?” Ransom’s tone was vicious and his squinted eyes alerted everyone that he was prepared for a strike, but the fact that he still hadn’t anticipated what was coming almost made me laugh.

Even Donna herself hesitated, unbelieving that he was going to make her say it. “There’s no way you’re that stupid.” And just like that, the doors to hell were opened up.

Ransom’s P.O.V.

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing, but then again, was I really surprised?

“You should make sure to draw a prenup,” Donna insisted, while the rest of the family pretended not to hear, undoubtedly coming up with their own ways to insult Y/N. “Something that will assure only your kid has access to your money.”

I could hear Y/N quietly laughing to herself next to me, but while she was able to find the irony in the situation amusing, all I felt was blinding rage.

“God, do you even hear the shit you say? I never asked for your input, this, right here, is precisely why I didn’t tell any of you all about my baby.” I saw Y/N flinch from the corner of my eyes before I heard my mother’s fork drop against the precious porcelain dish she was pretending to eat from. I knew this was the sorest topic of discussion for her. I knew this was why she had been pretending Y/N wasn’t even there, hadn’t even been invited to dinner with me.

“Fair enough,” she spoke, lying back against her chair as she finally raised her eyes to meet mine. “I don’t know if we even should learn anything about this child, considering it most likely isn’t even yours.”

It was like someone had thrown a bucket of ice over me. Y/N was oddly quiet now, seemingly as frozen as me - and when I realized that, my anger returned with twice its power.

“Watch your fucking mouth,” I warned, just as my mother retorted, “Don’t you talk like that to me.” I didn’t even have the chance to talk back when she stroke again. “You fuck so many ransom desperate chicks, I’m surprised this is the first you knocked up.”

This was as insulting to her as it was to me, and it also struck a chord in me because of how I feared this was just reinforcing Y/N’s views of me. “Don’t say shit like that,” I threatened, to no avail. “Don’t talk about her like that.”

“Ransom…” Her sweet voice tried to intervene, but I was too far gone to hold myself back now. I couldn’t stand the thought that I was hurting her because I was the reason she was here in the first place.

“You know nothing about her, and yet you feel comfortable judging her,” I continued, ignoring her completely. “She’s a lawyer, actually. You would know it if you had even bothered to talk to her. If there was ever the need for a prenup, I’d have her draw it.”

Maybe they thought I’d stop at that - I thought so myself, until I realized there was still so much I wanted to get out, and I was going to do that now.

“And you know what? I trust her more than I trust you, and I came out of you. So maybe you should consider that before you attack the one person I try to introduce to my family.” I hated everything about this. I hated how they still managed to get to me, how the fact that my own mother, who I didn’t even respect, still managed to make me feel inadequate about the one thing in my life that made me excited.

I knew I’d always lose with them. They just had this way of inciting the beast in me - they brought out the worst in me, and I felt helpless to fight it.

“Okay, so she’s not some random skank,” my uncle oh-so-helplessly interrupted, immediately making me want to punch him in his stupid face. “But this just means she’s the one playing you.”

“Oh, shut up!” I threw my hands up, pushing my chair away from the table, fully intended to storm out of the room until Meg was the one who stopped me dead in my tracks.

“Did you even get a paternity test, Ransom?” She seemed almost uncomfortable to voice it, eyes darting from me to Y/N, but I could read her apologetic smile perfectly.

She just didn’t want someone else to get Harlan’s attention and interest because that would potentially mean less money to each and everyone of the people in this room, as he’d add one more person to his aid list.

My father took advantage of what Meg said, waving in her direction. “Don’t you know how important this family is? How quickly she could rise in any job because of a connection to us?”

My mother scoffed, finally ready to interfere again. “Knowing she’s actually smart leaves me even more surprised that you’ve relented and decided to become someone’s little plaything until this baby pops out. I’m assuming a few months with a screaming kid and you’re just gonna abandon her anyway. Which is fine by me, I won’t have to pretend to be a grandmother for long.”

Y/N’s P.O.V.

All I could think was how grateful I was that I had accompanied him to this dinner tonight. As I watched his chest heaving with fury, I could not imagine how he would have felt having to deal with all of this on his own.

“Ransom,” I tried to catch his attention, pulling him back to his seat. “Ransom, it’s okay,” I tried to appease him, but he was too fucking gone to care.

“No, it’s not okay, he pushed my hand away, getting up from his chair to lean over the table, both hands on top of it as he stared at his mother.  “What the fuck is wrong with you?” He yelled, making me flinch, although Linda hardly seemed bothered by it.

Then, much to my surprise, Ransom straightened up, running a hand through his hair as an emotionless chuckle escaped him. “No, you know what? You’re right. You’re not gonna be a grandmother. I’m gonna be a father, Harlan’s gonna be a great-grandfather, but that’s it. I’m not gonna keep taking your shit anymore, Linda, you know why? Even if this child wasn’t mine, I’d still want her and this kid.”

My heartbeat pumped out of control as he continued, “She’s not just someone who’s carrying my child. I care about her. And if you can’t respect her, than I guess I was right in keeping this pregnancy from you.”

I held my breath as Ransom apparently caught his, my head swirling with the different emotions running through me - my infatuation for this man, who had so fiercely defended me from his entire family, the adrenaline from witnessing such a vicious argument.

I truly believed this would be the end of it. I didn’t know where they could go from here - that was, of course, until Linda decided to attack him.

“Oh, and you think you’re going to be so great with it?” My blood boiled when her words turned against her own son so easily. Attack me and my dignity? That was okay, these people didn’t know me.

But seeing her attack Ransom was just too much for me.

“Do you think she’ll want to keep you around once she realizes she’ll be raising two children with you to weigh her down?” Ransom visibly faltered, like she had slapped him, and that’s when I had enough. “You’ll never be able to give her the emotional support that she needs and you know that.”

I rose to my feet at that, holding onto my lower back as I softly slapped Ransom’s back in an attempt to calm him down. “I got this, babe.” He was so surprised - and still so hurt by his mother’s statements - that he didn’t even try to stop me. In fact, I think he didn’t even realize what was going on until I turned to Linda and started talking.

“Do you really think that poorly of your son that you can’t believe he has anything to offer in a relationship?” Now she was the one who looked up at me with an expression that looked like I had physically hurt her.

“Is it that unbelievable to you, that someone would be able to like him for him?” She didn’t seem to be able to find anything to answer to me, and when I turned to Richard, I was also met with silence.

Ransom’s P.O.V.

“Well, I do,” she announced, like it was the single most obvious thing, the simplest fact to deduce in the world, while I stood back watching her with my mouth hanging open. “I like him enough to be willing to open up to him even if one day he might leave me because to me, he is worth any possibility of future pain.”

I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I’d never had anyone defend me like this, not even Harlan - not even my parents, when I was a kid and the bigger children decided to bully me.

No, back then all I got was a talk about how “real men don’t cry” and if my father ever caught me cowering from someone else again he’d give me a real reason to be afraid.

“And I do say possibility,” she continued, not having raised her voice for even a second and still to effortlessly able to catch the attention of everyone in the room, assure herself the ground to speak her mind without the fear of interruptions. “Because Ransom’s actions have never given me any reason to think that outcome is even remotely probable.”

“So maybe you think about your own opinions of your son’s character and see if they don’t reflect your own more than they reflect his actions.” She turned around after that, tiny hand encircling my wrist as she began to yank me in the direction of the front door.

“Let’s go.”

[hot-wiings]

The One Where Denki And Mina Think Katsuki Needs To Be A Softer, Nicer Boyfriend, And An Insecure Katsuki Agrees, But [Y/N] [L/N] Doesn't Want A Nicer Boyfriend, She Wants Him.

Requested By: @spicyhokage

Edited: 1-6-2021

It was late when Katsuki came in through class 2-A's dormitory doors. Being his second year at UA the school was allowing students to go back into student internships. With Best Jeanist still off the streets, Katsuki wound up interning with Fatgum, using the link between Eijirou and him to get in. Katsuki hadn't expected to be out for so long, there had been a bad villain that showed up at a different agency and it was a perfect match for both his and Fatgum's abilities. Fatgum had allowed Katsuki to work on it with him, nevermind the fact that Katsuki had already planned a study date for your upcoming test Monday, he jumped at the chance to work with the heroes.

Katsuki knew, or at least he hoped, that you wouldn't be that mad or upset at him for ditching you at the very last minute. It was a leg up in the hero industry, it was a helping hand, he could make more connections and improve his skills. As a student hero, you should know how important this is. He'd want you to make the same choice if it was reversed.

Despite abandoning your date, Katsuki wasn't heartless. He bought a bouquet of hydrangeas as an apology. Apologies weren't something he was good at, but he hoped you would accept it. Katsuki was hoping you would be up waiting for him in the dormitory lounge when he came back, but he knew that one was a longshot. He'd rather have you in bed resting, or making up for the studying he promised to help with but hadn't. Katsuki was hoping he'd find you in the dormitory lounge waiting for him, but instead, he found two of his peers.

"You were out awfully late, weren't you?"

"Shut it, pink face. I need to go see [Y/N] and then head to bed, like a smart student. You and dunce face do realize that we have a big test Monday, don't you?"

Katsuki marched right past Mina and Denki, who were sitting on the couch, towards the elevator to get up to your dorm. If he was right, Mr. Aizawa would be asleep by this hour, and getting into your dorm would be no issue. Katsuki stopped walking towards the elevator when he hears Minas' voice speak out again.

"Did you really get hydrangeas for her? You ditched her for your internship and you got hydrangeas? Girls like roses Katsuki. If a guy ever brought me hydrangeas, I'd kick his butt to the door. Queens deserve better."

"What the fuck are you implying raccoon eyes?"

Katsuki turned back around to yell at Mina for implying that he wasn't good enough for you. He nearly crumpled the flowers by clenching his hand. Mina didn't know what she was talking about. He had brought you hydrangeas several times before, you never complained about it. Denki spoke up to try and intervene Katsuki from blowing up on Mina.

"I think what Mina meant to say is that we're just worried for you. You really like [Y/N], right? Take it from a guy who gets dumped by girls a lot. Pretty girls like [Y/N] don't need to sit around waiting for guys like us. While you're trying to further your career you're ditching her, not to mention, when is the last time you showed her affection?"

"For starters, dunce face, don't call my girlfriend pretty. Secondly, there are no guys like us and girls like [Y/N], there's me, her, and all of you fucking extras that need to get out of my relationship."

"Fine, don't take our advice. Just so you know, [Y/N] isn't in her dorm, she's in the kitchen."

Mina practically sings her words out, and Katsuki changes his course of route from the elevator to the kitchen. He had a scowl on his face the entire time, courtesy of Mina and Denki. He had to restrain himself from beating them with the bouquet. Katsuki reached the kitchen door and he took a minute to recompose himself from his previous anger to a calmer version of himself. He pushed the door open with a calmer smile on his face but stops after opening it halfway.

"What's the answer to number two?"

"Uhm... 6?"

"That's right! Here's your reward."

Katsuki clenched his fist, practically ruining the flowers. He ditched you and your study date, he shouldn't be getting so mad at seeing you and Deku study together. You can have friends other than him. You can be around members of the male gender other than him. Even if it is shitty Deku. You're allowed to have a life outside of Katsuki, but as Deku broke apart a cookie and threw it right into your mouth, a sweet reward for getting the question right, he was ready to toss hands with the boy.

"We're gonna ace this test Monday. Thanks for studying with me Deku. I hate studying alone and you're great at math. Usually, Katsuki helps me, but he got busy."

"It's no problem, [Y/N]. Seriously, I'm always here if you need me."

Katsuki quietly pulled the door shut instead of going in and interrupting you and dumb Deku. Maybe Mina was right. Katsuki thought about it more as he walked back to Mina and Denki. He didn't really show you affection that much, and he did spend a lot of time in the gym or at his internship. His idea of a date was training together or studying. You probably hated the flowers but chose not to speak on it. If he didn't change, change now and fast he was going to lose you to that shit-munch. He needed to show you he was the better more deserving man. As Katsuki stared at Mina and Denki he uttered the words he never wanted to say to them.

"I want your fuckin' help."

"Bring [Y/N] roses. Girls love roses. Not a daffodil, not baby's breath, not a tulip. Roses."

Roses were Mina's first piece of advice to Katsuki. According to her, girls only cared about getting roses, and every other flower was inferior. She also said apology flowers must be paired with chocolates. Katsuki personally thought that was bullshit. He had been bringing you different breeds of flowers throughout your entire relationship and never once had you vocalized disdain for it. But Mina is a girl unlike him, so she must have had some kind of special insight. You must have just not wanted to make him feel bad for messing up. Katsuki knew he was inexperienced in the dating area, but he hadn't realized he was screwing up so badly.

Katsuki did exactly what Mina said. Saturday afternoon, Katsuki showed up at your dorm with a bouquet of yellow roses and a box of chocolates, the milk chocolate kind. According to Mina, milk chocolate was better than dark chocolate. He knocked on the door after checking his phone for the time. He knew you didn't like getting up early on the weekend, and you had been up late studying the night before. Twelve-thirty seemed like a reasonable time to stop by.

You opened the door, slippers on your feet, eyes barely opened, and a crinkled forehead as you tried to slightly open them to see who you were staring at. You had a pair of shorts on and one of Katsuki's sweatshirts. One you promised you hadn't seen and swore he must've lost in the dorms laundry facility. Katsuki smiled down at your sleepy form, you were adorable. Once you registered who it was you yawned and crossed your arms as you lazily leaned against the door frame and let a small smile cross your face.

"What're you doing here? You were out so late last night, you must be exhausted."

"I could say the same about you, you look like the epitome of tired. How late were you up?"

"No later than two. When did you get in?"

Katsuki didn't want to tell you he came in at midnight. You would've asked him why he didn't come to see you, and he didn't want to say that he saw you and Deku studying together. He didn't want to admit that he felt pained at seeing you together so close. Pained at you needing and using Deku as you would him. Katsuki held up the roses and chocolates and thrust them into your arms.

"I didn't even check the time. I brought you apology flowers and chocolate for ditching you. They're roses!"

"O-Oh, they're yellow."

You took the items he thrust into your arms and moved further into your dorm so he could come in. You set the chocolate down on the bed but kept observing the flowers. Katsuki was quite proud of the flowers he picked out. They were pretty and blooming, and he thought you'd like them. Yellow roses would look good in your dorm room. You, on the other hand, were not ecstatic with the flowers. You bit your lip and tried to make your smile bigger. Did he know what yellow roses symbolized? He had to of known, even Denki would know something this simple. Maybe you were reading into it too much, they're just flowers. It was a gift, not a death sentence to your relationship.

"I'll have to go to the kitchen and see if there's anything I can put them in."

Katsuki could sense you being standoffish. He assumed you were upset at him for ditching you the previous night. He did the flowers right, he would just have to go the extra mile to make you happy with him by serving your needs.

"I can go to the kitchen and find a vase! You just shower or get dressed, or whatever, and I'll even bring you up some lunch."

"You don't have to do that. I can get dressed and do it myself."

"I don't have to do it, I want to do it."

Katsuki cupped your cheeks and pressed a quick kiss against your lips. They were soft and sweet. Katsuki could taste the residue sugar from the cookies you had been eating the night before and he pulled back with a frown, making you frown just as much. He wasn't mad that you didn't brush your teeth, although you should have. He was upset at the reminder that Deku was with you when you were supposed to be having a study date. He was upset that Deku was the one who stayed up with you until two in the morning. He was upset that Deku was acting like a better boyfriend when he was just your friend and nothing more. Katsuki should've been doing more, he should've been doing a better job.

"I really am sorry for ditching you yesterday. If you want, we can redo the date today."

"I really missed you yesterday. I did some cramming with Deku, but I don't think he's as good of a teacher as you are."

"Of course dumb Deku isn't as good as me. I'll grab my books before I come back, we'll have a nice do-over date."

Hearing you say that Izuku wasn't as good as him made him feel good. It was slightly reassuring to Katsuki, yet he couldn't stop this budding feeling every time he thought about you and Izuku studying last night.  

"Buy her something nice. Something nice like jewelry. I always see you buying her practical stuff, that's boring. Girls like pretty shiny gifts from their boyfriends."

Mina's second piece of advice had been to buy you some jewelry. According to Mina jewelry was an acceptable gift for a boyfriend to buy his girlfriend. Katsuki had been buying you practical and weird gifts throughout your relationship. He thought they were good, he thought they were sweet and enjoyable. He supposed he was wrong. With every piece of advice from Mina, Katsuki was getting punched in the gut. He thought he was treating you right, he thought he was doing this whole relationship thing right, but he wasn't. If he didn't fix things fast then dumb Deku would steal you away from him.  

Katsuki felt inside of his pocket for the necklace he bought you. He had Mina help him pick it out that morning. It had been sitting there in a pretty little black box with a red bow waiting to be opened. He wanted to give it to you when he gave you the flowers, but he didn't want you to view it as an apology gift, he wanted it to be viewed as a sweet, 'I was thinking of you', gift.

By the time Katsuki had gotten back to your dorm room, you were all showered and dressed in fresh clothes. You were wearing comfortable clothes, and Katsuki had to smile again. You looked simply perfect. With your hair pushed back by a headband, sweatpants, and another one of his sweaters which you practically swam in, you looked angelic to him. Katsuki put a bag containing your lunch on the small table you had in your room, he placed the vase containing your new flowers there too before pulling out your lunch. You grabbed his book bag from him with a smile and began to pull his books out and place them alongside yours in a neatly organized fashion to create a nice study space.

"What'd you find for lunch?"

"There wasn't much in the fridge to quickly grab, so I made some curry."

"I love it when you cook. It always tastes good."

You smiled at Katsuki and placed a quick peck against his cheek before taking a seat next to him. His chest swelled with pride as he watched you freely dig into the container of food. You liked his cooking, and as he watched you feast in it he knew you weren't lying. At least he did one thing right on his own. One more wrong thing and he was sure he was going to blow a casket.

"Aren't you gonna eat?"

You stared at him with half-lidded eyes and spoke with your mouth half full, barely pronouncing your words but Katsuki still knew what you were saying. He stopped staring at you and began working on his own dish. Every once and a while Katsuki noticed your eyes go from your food to his face and then to the flowers before diving back to the food. He supposed you really liked them. It felt good knowing he was doing it right. It felt good knowing you were happy and content with him for the moment.

You wiped your face off and just as you were about to clean up your lunch mess Katsuki jumped up and took care of it. He grabbed your lunch containers and closed them before tossing them back into the bag he brought them in. He took a wet wipe and wiped up your table and then proceeded to toss the dirty wipe in the trash bin.

"Ready to study?"

"Yup! You're a really good teacher, I really look forward to our study dates."

You walked over to your bed and took a seat on the ground whereas Katsuki laid across your bed in a position where he could have a book out and also easily look over the edge to see what you were doing. This was how you always did your study dates. Katsuki would work and watch to see if you were slacking off, then you would switch books and quiz each other. Slowly the clock clicked away, each passing second made Katsuki grow antsy. He wanted to give you the stupid neckless he had inside his pocket. Katsuki huffed as he slammed his book shut and pushed it off of the bed. You craned your neck back to see what Kastuki was doing before narrowing your eyes, no way did he think he could stop studying while he made you work.

"What are you doing? Are you studying up there?"

"No, c'mere."

You huffed as you pulled yourself up off of the floor and crawled onto the bed next to Katsuki. A mixture of blankets and skin touched you as he wrapped his arms around your body and pulled you so your back was flush against his chest. He let his head rest inside your neck, and you struggled to pull out of his grip.

"What are you doing? We're supposed to be studying."

"I don't wanna study right now. The test is Monday, we can still study tomorrow."

You bit your lip as you contemplated his offer. He had a point. The test was Monday morning, and it was only Saturday, not to mention that you had studied with Deku yesterday. The offer was just so out of character for Katsuki, part of you wondered if it was a trick and thought he was going to pull out a piece of rolled-up newspaper to hit you with like he did for Eijirou. You let yourself sink into his arms, you had been up to this for a while, you deserved a break.

"Okay, but only a small break. got it?"

"Mm. I got you something."

Katsuki pulled away from your body to dig in his pocket and pull out the small black box. You rolled over so you could face him and your gift with a growing smile on your face. You loved Katsuki's gifts. Whether it was intentional or not, he always got you something you needed. Whether it was you complaining about cold hands or your lack of working pens, the next day you would find gloves and a pack of pens with a note from him saying something stupid, like 'You better use these to take your shitty notes' and 'If you get arthritis in your hands you can't become a hero'. It was always a surprise and a delight. Katsuki handed over the box and you tore the bow off before opening it.

"It's a necklace!"

"Oh, it's very cute."

You tried not to frown as you looked over the necklace. You tried you're best to put a beaming smile on your face. It was still a gift and you needed to show your gratitude. It wasn't as conventional as your other gifts, but it was still pretty. Maybe it had a special meaning? Maybe he saw it and thought of you? It was just so unusual. He never bought you jewelry and the style was obviously not his.

"Did you pick it out yourself?"

You tried not to make it sound like you were fishing for an explanation as you smiled and clasped it around your neck to show how much you 'loved' it. Katsuki contemplated telling you he picked it out himself but seeing as you were friends with Mina he wasn't sure what she'd say and he didn't want to look bad.

"Well, I got a little help. Figured a female's perspective wouldn't hurt."

Suddenly you felt sick to your stomach. Not only had he given you a necklace, an unconventional and unusual gift compared to the ones he usually gave, but he let a girl pick it out. There was no special meaning, it was just pretty. Your mind went back to the flowers. The yellow roses. He bought you yellow roses. Your whole relationship he brought different breeds and types, never roses. Especially not yellow, the color that represented friendship.

"Thank you, I love it!"

You wrapped your arms around Katsuki, bringing him into a big, tight hug. Although you were with him physically, mentally you were in other places. That dark place in the back of your head was telling you why he gave you these offhanded weird gifts. The dark place in the back of your head was filling you with untrue silly thoughts, yet you couldn't help but let your head entertain them and wonder. The more you wondered, the more you wanted to rip your neckless off.

mina

Pop music could be heard blaring loudly from a BlueTooth speaker connected to Mina's phone as you walked into her dorm room. Without knocking you barged right in, Mina supposed there really was a reason you and Katsuki were together. You were both bluntly rude and sometimes you didn't even realize it. You flopped down at the foot of her bed and looked up at her before greeting your pink friend.

"Hey."

"Hi."

Mina didn't look up from what she was doing, she continued flicking through the pages of some fashion-forward girly magazine as she replied to you. You ran your fingers through her soft duvet as you looked around her dorm room. It looked like Claires threw up on the walls and it gave you a major headache. You and Mina had two different style sets, two sets of style very far apart.

"Did you study for the test tomorrow?"

Unlike her room, that was a subject that would give Mina a headache. Mina roughly flipped another page of the magazine she was holding as she let out an exhausted breath.

"No, and before you scold me neither did Denki. I swear Katsuki is rubbing off on you."

At the sound of his name, your hand went up and touched the necklace he got for you. You only wore it in case you saw Katsuki today, you planned to wear it for the next two weeks, then you'd pretend you lost it. You weren't a necklace kind of person, and it wasn't even sentimental. Mina tossed her magazine down on the bed and a smile played on her face as she saw the necklace between your fingers.

"That's a cute necklace? Did Katsuki get it for you?"

"Yeah, he did."

You answer Mina's questions and inquiries as you let the gem on the necklace slip out of your fingers. You couldn't help but let your face slip into a frown. You couldn't help it, the more you thought about the necklace, the further you fell into dark thoughts. It wasn't even the fact that it wasn't sentimental like all of the other gifts he gave you, it was the fact he let some girl pick it out. You weren't a controlling person, not remotely. If Katsuki wanted female friends he could have them, he did have them. While he wouldn't call Mina a friend, she was. Mina was a girl you felt comfortable with, however, you had already had a girl in mind of who you thought helped him, a girl who wasn't Mina. A girl you didn't feel comfortable with, a girl you knew you shouldn't feel comfortable with.

"Well, it's very pretty, if I had a boyfriend who brought me gifts like that I'd be over the moon. So I take it things between you and Katsuki are good then?"

"I guess, um, I just... I think Katsuki is cheating on me."

You started off in a stutter before you bluntly spoke out your words. The moment your voice hits your ears you cringe at yourself and cross your arms. It was such a ridiculous thought. A horrendous and dark thought that, lately, kept crossing your mind more often than it should be crossing and occurring.

"What? Why?!"

"He's just acting so strange and weird."

You pulled yourself up into a cross-legged sitting position on Mina's bed to talk to her. Mina moved and adjusted her own body, completely immersed in what you were saying. You played with your hand as your next words came out.

"Whenever he's out late he always, and I mean always comes to my dorm before going to bed. He didn't come to my dorm last Friday, instead, he shows up at my dorm Saturday afternoon with flowers."

"Flowers are sweet and romantic though. The fact that he bought them for you means he cares."

"Katsuki always brings me a wide variety of flowers. Hydrangeas, snapdragons, hyacinth. It's out of the ordinary and romantic, but this time he bought roses. Not just any roses, yellow roses. What kind of statement is he trying to make with that one?! Everyone knows yellow roses mean friendship and red means romance. Even Denki knows that."

Mina scratched the back of her head nervously. She supposed she should have explained to Katsuki to get red roses. Katsuki was unaware of things in the romance department. Mina needed to try and dial things back before Katsuki found out what you're thinking.

"Katsuki isn't very romantically smart, you're his first serious romantic relationship."

"Yeah, but we've been dating for nearly a year, and that's not even it. We were studying yesterday, and you know how strict Katsuki is when he's studying, you've seen him with Eijirou. Katsuki was not strict at all, he made me stop studying to cuddle. To cuddle! Can you believe that?"

"Well... Maybe he's trying to be sweeter to you, I mean look at the necklace he got you, it's so romantic."

"Don't even get me started on the necklace! Katsuki always brings me sentimental and meaningful gifts. He buys me pencil led when I'm low, and notebooks when he sees my paper is getting down to the end, he buys me gloves when he notices mine are lost or have holes. They're stupid and meaningful and I love it."

You ran your fingers through your hair distressed and upset. Yanking your hands through a few new forming snarls from laying on the bed, practically pulling some hair strands out.

"The necklace isn't meaningful, it doesn't have sentiment, and he didn't even pick it out himself! Some girl picked it out for him."

"Why, didn't he say who? It doesn't mean anything. The girl is probably a friend."

"I think I already know who the girl is. It's some stupid brunette from Shiketsu High. They met during his supplementary lessons, they met again after their internship heroes started working together regularly. She saw him when we were walking to get coffee and she just had to stop and talk to him, she was obviously flirting with him."

You had never felt more awkward at that moment. She was blatantly flirting with him, whether she knew that you were together or not, you didn't know. You didn't expect Katsuki to talk about his relationship during his internship, he was supposed to be working, but you didn't trust her. You knew from that moment the brunette was going to be trouble. She was interested in your boyfriend and that spelled out trouble to you.

"'had a little help' he says, staking her claim on what's mine I say."

"[Y/N], I don't think katsuki would cheat on you. He wouldn't do that."

Mina felt completely nervous. She hadn't realized you and she had such different opinions on romance and what was wooing and not. Katsuki was romantic, he was doing nothing wrong, she just didn't see it from your point of view. Mina had worried Katsuki for nothing and gave bad romance advice which resulted in you worrying. Katsuki was going to kill her, she needed to fix this.

"[Y/N], Katsuki loves you a lot, don't worry, okay?"

"Okay, you're probably right, I'm thinking too much. I'm going back to my dorm, try to get some studying in before the test tomorrow."

Despite the pink girl's words you still didn't feel good. As you stood up and walked to her door, you still felt a rush of negative thoughts and emotions. You still felt winded and emotional. You still felt hurt and fearful of your relationship. You felt the same as you did when you walked into her dorm.  

You nervously tapped your leg up and down on the ground repeatedly as Mr. Ectoplasm and his copies passed out the scored math tests to the class. You supposed a quirk like that must be very useful as a teacher. You kept making little glances over at where Katsuki was sat and your heart clenched. You felt so ridiculous for suspecting he was cheating. You felt completely horrible. Mina was right, Katsuki loved you. Katsuki loved you and he would never cheat. The simple thought that he would was wrong, yet, this lingering feeling told you he was. 

Maybe you should talk to him about it. Maybe you should tell him and express your fears and worries. It was better to talk about things like this, it was better to express yourself rather than locking it up and away, where it could fester and damage your relationship. You looked back over at Katsuki, who caught your glace this time and smiled at you. The smile made you feel sick and guilty for feeling this way. You would tell him how you were feeling after class. The sooner it was out in the open the better. 

You turned back to your test sheet and frowned at the result. You got a forty. Forty. After all that studying you had received a forty. You wanted to be mad at Katsuki for not making you study harder, but you had studied with Izuku first hand. Maybe Ectoplasm would let you take a retest. Ectoplasm dismissed you all and you quickly folded up your test paper in half so no one could see your result as you exited. After you packed up your school bag you stood out in the hall and waited for Katsuki. 

The nerves in your stomach churned. You didn't want to tell Katsuki the negative thoughts that were running through you, you didn't want to tell him how you had dark thoughts and worries about him cheating, but you had to tell him. You had to put your thoughts and theories to rest. Katsuki came out in the hall with his own test papers in hand and you both began to walk to your next class. 

"What'd you score?"

"Got a ninety-two. You?"

"A forty."

You sighed as you clenched the paper in your hand. That was a D. Katsuki was on the fritz. He was trying to take Mina's advice. He wanted to be nice and softer to you like Mina told him he had to be, but he couldn't. You should've studied harder, he should've made you study harder. Katsuki gritted his teeth and took a deep breath to calm himself down before responding. 

"You'll do better next time!" 

"What is wrong with you?"

"What do you mean?"

You looked at Katsuki like he grew two heads. This wasn't your boyfriend, and you slightly wondered if Toga had infiltrated UA. He was never kind like this, he wasn't a positive person. He was supposed to yell at you. Tell you to study better. Tell you you needed to get good scores if you were going to become a hero with him. 

"It's just a bad test score, not every score can be a baller."

"I failed my test, you're supposed to yell at me. Tell me I'm stupid, tell me to study more. Tell me anything but that fake positivity shit! You are not acting like yourself, are you cheating on me? Is this guilt? Are you guilty?"

"No! Fuck, no!"

Katsuki dropped his bag and wrapped his arms around you. That wasn't how you meant to tell him about the thoughts you were having. You wanted to tell him calmly and respectfully, you hadn't meant to flat out accuse him, your thoughts just need up tumbling out that way. Katsuki's own reassuring words came stumbling out in your ear as he tightly gripped you against him.  

"You are perfect and beautiful, and so important to me. I would never cheat on you, I would never fuck up what I have with you. Why would you think that? I don't wanna make you feel that fuckin' way."   

"I know that. I know you wouldn't, but you have been acting so weird and different." 

"I need to be nice or else I'm going to lose you. I got insecure, but shit, I should be. You are so perfect, and you deserve roses and jewelry and the world. You deserve someone who cuddles you instead of studying and who doesn't make you feel like they're cheating and fuck-" 

You pull out of Katsuki's tight grip and cup his cheeks. Your fingers skimmed over his skin tenderly as you stared up at his red eyes and noticed how watery they were. Your heart broke, you thought he was unfaithful but he was really just scared of losing you.

"I don't want you to be soft and nice. You already give me the world Katsuki. You make me study because you care about me. I don't want you to get me roses and Jewelry, I hate it, and I love the stupid little gifts you get me. You don't give me affection and cuddles, but you do other things, like waiting to walk me to class and making me food." 

"You don't want me to be nicer?"

"No! Everything you do is already perfect. Everything you do shows me you care about me in your own way. I love the way you are, I don't want you to change."

Katsuki pulled you back into his arms and pressed a rough kiss against your forehead. He was doing everything right. He was better than dumb Deku, and your test score was proof of that. He wasn't going to lose you, Denki and Mina were wrong. 

"Come to my dorm tonight, you need to study better dumbass."

It didn't matter that the whole class watched the exchange between you both. It didn't matter that Mina had screwed with your relationship and felt very relieved to have gotten off scot-free, for now at least. It didn't matter because all Katsuki cared about was the fact that he was a great boyfriend, the best. He didn't have to be softer, nicer. He didn't have to change, you liked it. You loved him, the way he was. That was all that mattered.