#but for reasons my little autistic brain couldn't understand they chose to be really nice to me

[sister-hawk]

if you've ever shown me kindness, know that you will have a special place in my heart forever. till the day i die.

[adultingautistic]

One problem I have is that I can't predict how loud my voice will be or judge how loud it was afterward. Sometimes I'll end up saying something quietly and not knowing whether or not it was audible. I don't want to repeat myself if they could hear me, because that comes across as weird or rude, but what if they couldn't hear me?? Usually, I can get away with this, because people can see my lips move and realize I said something they couldn't hear, but with a mask on, that safety net is gone.

One problem I have is that I can't predict how loud my voice will be or judge how loud it was afterward.

SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAME

Sometimes I'll end up saying something quietly and not knowing whether or not it was audible.

Oh, I have the opposite problem, where I am always Much Too Loud when I thought I was being nice and “normal” XD (remember, doing things to either extreme is autism, and one extreme is not “more autistic” than the other)

I don't want to repeat myself if they could hear me, because that comes across as weird or rude, but what if they couldn't hear me?? Okay so even though I am a VERY LOUD person, I can completely relate to this- because I’ll say something, and nobody responds? And I can’t figure out if:

Nobody heard me 

They heard me but chose not to respond because what I said was completely inappropriate 

They heard me but chose not to respond because they’re ignoring me or 

They heard me but chose not to respond because they’re very busy talking about something else and their brain is full

And I go through exactly what you described, my brain running at full steam trying to figure out which of those is the reason I didn’t get a reply, because it changes my response!  If it’s #1, then I should say it again!  But if it’s #2, then saying it again would be really bad.  SO WHAT DO?!?!?!?

So often, I choose to err on the side of not being heard.  If it wasn’t important, I just...let the thing I said go unheard, because I’m waaaaaaaaaay more scared of #2 than #1.

Usually, I can get away with this, because people can see my lips move and realize I said something they couldn't hear, but with a mask on, that safety net is gone.

Oh gosh, masks throw a whole nother dimension into socializing!  They have SO many new variables that they create- some are good (nobody’s going to yell at me for making the wrong facial expression if they can’t see it!)- but some are awful - (I have Auditory Processing Disorder and already have a hard time discerning words, when they’re muffled by a mask, I’m screwed).

In your case, since you tend to speak too softly, I would bet that they didn’t hear you- because the mask doesn’t just hide your mouth from view, it also blocks sound a little, and you have to speak even louder than normal to be heard.

And if a person says “I heard you, you don’t have to repeat yourself.” you can say “Oh, I’m sorry, I wasn’t sure with the mask because I know my voice is a little muffled.” and that should handle it.

Another good thing about the masks- it levels the playing field a bit, because everyone is thrown off by them, even allistics.  So if you can blame the mask, go for it!  People will probably understand.