#but dont feel like keeping rats in the freezer

[hans-alter-ego]

Tom Holland x Reader Smut

(Not my gif)

Summary: Its was Sunday, both you and Tom (along with Sam, Harry and Tuwaine) were invited to go round to Harrisons for a nice little lunch, the plan was to just have a few drinks outside as the weather was amazing, but Tom found your new lovely spring dress more than fitting and couldn’t keep his hands off of you.

Warnings⚠️: contains smut! Swearing, unprotected sex, alcohol, kinda public sex? Also kinda funny

Word Count: 1.4k

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                 Oh no, we heard 

“Right, who fancies a beer then?”

Harrison asked and all the boys answered with a cheer in unison. You shook your head and when Harrison had came back with a few beers he looked to you.

“Don’t you worry y/n, Tom told me to get some wine for you”

Harrison winked at you and went to go get you a class of wine. You looked to Tom and smiled

“Thank yooou”

“I got you babe”

Tom have you a kiss and Harrison came walking back with a glass of white wine a slightly over filled. You all toasted and soon the lunch was served. Harrison did a good job on supplying enough food for the boys, Harry, Sam and Tuwaine had completely devoured the food infront of them, Tom had moved from a few beers to his second glass of whiskey and coke and you had had atleast a whole bottle of white wine to yourself. You couldn’t help but notice how Tom looked at your every single time you stood up from your seat to get something. His hands always fiddled with the bottom of your dress as your stood up or sat down and sometimes he’d even move his hands upmyour thigh under the table

“Toommmyyy someones being touchy”

“Can’t help it baby, you look amazing”

His hand grabbed your thigh roughly and you had to hide a little gasp. Harry sat next to you and felt you fidget

“You alright?”

You pushed Tom’s hand away and a chuckle came from him

“Can’t wait to take that off you”

Tom whispered to you ever so lightly sending goosebumps to your skin

“Yep! Its a bit hot here right? Wooo yeah need to go get some ice”

Harry rasied an eyebrow at you and his eyes gazed to Tom. Tom kept quiet and tried to not laugh. You got up from your seat struggling because you were tipsy but went for it anyways.

“Haz you’ve got ice right? I need some cold cold water”

Harrison took a sip from his beer before answering

“I got a bag in the freezer, dont use the fridge machine one, its fucked”

You nodded and walked to the kitchen getting a cup from one of the cabinets. Before you could open the freezer to get some ice you felt hands go to your waist, you quickly turned around and came face to face with Tom who had a cheeky grin spread to his lips.

“No no don’t cool down baby”

He was definitely drunk but not drunk enough to be completely rat-arsed. His lips went to your neck and quickly nibbled and sucked on your sweet spots, you held back a moan the best you could but it just slipped out a little

“Tom-”

“You look fucking delicious in this dress baby”

You felt your cheeks go hot at his words, your hands moved to his arms where they carressed them.

“Baby you gotta be careful the boys-”

“Screw the boys, I need you y/n please”

His kisses moved up your neck and he nibbled on your ear making you melt and tingle, it was a weak spot of yours. His hands tugged on your dress causing it to scrunch up a bit. Deep down you wanted to have him inside you, but you couldn’t handle the boys walking in at some point.

“Tom, we can’t what if they walk in”

“We can find somewhere they wont look trust me. Just give me 5 minutes to make you feel good baby, I promise to be quiet”

They way Tom looked at you it made you cave and you couldn’t say no

“5 minutes or less”

“Fuck”

Tom grabbed your hand and you two went off to one of the guest bathrooms, Tom quickly locked the door and returned his hands to your waist picking you up and putting you next to sink. You couldn’t help but laugh at Tom’s drunk clumsiness as he fiddled with his trousers. Once unbuttoned his hands moved under your dress and he basically ripped your panties off

“Tom!-”

Tom was quick to react to your loud voice and his hand came to cover your mouth. It turned you on when he did this for some reason

“Shhh baby, remember we gotta be quiet”

Toms voice was enough to send wetness inbetween your legs. Tom definitely didn’t hesitate, taking out his hard member he pumped it a few times with his hands and entered you. You screamed a little but the sound was muffled by his hand. You were tight around him, and that itself caused Tom to give a low moan.

“Holy fuck y/n— tight as always”

His voice was breathy as he began to move in and out of you. Once he got used to your tightness and you had adjusted to his size, Tom began thrusting harder and quicker remembering he only had a 5 minute time limit. Your hands were all over eachother, grabbing and tugging hair or clothes. His hand was still covering your mouth and you had closed your eyes tightly as you enjoyed the roughness coming from Tom.

“You look so fucking good in that dress baby fuck”

He grunted as he fucked you harder. The way his moans came out made you wet and the whole ordeal of having a quick hidden hook up with Tom was adding to your arousal. You gave a muffled moan in response as that was all you could do. Your hands tugged at his hair as you felt yourself getting closer

“I wanna feel your pussy cumming baby”

Tom must of forgetten about keeping you quiet because he removed his hand and placed it to your clit where he began rubbing it quickly, sending a huge wave of pleasure through your body, you bit your lip but a somewhat loud moan still escaped you.

“T-Tom Tom I-”

“I’m gunna cum too!”

Before either of you could say another word, you both came together. You arched your back and pulled Tom close to you as you came. Toms pace slowed down as he twitched and filled you up, his breath panting and hot on your skin. You both stayed there for a few seconds before Tom pulled out from your and cleaned up with some toilet paper. You quickly did the same and tried to dry yourself up a little. Tom handed you back your panties and you slipped them on quickly, flattening out your dress and making sure you looked ok in the bathroom mirror. Tom gave you a kiss and you two quickly left the bathroom. Toms hair was still messy and his face still red from what just happened. Your dress was slightly scrunched up in places even though your tried to make it look nice again. When you walked back into the dinning room all the boys looked to the both of you and they all cheered and laughed at the same time.

“Bruv aint no one gunna do the crazy shit you two do”

Tuwaine got up and laughed, Sam awkwardly looked to you and joined Tuwaine as they made their way to the living room. Harry got up from his seat aswell, giving a slight applause to the both of you

“Nice one Tom nice one, really gave it your all”

“Oh fuck off”

Harry laughed as he teased Tom. Immediately you knew that everyone knew what you and Tom got up to. It wasn’t till Harrison came from the kitchen behind you guys and put his arms around the both of you.

“You don’t think they heard… right?”

“Oh we definitely heard what you guys got up to”

Harrison said cheekily

“Mate…”

Harrison looked to Tom and just laughed, he then turned and winked at you, you gave him a slap and he laughed again.

“Gotta say, i feel like we all shared a close moment together”

“Don’t be a twat”

“Me? A twat? How rude of you Thomas! Here I am supplying a lovely guest bathroom for you to fuck in and you call mea twat!”

Harrison loved to tease Tom and right now this was his best chance to rile him up. Giving you a squeeze on the shoulder he removed his arms from both of you and laughed again.

“Bet you need some ice now huh y/n”

“Harrison I swear. To. God. I will slap you”

Harrison quickly ran off to the living room with the rest of the boys, you felt completely embarrassed and really flustered after everything that just happened. Tom put his arm around you and comforted you.

“Don’t let them get to you baby, one more word out of them and i’ll make em shut up”

“Just promise you’ll let me atleast smack Harrison once”

“Deal”

You both laughed and Tom gave you a quick kiss

“Still fucking love that dress”

[carry-on-my-wayward-butt]

So far what has been the worst thing about being pregnant?

oh so much, so equally.

sciatica, making it so i physically cannot walk without excruciating pain, but only at night when i need to get out of bed to piss. (thankfully i am not a type who needs to piss all the time. yet.)

acid reflux, a constant cold burn in my throat unfazed by tums but is ignorable if im constantly drinking something. so my stomach is always full of liquid, which makes the acid worse, so i have to keep drinking so i dont feel it.

i am So Fucking Hungry. “have less food more often! smaller, more frequent meals!” they say. “because your stomach will get smaller as baby grows!” i dont fucking think so babe. yes i can handle it. yes i know baby is growing rapidly and needs the nutrients and thats why my stomach is constantly growling. baby wants the entire meal, and baby wants another in two hours. pay up or perish. (by perish i mean my stomach will growl so loud you go deaf)

speaking of deaf, the sinus pressure has closed up one of my ears. it’ll go away after birth but the other ear has pulsatile tinnitus that i need surgery for because the sinus pressure and increased blood supply pushed my eardrum back, and i need a replacement prosthetic of some bone in my ear that isnt doing its job.

speaking of sinuses, there’s so much fucking blood in my body that sinus pressure causes nosebleeds, a common pregnancy issue. however, because of allergies i already had prior, my sinuses keep all the blood clotting up inside my sinuses. and because of acid reflux, i’m constantly spitting, so it never has time to settle and properly bleed. instead i cough, snort, and spit up 5-8 BLOOD CLOTS. FROM MY SINUSES. per day. some darker and heavier, most smaller and less dense. i am constantly creating suction pressure in my throat to dislodge blood clots from my nasopharynx. i am always snorting.

my tits are disgusting. i have lymphedema in the breasts, rather uncommon, and it has been completely mimicing the symptoms of breast cancer without having any lumps or actual tumors to show for it. anywhere. they’re simply an angry warm red, feel like an orange peel, hard as dried playdough, and the consistency of a memory foam mattress.

“yr areolas will darken uwu!”

and thats just what i hate the MOST.

things that just annoy me include:

always feeling both exhausted and like i NEED to clean everything. everything. all the time. im noticing dirt and mess that i’ve never seen before in my life. im rewashing perfectly clean items because im not the one who washed them initially.

nesting feels itchy. im exhausted midway through organizing the entire bathroom but i Have To keep going. its compulsive. it feels like an actual rat in my brain trying to claw its way out. and i struggle so badly to ignore it because half the shit i want to do cant be done until mid april. and it’s been scratching at me since like january. it kind of hurts.

also i love kicks but the rolls and swishes feel fucking gross, it feels like there’s a goldfish in my stomach just flopping around nastily. it tickles in a gross way.

i have to sleep on a wedge pillow in addition to my C pillow. both help immensely, but im so blocked off from davyn and it makes me sad. i have to tear my little nest apart if i want to cuddle, and then i can’t for very long because he lays down flat, and the aggravates my acid really badly.

horribly vivid dreams. ive never felt more disturbed by my dreams than i have the past few weeks. it feels so real, nothing like a normal weird dream. the concepts are strange but the environment is so convincing. and it’s usually nightmares.

im really forgetful now and its kind of scary. like genuinely scary because it feels like im losing my mind and its bringing up a lot of... gaslighty trauma from when i was a teenager. sometimes my memory is as perfect as usual, sometimes i forget what just came out of my mouth two seconds ago. davyn is really patient when i get scared.

and i have it relatively easy.

i dont have gestational diabetes, which would necessitate an entirely new diet that i KNOW i wouldnt be able to sustain.

i don’t have blood clots, so i dont have to take those awful shots that bruise the injection site so terribly(i took them after my knee surgery, i switched to warfarin because i couldnt stand the shots anymore after only a week).

i dont have cervical insufficiency, which runs in my family and would necessitate a much higher level of care.

i dont have an Rh incompatibility with my baby, which would necessitate a higher level of care but also one of the most painful shots you can get in pregnancy. in the ass cheek.

i didnt have morning sickness AT ALL, just occasional nausea and not even consistently. some people puke multiple times a day and struggle eating anything. for the entire duration.

i don’t have tons of emotional outbursts, i had one breakdown about davyn eating my banana, one about davyn saying “the pillow is my girlfriend now” because i fixated on the word girlfriend, one because i left soda in the freezer and it exploded, and i cry easily over touching youtube videos a little more easily. thats it. 3 breakdowns and a tender heart. over the past 7 months.

i have it quite easy, and most of all im doing this on purpose.

i’ll say it again every time: reproductive choice is a hill i will happily die on. absolutely fucking nobody deserves any of this, least of all people who don’t know its coming and didnt want it anyway.

i wanted this, and im doing it eagerly. i just also hate it and it sucks and im glad it’ll be over soon and i can have my screamy poopy wrinkly baby on the outside where i can actually LOOK at them and HOLD them and know the tangible fruits of my labor. feels like im wading through a sewer to reach some unknown treasure that im praying will still be there when i get to the end.

make sure your birth control timer is set properly. wrap yr meat. stay aware. etc.

[dinosaurtsukki]

haikyuu!! masterchef au (second-gen captains vs. first-years edition)

hello my brain made another thing again. to check out the first masterchef au (captains vs. setters) just click here

due to popular demand, masterchef is hosting another team challenge with volleyball nerds

they had to pay gordon a bit more and ensure the freezer is available at all times in case he needs to hide

so we have team second-gen captains with shirabu, akaashi, yahaba, taketora, ennoshita, and futakuchi

then team first-years with goshiki, lev, koganegawa, hinata, tsukishima, and kindaichi

shirabu is back to win while akaashi had to be patted down to make sure he's not sneaking another rat in

team first years look very nervous except for probs tsukki and goshiki

hinata is always out of frame because all his team members are so tall

they give him a box to stand on while he's cooking and suddenly he's taller than kindaichi

when the time starts, team second-gen are off cooking like pros

HAHAHA JK

most of them have never been to a kitchen

yahaba's poking an onion with the tip of his knife

yahaba: this,,, this isn't how its like in cooking mama

taketora: yah, no shit

ennoshita's washing the dishes and futakuchi tries to tell him he doesn't need to until he realizes that maybe washing the dishes is all he can do

over in team first-years they have Absolutely No Clue

and then hinata's like 'wHY dON'T wE mAKE sOUFFLE'

koganegawa and lev: Y E A H 🤘🤘🤘

none of them know how

everyone else did contemplate helping them but its more fun watching lev crack an entire egg, shell and all, into a bowl and take out the shell bits after

gordon, realizing its going to be a repeat of last time: *surprised pikachu face

kindaichi: do we,,, have a plan tho ???

tsukishima: *pats mysterious bulge in his jacket pocket* we got a back-up plan

meanwhile team second-gen is standing in a circle still trying to figure out what to do

and then futakuchi brings out an alexa device (idk wat these are called im poor)

futakuchi: we must consult a higher power

gordon: is he allowed to do that?

producer: this is a no-rules match

futakuchi: alexa, how do u boil an egg?

taketora: no alexa. play despacito

alexa: *plays despacito*

*cut to montage of futakuchi beating up taketora with despacito playing in the background*

ennoshita: what if,, we jus make a salad? just throw a bunch of leaves and crunchy bread cubes in there?

akaashi: did u mean,,, croutons?

yahaba: i shall make the crunchy bread cubes

shirabu: i'll chop the leaves

akaashi: like how u chopped your bANGS?

taketora and ennoshita have to stop shirabu from killing akaashi

meanwhile lev, kogane, and hinata are working on their ✨✨~~souffle~~✨✨

except kogane and lev keep accidentally spilling stuff on hinata because our li'l guy is li'l

gordon: their souffle actually looks pretty decent and by that i mean it looks half-burnt and barely edible

they're so proud of it tho

that is until they're all carrying it to the front when lev accidentally trips and throws the souffle up in the air 

its heading straight to kogane and his Setter Instincts kicks in and he sets. the. souffle

and its heading straight to hinata whose Spiker Instincts kick in

shirabu, watching the entire thing happen: alexa, play mm watcha say

im sorry idk the name of the song

alexa: ~~mm watcha sayyyyyy~~

hinata: *spikes the souffle into the ground*

goshiki: so whats plan B?

tsukishima: *reaches into his jacket* instant mac and cheese

goshiki: good enough

kindaichi's really good at making mac and cheese if that’s possible

like the macaroni is cooked perfectly and all

meanwhile in team setter someone has managed to burn the salad leaves

it was actually ennoshita but he blamed it on futakuchi and everyone believed him

taketora: now we only have crunchy bread cubes

yahaba: this is so sad. alexa play--

shirabu: NO ALEXA DONT PLAY DESPACITO THIS ISN'T OVER

futakuchi: WE ONLI HAV CRUNCHY BREAD CUBES

shirabu: BUT WE ALSO HAV RAT CHEF !! *points at akaashi*

ennoshita: he didn't bring ratatouille with him

akaashi: his name is remy not ratatouille omg u fake fan

taketora: what if,,, someone sat on akaashi's shoulders,,, and pulled his hair to control him like remy???

all of the next-gen captains who have lost braincells at this point: 🆗️🆒️

so yahaba mounts akaashi's shoulders and u kno,,, does the rat chef thing except both of them are flailing around

kindaichi, watching from the other table: alexa, play the ratatouille theme song

*insert montage of yahaba and akaashi flailing around with the ratatouille theme song playing in the background*

i hope y'all can picture is in ur heads as well as i can because it has the dynamism of a renaissance painting

also did i mention that tsukki smuggled in dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets?

he's frying them with a smol smile on his face

hinata took a picture of it

goshiki's doing the plating and he's arranging all the dinosaur nuggets around a wad of mac and cheese

kindaichi grating fresh parmesan on top

 it looks spectacular

koganegawa and lev eat one of the dino nuggets and tsukki s C R E A M S

kindaichi’s trying to calm tsukki down while goshiki drags koganegawa and lev into the freezer

which stresses gordon out because the freezer was supposed to be his place

have rat chef akaashi and yahaba managed to cook something?

no they both fell to the floor

and are contemplating their life decisions

akaashi: i miss remy

yahaba: me too man

futakuchi and ennoshita decide to add peanut butter and jelly on a plate and sprinkle the crunchy bread cubes on top

and now the judging begins

gordon: *looking at team second-gen's dish* what are you?

taketora: a deconstructed pb & j sandwich

gordon: and there's no way i'm eating this mac and cheese it looks terrible

tsukishima: i thought you'd be used to it with the food from your country

shirabu: *keying 911 into a microwave* hello, police? i'd like to report a m u r d e r

im sorry british food sucks except for like fish and chips which are only good sometimes

gordon: did this child just sass me? 

in the end he chooses team second-gen as the winner but its not because they cooked the best dish but because he feels bad for yahaba and akaashi

also because tsukki sassed him

futakuchi: alexa, play despacito again

also the microwave explodes

koganegawa and lev are still locked in the freezer

(check out pt. 1 feat. captains vs. setters)

[riotofslience]

1017

alive where im from no mistake is a blessing a lie when you not and i bet they gone test it cave in a chest if you flex better vest it text read or not he gone still get the msg I see them hating i know that they desperate and BM just threw it i aint even catch it learning to not is the real tricky lesson cause niggas wit temp you to give them a stretcher lifting a hollow for niggas thats stupid but daring i suggest you do not try mixing ya Act and my aim and the blood wit the rain see my gat it emulsify 40 the fist and the kick breaking ribs now he hit like im practicing Muay Thai swinging the glock like the wok wit no lean shit i look like im chefin up sitr fry good nigga but dont think i wont lay body cause if its my body im gonna do it pain is synomous wit the success any less aint no point even going thru it 45 breathing like Satan for niggas but prayin and hoping i never use it money i need it so its the music, they say I should laugh but it aint amusing Everyday yall niggas going out bad, attention for what?, shit yall talking too much i let yall have it i know you gone snitch, I seen 223s turn a rat into dust please make it home this a city of graves, aint nun brotherly about giving slugs popping the rocket it'a send'em up and they lied when they said that the love enough

aint all for the joking, my youngins is toting might lower the mask, i aint wear it for covid I know that ya baby but dat ass is poking so now imma poke her you wont even notice go get to that money my nigga just focus but remember the feeling it just as important keep you a woman that ride till its over cause real shit is rare when you find it you hold it throwing ya peace up or tilt like the Piza And crackin the mac and we scaming the visa my nina it look like its changing the weather cause hot headed niggas get shoved in a freezer shit a get’ll manic my nigga dont panic ladder remote it’ll channel the static you fail when you fear now you moving too drastic  Im no longer passive  look i made this long im alive to say no one win betting against these streets

all my opps they scared or they in a box but me and my niggas stay away from beef all I want is cash and some sunny skies funny you need a piece to protect the peace I think my AK homosexual cause all it do is sweep niggas off they feet