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#but dean is sooooo interesting he's like so what. we stay together we're family i needed you i need you how dare you walk away
bisaster-energy · 2 years
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#how i survived bobby mackey's personal hell#yeah very deancoded song keeping me up#WE CAN ARGUE SEMANTICS OVER WHO LEFT WHO FIRST#yeah it's always the idea that ''cas is always leaving'' BUT.#there have been times when dean has left cas is some way. whether kicking him out of the bunker or#icing him out for some mistake or another#dean will always feel betrayed an abandoned if cas decides he cannot deal. he cannot stay because#ONE THING'S FOR SURE!! I NEEDED YOU MOST!#dean will always feel like the disadvantaged one! he'll always feel the neediest#he cares how cas feels yeah but that's what makes dean so delicious and annoying at the same time#his pain is so vast it makes him so human. like cas said he feels things so acutely#dean thinks that's what it's all about no matter how badly i treat you how much pain i put you through if i tear your heart out#if you leave. if you leave i cannot bear it. no matter what i said you should've stayed. hand in unlovable hand#dean is crazy for this obviously cas shouldn't have to stay if he's just gonna get spat on and treated like dirt#but dean is sooooo interesting he's like so what. we stay together we're family i needed you i need you how dare you walk away#idk this song just makes me think about him ig#like dean feels like his need for cas trumps everything else yeah i acted despicably but I'd rather he stay and be resentful than. well.#but cas really cannot grasp this i dont think. why would someone say that and not really mean it. you can't say im fead to you#and expect me to be like ok see u tomorrow#and yeah. need to cas doesn't mean love..it means usefulness. we know this. but dean doesn't know#so he's like well cas knows i cant function without him and he's walking away I can't i cant#and cas is like i cant stay he clearly can't stand me and being here is only making it worse#but if dean had just spoken up. if he'd just said stay cas would've done it no matter how bad it hurt#even though dean just verbally tore him apart even if he physically did. it wouldn't matter if he'd just say that word#but he didn't. he never does.#he gets so torn when cas leaves wondering why he can't just stay but if he were to open his mouth and ask would anything come out?#a need so great and you cant say a damn thing.#it's just so insane that dean can be so bitter i dont care about all that i just needed you there i needed you MOST even.#but all he does is push AWAY what he wants to hold CLOSE. crazy crazy unhealthy man. i love him#dean studies
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