#but bc they didn't say/do exactly a specific thing we couldn't do anything except ask them to stop

[theragamuffininitiative]

🙃

[lunar-fey]

WIP meme: dragon's son. I would like to hear about it 👉👈

@lidrens okay combining these into one bc you guys managed to both ask for the One project that i don't have any writing for and don't have enough to say abt to stretch it over two asks i'm just gonna summarize xD so one/both of you feel free to send another one <3

i never actually figured out like. where i wanted to go with the story because the dream ended. but i thought the world building was really fun! tldr it took place primarily in a like ~medieval fantasy world~ where i stepped through a portal into that world and regained memories of a past life.

in that world, if someone wanted to have a child but couldn't for whatever reason, they could go to a dragon (not like. a specific one. this was just A Thing Dragons Were Known To Do) and ask for one. if the dragon felt like you would be a good parent, they would give you an egg. it would hatch into a child that Looked Like You (not like. so much as to be weird but enough that they pass as your biological child) and would be for all intents and purposes human, except they would retain their memories through the cycle of reincarnation.

as such, "dragon's children" were often sought after for like. advisory and leadership roles for their wisdom. in the dream i realized i had been a dragons child (but lost my memories presumably due to like. getting reborn in modern earth world instead?) and was a king from like hundreds of years ago. and when i came back into that world i realized it was descended from the kingdom i had ruled, as there were much of murals on a wall of myself and other people i knew, specifically i had recognized my advisor (who was also my lover...).

after that its a little shaky bc of dream logic lmao. for some reason i was put on trial, and i had to Sing For My Life. like. essentially there was magic woven into the murals, and they would glow as you sing, and based on how they glowed The Spirits Of Our Ancestors would decide you guilty or innocent. bc they can see into your soul, or something like that. also i had to sing Against the person accusing me, who was the current ruling princess iirc.

i don't know exactly what the crime i was accused of was, but when the court when on recess for a bit i went to go look at the mural of my old lover and essentially go "oh dear we're really in it now..." when some guy walked up to me. and i Could Tell it was him but he didn't have any memories of our past life (or at least he shouldn't have.) so i didn't say anything to him, but i think in the dream he figured it out and cast spells on everyone so they'd remember who i was, and they were all like "oh shit dude hey what's up! we could never accuse you of crimes!!"

i THINK it was like. the "crime" was coming to this world? but since i was from here originally it wasn't exactly a crime anymore. i also vaugely remember something about having recognized the princess from my previous life also, and she had been a queen who wanted to fight my father for my egg because she was deemed not worthy by the dragon or something? that didnt get resolved in the dream tho and i have no idea how it would have resolved in story!

[necronoia]

I don’t think of you often, and I imagine you never think of me. Though, I thought of you yesterday, while in a store with a friend. They tried on sunglasses you once had or wanted. Sometimes I consider “what if-“ and think about what it would be like to know you now.

That’s where this comes from: I hope you found a better place. I hope you and Bart found better lives. I hope you grew from that person that you were. I hope you flourished and that WA treats you well and the boy better than it treats you.

I don’t care to find your answer to this, and I don’t care to dredge up the past. I just wanted to see your artwork and reminisce on the friend I lost. There are so many things I sometimes think I’d tell you- and so many things I can no longer watch or listen to.

I wish we were still friends, and I hate the way things ended. I hope your support system is no longer your shitty ass mother and her shitty ass common law husband. I am so glad I didn’t know them during Covid and quarantine.

I am thankful you left. Things were bad in that apartment- totally not the worst thing ever, and certainly not abusive like your letter stated- we only had like two disagreements ever.

I wish you had been honest with me. I regret that you didn’t feel like you could just talk to me. I don’t regret throwing your things over your mothers wall. I regret not knowing for certain if your mother pissed in my closet- though I suspect she did.

I’ve gotten off track. It doesn’t matter. I was going to do this with less specifics, because I don’t care if you knew it was me. It’s not like you ever think about me or reached out. You didn’t and you’ll probably have anxiety attacks over this stupid message, anyway.

Long story short, sometimes I think about you, sometimes I don’t. I hope your life got better and I hope beanboy is happy.

i wasn't going to respond, but i just keep getting angrier and angrier at this message. i figure that's what you want out of me, to get upset. i've had one hell of a last couple days, so maybe had you hit me any other time i'd have just ignored you like i reasonably should. because this is what you want right? a reaction? whether you're willing to admit it to yourself or not. you can say "i don't care" as many times as you want. why else would you have gone through all the trouble of finding me, scrolling through my blog for at least 9 pages (bc i haven't mentioned where i'm living anywhere else except in a post 9 pages deep), and then typing this out?

even if you didn't send this with that intent, because you don't want to "dredge up the past", you're showing me you haven't fucking grown at all.

i left the way i did because i was scared of you. you treated me like fucking garbage every single day. you constantly called me stupid despite me asking you not to, repeatedly, and told me it was fine because you were "just joking". i'm "ridiculous" as you'd often say.

i did practically everything in that apartment, i cooked i cleaned i took care of the cats, etc, and i would've been okay with that to a reasonable extent if you could've just been fucking NICE to me! or grateful in any way! instead of constantly fucking lashing out at me, often times literally for doing exactly what you told me to (because you constantly ordered me around). i couldn't say no to anything you asked because you'd passive aggressively huff and get frustrated and say "it's fine, whatever" in a way that made it clear it was NOT fine, in a way that was meant to make me feel like shit and feel scared until i complied. because i was easy as hell to manipulate like that.

i picked up your gross ass dirty laundry that you'd leave strewn about the house. i cleaned up the trash you'd stuff into random nooks and crannies in the living room. when you couldn't be assed to dig through the laundry pile that was your bedroom for work clothes, you'd "ask" me to do it for you. and i would, despite my disgust, because the alternative was you being passive aggressive and making me feel like fucking garbage for having any kind of boundaries. i remember distinctly, how upset you were that you had to do your own laundry because my mom wouldn't let me bring your clothes to her house to wash when i did mine (which, is fucking reasonable! i am not your goddamn maid!), and i refused to do it for you at the apartment laundromat too.

do you remember yelling at me for not cutting your food how you wanted? and making me go back to the kitchen to do it again? despite the fact you're a GROWN FUCKING ADULT and could've cut your own fucking food? (or at least just ASKED NICELY????) do you remember screaming at me because i didn't want to go to a fucking birthday party? because literally all i said was "do we have to?" huh? i sure do! i sure do have recurring stress dreams about it and every other time you lashed out at me! about pretending to be asleep when you got home so you wouldn't start ordering me around! of being terrified every time something went wrong! i still panic now, with the people in my life who don't behave that way, when something goes wrong like a car issue or an item going missing! because living with you meant getting lashed out at every time something like that happened! it has done lasting fucking damage to my psyche, on top of the damage that was already there!

you say you wish i could've been honest with you. but the thing is, I WAS. MULTIPLE TIMES. multiple times i told you the way you treated me made me feel like shit, one time i even broke down crying and we had a whole talk about it. you told me you'd work on it. BUT NOTHING CHANGED. except, you decided that the way I felt made YOU feel like a monster, that you had to walk on eggshells around me - because i was SCARED OF YOU and the fact you were CONSTANTLY LASHING OUT AT ME while simultaneously ordering me around like some sort of maid/bulter/punching bag/emotional support animal.

you would WAKE ME UP FROM SLEEP to find items you lost, and then fucking lash out at me when i didn't APPEAR to be looking hard enough, or looked somewhere you already did (which i couldn't possibly have fucking known, and if i'd asked you'd ALSO snap at me). like, i get that that's a specific trigger for you, but that's NO EXCUSE for how you treated me. every time you lost something i would shut down, my heart would be pounding in fear as i desperately tried to make it look like i was searching "hard enough" or made myself look busy enough that you wouldn't yell at me. it didn't matter though. you'd find some way to take out your anxieties on me anyway.

i'm an amicable person, i try to be helpful. i would've been fine with having to help you do things, with taking care of the majority of housework (within reason), i could've dealt with it just fine if you had literally just treated me nicely.

and no, my mom didn't piss in your closet, i can tell you that for sure. that's a pretty wild conclusion to come to. it was probably the cats, because their litter box didn't get cleaned enough because i was so overwhelmed all the fucking time that i didn't clean it enough, and you never did. no idea if that changed when i left.

"it's not like you ever think about me or reached out" lol grow up with this passive aggressive bullshit. last thing i heard from you was you throwing a box of shit over the wall of my parents' place, most of which wasn't even mine, and included a poster you literally tore off the wall and an angry note about wasting the last 7 years.

so read everything i've written above again start to finish and tell me why i should've kept someone who treated me like that in my life. someone who took me for granted and took their emotions out on me and ignored my requests for better treatment SO HARD that they think i didn't even try to communicate them.

never contact me again.

[holyshit]

Hi, so... If you excuse me, I would like an "am I the asshole" opinion about something and since I don't have anyone to talk about it, the cool tumblr account I follow seems to be a good option.

(You can ignore me ,and I totally understand if u don't wanna answer this, since is not related to any content on your blog.)

So here is a "quick" resume

I'm being best friend with this person for 5-6 years, and we were really close, just easy to be around each other and stuff...

But the thing is, in the last 3 years, if I'm not misunderstood my whole life, we've being getting a little bit more close than any type of friends. Thing that I only noticed very late bc we're both girls and I never had a best friend before, even though - i might mention - I'm on 20s and so is she.

But since I did notice that, I start to get feelings for her, imagining how good we could be as a couple since we're amazing as friends, and I was in my romance shows obsession time, so this might have helped.

I didn't tell her and obviously didn't do anything about it out of sheer self-preservation. What I did was start to be as she usually is with touching (I'm not this person im general, but she was like a exception) and hope for the best.

I think she noticed bc we get even more close without any real move, specially because I think we're both on the same page about don't mess up what we already had

I have to say before next paragraph, she knows me, I know her, we're both bi and loud about it, we have queer friends, this is not the case of closeting.

About a time ago, she started to take some steps back, but like without even pretending she wasn't, and I was ok w that bc she doesn't have to do nothing, no obligation of hugging me or keeping hanging out once a fortnight, but this really came out of nowhere.

I said she was acting weird so this make her noticed how abrupt was the change and back to normal a little. Not even a month after, she started dating this guy that also came out of nowhere, from her job and that according to her, already had a interest in her.

And now they are this cool couple that everyone says how good they look together, when she talks about him for me I can see she really likes him, and honestly I'm not gonna enter in the 'broken heart' topic because, yeah I was deep in love with her, but I cry about it with my therapist, I'm here for the things she can't say and apparently I have to figure it out by myself. So I acted normally, met the guy and stuff, he kind of got into the group and he is ok.

We don't hanging that much now because he takes priority - which, again, I understand. And also I got a promotion that makes me travel more than before. - But when we do happened to meet, she now acts a little bit like we used to do when both of us were on that bubble of illusion on a weird friendship that made me listen to Ed Sheeran, which is ridiculous because I swore I would never be this person. It makes me really sad how much I wanna be with her but I can't. She's always saying we should do the things we used to without be specific and seems to take a step back every time she noticed we are too close like she is in conflict or maybe I'm just crazy trying to see something for some hope

I got it, I lost my chance. But now we're getting on the end and I hope you have a answer for that bc I'm sad again resuming lots of years and feelings in some paragraphs

The problem is: she's having a birthday party that she's planning for ages since she consider 25 very important. And the guy was planing some romantic shit for her and asked for my help. I did help to prepare everything because I really have nothing against him and it's not his fault I'm dreaming about his girl or whatever, but I know exactly what he's gona do and I can not, I really can't

So I said to her I couldn't go to her birthday because I have a very important travel on work. I thought was a easy way because she knows how much I love this job. She asked me if I could have a talk with my boss, and make someone else to take my place, and I said I will try to reallocate things until the last minute. But I'm actually planing say on the last minute it wasn't possible and maybe get some ice cream on the day, since my fucked life sounds like it's being written by a 13yo

So, I'm a big asshole for lie to her not going to the birthday party to see her boyfriend proposal?

I really think I'm just trying not get more hurt but the days are passing and she's always asking me for updates about me going to the party and I'm feeling bad now. Idk

I don't wanna be the person who's in the corner with that kind of face or even drunk because I am, or used to be, her best friend, and we never fight or something, I should be happy for her on this day. But I also don't wanna be the person who skip this moment when and if I get over this feeling some day and regret for not be present on the birthday she's excited for since we've meet.

I'm just very stressed now and would help another point of view bc all my other friends would never believe I was talking about someone different and also I would mess the surprise that I think only me and the guy know about. So I hope this is not something super weird to sent, I'm really really sorry if is.

hi love! finally have a chance to write a proper response!

i'm sorry you're going through this, first of all :/. i feel like there are so often these kinds of "missed connection" type relationships for gay people either due to being in the closet/in denial about your sexuality (not in your case, just in general) and either not fully realizing your feelings for a friend or being too scared to act on them, and/or from these kinds of friendships that seem to be a little bit more than friends but there's still always the uncertainty of whether the other person just views it as a friendship and the fear of fucking up the friendship if you make an advance and they actually weren't into you... it's not as cut and dry than it often is with dudes where the flirting can be more obvious. i've definitely had multiple painful friendships in my teens where i was clearly in love with them but never made a move due to my being in denial, and it's sad to think about how those relationships really could have worked out if i didn't have that fear. and falling for a best friend is sadly a pain a lot of us have felt ksdjnsk it's fucking ROUGH and i'm sorry you have to work through that right now :(

so in my perspective based on what you’ve said, it does sound like she might have pulled back initially because she had already met that guy at work and was possibly in a talking phase with him and didn't want to be disrespectful, which implies that she did consider you guys' friendship to be veering into non-platonic territory and was happy with that until someone else came into the picture. although it’s painful to have missed a shot, it can also be comforting to know that she might have felt the same way and it wasn’t all in your mind, that there were feelings on both sides. and i can imagine her wanting to initiate it again and pulling back over and over might be from some kind of lack of closure in your friendship on that level... which is another aspect to these kind of more-than-friends-but-friends kind of relationships- there’s not often a big blow-up breakup of any sort, so you’re left with this feeling of what could have been that can stick in your brain for a long time. and it sucks because you can’t reasonably get the normal closure because it’s hard to really talk about when nothing officially happened, especially if the person is now in a relationship since you don’t want to throw a wrench in their relationship either.

i have mixed feelings about how you should handle the party situation... i do think going to the party, although painful, could help in getting closer to closure for you. you can’t pin all your hopes on them breaking up at some point and getting that chance to pursue something with her, as then you’ll be in misery for much longer than you deserve while playing a waiting game that might not result in anything, so i do think it’s important to your overall healing that you reach some form of closure, and seeing something like that could be a painful but needed step forward to make it seem more “real” in your mind to help you move on. but at the same time, if you think you’re not going to be able conceal your feelings about it and you think it might start a fight, it might not be worth it. in your situation i probably would be very tempted to skip it, especially because i wouldn’t want to put a cloud over a day i know is very important to her, although that could be the case whether you decide to go and end up getting upset, or if you don’t go, so it seems like a double-edged sword either way. i do think, in the longterm, the decision to go to the party would probably be better overall for the reasons i already said and because like you said, you might regret it in the future. but, if you do decide to skip the party because you don’t think you’ll be able to handle it (and i would totallyyyy understand if you did), i would suggest planning something special for you and her to do on a different day around the same time, as that is a good way to show that you care and that you recognize how important her 25th is to her.

sending you a massive hug!!! your pain will ease with time, i am sure of it, but i can’t imagine how awful you’re feeling right now and i sympathize with you greatly :(. i’ve been there, and it’s so so rough.