#but at the same time I know what kind of self-obliterating gaslighting hell I've been through

[decepti-geek]

rewatching Cinderella 2015 for the howevermanyth time and THIS TIME the part that made me weepy was when the fairy godmother first showed up in her disguise.

Because in the original Disney version, and honestly in most versions - whether it's a fairy godmother or the birds/her mum/etc - the wish-granting entity coming to her aid in the moment is, I think, generally framed as a reciprocation for her determination to do good deeds in all the moments of her life leading up to this one. Then the animated Disney also film adds a line that makes it explicitly an identity crisis, where she's in danger of losing her faith that there's good in the world and that that matters, so the fairy godmother comes along to help restore her faith right when she's about to lose it. And that's a decent enough upbeat kind of story to tell in itself.

But in the live action film!! The fairy godmother doesn't even reveal who she is until after she's tested Cinderella one more time, right in the depths of her crisis of faith. I've always loved that moment cause obviously it alludes to traditional fairy folklore in a way that adds a smidge more depth and mystery to the way the magic works than you typically get in a Disney movie, so for me it's one of the little details that makes this like. just a really good fantasy/fairytale movie that's less of a Disney Movie™️.

And then on this rewatch, it's hit me that it isn't only about like... proving to Ella that she's not alone in the world, that kindred spirits who share her values do exist, with a dash of fairy folklore sprinkled on top. I never caught it before because I don't think Ella catches it herself at the time (she talks about magic not existing after the godmother pointedly mentions kindness, and those two concepts are pretty much fused together for the purposes of this film) - but the request for a cup of milk, made whilst Ella is still crying, is made in order to prove to her that kindness doesn't just exist in other people who also value it and will support her when she struggles to believe that's true. That part would be proved by the godmother just revealing herself immediately.

The request proves that kindness still exists in Ella. That even when she's in the absolute depths of despair, she has the capacity to practice kindness, and doing so comes so naturally even in her worst moments that she needs someone else to point out what it actively signifies. That even when she doesn't consciously believe in it, she does it regardless, so she really has no need to fear losing her faith. The existence of kindness isn't dependent on her faith in it, because it exists in her no matter what. And that's as much of a reward for her as the dress and the carriage and the shoes and it's one that goes deeper than building up enough Good Person Points to afford fairy gifts, because it's one which engages with who she is in the moments outside of her kindness, and which shows her that she's allowed those moments too, without it meaning that her capacity for kindness is in any way diminished.