#but at least i got to be here and every subsequent beat of time we've gotten is a blessing

[septembersghost]

this being the memory that popped up for me from 1/3/20, causing an existential crisis because this was *three years ago* and we had no idea what was coming (a pandemic, among other things) has me...😭🥺...time is so fake. but all kinds of love are real and last so long.

[bookwyrminspiration]

Raspberry

Seafoam

Charcoal

Lilac

Sapphire

Carmine

Forest

I. I would put what they were but it took so long to remember what I wanted to actually put here that I forgot the meanings (Aside from Saphire and Carmine and Charcoal, [I want to put you under a microscope and study you, I am on one knee proposing <3, and you have the best takes])

-Heathen

Heathen! Hello! This is many things!! Also dw I got this I can put all the meanings; I have the reference pulled up!

Raspberry: I need your help to kill God

hell yea!! you are the third person to say this we are assembling a team, mis amigos!! With the power of friendship and this nuke I found we're gonna get that sneaky fucker. Everyone just needs to mentally conceptualize god and then that makes him a real enough concept we can get him, there's no way this can go wrong at all. Fun fact, I grew up baha'i and praying and all that, but I never really internalized it and believed anything god related so I always pictured god as Larry the Cucumber from veggie tales, but specifically in his safari outfit. This was god to me (linked)

Seafoam: To understand what the fuck is wrong with you

it's autism, autism is what's wrong (/pos) with me. that should answer all subsequent questions anyone has about me unless the answer is adhd. But legit though yesterday I had a moment because I offhandedly mentioned my online friends (was thinking about you and Ophelia but did not specify anyone by name or share any information about you two for your privacy) and my therapist got really excited that I had friends because I'm so stringent and picky about the definition of friendship and that was an Oh Huh moment for me. Not really related but the "what the fuck is wrong with you" reminded me of it

Charcoal: You have the best takes

I have gotten this one so many times y'all are really doing things to my ego and I love it. But it means I'm doing something right! My ask box has not known a moment's peace (/lh) since november of 2020 so perhaps this is the reason. Y'all simply can't get enough of my best takes :)

Lilac: You make my dash better and I cherish you

well surprise shawty I cherish you right back!! we are, in my head at least, genuine friends and that just comes with the territory. you do not get a choice in this matter I love and appreciate you /p. even if sometimes I don't get to your asks for lengthy stretches of time I am still thinking of you okay, I am always thinking of you. there is a heathen section of my brain just for you <3

Sapphire: I want to put you under a microscope and study you

me to myself every single day when I wake up. I spend so much time trying to understand my own behavior and figure out how my brain works and the patterns it's made it's honestly impressive. i am a puzzle to be put together except all the pieces are on fire, but I'd love to put it together with you and all the other people who would also like to study me. I think it'd be fun to be studied, so please proceed under the one condition that I get to know everything you learn !!

Carmine: I'm on one knee proposing <3

well I do! we are now engaged, that's how this works. we are tumblr married or something. my partner can be my best man and give a speech and reveal all the embarrassing things I've done in their presence, like taken off my shirt in the middle of winter in the middle of their neighborhood, or the fun things we've done, like getting dunked repeatedly in dunk tanks (a terrifying yet exhilarating experience)

Forest: you are the stupidest motherfucker alive and I love you

all I'm hearing is that I'm the stupidest which means I'm the best at being stupid and I beat everyone else, so I'm taking this as a victory! I love being better than everyone else!! also I love you too /p this is very sweet of you