#but aside from that i don't think he even visibly cracks a smile once during the first game

[folkdevilism]

I think it's funny that a disproportionate amount of fanart depicts the Outsider smiling or smirking mischievously, because you can count on one hand the number of time he actually visibly smiles in the entire series across all the games, and you wouldn't even need all five fingers.

[persefolli]

𝐅𝐨𝐨𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐡

𝐏𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: 𝐉𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐱 𝐓𝐨𝐧𝐨𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐢

𝐑𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: 𝐀𝐧𝐠𝐬𝐭, 𝐂𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐟𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝

“What's the noise.” Jake dipped into a stray pod that hung on the end of the reef. There he found you, hitting a tulkun tracker with a hammer,  seemingly trying to dismantle it.

“Y/n! What the hell?!” He stormed over and snatched the tracker from your hands, holding it over you two.

“What? We were supposed to protect the Tulkun!”

“And harm us in the process?!”  His face twisted in anger,  looking between you in the tracker. Without a word, he left the pod with the item, and dove into the ocean.

Hours later you made it home, coming in to a very angry looking Jake and Tonowari. You rolled your eyes,  already knowing the storm that was about to come. “In my defense, I was protecting a Tulkun.” You shrugged. “I won't apologize for saving one of our own.”

“You-.” Jake ran his hand down his face trying to hold in whatever he was about to scream.

“I told you about the destruction and burning of southern clans, yet you took it upon yourself to search for a tulkun and bring the tracker here! They could already be on their way!”

“It came to me for help!” You defended yourself. “I- I couldn't think of what else to do I couldn't leave it to die!”

Tonowari grumbled, upset that you weren't understanding the severity of your actions. “On top of that you left the reef? What have we said about crossing the border alone?! No tulkun travels alone,  so you had to be out of bounds to even see it.”

You say silent with crossed arms, unphased at the jab. You always crossed the border on your own, they had only just found out now. This nonchalant attitude you had sent Jake into a frenzy. “You don't fucking get it dont you!  You endangered us all!” He pointed his finger in your face. “Everytime something goes awry it's you at the scene of the crime! Why can't you just listen for once in your life! I'm starting to get sick of how childish you are!”

You scoffed, “You don't mean that.”

“I do! Tonowari?” He called on his friend for backup. He opened his mouth to speak but you held your hand to stop him before he started.

“You two said you liked my drive. You liked my impulsiveness, and that it was helpful, why double back now?!” You felt yourself growing angry as well.

“I thought with that came a mature side, and clearly I was wrong.” Tonowari looked down and away from you.

You looked at him in disbelief, upset that he would say such a thing.

“I think we need some space.”

That anger turned into sadness, your heart cracking at the statement. “So a break?”

“Ultimately.”

You let out a breath and shook your head, “You know, fuck the both of you!” You spat at them one last time before you stormed out. You may have been in the wrong, but it was unfair of them to double team you,  especially with the track record Jake had with the RDA.

All of this prompted a two week long silent treatment from the both of them. You sat away from them during clan dinners and avoided speaking to them at all costs when it came to sending squadrons out to fight. You slept in a hammock in the middle of the forest, a little ways away from the main village. It pained you to have to make the trip daily to the beaches.

One day, after lacking contact with your lovers you found them staring at you. Not seeing any visible signs of discontent, you looked right back at them and shit them a slight smile. They looked at you expectantly, or so you thought. The moment you began stepping towards them Jake shook his head and Tonowari looked away.

Your heart broke more at that reaction. Ears falling flat, and tail stiffening. You turned around and began to storm away, not wanting them to see that you were hurt by the motion.

Later that night Jake and Tonowari finally spoke, having not spoken much to each other after the whole ordeal. Seeing your rejected nature upset them, and it was about time they put their authority aside and address what was really going on.

“I don't know how much longer I can do this.” Jake admitted.

“I think she's learned her lesson. Maybe earlier was overkill.” Tonowari looked over at Jake.

He looked sad as he agreed, “Yeah. It was. But seeing her made me…miss her, but I was afraid to accept her back too soon.”

“I understand.” Tonowari sighed. “That's why we need to get her now before it's too late.”

The two men ventured into the night, asking around for your whereabouts. No one had seen where you went at night. Some mentioned seeing you go to the forest, but nothing more than that. They checked abandoned pods, your friends' pods, even beach side nooks, and you weren't there.

They finally traveled to the forest, where Jake immediately picked up on your scent. “Y/n!”  They called out for you as they dodged brushes and branches  to find you.

Stumbling into an opening,  they finally saw you. A singular hammock between two trees with a singular water bottle under you. They saw how the hammock swung from your shivering, and heard the aggressive sniffles from your cries.

A wave of guilt washed over them, having not thought about what a possible “break” would do to her.

“Oh Y/n.” Tonowari rushed over, pulling the hammock to the side to see your figure. “Come here sweetheart.” He grabbed for your arm but you raised it, slapping him away. “Y/n, yawne, please come back, and we can work this out.”

“No.” You snapped. “It's too late for us.”

“Don't say that!” Jake said desperately, approaching the two of you. “It's never too late for us. We have mated for life. We need you, we need you home with us.”

Not being able to take the cold and damp condition you were in, you silently agreed. Packing up your hammock and following them silently to the village.

Once the three of you made it home Tonowari immediately grabbed your hand, and led you to the sitting area, where the three of you sat in a circle. “We-”

You held your hand up, stopping them from uttering a word. “I am sorry for endangering the clan and our home. My mind was only focused on saving the Tulkun, as we should have.” You picked at your fingers as you apologized, slightly ashamed you did it first.

“We overreacted. And we are sorry.” Tonowari professed.

“We are not perfect.” Jake chimed in. “As Olo’eyktan we have made mistakes, fatal ones, and I guess in the moment the possibility of reliving the past made me upset.”

At that you hunched over, crying harshly as the strain of the past few weeks hit you at once. “But…kicking me out? I had to live in exile for weeks!” You cried out.

Both men got that familiar pit in their stomachs and frowned. Kicking you out was too far, and suggesting a break was even worse because they knew that the three of you couldn’t live without each other. “It won’t happen again.” Tonowari said determinantly. “We can work this out. We’ll do anything to get you on our side again.”

Their large hands found home on your cheeks, where you softly purred in. You were far too tired at this point to argue much more. But after weeks of not seeing your lovers, this conversation was the first step, and you knew it would get better from  here.

You shamelessly allowed them to caress you, comfort you and touch you in the way they weren’t able to for weeks. It seems they missed you as much as you missed them. They found themselves back in their normal cuddling position, with you in the middle, tails wrapped around different parts of each other's bodies.

Without a word, the three of you reconcile your love with just a  small gesture.

[chromium7sky]

Four-eyes| one shot damirae

A/n: I'm trying to stretch up my writing muscle before continuing other work. Sorry for crappy idea and crappy sketches.

Either her reason is to cut off from social interacting or just the aesthetic, Damian can't help find himself staring at her as she held her book close up, almost buried her face in it.

'What's with the pose?' Damian mumbled as he seen her sit at the living room, while other member interacting, playing even asking question while she simply choose to isolate herself by reading book way to close as if she literally pushing everyone away from her.

Damian as usual goes to the table which situated near the window and put down some document and report for him to finish and compiling. Other than patrolling, working on clerical stuff makes him busy.

Growing up training to kill, social were never be in his dictionary but it seems Raven's effort in social distancing is a bit...annoying as he seen her at the corner of his eyes while studying the statistic of how many times someone try to mess up banking system at the city then he decided to focus on his paper.

-------

He remember when the first time he was sent to teen titans by his father much to his dismay, the member seems to display a tiny of fear as they look at him like seeing a nightmare but for raven, she keep calm.

He thought she's different perhaps because she's the daughter of demons (the worst one), she takes no judgement. But still, he need to be cautious towards her.

Perhaps it is one of her trait where she tries to calm down her team mates if there's inner tension happening. If Starfire unable to calm down the fight between two boys especially when involves with him.

One thing he can't be control is him being hard head and stubborn to the point Raven almost sent him to another dimension. Raven's patience are not infinite and he definitely not going to be overboard with his attitude. Therefore, it train him to tolerate some of member attitude as well as how to cooperate and using other member's ability to achieve the objective of the mission.

He does prepare some plan and blueprint towards the teen titans member for tactical study. Beast boy and Wally simply scoffed as they skim up the document like it was nothing. They prefer to wing it in, as what they told Damian which almost makes him lectured them about preparedness and failure is only for people who don't prepare for any consequences.

However, Raven told him, he should lose up a bit and she does say the others are learning from him being better in tactical as she let him to observe the other member closely when they conducting some mission that involved less threat. She pat on his back, simply said " Don't worry, they got it. They learn it from you. " She smiled.

He felt something after he heard it. What is this flutter feeling in his chest?

His face felt some heat. what is happening?

Trying to avoid Raven from seeing his vulnerable state , he simply let out the sigh and step away from her. At the corner of his eyes he saw her face from pleasant smile to surprised.

Sometimes he cursed his past for not knowing the meaning of emotion. All he learn is vengeance and angry. Only those two. As soon as he move in Gotham, he start to learn respect, family love and worries. The feeling after being praised? He still figure it out what is it.

As time goes by, he eventually try to bond the team, helping them become better. "Dude, even though you'relike some sort of gremlin, I guess you are a good person after all!" Beast boy cracked then turn into a Macaque hugging Damian's face much to his disgust after he improved the shapeshifter's suit.

He sighed.

--------

After two years later, he's begin to be comfortable with the team and almost memorize their attitude and personalities. Somehow, he still haven't figure out Raven. When it comes to accomplish the mission, she glide through the air, launching attack and be as enigma and Raven-y as she can, casting fear towards the enemy. He swore he has seen the method before.

As soon as the mission over, she open the portal pulling the team back into teen titans tower like a worm hole short cut and after that the team disperse at the launching pad, getting rest or shower.

At night the team leisuring in living room but Raven spend her time in her room. But this time, Kori ask him to call her because it is the night of mandatory fun.

Damian keeping his composure, nodded and walked towards her room. He knocked three times, then he heard footstep walk towards the door. " What is it, Damian?"

Damian perhaps jolted a bit as he wonder how could she guess him but quickly discarded as he forget that she, is Raven who can read minds and an empath.

"Its Kori. She said it's Mandatory night." Damian simply state the business. Then he heard silent for a while.

"C-could you tell Kori that I'm not coming?" She spoke behind the door.

"I'll inform to her then." Damian nod and walk away. He inform to Kori about it.

"Ah, too bad. I wanted to show this new movie. Guess it's just us then." She smiled.

"I'm not coming too, Kori. I'm afraid if there's any emergency mission, I don't think she could handle it alone." Damian crossed his arms.

"Raven handle a case during valentine day when she was alone." Said Jackson as came up with casual clothes.

"Which she end up crying after she's back from the mission." Damian sneered at the Aqualad.

"I never knew Damian would care so much for a team mate or...are you planning something else?" Beast boy came up after putting his best clothes and his grin.

"Yes, I'm planning to take over the world, once you're back from outside please do inform me how it went so that I could proceed my plan." Damian said sarcastically.

"Ahah, don't worry, D. We'll buy something for ya." Wally pay on his shoulder.

"Just go." He shoved all three of them as Kori are about to leave the room.

---------

Damian now at leisuring room playing cheesy Viking 3 console mode to passed the time. The tower really quiet as four of them gone out excluding Raven and he really appreciate the moment of silence.

Suddenly he heard a fridge door open. Quickly he put the game on pause, and went to the kitchen.

As he coming to the room he saw the girl with bob hair style with dual color hair consist of navy blue with manogany red ending.

' That's must be Raven.' his heart spoke. As he pulled the chair at the kitchen the table, the girl froze.

"Who's there?!" She spun and held her hand that enveloped with purple energy towards him.

Damian simply stood there and so was she.

Both of them froze.

A moment passed, then another.

And...

"You ... wear glasses?" He rose his brow.

Raven with sweaty face, blink a couple of times as she adjusted her glasses with her other hands.

"Damian, what are you doing in here? I thought you follow others to Mandatory day?" Her hands with energy start to dispersed.

"That explain everything." His lips tug aside.

"What?" Raven confused with the answer he gave.

" The book, the pose, the distance." He chuckled. Then, he looks at flustered Raven.

"What do you mean? you still haven't answer my question, Damian Wayne." Raven getting confused.

"Ah, nothing. I decided to stay just in case of emergency mission and all. I Wouldn't let you handle the cases alone." Damian crossed his arm as he sit at the kitchen counter.

"So...you're doubting me?" It was Raven turn arched her brow.

"I'm not saying you're not capable. I'm saying that you'll need some back up. Two heads are better than one, wouldn't it?" Damian lean back at the chair.

"Never knew you would thought of that, that's very kind of you." She smiled. " An improvement too."

Damian clicked his tongue and looked away, but pink tint start to visible on his cheeks and his ears. Ah, again with this feeling.

He clear his throat a couple of times, then a mug set in from of him. "Peppermint ice tea?"

His eyes looked at Raven as she seat in front of him, with glasses and book on her hands. The Flowers of evil, as he observed the title. "Thank you."

As he sip his tea, he stared at the book. "Flowers of Evil?" As he pointed at the book.

"Yeah, might try to read something like old poem." as Raven looked at the book title.

"I could recommend Robert Frost."

"I did read some of his. The Road Not Taken." As Raven sipped her tea.

"I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference."

Raven blink her eyes as she heard his recitation the last verse. "So, do you take it?"

"Take what?"

"The road less traveled by."

Damian looked at her. " This is the road less traveled by." He smirk as he sip the cup.

Raven try to understand that line but Damian simply silent. He's quite enjoy the company he's having now.

"All these time, I've been wonder what's with burying your face in the book." He rest both of his elbow on the table as well as his chin on his propped hand. " Never knew you were actually Four-eyes, metaphorically."

"Are you, mocking me?" Raven furrowed her brows as she put her cup on the table.

"I found you looks more professional in those glasses." He smirked as he stared at her which leads to Raven unknowingly adjusting her glasses as she looked away.

"The glasses is expensive. I lost mine as I bought to mission when I first join the titans, so I tend to leave it at room and I had to use some of my powers to adjust my visions."

"But you could heal them?" Damian's begun to curious.

"Only limited time."

"Did you know there's is laser treatment for that?"

Raven surprised as she heard it. She seems to be thinking but then she put down her cup.

"I'd rather wear glasses than risking my eyes to go blind." She sighed. "Unless I end up become Bran the third eye Raven."

Damian chuckled. She's indeed full of surprises.

"If you lost your glasses again, do tell me. I might know some excellent optometrist to do excellent job."

"Uh, n-no. You don't have to. I.."

"That's what team mate for right? Helping each other?" He smiled. A genuine smile.

She seems stunned by him. Smiling. Damian Wayne is actual smiling.

"Besides, you in glasses, is a rare opportunity and quite pleasant to the eyes." As he get up and goes towards the sink to wash his empty cup. At the corner of his eyes, Raven were blushed hard then adjusting her glasses.

Shit. He cursed under his breath. She IS adorable IN glasses.

[masked-buffoon]

Chapter 7: An oxidising world of a dream (Part 5)

Warnings: angst

Author notes: yes, I do consider that this part is heartbreaking enough to put angst as a warning... Do tell me if you think otherwise! (or another smart way to ask for feedback...)

I waited behind the door of the familiar infirmary, my arms crossed and my look focused onto the carpet beneath my feet. I had been ordered to stay there until Dazai came out, while he had sent men and Akutagawa to the art museum of Yokohama for a mission. If at first I had wondered if he was punishing me for my previous failure during the casino mission, I had soon realised that this raid to the museum was pointless, and clearly a trap Mimic had set for us. However, the squadron had been getting impatient, lately, and their desire to fight overcame any trace of reason their consciousness held. The most stupid of all had to be the "dog". He exposed himself to danger without further questioning, only to prove our superior he was worth his praises. He could not understand that the executive did not expect such things from him... And he would never listen to my advice.

"Odasaku is awake." The door opened behind me.

"It is good." I cracked a discreet smile "Do you need me to do anything?"

"Come in, and try to convince him." Dazai sighed "He wants to go and save Akutagawa..."

"Akutagawa...?" I narrowed my eyes, following him inside the infirmary "Well, he is an asset for the Mafia, after all... And you will not pretend you are ready to toss his power aside, will you?"

"So you agree, Ogawa?" Oda asked me upon seeing me.

"I am glad to see you are better, Oda." I smiled "And I do agree that helping Akutagawa out would be better. However... I could go myself. You have just woken up and many things occurred. You need to rest."

"Resting..." He hummed "I don't need it. I feel as though I owe someone, so I can't stay there doing nothing."

"Owing..." Dazai sighed "The one you owe doesn't even remember what he'd lent you..."

"But I do." He shrugged "Besides, it is absolutely out of question that you go, Ogawa."

"I have not been ordered not to go." I defended.

"Dazai, order her."

"Why would he...?" I frowned "I can —"

"A consequent amount of shops and warehouses of the Port Mafia has been bombed while Odasaku was asleep." My superior cut me "And you took care of every single case without my assistance. You too, need to rest."

"You'd rather send your sick friend off than your lieutenant...?" I argued, holding onto Oda's sleeve so he would not leave "I am your subordinate, I appreciate that you care about my safety but... It is my duty. Oda needs to rest, he was poisoned heavily and no matter how strong he is, he is still weakened from the —"

The executive grabbed my wrist and pulled me closer to him, until my forehead rested onto his shoulder. The effects of No Longer Human were immediate; the thoughts of my surroundings faded away, and my eyelids felt heavy with the need to sleep.

"You can't..." I protested, trying to pull away but finding myself too weak to do so "You can't..."

"You haven't slept, the other night... I order you to rest now..." He said, rather softly.

"But your friend... He... Will..."

"Odasaku will be alright." He reassured me "I trust him, I know he will not put himself in danger."

I heard footsteps getting away and deduced the man had left. He had resolved himself to let Oda go... Fatigue took over and my knees buckled under my weight, brusquely. His arms wrapped around my waist to support me and my hands gripped onto Dazai's coat as I fought not to fall asleep just yet, but I could not deny my body needed to doze off, for at least a few hours. I hated being so useless...

"I... Am of no use to you..." I murmured, my voice muffled by his coat.

"Being exhausted makes you say idiotic things." He retorted, suddenly picking me up to lay me down on the bed "Why are you still trying not to fall asleep...?"

"I heard you... Praising Akutagawa..." I refused to let go of him "Even if he is dumb... He has power... Everyone... Around you is so strong... And I..."

"Stop saying things you know I have never thought about, Ogawa... Comparing you with Akutagawa is impossible, comparing you with Odasaku is unbelievable as well." Dazai stated.

"... Am I an incompetent...?"

"The one who said that must be blind."

"Akutagawa has a good sight..." I closed my eyes, but opened them before surrendering to sleep "I am... Incompetent... Unsuited to be by your side... I don't want to sleep and be useless..."

His hand landed onto my forehead, pushing my bangs away from my eyes and making contact with my skin.

"Being useless is the last thing I think about you..." He assured me "I'd appreciate it if you had some sleep before going back to work."

"I'll leave you alone..."

"I'll bring you to the office as soon as you close your eyes, then. I swear, so now, do not torment your mind with such thoughts anymore and only think about resting well, to assist me afterwards." He cracked a smile, clumsily running his hand across my head.

"Alright, then... If it is not a bother..." My eyelids fell and my body went numb.

"... How could that ever be a bother...?"

Dazai had gone out with Oda. The two had some business to take care about, and my superior had insisted for me not to go. After the incident at the art museum, Akutagawa had come back safely, as well as Oda, and the matter was settled within hours. I leaned my head onto the bay of the executive's office. The sun had disappeared behind the horizon for a moment now, leaving only the darkness and a few stars to light it up. I noticed it was a night without a moon, and did not like it. When the world was too immersed in shadows, nothing good would ever occur. I feared this night was ominous.

"Come back safe, Dazai..." I whispered, looking away from the lights of the town.

Humankind had always hated complete darkness. Electricity had allowed us to tame the night and its fictional monsters so we could prolong our day as much as possible. But whether it was under the sun or a neon light, we could never run away from our own shadows, and I liked to think the evilness laying still within us was the origin of our tales about the night. The true monsters often — not to say always — had a human face.

Slowly, I walked across the office to take my coat before exiting it, without forgetting to close the door behind me. It felt so lonely, being away from his side... Everything seemed completely worthless if Dazai was nowhere around me, as if the reason I could live had been taken away from me. In a way, I was aware of the dangerous truth; I depended on my superior as much as I was addicted to morphine, perhaps even more, and I could not imagine once that we could be apart. He had given me a reason to be in this world which had casted me away mercilessly, and striving to stay alive was a feeling I had just started to embrace. I could go as far as stating it was a glimpse of happiness I was experiencing... I wanted to cling onto it with my whole being, sometimes forgetting that nothing was more ephemeral than human joy. There was nothing which would not be lost... And I did not remember.

"Ogawa-kun...!"

I turned around upon hearing a voice calling my name. The second in command, Yamada-san... After how badly he had tried to take advantage of me, we had rarely interacted with each other. In front of Dazai, he acted friendly, but I knew he wanted to be ridden of me after I had humiliated him, the day I had killed my parents.

"What can I do for you?" I asked, poised.

"Actually..." He sighed "I have a pile of paperwork awaiting me, but... Today is my wife's and my anniversary so I did not want to go back late..."

"You are married...!" I exclaimed, astonished.

"I never wear my ring when in the headquarters... Not to trouble her, right? But I am. We even have the most adorable son." He smiled "I met her after that incident... I still can't apologise enough for that day."

"It is too late, now. But I can overlook it, for once."

For the first time, I felt sympathy toward this man I would usually be annoyed about.

"I'll take care of it for you." I smiled back "Please have fun."

"I'll make sure to." He nodded excitedly "Thanks a bunch, Ogawa-kun!"

A bunch...? Well... I watched his back walking away a moment before going into his office. The pile of paperwork was, indeed, a pile, threatening to wither and crash onto the ground at any moment, and I sighed heavily, bringing the documents to Dazai's office where I felt more comfortable. I had been supposed to wait for his return; he would kill me when he would discover I was working overtime... Oh, well... It had been a moment I had not had a warm cup of coffee, anyway.

It was well-past midnight when the door of the office opened. The headquarters were most likely empty, except for the Boss and a few guards doing their night shift. On this floor, this room was the only one where the light was still on. I smiled at my superior, who visibly did not expect seeing me there, and took a sip of my fifth cup of coffee.

"Welcome back, Dazai." I stood up to take his coat off of his shoulders.

"Ogawa...? No wonder you were not at your place..."

He had stopped by, thinking I was waiting for him...? I almost regretted stubbornly staying there to help the second in command out...

"Forgive me for not telling you beforehand..." I apologised "There was still work to do..."

"This is not your job." He stated, taking a look at the papers.

"He..." I paused, thinking I could not reveal the truth about the marriage "... Had important things to take care of."

"Important enough for you to comply?" Dazai raised his two eyebrows "He surely lied to you to leave and have a drink with his friends."

"... Is that so...? My, I'm so stupid..." I did not want to argue and attempted to avoid the subject "Thinking I could have easily read his thoughts..."

"Whatever you are hiding, I'm not going to ask about it if you don't want to talk about it..." He sighed, resigned, and let himself fall onto a couch "To think you'd help him after what he has done to you... That disgusting jerk..."

I was dumb to think he would not find out I was lying...

"You seem especially exhausted, tonight." I noted, taking a seat in front of him "What happened...?"

"Nothing." He dodged the matter "Do you still have a lot to do?"

"There isn't much left..." I told him "I'll hurry so you can cancel my ability and have some sleep yourself."

"Please, do so..." He grumbled lowly.

I sat back at his desk and started reading the different reports. Dazai was not usually so grumpy and tired. Definitely, something was wrong about him, but I knew better than asking him directly. If only I could read his thoughts... I would have been able to tell what bothered him.

Minutes after, his breathing was regular, and I looked up at him, only to see he was gone in deep slumber. Soundlessly, I took his coat from the hanger and draped it over his body to protect him from the cold. Summer had installed itself in Japan, but the nights were still chilly, especially in an office freshened up by air conditioning. Many people had a peaceful face when sleeping, but he... He did not look appeased at all. On the contrary, it appeared sleeping brought his own monsters to the surface of his consciousness and tormented him... I decided not to do anything, judging he, no matter what, did need a good night of rest too. And if nightmares disturbed him, I would act accordingly to the situation. He had often made sure I was sleeping correctly before leaving — I could have felt it — so it was my turn to protect his rest.

I stared at him, leaning my chin onto the back of my hand. He had not budged at all and my paperwork had long been over. I did not believe Dazai could sleep so well; he was more the type to suffer from insomnia. I often wondered, when waking up, what he had been up to during the night. After granting me sleep, did he go back to his impersonal apartment? Or did he wander around Yokohama to have a few drinks? Did he bring women back to his place? The thought coated my cheeks in red and I quickly banned it from my mind. Whatever he did, I was certain he did not get much sleep. I shut off the lights, only to turn on the small lamp on the desk. The sieved light was more relaxing than the main one, and it bathed the room in a comfortable atmosphere. While my superior was soundly asleep, I took a random book from the shelf and started reading it. How to prevent accidental casualties. So this book did exist and he had truly read it. He had not lied, the other day... I felt bad for doubting him, but one had to admit discerning between his acts and his true words was a challenge. When was he serious and when was he playing around? Oda easily understood the shifts in the mood, but I... No, I could not think about his friend anymore. I always ended up frustrated when looking up to this amazing person. I had embarrassingly ranted about my uselessness again, earlier, I could not afford to ridicule myself anymore. I did not want him to look at me like a pitiful thing...

Suddenly, the coat fell from Dazai and landed onto the floor with a muffled noise. I put the book aside to readjust it over his body, but, as I did so, he forcefully grabbed my wrist and pulled me toward him. His one eye was wide opened onto me.

"D-Dazai, you are going to cancel my ability..." I broke the silence, trying to free myself from his grip.

"... Isn't that what I am supposed to do...?" He asked, rather tiredly.

"You fell asleep, I was not going to take advantage of your ability while you were defenceless..." I said "Well, that's what I thought, but you are actually always vigilant about your surroundings..."

"Obviously..." He let me go to rub his face "How long have I been sleeping?"

"Two to three hours, roughly. You should close your eyes again; you were resting so well..."

"What about you? Are you done?"

"I am, don't worry..."

"Then, let's —"

I gently pushed him back to the couch and put his coat back onto him with a slight smile.

"I had some sleep in the afternoon... It's your turn, Dazai..." I declared.

"But your ability... Won't it be a bother?"

"I'll be fine, just think about yourself... Please rest. There are people counting on you to lead them tomorrow..." I told him.

His expression was unreadable, but he adjusted his position so he would be laying on the couch instead of sleeping in a sitting position. His fingers held onto his coat and brought it around his upper body, as though he felt cold, and his eyes closed.

"Goodnight..." I whispered.

"I saw Ango, tonight. We went to the bar." He interrupted my moves.

"Dazai, you should —"

"He was an undercover agent for the government, you know...? And a spy in Mimic for the Port Mafia too..." He chuckled, a bit bitterly "He betrayed us... He betrayed me..."

"I'm sorry..." I had no clue what to say "The three of you were so close as friends..."

"... Come there a bit..." He demanded.

I decided to sit down on the edge of the couch.

"I lost him..." He finally muttered, his voice muffled by the heavy black cloth "I lost Ango... I lost our friendship... I said I was prepared to lose everything I once owned... But I'm not... His loss left a hole somewhere in me... I don't know how to fill it... Am I not pathetic, showing you such a sight...?"

"Not at all..." I hesitatingly patted his shoulder "If anything, I am glad that you could tell me such a thing..."

"You are there... Odasaku is still there too, but for some reasons, I feel so lonely..." He confessed.

What could I do or say to soothe his pain? I did not know... I did not want to pretend I understood the gap he experienced, nor could I come up with classic lines; Dazai did not need them. Dazai did not want me to say "don't worry."

"... I'll always be there..." I reminded him.

But I was not enough.

[spin-birdie]

Have you done any apocalyptic type stuff for RK1K? I don't see much of that stuff for the ship.

as a matter of fact i have! this fic is based on a visual novel set in a zombie apocalypse i played a while back and i have a couple of ideas for some rk1k apocalypse stories that idk what to do with

idk if you were specifically asking for fic but i decided to write one anyway because that fic i just linked had an ambiguous ending and ive got emotional bitch disease so Whoops I Fixed My Own Fic I Guess

word count: 1.6k

pairing: rk1k

additional tags: zombie apocalypse au, human au, fix-it fic/spoilers for my own shit lmao

Connor is asleep by the time the engine finally stalls and sputters out, causing the car to roll to a stop. He doesn’t wake up, even as Markus swears and makes futile attempts to keep the car running. The dash stays lit up until Markus sighs and pulls the keys out of the ignition. There’s no use in running down the battery as well.

It’s too dark to see. Not much changes when Markus closes his eyes. There’s no sound except for breathing and the slight breeze coming through his still open window. At least the air smells clean.

If he wanted to, Markus could wake Connor up and try running. But with the visibility being non-existent, it’s not like they’d even get far. It would be unfortunate to make it all this way only to trip and die.

Markus sinks back in his seat and listens for Connor. He’s still breathing, but it’s slow and quiet. When he blindly reaches out for Connor’s hand, he’s not any warmer than he was before. But he’s not any colder, which might be a good sign. Maybe.

Either way, there’s nothing he can do. Markus feels out for the lever under the seat, but it refuses to budge. Stupid used cars. It gives after a few forceful tugs and the seat moves back, allowing Markus to recline properly. He breathes in. He breathes out. And he waits for sleep.

Sleep doesn’t come. Instead, light shines through his vision, startling Markus into opening his eyes. He doesn’t know how much time has passed. All he knows is that he’s not seeing natural light.

The light washes over the front of the windshield before splitting in two and moving closer. By now, Markus can tell he’s looking at two people holding flashlights. It’s nearly unfathomable, after days of seeing nothing but zombies. Connor is the only human Markus has spoken to in weeks.

The closer light moves around to Connor’s window. The unseen person sticks their flashlight through the gap and shines it over Connor, who begins to stir.

“Hello?” Markus calls out. “What are you doing?”

The light jumps. “Oh! Luther, one of them is alive!”

“We both are,” Markus corrects.

Connor’s face scrunches up and he turns his head away from the light. “Wh-What’s happening?” he slurs.

Markus squeezes Connor’s hand to reassure him. “I’m not sure, but don’t panic.”

The second person comes around to Markus’ window. Markus winds the window down just enough to hear them speak. “What’s your name?”

“Markus. This is Connor.”

“I’m Luther, and over there is Kara. Are you two okay?”

Connor groans, shielding his eyes from the lights with one hand as Markus replies. “No, we’re not. We just ran out of fuel, and Connor is...” he glances at Connor for a moment. He’s barely holding on as it is; it’s probably better just to come out with it. “He’s bitten.”

“I thought so,” Kara says, lowering her flashlight so she’s not shining it directly into Connor’s eyes. “How long?”

Markus frowns. “A few days, I think. Connor, how are you feeling?”

Connor shakes his head and presses his fingers into Markus’ palm. “...Foggy. And cold. I th-think I’ve gotta fever.”

“Still hungry?”

“Yes.”

“This might sound weird, but our voices aren’t making you hungrier, right?” Luther asks.

Connor shakes his head again. “That’s a fair question. I don’t think so.”

Kara sighs in relief. “There’s still time. Luther, how much fuel did we get?”

It takes that comment for Markus to realize there’s a canister in Luther’s hand. Where did that come from? Why are these people walking around with gasoline in the middle of the night?

“Enough to get this car moving far, I’d say. Markus? Is there anything wrong with your car aside from the fuel?”

Markus has no idea. This isn’t his car. “Connor?”

“Should be fine.”

Kara lowers her light for a moment. “Holy crap. Okay, I’ll be upfront; we’re with a group. We’re looking for cars and supplies. We have food and medicine; if you let us use your car...” Her sentence hangs there, unfinished.

On one hand, what she’s saying sounds too good to be true. There’s nothing out here; what are the odds that they’d find a group with supplies they need? Enough to treat someone with a literal zombie bite? What would stop these people from killing them both and taking their car? If they do try that, they don’t know there’s a pistol in the glovebox...

On the other hand...Connor is dying before their eyes, and Markus isn’t sure he could live with himself if he let that happen. Maybe it’s just that survivor thing, but there’s something special about Connor. And that something is too important to lose.

They’ve already lost everything else, anyway.

Markus unstraps his seatbelt and cracks the car door open. “Alright. Take us there.”

-

Markus isn’t sure when it happened, but the view from on top of the farmhouse has become familiar to him. He sits alone in an old camping chair, a hunting rifle in his lap. The ground is wet with sleet, and the air is beginning to chill. It’s a windy day, the kind that makes the sky turn silver, yet Markus barely feels the breeze.

It’s hard to think that, even with the world at large in chaos, the seasons change without paying mind to any of it. At least the mud and snow make it harder for zombies to run at the shelter.

Markus hears something nearby groan at him, and fumbles to pick up the rifle, only to stop as he gets his bearings.

“Connor, get down from there! Your stomach--”

“Hello to you, too,” Connor snarks. He lowers himself out of the tree and onto the rooftop before making his way towards Markus. He begins to sit down, but Markus gets out of his chair instead.

“Here. Don’t strain yourself,” Markus insists.

Connor takes the invitation and sits in the camp chair. He still grimaces at the strain on his stomach wound, but doesn’t cry out. Markus sits down directly on the roof and sets the rifle down beside him.

“Got bored of the greenhouse?”

Connor smiles. “No, not really. Rupert keeps gushing about the view from up here, and my curiosity finally got the better of me.”

“They say curiosity killed the cat.”

“But satisfaction brought it back. And I have to be honest, it’s not a bad view,” Connor admits. One of his hands comes down and cards through Markus’ hair. For his own safety, he should get it cut soon, but it’s hard to find scissors out here. “It also helps that my favorite person is up here at the moment,” Connor finishes.

Markus feels his cheeks redden, but he laughs. “And who would that be?”

Even without looking directly at Connor, the smirk in his voice is audible. “You might not know him. He’s handsome, really into swing music, and so compassionate that everyone’s probably a little bit in love with him.”

Affection blooms in Markus’ chest and suffocates him for a split second. He pulls Connor’s hand out of his hair to lace their fingers together. He knows there’s a stupid, wide grin on his face as he says, “That’s a little gay.”

Connor gasps in mock offense. “Excuse you, I’m a big gay.”

Markus laughs out loud, which spurs Connor into doing the same. “Dork.”

Once their laughter peters out, Connor frees his hand in favor of playing with Markus’ hair again. They’ve spent a lot of time together without speaking, during aimless road trips and suspenseful recovery periods, but this silence is nothing if not companionable. It feels like they’re alone with the world, and for once, that thought doesn’t bother Markus.

“How’s your stomach?” he asks after a while.

Connor hums, his hand pausing its movements for a moment. “I mean, considering I was on Death’s door, like, a month ago, I’d say it’s much better.”

“You seem more active these days.”

“I've been meaning to ask Rose about joining the patrol roster or something, now that I’m feeling more like myself.”

Markus turns his head up to look straight at Connor. “That’s a good idea. It’ll get you moving around more, at least. Promise you’ll be careful if you do, though?”

“Yeah, of course.”

Markus smiles warmly and props his chin up on the chair’s armrest.

Their privacy is interrupted when they hear the door open below them. Adam steps out and cranes his neck up to see them, cupping his hands over his mouth in lieu of shouting.

“Connor, what’re you doing up there?”

Like a kid who’s been caught misbehaving, Connor frees his hand from Markus’ hair. “Taking in the scenery,” he says half-truthfully.

“Any chance you could do that later? We need extra hands in the kitchen.”

Markus raises his eyebrows. “You’re asking a guy who’s managed to set water on fire?”

“I was nineteen,” Connor pouts.

Adam rolls his eyes. “We’re not asking him to cook. We’re resetting traps.”

“You could’ve led with that,” Connor says.

“Is that a yes?”

“Yeah, I’ll be down in a minute.”

Seemingly satisfied with that answer, Adam heads back inside. Connor stands up with a sigh. “I should let you get back to guard duty, anyway.”

“I guess so.” Markus picks up his rifle and stands up. “One second.”

He puts a hand on the back of Connor’s neck and pulls him in for a soft, lingering kiss. He wants nothing more than to taste Connor properly, but until they know for certain he’s no longer infected, it isn’t worth the risk. Well, it is to Markus. Just not to anyone else.

When they part, Connor looks at him with such warmth that it nearly hurts. Markus cups Connor’s cheek. “See you later.”

He sits down in the chair once again as Connor begins climbing down the tree. Once again, he’s alone.

But maybe that’s not so bad.

[mars-barssss]

85. "Don't lie to me" with the prompts you just re-blogged, if possible? Any ship ya want 👌

//Sure!

Lies of Omission

TW: Deceit Mention, Remus Mention, A Few Swear Words, Some Roughhousing

Pairing: Prinxiety (referenced Anxiet)

Type: ANGST

___

Once again, Virgil was lurking in the dark around the mindscape. It was usually a normal thing, but tonight, he was following a different set of rules. He just managed his way into his room, which was just as dark as usual. As he quickened his pace, he breezed past the front of his room, the spiderwebs bending unnaturally away from him. He could feel multiple pairs of spider eyes watching him as he finally reached his bed, patterned with a surprisingly intricate spider web design. Confident that he couldn’t be heard in his room, he released a relieved breath.

A sudden thud sounded in the room, as he tore into his drawers. Searching frantically, he tossed many pairs of black pants and old hoodies aside as he dug. Under the many overwhelming layers upon layers, he saw something. He reached for it, which was a card that read, “U R FAMILY”. It was from Patton, and he didn’t want to leave it behind. He didn’t really want to leave any of them behind, but he didn’t want them in danger. Snagging the small card, he slipped it onto his bed, before replacing his purple hoodie with his old plaid one. He zipped up the hoodie, covering his head with the hood before slipping the card in his pocket.

He slipped the purple hoodie into the drawer, and rushed off to the closet. He reached up, stretching, just managing to grab his trusty headphones and phone, which he held gently in his hands. A quick look into it and he saw a playlist of audio books ready at his fingertips from Logan last year. He smiled briefly, before pocketing the phone and putting the headphones around his neck.

With a small breath, Virgil finally ran to the final corner of his room, which had a bit of ruined carpet. Lifting the carpet, he saw the edge of a familiar trap door. Upon raising it, he saw something that made his breath hitch. It was his Christmas sweater, which bore a lot of memories from the previous year. As he reached down to touch it, he held it close to himself, frowning slightly. He could feel it radiating care and hope, something that contrasted Virgil’s own ideals. He could feel his own heart raise in tempo. Roman had made it for him last Christmas, and something about it made him smile still. While he didn’t wear it normally, he still wore it at night. 

He was about to turn, holding the well-loved sweater tightly to him, when he saw a glimpse of something else beneath. A small ring, silver, but slightly cracked on the sides. He remembered trying to build something for the creative side, but he wasn’t exactly meant to form something. Anxiety was no good at forming items. And when he made it with intricate designs, some of the designs became harsh cracks. There was a pair of hearts on the outside of it, one purple and another red, and on the same part on the inside, there were a few small words, “Will you be mine?”

He hesitated, but Virgil reached for the cracked ring, holding it close to his heart. Slipping it onto his finger, albeit a bit loose of a fit, he quickly folded up the sweater and slid it into a bag he had previously formed against his wall. Taking the bag, he covered the trapdoor with the carpet and approached his door.

This is what he had to do.

He snuck quickly down the light-side’s hallway. His footsteps creaked slightly on the wooden floor, but no one seemed to have awaken. He rushed into the living room, his grip on his bag tightened. As he navigated through the couches, a small cough froze his body in place.

“Virgil?”

Shit.

Virgil spun around to see a tired-looking Roman, standing in the arch of the hallway. He was looking deeply into the other side, although he was leaning heavily on the wall. He was wearing a surprisingly simple outfit, a long-sleeved pajama shirt with a crown, and matching red sweatpants.

“You’re already enough of a chemically imbalanced romance for me to be awake at this hour! What in the heavenly world, are you doing?” He rose a bit from where he was leaning, in a poor attempt to have his usual daily flourish. His fond smile still danced upon his regal face.

“The bigger question is why you are up right now?” Virgil attempted to deflect the question, hiding the bag behind a couch as he nervously shuffled. His eyes stayed on the prince, however.

“Creative block, Thomas can’t think of anything.” He gestured vaguely around, as if he was trying to conjure something. It obviously didn’t do anything. “Besides, it’s night time. Most of my reign is being used up. It is so frustrating that I can’t do anything during Remus’s hours!” He stomped in mock anger, as he kept his eyes trained on Virgil. He slowly began to walk around the couch.

“Still, you should be trying to relax. Who knows, Ro, you might get some really needed beauty sleep!” Virgil smirked slightly, his smirk barely not reaching his eyes.

“Excuse me! I happen to be in fact the most fairest of all, you damned emo nightmare-!” He bowed slightly, as if that would prove a point. It didn’t prove anything. Although, all Virgil could notice was just how close he was getting to the anxious side, and closer to noticing his change in outfit.

As if the thought alone cursed him, Roman looked at his with a strange questioning in his eyes. “Still didn’t question my answer, stormcloud. Actually, another question, why in the world are you wearing that-?” He made a large motion, pointing at the dark plaid that Virgil had been hiding in.

“Didn’t want to waste my normal hoodie for night stuff-!” Virgil blurted out.

“You don’t even need to sleep! Try again.”

“Uhh- felt like wearing something familiar!”

“... You’ve worn your purple hoodie for a year now.”

“... Felt like it?”

“Everyone here knows just how much you hate it, edgelord.”

Virgil squirmed under Roman’s words, shrinking further into his old hoodie. As the Prince walked closer, his heart rate went up. He hated trying to lie for this, lying in general sucked. And having Roman basically tower over him, made him want to just force himself to blurt out the truth. And eventually, he succumbed to it, however, when he did-

“Agh okay, I had to because-!” Suddenly, his hands covered his mouth, slamming into them. One look from Roman was all he needed. Roman began to back up in shock, his fond expression long gone and forgotten. His expression melted from a deep sort of shock, to frustration. “D-Deceit?...Y-You wanted to go back? Back to them?!”

“Roman-! Wait I can- Deceit wanted me to-” Virgil tried to move forward, lifting his hands off of his mouth, before his steps halted as his legs grew heavy. His heart pounded at his chest, raising even higher as Roman opened his mouth, his form towering over Virgil.

“I t-trusted you! I TRUSTED YOU!” Roman’s lip quivered as he looked to the ground, before looking back up, his eyes shined with tears. “I THOUGHT YOU WANTED TO BE GOOD! H-How… Why?!”

“R-Roman, it’s not, no, wait-!” His pleas fell on deaf ears as the creative side stormed towards him, his arms shaking a little. “It wasn’t anything bad, I just needed to talk with Deceit about-” Suddenly, his hands covered his mouth again. This caused Roman to visibly grow more upset, his teething sinking deeper into his own lips.

“You’re still lying?! I thought you actually cared, but you really just wanted to go back, didn’t you?” Roman’s eyes glistened with tears and anger. A few tears flew down his cheeks as his shouts thundered through the anxious side. “I thought you cared about us! I thought you were happy-!”

Virgil backed up, pointedly looking away, his eyes wide and afraid. Suddenly, he was forced forward, a hardened grip pulling him slightly upwards, forcing his eyes to find Roman’s. The moment he did, tears slid down his own face, ruining his make-up. As Roman lifted him slightly, it caused Virgil’s headphones, phone, and card to fall out, flying onto the floor.

“I thought you cared about me-!” Roman practically cried it into his face, as tears were now falling in waterfalls down his cheeks. His hand that held Virgil was shaking, trembling even.

“N-No-! Roman, I care about you- I care about you so much, I-” His hand reached up, shaking as it reached for Roman’s face, almost touching it-

“Don’t lie to me.” Roman’s voice grew deeper, as he backed away harshly from the contact, shaking Virgil. In the motion, Virgil saw in dismay that his bag had also thumped onto the floor, and the sweater had slipped out, joining the other sentimental items. The shake had also just managed the slightly-loose ring to fall off of his finger, hitting Roman’s foot. “J-Just tell me you want to leave us! O-Or me! That you want them, because hell-”

“R-Roman, no-”

Suddenly, Roman looked at the items and Virgil’s expression, and his anger hesitated, crumbling. Deep down, Roman didn’t ever want to hurt Virgil. He knew that. Shakily, he let go of his hoodie in favor of wiping his tears. His anger stood nothing in front of the love he held for that side. “I-I…”

Virgil, as he let his tears fall down, looked at Roman’s broken eyes, and couldn’t take it anymore. His lip trembled, and his insides threatened to sob away his pains. Shaky hands wiped desperately at his eyes. Before Roman could understand what happened, he dashed away, leaving behind all of the beloved items.

“Virgil-!”

But by the time he yelled, Virgil had already ran to the edge of the room and tumbled downward as he sank out, holding his hoodie close to himself.

Roman held himself, as if it’d hold himself together. He fell to his knees, looking at all that Virgil had brought along with him. He looked at his hands, the ones he knew he used that held Virgil a few moments ago. That held Virgil when he was breaking down weeks ago. That held Virgil when he was cuddling him. That held Virgil when he confessed to him. That held Virgil when he was just accepted, when he began to sob.

As he sat there, his eyes trailed down to where his legs used to be standing, spotting a small silver ring. It was a beautiful ring, actually.

The moment he saw the hearts and words that were engraved into it, Roman broke into sobs. Hiccups ran through his body, has he curled in on himself. All of the laughter and bravado the side had before was gone, leaving a shell behind. Sobs wracked his body as he held the ring, tightly. His body shuddered as his heart bled out through him.

Several hours later, Patton and Logan had found him asleep in that same position in the commons. And for once, they didn’t know what to do either.

[maraudersmessrs]

Remus Lupin and the Prisoner of Azkaban--- Chapter 16: Moony

Ao3 link

Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5 / Chapter 6 / Chapter 7 / Chapter 8 / Chapter 9 / Chapter 10 / Chapter 11 / Chapter 12 / Chapter 13 / Chapter 14 / Chapter 15 / Chapter 16 / Chapter 17 / Chapter 18 / Chapter 19 / Chapter 20 / Chapter 21 / Chapter 22 / Chapter 23 / Chapter 24 / Chapter 25 / Chapter 26 / Chapter 27 / Chapter 28 / Chapter 29 / Chapter 30 / Chapter 31 / Chapter 32 / Chapter 33 / Chapter 34

(Warning: there is slightly graphic descriptions of the Change and brief suicidal ideation mention)

It was an odd sensation, after a few days of drinking the Wolfsbane potion in succession; he hadn’t realized how closely the wolf usually lurked under the surface the week before the Change. He was slower to irritate, now, and it was far easier to actually feel as calm as he projected; he was able to be unerringly polite to Severus whenever he dropped it off. Unfortunately, it didn’t do much for the physical symptoms of the pain and nausea and general decline of health, as he would need to transform whether he kept his mind or not. And now that the time was drawing nearer, he was growing inexplicably nervous.

For the first time, he would be himself while being not himself. He usually remembered most, if not all, the memories of the night before when he transformed back, but now there would be no blank spots and no cut off point; it would just be...him. As the wolf. This would be the first time he would be even remotely coherent during a full moon since he had run with the rest of the Marauders. Usually, all there was to remember was a chaotic blur of rage and blinding pain, frantically searching for an escape and the ever present need to bite and tear and kill. With them, though...it had been different. It had been almost fun. Because with them, it wasn’t a time of fear as it had been through his childhood; fear of discovery, fear of hurting people, fear of the pain. For them, it was a time of adventure and they had treated it as such.

“You're funny when you're Moony, y’know,” Sirius had said suddenly one day, when they were all silently working on homework on their respective beds.

“So, that's staying, then. That name. THAT name.”

“I mean, it fits, doesn't it?”

“Yeah, I'm Moony, the werewolf who moons people.”  Remus made a pained face. “I love it.”

“Weren't you the one who said we needed anonymity for the Map?” James chimed in without looking up from his paper, frowning in concentration.

“Yeah, but I meant NAME names. Like fuckin’ Fleamont,” Remus deadpanned and James did look up.

“WILL YOU NEVER LET THAT GO?”

“I mean, you were the one who made the mistake of telling us,” Sirius pointed out reasonably. “It's US we're talking about.”

“Ridiculous middle names aside,” Peter said and a strangled noise came from James’ corner. “What about the rest of us?”

“So we're REALLY sticking with that?” Remus complained loudly and was met with a chorus of “YES.”

“What do you first think of when you think ‘dog’?” Peter asked Sirius.

He sauvely ran a hand through his mane of black hair and started confidently, obviously going for something cool, “Pad--” he faltered and lost a bit of steam. “Uh...ffffoot.” He visibly cringed.

They stared at him in silence. “Done,” announced Remus and turned to the other 2. “What about you?”

“No no nooo, do over!” Sirius wailed.

Remus ignored his plea triumphantly. “Nope! Give a stupid name, get a stupid name.”

“That is--that is so unfair. James, Moony is bullying me!”

Remus grinned. “Shut up, PADfoot.”

“Ugh!! White Fang!”

“No.”

“Death wish!”

“No!”

“Uh, uh, Swift...butt!”

“Holy shit, you’re bad at this. What would James be?”

“Lightning!”

“We're not talking about you anymore PADFOOT, we're talking about Mr McStag over here.”

“Oh!” Peter exclaimed and put the back of his hands to his forehead, spreading his fingers. “Uh, what are those things? Oh oh OH--PRONGS!” he yelled, excitedly.

James looked affronted while Sirius and Remus burst into simultaneous laughter. “They are called ANTLERS, thank you very much.”

“PRONGS!” Sirius howled.

“Prongs!” Remus choked in agreement.

“What about me?” Peter seemed wary of asking, seeing the way James was mock glaring at him.

“Sniffy!” Sirius fell back on his bed and rolled around, tears streaming down his face.

“No--no-- Tinypaw!” Remus hiccuped.

“Wormtail.” James said bluntly and Peter let out a soft moan of despair, because he knew what was coming.

“WORMTAIL!” The other 2 wheezed and broke down into complete hysterical peals of laughter.

“Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs?” Peter repeated dubiously.

“What a bunch of idiots!” Sirius hooted.

Well past the time any homework was going to get done, they had managed to stop breaking into spontaneous giggle fits and migrated to sprawl on the floor. ”Okay, but you said I was’ funny’ as a werewolf?”

“Oh, yeah, that. Yeah, you know, you always talked about how you just become a mindless animal who only wants to kill but you actually, like, play around.”

Remus was silent and James added, “You got water up my nose last time. Lake water. It was gross. And you totally did it on purpose,” he stretched out his foot and kicked Remus’ leg.

“Ow. How do you know that?”

“You did the thing that dogs do when they smile; you were totally laughing at me.”

“You guys...I don't really like the idea of you thinking that…that that's me. It's dangerous. It's a monster. I don't want you to underestimate it.”

“So you don't remember?” Sirius rolled onto his back and began opening and closing the 4 poster curtain with his wand, idly.

“I mean...I do, some. Nothing complicated. The wolf doesn't think like the same way we do.” But he had had to admit, the wolf was exponentially calmer when they were all together. He almost never hurt himself anymore when he Changed. He sighed. “I just don't want you guys to be hurt. Don't…don’t PLAY with it. It only takes one bite--”

“We know, we know.” Sirius waved his hand dismissively. “Just one bite, whether we're in human form or not. Where are we going next moon?”

Where would he go this moon, alone? Remus sat in the armchair in his office, tapping the arm restlessly as he stared out the window at the sinking sun. His last potion was drunk, his office locked and warded, just in case, and a space cleared in the center of the room for his Change. This time in the cycle never made him calm, but he hadn’t been this nervous about it in a very long time. Usually, it was just sort of a tired, dull acceptance when he prepared, but this new attention to every detail gave him a heightened awareness that was even more uncomfortable. He had had a constant headache all day and all his joints felt like they were under some immense pressure, which was normal; the day of the full moon always felt a bit like being wrung out and run over at the same time. But he now felt every sensation, paid attention to every thought and it was driving him a bit...well, loony. Shaking his head at himself, he checked his watch, then removed it, undressed, folded the clothes, and placed the lot in the middle of the desk.

It was close now, he could feel every one of his scars prickling, aching. All his muscles felt taught as piano wires. It was hard to tell if he was more nauseous than usual. Maybe he should have asked Snape about side effects. Funny.

The first convulsion of pain that smashed into him stunned him. He had been waiting for the lurch of vertigo that usually preceded the whole thing, but no. Just immediate, crushing, twisting, burning, snapping agony. Joints cracked backwards, radiating starbursts through his body. Muscles folded, knotted, melted. His skin was a millions of repeating wasp stings. He was blind. He was deaf. Skin stretched beyond tearing, every bone broken, shifting. And then it swelled, cresting to the point where he always was secretly hoping that this time would be his last, that this would actually be the death of him. The part where he would be pummeled into darkness to surface the next day.

But no. It was just him. Him and this furious, liquifying force that was taking his body and breaking it. He didn’t know how long it continued. It felt that this was all he had ever known. This is where he had always been. Right here, on the floor of this office, writhing. The full Change blistered through him with no recourse, no unconsciousness.

Finally, his mind clarified enough to realize he was simply laying on his rug, panting and sore. For one, heartstopping moment, he thought he had not Changed after all but this was quickly erased as he tried to lurch to his feet and realized that his body no longer twisted that way. It gave him an uncomfortable buzz of hyper awareness as it felt at once alien and familiar to stand on 4 legs, to be able to move his ears, to smell every person who had been in this room. This is something his body knew that he did not. It was strangely empty to stand there, the thing he feared but needn’t, for now. The monster was gone. But the monster was him. He shuddered and slunk under the huge oaken desk to curl up. He did not look at the moon.

He did not sleep.