#but as a queer kid with religous trauma.... well. I'm drawing some of those lines too

[thatwitchrevan]

Thinking about. Ambrosius trying to do the right thing from inside the system and having to constantly question himself and recalibrate because what's right is unclear and contradictory, because his mentor is telling him one thing and his best friend is telling him another. Not being able to sympathize with Nimona, accepting the villainization of someone who looks and acts like a child because the narrative of Nimona as a monster is what gives closure to his cognitive dissonance, allows him to restore his faith in the Director AND Ballister even though those things are opposed. How he tries and genuinely wants to do what's right but literally cannot while he clings to the institution he's a part of. How being a good knight means leading a manhunt for the love of his life and then scapegoating a young girl so he can forgive him.

Versus Ballister... Who WANTS to cling to the system, convince the Director this was a mistake, convince himself Ambrosius will understand, that he can make it right, but when he sees Nimona, when he realizes Ambrosius isn't listening and Nimona was right, when Nimona needs him, he says fuck the system and chooses her. He stumbles and gets thrown off when Ambrosius shows him the drawing of the monster, but he comes back again and chooses her. He couldn't even get his lifelong friend and lover to chose him over the system but he sees Nimona cry and he says that stops here. I choose her.