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tendermiasma · 4 years ago

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i’m not even into overwatch anymore but i just wanted to say I ADORE your art style and hope to develop my own into a similar semi-realism leaning...have you made a post about your art journey? I’m assuming I just need to buckle down and do anatomy studies but any tips are very welcome!! Ty for your time <3

Oh man thank you! I’ve never made a comprehensive post about how I got to *gestures* whatever this point in my art this is, and I definitely sat here wondering what “art journey” means for me since I always feel like I’m stumbling around so I’ll answer as completely as I can. But a great way to develop a realism-minded eye is to draw from photos and life. Everyone in the world has said it over and over but it really gets it done, it’s not any more complicated than that. It’s how I started when I was little and it’s not something I planned, but the Legolas posters were right there so how could I not? Your own non-realism “stylistic” touch will bubble up whether you want it to or not and that’s a beautiful thing. It’s not something you need to look for because it happens on its own, whether it’s you seeing something another artist is doing that you like and assimilating it into your work, or it’s your own unique way that you absorb information from the world and use it to solve problems in the drawing in front of you. Some new artists also still have the idea that using references is cheating-- I’m not blaming them, sometimes this weird thing is circulated by more established people as well-- but this is a very small minority. Please use references. I’d be lost without them. The Castlevania team has a giant collection of references for faces of every character from every angle, props, etc. and I always have a second screen up with 10 different sheets of whoever I’m drawing. Feeding yourself info is essential to getting better. Look at how other artists handle something you’re having a problem with too. If they’re doing a similar pose or something, study their drawing and ask yourself what specifically, extremely technically about that drawing is convincing-- what marks are where, and what is the quality or direction of the strokes? Try it out on your own drawing. If you’re stuck, become aware of if you’re holding on too tightly to what you think something should look like. I have to remind myself this as well. Really try to let go of the idea you have in your head about how something works and simply try instead to draw what you see, even if it feels weird. The results are often pleasantly surprising.

I have a funny relationship with studies. You seem to be looking at them like a chore and I feel the same way. It’s impossible for me to sit down and just draw something over and over, disconnected from emotion or a larger narrative. I think a wonderful way to “study” is to incorporate those studies into a project that you wanted to do anyway. I’ve used my minicomics to get better at background painting or specific figure poses that I needed for the story but wasn’t sure how to do. I’m a very “oops I need it now better learn TODAY” kind of artist, if that suits you better than buckling down and doing anatomy studies for hours. Both are great ways to improve, but you have options for how to get there.

In terms of how much time I spend drawing.. well lol it’s a lot. I almost typed “but I don’t do it every day” but yes, my jobs have made sure that I do (I tend to separate personal drawing and job drawing). But the truth is, to get better, a lot of very focused drawing time is important; how much of it is up to you and your schedule. You can sit down for 6 hours and doodle or you can sit down for 3 with an extremely critical eye. It’s about the volume of time as well as focus and I don’t have a clear answer for it, but I can point to one specific year in my life where I made artistic progress like I’ve never seen from myself since. I drew a comic with regular updates during that time and, looking back, the art was not good. But the point was, I was drawing for 7 hours a day after work, at least 5 days a week, and actively looking to draw things that I hadn’t done before or knew that I wasn’t good at, and the result was that every single update was almost like it was drawn by a different person-- readers noticed and commented on the progress as well. It was very much an art bootcamp and I wouldn’t have the skills I do at this point if I hadn’t done it. It’s important that you’re loving what you do if you do it for yourself! That’s how you get through big projects and continue to be excited with where you are. Love is one of the most important motivators and discipline-keepers in art, in my experience. Draw what sets your brain on fire and attack it wholeheartedly even if it’s really weird or niche, not what you think you should be drawing, and you’ll improve a million times faster.

Art journey in terms of what I’ve done with my life (if this is what you meant from the beginning I’M SORRY I’m just trying everything you might have meant) uhhh I haven’t been to art school. I have no idea what my relationship with art would be like now if I’d had any formal training and I don’t really dwell on it. I could either be a testament to being able to get by without it or an example of someone who has no idea what she’s doing at all and lacks many basic foundational art skills. I have an architecture degree. I love architecture, I love the language of space we build for ourselves, and I’m truly, deeply glad for that eye-opening and often grueling experience, but I think my current field is a much better fit. Before animation I worked as a graphic designer mainly drawing storyboards for commercials and internal-industry stuff-- lots and lots of quick colored sketches (one of our main clients was a big glass company and my god I never thought I’d draw so much glass in my life). I was able to do that job due to the skills I developed through personal work. Maybe I’d be a hundred times more powerful if I went to art school! Maybe I’d be completely burned out and bitter and not drawing anymore at all! I just don’t know. I have friends who have had both experiences. Whether you choose art school or not it’s best to keep tabs on if the art you’re currently making brings you joy. Joy and struggle aren’t mutually exclusive. Oftentimes I’m drawing something I care deeply about but it’s VERY FUCKING HARD and I’m frustrated but it’s worth it.

I also do everything while being very scared of the thing. I have a lot of deep-seated anxiety that I’m constantly trying to root out and my brain compulsively twists things around into why I can’t do something, why people secretly know I’m below-par and are just too nice to tell me, how I’m “tricking” people into thinking I’m better than I am, etc. It’s so bad that my first thought when I was initially offered the art test for my current job was to say no; not because I didn’t want it so badly it hurt, but because I thought I’d be too much of a disappointment. After completing the test I spent an hour figuring out the most gracious way to apologize for not being enough. It’s common, but not something to accept and we’re all working on it. I just thought it was important to mention because art is also a mental journey and forces you to do all this navel-gazey shit in order to advance, and feeling like you are Not Enough is rife in the creative community. The work feels entangled with my value as a person because art is a massive part of my life. Something I’m learning is that I don’t have to be confident or sure of myself all the time. This ensures that the process is usually painful and frightening. Often there’s no way to make it less painful or frightening, and I just have to hold my breath and do it. An oddly comforting thing to me the past couple years is to remind myself that the scary thing I’m about to do won’t be the scariest thing I’ll ever do. I implies both that this isn’t the pinnacle of my progress and also that I will inevitably get over it. If you continue with art you’re going to run into things like this and I guess if it was me it would’ve been helpful to know I’m not alone in it.

I hope that maybe answered some of your questions, maybe? If you have some specific questions feel free and I’ll try my best. Hope you have a good day/night!

#anon #asks

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thebibliomancer · 4 years ago

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Essential Avengers: Avengers #236: “I Want to Be an Avenger!”

October, 1983

Spider-Man -- An Avenger -- ?

Y’know, march of time and all that but this doesn’t seem as surprising as it once did.

Not much to say about this cover. It doesn’t have a lot to say about the issue other than ‘SPIDER-MAN INSIDE’ but boy does it say it.

But, oh, the logo changed and its snazzy! I quite like it!

So recent going-onses for the Avengers. Thor and Iron Man quit the team for personal business. Hawkeye broke his leg and is on medical forced-to-leave. Scarlet Witch and Vision were called in as reservists and Vision immediately got damaged by a crossover and has been in a robot-coma ever since. Starfox joined the team.

But in more positive news, they totally kicked the Wizard’s ass last issue and it cheered everyone up.

So the issue starts on a lazy summer day.

Scarlet Witch is on monitor duty, scanning for any ‘this looks like a job for the Avengers’ type calls. And multi-tasking by also thinking of her tubed husband.

Captain America takes his turn standing watch over the comatose synthezoid.

And for some reason, Cap leaning on the tube like that cracks me up.

Starfox spends his downtime trying to hit on Wasp.

His pickup line is so bad.

Wasp finds it charming in its misapprehension although it could also be the sexy beams Starfox emits from his brain.

And She-Hulk is taking a bath in a large barrel in the Avengers’ rec center, which they have. Maybe its the super hot bath?

She(-Hulk)’s also multi-tasking by looking up apartment listings while she soaks but finds that everything on the NY listings is either too small or too ritzy.

It be like that sometimes.

Jarvis comes into the rec center barrel bath area with iced tea for She-Hulk, trying to politely avert his eyes. But the intruder alarm goes off and she(-Hulk) tells Jarvis to hand her a towel and runs off to his flusterment.

Between Tigra and She-Hulk, I think poor Jarvis is getting overwhelmed with rad ladies on the Avengers.

The Avengers assemble in the main foyer and found that someone just barged in the front door and disabled the security tentacles with some sort of odd, artificial webbing.

Who could it be?

Who could possibly break into Avengers Mansion under the mistaken impression that its actually a cool way to impress them while asking for a job, showing that he’s learned nothing in years?

Could it be the person who expressed interest in joining in the previous issue? And who is also on the cover of this issue??

Yes.

Honestly, though, what an amazing splash page!

Also, spectacular and no-adjective.

Spider-Man knows how to make an impression.

Not a good one, certainly. But the Avengers aren’t going to forget the time he was casually chilling above the dining table.

And Pete isn’t going to forget it either. He’s going to wake up in a cold sweat years later still mortified at himself.

I also love it when the title of the issue is something someone said but since it has to be emphasized to make it clear its the title, they suddenly start yelling in the middle of a conversation.

She-Hulk has no patience for Spider-Man’s nonsense and grabs him off his web hammock to yell at him for barging in.

Spider-Man: “Well, I’m not exactly uninvited! Your buddy Thor asked me to join the club just a few months ago. Sure, I’m a little slow in replying, but I’ve had a busy season!”

And then he snarks about She-Hulk just wearing a towel because Spider-Man loves low hanging fruit.

SURELY, Spidey knows that offers usually expire, right? A few months ago is forever in comic time and Thor himself isn’t even on the Avengers right now.

I guess, in fairness, he has his reasons.

Besides his usual perpetual poverty liking the sound of a thousand bucks a week.

As he later muses to himself, Black Cat has been hospitalized because she tried to help him and he feels obligated to pay for her not-cheap medical bills. And he’s already quit grad school to spend more time earning but his freelance paychecks are nothing compared to an Avengers salary.

He’s being an incredibly presumptuous dick... but for a good cause.

And its just like Spidey that he has a good reason for being a jerk that he’d never mention leaving everyone to think he’s just a rude goofus.

What a shame.

Anyway, back at the present, Spider-Man asks where he enlists but Cap tells them that unfortunately their roster is full up. The sixth spot is being held open for Hawkeye when his leg stops being broken (and you think he was moany about being sidelined while his leg was broken, imagine him learning that he was replaced, eesh).

Cap does suggest that Spider-Man could join Starfox in the trainee program but Spidey throws a fit.

Spider-Man: “Trainee program?!? Hey, I’m Spider-Man, remember? I was sticking to walls when you guys were still looking for a clubhouse. I’m no green rookie!”

Starfox: “Green -- ? I take offense at your tone, Spider-Man!”

She-Hulk: “There’s nothing wrong with being green.”

Pffft.

As an actual rookie who is physically green, She-Hulk doesn’t care for that phrase, maybe.

She-Hulk and Starfox possibly beating up or more likely being embarrassed by Spider “will punk the entire X-Men in the not too distant future” Man is interrupted by a priority alert that goes ARROOOOOOOO

... Is it the Nixon alarm?

Why haven’t the Avengers fought Nixon’s head on a war mech yet??

Spider-Man offers to give them a hand if their priorities are being alerted but with this particular alarm, Wasp decides its best if they stick to the rules.

And then She-Hulk chases Spidey out by throwing a chair at him.

Spider-Man: Well, that was certainly a wash-out! Maybe I shouldn’t have come on as such a wise guy... Maybe I should have come to the door all humble and contrite. Nah, they wouldn’t have believed it was me!

.... Hah.

But he sees the third-floor of Avenger’s mansion opening up to launch the Quinjet and fount of good decision making that he is, he decides to jump onto the Quinjet as it launches.

Spider-Man: Whew! This baby is really starting to pick up speed! I feel like I’m in a wind tunnel. My sticky fingers can hold onto just about anything under normal circumstances... boy, I wish these were normal circumstances! I wonder if this was such a good idea.

No, Pete, it wasn’t.

But your inner monologues do add a bit more joy to this issue so I forgive you.

Inside the Quinjet, She-Hulk notes that the controls handled a bit sluggish right after take-off but eh whatever the problem disappeared after they went supersonic.

Huh. I wonder if Pete is ok.

Anyway, Captain America, She-Hulk, and Starfox are headed towards Project Pegasus.

Since it hasn’t come up in Avengers yet, Project Pegasus is a government research facility that seeks out new types and sources of energy. And Cap helped organize their security force back in Marvel Two-in-One #42.

The priority alert wasn’t the highest priority. Just a code-five, indicating a low-grade emergency. But it didn’t come with any details so Cap is vexed.

Three Avengers should be enough for a code-five but problems at Project Pegasus tend to balloon into worse problems.

You wouldn’t think a research facility would attract so much negative attention but as Cap points out, there’s a lot of people who have a vested interested in making sure energy stays scarce, expensive, and presumably non-renewable.

And considering that the oil companies like Roxxon are EVEN MORE BLATANTLY EVIL in the Marvel U, yeah, uh, bad shit is going to occur.

Also, Project Pegasus doubles as a place to jail supervillains so their powers can be studied.

So, yeah, Pegasus having a priority alert probably means a headache.

So these three Avengers are going in but Wasp and Scarlet Witch are on stand-by just in case.

The visit to the super secure research station goes off to a bad start when guards rush the Quinjet when it lands because a foreign object was detected on the undercarriage.

Of course it’s Spider-Man.

But before he can be arrested for breaking into a secure facility, his spider-sense buzzed.

It’d be a bit confusing if it wasn’t buzzing before though. He has a bunch of rattled guards pointing guns at him right after some unexplained emergency has happened.

That doesn’t set off the Peter Tingle at all??

Anyway, since the buzz is pretty intense, he figures that its warning him of something “a lot more dangerous than the lecture Cap’s going to give me!”

Hah!

He doesn’t manage to warn anyone before a tremor knocks (almost) everyone off their feet with a THROOM

Spider-Man is still standing because he loves Elton John forewarned is forewarned and he can stick to things. And to his surprise, Cap manages to stay on his feet.

Cap: “It’s just a matter of knowing how to react and how to brace yourself, Spider-Man.”

Hah!

That’s So Cap.

Spider-Man asks if he realio trulio can’t give Cap a hand with this situation. Y’know, since his spider-sense probably will come in handy. Cap isn’t sure because of the question of security but Spider-Man has an idea there.

See, he’s been here before!

In Marvel Team-Up Annual #5 he helped save the dang place! They can ask chief of security Wendell Vaughn (who is also known as Quasar but probably not to all the people in this scene?).

Unfortunately, Vaughn quit a couple months back. Oops.

But since Cap vouches for him the guard driving them to the lower levels is like ‘eh whatever.’

The power of a Cap vouch is not to be underestimate and never to be used for evil.

They’re headed to the thermal research dome because its the last known location of new security chief O’Brien. And where he sent the alert from. AND where the recent quake came from.

That’s good multitasking.

They reach the blast doors sealing off the entire level.

Because yes, not only did O’Brien send an alert, he also sealed off the entire level and now something’s jammed the lock.

They have no idea what could be locked behind there but they do have a Spider-Man and Starfox asks him if he’s getting a bad feeling about anything.

Spider-Man isn’t getting any bad vibes, deeming it safe to go inside.

Y’know, this is an amazing way to use Spider-Sense that they could do more with. I always love it when Spidey basically exploits the sense for things other than combat dodging.

Like when trying to figure out how to turn off a device he didn’t understand in Avengers EMH, he just went around almost yanking wires until he found one that didn’t set off the ‘OH MY GOD YOU’LL DEFINITELY EXPLODE IF YOU DO THAT’ buzz.

Anyway, it being probably safe, Cap tells She-Hulk and Starfox to open the door.

Which they do, with gusto.

And a GRU-U-UNNG

Inside the ruins of the thermal research dome, a bunch of semi-conscious technicians lie about in heaps.

Some Project Pegasus security personnel fan out to do administer first aid while the Avengers look for O’Brien.

Makes sense. The nameless extras help the nameless extras so we don’t go ‘hey are the Avengers dicks for only talking to people with names?’

O’Brien is pinned under an arc of steaming rock which Cap starts chipping in half with his shield while She-Hulk, Spider-Man, and Starfox - all people who could lift that rock - just stand and watch.

Or heck, maybe its not supposed to be a random rock arc. Maybe its attached to the floor. Still though, She-Hulk, Spider-Man, and Starfox could probably break it more easily than Cap does.

Teamwork makes the dream work, guys and She-Hulk.

Spider-Man recognizes O’Brien’s green and also green Not-Iron Man armor from newspapers and realizes that he’s the Guardsman.

That just makes O’Brien sad.

Guardsman: “Aye, I am... or I was. The state this armor’s in, no one’ll ever be callin’ himself the Guardsman again! As of now, I’m just plain Michael O’Brien.”

The Michael Formerly Known as Guardsman starts to Explain It All.

He had come down to the thermal dome to watch the thermal dome researchers sink a new magma tap.

But molten rock came shooting up from the tap hole, which is a thing that’s definitely not supposed to happen.

Oh, and some molten men (but not Molten Man) climbed out of the hole and started trashing the joint.

Plain Michael O’Brien realized pretty quickly that he was the only one who could stand up to these hot men so he signaled for help, hit the evacuation alarm, and sealed off the level from the rest of the project so the problem was contained.

And then he got mobbed by the hot men and got his ass kicked. Turns out that his armor was pretty useless against lava men.

Oh, yeah, Cap recognizes them as lava men from his description.

Spider-Man: “Lava men? You have to be kidding, Cap! Lava men? I don’t believe in lava men!”

Cap: “Belay that, mister! I’ve been up against lava men -- and they’re nothing to joke about! You’d better thank your stars that they left -- !”

You might also remember that Cap has been up against lava men allllllll the way back in Avengers #5. Technically the first adventure he had with the Avengers after officially joining them.

It was also the issue where Thor stoically sank into lava without changing his expression from his default vaguely annoyed one.

Anyway, O’Brien tells the Avengers that the lava men battered their way into the maintenance section since they couldn’t escape to the rest of the facility.

It’s a real good news bad news situation because there’s no one for them to hurt in there and also its a straight shot into the nuclear research dome.

And we don’t want any kind of meltdown there.

Cap decides that this looks like a job for AVENGERS to ASSEMBLE towards. And more than the three plus special guest star they already have.

MEANWHILE, over in New Orleans at an important meeting that definitely would be bad to interrupt, Monica Rambeau (secretly the Avenger known as Captain Marvel but not the dead guy version, true believers) is applying for a small business loan.

And then she gets a bzzt on her radio watch for an Avengers emergency.

Oh no, what of her small business loan!

And also: what small business is she starting? I think I heard at one point that she ran a fishing business with her father?

But what of her small business loan!

Well, Monica agrees with her bank guy Mr. Hillbee that its an alarm watch and that its reminding her of another pressing engagement so hey is there a lot more that they have to do here?

Luckily, all that’s left is for her to sign the documents.

Phew, I’m very used to superhero stuff interrupting a superhero’s civilian life and then them angsting about it. It’s actually a relief that Monica was able to finish up at the bank before dashing off to a phone booth to take a radio watch call with Scarlet Witch.

Wanda tells Monica that they just received a call from Cap(tain America) telling them to get to Project Pegasus. Wanda tells Monica that they’re in transit now and asks if she can join them.

And then the line goes dead before Wanda can give coordinates.

Because Monica just followed the radio signal back to the Quinjet.

She apologizes that it took her so long (!!) because she had to stop at home first to pick up her costume.

Wanda marvels captainly “And I thought my brother, Pietro, was fast!”

Ha ha amazing.

I love Captain Monica Marvel’s ridiculous powerset.

She’s even talking right into their radio so she can communicate from outside the Quinjet.

Wasp, Scarlet Witch, and Captain Marvel arrive at Project Pegasus where they’re briefed of the lava men situation by some of the security staff.

Captain Marvel nyooms ahead lightspeed dash style while Wasp and Scarlet Witch lag behind by taking a high-speed railcar.

Dang, Project Pegasus is big.

I just flipped ahead pages to see how long it takes Captain Marvel to join Cap(tain America)’s group and its a bit.

I guess maybe there’s some overlapped time going on though.

Meanwhile, two technicians in research dome D-2 (called the Compound for some dang reason) ignore all the various alarms and such that have been happening because they’re super into their project. And are possibly mad scientists.

They have the intensity.

But they’re working on... Dr. Croit’s stabilizer? And apparently its vibratory pitch was changed by the tremor that happened? Unbeknowst to them, Captain Marvel just nyoomed by outside and the proximity of her energy form activates the device and the silhouette of some guy leaps out proclaiming FREE!!

Back at the Avengers side of the plot, Cap(tain America)’s group has encountered some lava men.

Spider-Man: “Hey, Cap... I take it all back! I do believe in lava men! I really do!”

Hah.

The lava men are between the Avengers and the nuclear dome so Cap starts thinking of ways to flank them so they can keep them away from it.

She-Hulk starts trying to plow a hole through their forces and... uh.... ok. Cap has Starfox just fly around and annoy the lava men because they’ve never seen a flying man before and its just freaking them out.

Really.

Cap asks Spider-Man to use his webbing to throw up some barriers in the lava men’s path.

Spider-Man: “Heck, I can do better than that, Cappy! Just a couple spritzes of webbing, and these little hotheads won’t be going anywhere for hours!”

Cap: “No, you young fool! Don’t you see what you’ve done!”

Throwing web on the lava men makes them panic because it seems like there’s a lot of stuff that they’re not familiar with and all of it alarms them. When they’re alarmed, their body temperature raises and can get up thousands of degrees.

So they just melt loose of the webbing and now they’ve learned not to be afraid of the webbing at all and they can’t use it to corral them.

Spider-Man: “Would it help if I said I’m sorry?”

Cap: “It would help if you’d follow orders! The Avengers is a team! If you want to be part of the team, act like it! Otherwise, stay out of our way!”

Yeahhhhh. I mean, most of the time. You have your fair share of idiots doing their own thing in the Avengers because all of these guys have egos you wouldn’t believe. But generally they can agree to work as a team.

And Spider-Man, of this era, isn’t much of a team player. Not like Wolverine or Batman ‘i work best alone, bub’ type of not a team player where they’re lying about not being good at teamwork because they like being surly and dour because they think it makes them more interesting. But Spider-Man mostly works alone and is used to just doing whatever he thinks the best idea is. And he has the proportionate speed and reflexes of a spider so he can do whatever he thinks the best idea is way before you can tell him its a bad idea.

That’s why Spider-Man makes so many bad decisions, because he can make them faster than good sense can catch up [citation needed].

Anyway, as he is NOW, he’s not a good fit for the Avengers.

Then again, neither was Hawkeye and they let him join. Makes ya think.

Back over at surprise man out of a box lab, the surprise man was Blackout.

He looks like he’d be an electricity themed villain but apparently his element is darkness. Annd he debuted in Nova annnd this is his second appearance?

At the end of his debut story Nova #19, Blackout was apparently sucked into the Darkforce dimension, a fate that Dr. Croit’s stabilizer had been invented to prevent.

So I guesss.... the stabilizer’s settings were altered by an earthquake and then it was powered by ambient energy from Captain Marvel zipping past and it managed to stabilize Blackout, yanking him free of the Darkforce dimension?

I guess??

As far as villain returns go, its not the most ridiculous but it is a bit contrived.

Blackout has no idea where he is and rants about how he’ll level the place if that’s what it takes to find his way out and in a more acceptable contrivance, he happens to be passing Moonstone’s cell when he says this out loud to nobody in particular and she likes the cut of his jib.

Moonstone: “Sounds like you’re a man after my own heart!”

Moonstone tells Blackout that she’s been locked up here so Project Pegasus could study her powers and that they want to use her the way they would have used Blackout but hey what if they join forces and get some comeuppance.

Blackout: I don’t know if I should trust her... But something about her voice is so reassuring.

Yeah, that’s what we call a red flag, you dingus.

Are we back to the days where some dudes will just villain because a lady bats her eyes?

Anyway, the locking mechanism is too complicated to figure out so Blackout just squeezes it until it explodes.

Um. Okay.

-checks wiki-

The wiki says he’s only supposed to have normal human strength but Blackout himself claims that his body is a living generator of black star energies.

Which apparently means he can squeeze an electronic lock to death. I dunno.

Freed from her cell, Moonstone leads Blackout to what they can do next.

Meanwhile, the Avengers are still struggling with the lava men two levels below. And the fracas has reached the corridor to the nuclear dome. Its now or never but the numbers are too overwhelming even for She-Hulk.

Spider-Man manages to leap above the fray and get forgotten in the confusion but doesn’t find that he can do much. He tries webbing the door to the nuclear dome shut but the lava men don’t even bother opening it when they can melt through.

Hmmmmm not a good showing for a guest starring so far...

When the lava men succeed in melting through the door, a blinding light shines through and the lava men kneel down and start bowing to it.

Ohhhhhh, I get it! They’re not trying to cause a meltdown! They just want to worship nuclear light!

... No? I don’t got it? Okay.

The bright light is actually Captain Marvel who took a shortcut to the nuclear dome to reach the Avengers.

And the lava men are really enamored with her, proclaiming her the lady of light foretold in legends.

Captain Marvel just kinda rolls with this and asks them whats the deal with all the rampaging and destroying.

Lava man: “We did but strike back, radiant one! Our village, deep beneath the Earth, knew peace -- until the surface men bored into our midst with their machines. We could not allow this attack to go unanswered. We only used our powers to stop the invasion!”

Wait, isn’t this the plot of the Jetsons movie?

Cap(tain America) smoothly slides in, diplomatically, to announce that then the surface people beg forgiveness and that this has all been an unfortunate misunderstanding that he pledges shall be put right.

And like how Cap’s clout got Spider-Man into this story, Cap borrows Captain Marvel’s clout to back up his diplomacy roll, saying “The Lady-of-Light will tell you that I speak the truth!”

It’s a good thing that Monica wouldn’t go mad with power.

Also, Scarlet Witch and Wasp show up, while Spider-Man snarks that they “missed the end of the movie.”

But since we can’t have pat resolutions given the subplot that was happening while the Avengers were distracted elsewhere, in the Compound, it turns out that Blackout and Moonstone have freed Electro and Rhino. And Moonstone has a Big Evil Plan.

Blackout: “Pay them back? Yes... yes, we must. But how?”

Moonstone: “In the best way possible! We’re going to bring this place to its knees -- by seizing the nuclear research dome!”

But that’s where the Avengers are! Silly villains, you’ve double booked!

Also, I wonder if the universe cosmically influenced Moonstone to get two Spider-villains involved on the one day that Spider-Man was tagging along.

I also wonder what Moonstone is thinking. She’s the ‘know when to fold ‘em’ villain.

Hmmm... Putting Electro and Blackout side by side makes Blackout look like Electro’s grumpy younger brother.

All kinds of good decisions have been made!

Follow @essential-avengers for more thoughts on villain couture. Also like and reblog so I can feel like I did a good job.

#avengers #lava men #Spider Man #Captain America #She Hulk #Starfox #the Wasp #Scarlet Witch #Captain Marvel #Monica Rambeau #essential avengers #essential marvel liveblogging

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demigodlunar · 4 years ago

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Scars - Chapter 2

Chapter 2 - The Chase is Almost Over

Beep.

Annabeth groaned and rolled over in her bed, clamping her hands over her ears to try to drown out the noise. In hindsight, she realized that probably wasn’t the most effective thing to do in this situation.

Her alarm clock didn’t seem to understand that it was the Wednesday before school started, and tomorrow would be the first day of her junior year in high school, almost out of this place that seemed to hate her.

Beep.

Annabeth stuck her hand out from under the covers and felt around the nightstand until she found the top of the alarm clock and clicked the off button (or where she thought the off button was).

She sighed, too late, she was already too conscious now to go back to sleep. Might as well get ready for Piper’s brunch.

Annabeth pushed herself up in her twin bed with a completely unnecessary melodramatic sigh, and walked to the bathroom.

Maybe I can join theatre, she thought with a fair amount of sarcasm in her thoughts, I sure have a knack for drama.

After doing her daily essential morning routine which felt like a choreographed dance in the many tedious, repetitive days of her summer. When she walked into the kitchen, the beautiful aroma of a full breakfast hit Annabeth’s nose. Eggs, bacon, toast, oatmeal, and so many more tasty breakfast foods.

But none of them were for her. And as sure as day, only four plates were set out on the dining table. One for her father, one for her stepmonster- oops, sorry... stepmother, and two for her stepbrothers.

Her family, if Annabeth could even call them that, ignored her as always when she entered the kitchen. They were talking and laughing and Bobby and Matthew were making corny jokes that made Annabeth wince.

She tried to open the fridge discreetly and grab something, an apple or a carrot, anything to satisfy her hunger before her stepmother saw her.

“Hey, you!”

Annabeth exhaled sharply and straightened her spine to stare at the people seated at the dining table. Helen, her stepmother, looked angry, while her father, Bobby, and Matthew looked at Annabeth disappointedly like they were sure she was better than stealing their food.

“No food for today for that, and go get the groceries while you're out doing your volunteering work,” Helen said bossily, her attention already back on her phone.

Annabeth nodded and masked her emotions with what she hoped her stepmother would see as shame and not defiance. She lowered her head in false submission.

The thing was, she wasn’t going to do any volunteering work like Helen thought, because there was no way in Hades Helen would let Annabeth go to Piper’s house to have a brunch for fun. Annabeth’s stomach grumbled again, and she left the house as fast as she could just so she could get some food in her system. She hadn’t been able to eat for almost four days, and it was making her feel light-headed.

~~~~~~~~~~

Annabeth was kind of glad that school was starting again. Like any other sane person, she didn’t like the homework part of school, no matter how smart she was or how good her grades were.

No, Annabeth liked school because she didn’t have to spend as much time at home.

Her home life was difficult. Ever since her mother died and her father introduced Helen into their small life, Annabeth’s life had been turned upside down. Helen already had two sons of her own, Bobby and Matthew, but she was not happy when she found out Frederick had a daughter.

Helen turned Annabeth’s own father against her and soon, she was given the choice of “helping out” in the household or getting out of the house. Annabeth was way too young to be on her own at 7, but she left anyway. She ran and ran and ran, but somehow, she found herself back at the doorstep of their house with a tear-stained face and her brain formulating an apology for whatever she did wrong.

When they let her back in, however, Annabeth was overjoyed to think that they had forgiven her. Boy, was she wrong.

The next morning, Helen thrust a mop and bucket into Annabeth’s hands, which were awaiting food but were unpleasantly disappointed. After that day, her life was like a scene out of a Cinderella story. Clean, cook, do what the family wanted, and repeat.

They never abused her, no. Helen would lecture Bobby and Matthew about the importance of being non-violent and using their heads to solve problems. Annabeth was grateful for that, but she shouldn’t have been hoping they weren’t abusive in the first place. For 10 years, she had to run around and do whatever they wished of her, and she was not to complain.

Although, she hoped the Cinderella story would come through the way it should. With her personal prince charming coming to sweep her off her feet.

When she found her soulmate, she was going to love him (or her) with all of her heart, like her family had never done to her. And she was sure that they were going to love her back. Once she graduated from high school, she would leave this awful household, forget about her family, and live the rest of her life with her soulmate. Whoever he was.

~~~~~~~~~~

Annabeth shrugged on her coat and hightailed it out of that unhealthy household and started down the street, with money in her pocket from the job she had at the bookstore in their section of Manhattan.

Annabeth would find her soulmate soon, sooner than she thought. But it would not turn out the way she expected it to.

________________________________

That was the second chapter! I posted this story on Wattpad if it’s easier to read there.

-Blossom ;)

#percy jackon and the olympians #soulmates #percabeth #caleo #solangelo #jiper #frazel #annabeth #heroes of olympus #pjo fanfic #pjo angst

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lokiarsene · 5 years ago

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Goro Akechi Confidant - Rank 6 (ENG.)

Here it is, lads. The bathhouse scene. This is easily the most vulnerable I’ve ever seen Goro.

(Ren walks into Leblanc and sees Akechi sitting at the counter.)

Goro: Welcome home, Amamiya-kun. I apologize for the intrusion. I hope you’ve been doing well. (Note: He is using very polite words to Ren.) Work has kept me busy as of late, but now I finally have a little time to relax. Would you care to join me?

Ren: Answer #1: Sure. Answer #2: I’ve got stuff to do.

Goro’s Answer to #1: We could have a cup of coffee— (Note: He specifically refers to it as Sojiro’s coffee.) Goro’s Answer to #2: I see. Well, I won’t bother you. I better be going, then. Thank you for the coffee, Boss. (Akechi leaves.)

Sojiro: Well, if you’re both tired, how about taking a bath? There’s a public one close by.

Akechi: A public bath? That sounds fantastic. Amamiya-kun, would you care to join me? I would appreciate it if you would show me the way (lit., it would be helpful if you show me the way).

Ren: Let’s go.

Akechi: So it’s okay? Well then, I’ll have to take you up on your kindness, and the Boss’s helpful suggestion. (Note: He is also being polite to Sojiro here. He refers to his “suggestion” as okotoba; the o- prefix makes the word more polite.)

(Screen fades to black. Screen comes back in to Ren and Goro in a bath together, by themselves.)

Goro: Ahh, this feels good. It’s been a while...

Ren: Answer #1: The hot water’s nice. Answer #2: I didn’t expect you to say that. (Note: He’s saying essentially that Akechi going to a place like a public bath doesn’t match/meet his public image.) Answer #3: What do you mean? (Note: he repeats Goro’s “it’s been a while,” framing it as a question. To avoid repetition, I’ve simply changed it to Ren asking for clarification.)

Goro’s Answer to #1: I’ve missed coming to places like this. I haven’t been to a public bath since I was little. Goro’s Answer to #2: I go to public baths, too. Or rather, I used to go when I was younger. Goro’s Answer to #3: Yes, that’s right. I used to come to places like this when I was little.

Goro: Even though I’m known as the “Detective Prince” these days, my upbringing was—well, different. I didn’t know my father; he abandoned me and my mother (lit., lived in a mother and child household).

Goro: My mother worked as a call girl, and when she brought men home I would have to go to a public bath. (lit., ‘entertainment business’, but that is just another way to say sex worker.)

Ren: Answer #1: That sounds terrible. Answer #2: That must have been hard for you.

Goro’s Answer to #1: I wouldn’t say that. My mother didn’t have a choice. She even left work early on nights to look after me. Goro’s Answer to #2: Ah, well, it’s in the past now, and I don’t blame my mother for what happened.

Goro: ... If there’s anyone who’s responsible, it’s my piece of shit father who abandoned her. I’d like nothing more than to have him beg for her forgiveness, but that’s impossible now.

Goro: Ah. It’s getting a little humid in here. Is it too hot for you? How do you feel? (Note: He says ‘wet’ instead of humid, but that sounds weird in English. I think the text is suggesting Goro is getting misty-eyed/about to cry.)

Ren: Answer #1: You don’t have to worry about me. (lit., I am composed/calm) Answer #2: I’m good if you are (lit., I’ll follow your lead all the way through) Answer #3: Are you all right?

Goro’s Answer to #1: I’m doing just fine, I’m used to coming to places like this. Goro’s Answer to #2: I can handle a long bath just fine, but can you keep up with me? Goro’s Answer to #3: This isn’t my first time. It’s not like I’m going to overdo it, you know?

(Screen fades to black. Screen fades back in. Goro and Ren are standing in the [empty] locker room, in towels, drinking something cold.)

Goro: Ahh, that was great. Just the sort of thing to have after a bath.

Goro: ... Ugh, I am a little dizzy, though.

Ren: Answer #1: Me too. Answer #2: I’m not. Answer #3: Guess I won, then.

Goro’s Answer to #1: Haha, I can tell. Your face is just as red as mine. Goro’s Answer to #2: Haha, don’t lie. You’re all red. Goro’s Answer to #3: Haha, if you say so. You’re almost not completely red.

Goro: You know, this is the first time I’ve gone to a public bath with someone else. And I wonder why you’re the first person I’ve ever told about my family? It’s rather odd to me. (lit., It’s strange to me.)

Ren: Answer #1: It’s because you and I understand each other. Answer #2: It’s because you and I are a lot alike.

Goro’s Answer to #1 and #2: Now that you mention it, I suppose our lives are similar. (lit., our roots are the same.) You and I are both the victims of selfish, irresponsible adults. (lit., Our lives have been ruined by/made victim to inadequate adults.)

Ren: Answer #1: Yeah, I agree. Answer #2: Is that what you think? Answer #3: Can we just get dressed now?

Goro’s Answer to #1 and #2: The more I talk to you, the more I feel that way as well. Goro’s Answer to #3: You really do things at your own pace, don’t you? You have a strong will that doesn’t really bend to anything else; I envy you for that.

Goro: Ah, we’re probably rambling now (lit., shouldn’t talk too much). Let’s get dressed.

(I feel my relationship with Akechi deepen...)

Goro: ... Ugh, I’m still a little out of it. Next time, let’s just play against each other in billiards again.

Goro: ... Say, why don’t we see who can get dressed the fastest? Whoever comes out first is the winner. I’m ready when you are.

(The screen fades to black.)

Goro: See you later.

(Ren goes back to Leblanc and gets a call from Akechi.)

Goro: Hello. First the coffee, then the bath... I have to thank you for helping me relax for the first time in a long while. It was nice to spend time as “Akechi Goro” today, instead of being the “Detective Prince.”

Goro: I know I’m seen as some kind of idol (lit., a gorgeous image) just because people call me “prince,” but that’s far from the truth. People don’t know what I’m really like (lit., people misunderstand me). If they could have seen me today, they certainly wouldn’t think I’m some “detective prince.”

Ren: Answer #1: You’re right. Answer #2: It’s fine that you’re not really like that. (lit., it’s fine if you are the opposite) Answer #3: I’m sorry to hear that.

Goro’s Answer to #1: Well even I do things like put on a towel and drink cold milk after a hot bath. Goro’s Answer to #2: Haha, so there is a noticeable difference? Well, you’re the only one who knows that about me. And it’s fine if nobody else truly does (lit., It’s okay that nobody knows). (Note: This. Fucking. Answer. Drove me crazy. He says “ギャップってやつ ?” which, near as I can tell, literally just says “The gap/difference is?” But contextually that doesn’t really make sense with what Ren said first.)

Addendum: Once again, thank you so much to @blackflirtlarping for giving me more information and clarification!

"ギャップってやつ ?" in rank 6. Since there are non-loanwords to use in Japanese for gaps, there are associations that immediately arise from the use of the English word gap, particularly in a conversation without physical crevices. Though the phrase is short enough that my evaluation can't be cross-referenced and definitive, Akechi's occupation with public image meant that "ギャップ萌え*" instantly rose to mind. To be charmed by someone with a contrast between expectations and reality.

The classic example of ギャップ萌え would be the tough bike gang member who actually rescues cats and knits cozies for them. Anyway, the point is that instead of saying “a gap between assumptions and true nature”, you just say “gap”. I mean, in English you would say two-faced and not specify “two faces that are super different”. “I don’t mind if you’re totally different behind the mask.” “You mean there IS a noticeable difference? Haha.”

Mod Krist’s Note: Gap moe [pronounced mo-eh] refers to an anime/manga concept of crushes, fascination, infatuation, etc. Most people might be familiar with “moe” as like, weirdly proportioned giant eyed girls in anime and shit, but “moe” in general is pretty much just about behaviors or traits that are people’s “type.”

Goro’s Answer to #3: Oops, I didn’t mean to make you worry. I wasn’t trying to make fun of you. (Note: This doesn’t really mean anything, but the word he uses for oops [おっと] is also how you say ‘husband.’ Domestic Akeshu is canon byeeee)

Goro: I have to say... you really are unusual. You and I have completely different perspectives, and yet we’re still so alike. It’s interesting. The more I get to know you, the more I think about you... I wonder why that is. (Note: alternate takes of this line: The more I understand, the more I think; the more you know, the more you think; The more I get to know you, the more I understand you, etc.)

Goro: ... Oh, sorry if that was a weird thing to say. I’ll be going now, so I’ll talk to you later.

Notes: THIS IS THE GAYEST GODDAMN THING.

Also, note that Sojiro (who is always Ren’s wingman) tells the two of them to go take a public bath. Thatta boy, Sojiro.

#akeshu #shuake #persona 5 royal #persona 5 royal spoilers #p5r spoilers #mod krist translates

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haruki-ya · 6 years ago

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break teru’s ass down tell me how you feel about kei

I ALREADY ANSWERED ONE ABOUT TERU but i will gladly tell you how I feel about Kei

How I feel about this character:

I love her. I love her. She’s so good and strong and badass and i love her. i don’t give Kei enough love tho because i feel like she’s so often overshadowed by the boys in the manga and even in the film too but she’s literally one of the most important characters in the series. Like she helps Kaneda grow THE FUCK up, she dedicates herself to doing what is best for the greater good, hell, she pretty much sacrifices herself in order to do what is best for the greater good by working under Lady Miyako and acting as a puppet to Kiyoko and the espers in order to kill Tetsuo ! and she’s fully prepared to die doing so! like Kei has always had that selfless mindset of getting shit done by any means necessary even if it means putting her ass on the line but honestly more like especially if it means putting her ass on the line! thinking on it now she is definitely one of my all time favorite female characters.

I just love me a stronk woman who takes no shit and raises hell when she sees fit and Kei fits into those categories so well (also if you haven’t read that thing I wrote bout her and kaneda....i feel like i’m very obviously Gay For Kei in it lol. GFK!)

sorry my love for kei unexpectedly jumped out of me right there……..

All the people I ship romantically with this character:

hmmm Kanekei ig, still pretty tentative about it tbh BUT throw Kai into the mix so it’s Kanekeikai and i’m 10000% for it honestly. Perfect balance of dumbass to smartass lol (cause Kaneda is so stupid his dumbassery equates to two whole people he’s overcompensating for the loss of tetsuo oops)

My non-romantic OTP for this character:

tHis May b weird but KEI AND CHIYOKO THE ULTIMATE DUO LIKE !!!! auntie Chiyoko taking Kei under her wing after sensing her potential and being impressed by her drive and ambition and they just Raise Each Other Up and support one another unconditionally and Kei prolly accidentally calls Chiyoko mom at least once (cause I mean....chiyoko is my mom so why not have her be everyone’s mom) but Chiyoko’s totally down with it and she’s not protective of Kei so much as proud of her (cause she don’t really need protecting) and just glad to know her and vice versa and their relationship is like it’s just so it’s like GOOD and strong and wholesome women supporting one another, kicking ass and taking names, saving the world from government tyranny one day at a time....ah I love it

My unpopular opinion about this character:

ummmm i honestly don’t have anything to say specifically about Kei but I’m not a big Kanekei fan??? idk what to put here lemme think…I guess I can elaborate on why I’m not a big fan of Kanekei.

I see their relationship essentially being toxic lol. like yeah Kaneda and Kei ride off into the horizon all romantic like with love in their eyes blah but I feel like it’s more out of obligation/comfort than anything???….like at that point in the manga pretty much everyone they know is either dead, gone their own way or missing, so as good as dead, and they just went through a really stressful traumatic series of unfortunate events together and came out alive together and so it would be natural to cling to one another afterwards.

of course there was some tension between them, some feelings established along the way, but there wasn’t a break for any of them or a moment to really relax and remove themselves from that stress and that mindset of “we’re all probably going to die” so i think maybe desperation is largely what drove them to seek comfort in one another during a time in their lives where that’s pretty much impossible to come by.

I can just picture all too well afterwards tho, when things cool down, Kaneda and Kei living together being together existing together and somethin about it just isn’t the same….now that they have the time to indulge in that comfort they sought from one another, to really spend time with one another, it’s not as fulfilling, not as exciting, not as real…but they stay together anyway because what else is there to do? who else is there to talk to about what they went through (except kaneda and kei don’t talk about it)? who else is there to comfort them after waking up in the dead of night from a nightmare (except kaneda is always passed out drunk beside her, dead to the world, unable to deal with his own grief and sadness let alone Kei’s)?

idk i just like….don’t see a lot of good in them together aside from a few parts portrayed in the manga, looking through that lens i can get behind it for a bit tbh.

ok rant over lol

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon:

I wish Kei got permanent low level esper powers as a side effect of acting as a medium for Kiyoko and co. (kinda like in @tetsuocommittee ‘s tetsuoverse!!! love that aspect of kei in her stories tbh it’s so badass like kei herself!! )

#whew #sorry #got really into this one lol #akira #kei

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whitlockienterprisespresents · 7 years ago

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I kinda hated ‘The Last Jedi’

I know a lot of people have said as much already, and normally I avoid negativity on this blog. But I saw it a couple of weeks ago and it’s still bothering me. I gotta purge. Spoilers, obviously:

Look, the whole scene with the bombers and everything was objectively cool action (and the stuff with Paige and her eventual death was top-notch, I felt the weight of that), but basic entertainment aside, it was dumb as Hell. Why would you have those insanely slow-moving bombers, with their incredibly unsafe and idiotic set-up, and not even any shields to compensate? Why wouldn’t you get something with a nice compact missile that you can fire at range? How did they even get their bombers over to the Dreadnought before the Dreadnought deployed fighters to shoot the bombers down? There’s no element of surprise when your ships move at a fucking snail’s pace. Who cares if you took out the Dreadnought’s exterior guns when they have individual fighters to blast you with anyway? How were those slow as fuck bombers supposed to get away back to the main fleet after dropping their payload? Everything about the Resistance battle plan here was moronic, and the First Order’s failure to stop them anyway was illogical.

Normally, battle tactics wouldn’t bother me so much, but they used the Pyrrhic victory with the bombers as a reason to get Poe demoted. He obviously did not formulate that entire basic-ass battle strategy on his own, so the Resistance leadership should be slapping and demoting themselves for that, not blaming the Commander who flew the mission. Poe not calling off the attempt after he took just sliiightly longer to take out the Dreadnought’s surface cannons doesn’t actually change the fact that the battle plan was idiotic to start with. If they had retreated when Leia said, and I were the First Order, I’d have sent out fighters (or just used the cannons on one of the other ships) to blast those slow-ass bombers outta the sky anyway. They were super slow, guys. You can’t just ‘oops, abort’ those back to the fleet in an instant. The bombers were sitting ducks, essentially on a suicide run to start with. That ain’t Poe’s fault, that’s the entire Resistance’s dumbfuck fault. The fact that he ignored orders is still on him, but when the whole situation is so transparently manufactured for idiotic drama, that kinda steps on the message.

Leia engaging in the ancient and odious trope of ‘woman slaps man to express her distaste for his masculine antics’ is gross. She’s a fucking General, it makes her look bad to be ineffectually slapping faces. Delete this.

I totally expected to hate Poe in ‘The Force Awakens’ coz I thought he’d be the usual cliche insufferable ‘cocky hotshot pilot’. I was delighted when he was competent without being an egotistical wanker about it. The shoddy attempt to tell some half-assed ‘toxic masculinity’ story by making him into a hothead in this movie is basically character assassination (not to mention kinda racist to play that ‘hothead Latino’ cliche?), and I am not here for it.

Leia Force-floating her way back to the ship was really embarrassing. Also, having never had her use the Force so overtly in the past, something as significant as this felt out-of-the-blue. Her prior Force use has mostly been passive connection to others over vast distances, going from that to ‘oh yeah also I’ma Mary Poppins through space’ was a lot to swallow. But my main problem was just that it looked stupid. For all its flaws, this movie was mainly very visually impressive, and this was a low moment.

Where are all the other pilots we met in ‘The Force Awakens’? Are they dead? Is every side character we met just unceremoniously dead?

Also do not approve of the implicit suggestion that Poe doesn’t respect Holdo on sight (’not what I expected’) despite knowing of her credentials in past engagements. How does he not know this person who is high up on the Resistance roster, anyway? She’s a Vice-Admiral, and there’s not that many Resistance folks anyway, at least not on these few ships. Having a not-previously-sexist character respond poorly to new (specifically female) leadership just to service the aforementioned half-assed toxic masculinity plot is some bullshit. I fucking love dismantling toxic masculinity, don’t get me wrong, but they did it fucking badly here.

P.s. why is there a guy still on the med ship when it gets destroyed? He didn’t need to be there to steer it or anything, it was out of fuel and floating dead anyway. Why did they not fully evacuate. Why.

Look. Holdo was right to NOT tell Poe what’s going on just because he demanded to know, he is not actually entitled to the information. However, there is absolutely no good reason presented as to why she wouldn’t tell THE WHOLE FLEET what her plan was; when Leia says she was more interested in ‘keeping the light alive than in looking like a hero’, that’s a nice cushy sentiment, but you know how you keep the light alive? Hope. Keeping up morale. The Resistance spends almost the entire film just...flying...running out of fuel...nothing happening for hours...there’s really no sensible reason for Holdo NOT to let everyone know that there is a plan, there is hope, so hang in there. Poe is wrong to try and mutiny, obviously, but there is no logical plot reason for the narrative pushing him to that point. It’s not about whether or not Holdo capitulates to the aggressive demands of some guy, it’s about whether or not she keeps up morale by letting her own people know they’re not actually doomed. I don’t blame her for this as a character, I blame the shitty writing that is too busy trying to tell that aforementioned half-assed toxic masculinity plot. If your characters are all behaving illogically to service it, you’re not making much of a point. This shit was weak, and it reflected poorly on the characterisation of everyone involved.

Holdo and Leia talking about how they totally like Poe and whatever also weakens this whole plot. If your toxic-masculinity narrative ends with the women who have been wronged agreeing that they like the dude anyway (despite the fact that he committed treason?), you probably did it wrong. Also, they don’t know it yet, but Poe’s actions also get almost the entire Resistance wiped out due to exposing their escape plan, so, like. Cool guy. Yeah, I like him too. Coulda avoided all of this with some incredibly normal and expected level of information-sharing, but whatever. Poe is absolved and the attempted narrative thereby rendered useless.

Holdo’s sacrifice, taking out the First Order ships? That shit was awesome, I won’t lie. Let the record show that Holdo was great, even if the story she was stuck in wasn’t. One complaint: what the fuck with this ‘Godspeed, rebels’ line? It sticks out like dog’s balls and it sucks. Stop trying to make ‘Godspeed, rebels’ a thing.

Two complaints, actually: bad editing makes it seem like Holdo sat around for AGES before she enacted this plan, and that makes it seem like the First Order should have shot ALL of the transports well before she got the job done. Editing fucking fail.

MEANWHILE, Finn. Why is he barely in the movie? Why is he stuck in an asinine subplot that has no ultimate impact on the plot of the film whatsoever? Bullshit. One of the best, strongest, most dynamic characters from TFA, and they waste him on some pointless idiocy that does absolutely nothing with his character template. Nothing. Coulda replaced Finn with anyone in this subplot. Better yet, replace the SUBPLOT.

If Finn and Rose could jump ship easy-peasy like that, why did the Resistance not have most of their people jump ship in the same way? They coulda dispersed all over the place and regrouped later, or at least sent out messengers to get help (or...runners...for fuel?) instead of keeping everyone in the same place to be shot at by the idiotic First Order (who could have done about a trillion other things besides just flying after some ships for eighteen straight hours. Why does no one in this movie know how to plan anything?). Kinda kills the non-existent suspense of having the Resistance stuck and running outta fuel, huh?

Rose deserved better than this useless subplot where her chief function is to exposition-dump about Canto Bight.

Just-so-happening to get locked in the same cell with a guy who has exactly the skills you’re looking for is an old cliche, not a good one, but it feels extra weak and convenient here because it’s so late in the film and also, ultimately, so pointless. So fucking pointless.

When Finn and Rose saw those racing animals, I literally sighed in frustration, because it was so obvious where the plot was gonna go. Most of the action of this movie was still fun to watch even when it was stupid. This was not one of those times.

Trashing Canto Bight is still pointless, and mostly just makes me concerned for the children minding the animals, and for the animals themselves. All the rich war profiteers will still go on, they’ll just party somewhere else for a bit while reconstruction is happening. They don’t fucking care. The poor downtrodden children, however, will be punished, and the animals will either be killed or returned to the race track, they didn’t get away, they were just right there on the hill. Finn and Rose didn’t achieve anything triumphant here, they just got the already-suffering into a worse situation. Nice job breaking it, heroes. Did I mention this was pointless? Also, anvilicious.

Why even bother bringing Phasma back when you’re just gonna dispose of her after the briefest fight ever. TFA did a bad job of making her seem like she existed for a reason anyway, but this just hung a lantern on it. Stupid convenient pointless fight/death scene is stupid, convenient, and pointless.

(on the subject of pointless characters: why does Maz Kanata exist? TFA at least gave her something to do, but it all just feels like Lupita Nyong’o and Gwendoline Christie were a big deal when TFA was made so they made characters for them and went ‘eh, we’ll find an actual purpose for them later’, but then they...didn’t. It’s a waste of talent, and egregious, too. You know who does exist for a reason, and yet both this film and TFA did fucking NOTHING with her? Leia. I can’t believe they wasted her so much. There are so many wasted characters in this film, and the fact that most of them are the female characters does not escape my scrutiny)

Hux is also mostly useless, for the record. The narrative gives him more attention than he's due, considering he's basically just 'random First Order commander', he doesn't have more personality than that. I don't really require more characterisation for my neo-Nazi villains anyway, but when the character framing keeps acting like the dude matters, it gets conspicuous.

YOU KNOW WHAT WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER THAN THIS??? A spy in the Resistance. The only logical reason for Holdo to NOT tell her own people that they had an escape plan would have been if there was a spy in the fleet (say, someone who could be broadcasting the signal that the First Order was tracking...); a spy in the fleet is also a good way to create some actual tension and, um, narrative, instead of the fleet just doing that flying-in-a-line-for-a-whole-day thing with the illogical Poe/Holdo drama the only complication. You can still keep the Poe/Holdo stuff! Holdo's secrecy just makes sense now! It doesn't even require that Poe not know there's a spy - he could just as easily suspect that Holdo IS the spy, or at least feel that she's not trying hard enough to find out who is and is just consigning everyone to death instead of going on a witch-hunt, there's plenty of potential for different ways to play that without losing the core story (and while also, maybe, improving it...). But most importantly: we could keep Finn ON THE FUCKING SHIP INSTEAD OF OFF HAVING A RANDO POINTLESS DRAMA. Finn, as a former Stormtrooper, would be a prime suspect for a spy in the eyes of plenty of people! People get irrational under pressure! Finn's past making people mistreat him now would be a solid way for his actual characterisation to be part of his narrative, plus opens a lot of avenues for telling worthwhile socio-political narratives! Concern for Finn's safety and the desire to prove his innocence enhances Poe's story and motivation too! Rose can easily be made part of that narrative and can go on a character journey instead of being physically transplanted places just to provide exposition and jewellery! Having two narrative threads (Rey, and Poe/Finn combined, instead of Rey, Poe, and Finn) helps streamline the storytelling AND frees up time to actual explore those narratives thoroughly instead of wasting time on useless stuff and axing important plot developments to make it all fit! I COULD GO ON LIKE THIS FOREVER!!!

I have seen a lot of people insisting that the only reason Rose professing her love for Finn ‘comes out of nowhere’ is because Rose wasn’t presented like a sex object so audiences didn’t think of her that way, but, guys, no. It came out of nowhere because the two characters just had a buddy adventure over the course of a day and now suddenly Rose is in love? After a day? Her sister died, she went on an adventure, and now she loves this guy she just met. If they didn’t try to call it a romance thing (at least not yet! I got no problem with them developing a relationship after, y’know, more than a day!), it would have worked better; she can still stop him from sacrificing himself because she cares for him as a PERSON, not as a prospective partner. We need more of those narratives, tbh, and we need more young pretty female characters who don’t spontaneously develop romance subplots just by existing.

SPEAKING OF WHICH, Rey. Rey’s story was so consumed with Kylo Ren, I keep forgetting she was there. How did the other great break-out character from TFA get co-opted into a vehicle for the Kylo Ren sob-story? Rey barely gets her own story here, it’s all really about either Kylo, or Luke. Female protagonist reduced to prop in men’s story. Whoopdi-fucking-doodah.

Look. I know Mark Hamill was very vocal about how much he disapproved of literally everything written for Luke in this film. He was right, too: it's fucking OOC garbage. BUT credit where it's due: the guy is still fucking delightful. I love bitter hermit Luke, but I'm giving all the credit to Mark Hamill for doing a fantastic job with the material he hated so much (plenty of that bitterness drawn from a real place, methinks), zero credit for the writing because the writing is, indeed, moronic. It's not that I don't believe Luke could become disenfranchised after what happened at his Jedi training temple: I can't buy that he'd end up in that situation in the first place. Luke Skywalker, who famously ditched his lightsabre in front of his Actual War Criminal father, Darth Vader, and saved the day by compassionately appealing to the goodness he solemnly believed could still be found in the old man despite all the genocidal evidence to the contrary? That Luke Skywalker is not gonna look at his young currently-innocent-of-any-crimes nephew and go 'shit, you've got evil in your heart' and decide to maybe just kill the lad in his sleep. I don't even buy that 'for a second'. Dude wouldn't slice a confirmed war criminal, guys. And then even after the massacre at the temple and all, you're telling me Luke Skywalker wouldn't try to rescue his own nephew from the clutches of evil? That he wouldn't try to fix his mistake? That he'd just shrug his shoulders and mooch off and hide while his nephew got to genocidin' just like gramps used to do?? Come on guys. You might as well retroactively kill Luke at the end of Return of the Jedi and have it over with.

Why does Luke milk a beast. Why did this happen in front of my eyes.

They don't spend nearly enough time on Rey's interactions with Luke, it makes her 'lessons' with him feel perfunctory, and their conflicts forced. Also, Rey never gets her third lesson that Luke promised, but rather than it feeling like she just left before she could finish (as with Luke on Dagobah), it feels more like they just forgot to tie that off. As I understand, there's a whole deleted scene/sequence involving the third lesson, so it wasn't deliberately omitted, they just didn't bother to cover the editing mistake. Fuck y'all. You kept the bullshit Canto Bight animal-race, but this...

Rey's mirror-vision thing was super boring because it was so predictable. Why did it go for so long anyway.

I never want to see Kylo Ren's nipples again. I can't believe they shamelessly subjected the audience to this obvious bait. He's a genocidal maniac, guys. He's a mass murderer. You cannot make fetch happen with him, and it's disgusting that you're trying.

Related: I normally barely notice/care about costuming, but there were several faux pas in this film and I was irritated. Kylo Ren's pants were one. Rey's outfits being sleeveless but thick on the shoulders was two, it made it look like she was cold and uncomfortable and walking around with her shoulders up around her ears the whole time and it made ME really uncomfortable to look at her. Three is the older women's outfits, Leia's but especially Holdo's: they're Resistance leaders, why do they look like some idiot costumer prioritised them looking like classy older women over them wearing functional practical outfits? Holdo's dress is great, objectively speaking, but in context she looks several degrees overdressed. Did she not have time to ditch the formal gown when she got called in for emergency Resistance-ing? I have seen it suggested that the outfit is supposed to be part of the whole Poe-not-trusting-her-to-know-what-she's-doing thing, and if that is indeed what they intended, it's triple stupid.

Kylo Ren's sob story is not really a sob story. Yeah, even if your uncle was standing over your bed holding a lightsabre, that's a rough deal but it doesn't entitle you to SLAUGHTER YOUR FELLOW STUDENTS AND RUN OFF TO JOIN THE NEO-NAZIS. What the actual fuck. Why did we spend so much time on trying to pretend Kylo is sympathetic. I mean, he was also supposed to already be being seduced into evil, that's what Luke saw that made him wanna kill 'im up, so. If they wanted us to sympathise with Kylo, maybe they should AT LEAST have focused on what it was that Snoke was using to seduce him in the first place, explain what gave him the in (as deeply, wildly flawed as the prequel trilogy was, it at least did a thorough job of exploring the how-did-it-come-to-this for Anakin). I mean - same as with Anakin - explaining why someone decides that genocide and dictatorships are the way to go does not make it acceptable, and Kylo Ren would still be a whiny little dickhead in need of a nice beheading, but if they explained his susceptibility to Snoke's logic that would at least be character building. Pretending the whole training temple massacre was 1. Luke's fault, and 2. a sympathetic backstory is pretty grotesque. Great way to make it seem like a certain writer-director thinks that the neo-Nazi sith is actually an ok dude, though...

On which note: Kylo's 'justification' for killing his own father is also, uh, not justification. Just vague-ing about 'destroying the past' does not an explanation make; maybe if we had some of that aforementioned backstory on what made Kylo so susceptible to corruption, that could also have been used to make this bullshit excuse sound slightly less bullshit? As above, it'd still be bullshit anyway, but at least it wouldn't be faking being deep quite so hard. I'm a bit embarrassed by how stupid this was. The idea that any of Kylo's 'justifying' for any of his murderous actions is convincing to Rey is an insult to her intelligence as well as the audience's.

Remember at the start of the movie, when Kylo smashes his wannabe-Vader mask? I frowned at it then, not realising how much I was gonna end up frowning about it later: Kylo Ren sucks and has always sucked, but in TFA we had this widely-applauded portrayal of the new Big Bad being an entitled white manbaby, and everyone was talking about how great that was as a reflection of modern society's issues, etc. Smashing his Vader-mask in the elevator was the closest moment this film had to acknowledging the tantrums Kylo threw in TFA, which were simultaneously hilarious and disturbing as they did indeed reflect that kind of childish yet violent acting-out you see with entitles young white men these days. Thing is, where Kylo of TFA chucked tantrums and idolised his former-Nazi grandfather and tried to make himself in gramps' image, this movie is subtly ditching those less-than-flattering details. Kylo smashes his Vader-mask, and while Snoke at various points goes on about his potential to be 'a new Vader', Kylo himself expresses no further desire to follow in Vader's footsteps. Smashing the mask has symbolically severed him from that aim, and thus, from one of the most prominent aspects of his neo-Nazi-modelled characterisation. It's almost like a certain writer-director wants to make the character more sympathetic by giving him a 'sad backstory' and distancing him from his neo-Nazi dreams...

Speaking of ditching plot though, there are two incredibly egregious examples here: Snoke, and Rey's parents. As much as Snoke was a dud of a character who I definitely did not care about or enjoy, and as much as disposing of him is a surprise that opens up a lot of potential for new and different storytelling, the fact that he was apparently some colossal Big Bad who appeared out of nowhere with no explanation and then was treated like a big deal only to get killed off halfway through is...weak. It doesn't seem clever, it seems like they should have just not invented him in the first place if they weren't actually gonna do anything with him. We didn't have to waste time on this.

The 'reveal' that Rey's parents were 'nothing' is even worse, tbh. They made such a big deal out of the identity of her parents, in this film and in TFA, and TFA is retroactively weakened as a film every time TLJ ditches one of the plot threads or characters that TFA introduced, because it renders swathes of the content of TFA pointless. Not content to just be full of pointlessness yourself, huh TLJ? Gotta fuck up your predecessor too so that you don't feel lonely? I have seen it argued that Rey not having some fancy pedigree and 'coming from nothing' like a normal person instead of doing the Secret Princess trope is a great move, and I agree with that in theory, but as presented in this film? Hell no. Sure, it woulda been a huge predictable cliché if she was secretly Luke's daughter or something, and the entire universe expected that sort of a reveal so there wouldn't have been much point pretending it was a secret, but this 'reveal' feels less like a cool twist-with-commentary and more like a certain writer-director going for cheap drama points by subverting expectation for no other reason than to be shocking. This feels more like laughing in the audience's face for the fact that they FOOLISHLY expected that a built-up mystery would actually deliver a surprise. Subverting audience expectation is only clever if you have an original twist; just going 'ha! You thought there was something there but there was nothing!' is not clever, it just means the writer-director wasn't smart enough to actually find something to do with the plot set-up he was handed after the previous film. Considering how much he fucked up the characterisation of literally everyone and filled this movie with meaninglessness and plot holes, maybe that's not surprising either...

You know what would have been surprising? Kylo ACTUALLY SWITCHING SIDES. I was so ready for them to throw us a REAL curveball by having him actually turn, and have to spend the rest of this movie and however much of the next one trying to make amends and work through all the colossal awfulness that would bring up for everyone (before, ultimately, dying a nice redemptive-sacrificial death, because the genocidal maniac is NOT allowed to live happily ever after). That woulda taken some real guts though, right, and we're all about cheap meaningless thrills that don't ultimately change anything, here.

Why were there so many Praetorian Guard guys. I swear Kylo and Rey fought all of them twice in the course of that battle. Who choreographed this editing nightmare?

Remember, a thousand words ago, when I started off by criticising the idiotic battle plans of the Resistance? Same goes for this useless assault they launch against the First Order cannon on Crait. Lets run these rust-buckets straight at all their guns and things, even though we've only got thirteen of them and nothing to do but drive straight at our enemies guns! Visually exciting, but completely devoid of intelligent design. Using this second DUMBASS BATTLE PLAN WHICH INEXPLICABLY GOES WRONG as a trite-neat way to show how Poe 'learned this vital lesson about when to retreat to fight again another day' is kinda undercut by the fact that the Resistance is still sending people out to die stupidly in suicide runs, so...maybe they still haven't learned the real lesson here, the one about ACTUALLY PLANNING. You wouldn't have to worry so much about your 'dead heroes' if you made sensible strategic decisions in the first place. Pretty weird, that.

Force-projection Luke was great, but this seems like it's supposed to be demonstrating some character arc for him when actually it's just repeating his whole passive-resistance thing from the original trilogy, just in a less significant way; as a projection, he's not actually endangered as he was with Vader, so it's less of a statement and more of an '...oh yeah I literally can't fight you anyway, peace out I'm dead now regardless'. Like most things in this film, it's only surface-level cool, as soon as you engage thought processes it becomes as empty as a Jedi cloak in the wind...

Rey and Poe apparently meeting for the first time at the end of the movie was Hella jarring. They may not have met on-screen in TFA, but they were on the Resistance base at the same time, both personally attached to Finn, etc. We coulda just assumed they had met at some point before Rey left. This awkward meeting was awkward and also hung a big ol' lantern on the fact that our characters all got split off for completely different adventures in this movie instead of doing anything together, like, pretty much at all. Nice.

Why does this film end so many times. At first I thought it was gonna end after the space battle, and then there was this whole extra action scene on Crait and I was like 'that's weird, why would you add an extra small action piece AFTER your big climactic space battle?', then I thought it was gonna end on a cliffhanger with Luke stepping up to confront the First Order alone (they had this shot from behind, showing the fire around him and the First Order arrayed out across the horizon, and the music was swelling and it would have been a PERFECT cut to credits, but then it cut to Poe's face instead and I was like 'whaaatt, momentum of final shot destroyed!'). Then I thought they were gonna end after everyone got away, but THEN there was that useless end scene of the kids back on Canto Bight being like, sooo filled with Resistance Feelings, and it was fucking dumb. Why would you include such a weak finisher when you had at least three solid final moments already? Honestly I think there were several other almost-ends in there that I'm forgetting now (like maybe also right before the fight on Crait started? I dunno). It was a mercy when they finally picked an ending, but it was the worst ending they had at their disposal.

Am I finished purging now? Probably not. I'll probably think of a bunch of other things after I post this, plus I see a lot of dumb posts and articles defending various aspects of the film, some of which I can shrug off as differences of opinion, and some of which stick in my head for being nonsense to rival the film itself. For every whiny neckbeard out there complaining about diversity and 'woman heroes', there's a 'progressive' writer who defends the decisions in this movie for seemingly no other reason than because it makes the neckbeards upset, and that's just annoying. You can admit that the movie sucked without that meaning that the misogynists were right, the two options are mutually exclusive, and you lend credence to all the problematic crap this movie pulled if you refuse to admit its flaws. But whatever. It wasn't the worst film I ever saw. It was mostly irritating because of how much potential it had, if someone had just bothered to do a proper critical edit of the script and maybe think about telling cohesive stories with it and maintaining characterisation across the franchise, etc. Maybe the third film of the trilogy will fix some of the shit from this film, but the fact will remain, it shouldn't have to. Trying to patch up the holes made by the previous film should not be part of the third film's job; this movie shoulda just been solid to start with. A lot of what was bad about it is structurally unsound anyway, and a third film won't change that. This movie was a dud. A stupid, largely pointless dud. Delete this.

#Star Wars #The Last Jedi #ranting #I wanted to like it but it was so stupid #if you don't want TLJ negativity do not pass Go do not press the read more button

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mustinvestigate · 8 years ago

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stream of consciousness headcanon…ish…thing…

...which owes entire countries’ national debts to @niceteeth-nastysmile‘s health & food canon post and @adistraughtthought‘s on MacCready’s teeth and why Lucy was just beyond brilliant.

And this is all fic-related ponderings of general standards of personal upkeep in post-apocalyptia and their divergence from vault or pre-war sensibilities and how exactly romance could surmount this, which doesn’t really earn “above the fold” status, so…

So it’s generally held in fandom lore that folk are too busy surviving to truck much with hygiene, a thought which derails the sexiness of many T+ fics before they start. Like, “We’ve been trekking across the desert nurturing a deadly two-person epidemic of UST and, oops, convenient cave-in, we’re trapped together…carrying several days’ worth of sweat and battle muck in non-breathable armor we seemingly never change, without water to drink or freshen up with, and, y’know, let’s just sit in opposite cave chambers and breathe through our mouths until rescue comes, ok?”

And a vault dweller or pre-war person would live in suspended state of horror at the miasma of human funk and yellowed snaggleteeth when they have any at all, unable to hold a civil conversation no matter how high their charisma stat. As for romancing, well…nope. Nope nope nope.

Except, in settlements at least, with more pooled resources and storage space and security to allow people to spend time on less essential tasks like making tallow soap and extra under-clothing to change regularly and water to wash clothing and bodies, they’d totally raise standards to at least those of a modern week-long camping trip, right? Being clean and in fresh clothing is one of those small achievable luxuries, on the level of toys and games or cards for communal entertainment, that makes a huuuuge difference in feeling like you’re living, not just surviving. And with teeth, well, humans have been cleaning their teeth (albeit sometimes in ways that could not have been kind to gums or enamel) since we’ve been human. Morning breath and stuck-in food bits have apparently always been pretty high on the short list of activities worth spending limited energy on fixing.

Also often found in human settlements? Doctors, or at least some form of medical-type professionals to push for improved sanitation and enough cleanliness to minimise the spread of disease, not to mention heal injuries or perform simple dentistry or help prevent/treat substance abuse and all sorts of other ailments that lead to one being unable to maintain a comfortable-ish body.

(Aside for ghouls: although they’re described in-game as smelling like rotting flesh, I call bullshit. The smell of rot comes from decay, and by definition, things which are decaying are in the process of existing increasingly…uh…less so. [I don’t know, I can’t word good today, ok? Ahem.] And since ghouls are canonically unplagued by senescence [see? Fancy words!], there’s no decay beyond a certain level of damage that would produce that particular offensive smell. And further still since the skin damage would probably render most of their sweat glands gone or non-functional anyway, they’d possibly even lack the traditional human eau du ew at the end of a hard day’s farming. Y’all just decided they smell bad because you don’t like how they look – real nice, post-apocalyptic humans. Real. Nice.)

People living outside of settlements, though…they might be a different story. Like, raiders? Forget it. You’d smell ‘em coming a mile away, where they may be gasping their last due to catastrophic bacterial infection from what started as a wee molar cavity. They’re not expending energy on small personal-upkeep luxuries, or value stealing them from those who do.

Non-sociopathic nomadic types, like traders or mercenaries or people who don’t have useful skills or can’t afford to buy into a settlement (however it works when there’s no pre-war savior throwing away land for free), where carrying space is very limited and they likely don’t have much time or energy for non-essential luxuries…yeah, they might be closer to what we picture as a standard post-apocalyptic citizen. Like…in today’s terms…your stereotypical European gap-year backpacker. You’d certainly bathe and wash clothes when the opportunity and supplies came to hand, but wouldn’t go out of your way unless your red and orange Maslows were all in the black, and if your yellow, green, and blue were already in the pink, why bother?

(Is that a coherent joke? Probably not. Requires googling. But we strike on!)

Hence, in a slightly roundabout way, we come to MacCready’s teeth, and, further, the impact therein on writing a romance with a pre-war character. Or, really, any of the romanceable companion options, but fanon, and Bethesda going out of their way to make him the only one with bad teeth, seem to hold that MacCready’s a special case. He grew up LARPing Lord of The Flies, defiantly proud that there were no adults to make them clean anything they didn’t want to, and he married a girl (brilliant doctor or not) who was part of the same culture and tolerant of near-toxic personal hygiene or at the very least, since they seemed to be on the road when she tragically died, was biding her time until they settled down to enforce better standards.

(And, seriously, Bethesda, just admit it’s the same character as the Lucy he was best buddies with instead of someone who just happened to have the same name…except that does mean that sweet girl died terribly…and now I no longer know what I want to believe. Huh.)

And a pre-war professional lady, one who’d’ve had to maintain a polished image as a non-negotiable element of her career, she’d get past this…how?

Actually…even writing this out, it still doesn’t seem insurmountable. For years, I shared a very small office with a large, manly fellow who didn’t wear deodorant, worked out before work, and ate a lot of fish-heavy lunches. It’s amazing how quickly the human nose shrugs and moves the goal-posts, particularly for lovely people you get on with, or when everyone around you’s more or less at the same level of smell, or when you’re also working out and coming in kinda sweaty and, you know, we’re all human here, right, why are we so dang picky?

And my version of Nora, for all she prefers pretty dresses and parties, isn’t averse to dirty fingernails. She was in the military, had all her hair shaved off and slogged through muddy obstacle courses and dug latrines and everything; she went hunting with her father and helped out in his plumbing shop, getting elbow-deep in animal viscera and worse. A filthy soldier-type would definitely be on her experience spectrum with probably no more judgement than welp, try to stay upwind when possible, even that forgotten after she’s been in the same outfit herself for a couple of weeks.

But the teeth, man, there’s something moreish about bad teeth, right? There’s not just the aesthetics of non-white, non-straight teeth (trust me…having moved to a country [unfairly] famous for poor-quality dentistry, I can report that uniformly white, straight chompers quickly become the weird-looking alternative) but the visceral reaction to class comma lack of, to an indicator not just of “poor” but “poor and not trying to do better.”

Like, I grew up what’s politely called white working class (in a family that mostly passes leisure time with drinking, Fox News, and stockpiling weapons of dubious origins, so, y’know, shruggy-emoticon), and you bet all of us cousins had braces. We were going to get good grades and have office jobs. Our parents were real touchy about terms like “redneck” or “okie” and wouldn’t admit to liking country music. There was something different about the kids who lived in the same area but didn’t get braces. We weren’t encouraged to make friends of them, and as for dating…well…the bad teeth on a significant other brought home would carefully, one could say pointedly, not be mentioned, but every other possible flaw would be.

In college, I dated a mysterious guy I met on Match.com, who wasn’t white and who had the worst teeth I’d ever seen in real life. They were somewhere between ferengi and pirate and I’m sad to say they were the first thing anyone would notice about him. We ended up dating for two bloody years, even talked about marriage, and the funny thing? I never found out what the deal was with those awful, awful teeth.

At first, I didn’t bring it up because, well…how bad did his childhood have to be, that no one made him brush, no one took out a loan to get him in braces? Like, bad teeth were so intrinsically linked with lower-class deprivation in my mind that I just could not even broach the topic with someone of a different ethnic background. And, anyway, he turned out to be solidly middle-class from birth, held two degrees and a software engineering cubicle job that required a tie, even on Fridays. And by that point, well…if the teeth were the first thing you noticed, the second was that he was bubbly and goofy and sweet, and when months later someone looked at a photo of us and asked, “Oh dear, what happened to that poor boy’s teeth?”, it genuinely took me a minute to figure out what she was talking about.

So, my conclusion: even when one’s brought up to see poor hygiene and bad teeth as viscerally, mockably horrifying…as romantic obstacles, they’re quite surmountable. Like, there’d be some half-hearted stocking up of new brushes and mouthwash, nagging to go see the dentist no I don’t care that your childhood dentist looked like Ted Bundy, and probably a collateral raising of their bathing frequency through shared living routines, and it’d be fine, you guys. Totally fine.

Anyway.

This is what happens after a few months without drinking, y’all. These are the brain cells that’d usually get culled off by the friendly gin hammer.

#headcanon #fallout 4 #MacCready’s teeth #mmmmmm gin #storytelling #mustinvestigate rambles #man I really want to brush my teeth now

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bodizwonder · 7 years ago

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The Non-Snob’s Guide to Buying Great Wine at an Affordable Price

I don’t know that many twentysomethings keen to pay greater than $20 for a bottle of wine—on the common, a minimum of. Most of my mates and I hit up the liquor retailer and seize one thing within the $15 vary, doubtlessly based mostly on which bottles fill sale racks, are on the best way to the money register, and don’t look completely janky.

Maybe we’ve discovered a model that tastes first rate for worth (for awhile for me, it was $12 Gnarly Head reds from California), goes down easily sufficient, and produces the chilliness buzz we’re on the lookout for. I assumed phrases like “fruit-forward,” “barrel-aged,” and “cork taint” had been reserved for uppity snobs and characters in “Sideways.”

That is, till I used to be enlightened on a current journey to Franciacorta, Italy, a hilly, stunning area east of Milan that’s dwelling to greater than 100 family-owned vineyards. Wedged between the historic metropolis of Brescia and Lake Iseo, Franciacorta incorporates a uniquely average local weather and soil that’s best for rising grapes which are used to provide super-high-quality glowing wine. (Some confer with Franciacorta because the “champagne of Italy.”)

There, I used to be handled to excursions and tastings of a minimum of a dozen Franciacorta varietals, every drier, extra scrumptious, and extra effervescent than the following. And once I got here dwelling to my modest Brooklyn digs and sipped that very same bottle of Gnarly Head, let’s simply say what had initially handed nearly as good was now demoted to a mere “eh.” But my price range hadn’t modified a bit. So what was this freshly snobby wine drinker to do? There needed to be some hacks that will enable me to drink good wine on a shoestring.

Turns out, so long as you’ve got the time and curiosity in monitoring down high quality wine, you don’t at all times should pay a ton. “Entering a wine shop is like going into a library, and that’s why you shouldn’t be in a hurry,” says Marina Tonsi, proprietor of Franciacorta’s Corte Bianca vineyard. “The bottles must be studied and browsed through, and the pleasure of discovering a new wine is part of the experience.”

It additionally helps to know a bit of bit about what you’re on the lookout for—even when it’s simply asking the shop proprietor what sort of white he recommends to go together with the fish you’re cooking for dinner. “Think about the situation where you’ll be drinking this wine,” says Paolo Pizziol, director of Villa Franciacorta vineyard. “The ideal thing is to choose an eclectic wine that can be drunk in different circumstances and, even better, combined with a diverse selection of dishes.”

Ahead, try 10 extra useful hacks for choosing a better-quality bottle of wine with out coughing up a ton of money.

Avoid Wines in Sunlit Areas.

While these bottles on distinguished show by the window may look tempting within the retailer, watch out about selecting a wine that you recognize has been uncovered to direct daylight, says Diletta Cavalleri, advertising and communications supervisor at Cavalleri vineyard in Franciacorta. Strong, common publicity could cause a response within the compounds that compromises the integrity—and taste—of the grapes. Most wine retailer house owners will know this and presumably rotate the bottles within the mild, however nonetheless, good to know should you don’t need to danger it.

Don’t Let Looks Fool You.

“Remember that labels are designed to catch your eye, so if you’re not a wine expert, don’t simply go for the cutest label design,” says Giulia Balzarini, proprietor of Enrico Gatti vineyard. “At least read the information written on the bottle and ask for help—or google it—if there’s anything unclear.” Oops, I’m positively responsible of getting grabbed a bottle just because it was in my worth vary and regarded good—as a result of not all labels have useful descriptions! About that…

Pay Attention to Where It’s From.

The most essential factor on the label isn’t the gorgeous phrases that let you know a wine has notes of chocolate and blackberry—it’s the situation. “A good wine and trustworthy producer will clearly state the geographic region that the grapes are grown in, even if there’s not much more detail on the label,” says Emily Molinari, beverage director of New York City’s Eataly Downtown. “It should give you an appellation such as Provence for rosé, Willamette Valley for reds from Oregon, or Franciacorta for bubbles from Italy. If the location isn’t specified, sometimes grapes can come from all over the country or even multiple countries—and that’s the sign of a winery that’s more committed to quantity than quality.”

Be Resourceful.

Even if a label is sparse, know the way to interpret what small bits of intel you may get from it. “You should be able to find at least some info on there; if it’s a grape, find another bottle with the same kind and see if there’s more of a description,” says Molinari. “If there’s a country on there, think about where it is. If it’s a generally cold-climate place—think France, Germany, northern Italy—the wine will be on the crisp and acidic side. If it’s from a warm climate—Australian, California, South Africa—the wine will be more fruity, with softer tannins, and usually higher alcohol.” And should you actually can’t discover a factor on the label, don’t purchase it. “Better to be in the know than left in the dark; if an employee can’t shed some more light on the wine, skip it,” she says.

Break Out of Your Comfort Zone.

OK, so you know the way I informed you I appreciated the Gnarly Head reds, so I simply purchased them each time? Don’t try this. “The most important thing is to taste different kinds,” says Cavalleri. “The more wine you taste, the more you understand your own tastes, and the choices become easier.” Molinari seconds that. “Wine-buying newbies might have a tendency to pick one wine and stick with it—but when you find a wine you like, instead try a wine from the same producer, or another producer from the same region to broaden your horizons a bit. Even better, flip over the wine bottle and see who the importer is. If you can find another bottle by the same importer, you can feel good about the standards of quality being consistent.”

Go to an Actual Wine Store.

It helps to have the ability to seek the advice of workers who know what they’re speaking about, which you’re likelier to search out at a wine retailer with a liquor part than a liquor retailer with a wine part, says Molinari. “Find a place with knowledgeable staff that’s passionate about the wines they sell. These are the people that get to taste the wines before they hit the shelves and they will be able to find a match for you,” she says. “Just don’t start the conversation with your budget—instead, talk about a wine you had that you like, and when they start to suggest wines, steer them to the $20 or under price point.”

Look to Sale Racks for Good Deals.

I figured I’d discover out that purchasing bottles from sale racks was a foul thought, but it surely seems it’s not! “Don’t fear the sale items,” says Molinari. “Wine distributors who sell to wine stores and restaurants have to be weeks and months ahead of the game with moving inventory, so there’s a good chance the wine they discount is still drinking nicely, just that the next vintage is right around the corner.” So be happy to seize that discounted $10 bottle of would-be $17 Cabernet.

Learn From What You Don’t Like.

The time period “bad wine” is subjective, so it’s as much as you to determine what sorts of wine aren’t your factor so that you don’t waste cash on them sooner or later. “If a wine is just not to your taste, give it to a friend or cook with it,” says Molinari. “But catalog in your mind what you don’t like about it: Is it too oaky? Dry? Fruity? Use your likes and dislikes to tell wine store employees what your style is. Equate it to your likes and dislikes with food—just because you don’t like beets doesn’t mean that they’re bad or that someone else won’t love them.” Good level.

Buy Your Favorite Wine in Bulk.

Just like most meals, wine is cheaper while you purchase lots. “Split a case with a friend!” says Molinari. “Wine stores usually offer a discount on mixed cases of wine. Also, if you’re a creature of habit and could literally drink the same rosé every day in the summer, pick up a case. It’s an investment at first, but you’ll be spending the money anyway, so you might as well spend less up front.”

Every Once in Awhile, Splurge.

Even if the wines you purchase on daily basis are beneath $15, now and again deal with your self to a pricier (and nicer) bottle. “I encourage everyone to add a $20 to $40 bottle to their to-drink lists,” says Molinari. “Lots of us will spend $12 on a serving of green juice, right? A $40 bottle of wine breaks down to $10 a glass. Think of it like your wardrobe. You have a bunch of sweaters and they keep you warm alright, but you have that one 100 percent cashmere one that you splurged on, and yes, it’s just another sweater that keeps you warm, but damn, do you feel like a million bucks wearing it. That’s your $30 bottle of wine.”

Originally revealed September 2016. Updated September 2017.

(Editor references)