#but anyways if anyone reads this if I were to be any character in Hamilton who would I be based on personality?

[theycallmeratt]

Writer Interview

Tagged by the fantastic @beesht, @commander-krios, and @coreene!

(just realized I forgot to tag people ummmm @lolliputian, @aviatorasharak @bloobluebloo)

When did you start writing?

So long ago that I no longer recall when it was. I also like arranging and playing with words. It's a crutch for me; my brain often feels aimless and chaotic. Writing lets me lock down my thoughts so I can quit chasing them.Expressing myself face-to-face has always been a struggle; I hide behind screens, sunglasses and masks. I'm happiest when people don't know what I look or sound like, and writing is the easiest way to talk with people without my physical-ness getting in the way.

Are there different themes or genres you enjoy reading than what you write?

Love horror, adore it. I'm not super great at writing it (yet!).

I also love heists. I keep trying to write a heist. It is not going well.

Finally, I love mythologies and folklore. I'm currently really into American Indigenous (specifically Inuit and I just got a book on Latin American mythologies) and Middle Eastern (specifically Iranian). Or, at least what I can find in English, from a reputable source. I would love to write about characters from these (Esfandiyār! Sedna!) but I'm a white American who is neither a part of those cultures nor educated enough to treat the subject with the respect it deserves.

But I will talk about them and encourage other people to learn because they're very cool.

Is there a writer you want to emulate or get compared to often?

Haha, I specifically don't read while I'm writing so I don't emulate anyone, but creativity doesn't happen in a vacuum so..

My writing style and content were influenced by the authors I grew up on: KA Applegate, Terry Pratchett, Diana Wynne Jones, Terry Brooks, Sergio Lukyanenko, Neil Gaiman, Francesca Lia Blake, Anne Bishop, Terry Goodkind, Arthur C Clarke, Laurel K Hamilton. Some of those authors I was far too young to read, a lot I don't read or like anymore, but they definitely shaped my fascination with urban fantasy, people living normal lives in weird worlds, people finding the weird in normal worlds, horror and humor and how they fit together, how both are most effective when they're just reality taken slightly off-kilter, and how small any single person's perspective is.

I've also been on Tumblr for about a billion years and have the Tumblr/millennial accent and I'm too tired to change it. 

Can you tell me a bit about your writing space?

On my phone, swipe keyboard, usually while commuting or waiting in line or standing over the stove or late at night when I can't sleep. Writing isn't a priority in my life right now, so I squeeze it into all the empty spaces.

What's your most effective way to muster up a muse?

I wrote about this here under "recharging when I'm not feeling creative" and here under "where do you get inspiration", but short answer is taking a complete break from creating anything, slogging through whatever is blocking me or interacting with my community.

Are there any recurring themes in your writing? Do they surprise you?

Shifting identities and what defines a person. I was raised on the idea that the "soul" is a person's core unifying self. I'm fascinated by this concept because if you take away "soul" as an easy answer, then what is a person? What makes me the same person as who I was twenty years ago? As me, age 2 months? If I lost all my memories, am I still me? What if I only lose one thing, like my driving force, or a fundamental belief, or if I recover from trauma or receive treatment for a chronic condition? What if I was uploaded into a machine? 

Anyway, I'm rambling, but I think I probably assign my identity to experience: memory, skills, hobbies, achievements and failures, and those are the concepts I've been exploring a lot.

What is your reason for writing?

I get itchy otherwise.

Is there any specific comment or type of comment you find particularly motivating?

I like knowing the exact parts people like, so whenever anyone quotes part of a fic, I get excited. I also love hearing people's theories or if they noticed any Easter eggs or references. My writing is so self indulgent sometimes and meeting people who also like it feels like meeting people who would like me? (That sounds really pathetic haha but I'm leaving it because it's honest).

How do you want to be thought about by your readers?

Funny! And hopefully a bit creative. 

What do you feel is your greatest strength as a writer?

Finishing a piece before I publish it, I guess. Writers have a right to bail on a piece for whatever reason, even for no reason. Writers have a right to publish incomplete work. But, personally, I'm a little proud that I put out completed pieces. 

I also try to write in a way that's uncomplicated. I avoid using oversized words, complex sentences, too many pronouns or vague references. Keep things simple, you know? I want to write things that people can read when they're distracted, or only have time for a few paragraphs, or if they aren't great readers.

Usually when I'm reading my head is already fried and I don't have the time or spoons to get assaulted by a thesaurus.

When you write, are you influenced by what others might enjoy reading, or do you write purely for yourself, or a mix of both?

I'm only influenced if I'm doing a piece for someone, or if I know a specific person will read it and I want to make them smile. Beyond that, it's all for me :)

How do you feel about your own writing?

It's a little trite, but that's okay. I love happy endings, so I aim for that. I also love the bizarre, absurd and ridiculous.

I do overuse this sentence format, where it's two clauses together. I'd like to fix that. And like all my paragraphs are three sentences, gross.

Anyway, I like it overall.

[butchhamlet]

Do you have any Othello thoughts? I liked it all but most especially when unprompted and for no particular reason Iago constructs a lie about making out with Cassio in his bed at night. Like. He very very easily could have just said a slightly different lie that didn't involve an unconscious Cassio pulling him in for a smooch and then he lets it happen for? Minuets? I guess? Never pulls away? Like I'm truly floored by the sheer level of how unnecessary it is for Iago to construct this particular story. Just fucking tell the guy you heard Cassio sleep talking. Huh. Also why were you sleeping in his bed already in the first place that is never brought up by anyone, ever. Truly an insane scene to me

LITERALLY WHY DID HE DO THAT. WHY DID HE DO THAT!!! in general i don't love the directions people take gay iago (often, like, "he's jealous of desdemona for getting to have othello and thus decides to ruin their relationship because he's gay and twisted" or whatever) because i think it kind of ignores the occam's razor fact that iago is racist. like. he is a complex character with a lot of motivations but the prime motivation for the specific shit he does to othello is racism. HOWEVER. the WAY he acts toward cassio. there is NO heterosexual explanation for that what the fuck is going ooooooooooooon. othello doesn't even call him on it he's just like yeah okay that sounds about right he threw his leg over you and you guys made out

anyway i don't have a ton of thoughts on othello but i do like it! it is the only shakespeare play that makes me actively tense even when i'm rereading it for the third or fourth time. i've seen it compared to merchant & taming of the shrew as the plays with the most potential to do harm and perpetuate/create stereotypes, and i think that's true, but i also think othello has over merchant and taming that it is actually well-constructed and interesting. and i do think it's fascinating that it does have real points to make about the psychological effects of being forced into a model minority role, but also, like, it's a white guy writing in the 1600s, so how good can it really be and is it still worth performing today? (recommended reading on this: this article, keith hamilton cobb's american moor. please read american moor it's so fucking good it's a stage play in monologue format about a modern black actor trying out for othello and musing on his complicated relationship with shakespeare and it's SO good)

scattered personal feelings: emilia is a lesbian. i know it's important that desdemona is not actually cheating on othello, but i feel like if she and emilia kissed it wouldn't count because they're girl best friends. iago has gotta be one of shakespeare's best roles, actingwise, but it always strikes me as somewhat discomfiting that he gets more lines than and as much exploration as othello, the titular hero, because imo it again emphasizes that this is a play written by a white man, however hard that white man is trying, from a white society and a white vantage point. desdemona and othello make me really fucking sad. and cassio's fun i like him that guy's bisexual as fuck

[ravenishishtrash]

Okay so ✨Hamilton fanficion✨

Back in 2018 I was a big Hamilton (and other musicals like BMC, DEH, Heathers) fan, and I'm talking like a having amino (and a semi decent following on it), drawing silly fanart of the characters in maid suits, reading fanfiction fan

And sometimes I just go by my day and I randomly remember something from a Hamilton fanfiction that makes me stop in my tracks

And so, I decided to come onto here and provide a list of things I remember, that I want to forget, and am afraid that I'll forget at the same time, about Hamilton fanficion

(this being said, if you're still a hamilton fanfiction writer, you do you, this post does not mean to offend you)

I think like 80% of the fics if not more were college AU fics, and 15% were just different AUs but I don't think I've actually read a fic that wasn't a random one-shot taking place in canon timeline (I do believe it was because all of the hamilton ff writers just like me were 16 back then, and just simply did not know how to write historical fiction)

Most of the fics were LAMS (which is Alexander Hamilton x John Laurens) and it was practically canon in fandom eyes, and before anyone says anything, I've seen the letters, of course I've seen them but guyz, I think we were just a little bit delulu with how firmly we believed this (and I'm including myself in this!)

Still on shipping, the second most popular one was Jamilton (Thomas Jefferson x Alexander Hamilton) and I'm gonna be honest, this was my shit, I enjoyed this dynamic a lot more (I always found friends to lovers a bit boring), but man, were the ship wars brutal, I remember when amino mods tried to actually do some sort of a debate lams vs jamilton in which there were actual teams that wrote whole essays about which ship is more valid, but they ended up insulting each other after maybe two rounds

The last ship with its own point is Hamburr (Alexander Hamilton x Aaron Burr), I've always perceived this one as a cool kids ship, I think people who shipped this were the most chill about it

Background ships included Mulette (Muligan x Lafayette), which was one of those ships that were always in the background some sort of "if you don't ship this as your side ship i don't trust you" kind of ship, the same goes to Jeffmads (Jefferson x Madison) in lams fics, and in a lesser degree, and i don't remember its name, Eliza Schuler x Maria Lewis Reynolds (if you don't remember her from her name, is the woman Hamilton cheats on Eliza with), which is always fun, we love seeing some wlw

And now, the random facts that were just headcanons that people very often included, Jefferson and Lafayette were almost always in some sort related (especially in Jamilton fics) and that's because of the double cast, but I don't really think the same was true for any other character it was just them

Hamilton was always a caffeine addict with a bad sleep schedule who was way too engaged in whatever topic the fic made him and I remember one fic (it was a college au, of course) where the whole point was that it was actively ruining his relationships around him (it was a hamburr fic)

John Laurens loved turtles bc of some historical letters in which he mentioned he liked turtles and fandom did its thing and you couldn't read a lams fic where turtles weren't mentioned at least once

Charles Lee and Samuel Seabury were always minor villains/mean college students and the latter was sometimes in a weird unhealthy relationship with (king) George

There was no Eliza slander! I know it's a weird point, but now seeing how fandoms like spn or 911 reacted to female love interest I’m actually suprised there wasn't any, she was always just a good friend (or, in one Soulmate AU I think it was Jamilton, Eliza had Hamilton's name on her wrist but he didn't have hers and that was just brutal)

There was this fic that I won't mention by its whole name (it's off the internet anyway, I don't think the author wants to be reminded of it nor associated with it), that was a hanahaki AU Jamilton that nearing the end of its run had 300k+ words; it was about Alex having a mean spirited rivalry with Jefferson at their corpo lawyer job but hearing he has hanahaki so deciding he wants to be nice to him now, but little does he know that the hanahaki in question is *for* him and later he himself develops hanahaki for Jefferson and they even live together at one point so they have this situation where both of them are willing to die in order to keep the other one happy and cure them by being their rebounds but they actively making each other worse, it's probably not as good as I remember it to be but godDAMN was it a cult classic it really was one of the kind, ALSO a girl on a plane asked me what fic I was reading bc she was peeking over my shoulder because it looked good and it's just one of the interactions I will *never* forget

This fandom was also my first impression of A/B/O dynamic and it wasn't a good one, one of the fics with it that I remember was Jamilton, in which Hamilton was some sort of Omega activist (there was a scene where he was annoyed that romantic comedies in universe pushed the agenda of omega leaving their omegaxomega relationship for an alpha when oxo can be fully normally sufficient) and Jefferson was an alpha and there was a scene at a diner where Jefferson was spreading his pheromones so the other alphas would stop looking at Hamilton? yeah thanks, no thanks

Washington was 95% of the time Hamilton's father in one way or another but what did you expect, in one fic he was even Hamilton's mother soulmate but she died before he met her which I didn't know was possible in soulmates aus

I read one Jamilton fic on wattpad (even then I rarely used wattpad) that I think was (a college au) about how madison and jefferson were in abusive relationship and hamilton "rescued" jefferson out of it? (it feaured a truly iconic quote in a scene that i still remember where jefferson was having a panic attack in the dorm's bathroom and madison didn't want hamilton to think he was an abuser so he said something along the lines of "Don't listen to this whore" and Hamilton responded "I won't listen to a whore" and Jefferson was like no he also hates me no one loves me and then Hamilton added "But Thomas isn't a whore." and I kid you not, I think about this scene every time I see that stupid "do you think im pretty?" "no." ":(" "you're beautiful" meme) and my art was featured in one of the chapters! it wasn't a good art, but it was one of my biggest achievements back then (I drew the most art during my hamilton phase, I wish I kept that passion for drawing in the years to come)

And... I think that's all that I can think of off top of my head

Despite many peoples' opinion now, I don't think the fandom was wrong in how they perceived the source material, any who was in the fandom at that time can tell you that sometimes it felt like it's own entity, those were our characters and what they did in the musical and the historical context didn't really matter in the long run, besides some limited posts about lams or just funfacts about the real lives of the characters (i have so many funfacts about inaccuracies in hamilton stored in my head), just what the dynamic between them was

But, as have many, I grew out of hamilton fanfiction, it shaped how I moved around fanfiction and fandom spaces for years and no matter how much "cringe" that fandom was (and it was cringe in every way possible) I probably won't forget the fun parts (for example how I joined judges guild on amino that was supposed to host contests regularly and then we did one contest and 90% of the members stopped responding so I pretty much single-handedly picked the winners when we had like I think about 20-30 entries? contests were a big deal on amino) and I won't regret it, I think it was one of the if not best then funniest places to be on the Internet in 2018

I have recently rewatched Hamilton now that it is available on streaming and one) I found out that I didn't really know all the lyrics and certainly not what some parts mean (english as you probably already have noticed is not my first language) and two) I actually found myself thinking, man, i would like to read some good fanfiction about this, but not a single one Hamilton fanfiction on ao3 can be separated from how the fandom perceived the characters and that's okay, it's just the way it is

If you truly want to know the grasp of what was normal or not in this fandom, let me tell you this: I saw Jefferson Miku Binder before it was a meme, and it really wasn't that weird, I was seeing art and headcanons like these on the regular, that just how the fandom looked like

and with that, I'm signing off

[seokiloquy]

Shift Pt 1 - Kozume Kenma

Au: Regular (timeskip)

Tags/Warnings: Dual POV, use of a pseudonym (username) instead of (Y/N) in most cases, swearing. More of a prologue

Word Count: 1.6k

Pt 1 | Pt 2 | Pt 3 | Pt 4

“Are you friends with any other streamers?” You paused momentarily, making your chair creak as you sat back. “Ya. I’d say so. I’m not best friends with any of them; I haven’t had many opportunities to get that far. But I’m friends with a few. Uvo TV and Solarii I talk to the most. If you haven’t seen their streams, they both do a lot more first-person shooters.”

You glance at your main screen, waiting for the final portion of the loading animation to finish. Back at your secondary monitor, comments continue to roll by.

“I sadly can’t stream any earlier in the day. I’ve got work to do. Be happy you have me most hours on the weekend… I have a job, yes; you must be new… I went to university, yes….”

Your lips purse. “Theatre and film.”

A slew of comments fly by, each saying the same few words, all with the same sentiment.

<THEATRE KID>

They were laughing at you.

Clicking your tongue, you turned to your main screen. “I’m ignoring that. Half of you are theatre kids anyways. You can’t talk.”

Moving your fingers against your keyboard, you finally got your game going. Pushing your 3D rendered character into the next leg of the story. You’ve played through this game many times; first in high school. A classmate, sitting in the seat in front of you, had been watching the teaser trailer when he screeched in the middle of the teacher’s lesson. It caught your attention from over his shoulder, and you approached him after class to ask about it. You played it repeatedly that year. The second game came out in your first year of university when you had become so sickly and depressed that all you could do was play the game while your fellow theatre-major roommate read out your scripts for you. The third instalment came out a month after you graduated. You decided to stream your playthrough on a whim since you had no job and could spend hours every day in front of your monitor.

Arcadia’s Inferno. An open-world adventure game that tells the story of a seemingly harmonious world full of lively nature but holds secrets to a long since dead society. The story progresses with each game, and the world becomes more and more horrifying despite the beautifully designed scenery. It’s masterful, unexpected, and you eat it up every time.

You had become established in the community of ADI quickly within a year, gaining way more followers than you could even fathom. And despite playing more games than Arcadia’s Inferno, they stuck with you.

But then the developers contacted you, and you had to sign an NDA because they were making the series’ fourth game. You were blown out of the water because they asked you to voice the main character for that game, which is the biggest dream come true, especially after training for 4 years to do voice acting. Still, you couldn’t tell anyone because the trailer was only about to be dropped next week, and no one that wasn’t working on the game knew anything about it, but you were one of those people and—

You flinched as your player fell off a cliff and died at the bottom.

“Don’t say a word.”

The chat had already jumped on you.

“I blame you guys. You sabotaged me. NO, I WAS NOT THINKING OF HAMILTON. Now I am, though. Thanks.”

You could hardly wait for the trailer to be released.

Kenma pauses his fingers to squint at his chat. Suddenly, seemingly out of nowhere (since all he’d been doing was typing a note for himself off-screen while the game was paused), his chat had sent rapid messages as if they were having their own conversations.

He sighs, moving his mouse to scroll through. “What’s going on, you guys?”

<ADI 4!!!!!>

< Arcadia’s Inferno 4 trailer just released!>

<AAAAHHHHHHH>

Kenma paused, heart thumping. He quickly opened a tab and found the video to share on the screen; it was released five minutes ago and was already trending. He hit play.

There have been rumours and speculations about the series’ return. It was common knowledge that there would be more games. A sudden trailer release was a new approach. It was just a matter of when, so as months pass and then years, fans wait patiently for any inkling of news.

The trailer started with a weapon slicing across the screen, followed by the sound of a falling tree, before panning up from darkness to the sight of raging fires with a shadow inside and trees crumbling.

ADI always had something new to face, not quite a villain. The games really told a person vs nature story, set in a fantasy world with a protagonist that was more morally grey than good or evil. 

The sound from Kenma speakers roared, and a colossal monster slowly emerged through the flames. 

The trailer ended as soon as it started, finishing with the logo and release date.

“That’s in a month?” Kenma asked, primarily to himself.

Games developers, Dungeon included, often spend years making their games, even after their initial announcement. One month would mean that the game is already finished, and they had started it before the third game was released.

Kenma’s chat was hysterical over the change in scenery of the world, distraught over the destruction and chaos.

Kenma leaned in his seat, fist over his mouth as he lifted his legs onto the chair. “They wouldn’t spoil the climax of the game, right? That was a lot… Hold on.” Kenma typed into his browser. “Got it. That dragon is Mayzuth, the same as at the end of the last game. But more in distress, injured. That scar on the eyes is new.”

Comments flooded in, all around the same tune of calling themselves dumb for not noticing or complimenting Kenma on his use of game knowledge and memory. He ignored it, though, glancing briefly and ducking into his shoulders. He replays the trailer again, looking for more clues in the flames.

“I may be wrong, but I think this place is supposed to be near the dense forest. Which is supposed to be the burial ground of the Biolor, the giant in the first game, whose decomposing body is why the forest is so dense. That place burning down is not great.” Kenma pauses momentarily, rewatching the trailer before turning to the chat. “That’s all I can piece together.”

<As if that isn’t the whole trailer> someone commented.

<ForestFire said the same thing!>

<I’ve got no idea>

Between each comment were several emotes, mostly of cats, which he ignored in favour of zeroing in on one comment.

ForestFire, though commonly just called Forest, Fire, even Flame, or just their name, was an avid Arcadia’s Inferno fan. One that quickly overtook Kenma in the category. He quietly huffed.

“Hey, this is my stream. You’re my fans; no talking about other streamers in my chat. I have your attention here.”

<Just watch their reaction!>

<Watch it! Watch it! Watch it!>

“I’ll do a poll. But you guys better not choose to watch someone else’s content.”

Of course, that’s precisely what they did. The pole was overtaken by an 80% vote to see ForestFire’s reaction. 

“I hate you all.” He switched over and, upon entering, was quickly greeted by ForestFire’s excitable chat.

“Oh, Kodzuken! Welcome! Everyone say hi.”

His chat flooded in as well.

“Ahh, you want to see my reaction? I’ll play it. Did anyone clip it?”

Soon enough, the slip was playing and just as his chat told him, Forest went on the same tangent he did, making the exact same predictions. He huffed.

Forest was knowledgeable about the series, and the predictions weren’t too far fetched, but even so, making the same guess made an annoying zing go off in his head. He grumbled, sending a quick and friendly response before returning to his stream.

“We are never doing that again.”

His chat teased him for being so shy.

You waited for Kodzuken to leave your stream before letting out a sigh of relief. The man carried silent intimidation as if he was criticising everyone he interacted with. You would watch his streams often in university, appreciating his soft voice as he played through your favourite game. It was an honour to be a sort of colleague to him. But it also made your heart ram against your lungs every time you came close to interacting. 

Sucking in a breath, you gave your chat a blown-out stare. “What the hell was that? I nearly died.”

<Literally? Yay!>

<Ooooooh Forest has a crushhhhh>

<theres worse ways to go>

“Chat, Ken is scary. And smart. Him popping into my chat and hardly saying anything gives me the spooks! No, stop shipping us!”

You sighed as a debate started about ship names, one that even your moderators decided to chime in on.

“I’m not going to encourage this.”

That only seemed to drive them further.

You wake up late the following day to a message from Uvo.

<Multiplayer game! You’re joining!>

Followed by a link to the game lobby.

You cringed.

<Dude. Why do you have to do this to me?>

<Trying to get you a social life>

You grumble and smack your fingertips against your keyboard.

<I have friends>

<ya, like 3>

< That’s good for me>

<Well, too bad, I already told everyone you were joining>

<Bro….. Whos gonna be there?>

<Me, you, Solarii, Tawny, Dust, X, Patty, and Ken>

<Kodzuken?>

You hoped it wasn’t.

<Yep!>

Fuck.

I hope I can make this mini-series actually good. - Bacon 

IT’LL BE AMAZING - Kiwi 

Posted: 07/05/2023

[sesamie]

Hey, hope you're good.

I just saw your post about ofmd. I used to love it too, but I hated the fans and I don't fuck w zionists so I'm out of that fandom now.

But one thing I didn't know was that the fans were racist. Do you mind me asking what they said/did that was regarded as racist? Or just something you can vaguely remember?

I'm just curious is all. I was never overly involved with the fanbase, so I never saw anything like that.

hi!! been trying to think for a while on how to answer this. i was under a lot of fire from ofmd fans for a little while so i decided to wait to answer it anyways. i want to disclaim that i'm a pretty white-passing ojibwe kid, meaning i'm native american; all my commentary on the anti-indigenous (and other) racism i saw in the ofmd fandom is not from a maori perspective, rather just a colonized indigenous one in general. there's also the topic of the historical characters portrayed in the show being slaveowners and this being entirely glossed over in the show - which i can't really effectively speak on, other than to say it's disgusting. there is a lot of good writing on media like hamilton and ofmd that just almost completely erase slavery, but i'm not really equipped to write about it.

anyways!!! most of my issues with other people in the ofmd fandom came from their treatment of the character ed teach. now i used to like taika waititi before all this nonsense cause he was an indigenous filmmaker and i'm indigenous and want to be a filmmaker and i thought it was neat that he did what he did. i was super excited to see a Very Popular Show have an indigenous lead whose character was actually indigenous not just ambiguously brown!! and so when i came to the ofmd fandom i sort of expected other people to feel the same - not the case, to say the least. i saw no shortage of white fans writing fic about stede "civilizing" ed (the actual word that most people used) and people writing essays on how ed is abusive and izzy hands was uniquely his innocent (white) victim, and giving white characters this level of grace that ed was not afforded. and i think (couldn't tell you whether this is still accurate as i haven't seen s2 and i never will) a theme of his character was meant to be moral complexity, only white fans can't handle a morally complex character of color, especially not an indigenous one with complex relationships to white characters that they liked better. all the meta i read about ed teach that was written by anyone who wasn't indigenous just completely ignored his indigeneity like it had nothing to do with his character's written place in the world, like any oppression or disrespect ed received was as a result of being poor, or being a pirate, or being (no joke) uniquely aggressive and prone to violence (thus deserving it).

this is just a surface level of the way people talked and wrote about ed teach - racism all over. then, if i or any other fan who was a poc tried to speak up about it, there'd be outcry of puritanism and not letting people have fun and being too sensitive and immature for a fandom space. (although, there's something almost poetically hilarious about me, a 17 yr old, being told i'm too immature, by the same 30 some year olds who are now putting all their money towards their slaveownder rpf show instead of a real cause, let's not get into that, though!) i've not been in a lot of fandoms in my life, i kind of prefer to just enjoy things by myself and tell my close friends about it, but i can confidently say that ofmd was the most racist fandom i've ever been in, and the most hostile to fans of color. (and i was a homestuck fan!!!!) for a show that tries to pride itself on diversity, and a (largely white) fanbase who thinks that Consuming the Diversity Show makes them a Morally Good Person, the way i and plenty of others were treated by holier-than-thou white ofmd fans is just appalling. it's the worst fandom i've ever ever been in, bar none!!! and i think going forward if i like something i'm probably just going to stick to myself about it, honestly.

[hamyilton]

I saw these tags and thought, I could say something more about that.

So, the following points and claims come from my experience within the F1 fandom, specifically the fanfiction community, which I have been reading and writing for over two years now. My hypothesis, or theory, is that one of the big reasons why the fandom characterization of Max is so skewed is because of the fanfic that was enormously popular called "fool's gold".

This fanfic established so many stereotypes and characterizations that have perservered to this day, including lestappen and the more broad treatment of Max. This fanfic presented Max as this traumatized victim who can do absolutely no wrong, while pitting him against Lewis who was written as this super villain who had the foresight to plot all these villainous plans in order to win championships and gain power. This fanfic played on many of the ideas from the 2021 season like painting the 2021 British GP crash between Hamilton and Verstappen as somehow pre-mediated (even going as far as feeding into the fictitious accounts that Max was severely hospitalized after the crash despite that being a routine procedure that happens whenever a certain G-force is registered) which, to anyone familiar with the rhetoric around that race, is remembered as a talking point over why Lewis was the most dangerous driver ever. Like, remember when Christian Horner said that no one can overtake at Copse Corner despite all the years of successful overtakes at that corner?

Anyway, this fanfic absolved Max of any aggression and problematic behavior in the 2021 season and instead created a false narrative that Max was a victim despite being in the faster car for most of the season, and all the racist shit he said, and also set up lestappen as this type of end-all ship that was destined to happen. Unsuspecting readers or people that did not watch the 2021 season could easily accept this as fact and thought Lewis was this uncaring person, a representative of the old "conservative" guard, instead of being the one person trying to improve F1 and make it better.

Also, as a side note, can I just say how wild it is that so many people have just accepted or internalized the idea that Max was abused, despite literally no evidence to prove this?? People have simply speculated that he was, based on a few comments and jokes he made, and now it's an entire tag on AO3. Like, even if he was mistreated by Jos, don't you think it's widely disrespectful to speculate on this and make this his entire characterization?? The entire basis of Max's character in "Fool's gold" is that he's this poor victim of Jos and all of his evil actions can be excused because of it, but like, wtf?? I'm sorry, but when does abuse excuse racism and ableism? Although I probs couldn't prove this definitively, I'm sure the popularity of "fool's gold" most likely caused many more lestappen fics to be written based on other authors being inspired and trying to ride on the popularity of the ship.

To summarize, certain fanfics were almost certainly responsible for the popular fandom characterizations of Max and people don't seem to realize these are based on speculation rather than fact. The poor treatment of Lewis in that work makes me quite uncomfortable, as he is clearly portrayed as a villain and against progress and making the only Black driver in your fanfic some kind of arch-villain feels particularly shitty.

[r3inventedd]

How to Master a Champion Ch. 5

Lewis Hamilton x Original Female Character 

Summary: Coming out of the 2021 season Lewis Hamilton has lost all faith in Formula 1 and its rules. He needs a reset, something or someone to make him trust again. Andy Masters has something to prove. She moved halfway around the world for a man only for it to fall apart within months. When an opportunity presents itself to get her life back on track, she takes it without question. But the job is nothing like imagined. 

Warnings: Asshole Lewis at first but he hold out for Soft Lewis / slow burn / co-workers / I know OC’s can be really annoying but give Andy a chance / if any real warning arise later I will update 

Author Note: This is also on AO3 but I figured I would put it here too. Thank you to all of you who read, you make my day x

Ch. 1 Ch. 2 Ch. 3 Ch. 4

Andy did not remember anything from the time she entered the elevator to the moment she met a shivering Marilynn on the rooftop balcony. Neither one spoke for a beat, unsure of what to say or where to start.

“Who else has seen it?” Andy blurted out.

“No one,” Marilynn let out a breath in what felt like the first time in the last ten minutes, “I saw it pop up on Toto’s email and deleted it immediately before forwarding it to you.”

Andy nodded with relief, “That’s good.”

“Andy, no part of this is good. Did you see who sent it? What else was in the document?”

Again she nodded, “A list of complaints about my behavior from Lewis. Apparently I am unprofessional, unintelligent, and power hungry to name just a few of the wonderful things he had to say about me.” Despite the cold, her face flushed with anger.

“How did he find this out? And when did this happen? Why were you arrested for assaulting someone, Andrea?” So many questions were running through Marilynn’s mind. This was the last thing she had ever expected to happen, especially with Andy.

Andy sunk against the wall, slowly falling to a sitting position. Anger, confusion, and shame made up her mind as she thought back to the day. It was not one she wanted to relive.

“I have no idea how he found it. All the charges were dropped within a day. I didn’t even think there would be a record of it,” she felt sick to her stomach.

“But what happened?” Marilynn joined her friend on the ground, her back to the window. She pulled her shawl tighter to her body to protect her from the cold.

Andy was not sure where to begin. It was the worst day of her life, at least she hoped she would never experience such an intense feeling of betrayal and despair again.

“When Ryan and I moved here, our relationship was not in a good place,” she paused to take a steadying breath, “We both knew that things were bad but I was so determined to make it work. Ryan had always complained that I didn’t put the same amount of time and effort in the relationship because of my job. Since I was unemployed, I decided to put the same amount of energy I put into work, into our relationship. So I played the role of the girl I thought he wanted. I went out for drinks and stayed until all hours of the night with the friends he made at work, only speaking when speaking when spoken to and saying all things I knew they’d want to hear. I always had dinner ready when he came home. I even asked his mom for the receipts of his favorite meals.” There was so much disdain and frustration in her voice, but Marilynn knew it was aimed at herself. “If he wanted to have sex, but I wasn’t in the mood I did it anyways. I did everything he liked and never complained when he didn’t reciprocate. I was slowly losing myself, but at least I wasn’t a ball of anxiety anymore.”

“Oh Andy, I had no idea,” Marilynn was ashamed she was not able to pick up on the signs earlier.

“I didn’t want anyone to know,” Andy shook her head vigorously, not wanting Marilynn to feel any guilt. “I was too embarrassed to admit that our relationship was crumbling before my eyes. But it really did get better for a while. One day, I even decided to surprise him at work with lunch for a picnic in the park across from his office. But when I got there, he was nowhere to be seen. I walked around his desk to his computer to check if he had a last minute meeting I did not know about. Instead I saw a reservation for two at a little Italian cafe just around the corner.”

Marilynn looked at her friend with sympathy, knowing what was coming next.

“I knew something was wrong. I knew that he was there with someone but I held on to the hope that it was just a business meeting with a colleague. But when I walked into the restaurant, I saw him with a woman I recognized from the pub we’d gone to earlier in the week. There was no mistaking why they were there. They were sitting on the same side of the booth, cuddled up, feeding their food to each other. When he kissed her, I honestly don’t remember doing what happened next. I think I blacked out.”

Marilynn fought the urge to shout What did you do?  

“The next thing I remember was standing in front of them with two plates in my hand. I must have grabbed two entrees from a waiter and dumped the food all over them. I remember the woman screaming at me as I turned around and walked out the door. Ryan came after me but there was nothing left and we both knew it. He told me he was sorry and I told him the same. That was the last time I saw him.”

Marilynn’s eyebrow reached her hairline, “But did you hit her?”

Andy shook her head no, “The bitch filed an assault charge for dumping the food on her. She claimed the marinara sauce burned her face,” Andy could not help the smirk on her lips, “I was called by the police to come to the station, but before I even got there I got another call that said the charges had been dropped. The next day I found a note from Ryan outside the apartment I eventually gave up that said he’d convinced her to drop the charges and she wouldn’t bother me again.”

Despite the horrible story, Marilynn let out a sigh of relief. She thought Andy had gotten into a horrible fight and beat the girl senseless.

“I’m so sorry that happened Andy, but this can be fixed. Clearly the girl was just being dramatic. No one would blame you for the way you reacted,” her heartbeat was slowing down to a normal pace. They could explain this. It was not a career ending offense.

Sitting next to her, Andy showed no signs of improvement. Marilynn tried to reassure her friend, “Ands, this is not the end of the world. Everyone will understand or honestly we don’t have to tell them. This is not a big deal.”

“Not a big deal?” Andy snapped, “Lewis clearly hired someone to dig up dirt on me so that Toto would have no choice but to fire me. And that list of complaints. I have no idea how I am ever supposed to form a functional working relationship with him now. And honestly, I’m not sure I want to.”

Marilynn felt panic taking hold of her chest, she reached for Andy’s hand. “Do not say that. Andy, you have not lost. That email will never reach Toto. Anyways, those complaints are completely unfounded. Anyone could see that.”

“It’s not about what other people think,” Andy raked a hand through her hair, “I don’t know if I can be in a room with that man, let alone work with him. He violated my privacy and I am not sure that is something I can forgive. “You don’t have to forgive him, you just have to tolerate him,” Marilynn pleaded.

“But at what cost?” Andy questioned, exasperated by the whole situation, “I’m barely sleeping and when I do, he’s there haunting me. I’m terrified to open my mouth around him, even breathe near him. And on top of it all, he wants me gone. Maybe I should do something to finally make him happy and just go home.”

Marilynn twisted herself to her eyes, flinching at the cold stone. She grabbed her friend’s shoulders, forcing her to look her in the eye, “You are not going to let him win. Do you hear me? He does not get to push out after everything you have done. I saw the presentation you put together for his sponsors. You absolutely killed it. You got seven major brands to change their contracts with zero stipulations in one meeting. You were made for this job, whether he likes it or not. At this point, I don’t give a flying fuck what makes him happy. I want to see you happy and thriving at this job. If I have to force happy pills into his stupid vegan smoothies I will. Do. Not. Let. Him. Win.”

Andy heard and appreciated everything her mentor said, but she needed time.

“Give me a night to process everything. I need to figure out what I want.”

Marilynn let go of Andy’s shoulders in defeat. She knew that there was nothing more she could say. Only time would tell if Andy was willing to persevere.

“Take the rest of the day off. I’ll clear it with Toto, make up an excuse about a family emergency or something. Let me know your decision tomorrow morning. I’ll respect whatever you decide.”

Andy nodded in thanks. The two women helped the other get to their feet. Marilynn gave her friend a reassuring smile that Andy could not bring herself to return.

Having nothing left to say, Andy left Marilynn on the balcony to go collect her things. On her way to her desk, much to her chagrin she ran into Toto. He was just exiting his office, no doubt on his way to another meeting. “Ah, Ms. Masters,” any hope that he would just smile and keep walking evaporating, “I heard about your presentation from Marilynn. I must say I’m very impressed.”

Andy gave him a smile that did reach her eyes.

“Have you told Lewis?”

Andy nearly flinched at the name, “Um not yet sir. He has a busy day. And actually I had a family emergency come up so I am going to leave a bit early.”

“I hope everything is alright,” concern flashing across his face. Guilt washed over her for lying to him.

“Yeah, I think it will be fine but I’ve got to help my mom figure a few things out. Help in any way I can across the world,” she shifted back and forth on her feet, wanting to end the conversation and get the hell out of the building as quickly as possible.

“Well take all the time you need. Tomorrow I’ll have Marilynn schedule a meeting between the three of us and Lewis so that you can deliver the news. I want to see the look on his face when he realizes that I was right about you all along.” Andy’s heart broke a bit inside her chest, thinking about the real possibility that she would not be there in the morning.

“Thank you for everything you’ve done for me, Mr Wolff. I appreciate it more than you know,” Andy said. It felt like a goodbye.

“Don’t mention it, yeah? Just thank me by getting our Champion ready for next season,” He gave her a quick wink before continuing on to his destination.

Andy felt tears pricking at her green eyes. She gathered her things as quickly she could, taking the stairs to avoid any more surprise encounters.

As she exited the building she saw Ed waiting for her. She silently thanked Marilynn for calling him. She was planning on walking all the way home if necessary.

She climbed into the car, trying to keep the tears from falling.

“Everything alright, Ms. Andy?” Ed questioned, peering at her through the rear view mirror.

“No,” she sniffed, not having any strength left to lie.

Ed was silent as he put the car in gear and began to drive. Andy stared out the window, watching the rain drops collect on the glass. She never much cared for the rain, but right now she was grateful for gray weather, not sure if she could stand the sunshine.

It was a good ten minutes before she realized that she did not recognize the buildings around her.

“Um, Ed? I thought you were going to take me home,” a spike of panic in her chest.

“Indeed I will,” he took a left turn down a narrow street, “but first I’m buying you a pint.”

…

The pub was small, covered in dark wood and local sporting memorabilia. Local soccer team jerseys were hung proudly alongside Mercedes racing kits. Andy did her best to avoid looking at anything that had to do with F1 as she sat next to Ed at the end of the bar.

Ed had just ordered two pints of beer, which he informed were both for her. Andy cracked a small smile at his generosity, but said nothing. She had no idea where to start and she was not sure she wanted to.

“Since it’s clear you’re not ready to tell me what ‘appened,” he gave her a sideways glance, “I’ll tell you about mine.” Andy was grateful to listen to someone else’s life for a change.

“It started off well, I picked up a charming las and took her to work,” And blushed as she took a large sip of beer, “But it all went to rubbish when I got a call but my son’s school letting me know the little bugger got into scrap with some other lads.”

Andy’s eyes widened in surprise while Ed sighed in clear disappointment.

“You do all you can to raise ‘em right but once they're out in the world, it’s up a creek from there. He’s been having some trouble with a particular bloke that always seems to tear the mick out of ‘im for anything he does. The kid always makes my boy the butt of the joke, embarrassin’ ‘im in front of all ‘is mates. According to Oscar, my boy, the cantankerous little knob was rippin into ‘im for getting friendly with a heavier girl in their year. I won’t go into detail as I’m in the presence of a lady, but the words he used were less than gentlemanly.”

Andy could imagine the horrible things a middle school aged boy could say. That had to be the worst time in every kid’s life.

“My boy was getting tired of listening to the sod go on and on about a young woman ‘e finds quite charming. So the boy decided to give ‘im a right pop in the eye. Of course, the rest of the lads joined in turning it into an all out brawl. The hormones running through these kids' bodies,” he shook with amazement, “It’s a wonder they survive it.”

“I think I barely did,” Andy commented, taking another sip of her drink.

“Only by the skin of our teeth,” Ed chortled, deep and full of mirth. “But I couldn’t just let the boy off without giving him a good talking to. Violence is not to be tolerated in my house.”

“Here, here,” Andy raised her glass in solidarity.

“So I sat ‘im down and I said to ‘im ‘Oscar, you got to learn ‘ow to rise above all the rubbish.’ The lad has got to learn that there ain’t nothin we can do about ‘ow other people treats. All we can do is control the way we deal with it. If we all let one rotten egg control our life, every single one of us would get nowhere real fast,” Ed studied Andy as she shifted uncomfortably before finishing off her first drink, going right to the second. She found the story fit a bit too much with her own situation.

“Ye’ can take it easy on that brew, darlin,” Ed said, a bit bewildered by her large gulps. “It ain’t gonna run off.”

Andy set down the glass, a bit self-conscious of her ability to down a beer.

“Sorry, it’s just been a very long day and that story hits a bit too close to home.”

“Call it a father’s intuition,” He gave her a knowing look, waiting for her to elaborate.

Andy sighed, feeling like she owed it to him after he bought her two drinks.

“I’ve got a bit of a bully myself,” she looked at Ed to see if she could stop there. Raised an eyebrow waiting for her to continue, “It’s actually my boss. From the moment he saw he, was determined to hate me. Which sucked, but I was working through it. Trying to see it from his perspective and have a little empathy for his situation. I spent the last week working on a deal that would keep him from losing some very lucrative deals and it was all for nothing.”

“And why is that?”

“He went behind my back and hired someone to look into my past for anything remotely fire-able. Even accompanied the evidence with a dissertation on why I am utterly incompetent at my job. He can’t fire me himself so he’s doing everything he can to make it impossible for the company to keep me.”

Now it was Ed’s turn to be speechless. “And I know that I should just let roll of my shoulders but I don’t know how the hell I am supposed to be in the same room with him, let alone work for the fuck. Excuse the language.”

“Why do you feel the need to let it ‘roll off your shoulders’?” Ed questioned. Andy took another long chug of her beer.

“Because it’s the opportunity of a lifetime with a company I could have only dreamed of working with,” Andy explained as if it were obvious.

“But you ‘ave to keep working the bugger?” he asked. Andy nodded her head ruefully, fighting the urge to band her head against the wooden bar. “Well Ms. Andy, not that you need my advice, but you should kiss that place goodbye.”

“What?” She was not expecting such a blunt response.

“Clearly that sod is out to get ya.”

“Well yea, but don’t you think I should stick it out to prove to him and myself that I can do it?” This was not the victory pep talk she’d anticipated.

“Why? Just to be miserable for the sake of money?” Ed retorted.

“Because I know that I can do it! Because I’m tired of letting other people dictate my life. Because I did not leave everything behind just to go home empty handed with my tail between my legs.” Andy was growing frustrated with the driver. How could he tell her to give up so easily?

“So it’s for pride?” Ed watched with a skeptical eye.

“No! Well maybe a little. But mostly because I genuinely believe that I can help get him back on track and help him be better than he’s ever been. I know there’s good in there somewhere, I just have to find it.” Andy said in defiance.

It took more time than she would care to admit to realize the knowing smile on Ed’s face was due to the satisfaction of getting Andy give herself the pep talk she needed.

“Oh that was some Jedi shit, Ed.”

Ed gave a great big laugh before ordering one last beer for her and a soda for himself. As she laughed from a joke he made so hard that she nearly snorted her ale, she found herself thanking the universe for bringing her so much pain so that she could meet the man that redirected the course of her life.

…

The rain and gloomy skies had given way to a brilliant blue sky as Lewis walked into the Mercedes office with a spring in his step. He had yet to hear anything back from Toto, but considering that Andy was nowhere to be found the previous afternoon he assumed it had all gone according to plan. He blamed Toto’s pride for the lack of response to the information he sent to him. He did not mind. In fact the fact that his friend and boss was too angry to respond made the victory all the more sweet.

He greeted the receptionists at the front desk with a wide grin. Telling the brunette how lovely she looked in red. Nothing would ruin his day.

“Morning Russell,” announcing his presence to the younger driver leaning against the wall scrolling through his phone.

“Morning, Hamilton,” George replied, looking up in surprise from his phone.

“It’s a beautiful day isn’t it? So much potential in the air,” Lewis smiled to himself as he waited for the elevator.

George's eyes narrow in confusion, puzzled by his teammate’s sudden change in demeanor. The way Lewis was smiling to himself did not offer any comfort.

Once the elevator doors opened, Lewis stepped inside holding his hand in front of the door to keep them from closing. “You coming?”

George shook his head no, “I’m waiting for Andy. Thanks though.”

Lewis’s forehead crinkled in confusion, “What for?”

“We always meet each other in the morning now. She brings me coffee,” he said matter of factly. The lines in Lewis’s forehead deepened deeply bewildered at the statement. He had never noticed the two of them together, certainly not that they had developed a morning ritual. It irked him in a way that he did not understand

“Well,” he prevented his train of thought from going any further, “I’m afraid you’ll be waiting for a long time mate.”

Before George could ask him what he meant, Lewis let the doors close and take him to the third floor. Per usual, his day was to start with training. He would have normally driven with Angela, but she had to spend the morning with her family. Lewis did not mind, knowing that she already sacrificed so much of her time for the sake of his fitness everyday.

He exited the elevator and made his way to drop off his things at his locker. He smiled at everyone he passed. The surprise on everyone’s faces was not lost on him. He knew that he had been somewhat unsavory since the end of last season.

It was never his intention to let his personal feelings seep into the rest of his life, but the pressure he’d been feeling was crushing him. Every person that spoke to him either treated him with pity or satisfaction at him finally being dethroned. Walking into Mercedes for the first time since contemplating retirement was one of the hardest moments of his life. All eyes were on him, waiting with bated breath to see when he would crack. He could not stand it.

When he learned that Toto had brought in an outside person to “work with him,” it made him feel like a broken toy in need of fixing. Then to see that she was so young and inexperienced, it felt like a slap in the face. Not only did he need constant supervision, in people’s eyes, he was such a lost cause they were willing to take a chance on a girl who could not handle the pressure of Formula One. If he needed anyone, it was someone with a backbone.

A smirk found its way onto his lips when he remembered that the little problem had been taken care of and he was ready to focus on getting into the best racing shape of his life.

A voice from the back of his mind reminded him that he still had to answer to his sponsors, would need to start coordinating all of his own meetings and events, find care for Roscoe when he was too busy, book his own flights, and deal with the press all by himself. A tightness in his chest began to form, but he pushed it away deciding that a run would help clear his head.

But that voice was not going away no matter how loud he made his music. He needed help. I wonder how that could have been solved, the voice taunted. Shut it .

[batlingsstuff]

|| DREAM SMP HEADCANONS ||

✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

hello! this is my first time doing headcanons, and i just want to clarify some things:

sadly, i won't be doing requests because i'm busy af with school and i dont want to dissapoint anyone, but you can drop some suggestions and i would think about it! it would be really nice :)

also i won't be writing romantic headcanons for minors or those who are uncomfortable with it, but i can do platonic headcanons for them! ^^

i won't be doing nsfw headcanons either, because i'm uncomfy with sexualizing real people and just writing nsfw in general :)

also, please tell me if someone is uncomfortable with fanfics and/or headcanons and i will erase that part as fast as possible, thanks for passing by! - batling

✦ means platonic

✦ characters : ranboo, tubbo, tommy, philza, techno and jschlatt

♥ means romantic

♥ characters: quackity, wilbur, nihachu, dream, george, sapnap, eret, karl, fundy and bbh

keywords:

(y/n) : your name

(n/n) : nickname

(p/p) : pizza place

✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

“As he read, I fell in love the way you fall asleep: slowly, and then all at once.” – John Green

┌────── ⋆⋅✦⋅⋆ ──────┐

SLEEPOVERS

---

GENDER NEUTRAL

└────── ⋆⋅✦⋅⋆ ──────┘

♥ Quackity

oh boy

i just have two words for this one: pure chaos

he will punch you with a pillow if you try to sleep

and you will be MAD at this

grabbing a pillow and hitting him RIGHT IN THE FACE with all your strenght

he'll probably fake cry about it, saying that you hurt him

after a while of pillow fighting, you guys got tired and plopped into the bed, snuggling into eachother and just enyoing the comfortable silence before drifting to sleep

♥ Wilbur

you two will probably blast hamilton and scream the lyrics till the neighbours wake up and you get angry knocks at your door

and you will laugh at that, lowering the speaker's volume and telling him to lower his voice aswell to avoid your neighbours calling the police

then you'll eat snacks and talk about anything that pops into your mind, laughing at the most silly jokes

he will sing sweet songs to you, making you fall asleep to his calming voice

summary: fluff

♥ Nihachu

you and her will bake pastries at a very late hour

she REALLY enjoys baking with you bc she thinks it's a great way to spend time with you

all this girl wants is to spend her time by your side, doing particularlly anything like streaming, baking, playing games and going outside for a walk and/or shopping

once you finished baking, she will kiss your cheek multiple times. that's her way to tell you that you did a great job :)

you'll spend the rest of the night cuddling, eating your pastries and watching some random movie, commenting about how bad it is and laughing

♥ Dream

bruh

this bitch will speedrun the sleepover

is it possible to speedrun a sleepover? maybe

you'll spend the rest of the night probably playing uncharted 3: drake's deception in his old ps3

after a while, you guys got bored from uncharted and went to his pc to play amnesia: the dark descent

there are 2 options:

you will be scared as fuck and will avoid looking at the screen when you think something bad will happen or when some body will come out from a drawer

or you will be totally chill with it, laughing hard when clay pisses his pants for real when he encounters the gatherer

you named the gatherer 'bob' :)

♥ George

he'll take you to the rooftop

and pushes you so you fall to your death

i mean

he gets blankets and pillows so you can stargaze together

he'll teach you the constelations while pointing them, excited about every single one of them

"look (y/n), that's the ursa major!"

he'll have hot chocolate prepared too, so you don't get cold while stargazing

you try your best to not fall asleep on the rooftop

but eventually fail

when he notices you're asleep, he stops talking about the constellations and carries you to your bedroom, giving you a goodnight kiss and leaving you in your bed so you can have a peaceful rest

♥ Sapnap

hey mamas

i don't know what sapnap will do in a sleepover so i will just improvise B)

you will watch anime together

not any kind of anime, like that romance-comedy bullcrap

no fuck that

you will watch the classy angsty anime like madoka magica

WATCH IT IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY

you will fucking cry because of literally anything that happens to the characters

"(y/n) why are you crying it's just a show"

'IT'S NOT ANY SHOW SAPNAP IT'S FUCKING MADOKA MAGICA OF COURSE I'M GOING TO CRY'

the last chapter made you fucking cry harder

AUTHOR HERE I WAS CRYING SO MUCH WHEN IT ENDED

yeah you will basically watch anime with him, cry about it and he will comfort you and bring you a glass of water so you don't have a terrible headache after it

I KNOW THIS HEADCANON SUCKED I'M SO SORRY

♥ Eret

KINGG <3

you two will plan a picnic in your yard

yes your yard

he'll bring a ton of snacks and you'll buy a few drinks

you two spend the rest of the picnic talking about your future and enjoying the snacks

then, he'll make you stand up and will teach you how to dance tango

and of course you will mess everything up

and you even stomped on his feet accidentally, making him wimper

but he brushed off the pain and laughed at your concerned face

after calming down his laughter, he gave you a passionate kiss and hugged you tightly

i love eret ok

♥ Karl Jacobs

this man.

this man is the definition of sweet

you'll spend the night cuddling and making cute pet names for eachother

he will definetely give you a great back massage if you're stressed

then he'll start writing love letters full of things he adore of you

and you'll do the same for him

after that, you will share your letters and just snuggle and smile at the sweet things you guys wrote for eachother

he will deffo shower you with kisses when he finishes reading your letter, telling you that you're the nicest person on earth

and that he loves you so so much

♥ Fundy

i'm a huge fundy simp ok

he will bring his piano to your house and you guys will compose a melody together

he will let you sit on his lap while you play the piano/keyboard with him

fundy will basically teach you how to play basic piano songs

you asked him if you guys could play megalovania together

he said no :(

but still you got to play nice songs together without messing up

and when you got the hang of it, he snuggled his face in your neck and kissed you there genly

and when you got tired, he started playing very calming songs and you fell asleep in his lap, snuggling into his chest

he gently carried to your room and will sleep beside you putting a fair distance so you can have a comfortable sleep!

♥ BadBoyHalo

bbh supremacy

he will get rat ready so you can snuggle with her too :)

you guys will mainly play with rat and talk about life in general

he will call you tons of cute pet names

ofc he will call you muffin it's bbh who we're talking about

he will talk about how bad he wants to spend the rest of his life with you

after a while, he will take you to his kitchen and start making muffins together

he will guide you on how to bake 'em though

you guys had a great time making muffins and cuddling with him and rat :)

══════ ∘◦❀◦∘ ══════

✦ Ranboo

tall mf gives the best piggy back rides

when he gets to your house there is a 100% chance he will bump his head on the door frame

and there is a 100% chance you will make fun of him because of that

"(y/n) please stop laughing my head hurts :("

you'll give him some ice to put on his head while you two play minecraft on your ps4

you will bring snacks too and ask him if his head is better

"yeah, thank you (n/n)"

he will pull you in a hug so you can be comfy together while you play good ol' minecraft

because ranboo surely doesn't play anything besides fucking minecraft

stfu that video of him playing spooky's jump scare mansion doesn't exist

✦ Tubbo

SWEET BE BOYY <3

he will gift you a bee plushie

expect a lot of (FRIENDLY) hugs from him

like fundy, you guys will play piano together

you guys are most likely to prank call some random numbers AND your friends

and you accidentally called some random pizza place

"hello! this is (p/p), may i take your order?"

you were nervous and didn't know what to say

UNTIL YOU CAME UP WITH A GREAT IDEA

"hello? are you there?"

'hi yes, i would like to order 7 extra large pepperoni pizzas to (tommy's adress).'

"oh- okay! uhm- they will arrive in a few hours. are you okay with that?"

'yes ma'am, thank you.'

when you ended the call, you couldn't help but burst out laughing, knowing that tommy will be so mad at you guys-

✦ Tommy

like quackity, PURE. CHAOS.

you guys will obviously stream your sleepover

doing a q&a stream :)

tubbo and wilbur will probably crash your stream and start spamming things like 'MEETUP??' and 'DIDN'T GET AN INVITE'

you guys laughed and added them to the call

"WHY THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU GUYS INVITE ME?" wilbur shouted

'i'm sorry willlll'

you kept playing minecraft with wilbur, tubbo and quackity too since he crashed your stream like an hour later

after the stream, you got up and plopped on the mattress that was on the floor

"tired?"

'yeah'

"okay, good night big (initial)"

✦ Philza

POG

YEAHHH SLEEPOVER WITH THE MINECRAFT GOD

AND KRISTIN'S THERE TOO :)))

and oh god you ADORE kristin

i'm pretty sure she's a total sweetheart

it would be like having a sleepover with your parents

only that it's less boring

you guys will watch a movie together, you will be in one side of the couch eating snacks while phil and kristin are in the other cuddling

you'll eventually bug them about it

after the movie, you fell asleep early and philza noticed, talking to kristin about it too

and wrapped a blanket around you so that you get a good rest :)

✦ Technoblade

mr. blood god teaches you the arts of the CRAFT.

yeah i mean it's techno what else does he play besides minecraft

he will play bedwars w/ u, teaching you how to pvp

"bro you kinda suck tbh"

'stfu techno'

he will comment about how bad you are, but tries to help you get better anyways

and when you do a very poggers gamer move, he praises you

and when he praises you you're all :)))

after awhile, he gets tired from watching you play minecraft and suggest watching anime

fucking weeb

i mean

uh

other thing you guys do together in a sleepover is playing and commenting about pokemon

if you don't like pokemon get tf out of here /J

i was joking please don't leave i respect your tastes

✦ Jschlatt

ooooh boy

get ready for a session of wii training

that's all you guys will do

play wii sports and some other shit like wii music

he will laugh his ass of if you fall while playing wii fit

but he will eventually help you bc outside his funny and shouty persona, he's a really chill guy and a really nice person!

seriously like have you ever seen a theweeklyslap video?

well expect hearing amazing pep talks from him

bc this man is a legend and knows his way to words and is very good at comforting people :)

sometimes you'll rant to him about anything that's happening in your life, and he will listen to you and give you really helpful advice

and you appreciate him so much for that

✧─── ･ ｡ﾟ★: *.✦ .* :★. ───✧

TYSM FOR READING GUYS, i appreciate it if you made it this far :)

i hope you guys really enjoyed these headcanons, it's my first time doing them and aa i'm a bit nervous about posting this but i'll be fine ig

also i'm sorry if there's a grammatical error, english is not my native language and i'm still learning it :) have a nice day/night, drink water and don't fuck up your sleeping schedule!!

[reedbstranger]

“Enjoy Hamilton 2.0 these people were terrible irl!” Major differences here from a former Hamilton weirdo: Hamilton was trying to tell the actual history of the real people presented in a modern context, tried to be factual about the events. LMM read one of the most highly regarded biographies of Hamilton and wrote a musical based on it. People assumed that because the events were historically accurate and there were footnotes in the script book for what *wasn’t* true or accurate, the historical figures were truthfully portrayed instead of becoming characters.

OFMD is a historical “what if?” show about the Gentleman Pirate and Blackbeard that started with a handful of truths and then threw most of it out the window, didn’t even make the ages and timing right for most of the other characters (we’ve all seen by now that Israel Hands was 17 and Calico Jack wasn’t an active pirate until after Blackbeard died, right?). I don’t think anyone’s under any illusion that the show that treats getting in a rowboat as an ocean fast travel is getting many facts right. Maybe it’s just where I’ve landed on ofmd fandoms but I don’t see people posting about “oh my god this is so funny look at what Blackbeard did!!” and drawing that fanart the way we were about Hamilton, especially Jefferson. Fuckin macaroni.

Anyways, OFMD fans aren’t Hamfans 2.0 cuz they don’t think that knowing everything about a show makes them experts on a particular piece of history

[gaysails]

Thank you for gay flint posting. Like sorry that a gay man may have an affair with a woman who is in some ways functionally his boss’s wife for reasons outside romantic/sexual attraction. Sorry that a gay man would have sex with a woman as a way to seek physical/emotional intimacy because there is like no where else to get it because he’s been in a depressive spiral for ten years. Sorry that the showrunners and actors say he’s gay and that Eleanor is bi and that silver has an ambiguous sexuality because they actually put care into understanding and writing their characters on the show that is praised by fans for Understanding and Writing Their Characters. This isn’t supernatural sometimes writers actually know wtf they’re saying when they say things. Anyways.

I had to read that second sentence a few times ghdgjhjfkdg I mean I don't think there was any ulterior motive in flint initially having sex with miranda? or that he was afraid of consequences if he were to reject her? if that's what the implication there is? I really think it's that he has never met anyone before the hamiltons who he connected with on such a deep fundamental level (intellectually, emotionally, etc) and that carriage scene is him thinking "oh maybe THIS is what it's supposed to feel like when you love a woman and want to sleep with her. maybe I solved it." steinberg also said that flint had been with other men but that thomas was the first man he had a proper relationship with, so I do think flint knows at that point that he gets pleasure out of sex with men (he's a career navy man ffs!) even though he sees it as a dirty secret and not something based in any kind of genuine affection. I think that's what he's craving deep down and what he thought he might have found in miranda at first before realizing that it was actually thomas he wanted. but certainly we can all agree that SPN Could Never

[sagebaileyspeaks]

In the Heights, Colorism, and the Legacy of Lin Manuel Miranda

The last few days Twitter has been ablaze with discourse about the lack of Afro-Latinx representation in In the Heights. And while I am just another voice on the internet who no one asked an opinion from, I’m going to give it out anyway.

I think the backlash that Lin is getting is uncalled for. 

And before I proceed any further, I want to be clear about which backlash I’m talking about. I will never tell anyone that they don’t deserve to be seen and feel represented--I’m sure if the Black Panther trailer had come out and it was a majority light-skinned cast, we all would’ve felt some type of way--HOWEVER, what I am 100% not for is all the insults directed specifically at Lin and his work. 

Over the weekend, I saw people say he was anti-Black, racist, that he didn’t show support for Black Lives Matter (which he did many times tweeting out the names of those who had been killed by police, talking about how he was against police brutality, making a video specifically saying that Hamilton was his responsibility and that his production supported the movement) and more laughably, that Hamilton was a bad piece of theater and that Lin himself was not only a terrible person but a terrible writer. Have whatever feelings you have about the issue of colorism--but to say “The Room Where It Happens,” “Satisfied,” and “Wait For It,” are not exceptional pieces of music is just petty. 

Criticism of the movie has stemmed from the fact that none of the lead roles were dark-skinned or Afro-Latinos. The leads of the musical are Usnavi (and that role was always going to Anthony Ramos), Sonny, Benny, Nina and Vanessa. I consider the salon ladies secondary, but that’s just me and here’s how I feel about it.

Personally, as someone who is Black/Filipino, given the narrative of the musical, I always thought that not having any dark-skinned or Black characters in the main cast was intentional to drive home the prejudice of Nina’s father who doesn’t accept Benny because he’s not Latino. In those two roles specifically, that narrative point doesn’t work if Benny is actually Latino and Nina is Afro-Latina. It would defeat this point. Now granted, in the movie for some reason they drop this from the story (it was one of the cons I mentioned in my review) so in this version Nina could’ve been Afro-Latina and really, Vanessa could’ve been as well (I thought Karen from the original production was but she’s not) and wanting to see more representation from those two characters is completely valid. 

Now, I can’t speak for John Chu who really put his foot in his mouth over the weekend (although I will say that I also don’t agree with the issue of not casting South Asians in Crazy Rich Asians. If anyone who brings this up had read any of the books, they’d know that that is a major plot point. These people are classist and colorist. They want all of their children to have fair skin, they look down on those who aren’t. I mean this very literally when I say that it wouldn’t have made sense in this specific case because if the family would’ve had no problem with South Asians, they wouldn’t have had a problem with Nick’s girlfriend being American Chinese) and really, I can’t speak for Lin--I don’t know the guy. 

However, when I look at In the Heights as a stage musical and as a movie, I don’t see something that was written to maliciously exclude Afro-Latinos. I am not Latino, so maybe I don’t have the right to speak on it, but every time I’ve listened/seen the show, I always walked away feeling happy for the Latino community because it felt like a celebration of who they are and in this sense, if something is supposed to be a celebration of your community and you are not represented I 100% understand feeling slighted but I don’t agree with coming for the man’s career, questioning his integrity and basically calling him a piece of shit. 

I also don’t agree with saying the apology was bullshit--either we want people to grow or we don’t. Either people can fuck up and work towards being better people or they can’t. So unless you’re expecting everyone to come out the womb, knowing exactly what to do with a perfect moral compass and knowledge of how to navigate through these things then it’s a little baffling for you to say you’re upset about something, be given an apology and a promise to do better, and then say, “That’s not good enough.” 

But again, this is just my long two cents about the situation. 

[beautifulsnake2162020]

Ikevamp headcanons after watching Hamilton

Quick disclaimer: Yes I know this is a show about people who had owned slaves and slavery is bad. Having said that there's a reason why we suspend disbelief for a couple of hours and just allow ourselves to be swept into the story. I also love Phantom of the Opera but I also am aware that this is a story that involves an abusive and toxic relationship. The point is that I am aware that there are problems that needs to be discussed, but I still love the music, the story and the shows okay. This is just fan content not meant to be taken seriously and is just for fun. Okay? Now let's proceed.

I'll be doing Will and Arthur first since I'm currently doing Shakespeare's route and was inspired to do this after MC watches Romeo and Juliet with Vincent and I was wondering how Will would react to watching Hamilton. And Arthur is here because he is my husband/main lover. I might do Mozart and Napoleon next.

SPOILER ALERT: For anyone who hasn't seen the Disney Plus version of Hamilton, there might be some spoilers here (unless you already saw the show or know the story that is).

General Scenario:

You don't know how but Le Comte was able to get the filmed version of Hamilton, a musical which you've told Sebastian that you've been dying to see but was never able to because tickets were always sold out and entering the lottery was going to be a little too expensive for someone who lives in Japan and who doesn't exactly have the money or the time to simply fly to New York if in case she won. You were also excited because apparently Le Comte was able to modify the 21st century tech room that you use for your online classes and was able to get a wide screen and high quality surround sound which made you appreciate his efforts. A part of you was also curious as to how the other residents would react. You were scared that some of them might take offense, especially Napoleon who knew one of the characters in the show in real life. Would they react weirdly for seeing people different from them portray people that they knew? You were also wondering if they might even appreciate some of the 21st century slang that you and Sebastian would sometimes slip back into whenever it was just the two of you alone. After talking it out with everyone and explaining a few more things (like how its probably going to be different since it is a series of captured pictures-or at least that's your closest analogy- being played super fast with the synchronized sound of the actors- or what you were almost tempted to call "Techno Magic") during a dinner in which Shakespeare had decided to be present in, they were actually interested in what this show is about. Napoleon convinced you that he's fine and actually someone else playing Lafayette might even help with the suspension of disbelief since its been awhile since he has last met him anyway. Will even mentioned that while he has read and heard about stories from America, this is probably going to be the first story or production he's going to see from it. The only one who showed any hesitation - to no one's surprise - was Mozart, since he is attached to the kind of music he is familiar with (aren't we all?). But after prodding from both Jean, Le Comte and you giving him the puppy eyes, he finally relents. The day comes when everyone was once again free and for practicality everyone decided to have a meal first so that they won't be hungry during the show and also for you, Le Comte, and Sebastian to explain a few things everyone else may need to know to truly appreciate the show (like how the Presidential system and elections worked during the setting, what the word "Rewind" means, what is beatboxing, etc). So finally everyone gathered into the tech room after the meal, the lights were dimmed and once everyone was settled, you hit play. And as self-predicted of you, you find yourself crying in the end.

William Shakespeare (I'm still doing his route so please don't hate me if I get him wrong. Also no spoilers please).

- He was a bit shocked at first by how exactly up close you could see the facial expressions of the actors as well as the various ways it would cut to another person. He could now understand why you struggled with trying to explain how its played in a theatre but not exactly like the theatrical experience. But as you saw in your periphery, by the time Philippa Soo sings her first line, Will had already adjusted and allowed himself to be an audience and shut off his director and actor mindset (for the most part at least).

- While he didn't specialize in musicals, he found himself paying attention to the story of "the ten dollar founding father without a father." He knows how music could help both the actors and the audience in succumbing to their emotions in a scene and to suspend disbelief from reality. In his productions the words are not overwhelmed by any score but rather complemented to bring out the emotion he wants to evoke and for actors to show. Since many parts of the show has been influenced by the spoken word style without completely removing it from being sung, he has become enlightened with how powerful a show can be when it is done right.

- He not only enjoyed the story (especially the flow of it) and the production (especially some of the more technical details that the other residents hadn't noticed as far as a stage production is concerned), he loved that even the ensemble members had good acting and some of the onstage humor. One of the meta things he enjoyed was the obvious reference to his most superstitious work.

- Once you've seen how he loves analyzing the technical details of the production, you excitedly tell him about a special member of the ensemble who is known as "The bullet" among fans of the show. You could see him being enlightened as he watches the show with you again (this time with just the two of you) and he now sees "the bullet" and the way she interacts with the characters in a whole different light. He was so impressed with this idea that he may have adapted it into one of his new original plays (its not a copy paste of Hamilton's "bullet" but he definitely adapted assigning a member of the ensemble to have a special role that may not be significant at first, but he heavily notes that this member would have to be unique in interacting with any of the other characters).

- He didn't know what to expect from a 21st Century production but he found himself impressed with the prose and writing of various raps and songs. His favorite from Act 1 in terms of rhyme schemes was "Right Hand Man" and from Act 2 it was Jefferson's rap in "Washington by your side". And after settling down a bit his favorite emotional parts were "History has its eyes on you", "Hurricane", and "It's quiet uptown".

- He was impressed with how the double roles was given and how it actually is true for both of their roles in both acts. Ambiguity is one of his favorite things to have in a work, and he gives props to Lin for all the ambiguity he later realizes was in several parts of the show. If he and Arthur had been a little bit more closer, they probably would have bonded over the ambiguity Hamilton's comma in his letter to Angelica (see kids, grammar matters).

- A part of his brain wonders how the real life Hamilton would react to this and if him and Burr would still be enemies. But after some thinking he decides its not worth his efforts of asking anyone to bring them back since a wonderful production of their life has already been made even if it may not necessarily reflect who they truly are. He of all people knew what it's like to be inspired by great figures, it was fortunate that Lin Manuel Miranda decided to make a show about them before he had the chance to.

- You explain that in America Hamilton is one of the lesser known founding fathers of their nation and how it may be because his political opponents later on became Presidents and therefore was able to form the narrative. He becomes inspired by it and begins to search out people or stories who are hidden gems who may not be historically famous but had much more interesting stories than some of the ones he has heard of.

- Afterwards once you are sure that he has gotten comfortable enough with the genre you show him various videos of people rapping to his works and his reactions range from impressed to amused to "that's not what I mean when I wrote that" and you had to calm him down and explain that they can't hear him anyway after he started giving serious critiques on what the text means.

Arthur Conan Doyle

- While he was knowledgeable about many things, America's founding fathers was not one of them. He along with the other residents have gotten used to any rumors or exaggerated accounts of their lives and you and Sebastian have already warned that this is just a fictionalized production of the real person. As a writer of some historical fiction books he argued that he of all people was aware that any work based on history will speak more about the creators rather than the actual people they are writing about most of the time. He was nevertheless interested as to why you have become fascinated with the treasury secretary (and maybe it was with a twinge of jealousy that you began to expressly show admiration to another man even if he wasn't among the residents in the mansion). After all unlike many other residents of the mansion, on the surface it seemed that Hamilton was similar to Theo who mainly played a supporting but crucial role to his brother. He was thankful that you didn't hold it against him and was comforted that you were in a similar place. You even told him that the only thing you really knew about Hamilton before listening to the soundtrack and watching "Animatics" was that he was in the ten dollar American bill.

- And as someone who has delved into writing historical fictions, this was probably one of the most entertaining productions about a historical figure he has seen. He's going to be honest with you in that at first he was wondering if revealing Burr shot Hamilton in the opening was going to hinder him from enjoying the show; but he was pleasantly surprised that this was not the case at all. As a matter of fact it now made him want to find out who the real Hamilton was (although a part of him doubts if the real Hamilton had any regrets at all). According to him, this is why as a fictionalized historical work, the show is a success because it makes you want to find out more about the events and figures of the story (even if it means looking at darker realities that they did). And while the real Hamilton may be a lot different from what was shown, with all the things he went through and all the things he has done (for better or worse), he now wonders why exactly Le Comte hadn't approached him since he seems to be no better or worse than the average resident ("He and Newt could probably discuss mathematics all day."). You then explained that his political rivals (Jefferson and Madison from the show, and Monroe who wasn't shown in the musical) had later on become Presidents and was able to shape the narrative away from Hamilton. "Ron Chernow made Hamilton's biography because he was the lesser known founding father who was fading into obscurity among Americans and Lin read the book and recognized the story of someone who has risen through his writings. And to Lin that was also the story of hiphop." While he wasn't involved in politics as much as Hamilton was, Arthur had enough experience to know what it feels like to have those kinds of people in power. He also knows just how powerful it is to be in "the room where it happened" and how sometimes the real decisions weren't being made in an office but rather in either a private party or the right bar when people in power had their guard down and were more susceptible to being influenced.

- He could relate a lot with Hamilton on many things that he's only comfortable allowing either you or Theo to see. From being just so much more aware of death's inevitability coming for every living thing to survivor's guilt even though a part of him knows its irrational (but sometimes the emotional nonsense just overtakes our perspectives and actions). It's why he could understand Hamilton's need to write as much as he can before he dies. It's why for a time in his human life he had deviated from writing about Holmes and ventured into other genres. He could also relate to the need to prove what type of person he was, and how to go beyond his tragedies to serve people in their own ways. Hamilton did it as a soldier and the creator of America's financial system. And he is doing it as an informally practicing doctor and as a writer. It's a need that he's trying to mitigate since you've repeatedly told him that he doesn't need to prove anything to you or to anyone and to write whatever he pleases. But he also can't deny that it's still somewhere lodged in the back of his head.

- Just like William Shakespeare, in terms of the wordplay found in rap and the ambiguity present in the show and how those things were executed made him amazed and momentarily speechless. He was especially fanboying about "The comma after dearest" and how this essentially shows how important grammar was. It went to the extent that afterwards whenever he would write to you he would address you either as "My dearest, Y/N" or "My darling, Y/N" with special emphasis on the comma (sometimes you could see how there's more ink in the comma than some of the actual words. That's how much he wants to emphasize that you hold the title of dearest or darling). And you excitedly share with him some of the trivia knowledge of the show (like how in real life it was Angelica who originally made the comma mistake by writing to Hamilton as "My dear, sir" in one of her letters and it was Hamilton who was asking her what the comma means and even replied with "Ma chere, soeur") and how Angelica really did reference the Icarus metaphor in one of her letters to Eliza. And even though he wasn't a major musical nerd (he sang for fun), he would now join you in watching Howard Ho's Hamilton videos musically analyzing Hamilton (and would probably try to find a way to use this knowledge to annoy Mozart in some way).

- Speaking of music: Maybe it's because he's biased in his love for you but aside from Sebastian he's probably the one who has no qualms about the hiphop genre and was immediately into the various wordplays that rapping allowed. And because of this his favorite characters in terms of rapping are the ones played by Daveed Diggs (probably more than Hamilton himself even though you've explained that Lin is the one who wrote the whole thing). He even adapts to how Daveed as Jefferson would say Isaac's third law and incorporated it into his "let's tease Newton" kit. That's when you know he really loves Daveed Diggs ("Every action has an equal opposite -" "WILL YOU PLEASE STOP SAYING IT THAT WAY?! I didn't mind the first few times but this is ridiculous Arthur" "It must be nice, it must be nice to have a Newton on your side"). And his favorite character emotionally was Angelica (her raps in Schuyler Sisters and Satisfied may have helped).

- Speaking of the Schuyler Sisters, after watching it with you another time (this time with just the two of you) one of his favorite things to say is that you've got the best of all three sisters within you (Angelica's wittiness and intelligence, Eliza's cares for the more important things in life, and Peggy's humor) with the sexiness of Maria Reynolds. But because he sees all 4 of them in you he has the benefit of not needing to choose among them. Having said that there will be a period wherein he teases you if he makes you "Helpless" or "Satisfied" (and you respond either by kissing him or singing "That would be enough").

- Whenever you would sing as one of the Schuyler sisters he will join you as any of the male characters the moment he masters the soundtrack and could even sing it without the music. His favorite rap songs are "Guns and Ships", "Washington on your side", and of course "Satisfied". He also really loves "Non-stop", "the 10 duel commandments", and "The room where it happened". But his favorite sequence is from "the Winter's Ball" all the way to "Wait for it". Since it has romance, a shocking revelation, and gives insight to the perspective of the antagonist. He's also one of the first people to attempt to learn the choreography whenever he's in one of his mental blocks in writing. Of course he makes sure not to injure himself.

- He posts song lyrics to keep himself motivated in his times of mental block "There's a million things I haven't done. But just you wait" and "I'm not throwing away my shot" frequently appear around his desk.

-And whenever he's feeling low or insecure, just like Eliza you remind him to "Look around, Look around, how lucky we are to be alive right now."

[eurydicees]

thoughts on the musicals y’all recommended!

tysm for all the recs! i had so much fun listening to them, i really appreciate it! always feel free to rec more :)  

to preface, there’s no actual judging system. it’s all about the vibes. so, in the order that i listened to them: 

the mad ones

i already made a post abt this one, but i have to mention it again. i’ve been listening to it on repeat. like. straight up on a loop. 

i’m obsessed with this

the storyline is so put together, and you can really feel the heart of the show

the characters were well written (with the exception of the boyfriend tbh, i could have done without him), and i’m so fascinated by sam and kelly’s relationship (writers were cowards for making them not gay) 

the songs felt super cohesive, and the repeated drum loop was super well integrated. the sound techie in me is fascinated by the way this show was put together, and i’d love to see it performed (like. fr. i was getting ideas for the design. which is always so much fun) 

19.75/10

romeo es julia

holy shit this slaps

costumes were weird

but the music was brilliant

some of the captioned lyrics were ???? bad translation or bad lyrics??? but the sound was incredible so i don’t even care 

mercutio and tybalt were spot on

the moms were GREAT. i LOVED their voices, like. could FEEL the emotions, even if i didn’t know wtf they were saying 

pretty much everyone was like that, like idk what’s going on via words, but i def can feel it, which is the best kind of song

my mother didn’t like this one but whatever, she didn’t get to see the choreo that went with it so what does she know 

the SET. the LIGHTS. the SOUND. the SET. the LIGHTS. the SOUND. chef’s kiss. 

14/10 

ordinary days

eh

i liked “favorite places” and “beautiful” a lot, but the rest of the songs were only okay

i wasn’t super attached to the characters and the singing was just. like. okay for me. i didn’t love any of them in particular 

my mother also didn’t like this one, rip. she has a lot of opinions on musicals. 

6/10

venice

oh my fucking god???????? 

not what i expected at all. right from the first lines i was like. 😲😲😲 

like. this was so good??? wtf???? hamilton meets shakespeare meets the mechanisms meets les mis meets post-9/11 politics meets dystopia. i thought it couldn’t be done, but here i am, in awe

i was going to include some favorite lines but. it’s just all of them. ALL of them. 

further confirmation that i’m in love with jennifer damiano. 

also angela polk?? incredible 

it’s weird bc it’s so clearly Not Broadway Music, but it’s also not trying to be, which i enjoy. i can see why some critics hated it (read some really funny reviews lmao), but i really loved the sound (haven’t seen the show, though, and that’s half of a musical, so maybe gonna try and find a bootleg) 

18.99/10

count of monte cristo 

damn from the overture this was. Intense. like. damn. i’m a slut for any dies irae sequence, so i was a big fan of that

that being said. gonna be real. i had no idea what was happening throughout the entire musical. it’s a pretty music-light show, so that’s probably why? 

maybe it would make more sense if i watched a performance rather than just listening to the soundtrack??? idk. anyone got a bootleg? 

thomas borchert has a nice voice. very distinctive. googled him to see where else i can listen to him. he was rum tum tugger. anyways. mad respect for this man

sonically, it didn’t feel like a very cohesive show? like it felt like there were a lot of diff vibes going around

lots of good songs for my evil musicals playlist though 

11/10 

once on this island (2017 revival)

ok turns out musicals are a lot better when sung by professionals than by sixth graders who think they can belt even tho their voices are still cracking 

also turns out that stories can be much more complex and interesting-- and have much deeper themes of racism and classism-- when on broadway than when in a sweaty middle school auditorium in an upper middle class white neighborhood 

funny how that works, huh 

i’m still a little unsure abt it, and probably wouldn’t listen to it just because i can, but i definitely don’t object to it anymore 

ty for making me give it a second try 

hailey kilgore is brilliant in this

the singing in general is REALLY impressive and beautiful 

12.68/10 

death note

i cannot express enough in words how mad i am that i actually liked this

genuinely don’t know how to feel 

i do think that i would get more out of it if i watched the anime, but it was still pretty easy to follow, just knowing the premise 

idk who the cast is bc i found a weird shady playlist on spotify rather than a cast recording, but the girl’s voice (idk character names) was beautiful. “i’ll only love you more” was SO good

reminded me a little of jekyll and hyde? which? huh

also i’m now getting tik tok videos with audio from this musical can my iphone stop stalking me for ONE second

fucking unfair that this is actually a good soundtrack. the desire to find a bootleg is unholy. 

14.87/10 

35mm

why did no one tell me that alex brightman is in this!!!!

i listened to a few songs and really enjoyed them, but didn't get through the whole album lmao

but i did really enjoy what i did listen to, and i'm gonna come back to it

9/10

ghost quartet

i wanted to like this one. SO badly. i REALLY wanted to like it.

but i couldn't really get into it? 

there were a few songs that absolutely slapped, but overall, it was just kinda. eh. which sucks bc i have heard such good things about it

i LOVED "the astronomer," "the telescope," and "lights out" 

but i didn't get through the entire album

i'll come back to it eventually and give it another try, i think. i might just not have been in the specific mood for it

9.8/10

[pl-panda]

To Marry a Vigilante: Part 17

MASTERLIST || First || Previous || Next

To Marry a Vigilante: Part 17

------

The altercation with three footballers had several outcomes. First, Marinette was no longer treated as someone weak. Quite the opposite. The smarter part of the school now had a healthy dose of respect for the small french girl when they saw the camera recording Chloé ‘leaked’. The more sport-inclined part of the faculty was devastated by the loss of the three star players, for which they blamed Marinette. 

Erica washed her hands about the whole incident, declaring that the poor souls must’ve just rashly reacted to the gossip going around the school. It still hurt her position a bit. Chloé and Allegra masterfully countered any of her minor lies and started spreading gossip about the head cheerleader instead. It was turning into a cold war, where neither side could get any advantage over the other for long. 

The initial background search turned clean on both of them. Lila’s mother was an orphan, raised in one of the covenants in the mountains before studying law and politology. She now headed the French Embassy, after previously working in Germany, Belgium, and Spain. Lila’s father was a mystery and his name was not given at any point. The Italian girl often changed schools. Usually, she didn’t stay even one semester there. Lack of any family and trusted friends made her move around with her mother often. Boarding schools were too expensive for a then-starting diplomat. At some point, Lila started to thrive in each new school. Her files were nothing but praise since then. 

Erica Layton was born Erica Blake, then Boyle when her mother married a wealthy CEO. Before, she ran a smaller Blake Industry, which merged with Boyle enterprises after the wedding. When Mr. Boyle was shot during one of the Two-face’s robberies, Erica’s mother started to date again. Until last summer, when she married a star baseball player, Lance Layton. The business was clean-ish and there was nothing that could be used against them really. There were some cases of inner nepotism and a bit of discrimination, but it wasn’t even worth a real investigation. Erica herself was truly a mean character, but her good looks, influential family, and good grades made her the “Gotham Academy Golden Princess.”

Damian wanted to get his vengeance. He tried hacking, but Barbara stopped him. It wasn’t as if anything he got that way could’ve been used against her and forging evidence was wrong, and would only hurt them in the long run. Marinette stopped him from going after them as Black Cat, which only agitated him further. He hated the feeling of powerlessness. Well, he loved Marinette more so he wouldn’t go against her orders. 

Sabine also did her best, but she was similarly blocked by Barbara, who went as far as to lock the Bat-computer. A woman of many skills, Sabine was still unable to beat Oracle at hacking. She did make sure to always be available and near the school to intervene if any of the teachers tried to punish Mari unfairly. She was doing the same for Chloé, who she slowly came to treat as her child too, just like Cassandra. 

Allegra tried to get her mother involved, but Catherine Hamilton-Kane was a woman of high morals and would not use her influence to fight dirty games. “That’s how corruption took seed,” she declared. And Gotham Academy, as a private school, was beyond her reach anyway. It still gave Allegra enough power to at least counter Erica and her mother, who was at best negligent and at worst co-operating with her daughter. 

All in all, Marinette and Chloé settled into some form of routine. The school was much better than Françoise Dupont. It was bigger, which meant Lila had a harder time setting up her court. Erica’s power also suffered a major hit when the ‘outcasts’, as the blonde witch called them, took a bit more active role in the events going around. Claude, who was one of the lead actors in the theatre club made sure that no one aligned with Lila or Erica could join. Felix started to slowly push Erica from politics, engaging in subtle games at every front. Even Jon helped by taking over the school newspaper. The guy that was running it previously happily handed over the reins. 

There were few minor dramas at school, like the Witch Club, haunting at the theatre, or the weird carnival. Damian and Marinette didn’t pay it much attention. Claude dealt with the ghost quite easily and met Katherine Karlo, who became his favorite actress ever since. Professor Trent was against including her, but when the usually cheery boy threatened him to quit and take over half of the crew, the discussion was over rather swiftly.

Of course, akumas didn’t make it easier. In fact, they were the biggest holdback. Whenever Chloé and Damian did something too drastic, Lila, Erica, or someone associated with them would become an akuma and then their work was in ruin. Every akuma on their side would earn them ‘pity points’ and serve as ammunition against the Waynes’ front. 

The investigation proved fruitless. Sure, akumas could’ve been traced, but they actually made sure to never come from the same spot. Sometimes, it was a rundown building, other times a flat over a crowded restaurant; a hotel; a public toilet at the bus station. Adrien was moving and making sure not to fall for what got his father. They had no idea how he could be so stealthy. The cameras never saw anyone even similar to him at any of those places. Sabine was now running the rooftops as Shadowbat, not wanting the press to associate the Miraculous team with Batfamily too much for now. She had been using her old assassin suit (still fitting perfectly) with a bat logo on her chest as her outfit. She mostly just worked with Cass. Black Bat and Shadowbat. They were probably most feared of all dynamic duos in Gotham. Silent, ruthless, precise, undefeated.

Of course, peace couldn’t really last forever. About six weeks since Christmas, when Marinette’s birthday was closing in, the first real hiccup appeared. 

--------------

Just before lunch, Marinette’s phone vibrated, as well as several other people’s in the class. When the bell rang, she went to check it. From past experience, she knew that mass messages to students were usually bad. It had Erica and Lila plastered all over it. It was a link to the tabloid article. It opened with a photo of Damian and Allegra, sitting in a coffee shop and drinking coffee. She only read a bit of the content, far enough to reach the first quote of GA student, before storming out. People were giving her pitying looks as she walked toward the cafeteria. She didn’t want to do anything rash until she spoke to Chloé and Allegra. That was a new kind of low for the Mean Girls front. They even dared to attach a message of fake condolences to Marinette. 

Unknowingly, the Bluenette was channeling Damian the whole way, making people jump out of her path. Nobody ever saw the Angel (not that anyone would call her that within Damian’s hearing range, or where one of his multiple informants could inform him) so angry. Suddenly, everyone remembered how she took three football players in less than twenty seconds without getting more than a light bruise on her neck. 

The cafeteria was completely silent the moment she entered. Everyone expected her to rage at Damian, who was waiting next to the doors to intercept her immediately. To their utter and infinite surprise, she instead grabbed his hand into hers and squeezed tightly. A small smile made its way on her face and Damian smirked too. Nobody (but the ‘outcasts’) had any idea what that was about. Didn’t he cheat on her recently, or for a long time?

The two walked past the baffled crowd toward where Allegra and Chloé sat, already waiting for them. There were no words exchanged between the four, but the two blondes nodded like it was a signal. 

Marinette and Damian jumped onto the table in a synchronized show of grace and agility. Everyone stared at them. 

“Hi!” Marinette smiled. Next to her, her boyfriend was glaring at certain people in the crowd. “First, I wanted to thank all of you who actually meant it when they gave me their condolences. You had good intentions, even if they were completely misplaced.”

“Tt. I did not cheat on my Habibti. Not with anyone, and especially not with my cousin!” Damian growled at the silent cafeteria. They didn’t dare to respond vocally, but some lowered their heads in shame. While the relation between Bruce Wayne and Mayor Kane was not that well-known, they didn’t hide the connection. “The first cousin once removed to be precise.”

“Point is, the article is full of fake news and we’ll be dealing with it later. Still, I appreciate your effort.” She smiled at those who weren’t angry. Then, her face turned to the cold mask and she channeled Damian. “Now onto those who mocked us or tried to use it to break me and Damian apart. It won’t work. Stop. Don’t. I can’t see any situation where we would break up, and even then, there is no chance either of us would lower ourselves to dating any of you. I trust Damian with my life. I’m his and he’s mine!” She declared. 

“I’m hers and she’s mine.” Damian echoed. They raised their joint hands before turning to one another and sharing a quick kiss. Many people cooed at the romanticism of the scene. 

Erica and Lila were on the verge of a stroke. This was harder than either anticipated and they were, in fact, slowly losing more than they gained. 

A black butterfly entered through the window behind Marinette. As soon as she saw it, she acted without thinking and grabbed it. Everyone looked at her in panic. They saw the muscles in her forearm tighten and after a short moment a bit of some dark substance leaked through her fingers. When she opened her hand, the butterfly was turned into a gooey mess.

“Not today, Hawkass Junior.” She seethed. Then, she left to clean her hand with Allegra and Chloé following her. She rarely was left entirely alone, especially at school. As they walked, people gave her a loud applause. 

--------

“Why did it not work!?” Adrien raged in his hideout. Next to him, Nooroo was floating with his head bowed. 

“She… she touched it only with her skin. There was nothing to akumatize… master.” The little creature added, forced by the magic of the brooch. 

“But why didn’t the akuma pass through her fingers!?” The hero-turned-villain seethed.

“She… She damaged it before it could…”

“I paid a handsome sum of money to have that article published! It was supposed to either break them up or give me my own Scarlet Moth!” Adrien stomped around his hideout. “Now it’s all for naught! I want their Miraculouses! I want my family back!”

Another figure walked from behind him and pulled him into a hug. In the darkness, the only visible details were her silhouette and a predatory smile on her face. 

“Don’t worry. We will get what we want soon enough.”

“Did you decipher it?”

“Almost. There are several symbols on it that I have no idea what they mean.”

“Hm… I think I might have an akuma just for the occasion. It will require some setting-up though.”

“Don’t worry. I’ll deal with it. Meanwhile…” She said, her grin widening

“No. Get out of here, Witch.” He snapped.

“Spoilsport.” She muttered and walked away. Adrien felt anger bubbling inside him. Someone was so getting akumatized that day.

-------

Masterlist // Next

[notveryglittery]

birthday prince (1)

summary: roman gives the performance of his dreams and deceit loves him all the more. words: 1,330 / ship: roceit (roman/deceit)  author’s note: hello!! this is the first part of my Giving The Gay Anything He Wants series for roman’s birthday (june 4)! the ships are all written romantic but i’m not stopping you from seeing them however you want. peep the ao3 end notes for credits on these gift suggestions (bc i can’t decide where to put them in this post)! i hope you enjoy!!

part 1 (roceit) | part 2 (logince) | part 3 (prinxiety) part 4 (royality) | part 5 (dlampts) read on ao3 

— — —

“Darling, may I please open my eyes now?”

“Trust me. We’re almost there.”

Deceit could try all he wanted to hide the excitement in his tone but Roman had no trouble picking up on it. There were hints of nervousness there, too, but Roman was sure that whatever his love had planned, he was going to enjoy it no matter what. Surely, it had something to do with his birthday, given that the week of it had just begun. Usually, Sundays were reserved for family time, but apparently Deceit had had this in the works for a while now, and if they all knew anything, it was to not throw a wrench into his schemes. The part Roman was having a hard time wrapping his head around was the fact that Deceit was giving him such an early birthday gift.

His hand was cool in Roman’s but it held on securely as they walked. They were dressed nicely, with matching accessories. The rings on Deceit’s fingers kept clinking against the ones that Roman wore and as silly as it was, he couldn’t stop smiling about it. During their stroll, the air had been warm and the floor mostly carpet beneath their feet; at the sound of doors opening, however, there was a brief crisp breeze and suddenly each step echoed around them. Roman would know this room no matter the circumstances. A giddy laugh bubbled up his throat.

“What’re we doing here, bee?”

“Why don’t you take a look for yourself?” Deceit suggested, pulling Roman’s hand up to his lips and pressing a kiss to his knuckles.

Roman opened his eyes. As he expected, Deceit had taken them to the Theatre. It had always been a pleasant and neutral space in Thomas’ mind. Whereas Roman kept control over the Fantasy Realm or Logan the Memory Archives, the Theatre was available for any of them to use as they needed. It was often transformed for Daydream Scenarios but Roman liked it best like this, in all its original glory.

“Shall we?” Deceit prompted, gesturing down the aisle and towards the front row seats.

Roman might not know what was in store but he had no intention of turning it down. He followed again, resisting the urge to mention Deceit having not actually answered his question. He knew he’d find out any moment now, anyway. They settled comfortably, Deceit not once letting go of Roman’s hand. It was only a few seconds later that the lights dimmed and everything shifted. No longer were they figments of the imagination, sat in a theatre that he had created. As far as Roman could tell (and feel), they were in New York City, at the Richard Rodgers Theatre. It was… it was absolutely magical.

And then the opening notes rang out and Roman’s breath rushed out of him.

”How does a bastard, orphan…”

“What… you—”

“Oh, don’t get all flustered now, dear,” Deceit interrupted, equal parts teasing and adoring. “You’ve got a role to play.”

The reds and golds of his suit were replaced in an instant and the 18th century garb he wore now matched that of the actors performing. His hands were shaking but he couldn’t tell if it was because he was terrified or excited. It was probably both.

“Shut up,” he squeaked.

“Happy birthday,” Deceit purred, entirely too self-satisfied.

”And the world’s gonna know your name…”

In a blink, Roman was center stage, in darkness. The show had been sold out, every seat filled. Most of the audience appeared faceless and unimportant to him but, barely, he could see Deceit still sat in the front row. The pride and awe shone blatantly on his face. Roman’s heart was racing. It was adrenaline and fear and joy and nerves and satisfaction. It was butterflies in his stomach and dreams coming true and the sensation of slipping into character and playing his part with as much enthusiasm as he could muster.

”What’s your name, man?”

“Alexander Hamilton!” Roman sang as the spotlight beamed down on him.

— — —

Roman threw himself into Deceit’s arms as soon as he arrived backstage. He was out of breath and had been crying since the end of the curtain call but he was blissfully happy. Absolutely nothing could take him down.

“I love you,” he gasped, peppering Deceit’s face with kisses. “That was exhilarating! I just performed in Hamilton! Alongside the original cast! I played the lead role! Oh my god!”

“And you were brilliant,” Deceit said, leaning back just enough so that Roman could see his smile. There was a bouquet in his arms and the flowers were pushing against their chins; it tickled but it smelled sweet. “No offense to Lin-Manuel, but—”

“No!” Roman exclaimed, laughing through his tears. “Don’t you dare besmirch Mr. Miranda’s name!”

Deceit rolled his eyes but relented. He pulled away and offered his gift out to Roman. “I know, they aren’t nearly as handsome as you. However…”

There was more weight to the bundle of roses than Roman would have expected. Upon closer inspection, he found a carefully wrapped package tucked in the middle. He cradled the flowers in his elbow and took the parcel out with his free hand.

“This is for anytime you need reminding of how loved and cherished you are. If for some reason none of us are available to do so, that is.” Deceit was telling him but Roman was transfixed by the handheld mirror revealed as the cloth fabric fell away. It was shiny and gold, with rubies and citrine embedded in the handle.

“I don’t know how true any of it is but,” Deceit began and Roman could hear the telltale start of a nervous ramble. “Rubies are protective stones that bring happiness. Citrine encourages self-expression and creativity. They’re also…” He paused. Roman’s heart felt warm at Deceit’s growing blush. “You know… our colors.”

Before Roman could respond, the mirror flashed pale yellow. He winced and then nearly dropped it because it had started to speak.

“Oh, dearest Roman, it should be impossible for you to be any more attractive than you already are! Somehow, though, the expression you wear when gazing at your loved ones adds still so much to your infinite beauty!”

“Excuse me?!” He yelped, mouth falling open in surprise.

“Good timing,” Deceit said, having seemingly recovered. “And don’t think you can get away with needing it but feeling as if you don’t deserve it. It’ll compliment you whether you like it or not.”

Roman couldn’t even be upset at the blatant callout on his behavior when Deceit looked so pleased with himself. Creating something like this… he had to have taken into account the mirrors’ awareness of its surroundings, knowing when Roman would need it… This hadn’t been a trifling task. Roman thought he might burst with all of the feelings welling up inside of him.

“I love it,” he managed, voice wobbling as tears sprung fresh to his eyes. “I love you. Thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you—” The gratitude dissolved into happy crying, positively overwhelmed by it all.

“It’s the least I could do for you, my prince,” Deceit crooned, stepping closer and taking Roman gently in his arms. “The world would be yours, if I could give it. Until then, I’ll continue to do my utmost in providing you anything you could ever ask for.”

The Theatre melted away as Deceit carefully sunk them out. While Roman retrieved a box of tissues, Deceit took the flowers and mirror and set them safely aside. It took only a few minutes longer for them to be dressed comfortably and in Roman’s bed, wrapped snugly in blankets. He was crashing quickly, from the last of the adrenaline and the final wave of emotions. Everything was just the right amount of comfortable, Deceit’s cooler temperature keeping them from being too warm from Roman’s elevated body heat. He felt cocooned and safe in Deceit’s embrace and knew that there wasn’t anyone on the planet luckier than him.

[ace-oreos]

For the prompt ask if you’re still doing it- alpha gets back from being tortured by ventress, Fordo’s there to pick up the pieces, both mentally and physically

I have to admit, I was excited to do this as soon as I read it - putting Alpha in a more uncertain situation like that and seeing how it develops is really fun. It’s also very challenging, which is partly why it’s so fun. @shadow-hyder was a huge help when I was stuck halfway through trying to navigate Alpha in an emotional situation we rarely see him in. 

Prompts like this that make me explore new aspects of Alpha’s character are my favorite.  😁 So many thanks to you, anon! 

I feel like I should mention that I was listening to Nonstop from Hamilton... well, nonstop right around the halfway point. So there may be a few vague references in there. XP 

tw: mentions of blood (nothing graphic) 

The barracks block is empty and silent, and Alpha-17 can only be grateful. He’s not ready to face anyone else. 

Luckily, Fordo isn’t due back from the Mid Rim for a few weeks yet - Alpha made a point of checking not long after he was discharged from the medbay. 

(It still isn’t enough time.)

(The most he can hope for is that he’ll be able to pull himself together long enough to ward off any concern.)

He forces himself to shower, rinses the last of the caked blood from his skin. The water would almost be soothing if it didn’t make the wounds littering his skin sting and burn. Proper medical treatment wouldn’t go amiss, but the idea of admitting to his vulnerability makes his stomach twist and his throat tight. 

It’s nothing I can’t handle by myself, he decides, shoving away the doubt that’s already wormed its way into his thoughts.

It’s nothing he can’t handle when he wakes from a fiftful doze some hours later, damp with sweat and breath coming short. It’s nothing he can’t handle when scars that are just beginning to form break open and bleed anew when he pushes a little too hard during a solo training session. It’s nothing he can’t handle when he can’t bring himself to let his guard down long enough to sleep and instead paces the halls at all hours of the night. 

At first, the quiet is a relief - time to process his thoughts he wouldn’t be afforded otherwise. But it becomes stifling over time, the silence that both presses in and somehow leaves too much room for him to think at the same time. The stark walls don’t offer shelter so much a reflection he’s not yet willing to see.

He almost misses Fordo, some days. Other days he can only be thankful that Fordo isn’t here, because his brother is the only one who would see that he’s falling apart at the seams.

_______________________

Training becomes an escape, of sorts, and Alpha throws himself into it for hours on end. He can almost convince himself that nothing has changed if it weren’t for the twinge and pull of half-healed wounds that leave thin trails of blood on his skin when he refuses to let up. 

(It wasn’t enough last time.)

He suspects Fordo wouldn’t approve, but it’s for the best. 

(He won’t make that mistake again.)

(He isn’t any less of a soldier than he was before, and sometimes he even recognizes as much, but then he remembers feeling utterly powerless and he can’t bring himself to stop.)

Alpha can’t shake the feeling that he’s running out of time somehow, so he attacks it the only way he knows how: relentless, single-minded, determined to find the vulnerability at its source and eliminate it. 

He doesn’t know what he’s trying to prove, but he does know - all too well - it’ll keep eating away at him until he does something about it.

_______________________________

It doesn’t take long for Alpha to find comfort in his voluntary solitude. Training alone after hours lets him breathe again. It’s… calming, almost; nothing like the uneasy restlessness that overtakes him when he slows down a breath too long.

(You don’t know when to stop, Fordo warned him time and again - but he’ll have to eventually, and he doesn’t know what will happen when he does.) 

He’s putting himself back together for the first time in his life, and he thinks it might just work if he were left to his own devices. 

But Fordo, being the sort who would give his life for a brother without a second thought, never met a challenge he didn’t like to puzzle out so he could piece it together again his way. It’s only a matter of time before he adds himself to the equation, so Alpha isn’t as surprised as he should be when Fordo arrives unannounced just before reveille. 

“I thought you were slugging it out with the CIS in the Mid Rim,” Alpha says slowly, not bothering to hide his bemusement.

Fordo shrugs. It’s not like him to evade the unspoken question, but there’s something his face Alpha can’t quite read. “We took their forward operating base a few days ago. My squad can manage without me.” 

“Fordo…”

“We’re winding down anyways,” Fordo dismisses. “This wasn’t much of a haul as far as those things go.”

Never one to dance around an issue, Alpha asks pointedly, “So what are you doing here?” 

Fordo’s silence is enough of an answer. The carefully neutral expression is gone, and Alpha doesn’t like the look playing across his brother’s face now. 

“You shouldn’t - ”

“- have bothered?” Fordo interrupts. “Don’t give me that osik.”

“Your men need you.”

“And my brother doesn’t?”

“I thought you could figure it out for yourself,” Alpha returns.

“I wouldn’t be here if I hadn’t,” Fordo counters. 

Alpha closes his eyes against the rush of anger that overtakes him. He wouldn’t be half as furious if he didn’t know there was gratitude somewhere beneath it. I don’t need your help. He doesn’t need Fordo’s help, except - 

Except he does, and it terrifies him to admit it, and there’s no chance Fordo will be fooled by any sort of front he puts on - 

“Udesii, ner vod.” Fordo’s hands are raised, placating. “I know it’s not what you want, but let me worry about you just this once.”

“Because I could jeopardize the mission?” Alpha grinds out.

Something he’s tempted to mistake for hurt flashes across Fordo’s face. “Because I care.” 

He doesn’t know how to respond to that, so he doesn’t even try.

___________________________

It’s a mark of how remarkably Fordo knows him that he isn’t put off when Alpha spurns his attempts to help. He navigates Alpha’s temper with steady patience Alpha has never seen before and responds with diplomacy to rival Kenobi’s. If he’s frustrated, he hides it well. 

A few days and Alpha doesn’t bother taking out his residual anger on his brother. It’s not really directed at him, anyways - he just happens to be a convenient target for the deep-seated disquiet that’s been threatening to overwhelm Alpha for weeks now. 

Alpha doesn’t resist when Fordo drags him to the mess hall, more for his brother’s peace of mind than his own. It’s still too much of a crowd for his taste, but letting Fordo have his way spares him a great deal of aggravation. 

Fordo doesn’t press him for conversation, which suits Alpha fine. Bad enough that there’s been plenty of time for rumors and speculation to circulate the ranks; the last thing he wants is to recount everything that happened after Jabiim. Some days Fordo relays his squad’s latest doings, and Alpha can’t help but smile despite himself. 

It’s early enough that the mess hall is nearly empty aside from a handful of pilots just returned from a simulation. Alpha is forced to admit, however grudgingly, that Fordo might’ve been on to something, insisting that they come so early. 

“You should eat,” Fordo adds halfway through what’s shaping up to be a long-winded account of a recent misadventure on the other side of the galaxy. 

Alpha shrugs noncommittally in response. “‘M not that hungry.”

Fordo looks skeptical. “How long are you going to keep this up?”

“I don’t know what you mean,” Alpha mutters, studying the table so he doesn’t have to meet his brother’s eyes. 

“You’re impossible,” Fordo says under his breath with an eye roll to match. He shoves his own plate towards Alpha. “Go on.”

Alpha swallows a few mouthfuls without complaint. As is his standard now, it’s for Fordo’s sake more than his own. No doubt Fordo knows exactly what he’s doing, but his brother doesn’t question it. 

__________________________

Fordo joins him to train now. He follows Alpha’s lead and goes about it in grim silence, but there’s something companionable about it nonetheless. 

Alpha soon takes to challenging Fordo over the training droids. An organic opponent is more complex; another Alpha ARC means it’ll be a good fight. Fordo doesn’t hold back by any means, but he’s mindful that Alpha isn’t quite back to top form yet. 

It would be a lot easier if he didn’t feel every pull and strain when he and Fordo are locked body-to-body or when he’s slammed to the floor because he couldn’t dodge his brother’s attack in time. Afterwards he’s careful to hide the new scars that have opened again, dressing the wounds when Fordo is out of sight. 

He’s cursing at a length of bandages that he can’t quite secure one-handed when the door slides open. Bracing himself for the lecture, Alpha lifts his chin. 

Fordo, to his credit, takes it in stride. “Let me give you a hand with that.”

Alpha fights the urge to pull away when Fordo touches his arm. He’s careful, gentle, but Alpha’s skin burns with the contact. Thankfully, Fordo knows what he’s doing and doesn’t take longer than he needs to; Alpha’s hands are shaking by the time his brother sits back.

“It’s okay, ner vod,” Fordo says softly. 

It isn’t yet, but Fordo is here with him, and Fordo is hurting with him too. Alpha can’t express it, but he nods anyways, and he sees in his brother’s eyes that he understands.

__________________________

Fordo is unusually quiet, even for 0500 and barely six hours of sleep. Alpha still prefers to conduct their meals in near silence, but he’s become accustomed to Fordo’s idle chatter. Their corner of the mess feels odd without it.

 Just as he’s readying himself to speak, Fordo draws a deep breath and says, “I got new op orders last night.”

“It was bound to happen,” Alpha answers like it doesn’t cut far deeper than he expected.

“Given the chance I would’ve sent this one on,” Fordo continues slowly, “but I’ve got a squad waiting for me.”

And we don’t have forever. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Alpha assures. “I get it.” 

A look of relief crosses his brother’s face like he had something to feel guilty about in the first place. “Vor entye, ner vod.”

Alpha allows himself a smile. “Someone has to keep your di’kute in line.”

Fordo laughs at that. “You’re telling me.” Then his face becomes pensive. “What about you?”

“I’m lucky to have made it this far without Kenobi asking when I’ve got time to help him win over another unsuspecting Senator. I’m sure I’ll have a new assignment soon enough.”

Fordo turns his fork over in his fingers. “We could always use another soldier.”

It’s not an offer he extends lightly, Alpha knows. He’s tempted to take him up on it, but…

“I appreciate it. Really, I do.” He hesitates as he mulls over how to phrase it. “But I have things sorted out now. And…”

Fordo smiles. There’s an edge of regret to it, but it’s genuine. “Well, if you change your mind, you know where to find me.”

“I will,” Alpha promises.

Fordo’s gone by the next morning. They don’t waste time on goodbyes; neither of them put much stock by promises that can’t be kept. 

After so many days of his brother’s quiet company, his quarters are strangely empty. The silence isn’t the refuge it was, but it’s not hostile, either, like it’s still holding on to some part of his brother’s presence. It’s still comforting in its own right, but not in the way he’d imagined.

It’ll be back to the front soon enough. He can only guess what the war will throw at him next, but if he’s lucky, it won’t be long before he sees Fordo again. He hasn’t properly thanked his brother yet, and he’s curious to see if his brother’s squad lives up to their reputation. It’ll certainly be interesting, Alpha thinks. 

Vode an.