#but anyway I'm crying in the bathroom from stress and guilt

[soryualeksi]

The stress that is lying to my own trusting kid about Santa... But he's so into it. And nobody understands why it's so stressful for me. ;_;

[idyllic-affections]

what if kaveh adopted a child?

summary. kaveh adopts a random child.

trigger & content warnings. implied past trauma.

tropes, pairings, fic length, & other notes. comfort, found family. kaveh & child!reader. 0.6k words. they/them pronouns used for reader.

author's thoughts. hehe kaveh <3 this was written before the fontaine release, so i dont know how villainous focalors may or may not be but i implied her to be a lil bit villain-like. anyway i probably wont expand upon this one, this brainrot is just a silly little thought i had

kaveh is a man with a heart much too big for his chest.

alhaitham can't really say he's surprised when kaveh tries to sneak in an orphaned, seemingly nonverbal child barely any older than six or seven. they're clinging to the blonde like a lifeline, face buried in his neck and little hands clutching the fabric of his shirt. given how frail they look...

"quit staring. they came from fontaine," kaveh scoffed, one of his hands absently toying with the tips of their knotted hair, "if you must know."

there's a little bit of surprise on alhaitham's face at that—a child that small ran all the way from fontaine to sumeru city? did they communicate that to kaveh, or did he just assume based on their attire?—but it washes away quickly as he turns back to his book. kaveh almost dares to think he'll get off easily at his roommate's brief silence. he should've known better. just as he starts to walk away... "you can't keep them."

what alhaitham doesn't know is that they avoided so, so many others in sumeru city but approached kaveh because they felt safer approaching him rather than anyone else.

it annoys him beyond belief that the scribe fails to understand how intuitive children are (he's far too petty to admit that maybe it's because alhaitham doesn't know what happened, that he wasn't there to witness such a sweet little one approaching him while flinching away from others). they approached kaveh because, in their mind, he felt safer than other people.

there's no way in hell he's abandoning them.

"it's not your choice to make."

"it's my house."

"what do you suggest i do, then?!" he snaps, quickly regaining his composure when the little one in his arms trembles. a sense of guilt weighs on his chest; the poor thing must be exhausted, hungry, and possibly even sick or injured. they don't need any more stress. as infuriating as alhaitham can be... the blonde is more concerned with the child. kaveh's voice lowers significantly as he continues, "i'm not going to just leave them on the streets in a foreign nation."

"oh, i don't know," alhaitham muses, "maybe head to fontaine and find their parents?"

"gone."

both of the roommates fall silent at the little, meek voice. they peek upwards at kaveh.

a sense of calmness washes over them at the gentle, sympathetic expression on his face. he... looks like he could cry for them, actually. they don't have the capacity to completely understand the extent of the architect's empathy quite yet, and so, instead of trying to process why he looks so utterly bothered, they settle on laying their head back on his shoulder. he makes a very nice pillow.

"they're, um, gone," they repeat again, a little louder so the objectively scarier man could hear them with clarity. despite their sleepiness, they do their best to speak clearly and steadily. "l— lady focalors took them."

"...take them to gandharva ville."

kaveh doesn't reply to that, merely walking past his roommate and heading towards the bathroom to run a warm bath for them.

he knows he should. he's busy and won't be able to provide such a fragile thing with the care and attention they need to grow properly, not to mention his looming debt. he also knows that tighnari and collei and all the other forest rangers would take very good care of them until he rids himself of debt or until they're old enough to care for themselves. he knows, but... he just doesn't want to get rid of them. it pains kaveh to even think about doing something like that.

...

archons... he sincerely hopes that he can get rid of his debt and do it fast.

please consider reblogging, it helps me out quite a lot!

[edgessunflower]

Dom and fem reader live together. After a heated argument they lay in bed and she attempts to go to bed angry. They lay in silence before he turns over and tells her not to go to bed angry. “Baby please talk to me”

Oooh boooy 🤍

Forgiving kisses

Pairing: Dominik Mysterio x Fem reader

Description: After an argument with Dom the two of you make up when you try to go to bed

You felt your nerves crash as you and Dom yell at each other about him promising to take a little time off not just to spend time with you but a well needed and deserved break from all of the stress he was dealing with for the last 3 months. You jump when he bumps into the island table knocking over some dishes you washed and dried crashing to the floor breaking as he walks out and slams the door making you jump and stand still as tears flowed slowly collapsing and picking up piece by piece blaming yourself zoned out as you cried cutting your hands. After spending an hour picking up the dishes and cutting your hands and the other crying you run your hands under cold water sniffling as you dry your hands changing and laying down as you hear the front door open and close staring at the wall as dom quietly walks in thinking you were asleep stripping down until he sees you wipe your face with a tissue feeling his heart drop and feeling his world crack knowing that he hurt you bad to make you cry. He lays down quietly behind you looking at the floor until he lays on his back looking at you feeling his eyes burn with tears of guilt as he sees your muscles tensed knowing it was a part of your anxiety "Baby please talk to me...I don't want you to feel like I am still mad" you listen as you feel him raise up seeing his hand out of the corner of your eye but see him hold it still above your arm hearing shakily breath feeling your heart stop turning your head to see him holding his face in his hands crying. "I don't want you to think I'd ever hurt you in anyway...I would rather be shot than ever hurt you" you grab his face wiping tears on his cheeks and moving strands of hair away "Hey honey...you just scared me I know that you would never ever hurt me I was just really upset and startled by the yelling and dishes breaking" he looks at your hands going to hold them when he sees the cuts on them "Mi alma your hands...what happened? Did..." your eyes widen grabbing his face gently as you stare into his soul "No no I didn't do that I never would I cut them while picking up the broken dishes...I was just trying to get it done I wasn't thinking". You both go in the bathroom cleaning and bandaging your hands sharing a long tight hug and many kisses as you lay back down with the tv on low volume watching a rerun of The Golden Girls as you share another kiss this one being longer and more emotional that the small ones before "I'm sorry Carino I was just so frustrated I didn't mean to yell at you I...I called while I was out and told them that I needed some time off for the next bit and they gave it to me" you look up at him as he smiles sweetly down at you caressing your cheek with his thumb "Baby you.." he stops before you can finish. "I am not going to push you away because of my career I would rather take a couple of breaks from training and matches to spend time with you than to work and you to leave because of it" you smile grabbing his face and kissing him tenderly wrapping your arms around his waist and burying your face in the crook of his neck as he kisses your head rubbing one hand down your back and the other holds you to him "I love you Guapa" you smile at the nickname sharing one last kiss as you feel the tiredness catch up to you "I love you Mi vida" he laughs sweetly as you both fall asleep in each other's embrace.

[lastintheserverbox]

Hey, uhh... magical digital servers? Hope this is the right thing...

You guys don't know who I am. Who any of us are. And likewise, we don't know who you are.

But you do know one of our... former friends. Don't go freaking out on me now; this... poor bird probably told you all about 'em. Stoat. We knew Stoat. The guy wasn't responding to any messages or calls, and wasn't answering when we knocked on their door... but their car was here and everything, so... V has a key, so they just let us in to check on them. And... wow. Not sure which one of you left a whole murder scene in here, but, uh... yikes. Miiight wanna work on your crime scene cleanup skills...

Anyways. We... had no idea about... Parry, was it? Parry... left us a letter in their room. Revealed everything Stoat did... shit, I- I had no idea. If I knew... if any of us knew... we would've beaten their ass into the dirt years ago. But seems like... someone beat us to that, hah.

They mentioned something about... this being where they're going? Said they were curious who we were. I have no clue what they meant by living in the servers...? But... alright.

My name's Hannah. I'm... the only one that is semi-composed right now. V's off at the scene of the crime, curled up on the ground... probably crying... they knew Stoat the longest. This is... it's like a huge betrayal. It all just hurts. God... we had no idea that they- that they'd do this...

There's Ursa... she's taller than Stoat, very quiet... she's breaking down in her own way right now. And Liv's... off in the bathroom. Dunno if Parry's reading this, but if you are... they're a bird like you. A pigeon, though, not a parrot. They're, uh... realizing some things... I think getting rid of Stoat saved more than just Parry.

I wish we could've met you, Parry. I'm sorry you were kept locked up in here... hidden away like some dirty secret. If we knew, if we had any clue... I promise we would've helped you. I hope you are happier now, wherever you are, and healing.

And know that none of this was ever your fault.

I understand if you never want to speak to us, but if you ever do... just reply back and let me know, alright? If you ever need anything... food, money, a shoulder to cry on... I'm here for you. I am so, so sorry that they treated you so horribly... I hope the pain gets easier for you over time. I hope you find a home out there.

And, hey, whoever gets this message...? If leaving out any bits about... Stoat's death... would make Parry feel better? Go ahead. I don't want to stress the poor thing out any more. Hell, I'd understand if you don't want to show them this at all.

But if you, mysterious rescuer, are reading this too... offer's open to you to. Let us know if you need anything. Money... digital money...? You guys need crypto or something? V can probably send some over.

Thank you for saving Parry. I am so sorry we couldn't have done anything for them.

- H

[MESSAGE ENCRYPTED AND INTERCEPTED FROM RECEPIENT]

[...HELLO.

I AM AMIE. I HAVE PARRY HERE. THEY ARE SAFE. BUT DO NOT TRY TO TALK TO THEM FOR NOW.

THEY ARE NOT READY AND YOU WOULD REMIND THEM TOO MUCH OF STOAT. GIVE THEM GUILT.

...I WILL TELL THEM EVENTUALLY. THAT I KILLED STOAT. WHEN THINGS ARE BETTER. I DON'T REGRET IT.

I HOPE YOUR FRIEND LIV IS OKAY. I DID NOT KNOW...THAT I DID MORE THAN JUST GET RID OF TRASH FOR PARRY.

THEY ARE IN HERE. SAFE. WHERE THEY CAN MAKE ANY CHOICE THEY WANT. THAT IS ALL.]

[bluerskiees]

Heyy! Could u do Mikey with a s/o who’s been struggling to figure out thier feelings and just kinda feels empty💀 myb like a cuddling session idk jshsjs anyway thanks in advance

Sano Manjiro 🖤🕊

[ You didn't mention which era of mikey so I'm just gonna assume it's mikey from bonten era ]

｡˳ْ 👤 ⍈ 𓇼 CW : Mentions of dark impulses, Y/n being an orphan like always, mentions of suicide , slight angst, kinda fluff ig?

𓇬 𓂃 📼 ⸰ 𓋼𓍊𓋼 ִֶָ  🗝 𓈒 𖧷

Mikey watched you as always, you weren't the cheerful, optimistic ray of sunshine anymore. The light was fading slowly but surely. He hated it. He knew how it was to be trapped by 'DARK IMPULSES'. All you did was love. Love him. Love yourself. Love everything around you. "It wasn't fair", he mumbled. You didn't deserve to go through this. His anxiety got the best of him. What if it's all because of him? Surely you wouldn't be like this if he spent time with you right? If he treated you better. If he spent time with you. Just the thought of someone snatching your happiness makes him mad. But— what if That someone was himself?

Guilt. Guilt and being helpless was the only things he felt these past few days. He couldn't even make his love happy, was he actually a good boyfriend? Was he treating you right? Are you— Are you actually happy in this relationship? These thoughts made him want to cry. But he couldn't. Afterall those impulses numbed him completely. He didn't want you to end up like him. A pathetic loser. So he decided to do something.

Mikey set up a warm water bath with essential oils and some rose petals. He knew you loved them. He could hear your footsteps indicating that you're near. Once you entered the bedroom, you were escorted into the bathroom by a guilty mikey. You were confused, wasn't he supposed to be busy right now? You remember him having a very important meeting now or were you wrong? He cancelled the meeting to be at home, with you. The view you saw after you entered the bathroom made you cry. You were glad that he still loved you and that was a punch in the face for mikey. Did you think that he didn't love you? He felt even more bad for hurting you like this.

Once you both entered the bathtub, he bagan massaging your shoulders asking you to tell about everything. He wanted you to share you emotions and that's when it came spilling out. The truth and your tears. Turns out you haven't been feeling good the past few weeks due to stress from your uni. It had drained you out completely, both physically and mentally. You didn't know what to do with your life. You felt pretty useless. You felt worthless. You felt EMPTY. The next 2 hours were spent in the bath with you revealing everything you've been feeling to your only family, Manjiro.

He knew you were an orphan, yet you succeeded with no one's help. He would be lying if he said he didn't look upto you. You were strong just like his brother, shin. Both pretty hopeless yet they fight with all they have. It hurted him seeing you break down like this. He couldn't help but join you in this crying party when you said you had thought of just committing suicide to escape feeling this way.

After you both showered, the rest of the night was spent by cuddling, kisses and countless words of affirmation by mikey. After a while, you both decided to go for a walk as it may help calm your mind and lets just say that he was honestly the cutest then. It looked like he was trying to overcome his dark impulses too. You saw a glint of the '15 y/o mikey who doesn't eat his food unless it has a flag on it' for a second. You both were helping each other overcome their dark past to build a happy family together and that's all you want <3

[elusive---ivory]

Circus Act - 11

Y'ALL THIS TOOK SOOO LONG I APOLOGIZE!! Like I said this thing is crazy, I hope y'all enjoy.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11

Sandy drove Arthur up to his apartment. Arthur got out of her vehicle.

"Arthur, wait." Sandy called, stepping out of her car.

Arthur paused, turning his head.

"Could I stay with you? Just for tonight. I don't mean to be an inconvenience, but I just don't want to be alone." Sandy said. She looked stressed.

"Of course." Arthur said.

Arthur wanted Sandy around more. He had notice her unusual behavior, especially after she had told him about her medication.

Sandy had trouble sleeping in Arthur's apartment. Arthur had invited her to sleep in the bedroom with him, but she was too nervous of what he'd think of her night terrors.

Arthur couldn't sleep, mainly because his mind was yelling at him for things that were out of his control.

He embarrassed himself with that clip. He felt stupid. Sandy couldn't possibly still like him now. Insecurity filled his mind. It was unbearable.

Arthur walked out of the bedroom, hearing soft sobs from the living room.

Sandy was crying in her sleep. Soon, her cries turned into wailing. Arthur ran to her side, gently waking her up.

"Sandy." He whispered.

She woke up, distressed, holding onto Arthur.

Arthur kissed her forehead softly, leading her into his bedroom. He held her close throughout the night. Keeping Sandy close to him ms

Sandy felt safe as she laid with Arthur. She was able to slept with him snoring beside her.

She'd never felt this safe before. She couldn't possibly sleep with Dennis in the bed. Dennis would try to make advances on her, or pretend to be cuddly just to whisper mean and horrendous things to her.

Sandy woke up in Arthur's arms, staring at his angelic face. He looked so peaceful. His eyes fluttered open. Arthur smiled at Sandy kissing her lips gently.

Arthur still couldn't believe Sandy was in his arms. Even after the humiliation from last night didn't turn her away.

"Ugh, I just remembered something." Sandy groaned, breaking the kiss. Arthur pouted.

Sandy giggled. "I have to go to Thomas Wayne's Campaign gala tonight."

This peaked Arthur's interest. "I thought you hated Thomas Wayne?"

Sandy took one of Arthur's cigarettes from the bedside table, and lit it. "I do. I have to go for my cousin, Destiny."

Sandy took a long drag from the cigarette. It had been a while since she had one. She didn't have the mental capacity to really go to the store to buy cigarettes.

"Do you have to go?" Arthur asked, looking up at her with his green puppy dog eyes.

Sandy giggled. "Yes, I do. Or else, Des will guilt trip me for not going." Sandy handed her cigarette to Arthur.

Arthur was still concerned, but it seemed reasonable to go. He took a long drag from the cigarette, tasting Sandy's lips on the butt.

Sandy walked into the kitchen, seeing newspaper clippings tapped around the kitchen. She turned on the coffee pot, feeling a slight jump from Arthur, who was hugging her from behind.

"Thank you for letting me stay." Sandy said, hugging him back.

Arthur hummed, still holding her close.

Arthur clinged onto this moment for a while. It was so foreign to him that he even had Sandy in his arms. Arthur thought a lot about what he did during the subway murder. Half of him did feel guilty about it, but he couldn't feel guilty for Dennis.

It disgusted him, knowing that Dennis almost had a baby with Sandy.

Arthur couldn't feel sorry for the bastard, yet he pretended to feel pity for him. Pitiful that his girlfriend was so much happier with Arthur, then she ever was with him.

Sandy was his now. No one else. He was obsessed with that fact. After Sandy had left Arthur's apartment, she accidentally left her coat. It was smaller than Arthur, but he held onto it for a while.

It was like she was still there, holding him.

"Oh, Sandy." Arthur whispered. He needed to give her coat back, but she was at the gala.

'Thomas Wayne.' He thought. This was his chance.

The town hall was massive. Sandy couldn't believe her eyes.

"Sandy!" Des said, sipping on champagne. Her dress was long and flashy, along with that her perfume just smelled of money.

Des gave Sandy a light hug before eyeing her outfit.

"Your prom dress, huh? I wouldn't expect you to wear anything different." Des sneered.

Sandy rolled her eyes. She didn't come here to be insulted right off the back. "Where's Dee? You told me she'd be here."

"She's over there at the buffet table." Des scoffed, disappearing into the crowd.

Sandy struggled getting through the crowd. Her heart started racing as she pushed through all the rich people in the room.

Finally, Sandy met up Dee at the table.

"Talk about flashy, huh." Dee commented.

Sandy nodded. She hated crowds, especially crowds of hundreds of rich people who couldn't give two fucks about anyone, but themselves.

Des began to start the event by getting up on stage, and tapping on the microphone.

"I'd like to thank my cousin, Sandy, for coming. It's been so rough for her since her boyfriend, Dennis, died, but the good news is he doesn't have to look at her anymore." Des laughed, meanly.

Everyone laughed as well, except Dee.

Sandy should've expected this, but she went anyway. Her nerves were bouncing all over the place. How could a large hall feel so goddamn small?

"I think that we all agree that we're all going through a difficult time, but we're all here for Mr. Thomas Wayne, and we're here to support him as he starts his campaign for mayor. So everyone give it up for Thomas Wayne." Des got off the stage after she introduced Thomas Wayne.

Sandy could care less what Wayne was saying. It all was the same.

Throughout his speech, he'd mention the subway killings, giving Sandy the final straw.

She felt captive, suddenly. She felt like she couldn't breathe. Sandy pushed through the crowd, trying to escape the hall.

Sandy found herself in the nearest bathroom, hyperventilating as she was having an anxiety attack. Her makeup was ruined from the tears that feel down her face.

After a while of panicking and crying, Sandy finally composed herself. She had to retouch her makeup, so that Des didn't make fun of her more.

Sandy walked out of the bathroom, still feeling miserable. In corner of her eye, she saw a bell hopper that looked that Arthur, walk into the theater by himself.

Arthur snuck into the gala, wearing a clever bellhop disguise. He saw Sandy walking out of the bathroom. God, did she look like an angel. He needed to focus. He had to confront Thomas Wayne.

He walked into the theater. Playing on the screen was an old Charlie Chaplin movie that everyone really seemed to be enjoying.

Arthur laughed, not the painful laughter, but a genuine laugh. He laughed at Charlie's antics on screen.

This was a rare moment for Arthur. He was happy, and joyous.

He had noticed Thomas Wayne from across the aisle of the theater.

Arthur followed him to the bathroom. While he was in the bathroom, he undid his disguise.

It was just Arthur and Thomas in the bathroom.

"Can I help you, pal?" Thomas asked, while standing at a urinal.

Arthur paused for a second, nervousness overcome him.

"I don't know what to say." Arthur said, in disbelief.

Thomas flushed the urinal, and walked over to the line of sinks across from the urinals.

"Do you want an autograph or something?" Thomas seemed annoyed, and kind of dismissive of Arthur.

Arthur took a gulp, and gently said "no."

He walked up to Thomas, as nervous as he was. Arthur needed to know the truth.

"My name is Arthur," he said, "Penny Fleck is my mother."

Thomas stopped washing his hands. His expression changed from annoyed to a more concerned look.

"Jesus." Thomas said. "You're the guy that came to my house yesterday."

Then, his look turned annoyed again.

"I'm sorry I just showed up, but my mother told me everything. I had to talk to you." Arthur's voice cracked.

"Look, pal, I'm not your father." Thomas interrupted.

Then, Arthur stood there confused.

Thomas chuckled. "What's wrong with you?"

Arthur was still confused, and a little hurt that Thomas was denying the fact that he was his father.

"Look at us." Arthur whispered. "I think you are."

"Well, that's impossible because you're adopted, and I never slept with your mother." Thomas blatantly said.

Arthur was taken aback. He stuttered, nervously. "No, I wasn't adopted."

"Your mother adopted you while she was working for us." Wayne explained, but Arthur already heard enough.

"Why are you saying this?" This was news to Arthur.

Thomas was saying all these things that didn't even make sense to him. It was madness.

"I don't need you to tell me lies. I know it seems strange. I don't mean to make you uncomfortable I don't know why everyone is so rude. I don't know why you are. I don't want anything from you, maybe a little bit of warmth. Maybe just a hug, Dad." Arthur yelled, almost about to cry.

"She's crazy." Thomas said.

Arthur started laughing. His painful laugh.

"You think this is funny?" Thomas proceeded to punch Arthur in his face.

"Touch my son again. I'll fucking kill you." Those were Thomas Wayne's last words before he walked out of the bathroom.

Arthur's laugh turned into hiccups as he looked at himself in the mirror. He had a bloody nose

Sandy walked back into the hall. Des was already drunk out of her mind.

"Hey, I'm sorry about the introduction. It was dumb and I'm sorry." Des yelled, even though she didn't have to yell.

"Yeah, it's fine." Sandy muttered.

"But, yeah it's true though." Des slurred. "That's why he always came to me."

"What?" Sandy was confused.

"Yeah, Dennis started fucking me after you went to hospital because he didn't want your crazy." Des confessed. "I'm telling you now that he's dead, because I didn't want to hurt your feelings."

Sandy couldn't believe her ears. "Are you fucking serious? He fucked you while I was locked up on suicide watch."

"Yeah, but you understand right?" Des said.

"Oh, I understand." Sandy grabbed a wine bottle, breaking it on her head.

Sandy walked out of the hall, while Des was screaming with blood streaming down her head.

"What did you do, Sandy?" Dee demanded as she confronted her.

"I did what I had to do, Dee." Sandy mumbled, with a cigarette in her mouth.

"You didn't have to do that. Look, I understand that Des is a dick. She stirs up old drama all the time. Why is this any different?" Dee asked.

"It's different, because she slept with Dennis. I already knew Dennis never fucking loved me. He destroyed me, Dee. He destroyed me without a purpose." Sandy screamed at the top of her lungs.

"So what, Sandy? You need to fucking grow up. I have to take Des to the hospital." Dee ran into an ambulance, not before Des flipped Sandy off.

Sandy sighed as she lit the cigarette.

She looked over and saw Arthur sitting on the curb.

"Hey." Sandy said, walking up to him. "Let's get you home."

Taglist: @princessgeekface, @gloomyladyy, @joker-flecked-me, @jokerflecker, @memory-mortis, @mr--clown

[whumpandbandaids]

Okay, so obviously I love Davis and all, but I was thinking maybe 'self-harm' for Vincent, because I can kinda see him maybe feeling a lot of guilt and not dealing with it in the most healthy ways? I'm sorry if that's stressful, and you totally don't have to write that, but yeah :) -S

Okay this took me forever but here it is! You’re totally right though, I kinda had this planned for him so I’m really glad you requested it and don’t worry I wouldn’t have asked for it on my card if I wasn’t comfortable writing it! Anyway it’s going under a read more for obvious reasons, it’s also pretty explicit, there’s no comfort and there’s some murder so uhh read at your own risk ( @badthingshappenbingo) 

Vincent was sick of it. Sick of Claire’s disappointed looks, the jeering comments about how weak he was from everyone else and how he was constantly being hurt for not following orders. It wore him down to the point that he couldn’t take it anymore and something in him just snapped. 

The screams echoed in his ears now but he barely registered them in the moment, too focused on proving himself. Something he had more than done. Everyone who not long ago had been trying to antagonize him into torturing and killing the person in front of him parted to let him leave without a word, more glances thrown towards the brutalized body he left with them than at his retreating form. 

Now with shaking hands he locked his door behind him, in the safety of his own bedroom he thought he’d breakdown and cry but he stayed just as numb and tear-free as he’d been in front of the others. Only the slight tremor running through his bloodstained hands giving away any hint that he registered what he’d just done. He knew he should have felt something, shame, remorse, or at least relief but instead there was just- nothing. 

Slowly he became aware that he was still holding the knife he’d used as feeling crept back into his hands and for a moment he considered throwing it out and pretending this never happened but he knew it was too late for that. No one else would let him forget what he’d done and he shouldn’t be allowed to either. 

Almost robotically he washed the blade and then his hands clean in the bathroom, still a little too out of it to be fully aware of what exactly he was doing. In fact it wasn’t until there was a shallow uneven cut across the pale skin of his wrist that he snapped back into reality and the blade clattered to the floor.

Pearls of blood welled up and ran down his arm but he didn’t stop them, only watched as they traced his skin. The damage he’d done had only hurt for a second but in the second it had he’d felt a little better. He reached for the blade he had dropped only seconds ago, hoping that this small amount of pain he was causing himself was enough of a punishment for taking a human life and dug the knife in again, cutting deeper this time. He gritted his teeth against the stinging pain it caused, feeling both relieved and disgusted by it as he continued.

He didn’t know how long it went on for but eventually he stopped and stared down at the overlapping mess of cuts that decorated his left arm as he dropped the knife in the sink behind him. The ache behind his eyes he couldn’t seem to sort out almost hurt more than his arm but he switched on the shower hoping it would help, or at least get rid of the blood.

“Vincent, are you okay?” Claire called, her loud pounding on the door making him jump as he scrambled to shut off the water so she wouldn’t hear him. “The lights are on, I know you’re in there. I heard what happened, I just– wanted to make sure everything was alright.” she continued awkwardly trying to be sympathetic, something she had never been an expert on.

“Everything is fine.” he yelped, closing and locking the bathroom door he hadn’t previously bothered with. 

“Okay, if you say so.” Claire replied, her voice now more muffled but still audible thanks to the thin walls. 

“Isn’t this what you wanted?” he blurted out before he could stop himself, tears prickling in the corners of his eyes.

“I-I don’t know,” she admitted, trying the handle and finding it locked. “Can I come in?”

“No,” he said, glancing down at his arm again and shuddering as he imagined her horrified reaction. “I just want to be alone.” 

“Okay,” she sighed. “And Vincent?”

“Yeah?”

“You did good today, I know you probably don’t agree with me, but you did.” 

“Thanks.” he whispered as she walked away, unsure if his voice was even loud enough for her to hear, for once her praise meaning nothing to him.

[the-cooler-king]

I'm already mad stressed out bc I know I have to make phone calls and do schoolwork today.

I've not been sleeping very well and my last few days off I haven't been able to sleep in so today I figured I'd do just that.... only for my mom to come in and out of my room to mess with the cat - which she can't do without literally leaning on me to reach her. So finally I'm like ok I guess I'm up now! To which she finally says oh I'll go in the living room and play my game now.... so after I get up I decide I'm hungry, which is really rare. Usually I stay nauseated for a few hours after I wake up. So im looking around the kitchen and its just junk everywhere. Junk food. Junk mail. Junk boxes. And im STRESSED. Still no kitchen counter. Still no kitchen sink. I cant find the goddamn potatoes and the ones in the bin are rotted together. So im trying to move stuff off the *only counter we have* which is the stove, so I can find one potato out of this rotten bin to eat. Mom decides this is the perfect time to do the dishes, which she has to do in the bathroom because *there is no fucking kitchen sink*. Im perplexed by the amount of wawa pretzels and who on earth eats wawa cinnamon rolls? She hears me and actually gets upset and takes them from me before pointedly avoiding me for the next twenty minutes. I go sit in my room because she's obviously not done in the kitchen and I have no clean pan to cook with *because the one I bought for myself got lost because we have no cabinets either*. She comes in to let me know she's going out to meet up with her friend -who I like, she's cool- and like guilts me for not going kinda? So I gave her shit right back asking why she didn't say something when I was scrounging around the kitchen for 30 mins looking for food we don't have. She paused and I told her to have fun, I didnt want to interact with ppl today anyway (which is true, my next days off im stuck with mom and my sister for an overnight trip to see family) and she said "well kitchen is all yours" and it irritates me that she thinks im being bitchy for no reason when THERE ARE SO MANY. She thinks no one else has the right to be upset about a shitty situation before her, and they certainly can't be more upset. I havent done the dishes in months because the one time I tried I knocked over everything in our cluttered as fuck bathroom and had to dump the dishwater down the toilet. This is so traphouse and they're both fine enough with this that they won't call anyone to come and finish the work. I cant put my stuff properly away because there isn't room for it where it should go. And if I did put it "away", like all my tea stuff in cabinets and my mugs in drawers, one of them would inevitably destroy it? I dont know why she gets so upset over my dad being super careless when she's also just as careless? I need to make this phone call and apply for a mortgage broker and call to set up tours for houses so me and britt can get the fuck out of these situations but I am so drained today and it just makes me feel WORSE... especially knowing I work the next 5 days and don't know what my energy levels will look like after work, so I dont know how much I'll be able to get done regarding moving and it makes me feel so bad. I'm so frustrated that it doesn't matter that I'm so frustrated. I'm frustrated that I've got nowhere to go with these feelings. I have no motivation to do anything but sit here and cry honestly.

[margot-bargot]

Listen, fam. I'm coming out.

Look, I've been working on the best way to do this for a while. I had a whole long thing typed up & I kept re-writing it for months. But I think I'm just gonna get to the point. I'm coming out. I identify as pansexual. What is pansexuality, you ask? Well, it basically means that I feel attraction to anyone, regardless of their gender. Cis men & women, trans men & women, agender folks, demigender folks, etc. If you've never heard of pansexuality before, lemme hit you with that Wikipedia link real quick to help you out: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pansexuality . Pansexuality is pretty adjacent to bisexuality & often gets confused for it. However, the two are slightly different in that bisexuality is attraction to two or more genders & pansexuality is attraction to anyone of any gender. A couple things to note real quick before we continue: 1. Pansexuality doesn't mean that you're attracted to EVERYONE you see. It simply means that your capacity to feel attraction isn't primarily based on gender. 2. If you make any jokes about having sex with pans, you're officially a cornball. I'm just giving you a heads up, is all. Sorry but I don't make the rules. So the thing you might be wondering is how I figured this out. To be honest, I'm still trying to figure out how I could go 29 years without knowing this about myself. But every time I think back, there is one element of my past that explains why it took so long. Growing up in a predominantly conservative christian home, the idea of being gay or anything close to it was a non-starter. It was a sin & a heavily condemned one, at that. As a result, any time a "gay thought" would pop up in my head, I tried to get it out of there as quick as possible. It became an instant reflex to keep that kind of thought out of my head. But I still would feel guilt for the thought, as well as guilt from "lusting" for women. My teens were a confusion time where I was discouraged from even considering an attraction for another gender while also being told I was TOO attracted to the "right" gender. Not a great situation, emotionally. Unfortunately, I suspect it's not an uncommon occurrence for kids growing up in strict christian homes. That said, I felt more comfortable exploring attraction & affection towards cisgendered women (even if it led to "sin" or whatever ugh) mainly because it was instilled in me by conservative christian culture that being gay was worse in the eyes of both God & the church congregation than sleeping with a woman before marriage. If you did that, the church congregation would murmur about you for a bit & engage in some form of slut-shaming hidden under the guise of "asking god for forgiveness." If you were gay? That was a disease. A sinful disease. You'd be quarantined, or ostracized, from that community unless they had the "grace" to help you get therapy to pray the gay away. So, being a massively horny but perpetually nervous teen, I chose to guiltily explore attraction to cis women & push everything else out. In college, my views on both religion & sexuality became more liberal. I no longer thought of being gay as a sin disease (although Sin Disease is a good name for a metal band, now that I think about it). This trend continued after college & beyond, to the point of total acceptance & support for the LGBTQIA community. Folks were gay (including several friends of mine) & that's cool. But I never thought about it for myself. I never allowed myself to really consider the possibility that I could be attracted to anyone else because I always struck the thought down when it popped up in my head. Even though I was no longer religious, I still carried that reflex I learned as a child years ago. The reflex that conservative Christianity taught & encouraged within me. I guess what I'm saying is that religious suppression is a powerful thing. And that only started to unravel for me late last year. I can't point to one thing that started the unraveling process because it really was a culmination of a bunch of different things (such as talking with some cool queer folks about their experiences & finally allowing myself to let in/process non-heteronormative thoughts). It was in late January where I first admitted out loud to one of my roommates that I was beginning to think that I wasn't actually straight. It was really hard for me to find the words for how I felt. None of the established labels (gay, bi, etc) felt 100 percent accurate for me. She actually helped point me toward the idea of pansexuality, which seemed closer to how I felt (I would later talk to some cool queer folks who helped verify some information about pansexuality, where it fit in the rainbow, etc). And a weird thing happened that night. I felt a weight lift off of me. It happened almost instantly. It was like a weight that I never knew was there. And I started crying. Was this what I was carrying with me for 29 years? Was that reflex to kick the idea of anything queer out of my head keeping this weight on me? Even now, with the large amounts of stress/worry that I feel on a day-to-day basis, I think about all of this & it feels like a bright spot in an otherwise dark world for me. Like, the world is going to shit, but I finally figured out this important truth about myself. Anyway, that's a lot of words up there. And I'm not done! I still need to tell you why I'm saying all of this! But I know this has been a long read, so feel free to run to the bathroom if you need to. It occurred to me that I might not be the only one in this situation. If conservative christian culture was able to burrow that repressive reflex that deep into me (so deep that it lasted years after I left the church), it had to do the same to other folks. Maybe there's someone reading this that hasn't even allowed themselves to consider their sexual identity. Maybe someone's reading that's just starting to ask some questions about their identity. If so, I want to tell you that it's okay to question & explore that side of yourself, even if you don't really have a name for it yet. I certainly didn't know what to call myself at first, other than "not straight". You're 100% not alone in this. I'm out here with you, grasping at bits of truth, filling in the gaps, & trying to find answers but feeling so much more free in the journey than I ever did in the comfort of what I knew. If you are in that situation, there are a lot of good resources to help you fill in the gaps & answer some of those lingering questions. If you have a friend in the LGBTQIA community, don't be afraid to ask them about their own experience. Talking with folks who had an experience coming to grips with their own queerness helped me quite a bit, even when our experiences were different. It's just nice to know you're not some unsolvable mystery & that this this thing (whatever you end up calling it) is a very positive thing. If you live in a big enough city, you probably have an equality center that provides resources, access to affordable counseling, support groups, & social events (where you can meet other folks within the community). If your city doesn't have something like that, there are online resources that can help as well. Here's a link for the GLBT National Help Center, in case you're in that situation: http://glbtnationalhelpcenter.org . Hopefully that ends up being helpful to anyone who needs it. It's 2018 & while there have been massive strides in LGBTQIA rights/visibility, there are still many ways in which members of the community are harmed & discriminated against (spearheaded largely by our current administration). We're not in a time where everyone everywhere can feel 100% safe openly exploring their sexual and/or gender identity. I'm a huge dummy in many respects, but if some of the information in this post helps someone feel less alone or points them in the right direction, then it'll be worth it. I realize that there are folks I know who hold more conservative views. They'll probably read all of this (or like, just the first two paragraphs lol) & decide I'm heading straight to hell. If they're being generous, they'll say that they're "praying for me" & pity me as another lost soul. Which, whatever. I'll be fine. If anything, I feel more free than I ever did repressing such a big part of myself. Plus, these are people who voted for Trump (& if they didn't, they are still largely okay with the gay-hating coward Mike Pence). So we're not gonna see eye-to-eye on this no matter what. 🤷‍♂️ Also they can fuck off. 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️ I guess that's all I have to say. If you stuck around & read all of this, I appreciate you indulging me as I tried to fumble around explaining myself. It's been about 5 months since I first came out to my roommate & I'm happy to finally share the good news with y'all. I'm going to my first ever Pride parade soon. It'll be my first time around a large gathering of queer folk. I normally don't really like being out in large groups (nor do I love highly corporate-sponsored events, which this surely will be). That being said, I'm really excited! I seriously can't wait for this. Probably because it feels like finally being united with a group you never knew you were a part of. It's an event specifically celebrating the idea that it's cool & good to be queer, to be part of this rainbow. For the first time in a long time, it feels like I'm moving in the right direction.

[elusive---ivory]

Little Clown pt 3

MERRY CHRISTMAS YOU FILTHY ANIMALS!!! It Christmas Eve, and here's my present to you guys 💕💕💕💕 You all are amazing and spectacular. This is a long one boys so hold on tight.

PAIRING: Arthur Fleck/Joker x Oc

WARNING: Smut (in the first half), Sub!Joker, and choking.

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Taglist:

@princessgeekface @gloomyladyy @memory-mortis @mijachula

Sandy woke up to the soft sound of water running. She got up noticing her lack of clothing. Last night, Arthur and Sandy had a lot of 'catching up to do'. She smirked, walking into the bathroom, seeing Arthur already in the shower. Arthur's dyed green hair was dripping down his back.

"Hey, your hair is melting." Sandy joked, as she stepped in the shower with him.

Arthur chuckled, turning around, kissing Sandy's cheek.

"Everyone's looking for you. You know that right?" Sandy spoke softly, as she ran her fingers through his hair.

"I know. I'm famous. More so than that Bruce Wayne kid." Arthur bragged.

Sandy laughed. "Joker has really made a name for himself."

"You know it. I'm the king of Gotham." Arthur pulled Sandy close to him. "And you're my queen."

Sandy smiled, but her smile shifted into worry.

"What's wrong?" Arthur smirked, with brief concern in his eyes.

"It's nothing, dear." Sandy threw her hands around Arthur's neck, pulling him into a his.

Arthur kissed down her jaw to her neck.

"Arth-" Sandy's moan was cut off with a hush.

"Joker." Arthur whispered, nuzzled into her neck. Arthur bit her neck hard, drawing blood.

Sandy pushed Arthur away. "Fuck, Arthur. That hurt." She yelled.

Arthur laughed. "I'm sorry. It wasn't meant to hurt you."

Sandy smirked. "Looks like I gotta hurt you now."

Arthur's interest was peaked. He turned off the shower nozzle.

"I'm gonna hurt you so bad." Sandy drew out the word 'bad'.

"Oh? How are you going to hurt me, Sandy?" Arthur teased.

"You'll see." Sandy leaned over biting Arthur's ear.

Arthur moaned, laughing. "That didn't hurt."

Sandy pulled back, placing her hands on his jugular. She tightly squeezed it.

Arthur gasped. His eyes widened as Sandy smiled sweetly, squeezing harder.

"Sandy. S-sandy." Arthur choked out.

Sandy chuckled. "Oh, baby. Doesn't it feel good."

Arthur nodded. He felt her long nails scratch down his neck, leaving marks.

Sandy took her hands off Arthur's throat. "Lay down." She demanded.

Arthur obeyed, feeling his blood pressure rise. He felt mesmerized by Sandy. He had never seen her so dominant before. It was almost if she made a transformation herself. In this moment, he didn't feel like he was inside Sandy, but inside someone controlling her.

Sandy got on top of him, putting her hands back on his throat.

Arthur grabbed onto her hips as Sandy grinded onto him, rocked back and forth on him. He felt himself be in and out of her without lifting a finger. He felt the pressure rise inside of him.

"Tell me, Joker. Could Harley ever ride you like this? Could she make you her bitch? I didn't think so. You know damn well that I can fuck you better than that ditzy blonde. You're already yearning for me, boy. You just try to cover it up with your tough guy person. I know that's all a facade. Doesn't it feel good, Artie. Doesn't just feel like heaven?"

Sandy smirked, keeping a tight grip on his neck, but leaving it a little loose. Red marks appeared all around Arthur's neck as Sandy dug her nails deeper.

Arthur went wild. He had the biggest grin planted on his face. The feeling was too much. He gasped tiny moans as felt himself release. He tilted his head back, breathing heavily.

Sandy let out an breathy moan, leaving her hands to go limp, and fall onto Arthur's chest.

Arthur looked at Sandy with half-lidded eyes. His hand crept up to her cheek, rubbing it softly.

"I love you, Sand-" Sandy cut Arthur off with her lips.

"Dolly." She whispered.

Arthur smirked. "Dolly." He repeated.

Ruth woke up early. Usually, she would wake up after her mother made her breakfast, but today seemed different. Ruth noticed clothes sprawled all over the living room.

To her notice, she also saw the ashtray filled all the way up with cigarettes. Sandy never smoked that much unless she was really stressed out.

Ruth saw him in the kitchen. His green locks shined in the light of the morning sun, smoking a cigarette. Ruth hid behind the kitchen wall. Another thing she noticed was he was wearing her mother's robe. Ruth looked up at him, cautiously.

Arthur saw Ruth's copper hair again the kitchen hallway. He defused his cigarette and walked towards her.

Ruth froze as her eyes met with his.

"Hey, honey. What are you doing up?" Arthur asked, looking down at the frightened girl.

Ruth stuttered. "I was, uh, just getting some, uh, milk."

Arthur smiled. "Oh. Is that right? Ruth, is it?" He asked, trying to remember his own daughter's name.

Ruth nodded hesitantly.

"Your mother picked a beautiful name." Arthur sighed, disassociating.

Ruth looked at Arthur strangely. "Why are you still here, Mr. Joker?" She asked, still very frightened by him.

Arthur didn't understand why Ruth was so afraid of him. He didn't have his clown makeup on. "What's wrong with me staying here?" Arthur asked, kneeling down to Ruth's level.

"My mommy will be upset." Ruth said, obviously making up an excuse. Truth be told, Ruth didn't trust Joker, then again, she didn't trust really anyone. Ruth was told that people in Gotham were cruel and mean. It was up to her to fix it, and make Gotham a better place. Of course, many people would disagree with her.

Arthur chuckled. "Well, your mother would've already kicked me out if she didn't want me here."

Ruth froze. "Um, well, I don't want you here." She stuttered.

Arthur feigned sadness. "Oh, looks like I'm gonna sleep out on the streets." He mocked, fake crying.

Ruth felt bad. "I'm sorry. You can stay, but my room is off limits."

Arthur smiled again, pulling Ruth into a hug. "Thanks, Ruthie. It means a lot to me."

Sandy stood in the hallway, fully dressed. "Ruth, come over here." She called, from the living room.

Sandy sat Ruth down, gently. "I'm sure you've gotten well acquainted with Joker, here."

Ruth nodded. "Why is he here?" Ruth whispered, hushed.

"It's complicated, my dear. You see, Joker is, well, your father." Sandy uttered those words hesitantly, expecting Ruth's reaction.

Ruth's eyes widened. "This isn't true, is it? Mommy?" A tear fell down Ruth's face.

Sandy's face soften as she wiped the tear of her daughter's face. "It is."

Ruth looked over at Joker, then looked back at her mother. She furrowed her eyebrows for a sec, then all emotion wiped off her face.

"I'll be in my room, Mommy." Ruth spoke, monotonously. She pushed past Sandy, and slammed her bedroom door.

Sandy sighed, frustrated. She felt immense guilt about lying to her daughter. Keeping the charade up for this long wore on Sandy.

Arthur lingered in the doorway, smirking. "She'll learn to like me. I may not have fantastic looks, but at least I have a charming personality." He mocked, flopped onto the couch next to Sandy.

"You have good looks too. You're easy to fall for." Sandy smirked, nuzzling up to Arthur.

"Awww, shucks, Dolly. You're too kind." Arthur smiled.

Sandy smiled. "You got me falling for you even more."

Arthur smirked, kissing Sandy softly on her lips. "And, I've gotten very attached to you. I thought about you a lot. I couldn't keep my mind on anything else in Arkham. The first time you didn't show up to our visits I was worried. It was so lonely in the hospital. I just wanted you in my arms. When I was let out to the common area, I spoke to no one. I isolated myself, until Miss Quinn said I was spending too much time lingering on the past. I would roll my eyes. I didn't care much about what she was saying, but she promised me freedom. I like to think about that morning me and you met. How elegant you looked. You remember, don't you? In that very elevator, you actually talked to me, and looked at me in a way no one had before."

Arthur held Sandy close to him, softly petting her hair. "I never want to be apart from you, again, Sandy."

Sandy's head rested on Arthur's chest, hearing his rapid heartbeat from his ribcage.

"Who was Harley Quinn in Arkham, anyway?" Sandy asked.

Arthur let out a frustrated sigh. "She was psychiatrist that lost her mind in Arkham. I don't remember how, because I didn't really listen to her. I do remember meeting her in the common room."

Arthur scoffed. "She said she couldn't stand to see me in Arkham, seeing as miserable as I was. I told her that I needed someone to watch after you, so she did. Harley told me she wanted to escape this hellish life in Arkham and wanted to run away with me. I don't remember the answer, but it wasn't no. I was upset and heartbroken, because I was convinced that you left me. What changed my mind about Harley was because she threatened to hurt a kid."

Arthur paused for a second, feeling the rage build up in his chest. "Before, I even knew that she was my kid." Arthur trailed off.

A loud scream came from Ruth's bedroom. Sandy and Arthur both got up and headed for the door.

"RUTH!" Sandy yelled, kicking down the door.

The window was broken, along with vines crawling up the window.

Sandy dropped to the ground sobbing.