#but also i had sex with someone i reallyyy love on sunday and i'm so fucking excited about it and i'm just happyyyyy | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mrsmarlasinger · 2 years ago

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OH. Is that why a fruity-girl-and-her-straight-boyfriend-and-the-repressed-bisexual-female-protagnoist love triangle (but it's not really a love triangle because they have weird throuple vibes and they all wanna fuck each other) shows up in TWO of my three novels 🤨

Willow made out with four people in Flesh because she was in love with Bliss and Elijah and Veronica and Boyfriend Oliver all at once; the Haven trio is a fucking powder keg of sexual tension in like six different ways. This is a Trope™ for me, which is perhaps very...telling.

I continue to learn new things about myself through my own writing goddammit

So I've been wondering for at least a year if I might be polyamorous, and today on my birthday my queue dredged up two posts that mention polyamory. Perhaps 'tis a sign

#i see now why my high school love life was such a soap opera #and why i move on so fast from break-ups? obviously i'd never cheat on a monogamous partner because fuckin duh #but i think i've very rarely been in love with just one person at a time #so there's not so much a mourning period wherein i have to fall *out* of love before i can fall *in* love again #like 4 out of 5 of my past break-ups/BFOs (break-up shaped objects) i've moved on within two days to *maybe* a month #and the fifth one i just couldn't start dating again because of the pandemic. (i've had more BFOs but i'm not counting them)#and it's *not* because i don't love my ex or immediately stop being sad about them or want to hurt them by moving on so quick #like my latest ex-gf who broke up with me on thursday. i mean i love her and that fucking HURT and i was fucking heartbroken #but i'm. like. over it now. partly because i robotripped and it cured me lollll #but also i had sex with someone i reallyyy love on sunday and i'm so fucking excited about it and i'm just happyyyyy #and idk idk i think i've always felt trapped by the traditional nuclear family structure for multiple reasons and maybe this is one #as long as i alwaysss have my qpp i think i could probably have a number of different relationship structures and be happy #because i'm a baby exmo i still have marriage brainrot and am so obsessed with the concept of getting married someday #but something about marriage always bugged me a little. this whole thing of committing to Only One Person Forever #like why do i have to find *The* One? i love and have loved so many people in so many ways wdym. how do i *choose*#since high school a part of me just wanted to ''play the field'' forever bc i couldn't imagine how i'd decide on only one person to love #and i was called a player in high school but i thought it was bc i wasn't allowed to have a steady boyfriend and had to date casually #or bc i'm kinda the slutty-bi-who-flirts-with-everyone stereotype lmao #but maybe i flirt with everyone bc traditional monogamy never fully registered with me? i'm demisexual so i'm not *really* a slutty bi lol #i thought the marriage thing was me being commitment-phobic but i think **maybe** monogamy feels...constraining to me?#maybe that's why i'd only had two-month relationships before my latest one? maybe it contributed to me being unhappy with my latest ex????#i genuinely am not sure if i'd ever want to be in an Official Polyamorous Relationship. but?#idk if i can continue being monogamous with a traditional romantic partner while still having a platonic life partner as my ''best friend''#i don't even know if any of my gfs/bfs have *fully* understood the depths of my commitment to my qpp even tho i always tried to explain it #like you don't get it. there isn't a no. 1 and no. 2. you are BOTH my no. 1‚ you're just my romantic no. 1 & they're my queerplatonic no. 1 #you do not understand that i am committed to BOTH of you and they are so much more than my best friend even if i'm not romantic w/them #how do i explain that in a monogamous framework‚ y'know? & i don't think i can be physical w/just my romantic partner & not my qpp anymore #so idk dude idk. i just don't know how to approach all of this. i thought i was done acquiring new identity labels lmaoooooo #personal

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