#but also every time im like ‘wait wont this make a paradox’ they do some crazy shit

[kozykricket]

deltarune rambling time yippee

i think deltarune is in an interesting spot in terms of like... theres a lot of theories that have had a lot of time to develop, and like. i dont think these specific conditions have really happened to a game before. having a big audience of lore nuts AND giving them 2 chapters worth of solid concrete stuff and then havin em wait? its very, very interesting

(rereading this post i think i might reword or add an addendum to it later since i kinda didnt quiiite word my thoughts on Big Theories below exactly right. it feels like im saying that every theory is just gonna be wrong... when i just think that the nature of the lore has a decent chance to be able to almost... parody theorizing, if its based on the nature of fiction and creation. which would make deep theories not WRONG but not RIGHT, just unprovable)

like, ive skimmed through big theories that seem larger than i could even imagine deltarune itself being... not to say i believe theyre entirely wrong, but just that. it definitely wont be explained to THAT degree in game...

what im really tryna say though is, yknow, i distance myself from the bigger theories because im patient and also because i ... dont wanna spoil myself if the theories are perfectly right but especially, a big reason, is the typical classic "don't get your hopes or expectations up" dont get me wrong, ive got big hopes for deltarune and some healthy hype, but i aint gonna get my expectations all fixated on some gigantic theory of the entire overarching metanarrative. i think its great that people are developing so many theories though involving like, the depths and stuff. because worst comes to worst? well, toby fox has just convinced people to write their own stories. and for a game that seems to be shaping up to be about the nature of fiction and creation? seems fitting (genuinely i expect chapter 3 to be the birth of SO many deltarune AUs, out of what is proven wrong or left ambiguous) so yeah, i dont say this to be like "nah no ones gonna be right, toby doesnt have big plans" because im certain he does have some big master plan in the lore but i also believe the lore wont necessarily focus around what we're expecting, if that makes sense. if the game is about fiction, which it clearly is to some degree with the whole. ralsei pushing us down the path of a generic prophecy where we are heroes and vanquish evil... and then immediately dissecting Good Guys vs Bad Guys in ch1 and very much making it a point that we're trying to be kept ON the path of a very specific story. both us and kris.

i think i kinda worded some of this wrong but like TLDR? i do believe toby has big lore plans, but i think theres a decent chance they wont actually get super deep into like, worldbuilding all the logic of dark worlds for example. because... well, the lore could very well be that dark worlds arent logically explainable, yknow. something like the collective unconscious kinda logic. or like terapagos in pokemon being a kind of... paradoxical thing because its born based on belief in it

maybe im wrong thjough. either way, i am excited for deltarune. whatever direction it goes in, ill be happy.

[rowaning]

The Complete Fiction of HP Lovecraft rated by me, someone who read them all* but has a terrible memory

The Beast in The Cave: uh a guy goes on a cave tour and finds a creature that was like a human that got lost and adapted to its surroundings. 0/10 just because im pretty sure there was another one with this exact premise and neither of them were memorable at all.

The Alchemist: dude achieves immortality and lives in the narrators basement and has pledged to murder his entire lineage or something. 4/10 the alchemy stuff was actually kind of interesting

The Tomb: im pretty sure this is the one where a guy starts hanging out in a tomb and like travels back in time/becomes one of his ancestors? 5/10 if its the one im thinking of i did enjoy reading it

Dagon: guy lands on a mysterious island with signs of a long dead civilization. 1/10 i do not remember what happened in it

A Reminiscence of Dr. Samuel Johnson: 0/10 i have no memory of this

Polaris: also 0/10 i forgot all about it

Beyond the Wall of Sleep: could be any of the dream focused ones. if its the one about the dude sailing into the void or whatever than 4/10 not too bad

Memory: ironically, i dont remember it. 0/10

Old Bugs: 1/10 for the title god i wish i remembered this one

The Transition of Juan Romero: i got nothing. 0/10

The White Ship: this might also be the one about the dude sailing into the void? i liked that one he lived in a lighthouse and boarded a dream ship and just fucking left it was fun. 4/10

The Street: uh i think really steep street that didnt actually exist. 3/10

The Doom that Came to Sarnath: i wanna say another one of the dream centered ones where a town discovers some old relics and blatantly disrespects them and gets exactly whats coming to it. 5/10 they deserved what they got

The Statement of Randolph Carter: ok this dude shows up several times. i think this one is about how he returns to his childhood home then travels back in time and creates a time loop paradox thing. 1/10 meh

The Terrible Old Man: uh some thieves harrass a weird old guy and get got. 5/10

The Cats of Ulthar: someone is mean to a cat in a dream city, all of the rest of the cats get revenge and are revered for the rest of time. 2/10 (-3 because lovecraft has a specific name he gives to apparently every fictional and real cat he encounters and wow i wish he hadn't)

The Tree: i feel like this is something to do with a person becoming a tree but i cant actually remember. 0/10

Celephais: yeah no i got nothing 0/10

The Picture in the House: also nothing 0/10

The Temple: nope 0/10

Facts Concerning the Late Arthur Jermyn and his Family: is this the one where the dude's great grandfather married an ape? i dont think so but im not sure. 0/10, -5/10 if it is that one cause that one was especially shitty

From Beyond: nope 0/10

Nyarlathotep: charismatic dude shows up and is like get in bitches we're going to the void. i love nyarlathotep cause hes the one who directly interacts with humanity and like wears a human suit or whatever so hes just some dude whos like hey im gonna feed you to azathoth 5/0

The Quest of Iranon: got nothing 0/10

The Music of Erich Zann: narrator makes friends with an old musician whos being hunted by supernatural forces. 2/10 because i remember it but it was just ok

Ex Oblivione: 1/10 for the title but i have no clue what it was about

Sweet Ermengarde: lovecraft's sole attempt at comedy. not to my taste like at all 0/10

The Nameless city: nope 0/10

The Outsider: also nope 0/10

The Moon-Bog: sounds cool, dont remember it. 0/10

The Other Gods: dude tries to find the gods of humanity where they live on a big mountain, actually finds them, is immediately smited by the Other Gods who protect the gods of humanity. 3/10 he deserved it

Azathoth: dont recall, 0/10

Herbert West- Reanimator: Arkham man Herbert West and his assistant ressurect the dead with little thought to the consequences, then get murdered by a band of said resurrected dead. 5/10

Hypnos: nope 0/10

What the Moon Brings: also nope 0/10

The Hound: still nope 0/10

The Lurking Fear: again, nope 0/10

The Rats in the Walls: dude returns to his ancestral home, hears rats, excavates the basement and finds out that his ancestors ate human flesh, eats his friend. 1/10 it was an interesting read but can lovecraft please stop calling cats that.

The Unnameable: no clue 0/10

The Festival: nope 0/10

*Under the Pyramids: ok im pretty sure this is the one with houdini which is the only one i could not read. i went into this mentally prepared for lovecraft's bigotry but i was not mentally prepared for him dropping harry houdini, avid skeptic who absolutely would have beat the shit out of him for this, into the middle of his super racist paranormal horror. -1000/10

The Shunned House: nope 0/10

The Horror at Red Hook: also nope 0/10

He: cool title, no memory of the story. 0/10

In the Vault: wow im bad at this. 0/10

Cool Air: still no 0/10

The Call of Cthulhu: kind of all over the place, there was a thing about artists and then a thing about a cop investigating a cult. 3/10 meh but ill give it a bonus for being a staple of horror fiction.

Pickman's Model: uh artist sees some wild shit and draws it and then it eats him. 2/10 i forget the details

The Strange High House in the Mist: if this is the one im thinking of, dude does a dangerous climb to find a mysterious house and meet the inhabitant who is kind of interdimensional and also being hunted by interdimensional things. also maybe the house eats people? 2/10

The Silver Key: another Randolph Carter one, and i think this is actually the one about him travelling back in time so idk what the other one was. 3/10

The Dream-Quest of Unknown Kadath: randolph carter goes on a quest in the dream world to find the gods of humanity and ask why they wont let him check out this cool city he can see from his window. lots of action and very wordy and went a lot of different places. 4/10 good read but extremely xenophobic

The Case of Charles Dexter Ward: guy investigates his ancestor who looks disturbingly like him, ancestor comes back to life and kills him and takes his place and a bunch of other stuff happens. mostly a dramatized genealogical study. 3/10 not bad, very suspenseful

The Colour Out Of Space: meteor lands on a farm, scientists get weirded out by it, everything in the area gets weird then dead, alien thing gets enough power from draining nearby life-forms to escape earth. fun twist ending. 4/10 bonus for being one of the better ones, detraction for writing out a 'rural accent'

The Descendant: nope, 0/10

The Very Old Folk: nope again, 0/10

History of the Necronomicon: very dry. fake history of lovecraft's fake book thats super important to a lot of the stories. 0/10

The Dunwich Horror: isolated witchy family has a kid who no one likes that grows up real fast. graphic descriptions of renovation. a horror gets unleashed on the area and the local folklore scholars have to deal with it. 1/10 nothing good enough to counter the xenophobia

Ibid: i remember this one. no idea what it's deal was. pseudo-bibliography? it was weird. 0/10

The Whisperer in Darkness: guy has a correspondance with another guy about local folk legends based on evil crab things. other guy gets straight up replaced by an evil crab thing and first guy doesnt even notice. imagine if you followed up on a scam email and didnt realize anything was up until you saw that the face of the dude you were talking to in person was a mask. 4/10 for the comedy this guy would not last in the internet age at all

At The Mountains of Madness: guy whines about penguins and how awful it would be if there were civilizations that predated humanity. also commits grave desecration. i get hit by the realization that if lovecraft was less of a racist coward he wouldve made a great speculative sci fi author. 3/10 i would love to watch that old asshole get absolutely torn to shreds by the monster fucker community

The Shadow over Innsmouth: Fish People! Leave Them Alone! Or Else! 5/10 the protagonist gets to live the dream by escaping human society and becoming an immortal fish person

The Dreams in the Witch House: dude rents an objectively haunted room, doesnt listen to people trying to help him, gets murdered by a weird rat. later they find a shit ton of bones in the attic. 2/10 meh

Through The Gates of the Silver Key: Randolph Carter transcends time and space, then de-transcends time and space and immediately gets stuck on another planet in the distant past, makes a long and difficult journey back to earth to find that his estate is being divided amongst his heirs. the comedy potential of a man stuck in an alien body dealing with a legal system that has declared him dead is not examined. 2/10

The Thing on the Doorstep: narrator's good friend marries a fish person witch who steals his body. thats basically it. 3/10. at this point im like wow these narrators really refuse to believe the heavily foreshadowed supernatural explanations that turn out to be correct huh.

The Evil Clergyman: dude is in a room. some ghosts (?) show up. dude has a UV light for some reason. Gets his face stolen i guess and just has to live with it. 5/10 for being absolutely buck wild and refusing to explain anything

The Book: nope 0/10

The Shadow Out Of Time: dude gets his body stolen by ancient scholar species. agonizes about it for a while. finds archaeological evidence of said species. finds a book he wrote while living with said species. almost gets eaten by something. 3/10 more cool speculative sci fi but lame protagonist

The Haunter of the Dark: you'd think id remember it bc this was the last one and i read it last night. oh wait, nvm i do remember it. dude finds an old box in a run down culty church and unleashes a horror that then comes and fucks him up. 1/10 meh.

[vitalmindandbody]

The Struggles Of Dating When You’re Clearly Not Over Your Ex

In April 2012, I met a boy in the middle of a rainy day, on a reces of a busy street. Little did I know the moment he tapped me on the shoulder to say hello “wouldve been” the moment that would change such courses of the rest of my life.

In January 2013, the boy and I made the decision to see one another, and exclusively each another. The bond that has been initiated as a steadily-built affection changed into a quick-blossoming tale. He became person I pleased Id assembled sooner, and one I knew Id hold in my mettle for that momentary instant in time and forevermore.

He was my first love. But I also missed him to be my last.

In December 2014, after a hectic, euphoric-when-it-was-good-but-miserable-when-it-was-bad, on-again-off-again intrigue, I pointed it with the boy — not because I no longer enjoyed him, but because I was afraid of just how much I did.

One year later, the son hop-skip a plane to California and didnt look back. We were no longer together, but that didnt move his leaving any less painful.

Now, three and a half times after we firstly assembled, he is still the first had considered that intersects my psyche when I wake and the last anticipated I take with me to berthed. He got away from me, but he never really got away from me.

Everyone has that someone who got away — the guy or girl who will always be the one. Maybe he came into your life sporadically, or perhaps he was there all along, but “youve never” forget him. He becomes it was not possible to to be forgotten.

After this love with the one expires, you are hesitant to begin a brand-new one. You complain about has no such luck in love, but you dont do anything to change that. You wont used to go because youre is still in your own pate, and when you do go out, you confront potential buffs with a caged heart.

Your life is a series of one waiting game after the other: to the next verse, request or by-chance reunion with the one who got away.

Mistakenly, you believe your ex is your worst antagonist. But he isnt at all; you are your own worst enemy. You are the one containing yourself back from developing a bail with a stranger who might one day turn into someone you are fairly fond of.

And this is the unfortunate ex paradox: the idea that “were living” “peoples lives” propping out for someone imperfectly perfect for us.

But our exes are announced our exes for a intellect. Its because circumstances didn’t work out with them, and we’ve got to learn to move on from them.

Some of us, however, cannot. Some of us suffocate our cherish lives by clinging to the fantasy that the largest patrols of the universe will push us back toward one another because we were once became for one another.

Even though the boy I cherish is pas, I cant improve but hold on to the hope that one day — whether in the near future or someday far, far gone — we will end up together.

But there is danger in waiting for their own lives with your ex, a life that they are able to never come.

You look for old shortcomings in new people.

My ex had shortcomings. On their own, they were of no consequence. But as a whole, they represented something far more than precisely shortcomings in character; they were weakness I descended back on. His imperfectionwas an armchair Ive since learned to rest comfortably on.

These shortcomings are what stirred my ex, my ex — and they’re the mistakes I crave my future buffs to have, too.

I’ve persuasion myself that if I search for my ex’s flaws again in new people, I can kind of recreate him. Ive taken the bad habits Ive seen in the love I formerly knew and enforced them tirelessly onto enjoys has still not been cultivated.

But everyone pallids in comparison to my ex.

Sadly, retrospect is always clearer than actuality. To rely on an outdated image of the man we used to love is to lead with a nave leader and a faint heart.

You dwell on your ex to confuse yourself from a much more profound problem.

There are fewer realizations in life most difficult than coming to terms with the fact that youre focusing on lost adoration as a means of distraction.

My ex is a Band-Aid for something I detect I am missing within myself: his old someone. His youthful vigor. His astronomical, matchless, unquenchable appetite for life. These were all qualities I jealousy, excellences I cherished so much better that I wanted to plagiarize them from him and keep them for myself.

You cant give your all to someone else.

Giving my all doesnt simply aim articulating I will. It necessitates showing I will.

I cant move on by simply telling myself I will. I can reiterate the words all I want, but that wont attain them genuine. Ive got to both taking any decision and make it time.

Until then, though, Im moving red-flag vitality to everyone I gratify, everyone I like, everyone I year — and I can hardly even distinguish Im doing it.

As much as I care my very own willpower “couldve been” strong enough to mend me, season is no other real rectify. I cannot open other beings an honest chance to enter “peoples lives” until I leave myself an honest chance to move forward from the one who’s maintaining me back.

A moment invested wishing your ex will come back to you is a moment you’ll never get back.

I have a picture of what my life is going to be. My ex and I are together. My heart has hurriedly healed; Ive forgiven him for interrupting it. Our future is a reincarnation of the very best specific areas of our past. I live my present biding period until I bump into him again.

But I forget one little possible: Perhaps I am projecting a future that is grounded in foolish imaginations. Maybe the one who got away from me doesn’t speculate I’m the one who got away from him.

And perhaps every moment spent bidding my ex got to find his space back to me is nothing more than a wasted time I’ll never get back.

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[benjammintaylor]

Routined Sky Paradoxes

I'm honestly enjoying writing to myself. This is weird but-- wait, not even gonna say that because It's myself I'm talking to. Not my friends. Not my parents. I always find myself saying shit like "this is fixing to sound weird but" or "nvm" or "idk like...". Why do I do that. I think its because I'm afraid of being judged. It is. When I write to myself. I don't see it as myself. I feel like Im writing to another person. An imaginary person. Or anyone interested. But Im writing to someone who wont say anything. Just listen. And if they want to talk they can but not judgement. Anyway. I catch myself in routine. I get sad. I get emotional. Everything I feel is felt in some transient mindset and it sucks. The time is short too! I just go with the flow. I watch myself pour into my loved ones and through my safety nets like a waterfall in deep abyss. I watch myself slowly aging. No one gets it when I say I don't age. I high key like kinda don't. I mean obviously fucking yes, Im getting older. Im dying. But its so subtle. Weird. Fuck idek what I'm talking about because I have no clue what I'm looking at in the mirror. I feel like I took over someone else when they were young and grew up in their body. I feel everything through his eyes. His finger tips. But where is mine. Honestly. I feel trapped. I wanna run. Fuck If my theory is true, I feel so sorry for the guy. Then again he could've been an asshole and some omniscient force knew that so I took over. Lol. High key wish he didn't. I don't think i'm supposed to be here. I feel way too alive. Like. I never have time to explain this paradox EVER. So why not. I feel everything. I see everything. I can feel multiple things. Sometimes I feel like a genius because of the shit I process. But In reality it is probably me embracing my humanity. The sky for example. I love looking at it because it's the only thing in this world I find inconsistent and out of my routine. Clouds are my best friends. Overcast is too because everything is so much clearer visually and emotionally. Idk why. My mother said it has something to do with with the ions in the air from the rain. I HATE BLUE SKIES. Fuck blue skies. It reminds me of routine. Nothingness. Aside from that. The sky and the formation of the clouds will NEVER BE THE SAME EVER. You are experiencing a formation that you will never see again. I honestly find that crazy. I mean. Just. It's amazing. It's also comforting to know that my loved ones or the people I miss are looking up at the same sky around the world. Not the same formation but the same sky. That's weird something that is permanently consistent in existing is yet so inconsistent with how it exist such as storms and lightning never happening in the same manner it once did. That's a mouthful. But its kind of like wearing a new pair of clothes everyday. Same person existing but changing every day and never being the same the day before. That marvels me. I love that. What am I always doing. Looking at the sky. If not. Its at my phone or at someone. But usually the sky. It makes me happy. It's like looking up to a face that wont bat an eyelash or smirk in disappointment. I can think clearly all while appreciating its beauty. When I remember my dreams or even experiences. I literally never remember them in first person. I'm always spectating but feeling everything as if i were in a first point of view. Crazy right. Im just imaging the car rides with my friends with me in the front seat but my eyes looking next to my face or through the windshield.