#but also bc it was TWO men idk and I'm a woman alone i was sitting on the steps close to the front door in case I needed to run away | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

neoncrowpen · 3 years ago

Note

hi! idk if u accept requests and if u do, pls i'd love thomas shelby with a deaf! reader. i'm deaf and would love to see more imagines with characters with disabilities (not only with deafness)!

if it helps, i have profound loss on one side and moderate to severe on the other side. i can even hear """"well"""" but it depends a lot. i can't hear loud sounds at close range like gun shots (this is "common" here and i've never heard it) and idk sign language. i'm talking about my deafness bc each person has different experiences.

i hope u can do this! if u want, u can even ask me! for that or bc of curiosity <3 that would be really cool!

Title: Deadpool

Relationship: Thomas Shelby x Deaf!Reader

Word Count: 3k~ words

Summary: Not many enjoy being a snitch, but you make it look easy. After the Eden Club is raided, you’re tapped to find out everything you can about the leader of the Peaky Blinders. Until you discover they know about you. And they’re watching you.

Author's Notes: This isn't my first time writing a deaf character, but it is my first time writing one at this length without a hearing aid. If this piece offends members of the deaf community, I am more than happy to retract this piece, learn from my mistakes, and rewrite it again.

I want to thank @smellyzcat again for answering my questions and giving me this opportunity. (and also believing in me to write this)

You watched the man fall to the ground. His knees shook the impact to his shoulders, like a giant crashing to the ground from the sky. You were glad to not clearly see the last expression on his face. You read somewhere that seeing the last face before someone dies was an omen. Then again, what good were omens to a woman who was already haunted?

You rushed off, getting yourself as far away from the alley as you could. You got everything you needed. Fortunately for you, this time, they killed someone in your neck of the woods which meant your grandmother now had the upper hand. No one really ever chose the circumstances of their birth. You, for instance, wouldn’t ever choose to be as deaf as you came, but it was in the cards you were dealt. It had its advantages.

You never heard your uncle’s sexist rant about how you needed to marry and have children. When he saw you come into the family’s illegal playing card lounge, he stood in front of you, blocking your way to your grandmother upstairs. He threw his arms up in the air, pointing at the obvious hole in your stockings. Your ears caught handfuls of words, but your eyes caught everything else.

“Again? How many times do I have to tell you? You cannot be out there alone! It’s nearly midnight. What in God’s name are you thinking? Do you have a death wish? You are every bit just like your brother. And where is he now?”

You rolled your eyes in the back of your head. “Jail.” You responded back. Your uncle always spoke about your stupid, little brother as if he was dead. He was sitting in jail, probably scheming to escape somehow. Your uncle continued, but you pushed past him to get to where you were wanted.

Your family’s lounge came paired with a few, special adjustments. The smoking lounge was where your family did their legitimate business, but if a gentleman carried the month’s password he could access the back where the illegal card lounge was. Sabini mainly helped in operations, but it was your family that took home most of the profit. Your grandmother lived in the lavish apartment upstairs, guarded by four men. Two of Sabini’s and two of yours.

Her apartment was filled with memories and items of her long years of being a vicious woman. Pictures of your family decorated her walls. Weapons hid in the safes behind them. Cash stuffed her mattress. Diaries of secrets and codes hidden well in her bookshelves. She sat quietly, listening to the radio. The dial was not switched to the news, but to the racecourses.

Results of the race would affect her mood for the rest of the day. You decided telling her the good news now would be helpful. Your hand knocked three times on the bible she kept at a side table. The signal she taught you whenever you came to do your job.

Her hand gestured for you to come sit down in front of her. You read her facial expression. Judging from her hefty sigh and tilted head, today had not been a good day at the races.

“Dead,” you said. Even in your muddled voice, your grandmother’s eyes lit up at your word. Her back straightened. You read her lips.

“Who?”

“Harris.” You told her. You tapped your pointer finger and thumb together as if you tipped a cap.

“The damned Peaky Blinders again.” She laughed. “Alright. I suppose someone’s ordered a hit. I bet it’s their leader, Arthur. Find out for me. Get everything you can on the new talent.” Your mouth curled into a smirk. You loved your job.

Most women married and depended on their husbands to support them. Some of your friends were women of the night. They insisted you should the same considering you were a fantastic flirt. However, your uncles and your grandmother shuddered at the idea. Being a barmaid wasn’t fulfilling enough. You hated the smell of cigar smoke on your clothes. It lingered, making your nose wrinkle.

And then your grandmother opened up the most controversial betting pool in England. It was invitation-only. Less than fifteen people knew of it, including you. They met once a month in London near the Eden Club which was more than fitting because of what they betted on.

The world was a filthy place, so your grandmother took advantage and had her own fun in opening England’s first deadpool. Every month, selected gang leaders, wealthy men, kings and lords of the underworld of England came together at your grandmother’s request to bet who would kill who, when it would happen, and sometimes how it would happen. It was around the fifth month when she suspected someone was cheating.

That’s where you came in.

It was rare to witness the murders when they occurred. Mostly, you tailed whoever your grandmother told you to. You intercepted notes, codes, and a few times, tampered with police evidence. You wouldn’t call yourself a ‘tattletale’, mainly because you also helped your grandmother cheat the deadpool, too, but you did prefer Darby Sabini’s nickname for you.

“Scarlet Witch,” Sabini greeted you. You stood patiently in front of him with folded arms. The Eden Club was empty of any customers this early in the morning. He sipped casually on a cup of coffee. His eyes did not return to you when he spoke again. Rude. You caught what you could from him. “You’re looking…Arthur Shelby. He runs…Garrison.”

Of fucking course, he runs the Garrison pub. One of the loudest, rowdiest, and drunkest places in Birmingham. You wanted to throw a fit. Birmingham was not London. If the dead came back for one last cigarette and then piss in the street, that’s what Birmingham would smell like. Sabini tipped up his head to you, snapping his fingers in your line of vision. You glared at him. Your nostrils flared. How fucking dare he do that to you?

“Can I have a card? Before you go?” He gave you a toothy smile. You reached in your satchel, feeling your tarot deck. You pulled a random card to show him. The Tower. You smiled, knowing exactly what that meant for him. He, however, misinterpreted it like he always did. “Ah! Another building to add to my empire. Success is coming. Good witch.” He gave you a wink.

You hated that he always thought you were some secret, promiscuous tool in his pocket, but his gang operated the playing card lounge. You always had to make the decision to tolerate him.

When you woke the next morning, it appeared your random card pull came true for Sabini. Last night, the Peaky Blinders, including Arthur, raided the Eden Club. They trashed it to pieces, beating the shit out of Sabini’s top boys. Arthur, your target, even did the pleasure of informing everyone that the Eden Club was under new management. Your grandmother did you the favor of rehashing the entire tale for you over a cup of tea.

“By order of the Peaky Blinders,” your grandmother told you. She shook her head, still chuckling. “Sabini’s reeling. We can’t have the deadpool near there. Not until we invite them in.” She handed you the red envelope, adorned with wax and velvet. “You know what to do.”

Getting to Birmingham wasn’t an issue. You were the only girl among the grandchildren. You were also the only one guaranteed to not share anything you learned in your tenure as a snitch. Not because you were deaf, but because your brother and your cousins could never keep their mouths shut. Running their mouths was purely a male family trait. You watched your uncle and your cousin go at it in the car.

“You were supposed to get this fixed!”

“Yeah? You were supposed to get me the money!”

“You have a job!”

“It’s not my car!”

One thing you loved about your family was that not many people dared to get into an argument with any of you. If they did, it was free entertainment for anyone within ten feet. Your cousin shouted back at your uncle once more before he drove away with the family car. His voice sharpened in your ear. You flinched as he landed a hand on your shoulder.

“Sorry, Y/N.” He said, keeping eye contact with you. “Didn’t mean to. I swear. Dad just got under my skin.” His shoulders rolled back. “Fucking car.” You looped your arm with your cousin.

You lowered your speaking voice, so only he could hear. “I need Arthur Shelby.” You gave him a peek at the red envelope.

“What does Nana want with him?” He asked, escorting you inside the pub. Rich, brown colors and bronzed gold accents delighted your eyes. The wall behind the bar had different bottles of whiskey, scotch, and vodka on display. The bar and tables looked cleaned than you expected. Unlike the Eden Club, most of the women here had their legs closed and more alert eyes.

“Betting pool,” you said to him. When he didn’t respond to you, you followed his line of sight. He gazed at a woman who made eyes at him across the way. She tucked her hair behind her ear, biting her lip down in the way someone would when they enjoyed the view. Your hand smacked against the back of his head.

“That hurt!” He said. “What did you say?” You groaned loud enough for God and the Devil to hear you. Damn the men in your family. You wished you had a sister.

“Nana wants him for the betting pool,” you said. Your cousin nodded as if he just came back to reality. As much as you missed your brother, your cousin was the better mouthpiece for you. Your eyes scanned the pub for anything of note while he interacted with the world. You spied a Shelby brother. His smile was as wide as his arms. He openly embraced another man, patting his back like an old friend.

That couldn’t be Arthur. For one, you heard nothing but nasty, violent acts coming from him. Someone who hugs was not the same person as someone who rams a glass bottle into a man’s face multiple times. Secondly, this Shelby looked younger than Arthur. His face smooth of any hair. You were told Arthur had a distinct moustache.

You spotted another Shelby. This one met your gaze directly. His eyes were colder than water, and they held yours so intensely for a moment you thought you were drowning. You ripped yourself away from him, clutching your bag. Rolling your shoulders back, you settled. Men weren’t at all scary. Not when you were much worse. You looked to him again. A cigarette entered his mouth. If you didn’t see the smoke leaving his mouth, you wouldn’t have been certain if he breathed or not. His gaze still set into you.

For a moment, he glanced away and nodded his head to you. A pair of men with caps made a beeline for you and your cousin.

Your hand pulled at your cousin’s arm, dragging him away from the conversation he was having. His glass pint shattered on the ground. Another Blinder intercepted you. He grabbed your arm, swinging you around to grab the other. The other two Blinders smashed your cousin into the wall. Shouting muddled in your ears. Your heart thundered in your chest. No matter where your eyes focused, there was nothing you could understand.

Then, you saw him. Arthur Shelby. He joined in on the revel. Spit left his mouth as he closed in on your cousin. The other Shelby opened a door in the back. When he disappeared through, Arthur took your cousin by the scruff of his neck and dragged him through the bar. Two Blinders escorted you by your arms in a more gentle way.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. Your feet skidded and dragged slightly across the hardwood floor. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. They closed the door behind both of you. Arthur pushed your cousin into a chair, binding him there with rope. Arthur smacked him across the face with his fist. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Blood spilled from his nose like an open faucet. Arthur turned to you with an awful smile. His knuckles wet with blood, hungry for more. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck. The other Shelby sat across from you. Arthur placed his hands on your shoulders, freezing you to the chair.

FUCK.

When the other Shelby began speaking, you didn’t notice. His fist collided with the table, grabbing your attention immediately. Your cousin kicked the table as a reaction. Arthur loosened his grip on you. You looked to your cousin again. This time, you read his lips, catching the words.

“She’s deaf. She can’t hear anything you’re saying.” He said. Arthur stood behind the other Shelby. His face fell. You read his lips loud and clear.

“Oh, I’m so sorry.” He said. You frowned. How many times have you heard that before?

“I’m not,” the other Shelby said. “You’re the Scarlet Witch. Snitch but with a romantic nickname given to you by your lover.” You reflected the disgust in his face with your own. You? Sabini’s lover? Who is this guy and where does he get his information?

“Scarlet who?” Arthur said.

“She’s a snitch who works for Sabini. She’s hear to spy on us because we’ve taken the Eden Club.” Their eyes switched to your cousin.

“You’re wrong. She has a message for the leader of the Peaky Blinders.” Your cousin nodded to your bag. When you went to grab your bag, you finally noticed how bad you were actually shaking. All this time, you’d been so careful to never get caught. You took a long breath, but the heaviness only grew on your chest. You handed the envelope in Arthur’s direction, but the other Shelby grabbed it first.

Your brow creased. You pulled back on the envelope, but the other Shelby didn’t let go.

“Give it to me,” he said.

“No,” you said. You put little effort into your speaking voice. “It’s for Arthur.” The other Shelby’s face dropped. He knitted his brows together. He glanced towards your cousin and responded to him first.

“I didn’t say you were lying. I just—who is this for?” He said.

“The leader of the Peaky Blinders.” Your cousin’s brow furrowed. “Our grandmother wishes to invite you into her private circle. If you want to make friends, I suggest you act nicer to my cousin. Trust me, she hates Sabini more than I do.” The other Shelby covered your hand holding the envelope with his own. Your shaking slowed to a stop.

“I’m Thomas Shelby,” he introduced himself. “I’m the leader of the Peaky Blinders, not my brother.” You let go of the letter, surrendering it to him. He had the letter completely in his possession for three full moments before his eyes fluttered away from your face. Arthur’s hand waved in your face. When you glared at him, he raised his hands in surrender.

“Sorry, what’s your name?” He asked. His smile grew hopeful. “I like to know my new friends’ names.”

“It’s Y/N,” your cousin responded. “I’m Robb. And if we’re friends, can you ease up a bit?” When the bindings were gone and the other Blinders returned back to the pub, Thomas’ eyes found yours. You weren’t certain how you felt about his full attention on you, but now that he wasn’t going to kill you, it felt more pleasant to say the least.

“What is this?” he asked. “This isn’t a friendship circle, is it?” You shook your head. “You can talk. I heard you before. Use your words.”

“She doesn’t like her voice.” Robb said. He stood up from his chair, blocking you from Thomas’ view. Your cousin kept on speaking, but you watched Thomas. His eyes narrowed slowly on your cousin. His eyes flickered to you again, darkening slowly. He took his time in the way he made you squirm in your seat. You admitted it to yourself. Thomas Shelby was much better at playing this game than Sabini ever was.

For a moment, you wondered what it would be like to have him watch you undress yourself slowly in front of him.

You took your focus away immediately, releasing the breath you forgot you were holding. Robb tapped you, letting you loop your arm around his. As you were leaving the back room, Thomas’ gaze stayed on you. You had the feeling he wouldn’t forget your face.

A week went by quietly for your family. No word came from the Peaky Blinders or Sabini. The Eden Club suffocated under the new management, but your grandmother still held the deadpool in the adjacent building. The Chadwick Hotel was perfect for hiding all things awful in London. Robb and his brother, Sal, checked in each member.

Thomas Shelby walked into the hotel lobby. Your eyes followed each other’s as he checked himself in. When he walked over to you, he took his time. Your grip on your shawl loosened, exposing one of your shoulders. As your shawl fell, so did one of your dress straps. Before you could fix it, Thomas stood in front of you.

He handed you a small note. “Open it.” He told you. Your eyes fell over his penmanship.

I am not a man who apologizes. However, I realize now that my behavior towards you was something I wasn’t proud of. The things I heard about you did not match with the person I met at all. Just as you were wrong about who led the Blinders. Meeting you has made me realize a couple of things. One, I am certain I am in need of your services. Two, I am in need of your friendship. You are much more influential and powerful than I took you for which could prove to be very useful to me. Moving forward, if we are to be friends, we’ll need to change your nickname.

- Thomas

“Do we have a deal?” Thomas asked. You held your hand out, nodding your head to accept his deal. Thomas’ hand moved past yours and fixed your dress strap back in its place. His fingers brushed by your cheek. He handed you a playing card. “There’s your new name.”

When he walked away from you, you flipped the card.

Queen of Hearts.

#thomas shelby #thomas shelby x reader #thomas shelby/reader #thomas shelby x you #thomas shelby/you #thomas shelby x deaf!reader #deaf!reader #imagine thomas shelby #thomas shelby imagine #peaky blinders #peaky blinders imagine #imagine peaky blinders #peaky blinders fic #thomas shelby fic

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rendevousz · 4 years ago

Text

mum?

mother figure!nat x fem!teen!reader

avengers x reader

req by @teenwonder ; i absolutely love the entire teams adoration for reader skfksngnsf its so cute! could i please request one a little more nat based? maybe r treats and loves nat like a mom but nat hadn’t noticed that before, and the whole team is like listing examples of how and why 🥺🥺🥺

summary: the four times you needed nat and the one time she admits that she needed you too.

warnings: blood, a random attack out of nowhere because i'm not creative, inaccurate writing of medical situations because i have no idea how those things work, also let's just pretend bruce was around during iron man 2 when tony still had palladium in his arc reactor, also inaccurate descriptions of palladium effects bcs i just...don't know much about palladium pls forgive me thanks, and idk any hospitals in new york/manhattan or even the states LMAO so uh bear with this, and last but not least, my inability to write good endings

word count: 5426

notes: that's a long ass warning nevertheless pls do enjoy this fic <3

"i'm going now, bye!" you bid the team who were having breakfast together, walking out of the common area.

"bye, cupcake! don't get into trouble, don't do what i'd do and definitely don't do what i wouldn't do." tony advised and you rolled your eyes because tony says that to you every morning before you leave for school.

"wait, don't forget your lunch!" nat stands up from her seat and grabs your lunch that she had packed, from the kitchen island, bringing it over to you. "thanks, nat!" you grabbed it, giving her a quick peck on the cheek before leaving.

nat smiles at the action, turning around to walk back to her spot on the table, only to find the team staring back at her with knowing looks.

"what?"

"you know, you only need to sign a couple papers and the kid's all yours." tony states matter-of-factly. nat snaps her head towards the man, an incredulous look on her face. "what are you talking about?"

"we all see the longing looks on both your faces. she's dying for you to call her your daughter and you, her mother." clint explains and the others nodded in agreement.

"that's nonsense. she has wanda too," nat reasons, sitting back down. "i'm pretty sure she sees wanda as a sister considering how much she drags wanda with her whenever she's causing trouble around the tower." steve raises his brows at the redhead who was in denial.

"she sees you as her mother, nat. just accept it," wanda tells her, taking a sip from her glass. "really? name me one time she showed it." nat challenges them, not knowing that they've been watching your interactions with her for the longest time.

"you have no idea what you just got yourself into, romanoff," clint chuckles, cracking his neck and knuckles as if preparing for a fight.

"remember new mexico?" he smirks and nat only frowns, trying to remember.

"no!" you screamed, dropping down to the ground. you didn't care that you scraped your knees doing that, the only thing that mattered was the overwhelming feeling of grief engulfing your whole being. tears streamed down your face as you looked at the debris on the ground, the remainder of what used to be standing in front of you; a building. blown up, now in ruins.

clint, bucky and steve watched you break down in front of them, their hearts breaking at the sight in front of them as well as the fact that their teammate had been caught up in the middle of the explosion.

"y/n/n? come on, tony's team called for back up. we gotta go," steve tried to get you to stand up, failing when you kept your ground. you screamed when he tried again and their hearts clenched at the heartbreaking sound.

"we can't just leave her! please, we have to find her," you cried, clinging onto steve's body as he ran his hand up and down your suit-cladded back to soothe you. "y/n/n, we can't. the whole place is in ruins now," he didn't want to say it but he had to. he had to in order to get you to leave. "she's gone."

"she can't be gone! she can't just leave us! we need her! i need her, stevie.." you cried into his chest and he had to control himself so he didn't cry right then and there too.

he looked up to see bucky looking at the two of you guiltily, tapping his wrist to indicate that they were running out of time. steve had no choice but to carry you in his arms, getting you to leave the site against your will. but you were too weak to fight back now. "what am i gonna do without her now, stevie?" you asked quietly.

"we're gonna be okay, y/n/n," he tells you, sitting you down on a chair and settling down next to you as clint flew the jet to your next location. the atmosphere was tense and you could tell everyone, too, was sad about this.

"what if we're not? what if we're not gonna be okay, stevie? i know i won't be." you wiped the tears streaming down your face despite the fact that your face still wasn't drying up any time soon.

"because nat wouldn't want to see us like this. she'll be angry if she sees that we're risking people's lives just because of her." he says truthfully.

"we're landing, guys." clint announces and the team prepared for another round of fighting. steve turns to you, wiping the tears on your face as he made you look up at him. "now let's save some people and make nat proud, yeah?"

you nod at him sadly, preparing your weapons. all of you got out the jet and the second battle of the day begun. boy, were these people unlucky because they were on the receiving end of your fury.

you were busy taking down a group of guards alone when you heard a familiar voice. "y/n, behind you!" and you turned just in time to take down a guard who was aiming at you.

you didn't even have time to register your shock of seeing the redhead because more guards came at you two. you guys fought alongside each other until all the men were taken down.

"nat?" you breathed out. "yes, bub?" she answers as you both carefully walked over the knocked out men. she was taken aback when you slammed into her, hugging her the tightest you ever did since you met her.

"please don't ever do that again." you mumbled into her chest. she was about to ask you what you meant when she heard you sniffling. figuring out it wasn't the appropriate moment to ask, she continued to just hug and comfort you in silence.

"wait, that was why she cried that day? because she thought i was in that building when it blew up?" nat asks after steve finished the story. "i never found out why because she never told me."

"yeah, you should've seen her when the building exploded. completely shattered my heart, dude." clint states, remembering the broken down state you were in that day.

"wait, did you guys not grief over my supposed death then?" nat glares at clint, bucky and steve. "in our defense, they were about to blow up about a hundred people, we didn't have much time to process the whole situation." clint tries to convince his best friend, only to receive a glare again from her.

"alright but just because she cried when she thought i was dead, doesn't mean she sees me as her mum. i'd cry too if any one of you guys died," she states, still in denial.

she did love you like how a mother would love her child. but she didn't want you to feel that she was forcing the title onto you. after all, you had so many other adults around you, who's to say that you saw someone else as a parent figure instead of her? she didn't want to make you uncomfortable.

"woman, are you serious?" sam exclaims, throwing his hands up in the air dramatically. "need i remind you that the girl sacrificed her life for you?"

ii.

"nat, watch out!" you stood right behind her where the man was about to attack her. you gave him a harsh kick to the head and that was all it took for the man to go unconscious.

the redhead turned around, not having enough time to comprehend what had happened before you dropped into her arms. you two were lucky the last of the men had already been taken out.

"bub? what's wrong?"

at this point, you were fully leaning against her. she was holding up your whole weight, hands wrapped around your middle to support you. that was when she felt it. the familiar thick substance on her fingers, leaking from the back of your suit.

her eyes widened, pulling one hand away from you to look at it. red. her breathing picked up as one of her hands felt around your back, finally feeling the handle of a knife sticking out from your back.

your eyes were already drooping by now and she lightly shook you awake, careful to not hurt you. she lowered you down and you were both sat on the floor now.

she presses a finger to her ear and you could hear her voice echo in your ear from your own comms. "can someone come please," she paused, exhaling shakily. "y/n's down."

if it had been any other person, she probably would be bringing them to the jet by now but it was you. she didn't know what came over her but when she saw that you were injured, it was like her whole body shut down. her knees felt weak and she couldn't bring herself to move.

"hey, hey, keep your eyes open. can you do that?" she asked gently and you nodded weakly. "bub, why did you do that?" she cried softly, moving your hair away from your face as you leaned sideways against her. the action caused your face to be smudged by your own blood from her hands but she didn't care as she caressed your cheek.

"he–he was gonna hurt you. i–i couldn't..." you paused a while, the pain getting too much for you to bear. "y/n, don't strain yourself. you need to stay awake," she tells you as tears streamed down her face.

"rather me than you," you whispered. nat's eyes widened at this. "don't say that, bub." she scolds gently.

you smiled weakly at her. "i've grown too dependent on you, nat. it's to the point that i," you coughed and nat worried that you were straining yourself but you continued. "that i'd rather die than live without you. you probably can go on with life without me but i can't without you. i need you, nat." your eyes closed and nat panics, shaking your body.

"y/n?! bub?! stay awake, please, they're coming!" nat cries out loud, holding onto your limp body.

"did we not agree to not mention that to me anymore?" nat glares at sam for bringing that up.

the night of that incident had been one of the worst nights for nat. she sat by your bed all night after you had been treated. she had been the first one you saw after you woke up. she had been the one you broke down in front of after you admitted the full reasoning behind your actions. she had been the one who opened her arms for you to make yourself at home in.

"i'm sorry but you must be blind if you can't see how really she sees you for the past years," bucky states. nat turns to him with a glare. "you don't know what you're talking about."

"oh really? who does she call whenever she has a really bad nightmare?" bucky questions rhetorically with his eyebrows raised.

iii.

"no, please, don't!" you begged, asleep and thrashing around in your bed. quiet whimpers turned into heavy breathing as you plead for your life in your nightmare. "please," you whispered, inhaling and exhaling harshly.

FRIDAY, noticing the amount of distress you were in, alerted the closest person to your room, that being bucky who was returning from a late night trip to the kitchen for some water.

he quickly went into your room, only to see you shivering and thrashing around in your bed. "doll?" he approaches slowly, finding you still asleep, though sweating a lot. nightmare, he realised.

"doll? wake up," he gently shakes you and you immediately jolt awake, breathing heavily as you register what was going on. "it's okay, it was just a nightmare," he soothes you, holding you close as one hand rubbed up and down your back while the other held your head to his chest.

none of that helped as you were still in the same state as you were when you woke up. "are you okay?" he asks, worried. "nat... i need nat.. please i need her," you whimpered, shaking in his hold. you were having trouble breathing.

"FRIDAY, get romanoff."

within minutes, nat arrived, looking panicked and disheveled like she had just woken up, which she just did. "what's wrong?" she asks bucky, approaching you two.

"she was having a nightmare and woke up and i think she's having a panic attack. she asked for you," he informs her and immediately moves away when she approaches, so that she could take his place.

"bub? it's me," you look up to meet natasha's pretty green eyes. "you're okay, bub. can you tell me five thing you can see?"

you looked away from her eyes, looking around your room. "i–i see my book on my nightstand, my lamp, my jacket on the chair, my laptop and the painting on the wall." you told her after some difficulties.

"good, that's good. four things you can feel?"

"i feel the socks on my feet, my fluffy blanket, the pillow i'm leaning on and your hands around me."

she smiles softly at you. "three things you can hear?"

"i hear your voice. a–and the faint noise from the ac and i can also hear bucky's breathing." you look up at the man and he smiles sheepishly at you, standing around awkwardly. you gave him a small smile back.

"two things you can smell?"

"i can smell my own shampoo..and my room's air freshener." you told her more calmly now, feeling the panic attack already going away.

"one thing you want to taste?"

"i wanna taste wanda's blueberry pancakes." you pout and the two adults couldn't help but chuckle. "you can have them in the morning. right now you need to sleep so you can have the energy to devour them tomorrow, okay?" you nod at the woman as she tucks you in.

not long after, you fell asleep. she then presses a kiss to your forehead before leaving with a less worried bucky now. and sure enough, the next morning, wanda made you blueberry pancakes.

"okay, so what? we all need someone to help us through panic attacks?" nat rolls her eyes. "did you miss the part where i came in and tried to help but she specifically asked for you? she needed you, nat."

"guys, i... i love her with my whole heart but she has all of us. i don't wanna make her feel like she's restricted to only one of us. you all love her too," nat reasons.

"yes but she doesn't have anyone to call her mum and frankly, i think you'd be perfect for it." wanda encourages the older woman.

"i—" before she could continue, her phone rang loudly and she thanked whoever it was that called her because now she didn't have to make up excuses about her doubt of becoming your official mother.

iv.

she looks down at the caller id, sighing when it was you, meaning the team had more against her now. of course she didn't mind you calling her, you could call her when she'd be asleep after a mission and she'd still pick up with a smile on her face. but it was the fact that the whole team could see how she softened when she realised it was you who called that bothered her. she really didn't want them to let her have hopes that you'd accept her as your mother.

"bub?" she said into the phone and half the team smirked at her while the other half gave her knowing smiles. "aren't you supposed to be on your way to school?"

"yeah but uh are you busy right now? i um, i need you."

nat immediately stands up, worry etched onto her face and the team frowned at this. "what happened? are you okay?"

"you know how i told happy i wanted to walk to school today? yeah, i just remembered why i don't walk to school anymore."

"what do you mean? what happened? are you hurt? did someone hurt you?" she bombards you with questions out of worry. at this point, the team had also stopped their chatter and teasing looks, equally worried for your well-being.

"yeah, i am. wait, maybe not. i mean, i was just being dramatic but uh, i tripped on who-knows-what and now i have a sprained ankle. i can't walk now so i'm standing in an alley right now so i'm not in the way of people. can you come get me?"

nat sighs in relief, thankful that it wasn't anything that she was thinking of. "you are unbelievable, y/n." she chuckles in disbelief at your clumsiness. "can you tell me where you are? i'll come get you now. i'll have the school know you're not coming today." you told her your location and she immediately leaves after telling the team what happened to you.

you were expecting nat to call again, to tell you she was around the corner but instead you heard a whoosh of air beside your head, followed by a crack sound. your head followed the sound, eyes widening when you saw that a dart had struck the wall beside your head. you looked ahead, trying to see where that came from.

if it hadn't been for your fast reflexes being an avenger for the past few years, you probably wouldn't have ducked in time when another dart came flying right for your head. "what the hell?" you grunted, staying low but still looking around for the source. you squinted when you looked up, the sun blazing but you managed to catch a glimpse of a man on a rooftop nearby. he had blonde hair and was dressed in all black, donning a same coloured mask that covered the bottom half of his face.

"you had one job! how could you miss her twice?!" the blonde hears his colleague hiss in his ear through the earpiece. "i'm sorry! i'm no hawkeye, how was i supposed to get her in one try?!" he scolds back.

"you didn't even get her in two!"

"shut up and just let me work! you're distracting me!"

"hurry because i see the redheaded one nearing the alley. boss'll kill us if he finds out we didn't get her in her vulnerable state."

"i'm trying, i'm trying!" the blonde closes one eye, his sight now locked on your crouched state. he saw you move once you saw him and he cursed under his breath, his weapon following your movements. "she's moving!"

"just take the shot and be done with it! you have to go now!"

and shoot he did. after he shot the dart gun, he immediately fled but it wasn't like you were going to be able to chase him down or anything. a scream left your lips as a dart pierced through your skin, right under your shoulder.

you dropped down to the ground, right in the middle of the alleyway. you cried when you felt the burn in your flesh. you had been stabbed multiple times before with much bigger objects so why did this feel different?

"y/n?! is that you?!" you heard nat's voice yell from a small distance away. "i'm here," you croaked out, feeling your body grow weaker at an alarming rate.

"oh my god, bub, why are you on the ground? it's dirty, c'mon let's get you up. which foot did you sprain?" she places both her hands under your arms, pulling you up on your feet before accidentally dropping you back when you let out a shriek, crying out in pain.

"oh my god, did i hit your ankle? are you okay?" nat assumed that your tear-stained face was because of your sprained ankle but then you wheezed, your eyes drooping the longer she stood there.

your right hand slowly reached across your left shoulder, the butt of the dart sticking out of your skin now in between your shaking fingers. nat's eyes followed your hand movement's, a gasp leaving her lips.

"y/n, what happened?!" she panicked but before she could even get an answer from you, you had already blacked out. her eyes widened, knowing it was the dart because why else would you pass out that quick from a simple penetration in the shoulder. you had dealt with much worse than that and she knew your tolerance level.

she took off your bag, careful to not move the dart. she then placed her hands under your knees and behind your back, easily picking your unconscious body up and rushing back to the tower.

when she arrived, she was met with many confused yet concerned looks from the tower staff, seeing the black widow, rushing in with the youngest avenger unconscious in her arms. they had seen you leave the tower for school about half an hour ago so they knew something must've happened on the way.

"get bruce in the hospital wing. tell him it's urgent." she tells the woman working the front desk, hurrying into the elevator and telling FRIDAY to get her to the floor she so desperately wanted to arrive at quicker. black lines appeared on the left side of your neck, slowly spreading to the right side and she assumed it was from that damned dart in your left shoulder.

"natasha! what's wrong? they said it was an emergency," the doctor spoke in a panicked voice when nat entered, immediately going quiet when he saw you in her arms, neck lined with seemingly black veins.

nat laid you down on the surgery table, frown growing when black lines steadily spread to your arms now. though she was too worried to think, she managed to at least tell bruce what was outwardly wrong with you.

"dart. left shoulder." she blurted, incapable of forming proper sentences now that she had seen more of you. the black lining your skin got her speechless and anxious. bruce got ready with medical gloves, removing the dart from your flesh before analysing the pattern of your skin. it looked familiar.

"FRIDAY, get tony down here. it's urgent."

"bruce, please, what's wrong with her?" she cried, tears now freely streaming down her face. she didn't cry much in front of anyone but when it came to you, you always managed to get her to do just that.

"hey, what's going on? FRIDAY said there was an emergency here, who's hurt?" nat heard tony's panicked voice but she didn't make an effort to reply. her gaze was fixed on only you.

tony's jaw dropped, frowning when he saw you on the bed, upper body covered in black lines. "what the hell happened?!"

tony stepped beside bruce, taking a closer look at your skin. his frown deepened. "wait, it looks like.."

"yeah, looks exactly like when you had palladium instead of vibranium in your arc reactor."

"does that mean—"

"palladium's been running through her veins for about twenty minutes now. FRIDAY, how high is her blood toxicity level?" bruce asks, sampling a drop of your blood from when he took out the dart.

"53% and it is still steadily increasing."

"tony, at the rate it's going, if she's not treated in the next fifteen minutes or so, she'll.." bruce pauses, not wanting to say it out loud.

"no, she just needs lithium dioxide. that's how fury and i cured your palladium poisoning, tony." nat finally speaks.

"SHIELD probably has them but they're all the way in dc. they're not gonna reach here in time," tony states solemnly, reaching over to move your hair out of your face, looking down at you sadly.

but he was immediately pulled aside, nat grabbing his collar and looking him straight in the eyes. "you have your stupid iron suits that can probably travel faster than the speed of sound if you try. you can go down there yourself and get the damn thing. i swear to god, tony, i'm literally going to destroy those stupid suits myself if you don't put them to good use." nat threatens, glaring at the billionaire.

tony's eyes widened, the genius having not thought about nat's idea yet. "yeah, yeah, you're right, i'll go now."

he left immediately and nat approached your bed hesitantly, not wanting to see the black lines making home on the skin on your upper body. "do you think tony'll make it back in time?" she sniffles and bruce's worried frown on his face softened. "of course he will. he won't let anything happen to y/n. we won't let anything happen to y/n." he assured her.

there was nothing they could do now but wait for tony to come back with the lithium dioxide. nat sat beside your bed, hands gingerly grasping one of your own. despite the black staining it, nat held it to her face and her tears rolled past the back of your hand.

bruce decided to give her some privacy, opting to inform the whole team of the situation instead of standing around idly.

nat pulled your hand away from her face, rubbing her thumb over the back of it, crying even more at the sight in front of her. "y/n, please. i've never told you this but i need you." she pauses, breathing in shakily. "i've always needed you and i'll always need you. you can't leave me, please. you said i could go on with life without you but you're so wrong, y/n. you're the reason i'm still here and you're the reason i still want to be here. if you're not here then it's as if i have no reason, no purpose. i need you, y/n. so much more than i'd like to admit. heck, probably much more than you need me. so please, don't leave me. i can't do this without you." nat sobs out, watching the patterns on your skin spreading and growing bolder.

at this point, the whole team had now gathered outside of the room, watching nat cry over you. they wanted so bad to get a closer look at their beloved baby avenger but they respected nat and instead, waited for her to finish talking to you. once she stood up and looked around, bruce knew she was done so he entered, followed by the team.

"status, FRIDAY?" bruce asks, sampling a bit of your blood again. "blood toxicity at 96% now."

the team looked your unconscious body in apprehension, some crying and some worried out of their minds.

"goddamnit! where the hell is stark?!" nat growled. her eyes were now puffy after having spent the last half an hour crying. the team had never seen her lose her cool like this but they figured why.

as if on cue, tony's iron man suit crashed through the windows of the room but he couldn't care less. his main priority was to get to you quickly. in his hand was a silver briefcase that he passed to bruce.

bruce opened the case before wasting no time in plunging the syringe containing lithium dioxide, your supposed cure, into you. immediately, the black patterns on your skin started disappearing. it was slow but noticeable. it started from the tips of your fingers, going up towards your neck.

everyone sighed in relief, and to tony's surprise, nat hugged him tightly. "thank you. you have no idea how much this means to me." she whispers. tony pats her back gently. "hey, i care about her too, okay? of course i'd do this for her. any one of us would."

nat smiles at him when she let him go, turning back to you and almost crying out in joy when your skin had finally turned back to normal. she let the medical assistants set your bed up and handle your sprained ankle before going back to sit by you. the team left her alone with you once again.

it was only about an hour later did you wake up, squinting when bright lights shone down on you. you moved around but you felt hands around your left and you heard a familiar voice.

"and remember when you dragged wanda to pull that prank on me with you and after you did, i grounded you like i was your mum or something?" you hear her chuckle, still not noticing that you've woken up.

"i didn't mind, though. frankly, i don't think i would ever mind if you continued acting like my mother or something," you spoke and she immediately tore her gaze from your hands, looking at you, now wide awake.

"bub!" she hugs you so tightly you didn't think you could breathe. you still returned the hug though, laughing. "i was worried you might still have some palladium in your bloodstream."

"wait, palladium?" you asked her in shock. "yeah, the dart that got you in that alley, it contained palladium. it's highly toxic so we used lithium dioxide to counter it. speaking of the dart, i'm going to find out who did this to you and they're never going to see the light of day for putting us through all of this." nat says, disturbingly calm.

"yeah...you do that," you tell her, slightly scared. "but palladium? in my blood? how cool is that? i had literal metal in my blood! i could've become like tony but like...palladium woman or something." you said excitedly.

"you do know we already have metal in our blood, right bub?" nat questions in amusement. "oh." you say dumbly. "and palladium don't belong in our body and you literally almost died because of it." your mouth opened but no words came out.

"speaking of, can you please not do that again? i really thought i was gonna lose you." she whispers, stroking your hair. "oh yeah, of course. i'll just announce to the whole world to not target the youngest avenger," you joke, smile dropping when nat gave you a stern look.

"nat, being part of the avengers at my age undoubtedly means i'll be a target for the bad people out there, but i don't care because while i get to kick ass, i know all of you have my back when it's my ass that's kicked. and i think that's the best part of being an avenger; the sense of security i get having you amazing people as my teammates." you tell her honestly and she smiles softly.

"oh come here you," she pulls you in for another hug but this time it's better because you could still breathe. you make yourself comfortable, snuggling into her.

"did you mean it?" she asked and you look up at her in confusion. "mean what?"

"when you said you wouldn't mind me acting like your mother."

"of course i do, you're like the mother i never had. i wouldn't even mind you being my actual mother." you say without a second thought, eyes widening when you realised what you had said. you swore under your breath, knowing you've just made it awkward between you two.

"i– really?" despite the teams efforts to make her see the truth, it was much more meaningful when she heard you say it yourself. "y–yeah.." you admit sheepishly.

"then you wouldn't mind if i actually adopted you?" she asks carefully, gauging your reaction. your jaw dropped, eyes going wide once again. "are you serious?!"

"yeah." she smiles at you fondly. "no! of course i won't mind!" you hug her tightly, tears forming in your eyes. you had gone all your life without parents so this was a huge thing for you. not only were you going to finally have a mother, but the most amazing woman you knew was going to be your mother.

"mum?" you tested the title, smiling when she acknowledged it. you were now crying in joy.

"hey, don't cry." she soothes you, running a hand up and down your back. "no, no, i'm just so happy. this is the best day of my life." you tell her. "me too, bub."

you stayed in her arms until you fell back asleep, nat tucking you in before going back to sit down on the chair. she looked down at you fondly.

sure, she was scared of the big step she was about to take with you but she had you with her and she knew that was enough. "i love you, y/n." she whispers, planting a kiss on the side of your head.

taglist <3

@amourtentiaa @rqmanoff @abitofeverythinggg @andreasworlsboring101 @cay-writes-fan-fiction514 @teenwonder @sevenmorningstars @fleurlovesbucky

#marvel x teen!reader #avengers x teen!reader #avengers x reader #bruce banner x teen!reader #bucky barnes x teen!reader #clint barton x teen!reader #natasha romanoff x teen!reader #sam wilson x teen!reader #steve rogers x teen!reader #tony stark x teen!reader #avenger!reader

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1eos · 2 years ago

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my sister the serial killer spoilers

yk I kinda read it as Korede seeing every single man [and to some extent most women] failing to protect her. So naturally she would chose to protect her sister even if it goes against her morals. Who would protect and support Korede? Her romantic interest? Like, her elderly male patient divorced his wife in the hospital scene because she was no longer useful to him, iirc. I feel like that was a turning point for Korede to go 'ok, what are the odds my lover would do that to me? Would sacrificing my sister to all the horrors of prison be worth XX years, to be thrown away?'

It's absolutely toxic and codependent but in a way, that murder and manipulation is just how Ayoola is trying to survive in this messed up world. Like two sides of a coin, imo. And yes, the ending was perfect. This isn't some ya fantasy revolution, she's not going to katniss her way into changing the world to erasing misogyny at a social level.

hard agree. like korede being darker skinned, the less 'pretty' sister, disrespected at her job by her peers for actually trying to get shit done, basically being treated as the help and not a daughter by her mother etc etc really has her in a situation where she can be mistreated and alone or mistreated and at least with someone who appreciates her

ayoola is hella manipulative and not a good sister but her aversion to marriage or settling down shows to me that she's also killing to stay with her sister. and i kinda feel for her bc she's hyperaware that while her life is 'charmed' all men want her for the same reason. even tade who was supposed to be so different was the exact same. and knowing how these relationships are there's def a part of ayoola that's jealous of korede.

oh and korede's conversation with muhtar (the coma guy) you can see that she so strongly wants to believe in love and he's over it 😂😂😂😂 the everlasting love korede so desperately wants is just something that's rare in the world where men will marry a woman and cheat on her religiously and the women are expected to take it. what she wants society just is not built to provide easily so in the end i'm not mad at her. i can't even say i'm mad at ayoola for killing some of those guys i think i dislike her for her attitude more than her murders which is a wild thing to say. im mostly mad at their father who is obviously the reason the girls are the way that they are.

and idk if ppl are mad at the ending bc its not bombastic or satisfying in a YA way but reading it i honestly do not know how else it couldve ended. even when korede stood up against her sister trying to help tade he was like 'wowwwwwwwwwwwww you're ugly so you must be jealous' why the fuck would she give a damn abt a potential victim again 😂😂😂😂 i wouldve been like 'aight. cannot wait to clean up your blood'

#the book is really sad #korede is a classic enabler but she truly has no where else to go with the upbringing and culture shes in #black family dynamics LOVE to enable each other so this shit really hit #kendras book club

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booasaur · 2 years ago

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random ask which isn't even an ask but... i've just finished kevin can f himself s1 and there was something bothering me and i just had to talk about it with someone who has watched the show. anyways

first of all, i love allison/patty, their relationship is deliciously developed and i'm positive they are going to be endgame (i have to believe that bc otherwise it would be a freaking queerbaiting and we can't have that)

now talking about patty/tammy. for hours i've had a strange feeling about them but was having a hard time putting that into words. at first i immediately liked them as a couple for no reason (ok, i tend to like side couples even when i know they are not gonna make it to the end, maybe i like the drama, sue me). then tammy's attitude started to slightly bother me, like the way she was kinda pushy (trying to teach patty how to like vodka?) and straightforward idk. and i was like "great, now the fandom is going to hate her and nobody is shipping them and there will be 0 fanfiction about them". then i realized, that's not why people don't like her/the ship. the fans weren't going to like it no matter how, the show just gave them an excuse. tammy was destined to be disliked bc she is a black woman who got in the way of two white women who are strongly shipped. the same could be said about sam as an asian man.

and it reminded me a lot of dead to me s2 (the two shows are very similar btw). except that the character who got in the way of the "main couple" (both also white women) is a latina and also a very nice person. despite that, despite her being the healthiest relationship one of the main characters has ever had, most of the fandom hates her for no reason other than She Got In The Way Of Their Ship.

anyway, this is just a random rant about this trend of shows putting a poc between the fandom's favorite ship. and i hate that kcfh made tammy kinda annoying bc i find it 1) a lazy way of making her and patty break up in the future and 2) the perfect excuse for the fandom to dislike her as much as they want.

i guess i just wanted to verbalize that feeling and know someone's opinion on that.

(okay to make it public)

Heh, I'm not as sure about you on the endgame part, nor did I see the reaction toward Natalie Morales's character on Dead Like Me or even really Tammy outside of pointing out the ways in which her behavior hasn't been great, but yeah, in general I'd agree with you on how fandom treats POC and how media itself enables that.

I had the same reaction as you where initially I was like, oh, cool, that's gonna be romantic, and then kind of wincing every time Tammy was overbearing or pushy, because it really is convenient writing to make her unlikable. I'm not even sure for what purpose, unless they want Patty to stand on her own as well, or if the point is simply, people aren't perfect.

And yeah, they aren't, so some might say, well, why can't Tammy be a little imperfect, POC should get to be flawed and messy, but it's really quite different when they're not given much agency and interiority. Hell, POC who ARE given more space and time as leads and co-leads to establish their feelings aren't given much grace by audiences, so I do think that as nice and luxurious as it is to be like, I'm going to write this character as annoying and unlikable because they should be allowed to be, writers DO need to be aware of the reality in which their work is consumed.

Even white women, right, on a sliding scale compared to what white men get away with, can be disliked unfairly but WOC, I mean, a case study on their treatment on DCTV alone is proof that they can be everything that people think they should be, brave, noble, gracious, also flawed and imperfect, and people will just be terrible about them. In a TON of m/f ships (and probably more f/f ships, the more we get), it's so common to see the perfect but not perfect for them Black girlfriend obstacle to the "main" ship, the Disposable Black Girlfriend trope has a name.

Plus, this is IF these characters are written with good intentions, a lot of the time other biases do sneak in. It's not a coincidence most of the main cast is white, that the two rival love interests are POC. Yeah, Kevin is the worst character on the show and a white guy, but characters like Sam and Tammy don't get the luxury of five million portrayals as good guys and antiheroes and deconstructions the way Kevin does.

I'd like to say that Tammy third-wheeling what is now clearly the main love story of the show (mutually romantic or not) would always have placed her at a disadvantage, even if she'd been played by a white actress, but I dunno about that, lol. I've seen people really like these kinds of side ships (the beTRAYAL from the Lost Girl fandom...).

Ultimately, I know you're not really asking a question, just making an observation, and I definitely get what you're saying, even if this isn't the most egregious case of it. But hey, if you want to see Candice Coke not be treated like that, try to give Proven Innocent a chance if you haven't already.

#replies #femslash related stuff #sent on 20220913 #mariaaxescallop #5 #kevin can fuck himself #man I had so many plans for before tonight #was gonna clear out so many asks and gifsets for ncis but well here we are

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violenceenthusiast · 4 years ago

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Ask from trans Dean getting male body headcanon, I'm trans too and I guess it's like that fic debate about how some trans people like more serious fic that are more realistic? And some more, myself included, the fantasy not like real life way such as magic person casts spell or shapeshifter ( oh jeez are all shapeshifters in spn trans?? God I wish that were me)

Like if I woke up with my ideal body and as long as i still looked like me to others (it's magic I'm bending it) it would be dead cool, so I imagine Dean as being like me

Although I would push against your male female argument bc like there is a difference like if you've a female body you can get female organ specific issues like idk ovarian cysts? But I get what you mean the only place male and female labels makes a difference when it comes to medicine really imho

But yeah magic angel bf take my boobs there's only good for holding my phone up in bed

this seemed like the day to finally get to this ask.

i don’t mean this in a normative way at all, just factually, being trans does not preclude you (or me, or anyone) from holding harmful/cissexist opinions about transness and/or saying harmful things. and rhetorically i think language is powerful and can do a lot of work on how we think about things (just like the reverse is true. it’s a cyclical thing to me). so i’m hardline against “male/female body” terminology, like i said in the last ask i think that rather men (trans and cis alike) then have male bodies and same for women.

but also scientifically the view is flawed, if only for the fact that it doesn’t take into consideration intersex people, let alone all the other reasons. like. even if we were to classify “male bodies” as “people born with penis/external testes/prostate, and without vulva/vagina/uterus/ovaries”, first of all yuck why, and second of all even that is not even a particularly cohesive category medically speaking? and with cis men and cis women, the statistical variation within groups is just as large as the variation between groups? it’s all a bimodal distribution yk!! like. there are tendencies true of given groups but at anything below that macro level is useless, AND for a given thing being said, while it’s technically true of group A, it’s dishonest to pretend like it isn’t true for a large part of group B too! and again there’s always gonna be those in the middle of that distribution- trying to force those ppl to one side or the other of the distribution is lazy first and ill-advised second because in doing so we would miss so much truth about what it means to be human? like literally just missing out on so much data to collapse what is in truth a range of values into two categories, 0 or 1. i truly do not get the need for M/F at all (this is not an invite for randos to try and come find the one hyper-specific situation where they think actually the distinction is needed don’t you know)

also (sigh sharing about myself to get my point across as always but.) on a basic level like. i have a genetic marker that predisposes me to breast and ovarian cancers, i am acutely aware of my body’s medical realities. but anyone who calls my body “female” is getting decked. that is simply not what’s going on here. if i get top surgery, my risk for breast cancer is still gonna be more than that of the average cis man, and my risk level will go down for me but what’s my risk level compared to an average cis woman then? also like i’m on testosterone so what does that do to the categories’ meanings? what category does my mom go in if she’s had an oophorectomy and a hysterectomy? defining such categories based on physical traits is messy and misguided at best, pointless and harmful at worst.

and to bring it back around to spn i’m still like. i think there IS a lot of yummy trans body magic wrapped up in the angel power lore. but i hold that there should be choice in that? like a storyline where cas offers to change dean’s body (change!! not “fix”!!!!! you didn’t say that i’m just generally noting the distinction bc i see that a lot!!), or where dean asks cas for that..... those hold SO much power. but a cas that just changes dean’s body around in big ways without his consent or involvement in the decision.. idk it icks me out generically and feels ooc for cas for me specifically. because cas is so about free will, rebellion, finding divinity in humanity and in choice/self-determination, and cas is genderfucked too so like. idk i really feel like cas sees dean’s soul in hell and it’s Self Recognition Through The Other time. like abstractly i agree that it’s enticing to think about waking up the way you want to be like magic. it’d be nice to skip on the rough realities of what it would take to get there, if possible at all. but actually thinking about that literally happening?? and not knowing it was gonna happen?? i think it’d be fucked up.

#idk what to tag this #and again im sure others will feel differently but.#and sorry to my followers for once again using anons as a soap box opportunity #trans dean #asks #anonymous #long post

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positivityforlesbians · 5 years ago

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I'm a lesbian, but I can't accept myself and it's destroying my mental health. I've tried consuming (good) lesbian media and interacting with other lesbians, but nothing seems to work and it's scaring me. I've never been religious, but I grew up surrounded by intense homophobia and I can't wrap my head around not being bad or less or being good enough as a lesbian. I feel that one thing goes directly against the other (1)

(2) like, besides the fact that men suck and that I get to avoid them, is there anything actually good about being a gay woman? I’ve heard people talk so much about how two women can’t please each other as well as a man can, unless she uses a dildo. about how naturally two women can’t reproduce (which I shouldn’t even care bc I don’t want kids) and how without adoption and modern methods a lesbian who wants to be a mother would be less happy than a het woman (3) about how… it won’t be enough. It breaks my heart to think I can never be good enough. Not as good as a straight person. Not good enough for the woman I’ll love one day. Not as good to a woman as a man would be. I was way happier when I though I was asexual, but now I’m kind of freaking out and I wish I could go back to believing I didn’t want love or sex. I’ve tried to hook up with men, but I can’t, it repulses me. Idk what to do. Could you help me, please ?

—

Hi anon, yes i can try helping you, this is also why positivityforlesbians exist ! :) First of though religion is a massive cause of homophobia it isn’t the only one, people will try to find many excuses not to accept gay/bi people and treat us with disrespect because of our attraction to the same sex, it seems like indeed these people created a lot of hatred for you to absorb. It isn’t your fault, you’re just a victim of your environment and the circumstances, which are no surprises under a heterosexist society. Self-acceptation doesn’t come easily, for some of us it does but for some others it’s very difficult, considering how many countries in the world are suffocating under at least state homophobia the later is the bigger group, so you’re not alone in this situation, anon. You have to accept that it can take time but that you’re on the right path as long as you don’t indulge in self-destructive behaviors, trying to hook up with men absolutely being one. You said it yourself, it repulses you, therefore you shouldn’t do that and you know it. You’re a lesbian, so of course it’s not for you, your heart only loves women in that way and it’s beautiful, you’re enough and complete like that. The people who are repeating all day that women can’t “please each other as well as a man can” are completely misinformed and blinded by their hatred because one thing i know is that statistically women in lesbian relationships have more orgasms than women in straight relationships, making lesbians the second highest groups (if i remember well) of people having the most orgasms (the first one being gay men).

Homophobes don’t understand that people of the same sex know each other better because we have the same bodies and therefore know better how to please the body of our partner. Only 30 to 35% of women can orgasm through penetration, that means that lesbians are naturally more advantaged than men when it comes to sex with a woman since we focus more on oral and clitoral stimulation than penetration compared to men and their penis who, more often than not, only care about their own pleasure. In short, don’t listen to the idiotic arguments of these people they’re just repeating the same old lesbophobic arguments that we’ve heard for centuries. Even plenty of straight women and bi women in straight relationships tell how much men don’t please them, so if anything they (men) are the ones who can’t please women as well as a woman can. You’re good anon, you have to actively block these people from putting these thoughts into your head, you don’t deserve that. You deserve happiness with a woman who will think you’re enough for her and love you as much as you love her. It’s real, lesbian love, women creating families together, whether they adopt, have children of their own or are just happy with the company of each other. Cut toxic homophobic people from your life if you need it because your mental health is more important than their nasty judgment. It will get better with time and accept that unlearning years of internalized homophobia does not happen in a day. Prioritize your people, your mental health, lesbian culture, i promise things will not be as shitty all your life, they could start changing soon even. Don’t hesitate to send me a direct message if you need to, sending you plenty of love anon ! Xx

#Anonymous #my answers #internalized lesbophobia #lesbophobia #lesbian advices #lesbian safe #self love

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ultralaser · 6 years ago

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i'm just gonna go ahead and spoil the fuck out of hellboy 2019 bc it's awful and i can't think of a good reason not to

thomas haden church shows up as lobster johnson! but he looks ridiculous, like, a cheap halloween costume version compared to, say, the period costumes in captain america or wonder woman. and he has NO SET UP so he just comes off like a joke, it's not, oh this is a wierd noir pulp hero in **gotham city**, it's, lobster johnson, nazi hunter. is hellboy a world with cool superheroes, and if so, why isn't hellboy one of them? is he an x men now? idk it doesnt work tho

baba yaga shows up! she has a house on chicken legs that's rendered beautifully, but then she has one of the worst face prosthetics i've ever seen, it literally looks like a cheap monster mask from party city. so much for the grace and elegant spookiness of a doug jones suit, this baba yaga mask can't even lip sync well

guy davis kaiju demons show up! but they aren't, cool, they're just, they have as much screen time as the ogdru jahad in hellboy 04, but they show up and start just gruesomly killing ppl, like same with thr giants fight earlier on, the movie uses the r rating to push a lot of just dismemberment, disembowelment, graphic bodily harm, it's gross and mean and dumb and out of character for the comics. therr's the helicopter shot of the tall man walking through the tower bridge, then two bat demons fky up in front of him and tear someone in half and all their guts fall out. what? why

king arthur and merlin show up! merlin is, christian for some reason? and king arthur is boring. this sequence is nearly saved by ian mcshane's narratiom, but not really. witches bad, she created a plague but not, the plague? england is the most important place in history, blah blah, no. king arthur legend of the sword does more with excalibur as a magic artifact, and drunk merlin from transformers the last knight is way more compelling than Christian Merlin, warrior for god

they do the quick ww2 origin flashback, ala thomas and martha wayne, joe chill, pearls. kroenen is there and looks bad, ilsa looks fine, rasputin, tbh feels like they got the same actor who did a poor job in 04, he's generic in a boring way, the whole scene is unnecessary

okay, so, then halfway! through, after hellboy has been sent to england to help the rebel general from rogue one, and they name their perennial giant hunt 'the wild hunt', and they all betray hellboy and stab him with a bunch of spears, and are killed brutally by giants, and then hellboy brutally kills the giants, and is rescued by new girl, who talks to ghosts and was rescued by hellboy from being replaced by a fairy changeling (who is back, running around putting milla back together after king arthur dismembered her and locked her still-living pieces in boxes around england?), and hellboy both knows her from all along but also hasnt been back since, and knows shes a psychic but also hasnt seen her since she was a baby, depending on the scene?

THEN finally daniel dae kim's ben daimio shows up, and he's NOT EVEN IN THE BPRD, he's with british intelligence, and he takes hank's anti-mutation polyjuice serum from days of future past to repress his were-jaguar form, and he has a special gun designed to KILL HELLBOY because he doesnt trust him not to be the actual devil, despite, HIMSELF, being cursed with a monstrous destiny

the scene in the trailer with hellboy, new girl, and daimio on a bprd mission, with hellboy punching daimio to activate his hulking out? THAT'S IN THE **SIX MONTHS LATER** EPILOGUE. the movie ENDS with the three of them finding abe sapien

so this whole thing? is a fucking ORIGIN STORY. it is EVERY SUPERHERO MOVIE FROM 78 TO IRON MAN TWO, it is ONE HERO, ALONE, IN A WORLD WITH NO OTHER HEROES. it's not even the x-men because they're not recruiting hellboy to join their team, it's like if the x-men were just xavier and logan and a nunch of fbi guys.

meanwhile, ddk and new girl are both americans doing british accents, david harbour is still playing hellboy as a 75 year old teenager, and ian mcshane, bless him, is just playing ian mcshane

also, just, i think the intent was for harbour to play it as the stone right hand is just really heavy? but it ends up looking like a cosplayer who misjudged the weight of his prop hand an hour into the con. i want to say del toro did a better job of making it look like, this is actually hellboy's hand, and not, this is ron perlman wearing a wierd prosthetic.

and also, amazing advances in prosthetic technology aside, why didnt they just get dave bautista, if they wanted surly hellboy, or dwayne johnson, if they wanted comic accurate charming hellboy, because neither of those dudes would have needed a muscle suit. hellboy ends up (AGAIN) looking like one of the fucking dwarves in the hobbit, who wore fat suits to look like they were built like john rhys davies, but if they turn their head wrong you can see their prosthetics floating like trump's wig

have the balls to give him his wierd jawline from the comic, or don't fucking bother

okay, okay. OKAY. so, you guys remember the BLOOD TORNADO from blade one, the 'original ending' on the dvd where frost turns into a whirling vortex of blood, and they superimpose the dorff's torso just kind of leaning out of it? and it looked awful both because it's super fake anyways but also unfinished? so, there is an EXTENDED scene where professor mcshane comes back as a ghost, and it's ian mcshane's head pasted onto a super fake ectoplasm tail coming out of new girl's mouth (which also, gross), and they forgot to give him a neck, and he's naked? and it's awful and only not laughable bc, frankly, ian mcshane is a treasure and spends the whole moving swearing a lot

and honestly, the most annoying part is that hellboy 19 cribs the ending from hellboy 04 where hellboy is about to give in to his cursed destiny and join team evil, until some white dude says 'no, stop, you have a choice thanks to your father'

hellboy popped into our plane in 1944 and it is 2019, dude is SEVENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. he is smarter than this shit, or at least, old enough to know better. i'm half his age and i can tell when someone is not negotiating in good faith.

and at least in 04 he was doing it to save liz, in the new movie witch milla ALREADY KILLED IAN MCSHANE and it still takes ghost mcshane to cuss hellboy out back to team good, talking him into using EXCALIBUR to rekill her instead of, destroying the world

and do they reconcile that EXCALIBUR was the key to the hellmouth, that hellboy pulling the sword from the stone started the biblical apocalypse? that england is the villain here? no, they joke that now hellboy is king.

OMG and i forgot merlin shows up again to tell hellboy HE IS LITERALLY DESCENDED FROM KING ARTHUR. his human witch mother fucked satan in the 1600s and gave birth to hellboy in hell, and then four hundred years later rasputin and the nazis summon him to earth as he's still a baby. does this make sense? no. is it comics canon. idk, who cares, it's BAD.

this movie is B A D in almost every way, it is amazing how bad it is. it is clearly a 'gritty' remake of the 2004 film, not in any way a new take on the comics. there are FIFTEEN YEARS of new bprd comics put out since that film for these guys to riff on, and they are still fundamentally misrepresenting beloved characters while also just, making up new bullshit.

but when del toro did that, it was del toro's cool bullshit. this is hellboy from the guys who said 'lets have jaime rape cersei on joffrey's tomb'

#hellboy #i dont want your garbage #spoilers

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joannalannister · 7 years ago

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Hi there! I've been meaning to ask this for awhile now, but I was just wondering what you think Jon's reaction to finding out Daenerys is his aunt will be? I mean, in my mind, it *could* go either way ... he could just not care bc of the whole Targaryens wedding family all the time, but I'm not entirely sure. I've been waiting SO LONG for my ship to sail, and tbh, I really don't care that they're nephew/aunt, but yeah. I just wanted to get your take on it!

In the books, I think that Jon is going to find out about Rhaegar and Lyanna in TWOW, before he meets Daenerys. So I don’t think “Daenerys is my aunt” is the familial relationship he’s immediately going to focus on, although I’m sure he’ll figure that out eventually. I think Jon has to grapple with the fact that Ned isn’t his biological father, along with the fact that his biological father Rhaegar disappeared with his mother Lyanna, who was underage at the time of her disappearance. And then this disappearance ignited a chain of events that caused Jon’s Uncle Brandon’s and his grandfather Rickard’s deaths. Not to mention a war.

Quotin myself:

idk if I would be so quick to dismiss Jon’s feelings. I think the emotional impact is kind of the whole point of the story. GRRM says he’s writing about “the human heart in conflict with itself”. It’s the emotional struggle that we relate to, more so than wielding a magical sword and slaying ice zombies. It’s R+L=J that is going to play a significant part in Jon Refusing the Hero’s Call. Jon has created a fantasy about Ned and his mother, and the pain of having that fantasy ripped away, of finding out he was Rhaegar’s design, a piece of Rhaegar’s prophecy, is gonna be a really big deal to him. Jon has to work through these feelings, and decide to save the world because he chooses to, and not because it’s something on Rhaegar’s survivalist checklist. Rhaegar was doing things because he thought it was required (”it seems i must be a warrior”), because some dusty prophecy said so. Jon’ll do it because it’s right and it’s what he chooses, and his emotional journey is gonna be the whole point of twow/ados.

See also. Also also: #r plus l equals j

So that’s. A lot of stuff for Jon to work through in TWOW.

And I don’t actually think that Dany is arriving in Westeros until near the end of TWOW, and I think that she’s going to be in the King’s Landing / Dragonstone area.

Perhaps Jon will meet her there idk, perhaps not. I personally like the idea of Jon going south trying to find the Tower of Joy and spending 40 days and 40 nights wandering the Dornish desert (I would like to learn more about Dorne), but instead GRRM will probably opt for a metaphorical desert of the heart. Regardless of whether it’s a physical desert or a metaphorical one tho, I think the problem remains the same: the rejection of evil. Instead of Satan appearing to Jesus Jon, it’s indifference and despair that Jon must reject.

To quote Elie Wiesel,

The opposite of love is not hate, it’s indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it’s indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it’s indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it’s indifference. Because of indifference, one dies before one actually dies.

Indifference, to me, is the epitome of evil.

What hurts the victim most is not the cruelty of the oppressor but the silence of the bystander.

This is what I think ASOIAF is all about - having the courage to speak out and oppose what is wrong in the world. (This is why that theory about Tyrion losing his tongue is so heinous.) We see people speaking out when Tyrion stands up for one little girl, in Jon saving wildlings and letting them through the Wall in spite of the bigotry that will get him killed, in Dany freeing slaves, in Sansa speaking on Dontos’s behalf, and the stuff all the other heroes do.

And we see a lot of evil happen in ASOIAF when people stand by and look the other way and do nothing - like the Kingsguard.

(Remember Rhaella. Remember the men of the kingsguard who looked away. Remember Daenerys, who “dare not look away” when people are being raped or mutilated or murdered.)

“All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing.”

Remember the call: “ARE THERE NO TRUE KNIGHTS AMONG YOU?”

“Only silence answered.”

That’s really what I think Jon is going to be dealing with in TWOW - the temptation to sit it out and do nothing as the War of the Five Kings resumes and the Wall falls, and the ice zombies invade.

The temptation to answer all this with silence.

(Like, if you asked me to describe how I think TWOW’s going to be like … I think it’s going to be like that moment in a movie when you’re holding your breath in anticipation and horror.)

I have a tendency to resort to Wheel of Time quotes when I run out of ASOIAF quotes, but I honestly think of these two series as sisters in the epic fantasy genre so anyways. In WOT there’s this prophecy related to the salvation of the world, “The grave is no bar to my call.”

When ADOS asks, “ARE THERE NO TRUE KNIGHTS AMONG YOU?” Zombie!Jon has to choose to answer the call, despite his death, despite everything that happened to him.

So anyways … The temptation to answer all this with silence … while I think Dany’s story is going to parallel Jon’s throughout TWOW, I think the very earliest they’re going to meet is at the very end of TWOW, and maybe not until ADOS.

So by the time Jon actually meets Dany, I think he knows full well who she is, and who he is.

Sidenote - I do not think that Rhaegar and Lyanna got married in the books because

I believe Jon’s story is about coming to terms with who he is, and that includes being a bastard - just not Ned’s bastard.

I do not think GRRM would undermine and sideline Dany’s claim to the Iron Throne like that, when Dany’s story centers around a choice between her people vs her throne. It would make her final sacrifice at the end that much bigger, if it includes the throne that she must give up.

So when Jon and Dany finally meet … I think it’s all going to be very chaotic and desperate.

Also. Jon will be an undead fire zombie in the books, so let’s.

Let’s not forget that.

Because I think that is going to be Very Important.

I would say that death … or zombification … or whatever word you would like to use for the experience of being murdered and resurrected … is going to be a much bigger issue for Jon and Dany’s relationship than simple incest.

I think throughout GRRM’s body of work – not just ASOIAF, but everything – there’s this theme about … about … the boundaries of love, but more importantly, the breakdown of those boundaries that stop us from loving each other. It’s A Song for Lya. It’s the spider loving a human woman in Tower of Ashes. It’s Vincent in Beauty and the Beast.

It’s GRRM saying that love is boundless.

So with Jon and Dany … I’m hesitant to speak here because GRRM has so much left to write … I think that Jon has to realize, with Dany’s help, that death doesn’t stop you from loving.

Think about what Jon’s been through.

He was murdered. Betrayed by his own men.

Murdered because he wouldn’t leave the wildlings to die on the other side of the Wall. Because he let them in, in his love and his compassion for humanity. Murdered because he loved a wildling girl. Murdered because he loved his sister, and he wanted to go save the girl he thought was Arya.

Like, you can get into all the political reasons behind Jon’s assassination, but in the end? I think it was about love. Bigots like Bowen Marsh lack that kind of love.

And Jon died for it.

I think Bran’s AGOT vision is a metaphor for Jon in TWOW: “Jon sleeping alone in a cold bed, his skin growing pale and hard as the memory of all warmth fled from him.”

Warmth is love.

Remember, “The real enemy is the cold.” The cold is slavery, abuse, murder, cruelty. The cold is all the ways that people hurt each other. The cold is indifference, despair. The cold is the absence of hope. The cold is death, dehumanization.

So in TWOW, I think Jon’s going to have a lot of problems letting people in.

I think Undead Jon rejects love. I don’t think he’ll remember what it is, and that’s what will make him initially reject his savior role. That’s why he’ll initially be indifferent to humanity’s fate. Zombie!Jon just can’t find it in him to care anymore imo.

You can’t step up and save humanity if you don’t love humanity.

I think Dany has to warm Jon up, so to speak.

Because humanity is fire (life) and the Others and their army of the Undead are ice, and the song of ice and fire is the war between humanity and the Others. With Jon zombified and, worse, indifferent … refusing the call … he’s an (unwitting) agent of the Others, and Dany has to save him. I mean, Dany has to save everyone, but she has to save Jon first. She has to make him remember what it means to be human.**

Like, Mel is going to bring Jon back pretty quickly imo, but … what is life worth, “when all the rest is gone?” Being back isn’t enough. Dany’s going to make Jon live again, as she never could for Drogo. (That’s gonna be a nice bookend, @GRRM, if we ever get to read it.)

Like, ASOIAF is about second chances. Samwell failed to release the ravens on time in ACOK, but you can bet he’s gonna release them on time when it really counts. Dany couldn’t make her Sun and Stars live again in his undead state … but you can bet your ass she’s gonna make Jon Snow live again.

I don’t know exactly how that’s going to happen, but I really, really, really don’t think Jon and Dany bang until they’re beyond the curtain of light, in the Other World Faerie Realm Lovecraftian Parallel Universe of Nightmare and Death.

If Westeros has a version of Adam and Eve, two people alone and in love at the birth of the world … well, I imagine Jon and Dany as the inverse, two people alone “at the end of all things”.

Imagine Belle’s magic mirror, Galadriel’s basin of water, Saruman’s palantir … the Sony JumboTron … whatever far-seeing device the Others can use to demoralize Our Heroes … imagine Jon and Dany watching all the dead and dying as Winterfell’s outer curtainwall falls. Imagine them watching when … I don’t know … someone in a critical defensive position betrays them. Imagine Grey Worm dying. Imagine idk horrible things. Disheartening things. Imagine Our Heroes losing heart. (The human heart in conflict with itself!)

(I think the Others are smart and I think they understand psychological warfare. Look how they play with people.)

Jon: “I am glad you are here with me, Dany. Here at the end of all things.”

Not a happy conversation, maybe, but a human one. Both of us needed someone, and we reached out. […I] made love to her as fiercely as I could. Then, the darkness softened, we held each other and [pushed] away the night.

–Dreamsongs

Did it matter to Adam, that Eve was born of his rib? That’s why this issue with incest is so irrelevant to me when it comes to Jon and Dany - I think the circumstances are going to be so weird, so wild, they’ll make that fish-fucking movie look normal.

Jon is a zombie. They’re going to be in a Lovecraftian Universe. It’s the end of the world. Dany and Jon being related is not going to matter.

In this Other World, this alien Lovecraftian dimension, I think Jon and Dany are the only two humans in this whole Other universe (with the possible exception of Tyrion, but Tyrion’s really a wildcard, more morally ambiguous than either Jon or Dany imo and therefore much more difficult to predict).

And so Jon and Dany reach out to each other – they have sex – as a celebration of their humanity, an act of defiance against an alien species that wants to destroy humanity.

And this act revitalizes them, gives them their second wind … and they can go do … whatever it is they need to do … to defeat the Others.

Love, life, salvation … there’s so much bigger stuff at stake here than “She’s my aunt”.

So no, I don’t think it will matter to Jon.

I have more Jon/Dany thoughts here, if you like: #jdmeta

**When Aemon gives Jon that “Kill the boy” speech, I think the mistake Jon makes is that he thinks he must kill his humanity. He pushes his friends away, he becomes isolated, he heartlessly steals Gilly’s baby. It’s cold and cruel … almost Tywin-esque. And I joke about Tywin being a golden cyborg, but that’s what toxic masculinity is … it’s a denial of humanity. I think Dany will have to help Jon remember what it’s like to be human.

#asoiaf #a song of ice and fire #princesspudding #replies #lannister thoughts #jon snow #jon x dany #dany x jon #jdmeta #endgame #asoiaf themes #the meaning of asoiaf #daenerys targaryen

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harristops · 2 years ago

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Yael has been too quiet about literally everything that's been going on with this shit show of her club. Everyone wants to give her the benefit of the doubt bc she seems nice and is new at her job but its time she takes responsibility too and takes some action. She shouldn't get a free pass at this point either. Hold Scott and Zerboni accountable

The truth of the matter is in any other sport she'd be fired, alongside Scott. It isn't about being nice (it's a perk tho), it's about doing your job. And neither of them are doing their jobs. Yael trades away both their young, about-to-hit-their-prime starting keepers for roster protection for two older veterans. Not a great move at all and she lost that bid. Then she trade away Eddy (one of their decent midfielders), they get Kristie, retain Midge, sign Smith. They draft Hancuff. On paper, that's an excellent team put together. Problem is, she keeps Scott and even though he has been given time to work with the roster, he hasn't done shit. So now you have a squad of what should be playoff contenders looking like peewee players. Zerboni is made captain only to provide zero leadership and what seems like a toxic environment, blaming everything else but her for their terrible performance. Scott does the same. A GM with half a mind who recognizes how much has been invested in Gotham would recognize changes need to be made. Changes such as firing Scott and making Bev interim while searching for an actual coach, or making Dorsey captain or co-captains with either Johnson or Krieger. Making the hard decision to tell the coach to bench your longtime friend bc she's not having a good season. I don't care that Yael and Ash go back, she's Ash's manager and she has to have some input. The fact Yael is quiet and isn't doing anything is frustrating. I like her and I think it's so awesome to have a former player and a woman be a GM, but she's not doing her job properly, I'm sorry.

Gotham has one of highest valued teams when it comes to investment. You want this league to be taken seriously? Take action. Make changes. The men's league is successful bc rich people want to invest in successful businesses and are willing to make cut-throat decisions to do so. If I am the president of operations, I fire Yael, I fire Scott, and I make personnel changes. I hire people who are good at their jobs and give them a time sensitive window to try them out. I instill a winning mentality while also providing the players a safe, comfortable, and competitive environment to play and perform. Enough of this trial and error and "oh you know better luck next year" BS. Coaches in men's leagues get fired in less time than Scott has even worked at Gotham. Players have been traded or benched for less than the performances that Ash, McCall, Mandy, and others have done.

I love that part of the women's game is that it's this safe place and it doubles as a platform to do grassroots work for social change and being vocal about human rights, but dude, if they want to be taken seriously as a SPORT, and as a broader organization, there needs to be accountability. There can't keep being cases of abuse, or harassment, or homophobia, or racism, that just gets swept under the rug. The men's league is rampant with that toxicity, too. Women's sports had the ability to be better than the men's league by entertainment, accountability, player safety, and equal rights alone, but its just one shit fest after another and idk what else they could do except burn it down and start over.

#asks #idk man I love the players and the teams and the fans and the community #but it's all become a shit show #the players deserve better and so do the fans

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spuriusbrocoli · 6 years ago

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I'm not straight at all and I don't get most of your posts about being LGBT vs. being straight?

So I presume you’re talking about this post that I made as well as… another one. Which I’ll talk about later.

Basically, this post is about how I have an irrational association between my experiences as a queer person (nonbinary mlm is a pretty accurate label, I think) and my experience raising my pets. And I know that this association between my queerness and my pets is entirely imagined; I draw attention to the fact that it wasn’t logical in the post.

(bolding edited in here)

I can’t imagine how heterosexuals do pet-rearing.

Like, I got my first cat at the same time as I did my first live-in boyfriend, and then we got my first dog where we were the primary caregivers to the dog as opposed to our parents.

As a result, the emotions of my overwhelming queerness and the emotions associated with raising my sons (i.e., the cat and dog) are probably more intertwined than is logical. And when I see cishets with pets I’m just like “¿¿¿¿¿¿¿???????? the straights aren’t allowed to do that”.

The point of this post is “Hey, I have this weird association that doesn’t make any sense! Isn’t that funny?” I know straight people can have pets; I was in fact raised by two straight people with pets. That’s part of the joke (that straight people can have pets, not that my parents in specific did). The punchline is supposed to be me and the inherent absurdity of my reaction to seeing straight people with pets, because, again, straight people can and do raise pets and everyone knows this including myself which is the entire joke.

Like, I did actively call attention to that fact in the post. I’m kind of at a loss as to how to make my posts more unambiguously facetious. Maybe I could tag it as “#jowak” to let audiences know that I’m kidding, but I tagged The One Post as “#rant”, and it didn’t do shit, so idk.

But anyway, let’s talk about The One Post, shall we?

On the third-and-twentieth of April, two-thousands-and-eighteen anno domini, according to Tumblr, I made a post that got… some attention.

Rather a lot of attention, actually.

My do these folks know how to make a girl blush.

Just so many lovely characters here…

And that’s without the reblogs (mostly more of the same, but editing out the usernames and profiles is a pain, so I’m not gonna bother).

Sot tldr: it got attention. Almost 5k notes’ worth of attention in fact. Yay me.

Now I will openly admit that the original is an incoherent rant. It’s all over the place, and if people missed the point, I’d understand. I considered addressing some of the legitimate points, but until now they had been too buried in the crap for me to really bother (though I will address some of the less-shitty vitriol here).

But enough talking about The One Post, let’s just read the whole unedited thing, shall we?

a straight girl will date anything vaguely male-shaped so long as its as cis and het as she is. istfg you could line up the handsomest butches who could eat her pussy for days or the most genteel bi boys who could top her from wall to wall of her tacky apartment, and she’ll still choose her broke, ugly trogolodyte boyfriend who thinks staring at her tits is foreplay and humping vaguely in her direction will get her to cum bc gay men are meant only to compliment her tasteless dress over brunch and lesbians are gross.

(whole thing can be found here as well)

So this post was actually inspired by two very specific neighbors. They had two dogs–Pluto and Coppernicus, whom my puppy was not allowed to socialize with. The two of them were actually kind of infamously unfriendly with everyone in the building, tbth. That’s neither here nor there, but it’s some context.

Anyway, I see this miserable woman while we’re both going in and out of the laundry room. She’s, like, decent-looking, but my type for women tends to err between butch and futch. And her husband/fiance/boyfriend/partner/whatever is real ugly. Like, a potential project for Queer Eye type: utter lack for clothing or basic skincare. Except he’s also an ass.

So I made a post that was mostly about how straight boys are ugly. And straight boys are kind of ugly. Bc we as a society code that sort of basic self-care as queer/feminine, which is the fault of no individual straight boy–and certainly not the fault of this one dude.

But as I was making the post, it kind of occurred to me that many straight women are not only complicit in this system, but they actively encourage it. Straight women do avoid men attracted to women–even straight men–if they seem “too effeminate”. So I went back and edited the post to be inclusive of queer men attracted to women.

Then it kind of occurred to me that attraction isn’t really perfectly binary to begin with and that we as humans are primarily attracted to features like how our potential partners conduct themselves and not really to abstract labels like “man” or “woman”. This isn’t to say that people aren’t attracted to people with any given label (there’s a big difference between men attracted to feminine women and men attracted to feminine men, for instance), but they aren’t coherent classes. And straight women are getting wise to this; look at this comic routine about a straight woman’s first time at a gay bar (yeah, it’s hardly scientific evidence, but this isn’t my fucking thesis). Hence why I went back again and edited in the butch comment.

So yeah, the result was an incoherent mess. And I can sort of understand how someone could read this post and think I was equating butches with straight men, which I do not want to do. Women, no matter how masculine, have a fundamentally less privileged position than men, and gnc women experience the intersectional oppressions of patriarchy and gender conformity. And if this all-over-the-place rant seems to be equivocating between cis and trans people’s experiences or men and butches’ to you, I get that. My wording was bad, and I should’ve done a reread. I’m sorry for that.

What I wasn’t expecting and am definitely not apologizing for is the influx of hatemail from straight people calling me a lesbian incel. And I know that it’s coming from straight people bc wlw would never call another wlw an incel bc the incel subculture is distinctly one rooted in the experiences of male entitlement to women’s bodies. And bc wlw are objectified like all women, they understand that the experiences of an entitled straight man are not equivalent to wlw who can’t find a partner bc of systemic issues that affect all women and especially sapphic women. (Or I hope that wlw have that level of understanding at least.) Or like, just listen to the original, mournful “Slow Dance” compared to the quietly negging “White Blank Page” or “Treat You Better”. (No shade against Mumford and Sons, but both of these examples show how jealous straight men tend to turn their lack of unrequited love at either the other man or at the object of his affection; Babeo Baggins is just sad.)

So given that I am (i) assigned male and male-aligned, (ii) attracted primarily to men, and (iii) in a happy relationship with a nonbinary person with a penis; the hatemail is rather ridiculous.

And that’s exactly what it is: hatemail. Reread through that shit, and it’s just utterly vitriolic. And I’m not gonna say my post wasn’t vitriolic in turn; it definitely was. But my faggot exasperation with straight dudes is not equivalent to the degree to which people on this site harass lesbians. And even if I were a lesbian who couldn’t get with a girl bc she had some ugly-ass boyfriend, that’s still no excuse to turn her personal, rambly post into a nearly 5,000 note meme.

So tldr: Leave lesbians tf alone.

Now to loop back to your original statement, dear Nonnie (I know it has a question-mark, but I read that as upspeak in this context and not a true question):

I’m not straight at all and I don’t get most of your posts about being LGBT vs. being straight?

Well, I’m a queer talking about my queer-ass experiences and my queer-ass thoughts. If your not-straight self relates to that, well great. If you don’t, that’s kind of not my problem. My blog isn’t a resource of any sort, and I wouldn’t claim otherwise; even my linguistics tag is mostly my opinions (though my opinions on linguistics are gonna be way-the-hell better-informed than a non-linguist’s, just sayin’).

So frankly, unfollow. Or don’t. I kind of don’t care. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#queerphobia #homophobia #queerphobic slurs #f-slur #q-slur #phantom of the anon #long post #harassment #rant #nsfw?

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