#but Idk if they'll get itttttttt

[deeply-unserious-fellow]

I need to ramble about gender for a sec but I dont want to subject all my friends to my horrible nonsense rn and also I don't think any of them are online so instead I'm just gonna subject randos on Tumblr to it. Bcuz appearently this is my life.

Okay, so like. I identify as non-binary, right? I don't bring it up a whole lot bcuz it's just never relevant outside of my weirdly specific Vox headcannons, but I do. The thing is though, I think the way my gender behaves is more in line with genderfluid then non-binary? Like, I don't identify with the term genderfluid because A; I never actually give a shit which pronouns people use on me as long as they mix it up sometimes, so the fluid aspect doesn't actually effect how I interact with other ppl all that much, B; non-binary is a lot easier for me to describe and C; I just feel a lot more comfortable with that label Idk, but like. If I were to go to the gender doctor and ask for a diagnosis they would say I'm genderfluid. I would just rather identify as non-binary, if that makes any sense-

OKAY LONG-WINDED EXPLANATIONS ASIDE- the actual problem I'm having isn't related to labels at all, but IS something I assume a lot of genderfluid people have? That being that when I feel femme(my agab) I start questioning my entire identity and hating myself because I'm "not trans enough"(which for the record I know that's a stupid thing to think), but when I feel masc I start hating my body and everything about myself and also wanting to die. Also I still feel like I'm not trans enough because I feel femme sometimes. Then stack that on top of my already really terrible depersonalization issues that make it feel like my body and voice aren't mine no matter WHAT gender I am- just. Man I'm having a time. I'm having a bad gender time and a bad brain time and I don't know what to do. Y'all got any advice?