#but I'm pretty sure that nobody has ever read myself inserts

[skinnypaleangryperson]

I'm probably one of the only people in these times that's an incredibly weird place creatively, because I'm almost 30 years old, I'm incredibly mature, more mature than most people I see post on the internet, I have a lot of nuanced detrimental complex philosophical thoughts all day everyday, I am tragically thoughtful, and yet every single time I open up this app, at least half the time I see people posting cringe warnings about self-inserts and fanfictions and anything posted on fanfiction.net, which is where I am posting my work daily in the forms of self-insert which I take incredibly seriously, what a strange combination of a culture. I'm severely depressed and my self-esteem is low as anything but it's also kind of funny, or could be, how utterly strange of a combination it is for a person to process their suffering.

[potatoesandsunshine]

HI ANNA<3 here i am with more asks. 1 again :), 5, 12, 18, 22, 30 ?

HI ABBY <3 :D thank you for the questions!!

the last sentence you wrote

Instead she purchases two hundred gold pieces worth of ruby dust, still the apprentice she has always, always been.

this is actually from a little story about my wizard jane :) she's in this thing right now where her dead mentor is alive again (kinda) and is communicating with her/puppeting her in her sleep through that eye she stole. has she figured out that that eye maybe needs to come out? well, if that happened, she could someday be alone, so no.

5. first sentence of the fifth paragraph of an unpublished WIP (sifting through 1000000000000 WIPs)

The radio crackles, promising favorites of yesterday and today, and Pike knows that fucking guitar intro—of all the songs—I love you like organ failure / It’s never, ever gonna get better.

this document is called 'yeah screw it pike pov' because maybe nobody cared about the last au but god damn i had a great time with it so there will be more

12. a trope you’re really into right now

i've been nonstop every night for the last week reading 'reborn as a villainess' stories. so you could say i'm into it. it may have taken over my life a bit - i kinda wish it was more of a thing in the fic spaces i'm in! i like 'OC/Self-Insert dropped into the world' a lot but i think it would be very fun to do this 'ooooooh what if fate has already doomed me' that all of these stories explore

18. if you keep them, share a deleted sentence or paragraph from a published fic

i don't usually keep them! i know it's something a lot of people do, and i'm sure i have a few in a paper notebook somewhere, but if something in a fic isn't working i just say goodbye and delete it

22. do you ever worry about public reaction to what you’re writing? how do you get past that?

oh constantly. not in a 'will this be popular' way (i write my own ideas and i never think they're going to gain a lot of traction, since i tend to write for things that are a few years old/have really established Big Fics already) but i do have that little voice in my head that says 'if you get one single detail wrong... someone will comment about it and you will Die.' but that has happened before - the one that comes to mind is d20 fans talking about me mixing up the names of the side schools - and guess what? i did not die. the more old and established something is, the less afraid of this i actually am (star wars is old enough that so much stupid shit has happened in it who cares if i let them use paper. i'm not taking your fucking star wars vocab quiz i'm writing about these people wanting to fuck so bad it makes the galaxy look stupid) but in the past it has lead to me talking myself out of writing things, which is pretty sad!

i just try to remind myself that this is For Fun, and that i have never actually been exploded for getting details wrong in a fanfiction that, again, i do for free in my spare time that maybe forty people will read. it's a mixed bag.

30. share a fic you’re especially proud of

you may think i'm going to talk about small jobs for the millionth time because it is my beloved my shining star my castle in the air but in this case! i would like to give a little extra love to and stand by with the champagne which is. undeniably. about barbie princess and the pauper. it's fun!! it was UNBELIEVABLY fun to write. it's silly and a little bit emotional and references the songs of a movie i played until the vhs wore out, i wrote it on a whim last summer, and i hold it in my heart <3

[embervoices]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Acquired from @cuubism

If you see this and are a writer on AO3, consider yourself tagged!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

31

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

400,433

3. What fandoms do you write for?

That are posted to AO3? Dragon Age and Good Omens, so far. I do have WiPs in The Sandman (one of which is a Neverwhere crossover), and Labyrinth.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The Canticle of Dreams (Dragon Age, M - By far the longest, so that makes sense)

I Meant To Do That! - The Inquisitor Coyote Story (Dragon Age, T [so far] - Will probably end up the most kudos if I ever finish it)

Initial Summoning (Good Omens, G - My oldest GO fic, first in a series)

Cheese! (Dragon Age, G - A silly fic from my self-insert series)

To Give A Hand To Each (Good Omens, E - Reader-insert smut!)

(Those all require logins to read, sorry.)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Yes, I try to reply to every single comment, but occasionally miss one. It seems only fair, if they took the time to leave one.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Well, The Canticle of Trials (Dragon Age, M), but that's because it doesn't really end at the end. It's an angsty detour in the middle of a larger story.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Probably Objects of Affection (Good Omens, T).

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Thus far, no. The worst I ever got was expressed as aghast confusion rather than hate, and I don't assume it was intended negatively.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Occasionally. Whatever comes to mind, as long as I can figure out how to do it justice.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I do, yeah. The most thorough is the Sandman/Neverwhere I've got in early stages WiP right now.

Depending what one considers a "crossover" vs. "reference", the craziest is probably Execution (Dragon Age, T) which is officially set in Dragon Age, but careens through multiple Legend of Zelda, Disneyland, Neverwhere, and Labyrinth settings.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of. Most of it's self-insert, which probably makes it kind of hard to steal effectively. It's hard to imagine anyone bothering.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

If poetry counts, yes! В чужих объятьях is a translation of Falling Silent (Good Omens, G).

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, several times.

I Meant To Do That! - The Inquisitor Coyote Story (Dragon Age, T) is co-written with SeabhacMhor

The Canticle of Trials (Dragon Age, M) was written with help from Cowoline (I could have sworn she was credited as co-author but apparently not… I should ask if she wants to be!)

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

I'm an Armada type. I want all the ships. By all means, give me the ridiculously complex giant crossover polycule, baby!

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Anything current enough for me to count it as a WiP is something I choose to believe I can finish someday!

16. What are your writing strengths?

Probably silly comedy? I think I'm pretty good at dialogue?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I'm not actually very good at story structure. Luckily, in fanfic I can rest on the established story structure! Ha!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I can't really distinguish character voice in other languages in writing, so I'm wary of it. I do know a bit of Spanish, so if it doesn't need to be skillful, like, if the characters themselves aren't fluent, I could try it myself, sure.

Otherwise, I'd want a co-writer who is fluent in the relevant language.

If it's a conlang, then I'll happily engage, and have in bits for Elvhen in Dragon Age fic. But I'm less worried I'll get that wrong, because nobody else speaks it either!

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Uhhh… technically I think Disney's Beauty and the Beast? Didn't really think about it that way at the time, and the results weren't great. I wrote one Buffy the Vampire Slayer fix it fic in my late teens/early 20s, plus a little bit of a couple others that never got off the ground.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

It's kind of hard to top my 200k+ word "main fic", The Canticle of Dreams (Dragon Age, M). At least, that's what I'm most proud of.

[wonkyplate]

this isn’t how it works but i'm gonna do it anyway (tony hawks regular voice)

🎱 haven’t posted anything yet so: bookmarks 147 and gifts 1 :)

🍓 i got into writing fanfics a long time ago when i discovered fanfiction.net as pretty much a kid and i thought "hey that's neat maybe i can make my own little stories" and since then have never totally finished a fanfic 👍 it's called cosmic dread and it's terminal

🌵 not particularly writing music (but yeah it still works) and not a playlist (a beautiful album), just want to share because sturge Should be shared: https://spotify.link/ofKYQWtEjIb

🕯 eugh. like a 4 for editing. it's a love/hate relationship and i'm not sure which of us is in the wrong. we might be doomed (shaky soap opera breath) but i still love him...

🛼 oooh. okay. 🤖🚀💥⚠️🤕 ??? is this anything ???

🥑 i know who's going to send me some obscure gifs and tumblr posts about it

🥤 ahhh. i immediately wanna recommend cargocrate's star wars stuff but this is a trek/tng blog. we're not mutuals but damsondaforge's work is amazing and hits all the right spots 🫶

💌 please don’t ever ask me that again. we don't say that e-word around here

🌻 my bestie juniper :) i love u i hope ur blossoming in ur new job weehee

🐇 i'm... going to assume reader-insert means (Y/N)? i don't like reading or writing reader-inserts (sorry) because it doesn’t feel believable, to me or the audience i'm writing for. i'd rather get lost in a story than have to talk myself INTO a story everytime the reader insert does something i wouldn’t do. i love original characters though, we need more of those beauties

🧃 mm that's easy, this is like my first ever post on this blog. i'm a dog groomer and i almost faint when a dog slobbers on me 😀

🎲 ha! free time. what a concept! i get maybe 3 hours a week that i can confidently label as free time

🍄 favourite dataforge headcanon: data is the little spoon and i'm right

🧸 make me smile or laugh or cry (not in a mean way, i'm just an emotional guy)

🪐 my niece! she's the best 4 year old ever, i love her. i guess work is going well but i'm expanding the business so those three hours of spare time are in dangerous waters. my gender transition is chugging along nicely too, just waiting for my hrt appointment next month and i'm firmly on the wait list for top surgery. woohoo!

📚 a dog on the cancellation list (chow called sui mai 🧡), supplies i need to order for the salon and some crime shows my writing workshop suggested (e.g. taggart, cracker, trial and retribution etc.)

🍬 i'm pretty sure i don't have any unpopular opinions about any of the tng characters. i'm just like sitting here until u hear some unexpected snarling and frothing macbeth-style

🔪 weirdest topic has probably been about go karting and homelessness and any possible connections there. please don’t ask

🦷 nobody is assigned a timeline. do things in your own time and enjoy the seconds, minutes and hours. depression is a terrible beast that gnashes those second hands between its teeth, but once you reclaim your life - go and live it. make decisions and follow through

❄️ oooh i'm not sharing that on the big wide web but cargocrate would turn any old dust into gold. trust that guy with my life

🌿 oof. writer's block, for me, can be defined as low confidence and nothing more or less. what you write isn’t good enough, how you write isn’t good enough, who you write isn’t good enough. it's tricky but writer's block can only be conquered by practising and improving, having a strong support network of like-minded people (other writers, not just people who like to read), a healthy feedback system for all involved and a life to live and experience (to inform your work and to help create ideas). often, writer's block is just the wall you erected yourself and you're panicking because your view is limited. let go of ego, let go of the block

🥐 "minion... is that your pinis...?"

🏜 i haven’t received ao3 comments but feedback from friends is Always useful :D i prefer honesty, and i love it when people tell me what i can try in order to make the piece work better. but you can't go wrong with a solid "AAAAA-"

🍦 augh god i'm gonna get blasted but i really dislike tasha yar's character. i could talk about the technicals that led to this conclusion but we want some good things, so. i like that she was a symbol for women, at the time of airing and still today, to pursue a career that's male-dominated, and the respect she commanded in the position. i enjoyed how unapologetically stubborn she could be with safety of the crew. i honestly cannot summon more thoughts, i'm so sorry tasha

🥝 i don't lie, or i at least don't make a habit of it. i used to lie as a kid (because i got myself into some difficult situations) but hated the feeling of it. i think the last time i lied was a couple of weeks ago when i told my boss the writing workshop had gone well, but i hadn't actually gone. i'd been so defeated by period cramps that i was worried about driving on the motorway - but i wasn't about to shout this across the salon where everyone could hear

🦋 ocean vuong is always on my heart and mind. but also that fucking data & picard song. it's ripping me to pieces. i've almost memorised picard's security code

🦴 mm. science fiction in general is a huge imspiration to me, as well as drama, but my biggest helper isn't media, it's poetry :)

🍅 my biggest weakness with writing is dialogue, i think. i've always struggled with it because i struggle anticipating what Real people are going to say to me, let alone the fictional people in my head. i need to work more on drip-feeding character through dialogue and drive stories forward using it

🐚 it depends on the surprise lmao. if i have to go/be somewhere specific for the surprise, i would really rather people tell me what it is and let me choose if it's worth the time. if it's like a takeaway dinner or some extra dessert i didn’t know about, i'd be a fucking Fool in the tarot deck to turn it away

🪲 again, this feels like an opportunity for people to steal my work so nah i won't be sharing my wip on here. the wip will be shared when it's no longer a wip !

☁️ an old chat with a friend. not sure how we got talking about it but we wanted to know what we'd each look like as a plate. crate thought i'd be orange and a little wonky and i thought he'd be green and patterned. since then, i've always thought of myself as the wonky orange plate :)

🐝 i really only have a couple of friends and this post is making light work of my records 😭 okay i'll play the sentimental card instead and say, my mother. we never used to get along and came to blows (verbally) nearly every week, but much of that was my own fault for being such an angry child. i was acting out of hurt, but i shouldn’t have taken it out on her. now, we live and work together, and i can easily call her one of my best friends 🧡

🌸 mattie! he's a rescued greyhound from the racing industry over in ireland. i love him with my whole and fragile heart

🎨 hhhh there are too many pieces of fanart out there...... but i'm always a sucker for A Fistful Of Datas fanart 👀

🧩 mischaracterisation! ooc! no paragraphs/strange formatting! extremely Long paragraphs! infodumping! a genuine lack of interest to create a story that moves people (this one is tricky to define but, essentially, no substance whatsoever)!

Writers Truth & Dare Ask Game

🎱 ⇢ post your AO3 total stats  🍓 ⇢ how did you get into writing fanfiction?  🌵 ⇢ share the link to a playlist you love 🕯️ ⇢ on a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy editing? why is that? 🛼 ⇢ describe your latest wip with five emojis 🥑 ⇢ you accidentally killed somebody, which mutual(s) do you text for help? 🥤 ⇢ recommend an author or fanfic you love 💌 ⇢ how many unread emails do you have right now?  🌻 ⇢ tag someone you appreciate but don't talk to on a regular basis 🐇 ⇢ do you prefer writing original characters, reader inserts, or a mix of both?  🧃 ⇢ share some personal lore you never posted about before 🎲 ⇢ what stops you from writing more in your free time?  🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings 🧸 ⇢ what's the fastest way to become your mutual? 🪐 ⇢ name three good things going on in your life right now 📚 ⇢ what's the last thing you wrote down in your notes app?  🍬 ⇢ post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character 🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project? 🦷 ⇢ share some personal wisdom or a life hack you swear on ❄️ ⇢ what's your dream theme/plot for a fic, and who would write it best? 🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer's block and low creativity 🥐 ⇢ name one internet reference that will always make you laugh  🏜️ ⇢ what's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work? 🍦 ⇢ name three good things about a character you hate 🥝 ⇢ do you lie a lot? what's the most recent lie you told? 🦋 ⇢ share something that has been on your heart and mind lately  🦴 ⇢ is there a piece of media that inspires your writing?  🍅 ⇢ give yourself some constructive criticism on your own writing 🐚 ⇢ do you like or dislike surprises? 🪲 ⇢ add 50 words to your current wip and share the paragraph here ☁️ ⇢ what made you choose your username? 🐝 ⇢ tag your biggest supporter(s) and say one nice thing about them 🌸 ⇢ do you have any pets? if you do, post some pictures of them 🎨 ⇢ link your favourite piece of fanart and explain why you like it 🧩 ⇢ what will make you click away from a fanfiction immediately?

[rockinlibrarian]

Very late with the happy-fic-writer game, but: 7 and 12!

HEyyyyy! I'm always up for an ask or two! This refers to this one, here, posted a week ago, which isn't THAT long ago so join in!

7. What do you love most about being a fic writer for your fandom?

As I said here (and answered the question in a slightly different way), I'm a multi-fandom writer-- which @steeple-sinderby has first-hand experience with, being that she's gamely beta'd everything from "our shared fandom but not my ship" fics to "I know absolutely nothing about the source material of this fic-that-is-nothing-but-inside-jokes-about-the-source-material" fics (oh, I think there was ONE CHAPTER of an actual "gen fic in our shared fandom"! Amazing!) (also have to throw in the "absurd RPF of several fandoms I know vaguely enough" because that took guts, too!)

And anyway, I like being multi-fandom, because I can take pretty much any idea and start to run with it. That makes for lots and lots of fics started that MAY never get completed (never say never!)! In the past week I have started three different fics in three different fandoms, only one of which I've ever written in before and that with different characters, too, and one of which probably isn't even properly a "fandom" but a work that just makes a good writing prompt. One is just pure crack I started when we finished reading a book and @sunnymarbles said "But I want to know about [insert throwaway detail that's-not-even-a-plot-point]!" and I said "That's what fanfic is for!" and I did a search on AO3 and while there were indeed several fics for the book series itself, nobody HAD explored throwaway-detail-that's-not-even-a-plot-point, so I felt compelled to do it myself. I have one paragraph, and a vague idea for a bit more plot, and if WHEN I ever finish it I'll be sure to share it!* Probably no knowledge of canon needed, because it's crack. At least compared to what other people have posted in the fandom.

*@sunnymarbles, I've been meaning to share it with you long before that, so you can help me brainstorm, but it's been a busy week. Ask me when you get home.

No I lied, it's short, here is the entirety of what I have written for this:

The moose of the Green Mountains knew to avoid the place they called the Unstable Slope, or “oooOOOOOOoooo” in their native tongue. Ninety generations had passed since the first BoomQuakes broke the mountain, and still young moose were warned away, despite tales of a mythical lake that appeared suddenly there for several years, only to just as suddenly dry up again.

(If you can name the source material from that, you get a point! It's a YA mystery series. Those are your hints).

Anyway, let's move on.

12. What is your favorite theme/subject matter/trope/ship to write about? Why?

How They Became Friends. This occasionally branches off into "How They Fell In Love" or "How One of Them Learned The Other's Secret(s)" or "How They Got Into THAT Mess," but it all stems from How They Became Friends, which is the theme/trope I've been writing on since I pretty much started writing at the age of seven. I guess it was a kind of fantasy-self-insert writing that happened to be original fiction instead of fic, because I was a really lonely kid, and I'd noted that when people were forced into An Adventure together, it brought them closer. Because, you know, it skipped over all that boring Small Talk and Faking Interest In the Latest Fad that real life friend-making seemed to require. So it was that every story I wrote for the first few years of my life involved Me and Some People I Knew In Real Life stumbling into an Adventure (usually involving fantasy elements because I needed all the non-mundane help I could get).

It stuck, even when I started actually making real friends without the aid of portals to other dimensions. It's a theme that lends itself to fanfic naturally, because media is FULL of established relationships to wonder about the beginnings of, and you don't necessarily have to worry too much about plot when you write fanfic. It can BE simply 800 words of "This is How They Became Friends" with bonus time travel complications.

This probably loops back to why I'm a multi-fandom writer, because there's only so many times you can introduce the characters to each other per fandom. I say while a full 10 of my 19 posted Legion fics manage to fall under this theme umbrella, and those only really covering the friendships of four of the many characters. Yay multiple timelines!

[marshmallowprotection]

Hey! Hey! I just read your answer to the writing reader x character fics ask and wanted to bonk you with a LOT OF APPRECIATION FOR CALLUNA!!

I'm so amazed by it still, it's so heartwarming that you've written something so beautiful inspired by one of my pieces and from where I'm currently at, the story, the plot, SAERAN, the MC/reader, every other character, they're all so on point. I just love it so much, your use of words is wonderful and the whole fic is incredible, I still cannot comprehend how good it is?? I can with no doubt say that you're currently my favourite MM writer out there, everything you come up with is just so incredibly well written and thought of. I've had to hold on giving any feedback till now because I wanted to finish reading it first before throwing all the love I have for it at you, since I'm currently just on chapter 11 because I was following it as it was getting published at first but then school got the better of me (since I always read fics at night and lately school has forced me to go to sleep way to early to do that, and I'm so deprived of fics oh my god), and as I'm only on chapter 11 I know that there's still a big storm coming because sadly someone happened to spoil something about the fic for me, but you bet I'm gonna throw even more love at you when school gives me time for that and you BET I'll be drawing some art for it too 😌💞 It's what you deserve

Also, the post itself really resonated with me, like the things you said about writing what makes you happy. It wasn't only relatable with me drawing things I enjoy, there's also the fact that I've been writing fics for myself lately. That writing has also kinda replaced my activity of reading them as much, but I really enjoy it! Idk why I never did it before honestly, but writing them just for myself is really...therapeutic in a way? There's no pressure of anyone judging you and you can do anything you've ever wanted, it's so comforting. I'm just not showing them to anyone because 1. I feel ashamed of them, I'm not the best writer but I find doing it fun 2. my headcanons are sometimes really different to others' and I sometimes feel bad for that or afraid of getting backlash/into arguments for my headcanons. But writing them is fun, and the same goes for you, I hope you continue to do what makes you happy! Though I do enjoy some good old reader x character fics, reading about Lila is also interesting and sometimes she sounds a lot like what Sunset would do so that's just a huge plus lolol

(also me 🤝 you

giving Saeran CMCs who like lolita fashion)

Pat yourself on the back! That Prince Ray art just lit a fire in me with an idea that was already in the back of my head for a while and it smacked me in the head the second that I saw that handsome boy. It was only the moment I saw a pretty boy in a crown. I am nothing but a simp.

That's the good thing about being in fandom. There are people in these places that make art inspired by writing or writing inspired by art. I love seeing that because it's a testament to the harmony in fandom and it is so easy to look to each other when we feel as if we're making an impact on everyone.

It just feels so good to create something from nothing, even if it's art or writing. The process is cathartic and we cannot deny making something makes us just feel accomplished! Your passion to your art is something that we all see and recognize! I'm glad to have been able to watch you progress with your art because you are very talented and you will only continue to better the more you have fun and practice.

Goodness Gracious, I don't know I'm prepared to see anything from the fic drawn out! I have all of these outfit references for Sparrow and for all of the other cast members in the story but I've not been able to flash them out myself. There's just something really sweet about the aesthetic that exists within fairytale AUs that I can't ignore. I am sorry to hear that someone spoiled you on one of the events in the story.

At least you don't know how it builds up or leads to that point in the story where the incident occurs. I've been spoiled in a few stories before and how I reason with myself is that: I don't know how we get to [Spoiler] and that means the full experience isn't robbed from me. I'm glad that you've enjoyed it! I put a lot of care into the story because it was such a great piece of art to work with.

I'm not ready, Seeme. Don't kill me. I don't think we can handle it. Prince Ray already kills me on sight.

Shfksnrowneoehe! Sunset is really cute. I always love seeing her on my Instagram or over here on DailySaeran. Her hair is really bouncy and sweet and it just makes me feel some kind of way. I just love frilly clothes and we need more cute MCs in big skirts. I'm very OC positive and I try to make sure that all kinds of people in this fandom know that they should shamelessly write what makes them happy.

I am glad to hear that you're exploring writing for the first time. I hope you know that you don't have to share with other people of you don't want to do that. You put your heart and soul into your writing even if there's spelling errors, translation errors, or what have you within the story, you put a piece of your heart into what you're writing. I say this with the utmost sincerity write for you and nobody else. Write what makes you happy no matter what anyone says.

I don't care if that means you're writing Self Insert Fics where you have cat ears, rainbow hair, or everyone loves you without question. Or If you're writing about an OC who loves without reason or can do "impossible" things without trouble. It's your story.

You create the canon. You create the universe. You put yourself into it. It is unashamedly you.

If it makes you happy, you write it. Put your heart into it. We put ourselves into the characters, not just our OCs. But, we put our soul into the cast of canon characters. So, just know that even if you do not share your writing, you should never feel like you have to share it for it to be proof of skill or talent. If anyone hits you with discourse if you do share it one day, let me know. I will mess them up with a Hello Kitty bat all the while wearing the cutest dress.

I've got a lot of Saeran x Reader story ideas, I'm gonna make a poll with my general ideas and let people vote on that later once I get home. It'll be a Google Form. I'll probably link it on my IG too. I hope you guys are interested in that! I hope that you're able to slow down and enjoy yourself soon here! I know that school must be really rough with everything right now. I gotta wish you luck with that.

Meanwhile, I gotta go smack myself or something, I admire you and here you are hitting me with the same thing. Djwkdhekdnodbeie

[eyesontheskyline]

(about the whole fic writer asks, except those answered now) the story specific ones have to be about 'but if you really hold me tight' - I love all your cxg fics and it's the longest one :D) it's just I'm thinking of getting back to writing and since you're of my favorites authors out there now i'd love to get some insight. kudos for being cool about it!

Hello!  Okay first of all thank you so much, that is a ridiculously big compliment and my face hurts.  And yes yes yes you should definitely write if you feel like writing - just go for it!  If you have any specific questions or you want a pep talk or whatever, message any time :) 

Okay I’m gonna put these under a Read More because wall of text.

2) What fandoms do you write for and do you have a particular favourite if you write for more than one?Right now only Crazy Ex Girlfriend.  I wrote for Criminal Minds under a different name then had a gap of several years.  I’m pretty far removed from CM now but I can safely say writing for CXG has been a nicer experience community wise (partly a smaller fandom thing and I suspect partly a demographic thing), and there’s more established character stuff to work with because all the character development isn’t like…  Crammed in the five minutes they have to work with either side of the crime solving.

3) Do you prefer writing OC’s or reader inserts? Explain your answer.I don’t really do either, but reader inserts are kind of a squick of mine honestly, so I’m gonna say OCs.  I’ve only written OC kids though.

4) What is your favourite genre to write for?I am not entirely sure what this means…  Fic genre?  Original media genre?  I have only ever written romance or friendship stuff for TV shows, an odd balance of fluff and angst?

5) If you had to choose a favourite out of all of your multi chaptered stories, which would it be and why?Mmm let the sun inside has a special place in my heart because it was the thing that got me back into writing after a really long gap and turned out pretty much how I wanted it to.  Writing it was just a very intense ‘I am writing again and my brain is on fire’ experience for me.

7) When is your preferred time to write?I would love to have a less dysfunctional answer to this, but probably between 1 and 4am unfortunately?  That can’t be a thing on work nights because I get up at 6.30.  If I can get myself on a roll early afternoon in a coffee shop though, that’s a better feeling.  Just… Less common than ‘the rest of the world around me is asleep and my brain just woke up’.

8) Where do you take your inspiration from?Oh everywhere.  The media I write fic about.  The stories I read.  My life, my friends.  The world.

9) In but if you really hold me tight, what’s your favourite scene that you wrote?Oh god I really don’t know.  This story is really hard for me to have perspective on because of the ridiculously time pressured way I wrote and published it.  I’m probably proudest of chapter 12, where they discuss the ‘do we want a baby’ question properly, because that just…  Is an important conversation that you don’t really see in media?  I’m not sure it’s the best writing in the story, but I’m glad I didn’t chicken out of it.  I also enjoyed writing Rebecca meeting Plimpton Senior in chapter 19, because that feels like an opportunity the show missed and I will never see enough versions of it in fic honestly.  (Do you have a favourite?)

10) In but if you really hold me tight, why did you decide to end it like that? Did you have an alternative ending in mind?That one was pretty much always going to end where it did – just because of the format, it was always going to end in a fluffy happy place around midnight on the 1st of January 2021. The last chapter was going to be longer originally, with more characters getting a moment, but it was just getting kind of unfocused – Rebecca POV can handle tone shifts pretty well I think because of the way her brain is wired, but at some point it all just got a bit messy so I pared it back.  I think I’m pleased with how it turned out, but the chaos of writing it is still fresh enough that it’s hard to tell!

11) Have you ever amended a story due to criticisms you’ve received after posting it?Nah, but I’ve fixed typos (thank you @what-the-elle-n!)

13) Who is your least favourite character to write for? Why?I find Valencia and Paula pretty difficult.  I love them, but I struggle.

14) How did you come up with the title - You can ask about multiple stories.(Since it says multiple and since I only have 3 currently…)  Everything I’ve published for CXG so far has had song lyric titles – mostly because I am not good at poetic turns of phrase, and I like lyricists who are.  (I’m also not a particularly romantic person, and I like lyricists who are!)

let the sun inside is from Ribcage by elbow.  The full line is ‘I wanted to explode – to pull my ribs apart and let the sun inside’, which feels to me like that feeling of having bottled everything up for so long that you just can’t feel anything anymore until you kind of break down and come out the other side?  And Rebecca = sunshine, so.  That is basically the premise of the story, so that was a stroke of luck.

the landing light is from K2 by elbow (I swear I listen to other music, they just have words that really lend themselves to fanfic titles lol).  I have a whole meta thing written to publish alongside the last chapter about why this song for this story, but basically the line is ‘Dickhead’s done a runner and he’s wondering if anyone cares – is the landing light on?’ which is just someone far from home feeling a bit stupid and homesick and wondering if there’s anybody waiting at home for him.  And of course Nathaniel comes home to a totally miserable situation and there Rebecca is.

but if you really hold me tight…  It had to be a lyric from a Christmas song, preferably one Frank Sinatra sang at some point, because that was the playlist I started listening to in mid-October while outlining this madness.  So it’s from Let It Snow, obviously, although that exact line is not in that version, ssshhhhhh (he sings ‘but if you’ll only hold me tight’).  I chose it because R&N being a team and getting through stuff together in a mostly-fluff-but-not-entirely way was kind of what I was aiming for, and it just felt like it fit.

15) If you write OC’s, how do you decide on their names?I kind of have an OC coming up in a story I’m writing now, and I just… Knew who named them, and tried to choose a name those people would choose.  I don’t really do OCs much in fic, but in not-fic (it’s been a while!) I try to go for a name that (1) means something, and importantly (2) I can imagine their parents having named them.

16) How did you come up with the idea for but if you really hold me tight?So a writer I used to read a lot from the Criminal Minds fandom did a Christmas fic a couple of years in a row – one short, mostly fluffy chapter for each day from the 1st-25th of December.  So that was the plan.  Except as soon as I started outlining it, I knew I couldn’t write an entire month fluffy and problem-free for these two (for anyone, but especially these two), so short and fluffy didn’t stick!

17) Post a line from a WIP that you’re working on.“I’ve gotten better at a lot of things since you’ve been away, but my self-deception skills have taken a real hit.”

18) Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?Yeah, I abandoned a few Criminal Minds fics.  I still feel bad about them actually – I get comments on them occasionally. (On the offchance anyone reading this is someone who feels nervous about commenting on old stories – these delight me in ways you cannot imagine.)  I ran out of steam in a lot of ways – I started them without any real idea where I was going and wrote myself into a corner, mostly, but also I was starting to really struggle to write unprompted.  I am not the most mentally well person, and I just got my brain into this spirally tangle where I thought nobody wanted to read anything they hadn’t asked for, so I filled a lot of prompts but couldn’t convince myself to write anything else.  It feels really weird to think about that now, which I guess is a good sign…

19) Are there any stories that you’ve written that you’d really love to do a sequel to?I toy with following the emotional arc of S4 but following let the sun inside sometimes – that was the plan, when I originally finished it and was panicking that I would never get another idea.  Also, but if you really hold me tight created a world of warm domesticity for R&N that I felt really sad leaving behind, so I would probably like to write in the timeline again.  And the landing light might get a oneshot sequel, depending on whether I end it the way I think I’m going to or the way I was originally planning to…

20) Are there any stories that you wished you’d ended differently?No, not in this fandom.  I’ve only written two endings though!  I’ve ended on some real cheeseball final lines in the past though.

21) Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire?@heartbash, who can do plot and slow-burn in a way my impatient ass will never be capable of.  @justwanted2dance who deserves a million flame emojis and writes BDSM stuff in a way that makes my anxious brain comfy enough to enjoy it (literally nobody else has achieved this).  @pictureofsoph1sticatedgrace who writes the loveliest fluff and is a badass individual.  @notbang and @anthropologicalhands and @catty-words and @akisazame and @romansuzume who write beautifully and can do those poetic turns of phrase I am not good at.  I’ve got to be forgetting someone but wowww there is so much talent and creativity in this lil room.  So many people to be inspired by.

22) Do you have a story that you look back on and cringe when you reread it?God yes, but not in this fandom.  It’s fine, 19 or 20 year old me, you were learning.

23) Do you prefer listening to music when you’re writing or do you need silence?Silence.  Or like white noise or the Hufflepuff Common Room 10 hour ASMR video on youtube or something lol.  Anything with words just ruins me – my attention span is laughable.

25) Have you ever cried whilst writing a story?Ha yes actually, but I’m really not entirely sure why.  Sometimes my brain is just a really weird place to be.

26) Which part of but if you really hold me tight was the hardest to write?It depends how you measure hardest, I guess.  Several of the smut scenes just said ‘[insert sex]’ for the longest time, sometimes with descriptions?  So like ‘[insert feelingsy sex]’ or whatever lol.  In terms of getting voices right (like to the point of still being unsure whether it’s any good), this gurl group chapter.  

27) Do you make a general outline for your stories or do you just go with the flow?It really depends.  Usually I know roughly where I’m going and how I’m getting there and that’s good enough for me, but my NaNo fic got an outline because of the format and timescale. And I’m planning a thing with an actual plot arc (gasp!) so that’s getting an outline, in the hope of making it look vaguely romance novel shaped.  Basically it depends on the length of the thing for me, and how plotty it is.

28) What is something you wished you’d known before you started posting fanfiction?Writing advice: if you’re struggling to move past a particular point, the thing you need to change is probably a few lines back.  It’s rarely the last line that painted you into the corner. If you think something needs to come out, paste it into an outtakes document – you might want to put it somewhere else later, or salvage lines from it or whatever, and it’s just easier to let go if you’re not actually hitting delete.

Posting advice: remember fandom is community – everyone is here because they love the thing you love.  They’re gonna be excited there’s a new story to read, and they’re rooting for you!  (Write the thing!)

29) Do you have a story that you feel doesn’t get as much love as you’d like?Nahh I mean, it’s a smaallll fandom.

30) In contrast to 29 is there a story which gets lots of love which you kinda eye roll at?Again, smaaalll.  (Also I try not to publicly eye roll at things other people love even if they are my things – there’s nothing quite like loving a song just for the band to be like ‘ugh I fucking hate that song’, so I always try to keep that in mind.)

31) Send me a fic recommendation and I’ll post it for my followers to see! (The asker is to send the rec not the answerer)You did not send me a rec!  Feel free to send me one now!  In fact, open call, everyone send me fic recs, even if I’ve definitely read them.

32) Are any of your characters based on real people?Mm no I don’t do OCs.

33) What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten?I mean, I enjoyed hearing that someone read my story in the corner at a party lol, especially because it was a chapter I was pretty pleased with and nervous about.  Also any time anybody says something I wrote is a headcanon or ‘this should have happened in the show’ is a glittery feeling. When somebody notices a little clue or detail that isn’t obvious, it makes me ridiculously happy.  Humans reading my thing then saying something about it is still crazy, so, yeah.

34) What’s the harshest criticism you’ve gotten?Story time: my old fandom has this one character who has a lot of pretty hardcore stans.  I mostly dislike the word stan but like…  Yeah.  So anyway, I got an email saying I had a new comment on my ficlet collection (keeping in mind I was in my ‘very unhealthy relationship with feedback’ stage at this point), and clicked on it all happy, and all it said was ‘I didn’t read this because another comment said it doesn’t contain enough *stanned character* and you really should warn people upfront that he isn’t gonna be in it, I’m glad I didn’t waste my time on it’.  Which was just…  A bizarre comment.  Like, commenting to say you didn’t read the thing is weird in itself, but also you list the characters who are in the thing, not all the ones who aren’t?? Anyway, I then went on my tumblr and I had several anon messages that were just straight up hate along the same lines and…  Yeah.  The Criminal Minds fandom was a strange place. On a related note, have I told you today that I love you, CXG people?  I love you.

35) Do you share your story ideas with anyone else or do you keep them close to your chest?I am basically always up with talking stuff through with people.

36) Can you give us a spoiler for one of your WIP’s?This is actually difficult to do right now.  There’s a baby?

37) What’s the funniest story you’ve written?I mean, I made myself laugh a couple of times in my festive fic, but I’m more of a ‘this one line is funny’ writer than a ‘this story is funny’ writer.  I’m too angsty!

38) If you could collab with any other writer on here, who would it be? (Perhaps this question will inspire some collabs!) If you’re shy, don’t tag the blog, just name it.This question is faaar too terrifying.  I’ve actually never collabed with anyone, I’d love to though.

39) Do you prefer first, second or third person?Third.  I think because I’ve only written for TV shows, no matter how closely you’re following one character, if you’re seeing them on a screen, you’re in third person.  So it’s just an extra struggle to make that jump to another POV for me.  I have written my not-fanfic mostly in first though, and I’ve read some lovely fic in first and second.  I’m just not good at it.

40) Do people know you write fanfiction?One person.

41) What’s your favourite minor character you’ve written?Hmmmm who is minor, really?  I find AJ difficult but fun.

43) Has anyone ever guessed the plot twist of one of your fics before you posted it?I don’t write anything plotty enough for this to be a thing!

44) What is the last line you wrote?“Mm, because you know how irresistible your weird old timey voices are.”

45) What spurs you on during the writing process?I want people to read the thing, honestly.  It’s a ‘reach out my lonely haaand’ moment with a little less melodrama.  I want it to be out in the world doing what it’s meant to do.  I also want it to be finished so I can read it – I get a very particular kind of happy feeling from reading a good sentence I wrote.

46) I really loved but if you really hold me tight. If you were ever to do a sequel, what do you think might happen in it?Lol it felt really weird to type that in there when you didn’t actually say it directly, but you said all so here we are!  I’m just gonna take that compliment even though I wrote it…  When I started coming to the end of writing that story, I started to feel really sad about leaving behind the warm domestic feel of it, so if I ever feel more domestic fluff coming on, probably it’ll be set after that.  

47) Here’s a fic title - insert a made up title. What would this story be about?You did not insert a made up title!  Although insert a made up title has potential for Rebecca hounding everyone she knows to help her title a song she wrote.

48) What’s your favourite trope to write?Is ‘let’s have an actual conversation about this’ a trope because that’s my brand so far!  I haven’t written anything particularly tropey, I don’t think, although the pull of ‘omg there was only one bed’ is strong right now!

49) Can you remember the first fic you read? What was it about?Yes!  It was a Criminal Minds fic, Hotch/Prentiss, canon compliant (ish) missing scenes kind of deal.  I can’t remember the first CXG fic I read, which is ridiculous because it was a lot more recent.  I started writing CXG fic before I started looking for it, because I hadn’t been inspired to write in so long that I didn’t want to scare myself away.  I read some before publishing, but I can’t remember where I started.

50) If you could write only angst, fluff or smut for the rest of your writing life, which would it be and why?I can only dream of being mentally stable enough to have a consistent answer to this lol.  Angst comes more naturally to me, but writing angsty characters into happy situations is one of the ways I make sense of the world, so…  Fluff, maybe, as long as I can keep the characters screwed up, because they just…  Are.  And like, same.

[thruheavenandhighwater]

The way you answered the eddie smut anon made me think omg. I'm in my 20s and I did write some smut for the older teens in ST and now I feel creeped out? :D Like when I was writing it and used the good old 'you' I was obviously thinking about like a character of the same age hitting it off with them, not my over 20 years old ass. And now I'm kind of on the fence whether I am good to keep writing smut or if it's predatory oh god

This is so long! I'm sorry! But y'all know I physically cannot shut the fuck up 😅

First of all, I'm genuinely sorry if I made you feel some type of way about it. That wasn't my intention at all. I wasn't trying to say that it's bad for anyone older than 20 to write smut. I don't think that at all. Like I said in that answer, I wrote smut for actual real life people who were a few years younger than me.

When someone reads a reader insert fic it's understandable that the "reader" is meant to be the same age, or at least close in age, to the subject of the fic. In Everything, the Robin fic I'm working on, the reader is meant to be in high school. Honey, I haven't been in high school for 12 years. Most of the books I read are YA stories about people in their teens to early 20s written by people in their 30s. There is nothing wrong with writing what you want to to express yourself.

All of the actors who play the older teens on the show are well into their 20s anyway. The Joe's are 29 and 30. You are not doing anything wrong by writing smut about them. To be honest, I'm pretty sure all of them are currently older than the men I wrote smut about in 2018.

I think writing smut is extremely important for writers, really. Writing smut helped me to work through and process my own sexual assault. Obviously, that isn't the only reason it's important. Writing smut can help you to learn things about yourself, it can help you become a better writer by pushing you to write about things you might not have ever done (which is difficult, let me tell ya) but if you can convincingly write those scenes, baby, you're doing great! It is, in its most simplified form, sexual exploration in a safe, contained way. And that is incredibly important.

I have to admit that I was being hyperbolic by saying I felt like a pedo if I were to write smut. It's just that that particular anon had already sent me 3 messages saying that I was a bad writer and trying to force me to write smut. The ages of the characters has less to do with me not wanting to write smut than the fact that I just don't want to. Like I told them, there's plenty of it on this app. I'd rather leave it to the people who want to write it and have a fun time with it than force myself to do it because someone told me to. I'm kind of a brat, that way.

If you want to keep writing, please do. Fluff, smut, angst, friends to lovers, all of it. I'm so sorry for inadvertently pushing my own shit onto you. I promise that wasn't the point of the answer. I was just asking that anon to understand why I personally don't write it. I wasn't trying to say that nobody ever should.

I hope you keep writing! And I'd love to read whatever it is you do write!

[silentkindness2018-blog]

Lasting effects

Before I go any further with my story, I want to give yall an idea of what the lasting/lingering effects I'm dealing with concerning the abuse I got from my "mother." I had a younger sister growing up. I happened to look like my father (thank goodness) and my younger sister looked exactly like my "mother." Well, I heard on a regular basis that my sister was the prettier one. That she had the looks and I just had the brains. That right there was a real self esteem booster (insert sarcasm). I felt like no matter how hard I tried to get on her good side, I couldn't. I tried to give her a bible and even highlighted some scripture in there to help her better understand. Mind you she asked for a bible and was wanting to get back into church. From what I now understand, she told my sister and who knows who else that I was forcing my "religion" down her throat. She also made the remark to me one night that "she could've had an abortion with me but I got lucky." I don't know about yall but after hearing that, I really felt small. A couple years later when I was about 19 or 20 she tried to "commit" suicide. I phrased it that way because she had been drinking and said she popped some pills so she was just kinda being stupid. Either way you look at it she called me and told me that it was mostly my fault that she was trying to kill herself because I didn't love her anymore. I'm pretty sure that your 19 year old daughter doesn't really want to hear that. Those instances are just times I can really remember. So during my teenage years up until even now I have been struggling with low self esteem, attachment issues, depression, and anxiety. I have never felt pretty enough. If something happens in one of my friendships I felt as if it was my fault because I was always told it was my fault. I'm afraid that if I get too close to people they will leave because I've lost so many friends to death or moving. I was even diagnosed with PTSD because of how traumatic the environment was that I grew up in with her. My brain has blocked out a lot of my childhood, teens, and I have a hard time remembering stuff now sometimes. Depression, anxiety, low self esteem, attachment problems, they have all stemmed from my "mother". By the GRACE of God I don't have any super serious health issues because while she was pregnant with me she was still drinking and doing drugs. She was still drinking and smoking pot the entire 20 years that I was around her growing up. So yes, mental health issues are REAL. It's not in our heads where we can just not think about it or change our thought process that easily. It's a learned behavior as a product of our environment. Some people have just a chemical imbalance whereas a lot of people were scarred from their environmental situation. It's taken years for me to change my ways of thinking and try to dig myself out of the dark place inside of my head, all the while trying to still function normal enough so that people won't think I'm super crazy. 15 years of probably a dozen doctors, at least a dozen different antidepressants, relearning coping skills, losing friends and family, broken relationships and friendships. My mental illness is all too real. So if you're reading this and feel like nobody understands you or you think that if you talk to someone they will just think you're crazy, then reach out to me. I have been BLESSED beyond words this year with God sending me an angel into my life. Honestly, these past 4 months have been about the most stable in my life and I'm 28 years old. So don't ever feel like you can't talk to someone. Keeping it in is the worst thing that can be done. Believe me I know. I hope today's blog has given everyone some insight to the root issue of my mental health problems and that it can reach someone who may need to read it.

**Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.**

1 Peter 5:7 NLT