#but I'm not emotionally ready for writing that yet XD

[scaryspears]

Mileena: Thoughts and Opinions

These are my thoughts and opinions on Mortal Kombat that a bunch of people probably won't care about, but I thought I should post them here. Now I will be using past games as reference, even though every character's interpretation/counterpart is different, they still play part to the canon storyline.

[Warning: This post is very long. Revealing cosplay.]

I always saw Mileena as eccentric rather than crazy. The eating people thing? She's not human and is a fang faced creature, we are not to be surprised.

Appearance: Now before Mkx the female characters were sexualized for marketing purposes, but a lot of the fandom recognises Mileena to be the go to when it comes to sexualization. Even when Mkx took the designs more seriously Mileena still has that flare of... marketing. In mk11 that goes out of the window. Now mind you, I like the costumes and skins for Mileena in this game, I'm a sucker for kimonos, and that kimono still has a titty window and comes off as more revealing than Kitana's. Even when you put Mileena next to Kitana, knowing what she looks like without the mask, she's still seen as the 'hotter one' out of the two.

I think it's just the fact they babied her. And when I say they babied her I don't just mean her childish attitude that is significantly different to mk9, I'm talking about her face model. In another post I headcanoned that Kitana is 17-19 in human years because I genuinely believe she looks like she's around that age. In the previous games Kitana and Mileena both look like they are in their mid to late 20's which is how they were able to get sexualized.

Because of the redesigns I think it retconned the interactions that took place between the characters.

Ships

I find it bizarre that most of the male roster roasts the hell out of her, yet have an undertone of flirting based on interactions I've seen. Now, that's probably me being delusional and pulling at strings just to make a ship happen, but it's there.

Mileena + Kung Lao (If I'm feeling bold), Liu Kang (If I'm feeling bolder), Kuai Liang, Hanzo (childhood ship), Takeda ("You can look but you can't touch"), Stryker (watched Sonic XD's mk9 sucks video), Erron Black (I mean he did date Nitara and Skarlet), Bi Han/Noob Saibot

Out of all these ships I've listed I feel the most strongly about shipping her with Bi Han. It's mainly because of a post I saw, which was based on a meme. 

Kitana: Am I ugly?

Liu Kang: No. 

Mileena: Am I ugly

Bi Han/Noob Saibot: Yes. 

Mileena and Bi Han are dating in this meme, btw. I think it was built on the fact that Bi Han can see her for the tarkatan she is but it doesn't disturb him. I don't think he goes out of his way to mock her, either, he's merely analytical of her. Following one of my headcanons, he takes things literal, meaning he has no intentions of harming her emotionally.

Yes, I ship him and Sereena, but I like to try new things.

"We have met before." - Mileena

"In the Netherrealm, where I consumed your soul." - Bi Han/Noob Saibot

That wasn't supposed to sound sweet, but it did. To me. There's also this video.

They both have sibling problems and were killed unfairly. Mileena's crown was snatched from her while Bi Han was made a slave alongside Scorpion. You know, the guy that killed him. They fought Kabal together.

Oh, and they can both teleport :).

It could be argued that Noob has a better chance with Skarlet since she reminds him of Sereena, but I like her interactions with Sub Zero.

I'm starting to think I should write a yandere Liu Kang/Kung Lao x Mileena (one sided), I mean Kung Lao wanted Kitana too so he could see Mileena as some kind of replacement.

Family:

I think Shao Kahn does feel some kind of fatherly attachment to her, although I headcanon that he's a narcissistic father. In Mk11 story mode he was ready to kill D'Vorah the second he found out she killed Mileena. Protective dad. I think some of it comes from the father-daughter bond he has with Kitana. While Shao Kahn did say that he kept her around just to appease Sindel, he had no need to do that after her death, so he technically adopted Kitana just because he could. And then teenage rebellion kicked in and he had her replaced by Mileena.

"Where's this boldness been hiding, Kitana? Had you shown it before, I'd have no need for Mileena." I think Shao Kahn did care for Kitana but not in a way that his mind can fully address. But he prefers Mileena, as she's the version of Kitana that won't betray him. Even though Mileena was created as a replacement he still recognised her as an heir, and his daughter.

I also think Shao Kahn can't produce children... I mean I still see Skarlet as his adopted child. Dude's straight up just picking up daughters.

Shao Kahn being a dad:

"Raiden chooses champions poorly." - Shao Kahn

"This from the man who chose Mileena?" - Liu Kang

"Do not mock my daughter!" - Shao Kahn

-----

"Those who betray me suffer, Black." - Shao Kahn

"Our contract died when you did." - Erron Black

"You should've served Mileena." - Shao Kahn

-----

"You'll pay for Mileena, D'Vorah." - Shao Kahn

"This one did Outworld a service." - D'Vorah

"And so shall I." - Shao Kahn

-----

"With Sindel's return our family is complete." - Shao Kahn to Mileena

-----

"Daughter, you have returned." - Shao Kahn

"To reclaim my place at your side from Skarlet." - Mileena

"First prove yourself her better." - Shao Kahn

Yeah, he's a narcissistic parent.

-----

"You didn't teach me blood magic." - Mileena

"Sorcery is Skarlet's gift, not yours." - Shao Kahn

"You'd never know, you never gave me a chance." - Mileena

That sounds like sibling jealousy, Skarlet was certainly adopted.

-----

"Back from the dead, I see." - Rain

"You must answer for scheming against Mileena." - Shao Kahn

"Your daughter got exactly what she deserved." - Rain

-----

Bonus: Kitana

Kitana is just so out of pocket. Now to be fair, she reacted in a way that is understandable. If I found out someone cloned me and I was face to face with that clone I would freak out too. But it's what happens afterwards. Kitana claimed that Mileena attacked her when it was the other way around.

Now if we follow the events of mk9 and not the events that came before it, Kitana never got to even know Mileena, so that comment was uncalled for. Not only that, but Mileena was welcoming towards Kitana upon first meeting her. While she was created to replace Kitana, that was not her priority when she woke up and saw Kitana for the first time. It's very clear that Kitana has absorbed Shao Kahn's narcissistic habits.

Now with some interactions:

"You're more my sister than Mileena." - Kitana

"So why must we fight again?" - Jade

"Where there are siblings there is rivalry." - Kitana

-----

"I don't suppose you have a sister." - Kung Lao

"There is only Mileena." - Kitana

"Thank you. I'll pass." - Kung Lao

I think Kitana actually carries pride over being the pretty one. I also think she took pleasure in making Kung Lao uncomfortable.

-----

"You will be queen of the damned." - Noob Saibot

"That honour is Mileena's" - Kitana

Out of pocket, no one said Mileena's name yet Kitana brought her up just to insult her.

-----

Skarlet and Mileena should've had a bond of some kind that wasn't antagonistic. I already wrote a post about this some years ago on my old Tumblr account, but I deleted it so I have to start over with this post. In Skarlet's original story (before the retcon) she was created in the flesh pits and even appears a few times during the mk9 story mode, so by that alone Mileena and Skarlet have a connection.

In the retcon Shao Kahn is the one to teach Skarlet blood magic, but I always saw sorcery as Shang Tsung's speciality since Shao Kahn has his kingly duties to fulfil so I think it would be much more fitting if Shang Tsung taught her under Shao Kahn's orders, that way her and Shang Tsung have a bond of their own being teacher and student to compliment the fact that he created her back in mk9.

Now, Kitana has Jade so it was an opportunity to have an evil doppelganger situation with Mileena and Skarlet. They both like gore, they both hate Kitana because Kitana was mean to them, and they both don't like Jade. They both also have a thing for Sub Zero, which means they have similar tastes. They should get along. And for them to not get along I think it should've been the normal sibling dynamic where they would easily get into fights and do little things that annoy the other, but deep down are fond of each other. Something that counters Kitana and Jade's you're like a sister to me that you don't see real siblings experience.

If we're gonna follow the fact that they should get along, then Skarlet could've been the cool older sister. She had a boyfriend (Erron), she is good at what she does, and she's just as feral as Mileena but is more laid back. I can picture her helping Mileena with her makeup and her training. The sister that Kitana never was and refuses to be. On Skarlet's part it could be a thing where she remembered how it felt for Kitana to belittle her and for Jade to shun her for not being Edenian, and decides that she refuses to be the same to Mileena.

I have said a bunch of times that Shao Kahn sort of adopted Skarlet or sees her as a child of his. He took her away from the streets because she showed fire, and that's how a lot of adoptions go from what I heard, there's something about the kid that sparks something in that parent. But I think because Skarlet doesn't have royal blood and is a street urchin is what doesn't make her worthy of the title of daughter in Shao Kahn's eyes even if the bond is potentially there.

As much as I would love them to get along, Skarlet is jealous of Mileena. The fact that a clone was able to be given the title 'daughter' in a blink of an eye in comparison to Skarlet who had been serving him for more than centuries. "Shao Kahn needs no more Kitana clones!" is her way of saying that she wants to be recognised, loved and appreciated. "A pity you will never be his daughter." from Shang Tsung wasn't just any statement, he can see that this street urchin orphan who will not be mourned wants a parental figure in her life, and that unfortunately became Shao Kahn. There could've been the potential that it would be Shang Tsung, but we all know what he's like, he would see her as nothing more than a student who wants something more.

Skarlet lusts for power, and I theorise it is because she's trying to fill a hole, which is common in people who lack certain things in their life such as emotional stability and parental support. Having power will give her that sense of control over her life, supposedly.

Following my headcanon that Skarlet desiring Skao Kahn is a sign of her insanity, her need for security, appreciation and love has been perverted by the very thing that gives her power. Poor Skarlet.

[blackjackkent]

E, L and U :)

(Fanfic Writer Ask Meme)

E: What character do you identify with most?  Is there a certain fic of yours that captures these qualities particularly well?

Hmmmm. Depends on how we define "identifying" but I have recently come to the conclusion that Karlach is unironically the person I want to be in a lot of different ways. <3 Unashamedly goofy, optimistic, cheerful, loyal, ready to throw hands for her friends if need be. (And of course hot and in superb shape. XD )

Looking at the AO3 fics I have written, though, most of them are more focused on the sad/tragic parts of her character because Feels. (I guess the closest candidate would be "Zariel's Crucible" because Karlach is SUPER loyal there even though Gortash doesn't fucking deserve it.)

Clearly this means I need to get some more fics about Karlach's goofy and loyal side into the hopper. XD (I actually have a backlogged request from an anon that fits in this wheelhouse.)

Definitely some examples in my shorter Tumblr drabbles though. :D (This, this, and this come to mind.)

L:  Which of your fanfics was the most emotionally challenging to write?

Hrm. It isn't exactly a full fic, but my liveblog post about Karlach's meltdown after Gortash's death was harrowing to work on because that scene fucking destroyed me. I am still not over it.

For the fics that actually made it onto AO3, I think "The Two Sides of the Coin" is easily the saddest thing I've written so far. :( I do love me some angst.

U: Is there a pairing you would like to write, but haven’t tried yet.

One of the fun things about BG3 is that the game actively encourages mixing and matching the companions in all sorts of different ways. XD I have a LOT of ideas percolating in the back of my brain - the big struggle is deciding what order to do everything in and trying not to rush myself.

I definitely would like to write about Aylin and Isobel at some point. I'm also still sort of fascinated by the Emperor as a character so I would love to do more to explore his whole deal, either with a Tav/Durge or Ansur or something.

@jazzfordshire's Lae'zel/Shadowheart fic "though I burn how could I fall" (nsfw; highly recommend tho :D ) has sent me down a bit of a rabbit hole on that ship so I may end up trying my hand at them sometime (thinking about maybe headcanoning it as part of Rakha's run since Rakha broke Lae'zel's heart accidentally. XD ).

I would also enjoy writing some of Jaheira and Khalid's adventures/romance before and during BG1. (Some of that was originally going to be included in The Two Sides of the Coin but it ended up slowing the pacing to a crawl.)

[hirazuki]

Fifteen questions for fifteen mutuals

Tagged by @ruiniel, thank youuuu! (We're fans of Dionysus in this house ♡ And ngl, I've thought about buying that shirt so many times lmao)

Are you named after anyone? Yeah, a saint 🙄 And a... great great-uncle? I think?? The name is peppered here and there in the family tree.

Do you have kids? LMAO hard no from me.

Do you use sarcasm a lot? ... to the point where people have trouble telling when I'm not being sarcastic. Sometimes I have a hard time telling too XD

When was the last time you cried? Hmm. January, when my cat died. I don't cry often, maybe once every five or six years? Maybe longer.

What's the first thing you notice about other people? Their energy/how they carry themselves.

Eye colour? Green-blue.

What sports do you/have played? A bunch for school, soccer was my favorite out of them, but I greatly prefer martial arts (the historical/traditional kind, not MMA/competitive/sparring for points/etc.)

Any special talent? I can recognize a person from their footsteps after hearing them only once.

Where were you born? Greece.

Scary movies or happy endings? Neither, honestly; I don't watch much to begin with, and it's mostly anime anyway. I enjoy adventure or historical (ideally both!), with thematically appropriate endings.

Do you have any pets? Just my sister's :( We used to have four each so it used to be a zoo in here, but now we're down to under half that number; 'tis life. I'm not ready to take on anyone again yet, neither emotionally nor financially given the current cost of living in my city.

How tall are you? 5'6.5'' -ish (172 cm)

What are your hobbies? Drawing, cosplay, writing, swordsmanship; an herb and vegetable garden on the balcony. Inflicting myself on the poor souls that follow me on this hellsite ♡

Favourite subject in school? English, Art, History, Drama

Dream job? Non-existent. I'd like to do something that I enjoy, that doesn't drain me, that doesn't require working insane amounts of hours, and that makes me enough to live comfortably and enjoy my hobbies/me time without worrying about whether I'll have enough to afford groceries and gas. Easier to find a unicorn.

Tagging: @dear-kumari, @mirkwood-hr-department, @saurons-pr-department, @baked-hylian, @nomadicism, @skaelds, @celebbun, @melkors-defense-attorney, @general-illyrin -- no pressure! Do it only if you want ♡

[frostbite-fable]

Hi yes hello anon I am kissing you on the mouth for asking this question.

Sugar answered most of the big factors about how we write, so I won't go into too much more detail on that, but I will say that it's a really unique experience. Like she said, I'm not sure I'd be able to do this with anyone else - or if I did, it would be a very steep learning curve and we would have to get real comfy with each other real quick lol.

The beginning was definitely a little rough, at least for me. It was hard learning that I didn't have complete control over everything and that I had to be ready to work off of someone else's decisions, much less decisions made literally in the moment. There have been a lot of times where we expected a scene to go a certain way, but when we started actually playing the characters off of each other, it went completely differently than we thought, and we had to readjust everything. Which certainly keeps it interesting! But man it's been an adventure.

It's both very similar and very different to roleplaying. Both Sugar and I have spent time in online play-by-post rpg communities, so we were at least used to playing characters off of each other (including each other's characters), but it's different when you've got the plot already shaped out, and you're trying to make a coherent story out of it rather than just a series of events.

But we've made it work! I don't know how much mileage other people would get out of some of our methods, but I personally think it's not impossible for others to do. You've just gotta be flexible and ready to change things up without getting too fixated on the way you think it needs to go. And having a really clear grasp on whatever characters you're controlling is super important - honestly, Lucifer is the anchor that I get through a lot of the rougher points with. If nothing else, I (mostly) know what he's going to do, and I can make it work from there.

Now, having said all that, we have yet to get to some of the, uh . . . more intimate scenes. Both emotionally and physically. And I have no idea how well we're gonna get through them. But that's kinda half the fun XD

Anyways, thank you again for the ask anon, we were both so excited to get a chance to talk about this <333

Hello! I just found your "gentlemen prefer blondes (but I'm not classically trained)" fic and I love it so much. I'm sorry if you've already answered this but how do you guys work on it together? My friend and I tried to write a fic together once a long time ago and it got really messy and we stopped because it was too hard to make it fit together. How do you and @frostbite-fable (sorry I just picked you to send the ask to but it's to both of you) write so your story and characters stay so consistent?

Hello! :DD

Thank you for the ask and it's a very fun question!

First of all, I'm very glad you're enjoying blondes! ^__^ I hope you like the things we have planned for future chapters! I think I've said this every time but I am so excited for the things that are coming.

As for your question. . .I think Frost and I's situation is a little unique in that we were previously married (genuinely) and therefore we are used to working together very closely. I'm not sure I could do a project like this with absolutely anyone else (and with a lot of this content, I'm not sure I'd want to!). That also means I have pretty easy access to her if I have a question or need clarification regarding what to do with Lucifer - which brings me to a point that I think may be one of the biggest reasons we can keep the characters in line:

We have complete and total control of the character we write. I'll use myself as the example. If I am starting a chapter and I need to refer to Lucifer, I ask Frost what he's doing in that moment or has been doing since the events of the previous chapter. If Lucifer is actually present in a scene, then me and Frost are actually in the document working together and writing in real time. Anything Lucifer says or does is Frost, not me - any dialogue is written by the one who writes the character and actions are dictated by them (but not written out - that's the job of the chapter author). If we need them to go in a different direction than where we're headed naturally, we can reconfigure some dialogue or how they approach each other and we figure it out together.

This is possibly the most fun thing on the planet and I live for these sessions.

It is also really challenging. I have to read my previous chapter and remember the headspace Alastor should be in before jumping in to work with Frost in hers. Not writing out how Alastor feels (he's very introspective) before responding means that I'm working a little more blindly than I prefer. When I write Alastor, sometimes his response is different than what I expected so not being able to work through that means I need to be very careful with him in Lucifer chapters. It also means I can't explain why he did or didn't do something that may seem out of place.

And Lucifer is terrible at paying attention. A lot of what you can get out of Alastor in Frost's chapters are subtle but the sad, wet, pathetic man-child doesn't notice shit. And he sure as hell doesn't think about anything, either. It is no mystery why he's a disaster, truly.

Switching perspectives can also be jarring so I tend to start my chapters right after Frost is done with hers so I can transition as smoothly as I possibly can but no matter what there is a gap of time. I think I find that to be the most difficult part - Alastor goes through growth that I didn't get to explore as fully as I wanted since I didn't write it.

So the short answer is that we're very comfortable with one another and we're very involved in each other's chapters. We also worry only about the character we write so it isn't on us to determine what the opposite one might do or think - someone else keeps track of them.

Frost is going to hop in with her own take on everything but I wanted to thank you again for this fun ask! :D

And thank you for reading blondes, too, I'm very happy that you like it! <3

P.S - Fun fact. You would think we favor the character we write but that isn't the case. Lucifer is my favorite of the two and while I absolutely like Alastor, knowing so much about him (this version) and hanging out in his head make him less appealing than Lucifer who I know much, much less about. I shit talk Luci because that is my job but I adore him - to the point of infatuation, really, so take from that what you will.

[library-of-ohara]

Anon requested

hi :(( i'm having a wicked baby fever and was wondering if i could request for the asl brothers react to you saying youre pregnant, how they act while youre pregnant and how they act when youre giving birth + after giving birth >.< (yes this is most wicked baby fever ive had) thank you !!

Oh boy, I hope you'll be alright. That's a fever that can be very exhausting to have in the long run, so stay safe. XD. Anyway, let's see how the borhters will react. One thing I'll say ahead, is that with Luffy, reader isn't his s/o, but his friend. I'm not writing Luffy in any romantic/sexual relationship.

This was written by Didi [@usopp-writes]

Enjoy <3

Ace and Sabo x female reader (serparately) Luffy and female reader SFW Word count: 1,164 TW: Pregnancy, birth, post birth

Ace

When you tell him that you’re pregnant, he freaks out at first. He’d been so careful, he wasn’t ready to have kids, he wasn’t sure he wanted any. Why would he curse his child with his blood? Are you sure you’re pregnant?

You of course knew of his self-doubt and how insecure he was about being allowed to live, yet hearing him say all the above made you sad.

Marco is the one to knock some senses into him, when he sees your happiness leave your eyes and tears stinging in them instead.

Ace shuts up, when he sees the tears and apologizes over and over again.

Throughout your pregnancy, you aren’t the only one with mood swings. Ace is just as bad, going from a loving boyfriend who’s excited to become a father, to the self-loathing male that thinks he’d doomed you and his child.

It is definitely not an easy pregnancy emotionally and if it hadn’t been for the rest of the crew, you would have not gotten through it. You couldn’t count on Ace for emotional support or practical.

When you’re in labor, Ace tries hard to be there for you, but seeing you in so much pain, isn’t easy for him. He loves you, but sometimes love isn’t enough. You’re happy that Marco and Deuce are there to help you through it. However, Ace doesn’t leave your side either, he’s just not emotionally there.

You’re tired after a long labor, but once you hear your child’s screams, you smile. Holding your little baby for the first time, washes away the pain and you can’t believe you’d grown such a miracle inside of you. You cry happily.

Ace stand there at your side, seeing this little miracle in your arms and he can’t believe he’s been part of its creation. Something inside of him starts to break down.

After the baby had some food, Marco takes them and nudges Ace along to show him how to change diapers. When Ace holds his baby for the first time, he can’t help but smile and feel protective.

“Hey there. I’m your daddy.” He whispers softly, though loud enough for you all to hear. There’s some tenderness and awe in his voice and you get a feeling that everything will be alright.

Ace slowly takes on the responsibility of being a father and helps you out, though he will still have his negative feelings and mood swings now and then, though it’s less than it has been in years.

Sabo

When you tell Sabo that you’re pregnant, he stares at you with wide open eyes for a while. Blinking, he takes his time to progress your words. You are pregnant. With his kid. He’s going to be a father.

Then he smiles and pulls you close, kissing your head, your face and then your lips. He’s so happy to start a family with you.

You know that it means you won’t be allowed on any missions, Sabo wouldn’t want you to and neither would Dragon. It doesn’t mean you will be doing nothing for the entire pregnancy. There’s still a lot to do and Sabo makes sure you have something to do, but aren’t overworked either.

Whenever he comes back from a mission, he has brought something for your unborn child. Mostly clothes, but also toys now and then.

As your due day is closing in, Sabo isn’t allowed to leave HQ, as Dragon wants him to be there when you give birth.

He’ll be at your side all the time, holding your hand, guiding you through the delivery, just as he’d read and learnt to do.

He cries with you, when he hears your baby scream for the first time and he looks so proud, when you hold your baby for the first time.

When he gets to hold his little baby, it seems as if he has grown taller. Loving and doting eyes looks down at the wrinkled face in his arms.

“Welcome to the world, my little prince/princess.” He smiles.

Sabo is overwhelmed with happiness and pride. Koala is the one to drag him out to get a shower or some fresh air or just so you can rest up, as he else will be at your side all the time, just watching your little baby breathe.

Luffy

When you tell Luffy that you’re pregnant, he just stares blankly at you. He’s your friend and captain, you had to tell him this, as he’s the one deciding if you can stay or should leave the ship.

Minutes pass and he keeps staring blankly at you, until he looks at Usopp, who is staring wide eyed at you. “What does pregnant mean?” Luffy asks his friend and you shake your head.

“It means a baby is growing inside of me.” You explain.

Luffy tilts his head. “Did you eat it? How else did it get there?”

You groan, having thought he had some basic knowledge of how babies were made. Before diving into an explanation, Nami drags Luffy aside, telling him off for being so rude to you and explaining that it meant you shouldn’t be put in danger or the baby could die.

Her bluntness makes you flinch, as you didn’t want to leave the crew, but considering your condition, it could be what would be the best for you.

Luffy just declares that everyone should make sure you were out of danger until Chopper say that you can fight again. He definitely doesn’t understand the length of a pregnancy or that there would be a baby to take care of later.

That doesn’t mean he isn’t curious though and when you shows signs of cravings and weird eating habits, he will eat the same as you, just so you feel better about wanting chocolate on your meat.

He’s in awe at your stomach getting bigger and bigger, but even more so, when the baby starts kicking you. You’ll get used to his hand lying on your stomach and him laughing with glee, when the baby kicks.

Luffy won’t be at your side when you give birth, but he’ll be waiting outside, feeling upset hearing you moan and scram in pain.

As soon as he’s allowed to, he enters the room and stares in awe at the small baby in your arms.

“Why don’t you come over and greet your new nakama, uncle Luffy?” You smile, tired after being in labor, but hay.

Luffy rushes to your side and pokes the baby’s nose gently, a big bright smile on his face. “Hey baby. I’m your uncle Luffy and I’m going to be the King of Pirates.”

You can’t help but laugh at the way he’s introducing himself. Luffy will always be Luffy after all.

[marshmallowprotection]

Please tell me if this is cringe...;;;; XD

I can't get over this, it's cringe

To the extreme

Right...??

I hope you reply to this aaahh XD

Okay so this is it .. XD

I love drawing and stuff, and because I love MysMes a lot, I thought I'd have a go too

Saeran is my favourite character...and he's also become my comfort character, absolutely...he's helped me through a lot of hard things like loneliness and feeling like such an outcast. Misunderstood. Just...really lonely. And to the point where just like Ray, I felt totally lost and undeserving of anything good. I was wrapped up in a 'good things never last, everything is eventually destroyed and it's all my fault' mindset. I was just like him. I never realised until then that I'd been stuck in that loop for years, and to be very honest, I still do think that way. But going on that journey with Saeran was quite...healing(?)

I've always related to him, so profoundly. Emotionally, I felt like I connected to him as soon as Ray danced into the room. Ray was just...phenomenal to me. It was like I was staring back at myself. He was speaking and thinking everything I felt, too. I wanted to cuddle him. And I wanted to be cuddled by him, too.

Oh, man...Suit Saeran. You're terrifying, but you just don't love yourself yet. You don't understand that good things are meant to be good and not some sort of trap.

...

I get aggressive with myself, too. I get so frustrated, and annoyed, and overwhelmed like everything's against me. Maybe we agree on that.

Anyway!!!! I got so carried away there

Um

So this was what I meant to say about art!!!

GE Saeran is like...a guardian angel to me..?? Not literally but just...he's always there in my mind somewhere, ready to jump in front of me if things go wrong. I always reach for him first.

...

So I've been drawing a lot, and because I usually find myself lost in my thoughts a lot and struggle to ground myself, I drew this

It's a fanart(??) of Saeran taking care of me while I sleep (which I really struggle to do). I used a faint reference for general shapes, but drawing it helped me calm down hugely. And well...now I can just look at it and try to be happy and peaceful like I am here XDD

There's nothing cringe about self-inserts. Honestly, the idea of cringe is dumb to me because it just feels like internalized shame for being able to enjoy yourself. Who cares what anyone else thinks as long as you're having fun with it? As long as you don't hurt yourself or anyone else, you're free to do whatever you want! So, if writing or drawing the tender moments you imagine between yourself and Saeran happens to make you smile, I say go for it without looking back. There's never going to cringe things about it.

This is really sweet for me. I'm sure that Saeran would be flattered to know that he brings you peace of mind and comfort in your lowest moments. That's what you do for him, so knowing that he's capable of making you smile on your worst days makes him feel like he's able to do something right. Watching over your dreams... he wants to do that every day, never forget he's your guardian angel... just as you've been for him all this time.

[yume-x-hanabi]

Concubinage Behind the Scenes - ch. 2

(chapter | DW post)

I really need to start writing again, so I'm attempting to get back into the mood by making the next "behind the scenes" entry :3

Chapter 2, "Wedding Night", is a pretty small chapter where the two finally get to interact a bit. There's some worldbuilding about the castle layout.

I, of course, needed them to live together for reasons, but afaik concubines usually live in a separate room as their husband, so I had to find a reason to make it happen here. Fortunately it's easy to blame everything on Lars. He's very convenient XD

Lin here is really awkward, he doesn't want this, and is not inclined to make small talk. He just wants to forget this situation is happening as much as he can. Nils is there briefly but Arst doesn't take much notice of him yet. He's probably worried sick about Lin though.

The scroll of rules, bane of Arst's existence (lol), is not really a standard thing for new concubines. This is more like Ying messing with them. Well. He's not consciously trolling or anything, but he doesn't trust Lin to exert authority properly, and he doesn't trust Arst to be a good submissive concubine. So he thought it'd be useful to give them ground rules, both to show Arst what the Long Dau expect of him, and to give Lin something to refer to in his interactions with Arst. Of course Lin doesn't really care about any of this; he just hopes Arst will comply without too much of a fuss, but he doesn't even really know the contents of the scroll in details. (He got the terrible sex rules part in person tho. It was long and painfully detailed.)

After dinner comes time for bed, and this is where I ran into a few decisions to make.

Firstly, the sleeping arrangements. I knew from the start this would be a "There is Only One Bed" situation (who doesn't love some good old trope :p), but how would it turn out? As tempting as it was to stick them in bed together from the start (~~imagine them waking up snuggling each other and all the embarrassment and questioning that'd come with it), it didn't really seem like something Lin would allow so soon. So he prepared the futon in advance. Trope (unfortunately) averted.

Then comes the "wedding night" part. Consummation of their marriage would be expected, and Arst certainly was steeling himself for it. This could have been a possibility: have them start the physical part of their relationship before they catch feelings. Lots of angst potential (especially when they start pining~). But here again I had a hard time imagining Lin doing that. Despite Ying's lecture about marital dominance, Lin has absolutely no desire to sleep with his new concubine, no matter how hot he is. The thought is just too mortifying (that's partly due to his inexperience, too). So, he quickly squashes the idea, to Arst's relief.

Sometimes I do wonder how it would have turned out if I'd had them sleep together then. I think it might have made it harder for them to warm up to each other, because on top of the initial animosity they'd be forcing themselves—and each other—into something they're not emotionally ready for. otoh, Arst being less mindful of Lin's circumstances probably would have made him confront him about his lackluster performance much more bluntly, and this could have prompted them to address Lin's situation within his clan and the futility of adhering to the rules earlier. Maybe. Anyway this would be branching into AU territory XD

So they don't sleep together that night, and at that time that was the right decision for them. Back then they couldn't conceive it as something they would one day want to do.