#but I'm hellbent on getting it. the pills almost killed me. the nicotine drains me. even the weed distracts me and makes me lazy.
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#cj rambles#high posting#stoned and giggling and kicking my feet at the blood and the dog metaphors and the red its so visceral#anyway um ik im trans bc last night i was feeling my chin and rubbing the fuzz and it was so nice.#fantasizing about my full beard + mustache coming in i hope it's red like my dad's. i hope i look like him more. hes my favorite person#but yeah if i were actually a cis woman id be dysphoric about all my masculine features rather than joyful lol. and i think my parents are#coming to terms more cause i havent budged. they didnt deny it or anything they just need time to get used to it#like the only thing on my mind rn is just transitioning. taking what's rightfully *mine* and molding my body into a reflection of me#and tbh i dont think ill come out to my other family members. if i do itll be casual bc i cant do a big emotional discussion.#ill just start t and they'll either have to accept it or not be in my life 🤷♂️#but I'm hellbent on getting it. the pills almost killed me. the nicotine drains me. even the weed distracts me and makes me lazy.#but the testosterone is my savior. the tool i need to pull myself out of this grave i dug myself into.#i know who i want to be
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