#but I'm constantly afraid I'm not grieving Properly and them being really quiet lately makes me worry that's what they're thinking
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#not to read too much into this#because several of my close friends have been so great and supportive and Get It#but two of my best friends. the people i see the most. The people i got matching tattoos with who i talk to daily#i feel like they're distancing from me?? and i know this is Traumatic and maybe they just don't know what to say#but I'm constantly afraid I'm not grieving Properly and them being really quiet lately makes me worry that's what they're thinking#like are they judging me bc I'm trying to joke with them?#like do they get that i need to keep things light or I'll lose my shit?#my friends that have known me the longest and those that have dealt with they own brand of fucked up family dynamics#are the ones that I'm connecting to the most. they reach out but more importantly they answer me when I reach out to them#and again maybe I'm just reading too much into this but when i suggest we do that movie marathon you suggested earlier and you ignore me#i wonder if it's bc you're secretly disgusted that i could do something trivial right now#Ahhh i just feel crazy and i worry constantly that other people judge me like i judge myself#personal
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